#whoever came up with that ship name i love you

[warpedwings]

Lou Ferrigno Jr.

How will Buck handle learning Muay Thai? 😏

[m3llowm1sh]

guess who got fixated on this stupid roblox mascot horror game

[charlesemersonwinchesteriii]

I feel like Fitzjames would keep her dick in the same way she'd keep her first name but Hodgson would get every gender surgery invented to date and she'd know all the technical terms for them and all the etymologies of said terms and she'd cheerfully tell Irving and Little all the bloody medical details of each one and she'd do it while they were eating and Little would want to gently object but would not do so because he wants to be a Good Ally and Irving would ignore all his subtle attempts to change the subject and listen to her with an enthralled intensity usually reserved for church services, which could mean nothing.

[ms-all-sunday]

i just today learned ship names put the "man" first and that that wasnt something that was new like i thought it was, which i know why i didnt regard that as rigid, previously, is because i wasnt into anime shipping as much before one piece and its more of an anime shipping thing than in other places- anyways.

i think this is dumb. im going to probably make a point to use usosan instead of sanuso because it bothers me there specifically. everybody else can do whatever and ill probably continue using the normal ship name for most ships. but with this new information id like to propose a new merryshipping variation

nausolusanzo (biblically accurate ship name, i believe if pressed the merryshippers in the late 2000s wouldve put na first because of fives bad company the rest is just my wishful thinking)

[demonic0angel]

a mermaid anger management idea:

"Damian's orca is back," Jason deadpanned, looking at the black face in the water. The orca didn't really belong to Damian, but the boy had befriended it by feeding the thing fillets of fish before the sinking of their boat.

Jason tuned out Bruce's refusal for any more pets as the orca noseyed its way over to Damian's raft.

"Shadow," a voice whispered called from the water, sending the bats into high alert. The orca chirped in response and turned to look at whoever called him.

Jason followed its line of sight and spotted a flash of red moving in the water, "I think he brought a friend."

(A tear fell down my face when I saw this ask. I LOVE it when I can tell that people look at the stuff that I post. It got long bc I got so excited lmaoo)

Damian gasped. "Is that your name? Shadow?"

The newly named Shadow gave a soft cry. Then it turned and began to leave. Damian nearly fell out of the raft to follow it, which caused Jason to grab him by the waist before he could leave.

Shadow paused and then turned to look at him. Damian gave a grunt, elbowing Jason in the gut, before beckoning Shadow closer. "C'mere! It's okay, we won't hurt you. You can bring your friend too."

"Damian," Bruce groaned. Jason couldn't help but snicker at the exhaustion in his voice.

Shadow trilled and then swam closer again, allowing Jason to let go of Damian, who happily stroked the orca's snout and fed him more fish.

The red blur came moving back and then stopped underneath the raft. Jason stared at it, tilting his head thoughtfully before he said, "Hey, you can come up too if you'd like. We don't hunt anything but fish."

The red blob in the water seemed to have heard him, but didn't react. It wasn't until Damian repeated the same thing that it finally moved and swam up, breaking the surface of the water with a splash to drape itself over Shadow's back.

"Shadow, I told you to come," a sweet voice said and Jason's eyes widened at the large female Mer that was now gazing at them all with sharp turquoise eyes.

Shadow chirped, but everyone (but Damian, that crazy brat) flinched backwards and clapped their hands over their ears.

Mer were beautiful, humanoid creatures with beautiful singing voices that often lured humans to death. They were different from sirens, whose favorite food were humans, but they were no less dangerous when provoked.

This Mer looked large and long, with pale skin hidden under wet layers of crimson hair and a bright, turquoise tail. She stared at Jason blankly before looking at Damian.

"Little one, are you feeding Shadow?"

Bruce lunged forward to grab Damian, who was still at the edge of the raft, but Damian answered before anyone could stop him.

"Yes. They're really cute," Damian praised, rubbing at Shadow's nose again. "Would you also like some?"

The Mer blinked her wet eyes at him and then beamed. "Thank you." Damian fed her a sliver of fish and Jason nearly bashed his head over the raft's edge. How could his little brother have so little survival instincts in the face of a creature?!

Damian then asked, "Could we ask for help from you?"

Jason blurted out, "Damian! Do not!"

"Do not talk to her!" Bruce ordered.

The Mer turned to look at him and Bruce with a blank stare. Then she turned to Damian and nodded. "Of course. Shadow likes you, so I don't mind at least hearing you out."

"Our ship sank from the storm a few nights ago. Would it be alright if you helped us get to land? Preferably near a city."

The Mer hummed. "And in exchange?"

Jason grit his teeth and spoke up. "We can get fish for you. And I've heard that Merpeople like collecting the metalwork that we have. We can get you other things as well."

The Mer smiled. "Deal." She flicked her tail, scattering water droplets all over them. She looked at Jason and said, "You will help attach the raft to me."

Jason couldn't help but raise a challenging eyebrow. "You can pull the whole boat by yourself, princess?"

The Mer slid off of Shadow to swim over to him with a small smile. "I will have Shadow help me. And you will call me Jazz, little man."

"Jason," he said, gesturing to himself with a smirk, "And nothing about me is little." Jazz gave a little melodic laugh, narrowing her eyes at him.

They both stared at each other with intense gazes before Jason snapped out of it with a start, face reddening as both Damian and Bruce stared at him with completely identical looks of disgust and disbelief. Jason coughed.

"Uh. What do I need to do first...?"

Jazz chuckled, making Jason's face heat even more, and then she began to give orders around. Even Bruce sucked up his protests as he helped out. Damian didn't help for awhile as he just petted Shadow, but when Shadow left to be strapped to the raft as a lead, Damian stood up to help around.

Soon, they would be back on land.

[frutigerfischl]

Heyyyyy

Saw your post about wanting some requesting some arcane stuff and I’m so down bad for some jinx stuff 😫😫

Could you pretty pls do a one shot for a jinx and a fem reader where theyre enemies and they have a steamy makeout sesh I am so in love with enemies to lovers😍😍

YOUR KISS AND I WILL SURRENDER

⌗ SONG┆the sharpest lives ★ ₊ ˚⟡

⌗ TAGS┆wlw, fem reader, enemies to lovers, making out, tension, gayness to the max, dominant reader, bratty jinx, violence (nothing too graphic) ★ ₊ ˚⟡

⌗ NOTE┆jinx is my favorite character THEM FOR REQUESTING HER OMFG 💙💙 I loved writing this it was so fun!! (Song doesn't have much to do w the fic, I always link the songs my fics are named after), I AM NOT GREAT AT WRITING MAKE OUT SESSIONS SO BARE W ME ★ ₊ ˚⟡

The mission was already a disaster.

Jinx, of course, had made sure of that.

You crouched behind a stack of rusted shipping crates, fingers tight around the grip of your pistol, ears ringing from the explosion she’d set off not ten minutes ago. Smoke curled through the air, cutting visibility to hell, while muffled shouts and the clang of boots echoed from the far side of the docks. Whoever ran this operation wasn’t going to let you or Jinx leave without a fight.

If only you were working together instead of at each other’s throats.

“Nice job, powder-keg,” you muttered under your breath, shifting your weight as you scanned for movement.

“Wasn’t my fault you tripped the silent alarm!” came her sing-song reply, disembodied and maddening.

She wasn’t far, judging by the faint static of her comm. You swore you’d smash it the second you caught her. “You blew the damn shipment before I got to the vault, you twitchy lunatic!”

A laugh, high and sharp, cut through the haze. “You’re welcome. What can I say? Big booms make big fun.”

Your jaw tightened. Typical Jinx. You weren’t sure why you’d ever thought stealing from Silco’s warehouses would go unnoticed. The moment she showed up, the job became less about money and more about survival—keeping up with her shit and staying one step ahead.

Somehow, she always made it personal.

Another explosion rattled the air, closer this time, and you ducked as the force slammed against the crates. Sparks danced in your vision as a blur of color—blue hair, shredded bomber jacket—darted into view.

You lunged.

Jinx barely had time to react before your shoulder slammed into her, throwing her back against a support beam. She yelped, twisting in your grip, but you pinned her wrists in place, inches from her flare gun. “What the hell is wrong with you?” you snapped, chest heaving, adrenaline pumping through your veins. “Are you trying to get us both killed?”

Her lips curled into a grin, wide and unhinged. “Only one of us, really. You’re just collateral.”

“Funny.” You leaned in closer, ignoring the way her pupils flicked down, just for a second, to your mouth. “Here’s the thing, sweetheart: I’m not dying tonight. And if you ruin another job for me, I’ll make sure you don’t, either.”

Jinx giggled, head tilting, her breath warm against your cheek. “Ooh, scary. Got a thing for threats, do ya? Maybe that’s why you like chasing me around.”

“Like hell I—”

She interrupted you with a headbutt. Pain burst across your skull, but you didn’t let go—couldn’t. Instead, you shoved her harder against the beam, forcing a startled gasp from her lips.

“Watch it, brat,” you hissed, voice dropping low. “You’re playing with fire.”

Her laugh faltered, blue eyes widening just slightly before narrowing again. “And you’re no fun. Bet you don’t even know how to lighten up.”

Something inside you snapped. Maybe it was the headache she’d just given you, maybe it was her smug grin, or maybe it was the way she kept testing you, daring you to cross the line.

You kissed her.

Hard.

Jinx froze for all of a heartbeat, her sharp edges softening under the sudden force of your mouth against hers. Then, just as quickly, she surged into it—biting, demanding, her teeth scraping against your bottom lip as if she wanted to take something from you.

Her hands twisted in your grip, but you didn’t let go, keeping her pinned as you deepened the kiss, rough and unforgiving. Your teeth clashed, lips bruising against hers as she arched into you, a frustrated sound escaping her throat.

“Is that all you’ve got?” she mumbled against your mouth, taunting even now, her breath hot and heavy.

“Shut up.” You bit her bottom lip in retaliation, drawing a startled, delighted moan. Your free hand tangled in the tattered fabric of her bomber jacket, yanking her closer until there was nothing but heat and chaos between you.

Jinx kissed like she fought—with reckless abandon, no plan, no care for the consequences. Her tongue slid against yours, teasing and fierce, and you hated how good it felt, how her chaos pulled you under like quicksand.

You pulled back just enough to catch your breath, your forehead resting against hers. Her lips were swollen, cheeks flushed, and her grin was wider than ever.

“Aw, leaving already?” she teased, her voice breathless, taunting.

You smirked, brushing your thumb against her cheek in mock tenderness. “Don’t flatter yourself, powder-keg. You’re not worth the cleanup.”

Before she could respond, you pushed her back and stepped away, letting the shadows swallow you whole.

“Catch you next time, sweetheart,” you called over your shoulder, your voice dripping with mockery.

Jinx’s laughter echoed behind you, sharp and wild, but your pulse was louder, your lips still burning from hers.

[twobluejeans]

HEARTBREAK ON TOUR!

charles leclerc x famous!reader

summary: in which the lavender haze has been lifted. or in which america’s it couple splits.

part 9:foreign affairs, series masterlist

faceclaim: madison beer

ally’s radio 📻: PART 9! anyways, stan y/n l/n for clear skin and good grades!✨😌

INSTAGRAM, july 18

liked by carlossainz, landonoriss, and 12,654,234 others

yourinstagram mood :') gonna cry all day lol. thank you for your warmth. thank you for listening n hearing me. i love you.

View all 64,627 comments

ntltcy/n whoever said the second slide is so real

danielricciardo I said what I said

zendaya ma’am is taking up all 10 spots on the 10 ten…that’s my best friend ❤️!!!

channeleclerc16_ she should just stick to acting…

beyonce well deserved! the song brought actual tears to my eyes

 yourinstagram beyonce  screaming crying shaking…thank u, i love u always

leclerc_pascale beautiful girl congrats

 yourinstagram leclerc_pascale  thank u mama

drewstarkey on repeat i fear 

ferarrileclerc i mean ... since the song is about charles that means he got another number one hit! charles congrats baby!

harrystyles A beautiful song from an even more beautiful person. Congratulations, Y/n/n—H.

ypurinstagram thank u sweet angel. miss you!

redlipclassicy/n harrystyles yourinstagram WHAT THE FUCK

JULY 18, 2023

Lola Ransdell Under Fire for Using the N-Word in Resurfaced Tweets

Not a good look.

BY ALLY JULY 17, 2023 11:15 AM

Lola Randell has some explaining to do. The 25-year-old came under fire on Sunday when Twitter users began resurfacing tweets of the model using the N-word in 2020. The receipts included direct messages and Instagram comments, in which Ransdell called her friends the racial slur, as well as tweets from Ransdell claiming that she could use the N-word because she’s “not white.”

In screenshots resurfaced by the Twitter PopHub, Ransdell can be seen calling someone an “ugly” N-word. The screenshots also include a group chat with some of her friends, in which she is called out for using the N-word. In her response, Randell explains that she can use the derogatory term because she’s not white. (Ransdell’s mother is Brazilian, but that still does not excuse her behavior.) “I’m not white tho so that’s awk,” Ransdell responded.

However, the receipts don’t end there. Along with the first screenshots, some users also resurfaced other old tweets, in which Ransdell said that she returned a “different race” after she spent some time tanning in Florida. (She accompanied the tweet with an emoji of a man with a turban.) Another screenshot also shows Ransdell liking a 2020 meme comparing Jay-Z to a Ransdell. One user also claimed to have a video of Ransdell rapping the N-word, though the audio is unclear.

Ransdell allegedly once tweeted, "leaving to Florida white but coming back to NY a different Race." The statement was accompanied by an emoji of a white blonde man and an emoji of a darker-skinned man wearing a turban.

A post from 2019 read, "With @chanteljefferies and that awkward moment when ur at a Chinese restaurant and your waiter isn't Chinese...."

The following year, she allegedly threatened, "Shut up before I smack you back to your own country!"

Screenshots also show the youtuber allegedly liking an Instagram post from 2018 about how only men and women should marry because the Bible says so.

Then there are the women-hating posts.

Ransdell allegedly liked an undated Instagram post showing a photo of Selena Gomez that posed the question, "Would you smack her for $835 BILLION?!" The person whose reply was featured in the meme read, "I'd smack her for a sweet tea from McDonald's."

In 2018, Ransdell allegedly tweeted about transgendered women" being "wicked slutty."

She's also been accused of openly hating on her boyfriend’s former partner, Y/n L/n.

Once a fan of Charles (and even of Charles and Y/n together), Ransdell  seemingly turned on the 26-year-old singer when "Your/Ship/Name" was on the rocks.She allegedly once followed a Y/n L/n  hate account on Instagram and allegedly favorited/liked a tweet from 2022 that showed a picture of Y/n and read, "She collects guys as if they were infinity stones."

How these receipts surfaced is unclear (many of them are private messages between Ransdell and her friends, so someone must have leaked them on the internet), but it’s certain that people aren’t happy with Ransdell using slur, even as a joke. After the tweets resurfaced, many users took to Twitter to call out Ransdell for her offensive behavior, as well as demand accountability and an apology from her and her Formula One boyfriend, Charles Leclerc. 

SEE MORE RELATED POSTS:

• Charles Leclerc finally addresses messy breakup with Singer Y/n L/n.

•Harry Styles just commented on Y/n L/n’s Instagram post for the first time in 7 years.

• Miss Americana and The Heartbreak Prince: Harry Styles and Y/n L/n’s relationship timeline

INSTAGRAM, july 18

liked by f1wh0re, corneliastreety/n, and 546,782 others

y/naflorals CHAR!ES SPEAKING ABOUT MOTHER TODAY IN AN INTERVIEW

View all 512 comments

dressy/n no comment.

lewismercedes ur joe king…ur joe. king.

leclerc16charles as a charles fan…idk either i’m sorry

TWITTER, july 18

INSTAGRAM STORIES, july 18

yourinstagram 9m

viewed by charlotee_siine, lewishamilton, and 245,321 others

TWITTER, july 18

ally’s radio 📻:i don’t like this chapter 😞. also pls know that anything that was mentioned within lola’s article is not something i condone!! pls don’t think i’m a bad person, it’s literally only just for the plot😭!! i got inspo off of hailey biebers old tweets sooo. if u see ur username but u weren’t tagged, it’s bc tumblr wouldn’t let me :( if u asked me to tag u and i didn’t, pls send me a message or inbox me bc it might’ve gotten lost 😭 i try to stay up-to-date but sometimes i miss people so pls lmk!!!

taglist 🦢🪩: @incoherenciass@dakotali@405rry@topaz125@sassyheroneckgiant@hevburn@itsmytimetoodream@ivegotparticulartaste@crowdedimagines @asterianax @haydee5010@scenesofobx@christinabae@magical-spit@dessxoxsworld@myareadsbooks@honethatty12@hopefulinlove@diasnohibng@gentlemonsterjennie1@hummusxx@eugene-emt-roe@taestrwbrry @perjarma @cxcewg@chimchimjiminie16@glow-ish@allywthsr @millyswife@mrsmaybank13@black-swan-blog27 @stargaryenx@lilsiz@ohthemisssery@leclerclvr@slytherinjimin3nthusiast@shessthunderstoms@cool-ultra-nerd@ncentic@playboykenz @canvashearts @tinyhrry @xeliaaaa @ifionlywould @gaviypedrisbride @callsignwindow @dhhdhsiavdhaj@chasing-liberosis@laneyspaulding19@a-daydreamersday@saikikusouswife@motorsp0rt@lifesuckslife@shessthunderstoms@drewsandsebastianswife @sainzluvrr@ietss @agustdlvr @sarahkaliii @sweethoneyblossom1@sticksdoesart @ayoanna @c0wgirlswag @ifionlywould @l1ghtaura @ellesmythe @avada-kedavra-bitch-187

[glooomm]

To whoever came up with the ship name Stargoth, I love you. Because I just realised that otherwise we would have to name it Chaddy and I would die

[berryliciousjam]

✨SHOWTIME✨

I KNOW I AM SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE TRANSFORMERS FANDOM BUT AFTER FINDING OUT THAT THERE'S CAINE X POMNI SHIPPERS ON TUMBLR, I FEEL A LOT MORE COMFORTABLE THAT I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE SHIPPING THEM AAAAAA!!! Shoutout to my s/o @beefborgar for helping me draw Caine's pearly whites and jaw :3 . I am really happy how it turned out too, especially since I am slowly coming back to drawing. Do expect more of TADC fanart(and possibly FNAF movie fanart) but for now, AI x Human gang gang ✨🙏

Hope you all love it! Thank you again! 😭💗

P.S: WHOEVER CAME UP THE SHIP NAME SHOWTIME—YALL ARE SO CLEVER AND IM GIVING YOU FLOWERS💐💐💐

[matchadobo]

Omg i love your "cuddles" 🥰🥰🥰😍😍❤️🤩. Would you do a second maybe nsfw part? 🙏🙏🙏😋

KIDD & KILLER; cuddles pt. 2

part 1 is gn reader coded (still welcome for whoever wants to read 🥰)

wc: 1448 warning/s: very nsfw, 🔞, afab reader, 3some, polyamory

it was not long before the cuddles became a regular thing. you'd always end up crawling on kidd's bed, your perfume had already rubbed on his sheets. kidd will be on your right and killer will be on your left. a unanimous position that the three of you had agreed on without talking about it.

what comes to mind about 'not talking about it' is the thing you three have going on. everyone notices the officially unofficial relationship between the three of you. it's honestly suffocating to see you three tiptoeing towards each other.

everyday on the ship, it's you three who are always beside one another. on the dinner table, you sit next to each other and no one else in the ship even thinks about changing that. when in groups, they always pick dibs on you.

nobody hits you up because they know who they're gonna piss off and they're immediately going to be thrown off the ship if they even attempt to. same goes with them. ever since you came into the picture and they've laid dibs on you ,those who have even a shred of attraction to the captain and his first mate dissipated.

they envy you really, sleeping with the captain and his right hand man. be it nothing happened between the three of you. but something deep inside you hopes that something really does happen. you're too scared to break the thing you three got going on to even bring that up.

"you been quiet, name. it's scarin' me." kidd cleared his throat, his flesh arm cushioning thr back of his head. you were in between them. your arm was lousily slung over the surface of his torso while killer embraced you firmly by your waist, his chin nestled on your shoulder as he was deep asleep with parted lips and little snores.

you flinched a little, eyes trailing from the small window that let a wee bit of moonlight in and illuminated kidd's bright amber eyes staring at his ceiling. "nothing, just trying to sleep. why are you still awake?"

he heaved a deep breath before answering. "a thought been buggin' the shit outta me, you know?"

you furrowed your brows a little, it's so rare kidd opens up about something. "want to talk about it?" you snuggled closer but didn't move so haphazardly so as to not jolt killer awake, he's a light sleeper after all.

"bout time really. though kil's knocked the fuck out." he nodded to killer. further confusing you more.

"hey he's been working hard all day, let him. besides, can you not tell me without him?" you looked up at him expectantly, but he kept his eyes glued to the ceiling.

"'s about us. the three of us." he finally looked at you.

the mellow roar of the evening tide evidently disturbed the silence that pooled in the room. you returned his gaze but you held hesitation in yours while his had an earnest intent.

"i'm listening. go on." you broke eye contact, eyes trailing down to the steady heaving of kidd's chest.

"don't play clueless with me, aye? surely it crossed your mind." a little chuckle coated his speech. "thought about what it'd be if we three fucked or somethin'."

your spit got caught in your throat and you started coughing vehemently, waking killer up in the process who immediately rubbed your back to ease your plight while still half asleep. kidd couldn't contain his laughter he had to sit up.

"what... what did you do kidd? why is name coughing so bad?" killer rubbed his eye with his other hand to see better while the other rubbed on your back. he looked to the side to see kidd laughing hysterically with a hand on his stomach.

"bonnie's all flustered, it's the cutest thing." kidd started, wiping a tear by the corner of his eye.

"shut up! look, because of your dumbass killer's awake." you buried your face in your hands, all the blood rushing to your cheeks.

"me? baby, who's the one who coughed 'er heart out?" he teased, tone mocking as he poked fun at you.

"are you even serious or are you just playing with me?" you looked over to kidd once you had composed yourself, irritated as you approach him.

"oh, bonnie. i'm down if you're down, killer's too. we're just waitin' for your go signal." he tapped the bottom of your chin with his index.

"i-i... haven't tried doing it with two guys." you suddenly grow shy, you rubbed on your shoulders as you looked down on your blanketed thighs.

killer, who immediately picked up on the situation, reached over to ruffle your hair. "that's fine, dove. it doesn't matter." his fingers trailed down to massaging the side of your neck gently, reveling in the display of skin and the softness of it. "besides, if you need that reassurance, i really do want to do it with you, hm? " he placed a soft peck on your shoulder, his kiss on your bare skin raised your goosebumps from head to toe.

"what he said." kidd stretched before leaning on the headboard with an arm behind his head. "woulda love to see you naked, though. scratches an itch in my brain."

with their statements, you almost felt like smoke is coming out of you from the increase of heat in your system. your breathing was uneven, you could hear your heart just begging to calm down, and your cheeks felt hotter than the planet near the damn sun. it was all too much for you.

next thing you know, kidd's head was buried deep in your cunt and you were almost breaking your neck from making out with killer from behind. you were between killer's legs while kidd was between yours. killer massaged your mounds from under your shirt while he sucked on your lips. his cock growing hard on your back. it honestly surprised you to see him acting like this.

kidd was busy dragging his tongue feverishly across your folds, his hand pried your legs open as they shiver through the sheer force of his tongue. his nails were digging by the flesh of your thighs as he watched you melt before killer's frame.

after a long while of kidd getting drunk on your cunt, his lips moved back to your stomach up to space that separates your breasts towards your neck and to your lips. catching your lips from killer's. as the redhead got busy with kissing you, you felt his damp length brushing up by your stomach in much need of friction from you.

killer helped you off your shirt and unhooked your bra, his large hands didn't leave your breasts as he played with it from behind. he left trails of dark hickeys on the juncture of your neck and shoulder while pinching the bundle of nerves in the middle of your mounds.

as requested by your captain, you worked yourself up in giving him a handjob while melting in killer's stimulation. kidd had your lips captured by his, swallowing up your moans as he fucked himself on your fist.

you started working up a sweat, beads of them pooling by your forehead. positioned by kidd's lap as he filled you up while you choke on killer's length. your ass slamming by the surface of his toned abdomen as he placed his arm at the back of his head to enjoy the view of the two of you. killer got a firm grip on your locks as he guided your mouth to his sweet spots, throwing his head back as you gobble him whole. kidd relished the view from your behind as you struggle to cater to two of them while being cock drunk.

it wasn't long before they came on you, pumping their lengths over your heaving, sweating body.

"you know i'm a man of no self control but hell, wouldn't wanna get ya pregnant, aye?" kidd grunted, panting as he squeezed the last drop of his seed.

"don't even try. fuck you, kidd." you squirmed under them as the throbbing in your lower half hit you like a truck, curling into a fetal position.

"oh you already did." kidd gave your ass a little slap before lying down the same position as you three usually do.

"don't tease her too much now, kidd. she's spent, hm? i think it's best if we all get some rest, yeah?" killer lied down on your opposite side, hooking his arm under your head to cushion it as he pulled you closer to his embrace just so he could plant a kiss on your forehead. "bunny's done so well after all, didn't she?"

omg?? this was my first time making a 3some smut so if this was all over the place don't eat me 😓

hello anon!🌷 i was really hesitant to make this bc it's a 3some and i haven't done anything of the sort which exceeds fluff. but that doesn't mean i don't want to, ok? it's just uncharted waters, that's why this is short. i still hope i delivered?? 🫶 plus, i did this as afab/fem reader bc i can't make smut for gn readers 😭

[gotstabbedbyapen]

I have very complicated feelings for the Vengeance Saga (after the first listen)

Disclaimer: I will only criticize Epic the Vengeance Saga as a work on its own, not for its inaccuracy or deviation from mythology and The Odyssey. There are more knowledgable people who can point out and analyze the changes in Epic the Musical, but that is not what I'll be tackling here.

To put it bluntly, I'm not being angsty about it as I should. The whole saga just... didn't feel right with me.

Now, first off all, I'm a big fan of Epic and had been following it since the Cyclops saga (first version). I've been in love with many songs and hyperfixed it for months on end. But when the Vengeance saga came along, I didn't feel that same bubbling love rise in me.

Even as a fan, this isn't my first time having peeves with Epic. I didn't jam with the re-release sagas for a while, I'm underwhelmed with the Circe VS Odysseus fight and other issues, very unpopular opinion but "Monster" wasn't too impactful to me, and also the God Games (especially Zeus' attack).

The Vengeance Saga though? Well, they say we gotta do the Bun-Meat-Bun (or whatever the hell its name really is) technique when giving criticism, so I'll start with the good parts.

I love that Odysseus looked so done with Calypso in "Not Sorry For Loving You". They're basically this meme:

Like sorry you're a sad but you're still an abuser 😒

Then Odysseus starts singing the reprise for "Full Speed Ahead" but there's no one to back him up. That one hits me hard. To whoever on Tumblr said that after the Thunder Saga we will never hear the crew's back-up again and Odysseus' singing will be answered with silence, Apollo really blessed you with the red ball.

Hermes and the Winions' part was really cool too! I really like them being mischievous helper! The warning about the wind bag and the changing scene of Odysseus fighting off sea monsters while Hermes just vibing with the beats is 👌👌👌

But after that the hype started to sizzle out for me. You might want to skip this part if you're not comfortable with harsh criticism because I WON'T hold back.

It's really backward but I like the Odysseus VS Charybdis draft more than the final production. Charybdis' roars and music are somehow less intimidating, which is a shame because I thought this would be one of the biggest struggles Odysseus will face. Even with awesome illustrative animatics, the scene wasn't as thrilling as I've expected.

The other songs got massive improvement from its draft version (on top of my mind I can think of "Thunder Bringer", "There Are Other Ways", "Little Wolf"), but I don't get why "Charybdis" didn't get up-graded as much like them. It's like a cake that was throughly baked but half decorated and it just didn't taste as good as I've hoped.

Then we have the Odysseus VS Poseidon part in "Get In The Water" and "Six Hundred Strikes". The first thought I had for GITW is this song sounds like all the draft snippets were mashed together without a smooth transition/connection between them. Jorge and Steven's performance is great, but there's not enough tension for me to dread for Odysseus. When Poseidon first met Odysseus in "Ruthlessness", the whole opening was terrifyingly good! And we didn't even have any illustration animatic back then! (that's not to say the GITW animatics were bad, they just can't salvage much when the song itself was already weak)

I wasn't impressed with Poseidon's Shatter The Ocean move either. It's supposed to be the Strongest AttackTM but it's less scary than when he and the Laestrygonians destroyed Odysseus' eleven ships with probably 1% of their power. It didn't even help when Poseidon looked like he's having a seizure with lights pouring out of his eyes and mouth during the transformation.

Odysseus being literally on the brink of death with the souls of his loved ones pulling him into the abyss is a gem in the rough, but because we've seen Odysseus almost drowning before in the end of the Thunder Saga, it's not as shocking as it should be. Furthermore, Poseidon could have instant-killed Odysseus right then and there but didn't really annoyed me. But I guess he just wanted Odysseus to slowly suffer while dying.

Right when I thought the progress will get better, it... gets down. I can go with Odysseus using wind to escape the water, but him wearing it like a jetpack is so comical it ruined the drastic of the situation. And I'm officially let down when Odysseus FUCKING ATTACKED Poseidon in "Six Hundred Strike".

What? Just... why with that choice?

Look, I'm not gonna fault Epic for making creative liberties from the source material (as said in the disclaimer), but I will criticize if that change contradict itself in the transformative work. And this is one of them.

Poseidon and the gods have been proven time and time again in the musical just how powerful they are. Their ominous and grandiose entrances, them striking fear and inferiority in our hearts just by singing. Even Circe, a low-level goddess, poses a constant threat to the crew and Odysseus had to get help from Hermes just to get a chance to corner her (and Hermes even joked that he can still die!)

Poseidon easily destroyed almost all of Odysseus' fleet. Odysseus was very avoidant of him, opting to go to the literal Underworld to find instruction on how to dodge him and sailing through Scylla's lair + willing to sacrifice six men for safe passage. And when Poseidon said he can drown all of Ithaca, it's not just bluffing, he would and could have done that. Yeah, the King of the Sea is THAT BIG of a threat.

So no, Odysseus isn't cool to attack Poseidon, he's being stupid. I'm not even cheering for him the whole time he fight, just groaning at how ridiculous the whole thing is. If Epic is more believable and sticks to WHAT IT HAD ESTABLISHED BEFORE, having a sudden burst of anger and choosing ruthlessness won't save Odysseus from one swipe of Poseidon's trident. Odysseus stood no chance against one of the most powerful deity, even if he's the protagonist and love his family.

Not only that, Poseidon didn't even defend himself and was wounded by a mere human! And he just sat there and took all the blows and insults from Odysseus??? And he actually begged Odysseus to stop and agree to quell the storm to let him get home??? I'm not buy that bullshit. I'm more upset that a literal Olympian god was nerfed down than Odysseus having a Gary Stu moment. Give me a break, that try-hard moment to be cool and edgy just show how badly written the scene is.

What's the fucking point of hyping up how dangerous the gods are if a human can take one down? Tell me this isn't some Wattpad-y Greek myth retelling fanfic where the teenage Y/N sass her way to defeat an entire pantheon. Epic really traded its opportunity to be better for some cheap and out-of-the-blue dramas in this saga, dare I say it's even worse than Zeus' OOC attack on Athena. I'm very disappointed with that decision.

On an end note, the saga did have one saving point with the "After everything you've done, how will you sleep at night?" - "Next to my wife" lines. Odysseus knew he could be the most horrendous man ever and Penelope would still choose his side, that just show how powerful their love and faith in each other are.

But not enough to excuse all the terrible cinematic choices.

[soapsilly]

Betrayal - Roronoa Zoro Imagine

Pairing: Roronoa Zoro x reader

Spoilers for One Piece (?)

Summary: It's been two years since the straw hats got seperated by Bartholomew Kuma. Two years since (Y/N) and Zoro have last seen each other but when the day finally came to reunite things didn't quite play out like they had envisioned.

Requests are closed

Part 2 Part 3

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It wasn't love at first sight. Not at all. It wasn't like they disliked each other either - far from it actually. When the Straw Hats picked her up, it didn't take long for (Y/N) to make friends with almost the whole crew. When they arrived on her little autumn island it didn't take much convincing for them to make her part of the crew. She liked her little home outside of the village but she was never part of it. The Straw Hats found (Y/N) when they made a stop at the island for supplies. Whilst Nami and Sanji stormed to the market in the search for pretty things and food supplies respectively, Zoro and Luffy wandered into the next bar for drinks and meat - also respectively. That left Chopper and Usopp on the look out for medicinal herbs and whatever else was needed for Usopp's ammunition. When they asked the townspeople they told them about the witch that lived outside the village. The villagers usually avoided her unless they needed something - which made (Y/N) a rather lonely person. When Chopper and Usopp told their captain about what they've heard, Luffy was immediately excited. So the whole crew made their way up the hill to the hut where the alleged witch was located.

Once they arrived, Chopper immediately went for the flowers and herbs that grew in the garden infront of the little house.

"I wouldn't touch those. Most of them are poisonous", the girl that came out of the house didn't look like a witch at all. No warts, no hooked nose, not even a witchy hat or black boots. In fact, she was young and -

"Beautiful!", the tall, blond guy was at her side at an instant. He took her hand in his and starred deeply into her eyes, "my name is Sanji and you are?"

"(Y/N)", she giggled.

************************************************************************

It was easy for (Y/N) to make friends with the crew - well most of them. Luffy was a friendly guy by nature so no problem there, Sanji was swooned as soon as she stepped out of her house, Nami was just happy to have another girl on the ship and Chopper was happy about the few healing balms and herbs she could provide him with - even though he had hoped for more when he saw the densely vegetated garden in front of the witch's house. Much to his dismay most of them were poisonous plants, not because she planned something foul but rather just because she liked them the most. Usopp wasn't as easy to win over as he seemed to be rather sceptical of strangers, but as she handed him some ammunition for his sling shot she finally gained his sympathy. The first batch was a little too strong for Usopps liking - lethal to be specific - but after careful calibration, whoever was hit fell into a temporary paralysis, much to Zoro's dismay who quickly became Usopp's favourite victim for target practice.

The swordsman however was a different story. He wasn't outright mean to her but no matter how much she tried, how many smiles she sent his way or how many attempts at small talk she started, he just didn't seem to care. She didn't take offence to that though. She still enjoyed his company whilst the crew sat down for dinner or during their excursions to different islands. It was during those times that she noticed his abysmal sense of direction, his affinity for hard liquor and his dislike for a certain curly-eyebrowed cook. She always enjoyed the seemingly pointless fights that the two would get themselves into. It's not that she disliked either of them - quite the contrary in fact - she grew rather fond of both of the men even if one of them didn't want much to do with her and the other wanted a little too much. It was rather that entertainment on deck was scarce and they never really hurt each other in a serious way anyways - so no harm, no foul .

One night after dinner when most of the crew went on to do their separate things, (Y/N) decided to try it again with Zoro.

"Is it your turn to keep watch tonight?", she asked as she approached him on deck.

He looked at her for a few seconds but decided to answer her anyways. "No, I think it's Usopp and that shitty cook tonight"

That's just what the girl wanted to hear. "Great!"

He sent her a suspicious squint but let her continue.

"You like alcohol" - she stated and as if to confirm her statement he lifted his cup, which was already filled with some kind of liquor - "I got us some", she continued.

"I got my own", he grunted.

"This one's better. Believe me, I made it", she grinned.

"You made this?"

"Yep"

"Yourself?"

"Yep"

"With your poison plants? Are you trying to kill me?"

"Yep.... Well, no", she sighed, "it's really good. In a low dosage it has a euphoric effect. I usually drink it as a tea but I made it as a drink.. for us to share?"

The green haired man contemplated for a moment but then shrugged and held out his cup for her to fill.

After the first sip, he let the taste linger for a second and then decided to chug the whole thing before (Y/N) could protest.

"I like it. Give me another cup"

"What? No! This is stronger than normal sake. It's not supposed to be downed. You can't have another one so soon after the first"

"I don't feel a thing. I can handle it. Give me another"

She thought for a moment. What was the worst thing that could happen?

"Only if you drink this one slowly..."

He sent her a short nod, indicating his approval.

So for a while they sat there in silence sipping their drinks with the occasional question here and there.

"So, you're a witch, huh?"

"Me? Nah.. The townspeople liked to say that because I like to do tarot card readings and sold them potions and healing balms. There's nothing magical about it but rumours spread fast in such a little village"

"Why didn't you correct them?"

"I don't care. I made money off of it", she shrugged.

They both fell into silence again but it felt comfortable. She could feel the slight buzz already forming and by the glow on Zoro's cheeks, she could see that the drink started to have it's effect on him too.

"I wouldn't mind another drink, you know", he grinned at her mindlessly.

It was late already but (Y/N) didn't feel like cutting the time with Zoro short. Who would've thought that the way into a man's heart was freshly distilled alcohol?

Just as she was about to fill their cups yet another time, Sanji made his way patrolling around the ship. Only the sight of the cook was enough to make Zoro clench his jaw.

"What's your problem with Sanji?", she found the interaction hilarious.

"You wouldn't understand anyways. That talentless ero-cook..."

"Hey.. he might be a pervert, but his food is amazing!", she scolded the moss-head.

"You don't seem to mind the way he dances around you and Nami", he huffs.

"No, I think it's kinda nice actually but I wouldn't put too much thought into it", she shrugged, "he can't control himself around women. I wouldn't fall for a guy like that"

"Hah!", the swordsman seemed to like hearing that. One man's misfortune is another man's treasure. Especially if the first man happened to be a curly-browed cook.

The night went on and on and the more the two of them drank the more they opened up about their past, their dreams and aspirations. But since (Y/N)'s alcohol was indeed stronger than what Zoro was used to after a few more cups the deep conversations turned into silly jokes and stupid impressions, which was not unusual for (Y/N) at all but when Usopp told the others about what he saw in the morning neither wanted to believe Zoro had partaken aswell.

"I knew she was a real witch... She cast a spell on him", Chopper whispered.

************************************************************************

Since that night Zoro and (Y/N) would consider each other as friends. Neither would talk about it but during meal times they would sit by each other, during island walks they stayed with each other and during night patrol they kept each other company. And every now and again at night they would sit down on the deck with a bottle of (Y/N)'s liquor and repeat the first time they really talked to each other. And it was during those times that during a moonlit night they shared their first kiss. The next morning neither could say who it was, that initiated it but it didn't really matter anyways. For the most part nothing really changed between them and they never gave it a name but they never kept it a secret either.

************************************************************************

Zoro wasn't the same after Thriller Bark. He spent all his free time excercising and training without giving his body the time to properly heal.

"Zoro... please", she stood in the doorway of the crow's nest, "you need to heal"

He ignored her and just kept going.

"You heard what Chopper said. I'm worried about you"

Still no response.

"Damnit! Zoro, is your deathwish that big?", her voice was equal parts angry and sad, "how will you become the best swordsman in the world when you're dead?"

With a loud 'BANG' Zoro dropped his weight and turned to the girl in front of him, "I made a promise! Don't you understand I need to become stronger?"

(Y/N), of course knew about Zoro's past. She knew about Kuina and his promise to her but why did he have to be so stubborn?

"Is that promise more important than all of us? Your nakama?", she was on the verge of tears now.

"It's not just that", he yelled back. Why was she so stupid? "If I don't become stronger, I can't protect any of you"

"You can't protect us either if you're dead! And then you'll never be the world's best swordsman and I'll be alone again!", she screamed.

The Straw Hats could hear the fighting all the way down on deck. They were used to their fights being loud but this was different. Sanji was already half-way up the ladder to break up the fight, outraged that Zoro would dare to make (Y/N)-chan cry but Robin held him back telling him that there were some things that a couple needs to sort out themselves.

That night (Y/N) took the time to put a heap of pillows and blankets into the crow's nest to make it easier for him to relax a little. At first he refused to follow her at all but once she grabbed his hand and really stared into his eyes he realized how serious she was. Once she got him to settle in, she turned to leave but his voice stopped her.

"Stay", his voice was quiet, "please, stay"

She nodded and turned back to him. Usually she was the one to initiate closeness between the two, so moments like those were rare. Once she nestled into the mountains of pillows she heard his voice again.

"I'm sorry"

She was stunned. All the years and all the fights, she never heard him apologize to her before. She tried to say something but he continued.

"I know I'm stubborn, but the thought of not being strong enough to protect any of you kills me. I won't always have time to heal and when the time comes and we'll get attacked I will have to fight. And if anyone, especially you, gets hurt because I wasn't strong enough, I wouldn't be able to live with that"

The witch didn't know how to react to his confession. Instead she opted to brush her fingers to Zoro's green hair and soon after she could hear the deep snores of her lover.

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The Straw Hats were hopelessly at the mercy of marine admiral Kizaru. There was nothing they could do. All of them were battered and bruised already from the fight with the Kuma Androids and now (Y/N) had to witness Zoro collapse from one of the Admiral's attacks. In the distance she could hear Luffy scream his name. She knew it was too soon for a fight. Almost automatically she sprinted to the sprawled out form of her boyfriend. Once she reached him, there wasn't much time to spare. She grabbed his form and dragged his body away from the impending kick, that would kill him. Brook and Usopp tried to attack Kizaru while (Y/N) created some distance but in the blink of an eye the admiral stood above Zoro once again. One leg on his back, the other hovering above his head.

"I won't let you get away. It's no use", he said almost too calmly.

The thoughts inside of (Y/N)'s head were racing and before she knew what she was doing she threw herself over Zoro's exposed form.

"You fool. That won't save him. You'll die together", Kizaru laughed almost carelessly.

Her heart was racing and she felt the blood rushing in her ears, but she didn't dare to open her eyes.

"Get away!", she couldn't quite tell whose voice it was that reached her ears first but after the first exclamation another followed and another and another... but she only shook her head repeatedly tears streaming down her face.

"Go", Zoro's deep voice sounded raspy and like even that small little word hurt him immensely but (Y/N) only shook her head yet again not caring that the man beneath her could probably not even see it. But the deadly stomp never came. Instead, Rayleigh, Gol D. Roger's first mate, decided to come in and fight with admiral Kizaru himself.

"Grab Zoro and get out of there!", she heard Luffy yell. Usopp grabbed Zoro underneath his arm and dragged him out of the danger zone.

"You - You should have left", the swordsman tried to scold his girlfriend but his voice was weak.

"Can we fight about this once we're safely back on the Sunny, please?"

He tried to laugh, their bickering was one of his favourite things about their relationship but they never even got the chance to return to their home. Shortly after Kizaru, the real Kuma showed up and one after the other the Straw Hat Pirates disappeared.

************************************************************************

It's been two years since Kuma seperated the crew, two years since Luffy lost Ace, two years since Zoro has last seen (Y/N). But the time has finally come to reunite. Zoro was actually the first to arrive ten days ago. Shortly after the other Straw Hats arrived one after another. It was only the witch that was still missing. Zoro couldn't wait to tell her that not only did he arrive before her AND that shitty cook, he also arrived first overall. He decided to conveniently remain silent about the help of a certain Ghost Ghost Brat.

"Has anybody had any contact with (Y/N) in the last two years?", Nami asked the group but she only earned headshakes as a response. Zoro felt a touch of melancholy. He would never admit it infront of the crew but eventhough he had used every single day of those two years for training with Mihawk, he did miss her. And then just like that, there she was walking up the gangway.

Zoro felt like his heart skip a beat once he saw her fully. She didn't change much, she was still beautiful. So much infact, that the ero-cook almost bled out once she went to greet him. The only thing that changed were the many tattoos that littered her body - mostly her arms. Flowers, beetles, stars and moons.

She came up to him last but something was weird. He expected her to leap into his arms like she had done so often in the past. He never initiated PDA infront of others - or rather at all - but he never complain when she did it, but this time she just stood there.

"Zoro, your eye..."

For a second he felt insecure. He never paid the fresh scar that decorated his left eye any mind and he didn't think that (Y/N) would either.

"Are you okay?", she seemed worried.

He grunted as to confirm that he was fine.

"You look good", she sent him a reassuring smile.

For a while the two of them just stood there but then Luffy's loud voice pulled them out of the moment.

"So now that we're complete let's set sail!"

(Y/N) flinched and then looked panicked.

"Wait, no, no no. There's something I need to tell you guys"

The crew waited in silence for their friend to continue.

"I won't come be coming you"

It was quiet for a few secong before Luffy's booming laugh filled the space, clearly thinking she was joking but Zoro knew something was wrong. In all those years as a fighter he learned to observe high stress situations and this was one. He couldn't quite put his finger on it but something was very wrong.

"Luffy... I'm not - I'm not joking", her voice was quiet.

Luffy abruptly stopped laughing. She didn't dare look up into the faces of her former crew mates in fears of what she might see but her decision has been made. It's not like she had much of a choice anyways.

"What's going on? Who's making you say this? Is someone threatening you?", Sanji asked. Even he mellowed out considering the tense situation. As much as he disliked the cook, Zoro approved of the questions, he knew she wouldn't leave them on her own accord.

"Nobody is threatening me and nobody is making me say this. I just can't - I don't... I will not be coming with you"

"But why?", Nami tried to reason with her.

"You guys don't understand. I have a home, a little house with a garden..."

"You can have a garden here on the Sunny...", Franky interjected.

"Whatever you'll need from your home, we'll get it on the way. Don't you worry about it", Luffy laughed, still not understanding how serious the situation was. Everybody was talking, asking questions, yelling suggestions but (Y/N) just kept shaking her head vehemently.

"Don't be an idiot. Just tell us what's going on", that was the first time Zoro spoke up. He had enough of the excuses. His voice cut through the noise like a sword and now all eyes laid on him.

"I had a child!", she yelled.

For a few heartbeats nothing and nobody on deck made a sound.

"A little boy to be specific", she continued, "I have a family now"

Zoro could've sworn there was a ringing sound that filled the air but the truth was, it was probably just the blood rushing through his ears.

"What?", Nami's voice sounded cold, mechanic even.

"I-"

"Don't!", (Y/N) had never seen Nami so enraged, "You found someone else? How could you do that? To us? To Zoro?"

"It's been two years...", the witch pleaded.

"So? So? None of us had any issues keeping it in our pants but you had to go and play house with the next best guy ?"

Nami's words hurt but (Y/N) knew that she deserved them. It was never her intention to hurt anybody - especially Zoro - but two years were a long time and a lot has changed.

(Y/N) looked around but the other Straw Hats avoided looking at her. Once her gaze landed on the spot where Zoro was leaning against the railing, she noticed that he was missing. She didn't know at what point he had left but she didn't blame him.

(Y/N) tried to say something but as soon as she opened her mouth Nami interrupted her.

"You should leave"

The other woman nodded and turned to say her goodbyes to the rest of the crew.

"So... Fish-Man Island, huh?", she sent Robin a little smile. The older woman was always so understanding even when the other person didn't really deserve it.

"Yes.. but first we'll have to make a stop at the next island over. Sabaody is full of marines, we didn't get all the supplies we needed, soooo if you change your mind ...", she suggested.

"I don't think Nami would let me live if I'll ever show my face around here again", she answered, "not that I could blame her"

"Give it some time", Robin hugged the younger woman as a farewell.

For a moment (Y/N) just stood there staring at the ladder to the crow's nest. But before she could even make an attempt to say her good-byes to Zoro Nami interjected.

"Don't you even dare. Don't think about it. Just leave."

(Y/N) was happy that Zoro had his friends that cared so much about him. Nami really cared about every single one of them - even if they sometimes drove her crazy. And if somebody hurt them, may it be their own nakama or anybody else, her mama-bear instinct kicked in. The boys always acted like the strongest, toughest warriors of the sea but deep down she knew they were idiots at heart. Her idiots.

"Nami-", the witch decided to try it a last time but the navigator only turned away from her former friend, signaling her that she doesn't have anything to say to her anymore.

As (Y/N) was walking down the gangway Usopp climbed up the crow's nest.

"Zoro... (Y/N) is leaving..."

But Zoro did not make a move. In fact, he didn't even react to Usopp at all. He just kept on exercising the way he usually does whenever anything is on his mind. In times like these, it was (Y/N), who would calm him down and get him to eat and even relax a little but now it was her that caused his isolation. He never felt the need to open up to anybody. Love was more of the ero-cook's thing even if he never actually had any success with the women he made his feeble attempts at. Zoro remembered how him and (Y/N) used to make fun of how much he was doing with so little payoff. He put some more weights on to get his mind away from the hurtful memory.

He would've never thought that she'd do something like that. Zoro wasn't the jealous type - never has been. Even when they were together the cook wouldn't stop flirting with (Y/N) but the swordsman was never worried. And whenever a slimey fool in the bars during their island journeys got a little too close for comfort, his girlfriend would easily send them away.

"I'd keep my hands to myself if I were you", she'd say, "Do you see that mosshead over there? He'll be the strongest swordsman in the world. You reeaally shouldn't bother his girlfriend"

His girlfriend...

Zoro shook his head. He was a fool. Of course, she'd find someone else. She basically always told him that she wasn't a person that could deal with being alone easily. That was probably the only reason she was ever with him to begin with. He put yet another set of weights on the barbell. She already said she wouldn't fall for Sanji. So was he just the next best option? But a whole family? A child? If it was just a new boyfriend, she could've surely left him after the two years. She could've come back to him. Zoro was so hopelessly in love with her, he wouldn't even care. But now she had a family. A family that she would never leave alone. She knew how much Robin suffered from losing her mother early. She wouldn't do that. Zoro let the weights drop to the floor with a loud 'BANG'. With all that thinking the swordsman however never once stopped to consider that his former partner made her choice not only out of obligation but rather because the truly was happier now...

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Epilogue

(Y/N) never felt as lost as the moment when she stepped off the Thousand Sunny. Within just a matter of moments she lost her family, her friends, her nakama. And even worse, she hurt someone, that she very deeply cared about. For a while she just stood there, thoughts rushing through her head. But whatever scenario she made up, there wasn't any other way. So after a few deep breaths she made her way back to her new home - back to the moss-headed boy, that reminded her so much of his father already.

[itsabouttimex2]

Oh! Can you rank macaque ships too?

69, shadowpuppet ect

Macaque Ship Ratings

(Scores rank from -10 at the lowest, and 10 at the highest)

(Sun Wukong)

Before reading this list, please keep in mind:

1. Not every ship has enough content for me to remark on, and some ships contain dynamics that I find triggering!

2. My social media usage is limited, and I don’t use every site.

3. I have not consumed every piece of artwork and fanfic in the fandom, so I’m just remarking on trends from what I have seen.

Shadowpuppet

Name Rating: 10/10. I’ll admit- this one is good! I like the reference to: Macaque’s powers, the Mayor’s status as a (willing) pawn of the LBD, Macaque’s status as a (sort of willing) pawn of the LBD, Macaque’s actual use of shadow puppetry… it’s a good name!

Canon Rating: -5/10. Look. C’mon. The Mayor and Macaque have literally no positive interactions at all, they have barely any screen time together regardless. Anything the Mayor does to Macaque is immediately harmful and he takes glee in it.

Fanon Rating: -3/10. In general you’ll notice a running trend that Fanon!Macaque in general is your generically rancid and one-note “He never did even a single bad thing ever at all!” that woobified villains tend to get, and Shadowpuppet goes hard on this trend by portraying Macaque purely through the lens of him being a flat and uninspired “eternal victim”- but it only gets a -3 because it is somewhat appropriate when the person in question genuinely is an awful person who has only ever hurt Macaque.

Personal Enjoyment: 0/10. Sorry, y’all. I just don’t see it.

Shadowpeach

Name Rating: 5/10. Basic, but rolls off the tongue. Started the trend of Sun Wukong having extremely basic ship names, unfortunately.

Canon Rating: 0/10. Whatever they had in the past, Macaque simply treats Wukong far too awfully to really justify the two of them ever getting together. Even the attempts at reconciliation feel more like extremely forced ship baiting, given how it goes from one of the two being marginally kinder to the other than usual, then immediately dropping it for more sniping. (Past!Shadowpeach receives 5/10.)

Fanon Rating: -10/10. I've spoken at length about this, but fans love to distort Wukong into a drooling abuser so stupid he can't breath through his nose, usually while turning Macaque into a Possession Sue who only serves to be the author's simpering self-insert who is the most perfect little baby of all time who has never ever done anything wrong at all even once. If there is an attempt to be “nuanced" or "unbiased" it manifests as "Sun Wukong "killed" (re: defended himself against) Macaque so he's worse." It's an awful, extremely pervasive dynamic that rots any fandom enjoyment I could have had for this couple.

Personal Enjoyment: 6/10. Getting to write Macaque as the legitimately awful person that he is takes off the edge of seeing constant “uwu sadboi" Macaque content. Still, I rarely touch anyone else's Shadowpeach content because of how pervasive “Fanon!Macaque” is.

Blackberry

Name Rating: 10/10. Macaque actually gets like… really good ship names. Whoever is coming up with these is putting in more effort than whoever came up with all of Sun Wukong’s ship names, at least. The name references both Change’s association with food, and is a color that both characters share! Also- I have a serious weakness for ship names that reference real things.

Canon Rating: 0/10. There’s not even any indication that the two know that the other exists. Maybe they’ll meet up at some point, but as for right now

Fanon Rating: -5/10. Hey, remember what I said above two times already? That Fanon!Macaque is a big simpering bitch baby who only exists to serve as an eternal victim for the writer to coddle like a saint whose only crime is being too perfect? Same applies to Blackberry, to no surprise! It’s less egregious in that Chang’e is legitimately a sweet and loving lady.

Personal Enjoyment: 3/10. The fanart can be cute, but that’s about all that Blackberry has going for it that appeals to my taste. Maybe I’ll come around to it if they have some interaction in the show proper, but I’m not banking on it.

Inkypages

Name Rating: 7/10. This is a simpler name, but I like it! Again, Macaque’s (and Tang’s, too!) ship names are willing to go beyond trying to confine him to a single aspect of his character and actually utilize several aspects of his personality and being beyond just one food. (Yes I’m still mad about the peach prioritization that Sun Wukong’s ship names have.) Inkypages isn’t bad! I like saying it! It’s a logical thing to say!

Canon Rating: -10/10. Okay. Okay, I know. I talk about this a lot. Macaque in the story doesn’t really have logical growth as a character because the show isn’t willing to center any significant time around his flaws and misdeeds outside of MK being hurt by him and then in turn throwing him second chances like cheap candy, which means that Macaque’s genuinely villainous actions have no weight because even the people hurt the worst by him don’t actually get to have thoughts or feelings on how he’s hurt them, and even at his absolute most rancid all of his wrongdoings are simply forgotten, which means his dynamic with Tang is literally: Be a piece of shit -> degrade him -> violently attack him -> try to manipulate him -> be defended by Tang after releasing the Samadhi Fire -> nothing.

It’s... it’s just not good. I still don’t understand why Macaque was going to be a villain at all if nothing he did reflects back onto him in any way or is hard to grow past. It’s just... their dynamic is bad. Most of Macaque’s dynamics are bad because the majority of his growth happens offscreen and away from the people that he’s hurt, which leaves reduces what could’ve been a genuinely intriguing and complex character arc to nothing.

Fanon Rating: -8/10. Hey, do you guys like seeing Tang be turned into a snarky lid-eyed whore who hates Wukong? No? Then you won’t like Inkypages. Hey, do you guys like seeing Macaque be reduced to a blubbering pants-shitting baby who needs to be coddled past whatever misdeeds the author invented to be mad at Wukong for supposedly committing? No? Then you won’t like Inkypages. Hey, do you guys like blatant character assassination for the sake of babying villainous blorbos and over-angstifying old men? No? Then you won’t like Inkypages.

Personal Enjoyment: 0/10. This is the longest section of this rant for a reason. I just… it’s a lot like Shadowpeach, where to a large degree the fans have kinda turned me away from any portrayal of the ship- except Shadowpeach has an interesting enough dynamic that I like engaging with it anyhow, at least on my own.

End Result

(Scores ranging from -40 to +40)

Shadowpuppet= 2/40

Shadowpeach= 1/40

(Past!Shadowpeach would be around 20)

Blackberry= 8/40

Inkypages= -11/40

[pixelated-screaming]

Y'know what? FUCK YOU /j

*gives Conjure a psycho ex and proceeds to drop the most random lore drop that nobody ever asked for* /lh

More info past cut (TW for emotional manipulation(?), stalking, s✨icidal thoughts)

So.. about that pink square gal you saw in the lower panel there.

↑ This bitch (you'll learn why she's a bitch later- /lh/hj)

That is Clementine. (Adult, She/Her pronouns)

Clementine has known Conjure ever since the two were kids.

At first, the two were just close friends, like how Conjure is with Zephire today.

But

Eventually, that passive relationship soon turned into an ACTUAL romantic relationship. It wasn't abusive or anything, and the ship sailed for about a year or so, until Conjure started to lose interest.

And of course, Conjure had to rip the bandaid off and talk to Clementine (Who was pure at the time) about his feelings at some point.

Sure, it might hurt, but it isn't THAT bad, right?

NOT TO THIS BITCH

When Clementine heard from Conjure that he had lost feelings for her, Clementine fucking crashed out. You see, Clementine had kinda gotten obsessed with Conjure over the year or so they were together. Clementine did not want Conjure to leave her. At all.

So guess what she did?

Let him go and go get therapy to help cope?

Talk to a loved one and try to move on?

...

No.

That wouldn't FUCKING cut it, would it now?

So.. what DID she do?

Well, after she heard the grave news, Clementine ended up trying to convince Conjure to be her boyfriend again via lovebombing.

If you don't know, lovebombing is a form of manipulation that often involves being very affectionate towards another person: Whether through intense praise, being very clingy, you get the idea.

So basically, Clementine was VEERY clingy towards Conjure, and just wouldn't get off of him. This lasted for about a month, and it made Conjure very uncomfortable.

So, he ended up moving away from his and Clementine's house in whoever knows where, and ended up going to Wood's Hollow, where he met Zephire.

..And how did Clementine react to this?

..By finding his apartment and STALKING THE SHIT OUT OF HIM, OF COURSE!

Keep in mind, Conjure isn't dating Zephire, and Clementine doesn't even know Zephire exists at this point.

But, that wouldn't be for long.

Clementine of course, found out about him and Zephire, and flipped the hell out again.

Again, Conjure and Zephire aren't even dating. (Clementine thought they were, though.)

..She ended up getting depressed, and had thoughts of unaliving herself.

And of course, Clementine just HAD to load all of her issues with her thoughts onto CONJURE via social media, instead of getting therapy and/or professional help.

..Sooo..... When the corruption came around...

..I think you know what she went and did. (She corrupted herself 😗)

And now, Clementine is almost mindless, with no memory of her past self. She only remembers her name, and the fact that she loved Conjure so, so much. It's said that Clementine still seeks Conjure's approval to this day.

Also, fun fact!

All the above here ↑ ended up making Conjure SO uncomfortable that he ended up giving up on dating women as a whole.

YOU HEARD ME RIGHT, CONJURE IS CANONICALLY GAY NOW

YOU CAN THANK ME LATER

[galaxysarchive]

okay whoever came up with the ship name ‘dyhard’ I love u & owe you my gay little existence

[the-case-book-of-fanfiction]

Little Star, Little Sun

Love Bites, Chapter 5 // Love Bites {Masterlist}

Ship: Astarion Ancunin x fem!vampire spawn!elf!Tav/reader

Summary: A long-awaited reunion that doesn't go quite as planned can lead to many things, especially when two manipulators both lay their traps for one another. Though is it really a trap when all you want to do is spare your lover from yet another night of torment?

Word Count: 5,068 words

Warnings: back to main timeline, angst, insecure Astarion, alcohol, switching between your perspective and Astarion's, Astarion opens up/trauma dumps, you're protective of Astarion, sex workers, direct & indirect mention of rape and sexual abuse, reunion, self-sacrifice

☟ Continue below the fold ☟

As soon as the door to the tavern opened the following night, a few hours into the night, somehow you knew it was Astarion before you even saw his head of silver hair. You were relieved that you didn’t have to wait a few days to see him again, but your relief shriveled up the moment you realized he was wearing the same doublet as last night. It was still slightly dirty and more than a little rumpled.

You waved him over to the bar before he could spot an empty table. Something akin to relief crossed his face and he came over.

“Someone’s eager to see me,” he teased as he took a seat on one of the bar stools.

You shrugged. “Just glad you’re not being a stranger,” you said. “That’s no life for an elf such as yourself.”

His eyes flashed. “I suppose not,” he said, almost too quietly. 

“Same as yesterday?” you asked, already reaching for the bottle you had put in ice in the hopes that he would come back today.

Astarion nodded. “What the hells, why not?”

You grinned and poured him a glass. You pushed it to him and watched him sip daintily. He turned slightly, passing his gaze over the filling tavern, and you caught a glimpse of his fangs through the glass. Even though you’d been expecting them, it still made your stomach turn. 

A vampire. Your beloved was a vampire and had been these past two hundred years. It hadn’t been the Gur who had desecrated his grave; it had been himself, hadn’t it? Him and the bastard that turned him, whoever it was. 

Was it painful? you wanted to ask. Did it hurt to claw your way out? Did you come up out of the ground and know I had been there only seconds before? Did you want me to be there still?

But you kept your mouth shut. Astarion hadn’t let on that he knew who you were, so you figured he probably didn’t remember you, as painful as that realization had been last night. Two hundred years and he was all you thought of every day and yet—

“Was she fun last night?” you asked, then cursed yourself. You weren’t sure you even wanted to know the answer to that question, so why were you asking?

Astarion flinched and turned back to you, shocked out of a reverie. “Hmm?”

“The elf you left with last night.” You wiped down your already clean bartop, reluctant to make eye contact with him. “Did you have fun?”

He pursed his lips in thought. The action was so familiar for a moment you were certain you had asked him to explain a new law he’d passed that he was finding difficult to put into common tongue instead of magistrate jargon. “Yes, I suppose she was,” he said after a long moment. A teasing grin slipped onto his face. “Jealous?”

“No,” you said, though you knew you were lying through your teeth; you would have given anything to be with him again. 

The smirk on his face suggested he didn’t quite believe you. You kept yourself from looking too long at that smirk and admitting everything you felt by refilling his glass. He thanked you quietly.

“She’s not here tonight,” you mused, looking out across the tavern and spotting her nowhere.

He tensed. “Should she be?”

You shrugged. “I don’t know. I’d never seen her before last night. I never caught her name.” You glanced up at him and he looked away quickly. It was your turn to smirk. “I take it you didn’t, either?”

If he weren’t undead, you figured he would be blushing. “I had other things on my mind,” he muttered into his wine glass. 

You giggled. “Of course you did.”

“But why don’t you know?” he asked. “I thought bartenders usually kept that information stored away in case customers come back?”

“I don’t press for information people don’t willingly give me,” you explained. “She didn’t give me her name, so I didn’t ask. Besides, she had the look of someone who was just passing through.”

Astarion raised one delicate brow. “You don’t press?” he scoffed. 

You gave him the same look. “I haven’t asked you anything personal yet, have I?” 

He sighed. “I supposed not.”

Biting back a smile, you leaned on your bar. “You almost sound disappointed that I haven’t asked anything.”

He shrugged idly. “Well…you haven’t even asked me my name,” he said and put a dramatic hand to his chest. “I’m hurt, darling.”

Darling. The nickname shot through you like an arrow or a hefty dosage of poison. You hadn’t heard that name from his lips in two hundred years, and the first time you heard it again, it was being used as a moniker for who he thought was a random bartender. How many other men and women had he called darling since he crawled out of his coffin?

You recovered as quickly as you could and he didn’t seem to notice. “Like I said, I don’t ask. Some people wish to remain anonymous until they become regulars—which, I might add, you seem to be doing.”

He rolled his eyes. “I’m a regular at every tavern I come across. I move between them all looking for the best wine there is and moving on when I grow tired of it.”

You hummed. “Ah, I see. You’re an alcoholic rather than a…a people-person, shall I say?” And yet you weren’t surprised. The Astarion of your memories had also had a taste for quality (and expensive) wines, including the vintage you had just poured into his glass. 

“It’s easy to get along with wine,” he said quietly and you weren’t sure if he intended for you to hear it. You decided not to comment on it and went back to cleaning up your bartop, taking two glasses that had been left by patrons earlier in the night and washing them. You counted the coins they left for their tab and smiled at the hefty tip they’d left you. 

You felt Astarion’s eyes on you as you dried the glasses and put them back on the shelf behind you. 

“Astarion,” he said and you almost didn’t catch it.

“I’m sorry?” you asked, turning back around. 

“My name’s Astarion,” he said.

Your chest felt suddenly very tight. You looked at him and for a moment he was alive in front of you, his skin flush with blood and life, his eyes honey colored. You blinked and the memory was gone. “Little star,” you translated. 

Astarion looked away, suddenly very shy. “Yes,” he admitted softly.

“It suits you,” you said. 

He looked up. “Does it?”

You nodded. “Silver hair like that, sharp cheekbones, nice jawline, pale skin… Yes. Yes, you are quite the star.” As you spoke, you leaned forward, propping your head up with one arm. The two of you locked eyes and there was something akin to desperation in his.

His eyelashes fluttered the way they once had when you flustered him. He cast his gaze down slightly, murmuring a soft, “Thank you.”

Tightness grew in your chest. Of course he’d changed, you had anticipated that; but for some reason, seeing the man you had complimented grow quiet and embarrassed under lesser praise instead of grinning and preening, seeking more like the Astarion you had been engaged to, hurt more than the fact that he didn’t remember you.

You let him sit with it for a few more moments before you teased, “You don’t get complimented much, do you?”

His charming smile and snark—a mask, you were sure of it—came back quickly. “Oh, every day, darling. But, ah… Rarely before I’ve taken my clothes off.”

Your heart sank. Some part of you wanted to be hurt that the love of your life had broken his vow of loyalty to you, but you saw the look in his eyes that he was trying to hide and knew it hadn’t been of his own accord—at least not entirely. 

So you refilled his glass and said, “Seems a shame. You strike me as the kind of man who deserves better than that.” You emptied the bottle and set it down, turning back to the wine rack behind you. You pulled a second bottle out and found Astarion gazing at you when you turned back around.

His expression was one you had seen plenty of times before, gazing lovingly at you before he left for work or when he watched you dress in the morning from the comfort of your shared bed. Pure, loving admiration—and this time it seemed almost instinctual, for he seemed puzzled when he realized what his face was doing when you mimicked the look.

Astarion lifted his glass to his lips and drank deeply before he said, “You know, you’re oddly, painfully familiar.” 

You raised a brow. “Really?”

“Like…like a face out of a dream,” he said. “Like I knew you once, but I just…can’t place you. Odd, isn’t it?”

“Not really, I get that a lot,” you said, brushing it off on instinct. “Though I must admit, you do strike me as the kind of person I’d want to know.”

He grinned, sitting up straighter in his stool. “Oh, really? Do you say this to all the devilishly handsome elves that sit at your bar, or just to me?”

“Just you,” you admitted, though it sounded more like a promise. “It’s been… Well, it’s been a few centuries since I really had interest in anyone. Not since…” You.

“Ahhh.” Astarion nodded sagely. “Your lover. Your…friend. Your best friend.”

You nodded. “Yes,” you said quietly. 

“What was his name?” he asked.

Shit. Unfortunately for you, you couldn’t think of a name other than his fast enough. His name formed on your lips for a moment and you stopped yourself quickly. “It doesn’t matter.” Astarion raised his brows in a way you could only describe as judgemental. You sighed and backtracked. “It’s not that he doesn’t matter. He does. He’s all I think about, every day. Hells, I even see him out of the corner of my eye when I shouldn’t because he— He’s been gone for years. But…right now…my problems aren’t the ones that matter. Yours do.” 

Astarion scoffed and made to get out of the stool. Panicking, you grabbed his arm. He froze and looked at your hand on his wrist. You softened your touch.

“Please, don’t leave,” you said, your voice trembling a little. You had just gotten him back; you’d be damned if you were going to let him slink off so soon. “I mean it. I want to hear your story. You look like a man with plenty of interesting tales.”

After a moment, he relaxed. You let go of his wrist and he caught your hand before you could pull it away. He blinked again at the instinctual movement and let go of your hand. You didn’t move away. 

“Is this how you entertain yourself? Trading alcohol for stories?” he asked, attempting to tease, but his voice was shaking a little too much to be suave. 

You shrugged. “Not exactly. Only the best stories warrant a free bottle of alcohol, and only at the end of the night.”

He laughed sardonically. “I doubt my stories would fit that bill.”

“They might,” you prompted. You covered his hand briefly, rubbing your thumb over his knuckles. “Talk, I’ll listen.”

~❊~

So he talked. Over the course of the night, between other patrons and your busy hours, Astarion told you stories. Some of them, most of them, were lies and exaggerations of what had actually happened to him, which were stories he’d never tell anyone. He watched you make cocktails, pour wine and mead, and serve your customers with a smile; each drink, whether it was for him or not, got him to open up more. There was something about you, the way that you worked while also paying attention almost solely to him, that comforted him.

Halfway through the night, just after a midnight rush, he sat alone at the bar again. You served him yet another glass of wine with a smile and a hint of adoration in your eye and something in him cracked. 

“It’s been like this for two hundred years,” he said quietly. He could feel the liquor in his veins instead of blood; it felt like honesty. “Night after night in taverns, searching for people. Random people, mostly. Sometimes looking for…specific people. People he wanted me t…to bring back to him.” 

You paused midway through wiping down the bar, noticing his change of tone. “He? Who’s he?”

“My master,” he whispered. Slowly, he met your eyes. “Cazador. He…he’s a… A vampire.” He watched you, expecting your face to fall in fear as he added, “I’m one of his spawn.”

You just nodded and poured him more wine. He gulped it down. You refilled it just as quickly.

“You’re not afraid?” he whispered. “You’re not going to kick me out?”

You shook your head. “I know you won’t hurt me.”

Astarion scoffed. “You don’t know that, you don’t know anything about—”

You put the bottle down a little harder than he had been expecting and he flinched. He looked up at you, silent.

“I know you won’t hurt me,” you repeated, meeting his gaze. “Trust me on that.”

He wanted to protest. He wanted to argue that he was a dangerous creature of the night, that you were just a bartender, that you wouldn’t be so quick to trust him if you knew what he’d done to two of your patrons and would do to a third tonight, but for some reason, he couldn’t make himself say it. He looked you in the eye and suddenly felt very strongly like you were right. He wouldn’t hurt you. Something about you made it impossible to even consider hurting you.

The gears in his head began to turn.

“So,” you said. “Cazador, this master of yours… What does he make you do?”

“I…” His throat seemed to close up, his mouth dry. “I bring back…food. People for him to drink from. Sometimes it’s random people I deem…worthy enough of my time that also meet his standards. Other times he sends me after specific people. And if I don’t bring them back, he—” Astarion looked down at the bartop as another patron walked in and took a seat at the far end, eyeing him conspicuously. “It’s not a pleasant thing he does to me.”

You pushed yourself off the bar. “I would think not.” You glanced at your new customer. “Let me handle him, and I’ll be right back.”

Astarion nodded and slowly sipped from his glass. He watched you closely as you took the other man’s order with a smile and got to work on what looked like a complicated cocktail. 

You weren’t afraid of him. Why? Why didn’t you kick him out? Why didn’t you see his red eyes and his fangs and realize that he was a danger to you and everyone else in this establishment? Why didn’t you fear the things he could do to you?

Why did he look at you and know with absolute certainty that he would never hurt you, that he couldn’t hurt you even if he tried? 

While you worked on his drink, the other man turned to Astarion, leaning on the bar in a way that made Astarion stifle a scoff. This man was a caricature of the sultry grace Astarion oozed—and he was faking it most of the time. 

“So,” the man drawled to Astarion, “what brings you here?”

You looked up from the cocktail, frowning at the man, who somehow didn’t notice your glower. You glanced at Astarion.

“Sorrow,” Astarion said dryly. 

“Oh, really? Perhaps I could…help you with that,” he said, his tone lacking subtlety. 

You cleared your throat, getting the man’s attention. “Not at my bar,” you said waspishly. “If you’re going to continue to accost other customers, you can pay for the drink and get out.”

The man sneered at you, and for some reason it started a fire in Astarion’s gut. “Look here, little miss, I’m a paying customer looking for paying customers of my own and I will not be—”

So quick Astarion could barely keep track of it, you grabbed the man’s wrist, flipped his hand, and pushed back his sleeve. There was a tattoo there. You scoffed. “Just as I thought, you’re one of Niess’s harlots? I’ve told your master that none of his workers are allowed on the premises. Get out before I force you into another line of work by removing your anatomy.”

The man’s face drained of blood. Astarion could hear his pulse quicken and a tense hunger curled through him. “You wouldn’t dare—”

“Out,” you ordered. You held out your palm.

Grumbling, he slapped what he owed into your hand, threw back the drink, and sashayed out the door. Into Astarion’s ear, he whispered, “Catch you outside, handsome.” He trailed a finger over Astarion’s shoulders and he shuddered with disgust. 

“I’m sorry about him,” you said, taking away the empty glass and cleaning it. “If I’d known what he does, I wouldn’t have let him sit in the first place.”

“Not a fan of prostitutes then, huh?” Astarion asked, voice grim and dry. His skin was still crawling from the man’s touch—and, he realized, from the prospect that you might order him out once you found out exactly what it was he did.

“Just those kinds,” you said. “You know—the ones who won’t take no for an answer? Niess has always been a problem. His flophouse is just down the street and he’s constantly sending his workers out to taverns and on the streets. It wouldn’t bother me so much if they weren’t known to— Well, there’s no delicate way to phrase this, actually. If they weren’t known to rape patrons who tried to say no. Niess himself does it more often than his workers, but…I won’t take that chance here.” 

Astarion shuddered violently. He felt like he might be sick, which he wasn’t even sure was possible.

Your shoulders slumped and understanding dawned on your face. “That’s what Cazador has you doing, isn’t it?”

Hands trembling, Astarion nodded slowly. “Y…yes.”

“I’m guessing you haven’t got much choice in the matter?” you asked gently. You reached over and offered your hand. Astarion took it and immediately felt comforted when you squeezed gently. 

“No,” he said. “I… I seduce the people he wants me to bring back. Seduce them, sleep with them, promise them wonderful luxuries and…deliver them to his fangs. That’s only when he wants me to bring people back. Sometimes my siblings bring back enough so he…he hosts a party where I am the entertainment.”

He could see your heartbreak on your face. “Oh, Astarion… Honey, I’m so sorry.”

A tear slipped down his cheek. Gods, he could still cry? He thought he’d shed the last of his tears over this ages ago. At least, the tears that weren’t coaxed out of him during the rougher parties where he was used until there wasn’t anything left and he was aching and numb at the same time, or when a whip split open his skin in the same spot just one too many times. 

You reached up and wiped his tears away. He sniffled and looked up at you through his watery gaze. “Thank you,” he muttered. 

For a few moments, it was just the two of you in your own little world. Astarion felt strangely…comforted. He wanted to collapse into your arms and stay there for a fortnight or longer and tell you absolutely everything. The thought of it, of finally feeling arms around him that didn’t want anything from him, made his whole body shudder with a sob. You cooed softly, cupping his cheek and catching his tears with your thumb. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “The wine’s making me emotional, I— I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” you said. “Please don’t apologize. Not for this. You’ve been through so much and…you don’t deserve any of it.”

“You don’t know that,” he said.

“I do,” you said with such certainty that he paused in his protest, the list of his wrongdoings on his tongue fading into nothing. He looked at you and found sympathy in your eyes. Sympathy and love, genuine love, not the manufactured version he so often found in his victims’ eyes. If he had possessed a working heart, it would have stopped beating at that moment.

“I know you,” he whispered. Hope washed over your features. “Who are you to me?”

You opened your mouth but were interrupted by a server calling your name. You let go of his hand after one final squeeze and went over to her, taking a list of drink orders from her. You made them in your corner and Astarion watched, taking in your familiarity. 

He could see himself running his hands through your hair, taking the braids out and scratching your scalp with his nails. He could picture you laying in a soft bed with him, your bodies tangled together and with damp sheets. He could imagine you sitting across from him at a dinner table, two other shadowy figures in his mind between you both. He could feel your hand clasped in his as you sat next to each other, both dressed in matching finery, your face turned away from him but your thumb stroking his skin reassuringly. 

You were a part of his life. Or you had been, once. He was sure of it now. You had to have been someone special. Perhaps…

His stomach seemed to lurch. Oh, gods. Here he had been, flirting with your patrons, talking about his nightly sexual conquests, while you had been gazing at him so lovingly because he…

No, it couldn’t be! He’d remember you, wouldn’t he? If he’d had a best friend, a lover, he would remember them. 

You don’t remember your own parents, he reminded himself. 

Astarion looked at you while you worked, keeping your eyes down and trying very hard not to meet his gaze but sneaking little glances at his figure whenever you could.

His body tingled at the remembrance of lips on his neck, gentle and loving and wanted, kissing all the way down his stomach. It was you. It was you.

~❊~

He knew. He’d figured it out, you were certain of it. You could see him out of the corner of your eye and you watched the realization take over his face and body. 

How much does he remember? you wondered as you worked, slammed with yet another rush hour and too busy to even stop and think, much less talk to your undead lover. 

A tiny, unbearable flame of hope had started in your chest. He was here, sitting right in front of you, and he remembered you now. You were so close to having him back for good—and yet it was impossible. He was a vampire, cursed to the shadows and owned by a master worse than Niess. Even if you spent the rest of your long life working the night shift, Astarion would always have to return to his master with a victim in tow. How could you keep him at your side like that?

A thousand ideas popped into your head over the course of the night: kill his master. Run away from Baldur’s Gate. Continue as you were and let him leave you every night and every day to serve Cazador. No. You couldn’t do any of those things, and you certainly would not let Astarion keep slaving for a man who quite clearly abused him, even if Astarion hadn’t said it himself. 

You kept track of time as best you could. It was nearly closing time when the flow of drink orders stopped, accompanied by groups of people leaving the tavern, calling their drunken goodbyes to you as they swayed toward the door. 

Eventually, you returned to Astarion, who was still looking at you with that expression of dumbfounded realization as he had been the whole night. His last question was still bouncing around in your head: Who are you to me? 

You folded your arms and leaned on the bar. You met his gaze, looking into eyes that had once been a beautiful honeyed gold, and said, “I was your fiancée, once.”

A choked sob came from his throat. He reached out and you let him take your hand. “I know,” he whispered. “I… I remembered you.” He kissed your hand and you sucked in a sharp breath. “My darling. My love. My wife, oh gods, you were going to be my wife.”

You squeezed his hand. “Honey… I missed you. I missed you so much. I saw you everywhere, I thought you were just a figment of my imagination but maybe—maybe sometimes it was you.”

“Two hundred years,” he whispered. “Two hundred years without you. How did I… How did we manage it?”

“I didn’t,” you answered honestly. “I kept going only because I had to. I pretended I was fine so your parents could take the time to grieve and I mourned only when I was alone. Everyone was always telling me how strong I was but all the while I…I was shattering like glass every night because you weren’t there to hold me together.” 

Astarion squeezed his eyes shut. A few tears leaked out. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t there, I’m sorry I forgot you. I’m so sorry I didn’t try to escape him before I…before I forgot everything.”

“I’m sure you did try, Asty, you just don’t remember it,” you said quietly. “Or at least, I’d like to think you tried.”

“Asty,” he whispered. “I’d forgotten you called me that.” 

The last of the tavern’s patrons shuffled out, watching you out of the corner of their eyes. You were certain they thought you were trying to coax a very drunk and emotional patron out the door, if they even had a thought behind those eyes made glassy with liquor. 

The last server of the night began cleaning up. You squeezed Astarion’s hand.

“We’ve just closed, darling,” you said quietly.

“Closed?” he asked, a flash of panic in his eyes. “But I—I don’t have anyone to bring back to him! He— He’ll be furious.” The fear in his entire body made your heart break into two pieces. 

“Astarion, honey, I need you to calm down for a second—”

“You don’t understand,” Astarion moaned lowly. “You don’t understand the things he’ll do to me!”

“Darling—”

“You don’t understand,” he gasped again. 

“So help me understand,” you said quietly. “Come on, hun, talk to me. What will he do if you don’t go back?”

Astarion took several big gulps of air. While he calmed down, you told the last server to go home and began cleaning up yourself. You were nearly done when he began talking again from the bar, suddenly strangely calm, his voice dry and devoid of all emotion.

“He’ll starve me. He already does, but…he’ll take away all of it. The rats, the bugs… And he’ll beat me. No, no, he’ll watch while he has Godey beat me. Or he—” His voice caught in his throat. “Or he’ll…use me.”

You stopped and immediately went over to him. You opened your arms before you even got to his stool and enveloped him in a warm hug, holding his head close to your chest. Like a dam, everything broke. He sobbed into you.

“Hells, I’m going to be in so much trouble,” he whispered.

“No, you’re not,” you said firmly. “We’ll leave. We’ll run as fast as we can and never come back.”

He was shaking his head before you even finished your sentence. “No, no, we can’t, he’ll send someone after me.”

“Surely he has other spawn to torment—”

“I’m his favorite,” Astarion bit out, voice trembling. “He…he likes my screams, my suffering, the best.”

You fought down bile. “Oh, gods…” You hugged him tighter. “I wish I could—” 

You had a terrible idea that stopped you cold. An idea that would save him from his master and keep you together for the rest of your very long lives. 

“Come home with me,” you whispered. He began to protest, but you continued, “Come home with me and we can spend one last night together as we are. And then when the time comes…take me to him.”

Astarion went stiff in your arms. He pushed away from you enough to stare into your eyes. “What?” He sounded as horrified as he looked. “You want me to give you to him? No, absolutely not. I can’t! I can’t subject you to the same torture I go through night after night, I can’t do that to you! I love you, gods damn it all, even if I didn’t remember it for so long. The man I was when you loved me would never have brought you to Cazador.”

You cupped his cheek. “I still love you, Asty, I’ve loved you every day since you died. You might be changed, but deep down you are still my Astarion.” You showed him your hand, on which there was still a ring—delicate and beautiful and oh so lonely on your finger. “You are still the man I dreamed of marrying.” 

“You kept it,” he whispered, touching the ring. “All these years even though— What, you never wanted to start over with someone new?”

You shook your head. “Never. It was always you, Astarion. And it always will be. So just take me to him. Give him to me, keep yourself safe for the night. And I can stay with you this way. I will always be there to soothe your suffering if you bring me to him.”

He shook his head. “No. No, I can’t, darling, I—” His voice broke. 

“Please, Asty,” you whispered. “I cannot bear the thought of you being hurt because of me.”

“It’s not because of you,” he protested.

But you shook your head. “I kept you talking all night, love. I kept you at my bartop when you had a job to do. Please, darling.” You brushed his hair behind his ear. “Let’s go home.”

For several long moments, Astarion just stared at you. Then, in the quietest whisper you had ever heard, he said, “Alright.”

☞ ❊ ☜

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Baldur's Gate 3 // Astarion Ancunin

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