#which like id rather die. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

theceaselessidiot · 5 months ago

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Eloise Bridgerton being an absolute mood:

and Cressida's reaction of 'this girl is so weird, but I'm into it??? Wait am I into this??'':

#i was so sad that no one had made gifs of this moment #that i simply made one myself #i just love this almost smile cressida has here #like she can't believe eloise would just say and do this sort of thing #which kind of also adds to what she says in a later episode about eloise being courageous #she means this; eloise just being unapologetically herself without caring about whats appropriate #something cressida doesn't have the freedom to do (because she lacks the family support eloise has) but probably wishes she could #i love finding these little moments bc you can interpret so much from them even though they're only seconds long #yes i am autistic why do you ask?#eloise bridgerton #cressida cowper #creloise #bridgerton #bridgerton s3 #bridgerton 3x02 #gifs #my gifs #(also i don't know how to gif i did my best with what gimp can do)#bc id rather die than using something adobe makes

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caramellody · 4 months ago

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I could go on and on and spiral about a LOT of things relating to NSBU:

The NATURE of the nsbu movie and what THAT could entail and what THAT could mean for the characters in this movie

The way at how everyone in the main cast AND barsimmion follow the themes of the lack of change and stalemate in life

#nsbu spoilers #d20 nsbu #never stop blowing up #im so glad they finally ran into barsimmion bc it essentially means we can see what id like to call. the metaplot #which is essentially. okay so you have nsbu the movie plot. the shadow falcons the santo patron the kingskins group etc.#the metaplot is very simply: everything relating to the lake elsinore gang #anyway cal and i devolved into a half an hour talk about what IS nsbu the movie.#and the idea that potential of. almost self awareness to this fact. bc to these guys all of THIS? is resl to them and theyre living it #it changes in a dime #and they keep going. actions and consequences bay bee #so to have this ever flowing ebb and flow of a lifestyle juxtaposed with these 6 normies who REFUSE to do anything more with their life.#or rather might be too scared to consider what could happen if they take the first step or cant emotionally do it. whatever the reason.#putting these guys in situations where THEY DO have to act. where they do have to change bc if they dont they WILL LITERALLY DIE #its fun its really fun to think about

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nauticallygay · 2 years ago

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I am forever ruined by the third ending option of silver tricking flint into the plantation with the promise of thomas there but he wasn't actually there and he just wanted flint to be sent to the plantation alone. absolutely evil third ending. I wish I never knew that and I think everyone should suffer with me knowing this could be an option

#thank you fathoms deep for bringing up this potential third ending #which is the worst possible ending #like id rather he die than have this heartbreak #absolutely evil #black sails spoiler #black sails spoilers #black sails #black sails text #james flint #captain flint #flinthamilton #my post

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robotpussy · 27 days ago

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mum found out I quit my job and now she's panicking from her hospital bed.

#even tho ive been unemployed since August she thinks i just quit. i think of i tell her its been a while and ive been #looking after her basically as soon as i quit she'll maybe calm down #i only ended up telling her because my money is running dry because i spent it all looking after her and checking up on her #when i wasnt supposed to. and she needs to know that im running out of money 😭#but now i feel like the situation is worse. she keeps telling me to call my old job and ask them to take me back #but id rather find another job than go back there it got so bad i genuinely thought I'd die at that place #im not built for customer service + its not worth travelling 4 hrs a day for minimum wage #shes worried about my bills but ive actually been able to pay my bills since i quit 😭 because i saved #so much money up. when i was working i could've save because i had to spend half of it on transport costs and i could barely pay my bills #my mum thinks suffering is important like its supposed to happen so im not surprised she thinks this but now i feel like #i cant even see her because she'll spend the entire visit telling me to go back to my old job #even tho i told her I've been looking for work (which i have). i was when i was still working and i still am now. im just not having the #best luck rn

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knifekris · 3 months ago

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every day i struggle to make choices

#i should invest into some kind of education but cant make up my mind #mostly because options suck #i cant do trades unless my body sucks less which is sad because id love to be an electrician #cant even think about getting a pilots license cuz im not passing the med cert #i think id rather die than be a med assistant actually #working clinics at all makes me nervous tbh but probably where im headed in the short term #surgical tech would be cool but i cant do a Real program while working full-time #which is what limits most of my choices #i need to find more paid training programs i guess #if i had to pick a miserable but fulfilling job id go into education itself #but the teaching profession has always been in a downward spiral esp as of late #i dont want healthcare because i hate seeing dysfunctional glorified murder machines grinding around and around endlessly #acute care sucks id rather be in an icu for function but then im depressed because our patients are always dying #it was better as a phleb but this hospital doesnt have phleb and like i said im nervous about clinics #but i need to fucking commit to outpatient phlebotomy i think :/#the most fun ive had at a job ever #i wish i had more widely applicable skills but i cant be an emt/para even just for the training #because half of it is unpaid and the other half you pay for #and again #a job NOTORIOUS for being exhausting dangerous and traumatizing #if i was 17 again and wasnt escaping the tar pit of my mother id go for an english degree and i wouldnt even regret it #thinking about school in terms of a job i have to have forever vs for the sake of learning is so different #id like to know everything. i wanna read and write forever. and do research and have real technical skills that help people #im still riding off of the high of getting 5 ccs off of an oncology patient who desperately needed a port #they were able to run like seven tests off of it #i had to use a couple ped tubes #she only had to get poked Once and barely noticed it bc the doc team came in and im so happy i made her admission that muvh easier #labs are so miserable #checking back on the blood and seeing all of the results came through made me more pleased than anything else in the world

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sodrippy · 3 months ago

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whats up w yosemite only having "1 hour easy as fuck babies can do this" trails or "unless youre an athlete just kill yourself in your room instead of attempting this you fucking idiot" hikes. can we get something for the normal guy please

#i could probably do this one since ive done other hard ones at the other parks but i don't want to fuck w slippery paths ykwim #like ive said before it is totally within my luck to twist an ankle and die so its not really worth it #the one i want to and could do is a best-at-sunset one which is lame like no i dont want to get there an hour early to get a park actually #id rather be in bed truthfully #but we'll see. maybe

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kellystar321 · 1 year ago

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my mrd ocs Gossamer (rat) and Glass (heart), aka "Sad Rat Dead"

"Gossamer is dead… right? Glass, their heart that's falling apart, isn't so sure, because even though the despondent rat has given up and gone ghostly, their heart is still beating. While Gossamer has accepted their death, Glass doesn't want to give up the ghost just yet. They urge Gossamer out of their cage to find a way to regain corporeality, and together they learn what it takes to want to keep living."

"C'mon, Gossamer! Don't you at least have a final wish for your last day?" "I don't know... I don't think I do..." "Well then... let's live long enough to find one, okay?"

#mrd #mad rat dead oc #mrd oc #mad rat dead #general oc tag #glass isn't fully developed yet design wise; id rather them be easier to draw and this broken design isnt very good yet. idk #generally their entire shtick is that gossamer is the ''depression and acceptance'' part of grief and glass is ''denial and bargaining''#obviously we don't need anger because mad rat exists already hfkhd #it probably plays like a roguelite version of mad rat dead because gossamer doesnt have the reversing time mechanic (since it requires-#(gossamer to ask their heart to want to relive their final day; which they don't really care about. but glass wants to!!)#they learn more about each other as the story goes on and understand each other's way of thinking and help each other grow.#very big allegory for living with depression. like its not even subtextual; Gossamer very much has debilitating depression.#i think its an interesting parallel to mrd! rat struggling to live his last day on earth learning to accept his death in the end #and then a rat waiting to die on their last day on earth learning how to want to live again.#i think the story's bound to be very cheesy but hey; it's mad rat dead after all hgkjh #my favorite color is queue

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charliethemanticore · 10 months ago

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Hi btw being trans does not automatically grant you supernatural understanding of all esoteric trans knowledge. You actually need to put effort into learning or put effort into keeping quiet about things that don't pertain to your specific experience

#my cishet brother has a better grasp of transgender theory than my transgender bisexual sister because he like... did some basic research #meanwhile my sister confidently told me 'oh youre nit trans youre neutral' the ither week and i almost slapped her #miss maam i am nonbinary and i have been out as some kind of trans for ten years i will politely ask you to shut up ONCE #also in no universe am i 'neutral' but even if i WAS by definition i would not be identifying wholly with my assigned sex #WHICH WOULD MAKE ME TRANSGENDER ANYWAY #apparently shes been portraying herself as the only trans in the family despite the fact that ive BEEN OUT FOR A DECADE #like ms maam when i came out you were TEN YEARS OLD. i taught you what transgender meant! i know for certain i taught you better #i DEFINITELY taught you better than to TELL PEOPLE WHAT THEY ARE #like okay i guess if youre not into research and history and you just wanna exist without having yo be an expert that is fine #but DO NOT present yourself as an expert. you are an expert in YOUR BODY and YOUR EXPERIENCES #like. shes got severe 'no one has ever done it like me. i am the weirdest girl at the party' syndrome #while also having the personality of an edgy piece of toast #i love her but i have. been very angry at her and i cant even say anything about it #like. baby girl you are a very generic case of autism and transgender and bisexuality. youre not the most random unique case #'how could you understand?!' meanwhile im sitting there wildly neuridivergent and transgender and i got eldest daughter/third parent trauma #like hmm yeah i wonder what id know about it. i wonder how i could possibly understand. i wonder how i could possibly offer relevant advice #i give up #shes a fucking edge lord and our mum feeds into it rather than being like 'some of your experiences are actually universal'#anyway rant over #my brother is an angel and i eould die for him. worlds best ally #he has never once misgendered me or made me feel weird about it. unlike some other siblings who demands i punch her if she gets it wrong #like... no? stop being weird about it youre making me more uncomfortable than using the wrong pronoun did #mums like that too 'oh i messed up hit me!' like no #how old are you?#grow up im not gonna hit you back why would hurting you make me feel better? does hurting people make you feel better?#cause that sounds like something you should see a licensed professional about. i dont care if its a therapist or a bartender #just do it away from me #rant #personal #delete later

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haven-gum-rockrose · 6 months ago

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going through it lately. and by it? i mean absolutely nothing actually.

#guys i need therapy #not that itll work #it wont #the last one didnt #and the ones before didnt but my mom only let me do one or two session each for those so i dont fault them #its been years tho so maybe?#idfk #i dont really care #i do #i probably do im just tired #yall know what type of tired #ugh i should really keep my vent posts to my vent blog so people dont have to see them #<- has made many vent posts here and actually not used the vent blog in months #my foot just fell asleep #yall lukcy i dont have a gun #i lied about quiting my job btw #something came up and it got complicated #it might turn out good tho #probably not #but if it does i might be able to move out and room with my oldest friend #oldest as in time known #not age (im older by like four months hehe(and like a head shorter but we dont talk about that shh))#but that would also mean rent which means philly will take a lot longer #and also ill have to look for shops in a whole other city so im putting off quiting for another month or two or three maybe #i dont like change. i dont like genuinely regularly thinking 'id rather die' to things that i really do want #tw vent #thats probably important #i dont like decisions #did you guys know Animal Jam got shut down?#i miss my necklace. everything else seems so- not barbaric but maybe unclean. which i guess is appropriate

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago

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...

#so i survived my 1st week as a phd student. it's interesting. im not sure how i feel #the negatives are that i forgot how much stress being around people causes me. as a research assistant i was able to be on my own schedule #and go into the lab at odd hours so i never had to see anyone. but now im in classes and teaching and have a shared office #classes are tolerable stress wise so long as im sitting on an edge. i only feel a lil like im dying. teaching makes nauseous beforehand.#which is odd bc im not really worried while im doing it or before im doing it. i thibk its just that i have to interact ans i kno im a #mediocre teacher bc id rather die than do the back and forth of asking questions and u should teach interactively #i like to break down complex idea and help people with problems but i was not build to teach in classrooms. i get knocked off points when #i give class presentations bc i cant make eye contact lol. so that'll b annoying this semester. and its just so hard to function in an #office space. idk its weird like i dont even feel it that much while im there its just like a flashing *i need to leave* alarm. and then #when im alone its like a physical weight off of me. and i cant tell if thats what's draining my energy or if ive just cycled into a low #energy lul bc im just like. i wanna sleep. and for me thats always a sign that somethings wrong. i dont feel that bad mood wise but its #like there's a rock weighing me down as im trying to tread water. so those r the big negatives. the positives r that #i do enjoy being back in school. i love the structure of it. but im also self destructive abt structure so well see how it goes. but my #lab mates seem nice as does my advisor. i feel a bit bad bc ill have to learn genome stuff from the ground up. and today i was trying to #convey ideas to him like an insane person. bc i dont have enough background to talk fluidly abt my prospective project and i have a picture #of what i mean but not all the details. hopefully i made some sense. i think the idea is cool. and thats the other really positive thing.#the papers i have to read associated with this project r waaaaaaaaaay more interesting than anything i ever had to read for my masters. like #they're the types of papers i would force other ppl to read for lab meetings. so im optimistic abt not hating it by the end haha #yay for being excited abt science. but i guess thats the other thing i feel bad abt. like im interested but haven't read a lot to prep bc #i cant express how difficult dyslexia makes things but also i cant control how interested in things i get so i bassically banned myself #from reading papers im actually interested in like 3 years ago bc in retrospect i was prob going thru a hypomanic episode #and i was like reading papers abt microbes in Antarctica all day and not working on my stuff. and i just remember walking into the lab at #like 5am to trasfer alage with tears streaming down my face bc i was just like. i cant have this nice thing and b functional. it has to stop #so i just created this weird barrier in my mind where im not allowed to read fun papers. so its odd to b reading them now for work. its odd #also i was walking to my office worring abt things and then i saw some moss growinf around the edge of the sidewalk and it made me wanna cry #bc i am an extremely normal individual. i have normal feelings abt photosynthesis. but anyway yeah. its been interesting #hopefully ill stay optimistic. next week we have a orientation for new grad students. and i might have to drive like an hr away. hate that #the driving i mean. not the orientation. that should b fun #unrelated

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daughterofsarenrae · 7 months ago

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I keep looking up magical sleeping positions that'll help the neck pain ive had for weeks go away. And like. I have a sneaking suspicion that the problem is the 2 (sometimes 3) pillows+husband pillow+stuffed animal that i have under my head when i sleep. But am i going to change that? No

#every place is like SLEEP ON UR BACK!#and im like. i think id rather die thanks #no one normal sleeps on their back. sorry #also stomach sleeping is the ''worst'' which is literally factually incorrect. these sleep scientists dont know ANYTHING #bel speaks

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crookedkingdom · 1 year ago

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having to go back to my grandmother's for (likely her last) thanksgiving is just getting beat over the head with a bunch of memories. the last time we were here my brother got his dream job the day before thanksgiving. the last time we were here i helped him buy christmas presents for his girlfriend and he was so nervous about finding something she'd like since it was their first christmas together. the last time we were here we spent hours driving and complaining to each other about how ridiculous our grandmother and parents were being

#the last time we were here he straight up told me hed never come back here which like. you didnt need to die to prove your point damn #id literally rather do anything else than even acknowledge the holidays and yet. here we are #and i dont even have someone to share meaningful wtf looks with this time #grief #sibling loss #text #anyway ive been a moody bitch about it all month and its only gonna get worse ahaha i hate living through this #delete

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chiistarri · 8 months ago

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imsoo normal about guys byw