#which like im 95% sure it is
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these lyrics of cotard's solution are sooo system coded to me and I have no idea why
like ESPECIALLY the "so, how many people am i?" and "who's looking back? that's not me" parts. they're a little TOO relatable for my tastes
#plague rambles#side note i think i may be a nikolai fictionkin which is nice !#and im like 95% sure im a dazai fictionkin so erm.#yeah uhm#anyways tags#plural#plurality#actually plural#plural community#plural system#pluralgang#system#system stuff#sysblr#will wood#will wood and the tapeworms
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Guess which bitch now has room on its phone for instagram for the first time in like 3 years. This is only good bc now we can post art there again.
Not that instagram is nice to artists or anything. Just that our art tumblr is so very tiny and unused. Gonna probably have to clear it out somewhat when I finally get around to posting art.
#thank fuck for our silm special interest tho#we can finally get like traction on posts#which'll mean that when our fibro flare-up finally dies down (lmao it'll be ages bc our dad is Stressing The Fuck Outta Us)#we can get commissions done again#and through those. well.#money both for clothes to make us comfortable#(which will also last for years & be the right kinda clothing for when we move overseas)#and also for savings for WHEN we move overseas#like our grandma is nice & all &'ll probably help pay for us getting housing or whatever#but i dont want to have to Rely on her inheritance from her aunt(?)#and disability benifits are dodgy at best. and we'll have to survive somehow *before* we get them through#and i kinda dont want to have to rely on the generosity of an old school friend's mum. or a 10th cousin 4 times removed (or whatever)#who might well be dead before we move to ireland#bc he's like 95 rn#and idk if he'd even let us stay at his (scarily enormous) house At All#also. idk if we'd have the money without some kinda work to get HRT when we move out. dont wanna have to be reliant on parents or the gov.#for our HRT. i doubt we could get public healthcare to cover it. not immediately at least.#and i kinda dont want to have to go back on birth control. cause progesterone or w/ever its called has feminising effects iirc#and we're not sure if we want a hysterectomy yet. so.#it'd be a choice between periods (hell) and HRT (expensive)#fuck i hate being disabled sometimes#like actually if anyone calls chronically fatigued ppl “lazy”. i fucking WISH i was lazy.#like bitch please this flare-up is making it so that NONE of my meds get rid of the pain anywhere NEAR fully#and im low-key on the Good Shit™#also so annoyed that ireland hasnt legalised weed. bc. we're almost certainly gonna be doing it for pain#and getting an *illegal* product is so much more difficult#lmao i worked out commas#—Roquén#my fingies hurt so much rn lmao#anyway gonna go draw my source drowning in blood & despair. then im gonna work out what the fuck kinda pigments caranthir would use
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one big advantage of having seen mcr in warsaw in 2022 was that the sale was NOT managed by ticketmaster so the price was fully static and i got my ticket for literally 200 pln (~45 eur)
#which also made me realize IF there is an eu tour. and IF they have dates in germany. im like 95% sure itll be all going thru ticketmaster#and like that warsaw show fully spoiled me now i am not at all mentally ready to spend 100+ eur on my ticket#also the warsaw show was not an arena. so def part of why the tickets were way cheaper#w sensie tez z drugiej strony na jakim stadionie w polsce mieliby grac. narodowym??? no bez przesady sa popularni ale to nie tswift#its gonna be really funny if there is an eu tour and i end up going back to pl for the concert cause im almost sure its gonna be cheaper#provided there is a date in poland again of course. and that there is an eu tour to speak of#thots
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#kip sabian#aew#all elite wrestling#aewedit#wrestlingedit#wrestling#night gifs#okay but. first of all. living my dream#second im like 95% sure i know which fan this is. i follow kips twitter closely enough to know the regulars he interacts with lmao#third. that jackets is still so interesting to me. cause at this time he had the actual jacket so idk is this for indie appearances only??#intriguing. i absolutely love it tho its so nice and sparkly and looks so soft ough#my beloved#kip in a box#(rp blogs dont reblog; saving and other personal use with tag credits is fine)
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Yes but one of the grand things about having Finn cook for me is that I don't have to suppress my autistic need to know every little ingredient inside of a food or dish because I can just endlessly ask him the question every five minutes or as needed.
#this is silly. this is so silly. I was also reminded of how overstimulating restaurants were especially when I cant wear any headphones or-#-earbuds because I dont want to come off as “ignorant/indecent person” sort of thing. But what is even more silly is me ominously staring-#-at my food trying not to ask. as it was made. in front of me. IT WAS A HIBATCHI RESTAURANT. The only things I didnt know were some of the-#-sauces that got put into the stirfry and even then im like 95% sure it was just soy sauce or like teriyaki. I dont know about the salad-#-though. That was like thousand island dressing but...lumpier. and something else. Restaurants are like the opposite of where I should hang#-out. They are my enemy. the only upside is that I can take my food home in a take out box if the place offers it. Cause eating infront of-#-other people i just cant do it. Which im sure ive said before perhamps. I was so worried the hibatchi person would question why im-#-not eating and I gotta explain to them that it's not the food I just have some strange.. paranoia? I suppose I would call it? I mean it is#-an irrational fear. Im not even that upset over it this was all last night im just running my mouth now.#It's where I can look back and giggle over it now because it was a bit silly. Forgive me Finn. You seem like you would love to-#-eat out at restaurants as date nights. I would absolutely fork over all my money even if it was just buying you a meal. Howver unfortunetl#-for me I feel like you would also tell me it isn't really a good date if only one of us are enjoying ourselves and would rule out-#-doing dinner dates until it got to the point of like. Me being fine with eating at home infront of him.#And for that I banish him to kisses from me for one thousand years. It says it here in the rule book. I dont make the rules I just follow-#-them.\#finn🩶💙#self ship#selfship#selfshipping#self shipping
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“how could richie’s family possibly want to avenge him when he groomed and murdered people” well first of all he did neither of those things so let’s start there
#not for lack of trying mind you#he just failed spectacularly in both respects#amber was dogwalking him and richie had ONE count of one victim to handle#excluding sam at the hospital#and well. he did not get her! 😭#i refuse to attribute vince or wes to him idgaf#sure yeah makes total sense that the guy who was across town at the hospital#would sneak out while his gf is asleep go stab this dude clean up come back sit down put on a movie#all without disturbing anything or being noticed#versus the chick who was already at the bar. and supposed to be heading home LMFAO#same w wes n judy bc#amber was already at the house#richie was across town w a half eaten pizza cozy laid up watching yt#‘but the kill styles-’ be serious. we are all grown.#i should not have to tell you that one person can hold/use a knife in two diff ways on two diff occasions. as if amber was like#physically incapable of jabbing the knife in once and leaving bc she went too stab happy every other time b4.#i dont doubt he did a lot of the phone calls but the physical work??#nah. brother he was just there for the ride. accessory at most kinda#how is he a serial killer if he made some calls while his girl killed everyone#if richie watched amber cook would that make him a chef??#okay but in all seriousness kinda 😭#wrt that OR the grooming which. im not even gonna get into.#argue w the wall or radio silence bc ur not finna argue w me!#when its CONFIRMED she just manipulated richie into believing it was his idea!#i do believe he thought he WAS in fact playing her. he was just wrong bc she had him by the balls like 😭#richie INNOCENT except not bc he was the real victim but bc he literally#tried and failed 95% of the time at villainy 😭#still outsold j*ll but thats another matter!#ceci speaks
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practicing gratitude about this past year tonight and it IS actually helping?? a lot????????? unbelievable
#things im really grateful for: moved out and away! to the other side of the country! for a new job (first job!!!!!) which was terrifying but#it's been FIVE months and ive genuinely never felt prouder of myself for making it through!!!!!#and even though there HAS been some really really Bad Brain Days this job has allowed me to meet so many interesting people#and it also has allowed me to have a better view of my future; to understand what i really want to do; and given me the boost i needed to#work extra hard to get into my masters program (asylum and immigration law!!!)#ive also became less of a people pleaser and learned to stood up for myself more; get more accomodations and opportunities without stopping#myself to get them bc i didnt deserve them or whatever#i did SO many scary things that felt like pulling my own teeth out but 95% of these things worked out okay in the end#i even got a new job opportunity!!!! i was OFFERED a job????!?!?!?!???! can you believe it????!?!?#GOT MY AUTISM DIAGNOSIS#came out to my therapist! said a lot of scary things to scary people but i did it SCARED. AND IT WORKED OUT#ive accomplished so many things this year and grown up and healed a lot. sure there were bad days but - overall?#im so grateful im alive. im so grateful i got to meet so many wonderful & lovely people#(if youve read all of this please know that i love YOU and also i hope hope HOPE you had a wonderful year; or if you didnt then that the#upcoming year will be nothing but kind and supportive to you! 🌱🎀💫)
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#im just gonna complain abt it here bc i just have to accept that i can't irl bc no one else gets it#its hard to b a dyslexic grad student. u have to read so much. and its good. lots of reading is good. u just have to contend with a soul#crushing amout of discouragement at the fact u just kinda cant read while ur peers r like sure i can read this in class and have things to#say abt it. if u make me read in my head in class i literally cannot fucking tell u what i just read. not a god damn thing and if i try to#let my computer read to me i cant fucking pay attention for long enough so i just have to accept that from here on out ill have to#physically read papers aloud which i hate so much. its the only way i can fucking understand things and it still makes me feel dumb bc ill#somehow still space out while reading and have to reread like 4 times before i understand wtf is being said. it takes forever and it takes#energy and i dont like talking very much and it also restricts me to only being able to read at home which is frustrating#and im like i need to stop my brain from distracting myself with things that dont matter and my counselor is like: ur ocd is trying to make#work ur whole life and im like yeah thats how i got it. its the only way i can keep swimming with the non dyslexics#so its like wtf do i do? i kinda have to take the hit and make work my whole life rn. morn the loss of other things for a while#i dunno im still a bummer rn. like im probably coming off as more an asocial freak than normal bc its hard to talk ans maintain conversation#rn. but whatever. sometimes things just suck and theres nothing u can do abt it but accept it and move on. ill learn lots of things with all#the reading i have to do and that's never a bad thing ...no matter how much i dont give a fuck abt animals#like jesus. i could not even begin to give a fuck about like 95% of mammals. fish r cool tho. plants too#but microbes is where its at. i dont understand y ppl dont understand how cool they r. oh well ill just have to tell them#if i can find my fucking enthusiasm. ugh i have to make one of my classes read a paper and i have to work with someone abt find it. she#works with like rabbits. i refuse to assign a mammal paper. i fucking refuse. we will do plants or microbes or fucking paleontology#i will fight her on this. ugh. light filtering or orchid speciation would b perfect. annoying#at least i get to work with some culturs this week#unrelated
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after effects just crashed on me... if i lost anything important im going to smash something 👍
#im 95% sure the only thing i did since i last saved was like one set of titles which is not a big deal#but if im remembering wrong and it was earlier than that...... bite bite bite bite bite bite#grandpa max is god? i go to church now
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not playing bg & don't really have any interest in it + even if i wanted to my pc would Not appreciate it lmao but from the posts i have seen so far abt some of the dumb shit people are starting in the fandom makes me glad i'm preoccupied w other stuff fdgfhg
#just saw a string of posts talking abt the biphobia problem#i love when people either hate bisexuals that much they erase them Or care about them so little they just dont exist#which is very cool and not at all reminiscent of the last decade of dragon age discourse#ngl in general i think my fandom experience has improved by losing interest in da + similar media gfhh#like yeah im sure if da4 comes out ill probably play it just to play it but im not like. frothing at the mouth or anything yk#but anyway im not like. particularly invested in this or anything its just commentary#altho i wouldnt be surprised to see the overlapping venn diagram of da fans who pulled shit like this + bg fans doing it presently#in my heart i know its probably 95% the same group of people gfh
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i have a severe one-sided beef with this very very very big popular taylor blog on here
#i won’t name names but im 95% sure you have seen them they are VERY big on here#they just… always answer asks which is whatever but the way they talk about taylor’s private life… ooof…#it’s not even about omg xyz sons reminds me of 123 event in taylor’s life#is more like#anon: taylor wrote this song about this situation and she said this bc of that right?#the blog: so close! actually here’s a very detailed explanation about her personal private life that tells us in thorough detail#what she thinks and feels#anon: thoughts on tonight surprise songs?#the blog: of course she chose those she’s SAD and HEARTBROKEN did you see her CRY she misses him SO MUCH she cant do without him#…uuuuh sure….#like maybe they’re right ! but its so weird how all they do is talk about that ! in that way !#anyways as i said its a one sided beef i have cause apparently no one else bats an eye cause they’re beloved here#x
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My ex friend finally kicked me off his steam library sharing
Only took him half a year
#im not particularly torn up about it#tho its funny to me that he hadnt noticed up until now#im like 95% sure he removed me manually cause i saw him online today and i played one game from his library#which i havent been doing much cuz all the good games were on his sister's account which steam always liked kicking me off randomly#anyway im the winner here still cuz i have our shared terraria world#this all sounds incredibly petty but the main reason i havent disabled the library sharing was because i thought it was funny#its such a random situation. ive legit not heard anything from the guy since march. but you bet your ass i played games from his library#the only reason i know hes still alive even is that it took him a few months more to ghost another mutual friend and she mentioned him#i got the terraria world in the divorce. idc that he built the castle. i fished there. blood sweat and tears went into that goddamn phone#pork talks
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it can be so fucking hard to be close to people who have very different understandings of time and respect than you.
#im just going to bitch in the notes so i can get it out of my system#it fucking hurts my feelings when my friends are significantly later than they said they would be#they are driving up and visiting me which i do appreciate#but its like. 95% of the time im the one meeting them wherever and whenever works for them#and theyd made it sound like theyd be coming hours ago and they werent#and finally got on the fucking road and their eta was 13 minutes ago and they still arent here#and its like. i get that they have their own lives and traffi and shit#but ive told them many times that it genuinely upsets me when this happens#to the point that if they werent already on the road id just tell them to fucking stay home#its the biggest stressor in our relationship and it seems like theyll get better for a bit after we talk about it#then it gets bad again#and it sucks because i was excited! and now im feeling bitter and upset and i either have to swallow it#or bring the mood down#and im sure they have more shit to do at home so its not like they'll be sticking around for a long time tomorrow#if they do i'll be shocked#but like. id thought of fun stuff we can do and im cool with not doing them but a better fucking heads up would be appreciated#i shouldnt have to ask 3 times to find out when youre coming#especially when i give a very long time between asking to not be a bother#and it just feels like they dont respect me or my time. i couldve done so much more this afternoon#but ive been here fucking waiting for them.#and i told them i was worried this shit would happen once i no longer lived right near them#and they said it wouldnt be a fucking problem. well guess what.#and i have had to defend them to my dad who i live with as well#and then this shit happens. it sucks#anyway. i thought they'd be here 2 hours ago.#whatever. nothing i can do about it now.#tree talks
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why do so many sci fi writers feel the need to make their fictional pandemic the Worst Disease Ever? you do not need a 95% mortality rate. you do not need half the world population to be infected within a week. you do not need to emphasize how much worse it is than the 1919 flu. it can be scary anyway i promise you
#personal#bookposting#got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning so im being mean & a hater but. goddd#75% of polio cases were asymptomatic and less than half a percent of people developed paralysis! it was STILL SCARY#fucking BUBONIC PLAGUE had a mortality rate of like 40%!!!#i mean if you're actually doing something INTERESTING with 'everyone is infected within 2 weeks' or whatever go for it#or like. zombie plague with 95% mortality rate? sure alright. that's zombies for you#but if it's just to make it Scary my eyes are rolling out of my head and down the street#the melodrama!! i dont care i dont caaaaare stop trying to scare me with numbers#im trying to read the lock in prequel about the initial disease outbreak and like. idk about this one lol#part of what i liked about lock in is only like 1% of people infected with the disease get haden's syndrome#which is actually a lot now that ive looked at the polio numbers! but still sounds small. it isnt like 10% or 50% or anything#and it has ENORMOUS social ramifications. which are explored in interesting ways#but now the prequel is like ''the first outbreak killed 400 million people in less than a year!!''#why this. we didn't need that#also the speculation about where the disease came from uuuugh#ooooooh Shocking and Scary conspiracy theories! i am so shocked and scared!#like bro i do not care. i really don't. can we not#uuuuughghhhhh#okay thats all im done being judgemental#for now.
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if its a dehydration headache it will go away and if it needs medical attention it will get worse. maybe
#hashtag Rationality#tobias talks#tbh im like 95% sure my health anxiety is actually ocd#so ive had to stop googling things like this lol#but its a pressure headache which is scary......why is it not an ache#but i was sweating like a mfer today and didnt drink a lot. so Surely its from that#<- it was sooo cold here today i had multiple layers on and then i had to walk to class multiple times
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back when my oc yuri was wholesome & cute (i imagine this as a pre-relationship encounter, just before they met duke)
also yes maybe i am using hk ocs to project being mixed race & passing only for one. maybe i am. xP
#hollow knight#hk oc#ditus#mayari#kris art#loredump incoming now#basically shirigrove is the kingdom of the moon where both mayari & ditus are from#however there's the kingdom of the sun (helifield) which is where bumblebees are from#so ditus is in that part of two worlds kinda sense#where fae lives in & has the blood of someone from shirigrove but part of their identity still strongly ties with the bumblebees#fae also passes 95% as a firefly but like. if you think about it Yeah They Don't Completely Look Like One Right?#& just for social reasons they often dismiss having bumble blood because not so accepted in shirigrove (outsider) + easier to say they're--#--just a weird looking firefly!#& that relates to how im half british living in britain + white passing but i cant deny being filipino as well & it's a big part of who i a#ANYWAY rant over funny bugs in love before they ever realised it (they both subtly crushed on each other for a few years for SURE)#tragic yuri? doomed yuri? now also excruciatingly painstakingly long yuri#next time for my hk ocs i'll probably expand the world more & explain who the unnamed spider was in my last post :3#if anyone cares#if you read all this ily :''''')#kris oc
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