#who knows; maybe in a couple weeks I'll be like 'well that was weird. anyway--'

[2c75ff]

((I'll shoot straight; it's been a very 'fake my death and escape undetected through the window' kind of month. As a result, I can't make promises about when I'll actually get around to anything here. At the moment I simply do not care about any of this. Make of it what you like.))

[goldsbitch]

remember that

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. But everyone need assurance that they are still loved sometimes. The first time Lando almost slept on a couch blurb

warning: couple fight, angst

It was bad. This time, it was really fucking bad.

After weeks of snarky comments being swallowed in, the "it's fine" line being burned into Lando's ears almost on a daily basis and growing minutes Y/N had to wait before Lando decided to respond to her texts, shit finally hit the fan.

They hadn't seen each other for two weeks now. Inevitable fight broke out right as he crossed the threshold. Postponed dates and forgotten dinners lined up. They couldn't help themselves and put it all on the table. First it was the fact she didn't smile upon seeing him, then it was a reminder that he promised to bring something from Italy and forgot. It went on and on and on. She sat at the dinning table, while he leaned over at the kitchen counter.

"Lando, sometimes it feels like I'm in a relationship with your assistant and not you! For heaven sake, this week I had to call him, once again, when I could not reach you. Do you know how embarrassing it is?" she half-screamed into her hands.

Lando took a breath so deep an average yoga teacher would be jealous. "How am I suppose to be expected to pick up on a race day. You know that I get super busy and distracted."

"Funny how you never were when we started dating," she murmured bitterly.

He had to turn away, couldn't watch his love giving up on him just because they were not in the honeymoon stage anymore. "Yes, but now I'm winning races! Closer to my dream that I've ever been. It's different now."

"I'm glad I met you back then, because obviously you'd not date me if we met now," she couldn't stop those words that rotted in her coming out.

A beat. Maybe it was time to actually break the rule for once and go to sleep angry, because it was getting out of hand. "You know what, that's probably true and it breaks my heart that once I start doing well, you're suddenly not the supporting girlfriend anymore."

A crushing blow. "Tell me how am I suppose to support you if you don't even answer my phone! We used to talk for hours!

"Maybe understand that I can't!"

"I do! But you can't assume that I'll let you push me away completely!"

Lando thew his hands up in desperation. How could she not see it? "I'm coming here to you whenever I have a slightest chance! And I come what? You constantly dragging me through the mud."

"Oh interesting you mention that. How sad that your assistant had to remind you of my sensitive skin before you having him book me an "apology mud massage" when you cancelled on me few weeks ago," se shot, knowing it would hit the target.

"How do you even know that!" he said, unable to comprehend that he did not even control his paid assistant, not mention his own life anyway.

"Well, I talk a lot to you assistant! And he slips up!" It was a weird friendship between people who both wished they could get a little more info out of Lando.

"That's it. I can't deal with this now," he said, with the intention to sleep on the couch for the first time in their relationship. He didn't even know why he chose that action, walking towards their bedroom and dramatically bringing a pillow and a blanket over to the sofa, but if this is what couples did when the fought, there must have been a reason for it.

It absolutely infuriated her. Sparked up something she hoped she'd never feel. "Oh, sleep tight." she spitted with bitter undertone.

"I will!"

//

They walked around each other in silence, him getting ready to sleep on the couch and her cutting her skincare short this time and spending more time debating whether to close the bedroom door as they usually would or leave it open. Just in case.

He could hear her shifting back and forth. It angered him a little bit, since he was the one playing a cruel joke on his already tired muscles.

Thousand things she wanted to say and only one came to her mind in a form of an actual sentence. There goes nothing. "Do you still feel good about this?"

"What?" he whispered, not expecting her to speak to him again before the next day.

"Nevermind, forget I asked."

"About what!" He hated when she did this. If you didn't catch up at the first moment, she did not give you a second chance.

"Do you still feel good about us, being together?" She cursed herself for asking this. Dangerous questions brought up explosive answers. She wished for a reassurance and a rejection. She snuggled deeper into her blanket and turned around to face the door. As if wishing for him to stand there and coming back to her.

Lando hated her question. In fact, it made him furious again. But it was a peace offering, he had already learned that before. "Even here, lying on the bloody couch, because we're fighting...It's the place I wanna be at."

Anxiety kicked in Y/N. "What, you mean like away from me?"

He laughed lightly. She was always thinking the worst. "No, silly. The exact opposite...We could both be at thousand different places at the moment. But we're not. And for me at least, it's because like---I want to be with you. I hate that we'd drifted apart lately. I'd love to be in bed with you, laughing without a care in the world, like we usually do. But, we can't do that now. And yet, I'd rather be left on the couch if I know you're next door than all alone in my bed." His words hit like small drops of rain after a long draught.

She whispered, choosing her words carefully. "You're my twin flame. You make my soul light up in fire, make me feel like I'm the sun. Do you know what my biggest fear is?"

Lando also tuned into sweeter tone, one that was more familiar from days filled with sunshine. "What, my love?"

"That we're gonna burn out. You and me, ending up like an epic love story. The good ones work because they end in tragedy."

"You're always so poetic," he smiled, proud to think he was her love story.

"There is no other way to describe how you'd changed my life. Flipped it upside down the moment you walked into the same room."

Lando chucked. "Yeah, remember that?"

"How could I not."

"You were not having a good day."

Finally, she spoke loudly again. "So, what? Everything was going to shit and the event we were doing had to be perfect before the 'important people' arrived".

"Such an ego boost to know I was your priority before you even met me," he uttered, happy to push her buttons.

"Oh, and you were so cocky! Just laughing around, like we were some sort of comedy sketch."

"Well, I'm sorry, have you heard yourself when you're upset? The way how your voice goes up seven octaves higher?" he laughed, his breath feeling lighter now.

"Coming from you, that's rich! You were giggling in a tone so high the elderly couldn't hear you!"

"I'm so happy I managed to bag the grumpiest person in the building. And bare in mind there must have been around 500 people there."

"980 if you could in staff as well."

He let out a heavy sigh. "You with your pristine memory."

She paused before responding. "Yes. Wish I didn't have that sometimes."

"Wish I had at least a pinch of that."

Silence fell in both rooms. Heavy breath and wondering eyes. The lack of their touch suddenly being more obvious than before. Playing a contest who will reach out first.

"Lando?"

"Yes, my love?"

"Can you back here, please?" she said, somewhat nervously. Lando took a pause. There was nothing he wished for more. It hurt to fight. But he figured a relationship needed that sometimes. As the poets say, you loose a woman when you forget to cherish her. He liked to think this went both ways. And they both started slacking a bit. He could only affect his own behavior, with the hope that she'd also come to the same understanding.

"I'd like nothing more in the world, my love."

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I tell a couple I'm a mistress for both of them?

this is a long one and a very weird situation but here we go. I (28F) have been seeing two people recently. I've been seeing C (30F) for a little over 5 months and M (29M) for almost 6 months. both relationships are currently in a state of non-commitment, even though I've expressed feelings in both relationships and theyve been reciprocated, but I'm naturally not a super commitment-focused person and both of the people I'm seeing have respected that a lot, so yeah.

anyways, both relationships have been great and I'm incredibly happy w them, and since neither are committed to me I've kind of just assumed that both C and M were likely seeing other people as well even if we haven't talked about it.

WELL. about a week ago C came over to my place to spend the night, which she does like once a week or every other week. she goes to take a shower and I start gathering laundry and grab her stuff to throw in with mine and take her phone out of her jeans. I glance at the screen and see a few texts from a contact called "my love <3"

I was kinda surprised by this because while not talking to me about casual relationships is not something I would care about, the contact name made me think she had a more serious relationship going on, which I don't mind but would like to be informed about.

soooo okay I did an admittedly asshole thing and read the text. and then read a few more. and it became apparent that this was a REALLY committed relationship. like, I love yous, I'll be back home soon, please remember to grab so and so from the grocery store, stuff like that.

the contact picture looked kind of familiar too so I clicked on it to see better and it ended up being a picture of M.

I kind of flipped at this bc this is kind of a ridiculous situation, and I left my apartment for some air. I came back like 30 minutes later and C was waiting for me and confused where I'd been (she didn't see/hear me leave since she was still in the shower).

I apologized to her for looking at her phone but told her that I saw the texts from her partner, and that I was feeling kind of hurt that she hadn't told me that she had a more serious relationship going on, since she knows I value transparency. I specifically did not mention that I was also dating M or knew who he was because I felt I needed to scope out the situation more.

she ended up breaking down in tears and spilled everything. told me that M is her husband, that he doesn't know she's been seeing me, that shes felt so conflicted and guilty because she loves him but has really grown to love me too, that she feels wrong and dirty for keeping everything secret. I'm upset that I've been made into a mistress without knowing, but I try to talk to her about everything, we end up staying up super late talking and crying and pouring our hearts out. I still don't mention that I'm dating M too because I feel like I need to talk to him about this before any big decisions are made on my part.

I ended up inviting M to stay at my place a few nights later, and I confront him about the fact that I know he has a wife (made up something about my friend seeing them out together) and ask why he's kept this from me. his reaction was really similar. guilt, not understanding why he's attracted to two people at once, saying he very deeply loves C and doesn't want to leave her but really loves me too, says he's confused and doesn't know what to do. I don't mention to him that I know C or that I'm dating her.

I asked him if he's heard of polyamory before, and he said yes but he doesn't know anything about it really. I ended up encouraging him to maybe talk to his wife to see if that's something she'd be interested in, but he was terrified that she'd be hurt by the suggestion.

I really do love both of them and don't want to leave them. I've been poly for a long time and am very familiar with navigating ethical non monogamy, and to me this feels a lot like two poly people struggling to come to terms with and accept a facet of their sexualities, and they're just navigating that confusion and self discovery in ways that are...not great. but, I want to give them grace for their mistakes I guess?

so this is the part where I think I might be the asshole if I go thru with it. I've talked with both C and M separately about talking to their spouse about what's been going on and about polyamory in general, and they're both fucking terrified and really don't want to. so, I was thinking of inviting them both to my place at the same time to hash it out (without telling them that the other person will be there, since they still don't know I'm dating both of them). I think once they realize they've been dating the same person things might be easier to navigate, and will force them to confront what's been going on?? but also idk if springing this on them is the best thing I could do, but I really have no idea how to navigate this differently.

to be frank, if they love each other and both love me, my ideal outcome is that we continue things as they have been but with no secrecy and 100% transparency. I'm also afraid that even though they've both been seeing the same person and have expressed interest in polyamory after talking about it with me, they might feel personally betrayed by each other and everything could backfire spectacularly, AND I could possibly explode their whole marriage.

so, WIBTA?

What are these acronyms?

[schizoidcel]

Hello! I saw you were taking requests for TADC and thought I'd send one in if it isn't too much hassle.

This one has been itching at my brain since I saw the pilot

Pomni, Ragatha, and Zooble (Separately) encounter a newcomer to the circus (reader), who was their S/O in the real world.

Perhaps reader had come looking for them to find out what happened, only to end up getting stuck with them?

Anyways, thanks for your time! I hope you are well!

# POMNI, RAGATHA & ZOOBLE (SEPERATELY) x THEIR S/O IN THE REAL WORLD THAT ACCIDENTLY ENDED UP IN THE CIRCUS ☆

Idk how yall find me wit my posts not showing up in the tags but OMG HELLFIRE I LOVE THIS SO MUCH??? Dw bestie it's no hassle ong ong. HOPE U'RE DOING WELL TOO LOVE <3

︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.

🤍 HEADCANONS !!

warnings :: None, angst if you squint on Zoobles part. Also not proofread I'll do it in the morning kissy

♪ POMNI ..

She's probably taken aback first.

It's just been a week after she arrived? And there's already another person???

Though for some reason, and even if you two barely talked, Pomni already feels more connected to you than with everybody else in the circus. Even with Ragatha, even though they've helped her through everything, like on the first day

She finds it weird, but she dosen't mention it at all.

Your presence is just soothing to her and calms her down, which is enough of a reason for her to keep being near you

Over time, you 2 grew very close, seeing as both of you are new to this whole thing.

And Pomni already feels like she has grown a crush on you .. Cmon girlfail it's been like a couple days.

The way you just are ... You makes Pomni feel like you've supported and comforted her all her life, even though you guys just met a couple of days ago

Once you and Pomni were calming down after a really exhausting adventure, you both were pretty beat and when you initiated conversation it somehow came to how you both ended up in the circus

You explained to her how you ended up here because you wanted to try and escape reality after your lover went missing, obviously not expecting to get trapped in a literal VR game ...

Pomni felt saddened at the mention of you having a lover, but at the same time, she felt like something snapped inside her

Didn't she have a lover too?? Was that you? Because it would explain alot .

And when you said how Pomni kinda resembeled your partner, was when she realized :

Pomni IS your partner

She literally immediately started to try and explain to you how she is probably your lover because of how you and her ended up here, and because of the entire thing of her feeling more connected with you

You didn't seem like you got it from her extremely fast no pause explanation, which caused her to have a meltdown infront of you ... (goodjob girl!)

Though, that meltdown looked abit too familiar. Immediately you knew that "Damn! That's my girl!"

Just as soon as you realized, you held her and reassured her that you got what she meant, and that you're happy she managed to connect the dots you couldn't

Pomni seemed happy from the praise, but she seemed even happier from the fact that both of you are together again.

And now she is clinging on to you like idk a panda on pumpkin.

Expect her to be clingy like this for a few days, maybe even weeks. Fuck girl maybe FOREVER

The days she was there, even with Ragatha helping her the best she can, Pomni still felt isolated as she had begun to slowly think that maybe none of these people are real in the first place (jesus girl)

But now that you, her S/O, someone she KNOWS that is real is here with her she feels SO much more calmer

She does feel bad that you're stuck with her now, and she definitely feels abit of guilt. But exactly because of those reasons, Pomni wants to get out even faster now. She still wants to have a little apartment with you, after all!

♪ RAGATHA ..

With you being new, Ragatha makes sure that like with Pomni, your 1st day is as good as it can be!

She seems to be abit more hooked on trying to make it perfect, though ...

I wonder why that is?

Well she sure don't know. Anywho!

Even if she does want the day for you to be more flawless than ever, she really didn't give it any thought, therefore she automatically is not aware why she wanted it to be 100% ideal for you

She's been in here for awhile, and though she faintly remembers having a partner, she doubts her partner would ever end up in the digital circus like her (uhmm... news flash bae...)

Ragatha realizes from day 1 that she gets along with you really well, and that immediately caused you two to hang out alot!!

The longer you hangout with her, the more Ragatha feels like she is developing a crush on you .. (wuh woh ...)

And not even a few hours after she realizes she has this crush on you, you started talking about how you ended up in the circus in the first place

She was sad at first, but tried not to show it. Instead, she comforted you, and told you stuff like "It's OK!" "Maybe we'll find a way out, then we can find your S/O!" (the irony I can't.) basically words she hoped would stop making you look so sad and make you smile instead .. (cutie)

Out of nowhere though, you started crying

She was so . shocked?? GIRL WHY ARE YOU CRYING

You try to tell her through your now lowkey stuttering voice how your S/O acted JUST like her

The touch, the words, the voice, all of it was really familiar to you .

After you tell that to her, Ragatha realizes that it's the same for her towards you.

How she feels like you and her knew eachother for years with how fast you two got along when you first met, surely it can't be a coincidence.

Ragatha begins to tell you about this and how she feels like she knew you for a very, VERY long time

.. Which leads to a guessing game of both o yalls fave things.

Though Ragatha has forgotten most of the stuff in her life back on the real world, she "coincidentally" knew EVERY one of your favourite things.

And you did hers??

You two didn't know how to react and were shocked.

After the shock died down though, both of you were just hugging eachother, and the both of you telling eachother how lonely it was without the other one by your side really aint gon stop those tears.

♪ ZOOBLE ..

Zooble DEFINITELY wouldn't even realize or care about you

Ofcourse not because they hate you, they're just kinda tired of new people coming in and in, especially this fast (chill girl god damn its only 2 people!!)

Zooble starts to find you WAY more tolerable the more Caine throws you into adventures together, though

They find the aura around you more inviting, so to speak

They even slowly start to think about how they prefer you over all the other members of the circus

You two only spoke around 4 times, but all have been extremely smooth going and fun conversations, something Zooble wouldn't expect to have with someone. ESPECIALLY a new member ..

On the other side, you find Zooble extremely likeable aswell! Sure, they might be dry or blunt, but they have a warm side, like every cold person usually does

You probably like talking with Zooble more than everyone else aswell .. Not cus everyone else is boring, you just find Zoobles personality and perspective on things to be more intriguing

Once Caine made you all go through another adventure yet again, which turned out to be a "partner" game

And wouldn't you know it, fate loves you and puts you and Zooble into a pair!

On that day, you two managed to tell eachother the mutual interest you have in one another, therefore deciding to become closer friends.

Or actually lets just start with being friends in the 1st place.

Ofcourse after that game, you two would normally be seen together more often now (BESTIE TIME)

Which ultimately leads to you telling Zooble how you got in the circus in the first place

Zooble didn't really know how to react to you having a S/O, they didn't really feel hurt, but at the same time they did? It was confusing, really

Once while in your room, you told Zooble how some of the antics they make is similar to what your S/O used to do

You immediately snapped and thought about how lowkey weird it is to say that, so you apologized immediately ..

To your suprise though, Zooble even took it as a compliment (they didn't expect it too.)

Zooble feels like a part of their identity has been put together the more you guys hang out with eachother

They want to know why they feel so completed with you, but that'll probably be something that can only be figured out once you two (if you can) get out of this circus (word for word ...)

But for now, they'll enjoy your company, the energy you give off, and your comforting presence.

They wont step over the line, since they know you already have a partner, but it wont hurt if you're just best friends, right?

︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.

ׂૢ་༘࿐ Thank you for reading! ♡

Ugh this was so much fun I am LIVING for these little babes. I'm really proud of these hello ?! Might make a short scenario version since I love this ask sm.

[tree-obsession]

2.2 SPOILERS!! PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK

this is a small lore discussion! mostly speculation and theories- i have not seen leaks about 2.3 plot yet, but i have seen a couple about boothill's character stories, so please keep that in mind!

trigger for mentions of suicide(aventurine) and mega corps(the ipc)

we have to talk about the ending cutscene with aventurine and boothill more! i'll start with my fav parts that no one really has brought up yet:

Aventurine intimidating Boothill after mentioning the guards are out- Boothill sounded so offput and hasty while reassuring him they were just knocked out, and we have to talk about aventurine himself just being intimidating more honestly his glare actually did kind of scare me.

Boothill pointing a gun at aventurine was. well. i'm sorry i did actually laugh at that. boothill i think you should research your targets a bit more honestly that guy is NOT afraid of guns. he fully walked into the nihility and pointed at least one gun at himself, and just got out of his own meticulously-planned suicide. threats of death won't work, sorry. also he has good reason to hate oswaldo schneider as well- threats didn't even have to be used, probably! he would kill him too, probably(revenge arc go go go!!)

the convo between aven and jade was. yeah. why he's betting his life again, i don't know (maybe sarcasm? or it was really just banter?) but it does seem like the two of them aren't super close at all, at least from what little i could gather. also if diamond hurts aventurine the entire fandom will kick his ass, emanator or no, so he better be prepared for that too lol. also, it was a pretty common theory aventurine would leave the ipc after exiting nihility, since acheron presumably broke his ties- i wonder why he went back? perhaps he had no plans as to where to go, or he has some ulterior motive?

how did he get out of nihility so unscathed? (for context, i haven't gotten aven's text messages yet, but i'm aware of some of their contents since they've been floating around w/out spoiler tags. the messages are mentioned a bit here if you wanna avoid spoilering!) i know argenti got him out, but 1) why was argenti there, or where did he even find him? and 2) that seems so random- both argenti and jade confirmed it, but plot-wise what's even the point of argenti pulling him out? also argenti said he was in a "woeful state" when he got out, and apparently the stonehearts are willing to give aven a break (which i'm assuming is major, since stonehearts are super important and have a lot of responsibility, plus he just destroyed a cornerstone) so him already being back on his feet when we see the phone call is a bit weird right away. he doesn't even sound sick, and ratio or any other doctor is nowhere in sight! (message spoilers start here) i'm aware the aventurine cornerstone was fully shattered/destroyed while protecting him from nihility- was he really in there for who-knows-how-long without any protection at all? he's apparently having nightmares and the ipc needed to call in a doctor of chaos to treat him, which is concerning considering his mental health and general will to live were extremely low even before walking into the nihility. like he genuinely has some of the worst will to live i've ever seen in a character or human being- walking through the nihility should have utterly destroyed him mentally and physically, but it didn't. 2.3 HAS to give us a whole lotta context, especially with nihility lore (my favorite aeon, i may be biased) and more about the ipc!

anyway, thank you for reading this poorly formatted, stream-of-consciousness word vomit about 2.2's aventurine lore. hope you liked it! drop ur thoughts in replies and reblogs plz they give me life(although i will be very busy next few weeks, so please don't be offended if you want a reply and don't get it, im so sorry!)

2.2 was peak- a bit slow, but the story was some of the best, if not the best stuff hoyo has given us in terms of writing quality. so great! i cried for sure, and that boss battle was just everything- especially the music. robin my lesbian queen if i didn't have to pull for firefly i would get your lightcone for sure...

see you all next time! thx for sticking around (:

[crsssie]

from one admirer to another : scrambled

pairing: leon kennedy x reader || masterpost: from one admirer to another

synopsis: from one admirer to another, an online penpal service, allows for two people with common interests to write to each other without ever revealing their actual address! Luckily for both you and Leon, you get matched up! What do eggs and Christmas even have in common anyway? sure hope it's that modeling business and NOT that Ada Wong addiction.

featuring: reader as scrambled eggs // leon as christmas

Dear scrambled eggs,

Thank you for that Ada print. It's going into my shrine (you were weird first, alright? Don't go calling me weird now.) and the fact that it's signed? crying screaming throwing up. Also, how dare you call yourself her day one? I was there when she first debuted you can NOT be more day one than me (joke).

I like my eggs in the form of shakshuka. If you haven't tried it before, you really should. It's delicious. It's basically eggs in tomato-based sauce with a ton of other spices and god it's so good I could just die. My favorite season... probably Thanksgiving. I know turkey gets pretty boring at times, but the cranberry sauce that my friends make is so good it's criminal. And, yes, I am unfortunately no different from you, but that's our secret, alright? I think I do an okay job of pretending to be normal at work.

Life updates... I had a shoot with a random model two weeks ago and I'm unable to get the way their hand felt on my bicep out of my head. I felt like a teenager all over again when they did. I'm not a teen anymore, and it's been a hot minute since I have been. Is this the curse of working with attractive people as a model? It was my first time seeing them, and the director didn't even refer to them by name, so my assumption is they don't do that many shoots. Maybe I'll be lucky and never see them again? Big day for losers in love (me). I'm kidding. I'm moving too fast. This'll be over in a couple of days. It's not like they're as hot as Ada— but they're pretty damn close. Got any advice for a loser who's just fallen in love at first sight?

Other than that run-in with the model, I got a couple of days off last week which I was supposed to enjoy, only to get absolutely obliterated by okaokra's newest chapter on glhf <3. Why am I an Ada stan who likes angst. Why am I cursed to love the way okra writes? I am not immune to the Ada brainrot or whatever the youth are saying these days. Every time I think of Ada I feel a little more like those twitter artist reaction memes of them biting wood.

The good thing about being only semi-well-known in the industry though is the fact that I can still sneak around at local events as a fan. It's nice that masks are so accessible nowadays. I'll be stopping by at the Ada-themed cupsleeve event in Raccoon in a couple of days, so I'll probably mail you a little something from that. So, if my letter finds you late, my apologies.

Oh, right, since we're on that topic. Merry Christmas, and happy new year.

See you around? Christmas

The cupsleeve event is relatively easy to sneak into for Leon. He puts on old glasses from college and a jacket that makes him look a lot younger than he really is, and he orders an Ada drink, grinning at the table on the side when he spots a familiar face.

"You're an Ada fan?"

You blink up at him, visibly surprised, and he takes a step back.

"Sorry, I thought you looked familiar—"

"No! I'm the same person. Yeah, I'm a big Ada fan. I'm running the event this time, actually. I model for spare money to host events like this." You scratch your cheek. "Wanna enter the lottery?"

"And what would I get?"

"A limited edition, signed, Ada photocard."

"What is this, Kpop? —take my ten." He hands you a bill nearly immediately, and the two girls at the table with you jump in their skin.

"Wow, you're down horrendous, huh?" You hand the ten to the girls, patting his shoulder. "How should I get the stuff to you? You have to leave a social or something."

"Mm..." He clicks in his twitter handle, and you blink slowly.

"Can I bid for it?"

"That was not the plan, but I mean—"

"You'd have to out-bid them." One of the girls get up to put their hands on your shoulders, and you scratch your cheek.

"How much did you pay for it?"

"The base price is two hundred dollars." You grin.

"Mm... and if I give you three hundred?"

"It's signed, so no."

"Shame." Leon clicks his tongue. "I would've paid good money for that photocard."

Leon turns his head at the sound of the door opening, eyes widening as Ada herself steps through the doors to her cupsleeve event. The people in the coffee shop yell as she does, too many people crowding around her to beg for a signed autograph on their cupsleeve.

"Guys, give her a little space." You call from the table.

The people ignore you, and you scoff.

"Do you need—" Leon's cut off by your actions instead.

You grab the megaphone on the table and nod at the workers, most of them covering their ears as you yell.

"CAN YOU GUYS GIVE HER SOME SPACE, PLEASE?"

The megaphone renders everyone quiet, and Ada laughs.

"I'll sign one by one at the table. Please let me sit first. I just finished a shoot." She waves thank you to everyone as she takes your seat, and you ask her if she needs anything to drink. Leon finds that it's almost as if you planned it, and as Ada meets eyes with him at the table, his heart flips.

She's literally so hot. He's going to pass out.

"Well, since you're here. Do you want a signed cupsleeve too?"

"Yes, please." Leon fumbles as he hands her his cup, looking for a pen, and Ada hums.

"It's good. I brought a sharpie."

"Can you sign my arm— wait, that would violate my contract." Leon purses his lips.

"Do you model?" She asks almost naturally, signature smooth on his plastic cup as she hands it back to him.

"I started just a little ago."

"Any major goals?"

Leon steps to the side to let the other fans get something signed. "I'd like to have a shoot with you one day."

"I look forward to seeing you at a shoot one day, then." She hums. "Who knows? Maybe we'll meet at a runway too. What's your name?"

"Leon. Leon Scott Kennedy."

Leon's heart flips into this throat, and his cheeks turn red.

God, he's going to pass out.

prev letter : masterlist : next letter

[lucius-morningstar]

You Bug Me

Meeting Vaggie was a trip, one Lucius didn't need, sadly Charlie disagreed. Who knew helping her would be such a pain. -------------- Lucius: She said her name was what, Maggie? Charlie: Vaggie. Lucius: What kind of a name is Vaggie? Charlie: It's the name she gave, even if it isn't her real name give her time. She's new here and needs time to adjust. Lucius: Did she tell you she was new here? Charlie: Well.. Kind of?, Point is she's here now and we need to help her. Lucius: I'm going t- Charlie: *steps in front of Lucius* No. You aren't going to do anything. She's new, she's nervous and wounded. We don't need her more stressed on top of all this. Lucius: Hmm.. Charlie: I know you're uneasy with the idea of her staying here but just give her a couple days to heal. Lucius: Charlie, she lost an eye and got some weird damage done to her back- Charlie: All the more reason to let her rest. Lucius: My point is it takes more then a couple days to heal. Charlie: I know, but she's in a new place and scared. Please just give her some space. For me. Lucius: ..I hate when you do that. Charlie: I know but, you can be a bit.. Intense when I bring sinners here. Lucius: Need I remind you what happened the last few time- Charlie: No. Lucius: Alright we'll make a dea- not that kind. If you are more alert I will give her space and once she perks up a little and starts showing signs of doing better you let me ask a few questions. Alright, sound fair. Charlie: ..Fair. Lucius: Until then keep Razzle and Dazzle near by just in case. Charlie: I can do that, thank you. Lucius: No problem, you hungry? Charlie: Honestly, yea.. Do you mind- Lucius: I can make soup for our stowaway too. It's easy on the stomach and filling. Charlie: Thanks Luci, you're the best. Lucius: Don't call me Luci in front of her at least. I need to keep my image. Charlie: Done. Lucius: *Sighs* Just a few days Lucius, you can handle one stowaway for a few days... Maybe a week or two at most. Then she'll be out of our hair. * Lucius: So how's our "guest" doing. Charlie: Seems more alert today, she's in a lot of pain. Lucius: Yes I suppose losing an eye cause a lot of pain. Let's go see her. Charlie: Promise to be nice, she might be a bit uncomfortable with you. Lucius: I'll do my best. * Charlie: Hi Vaggie.. How are you feeling today. Vaggie: Like my head was split open-.. Whose he? Charlie: Oh um right. Vaggie. This is my brother Lucius, he helped me bring you here. Vaggie: He didn't touch me did he? Charlie: Nope, he waited out of the room. Vaggie: Good.. No offense. Lucius: None taken, you're not my type anyway. Vaggie: ..So um what do you want? Charlie: Well I came to change your bandages and before you worry Lucius will not be looking but is it okay if we ask a few questions? Vaggie: I.. Suppose thats fine. Lucius: You do your thing Charlie, I'll look away. Charlie: Right. Lucius: So was that your first extermination. Vaggie: In a sense yes. Lucius: That's not an answer. Vaggie: My mind isn't feeling too clear okay, ask another. Lucius: Did an angel do that to you? Vaggie: Yes.. Lucius: Why didn't they kill you. Charlie: Lucius what the fuck? Lucius: It's just a question, they usually kill then, Not leave them alive. Charlie: Still that- Vaggie: It's fine, the bell or whatever rang signaling them to go I guess their time here was up. Lucius: ...Is Vaggie your real name. Vaggie: Yes. Lucius: Sounds kinda made up. Charlie: Luc- Vaggie: So what kind of a name is Lucius, the king of hell couldn't come up with something more creative so he named you after himself. I know he's the king of pride but certainly he had a better idea then that. Lucius: *Growls* Excuse me- Charlie: Lucius enough, I get you're curious but don't push the name thing would you. No more questions, you're stressing her out. Lucius: I'm stressing her ou- Charlie: Yes. Let's just drop it for now. Please. Lucius: *Snorts* Fine. Charlie: Thank you, sorry Vaggie he's just a little paranoid after some.. Personal things that's happened. He means no harm really. Vaggie: Right..

[irlpinkiepie]

anyway update on what i've been up to, since it's been a year since i've posted anything at all and much longer than that since i've actually talked about my life in any detail on here:

still in cleveland! left my parents' a few months after i graduated to go live with friends from uni (sidenote, if you are in a position to do so? holy shit, move out from your parents', it is crazy worth it) and now those friends are partners! might be nice to move someplace else sometime if those partners are up for it, maybe somewhere on the northeast corridor? but as it stands i am fucking loving this city even if it does not quite fulfil my childhood expectation of 'hey i have lived in the same country for more than two years, that's kinda weird'

i have a job now! a like, actual full-time job, which is still wild given quite how long i kinda expected that that would be something i would never be able to manage on account of the Autism. turns out though that people will pay you to just look over spreadsheets and write documents for them? would that it were easier to find such a place which paid better and had a better work culture but, such as it is

speaking of partners actually, i am up to uh. five now! it turns out that i have an absurd amount of love in my heart and basically the only reason that number is not greater than five is because of the aforementioned having a full-time job and not really having the time in the day to have more partners than that. so cool to be the weird freaky polyamorous trans girl i always dreamed i would be though

oh yeah! bottom surgery! hopefully that's gonna be soon! i've got an appointment next week to get the last of my insurance letters, and then fingers crossed i can get a follow-up and make it happen sometime next year? have i talked about getting bottom surgery at all on here? well i am not going to go into too much detail on a sfw post but the gist is i found out that there was a way to do bottom surgery that let you have both and was like 'oh my god okay this perfectly captures the way i want my body to look' and immediately called up a surgeon's office to schedule a first appointment

chicken pet. need i say more

writing again! for the first time in a good long while, taking a story i wrote a couple years ago and pulling it out of the shared universe in which it originally resided so that i can do more of the things i wanted to with it. if you're one of the like, two or three people who knows what that story is from that description, i'll put the original back up once i'm finished with the rewrite and have a place to link it to people; i would like to have the chance to tell this story on my own terms, but i absolutely don't want it to be completely lost media

cycling! one of the perks of living in a big city it turns out is that it's actually easy to get to places and so i have been cycling a whole bunch just out of practicality, but it turns out that it's also just really fun to do? absolutely not a sport cyclist by any means, my bike is a $200 cruiser from target, but it's just so so nice to go outside and do things and perform physical activity

in short: i feel like life has been generally pretty darn great! and i am glad to be able to share that here with y'all

[littlegodzilla]

Okay, okay, Who likes weird stories? Who likes the paranormal and the mysterious? Me! Who is incapable of writing anything short in his life? Me too!

Well, I love this request, all the mystery, the magic, the intrigue that this story can have, I wanted to do a one shot, at first, but I started writing and I was unable to stop. I'll post the first part, the story has a lot to offer yet, it's just a little taste of what can happen....

Hope you'll like it!!

Enjoy!!

****************

Back to Our World.

Norman Reedus x Reader.

Part 1. Request.

Requested by @minervadashwood (thank you I love writing it!): maybe season 3 of the walking dead is shooting. reader and norman have had a love scene together, since then they've become like...idk fuck buddies? but reader has feelings for him. he'll be goofy and just say "i love you" and then laugh (like he does with andy?, so she knows he doesn't mean it. Perhaps late one night they are rehearsing an argument for the show,and they're the only people on the set. Then, the worst storm georgia has ever seen rolls in, and lightning strikes the set, the two of them get knocked out. when they wake up, they're dressed as their characters.

all the other actors are on set, but there's no crew. very weird. they try to chat with andy or melissa, but neither one of them respond to those names, the the others start to get suspiscious of reader and daryl. Like they have working cell phones (no service, but they light up and stuff). Reader has a tattoo on her arm that isn't visible on the show...stuff like that maybe?

anyway, they have to pretend to be daryl and reader's character to keep anyone from shooting them. so they're sharing a mattress at night, acting like a couple, etc.

Warnings: Eventual Smut. Fantasy. TWD Stuff. Some Comedy. Romance and fluff.

Words: 9000

*******************

The mattress creaks again and again with each thrust, each time the moans get louder, the echo of sweaty skins in a room enveloped in a warm, moist atmosphere until both bodies fall exhausted on the bed.

This has been going on since the end of The Walking Dead's first season. After the CDC episode, Daryl and your character had a torrid scene, wrapped in a lot of alcohol and remorse the next day, but the moment was intimate and sexually tense between you and the actor who plays Daryl, Norman Reedus. At first it didn't seem to change anything, but after a couple of weeks, Norman started texting you to propose talking after filming, going down town for lunch, or just clearing your mind from the whole day's work. You took those invitations as something between friends, something innocent, but then everything changed and one night your talk ended up in his trailer, and the two of you in his bed. After that night, there have been others, it's not something that happens every day, but the two of you seek each other out and accept each other's company assiduously. You never talked about it, even when the season ended you thought it would end, that it would not happen again, but it didn't, when you discovered that Norman kept writing you from time to time, asking you how you were and if you felt like seeing each other.

Things were still not exactly clear with your meetings, but you couldn't say no to him, you liked spending the day and nights with him, not only is he a great lover, Norman has proved that to you on more than one occasion, but he is also a good friend, he is funny and crazy at times, protective and confidant on many other occasions.

You have to admit that, perhaps unplanned, you've fallen a little in love with him.

Maybe a lot.

"Are you okay, honey?" his voice brings you back to that very moment. "Have I been too intense?"

"N-no, it's been great, as always." You mumble and look up at him with a shy smile. Norman smiles and pulls you to him, using his chest as a pillow.

"Good girl, you always know how to make me feel good." He jokes and you both laugh low.

You're struggling not to fall asleep, it's been a long day on the film set, the Georgia heat is taking its toll on all of you, plus all the hours doing and undoing the same takes until they come out right. The pleasant warmth of Norman's body, his comfort, his fingers brushing against your skin, are guiding you into a slow but pleasant slumber. Norman turns his head to look at you, your eyes are already closed, which makes him smile, his other hand strokes your hair, you open your eyes a little and he kisses your forehead.

"Rest, beautiful, I'm leaving now." He tells you releasing your body.

"Y-you can stay here..." You offer. You never stay in each other's trailer, always, after sex you say goodbye and go back to your trailers. It's not like your partners don't know what's going on, but you try to be discreet.

"No, I want you to rest." He leans over and kisses you on the head again. "I'll see you tomorrow on set."

One of the other stipulations of your encounters is that Norman never kisses you. No matter how intense, how needy and desperate the situation. His mouth never touches yours. He may touch the rest of your body, every crease and corner, but never your lips. You found it frustrating at first, now you've learned to accept it.

"Okay..." You whisper, curling up on the bed, covering your nakedness with the sheets as you watch him get dressed, he leaves his pants and slippers unfastened, his trailer is not far from yours, so he doesn't need to dress too much.

He gives you one last look, a smile and a wink before leaving the room, in the distance the echo of the door closing. You sigh long and close your eyes. It doesn't take you long to fall asleep, you're exhausted, but your mind wanders between confused and restless dreams.

*************

The third season begins in an exciting way, after losing the farm, your whole group has to go on the road, Lori is very pregnant and the group begins to doubt Rick's leadership. Daryl and your character are a couple now, their bond has been growing stronger since the night of the CDC and especially after the days at Greene Farm and the loss of Sophia. The scenes you're filming now are close to the prison, the house you'll have throughout that season, but it won't be easy for you to maintain. You're still starting and you know for sure it's going to be long months, with little sleep and too much repetition. But there's a reason you love acting and you wouldn't trade it for anything.

That morning, as you eat breakfast, you still feel a little sore from the night before, some glances fall on you, there are mischievous smiles, but no one says anything, they know you are shy about it. Sometimes you talk to Melissa or Lauren, you need to talk it over with someone, if only to clear your own mind.

"Don't get too attached to him." Lauren once advised you. "Remember, you're not his first 'friend' here." She gives you an intense look.

It's true, Norman and Laurie Holden also had their moment very early in the series. It was like an immediate connection between them, but it didn't last too long, they're good friends now, to be honest you don't know if they still see each other when he's not with you. You don't really want to know either, you live better in ignorance.

"I know, it's not like Norman is forcing me either..." You defended him.

"I'm just saying don't tell him anything about how you feel. Avoid hurting yourself further." He advises you and you take his advice.

Melissa didn't talk much, she was friends with both of you, possibly Norman's confidant too, if he ever had any doubts about your fuck buddy relationship. You still seek her advice from time to time, but you've learned to hide your feelings for Norman, or at least you hope you have.

"Good morning." You hear his voice, approaching towards the scene you are all in, he is already characterized as Daryl, some dirt on his skin, hair combed flat ironed, his skin already starting to acquire some sweat due to the climate of the area and the time he has been held in the makeup trailer. Your eyes roam his whole body, the movement of his step, his arms dancing on both sides of his body, his feet stepping hard, being dragged by the weight of his own body, you have always noticed that he walks with his right foot leaning slightly inwards, a small deviation that surely no one has detected, a small flaw, although Norman is far from being a perfect man. A smile comes across your face, a chuckle escapes you and that catches your companion's attention.

"Good morning." He greets you and you nod.

"Good morning." You reply, he walks over and holds out a bottle of water in his hand. "You should keep it to yourself, you're sweating more than I am." You try to joke and watch as he smiles and bites his tongue.

"I have another one for me, here, I don't want you to faint from the heat." He insists and the cool body of the bottle touches your face giving you goosebumps.

"Thank you." You accept the bottle, when you take it your fingers brush against each other.

"Good girl." He smiles and walks away to return with the rest of the team.

You feel yourself gasping for breath, he always has that effect on you. No matter what he does, Norman always disarms you even if he only brushes against you by accident. You shake your head trying to regain your composure, drink from the bottle and focus on your work.

The shots follow one after the other throughout the day, as a group, individually, with Norman, you stop for lunch, pick up where you left off, try to record the scenes that were strange, again, and then stop once more for a bite to eat. You're done for the day, which gives you a few hours of breathing room. Lauren smiles at you in greeting as she walks over to you and sits down next to you.

"What a day." You snort, exhausted.

"Yeah, I'm not quite used to the heat." You joke and laugh with her, you're not a fan of the sun either, nor the heat.

"Luckily we're done for the day."

"Yeah, how are you, I noticed you were a little lost this morning." She asks looking at you with some concern and you feel your cheeks burning.

"Have you noticed? Last night Norman and I were together..." You tell him. "I didn't expect anyone to notice..."

"It always happens to you after you've been with him, I start to get curious about his abilities." You know she means it as a joke and to tease you, but you can't help a tug of suspicion in your stomach. Still, you have no right to. You and Norman don't have an established relationship, so you couldn't stop them if it happened.

"He's there, I'm sure if you proposed he wouldn't give it much thought." You try to play along with his joke, but your voice wavers for a second.

"And it'd make me a shitty friend, plus Norman's not my type." She shrugs. "Have things changed between you?" she ventures to ask.

"No... I remember you were the one who told me not to say anything to him." You look at her curiously. "And I actually think it's for the best... I'll have fewer headaches. If I focus on it being a sexual-only relationship, that outside of that we're just friends... I don't feel as much anxiety." You try to convince yourself, Lauren looks at you wanting to believe it too.

"I think whatever you do it's going to hurt just the same...I know that's not great advice, I'm sorry."

"I consider you a good friend because you're always honest with me, and I appreciate that. I'm not going to get my hopes up about him, but I'm going to..."

"Who aren't you going to get your hopes up about?" You hear close to where you are and your heart stops for a second.

Norman is in front of you, playing with a finished water bottle in his hands, his eyes are dwarfed from the direct sun, but he has a curious look on his face. You're cut off at the drop of a hat, but Lauren speaks for you.

"We were talking about boys." She comments and that gets the actor's attention even more. "There's a guy who wants to date her." She lies and you open your eyes wide. "I was telling her to try it, that she might like it."

"Really?" Norman's voice sounds like a squeak. "Who is it? You hadn't told me anything."

"I didn't..." You stammer, but clear your throat, trying to appear normal. "I didn't think you cared."

"It's not that... well we're friends, I thought you had confidence for that..." He tries to justify himself.

"It's just that we haven't talked much yet... we're just getting to know each other." You lie to him too, you don't even know why you're playing along with Cohan, but the grimace of doubt on Norman's face forces you to lie.

"Okay..." It's the last thing he says before he walks away, leaving you alone again.

"Can you explain what that was about?" You ask your friend.

"I think Norman has gotten used to having you whenever he feels like it, you always go along with his plan, well maybe that he thinks you're no longer as available as he wants you to be... he moves things around."

"What if he moves them for the worse? I don't want to lose what we have either."

But Lauren doesn't respond, she just shrugs, leaving you there again, as she does have some more scene to shoot with her father and future husband. You smile, you like the story they are building for her character, Maggie, there is going to be a lot of drama for her, but she is still a strong character that is growing and changing with each new season. Your character has also changed since your first scene in Atlanta. You've gone from a scary woman to a strong, feisty woman, you've been taught how to shoot and fight and the dead have become your focus, as well as protecting those you now consider your family, of course. Plus having Daryl by your side, is a moral support your character needs to keep developing, you are also going to have ups and downs with some appearances like Merle and doubts in Daryl that will make them falter a bit, but you like the subplot they are forming for the two of you. You have to admit that at first it was a little scary being Daryl Dixon's girlfriend, everyone had accepted the redneck with their arms up in the air and at first your character was just the vixen who had dropped her panties for him. There was a lot of back and forth, awkward questions at conventions and really hairy situations on the internet, but as the episodes went on people came to accept what was being created and your relationship is now well received, although there are still misgivings on some sides.

That night you prepare for a quiet dinner in your caravan. You stopped filming a few hours ago. The skies in Georgia were getting rough and at that time of year it's best not to push your luck when a storm rolls in, so you stopped all filming and returned to your caravans. In the distance you hear the storm brewing as you settle into your couch, legs propped up on the cushion as you stir the food before you start. You hear knocking on the door of your trailer and you stand still for a moment, instinctively looking at your cell phone for a message from Norman, but there is nothing. The knocking is repeated, you leave your food on the table and get up, wiping your hands before opening the door. Norman is on the other side, chewing his lip several times, he's wearing his usual clothes, but between his hands he's wringing out what looks like his character's script.

"Norman?" You look at him in confusion.

"Did I catch you busy? I can come back another time."

"N-no I was just going to grab some dinner, nothing else, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, it's just that I was going over the script between our characters and there are a couple of scenes I'd like to go over..."

"Okay... Now?" you're still a little confused, but he nods. If it's some method to get through the night with you, it's the first time he's used that tactic. It's not like he needs an excuse to show up there either, really. "It's okay, come in." You offer and leave the door open, walking back to your couch. "Do you want something to eat?"

"No, I had something to eat in my trailer before I came." He shrugs and sits down next to you.

"Good, then I'll take my diner later."

"No, finish up, I came unannounced. I don't mind waiting." He says sincerely and stands up then points to your kitchen. "Can I grab a beer?"

"Yeah, sure, help yourself." You smile picking up your plate again.

You don't like beer, its bitter taste has always been unpleasant on your tongue, but since you started with the series you always have some in the fridge for when you have company, not only from Norman, also from your friends or when you have a birthday party or when the end of the season recording is near, to celebrate that the work is almost done. You like to watch Norman move naturally and normally around your 'house' knowing every nook and cranny, where things are, where you keep them and what he can and can't touch. Again he sits down next to you taking a swig of his beer and puts a juice next to your plate. You smile and your heart flips, maybe you wouldn't really give it a thought, but it's funny how much the man seems to know you.

"What is it?" You decide to cut through the silence, focus on why he's there with you.

"The scene?" he shakes his head as you nod. "I notice they're making Daryl very..." He remains quiet, searching for the word. "Social? My intention is to make him weird and distrustful, he may have loyalty to the group, but with his wariness, like in the early seasons, but since he's had a girlfriend they're making him a cheesy guy." He explains, you get a chuckle and he smiles amused. "No offense, I love spending time with you, honey, but I'm a guy from the mountains, an alpha male, a hunter, troubled, with a shitty past. You can't melt me like that." He jokes and your laughter grows louder.

"Oh forgive me, Mr. badass for turning you human." You joke once again, his sly grin charms you and always gives you goosebumps. "What's your plan?"

"I want him to love his family, his girl, but in his own way, I want to study the script with you and see how I can fit it in without making it too weird or cold... Does that make sense?"

"Okay, we can try a few scenes and see what we get out of it."

Norman seems content with your words. He takes one more drink of his beer, you're finishing your dinner, in the distance you can hear the thunder of the storm. You've never had a problem with them, you like them, the smell of wet grass has always relaxed you, but when the lights on your trailer flicker you can't help but worry.

"There's a good storm coming." Your coworker comments and you nod.

"Looks like it... it's not like it's the first time we've had to work in pouring rain." You say and he nods.

"Worst week of my life, I don't think I've ever had so much snot." He jokes and you laugh again.

"You were still the cutest redneck on the set." You poke him and he snorts in amusement.

"I love you too, honey." He says with a teasing tinge. "Shall we practice a little?" he offers and you nod.

Because the storm seems to be getting closer and closer, you decide to stay in your trailer to rehearse dialogue, after picking up all your dinner, you look up your own manuscript of your character so you can reply to his, to create the scene between you as best you can. When Norman starts talking you realize right away what he's referring to. Daryl has taken a drastic turn with his personality, you're sure people will like that he's more approachable, that he wants to take care of his friends and the place they now want to call home, but for you it's also hard to fit in that the hunter is all the time thinking about your character or talking about her, using all those affectionate nicknames. Corny, as Norman has defined it.

"Okay, I see where your concern lies." You tell him after rehearsing a few sentences.

"Right? That's not my Daryl... I don't know if I should talk to Greg and the others..." He comments scratching the back of his neck.

"Greg always listens to you when there's something about Daryl that worries you, maybe between the two of you you can find a balance."

"I'll talk to him first thing..." He nods, a loud rumble makes you both jump. The storm is over the recording area. "Maybe I should get back before it starts raining."

"Why don't you stay?" You invite him feeling your pulse quicken. "It could be dangerous..."

"Are you afraid I might get struck by lightning?" he says amused, but you're not amused.

The weather in that part of the state at that time of year can be unstable and dangerous, it's an area of possible hurricanes, flooding from big storms and some landslides, so Norman joking about a possible lightning strike hitting you might be more possible than hitting the lottery.

"I'm just saying stay over, you can use the couch, if you want..." You insist, Norman watches you carefully, sighs and opens the door to the caravan.

"Come on, you'll see, it's just a storm." He takes your hand and you both get out of the vehicle.

You regret having followed him the second your feet touch the ground, the place starts to get wet from a very fine rain that is shaken by a wind that is getting stronger and stronger, swirling your clothes and hair. The eye of the storm is right above you, the clouds, even though it is night, look completely black, lightning appears and disappears inside them, illuminating them, a whirlpool is forming right above the film set, those huge clouds seem to be creating the eye of the hurricane and fear takes hold of you. It's not a normal storm, it doesn't even look like a storm, it's more like it wants to absorb the place, but no one else has noticed, around you everything remains impassive, your companions are sleeping in their caravans, oblivious to the strong wind and the violent movement of all the objects around you. You look at Norman, his retort about there being nothing wrong with this storm has seemed to die in his mouth, his eyes are wide open, fixed on the cumulus clouds above you. The roar of thunder takes over the whole place, you jump in place when a bolt of lightning strikes directly on the ground, bursting the grass there into several pieces, creating a tiny crater. But it's not the only one, several bolts of lightning strike the ground around you, getting closer and closer. You look at Norman and hear the roar of thunder, not far away again.

"Norman!" you shout at the top of your lungs.

You reach out, wanting to grab his arm, to pull him out of the way, but you watch, helplessly, as the lightning flashes through his body, illuminating his insides like a light bulb. It passes through him completely, the electric sensation runs through every inch of his body until it is released through his fingertips, the discharge connects with your own fingers, your hand outstretched towards him receives the impact. The scream of pain dies into nothingness, the pain is intense and runs up and down you, you feel a burning sensation envelop you. You close your eyes, your body jerks and you feel yourself being pushed backwards. Before you hit the ground. You are already unconscious.

***************

You gasp loudly, opening your eyes with a start. You sit up, rubbing your body, looking for some sign on your skin, some high degree burn due to the reach of the lightning. That it was something impossible to happen. You plan to laugh in Norman's face as soon as you....

Norman.

You remember how the lightning struck his body, how it went through him like butter, you could see how his skin glowed, how it seemed to burn inside as you reached out to pull him out of the beam's path. You get up from the ground quickly, or at least as fast as your aching body allows you, the jolt you received was also violent, although it was not a direct hit, the force was also massive. You gasp looking around you, in search of your co-worker, but at the same time you want to find out what happened to the rest of the set, as you perfectly remember the lightning striking the ground uncontrollably. The fear that someone else might have been hurt shakes you.

But nothing.

Everything is fine, in fact the sky is clear, the heat is gradually taking over your skin, you hear the rustle of the birds that dawn along with the day, the earth is not wet, the craters created by the storm, don't exist, in front of you stands the prison, you are in the front yard, where all the recording equipment should be settled. But no one is there. A whimper not far from where you are catches your attention.

"My God, Norman!" you groan, running to him, kneeling beside him and helping him up from the ground, slowly. "Slowly, slowly..." You whisper and push the dirty strands of his hair away from his face, he grunts once again.

"What the fuck happened?" he snaps painfully and you deny. You don't quite know what to say.

"Do you remember the storm last night?" you try to inquire, he seems hesitant, but then hums a yes. "I think the lightning knocked us out and..." You gasp when Norman finally lifts his head. You swallow hard and scan his face in anguish.

His neck, and part of his jaw, are scarred by a rather nasty wound, it's the trace of the lightning. Where it entered, burning his skin, the shape of his jaw, going down the left side of his neck, getting lost inside his clothes, everything is a burn, you've heard and read about similar phenomena, marks left by lightning strikes on people, creating trees of light on their skin, but this is real now, it's not an article in a magazine, Norman's skin is decorated with that burn and it hurts just looking at it.

"My God..." You whisper without taking your eyes off him.

"Fuck, what happened to you?" he asks, worried.

To you? More like the question would be, what happened to him, but before you can open your mouth, Norman twists your head carefully and touches your neck. It doesn't hurt, but when his fingers touch your skin you feel it more sensitive than usual. Then you understand that you have a similar mark to his, the lightning also went through you, so it makes sense that you both have similar tattoos.

"Does it hurt?" You hear him ask you, but you shake your head.

"It's weird... it's like the whole area is numb." You say sincerely and touch his neck. "Does it hurt you?"

"No... I think my butt hurts more from the fall." He jokes and you can't help but laugh. "Sorry..." His apology makes you look at him confused. "You tried to warn me and I didn't listen... you're hurt because of me..."

"No, no... it's not your fault, it's a miracle we're both..."

"Hey, you two, is that how you stand guard? At least find yourselves a tower like Glenn and Maggie do." You hear not too far away.

You raise your heads at the same time, Andy isn't too far from where you guys are sitting on the ground. You're relieved to see that he's okay, that the storm passed without hurting anyone else, Andy is already dressed in his Rick clothes, which makes you think that it's late, that the shooting will start shortly and you're not ready yet.

"Shit, Norman, they're going to kill us." You say getting up and helping him up.

Your eyes then notice a detail that had gone unnoticed until now. Norman is wearing his Daryl clothes, the wing vest, his baggy pants, the red bandana in the back pocket of his pants, the hiking boots and... God, is that smell coming from him? You wrinkle your nose as you take a step back. Norman seems to notice and lifts his arm to sniff his own armpit.

"Hey, it's not me... well, it kinda is, but I showered yesterday, that smell isn't me." He defends himself by shaking his head.

You look around you at the side of the fence there are several extras disguised as zombies who keep panting and pushing against the metal barrier. The smell is coming from them, a mixture of blood and rotting flesh that turns your stomach.

"I think they've gone too far with the credibility of the dead..." You protest and Norman nods.

"Come on with the others, let's get something to eat before we get to filming."

"I think we should go to the hospital and get this looked at... I don't know if it's good..." You say shaking your head.

"If you guys aren't going to do your on-call shift, at least give us a heads up so someone can cover for you." Andy says when you reach his side.

"Sorry man, give me a moment and I'll get on it now, I need to get something to eat." Norman replies walking past.

"What?" asks the Brit with a frown.

"We had an accident last night with the storm, I think we're going to talk to Greg about letting us go to the hospital." You explain to Andy who opens his eyes wide.

"Who is Greg, what hospital do you intend to go to?" There is nervousness and disbelief in his voice.

"Look, Andy, I feel like a rag right now, I'm not in the mood for jokes." Norman speaks again and you watch silently as the other man's face doesn't improve.

"You called me Andy?"

"Well, okay; I got struck by fuckin' lightnin' tonight, my body hurts like hell, I just wanna eat somethin' and then get my fuckin' wound looked at, is that okay with ya, Rick?" he says with a growl at the end of the sentence, his southern accent coming out like every time he plays Daryl and you feel your core tighten at his angry tone.

"Okay, sorry, it's just... yeah, sure, go get something to eat." Andy mumbles, feeling a little uncomfortable at his partner's pissed off tone.

You look at Andrew apologetically and walk faster behind Norman to catch up, grab his hand and tug lightly to get his attention.

"Calm down, he's not to blame."

"I know, but did you see how he was looking at us? And who's Greg, really? I'm not in the mood for bullshit right now." He admits entering the cell area.

You follow him, the damp cold of the place welcomes you, something doesn't quite fit, where are the cameras? Where is the technical equipment? Your filming partners are there, but no one else, Melissa is preparing something to eat, Lauren is with Steven talking to the side, Emily with Chandler. They all seem immersed in their roles, they look at you as you enter and there is a smile on their mouths, they all say good morning to you, Norman stands there for a moment, he too has detected something that scolds him, you can tell by the way he frowns and purses his lips.

"Good morning lovebirds, would you like something to eat?" speaks Melissa.

"Thanks, but we're going to leave the set for a moment." You speak first, leaving Norman to continue thinking about what's bothering him.

"Off the set? Are you guys going out to explore? It seems to me that Rick wanted to clean up the area some more, find the cafeteria and the infirmary..." The white-haired woman comments and you frown.

Everything seems to follow the story line of the TV series, but on the other hand there are some differences that grate on your ear, technically when your characters make their way inside the prison, you already find the cafeteria and Hershel gets hurt, but here they are just gathering strength to continue exploring inside, they haven't found the prisoners who are still alive in there... you look sideways at Norman and realize that he has also discovered that detail. Something doesn't add up and you start to worry.

"Are you all right?" Emily walks over to you. "What happened to you?" she asks as she looks at the marks on your skin.

"Lightning struck us tonight." Norman replies. "We need someone to look at us and..." He falls silent as he sees they all look at him with wide eyes. "What?"

"What, what's wrong with your voice?" asks Melissa. "Since when do you talk like a city boy?"

The blood ices in your veins. You glance sideways at Norman who he seems to be holding his breath. God, there's something seriously wrong here. Norman snorts, fed up with the whole thing.

"What the fuck's wrong with y'all?"

"Ah, no, there it is, I thought so..." Melissa comments and goes on with what she's doing.

"But..."

"Daryl." You call out to him and he looks at you confused as your hand grips his arm. "Come with me for a moment, come on." You ask him and taking his hand, you walk away from the group, towards the cell area.

"What?"

"What? don't you think there's something strange here?"

"I'm not the only one who smells barbecue?"

"Yeah, that's... what? No… do you smell barbecue? Are you having a stroke?"

"That would make more sense than what's going on here."he grunts looking over your shoulder, toward the door. "Is it just me or is everyone acting really weird?"

"Yes! That's what I was trying to tell you." You fidget nervously. "Where are the filming people? Where's Greg or Angela? What about our trailers and the whole area for the technical crew personnel?" You list, he nods, reaches into his pants and pulls out his phone. "And you're dressed like Daryl, yesterday when you came to see me you were in your normal clothes."

"You're in your character's clothes too." He points grabbing the edge of your shirt. "Oh, and look at that." He lifts the shirt a little more looking at your hip.

"Norman, I don't think now is the best time..."

"It's not that, look." He insists and you look down.

What the hell? You quickly look for a mirror to look at your reflection in, lift up your two layers of t-shirts and discover that on your side, along your ribs towards your hip bone, is a long tattoo that has only been seen on your character on a few occasions, the first at the CDC on her night with Daryl, but you don't have any tattoos. You've always liked them, but you've never settled on any. Norman slowly approaches, his fingers caressing the shape of the Yggdrasil tree roots that stray down the waistband of your pants.

"It matches your new tattoo." He whispers, brushing against the lightning mark on your neck.

"Norman...you can't be getting horny now...seriously." You scold him and he growls low.

"It's not my fault, I always liked the way this tattoo looks on you, you should get a real one." He comments in your ear, his fingers rubbing the lines of the tattoo, but it doesn't fade.

"Well, it looks pretty real to me..." You turn away from him, his excitement turns to confusion and his growing erection stops.

"What's going on?" He looks at his phone again and discover there's no signal. "Shit, the lightning must have messed up the phone."

"I don't think that's it..." You whisper and look for yours, no signal either.

"Okay, say it, surprise me with your crazy idea." He says exasperated by the whole situation.

"What if we're inside the TV series? What if we're Daryl and my character for real? Or at least they think we are? What if they're all Rick, Carol, Maggie, Glenn..."

"No, are you kidding me? No." He shakes his head. "I can't be Daryl, I have no aim, I can't track, the wildest thing I've ever done in my life was cut Eye's fingernails and he almost took my eyes out. I can stick an arrow in my own foot." He protests like a little kid and you have to bite back a laugh.

That's right, Norman is the complete opposite of Daryl, and yes, you know his cat and you love how feral he becomes when his master tries to do anything to him. Norman shoots you a pointed look, you raise your hand in peace, nodding your head.

"I'm not like my character either, I've never fired a gun and I'm certainly not as agile, nor as flexible as her, I've never fought anyone hand to hand..."

"You seem pretty flexible to me..."

"Norman!" You scold him again. "Please take it seriously!"

"I can't! This is absurd! What do you expect us to do? Pretend we're our characters and what? Fight the dead? We know what's going to happen and there's nothing pretty."

"I know that, but we have to do something!" You're quiet for a moment, thoughtful. Norman is right, you guys know what's going to happen all season, all the partners you're going to lose, the new ones coming in... the Governor.... "This is crazy..."

"I think we should wake them all up, or maybe we should wake up ourselves, it's possible that with the lightning we've gone into a coma or something."

"And we're both living the same thing? Come on."

"Maybe you're a hallucination, or maybe I'm a hallucination..." You cut off what he's saying by giving him a gentle slap. Norman looks at you with wide eyes. "What was that all about!"

"Did that hurt? Then you're not a hallucination, and neither am I. There's something very ugly going on here. And we have to find out what it is."

"How can you be so calm?"

"I'm not, Norman! But I'm trying to be rational and think something logical. I want to go home, I want to go back to our world. I don't like zombies, I don't like having to kill or watch anyone die. Have you thought about the possibility that we could die here? If one of those things bites us or if someone shoots us..."

"Shit..." he gasps as he becomes aware of that. "We have to get out of here..."

"Is everything okay?"

You both jump at the same time, in front of your cell door is Melissa, or Carol, looking at you with concern, you throat clears and shake your head.

"A-all right, Mel... Carol, thank you." You smile.

"...Rick wants you to join him to go with the group..."

"Sure, we'll be right there." You nod and the woman disappears again.

"Are you crazy? What did we just talk about?"

"If we don't go they'll get suspicious!"

"Maybe we should tell them what's going on."

"Sure, like that will solve it... We just have to pretend a little, at night we'll leave here and look for some solution, maybe with a new storm we'll be home again."

"Do you really think it will be that easy?"

No, you don't think so, but you don't know what else to think either, you sigh giving him a few gentle taps on the chest and leave the cell to join the rest of the group.  Andy or Rick, the truth makes it hard for you to call him by the name that should be his, Norman follows you a few steps behind, you notice him uncomfortable and nervous, which is good, it may seem that the prison situation is what makes him uneasy, although you know it's the situation in general, wanting to go home. Rick makes the group to go find the cafeteria, Norman, or Daryl, has to go with them and the actor tenses up like a rope, if they had to film that scene, he'd be the first to dive into the darkness of the hallway, but knowing he may not make it out of there, the fear, the caution, takes over.

"Okay, let's go." You say when Rick calls out your character's name.

"Daryl, I want you to go close to me, covering my right side." Rick continues to speak, Norman is clueless, looking around. "Daryl? Are you listening to me?" he looks at him confused, but Norman continues to ignore him.

"Daryl!" You nudge him, Norman quickly turns his head towards you.

"Shit, what? What's wrong?"

"Rick's talking to you..." You look at him intensely, Norman needs a second, but then nods and looks at the sheriff.

"Yeah, sure, sorry, it's just... I still can't believe we found this place." He apologizes to his friend and gives you a sidelong glance.

"Okay, let's get going, I want everyone on alert."

You start walking, Norman holds you for a moment and you look at him confused.

"I don't know if it's a good idea for you to go in..." He comments quietly.

"I know what you mean, but we have to follow the story line, what would happen if we don't?"

"We don't know and I'm not going to risk you to find out." he assures you, you frown slightly, surprised by his words. 

"You have a boyfriend waiting for you, don't you? It would be hard to explain it to him if something happened to you."

"Boyfriend... Norman, I don't... that thing we were talking about with Lauren, it wasn't..."

"Guys." Rick's voice catches your attention. "Don't hang back, we have to do this."

"We're coming. We'll talk later." Norman says to you, grabbing the crossbow as he usually does on the shoot.

The darkness is total, you both walk with your hearts in your mouths, you play with the advantage factor that you know what's going to happen, but that doesn't make it any less scary. At any moment a small group of dead will corner you and force you to run, Hershel will get a bite and....

"Watch out!" You hear Rick.

Here they come. Rick looks at Norman, he loads the crossbow and fires. The shot is absurd, it doesn't even hit the zombie, the sheriff's look at him makes Norman cringe. But it's not his fault, he doesn't see shit there, he's practiced with the crossbow once, but he hasn't mastered it enough to be able to use it in a situation like that. He's not Daryl. Behind you you hear Hershel's scream, you quickly grab it leading the group towards the cafeteria to continue with the scene.

It's brutal and terrifying to watch Rick's axe cut through the flesh and bone of the old man's leg, splattering blood everywhere. On set things never have that much detail, there's always computer editing, a little fake blood and it changes to something else, but that's just too much. You feel your stomach turn and you look around for a place to throw up, but Norman keeps you at his side.

"Hang in there...remember we're not alone." He whispers in your ear.

Right, the prisoners, Axel, Oscar and the others... you take a deep breath to control your nausea, Norman then releases you to hold the crossbow and point it at your spotters.

"Rick..." he calls out to his friend, though he struggles not to use his real name.

There in front of you are the small group of prisoners, shocked by what they have witnessed, you would like to say something to keep them away from the group, but Hershel is priority and you take him back to the cells, as planned in the series. Everything is much more chaotic than you expect, the screams, the fear, the blood, the sobs and the confusion of Hershel's daughters, not to mention the inmates following you, Andrew, Rick, does not let them continue to the cells where the rest try to stabilize the old man. Norman, taking his role, aims at them with the crossbow, there he has better visibility and his aim is also better. You stay close too, with your hand on your gun, although you doubt you can use it.

"What's going on?" asks Tomas, a man with long black hair.

"That's not your problem. You're free now, you can leave if you want." Rick speaks.

"Leave? As soon as we set foot out there..."

"There's nothing out there anymore." Norman replies, following his character's line. "You're in luck, guys. Your second chance..."

"How long have you guys been locked in the cafeteria?"

"There was a riot, one of the cops locked you guys in there saying he'd go get reinforcements... I guess he didn't make it." Axel speaks.

"There's no one left, we've been cleaning out the prison, it's ours now." Rick explains and Tomas bristles like a cat.

"Ours? Seems to me that's not how this works..."

"I don't care what you think, we've fought those things out there, we've spilled blood. We're not turning this place over to you." Rick assures him with a dangerous tone.

"Si de verdad crees, huevón, que nos vamos a ir con las manos vacías…" (If you really think, asshole, that we're going to walk away empty-handed…) Tomas says, defiant again.

"Te conviene hacer caso a lo que este huevón te dice, o sufrirás las consecuencias."(You'd better listen to what this asshole tells you, or you'll suffer the consequences).Norman quickly replies in mumbled Spanish.

Again, all eyes fall on the Georgia redneck's interpreter. You have your eyes widened to the max, Norman clearly still doesn't realize what he's done.

"Do you know Spanish?" asks T-Dog.

"I was living in Spain for a while." Norman replies again and then something clicks in his mind. "Shit..." He whispers.

"In Spain? What did you miss there?" the man still can't believe it, though he's not the only one.

"I, uhm... well I... we went hunting. Yes, that... we were invited to hunt..." He lies horribly, you feel like digging a hole in the ground and crawling inside, Glenn rolls his eyes.

"Like there are no animals in Georgia..." He comments shaking his head.

"Never mind, if you guys want to stay in the prison there are other blocks you can use." Rick speaks again, catching the attention of the others. "We'll split the cafeteria supplies, of what's left, we'll take half."

"Half? Are you out of your mind?"

"Half, or we can leave you on the street and keep it all, you have a choice."

Your mind disconnects from the conversation, you've already heard that dialogue several times and you know how it's going to end, unfortunately that's not the only thing you and Norman know is going to happen, when you lead the group to the cafeteria again you're going to lose Big Tiny, you remember the actor who played that character, he was kind and nice, you liked him the days you were filming those scenes, thinking that here he's going to die for real makes your eyes fill with tears.

Everything becomes a huge I want and I can't, you would love to warn the prisoner to be careful, stay close to him to help him and protect him, but no matter what you do, his fate is cast and he is wounded before you can plan it, also Tomas shoots him without giving you time to think of something, you stay in shock, looking around you. The tension, the fear, the anxiety that runs and shakes your whole body is such that you feel short of breath. You can't, that world is not made for you, seen through the cameras, feeling the team always close, seeing the funny faces of the teammates and hearing from afar "Cut" and everyone coming back to life... God how you miss all that. You wish you could open your eyes and wake up, that it was all just a bad dream.

But you can't, and Tomas' blood crashes and stains your face as Rick is unceremonious and drives the machete into his head. You gasp from the shock of the impact of the blood, but you are unable to move. Your body doesn't react.

"Are you okay?" You hear Norman's voice next to you. You have returned to the cells, thinking about what you are going to do with Axel and Oscar. You are sitting on the front steps, Norman is carrying a bucket of water and wiping the remains of the blood from your face. "Hey, talk to me."

"I want to go home..." You whisper with a blank stare.

"I know, and we're going home, remember? You said so..." He tries to cheer you up by wiping the traces of blood off your cheek.

"What if we don't make it, what if we die here? Or this is our world now, there's no turning back, I don't know how to fight, I don't know how to shoot... and you..."

"Hey, hey, breathe, calm down." He holds your face in his hands. "No, okay? No. We'll get through this, we'll go home, everything will go on as usual. There's got to be an explanation why we're here..."

"Someone hates us?"

"And has theh done voodoo on us? It's very possible, but I am a beautiful person, I have no enemies." He jokes and a small giggle escapes you, he smiles at the sight of you laughing, strokes the tip of your nose and leans in, kissing the top of your head. "You can't leave me alone in this, honey, I need you." He confesses to you and you feel your heart race.

"O-okay... I'm sorry I got like this..."

"Come here." He whispers hugging you tightly.

You love it when Norman does that, you've always felt protected in his arms, you sigh and feel the anxiety and nerves subside a little, though they're still under your skin, alert.

"Norman..."

"Yes, babygirl?"

"You still smell terrible..." You comment and hear him laugh, breaking the hug.

"It's not my fault, it's part of the character."

"You've never smelled like that, you always smell like..." You see his smile grow wider and your cheeks redden, without realizing it you've given too much detail at best.

"Guys, let's step up the guards." Rick walks over to you and you're thankful the mood lightens. "Now that we've got Oscar and Axel hanging around, I don't want them coming anywhere near our ward, and until Hershel wakes up..."

"Sure, count on it." You nod your head.

"Are you okay?" the Sheriff asks you and you nod.

"Worried about Hershel, nothing more." You try to reassure him.

You all meet for dinner, Hershel is still unchanged in his condition, Carl has found the infirmary, Lori has gone ballistic, but everyone is relieved that they can take care of the man properly, you think about the infirmary, the library down the block too, maybe you could take a look there, look for a clue in the books about what has happened to you. You know it's crazy, but maybe there is some similar phenomenon that can help you. At dinner you don't talk too much, with the new provisions your stomachs are full, although you and Norman weren't as hungry as the rest. That night Maggie and Glenn offer to stand guard for you, the rest of you divide up your chores for the next day and go to your cells. You sit on your bunk and it feels hard and cold, colder than you remember, you hear footsteps and raise your head, Norman is at the door, watching you.

"Is something wrong?" You look at him worriedly, but he shakes his head, stepping into the cell.

"We're supposed to be our characters... who are boyfriend and girlfriend..."

"Norman... I really don't feel like sex today..." The anxiety is too strong in your body to think of anything else.

"I didn't... I didn't mean that, although I wouldn't say no, if you feel like a quick fuck..."

"Norman..."

"Okay, what I mean, is that... if we're boyfriend and girlfriend, it would look weird if we didn't share a cell, you know, like in the show..." He looks at you, raising his eyebrows, trying to sound coherent. 

"Oh, that..." You look thoughtful as he sits down next to you, watching you silently.

"We can put the mattresses on the floor, so we can both sleep better, I promise I don't snore... at least not much." He jokes with the last part and you let out a chuckle.

"You're an idiot, but I think it's a good idea..." You nod.

Between the two of you arrange the room for the two of you, you cross the mattresses and then place the sheets on top, it's not cold but the damp prison environment makes a thin sheet nice to sleep on at night. You hesitate, you are nervous, after so much insisting, you are finally going to have Norman sleeping with you, you would like it to be in a completely different situation, but you plan to take advantage of it. You sit on the edge to take off your boots, putting them aside. Norman mimics you by sitting on the other side, he sheds his clothes and you watch him.

"Shit..." You whisper and reach out.

His scars, Daryl's scars, are there too, even the mark left by the arrow he put in himself, never seen again in the series, but Norman's body retains it. It's all so real.

"What's wrong?" he looks at you worriedly.

"It's the scars..."

"That too? I think someone hates me." He snorts in annoyance. You can't contain yourself and kiss the marks on his shoulder blade, Norman hums at the sensation. "If you don't want sex, don't provoke me...I'm an easy man."

"Sorry." You let out a giggle and settle back on your side of the bed.

You feel Norman do the same, the two of you lying on your backs, staring at the prison ceiling. Maybe it's all a dream. Maybe it will all be over tomorrow. Maybe you'll close your eyes and when you open them again you'll be home.

Maybe...

In the distance, a storm forms, thunder and lightning envelop the area, the black clouds have an unnatural greenish glow. Neither of you are aware of its existence, sleep has won you over and you are rocked in deep dreams.

.

.

To be continued...

.

See you in the next stories!

Taglist: @minervadashwood @green-eyedladywrites @livingdeadblondequeen @phoenixblack89

[cult-of-the-eye]

False God

Statement of Saskia Rambeau regarding an unusual meeting. Original statement given 3rd December 2006. Committed to tape 29th March 2024. Audio recording by [REDACTED], Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, Manchester.

Statement begins.

Oh, uh. Should I just...start? Well, ok, well- I guess I've never quite been a lonely person. Alone maybe, but it's, I've never found it uncomfortable. I have a small flat, I'm busy with my job as a software engineer, I never exactly found it easy to make friends. That's just how life is. Was. I guess.

Anyway, you don't want a sob story about my life, sorry! I, uh, first noticed something strange a couple weeks ago. Just some rustling outside my flat, which I chalked up to a cat or something, probably chasing some rat in a bush. That was, until I remembered that I lived on the top floor. It would be sort of impossible for a cat to be rustling outside my window on the top floor. I didn't go to check what it was, I'm not an idiot. I know what happens to people who are curious. It was only on the fourth night of the noises, when I was so delirious from anxiety that I had gotten less than an hour's sleep within those four days, that I cracked. I wasn't sure what I would find, just that I wanted to make it stop.

You might sit there and think, it's just a rustling noise, it's probably the wind or some piece of litter getting jostled through a drain pipe, but you don't understand. When you spend all that time with just your thoughts for company, going from screen to screen to the dark walls of your bedroom, it does something to you. And usually that's fine. Comfortable, even. But when that predictability is disturbed, you start to do stupid things, like walk up to your window with a kitchen knife tucked under your sleeve.

I inched towards it, moved more by adrenaline than coherency. The night was clear, weird for a Manchester night, but I wasn't focused on that. There was just enough moonlight to illuminate my hand and the little jutting out piece of brick just outside my window. Now that I think about it, it seems almost...intentional. I gripped on to the handle, took a few short breaths and wrenched the window open with a small shriek. There was nothing. Of course there was nothing. Of course I had tormented myself over a silly little noise for days on end, for nothing.

And then I turned around.

You know how different religions have different images of their gods? How some have 5 hands, others 10? Some view it as heresy to even try to imagine their god? Some have wildly different interpretations even within one singular religion. Describing what materialised in my bedroom that night, would sort of be like if you asked me to describe god. If you asked me 3 days ago, I would've said it was a bright, pulsating light, softening and sharpening my vision in tune of the beating of my heart in my throat. That night, I would've said it was insectoid, feelers twitching towards me in a curious manner. Yesterday, I wouldn't have been able to begin to describe the events of that night. But today? Today, it seems more like a- a deer. The one you see at 2 am on a country road, that stops you in your tracks, headlights shimmering off the darkness of their eyes. It's nothing you've seen before and you know it's nothing you'll see again. The only thing I can say with absolute certainty is that it was beautiful.

I'll be honest with you. I'm not sleeping. I quit my job. The couple of people I would occasionally talk to haven't seen me in weeks. I spend my days staring out that window, into the glorious light of the day and darkness of the night. Nothing can shroud the Holy One. Don't you see, Archivist? I didn't have anything before and now I have someone to serve. My god is benevolent, it has granted me a new chance at life. I know my identity, where I belong, clearer than I ever have and I think it's time you saw it too.

It will be beautiful.

Statement ends. Did not love that ending. The original copy came with a sealed container of what seemed to be...dust? It says "Do Not Open" and I've never been one for defying authority. Any attempted follow ups to this case have obviously led to dead ends. 2 weeks in and I'm already starting to see a pattern here. I'm...gonna...go get some water.

[aetherthewitch]

my arrival~☆

So, you may be just a tad bit curious how I arrived in the Devildom. It really is one hell of a story to tell. One evening I was just minding my own business, sitting at my desk and drawing away like I always do. Well, it must have gotten pretty late that night, before the last thing I remember was leaning back in my chair and resting my eyes for a few. And next thing I knew, I was falling. You know those weird dreams where you feel like you're falling, about to hit the ground, and you jolt awake? Yeah, well, this wasn't a dream, and when I jolted awake, I had the surprise of a lifetime. Where do I even begin?

Do I start with the room full of gorgeous demons eyeing me down? Or the insane surge of magical energy that I felt suddenly coursing through my veins? Of course, both were extremely overwhelming. My senses were always a bit sensitive, but this was on a whole other level. It's like energy was pouring into every single nerve ending, while every one of my senses were dialed up to 100 simultaneously. It almost felt as though I was going to spontaneously combust, and catch the room on fire - like the energy within me was too much for the mortal container that is my body. I'll never forget that moment. And while I'm trying to get my bearings, and figure out how to get this 'feeling' under control, some dark-haired dude tried to start lecturing me about something or other - I now know that was Lucifer himself.

Well, apparently whatever happened on my journey here was unexpected for all of us, because the King cut off his lecture to have a small sidebar with his council. After that, they kind of told me a bit of what was going on - that I'm a witch, and the energy I have is actual magic. That I will not only go to my regular classes, but have extensive training with the other human at the school - the Sorcerer named Solomon. Huh, how funny is that? This dude has been around here for thousands of years, and has to access his power through spell books and talismans. And I just drop my silly non-binary ass into Hell and get imbued with raw power. Life really is funny, sometimes. But he has been very kind with his teachings, and quite helpful as well. He's currently helping me with my quest for knowledge on shape-shifting magic and it's been a wild experience so far, to say the least.

Anyways, they also told me that in addition to daily sessions with Solomon, I will also be studying regularly with Satan. Despite everyone trying to make me scared of him, I have always been kind of intrigued by him. I feel like there is so much that can be learned from the actual Personification of Wrath - especially since most people's rumors and assumptions about him are just flat out incorrect. Still, he knows a ton about the dark arts - and I, for one, am interested in learning all I can. I don't plan to do anything crazy, but it never hurts to learn what you're up against. Plus, I'm not opposed to a blood ritual every now and then.

On the other hand, I've been told that I will also have a few lessons with this angel named Simeon, starting in the next few days. I've yet to meet him in my couple of weeks here - apparently he had some emergency business he had to attend to back in his home realm. Or so I've been told, at least. I've gotten a few weird looks around here when I ask too much about the angels. Maybe it's because I'm mostly around demons? I dunno. Either way, I am to study light magic with him when he returns this week.

And to top it all off, I have Mammon - the demon who has been charged with the task of 'human sitter.' I'm still getting used to having to have him escorting me everywhere - and especially getting used to his constant complaining. Although he is kinda cute, and I don't think he means half the idiotic things he says. Hanging out with him is usually pretty fun and random, although I've already seen him get in trouble a few times. I've made it my mission to not get strung up alongside him, but I'm not sure how long that will last. I'd take bets but Mammon would want a huge cut of it.

They haven't really decided where I am to live yet permanently - there has been quite a bit of back and forth about it, apparently. I was supposed to live with the Demon Brothers originally, yet with the developments of my little unexpected gift (and their concerns over my ability to control it), both Solomon and Lord Diavolo have given reasons for why I should reside with them instead. The King says it's so he can keep it under control, should anything happen, while still being able to protect me. The Sorcerer's argument was simply that I should live with my mentor, and be able to receive teachings around the clock. And Lucifer, the ever-prideful demon that he is, scoffs at them both - over confident in his ability to be able to do all of the above. Barbatos always interrupts with a sly remark - that such a powerful council should be able to figure out where to keep one magical human. And so they always end up back at square one - or at least, it has the three times they have had this meeting so far. And so, for now at least, we have this strange magical door situation. Barbatos really has some astounding powers, for he was able to connect everyone's bedroom doors into a single hallway, as if we all live together. I don't even know what my address technically is at this point.

It's only been a few weeks, but I can already tell this is going to be one hell of a journey.

☆ aetherthewitch 2024 ☆ do not copy, repost or modify ☆

[indolamine]

hey y'all 🤍 here's a link for INFO on jiyeon, but i'll include some bullet points here with all you need to know. in case anything here sparks ideas for your muse and you'd like to work on a plot, hmu. i do prefer dscrd, so don't hesitate to ask. oh and i'd appreciate it if you could shoot me a dm first so my account doesn't get banned trying to touch base with the likes (say literally anything, hit me with a send it to me rachel if you'd be so kind). still, if you'd rather just hit like it's fine, i'll reach out once tumblr allows me!

jiyeon is what you'd call an Interesting Girl. someone you don't call or arrange schedules with, just happen upon. someone who never calls you but can be your best friend between 11pm and 3am. a fun girl, you just don't look too long.

both her parents are dead for all intents and purposes, which's proven to be a very character defining event in her life. one of her fathers passed away before she was even code, and the other chose to virtually die to work as a doctor for terrascape when she turned 18.

as single beneficiary to both her fathers, jiyeon found herself young, alone and newly rich. she's not particularly self destructive, but choices were made. luckily? for the most part, she was too stunned by grief and anger to blow away her fortune, which now affords her a cushy life she doesn't dwell too hard on.

she's emotionally stunted, still reliving the loss of her parents somewhere in her mind at every moment. she knows a lot of people, calls them friends but struggles to connect with them, blinking in and out of their lives. death is a constant thought, not quite a morbid fascination but more of a haunting. she knows, poor little rich girl.

she writes -- tries to, anyway. she's got some essays published, wrote for a column for a hot minute, it's her definitive trade of choice. but, and not to get too meta, the thing about writing is that you do have to write. that's the tricky part. merits were a good incentive, though once they're no longer an issue, she finds herself ignoring deadlines and putting off work on the novel she's been writing for the past 4 years. she instead "gathers experiences". she has many talents that she has no interest in seriously exploring, so she entertains herself while the high lasts.

between her writing and her party girl fame, at some point along the way she amassed a following on social media that she hesitates to cut loose. they make her more interesting than she, merely human, could ever hope to be, and she doesn't know how to kill the part of her that answers to their call. it's a lie when she says she doesn't look at what they say.

adult life for her breezes by in parties with half-friends and long bouts of reclusion. she wants to be a little of everything. she enjoys reading, skiing, playing silly little meta indie games about living in hyper realities. she doesn't commit to romantic relationships, yet enjoys the hunt anyway. she takes her time, and it never seems to align with anyone else's.

& here's a rolling list of canons that could also serve as potential connections for anyone interested, will add more as they come to me:

she once got involved with a couple for some brief months and it didn't end well

one of the few things she gets competitive about is skiing

she's fucked someone's significant other purely out of spite

she has a writing group whose meetings she misses often but she isn't the only one so she feels like it's a safe space

the person she plays a random weird rpg with incognito is maybe the most consistent relationship in her life, their chats can get very personal and strange and they can go weeks on no contact but go right back to where they left off

the events surrounding gyuok pique her interest because it's the first time terra residents could potentially be hearing from a virtually deceased and because he's essentially a virtual ghost which she thinks is neat

one of her published essays focuses on a celebrity she knows personally and doesn't portray them in the best light, which soured their relationship

[imabeautifulbutterfly]

Once Upon a Time on the Razor Crest

Summary: Lunch time

A/N: Hello lovelies,

What an amazing Bad Batch episode. Had me in tears, made me smile, made me laugh, made me upset. Just all over the place. Anyway, I'm on vacation, so no updates next week. I'll be content creating.

Also I just reached 450 followers! I'll be coming up with a way to celebrate it.

Love oo

Due to the past history of the OC there will be discussions alluding to past domestic abuse, please note that as it could be a trigger for some.

Warnings: discussions of lunch. If I miss any warnings, please let me know.

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THE CRESTWORLD

CHAPTER TEN

It felt weird being around people again, when for the past several weeks all I’d seen was Din and Grogu, and now there were at least 25 pairs of eyes watching me. It was nerve wracking.

“Why is everyone staring? Is there something on my face?” I quietly asked Din as I wiped away what I thought could be the issue.

“It’s not you, it’s me,” he responded, matching my tone.

“I don’t understand”

“Don’t worry about it, just look at your menu” he motioned with his head. 

“You guys ready to order, Din?”

I looked up to see one of the most beautiful women I’d ever seen before, she was almost as tall as Din, with a fantastic smile, incredible eyes, and the most thick head of hair ever. Instinctively, I touched my own, wondering how badly my own thinning hair looked; I had lost a lot of my hair due to the stress I experienced for the past few years. Even her skin was smooth and without blemish, I couldn’t help wondering what her skin care routine was, that she was able to look so amazing.

“I’ll have the fried nuna please, Omera,” Din responded without looking up.

“Sure, and you sweetie?” She smiled, radiating warmth and friendliness. 

I was lost for a second in her warmth and beauty, “Hmm, sorry”

She chuckled a little, “What do you want to eat, Ann?” Din let out exasperated.

“Oh, right sorry” I looked at the menu again, “What do you recommend?”

“The fried nuna is good, I like it, but the burgers here are quite delicious”

“Then a burger please”

“Coming right up, usual drink Din?”

“Sure, and bring one for her too.” He motioned towards the woman sitting in front of him. It had been a while since he had seen Omera and truthfully, he thought it would be a bit more awkward, especially after the disastrous date.

“Alright, two jogan fruit drinks coming up”

“Thank you, uh … O-Omera. Sorry if I messed it up”

“Not at all. Ann, right?”

“Yeah”

“Welcome to Sorgan”

“Thank you. Nice meeting you.”

“You too. I’ll go put in your order”

Din watched as she walked away heading to the counter behind him, a smirk appeared on my lips, as I took in the scene before me, “Oh, I see” I whispered.

He turned back to look at Ann, confusion on his face, “You see?” Din tilted his head.

“Nothing” I shook my head, I wasn’t about to open up my mouth about what I suspected. Not after what happened this morning, it was better to keep my nose out of it.

He glanced out the window, not saying anything to what she could possibly have been implying. He wasn’t in the mood to listen to any sort of speculation or remarks.

I took my time eyeing the rest of the patrons, there was an older couple off in the corner, smiling and joking. An older man in his late 50’s who looked annoyed and very miserable. Two men who were sitting eating their meal in relative silence, but seemed to be making jokes with one another every so often. There was a young guy maybe in his mid to late 20’s sitting at the bar of the diner, he glanced over to us every so often, his eyes caught mine. He gave a little smile, which left me feeling uneasy. I simply looked away and focused instead on reading the signs around the diner.

“Well-well, what brings you here, stranger?” 

I turned to the very unique and familiar voice, and there standing in all his glory, his cowboy hat on his head with that same smile I saw, from our first meeting stood the Marshall.

“Marshall Vanth” Din nodded, addressing him.

He took off his hat as he sat down beside me. The smile never leaving his face, he looked at Din, grabbing the menu from in front of him. 

“So Mr. Shut-in decided to bring you for lunch, huh?” He chuckled, nudging my arm as his warmth and friendly nature filled the table.

“Apparently, I did a good job today” I bumped his shoulder, as a smile graced my lips, grateful he was there adding a warmer atmosphere than what Din was providing. He seemed to have fallen back into his colder persona when we got closer to town. 

“Hmmm, yeah, if you mean nearly getting yourself killed a good job” he motioned with his hand, as he turned to look at the two of us, “then yeah, you did a good job” Din let out, annoyed at Cobb who felt it was acceptable to just sit down without asking. More annoyed that he was able to get Ann to smile so easily.

“I did not get myself killed. When would I have gotten myself killed?”

“You didn’t notice, because I stepped in and helped you”

“You know” I turned to look at Cobb, “he was all grumpy, being all kinds of rude this morning and I graciously let it slide, and now he’s been all fussy again. Especially after he went into detail about how good of a job I did.”

“Ha! Graciously?” Din huffed.

“I’m not surprised,” Cobb chuckled, ignoring Din’s comment.

“Hello Marshall” 

“Well hello Omera, you’re looking beautiful as always” he gave his best flirty smile as he looked at her.

“Thanks, your usual?”

“Today, I think I’ll go with a club sandwich today, Omera”

“You know Cobb, the chef wanted me to tell you, you try the club sandwich at the beginning of every month, and every time, you don’t like it, ending up sending it back and ordering your usual. He said that if you did it again, he’d come out and force you to eat it. Now, with that in mind, do you really want to order the club sandwich?”

“Of course not, I’ll just have the usual”

“Ugh! Every time.”

“You love me”

“Hardly”

“But I’m wearing you down, aren’t I?

“Not even close.” She shook her head, but there was a definite blush on her cheeks, “I’ll put your order in, give me a minute, what do you want to drink?”

“Caf would be lovely”

“Regular or your special?”

“My special, thanks”

I noticed Cobb also watched Omera walk away, hmmm, interesting, “So did you guys grow up together or something?” I motioned between Din and Cobb. As much as Din tried to be irritated with the man there was a definite hint of a smile on the corner of his lips, while Cobb simply chuckled as he pushed away the menu.

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@littlemisspascal @sprout-fics @liadamerondjarin @badbatch-simp24 @spicymcnuggies @lady-ren @firstofficerwiggles @darkangel4121 @discofern @kavecika @monako-jinn-stories @ladykatakuri @avathebestx @theroguesully @furyhellfire66 @carodealmeida @ciramaris @twinkofthedink @dindjarin-mandalorian @tortor-mcgee @sarcasmismyonlydefense24 @chiyo13

[painfulrant]

Ethan x M/C - Comfort/Nightmares

It was a usual day at the school with the group. Everyone throwing suspicion my way for absolutely no reason. The sun rising casted beautiful orange rays that filled my chest with hope for the better.

Maybe hope is something you have to make for yourself?

His words were strong and clear in my mind, calming my racing heart. I haven't been sleeping much lately... The things lurking in the dark terrorize my dreams and drag me down so far, I sometimes fear I'll never make it back to the land of the living. If Judy wasn't acting so weird, I would ask her for her Judy special services.

She's hiding something from me. She avoids me during the days now, only returning to my room once I've fallen asleep, sometimes not at all. She'll talk to me but not like before... She has dark purple bags under her eyes making me wonder if she's also having nightmares or if it's from her sneaking around so much. If it was a boy, surely, she would tell me. Maybe she just suspects me like everyone else does. Scarlett hasn't exactly let up with all her bs.

The classroom doors slid open and one set of pitter-pattering footsteps fell still. I don't have the energy to look back, so I just rested my head against the window and watched the deserted city below get drowned in beautiful rays of color from the sky and water. There were very few, if any animals left but I know of at least four animals that have made it this far.

"Why're you awake so early?" Judy's cheerful voice didn't sound so cheerful but rather nervous. Is she truly scared of me? I haven't done anything to anyone here. Honestly, I could ask the same of her, but my head was pounding, and my vision was matching the beat of my heart. I just shrugged, knowing she'll drop it. The new version of her will anyways... The old her would be persistent and stubborn. She'd pull it out through my teeth. But Judy hasn't been the same in a couple of weeks.

The sound of the door sliding open once again made me clench my jaw in frustration. I was hoping for a few more hours of silence before others woke up and I was to be out casted from the peaceful classroom. Let Judy keep her secrets... I've tried enough already, and she's said some pretty hurtful things. Mostly everyone has.

That though brought tears to my eyes, but I refused to let them drop, listening for who the new person was. Between the nightmares and the bullying, I had no energy for anyone anymore. Zion and Ethan both seemed have to realized just that too which was strange. Ethan, the man who speaks little but speaks wisely and Zion the sarcastic cocky man who gets mad when I cry.

"Y/n, what're you doing up so early? You have night shift tonight." That was Lawrence who sounded kind and gentle as always but also like a mother scolded her child. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, biting my tongue to stop my attitude dripping out.

"Can't sleep." It was quiet for a second before Lawrence voice sounded.

"Oh. Well -" He was cut off by Judy, drawing my attention. She never does that... When I opened my eyes and turned to look at her, she had blood pouring from her eyes, nose, and mouth as well as her right arm missing. I gasped, standing up and stepping closer to the window and farther away from her. She just smiled, her teeth glistening red with blood that continued to drool from her mouth.

This is a nightmare. It has to be a nightmare. Tears were once again prickling my eyes, but it was clear enough to see Lawrence standing in the far corner, hidden by the shadows with glowing red eyes. He looked to be holding something in his hand and at a closer look, it was Judy's arm.

"No. No! This isn't real. You guys aren't real, I-" I gasped, pushing myself up against the window.

The door slid open once again and this time Ethan and Zion stepped through. Zion had blue, red, and purple bites littering his body while Ethan had foggy eyes and pale blue skin with his veins showing.

"Y/n... Step down from the window." Judy's sinister voice echoed around the room while the sky outside turned a deep scarlet shade of red.

I just stared at all of them, tears now freely streaming down my face.

"It's time to wake up." A voice behind me whispered, arms wrapping around my body. These arms were cold, and I couldn't help screaming when they drug me out the window.

I jerked forward, screaming with tears flowing like a stream off a mountain. Warm hands were gently grabbing my own and when I looked up, I saw a normal Eugene staring worriedly from the back of the classroom, Ethan in front of me with worried eyes but a blank face, and Zion behind Ethan with curious expression. Judy and Lawerence were nowhere to be found.

When I turned back to check if the sky was still red, I found the normal orange rays of the sunrise. The window where I stood, was open, my body literally an inch from dropping to my death. I gasped and stepped forward toward Ethan who quickly wrapped his arms around me. I almost died... My dream almost killed me. When did I even fall asleep.

I laid my head against Ethan's shoulder while he set his head on top of mine, his touch reassuring me that I wasn't dreaming, and he wasn't dead. None of them were. The shock stopped the tears from flowing, my heart rapidly beating.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, the pulsing vision and headache returning 10x worse than it had been before I fell asleep. He didn't say anything, but he didn't have to. I could fell his heart beating just as hard and fast as mine.

"We heard you scream while we were patrolling." Eugene spoke up, walking forward to close and lock the window behind us.

"You sounded like a zombie was tearing into you." There was no sarcasm or a hint of amusement in Zions voice. I must have really scared them.

"Come on." Ethan muttered, gently leading me from the classroom, the shock warrying off. My body trembled but there were still no tears. I'm too tired to cry.

When Ethan led me to his room, I looked to him with confusion.

"Sleep. You need it." He moved his blanket back, getting a spot ready for me. I felt bad and I think he knew because he looked up and shook his head.

"It's not your fault." With those final words, I walked forward to lay down. As soon as I did, he started to stand. I don't want him to leave... I need him here.

Quickly grabbing his hoodie sleeve, I looked up with scared eyes.

"Please don't leave me." I whispered, voice trembling with exhaustion but also fear. His eyes searched mine before he nodded and sat beside me. He let me lay my head against his shoulder and soon, everything grew dark. His heartbeat soothed my own heart and for once in a couple of weeks, I slept peacefully knowing he was beside me and with me to protect me.

"I promise to always protect you. I'm not leaving you."

[deathlygristly]

It's probably the being somewhere on the autism spectrum but I continue to be very confused by what people online mean when they use the word empathy.

Just saw a post about how you can't just use empathy for your politics and you have to have a theory, because apparently for whoever wrote the post empathy is about as long as a cell phone charging cord and it can't be trusted outside of your immediate space.

I am trying to think and remember my experiences of being me and how I felt about other living beings over the decades.

When I was reading all those books about the Holocaust as a preteen, I did not need to be temporally and physically near the targets of the Nazis to know that it was wrong to commit genocide. I could very easily step into their experiences through their written words, and I could feel them through the text.

For a current example, I don't have to be in the immediate environs of the western part of the state to be able to step into the words that the people who are there are sharing online. I was reading people talking about their flashbacks and being triggered when it thundered or rained in the last couple of weeks after Helene, and...I don't have words for it because it wasn't even conscious? I'll try though. It was just like...yes, that is understandable and I can very easily imagine it and of course that's how you would feel and I can feel it in your words and of course you are an alive being who matters.

But even those words feel wrong because it's just....it's a really base building block of being alive, that we are all alive here together and we all matter and we have to help each other when we can and always love each other. It's so much of an assumed bedrock that I....

I don't know, maybe this is where I need theory and I can't just rely on empathy, because I do not understand at all how a human could exist in the world and not feel the importance of all living beings.

Like I am reading these awful comments from everyone on Helene, all the way from "Well I heard a rumor that there were gangs hunting FEMA so I think we should abandon all North Carolinians in their time of desperate need and they're all married to their cousins anyway!" to unintelligible babble about lithium and immigrants to someone accusing me of not being a "real" North Carolinian because I don't hate Cooper under a video of him acting very human and warmly hugging a mayor of one of the devastated towns and I cannot understand any of it. These are words that I cannot step into. They don't make sense and they're closed off from reality as I perceive it and they're alien and weird and terrifying.

I don't know. I'm going to bed.

[orchidyoonkook]

Why did I just now notice that you replied back to my message weeks ago? But, then again, I've been preoccupied with everything in life. So I can't blame you. And you were on vacation for some time too, so I'm sure not many people want to social online while they're on vacations.

And it helped with "recharging my batteries" as an introvert.. Because I'm in a healthier mindset now. Being a turbulent INTJ explains a lot if that is true. I'm between INTJ-A and INTJ-T equally, but I slightly lean more towards turbulent though. But that could be the perfectionism.

But it depends on my mindset? Since I'm similar to an INTJ-A in more healthier mindsets, but INTJ-T in unhealthier mindsets. At least that's what it seems like to me. That might be unnecessary information.

Ignore that.

I did have a lot of ups and downs with bands, musicians and music in these months. Bands with disbanding or reuniting (technically it's the band coming out of hiatus); musicians dying, or starting new musical careers. And also a lot of songs and videos being released this year.

I couldn't go to the concert. The concert was in their native county so that would have been more money than even I could afford. If they do come back to my country, then I'll try going to their concerts here if it ever happens. Hopefully, I'll be able to meet the other band members, even if I never got to meet the musician who dyed. That was draining.

I didn't think you were making it about yourself. But that's definitely a main autistic trait when it comes to their grieving.. Or in situations for the autistic person trying to help with someone grieving. If we are not able to process our emotions, we try explaining situations to people if we're trying to connect with that person. Sometimes it can be helpful in some situations but there may be situations where it upsets lots of people too. So it depends on the person. But I didn't take it that way.

But that was my step grandmother so she was younger than a typical grandmother. Well.. It's complicated to say. Since grandmothers have different ages now. Anyway. She died of cancer, and she actually died not even a week after her diagnosis. Like four days later? So we never had the chance to spend time with her before she died.. Just because she was in a different state when she died, but she still had her family caring for her though. So family was with her when she died, so then I can say she wasn't alone. She wasn't alone, and she didn't suffer at all either. Her birthday's coming up (actually her birthday is just a couple days after mine). So now I only have one grandparent who's still alive.

Well.. The symbols. The symbols I was mentioning before, that font is specially made for fonts. You'd have to download that fond to use it at all. But it's only usable on word documents, I don't think it works on a site though. At least not on this site anyone. Which is disappointing.

I don't know? I haven't been speaking to that many people lately. Like maybe one person. Most people I know have either been busy with all their personal lives; family and friends, work, events or vacations. So I haven't talked to many people lately. So I can't remember if I ever did.

To my knowledge, I never had a horrible life. Maybe some oppression at times.. Because my parents can be restrictive about lot of things in my life. Especially my mother who is the overbearing helicopter type.

I'm still judgmental towards them about the oppressive tendencies I'd have because of them. And definitely reasons why I do hate them too.

But I wasn't abused by my family. Or anything like that. So my version of a complicated life is probably different than yours is though.. But it could be how you worded that too? I'm not sure. So I could be wrong.

But! Being the weird child who always enjoyed things that people lots of people hated since a young age, this isn't any different than that to me. Maybe that's how I think of it? Or.. Something along those lines.

But... I just realized that I keep saying that... I don't think that I've ever heard of Bad Omens? I might've heard the band name before, but I'm sure I've never listened to their music. So I can't comment on them in general. But I know what you mean though. You have an eclectic view on your own personal interests that's drastically different from mostly everything else you'd enjoy. I know some people who are like that too.

Yeah. Most of my family, friends, people I know are "authentic" in how we express ourselves. Most of us hate changing ourselves to make so many people like us, we'd rather people like us for who we are. Y'know the whole cliché commentaries of people accepting you as yourself is the simplest way to explain that. But I've always hated fake people. I'd never understand changing yourself for people, just to love other fake versions of yourself. I could have worded that a lot different than that.

As for tattoos and piercings.. I think I know what you mean? Maybe? I knew a couple girls in school who had dermal piercings, and at least a girl, one of them, had to surgically get her dermal piercings removed.. And that was because the metal got trapped somewhere in her body, something like that. So I'll never get dermal piercings for that reason.

My hair has been different shades of blue since November? I have the blue hair at the moment. Since my birthday is next week.. I might dye my hair blue again for now, and then maybe change it sometime after my birthday. Because blues and greens are usually the difficult colors to remove from your hair. I like the blue shades, and I also want to dye my hair green (but only certain shades though) but everyone ends up arguing with me about that. But I would dye my hair blue again, since I did like how the coloring was with those dyes. Not sure about green. And I'm not sure what color I would do after the blue is removed from my hair either. I'm probably thinking colors I haven't done yet though. But I always bleach my hair before dying it vibrant colors because I've always wanted the colors to be extra dark or vibrant depending on it's shading. And it helps that I usually get discounts for my hair when I'm going to my hairdresser, if I go to her, because it depends on styles.

Yeah.. I should've learned how to sew. Or something. A hobby that did involve fashion. Because of being a little person, I'm a midget, then I'd have been able to learn how to create my clothes; based on sizes and styles. When it comes to some celebrities I follow - like any musicians and models with that style - are known to create their own clothing in whatever they want to fit their style but I'm not capable of doing that.

I would love to get back into creative hobbies but sometimes I do feel like I'm holding myself back too? Sometimes like I'm blocking myself.

"Like I wanna spend my days doing my creative hobbies so bad, and then I just.. don't. and then I scream at myself internally." Yes. That.

Apparently autistic people have creative abstract imagination from it being creative abstract imagination and thought processes. So where is that creative abstract way of doing these creative hobbies in ways I think might've helped me. But no. It's completely blocked for reasons that I don't know why that is. And it doesn't make sense why that is.

I do that too. Like.. I do hate telling people I'm autistic because I have always assumed people would notice based on my mannerisms since I always thought it was obvious. The people closest to me know. But I think it's different for strangers, like some know and some don't know too. But the moment I mention my diagnosis to some people, there is a portion of those people who do treat me differently. But, regardless if they treat me differently, I feel like they should accept to me as I am in every way. If they're just expecting me to accept them as they have been, they should accept me as I am. It's that simple. So I may be the biggest cunt ever in these situations, which is fine, that's how I am if I know someone won't accept me as I am. Doesn't matter if the people are family, potential friends, coworkers, and people in general. Like if people expect me to accept how they are, they should accept me as I am too. You can't have it one way. I've never been the masking type.

Exactly! Just because I'm a "slow" learner doesn't mean I don't learn... Everyone has a different way of learning. Some people are visual type learners, some are verbal learners, and some are kinesthetic learners.

Which reminds me. There's four different types of autistic types.. Just like four different personalities. Their Personality Types in Asperger's: Fixated, Disruptive, Approach and Avoidant. I'm not a disruptive type. But I can say that I'm primarily avoidant (with approach and fixated in the mix). Avoidant is definitely my personality but I also have some of the mannerisms of approach and fixated too. Is what I meant to say.

You're what.. Six years younger than me? At least five years younger. I can't remember what your birthday is. If you ever did mentioned that.

My birthday is next week. Like Yoongi, I would actually be the grumpy old person (who isn't that old), who just complains about every young generation. "Back in my day, this happened.." Even if you are younger, at least you know what a vhs is. I think. I'm just assuming that you do.

Don't disappoint me with this.

Oh! Adding onto the story of the daughter friend. This was years ago.. About fifteen years? We bumped into each other again, and we talked during that time. And tried reconciling the friendship. Which was very stupid of me to think that. Because she was older than the last time, I was expecting her to be different. Like she matured. But no. So when we were trying to reconcile, she invited me over to her house to hang out with her and even invited me to sleep over too. Her and her father (this was before my parents stopped being friends with him) came to pick me up at my house, since their new house (after they've moved), was so far away. She brought her boyfriend with her. So instead of us hanging out as old friends trying to spend time together like I actually thought, was just me being a third wheel to her and her boyfriend the whole weekend. Like why invite me over if we're not spending time?!

That's another thing I hated about her. Safe to say that family is not in our lives anymore. So they're definitely horrible people in my opinion.

"(Made me giggle when I read it in the first place cuz owning up to things like that is something I am notorious for doing.)" Because I see no point in lying to people. I own who I am, the good and bad traits of me. The balance of who I am. So why waste time trying to be another person. Why waste time lying to people. So my honest seems like I'm an insensitive person, even a cunt a times, but I see no point in lying.

"But the sun is such a beautiful thing to have in life, to not go out and greet her every now and then." Not when you have heat intolerance in life. Another reason why I've rarely left my house during the summer.

The heat tolerance is part of the sensory overload in autism for me.. It has been something that I've always had since I was a baby. Were you ever underwhelmed or overwhelmed in different temperatures?

https://augmentive.io/blog/autism-heat

If you ever wanted to read about it.

- 💋

I literally just counted the months I have been a horrible friend for not answering this sooner and literally said out loud "Oh my god I'm so bad at this."

I really shouldn't make promises I can't keep, but in all honesty I didn't know I wouldn't be able to keep it when I made it. Being an adult is stupid because it keeps you so busy and I hate it and love it at the same time.

Please accept my most humble apologies for being absolutely shit at answering asks, outernet life is insane and unfortunately my internet life suffers the price.

Why did I just now notice that you replied back to my message weeks ago? But, then again, I've been preoccupied with everything in life. So I can't blame you. And you were on vacation for some time too, so I'm sure not many people want to social online while they're on vacations.

You did better than me dude. I literally cannot apologise enough. I wish I could say I'll do better in the future but I've learned my lesson and all I will say now is I will try my best to be better.

And it helped with "recharging my batteries" as an introvert.. Because I'm in a healthier mindset now. Being a turbulent INTJ explains a lot if that is true. I'm between INTJ-A and INTJ-T equally, but I slightly lean more towards turbulent though. But that could be the perfectionism.

I hope this has remained true!! I love that you've managed to create a better mindset for yourself. That takes such hard work and I am so proud of you <<<3333

I myself am a ENFJ-A, but I'l be honest and say that I am not up to speed on what that means exactly.

But it depends on my mindset? Since I'm similar to an INTJ-A in more healthier mindsets, but INTJ-T in unhealthier mindsets. At least that's what it seems like to me. That might be unnecessary information.

Any info you are willing to share is good and necessary. I will not have you second guessing wanting to share bits and pieces of yourself, that's completely normal and I appreciate you for trusting me with it.

Ignore that.

Ooop to late XD sorry..

I did have a lot of ups and downs with bands, musicians and music in these months. Bands with disbanding or reuniting (technically it's the band coming out of hiatus); musicians dying, or starting new musical careers. And also a lot of songs and videos being released this year.

That's.. incredibly turbulent. I'm both happy and excited for you whilst also being truly sorry for any loses you've experienced regarding thid topic. These kinds of loses always hit in such a specific way that it's hard to describe, you just know it hurts, and for that you have my comfort and wellest wishes <3

I couldn't go to the concert. The concert was in their native county so that would have been more money than even I could afford. If they do come back to my country, then I'll try going to their concerts here if it ever happens. Hopefully, I'll be able to meet the other band members, even if I never got to meet the musician who dyed. That was draining.

Well shit! I'm so sorry. I totally get the different country send off. My moms favourite band did that and it killed her not to be able to go.

I'll have my fingers crossed that they do come back to your country for you, as well as being able to meet the members. I know it isn't much to offer, but it's there and it's yours <3

I didn't think you were making it about yourself. But that's definitely a main autistic trait when it comes to their grieving.. Or in situations for the autistic person trying to help with someone grieving. If we are not able to process our emotions, we try explaining situations to people if we're trying to connect with that person. Sometimes it can be helpful in some situations but there may be situations where it upsets lots of people too. So it depends on the person. But I didn't take it that way.

thank you for understanding the way I communicate and empathize, I truly cannot put into words how relieving that is for me. You completely nailed the explination, I forget sometimes how similar we are in this regard.

But that was my step grandmother so she was younger than a typical grandmother. Well.. It's complicated to say. Since grandmothers have different ages now. Anyway. She died of cancer, and she actually died not even a week after her diagnosis. Like four days later? So we never had the chance to spend time with her before she died.. Just because she was in a different state when she died, but she still had her family caring for her though. So family was with her when she died, so then I can say she wasn't alone. She wasn't alone, and she didn't suffer at all either. Her birthday's coming up (actually her birthday is just a couple days after mine). So now I only have one grandparent who's still alive.

Oh 💋, I'm truly from the bottom of my heart so sorry for your loss. I hope it's a comfort to you that she had family with her, and that she didn't suffer. That feels like a foolish thing to write now that I've written it, but I don't quite know how best to phrase my sympathies other than I genuinely am so sorry, and that even though you weren't able to be there, that I hope she knew you wished you could have been (if that was indeed the case).

Loss is such a profoundly undescribeable feeling because everyone experiences and deals with it so differently. I hope in the time that has passed since you sent this in that you have been able to spend some time with your grandparent who's still with us (if that has been something you've wanted to do, of course). Or been able to deal with these emotions in a way that has been cathartic and healthy for you.

Insane change of topic to: Happy belated birthday! I'm quite late as it seems, but the well wishes are meant the same as if I wasn't.

Well.. The symbols. The symbols I was mentioning before, that font is specially made for fonts. You'd have to download that fond to use it at all. But it's only usable on word documents, I don't think it works on a site though. At least not on this site anyone. Which is disappointing.

Ohhhhhh gotcha, I see what you mean. I thought it was like, a complicated emoticon or something, but I getchu now.

I don't know? I haven't been speaking to that many people lately. Like maybe one person. Most people I know have either been busy with all their personal lives; family and friends, work, events or vacations. So I haven't talked to many people lately. So I can't remember if I ever did.

Her blog is Violetsiren90 if that helps at all. And I will say that has been true for me, I don't think my life has ever been this busy or mentally and physically draining before, so I would like to once again apologise for my shit response times, and to know that I am unintentionally doing it to almost everyone I speak to both irl and on the internet. I have at least 20+ message notifications at all times because I'm so backed up and then I just get overwhelmed. All this to say, I really need to get better at responding to people so they know I value them, their time, and their thoughts and opinions, and that the time inbetween them sharing those and my responses is not at all correlated with how much I value them. It's just my brain being unable to tackle the mountain.

To my knowledge, I never had a horrible life. Maybe some oppression at times.. Because my parents can be restrictive about lot of things in my life. Especially my mother who is the overbearing helicopter type.

We are one in the same here, but it was my dad who was the helicopter.

I'm still judgmental towards them about the oppressive tendencies I'd have because of them. And definitely reasons why I do hate them too.

Once again we're on the same boat.

But I wasn't abused by my family. Or anything like that. So my version of a complicated life is probably different than yours is though.. But it could be how you worded that too? I'm not sure. So I could be wrong.

I was mostly mentally abused but not in a direct way, my dad is a narcissist so it was that kind of like, gaslighting and can't cry otherise it'll be used against me, versus anything else. And like, I was spanked as a young kid but I don't resent them for that at all. I hate to admit it did teach me discipline because my actions had true consequences. But saying this, it wasn't a regular punishment, it was like.. when I had REALLLLLY screwed up as a kid. idk. I don't hate them for it. But I'm also not thankful for it.

But! Being the weird child who always enjoyed things that people lots of people hated since a young age, this isn't any different than that to me. Maybe that's how I think of it? Or.. Something along those lines.

Makes total sense to me. I liked odd things as well!

But... I just realized that I keep saying that... I don't think that I've ever heard of Bad Omens? I might've heard the band name before, but I'm sure I've never listened to their music. So I can't comment on them in general. But I know what you mean though. You have an eclectic view on your own personal interests that's drastically different from mostly everything else you'd enjoy. I know some people who are like that too.

I just need to say once again I adore the fact that you just... like.. understand what I mean. It's so incredibly refreshing and lovely and I can't thank you enough for that.

As for Bad Omens, they are rising higher in the metal scene. They'll be going on 'tour' with Linkin Park!! So that's cool! I love pretty much all of their songs, so if you ever wanna check them out, I totally reccomend them!

Yeah. Most of my family, friends, people I know are "authentic" in how we express ourselves. Most of us hate changing ourselves to make so many people like us, we'd rather people like us for who we are. Y'know the whole cliché commentaries of people accepting you as yourself is the simplest way to explain that. But I've always hated fake people. I'd never understand changing yourself for people, just to love other fake versions of yourself. I could have worded that a lot different than that.

No no!!! i totally get it!! That's how me and my mum are. Like why the hell would I change myslef to fit into a group a people who wouldn't like me otherwise??? Like?? I dont get that mentality at all. So the fact that that is just how you and yours are is awesome to me. I love it.

As for tattoos and piercings.. I think I know what you mean? Maybe? I knew a couple girls in school who had dermal piercings, and at least a girl, one of them, had to surgically get her dermal piercings removed.. And that was because the metal got trapped somewhere in her body, something like that. So I'll never get dermal piercings for that reason.

exactly! maybe i've just seen one too many "look what went wrong" videos or too many infection videos or idk dude. I just say that my brain is weird and leave it at that XD

My hair has been different shades of blue since November? I have the blue hair at the moment. Since my birthday is next week.. I might dye my hair blue again for now, and then maybe change it sometime after my birthday. Because blues and greens are usually the difficult colors to remove from your hair. I like the blue shades, and I also want to dye my hair green (but only certain shades though) but everyone ends up arguing with me about that. But I would dye my hair blue again, since I did like how the coloring was with those dyes. Not sure about green. And I'm not sure what color I would do after the blue is removed from my hair either. I'm probably thinking colors I haven't done yet though. But I always bleach my hair before dying it vibrant colors because I've always wanted the colors to be extra dark or vibrant depending on it's shading. And it helps that I usually get discounts for my hair when I'm going to my hairdresser, if I go to her, because it depends on styles.

Blue sounds rad dude. I find you cant really go wrong with it, so I hope you rocked that shit !!! Did you stick with it after? or have you since switched as it's been a minute since this was written. I'm gunna guess either Red or Orange just for funsies, but if you just kept the blue, rock on. I did that for about six years XD

My hairdresser gives me a discount too!!! XD

Yeah.. I should've learned how to sew. Or something. A hobby that did involve fashion. Because of being a little person, I'm a midget, then I'd have been able to learn how to create my clothes; based on sizes and styles. When it comes to some celebrities I follow - like any musicians and models with that style - are known to create their own clothing in whatever they want to fit their style but I'm not capable of doing that.

I hate to be the annoying cliche here but- it's never too late to learn something new. And I say that because it's a lesson I've seen repeated by my mom and grandfather. They are constantly learning new things. Like my mum for example, she was 48 when she picked up silversmithing for fun, and now she kicks all the ass at 51.

Sewing is allegedly 'easy' to learn too!! (or so I am told)

I would love to get back into creative hobbies but sometimes I do feel like I'm holding myself back too? Sometimes like I'm blocking myself.

I felt this in my soul.

"Like I wanna spend my days doing my creative hobbies so bad, and then I just.. don't. and then I scream at myself internally." Yes. That.

yes. that. indeed.

Apparently autistic people have creative abstract imagination from it being creative abstract imagination and thought processes. So where is that creative abstract way of doing these creative hobbies in ways I think might've helped me. But no. It's completely blocked for reasons that I don't know why that is. And it doesn't make sense why that is.

I think this may be me as well too. I want to do all of the things but then I just don't, and its another wasted day of either doom scrolling or reading. (I read a LOT)

I do that too. Like.. I do hate telling people I'm autistic because I have always assumed people would notice based on my mannerisms since I always thought it was obvious. The people closest to me know. But I think it's different for strangers, like some know and some don't know too. But the moment I mention my diagnosis to some people, there is a portion of those people who do treat me differently. But, regardless if they treat me differently, I feel like they should accept to me as I am in every way. If they're just expecting me to accept them as they have been, they should accept me as I am. It's that simple. So I may be the biggest cunt ever in these situations, which is fine, that's how I am if I know someone won't accept me as I am. Doesn't matter if the people are family, potential friends, coworkers, and people in general. Like if people expect me to accept how they are, they should accept me as I am too. You can't have it one way. I've never been the masking type.

YOU GET IT. EXACTLY. they just expect to be accepted, it's not evena question in their minds. So I damn well will expect the same thing, and if they don't I call that ableism tbh. And I will not waste my time on them at all. Like god forbid someone be a little different.

I hate that it's even a thing. Like. The second you bring it up and you can see in that exact moment who will treat you differently. and I hate that.

Exactly! Just because I'm a "slow" learner doesn't mean I don't learn... Everyone has a different way of learning. Some people are visual type learners, some are verbal learners, and some are kinesthetic learners.

I've had friends who were labelled 'slow learners' but they weren't properly accomodated in school for the way that they learn, so of course when everyone elses needs are met and theirs aren't they're going to struggle.

I used to know which learning I was, but I honestly can't remember now. I just know I'm not a verbal one cuz I have a shit verbal memory.

Which reminds me. There's four different types of autistic types.. Just like four different personalities. Their Personality Types in Asperger's: Fixated, Disruptive, Approach and Avoidant. I'm not a disruptive type. But I can say that I'm primarily avoidant (with approach and fixated in the mix). Avoidant is definitely my personality but I also have some of the mannerisms of approach and fixated too. Is what I meant to say.

I had to google this, and I can semi-confidently say that off the bat I identify with the Fixated and Approach -> moreso the cant shut up than the personal space violations, the most. I'm not disruptive at all, and I have bouts of the avoidant, but moreso when I was younger. I'm going to have to do some more research tho to get a better grip on the terms. Thank you for this! This is new info for me.

You're what.. Six years younger than me? At least five years younger. I can't remember what your birthday is. If you ever did mentioned that.

April of '99! That makes you the age of a lot of my friends XD. Most of them are 4-12 years older than me.

My birthday is next week. Like Yoongi, I would actually be the grumpy old person (who isn't that old), who just complains about every young generation. "Back in my day, this happened.." Even if you are younger, at least you know what a vhs is. I think. I'm just assuming that you do.

I've started to reach the "back when i was young" age and it freaks me out just a little.

Don't disappoint me with this.

Yes I know what and how to use a VHS tape XD I had Rugrats and 101 Dalmations (and more) on VHS for the first like....7? years of my life. On a semi related note, my first car was a '98, so I also know and used to frequently use music tapes/cassettes as well.

Oh! Adding onto the story of the daughter friend. This was years ago.. About fifteen years? We bumped into each other again, and we talked during that time. And tried reconciling the friendship. Which was very stupid of me to think that. Because she was older than the last time, I was expecting her to be different. Like she matured. But no. So when we were trying to reconcile, she invited me over to her house to hang out with her and even invited me to sleep over too. Her and her father (this was before my parents stopped being friends with him) came to pick me up at my house, since their new house (after they've moved), was so far away. She brought her boyfriend with her. So instead of us hanging out as old friends trying to spend time together like I actually thought, was just me being a third wheel to her and her boyfriend the whole weekend. Like why invite me over if we're not spending time?!

I'm sorry (no I'm not) but like... what a bitch??? I would never do that to a friend (I have a longterm bf). Like. I cannot IMAGINE doing that to a friend ever. How stupid must she... actually, nevermind, it's clear from what you've told me that she's barely hanging on to the handful of brain cells she had years ago. I'm sorry she's a shit person, you deserve and deserved better.

That's another thing I hated about her. Safe to say that family is not in our lives anymore. So they're definitely horrible people in my opinion.

GOOD.

"(Made me giggle when I read it in the first place cuz owning up to things like that is something I am notorious for doing.)" Because I see no point in lying to people. I own who I am, the good and bad traits of me. The balance of who I am. So why waste time trying to be another person. Why waste time lying to people. So my honest seems like I'm an insensitive person, even a cunt a times, but I see no point in lying.

E X A C T L Y. I've been called blunt, intimidating, too honest, etc. And I'm just like??? I'm just not lying?? Why do you want me to perform a personality like a court jester in order to gain social approval???

"But the sun is such a beautiful thing to have in life, to not go out and greet her every now and then." Not when you have heat intolerance in life. Another reason why I've rarely left my house during the summer.

oh that's so valid. When I get super hot I get SO overwhelmed. Like I bike to work (fastest way to get there), and where I am hit temps around 30 C when I would bike home, so by the time I actually got home I was hot, sweaty, overstimulated and just, a mess.

I solved this by showering in freezing water every single day. But for the 15 minute ride home I am miserable.

The heat tolerance is part of the sensory overload in autism for me.. It has been something that I've always had since I was a baby. Were you ever underwhelmed or overwhelmed in different temperatures?

YES. I h a t e being to cold or too hot. A little more than normal on either end of the spectrum is okay, like if I'm going swimming I let myself get warmer than I'm comfortable with cuz I know I will be in the water soon, or I'll ket myself get a lil extra cold so I can cozy up in 15 layers of blankets. But I hate the extremes.

If you ever wanted to read about it. - 💋

This is marvelous. Thank you.

Thank you so much for this, it was so so lovely to hear from you again. I truly love it. Even if I suck ass at response times. Like I've said in the past, I absolutely will get to it, just in my own time. I never fully ignore anyone, I just demand to be in the right mental space to respond with the same energy given, and sometimes that takes time. I never want anyone to send something in and have it feel like a waste of their time because I don't respond in equal if not more excitement or whichever emotion is necessary.

That being said, I hope you're well. I hope your hair is an amazing colour. Thank you for the new info and resource link! You are darling and I adore you.

I hope to hear from you again!!