#which. normally i can kind of ward this feeling off a bit by thinking well that’s crazy surely not Everyone. and also they’ve reassured me

[hoot-h00t]

:/

[cartoonghosts]

tw vent, truly I just need to get this off my chest don't feel like you need to read, it's kind of heavy

I saw my platonic partner's upper body w/o baggy clothes for the first time in a while yesterday and thinking about it makes me genuinely suicidal like I know I've gained weight and i snap back and forth between loving and appreciating my body and thinking that being a bit curvier is cute and pretty even if it makes my breasts bigger and harder harder bind and wanting to either kill myself or starve until I'm pretty again. Last year I was 115 lbs in the psych ward and it wasn't enough but I'm never fucking strong enough to keep dieting I break every single time. Also I've thought I was 125 for so fucking long but I went to a new doctor who said my weight under their breath while taking notes and I'm 132 I need to fucking die. I want to kill myself. I don't have my razors from last year anymore but I can easily get more and I'm so fucking scared I don't want to do this again. I know thst my options are keep being fat (I know it's not a bad thing and I've had huge crushes on fat people, but I just look horrific unless my ribs are showing) and probably end up self harming again within a few weeks or lose weight which I'm too fucking weak willed to do and I never even got down to what I needed. I just wanted to be 90 lbs and I never fucking got there. I keep hiding behind body positivity and eating without burning it off and I'm like 'oh well it's fine I deserve to eat food even if I'm not thin' like no the fuck you don't. Kill yourself or stop fucking eating you aren't hot you aren't pretty. I keep telling people I was down to 110 last year because I fucking wish I was and ive been saying I'm in recovery from anorexia but I doubt I ever fucking had it since I can't stop eating for a single fucking day. I don't know what 8m supposed to do now that I know I'm 132 and i know that my partner who's always been squishier and softer than me is now the muscly thin one like. My only option is killing myself at this point it's all I can do. Everyone I know has already basically admitted that they fucking hate my personality and that's not worth staying alive for, literally all I have is my body and no one wants that either. I don't know what to do, if I'm too weak to stop eating for a few weeks I know I'll be too weak to kill myself I don't know what to do. I need help but I'm gonna be back to normal tomorrow and then worse the next evening. Something is wrong with me. I don't think I was supposed to live this long and my brain is glitching out now. I'm supposed to be dead already

[mouthsfullofsharpteeth]

alex and tim hatefuck a lot but during one of the times they are getting rough with each other one of them actually gets hurt.

ohhhh my gosh. its late season three, tim is sooo exhausted. constantly having to join jay on all these stupid outings into the woods because hes worried jay will just die if tim doesnt go, meanwhile he knows alex has killed people, has done horrible horrible things. but.

(read more bc it got very long)

but.

they have kinda been having sex for a little while...

tim is pretty sure its an unspoken agreement too. no cameras. no tapes. no telling anyone. and they can be as rough as they want, because who even fucking cares anymore? the first time was in the woods, on the leaves and dirt in the middle of the night. then alex figured out which hotel tim was at, and they did it there. third time, alexs car. and then this time was back to basics, just tim roughing alex up at the doorway of his hotel room, making Sure that the camera was shut off and in the closet, joining tim's. they both bring the cameras every time. probably just habit to carry it around. and at first, they start right up against the door.... then the floor... then the bed and then back to the floor. theres a lot happening. but this is normal for them. its scratching and biting and hissing curses in between messy kisses. and it seems literally like any other time theyve done their little routine, up until the end.

tim is starting to get his shower ready while alex puts his clothes back on and promptly fucks off like usual, except this time he doesnt fuck off, hes kinda just sitting at the little desk in his underwear, squinting down at the shirt he shown up in. tim gives him a very unsubtle side eye. he doesnt want this prick here any longer than necessary. so he snaps something like, what is it. whats taking so long. and alex looks up at him, chest littered in bites bruises, and he mutters that its nothing, but its clearly not nothing, so tim has to sigh and walk over and see what his problem is. and when he gets closer, he notices that alex is looking kinda pale. the bruises showing up more starkly reddish purple against sort of greened, sickly skin. whats with you, he asks again. alex doesnt answer, until tim lightly swats the side of his head and asks again. alex grumbles that he just feels a little....dizzy. at first time is like, oh wow i fucked you so good that youre straight up like sick now? is that it? and alex is all NO >:-( but then it starts becoming clear he really does not feel well, and tim is kind of frustrated because he does still want to shower, and jay is probably going to want to go out looking around the hospital again tomorrow, but tim is a nice guy. he prides himself on still being kind despite the situation hes in. and he does have a little experience with sickly guys who feel like crap and dont know why, so he runs down the usual questions that he asks jay. when did you last sleep? i dont know, yesterday or the day before. have you eaten today? no- wait yes. well what was it? like a protein bar or something i dont know why does it matter??? then, does anything hurt? i dont know, my head i guess. mainly the back of it. and tim thinks back to earlier, and how he had, albeit a bit forcefully, slammed alex into the wall in order to bite the shit out of his neck. and he wonders... hm. could alex...... have hit his head? well, its likely.

so begrudgingly, tim drags alex to the shitty hotel bed, makes him drink a room temperature bottled water, and after wards alex has his head to his knees, empty stomach and pounding head not agreeing with all the water he'd just downed. and as tim rifles through the food he has on him, he wonders, not really for the first time, why they only have ever met at the places tim's staying before. of course, there was alex's car, but that's not really a place to STAY. he tosses some snack stuff to alex, sits on the bed, and asks him, hey, where are you staying these days anyway? alex snatches the food, tearing open one of the packages, and scowls at him. why do you care???? he looks starving. tim gets a scowl on his face too. well, doesnt It fucking like you or whatever? you seem to be its favorite after all, so i dont think it would really let you just sleep on the side of the road. alex sneers, clearly unamused, and keeps eating through a bag of pretzels. of course i have a place to stay, he snaps, and then doesnt elaborate. they sit in silence with that for a little while, tim more uncomfortably than alex. then he stands up and looks for his clothes and says hes gonna go to the ice machine. when he comes back, maybe he had also bought a few more snacks from the vending machine in the lobby. and maybe its a little gentle when he situates a makeshift icepack under alex's head. they dont do any of this after care shit usually, but tim wonders if maybe. well. maybe if theyre gonna keep doing this, then perhaps they should.

[schizodiaries]

kinda need to vent a bit about the situation with my medication

I know I mentioned several times already that I was going to stop taking Abilify but there’s just one obstacle that’s preventing me from doing so. My bf does not respect my wish to be unmedicated. I had planned to taper off Abilify earlier this year but every time I bring it up he shuts me down and says it’s better for me to stay medicated.

His reasoning is that I’ve been stable for this long because the medication is clearly working, therefore I should continue taking it to reduce my symptoms and prevent a relapse. It comes from a place of genuine concern for my health, which I appreciate.

But while I understand his perspective, my desire to go off my medication comes from a place of concern for my health as well. While I haven’t had any immediate side effects from Abilify, I’m worried about long term side effects like tardive dyskinesia or metabolic issues. I’ve had nasty side effects from different antipsychotics in the past, which thankfully were only temporary, but I’m worried that if I stay on Abilify for too long that I will develop permanent side effects from it.

I also was recently diagnosed with prediabetes, and I’m trying to reverse it by eating healthier, exercising, and losing weight (I’m close to obesity) and while my psychiatrist told me Abilify is the antipsychotic that’s least likely to cause weight gain, I still think it might be contributing to my struggle to lose weight. (I’ve also heard of people that developed diabetes while on Abilify, but I don’t know if there’s a correlation between them or not.)

But above all, the main reason I want to stop taking Abilify is because…. I just don’t want to take it anymore. It feels unnecessary, it feels unneeded, and I trust myself to have enough insight into my illness that if I do become psychotic again I would be able to handle it a lot better. I never planned to take Abilify for too long, I just needed it to combat the psychosis I was experiencing a year and a half ago. And once I was back to “normal,” I would stop it.

But my boyfriend, being stubborn as he is, does not agree with my plans. He thinks I should stay on Abilify for as long as I can, for the rest of my life even. He thinks that if it’s clearly working, then stopping will only cause me to relapse. And he doesn’t want me to be psychotic or be forced to stay in a psych ward again. He’s worried that stopping the meds will do more harm than good. No matter any of the reasons I give for wanting to stop taking Abilify, he will not support my wishes. And I’m kind of pissed about it because it feels like he isn’t being respectful or understanding of my situation.

The absurd part is, I told him I’m 100% willing to return to antipsychotics if in the future I have another psychotic episode. I’m not quitting them completely, I just want to stop taking them now that I’m in a stable spot because I feel like I don’t need them anymore. And despite that, he still doesn’t think it’s a good idea to stop my meds, even if it’s temporary. In fact, he said himself he would rather I experience the side effects than go through another psychotic episode.

So I bring up that he has ADHD and he’s unmedicated. So why can’t I be schizophrenic and unmedicated? Why the double standard? His response to that is that the worst that could happen to him is he has trouble paying attention, sitting still, and getting things done. Meanwhile the worst that could happen to me is that I could lose touch with reality and hold false beliefs and see/hear things that aren’t there, which he thinks is more severe than his symptoms. A fair point, but I still feel like he’s being hypocritical.

We’ve had this conversation about stopping my meds four times already, one of them being a two hour long debate on why I should or shouldn’t stop taking the meds. And he has the nerve to say he’s tired of having this conversation and that he doesn’t want to have it again. Basically saying his word is final, without actually saying that. I don’t even know why this is something that’s up for debate. I don’t why I even need to explain myself to him. Shouldn’t the simple fact that I don’t want to take the meds anymore be enough reason for me to stop taking them? Why do I have to prove something to earn that right? Why can’t I be in charge of what goes in my body? Even doctors and psych wards can’t force you to take medication you don’t want to, so why does he feel like he has the right to?

Idk anymore. I love my bf and I understand his perspective but I just feel like I’m not being listened to, I feel invalidated and disrespected, and I just want off this fucking medication. I shouldn’t need some grand, indisputable reason for me to stop taking them. I shouldn’t have to give him thousands of explanations for him to see why I want to stop my meds. I should be able to make my own decisions for my own body and mind.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk

[bropunzeling]

hello hi!! it is me again!! finished my bropunzeling doubleheader and ahgggghh hhhh!!!!!! i swear to god the payoff in only fools rush in is so good it made me see STARS . i loved it so much oh my god. i’m obsessed with matthew the sort of unreliable narrator who cannot for the life of him figure out that leon is so down bad it makes him look stupid. the spain chapter !!!!!!!!!!!!! just sooooo good!!!!!! it’s been a while since i’ve reread girl!leon (my beloved) and one thing i do remember vividly is how much i loved the sicily chapter, where she’s pining so bad. idk there’s something about them on vacation that hits different . maybe it’s because it’s july but maybe not who knows. the portrayal of the loneliness matthew feels and the moving across the continent about it felt so real to me (and relatable. ouchie!!)

also. the porn. the feelings that are expressed through it. that is so well done and so hard to come by? like the way they express their affection through it is phenomenal. gagged me fr i’m going to be thinking about it for a while

there’s one bit that made me go insane fr fr. near the end, when they’re in leon’s hotel room and they’re finally resolving:

“I do," he says. His voice is shaking, from fear or nerves or adrenaline or the hope that's threatening to consume him. It akes all of his courage to uproot himself, to make himself move wards Leon. To take that last, final step, until he and Leon are almost touching. Are close enough that Matthew can feel Leon's sody heat, can see the lines around his eyes, can smell hotel shampoo and skin. "I do want it."

i don’t know if the narration break (i don’t know the right word for it) between “i do” and “i do want it” done on purpose as in the wedding vows i dos but anyways it made me go CRAZY. JUST AHHHHHHHH SICK SICKKKKKKK. genuinely made me glad i have eyeballs and a brain. GOD.

anyways. i do still believe you are akin to jane austen . i love you and i am going to read the matty/shane fic i had put off (bc i don’t really know them) with an open heart and full trust. i love you and u live your writing <33333333333 hope your pillow is cool on both sides tonight <3

anon it is potentially indulgent to publish this but i dont want to lose it in my inbox!!!! im kissing you on the mouth!!!! ty for being so kind! especially since i've been feeling less creative than the past few years (which, tbh..... the output of the past two years were deeply unsustainable 💀) and the current wip is going slow. ur timing is so wonderful. thank you!!!! it amazes me every day that people like, really like these things that i write.

also not to take as an excuse to babble but i DO think there is something generally when writing a romantic fic where taking ur characters and sticking them somewhere outside their normal circumstances they're better able to get to those deeper feelings? like, being away from "reality" of rivalry or hate or what have you allows to like, tap into those big big emotions. this is why i love writing vacation scenes. i cannot be stopped.

anyway ty so much, what a nice start to the day, i hope you enjoy shane and matty!!!!! they're nice boys!!!!

[isekai-crow]

Doctor Elise Ep 3-4

I cannot express enough how fun of a potato chip this show is. I had a fever this week and this was a great lil show to watch that didnt require me to think.

As a self proclaimed shonen bro whose not normally into shojos, I enjoyed the manga, and the anime is doing a good job despite not being one of the "big names". It might also be my love of medical dramas from the early 2000s peaking in. I can turn my brain off to watch it and just have fun by going "WTF w h y", and poking fun at how broken some aspects of this world are while still thoroughly enjoying it.

It's definitely the kind of show that probably won't hold up to scrutiny for the world building, so. Just. Don't think too hard about the specifics of what's happening! Then the power fantasy pieces won't break through your suspension of disbelief! Because IV bags did not exist during the Crimean War in the 1800s which seems to be where this fantasy setting is taking place.

But I'm gonna go and point out all the broken bits below because its so much fun (not bashing at all!).

Also my favorite boy shows up! Doctor Graham!! We love a boy whose not there to be a rival or love interest, and respects the Lady and they get to be bros!

Look at this silver haired ponce of a bishonen, he's delightful, ascot and all!

He's voiced by Hosoya, Yoshimasa - Rainer Braun from Attack on Titan, Nezumi from NO.6, WOLFWOOD FROM THE NEW TRIGUN STAMPEDE!! Tokoyami from BNHA, and Sousuke from Free!

DAMN THEY PICKED A GOOD VOICE FOR MY BOY.

More spoilers/screen shots below the cut!

Elise shows up for work as Rose at the No Cultural Touchstone For Mother Teresa Hospital, the genius young doctor Graham is supposed to take care of her but he's busy and assumes like everyone else that a young well-off lady will run from the sight of blood soon enough, and so sticks her in the HOSPICE WARD.

HHMMMM I WONDER WHY ALL THESE PEOPLE ARE ON THEIR DEATH BEDS???? COULD IT PERHAPS BE... UH... SANITARY REASON?? SHOULD HOSPITALS BE SANITARY??? NAHHHH THE DIRTY ROTTING BANDAGES ON THE FLOOR AREN'T MAKING THINGS WORSE, NO WAAAAAAAAY.

These poor overworked shift nurses seem to have no idea what they're doing, but thankfully we have a returner with concepts of modern day sanitation who cleans the place up!

She then finds a dude with bed sores and realizes no one knows what SEPSIS IS, and is like. Get me a scalpel, it's my first day, I've never held a scalpel in my read:this life, I'M DOIN' A SURGERY TODAY. I'VE GOT GALAXY BRAIN TO HELP ME.

I love these shots they're great.

SHE PROCEEDS TO CUT INTO THE DUDES BACK LIKE SHE'S DRAWING FREE FORM SELECTION ON MS PAINT AND THEN JUST HITS CTRL-X DELETE.

That's not A tissue, that's HIS (necrotic) tissue! I sure hope this dude has pain killers or is drunk off his ass with vodka because DAMN.

All the other in-patients are so happy she's here, they feel better already with her bright and happy personality! Normally this would feel really creepy and sexist, but this juuuuuust squeaked by as not coming off that way.

Jump cut to the King! Only 12 people in this world know what diabetes is! How is Elise going to get away with having known about it?? Probably more hand waving!!

Now, we either get a time skip, or she's literally been working all night, but Dr. Graham walks in on her dozing, thinks he's got the wrong place, and proceeds to scold her for performing surgery without permission. But then he takes her on rounds and we're in a medicial show!!!!

IS THAT A FUCKING IV BAG?

IT IS!!!! THOSE WEREN'T INVENTED UNTIL THE LATE 1800s!! At least its a glass bottle, and not a plastic bag like I initially assumed?? But I guess the Crimean War was in the 1850s and this type of open glass bottle IV was from the 1900s so... Wooo Fantasy Europe!! -waves hand rapidly to shoo you on-

This man is having a time trying to figure out what the fuck. But he's pretty.

It takes him a bit to come to terms with her abilities but then he's just so happy to have another Doctor Bro who Actually Cares that he's behind her with full support! Which yay! But also becomes a tool of sorts, to kind of hand wave away the concept of sexism in the medical field to the point where it doesn't seem to exist. Which is also what makes this such a light show, because it doesn't even try to handle said topics, it just erases them completely with regards to medicine.

Equal numbers of men and women as doctors! The women aren't relegated to nurses! Yay! No critical thinking needed here.

My favorite part of this though, is that they DO tease at it. When Elise makes a different call from the doctor she's following in Ye Olde ER, he kind of stutters and is flabbergasted and panicked, while the female doctor is immediately like, I GOTCHU SIS, and steps in to help her as she proceeds to STAB A DUDE IN THE CHEST WITH A SYRINGE.

She's so pretty with blood on her face.

We're in episode 4 by this point, and its the "Festival Episode" common to many isekai romance manhwas, but of course, Elise is a doctor and so she's working the ER instead of attending.

However this is the episode that proves there is magic in the world, and WE GET A SECOND VA FOR THE PRINCE. He transforms into "Lord Ron". We also get a glimpse of his tragic back story!

His bodyguard gets a knife pulled on him and THEN A GUN. New Technology Discovered: Guns! I should hope they had those figured out before IV tech, but you think they'd know about general sanitation being important as well.

Dude's been shot in the SPLEEN!!! OW MY SPLEEN! They don't have a splenectomy in Fantasy Europe, oh no!

Elise puts up such a persuasive argument, and the dude is dying, so they might as well let her try to save him. And look, the prince Lord Ron has field surgery experience and offers to help!

SUDDENLY THERE IS ELECTRICITY. WHAT WERE THOSE OIL LAMPS IN THE GRIMEY DEATH WARD???

MS PAINT SCALPEL FTW!! It's not bad for the limited time they likely had to anime each episode, and the fact that they're putting more emphasis on the conversations. For comparison, this scene in the manga ↓

Surgery is a success! Yay! Elise is asked to write up a report abotu the surgery as it will be the first ever recorded splenectomy.

and then. Blushing Prince is Adorable, even in disguise. Love us some blushing boys.

But by far the most accurate part of this show so far...

Even in a Fantasy Europe Hospital the doctors have shitty handwriting lmfao

[cicadangel]

erm.! diary 12/4

hi i havent been online in a bit or written any diary entries recently bc well i was really depressed and then i just like forgot or whatever. but uhmmm life updates sorta/just how im doing right now.

i will start with the good news :-) i am not depressed! ive been feeling good pretty consistently for the past 2 weeks i think? ive been happy enough to be able to function normally and do all the stuff i need to do. also school swim started so i got to see my crush (the one i talked abt a bunch last year) and i actually need him so bad he's so fine i need him. not much has happened w him (in terms of moments or whatever) but it will soon trust!!!!!! also ive been feeling a bit more confident lately in terms of how i think guys percieve me so i hope maybe that will inspire me to make a move but probably not. oh well.

as for everything else. well. i have been having issues with that one bitch "friend" ofc hoping to hit her with a car sometime soon. but thats not rly new ig. i am kind of having issues too tho with one of my other friends bc he's being weird and annoying. recently hes been extremely sensitive abt just everything which is whatever except he won't tell me, he'll just get upset and try to get me to ask him if he's upset except i won't play that game ugghhhhh if u have a problem with me tell me bc i wont understand otherwise!!! i cannot possibly fathom what he's got wrong with him about me so im not even gonna try. if he wants to fix it he can use his words otherwise no bueno it is not happening!!!!

he's also been like. weird to me recently. we're in psychology class together and we're gonna be at the "abnormal behavior" unit soon (which is mental illnesses) and he keeps saying ohhhh we're almost at your unit we're almost there when it's like stop thats actually so annoying. i am abnormal and crazy but that's not ur place to say? i dont talk to my friends abt my mental illness struggles but i guess it is obvious there's smth wrong with me or whatever but it's just annoying. i will talk abt how im against involuntary commitment to psych wards and how sooooo many therapists only end up doing more harm than good and my problems with the whole mental health industry and the modern understanding of it bc it's smth im rly passionate abt, but he just brushes me off as if i dont have first hand experience with all of the terrible ways psychiatry and the mental health industry can fuck people up???? i also feel weird talking to him in general sometimes bc i know he'll bring me up to his therapist (because he constantly mentions it) and i feel like i cant talk to him bc he's gonna tell her and that just puts a weird strain on the relationship. like his therapist knows me, but just from his pov and that kinda weirds me out im ngl.

oh i also got in a fight w my mom today. actually we're still fighting. it was over something soooo insignificant but i got so overly angry like i always do and now im going to make it ruin the rest of my day because i am insufferable. she's just been really angering me lately also ive been feeling destructive which is complicated. i dont rly like the term "splitting" but it's def what ive been doing a lot lately. ugh. also i like dont know what to do with my bpd "diagnosis" it makes me angry and like i just have so many problems with it in so many ways REGARDLESS if i actually have it or whatever which i could talk abt for hours. in some ways it's nice to have a label for what ive been going through my whole life but in most ways i am like not too happy with the fact that ive been handed a disqualification from ever being upset again. if i am, it'll just be because im a crazy borderline! ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! anyway. more on that whole mess later sorry

[fakesurprise]

The Jaysome Working

No dogs howl. It is three hours until the new year, fireworks going off already through the town as people tested them or lost track of time or were just being jerks. This much I am used to. The deafening lack of other sounds is slightly worrying. No one cursing the fireworks, no one shouting insults about ‘kids these days’ or reacting at all.

I check my phone. No text from the wandering magician, but that isn’t a surprise. A night like this has him very busy making and holding wards together across this town and other places. He thinks I don’t know about most of that; I let him think that. I do what I can to help him, knowing it’s never enough.

I pour myself some tea, considering my phone.

New Year’s Eve isn’t a busy night for me. Gods don’t see any night as different than any others, and the need for god-eaters is slim most of the time. I am handy at exorcising ghosts, but this night is no different than any other for spirits. The kind that are drunk, yes, but not other kinds. Mostly.

It doesn’t mean that something odd isn’t going on. I can feel that much, like an itch that isn’t yet an itch. I don’t bother with my phone. “Jay.”

Jay appears. He is eleven, also from far Outside the universe and offers up a huge, friendly friend of pure innocent joy. “Hi, Charlie!”

“You’re not helping the magician?”

“Nope! Honcho says he’s totally OK without a Jay which is almost the same as being okay and! I’m kinda busy too!”

I’ve known Jay for almost eight years, but even so it takes a few seconds to adjust to the sheer force of his presence. Only it takes less time than it should. I hide a frown as I study Jay. His grin is pure jaysome, and everything is normal except there is a tension. And his hands are in his pockets, and he hasn’t tried to hug me yet.

“Jay. What are you doing?”

���I’m doing a hugey helping,” he says, as if that explains everything.

This is Jay, so on a technical level it does.

“Jay.” I step toward him. “What, precisely, would happen if I tickled you right now?”

“Oh!” Jay thinks that over. “Probably some accidents.”

“Not an oops?”

“Nope! I am doing a lot of bindings though, and it’s extra complicated because of money.”

“Money.”

“Uh-huh! I’m helping Penny and a lot of other dogs and humans and people too!”

Penny. The dog of one of Jay’s friends. Tension leaves me, a little bit. “What are you doing?”

“Well! You know how fireworks hurt dogs ears and! some people don’t like them at all?!”

“I do.”

“I’m doing a jaysome binding so people who don’t want to hear them won’t,” he says proudly.

Somehow, by means of a miracle that is knowing Jay for a long time, no fear shows on my face for him to react to. My voice is almost even when I speak. “You’re doing a binding on the whole world?”

“Uh-huh! Honcho is always doing a lot to help the world and you help people all the time and I thought I should totally help too cuz jaysome.”

Jay has on his usual eclectic collection of clothing ‘that wanted to be worn’ but there are dark circles under his eyes and a distracted edge to him.

Jay doesn’t have limits, not in ways everything else does. I still think of him as human, despite everything I know. But there is a vast difference between being power and using it.

“How hard is it, kiddo?”

He is beside me a moment later, and I wrap him in a hug.

“It’s all kinds of heavy, Charlie, but I did a promise and I keep those and the pennies are really hot!”

Pointing out that Penny has never been literal pennies won’t help. “Can I help?”

He blinks, staring up at me. His grin somehow widens. “Okay!”

The god inside me stirs, and then is... still inside me, but muted as Jay pulls energy from it, and from my talent to eat things. I can eat more than gods: you learn a lot about how most limits are suggestions when you are friends with the wandering magician, but my power.... shimmers. Sings. Is pulled, in directions and into shapes I have no name for.

For a moment I almost glimpse what I could be, if I had to, but the moment is gone as Jay squeezes my hands and grins proudly. “The binding is finished.”

“There is an all you can eat buffet down the road,” I suggest.

“Ooh!” He is out the door in a blur, waiting for me excitedly.

I check my phone. No text from the magician. With luck, this somehow worked out.

2022 hasn’t been the best year, but I’d rather not cause 2023 to never happen by accident. Distracting Jay might be enough to make certain no one misses the fireworks so well that they remain in 2022.

I hope.

But sometimes that’s all I can do.

And often it’s enough.

[cherrping]

Searching for a Roy/Riza 1x1

I am forever Royai trash and always looking forward to roleplaying it with anyone. I love sending head canons and plotting up kooky things. I don’t mind playing either Roy or Riza. Canon, Canon divergent, or AU I can plot and brainstorm on.

I have plots under the cut.

A few things about me:

She/Her, 33 Years old, and prefer to rp with 21+

I do enjoy romance in my rps, it makes it fun for me but I don’t ask for it to be the end all and be all.

I am a lazy-lit, semi-lit I guess? I enjoy fast-paced rps. I don’t mind if you send me a one-liner. I prefer typing 1-3 paragraphs. If you want to send more 4+, go ahead! I don’t want to feel like I’m limiting your creativity.

I post at least once a day. If things come up, you want to change the plot, or you are no longer interested please tell me. I promise I won’t get upset.

Also, if you want to do multiple RPs, that’s perfectly fine with me!

You can poke me to reply. I sometimes forget to hit send or think I replied when reality tells me I didn’t.

I prefer to rp 3rd POV in paragraphs. Willing to do action RPs if in the mood.

I prefer to RP with women (cis and trans) only or people who use she/her/they/NB pronouns. No offense to the guys but I’ve had too many bad experiences and creepy men wanting to rp out kinks and fetishes I want no part of.

I don’t mind getting to know my partner OOC-wise. I understand if you want it to be strictly IC. I rp over discord.

But I do enjoy gushing about head canons and this pairing

I do find it fun to do IC chatstyle rps while waiting for posts if you like things like that.

I’m pretty flexible about gender. I don’t mind playing male or female roles.

I don’t mind a bit of darkness in my rps but I do like to balance it out with fluff.

message me if interested!

red string of fate. - What if they could see the string that connected them their entire life. They spent years trying to sever it only to think deeply about it once they see the string finally fray? (bonus if there's a mental bond too.)

I just woke up from a 6 month coma and I don’t remember anything about the past 5 years but that’s kind of okay because as a trade-off this gorgeous stranger sitting at my bedside is saying he’s my husband

Possibly modern or normal timeline Royai AU:

Roy considered Van Hohenheim an old acquaintance but hadn't heard from him in years. Which wasn't out of the ordinary for the man, he comes and goes with his own time and rhythm. Which was out of the ordinary when he was asked to care for his children as his ward. Roy was hesitant for a moment, he was a busy military man and doubted he could properly care for any children. With a little convincing from Hughes (and a discussion of how the public loves a good feel feel-good story), he decided to take them on.

Riza considered this to be one more thing added to her plate, wondering how Roy could possibly handle this but she was caught by surprise seeing how well he adapted to fatherhood despite taking on two very traumatized boys.

Modern AU

Can be done with or without alchemy, can be discussed more.

It was rare that Roy took Hughes's offer to set him up on a blind date, but decided to do so to help shut him up. He counted his blessing when Hughes found an endlessly charming woman for him but felt a spray of cold water when she told him she didn't want to meet him again. At a loss of words, he agreed.

The next day, the color nearly drained from his skin when he saw his newest transfer from Briggs was the woman he went on a date with last night.

‘you’re my normally really pedantic and fussy assistant so i get really confused when you start sending me office memos with typos of randomly added letters turns out the added letters spell out a declaration of your love for me’

'my really stern and strict (but secretly nice) boss and i have to fly somewhere on a business trip and during the plane ride she fell asleep on my shoulder she looks so cute and peaceful i’m melting on the inside’

I fell in love with you three lifetimes ago and I’ve been looking for you ever since but I’ve been starting to give up and my friends’s new crush has your eyes and oh god I’m not going to steal someone’s date just because I’m hoping you’re the person I met in a past life (jk yes I am)

We only remember each other in alternating lifetimes so every lifetime we have to find one another and convince each other that we’re soul mates but half the time I won’t believe you and half the time you’re already dating someone else

“I’VE BEEN TEXTING MY FRIEND FOR ABT A WEEK NOW AND THEY DONT REPLY BUT TURNS OUT I WAS TEXTING A RANDOM PERSON AND THERE WAS SOME DEEP PERSONAL STUFF I SENT OH MY GOD WHY ARE THEY CALLING ME NOW?” AU (+BONUS IF THE PERSON CALLS AT 2AM)

[feeling-grubby]

Designing Horns

I absolutely love designing characters. I am not a big person of drawing backgrounds and illustrations. I mainly do art so I can show people my character designs because I feel if I were to describe them it will never truly match the image in my head. When it comes to designing trolls, I really like the limited color pallet and trying to make something unique with those limited colors. But by far I my favorite part about designing trolls is the horns. Like when I started to revamp my ocs that is the first thing I did. I sat down and designed their horns first based predetermined things like their sign, themes, animals associated with them, and etc. I really want to show off the horns I made a while back even if it just wips because I just love the ideas and yes, I will go into detail about them.

They are color coded to their sign btw and if go look back on some of the trolls I already introduced you will see that colors go back to normal troll horn colors in the completed designs. It just so people know which character the horns belong to.

This is Rakker Dolika's horns. For his horns I took the bottom part on the left side of the sign and rotated it to be up wards. I thought the design was cute and realized a few hours to days later it looked like snail eyes. He is the least flushed out of my characters, so his horns are subject to change. Rakker's sign I am not sure where it comes from, but it apparently means laughter. Rakker's design is going to be one of the ventriloquist dummies used for comedy skits, so I thought it worked. Like he is a Juggalo so his makeup will reflect that concept.

These are Hollie Mathis horns. The horns are based around the plus sign on top of the m. I took the shape and spilt it basically. Hollie's sign is the alchemy symbol for alum which is a chemical compound to hydrate things. which makes sense seeing how thirsty some of my friends are over her. her design is hot I have been told. Anyways the word itself means bitter salt, I think that kind of fits Hollie personality as she is often pessimistic and can come across as bitter. Alum is also apparently used in a method to ward off evil and negative energy. Which I like to think I incorporated that aspect in the fact of how she is protecting sinner from being killed and hurt.

Sinner Sumter's Horns everybody. For his horns I took the top part of his sign and spilt it. His sign is the alchemy symbol for fixation. fixation in alchemy terms according to Wikipedia states that "fixation is a process by which a previously volatile substance is "transformed" into a form that is not affected by fire. It separates the substance or object and puts it back in the same or different shape at a subatomic level" I really didn't choose the symbol for its meaning or possible symbolism it more so looked like a plausible teal blood sign. but if I was to make an association between the character and his sign it would most likely relate to how he views the 'justice system' due to seeing what exactly justice looks like on Alternia. He is unaffected by people's emotions and situation when people come to him to represent their case due to seeing the ins and outs of Alternia's legal system. Which has also just made him apathic to people in general.

Angora's horns aren't design off his horns like the others are. Angoras is yet another alchemy symbol, but this one mean purification. it also looks a lot like an olive blood symbol. Another thing that also is seen as purifying things is fire. So that fit very well with my little pyromaniac. so, his horns are curved and flat on top that he then decorates with olive-colored candles that he lights on fire. The melting wax I figured would fit the porcelain boll jointed look I was going to give him, as to somewhat match Rakker in a way.

Tikvah my bee gal. For horn design I wanted to not only incorporate her sign but also bee. So, a took the little curvy bits that divided the two hearts and curved it around her head to the front to looked like the molars needs have. And then I took the heart shape and made them to look like antennas. Her sign is the alchemy symbol for hour. An hourglass is usually representing balance and I think that fits with her needing to find balance or her needing to find someone to help balance herself out. She is always putting her work and dreams first before her own mental health and needs. So, I think it fits her pretty well. She also really needs to find time for herself and needs to start making time for people who will help her grow into a better person.

Finally, Maebel Morrii. Maebel sign is one of the symbols used for arsenic when it comes to alchemy. Her horns are the little cross at the bottom of the symbol that I took and rotated it to be upwards. This resulted in cross that I think can resemble tomb stones and references her doom aspect really well. Mabel is a prince of doom, so she often acts like a life player. She uses her ghost powers to talk to the dead and them pass on into the afterlife instead of hanging out on the mortal plane. She uses the knowledge of possibly thousands of lifetimes from helping deceased trolls to guide the living. However, that's not the only way death and doom is weaved into her character. Arsenic is an insecticide and weed killer, something uses to get rid of pest that are harmful to other life forms or possibly just annoyance to people because they are deemed an eyesore. This can correlate with her lusus that needs to devour other trolls and lusi to stay alive. Often killing much of the lower class and bringing to death and doom to caste that high bloods would deem as vermin. So, in the end her sign really fits into all the ideas I had for her character. this is probably such a boring post about going into such small details about my trolls, but I love explaining such little details I have for my characters. I can probably go in-depth with all the concepts for the troll designs I have drawn so far. I also have a few variants horn designs I ended up scrapping before settling on these.

I don't expect anyone to really read this. I just wanted to ramble about this really badly.

[adamwatchesmovies]

Saint Maud (2019)

Saint Maud is too unsettling and confident to be recognized as a directorial debut. This psychological horror film's scary bits appear briefly and then vanish but their intensity leaves a searing scar into your mind.

Palliative care nurse Maud (Morfydd Clark) has been assigned to Amanda (Jennifer Ehle). A recent convert to Roman Catholism, Maud becomes convinced that God has brought her and Amanda together so she can save her patient's soul.

Saint Maud explores several types of horror. Maud believes physical pain brings her closer to her heavenly father. We can tell by the various scars on her body. It’s an unsettling precursor to a scene where she takes push pins and - well, I don’t want to give it away but suffice it to say you'll want to look away. Here’s the thing. Maud doesn't fear pain. She does punish herself willingly - something we see as irrational. We’re the ones whose buttons are being pushed so there's an uneasy separation between her and us. Another fear on display is the fear of death. Amanda is terminally ill with stage four lymphoma. In a rare moment of honesty, she confides in Maud and admits she’s terrified of what comes after this life. To Maud, this is an irrational fear. She knows what happens after you die. The strange thing is that the audience is likely to find themselves dreading the self-inflicted punishments of Maud more than Amanda’s inevitable death. Now who's being irrational?

Other aspects of Amanda and/or Katie’s lives that make you squirm include their past actions coming back to haunt them and unresolved traumas. Neither Amanda nor Maud are particularly good people. Maud may have good intentions but she’s possessive, she imposes herself on others, she’s quick-tempered and judgmental. She’s also young and naive. Amanda is manipulative and cruel. In a typical movie, you’d know how to feel about both these people. Writer/director Rose Glass leaves these people's roles in the story deliberately ambiguous. Most uncertain of all is Maud. There’s something going on with her. At first, you think maybe she’s got a physical condition that causes her to react to prayer the way she does; that she’s confusing a different kind of physical ecstasy for a holy presence. Later on, we see that she's no stranger to sex. Either she’s lying to herself so convincingly that she’s re-wired her own brain or she’s actually feeling something no else is. There’s a third possibility as well and to me, this was the scariest one.

What if you were someone who believed strongly in a greater power? What if you desperately wanted to see "a sign"? What if you were also mentally ill? Not ill enough for people to send you to the mental ward; just enough to seem normal until people got up close. Even then, you’d still have a good enough grip on your mind for people to say “they’re just one of THOSE church people” rather than become concerned. How would you ever know if there was actually something wrong with you? Anyone you'd turn to would either say you're absolutely nuts - which would make you think they just "don't get it". The rest would congratulate you for being chosen by heaven, which would be great… unless your visions (or other heavenly signs) were merely caused by a chemical imbalance in your brain. You’d be trapped in a prison of your own making because you connected the dots in a way that wasn’t meant to.

Saint Maud is an incoming storm. There’s nothing you can do to stop it and you’re too curious to turn away. It’s completely unpredictable. Just when you think you’ve got some aspect of it figured out, something unexpected comes to knock you off your feet. The conclusion is so good, so unsettling you’ll need a long time to process it and thinking about what it meant only makes you more unnerved. There is one point towards the last third, where it takes things too far and adds some uncomfortable sexual material to the mix. It fits with the rest of the film but derails the viewer's attention from the main ideas explored. It's really the only blemish you could single out, as the performances are exceptional and the scares approach the "traumatic" level.

There’s so much to say about the writing that there’s almost no way you can allocate sufficient brain power to analyze the film’s other technical aspects. You recognize the score, performances and cinematography as great but you’re hypnotized by the film as a whole. It’s so bleak I can’t imagine anyone watching Saint Maud for fun but it also compels you to return to it. (June 11, 2021)

[theorangerangers]

How do you feel about the JaviAmelia shippers who hate on OllieAmelia (and Ollie in general)? For me, I think it's kind of silly and we should respect each other's ships/faves even if they aren't for us

I do think we should respect each other’s ships but I would be lying if I said the actions of some Javiamelia shippers haven’t left a sour taste in my mouth. I had someone attack me on a post I made about having a feeling about Amelia and Ollie being cannon as well as quite few people thinking it was appropriate to slide into my DMs about it. Ollie is almost a modern Connor in my eyes, (everyone knows a jerk like this in real life and generally he is also receiving the same character arch as Connor did). I like Ollie a lot he reminds me of my dad for all the good and bad that comes from a guy who told me that ‘it’s only multi variable calculus, it should be easy’ (it wasn’t but I still love him even if he wasn’t too happy with my B-). He’s also really really funny in the context of a show that fully acknowledges mystic force happened in a way similar to Preston believing in magic. I think we should make some fun of him but no more than any other ranger because also it’s a bit like how everyone hated on Dax in Operation Overdrive but when I rewatch, sure I cringe a little but he’s still fun in his own right. There’s a difference between making some light hearted ribbing at a character’s expense and then just whatever’s been going on with some of the Javi x Amelia shippers.

Generally though I didn’t care about Javi x Amelia either way I just figured it was different but nothing else about it until people attacked me just just reading into the subtext of a children’s show which since it for children normally follows a predictable plot. after that even just seeing that ship made me feel rotten inside and I’ve done my best to block it since it’s not the ship it’s self that’s ever made me feel any type of way but the my way or the high way kind of shippers and the way they’ve made me connotate being yelled at online with their ship�� . As a veteran of the supernatural fandom I can easily say this is not the worst thing I have ever seen on tumblr but it feels different when people choose to call you a bad person just for making one post about a couple in a kids show that was very obvious from a story telling stand point since most of the time when they have two rangers pretend to be a couple early in the show they almost always end up cannon by the end so the psychic scene kinda gave it away for me. It’s a pattern we’ve seen multiple times in the show like with Shelby and Tyler and I thought it was kinda cute so I made a post which opened Pandora’s box of just unwarranted attacks.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with the ship and Ollie is a good character and I wouldn’t have him be replaced with anyone else on the show but the way the shippers feel the need to act sometimes does make me actively avoid it block it on all my socials. I don’t have a problem with anyone who ships anything or likes any character as long as they don’t come after me for liking something else or taking something I’ve made for my ship and turning it into something it isn’t to fit their views.

Frankly I only post as much Ollieamelia on my blog as I do now as a way to ward off more people like that. If you don’t like sand, stay out of the sandbox.

[popopretty]

Storm Bringer Spoilers (2)

I translated another part from the novel to give a bit more insights on Dazai’s scheme this time. This time from the perspective of Adam, the AI inspector. Even though it may sound contradictory to what Dazai told Verlaine before, I personally think that they were not all lies, which is kinda sad and terrifying at the same time. 

Feel free to re-translate it if you want. Just note that I am not 100% confident with my translation and some of the meanings might be lost through bridge-translation. 

[CODE;03] 

....

A rain of bullets flew towards me. I opened the shock-resistant shield from my forearm. This shield is like an umbrella. It is coated by a superalloy that is resistant to heat and shock. It can ward off most small-scale mass attacks. It is a custom-made product that was designed to withstand the high energy of Arahabaki. All the full metal jacket bullet slid through the surface of the shield and landed behind me. Three shots didn’t slide but stopped when touching the surface, peeling off the alloy surface with their kinetic energy. But the damage was minor.

I leapt with my shield still raising. I stepped on the soldiers’ rifles and did a double leap. Upon landing at the wall behind them, I bounced back and hit them from the back. It was a light attack that can break some ribs, I knew it from the sensor. First one down. While I was still above the soldiers, I bent my leg like a sickle and swept the legs of another one, knocking him off the ground. When he fell down, I injected him with a dose of medicine from the needle on my finger. That made two.

However, while I was busy suppressing these two soldiers, the other one had more than enough time to raise their guns. Three of them were aiming at me. My hands were both on the floor and bearing my body weight, I couldn’t raise my shield. I did a high-speed search for a countermeasure. None of them would make it in time. 

I ended up not needing a countermeasure. 

The soldiers spasmed with the sound from an electric shock and dropped their guns. After a few seconds of agony, they lost their strength and collapsed.

I didn’t do anything. 

Behind the soldiers, from the corridor on the other side of the door, I saw the savior who saved my day. That was someone I really didn’t expect.

“How boring.”, that person said as he lowered his Taser gun. “You use electric to knock down people, but all they do is to collapse. Boring.”

“You are... Port Mafia’s...”

Dazai Osamu.

The person who brought Chuuya-sama to the Port Mafia. 

“Nice to meet you, Mr. Inspector. Where is Chuuya?”

The boy of the same age as Chuuya-sama asked me, as he threw off the Taser gun. 

“Chuuya-sama is...”

“Well, based on the time, has he been caught? Or is it about time he was rescued?” Dazai-san walked over the unconscious soldiers and came towards me. “If that’s the case then it’s not fun at all. I couldn’t see Chuuya weeping when he was tortured.”

“Tortured? Chuuya-sama?”

So Chuuya-sama was captured and tortured? It’s possible. But how can this boy know all of that? Why is he here in the first place? If I remember correctly, Dazai-san is the nullification ability user, the trump card against Verlaine. And I am pretty sure we tried to contact him because of that but couldn’t get through at all. So why is he here, right now?

“You will ask me why I came. I will answer, “Because it is a part of the plan.”. You will ask me what the plan is. And I will answer, “Everything. From the beginning to the end, I have this whole Verlaine incident in the palm of my hand. And then you will ask what I mean by that.”

In order to understand what Dazai-san said, I analyzed the information with high priority by my processor. However, Dazai-san’s thinking was even faster than that. I had to give it my best just to catch up with him.

“I will then say, everything literally means everything. All Verlaine’s targets, including the detective and the researcher, were decided based on the information that I gave him. It means his assassination planning procedure is also my procedure. Now you will ask me, “Why did you do such a thing?”” 

That’s it. That’s exactly what I want to know. What Dazai-san said just now strongly suggested that he had joined hands with Verlaine. There is a high possibility that he was the one who pulled the strings behind the death of the detective, and Chuuya-sama’s current serious situation. In another word, betrayal. Depending on his response, it might become another battle here. 

However, Dazai-san’s final answer was far beyond my expectation. 

“To buy time, before Verlaine could get to his final target. His final target is Port Mafia’s Boss, Mori Ougai. Mori san was supposed to be the first in his list, but thanks to me handing him the list, he has been changed to the last one. Thanks to the time I have bought, I am almost done with a plan to reverse-assassinate him. But before that, I have one last thing to finish.”, Dazai-san said with a smile as he reached out his hand and helped me get up. 

Then he stared into the middle of nowhere, and said with the eyes of a wizard who could see through everything, “Chuuya will kill N at this rate. Then he will cease to be human. But I want to see Chuuya suffering as a human. So I’m going to stop him.”

***

The alarm went off as if the disaster that will destroy the world has finally come. The emergency lights went red and the scene of the facility changed completely. It is like we were inside a monster’s stomach. The wireless feeds were released to all the general staff and the warnings were being called repeatedly on all lines.  

Intruders in the Lab area. The internal information staff are to dispose of the prescribed materials and leave the premise immediately. The operation staff are to be ready for action with first-class equipment. This is not a drill. This is not a drill.

I continued my work, while removing the noisy warnings from my hearing options. We pushed the unconscious Shirase-san into the equipment storage room. I closed the door and applied the electric lock.

“I have changed the lock here into the time-varying encryption type. That way, Shirase-san will be safe for a while.”

“Thank you. Next is Chuuya.”, Dazai-san said so then walked away as if he didn’t care about Shirase-san at all.

“Please wait, Dazai-san.”, I called out to him. “About Chuuya-sama, you just said “as a human being”? Do you know if Chuuya-sama is a human or not?”

I somehow had a strange expectation that a person like him would know the truth. I didn’t have any reasons, but I felt that. It’s human’s arrogance to think that intuition and inspiration do not exist for us machines. If it’s something humans can do, then I can do it too. 

“I don’t know.”, Dazai-san said simply. But his eyes slightly narrowed like he was having some deep thoughts. “Both N and Verlained said that Chuuya was not human. But I think there is more than that. Because I have read this notebook, this Rimbaud’s Memoir. To some extents, the incidents this time all started from this memoir.”, Dazai-san said, taking out an old leather-bound notebook from his pocket.

Rimbaud’s Memoir!

I quickly scanned the notebook that Dazai-san had. This might be the real thing. This might be. Rimbaud’s Memoir is a kind of journal that the dead spy Rimbaud kept in secret before his mission. It contains information related to the spy missions during the Great War, so even though there were rumors about it, there was no information that it has ever been found. 

“Just what have you done to get your hand on that?”

“You can try to ask, but I will just tell you lies anyway. Because I am a liar.”

A mysterious smile appeared on Dazai-san’s face. I ran him through my lie detector sensors but there was no responses. His vital signs are almost the same as of a sleeping person. The output data is too normal for such a condition. This is not normal. Just who in the world is this boy?

“We do not really have time to hold a tea party and chat here. We have to find Chuuya first.”, Dazai-san scratched the back of his neck and said with a dim voice. 

“How can we find him?”

“Finding Chuuya is always easy.”, Dazai-san smiled as if he already saw through everything. “We just look in the direction with the loudest noise.” 

....

[genshinobsession]

okey okey but like for your sentience au thing, and in one of your recent asks

like the one where the characters finally break free, childe's part had me thinking on how they can always be with you

what if, whatever, character manages to escape but what if they were tiny. like the same character size on the device you play on.

like what if they were pocket sized, is basically what I'm saying. then they can be always with ya.

ya know.

ack, too much.

anyways..

I'm really liking your writing and ideas. I've turned on my notifs, so that I can always be updated on when you post. and I just, plse continue to write. obvi ion wanna sounds like I'm forcing ya to continue writing.

drink some water, not too much nor too little, eat, takes nap and take care of yourself

This is a GREAT idea thank you!

I hope I wrote it the way you were hoping so far!

They Escape the Game (Part 1)

(Pocket Edition)

Characters included in this part:

Xiao, Diluc, Kaeya

(I may make a PC version but it will more than likely just be HC’s because the only thing that would change would be the slight change in height)

Xiao

It took everything in him to finally decide to leave everything he knows behind and take a leap of faith out of the game. All he’s every known has been Genshin and ONLY genshin. So when he had finally gotten out of it he was more than surprised by what he saw.

When he had made it out, the first thing he was met by

Was you.

Except, you were h u g e.

You looked down at the tiny person in front of you who had just literally hopped out of your screen.

As you took a closer look your realized it was xiao.

HA, that can’t be right, right?

You went to poke him to make sure you weren’t just making it up but right before you did you felt his tiny hands push against yours a-bit.

“What are you doing?” He asked with his usually annoyed tone. Your eyes widened as you realized, this was in fact xiao. He just, popped out of your game.

You left the palm of your hand open as he hesitantly climbed on. You carefully raised him closer to your face as he grabbed onto your thumb to secure himself on your hand.

“Xiao?” You asked.

“Who else would it be.” He retorted, taking a quick glance at the very large objects around him. He was used to the large mountains in Liyue but nothing of this size.

Having the tiny man in the palm of your hand was such a weird feeling but you had to admit his tiny angry face did look adorable. You gently placed him back down as you began to think.

“How are you even here?”

“...” no response came from the tiny yaksha as he looked away, seemingly avoiding the question. He looked around your room a bit more and noticed that you had his mask on your wall.

“How did you get that.” He asked as he pointed to it, looking back down towards his hip where his now tiny mask still remained.

“Oh, this was a gift from a friend of mine.” You said as you carefully took it down and placed it in-front of him.

Carefully he stood on top of the mask and admired the detail, it was accurate to the one he had, which was impressive but he dare not say that out loud. He lightly hopped off the mask as he looked back at your phone that now had an empty space where he had been.

His mind did start to wander as he thought about how literally all he knew was essentially

A lie.

Not wanting to think about it to much he turned back towards you.

“Traveler... pick me up.” He demanded as his now outstretched hands wrapped around your finger as you lifted him back up to your face.

“I am now going to stay with you to protect you at all times. No, you do not have a say in this.” He proclaimed as you lightly chuckled.

“What’re you going to protect me with, a toothpick?” You joked and xiao pulled out his spear and lightly poked your finger, not enough to make you bleed but it still hurt causing you to almost drop him.

“Didn’t think that through, did you.” You laughed.

Going about daily life wasn’t too hard with Xiao always around. You found different places to hide him so if someone walked in they wouldn’t see him.

When going outside you attempted putting him in your pocket but it was a bit to much of a tight fit for him to stick his head out well. So you decided to get a small empty bag.

He’s often very quiet throughout the day, just enjoying being around you finally. He didn’t even care about how you looked he just wanted to be around you especially now that he’s in a huge world full of unfamiliar things.

Diluc

At first Diluc was unsure about dropping everything and leaving, since there was no guarantee of him getting back if he felt homesick. However, this thought was overruled when you had joined the game again.

He wasn’t one to just jump head first into things but this time he was sure about what he wanted to do. And before you could even do your normal greeting he had leaped from the screen.

He didn’t think about the fact that he had no idea where he was going to end up when he jumped through but that question was quickly answered when he landed in your face.

You immediately swatted at you face, thinking it was a bug, not caring to open your eyes and look at who it actually was.

Diluc hung on for dear life as you finally swatted him off but he luckily landed on the pillow in-front of you.

As you rubbed your mouth hoping to get the feeling of what you thought was a bug off your mouth you finally heard it.

“Traveler?” The voice said. It was a strong voice and sounded, a bit far away. You looked around for the voices host, but saw no one. Until you looked down at the pillow in front of you and noticed the small redhead who was standing there.

You had no idea what to say, this isn’t real right? But it’s so convincing. He practically look as if he was actually there.

“Diluc?” You asked hesitantly as he looked back up at you. This was the first time he had ever seen you face to face, you were a lot bigger than he had thought you were going to be but he found your features beautiful nonetheless.

You carefully put your hand down for him to climb up and he did. He held onto your thumb go slight security as you lifted him up to get a closer look, and sure enough, it was Diluc, down to every last detail.

“Oh my goodness it really is you! Why are you so small?” You asked, he shrugged his shoulders and turned back to look at the thing he popped out of which was your phone.

“Well I’m assuming since I come through that portal object over there, I ended up being no bigger than that size.” He said as you put him carefully back down on the phone.

“What is this thing anyways?” He asked as he tapped the sword attack button on your screen causing your character to attack.

“Ah, so that’s how you did it. I will admit this is a little bit weird for me.” He said as he turned back towards you.

“Are you still able to bring out your weapon and everything?” You asked and he nodded and drew his weapon. You were amazed to say the least. Your favorite character literally just popped out of your game.

“This is amazing! I can’t believe you’re here, how did you even manage to get out? Do you plan to go back? How would you even get back?” You rambled on with more and more questions as Diluc just calmly watched you as a small smile graced his features.

He didn’t care about getting back right now, all he cares about was that he was finally with you.

Kaeya

Your day had been pretty rough. Nothing was going right from the beginning so when you finally got back home you decided to just sit down and play Genshin.

When you entered you had realized Kaeya wasn’t in his usual spot which confused you but you decided to do a few quests before questioning it.

Eventually you had just gotten to the point in the Lantern Rite where you had to talk to Kaeya and you were ECSTATIC.

You made your way from Liyue to Mondstadt as fast as you could. And from a distance you could see the marker as it counted down the closer you got to it. As you made your way to fountain there he was.

He smiled at your presence as you ran around him in circles, trying your best to say hi. You stopped in front if him and went through the quest dialogue, praying to Barbatos that he wouldn’t disappear after wards, and lucky enough for you he didn’t!

You hopped up and down out if pure joy.

Kaeya chuckled a bit at your excitement as he put his hands on your characters shoulders to stop them from hopping.

“I have a little surprise for you, I’ve been working on it for a while. I need you to wait here.” He said as he backed up from your character. You watched him as he just disappeared.

“The hell?” You asked out loud, what kind of surprise was this? You expected him to appear back in front of you in game but it never happened.

You waited a little bit expecting something to happen, yet nothing did. Until you were met face to face with the blue haired Calvary captain.

Not expecting the sudden figure to just appear in-front of you freaked out and jumped up from where you were seated, cause Kaeya to go flying.

Luckily it was that far of a distance and he managed to land safely.

“Kaeya?” You asked, thinking you might’ve just had your phone to close to your face.

“Surprise!” He said, climbing back up your chair. He landed on a space where you both could see each other as he finally got a good look at your face.

You had no idea what to say as you looked at the tiny captain in-front of you. He still did some of his idle animations as he stood, waiting for your response.

“How did you get out?” You asked him, leaning down towards him a bit.

“I have my ways.” He replied. It’s Kaeya, did you really expect a full detailed answer? He looked around your room, taking in the new surroundings. It was nothing like he had seen in Mondstadt, for one thing there was technology.

This was entirely new to him, and there didn’t seem to be any weapons anywhere.

Your entire room was practically the size of Mondstadt to him.

“I must say, I didn’t actually think this would work, but I’m glad I could finally meet you.” He smiled, you smiled back, still unsure of what was happening and questioning if you should make an appointment with an eye doctor.

“How long have you been trying for?” You asked looking down at him, he paused as he thought of his answer, the time difference in your world was drastic from that of Teyvat.

“Well it’s hard to say but I have tried maybe, 25-30 times before. I was starting to lose hope if I’m being honest.” He admitted. You had no idea he was this dedicated to getting out of the game

To see you.

It was flattering but also a bit scary to think your favorite character has wanted to meet you just as much as you wanted to meet him.

“This height difference nah be a problem though.” He pointed out with a chuckle.

“We’ll figure something out I’m sure.” You responded

-Birdy

(This basically just serves as an introduction to the idea and hopefully I will have enough time to come back and expand on what they do as tiny people)

[five-rivers]

Changeling Chapter 1

A DP Fae Au fic. I've been promising you this for so long XD. I can hardly believe I'm finally delivering, even if it's only one chapter for now.

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Chapter 1: In the Beginning, There Was an Offer

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They studied legends. According to those legends, today, Beltane, was a time of renewal, of birth, of fertility.

It was not supposed to be… this. Their dreams weren’t supposed to be crushed today. Not under this sun, not under these blue skies and among softly blooming flowers.

This kind of news should have come with rain. It should have come with storms.

Maddie wiped tears out of her eyes and Jack patted her on the back. The air smelled sweet and dusty at the same time. The bench was uncomfortable.

“We could try adoption,” said Jack. He sounded shocked, too. Drained. His voice was pulled taught over a great hollowness. “Lots of people adopt. We can- can do some good in the world, maybe.”

Maddie sniffed and cried harder. She’d wanted her own children, and Jack knew it. Adoption was all very well and good, but at this point the suggestion felt like some consolation prize, and she felt terrible for even thinking it was, because Jack was right, it could be a good thing, and…

She wanted children. Her own children.

“Excuse me, I believe I can help.”

There was something about how he said that, about how the voice wound and slipped through her ears that had Maddie’s head snapping up. The man who stood to the side of the bench wore a long coat with a deep hood. Symbols, symbols that Maddie had spent hours, days, weeks, researching were stitched into the fabric. His eyes glittered in the shadows. The fingers of his hands, clasped in front of him, were too long, their coloring faintly lavender, as if they had been dipped in ink and retained the stain even after they’d been washed clean.

This was not a human.

“How?” asked Maddie, feeling hope drip back into her limbs even as Jack tensed behind her. “How can you help?”

.

“We shouldn’t have done that,” said Jack as they drove home. “We really shouldn’t have done that. Maddie, they’re evil, there’s always a catch and it’ll always be looking for a way to push us into it.”

“The catch is in the open,” said Maddie, leaning back against the seat of the car and closing her eyes. “It isn’t as if it’s in the fine print and we’re going to stumble into it. We have one, and then I get my tubes tied, or you get snipped, and we go on with our lives.”

“What if we have twins? Triplets? Maddie, we should have talked about this.”

“There wasn’t any time,” Maddie said defensively. “I had to decide right away.”

“What are we going to do if we have twins, Maddie?”

Maddie bit her lip, her eyes opening without her full permission as she thought. “We know how to deal with things like him.”

The car jerked just a little to the right as Jack failed to suppress his flinch. “Do you remember our work on motivations? On why they take artists, musicians, children?” he asked. He forged on without waiting for an answer. “Creative sterility, we called it. For this one to be able to cure sterility, he has to be powerful. I don’t think nails in pockets and inside-out clothing is going to stop him.”

Such protections were hit and miss to begin with. One faerie might hate bread, another might love it. The sound of bells would drive off one, and another would wear them in their hair. Even cold iron was no guarantee against them.

“We’ll have to find something better, then,” she said, firmly.

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Maddie laughed. Not a twin. A single child showed on the ultrasound monitor. A girl. A beautiful baby girl. Perfect.

On the other side of the bed, Jack sunk into a chair, obviously relieved. “She’s healthy?” he asked the OB/GYN.

“Completely,” she said. “This is quite the miracle the two of you put together here.” She shook her head. “We must have gotten something wrong during our examination. I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am to have put you through all that, and I won’t blame you if you wanted to find a new doctor.”

“It’s fine,” said Maddie, patting the woman’s arm. “It happens.” Yes, being approached by a powerful fae just ‘happened.’ “The important thing now is to make sure there aren’t any complications.”

.

They made sure Jazz was born on a Sunday, with two middle names, one of which Maddie made sure to forget. They scheduled her baptism for as early a date as possible, even though both Jack and Maddie were as lapsed as it was possible to be.

Precautions.

Jack had his surgery only a month later.

They were safe. They had won.

The family of three snuggled together on the couch. Well, Jazz snuggled inasmuch as a newborn was able. They watched TV.

“Jack, dear,” said Maddie, roused to awareness by a news story about a rising young businessman. “Is that our Vlad?”

Jack blinked at the screen. “I think you’re right,” said Jack. “I haven’t seen him since college. I don’t think we’ve talked to him since college.” He frowned. “Did something happen? The three of us used to be so close… He was the only one in the whole folklore department that would put up with our theories, do you remember?”

“I don’t know,” said Maddie, trying to remember. “It was like he was there one day, gone the next.”

“Do you think he’ll mind us getting back in touch?”

“Only one way to find out.”

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(As it turned out, Vlad did not particularly care to get back in touch.)

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Jazz was not a normal child.

She saw too much. She understood too much. Her teeth grew in early. She learned how to get the milk out of the fridge at about the same time she learned how to walk. Her eyes were too large, even for her age. She didn’t start talking until she was almost two, and when she did, it was in complete sentences. She took to responsibility like a duck to water. No, she demanded responsibility, from waking up the family in the morning to answering the door. She loved rules and games, and the rules of games.

But they had never raised a child before. Perhaps this was simply how they were. Perhaps this was within the expected variety of humanity.

Most importantly, Jazz was theirs. Completely.

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Maddie was not terribly concerned when her period missed a few days, or even when it was late by a week. But when it started pushing two…

She bought a test.

It came back positive.

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Danny’s birth was different from Jazz’s in almost every particular. Instead of being infused with a sense of joy, proceedings were overshadowed by dread. Jazz had been born in a hospital. Danny would be born at home, behind every ward and protection Jack and Maddie could conceive of. The midwife they hired was more than used to odd belief systems and threw a few of her own traditions in as well.

It couldn’t hurt.

.

It didn’t help.

After the birth, Maddie held Danny in her arms. He’d been born in a caul, which had been slightly alarming, even though Maddie had known that it was a thing that happened regularly, and that, by most accounts, it was lucky.

He was such a tiny little thing. Smaller than Jazz. Which made sense, he was a little premature.

“I won’t let anything happen to you,” she promised him, whispering into the silky, wispy curls on top of his head.

Someone knocked on the door. Maddie jerked her head up, even though the front door wasn’t at all visible from the basement. Jack flinched hard enough to drop the towels he was holding. The midwife froze.

“Hospitality,” croaked Maddie. Those rules were always humanity’s first defense against the uncanny. Don’t want something in your house? In your life? Don’t invite it in.

Although, she had arguably already invited in the fae they were worried about. Hence all the other contingencies.

The knock came again. And again, louder.

Jack let out a sigh of relief. “It can’t get in,” he murmured. Then he smiled, broad and bright. “We just have to wait it out.”

Maddie nodded, tears in her eyes. The knocking continued. This was far from ideal, obviously, but she’d been half expecting the fae to simply rip through the wards like tissue paper.

Perhaps the theory that more powerful fae were more bound by custom, more vulnerable to their weaknesses, held water? She and Jack had always dismissed it as fanciful, but they’d never been able to gather evidence before.

Then, a sound that made her heart stop.

“I’ll get it!” called Jazz, childish voice muffled by distance and the obstacle of the floors above. She’d been told not to answer the door when Danny was being born, to wait patiently in her room, but for all her unusual maturity, she was only three.

Faster than she’d ever seen him move, Jack bolted for the stairs, pushing aside several pieces of furniture and medical equipment in his haste. He took the stairs four at a time and nearly taking the door off the hinges.

He wasn’t fast enough.

“Who are you, mister?”

“Me?” said a voice Maddie had prayed against ever hearing again. “I am your uncle, my dear. Did your parents not tell you about me?”

.

Jazz tipped her head to one side and stared up at the man, making her eyes extra big. She knew it made a lot of people uncomfortable when she looked at them like that, so she treated it as a kind of test.

The man smiled, kind and patient. He was kind of funny looking, but in a good way.

“No,” she said finally. “Are you Mommy’s brother or Daddy’s brother?”

“Ah, you already know about uncles, then. I was worried I’d have to explain. May I come in? I would like to greet your little brother, as your parents promised I could. I have gifts for both of you.”

Jazz liked gifts. “Okay,” she said. “But I dunno if Danny’s been born yet. Mommy said it can take a while. And I dunno if he can have gifts, yet. He’s gonna be really little. That’s what all my books say, and also the internet.”

“Jazz! Don’t!”

Jazz turned to see her Daddy skid around the corner, just as her uncle stepped across the threshold.

“Not quite on time, I fear,” said uncle. “Young Jazz has already let me in.” He patted Jazz on the head. She ducked away and stuck her tongue out, like she always did when Daddy did that. “Having greeted my niece, I would like to see my nephew.”

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The fae did walk past the rest of the wards as if they weren’t even there. It didn’t even break them, just ignored them. Some of them he even commented on, as if approving.

He gazed down at Danny with his otherworldly eyes. The midwife had retreated to the corner of the room, refusing to look at what was happening. Jack had attempted to attack the fae with his bare hands, only to be pushed away with something approaching gentleness by an invisible wall. Maddie didn’t know where Jazz was. Upstairs, somewhere, hopefully.

“So beautiful,” the fae said, brushing Danny’s forehead with his off-color fingers. Faster than Maddie could react, he had a pair of scissors in his hand and was cutting off a lock of hair. “A lovely child.” The lock of Danny’s hair disappeared into the fae’s coat.

If Maddie didn’t know better, she’d call the expression on the fae’s face love. But she did know better. Love was as incomprehensible to the fae as fae laws were to humans, so she’d call it by its true name: avarice.

She tightened her grip on Danny, as if she could keep the fae from plucking him from her arms.

“Not now,” said the fae, after another moment. “Soon, I should think.” It ran a hand over Danny’s head. “Soon.” The fae looked up, meeting Maddie’s eyes. “I will return,” he said, “in one year.”

“For what?” demanded Maddie, unwilling to get her hopes up.

The fae blinked slowly. “For his birthday.” He tilted his head. “To determine whether or not he is ready. Perhaps, also, to visit my niece.”

“You stay away from Jazz!” snarled Maddie. “You have no claim on her.”

The fae merely shrugged, then smiled, slyly. “She does, however, have a claim on me. I promised her gifts, before your husband whisked her away.”

“Gifts,” repeated Maddie, hoarsely.

“For the sister of my child, yes,” said the fae, voice and face as calm and even as ever. “Would you ask me to forswear myself?”

“Then,” said Maddie, “you can leave them here, with us.”

“You will give them to her?”

“Yes,” said Maddie, through her teeth. She did not say how long she would let Jazz be in the presence of these ‘gifts.’

“Very well, then,” said the fae, pulling a number of boxes out from beneath his coat. “One year. Be prepared.”

And, with that, the fae faded from view, as if he had been an illusion all along.

Danny was still with them. Their son was still with them. Still theirs.

“One year,” she said, breathless. “Only one year.”

“One whole year,” corrected Jack, rushing to her side. “You’ll see, Maddie. Next time, that fae won’t know what hit him!”

“One whole year,” echoed Maddie, weakly.

“One year to prepare,” said Jack. “Look what we did with half that time! We’re Fentons! We can do it!”

“We can do it,” breathed Maddie. “One year. We’ll be ready.”

Jack nodded, firmly. “We’ll be ready.”

[twinklelilstarkey]

hi! can i please make a request with rafe using prompt “Tell me about your day.” 🥰

“Tell me about your day” - Rafe Cameron

A/N.: Of course, baby. Hope you like this.

DO NOT REPOST, REWRITE OR TRANSLATE ANY OF MY WORK!

Rafe really likes hanging out with his dad. When it’s just them, at least, since he feels pretty left out whenever Sarah, Wheezie, or, god, Rose is in the boat with them.

That is solely because the 3 of them never liked the idea of fishing all that much, therefore, the whole family always has to leave hours early all because they want to leave. Which in other words means: less time between Rafe and his dad, as well as any well spent time on his Saturday, because of all the whining.

So, yes, whenever the Cameron men are alone, Rafe associates it with a good time. Also as the time when he can speak to his dad and try to get some more communication into their relationship. Which usually does happen and does usually work.

Well, not today.

Ward Cameron woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. He was in a bad mood right as the sun rose, exactly when they were supposed to leave the house. And for the first few hours, he didn’t talk to his son, he just stayed far away from him, on the other side of the boat, sipping his coffee while Rafe got everything ready to start their usual fishing Saturday.

He did start talking some time later, but to be quite honest, Rafe would’ve preferred him to just not talk at all and stay in his silence and in his corner of the boat for the rest of the day. Right as he opened his mouth, the theme of conversation was Rafe’s imperfect academic life and how he still hasn’t gotten any letters back from colleges accepting or rejecting him.

And the fact that he sighed loudly at those words did not make anything any better for him. All because he exhaled slightly bit loud, Ward took that as “Oh, so I’m boring you now?”.

Rafe did surprise himself by not bittering back to his dad and by staying silent the whole time, looking at the water and just letting his mind run free on his own world.

But let's just say that when you’re in a boat, with no reception, Wi-Fi, and surrounded by only water, sunrise to sunset seems to go by slower than normal.

It was a very long day.

Now, he’s walking down back to the house. The skies around him are colored with all types of pinks and oranges, but honestly, he couldn’t care less. He just wants to be as far away as possible from his dad at this point.

Before Ward could even step out of the boat, Rafe was already up on his bike, helmet on his head, and ready to drive off. And as he did, the French doors of his home open to show Rose, ready to welcome her husband home.

Thank god he’s out of there already.

The drive to your house was quick, so quick that Rafe wasn’t even able to reflect on what happened back on the boat.

You’re laying on your bed, wearing nothing but an old shirt and some shorts as you try to fight off the summer heat that has been practically melting you all day. You’re laying on your stomach, legs naturally up as you lean your cheek to your fist and watch random videos on your laptop.

To say you almost screamed at your bedroom door opening so suddenly is a very large understatement. You felt like you had a small heart attack to be quite honest.

Rafe stands by your door, closing it right behind him as he throws his hat to a corner and, right after, he throws himself on your bed to lay beside you.

“You okay?” You ask him.

He doesn’t answer so you just close your laptop, sit up and turn your position around to lay back down facing him. Rafe opens his eyes as you move around and he doesn’t say anything, nor does he smile - like he usually does.

“Want to talk about it?” You try again, laying your head on your pillow, now laying on your back.

He lifts himself off the mattress slightly and shakes his head at you, still not saying anything. When you’re about to ask again, he lays his head over your chest and wraps his arms around you.

The sudden request of affection surprised you a bit, but you do as asked. You wrap your arms around him and lay a kiss on the top of his head, over his hair, and right as you do it, he speaks.

“Can you tell me about your day?” He asks you.

“Uh, yeah? But I didn’t do mu-” You try to say, but he interrupts.

“It's fine. I just want to think about something other than my dad.” He says, voice muffled by your shirt.

You lay another kiss over his hair and move a bit under him before starting to talk.

“Uh, so...” You say, extending the syllable while thinking, “I woke up at like, 10ish? Had breakfast with my mom-”

“What did you eat?”

You grin at his question and answer quickly.

“Pancakes.”

He lets out a small groan at your words and your teasing tone and your grin stretches into a smile. He could kill to be invited for breakfast again and eat those heavenly pancakes.

He’s just so tired of Rose’s god damned healthy smoothies.

“Then I watched her favorite show with her. At least until we had to go get lunch...” You stop to see if Rafe questions what you ate again, but he doesn’t, “We ate pizza, nothing too exciting.”

He groans again and you smile at him.

His day consisted of sandwiches and drinking water, you can’t blame him.

“There’s leftovers if you’re interested.” You offer and he lifts his head from your chest to look at you.

“Really?” He asks and you nod.

“Yeah, they’re by the fridge, I think.”

As soon as your sentence ends, Rafe plants a kiss on your cheek and flights up from the bed, sprinting out of your room, down your stairs, and into the kitchen while you just laughed at him.

His eyes lay over the cardboard box and when he opens it, he feels like he’s in heaven. 

After heating up the food on a plate, Rafe sprints up the stairs and you’re still on your bed, now on your phone.

“Please continue.” He says, regaining your attention.

He closes the door again and sits on the chair beside the bed on your desk, ready to start eating and continue to listen to you.

“Continue with what?”

“About your day.” He says before taking his first bite, “What happened after lunch?”

You throw your phone aside and start talking again, all of it while staring at your boyfriend, who is inhaling the food all satisfied and happy. He seems interested in your average summer vacation day, which surprised you. 

Even when you told him that your neighbor had come over, he was excited and asking questions.

But for him, he just felt relief. He’s not thinking about his dad. Not thinking about his sisters and stepmother. Or even whatever his dad told him in the boat. His mind is on you only, as well as all the kinds of gossip you got today. And that is the most relief anyone can give him.

Sorry it took me so long to write this.