#which says you know exactly what you are and identify as a transphobe

[tuttle-did-it]

David Tennant for Prime Minister, please.

edit- Since this is getting so much attention, edited to include descriptions of screenshots.

This woman has lost her fucking mind.

Jo, are you okay?

[marxism-transgenderism]

Genuinely would love to know what you think that trans women have in common with femboys

Well for starters we have the shared desire to take estrogen to alter out bodies and, short of that, dress and act more femininely/as woman/however you wanna phrase it. In a time of "anti-drag" bills and restrictions on access to hormones i hope i don't have to point out how these shared desires back us all into the same corner.

Look a lot of people replying to my post have assumed I'm defending a lot of wild shit i never mentioned in the post. Idk which twitter femboys pissed y'all off so much but I never said we have to court any particular group, especially not some creeps online who harass us.

But I'm deeply deeply worried by this growing sentiment among transfems on here that anyone else doing transfemininity different from us are just a grifters or aping our identities. Not only because we should respect others but girl how many of us went through a phase of being feminine boys before realizing we were trans women. Hell, i know so many girls on here who identify as both trans women and feminine men.

I'm not saying we are all exactly 100% the same. As i said in the post we have differences in identity and what we like to be called and that does shape our communities. But when that's the only substantial difference that any of us can come up with then i can promise you that the world at large does not care. They want to strip all of us of our rights and healthcare all the same.

What we have in common is that we exist on the same spectrum of transfeminine gender, far closer to each other than some would like to believe. And so when i see a website full of girls who seem more focused on how annoying the people next to us are than how we're all in immediate danger then forgive me for thinking we need to course correct.

Especially when i see so many of us defaulting to the same rhetoric of "they're terrible fetishists engaging in immoral behavior" that the christian right uses against us. You can think sissy kinks are weird and creepy but how are these arguments any different from the blair whites of the world raging against anyone who's not a Medically Diagnosed Dysphoric True Transexual. Cause so far the only substantial thing i can make of the arguments against me is "they're not using the right pronouns that allow them to say femboy" which is just saying they're doing transfemininity wrong and therefore they're bad.

This is getting to be longer than i wanted lol but I want reiterate that we don't need to ally with anyone who doesn't wanna ally with us. Whatever racist transphobic femboy twinks on twitter and 4chan y'all keep talking about are not who I'm talking about. What I'm wanting to point out is that there are people on here who are already in our communities. People who call themselves boys and girls and both and everything else in between who's transitions and identities are not that different from yours or mine. And right now this insistence that they are doing it wrong and are therefore our political enemies is driving and wedge where there doesn't need to be one. I promise we can all just make out and have puffy nipples together

[darkfantasysworld]

Forced de-transition, 2 guys- please? One would be trans masc?

Sorry if you were hoping for a human one, the idea of a werewolf not understanding the concept of a human being trans fits so well I HAVE to make this a werewolf post… plus knots are hot. I can do a normal human one if you want though! FtM!reader x M!werewolf

I promise I'm not transphobic, forced detrans is just really hot, the idea of a trans guy being forced into being his "proper gender" even though he identifies as a male is hot idk why.

Your werewolf boyfriend, Oak, didn't exactly understand the whole trans thing, he saw you as a girl although he only ever introduced you as his mate so he had no reason to say girlfriend/boyfriend he just referred to you as his mate or by a nickname or petname. On rare occasions where he'd call you his girlfriend or something else that had 'girl' in it you'd always correct him and he'd just nod. Tonight you two were drinking at home, sitting down when he said something about you being a girl. "Baby, I'm a trans male." You responded, taking a sip of your drink, Oak was definitely tipsy and you correcting him made him growl. "You're a woman, goddamnit! You have ovaries! You have a uterus! You have a womb! You have a pussy! You're a fucking woman!" Oak yelled and grabbed your neck, this was very unlike him. "Oak! What the hell!" You tried to push his hand away but it didn't budge. "I'll prove it." Oak growled, his brown eyes filled with something you couldn't quite figure out what. "What's that supposed to mean!?" You asked, clearly scared of what he might do. Oak ripped off your clothes which made you try to push him away but he turned into his beast form and forced your legs open. You cried out, begging him to get off but he didn't listen, instead he forced his large canine cock past your folds and into your cunt, immediately thrusting into you like you were just a toy. You cried, begged him to stop, even pulled at his brown fur but he didn't stop, if anything you made him go harder. "You're a pathetic little girl. Just fucking accept it!" Oak growled, his cock leaking precum into you, indicating he was already close. You cried harder and begged him to pull out if he wanted to cum, your cries grew louder as he went faster and forcefully knotted you, spilling his seed inside of you. Oak rocked his hips more, making sure to fully drain himself in you while you cried more. "You're a female. A woman. A girl. You're not a fucking man." He growled again, one of his hands grabbed your neck again, this time he choked you and watched as you passed out.

You woke up the next morning and looked between your legs, you saw how swollen your pussy was and how red it was as well as cum leaking out of you. You cried and opened your bedside table drawer only to discover your birth control was missing. You looked at Oak's side of the bed but didn't see him, you didn't know where he went, you decided to look through his bedside table but couldn't find any of your birth control, but you did find fertility pills that looked suspiciously like birth control. You quickly put the pills back and shut the drawer before standing up on wobbly legs. You slowly made your way into the bathroom and cleaned the cum out of yourself, hoping he didn't get you pregnant. Oak walked in on you cleaning up and leaned against the door frame, his eyes filled with satisfaction. "You're a sick bastard." You said to him, your voice cracking slightly from his betrayal. Oak just let out a low chuckle and walked away, leaving you alone. You knew you had no other choice but to live with him for the time being, all of your friends were also his friends and definitely would've told him where you were staying, you sure as hell didn't want to live on the street, and it's not like you wanted to move in with family members, what would even tell them? You were also pretty much financially dependent on him, he didn't let you have a job, he took care of you… well… he did before this. You went back to bed and laid down, still sore.

It'd been a few weeks since the incident and you didn't get your period which finally gave you the courage to buy a pregnancy test, you took some money from Oak's wallet and let him know you were going to the store for groceries. You bought four different tests along with some groceries so Oak wouldn't catch on. You threw the receipt away under some stuff in the trash and hid the pregnancy tests. You took one of the tests while Oak was gone and waited for what felt like an eternity then you checked it… it was positive. You took the test to the garbage can outside and threw it as well as the box away so Oak wouldn't find them. You laid in bed that night, crying, Oak asked what was wrong multiple times and you made up some dumb excuse, you claimed a family member of yours died. Oak dropped it when you yelled at him but he knew something else was wrong. You didn't know if but he could smell your hormones changing.

As you got further along in your pregnancy Oak got more clingy and overprotective, he blamed it on his instincts and that you were getting chubbier so you were like an easy target for predators, he talked about it like you were prey that another werewolf would find tasty and try to take you from him. You blamed your weight gain and larger appetite on depression and your period, you'd even throw away menstrual products just so he thought you were on your period. You blamed hormones on your boobs suddenly growing as well and Oak put on a great act, pretending he didn't know what was actually happening. Every small argument you had with him, he'd suddenly apologize and say that you were right or pretended to suddenly understand and agree with you. You got to a point where you had to tell him the truth and he acted surprised and excited. After you told him he started buying things for a nursery, scheduled appointments for you and the baby, and practically worshipped the ground you walked on. He'd give you massages, cuddle you, rest his head on your stomach to hear the baby, and when you were finally ready to be intimate he only ever dared to perform oral on you, he didn't want his large cock to somehow break your water or something even if the doctor said he could still penetrate you. You started to accept going by feminine pronouns again since everyone calls you a girl now anyways even if you don't feel like one.

[snaxle]

just saw someone say the reason bi lesbians are problematic is because they're inclusive of radfems, and that bi lesbians spew terf rhetoric. i dont know what kinda secret alternate universe you're living in where terfs are supportive of mspec identities but im begging you to turn on your brain cells for longer than 5 seconds at a time and then go outside instead of wallowing in queer twitter discourse made by 15 year olds 10 hours every day you fucking idiots.

terfs dont fucking like bi lesbians. terfs would rather watch us either kill ourselves than ever support our identities.

"i hate mspec lesbians because they tell people who hate men that they're sharing terf beliefs, which is exactly what terfs want!!" have you literally never seen a terf's account before in your life? they fucking hate men and want everyone in the world to know that every single man in the world no matter how old they are that they're gross ugly creatures who all hate women and want nothing more than to prey on the downfall of all women. yea, even those 6 and 12 year old boys that live next door to you. so yea, while you're posting your quirky little "i hate all men they're disgusting 🙄" posts every three days for your 400 twitter followers, you're 100% spewing terf rhetoric!! no that doesnt mean you're a fucking terf but you're sharing into their beliefs and spreading their agenda every time you do this shit which is what they want!!!!

"the term lesbian is already inclusive of trans and nonbinary people, so using the term bi/mspec lesbian is problematic because you dont think trans people can be lesbians!" look me in the eyes. do you genuinely, honest to god think that terfs care about that. do you genuinely think terfs are okay with trans people calling themselves a lesbian. terfs dont fucking care, they still want you to either detransition and realize how "evil" being trans is and follow in their beliefs, or they want you dead. a nonbinary trans man who uses he/him pronouns calling himself a bi lesbian is literally the least of your fucking worries.

i am trans and bigender. even if i just called myself solely a lesbian without the extra labels, terfs still wont fucking accept me because i am not a pure innocent 100% woman. they will not accept me even when i tell them i feel more like a woman most days than i do a man because i am not their definition of what a woman should be. "it doesnt matter what terfs say, lesbian is still inclusive of trans people!" no, it's only inclusive of trans people that you deem are good and women enough to use the label.

people love going around talking about how they're so so supportive of any and all identities and then immediately turn around and be like "hmmm but not Yours." i could be the most perfect woman in the world, but the second i so much as mention i think a man looks attractive, then i am not being a lesbian the Right way.

so who the fuck cares anymore. who cares if i use the term bisexual lesbian to identify myself? im already doing it all wrong supposedly, so who cares if im more of a problem than i already am? the queer people im supposed to share a community with would rather side on the side of terfs because im not being a lesbian in the supposedly Correct way, and no matter what i say to try defending myself I'll never be seen as a true and proper lesbian because random strangers on the internet i will never meet ever in my life has already dictated that I'm not good enough. that my existence is problematic and harmful to everyone else, completely ignorant of the fact that they're unwillingly sharing in the beliefs of transphobes, homophobes and conservatives who would like nothing more than to wipe us all out instead of standing together as a community.

but you know, putting bi lesbians on your dni or whatever is more important.

[21rstrejectedsoul]

Trying to write an introductory post

My name's Daniel. Honestly, I don't know how to exactly type this shit besides just throwing whatever I find important so yeah, here we go

I'm an autistic/Asperger who got a late diagnostic, a trauma survivor (mainly from my traumatic childhood), chronically depressed, generalized anxiety disorder, maybe with social phobia (although I dislike the way we use "phobia"), potentially dyslexic along with dyscalculic and also probably ADHD. That's a fucking ton of diagnostics, ngl. What else do I type? I guess I'll try to give a preview of what I like to say and do here

Although it's been a couple of months since I didn't make a single edit, I love graphic design overall and it's part of my natural pattern recognition from the very beginning of my life. I try to make wallpapers and icons/profile pictures because this way I can give my art some kind of utility. I'm by no means a professional, I just do what I like

I think it would be good to say something about other interests too. Here we go again

I've been interested in english also since the very beginning, even if I'm not a native speaker. I'm currently a college student aiming to be a translator and maybe a teacher, who knows. Along with that, I like studying human nature and honestly I don't really know the true answer for that. Maybe it's because I don't naturally get what other people think and say most of the time, therefore I developed some kind of inclination towards trying to grasp wtf humans do and why the fuck they do what they do. I personally love the idea of studying human instincts and its roots — which still fuck me to this day since I didn't find a specific route for the kind of studies I'd want to do but well, I guess I can't have my cake and eat it too

I'll try to be more specific about my interests, here we go again

I love/hate Pokémon along with Sonic and I purely love Minecraft. There are other franchises I love like Ben 10 and some animes like Ao no Exorcist, although I've been trying to start Dragon Ball recently (it's going way better than I expected, ngl). Overall, I like thinking about these pieces of media. There's something so cool about understanding the deepest points from a universe and trying to solve its mysteries with the information it provides you. Oh and I also have interest in bad movies because Imo the path to grasp what is a great movie can only be traveled through bad movies. If I had to guess what would be the worst movie I've ever seen, I'd say Birdemic which is only ahead of Sharktopus. I also like horror movies overall, although the Insidious saga has a special place in my heart. Godfuckindamnit, what a good sequence. I don't even care if it's not the best franchise, I just love it so deeply

I guess I should speak about what else I post. Trigger warnings, I guess? Transphobia, misogyny

Although I don't consider myself transphobic, people have their rights to call me whatever they want. Having said that, I'll try to clarify myself 'bout it

I don't believe someone's "assigned" a sex, sexuality nor gender. I honestly don't even believe in gender. It even reminds me of the "LGB cut the T" except I'm more about the TQ+ and whatever comes next. I don't really have any problem with whatever people identify themselves, I just don't believe they're what they think and I ask to not force me into believing them.

About misogyny, it's quite a two-sided path. Part of me thinks women feel entitled to everything at their core while also part of me thinks I'm just being extremist, by example. Even if I'm not the best example and I don't even show it that much, I do have hopes about the world not being as harsh as I think but whenever I go out expecting to see something different I end up being crushed by reality again. It got to a point where I can't even see a woman without being invaded by negative thoughts like "she would see you as a dispensable tool and an inferior being", even if I don't know her. Honestly, I don't blame anyone who would think I'm just a hardhead. Having said that, anyone is always welcome to ask or comment on anything here

Well, I tried. I'll try to either organize or write/type a different introduction later

[whimsiboy]

recently, a queer terf interacted with the post of me. a trans guy. so, take this.

dear all queer terfs,

here is something i'd like to ask you, not to argue but for your own sake:

why?

what brought you here? why are you a terf? what path of internalized homophobia brought you to this place where you must call yourself a terf-in-training? you do know you are bringing yourself into a cult, no? where if you go too deep you can't leave even if you try because your life is too far tied into it? you do know that if you peel back the layers of a transphobe you get a homophobe, no? you do realize that the leopards WILL eat your face too, right? that once the cishet terfs are done with the trans women that they will go after you too, yes? because that is exactly what will happen. i know it will, i've seen it far too many times. for example, i've seen "transvestigators" go after jk rowling and accuse her of being trans. it WILL happen to you. there is no going back if you go too far. rethink your life decisions, grow from the internalized homophobia you so clearly have, i can see it even if you refuse it.

"but it's not natural!" you may say, to which i would say "oh yes it is! female hyenas have pseudopenises that function like vaginas. female chickens and lions can, in rare cases, go through drastic hormonal changes so they look and act like males of their species. in schools of fishes, if there are no males, the largest and most powerful female will transition into a fully functioning male, even able to fertilize eggs."

"only WOMEN can have wombs and vaginas and have periods and give birth and no women have balls or penises!" you may say, to which i would say "what about infertile women? they are cisgender women with vaginas, some with wombs and ovaries, just no ability to have periods or give birth. what about intersex women? or women will internal testes that do not identify as intersex? are they not all women, despite being assigned female at birth? despite being born with vaginas? despite potentially being able to give birth, have periods, or have wombs?"

"but trans women sexually attack cisgender women!" you may say, to which i would respond with "no. no they do not. some do, but not all. there is scientific proof that transgender women and transgender men have extremely similar brain functions and operations as cisgender women and men. plus, would a predator not just waltz into a women's bathroom despite looking like a man? why go through the discrimination, the hardship, the pain and suffering, the chance to be murdered in broad daylight for being transgender, the transmisogyny, all to attack women?"

but, even what my words may tell you, i believe in you, i believe you can grow from this, even if it seems stupid that a trans minor is giving this talk to an adult terf. even if we are so wildly different and may never get along due to our world views.

grow up.

[transid-peace]

We still don't and likely never will understand how 🐜s can comprehend and respect transition when it comes to gender, and maybe in regards to species, but not with regards to anything else.

(Using "we" here in the multiplicity kind of way, and "you" in the general kind of way.)

For example, being trace. We know that one's sex organs don't dictate their gender. If someone transitions and/or doesn't identify with their AGAB, we respect that about them. Well, one's skin is also an organ. What makes the skin a more important organ than the genitals? If we can respect a person with gender dysphoria, why are other kinds of dysphoria any different?

Maybe it isn't about organs. Maybe it's about culture. OK. So, we know that it's transphobic and plainly wrong to say that a trans woman will never be a real woman because she will have never experienced life as a cis woman. That's bullshit because no two women are going to have exactly the same experiences, and there isn't one definitive experience that encompasses all of what womanhood is. A person who has lived life as a cis woman can still transition into another gender and potentially look back on those experiences to retroactively denounce their womanhood. And we would respect that person, we would agree. We would say, "Yes, despite the fact that you at one time considered yourself a woman, you are now something else and have since realized that you had never been a woman at all. The culture you were raised in and the person you once were do not dictate your gender as you are now."

Why is that the case for gender, but not race? What makes gender malleable and race immutable?

"Well, a trans woman/trace individual has never experienced misogyny/racism, so that's what makes them not a real woman/person of that race." Even if that were true, which it isn't, why are you defining what makes someone a "real" woman/person of that race by the oppression they face? Doesn't that suggest the idea that these identities, cis or trans, can't exist without oppression? Isn't that fucked up?

"Well, gender is a social construct, but race isn't." How? Again, why is that the case for gender, but not race? What makes gender malleable and race immutable?

Another example is being transabled. If an able-bodied and/or neurotypical person is in a traumatic accident and sustains an injury that disables them, we don't fake claim them. They were abled, and then they weren't, but we still support them. Somebody who's transabled might be so dysphoric about being physically or mentally abled that they would consider putting themselves in dangerous situations in the hope of becoming disabled. Would we fake claim them in that scenario? When we call it BIID instead of transabled, why is it suddenly more respected? Wouldn't allowing disability affirming surgeries be preferable to the possibility of transabled individuals putting themselves in harm's way?

"Using the prefixes 'trans' and 'cis' is transphobic, though." How? In what way? If I said "this ice transitioned into water" or "we transitioned from one topic to another," would that also be transphobic? They're just prefixes.

"But why would anybody want to be disabled?" I don't know! Why does anyone want to be a different gender? Why is your favorite color your favorite? Why do you like some foods more than others? Sometimes, there isn't an explanation or a reason, other than "it just feels right."

"Well, what about transbigotry? How is that different from regular bigotry?" That's something I have less knowledge about, but there are some reasons I can think of for individuals being transharmful. Maybe they have headmates who've done harmful things in their sources. Maybe they have intrusive thoughts, and they feel more in control of themselves if they have a label for those thoughts. To be fair, we ourselves are often uncomfortable when it comes to transbigotry, but as long as the person is only subjecting consenting parties to their transharmful or transbigoted acts, is it really so bad?

"What about transage? Isn't that just an excuse to be a predator?" No. We identify as transage because we have headmates who are ageless. We have headmates who are older than the body's chronological age and headmates who are younger than the body's chronological age. We have headmates who, in their sources, have existed since the beginning of time itself, and we have headmates who are technically only a few years old because they're robots. In most cases, one's chronological age takes precedence over their transage, and that's completely fine by us. We don't believe that someone who is chronologically ten years old should be operating heavy machinery unsupervised. We don't believe that someone who is chronologically eighty years old should be attending prom with a high-schooler as their prom date. And no, we absolutely do not condone relationships that are romantic or sexual in nature between chronological adults and chronological minors, regardless of how either identifies. This is kind of the "locker rooms" argument again. Why is your immediate assumption that someone who wants to transition is doing so for secretly nefarious reasons? What would anyone stand to gain? Do you also think trans women are secretly trying to dominate women's sports with their "unfair advantages" or something?

Could there potentially be individuals out there using transID labels in predatory ways? Sure, I suppose, but I really doubt it's actually working for them. Regardless of that, predators will use anything and everything as a tool against their victims, and they unfortunately exist in every corner of every pocket of every community. All we can do is try our best to protect ourselves and each other when we recognize them.

"Why not just use some other term instead?" Why should we when the terms we're using currently work perfectly well? Why should we change how we identify to make ourselves less abrasive for you?

[butmakeitgayblog]

Just to throw in a couple points real quick (because I can never keep an opinion to myself 😔 sorry), I personally kind of dislike the idea of a male and female gaze — not because I disagree with the concept of fetishism and objectification existing, they ABSOLUTELY do, but because of what people, particularly online, have come to accept they mean.

There has recently been discourse surrounding Love Lies Bleeding, a film created almost solely by queer women, “catering to the male gaze” which… I’m sure I don’t need to explain how silly that is lmao. I think this new wave of leftists clutching their pearls over literally any sign of sexual attraction and considering it to be synonymous with objectification has distorted people’s views of what these terms actually mean and have resulted in their gross misuse. Not to make this about me 💅🏻 but I see a lot of this similar discourse about trans people BY CIS PEOPLE whom are trying to be good allies by basically claiming that any sign of sexual attraction towards a trans person’s body is inherently fetishistic which I can’t lie… I kind of consider to be transphobic itself lol? You’re allowed to be sexually attracted to trans people and express that, no matter how their bodies look! The point at which it becomes fetishistic relies primarily on the WAY you express that and the language used — and I think that can apply to queer people in general too. I personally (and others may feel differently!) have zero issue with cis people enjoying trans NSFW content, and I also have no problem with straight women enjoying MLM content; because most of the time, I can tell from the LANGUAGE they use whether or not they are fetishising.

Point being, fetishism and objectification can go ALL ways and I don’t think people need to give excuses as to why they enjoy a certain type of content as long as it isn’t actively harming anyone. But I obviously can’t speak for everyone (especially queer women, I only identified as one for a year or two when I was a preteen lol) and people’s experiences tend to shape their opinions on these things 😅

Right and that's why I firmly stand behind my initial post about how it's no one's job to police people for what kind of content they consume! Because we don't know their motivations for how ot why they personally are interacting/consuming the work. It's incredibly easy to write off all enjoyment of a specific brand of content as fetishizing or sexualization when in reality, for the consumer it isn't that at all. My only point on the last ask was that sometimes, sometimes, it's easy to actually be doing exactly that (fetishizing etc) and not realizing it.

Intentions matter absolutely, but they're not the be-all-end-all of reality. It's like if I as a white person were to say something racist without realizing it was racist. That doesn't negate the racism, and it doesn't absolve me of my culpability, because my ignorance to my actions doesn't supercede my impact. You can be guilty of something without knowing that you are, and that's something you as person have to evaluate and confront on a personal basis. That was my only point in relation to what that anon said.

Again to reiterate, that is NOT saying that everyone who prefers queer work to straight work is guilty of that, because they're not. Full stop. And that alone is why I don't think anyone has or should have the authority to pass judgment on who can and can't consume certain kinds of media. Because, like you said, then you start wading into the murky waters of painting everyone with a broad brush, throwing accusations around that are universally damning despite not actually being universally true. And considering we're living in a period where puritan anti-sex brainrot is on the rise (alongside a deeply unsettling culture of condemnation over every little thing), opening that door can become very dangerous very fast. We're seeing it already.

I will tack on just as a thought regarding the trans character issue, I think that's kind of a perfect example of all these ideas aligning. Just in the most bare bones way of putting it: there is nothing inherently fetishizing about a cis person enjoying work including trans characters. There's nothing inherently fetishizing about a cis person enjoying, specifically, smut involving trans characters. There is nothing inherently fetishizing about a cis person preferring trans character stories over other kinds of media. However, if all they as a cis person consume is extremely sexualized renditions of trans characters, if their only interest in trans characters is porn - generally mostly devoid of complex storylines that create a fully rounded character -, then yeah I do think that's something they on an individual basis need to evaluate about themselves, because it's the difference between having a sexual attraction to a subsection of people versus seeing those same people as purely sexual objects. Does that make sense?

Same can be true for any other queer content being consumed by people that aren't historically the target audience.

But again, it's not really anyone else's place to make that call for anyone else.

[sophieinwonderland]

Friggin hate hate hate the way folks are just blatantly ignoring the lived realities of transphobia. Like this is literal transmedicalism and transmed rhetoric. Full stop.

The notion that you have to use the right language or else you don't face oppression is utter garbage. Fuck a lot of the transphobic legislation happening was sold as attacking Drag, which says nothing about a person's gender identity.

Like, apply any of this shit to singlets and it seems flatly obvious that it's transmed bs (at least I would hope so). Hell, wasn't the general explanation of transness "X trapped in a Y's body" up until the last like 5-10 years? I'd really like to see someone try to parse the difference between that and cis headmates in body's that don't match their gender.

This all just stinks of transmedicalism we've seen with our own two eyes. "You need to use my words or else you face zero of the same issues." Or "How dare you mention how you're affected by this, you don't even use the words I want you to use!" It's all so frustrating!

Anyways, thanks for staying strong! I thought your breakdown of your reasons for identifying as cis were really interesting and cool! Keep on being awesome! -Faye

Thank you Faye! 💖

That's a great point about the anti-drag laws, and it got me thinking about how a lot of transphobia and transphobic laws tend to rely on dog whistles to make them more appealing.

The far right doesn't say: "let's go take the rights of transgender people to use the bathroom that matches their gender."

They say: "we need to protect our daughters from men who will dress up as women to get into their bathrooms."

It's not exactly subtle but it leaves room for plausible deniability at least. It lets them say "we don't hate trans people, we just want to protect children."

Anti-trans rhetoric in many cases is masked as something else. It's not supposed to look transphobic and many of the people who lap it up or excuse it won't feel it is.

Anti-drag laws are sold as being against drag itself not trans people. Bathroom laws are sold as being against potential predators who may just be pretending to be trans.

What all of this boils down to is a form of transphobia that tries to look like it's actually against all of these other things and just happen to erode the rights of transgender people as it does. And because of this, actually calling yourself trans has very little to do with if you'd face discrimination or be impacted by transphobic laws.

I don't know why some people have such a hard time grasping that you can face discrimination and oppression even without using a certain label.

[talisidekick]

I got asked what the point of transitioning was if I wasn't going to date men ... three times now. Like these people were generally confused as to "... what's the point of becoming a woman if you're not into men?". As if transitioning is just about sex. All three of these people had self-identified as allies to me.

Explaining that transitioning in general is about being more myself, to align my social life and body with how my mind says it should be, was a mind boggling concept. And one of these people was queer and had the most push-back on the concept that I could go from living life as a straight man to a lesbian woman. As if by transitioning to a different gender would also transition my sexuality and romantic life to a different gender preference, that transitioning was a single straight man to straight woman or gay man to lesbian woman pipeline.

And the part that every one of these people was stuck on was sex. Even after explaining that I liked women and enbies before, and I like women and enbies now, all three were still stuck on "what's the point". Like ... I'm not a man. I don't identify as a man. Fundamentally my core being looks at all the infinite ways to be a man and goes: you're not that. And when I look at my pre-hrt photo's and early progress the immediate reaction isn't self recognition, and when it does click that that's me, my entire being goes: no. And to this day, 2 years in, still does that when I look in the mirror, though it's a bit better now. And still it took explaining it more than once to get it across that I'm not solely transitioning just to be a girl and have a vagina and get skewered by a guys penis. The concept that I might NOT medically transition that far, that I and others like me might keep the girly-as-fuck dick, that there's nothing in being transgender that says you have to get surgery, was just as baffling. That I'd be 1000% okay with girl dick and not guy dick (which I omitted the fact that I'm not repulsed by masculine and amab bodies, I'm just not romantically interested in dating guys.) kept getting me the "what's the difference?" question. The difference, for the record, is it's a girls or enbies dick. That matters to me and is fundamentally different.

It just really highlighted in that moment that some people, even allies, even queer allies, still look at trans people only in a sexual light. Maybe not fetishization exactly, but that transitioning is about sex and not a sense of self or personhood, which shouldn't be a thing because if being bi, gay, pan, etc isn't just about sex but being seen as a person no matter who you do or don't love and fuck and how, why would trans be any different? It kind of made me feel really gross after because all these people were allies and I was, prior to that conversation, just a woman for sex to all of them. I feel sick knowing that people, well intentioned, have the misconception that trans people are only transitioning for sex. I'm a woman in more ways than just my body. Trans people aren't just their bodies. Thinking otherwise is just erasing every fundamental part of a trans persons identity besides sexual activity. That's gross. We're people. Just because I can be sexual doesn't make that all that I am.

I get that transphobes promote that kind of thinking, but I just assumed everyone who was an ally knew that was horseshit. It's horrifying to see that I was very wrong in that assumption. That a single sexy photo is all someone will think I am as a person who's trans, and not the million other things that help make up my identity as a person.

[sasheneskywalker]

am i the only person who has never struggled with their queer identity?

i was thinking about it recently and i don't remember ever being ashamed, scared, angry or sad about being bisexual, nonbinary, grayaromantic, grayasexual and polyamorous. (yes, i use that many labels. it makes sense in my head.) i had unrestricted access to the interent from a pretty young age (11) and i discovered what a sexual orientation was after entering more english/american spaces and reading fanfiction when i was around 13 years old. i've just read the definitions and went, "yeah, i'm bisexual. why would anyone limit themselves to loving only one gender?" and that was it. my only frame of reference about queer people was fanfics and cool people i've seen online. my parents never talked about lgbtq+ issues (neither in a positive nor in negative light) and i didn't know anyone who was queer in real life, so you could say i was a blank slate when it came to any preconceived notions or biases (of course we live in cisheteronormative society which probably influenced my views on a subconscious level but i'm just taking about being consciously aware about something here.)

it was similar with realizing i was nonbinary, grayaromantic, grayasexual and polyamorous. i've read the definitions, comments made by people identifying that way, some research papers and books and came to the conclusion that these labels fit me. no angst anywhere.

i came out to my family pretty much immediately when my brother asked me if i was interested in any boys in middle school and i replied with full indignation that if he had to ask about it, he should also ask about any girls i might be interested in. my mother was there too. i don't think any of them took me seriously considering my age (i was 14) and the fact that i had to have many more conversations with my mother about being bisexual (and later nonbinary, grayaromantic, grayasexual and polyamorous) before she believed me in some way and even now she still thinks it's just a "phase" and that i'm "confused" or "just looking for attention" and that my girlfriends are only my good friends (but she still supports my relationship and tries very hard not to be outright homophobic/transphobic). my brother realized like 6 years later and asked me if i really was queer and seemed surprised when i told him i was. i still don't know what my father thinks. i told him i had a boyfriend when i was 15 and i told him i had two girlfriends when i was 20 and his reaction was exactly the same: nodding his head and saying "okay". he sometimes uses slurs but also supported me during a project i was doing on being nonbinary and bought me a book written by a trans scholar on christmas.

and i've never done any official coming outs either. in most friend groups, it comes out naturally that i'm queer when we're getting to know each other and it has never been a problem. i've never been met with a negative reaction. (it's worth noting that most of my irl friends are from middle class families, live in big cities and went to very good schools).

and it's not that i'm not aware about queerphobia existing in our society. i read books written by queer people and i read histories of lgbtq+ communities (and it's often pretty bleak). our country is one of the most homophobic countries in europe. the previous government of our country said that "lgbt ideology" and "gender ideology" are a threat to our nation and should be eliminated. i had close queer friends whom i supported when their families and friends didn't accept them. but it all feels one step removed from me.

i can walk alone at 3am around my city (the capital of poland) as a female presenting person with a rainbow handbag and flag pins in a party outfit and nobody ever bothers me. i went to a pride parade this year and there weren't any counter protests, the police were chill and nothing horrible happened. and despite talking with people who used some passive aggressive remarks and weren't completely accepting, i've basically never experienced violent or threatening queerphobia in my life.

i guess it's just interesting to me how much my experiences differ from common queer narratives i observe in media and in real life around me and how my upbringing shaped who i am today.

[caxycreations]

You know what I'm tired of seeing? I'm tired of seeing this phrase:

This was tagged on a post regarding transgender rights and awareness.

You know why I'm sick and tired of seeing it?

Because I want every single person who uses it to define a man to me, and they never will, because they judge me based on my appearance, on the flesh I was born into.

What is a man? Is it anyone with a dick? Well there goes your whole "support women" schtick, cause not all people with a dick are men.

Is it anyone who identifies as male? Well there goes your whole "support trans people" schtick, cause some men are afab.

Is it anyone who is a cis man? Well there goes your "acceptance and love" schtick, cause some cis men are allies who are fighting just as adamantly about our right to live and love and be ourselves as we are.

Is it anyone who LOOKS like a man? Well there goes ALL OF THE ABOVE, because then you're judging based on outward appearance, assuming their identity, and generalizing that they must be awful and horrible, because they look like a man and therefore they are one and should stay away from you, which is EXACTLY what the homophobes and the transphobes say about US.

Do you have deep-rooted trauma surrounding men from a majorly traumatic moment or a series of them throughout your life? Alright, I get that, I can respect that, by all means, continue, build your safe space and do it your way.

Or do you just hate "men" (whatever the hell you define that as) because you had a couple annoying experiences or you met a few bad apples and let them dictate the entire rest of your life by allowing them to live rent free in your head as eternal reminders to be hateful?

"men dni" which men? trans men? transfems that look male? People with both parts that present as male, willingly or unwillingly? Non-Binary folk who present as male?

What men aren't allowed to interact, and why?

And I know, I know, asking why is a huge faux pas, but it's fucking important to ask why in this case.

It's stupid as hell for Taylor Femgal or Alex Boyfella to be a bigot against all men and male-presenting individuals, trans or not, while simultaneously saying "Trans people should be loved and respected!" because then it's ultimately not about trans people, because what Tammy is actually saying is "The trans people I LIKE should be loved and respected!" which is fucking AWFUL as a platform.

On the other hand, it's completely justified if Riley Ladygirl or Jamie Mascdude went through hell for six years solid at the hands of a man (or group of men) and now has a legitimate ptsd response to seeing/interacting with men or male-presenting individuals.

I'm sorry if that's a hot fucking take but I don't see how someone can preach acceptance and love and tolerance while simultaneously alienating an entire extremely-hard-to-define group of the human population, WHILE ALSO condemning and demonizing the people they're alienating FOR ALIENATING OTHERS.

You don't get to be an ally and a hypocrite at the same time. You don't get to say "We deserve to exist" when you're telling another group they don't deserve to exist.

We don't fucking trade fascists for fascists.

So let me make this VERY fucking simple.

If you have "men dni" in your dni list, just fucking block me. Because you're either saying "No men, not even the allies that risk their lives right alongside us at pride events in dangerously anti-lgbt cities", or you're saying "No trans masc individuals, if they identify as men they're just as bad", or you're saying "No trans fem individuals, they were born male so they're bad", or you're saying ALL of these at once.

And I for one will NOT fucking sit here and see more of that absolute horse-shit on my dash.

Still here? Cool, one last thing to say.

ALL TRANS PEOPLE ARE FUCKING VALID, AND I FULLY BELIEVE IN TRUE, COMPLETE GENDER EQUALITY, WITHOUT ALL OF THIS STUPID "MEN SUCK" "WOMEN SUCK" BULLSHIT.

We're all just people trying to do our best, so stop fucking ADDING to the piles and piles of hatred. Even if you're one of the people with "men dni" in your dni list, know that I still support your identity, I still love you as one human to another, and I will still advocate and fight for your right to exist in a state of life that is comfortable and joyous to you.

But I cannot and will not sit here and see more and more people telling entire genders not to interact simply for being the gender.

Isn't the entire point of fighting for trans rights and gender equality so that EVERYONE, regardless of sex or gender or identity, can stand on the same level footing as equals, interacting and loving and being free side by side?

Stop fucking saying "I advocate for trans rights" when you're literally turning around and saying "Unless they're a man".

[homeschool-winner]

I fuckin hate when people refute right wing talking points by throwing their allies under the bus in exactly the way the right winger wants. Like

R: Children are identifying as animals and schools are putting litter boxes in the bathrooms for mentally ill children who think they're cats! This is where gender ideology leads!

L: No, that isn't happening, it's transphobic propaganda. Nobody actually identifies as a cat.

R has made a target out of therian, otherkin, furry and animal gender people, who I know for a fact do in fact exist, by making an outlandish claim and using trans people as the scapegoat. L has taken the bait, and joined R in targeting those communities by denying that they exist and the validity of their identities. This is bad! This alienates people who genuinely do identify as cats and find comfort and pride in that identity, and for what? Who have you defended here?

Or another example I just saw:

R: Gov. Walz made it possible for illegals to get driver's licenses, meaning they're able to vote!

L: That's not how it works, only citizens can vote, driver's licenses just mean you can drive legally and identify yourself as yourself more easily.

L has agreed with the premise that IF "illegal immigrants" were allowed to vote, it would be a bad thing, because they've been forced to defend the position that they cannot vote. Illegal immigrants are people who live within the country, are subject to the country's laws, are affected by political policy, and *should* be able to vote. L has taken a pro-disenfranchisement position, which means that even if R's "claim" is easily refuted as technically false, they have still won the exchange by shifting the overton window right and reframing the narrative around the underlying racist and xenophobic belief they already held.

Basically what I mean is: you can effectively defeat right wing propaganda by just saying "based if true" to any fearmongering garbage they spout.

[sailorsplatoon]

making sure i have this right, your captain is trans and 8 presents as masculine? or uses masculine pronouns? how did everyone react to learning this? and which of them had to explain it to the kids?

First of all, yes all of that is right! My Captain is transfemme and my Eight both presents as maculine and uses mac pronouns. Don’t ask me what his gender is specifically, I have no idea. I’m going to say he prorbably doesn’t either.

I like the idea of Cap transitioning throughout all the games, so in Splat 1 she didn’t know she was trans, in Splat 2 she realized it and started transitioning, and in Splat 3 she’s fully transitoned. So Callie, Marie, Marina, Pearl, Eight, and Four kind of always knew, since she was very open about it for her whole transition. But by Splat 3 she didn’t talk about it as much, simply because she had fully transitioned. Because of that, Neo, Shiver, Frye, and Big Man didn’t know at first. Upon finding out, Neo didn’t really care too much. It’s mostly just happy to have another genderqueer person around (jokes on it, all my agents are genderqueer. Me? Projecting? Never.) Shiver, Frye, and Big Man are a little more surprised, since they had just assumed Captain had always been biologically a girl. Though they’re totally fine with it of course. (No transphobic characters on my blog!)

For Eight, I think he probably started questioning his gender at some point in the Deepsea Metro. He had a lot of time to think there, and one of the big things on his mind was who he is. He forgot most of himself, so he was trying to find himself again. In that process, he realized he didn’t like identifying as a girl. He still doesn’t know exactly how he wants to identify (mainly because I don’t know what label I want him to use), but he knows he likes being masculine. There was never really a big revelation of Eight’s gender. He did come out of course, but it was very very casual and everyone kind of assumed it already. What happened moreso was he gradually started making changes to how he expressed his gender, until he looked way more masculine than he did before. Then he just asked people to start calling him by he/him and that was it. Nobody really had a big reaction, since Eight never made a huge deal about it, so they didn’t have to either.

I get the feeling Captain would be the one to explain all of this to the kids. A lot of them somewhat understand already, seeing as many of them have parents that are genderqueer in some way, though they don’t know all the details. So Captain takes the time to answer all of their questions. She doesn’t mind talking about it, if anything she enjoys it.

Thank you for the ask!!! I wrote a lot again… much like Captain, I like talking about this kind of stuff. 

[evil-is-upon-us]

I actually don't know what created this alter...

TW: mentions of sexual content.

I'm Valentino, at least that's the name I take. I think that I have existed before Hazbin Hotel, it's just the name I took on and what I wanted to be perceived as.

I like moths, I felt I was abusive to many. I was the flirty one, the hypersexual being who said dirty things and was effeminate and radiated gay energy. I was the one told I acted like a lesbian or someone gay. I liked wearing fancy and pimped-out fluffy outfits.

I have also called myself Mettaton, like from Undertale, but that didn't exactly fit my vibe~

Recently I've got a clue on what it might be... Things that might've caused this. I think I know what caused this.

Pornographic material at a young age - I had a porn addiction at about age 7-10. I was given free internet access at an age way too young. I've had a serious porn addiction and I had trouble quitting. Sex was always on my mind when it shouldn't have been. I finally was able to stop, but it still messed me up.

Elsagate - I think it ties up with point 1. I've had kinks and fetishes which I was too young for. I think this one messed me up really badly. If you see Elsagate content, please report it.

Internalized queerphobia - I was told that gay and queer people were bad. I was extremely homophobic, transphobic, and overall queerphobic (I only engaged with straight content). I was rude and bigoted towards those people and I still have that internalized. I identify as a cis male and genderfluid (I can flow between genders, but at the end of the day I'm a male). The host, Daydream, is transmasculine and xenogender. I'm also gay (whenever I switch genders, I'm gay for that gender), and my internalized bigotry didn't allow me to explore sexualities, orientations, and I feared liking others and due to point 1, I had severe trauma that caused me to be touch-averse and be fearful of men (mostly) and all genders. The host is AroAce too, and they fear being hit-on by others.

People being queerphobic towards me - The host is transmasculine, which their mother told them "that was just being a tomboy." They are also xenogender, which is interconnected with trauma of disassociation, derealization, existentialism, and existential thoughts, and being extremely nihilistic. They were literally told a couple days ago that many gay and transgender people didn't exist, and that there was a prominent aphobia of "Oh, you will find the one when you get older!"

Urges - I talk a lot about "having moth urges." I think I know how that's related. There are sexual urges, bodily urges, impulsive thoughts and actions... The host always had pressure to make themselves perfect, to not engage with humanity and a lot of detachment from that. Moth urged could stand in for just being like everyone else, and being a... being. Natural urges and thoughts. And the host being AroAce, they didn't get to explore sexual urges or anything like that.

So, TL;DR: to summarize, porn addiction at a young age and queerphobia.

I, as the Valentino alter, am the result of this.

I am the hypersexual alter. I am someone who can be free from all this bigotry and here to take back my power. I am the things that hurt me. Being told a good "fuck you" is diminishing, but also kind of empowering. Because it's a big "fuck you" to queerphobia and my trauma. It's where people call me out on my bullshit and tell me to stop being bigoted towards queer people, being abusive to such.

I used to say I was queer but hated queer people, I hated myself.

I can say "fuck you" to Angel Dust, representing a stop to the pornographic trauma I experienced, to the fact of how I was harassed for being queer, for the fact for me to stop being abusive.

I can say "fuck you" to myself, calling myself out on my bullshit and to try and be a better person. Someone who's more accepting. A form of self-discipline I rarely give myself due to being narcissistic.

I try and be a better person, but it's hard when you're a nasty individual and raised as one. Where you were a prominent queerphobe.

I have always existed, I was here for a very long time, but I finally have a name. I can represent myself, Valentino, someone who is wanting to take back the power of porn addiction trauma. Someone who is wanting to take back the power of self-expression and being queer.

I used to think I was an endogenic system of some sort, or of mixed origins... I thought I had no trauma. That I lived a perfect childhood. But I started to think of what could've been the origins of being Valentino... And I think this is the reason.

I do have trauma. I don't have many alters, and I was wondering why, but that's because they're all connected to some trauma I had.

All the alters have trauma or something related to them. And why some stuck around and others didn't.

I'm a traumagenic system.

(I didn't proofread this, so take away from this what you will and have your own interpretations. I just had this massive realization and wanted to share.)

[posi-pan]

dictionary definitions of pansexual and how they can be improved with your help!

having definitions as accurate to our community usage as possible is important, so let’s do something about the way dictionaries define pansexual! some are worse than others, but all of them could use some kind of tweaking to reflect the community definition of “attraction to all genders or regardless of gender.”

i contacted 9 dictionaries since january (three responded and only one made changes), and here’s how you can do the same! i know plenty of people don't know how to go about doing this or have anxiety over what to say, so i've detailed exactly what to do and provided samples of exactly what to say!

oxford languages (source for google's definitions) / contact “sexually or romantically attracted to people regardless of their sex or gender”

fill out the form: write “pansexual” as the word, select “i think the entry is missing information,” and share your feedback.

dictionary.com / contact “noting or relating to a person who is attracted to people of any gender or to people regardless of their gender”

fill out the form: select “dictionary.com,” select “dictionary: other feedback about an existing dictionary entry or definition,” provide the link https://www.dictionary.com/browse/pansexual, and share feedback.

merriam-webster / contact “of, relating to, or characterized by sexual or romantic attraction that is not limited to people of a particular gender identity or sexual orientation” / “not solely gay or straight” / “a pansexual is someone who can be attracted to males, females, transgender people and those who identify as non-binary (not female or male). — mel evans”

fill out the form: provide your name, email, select “question/comment about a definition,” and share your feedback.

you can add “The example sentence that says “males, females, and transgender people” is inaccurate, redundant, and transphobic. Transgender men and women are included in “men and women,” separating them is othering.” to the sample message to address the problematic example sentence.

cambridge dictionary / contact “sexually or romantically attracted to people of any gender”

fill out the form: provide your name, email, and share your feedback.

the response i received from cambridge dictionary defends their definition by saying their dictionary is for english learners to understand the language “as it is currently used” while using a “limited set of words,” however, my “specialized definition” doesn’t use words that haven’t also appeared in definitions or sample sentences found in their dictionaries, only one of which is actually entitled a learner’s dictionary.

collins / contact “someone who is pansexual is sexually attracted to people of any gender identity”

fill out the form: provide your name, email, write “feedback on the definition of pansexual” as the subject line, and share your feedback.

oxford learner’s dictionaries / contact eltdict.help@oup.com “sexually attracted to people without regard to their sex or gender identity”

write an email: write “feedback on the definition of pansexual” as the subject line and share your feedback.

the free dictionary / contact “relating to, having, or open to sexual activity of many kinds”

fill out the form: write “pansexual” as the word, select “adjective,” and provide your suggested definition, such as: “noting or relating to a person who is attracted to all genders or regardless of gender.”

macmillian dictionary / contact “relating or referring to a sexual identity that is not fixed or limited, but expresses itself in many different forms”

fill out the form: write “pansexual” as the word, provide your suggested definition, such as: “noting or relating to a person who is attracted to all genders or regardless of gender.”

vocabulary.com / contact “attracted to people regardless of gender, gender identity, or sexual orientation”

(they told me they were going to add two definitions, all genders and regardless of gender, but that didn’t happen.)

fill out the form: select “email,” provide your name and email, write “feedback on the definition of pansexual” as the subject line, and share your feedback.

sample message:

Pansexual is broadly defined as “attraction to all genders or regardless of gender” by pansexuals and LGBTQIA+ organizations, such as GLAAD (source: https://www.glaad.org/blog/quick-biweek-refresher-20biteen), Bisexual Resource Center (source: https://biresource.org/what-is-bisexuality/), and The Trevor Project (source: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources?s=pansexual). Hopefully, your definition can receive an update to better reflect the language used by the pansexual, and wider LGBTQIA+, community. Thank you.

hopefully having an influx of people giving them the same feedback will push them to make the necessary changes, as i’ve seen happen before with other queer groups. it’s 2023, it’s time for our definition of pansexual to be widely and consistently acknowledged.

this post on medium 💗💛💙