#this is so dumb i’ve [redacted] for a while now it shouldn’t feel so bad now

[hoot-h00t]

:/

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Is It Really THAT Bad?

Dr. Seuss is no stranger to cinematic adaptations, and even less of a stranger to animation. And whenever Seuss gets animated, you can typically expect good things, as opposed to when his work is live action, in which case you can expect…

Yeah…

Anyway, imagine the excitement people must have felt when the creative team behind Despicable Me and the writing team behind the underrated gem Horton Hears a Who got together to do a fresh new take on The Lorax! This was in Illumination’s heyday, before they ended up showcasing that they’re more interested in churning out cheap products for maximum profit, so there was plenty of hope that this could be good. Then came all the commercial tie-ins.

Now, this alone shouldn’t be indicative of the final product. Maybe stuff like this is just a bunch of suits horribly missing the point of the original story! Maybe the actual film will be better! Well… while the film was no flop, and while it certainly got a better reception than most of the films I’ve talked about here, the film was derided by many for being an extremely shallow and lacking adaptation that adds unneeded junk to a story that didn’t need it in such a way that ultimately dilutes the message. It turns a story that operated on shades of gray and turned it into a cartoonish spectacle that would make even Captain Planet blush. Not helping was the rabid fanbase on Tumblr who shipped the Once-ler with… himself… or Jack Frost… forever tainting the film in the eyes of those on the internet.

Things got so bad eventually even the [REDACTED] Critic reviewed the film in his usual over-the-top, accentuate the negative style, and as some people still treat his word as gospel, this has most likely colored the perception of the film. So while it’s certainly not to the same level of infamy as the usual subjects of Is It Really THAT Bad? I still wanted to put this movie on here and ask one simple question:

How ba-ah-ah-ad can it be?

THE GOOD

So let me just get it out of the way: the movie’s villain song, “How Bad Can I Be,” legitimately is awesome and is frankly one of the best villain songs ever. No, I’m not kidding. It’s just a fun, rocking number with some neat visuals, and while it’s a shame the cut rock opera-esque “Biggering” is probably the better song, this one is definitely more fun and meme-worthy. Shake that bottom line!

Now, the casting is, for the most part, pretty fantastic. Minor characters like the grandma played by Betty White are a lot of fun, but really, the main piece of awesome casting is Danny DeVito as the titular Seuss creation. DeVito as the Lorax is just so incredible, perfect, and inspired that it boggles the mind how anyone could possibly come up with such amazing casting.

As far as antagonizing forces in the film go, the Once-ler’s awful, vile family are enjoyable in a “love to hate” sort of way. While it’s certainly kind of iffy that they felt the need to give the Once-ler more of an excuse for his actions beyond just simple greed, it isn’t so bad that what they came up with was familial pressure. In fact, they’re actually much better at antagonists than O’Hare, the actual villain of the film, and the fact the movie give him so much focus despite having such fascinating characters that would have had a really great thematic purpose; hell, they should have been the rulers of Thneedville instead og O’Hare! There’s so much untapped potential with these, quite frankly, very interesting characters.

I guess I should say the Once-ler is a pretty decent character in and of himself, but he very much suffers from the same problem the Jim Carrey Grinch does – he’s a good, enjoyable character in his own right, but he’s not a very good Once-ler. In fact, he at points borders on “in name only” territory. Still, he does have a pretty solid arc, and that villain song slaps, so… I think he’s solid, and Ed Helms does a good job voicing him.

THE BAD

Jon Lajoie, while in character as his misogynistic moron rapper MC Vagina, said this:

When I first heard this lyric, I didn’t understand it… but his words were a prophecy, because that is, in all honesty, the plot of this film. Our flavorless protagonist Ted really just wants to get the Truffula trees back so he can get into the pants of the local smoking hot redhead hippie, Audrey. It gets to the point where Ted’s motivations are so boring and shallow that Audrey actually would have made a far more interesting and compelling protagonist, seeing as she already has an inexplicable knowledge of the trees and cares about nature. When they already changed so much in the story I don’t see why they couldn’t just make the protagonist a girl while they were at it. As it is, she barely has any presence and feels like a waste, which becomes all the more awful when you know she’s being played by a stunt casted Taylor Swift instead of an actual voice actor or even an actor period. At least Ted is Zac Efron, an actual actor, though he doesn’t do a particularly good job himself.

Then we have our villain, O’Hare. O’Hare has all the subtlety of a Captain Planet villain but none of the cheesy goodness and fun. Sure, Rob Riggle does some good delivery and gives O’Hare some memetastic moments, and sure, his selling of canned air is oddly prescient of things that happened in real life in India (though technically President Skroob Spaceballs beat him to the punch by a few decades) but it doesn’t really redeem O’Hare from being an excessively weak villain who is shoehorned into the plot solely to turn the story into a black and white morality tale. It… doesn’t work at all. What also doesn’t help is that O’Hare has an absolutely repugnant character design, looking like if Edna Mode got mangled by a sixteen wheeler and left in a ditch on the side of the road.

Finally, this movie just doesn’t really respect the story to any great degree. As mentioned above, it waters down a story that presented arguments from both sides and, while still ultimately showing the Once-ler to be wrong and shortsighted, did have him make some valid points. Here, the story is presented as there being a clear cut good and evil in a horrendously unsubtle and unpalatable way. Yes, we get that extreme deforestation and overuse of resources is bad, you don’t need to beat us over the head with it. It doesn’t help that the film also crams in a bunch of cringeworthy pop culture humor that really doesn’t add much to the story; say what you will about the anime scene from Horton, at least there was a bit of substance and reason for it. Having characters sing the Mission: Impossible theme is just making a reference for the sake of making a reference.

Is It Really THAT Bad?

So I’m gonna say that I don’t particularly find this movie to be good, per se. It’s very dumbed down and more than a little undermined by the various brand tie ins. It is a poorly executed black and white morality tale that was crafted from a very deep and engaging piece of children’s literature, and on that level, I don’t think this movie works even a little bit. Still, there’s some enjoyment that can be mined from this, particularly from some of the more so bad it’s good moments, as well as DeVito’s performance and some actual good moments of story and character. There’s some stuff to like here if you dig a bit, but really, I don’t think you really should have to do a deep dig into The Lorax to get some enjoyment.

Overall, I wouldn’t really say this movie is totally bad, but it’s definitely not good, either; it veers more into the territory of “so bad it’s good,” which is a shame but also kind of refreshing. It’s definitely an interesting film to talk about, and there are a few things about it that work, but ultimately it’s not enough to really raise the film to the level of the classic animated Seuss adaptations or even to the level of Horton. At its best, it’s okay, and at its worst, it actively undermines its own messages. I think the 6.4 it has is pretty fair… maybe a bit too fair, if I’m being honest. I’d give it something like a 5.7 or 5.8.

Again, it’s not the worst thing ever like some might tell you; hell, the adaptation of How the Grinch Stole Christmas Illumination would go on to make is probably a worse movie. But it still doesn’t really do anything that adds to the story its telling, and it ultimately comes off as saccharine, forgettable childish fluff. It’s really a harmless movie, but it’s still probably gonna grate on anyone who holds the original story in high esteem. The {REDACTED] Critic was a bit hyperbolic in his review, but I do think he was right in principle. This movie feels like a calculated, corporate adaptation meant to be as inoffensive and marketable as possible much like every Illumination film post-Despicable Me. And if there’s one thing The Lorax shouldn’t be, it’s “inoffensive and marketable.”

[cruddyborderlandstheories]

this DLC has me FUCKED UP and i keep screaming

spoilers for Bounty of Blood under the cut, keep reading at ur own peril. Also some Guardian Takedown spoilers for anyone who hasn’t beat it yet

tl;dr: a comparison between something taken from BL2 and a thing taken from Bounty of Blood. more spoilery tl;dr below the cut.

also the siren thing is not spoilers so i’ll share it here for anyone curious, it’s just this: siren tattoos are blue but when lily absorbs eridium in 2, they turn pinkish/purple. just like how vaults do from bl1 to bl2. they’re white/blue in bl1, then purple-pink in bl2 (and tps), y’know, after Eridium begins erupting from the ground. just a neat little detail i noticed that im not entirely sure was intentional but im gonna believe it is.

tl;dr: Gythian Blood = Core and the Ruiner is of Eridian Origin even tho everyone in the DLC likes to say it was created with Jakobs’ bioengineering. disclaimer: idk if I’ve found every hidden ECHO so I may be missing a few things but I have done every side quest and took ample screenshots of all important dialogue in the DLC : )

“man i just sat here for like 15 minutes staring at my keyboard mentally comparing core and eridium like the dumb bitch i am.��

it's not like we can do an actual comparison because we have no idea what the natural fauna of gehenna was like before jakobs came and mutated everything with core unlike pandora where we know what skags and rakk and shit were like BEFORE the eridium crust erupted. 

altho!!! there's a neat comparison between joey ultraviolet and rose. like obviously he wasn't getting tattoos and was just doing lines of crushed up eridium but the point stands they both have glowy eyes and unique powers so i don't necessarily think this means rose is a siren just because she has magic powers especially when we know she got the whistling passed down to her from her grandmother. 

especially because we've never seen a siren interact with core before. altho that leaves the question we have seen core tattoos now what are eridium tattoos like? actually rose's tattoos were on her right arm obviously she isn't a siren as we know them right now (I saw a post on reddit where people thought rose was a siren) 

of course that brings up the point perhaps siren tattoos ARE eridium tattoos. but then we hear the general's log about how the devil riders were tattooing a man with core and blood so obviously they're not ‘naturally’ occurring unlike siren tattoos. so odds are they're probably not equivalents but something interesting i thought of while thinking about this is how well siren tattoos compare to the Vaults from borderlands 1 and borderlands 2″

anyway. this is all ive been thinking about. yes yes i know guardian takedown post but! >:( im still salty even tho this update has been lovely (outside of Blane not getting his correct damage scaling ‘till today......). so i’ll do that at my own damn pace. now let me elaborate so i can sleep at night lmao

Eridium

refinement produces slag, which weakens people and can mutate things

has mutating properties, mostly with imbuing elements into shit- possibly causes insanity

seems to be connected to another dimension, likely the one the Eridians are from

Core

has a secondary form of Infused Core

has mutating properties, mostly regarding a thing’s body and mind

apparently radioactive

there are some things i wanna note

1) People throughout the DLC say the Ruiner was created by the Jakobs corp (the company) thru bio-engineering but I’m 99% sure that’s not true. The paperwork seems to me like they found the egg somewhere on Gehenna and decided to roll and experiment with it like all corporations do when they find weird alien shit. so maybe they experimented with whatever was inside the egg, but I don’t think they actually created it entirely

“Excavated from [REDACTED] ... Local legends speaks of a [REDACTED]. This theory is not endorsed by our research personnel.

2) The Ruiner’s design reminds me a lot of the Warrior.

3) Core immediately reminded me of Gythian Blood from Guns Love and Tentacles and I don’t think that’s coincidence to have 2 back-to-back DLCs where the big bad is focused on green death juice. I think Gythian Blood and Core are of the same stuffs.

4) Therefore, I think the Ruiner is (mostly) of Eridian origin (if you haven’t already guessed). 

This gives us an amazing look into how the Eridians actually create their beasts!!! And I’m so happy they showed us this.

(side note, Interitus Regina (the long name for Ruiner) literally means Destruction Queen and I think that’s beautiful <3)

i mean the idea that they plunge them from orbit to create an explosion similar to a nuke is fucking horrifying (but holy shit I love it so much ahhh it’s so cool!!!!)

the one side line from Oletta about how the company couldn’t control the Ruiner deffo makes me double down on this theory. I’m not entirely sure how Rose’s grandma knew about the whistling (I don’t think I’ve found every echo log in that area YET), but I would bet it was part of the testing given how many fuckin’ tape players they have throughout the facility. The Warrior was controlled by verbal commands via Jack, so it’s possible that the Ruiner was intended to be controlled similarly, but Jakobs intervention (or something like the way Rose hatched it) fucked it up.

now we know the Warrior was created to protect the Vault of the Destroyer (hmm.) so what the heck was the Ruiner created for? Ruiner is a name given to it by Jakobs/the people of Gehenna so we can’t really assume, but then again the monster names are pretty apt in this series even tho they probably technically shouldn’t be. 

it was only an egg, so maybe it was another test of Core? A Vault Monster incubating until it was ready to protecc and attacc but was never hatched because the Eridians ‘sacrificed’ themselves before it could? (I’m still not convinced the Eridians are the good guys. Listen. LISTEN. The guardian takedown is something to think about, BUT it doesn’t disprove that theory and I’ll stand by it because I 100% trust the Overseer more than bitchpants mcgee over here who thinks he’s soooo special for no reason fuck you and your dumb ‘I did what the Watcher could not’ bull you haven’t done shit.) ok sorry im done he just angers me. stupid guardian man. your whip is stupid and you should feel bad. oh also I totally called us actually being Guardians thru Guardian Rank before the game came out aha yeah.

I definitely think Gythian was a test/use of Core from the Eridians. We see in Bounty of Blood that core seems to mutate more the physical (and occasionally mental) parts of people, like with the crew challenges u do for Juno with all the weird hybrid people and whatnot. Gythian had the whole ‘the heart still beats’ thing going on (which is definitely a physical mutation if i’ve ever seen one), plus the whole, you know, mind control and shit. Which is p similar to what the menta gnats can do when charged with Infused Core. And keep in mind in BLaT we see DAHL notes on what happens to test subjects when injected with Gythian Blood. They mutated physically and went insane.

What im saying is Sirens and Eridium and Elements are connected, so what does Core equal? body/mind sure but are there unique creatures for core (yes holy shit I’m not talking about h2o au for once and FINALLY they gave us a canon name for the green stuff!!!). If not, I’d love to see a Siren interact with Core to see what it does to them. seriously why hasn’t tannis interrupted us yet. horrible excuse for a science lover (kidding kidding, I love her). I’d also really love a fuller rundown on what the hell Rose’s powers were. Because the whistling thing seemed to just be her grandma’s thingie passed down to her from her mom

but the core stuff

her gun seems to be infused with it. So did her sword thing. I didn’t really get a good look at it i was too busy trying to see thru my blurry tears of LOVE for this DLC.

Strangely while her tattoos are (mostly) green I actually don’t know if they’re core infused bc look at this

n look back at hers. hers aren’t very lime.

anyway

her eyes

I’d love to know if the core gives her immediate future sight or just increased perception or reaction times. there’s a huge difference but she seemed to be able to shoot the gun outta the sheriff’s hand near immediately and it seems kinda implied its because of the core (or at least because her eyes are glowing green)

there’s a possibility she has some unique core powers/possibly implants because of her relations to the project in the first place, or as leader of the devil riders after looting the facility. it’s really hard to say without more info and like i said im not sure if i missed an ECHO or two or not regarding her backstory :( 

Her hair is also green which I just noticed. Maybe she has core powers bc her grandmother got suuuuuuuuper irradiated/influenced working on project horizons and it passed down thru her n Rose’s mom, to Rose. Tannis does have a line about Sirens having unique hair colors and, if Sirens are linked to Eridium, perhaps those linked to Core also have unique hair color. Could also explain why only Rose seems to have those whistling powers. That said we don’t really see anyone else trying that whistling thing out afaik and idk if it was, like, a special ability or a certain tone/ditty or w h a t. 

i know being vague with everything gives them more creative freedom to create amazing characters and scenarios, but dammit I want A N S W E R S.

All THAT said man I’m so glad magic is real in the borderlands universe. oh, sorry, “magic”. It’s magic. Science it, tannis, I dare you. either way, I win. Either it’s magic and H2O AU is canon, or it’s science and I finally get my goddamn answers. Hey gearbox can you make a book just explaining all the science and eridian stuff. please. I’d love you forever. please. pleaheheheheaaasseee it’s all i’ve ever wanted.

oh also can i just say, suuuper disappointed we didn’t learn anything about anshin. Really wish non-fan favorite corporations would get the spotlight/lore for once. Like, I like Jakobs as much as the next guy, and I get WHY they did it (can’t have a corporation looking too good!!!) but they now have 3 DLCs (Jakobs Cove, GLaT, and Bounty of Blood) and also a hefty chunk of the main game. Like... we all know Jakobs fuckin sucks, look at what they did on Pandora. I really just want info on a medical corporation 😭 I have to do everything my damn s e l f. but SERIOUSLY IMAGINE the possibilities that could come from a medical corp getting its hands on eridian tech. like, yeah obviously the weapons corps are gonna use it for weaponry and stuff BUT WOULDN’T THE MEDICAL CORPS MUTATING PEOPLE MAKE MORE SENSE??? ldfhgldfshg I have to do everything my damn self...

anyway all that aside, this is definitely by favorite borderlands dlc by a LONG shot. Nothing comes close. Ahhh the lore, the nuclear aspect, the a e s t h e t i c (seriously, have I mentioned how much I adore Trigun???), the art, the music, the cryoslinger, the fact I can bust out going beeEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAans like Ray Chase at any time and it will MAKE SENSE. I love all of it.

oh, also, Rose is totally not dead. C’mon, they couldn’t find her body. She pulled a Lilith. “Are you sure she didn’t just suffer a wound that LOOKS fatal, only for her to come back in a blockbuster sequel...?” is a line from mr Jones himself (the movie guy)

I just hope when she comes back she gets to meet Captain Scarlett. I’d love to watch their interactions plus pirates and or ninjas. That’s 2 DLC villains now that have vanished without a trace. And I like Captain Scarlett way more than Rose (seriously I spent the entire beginning of the DLC complaining about how her voice bothered me- I was so happy she was a villain, I was hoping that was the case).

oh yeah, reminder, the people of vestige were living next to highly radioactive egg for likely years. i feel really bad for them :(

also!!!

this made me smile

[allulily]

watching the promised neverland ep1

most likely spoilers ahead

(not most likely, most definitely and they are not minor spoilers so you've been warned)

these are in real time(ish) reactions i write as i watch with minimal editing

before starting the 1st episode: ok so the picture looks cute, there is no summery being shown but whatever i'll just see how this goes. my sister has been annoying me to watch it and i have heard good thing about it's use of sound. let's get this started but i have some homework so i'm going to let this play on background while i try to figure what the fuck is up with math

0:57: this gate seems important and a little suspect but cute animation and, yes emma i too wish to ride a giraffe. and they all say mom like they have the same one but they don't really look like siblings

2:26: cool intro fun vibes

2:29: what's up with the numbers

3:10: that's a lota children

3:37: they seem to happy go lucky, somethings up

4:29: animation pretty

4:43: ominous music and numbers mean bad things

4:55: ohhh is it connys birthday happy birthdayyy babyy

5:18: i don't know what they're doing bet it seems ominous and intense

5:31: kinda culty vibes

5:49: yayyyyyy

5:59: eDgEyy

6:15: TAGGGGGGG

6:26: why all white? it's culty

7:02: Aawwwwww Conny and Don are BESSSSTTT friends

7:33: norman's good at tag

7:59: BIIIIIIGG steppppyy

8:09: clocks are cool, whimsical

8:26: oh no norman, emma go help him

8:27: NOOOORRMANNNN UR MEANNN

8:52: how stRatITigiEc

9:53: feeling ominous

10:01: oh no

10:09: ahhhh noooo suspenseee somethings gonna happen

10:24: i'm unsettled i've been unsettled

10:46: oooooooooh exposiiiitioooooonn

10:50: it's a tiny fence man

10:59: yesss be the level head ray QUESTION EVERYTHING

11:08: hmmmmmmm something's a bit weird

11:23: mmmmmmmmk these people gathered seems like some key players because they aren't that stupid and are not 4 years old and are talking about suspect things

11:26: it's an orphanage huh didn't get that till just now i was pretty sold on the cult idea, still could be an orphanage for a cult

11:30: 12 is not the age at which you age out of foster care system/ no longer need a legal guardian what happens at 12? do they go to a new orphanage?

11:33: from who ur orphans? i take back what i said about them being important because they're smart they're kinda dumb but still there is an adaquate amount of them to make sense as being important based on the topic they're discussing

11:38: i redact my previous statement of my redaction of them being smart

11:43: that's not how that's supposed to work

11:56: glasses sweety i don't think that's how that works

11:58: this seems like the type of conversation you shouldnt brush off like that

12:02: based on this background music and the music as emma approached the fence i kinda feel like you don't

12:10: yea that's culty

12:12: so they have access to books that's cool

12:50: they are pretty childish for protagonists

12:52: based on the title that statement ("i don't really want to leave") is either very very true or very very false

12:59: given that this is the first episode of an anime and it has some very culty vibes the "we're all happy here" is not going to last

13:02: someone is not happy

13:03: this child has a very high pitched kind of annoying voice i hope they die first

13:08: ooh this small child is getting adopeted (idk is that like being inducted into the cult? then why a 5 year old before the 10?11? year olds) i take back the ending of my previous statement they seem like a side character/supporting character and they're cute enough and they said something nice so i geuss they can stay as long as they don't talk to much

13:13: like a mom or an orphanage mom?

13:17: the whole "never even think about abandoning my children" but seems odd but my running theory is that they are part of a cult so maybe that's a prevelant issue? or is it because they are in an orphanage that this is relevant?

13:19: this feels a bit creepy

13:55:awwwww

13:59: noooo her best friend don is crying and she's crying and its saaaad but they were part of the conversation of important topics so maybe she'll stick around or we'll get updates on her

14:02: ominous door slam

14:12: ohh nooo this is very not sounding good

14:19: uh oh somethings off

14:31: mk i geuss that gate doesn't look bad at all

14:32: connys bunny, noooooooo

15:03: why isn't he joining them

15:05: whatever i geuss they're very considerate

15:13: uh oh spagetios

15:17: this seems like it's gonna be a bigger deal that the show wants be to believe

15:22: well that trucks suspicious

15:32: oh no ominous music and ominus anxiety inducing camera angles before it was only the video or sound

15:37: ahhhhhhh suspenseeeeee is gettin toooo meeee

15:43: ahhhhhhHhHHhHHHH creepy vibes

15:50: dumb bitch characters are unaffected

15:56: there isn't even ominus music just a consistent background noise and an every so often background noise and creepy ways the scene are shot but it's wooorrrkkkingggggg

16:03 suspense is building what's gonna happennnn

16:08 what's that dark stain. i hope it's water

16:25 shit what's happened

16:28 she is unsteady this is not god the weird noises are getting creepier

16:30 biiiiig step back

16:32 oh no she has seen something

16:36 oh wow this is killing me but like in a good way

1639 wooow this is a looooot creepier now

16:46 the way we are being brought to look at the thing emma is looking at is excruciating ahhhhhhhhh

16:54 oh nooooooo what issss itttttttt

16:56 hot ducking shit is that conny

17:00 ok so there's a flower

17:01 ok so the flower stabbed conny

17:06 SHIIT

17:29 are they out of food why would he want to catch a cat for dinner this seems bad

17:36 FUCK

17:42 god this animation is beautiful

17:46 huh so it seems like connys dead dead. um i didn't mean it when i said i hope she dies first

17:50 so do they eat people

17:52 yes

18:01 what did they just put connys body in?

18:03 oh no

18:09 FARMMMM

18:11 "only the rich can-" CAPITTTALLLLLISIOOOOMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!

18:14 AHHHHHHH SHUUUUT UP U FOOLSSS

18:22 ANOTHER

18:32 MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

18:39 AHHHHHH NOOOOOO DONTTT FINDDD THEEMMMMMMMM

18:52 NOOOOOOOOOO

18:53 AHHHHHYHHHHH SHIIIIIIIITTTTTTTT

19:03 ahhh yes hyperventilation

19:22 no

19:26 denial

19:48 shouldn't everyone be able to hear her pained wail

19:54 badly like it went like shit like thank fucking god they found out but also it's the worst thing ever

20:25 such great expression of emotions is shown

21:09 yes escaping an evil cult canabil type farm shit will be EXAXTLY like playing tag yes great splendid why was i ever worried i might as well stop watching this series now because you can defeat all of your problems with the ability's you have attained from tag

21:12 SOMMMEEBODDDYYSSSSS EEVVEEESSSDROOPPPINGHGGH

21:17 HOT FUCKING SHIT ON A STICK THAT SCARED ME

21:29 SHITTTTTTTTT

[scarletpan-moved]

All the aesthetic asks

Meme Mentioned: @little-mx-rayne // @kotafrost // @lukeriolc // @paladin-in-red // @jiminy-krispies

flower crown: when did you last sing to yourself?

... I was in Captain D’s, and Pink came on the radio in there, and I was singing to myself under my breath while waiting on my food.

fairy lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know?

Am I going to be okay? 

It’s a general question, I know, but it’s all I need to know. If I could have the reassurance that, no matter what fucking hell I go through, I’ll be okay? I’d be 100% better off.

daisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

Living to today. I think, when you’ve had a tough life, you’ve considered doing things that you shouldn’t, that living past that, living in spite of that, that’s a damn good accomplishment. And living to a point where I have days where I am happy? That’s pretty damn good too. 

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise?

When I hear happy memory, there is two things that come to mind. 

One: This past summer, going to Michigan, walking around [Town Name Redacted] with my partner. Seeing the water falls, the bears, all of that... 

Two: Theater, back in high school - being back stage and just being so proud, so excited, and so damn happy. I adored that mess. 

matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living?

If I were to die in a year, I would message people. I would message people I hate, and tell them how they made me feel. I would message past squabbles and try to set aside our differences. I would message family members and tell them how their hypocrisy hurts me. 

But would I change anything? No. I’d just be more honest. 

black nail polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things?

Not a formal list, but there are a few things I would say I want to accomplish before I die. They rearrange occasionally, in my head, but at the moment I would say that my top three are 

- Visit Japan, or another country on my bucket list. - Meet people who have inspired me (beyond those who I admire, or those who’s work I enjoy, there are famous people who have inspired me. That list is smaller.) - Pet a sheep and/ or alpaca

pantone: describe a person close to your life in detail.

A temper disproportionate to their height, but equal to their beauty. Protective, to the point of needing to be calmed, just as their zodiac would suggest. They are fierce, will gut you with their horns if you threaten what is theirs, but at the same time they are nurturing. When you are upset, your thought is them. When you are happy, your thought is them. No matter if it is your greatest joys, or your greatest sorrows, you want to share it with them. 

Now, that fits two people in my life, but they are equally as close, as important, and I couldn’t pick one. 

moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood?

I think I had a childhood, which is more than many could say. I also think that childhood ended far too soon. 

I think it was okay, due to my naivety at the time. That being said, looking back on it I do not think it was a ‘good’ childhood by any means. It simply seemed that way at the time. 

stars: when did you last cry in front of another person?

Does over skype count? If so, last night while I was on a call with Rayne, due to something they wrote. If that doesn’t count, then when I found out about Vegas, being I cried in front of my mother. 

plants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them.

Rayne. 

I picked Rayne because they don’t grow too restless with these things. They see the cheesy romance in typical, old fashioned dates. I picked Rayne because their imagination knows no bounds, and because they are likely to see things in the stars that I cannot. I picked Rayne because we could talk for hours about the ins and outs of the universe, and never once grow bored. 

converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them?

It depends on the setting. If a stranger were experiencing something I have in the past? Of course. If it were to help them, I would have no qualms. But just rando #3? No.

lace: when was your last 3 am conversation with someone, and who were they to you?

My partner, Rayne, and I were on skype last night at 3 am. We were talking about our roleplay plot, I do believe it was a plot about her character being in a coma and seeing people in purgatory (think the train station in HP when Harry temporarily died) before coming to.

handwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one person, what would you say and to whom?

I would remind my partners I love them. If I could only tell one, I would tell one and have them remind the other of the fact. I don’t know what else I could want to tell anyone. 

cactus: what is your opinion on brown eyes?

I think they are under-romanticized. I think they’re beautiful, and they hold just as much spirit, emotion, and depth as blue or green eyes. I think brown eyes are beautiful.

sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally.

“Keep moving forward.” 

This has been my mantra for years, even more so since Mon/ty O/um died. Keep moving forward means the obvious, to keep moving and never give up, but also more than that. It means to always be looking at the next thing. It means not to let something get in your way, and instead move past that. It means not to move backward. It means that, once you’ve moved past something, keep going. And that’s a reminder I need.

oil paints: what would you title the autobiography of your life so far?

“An Eventful Life in Depression and Anxiety”? “Growing Up is for Chumps”? I’m not really sure

overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars?

Hoard the fuck out of it. 

No not really. I would travel, some. I would take Rayne and Kota to cons, and buy cosplays. I would tip double at restaurants, and leave $10 in tip jars. I would buy Sta/rbucks every day. 

I would be happy.

I wouldn’t be in debt.

combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way?

No. No no no, you see I try to be forgiving. And once upon a time I was. Now days? I’m passively bitter. I don’t have the energy to stay mad, so I don’t. But I refuse to forgive people and welcome them back into my life once they’ve hurt me. Fuck that. Fuck them. 

winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self.

Dear 12 y/o Kerri, 

I know things are... off this year, or they will be soon. Just know a few things. If someone loves you, then they show it. Sage may be a dumb ass, but he's right, you should listen to him. Haley has a lot on her plate, you know what's going on with her mom, don't hold her immaturity against her. She's more important than he is anyway. And I know you like Math Team, but maybe you should quit.

Also? Mom isn't trying to ruin your life. I promise, she loves you. Please, don't... be so hard on her, okay?

                            We’ll Be Okay,                                          20 y/o Kerri

pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel?

Pastel punk?? Like I enjoy both spectrum(s) of fashion, so I’m not sure.. I guess I lean more toward punk in physical style, right now at least.

tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain.

I love them. There are four tattoos I want, and I would love a few more piercings as well. body mods are a wonderful path for self expression.

piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not?

Yes?? I think it’s a normal amount, but on days where I’m feeling up to it I typically wear foundation, powder, contour, eyeliner, and mascara. 

bands: talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way.

                    “You've got to make a choice                     If the music drowns you out                          And raise your voice      Every single time they try and shut your mouth” 

M//CR has always been a big influence and help to me throughout my life, but these lyrics always helped me. Honestly, these lyrics started my journey to speaking to be heard, instead of keeping quiet.

messy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them.

Fuck uhm

That’s a lot of pressure.... I guess “We are all the same, stop implementing arbitrary differences, this is what divides us.” 

cry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel.

I’ve only really been to a few small ones. I went to B/oys Like G//irls, but that wasn’t my choice, and then I went to Skill//et - that one was amazing. It was my first date with The Boyfriend, and honestly the memory is one of my fondest ones. 

Other than that, I saw Jeff Will//iams in concert at RT/X, and I think that was my best concert experience so far. It was pure magic, and I hope I can see him again.

grunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say?

My nana saying she bought me a car and is paying for my college, instead of being a greedy old-- 

Okay no, bad. 

Uhm, honestly? I’m not sure. I suppose getting a letter saying that my college was paid for, I’m... Not sure.

space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised?

I have a desk, but it’s a fucking mess. I have a shelving thing and some drawers on it, but they’re all a mess, honestly I need to clean it. Also cups. And pens. Cup + Pen city.

white bed sheets: what is your night time routine?

Skype until it’s time to crash, wash my face, brush my teeth, fall down into my pillows.

old books: what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know?

Hmn... Probably how far away I’m planning on moving. My dad probably expects it, but mom... I think she has this illusion that I’ll stay in-state forever and I really can not do that.

beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why?

Mmmm I think I’d go back to purple? Or purple and blonde? Maybe purple with blonde streaks in the bangs? Or pastel purple?

eyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do?

Mmmm Kota, Jacob, Rayne... And then probably Kit and Cricket? We’d probably go to the gardens or the zoo, that sounds like something we’d all enjoy!

11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them.

I wish to be closer (physically) to Rayne, so that we can comfort one another better in times of crises. 

I wish to be better at understanding emotions, so that I can better help those around me. 

I wish for a voice acting opportunity, so that I can follow my true passion. 

painting: what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up.

Hmm I really liked this one I had a few years ago. It was a witchy-esque dress, it had a hoop in the skirt that I took out, and then I did some soot-y makeup to go with it. 

I need to lose weight so I can wear it again...

lightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high?

Oh uhm

I think falling out of my chair while on skype with Rayne was probably the worst thing I did while high, but I can’t remember much of that night. WAIT I TOOK A TEST WHILE SOMEWHAT HIGH DOES THAT COUNT

thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars?

Mmm, I would do a lot for that much. I guess kill / hurt an innocent animal, I’m bad but I’m not that bad.

storms: you on only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why?

Two Faced - Shannon Taylor (it’s suck in my head)... But as for a person, I can’t pick. I gotta have Jacob, Kota, and Rayne. I can’t pick one. 

love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realize you’re in love.

Yes. 

It feels like everything clicks. It feels like conversation flowing like water. It feels like opening up faster than you ever have before. It feels like thinking about them at 3 am when you can’t sleep, but also at 8 am when you wake up, and noon when you’re busy in class. It feels like discomfort when you can’t check on them, and relief when they message. It feels like a warm bubble bath, every time you hear them laugh or see them smile. It feels right.

clouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair?

I have really short hair, bitch.

coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone?

Mmmm It depends. Right now I could go for a white chocolate mocha with an extra shot of espresso, oooor a PSL. And Kota could always order for me. 

marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now?

My own emotional progression, and my relationships (with Rayne, Jacob, and Kota). Anything else is second fiddle. 

[dreamscript]

Word for Word (M)

“Less talking. More fucking. Yeah?”

You swore you’d never sleep with him again, but people change. For better or for worse--who cares? Nobody’s trying to commit, anyways.

    ➟ jungkook x reader

    ➟ college/fratboy/fwb au.

    ➟ 3.4k of collegic glory & newly redacted frat names         ↳ tw: smut.

Jeon Jungkook is a fuckboy through and through. If you look through all his social media photos, all you see are countless images of him sandwiched between two girls, his muscular arms wrapped around their shoulders. Two different girls in each picture, never the same. Most of the photos are dark, dimly lit party scenes with the flash in their eyes, but sometimes there are filter-saturated beach pictures in which Jungkook’s shirtless and hugging girls in bikinis.

(Quite frankly, at times you weren’t really sure who to be jealous of: Jungkook or the girls. Both looked really fucking good. But it’s not like you were really Instagram stalking him and actually cared about his pictures or anything. Totally not.)

His friends aren’t any better. Their entire squad is worshipped by a surprisingly large portion of the male population; your guy friends spend way too much time scrolling through the photos, gushing over the girls, gushing over how much they’d like to be Jeon Jungkook, gushing about any of his friends. And the girls think he’s hot (and, okay, so do you). They flirt and tease, show up at his frat; smiling, giggling. They drink, party, fuck around. Come and go. After all, in this generation...

“...having a fuck buddy used to be such a scandalous thing, you know?” your friend says. “But like now, it’s kind of just like ‘oh, you have a fuck buddy? Is he hot? I bet he’s good in bed. That’s so cool.’ It’s kind of like that kinda thing now. Because it’s basically like having a significant other, but with no strings attached.”

You nod and take a sip of your drink. “Yeah. Commitment’s kinda scary, isn’t it? Having to devote so much of your time to just one person--like hell, I don’t even devote that much time to studying so I can graduate!”

Your friend cackles madly and raises her coffee cup in a mock toast. “Preach, oh my god same.” 

You knock your cup against hers and gulp your drink. “Okay, but speaking of classes, I actually should get going. I’ve a presentation later today and I kinda need to prepare. I wrote the entire script last night. And honestly? I’ve been running on some mystery combo of Monster, Red Bull, and who knows what else that my dormie handed me. She’s quiet but super helpful in her own way.”

“Jealous. Mine never leaves the room and is always blasting kpop or something else of the sort. She’s not bad, but I kinda wish I had a dorm mate who would hand me caffeine-packed, heart-attack-inducing energy drinks,” your friend jokes. 

You give her a tight smile. 

“Yeah, alright, fine.” She makes a dismissive gesture. “You going to the ▒▒▒ party tonight?”

“Yeah.” You stand up, gather your things. “D’you know any of the brothers there? I heard it might be a closed party.”

She makes a face. “Really? I was hoping you knew someone.”

“I mean, I do,” you say, slowly. You think of Jungkook, snapback backwards on his head, wearing a tank that shows off his absurdly toned arms. How he holds his cup high up in the air whilst dancing and shoots all the girls smirks and grins. Including you. You’d been avoiding going to the ▒▒▒ house for a while, but the memories seem fresh in your mind--almost tangible. “But I don’t know him well enough. I’d prefer to get turned away than to call him. A pride thing, I guess. We might have to scout out for other open parties just in case, or head to the bars.”

Your friend pouts. “Aw, come on. Well...fine then. I was hoping I wouldn’t have to bring a jacket because you know how gross those places can get, but whatever. Anyways, what’s your deal with him, though? I thought you guys like...were...a thing. A while ago.”

“We had sex once.”

“Yeah. Was it really that bad?”

“Well, let’s just say it was...not the best experience I’ve had in bed.” You’d promised yourself that it wouldn’t happen again because A, he was actually kinda terrible and B, his snobbish compliments to himself-- “God, I’m so hot, feel these abs girl”--during sex became a little annoying. 

You’d thought that someone as good looking as he was would actually know how to seduce someone effectively, but unfortunately all the good looks only made his head big. Freshman you was not that great at choosing who to have sex with, apparently.

“Really? People tell me he’s hot as hell and like, really good.”

You roll your eyes. “Either they were so wasted they didn’t remember anything and just made shit up, or a miracle happened and Jungkook learned how to actually fuck someone right while keeping his narcissistic comments to himself. For the record, I think the first one is a lot more likely.”

Your friend laughs. “Alright, well, get ready to meet him tonight.”

“Ha ha, so excited.” You mutter, taking your leave.

//

Thirty minutes into your class and you’re standing at the front, positioned in front of the podium, with a powerpoint projected behind you.

“Why do people find the ‘bad boy’ trope so appealing? Psychology Today tells us that women may be attracted towards these ‘Dark Triad’--otherwise known as ‘DT’--men due to two factors: sexual selection and sexual conflict,” you say. The next slide has a graph representing a study relating to the theory, which you go on to explain in great detail.

Your gaze flits across the room as you attempt to find a place to focus on: the wall, the chairs, the table, your peer’s faces. Your eyes catch Jungkook’s and he’s smiling wide, a dark grin on his face. It’s probably because he’s enjoying the presentation. A lot. Because it’s about him. And people--especially those like him--love hearing about themselves.

You curse inwardly when you realize that you’re stroking his ego with this presentation. Then again, you figure that there isn’t much more room for his ego to grow any bigger.

“And finally,” you say, moving onto your final slide. “It is important to keep in mind that many of these studies have been conducted with the younger generations, in which short term flings are popular, thus making the concept of play boys even more appealing.”

“Thank you,” your professor says. She jots down something into her notepad and glances around the small, introductory class. “Any questions?”

There are a couple, nothing particularly alarming or that would make you want to shrink in a hole and die because you have no fucking clue what the answer is. Thank god. You catch Jungkook shrugging on his hoodie, the large, lumpy Greek letters flashing under the light of the room. Insufferable.

You think of tonight’s party. You then think of ditching. And then you start to think of your friend’s look of betrayal, jaw hanging open and eyes wide. She’s going to be wearing a cute top and matching skirt. Her makeup’s going to be on point (for once). You feel bad--maybe you shouldn’t ditch, maybe it won’t be all that bad (after all, there were some incredibly hot, decent guys in the frat). 

Jungkook sees you watching and winks.

If it wasn’t for Jungkook and his cocky, fuckboy attitude...

“If that is all, thank you very much,” the professor says. “Next, let’s have Jeong Inseong present…”

//

You pick up the plastic bottle ungraciously, practically dumping the whole thing of cheap vodka into your cup. It’s been a long night. You’ve spent who knows how long on the dance floor, and have managed to finally find your way to the messed up drinks table, somewhat covered in sticky liquid. You tell yourself that it’s all alcohol as you set the half-empty bottle back down, though you know it could very much well be other things. Because you told yourself the sticky shit in the bathroom of your first-ever frat party was alcohol, only to find out that it was actually--

“I had no idea you’d be here.” 

Oh lord, here he is. Jungkook. You roll your eyes and take a sip. 

“Did you have an invite? I heard they were being really strict out there, even to girls. You could’ve told me you wanted to come from the start, you know.”

“It’s fine. Your bouncers started letting in pretty much any girl after 11, anyways. And I only came because of my friend.” Thankfully--or perhaps, unfortunately--the bus had run late, so you and your friend had arrived later than expected. 

“Well, alright then,” he says, running a hand oh-so-casually along your thigh before resting it on your hip. “Also, I didn’t get to tell you this, but that was a nice presentation today.”

You roll your eyes (again) and turn around. “Thanks, Jeon.” 

He smirks. “It had an especially interesting topic. Care to tell me how you came up with it?”

“While reading Pride and Prejudice, actually,” you reply. It’s true, really. You’d been skimming through the book when a question came up in your mind, which was answered by another question, and another and another until finally you ended up with four tabs of cat videos, one tab blaring 2010 pop songs, and another tab containing an old Buzzfeed article about far-fetched reasons as to why narcissism gets you laid.

Jungkook looks slightly taken aback. “Oh? Really? Why were you reading that book?”

“I had to proofread some high schooler’s essay and decided I needed a bit of a refresher to, you know, spot any blatant bullshitting.” You take a sip of your drink and give him a look. “I went from being a comp lit major to a plain old English major since the last time we talked. As a result, I might have to stay an extra semester, so I took up a side job for the extra money.”

“Ah, I see.” He takes another drink from his cup. Even though it’s a plain old, stereotypical red solo cup, the way he sips from it elegantly has you thinking for a brief second that it could be a sophisticated wine glass. It’s kind of a dumb thought so you blame it on the fact that you’re beginning to feel the buzz of alcohol.

“So, Miss ‘plain old’ English major, do you have anything more to say about that presentation? Hm? Maybe something more sexual in nature?”

It’s such a ridiculous way to come onto someone but Jungkook’s a prime example of a person who can bypass all sorts of typically socially awkward situations simply because he looks really attractive. He presses closer to you, and you can’t deny how fucking hot it makes you feel.

“Well, I can tell you that although women may think bad boys and the like are more attractive--comparatively, of course--it doesn’t necessarily mean that they would be more likely to have sex with them.” You bat your lashes at him and feign a bright smile.

He falters slightly but smirks to cover it up. There it is again: getting past the awkward feeling of being sassed with a simple, killer look. “Really? That’s unfortunate.” He leans in close, whispers into your ear. “But maybe we could change up that statistic?”

You make no move to push him off of you as he begins to mouth at the shell of your ear, instead gripping his waist. “Oh please, is this going to be another replay of freshman year? You were a flop back then,” you tease. The way he’s mouthing you right now is making heat pool at the bottom of your stomach. You’re going to make another mistake and you know it, and you’re struggling to decide whether or not you should care.

Jungkook groans. “Freshman year was freshman year. Times have changed. Drastically.”

“What, did you take sex ed? Shit like that doesn’t make you any better at it. Like standardized test prep.” This time, you push him off slightly, enough so you can smirk at his face and throw back your drink. It burns. It’s bitter. But it gives you all the courage you need to face him again. Intoxicated, but not incapacitated. He grips your hips tightly, with both hands, and brings your bodies together again.

“Then let me prove it to you,” he says, and leans to mouth at your neck, your collarbone. “Let me prove it to you that I’ve gotten better.”

If you accept, you’d be conforming right with most of your presentation’s findings, giving into the pride and cockiness and narcissism of Jungkook. And for a second time. And yet, right now, you’ve decided you could care less, as he tilts your chin up to kiss you, hot, wet, sloppy. The alcohol makes you feel loose and frankly you’d like more of it, but maybe not, because, if anything, Jungkook’s more intoxicating.

“Alright, playboy,” you say, reaching to play with the collar of his shirt. “But you better be as good as the rumors say you are.”

He chuckles darkly as he brings you in for another open-mouthed kiss. You trail your lips over his skin and over to his ear--

“Let’s take this into the bedroom, shall we?”

He complies. He always does.

As soon as the door is shut and locked--because nothing’s more embarrassing than being caught having (tipsy) sex by strangers--Jungkook’s mouth is on yours again.

Hot breath, skin to skin; you moan into his mouth. When the two of you break apart there’s a thin trail of saliva that connects your lips, but neither of you could care less, and it’s actually kind of hot…

You grind your hips against him and he groans, pushes you back against the bed, only to struggle with taking off his pants. You giggle, reaching over to help unbuckle his belt, slide his jeans off. Tease with the hem of his boxers. Slide them down, casually, sensually.

“You’re such a tease,” he murmurs, taking off your bra, throwing it aside. You run a thumb over his collarbone as you lay on the mattress in your panties, and your panties only.

“Oh, I’m the tease? You--ah--”

Jungkook’s roughly shoved a finger inside of you, working it in and out. He chuckles darkly and lifts your hips up slightly, sliding your underwear down your legs and tossing it aside. He returns to his ministrations, now using two fingers and making scissoring motions. You moan.

“Want me to eat you out?”

“Only if you can make me come.”

You don’t even have to lift your head to know that he’s smirking. “Oh, I can do that plenty of times, in more ways than one if that’s what you want.” Before you can snark back at him, he slides down between your legs and all of a sudden your mind’s whirling, your head a hazy, lusty mess of pleasure. You can feel his tongue working inside of you and holy shit it feels so good, and then he kisses your clit and sucks it, roughly. You moan.

“You like that, huh, princess?” He licks at your clit as he shoves his fingers back inside you once more, curling his digits and pumping them in and out. You can’t reply, too breathless for words, as you feel the heat burning and twisting and curling and then there’s this overwhelming sense of pleasure that floods your mind as you orgasm, convulsing around his fingers.

He licks you one last time and pulls himself up to you. His mouth glistens obscenely. Panting, you catch your breath.

“Good boy,” you say, voice a bit hoarse. You sit up and smirk. “Now, my turn.”

He grins. “Does this mean--” he strokes his length and you bite your lip as you take in sight the thick girth of his cock, the precome leaking from the head “--you’d like to suck me off?”

“No,” you reply, crawling over to him. You push him onto the sheets and straddle him. “I’m going to ride you.”

“Oh? For some reason I--”

“Shut it, playboy,” you say, hands splayed across his toned chest, and grind teasingly against the tip of his cock. Jungkook groans and presses his head against the pillow. “Less talking, more fucking, yeah?”

“F-uck,” he bites. He brings his hands to your hips, fingers sliding against sweaty skin. Deftly, you push his hands aside and roll your hips, earning another moan. “Ready, Kookie?”

And Jungkook relents, he gives in, resolve crumbling to nothing. He lets you ride him. You, sinking slowly down onto his length, muscles tightening around him. You, letting out sweet, satisfied moans as you adjust around him and then rub at your own nipples. He bucks his hips up involuntarily at the sight, so turned on and overly eager to get his release.

As you pick up the pace--breasts bouncing, movements getting erratic--Jungkook attempts to match it, bringing his hips upwards in motion with yours. As he senses you nearing your edge, he reaches slightly to rub at your clit roughly.

You squeak in surprise at first and the moan, pressing your hands firmly against his chest. “Jungkook...are you close yet?”

He grunts in response. God, he’s close. He’s right at the edge and it feels so fucking great…

“Cum inside of me if you are. Now.”

He doesn’t need anymore prompting before he releases, riding out the orgasm in rhythm to your hips. You cum soon enough, shuddering slightly and muscles squeezing tightly against his cock. Jungkook continues to rub at your clit to help prolong the orgasm.

“F--uck.”

With all the grace you can muster, you tumble off of him, your tipsy, fucked-out mind still buzzing with the warmth of all the pleasure. Jungkook grunts as he wraps an arm around you and tugs the covers up. You whine.

“Kook, I’m hot.”

“I know,” he says. He nips at your ear and you roll your eyes.

“I meant temperature wise.”

“You’ll be fine.” He doesn’t let go, and lets himself easily drift off into sleep. You snort and follow suit.

//

Skin feeling slightly sticky, throat dry, mind hazy, you fumble around in the sheets and groan upon seeing Jungkook’s sleeping face. Right in front of you, mere centimeters away. He lets out a puff of breath from his nostrils and it’s so utterly adorable it kinda makes you mad. You resist the urge to flick his forehead.

He hisses and immediately moves to cover his forehead. Impulse control is poor. Too bad for him that you don’t regret it, though. Probably wouldn’t ever. “Wha’ wassat fer?” he mumbles, voice thick with sleep. You retract your hand and shrug, propping yourself up on the pillow.

“Dunno. Good morning to you, sleeping beauty.” You hop out of the bed and stumble over to where your clothes are, a crumpled mess, flung about the room. One by one you pick them up whilst running a hand through your hair. It’s probably mess right now, just like you. And not a hot one, either.

“That’s right,” Jungkook says, flopping onto his side. “I’m the most beautiful man there is.”

You roll your eyes as you tug on your panties, clip your bra on. “That was sarcasm, dumbass.”

“No, it was the truth,” he murmurs into the pillow. He then turns his head to the side and manages to open his eyes, blinking them slowly as he watches you dress. You snort.

“Yeah right.”

He makes a whining noise and scrunches his nose in an adorable way. Runs a hand through his bedhead--now that’s a hot mess. You turn away to shrug your shirt on. 

“We should continue this.”

You turn and give him a disbelieving look. 

“I’m serious,” he says, propping himself up on the bed. The cover slides down his body, revealing his toned abdomen. “That was literally the best sex I’ve had in so long.”

“And what makes you think that was the best sex for me?” The emphasis on me comes mostly from the added grunt as you attempt to tug your pants up your kind of damp, alcohol-reeking, (frankly) not exactly appealing body (at least, at the moment).

“I--” he stops and turns his head away, embarrassed.

You laugh. “You’ve improved, Jeon.”

He looks at you shyly now. “Thanks? Uh, so…?”

You shrug. “If it’s just sex, that’s fine with me.” You look at him. “After all, commitment’s kinda scary.”

He looks happy, stares at you kind of mindlessly. A bit offsetting but nothing you can’t get used to. “Yeah,” he breathes. “Commitment’s kinda scary.”

a/n: oops i accidentally deleted the content of this fic when i was revamping my blog, so i re-filled it all in with an older version i had, which i edited. i couldn’t find the old gif so i left things as is!! oops

[sapphic-romeo]

I am soooooo mad at my sister rn (again) so im just gonna rant under a cut

Things about living with my sister that piss me off:

1. She relies on me for EVERYTHING. We don’t have sponges or dish soap right now because I ALWAYS get them, but I asked her to this time and she said she would... three weeks ago. It’s from the dollar store two blocks from our house, so I’m not asking her to go a long way away, or to spend a lot of money... it should be so simple. And this is the third time something like this has happened, the first being...

2. The Toilet Incident. This is a whole item of its own because it was so disgusting and unequivocally her fault. She has her own half-bathroom that she says “doesn’t exist as far as I’m concerned.” She says this because I told her she can’t trash “my” bathroom as it’s the only one I’ve got. (Side note, that doesn’t matter when she has guests coming over and i have to clean her clothes out of my bathroom). Anyway, she  clogged up the shared toilet with literal, actual shit. I was the first to find out it was clogged and it overflowed a little, and I had to use my personal bath towel to mop it up. I told her to deal with it, to go to the dollar store that is, again, 2 blocks away, and get a plunger, and she just. Didn’t. For a week and a half I was waiting to pee until I left for class or sneaking past her and her boyfriend while they slept so I could use her bathroom. Er, sorry, I meant the void I can’t look directly at because it doesn’t exist to me. Either way, I peed in it.

That’s not even the end of it. I left an angry note on the toilet for her to “GET A FUCKING PLUNGER” that she just threw away, and finally I told her “Today. It has to be today.” I had a few ideas of what the implied “or else” would entail, some involving poison ivy in her underwear drawer, or throwing her clothes behind our apartment, and frankly I almost did it anyway. Because she agreed to go get a plunger that same day. And then immediately invited her friends over to hang out. I don’t know about you, but unless they’re my best friend and they’re going to cheer me on while I hang up clothes, I don’t invite people over so I can run errands and do chores. That’s when I knew she was ignoring me. Again. So, despite it not being my literal, actual shit encrusting the main toilet, I went and got a plunger. I was still determined not to be the one to actually do it, because it was disgusting and you have to draw the line somewhere, but I just wanted it done at this point. So to make it even easier, I got my sister a pair of dish gloves, because I knew I’d want them. Even after all this literal and figurative shit, I was still trying to be nice.

So I bring the gear back to our place and I tell her that I got it, so whenever she’s ready to deal with it... She says “Oh. Thanks.” and goes back to talking with her friends. I putz around for a few more minutes, but now I have to pee. And I’m on the edge of going crazy. If she doesn’t deal with this problem right. Fucking. now, I’m gonna lose my entire mind. So, I get the plunger and put it in her hand. Literally place the damn thing in her awful, grubby, disrespectful, irresponsible fingers. She doesnt move. I have to beg her to go deal with it, in front of her friends (I’m sure she would’ve ignored me if they weren’t there), before she finally got up and made the toilet usable again. And you know what? She didn’t even scrub it. I did that. It was disgusting.

3. Money. This one is equal parts paranoia and justification for that paranoia. So we don’t have a lot of groceries in the house. The last time we did a big shopping trip was maybe a month ago. I picked up the tab for that, about $50. We got a lot of unnecessary stuff, mostly at her behest, but enough that I could make a few meals and we were both satisfied. She says she’ll pay me back over venmo, I say sure. On the way back we stop for gas, and this bitch. Oh, this bitch. She has not yet paid me back for the groceries, and at the gas station she starts trying to convince me to pay for the gas, because “You don’t fill up the tank ever because you don’t drive [our shared car] as much.” Yeah, no shit I don’t pay $25 to fill up the tank when I only use $5 of gas. I put in $5 of gas whenever I drive somewhere (I’m aquaintances with this one guy at this one gas station, I get a coffee and a few bucks of gas, it’s a good time). I tell her, “I just dropped $50 on groceries, you pick up the $25 gas and we’ll call it even,” even though that’s pretty forgiving on my part. She paid for gas, but even then she was huffy about it.

Small thing, she keeps borrowing quarters for laundry and then doesn’t pay me back.

She also keeps forgetting that I pay $50/mo for wifi, and says I owe her half the utilities, but doesn’t split the cost of wifi. Example: the gas bill last month was $84 total. She tells me I owe her $42, half, right? So I pay $42. Then I tell her she owes me $25 for the wifi, half, right? and she tells me “Well the electric was $25 total so how about I just put it towards that and you don’t have to pay any of it?” Um... what? The electric bill would only cost me $12.50 after splitting... where’s my other $12.50? I’ve learned my lesson at this point; we each cover the first $50 of utilities and split the rest, so she says “This month was $84, that’s $42 each,” and I say “No, we split $34, that’s $17 each.” It works out okay as long as I don’t let her get ahold of the money in the first place.

Now, this is where the paranoia comes in. I’m not sure she’s actually paying the bills with the money I give her. My (now ex) boyfriend lived with us for a few months, and when he moved out he gave her a chunk of cash that was more than enough to cover the last utility bills that would come along after he moved out. Then we go to dinner with our third sister, and she says “oh yeah, I can’t wait for my paycheck so I can finally pay the bills.” I look at her, and I’m like “Didn’t [REDACTED] give you the money to pay the bills like, 2 weeks ago?”

Both sisters ended up turning on me and thinking I’m dumb because “it doesn’t have to be the exact same money that he gave her, duh.” I mean, not technically, but when someone gives you money for something and you use it for something else, that’s kinda shady, even though she was going to pay the bills with her next paycheck. That’s something that absolutely happened, and I feel like that’s a precedent.

Now, I keep finding utility bills that are from at least a few weeks prior that say past due and are for way more than she told me (one from Feb 22nd said our account balance is around $150). I’ve seen the month to month statements, and she always brushes off my concerns, but I’m worried that she’s not paying our bills on time and trying to cover up the late notices. That might just be paranoia, but the whole thing is very confusing to me and it feels like she’s lying to me. She might just be paying them late within the month, and nothing has been shut off yet, but I worry.

3. Laundry. So, this one is a little bit on me, and the second story is about what set off this rant today.

First incident, she poked her head in my room one morning, I’d just woken up, and she said “I’ll pay you ten bucks to do my laundry and reimburse you for the quarters.” Good deal, right? I just have to keep an eye on the machines, it’ll take 3 hours, tops. I agree, and I get her stuff done, and then I get a text that just says “fold them.” Now, in my mind, running the machines and folding the clothes are two separate jobs. So I tell her “No, that wasn’t part of the deal.” We go back and forth, I don’t end up folding them, and she says she’s only gonna pay me $4 for running the machines, plus the quarters. I was pissed about that, because we had a deal and she shouldn’t get to just change the rules on me like that, but it turns out some of the clothes in the basket are still damp... whoops. Now the $4 (plus the $6 in quarters) seems generous. I didn’t know they were damp and I do feel bad about giving her a hard time for the fee when it was subpar work, but we move on. 3 weeks later she finally sends me the money (also 3 weeks? seriously?? I needed those quarters to do my own laundry.)

AND HERE WE ARE. A few days ago I took my laundry over to my dad’s house because I once again am out of quarters (I also couldn’t find my debit card to go get them, but that’s beside the point). I have about 2 hours before I have to go to work, and we have 2 loads of laundry to do, one with just my (top priority) clothes, and one with both of our bedding. My dad’s dryer takes longer than I thought, so I take most of the wet clothes out and just do my work clothes plus a few others. My sister says she’ll make sure that the rest of my clothes get done and she’ll bring them back the next day. My dad lives about 45 min away from us, so the next time she’s going to be near there I ask to come with... only I have work again and have to be back early. She doesn’t want to go home early, so she says she’ll get my clothes and bring them back.

We miss connections for a couple days, she’s at work or I am, she’s in class or I am, but my clothes are in the car and I can’t get to them. Yesterday I wore a pair of leggings as underwear. It was unpleasant. Finally, today, we’re in the same place at the same time, and I go down to eh car to get my desperately needed clothes. Only guess what basket she brought back, after telling me over and over that yes she had my clothes specifically. If you guessed the fucking bedding, you’d be correct. As grateful as I am to no longer be sleeping on a bare mattress, she only prioritized the load that included her things. Maybe I’m overreacting, but It feels like a massive slap to the face. It feels like she’s being selfish, and unreliable, and I am so tired of trusting her to do anything. I’m tired of trusting her being necessary. So today, as I go to a family party with no underwear on, I’m just going to fume and reconsider the poison ivy. 

[grosspizza]

shit she does!!!!!!

triggers my misophonia on a daily basis because eating with your mouth closed was a thing her mama never taught her

surprisingly her eating style is something i should be grateful for because i’ve seen her eat when she thinks no one’s watching it’s like a starving ravenous horse inhaling oats for the first time after the winter snow has melted

moves my stuff around in the bathroom every day when the easy solution would be to swap our stuff in the shower hanger but has never allowed a chance to open dialogue about it

doesn’t open dialogue on anything! at all! ever!!

i always feel terrible opening dialogue because i’ve known her to get her feelings hurt over the most innocuous shit imaginable and it’s so damn stressful like asking you to clean your fucking crumbs off the counter shouldn’t be like navigating an emotional minefield

apologizes to the point that it disgusts me to hear it

stop apologizing! buck up! grow some dude

over-talks??? like she adds in extra shit to her sentences and it’s like i get it! you think you’re smart! you think you’re refined! get to the point

okay so her damage is that she spent her formative teenage years in advanced college programs getting higher ed degrees and now that she’s like 23 she has nothing but her life in academia to show for it and while she knows some Very Advanced Historical Aspects of Europe she has zero collective common sense and interpersonal skills 

i tried to show her how to use my cappuccino machine a few times and she is on strike two of three strikes of never being allowed to touch it again (first time i was telling her how to clean the milk steamer and i said “okay now fold the cloth three times and then envelop it so you don’t burn yourself” and she used only one fold and fucking burned herself. i made sure she was okay, repeated myself, she said “okay” and goes and burns herself again the same fucking way!!!!!!!! like what the fuck dude!!!! second time i caught her tryna touch the steam with her bare fucking fingers to see if it was hot and i flatly told her to never fucking do that again. homegirl got NO SENSE of self-preservation and it WILL get her killed someday)

she never thought to sit down and look in her fucking owners manual for her car and I’ve had to walk her through shit multiple times

first three weeks she had her car she had been driving around with her high-beams on and even though she suspected as much she never looked into her manual to see if they were/how to turn them off and i had to do it for her while we were driving on the highway at night after the third car had flashed us

second time a few weeks ago her coolant cracked and she didn’t know where her fucking hazard lights were/that she was supposed to use them and i had to dig through her manual again to find them myself

one time i asked her to plug in my wireless charger while i was driving us up to minnesota in a rain storm and she plugged in my wireless charger and battery pack into one cohesive unit and when i told her it was wrong i think she pretended to have a migraine to so she didn’t have to own up to the fact that she didn’t know how to do something (and basically made me do it myself (while i was driving (and had been driving for five hours straight (when we had low visibility (because it was fucking raining))))

she has “”””migraines”””” an awful lot which i’ll allow are deeply debilitating and i don’t doubt she may have them but man she sure does get them at very convenient times

the problem with all these things is not that she’s stupid it’s the fact that she thinks so highly of herself/has constructed a persona where intelligence is her only redeeming attribute so she can’t ever come to terms with the fact that she doesn’t know something naturally and own up to it/recognize that she has a processing disorder and allow herself space to ask questions and show she misinterpreted something/can be deeply condescending just due to speech quirks which is insult to injury when you know she dumb sometimes 

plays the weirdest attention games sometimes where she shoves her problems in my face in such a way that forces me to ask about her current state of being 

jesus fuck she apologizes for everything

cannot be fucked to check and ask if i’m okay either due to sheer obliviousness or out of some misplaced fear of asking? it’d be nice if she showed she like, gave a shit sometimes, you know?

i’m basically the only one who makes dinner all the time and she has the balls to speak in condescending absolutes in regards to my cooking methods (fuji apples are cooking apples too!!!! if you wanted granny smith then you should have said something asshole!!! i’m not a fucking mindreader dude!!!!!! and there are many ways to do one specific thing!!!!! if you’re such a cooking authority then why don’t i see you doing it your goddamn self??)

seriously she has possibly made dinner like maybe three times? granted i don’t let her help if she’s in the house with me but that’s because she has to be moving constantly and i need to be given space and a directly defined path and we cannot coordinate cohesively within the kitchen together. but like. do something homegirl!

holy shit she never initiates a goddamn thing. she’s such a total pushover and i just want her to act like a normal fucking human being with wants and needs that she is vocal about and can take care of herself and doesn’t need to be asked if they’re okay every fucking day. i just don’t have the spoons to be her fucking parent and dictate her life all the time

no sense of personal space!!!!!!!!! none!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! don’t stand over me when i’m on the ground!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! don’t!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! don’t lean in like that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! don’t make your weirdly violent hand gestures three inches from my face!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

she has incredibly long hair and i swear to god she must brush her hair out in my floor-sitting zone when she’s feeling passive-aggressive because i find her hairballs and 3 ft long strands  c o n s t a n t l y  which is the most gag-worthy shit imaginable 

occasionally she has these violent angry outbursts and it’s my least favorite quality about her that she lets her emotions get the best of her oooo actually no, i redact that. because i have a long-standing theory that she has a really fucked up hormonal imbalance issue which is the only reason that anyone would get that mad over a video game not going your way (she has violently thrown controllers on the ground and turned games off while screeching curses when enemies have healed themselves to full health. like.........it’s a video game. it aint real-life girl. get over it. anyway it’s the most triggering shit imaginable because it reminds me of dad and there’s never a good way to bring that business up) 

anyways that last one’s complicated because i recognize that i need to intervene and help her through that but how she does it is profoundly infuriating and terrifying & i don’t have the spoons to deal with it, but one time i told her that one of our ex-friends was terrible with emotions & couldn’t console people and there may be a massive chance i was projecting and i can’t let that come to fruition

apologizing!!!!! for shit that ain’t even her fault sometimes??????? just stop dude

i mean one time she did (rightly and appropriately) apologize for her raging out that was so bad i left the room and i (very manipulatively of me) asked her “what for” which she interpreted as me not having been slighted as opposed to me wanting her to vocalize and recognize what upset me instead of slapping an apology bandaid on the sitch and said “oh! well never mind then. good night!” like nothing had happened and i’m still mad i didn’t call her out on it

i’ve still had to walk her through ragefits/cryfests on a near-weekly basis over some of the smallest things

one time she had a full-on mental breakdown at our friend’s house from 11pm to 2am because she had some light spotting 

is wildly insistent on never getting psychological assistance for this shit and dialed back her breakdowns when i told her that i can’t keep being her crutch for this stuff and that we would have to find her a professional which just means that she’s finding other destructive coping methods and not vocalizing this stuff which is infuriating because under all this i do care about her wellbeing and like. i don’t know, she talks about killing herself an awful lot and i get that she’s miserable a lot of the time but she is oblivious to the fact that she can hurt people in a myriad of different ways and does so a regular basis and that’s one way it manifests

have i mentioned she apologizes for everything and is it annoying yet because good this is exactly how it feels to listen to her apologize over every goddamn thing

anyways this reeks of hypocrisy and personal problems but i’m not angry anymore so i’ll stop for the night