#he has never once misgendered me or made me feel weird about it. unlike some other siblings who demands i punch her if she gets it wrong | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

blooblooded · 6 years ago

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Clouds Gather Before A Storm

I still am having trouble writing. Anyways, this is pretty explicitly about how Esther’s monster goes hand in hand with Esther’s anger. I also remembered what a completely terrible person Lee is because he has literally zero morals and will cross any line.

Esther is a weird person to write about because she is simultaneously so hot and cold. She’s smart so she is almost able to catch on to Lee, she’s just missing key information.

That evening, Esther was stirred from her contemplation by the sound of a raised voice. Not shouting, never shouting, as that would be beneath the station of the family. But still loud enough for her to notice all the way from her room on the second floor. Stern and cold and disapproving.

For once, it was not directed towards her.

She uncurled herself from her position in bed, where she had been since she got home from school. She had been thinking about something but could no longer recall it. Her thoughts were muddled and blurred as of late, a side effect of her new medication. It dulled her mind and made her slow; she could lose long chunks of time by staring at the wall and zoning out. But she was no longer so angry. Well, no longer as angry.

She did not think she would ever stop being angry.

As a black sheep, she enjoyed it when she was not the target of Mother’s displeasure. Or perhaps enjoyed was not the right description. Whenever she witnessed Dad on the receiving end of those strange, cold moods Esther would get a sick feeling and her big hands would clench up of their own accord. It was the same feeling of helplessness and nausea she used to get back when Ben Prospas was bullying Kip and she recognized it as the urge to protect someone unable to protect themselves. It was different with her little brother and sister, since sometimes she wished they would screw up more often so that some of the pressure was taken off of her. Still she did not like to see the fear on them either.

Esther loped out of her bedroom, which was in disarray as usual. Unmade bed. Clothes on the floor. She could not keep up with it, no matter how hard she tried.

Behind her, low to the ground, crawled her constant companion. Unseen by most, it never left her side for long. When she was a child it had been small and less terrifying, with its 6 legs and stag’s head. Every year it grew larger and every year it grew more...monstrous. The black gelatinous flesh had melted from its head to leave a white skull with white horns. Its feet resembled human hands with jagged claws. It was always silent, except for at night when it would keep her up with its jumbled chattering.

The rest of her house was very unlike her room. It was pristine, utilitarian, made of stainless steel and white marble. Esther’s long legs carried her down the steps two at a time and then into the kitchen, where most family arguments take place.

She paused at the doorway. The kitchen was much like the rest of the house; sparse and joyless. Kassidy’s kitchen was much better even though it was smaller. At least you could tell people ate together there. The Bellamy kitchen had white walls, a small pantry, an ever unstocked refrigerator, and a metal table with five metal chairs. Her brother and sister were sitting in the chairs and Mother stood with her arms crossed.

It was hard to tell when Mother was angry. Her skin was usually colorless and she rarely changed her neutral expression. With Kassidy’s mom it was easy, since she would get all sweaty and begin to shout at whoever had provoked her (usually Kip). Esther had only really seen Mother furious once before, and it took all of 3 seconds for her to deduce that this time would be a repetition of that.

Her brother had a bandage on his nose, a cut on his lower lip, and speckles of blood down the front of his yellow shirt. He avoided eye contact with Mother and did not react when Esther came into the kitchen. In the chair beside him sat Evangeline, who was unscathed but trembling.

Esther felt her skin grow hot with fury. The hair on her arms and the back of her stood up from the static electricity her body manufactured when her emotions got out of control.

The creature raised its bone-white head to sniff the air, the way it always did when it was around blood. She always got the distinct feeling that it wanted human blood, that it was hungry for it. It left Esther’s side to crawl beneath the table and curl up there.

“Are you OK?” Esther asked, rushing up to stand beside Mother.

Eddie raised his eyes so that he could look at his sister and shrugged.

Mother put a hand on Esther’s shoulder and got shocked as the static discharged itself. She was still in her white coat from work. It was frightening to see her so angry: her complexion had turned blood red, her teeth were clenched, and a vein had popped out in her forehead. “Esther,” she said, much louder than her whispery usual volume. “Good. Perhaps you can get these two to tell me what happened after tutoring this afternoon because I can’t get a word out of either of them. Somebody hit your brother and broke his nose. I want to know who so that I can properly deal with that person.”

It was bad news when Mother acted like she was on the same side as Esther, just like it was bad news when she didn’t misgender Eddie. She was never nice, so when she acted like a real mom, it was hard to react.

“Where’s Dad?” He was the one who went to the Education District and picked the twins up after tutoring every Monday afternoon, since he taught piano up there on that day.

“Your father was there when whatever this was happened and it sent him into one of his fits. He’s up in the bedroom recovering, but he’ll have lost the memories of the last two weeks and a great deal of fine motor skills,” said Mother. She turned her attention back to the twins. “Will you tell your sister what happened?”

There was some reason that the two of them weren’t snitching. Perhaps to protect somebody. At first Esther’s mind went to their friend Rome. He seemed nice and polite on the outside, but she had seen the angry way he talked to his goofy bodyguard and she had seen the way he had once shoved his little brother. There was violence inside of him. But then she looked at the way Evangeline was shivering and knew that it was somebody else. They were both legitimately scared of the repercussions of snitching on this person.

Esther’s right hand clenched into a fist.

Mother’s mind was on the same track. “Are you trying to protect somebody?” she asked them. “It won’t do any good, I always find out.”

“No,” Eddie said sullenly. He picked at the bandage on his nose and winced.

Mother’s mind went to the place it always went to. “Did Christopher Nguyen do this? Did that boy hit you? You know I always say he has a mean streak in him, you don’t have to protect him.”

“No! It was just-- it was just a fight.”

“A fight?” Mother asked angrily. “A fight with who? You think you have to be tough and get into fights now? You don’t have to do that. Boys don’t have to fight, you’ve picked that up from Christopher as well. You don’t have to be like him.”

The creature under the table purred through the exposed vertebrate in its neck. It liked conflict. It loved unhappiness. But it loved anger most of all. The more negativity it was around, the happier it seemed to become, if it could even experience happiness. There were others like it all over Eden, but they seemed small and weak in comparison. They were less solid and they cringed away when Esther passed.

As usual when pressed with conflict with Mother, the twins turned to wheedling and manipulation instead of fighting back like Esther always did. They were smarter than she was in that way. “My face hurts and my teeth hurt,” Eddie whined pitifully. “I just want some ice cream and to go to bed.” He actually stood up and hugged Mother, as if he needed comforting. That was a good move. She stiffly hugged him back, unused to it.

It was obscene to watch Mother show physical affection and Esther looked away. “I need to cool off anyway,” said Mother as she mechanically unwound her arms from the awkward embrace. “I will go to the store and expect the three of you will feel perfectly comfortable chatting in my absence. But when I return, I also expect to hear a name.”

The Bellamy siblings watched as she gathered her things and walked away in her sensible shoes. They said nothing until the heard the quiet click of the front door opening and closing.

Esther found herself able to breathe again but could not unclench her fist. She looked from her brother to her sister. “Who did it?” she asked simply. She did not care about repercussions, she wanted to hurt somebody. It was a good thing she could not see her own face because she knew that it was flushed with hot blood. Her stomach was twisting with nausea. The sickness and anger cut through the stupor from her meds, and she did not want to know what she would do if she did not have that to temper her.

Still, they did not answer her. As she grew angrier, Esther could feel her shoulder length hair develop flyaways that rose into the air from her static. If she was not careful, her body would continue to generate its unnatural electricity. “Who did it?”

Evangeline said, “Marty was right,” in a shaky voice. She drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around. Despite her aggression, she was fragile on the inside.

“What do you mean Marty was right?” Esther demanded. She had never taken a liking to Ayda’s long distance friend like everybody else had. Like Ayda, he had a tendency to stir up drama. And all the younger children got on her nerves. “What does Marty--” Then she froze as she put the pieces together.

Lee Harlan.

Green electricity crackled up Esther’s arm. She slammed her fist down on the table. The twins flinched away and Evangeline screamed and hid her face. Beneath the table, the creature purred, twisting black tendrils of its body up..

“Tell me what happened,” she ordered her brother through her rage.

Eddie cringed back from her. “W-we went to the Music Center to find Dad since he forgot to come get us after tutoring. He was in one of those private rooms he teaches lessons in. And Lee was in there, like sitting beside Dad on the bench and goofing around pretending to play. He started to get weird and was saying sexual stuff to make Dad uncomfortable, you know, like how he says stuff to Marty to make him uncomfortable. And he wouldn’t get his hands off him. I just got so angry and wanted to make him shut up so I gave him a little shove to make him back off Dad, and I said some stuff too.” He paused. “I guess I shouldn’t have said that stuff, you know, about how people like us are better than people like him.”

It was clear that he did not want to talk about the violent aspect of what had happened, so Evangeline took over. She kept hugging her knees. “He didn’t even react at first, his eyes just went kind of blank and he took off his scarf and slowly wrapped it around his hand. And then he punched Eddie in the face, paused, then hit him two more times until he fell down. We were screaming, Dad was having a fit, and Lee calmly walked out.”

Esther’s head pounded. She thought about what kind of adult man punches a 14 year old child. She thought about how Lee had been hanging out with all of them for months. She wanted to punch somebody herself but had to swallow it down.

“Marty was right,” she repeated from behind clenched teeth. She wondered if she looked like Mother in her anger. “Of course Marty was right.” He had been saying that Lee was a creep ever since he first laid eyes on him. He had warned them all over and over again that he was a weirdo for the way that he was always touching Kip, and that he made Rome uncomfortable. Nobody had listened to Marty-- of course they didn’t. Who was the more interesting companion: the chunky 13 year old who lived hundreds of miles away or the cool college guy who could buy them beer? Everybody had laughed at Marty and made fun of him.

What else had Lee done? Was Marty right about everything? Esther was so blinded and blissed out by her new relationship with Rosaline that she had not been as perceptive as she should have been.

“I don’t want to hang out with the Nguyens anymore if Lee is going to be there,” said her brother. The adrenaline or the pain was affecting him because he showed no signs of his usual drowsiness. “I don’t think any of us should be around him.”

“Agreed,” said Esther.

“You’re not going to do anything bad to him tomorrow, are you?” asked Evangeline, whose green eyes were still bright with fear. “We didn’t want Mother to find out. Remember what she did when Ben Prospas hurt your arm?”

A strange theme. Mother only ever seemed to care about her creations when one of them was damaged. It was another reminder that she viewed them as her intellectual property first, her children second.

Esther unclenched her right fist. She tried to clench the left, but it was harder due to the damage done to the nerves of her arm when she had been mutilated 5 years previously. Her fingers were stiff and a constant memory of the last time she confronted someone violent. “I’m not going to do anything bad,” she lied. “Nothing nearly as bad as Mother is going to do to Lee when she finds out.”

Beneath the table, the creature raised its head as if it was looking right at her.

That night, she told Rosaline the disturbing turn of events. It was 2am, and she doubted that she would sleep at all. Her girlfriend attempted to stay up with her over her communication device.

“Do you think Lee did that on purpose?” Rosie asked her. The blue hologram of her face was tired, her eyelids drooping. She was so good-looking and, well, handsome, that Esther’s heart fluttered just seeing her.

“Of course he did it on purpose.”

“No, not like that. I mean, now that I’m thinking about it, doesn’t it kind of feel like he might want us to all get pissed off at Kip so that he’s isolated and alone?”

Esther was frustrated that Rosie would be concerned over Kip when he wasn’t the one who had been punched in the face. “I am pissed at Kip,” she said, a bit snappishly. “And I do want him to be alone. He is so stupid.”

In the months to come, she would think back on this conversation often.

The creature chattered from under her bed. To her it sounded like it was trying to speak.

The next morning, Esther went to school alone. She dressed in khaki pants, instead of her normal dress, and tied her hair up out of her face. She did not want to look pretty, she wanted to look serious. Because she had not slept at all that night, she had a lot of time to contemplate exactly what she was going to do and say. Cold anger was better than hot, reactive anger.

Somewhere around 4am, she had pulled up the student association newspaper on her tablet in order to read some of the articles Lee wrote and they had disturbed her enough to keep her from closing her eyes.

She had taken her medication that morning. But she almost hadn’t.

The Education District was a vast space in the Mid Levels, so Esther took the metro down from her home on the Surface. That time of the morning was rush hour and she was jostled by the bodies of other students. She stood near the door and kept her eyes down. Most of the kids traveling down on her train were deeply unpleasant. Ayda and Casey rode this route. If they saw her, they would try to talk to her, which Esther would not be able to handle that particular morning.

She had left the creature behind; it rarely got on the train but somehow it always followed her down. Maybe it crawled through the spaces in the Colony’s foundation like one of the huge mutated rats that lived in the Lower Levels. Maybe it moved through the metro tunnels, using its claws to support its bulk.

Around her, other high school kids gossipped and laughed. Esther wondered if any of them had to deal with adults who were freaks. She stared at her reflection in the train’s glass door; the purple circles beneath her eyes and her grim expression.

Kip and Kassidy were waiting for her outside the District entrances, the way they always did. She saw them before they saw her. Kip looked a little worse every day, his clothing rumpled and his skin feverish. He was not sleeping anymore either, but for different reasons. His buggy eyes were bright and he gesticulated wildly as he talked incessantly to his sister. Kassidy just stood there and watched him, nodding or laughing occasionally. She tried to look pretty these days because of Casey Agapama’s influence, but that was just sad. Kassidy would never be pretty. It was not in her nature.

People were born a certain way. There were certain things that could not change. In Esther’s mind, the argument between Nature and Nurture was clear: Nature won out every time. Much of a person’s life was written in stone from the moment they were conceived, which meant that some people were naturally meant to have the upper hand.

She was supposed to be one of those people.

Esther squared her shoulders and marched towards the Nguyens. Just seeing Kip made her angry, but she kept that inside of her. “Hey!” she said loudly, as she approached.

Kip turned, completely oblivious. He smiled with all his sharp teeth. “Esther!” he said, happy to see her.

She walked up and shoved him. It wasn’t a planned thing, she didn’t even realize she was doing it. It was an impulse that she followed without thinking, a violent whim that she was unfortunately controlled by. Kip stumbled back. She wanted to shove him again and knock him down, but chose not to. At least that part of herself she could control.

“What the hell?” Kip demanded. He was unsteady on his feet. The boots he wore were too big. “What did I do?”

Kassidy stared stupidly at Esther.

Esther smiled at Kip fiercely, which she knew was worse than any other expression she could manage. Smiling did not suit her and was unnatural to see on her face. “Your boyfriend hit my brother yesterday,” she told him, getting directly to the point. No way around it. “Did you know he was violent? Everything Marty said about him is true, I think, and you kept bringing him around all of us. Tell me whether you knew he was violent.”

Kip flushed and drew himself up. His green army jacket, patched at the elbows and ragged at the collar, was rumpled. “Boyfriend? You’re talking about Lee? Lee is a pacifist, Lee would never hurt anybody. One of his biggest beliefs is nonviolent resistance. What are you talking about? What’s going on, what are you talking about? What are you talking about?”

“I think I was clear,” she said bitterly. “Pacifist, no; I think we both know that isn’t true. Last night I finally read some of those articles he’s always bragging about having written and to me his views seemed obvious.”

“Lee would never hurt anyone!”

“I just told you that he hit my brother, who is ten years younger than he is. He broke his nose. Do you think I’m lying to you?

She had known him for so long, it was easy for her to tell when he was upset enough to go into a rage or a crying jag. The repetitive, uncontrolled movements of his pupils became more severe and he started to shake.

Kassidy looked up at Esther, silent, her small brown face troubled. Even she was not so dull as to not put the pieces together. Her eyebrows furrowed. “What?” she asked. “What do you mean? Is Eddie OK?”

Esther shrugged tersely. “Doing better than Lee is going to be.”

Kip was shaking his head. “No,” he said. “This is all Marty. He hates Lee and I don’t understand why. He’s been saying all those things, digging up old Juvie records, anything he can do to stir up problems. He’s got the other kids all upset and believing him, it’s all an elaborate charade. So something must have happened because of that. The twins, even Rome, they’re playing along with Marty’s game. That’s what’s happening, yeah, that’s what’s happening. Eddie probably just got in a fight and decided to blame it on Lee. You can calm down Esther, I’ve figured it out now.”

It would have been easy to strike him then. She wanted to when he told her that. But that would not have been right. It was finally clear to her how sick he was, and not just because of his shaking hands and his feverish eyes. He was manic and he had been for months. It would keep getting worse. He needed help.

But she would not be the one to help him.

“Fuck you,” she said as coldly and deliberately as she could muster. It surprised her how well she could control her rage, less than 24 hours since it had bloomed in her. It was part of her nature, revealing itself in the way she had struck the table the night before.“There’s something wrong with you. I’m not your friend if you’re going to keep defending that guy, there are lines I don’t cross.”

For a moment Kip looked the way he used to when he was 10 and about to cry. Then he inhaled sharply and gave Esther the nastiest look he was capable of giving her, the sort usually reserved for people he believed to be true scum. With that, he turned and stalked away with his hands shoved into his jacket pockets and his shoulders drawn up to his ears. He disappeared in the crowd of other students.

“Oh my god,” said Kassidy miserably. “What is happening?”

Esther could not expect Kassidy to choose sides between her brother and her best friend but expected that her stubborn heart would figure it out before things came to a head. Whatever her internal beliefs were, her chip, with its ability to access every floor in the Education District, was of more imminent importance. “I need you to get me into the college floors. I’m skipping homeroom this morning.”

“You’re not going to do anything crazy are you?”

“What would you do?” Esther snapped, and Kassidy flinched. “I’m not going to hurt anyone, even though it’s all I can think about right now. I just want to talk. I just want to make some suggestions.”

Kassidy rubbed her face, forgetting that she was wearing make-up. “This is just like the Ben situation all over, I can’t do this again.”

Out of the corner of her peripheral vision, Esther saw the creature that always followed her. It crept lazily through the various groups of students. Sometimes it would pause to sniff the air. Kassidy was oblivious to its approach. It stood next to Esther and reared up on its back 4 legs so that it could see over the crowds and its long black tail lashed back and forth.

“No,” said Esther as she glanced at it and thought about the likelihood of it attacking her if she resorted to violence.“This is nothing like dealing with Ben, he was only a bully. This is something I’m much more worried about.”

It was easy to track Lee down, once Esther was up on the college floors. After all, the student association paper listed his part time office hours. He worked for until 11am on Tuesdays, helping tutor his peers and doing research.

She fit in well enough on the college floors, with her height it was easy for her to pass as a Freshman. Mother had engineered her and her siblings to hit their growth spurts early because she wanted them all to mature as quickly as possible. Esther had entered puberty at 11. The values of certain families were evident in what they asked for in their genetically altered children.

The student association paper’s offices were located in an area which contained many college organizations. Esther passed by doors for the student council, internship programs, and tech support. College seemed far more free-ing than high school, there were no angry teachers patrolling the hallways, eager to land people in detention or worse. Often Esther felt like school wasn’t that much better than prison, but then she also felt as if her homelife wasn’t much better than prison. When she went to college would things get better?

Fantasizing about the future did not serve her. Esther found the offices she was searching for and let herself inside. In the front, there was a small waiting area and a big front desk. Behind the waiting area was a number of cubicles, behind them, a few doors.

“Hello,” the mousy girl who sat behind the front desk said.

“Hello,” Esther replied. “I’m looking for my friend who works here, Lee Harlan. Could you get him for me?”

The front desk girl smiled. “Oh, isn’t he great? I’ll see if I can get him.” She stood up and scurried off. Esther’s lips tightened.

Static electricity was making her hair stand up again and she had to smooth it back down into her ponytail. If Esther was the sort to pray, she would have prayed that she would be able to keep herself under control. But as an atheist, the only being she had to rely on in such matters was herself and her own willpower.

Beside her, the creature panted. Although its head was nothing but bone, its flat-toothed jaw could open so that a dagger shaped black tongue could extend from it. Its constant presence simultaneously frightened her and calmed her. It would keep her from lashing out; she did not want to mess up her other arm.

The front desk girl brought Lee from one of the back rooms. If he was surprised to see Esther, he did not show it. He smiled at her crookedly as he walked up to her.

“I thought you had another 3 months before you graduated,” he told her, joking like they were friends. He took off the stupid glasses he had to use in order to read and beneath them his sly bearded face did not betray what he was thinking. “How’d you get up here?”

Esther’s blood ran hot at the sight of him but she forced herself to remain a frigid statue. Her gaze was drawn down to his hands as if she expected them to be damaged in some way. “Would you like to go somewhere private?” she asked.

“Uh-oh,” Lee laughed, which made Esther want to kill him. “Sure, we could go back into an office.” He paused, cocked his head to one side. Then, sincerely, he said, “That is, if you feel comfortable being alone with me.”

She had to clench her teeth to keep from reacting to that. Such a snide thing to say, taken directly from Marty’s mouth. Marty had complained over and over again over Lee’s propensity for finding himself alone with Kassidy or Kip or any of them. Everyone had laughed it off or ignored him. Now Lee used it as a jokey little threat.

The anger rose up inside of her and she could feel her body’s electricity waiting to be released. Be like Mother, she told herself. Be carved out of cold marble. She could see the creature taste the air with its black tongue. The dagger shape of it split into two like a snake’s.

She knew Lee could see it too. Of course he had abilities, some psychic tendencies like Ayda did. What else could explain the way a relatively smart group of teenagers could ignore so many warning signs? Marty was not affected because he was not physically there.

“I feel perfectly comfortable,” Esther replied.

He lead her to one of the back offices. It was a cramped room only large enough for a desk and a chair. The light above was dimmed so as not to hurt the eyes of anyone working inside. Esther walked inside and Lee shut the door behind her. They were alone.

She was not afraid of him, even though he was a man 6 years older than she was. There were much worse things than him in Eden, and one of those things slept beneath her bed every night. Esther understood that she had been created to be better than he was. Despite her suspicions about his nature, she knew that he must be a weak person and a coward. His true threat lay in the way he was so comfortable in manipulating people and warping the truth.

Outside, the creature clawed at the door.

Lee took a seat. He sat with his shoulders relaxed and his legs crossed. The skinny jeans he was wearing were cropped to expose his ankles. He dressed in such a careful, dapper way that he had to be compensating for other aspects of his life. The smile on his face remained sincere but there was something off in his eyes. “What’s wrong? Surely you didn’t get Kassidy to let you up into the college, breaking about 5 different rules, just to come see me?”

Of course he would deny everything. She did not want to waste her time by launching into accusations that might make her emotional. She regarded him with cool contempt but was betrayed by the flush in her face. All of a sudden she was aware of her posture and the way she slumped her broad shoulders. How was she supposed to be standing? She had never attempted to intimidate anyone before. Mimicking Casey’s bullying techniques might be her best bet, but Esther chose to continue aping Mother. Cold as stone.

“I’ve been trying to figure out what’s wrong with you all night,” she said. Lee’s eyebrows raised and his crooked smile grew. “At first I thought you were some kind of pervert, since I’m positive you’ve been doing things with Kip and you get so defensive whenever Marty calls you a creep. Then I thought you might just be a bully who gets off on screwing with people who are weaker than you, like high school kids and people like my Dad. But those possibilities didn’t explain everything. So I finally read the stuff you’ve been publishing and it made more sense. You have some interesting ideas, some really radical ideas about society. Especially when it comes to what you perceive as unfair.”

Lee laughed out loud. The electricity inside of Esther was coursing throughout her body. She had expected him to make fun of her but had not physically prepared herself for it. The scratching outside the door grew louder.

It would have felt good to hurt him, just to get the smug look off his face.

“You’re right, I do get fired up about things that are unfair,” said Lee. He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, his chin resting in his hands. His position put him far beneath Esther, who was 5’10” and standing. “But I don’t understand what’s going on here or what you think I’ve done.”

He knew what he had done, he was just trying to get her to spell it out for him.

“You broke my brother’s nose last night,” she told him. She said this as if she was talking about someone else, as if she was recounting a story that she heard. “You’ve traumatized my little siblings and made my father have a fit.”

“That’s a serious allegation.” Lee’s smile dropped. “If I did what you say I did, I would think that the police would be involved by now.”

“Oh, something worse than the police is going to happen to you once my Mother finds out,” Esther said and the ice in her voice grew. “Eventually. But I’m not done.” She crossed her arms across her chest. “The way you interact with Rome Prospas is weird, he gets anxious just being around you. You’ve always ignored Ayda but with Casey you make all these pointed jokes towards her, which bounce right off because she’s so narcissistic she thinks you’re complimenting her. I think you hate people who are genetically modified.”

Something flashed across Lee’s eyes but it came and went before Esther could figure it out. It was hard for her to categorize emotions anyways.

“Wow,” said Lee. He stood up. “I tell you what, Esther; that’s a crazier theory than anything Marty has ever came up with. It would be easier for you to believe I was a pervert or a bully. I hate unequal social dynamics, I don’t hate Artificials. I had a sister who was Artificial, she looked a lot like you.” The smile returned to his face, a bit nostalgic and far-away.

If Lee’s parents had been unable to even afford braces to straighten his teeth, they would not have been able to spend 100,000 credits on creating a child. The comment was unsettling.

“So you deny everything?” she asked, and she shook off her disturbing intuition in order to return to the facts before her.

“Do I deny that I hit a child? Oh, definitively because that’s insane. I would never do something like that.”

“And you deny that you hate Artificials?”

“The only thing I hate is unfairness.”

Esther looked at him and the way he was smirking at her. He knew she knew that he was everything she said he was. He was probably everything Marty said he was too, but their minds were in very different spheres. That meant that Kip was in danger, somehow, because of his involvement with him. This was a man who was capable of violence and had to control himself. She knew because she was also capable of violence. But she was not like him, she chose not to be.

Once more, she glanced at Lee’s hands. He had clenched them into fists.

When he caught her looking at them, he unclenched them.

If he recognized the rush of fury that Esther bit down in that moment, he did not show it. The creature whined and scratched at the door as it sensed it. Even her teeth were hot, and she was sure her face was beet red. The scars on her bad arm tingled. She forced herself to be like marble. If she did anything to him, even though he deserved it and she was justified, she would regret it. If she hit him, if she screamed, if she shocked him, something bad would happen.

On the rare occasions that she did sleep, she always dreamed of being ripped to bloody shreds by the creature. It had almost happened when she attacked Ben, as if it was inextricably connected to her rage.

She remembered a platitude about revenge, and the temperature at which it is best served at.

“OK,” she said with finality and with her hand on the doorknob. “That’s all I needed.”

He laughed again. “You’re not going to threaten me?”

“I already told you: something terrible is going to happen to you when my Mother finds out. She practically buried the kid who hurt me and I’m her least favorite child. I can’t imagine what will happen to you. She’s not nearly as understanding as I am, all she’s going to see is inferior genetic scum who assaulted a 14 year old she spent months designing. She’ll want to castrate you and stick needles in your brain and peel off all of your skin.”

As satisfying as it would have been to see him finally react to that, Esther looked away. She was done with him. She had her answers, he was not worth anything else. Her head was held up high and she opened the door and left.

She had been in control of herself the entire time. She could do it. It was hard but she could do it. It was not necessary for her to always live in fear of losing herself.

The creature had been waiting for her. Its oozing body shifted and bubbled as it approached. The soft vocalizations it made sounded more and more like words with each day that passed. It raised its horned head so that it was at the same level as her shoulders. Its first set of legs lifted off of the ground and it rubbed its clawed hands together.

Esther reached out and touched it on the top of its skull. To anyone else, it would have looked like she was holding her hand in the empty air.

“Not today,” she said.

The empty black holes where its eye sockets were seemed to glimmer with understanding.

#writing

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drink-n-watch · 5 years ago

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It occurs to me that I have no sense of seasonal orientation when it comes to this season of My Hero Academia. Other series seem to be ending so the season must be close to an end, yet I still feel like we’re in the opening episodes. That can be either a good or a bad thing. Still, to me, it’s like season 4 of My Hero Academia is still in its opening arc. Crow, do you get what I mean?

It’s funny you ask — I was just wondering about that today. For the other shows I’m reviewing, I’m preparing to close out the season and write the episode guides. For this one? It’s like it’s beyond mere seasons… Which, of course, is a hopelessly hyperbolic thing to day. Oh, I’m bold this week, there will be spoilers, and such…

And no shock — but you were right. Horribly, horribly right. Unless you think we should put this sentence later, since it’s pretty momentous and it might be better for later…

Ok, I said it could be a good or a bad thing…for me, it’s usually a good thing. Opening arcs and intros are often my favourite part of the story. I was that weird kid that really loved the Harry Potter series before he even learned of the existence of Hogwarts. I loved it after as well, but those early Dursley days have a special place in my heart.

assume a season’s worth of buildup could be frustrating for some viewers but I’m eating it up…

I think it’s the potential. Before the story gets underway, anything could happen. Once it chooses a route and gets moving, though, each plot point eliminates one or more possibilities. The closer to the end, the fewer possibilities. At least, that’s how it is for me.

I was planning to make this point in my closing paragraph. Crow, I’m sorry. It’s a good thing you’re here to keep some order!

Not sure I’m helping in that regard this week! Or if indeed I’m the one keeping order in general!

Oh guys, Crow is here and awesome as always. He’s also bold like our heroes. And we’re probably going to spoil episode 74 of My Hero Academia so if you haven’t seen it yet and want to go in blind, please go watch it now. Ok, one spoiler, it’s a great episode…

Are you sure you should have let that slip so soon? Just kidding.

The narrative framework of this week’s episode was pretty simple in fact. A brief opening tag reestablishes the context of the cooperation between the league of villains and the yakuza, then quickly moves on to the doublecross, allowing EraserHead, Nighteye and Deku to take out Irinaka fairly easily. Then the focus switches to Mirio/Lemillion who has to fight a number of yakuza solo in order to save Eri. In the process, we get a few brief flashbacks establishing both Chiaki and Mirio’s respective backgrounds and motivations rather effectively and showing how they are funhouse mirror images of each other.

That’s all really. Yet that’s not even scratching the surface.

I mentioned this before but Overhaul’s voice actor is doing some tremendous work this season. I thought so yet again in the opening scenes of this episode as we see him talking with Twice and Toga. He sort of chews his words and talks from the back of his throat for a uniquely menacing effect.

So much of the delivery in MHA is theatrically earnest and straight forward for obvious reasons, it’s part of the show’s identity after all, even in the villains, so the contrast is almost enerving. And really successful in my opinion.

I think the voice actors did a great job in general this week, but I gotta agree that Overhaul’s voice actor, Kenjirou Tsuda, did a fantastic job this week.

I was curious about both Twice and Toga being able to easily resist confession when asked about Shigaraki planning a double-cross. I’m not sure if they got off on a technicality. As in Shigaraki never used the word “betrayal” or something like that, if they have some type of ace in the hole against this quirk, or if their singular devotion to the league has made them immune.

I had the impression that Shigaraki never told them to betray or doublecross Overhaul. Shigaraki just said he trusted them. I took that to mean in the literal sense, which is why they’re so loyal to him. I also took it in the more broad sense that he trusted them to be themselves, and let’s face it: being themselves meant getting revenge for Magane.

Considering how insubordinate they both tend to be, and how loose an organization the League of Villains is in general, the latter seems unlikely. Then again, they both got immediately angry when their fallen friend was misgendered by Chiaki. And not a cartoonishly exaggerated rage either. A genuine show of pain and solidarity and protection for Magne. It was a small human moment that reminded us that what holds the league together is something that may ultimately prove much more terrifying than simple greed, vengeance or ambition.

Um yeah, so that was the first few minutes… Let’s move this on.

I was a little disappointed that we really didn’t get a chance to see Eraser Head in action at all, or how he works with Deku. All of Deku’s Big Hero Moments in the series so far have been solo. I was looking forward to seeing how well he plays with others. It would be a pretty big subversion of his archetype if it turns out that Deku can’t share the spotlight. I might be here for that!

But the real meat of the episode was of course Mirio. I really like Mirio as a name by the way.

I didn’t know how to feel about an episode dedicated to Mirio. I mean, he’s sort of redundant with Deku so why not just give us some Deku character building. Our series’ protagonist has been largely absent all season, that’s a little weird.

I keep wondering if that’s the point — that Deku’s One for All is expressed very differently from All Might’s was, or Mirio’s might have been. That might be a bit too meta for this series, but maybe not.

So first off, Mirio gets to square off against Shin Nemoto, the creepy old timey doctor guy who can make people tell him the truth when he asks a question, (By the way, plague doctor designs seem to be in this season…) as well as Deidoro Sakaki, who has contagious drunkness.

You know, as soon as we saw his Quirk, I immediately wondered if he was a fan of your site. Or whatever form your site is in that world.

You would think drunk guy’s quirk would be right up my alley but I must say, he’s my least favourite so far. He basically makes you skip the fun part of drunk (i.e. pleasantly buzzed, when you and everyone around you are both beautiful and fascinating. The point where you should absolutely switch to water and make sure you are not even getting near car keys for a good long while) and plants you right in the bad part, you should never drink again, drunk. I have to imagine, this must be one of the most unpleasant quirks to be a victim of, especially in a tense and dangerous situation.

I thought that confession was a pretty great quirk, to begin with, as we saw it used early on, for its information gathering purposes. But I hadn’t considered that it could be used as a mind break. To force someone to confront a truth they’d rather ignore. That was brilliant! And it probably would have been devastating on anyone else. I think it could have easily stopped Deku for instance. But Mirio isn’t Deku…

So Mirio managed to get past the first two and unexpectedly catch up to Chiaki and Hari Kurono, his henchman, as they were taking little Eri away.

Ok, let me try to organize my thoughts here. This was a pretty epic fight and a lot of things happened. For one, Chiaki insisted that he had no children, therefore Eri isn’t his daughter. Which made sense to me as I really couldn’t imagine Chiaki in a romantic relationship. But then why would Nighteye assume this? Is Overhaul just playing mind games? I was thinking about this for embarrassingly long before I realized…of course, Chiaki isn’t Eri’s dad. Regardless of any genetic context, that’s just not what a dad is… duh… I’m slow sometimes…

In your defense, there are a ton of bad dads out there! I don’t know of any who would subject their daughters to the kind of experimentation Eri had endured, but it’s not outside the realm of possibility!

To me, this entire fight showed us two men who could have been friends. Who in some ways, were very much alike. Both are very skilled physical fighters who obviously dedicated a huge amount of time and energy to training because they felt they had to. Both are smart strategists, able to adapt their quirk to the situation and use it while considering both the context of the fight and the surroundings. And both understand that winning doesn’t come down to destroying the opponent as fast as possible.

Did you notice how Mirio, Overhaul, and Kurono all mentioned, at least in passing, how much time the other must have put into their training? I think that supports the point you’re making. So much so that I wonder what else they’re going to do with that idea.

Beyond that though, I sort of think that they would have gotten along if they grew up together. Chiaki is obviously someone who is filled with gratitude and actually fairly selfless. An idealist, His motivations have nothing to do with personal gain and his position of leadership is uncomfortable as he is awkward and clumsy with expressing emotions. Not completely unlike Tamaki… or Deku. But he’s also dedicated and willing to work tirelessly for a cause he believes in. Sound familiar?

On the other hand, Mirio is, well, a product of failure. Having had the privilege of being surrounded by love and support, Mirio doesn’t take any of it for granted. When something was twice as hard for him to do, he simply worked twice as much. He considers his challenges blessings and his setbacks accomplishments. He cannot be broken by facing his flaws because he never thought of himself as perfect and that was never even the point in his mind. It’s not about being worthy, it’s not about him, he doesn’t want to be a symbol. It’s about helping others whatever way you can.

In the end, Mirio’s power had absolutely nothing to do with his quirk.

I thought that was a beautiful thing when Shin asked, “What is he?!” about Mirio. Even Quirkless, he didn’t lose his close quarter combat skills. They were never part of his Quirk.

Speaking of losing his Quirk, shouldn’t we mention that happened? Nemoto caught up with Mirio, even though Lemillion thought he’d knocked the villain out. Overhaul threw Nemoto a single Quirk-stealing bullet. Nemoto, though, had seen how fine-grained Mirio’s control was. He had no idea where to shoot him so the bullet wouldn’t just pass through.

Did you see what he did?

He deliberately aimed straight at Eri. And fired.

Was it just me, or for an instant, did you also think that Eri might herself be happier without her Quirk? But of course, Mirio, being who he was, could only make one decision and stay true to himself. He put himself between her and Nemoto, and he took the bullet. And lost his Quirk.

I have to say, it’s something that to me, My Hero Academia’s heroes are always at their most impressive when they are at their “weakest”. And those quotes are very important! Mirio is nothing like Deku. He needed his own episode. And sadly, I think he needed to be limited in this way. Because Mirio’s heroism was plot destroying.

My Hero Academia is the story of how Deku became the world’s greatest hero, and that simply can’t happen as long as Lemillion is around. He is the better hero. He is the better symbol in a way because he doesn’t want to be. It’s a tour de force that really enhances Deku’s underdog status if a fangirl like me is willing to admit this. And that’s a brilliant bit of story building right there.

With all this said, I can’t lie, my heart jumped for joy when Deku burst through that wall after the credits. I simply cannot wait for the next episode.

I haven’t felt that kind of relief for a long time. I startled my poor cat when Deku burst through the wall — and it didn’t help that he wasn’t alone. Goodness knows they’re going to need all the help they can get!

My Hero Academia s4 ep74 – The Heart of a Hero It occurs to me that I have no sense of seasonal orientation when it comes to this season of My Hero Academia.

#action #anime #blonde bishie #Collab #episodic #My Hero Academia #shonen

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