#which kind of made it hurt more LOL | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

halfdeadwallfly · 4 days ago

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i had a nightmare last night that i was i was in a poetry class and accidentally turned in the beginning of a poem i was writing and the ta started reading it without realizing i was still there. and i was like oh thats mine can you give me your critiques on it. and then they basically started talking about how much they hate it and how cliche and unoriginal it is and how embarrassing that is. and not only how bad it was but how there was no potential for improvement and that they hate beginner writers and i should just quit because its an embarrassment to the form and they actually hated me personally for writing it. and then i left and started crying.

#boink #like what?#hello??#what the fuck??#the setting was basically my poetry class this semester except the ta was a woman instead of a man in my dream #which kind of made it hurt more LOL #bc im kind of more used to men being condescending but when a woman is idk it kind of just stings a little extra #i had a hard time in that class and im pretty sure both the professor and the ta did not like me #which is fair ig. i missed three weeks of class and submitted all my work late #i ended up getting a c+ and honestly i think i just passed bc they didnt want me to try to take the class agian #but anyway #i wasnt thinking about that i dont think so idk why i dreamed about it like just now #ik it wasnt real but like. :/#every time i think about how i should just stop writing i think about my poetry teacher from last year #who keeps working w me and workshopping my poems and sends me opportunities for poetry programs and scholarships #he recommended me to the english department which is why i got an email about declaring an english major #i know thats not a particularly unique or special thing #like one of my friends got a similar recommendation from a professor as well #but i really admired this teacher and him having faith in me and my work and potential #thats just been really important and encouraging to me #he said my work is 'a sister to sylvia plath linda gregg and dorothea lasky'#literally the only affirmation i need to keep writing #every time i have bad thoughts #or dreams lol #i will remind myself of this

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ntj2pj · 10 months ago

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#madness combat #madcom oc #my oc #atp soldat #the soldat in the dark (tm) actually cares about his bro #a lot #but he just can't get sad when he warned him about this shit nonstop #no id #The bitten guy just acts too friendly because his program made him too altruistuc and kind #Which sometimes helps since he is one who recruits workers #Well #Probably it's more benefitial most of the time #But he gets in shit like “oh i just wanted to help civilian get out from dangerous location and they stabbed me :(((”#And he ain't bullied for it by anyone but his bro. He is too... Kinda. Uh. Hard to bully guy who is most safest option to talk with auditor #And not die lol. It also doesn't help that he is guy who knows all of the AAHW by names and will kick you hard for bullying anyone #So bullying him is a privilege of some atp soldats #not an option :D #Other soldat here is just walking anger issues and he got no friends other than his bro. Constantly lashes at anyone. The Bitten™ included #So they're got that dynamic of angry antisocial cynical guy and pessimist & optimistic kind dude (well #(well he got a lot of mental issues too #But doesn't show it and never let it hurt others.)#And he is much older than the pessimist :'D #Pessimist guy is very young actually. But just experienced shit nonstop from birthday and lost very much everyone he cared about #And the second one... just atp soldat with no past. never known any other thing than work in AAHW and orders. Easy to manipulate #He also gets “You're not a real person” a lot for it. And constanly offended by it. But it's a problem of all yellow bloods here #Especially him #since he litterally didn't had a life outside from aahw. Also don't think he wouldn't kick his friends hard for orders.#Kill even. He is a dog for orders first #Kind guy with good morals is only second

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arolesbianism · 1 month ago

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A mini Meiro ref

#keese draws #oc art #oc #furry #I’m still working on her stuff but I adore her so much #I also need to decide what other materials were used to make each of the main characters #for context when having a kid in this world you first make a plush (or doll) and then give up some of your life magic #this process can include any number of ppl and it’s usually safer with more ppl but it’s also important that the child has the same or #similar material as the parent(s)#and these materials do not have to be traditional materials used in toys but again it pretty much entirely depends on the family line #on the continent that the main cast are all from plushies are most common but there’s some dolls #one of raiden’s parents was a doll and as such their skin was made of porcelain #I have some vague ideas for what textures the others have but not rly specific material #which doesn’t Technially matter but it matters To Me #it mostly only matters when one of them is hurt bad enough that they’d need patch work done #so basically a skin transplant #usually their bodies are more on the organic side until they get injured #so like if you had a glass doll they wouldn’t literally be made of glass most the time even if they kind of looked like it #they also wouldn’t carry all the properties of glass endless they were injured #so they wouldn’t have to worry about falling over and shattering lol #but if they did get injured it’d probably be really fucking annoying to heal #there Is some healing magic out there but it’s usually pretty hyper specific sorts of healing #but yeah most of the cast are made with softer materials that can be stitched closed so they have less to worry abt #except for raiden rip bozo #well choice might be closer to cardboard I haven’t decided yet #cardboard was definitely used for them but they might have a layer of fabric over it #but yeah for meiro I’m imagining smth more silky? haven’t fully decided yet tho

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crossbackpoke-check · 1 month ago

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Sat politely ankles crossed hands folded please say you have more thoughts about the DC deweys. Lazarus pit cold-eyed stare pristine and bloodthirsty anyway I would love to hear any further thoughts if you have the time + energy + motivation

how i imagine you waiting for me to re-read the resurrection of ra’s al-ghul and hush vol. 1+2:

ALRIGHT. in no particular order, thoughts about the dc deweys

connor fits very well into the mold of a talia al-ghul for me; chip on his shoulder, femme fatale, deadly and precise. he’s not the loudest but he’s got a dry wit that’ll cut you!

“why is connor an al-ghul at all and not batman” well first of all he’s already got the water connection, i’m gonna go dip him into the lake a couple hours north of the pas to make him incredibly long-lived, rejuvenated and beautiful

second of all i want him to be a questionable villain/antihero because he looks evil in those pictures but like beautiful evil. you see him at a multi-million dollar soirée and he’s bored of being there wearing his “heritage” beads and jewels he originally had from a thousand years ago. he and his assassins are only here to murder the head of state who’s planning to lay a pipeline through ancestral grounds

rip brandon duhaime i simply cannot imagine you as any kind of batman. lacks the gravitas, too much of a yapper, loves his wife too much. i curse thee to be green arrow if you’re in this narrative at all

assuming connor stays with toronto, would LOVE to think about toronto as one of the sites of the lazarus pit for many reasons

(a brief aside here to say that for me personally this is interesting if connor goes to winnipeg because i think they suit him better, he’s a manitoba boy, but re: the chip on his shoulder, he’s NOT a manitoba boy. he’s from the pas and very proud of it)

a) the amount of ‘toronto is the center of the universe’ hockey creation myths i can play with & birth/rebirth/reincarnation. if you WANT to feel unhinged trying to blend hockey and comics is an ice rink not just a pool of water?

b) mr. cathal kelly i love your works!!! toronto eats its young!!! thinking about this very literally in the sense of the resurrection arc where players come to toronto and are sacrificed, give up their body, their skill, in service of the demon’s head, and lose themselves.

c) we see echos of the same narratives and styles over and over again—if i can hop over to the flyers for a second, there is of course the curse of the *8s (18 richards, 28 claude, 48 danny b, 68 nolan, 88 lindros) but ALSO the danny brière -> tk -> morgan frost celly chain. every generation a resurrection, emerging clean and new from the pit

can you just briefly hold my hand and imagine wayne gretzky as an evil ra’s al-ghul wanting to possess a new body. gretzky i’m sorry to malign you and i know you never played in toronto but you are the best player in my head to fit the idea, i’m open to other suggestions

coming BACK to green arrow dewey (i did not re-watch arrow or re-read those comics sorry) connor could also be black canary, who takes a brief dip into the lazarus pit (toronto) before getting married to oliver. i do like that narrative but because we were talking about pristine and cold-blooded i figured connor dewar head of the league of assassins was more what you were after

now that i’ve gotten through world building… choose your own adventure narratives?

hockey-ish au: connor chosen as a host for the Next One. i think the lineage of the great one -> next one -> next next one -> next one up of gretzky -> crosby -> mcdavid -> bedard is taken, BUT i can imagine that the league of old boys all have the same intentions. connor gets sent to toronto unknowingly being prepped to get body-snatched by ???? and brandon duhaime of course accidentally stumbles on the plot and they have to fight to stop it

connor assassinating people :) snapshot of the head of the league of assassins delegating which major world events they’re going to change today. would love his shark face from the gifset to have blood spattered across it, ideally.

version 1 as head of the league of assassins: brandon is one of his assassins, big strong bodyguard type. devoted to him, would lay down his life, perfectly designed for connor (lady shiva/cassandra cain-ish). connor orders for something to be done and brandon does it there for him then gently wipes the blood off his face and apologizes for being careless and getting him messy.

version 2 as head of the league of assassins: an actual plot where connor aims to assassinate SOMEONE but brandon gets in the way. they meet at odds as their respective roles (hero, leader of a crime syndicate) but are magnetically drawn together as their alter egos. eventually brandon puts together the pieces of the Big Evil and manages to (legally!-ish as much as vigilante-ism can be legal) take it down and the ending panels show a tentative friendship and recognition of potential shared goals

also, jaromir jágr is immortal. don’t know if this is relevant OR related but he is. personal hot spring lazarus pit?

um. thanks for coming to my 1.5k ted talk (including tags). what a way to moritz seider lore drop that i DID grow up a comic book nerd, lmao. thank you so much for enabling me <3 i'll be here all week thinking about which teams would get what rings in a blackest night au

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filthforfriends · 1 year ago

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I know that we mustn't judge people by the meme pages they follow but couldn't help feel a little weird about damiano following a meme page making misogynistic and fatphobic jokes some of them even homophobic... I usually dont go through anyone's following list but i was trying to find the page of a Japanese artist that Damiano used to share posts onto his story from, a few years ago. I stumbled upon this meme page instead.

No, no. In this house we absolutely judge people by the meme pages they follow. Especially on their public, professionally curated, extremely popular insta.

Anon, I was fully ready to go spelunking for you. I scrolled to the very bottom to see what garbage he liked at age 16 which was totally unnecessary. Because he just recently followed ravidememe! Who posts some stuff like this:

But a whole lot of mainstream misogynistic, toxic, and woefully unoriginal shit like this:

And occasionally something truly abhorrent like a Napalm joke.

Apologies for the google translate. The page is Italian so I’m sure I’m missing a lot of problematic cultural references too. But this one I got:

“Milanese women” = women from Milan. Damiano’s ex of 6 years is from Milan and moved to Rome to be with him.

P.S. I will only respond to claims that this is solely the translations fault if you can give me a thorough explanation for each instance.

#📩 Maybe he didn’t see the “Milanese” post.#🙎🏻‍♀️ Maybe. But he saw the other ones which is why he followed.#📩 Maybe he only saw the political posts.#🙎🏻‍♀️ lol #📩 Relax! He’s just following an Italian meme page it’s not that deep.#🙎🏻‍♀️ He followed ravidememe bcus he enjoyed/identified w the humor enough to compromise his meticulously curated public image.#📩 They’re probably irl friends and that’s why he’s following.#🙎🏻‍♀️ That’s worse.#📩 Let it go this isn’t hurting anyone.#🙎🏻‍♀️ Him following this page gives these attitudes credibility & all kinds of visibility.#(cont.) Impressionable fans are gonna see these posts & internalize + accept this treatment.#📩 Literally why are you so mad?#🙎🏻‍♀️ Finding this stuff funny indicates that beneath his seemingly evolved values Damiano is just as bigoted as your average dude.#(cont.) = aspects of his allyship performative for marketability = profit. Made $ caring more than he actually does.#📩Woah! Just because someone finds something funny doesn’t mean they AGREE with it!#🙎🏻‍♀️ Possibly. But it means he isn’t meaningfully offended when he damn well should be.#📩 Gen Z are just offended by everything! Get a life!#🙎🏻‍♀️ This post is literally about a Gen Z-er making offensive jokes. Try again next time.#📩 It’s cultural! These comments aren’t offensive in Italy!#🙎🏻‍♀️ I am going to enjoy watching your compatriots come for your throat #that should just about cover it

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sysig · 10 months ago

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I like him a normal amount (lying) (Patreon)

#Doodles #SCII #Helix #Max Vyer #Dexter Favin #Was I about to type ''Helix Mainfic'' in reference to these wh - I mean Technically but???#Anyway lol #Couple'a random Max's to start <3 Love him #So some of these were made with my .5 and some with my .3 - can you guess which ones? :3 #The first one and the last two (and of me lol) were my .5 - the inner three are .3 ♪#You know it's gotten bad when it's not even an Idea necessarily just Want To Draw Pretty - I'm familiar with that pft #He's pretty tho! Love Max ♥#Man if Max's snap had come in the form of Fight rather than Flight - he's a twig but I doubt Anyone would've come out of that unscathed #Anger can make a monster out of almost anybody haha #Pretty boy ♥ My .3 is so fun for soft detailing! And Max is pretty much all soft details lol #Cryings ah </3 Dexter's mention of Max's emotions in his meetup with ZEX got me thinking!#Sadness really does trend low on the emotions he's willing to express in company - even when Dex has seen him cry before - like here #It was out of anger so much more than sadness - no wonder he was spooked by ZEX's sudden grief! Max is fairly private with sadness #Or at least he turns it into anger if he's backed into a corner - drinking by himself and making things harder for everyone else haha #And finally his and Dex's difference in the retelling of the story!! Hehe ♪♫#Since I first read Helix I've been under the impression that what Max told Katherine was - well - how he described it lol #A kind of self-deprecating joke at his own expense - thus his confusion at her reaction of seeming hurt #But that's not what he said at all! That's not even close to how he told it!! Hahaha ♪ Biased narration <3 #I even got a second opinion and we shared the same interpretation so it wasn't just a matter of failing to pick up his meaning hehehe Max!#He's so rude ♥ Terrible man ♪ He's the worst <3

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acourtofquestions · 3 months ago

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Boots crunched in hay, and then he was knee to knee before her.

Aedion.

There was nothing kind on his face. No pity or warmth.

For a long minute, they only stared at each other.

Then the prince growled softly, "Your plan was bullshit."

She said nothing, and couldn't stop her shoulders from curving inward.

"Your plan was bullshit," he breathed, his eyes sparking. "How could you ever be her, wear her skin, and think to get away with it? How could you ever think you'd get around the fact that our armies are counting on you to burn the enemy to ashes, and all you can do is run away and emerge as some beast instead?"

"You don't get to pin this retreat on me," she rasped. The first words she'd spoken in days and days.

"You agreed to let Aelin go to her death, and leave us here to be slashed to bloody ribbons. You two told no one of this plan, told none of us who might have explained the realities of this war, and that we would need a gods-damned Fire-Bringer and not an untrained, useless shape-shifter against Morath."

Blow after blow, the words landed upon her weary heart. "We—"

"If you were so willing to let Aelin die, then you should have let her do it after she incinerated Erawan's hordes!"

"It would not have stopped Maeve from capturing her."

"If you'd told us, we might have planned differently, acted differently, and we would not be here, damn you!"

She stared at the muddy hay. "Throw me out of your army, then."

"You ruined everything." His words were colder than the wind outside. "You, and her."

Lysandra closed her eyes.

Hay rustled, and she knew he'd risen to his feet, knew it as his words speared from above her bowed head. "Get out of my tent."

She wasn't certain she could move enough to obey, though she wished to. Needed to. Fight back. She should fight back. Rage at him as he lashed at her, needing an outlet for his fear and despair.

Lysandra opened her eyes, peering up at him. At the rage on his face, the hatred She managed to stand, her body bleating in pain. Managed to look him in the eye, even as Aedion said again with quiet cold, "Get out."

Barefoot in the snow, naked beneath her cloak. Aedion glanced at her bare legs, as if realizing it. And not caring.

So Lysandra nodded, clutching Ansel's cloak tighter, and strode into the frigid night.

"Where is she?" Ren asked, a mug of what smelled like watery soup in one hand, a chunk of bread in the other. The lord scanned the tent as if he would find her under the cot, the hay.

Aedion stared at the precious few logs burning in the brazier, and said nothing.

"What have you done?" Ren breathed.

Everything was about to end. Had been doomed since Maeve had stolen Aelin. Since his queen and the shifter had struck their agreement.

So it didn't matter, what he'd said. He hadn't cared if it wasn't fair, wasn't true.

Didn't care if he was so tired he couldn't muster shame at his pinning on her the blame for the sure defeat they'd face in a matter of days before Perranth's walls.

He wished she'd smacked him, had screamed at him. But she had let him rage. And had walked out into the snow, barefoot.

He'd promised to save Terrasen, to hold the lines. Had done so for years. And yet this test against Morath, when it had counted ... he had failed.

He’d muster the strength to fight again. To rally his men. He just ... he needed to sleep.

Aedion didn't notice when Ren left, undoubtedly in search of the shifter with who he was so damned enamored.

He should summon his Bane commanders. See how they thought to manage this disaster.

But he couldn't. Could do nothing but stare into that fire as the long night passed.

#Chapter 34 #Kingdom of Ash #Sarah J. Maas #Aedion Ashryver #Lysandra Ennar #no spoilers please #first read #read with me #read along #more tags more spoilers below and above warned #the magic thread - if only there was Aelin - the fire - what the sky shows - he had failed - retreat and live fight and die - to Perranth #the sound of shields is giving infinity war vibes and while I try to stay a little optimistic even I must admit things are getting sticky #the Crown Prince splattered with blood both red and black. — Manorian I’ll bleed whatever color you tell me to lol — the Thealis reference #Ashryver eyes dim — okay that one hurt — I will follow you cousin however this may end but we cannot keep this up not — to whatever end #Where is the Queen? Where is her Fire? but if the Firebringer fought without flame they would know — She has run away. AGAIN.#asking why Aelin of the Wildfire did not burn away their enemies Did not at least give them light by which to fight. Ok but I luv Wyvern Lys #Two Silent Assassins noticed on the second night that the dead soldier still lay on Lysandra's back. — a line that broke me #They treated her with kindness nonetheless. No one made to reach for the lone horse — Aedion should’ve been there should’ve been kind to her #Even the Queen of the Wastes was pale her wine-red hair plastered to her head beneath the dirt and blood. —no ur plan was bullshit #he’s not speak to her it’s him to him-You don't get to pin this retreat on me she rasped. The first words she'd spoken in days and days.#She wasn't certain she could move enough to obey though she wished to. Needed to. Fight back. Rage at him as he lashed at her. but she knew #he knew it and he’s wishing she’d punish him for it but she didn’t #Barefoot in the snow naked beneath her cloak. Aedion glanced at her bare legs as if realizing it. And not caring.#So Lysandra nodded clutching Ansel's cloak tighter and strode into the frigid night. — this chapter hurt me — I’m with Ren WHERE IS SHE #Aedion stared at the precious few logs burning in the brazier and said nothing… well not nothing & braziers double haunts me forever #Everything was about to end. Had been doomed since Maeve had stolen Aelin. Since his queen and the shifter had struck their agreement.#So it didn't matter what he'd said. He hadn't cared if it wasn't fair wasn't true… mmm no those words mattered they were awful #why must we repeat HoF mistakes per ship #He wished she'd smacked him had screamed at him But she had let him rage. And had walked out into the snow barefoot #soon — they will come soon — they ghost leopard dis not falter — the Crochans and Rolfe and ugh so many people just need to show up soon

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phagodyke · 7 months ago

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once again saved by elden ring 🙏

#didnt go to bed early in the end i got too absorbed in it. past midnight now lol whatever #ill get up when i feel like it tmr #altho i do have to go to ikea for work. ugh #but thats a tomorrow problem #having a checklist of videogame shit to get w some annoying ass platforming sections can distract me from anything #the platforming in elden ring is frankly quite terrible in places. its usually fine but when they make stuff hard to reach its HARD #but ive got half the talismans now. amd all dragon smithing stones n great gloveworts. even the ones i had to go back to heros graves for #also jesus fucking christ how many caves are in thjs game every time i look smth up on the wiki its in a cave i havent touched #mustve been to dozens by this point. one cave isnt that different from another its kind of excessive #theres a rune bear fight that made me laugh tho bc apparently its base health is higher than malenias??????#which is wild cuz its in an early-mid game area and malenia is a near-endgame boss #i guess they wanted to encourage players to play stealth instead of kill it or smth #ofc i killed it tho lmao #got all larval tears too. ill prolly do celestial dew after talismans n then hmm. maybe spirit ashes #*half the talismans i was missjng i mean. ive got way more than half of the total number #anyway so tired.my face hurts. gonna brush my teeth qnd then collapse i hope i dont get woken up by random noises again please #thank u for joining me on this latest episode of me grappling with what is probably a personality disorder by this point 🫡#goodnight guys #.diaries

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itspileofgoodthings · 1 year ago

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in the most concrete way yet I feel like I’m getting a handle on what my flaws and weaknesses actually are lol.

#self-absorption poor impulse control an addictive personality #fiercely independent/sensitive/proud past the point of reason #anyway it feels like a real breakthrough honestly #because I’ve always known that there was stuff wrong but only in a dim sense #and this is a slow-gathering clearer picture #because the problem is that flaws don’t feel like flaws at first (so obvious I know)#my impulse can feel like inspiration! a wave of emotion always feels good! I have a rich internal life there’s a lot to think about #with regards to myself #but actually those all can be such negative and hurtful traits.#also it kills my pride to know that the people who love me already know these Lol #because they’re the ones who have to live with them!! And who are affected by them!#anyway the self-absorption one especially. I feel like there’s been so much to work through and figure out this past year #that made me turn inward more #and some of it was necessary #but I’m so aware of how much I want to get out of that space. and truly be open to other people and experiences and the world #in a way that is not just filtered through my internal journey #anyway anyway (a final thought) the pattern of my 20’s has been either self-absorption or complete absorption into the one or two things #that I/my anxiety allowed into the space of my heart and mind #as a kind of counter to the teenage state which was just information pouring in from all sides #but I would like to be able to reopen some of those informational floodgates so to speak. and let stuff in in a real and balanced way #because I don’t think I’m going to drown or be swept away in it (I am so scared of losing my identity in a sea of information)#one of my root fears! but it’s like. No. Bones not made of glass etc. etc. so you can start to think about yourself less #you SHOULD #anyway thank you for listening. there have been some very good (self) revelations lately <3 #painful ones! but good

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pepprs · 2 years ago

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STILL wide awake! i did not put down my phone! and now im hungry. so i will not be sleeping tonight ♥️

#purrs #also… im gonna admit it. ive been up for hours cleaning out… my toyhouse accounts. not cleaning them out but cleaning them up. and im so #FUCKING mad at my 18 year old self for giving away characters that meant so much to me to 12 year olds on warriors amino who never finished #their half of the art trade… and now so many of them are like. completely out of my reach and i can never get them back. im trying to ask #for the characters ive been able to find and track them down. which for ppl who actually love and care for them im sure is predatory and #annoying bc it’s like ok you made that choice so live with it. but im so fucking mad at myself and i wish i could undo it. i know it doesn’t #matter bc i don’t do that kind of deviantart stuff anymore but like.. i gave away characters who were so special to me growing up and now so #many of them are like.. on locked / unauthorized toyhouses or deleted or the person already owns them and is never trading them and #imjust so SAD!!!!!! over pixels i know. PULLING AN ALL NIGHTER over pixels. but im so saddddd aughhhhh #delete later #(i also did clean out photos and do practice drivers tests btw. but ive mostly been doing toyhouse stuff)#also im so sad and angry charahub went down and i didn’t even know it and i can’t access my data at allll like so much precious info #on there is gone forever. pain and suffering. also it’s worth naming im not in this to like have the best most expensive whatever designs im #doing this bc i desperately want to salvage every piece of my childhood / adolescence and never let go of anything in my life ever and when #i was 18 i thought i could run away from deeply permanently hurting and betraying a friend by selling all of my characters starting w the #ones they made me and then branching off into baiscally all of them to not make it look like it was just abt them bc i couldn’t bear to be #reminded of what i had done. and now i live with the consequences. in more ways than just the characters obviously. so there’s that #(i had my reasons for doing what i had to do btw. but i will never stop feeling guilty about it or regretting how it must have felt for them #bc we were like best friends and then i turned cold and awful because i didn’t know how to communicate my needs so instead i just shut them #out and didn’t even have the decency to explain why. and it fucking sucked that i did that. lol)#* and still sucks. and i think abt it all the time and try not to talk about it for a lot of reasons but here i am so. lol

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arolesbianism · 9 months ago

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I hand you a doodle and then go back to dying of the plague

#keese draws #oc art #oc #ocs #furry #furry art #furry oc #Im sick 😔#I can tell because all my joints are hurting instead of just my knees lol #which actually is strange since usually when Im sick the first sign is my nose being super duper runny #but I can actually breath just fine if not better than usual rn wow #but yeah say hi to antinio theyre a design I got a couple months ago I think #theyre a part of a new ish story I made around the same time that surrounds the other escaped patients of the facility pent escaped from #pent didnt actually go with them tho partially because none of them like her and she doesnt like any of them but mostly because shes more #physically unstable than the others and needs regular goop recharges that kept her camping near the facility until bud and daisy dropped in #but yeah everyone else left together and spent some time wandering before getting lured into the origin place of the goop #this guy is actually quite the unique case among the bunch because they were originally an ocean dweller before they were revived #this basically means they only half understand what everyone else is saying and can't actually talk themself #and also that despite not needing to breath they constantly feel like theyre suffocating and they are generally pretty bitter abt all this #they cant rly go home partially because theyve been dead for too long and mostly because theyd kind of just fall apart in the ocean #even just washing their hands causes their fur and skin to get all slimy #hey they at least have a new bestie even if said bestie is also part of the only half understands everyone party meaning they even less #know how to communicate with eachother since they both speak different languages from eachother #but hey now they can be confused abt whatever the hell applebounce is yelling abt together

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unproduciblesmackdown · 3 months ago

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lavender marriage / beard for the soulmate or timeloop au

#insofar as Destined To Be With This Person Romantically is akin to; you know; the demands of Romance irl #but where it's like. the universe has arranged the marriage. the universe has [marriage traditions from ''abducting A Bride is fine'']#like what's the equivalent of trying to juke / thwart the Destined Pairing in [vs fantastical premise where Reality demands it]#horror angle of being the person pushed towards the soulmate. horror angle of Being designated someone's soulmate #or even the person they Must have some kind of interaction with to Proceed lol. it Must happen #plus being the person in a loop who doesn't get to know about the looping; bonus points for the horror #sure you're not dealing w/the horror of loop awareness lol but that the lack of awareness / info puts you on the back foot #that you Are aware this elevated vulnerability could be happening anytime whether you are clued in about it or not #the ol What They Don't Know Can't Hurt Them like well is that true. does it make the Unknown Hurting perfectly fine actually #like imagining if there was knowledge like at any given time someone could be in their timeloop & you have no idea lol....#sure could affect things in ways. & in a reality here where people sure break out ''well we gotta See What Happens if we kiss/date &c''#anyway so bring it around to how do you ward it off. shift the [this would all be scary yeah] to the comedy side of the horror same coin #lavender marriages of soulmate aus b/c Sigh Well If We Gotta; Then #figuring out the parameters like when how does the universe decide you've Learned Your Lesson lol. [omniscient god?] issues now #but is it omnipotence as well. time looping might suggest it but you kiss the right person like well damn that's romance cue enough #can you be my beard so i can leave Today :/ yeah the timestream is requiring it (cue whatever Proving / Arguing that this is happening)#but still already fond of the Just Cranking My Thang Crazy Style out of the timeloop. loop just gets sick of it #all the Flexibility in what loops / Destined Relationships are For yeah sure but this is about the inherent You Gotta. You Have To.#the Horror Element is unsurprising b/c it's like yeah....yeah that's the narrative of Romance for you #or the broader narrative of ''the way this person feels about you means they want xyz from you / are entitled to a kind/level of access''#i think ''kicked out of the timeloop for not learning any life lessons just cranking my thang'' And ''but what if god is doing this to me #but without truly unlimited omniscience &/or omnipotence'' is also basically hiagb #which Nodding at how Romantic Love comes up in there but as a Wrench In The Gears vs destiny or even true solution(tm)#hm what if the person made aware of someone else's loop is the assigned Destiny but is like i gotta get outta here lmao #you have until the end of the day. you have until they Maybe tell you again....#either party being Helped by some third party like wow check out This surprising partnership we've discovered :o well anyway. no romo #tl;dr just like the comedy of evading the horror of romance as Destined Meaning & Meanintful Destiny irl. in the au contexts #& i said lovelessness lol no Replacing it w/true lifelong friendship. no replacing it w/''cranking your thang? whoa replaced w/Yourself''#[you just are you should just be] + nothing one Has to do to escape the demands of [the universe?] or [person demanded by the universe]#no authority & no Love (but what if the You Gotta was framed in positive language once there's a tiny bit more wiggle room actually)

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shidoukanae · 5 months ago

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Paris Valerian but i redesign his dragon form for funsies based on how i see him=. Not sure if I like this design bc im not a fan of bulkier looking dragons but for Paris I think this works??

Some headcanons about this design:

has a bit of a bull-like look bc I associate bulls with persistence and madness and idk that fits Paris well so if Fian has a “fox” motif Paris gets a “bull” one for his dragon form

His design is based a lot on how a stereotypically evil dragon would look???? Because imo OG!Paris reads as a massive antagonist and I think giving him a look that fits that vibe in his dragon form works!! Especially because he still is an antagonist in a way (though god does he not read that way lmao)

he’s stronger in his dragon form than Fian is and he uses this to his advantage to bully Fian around whenever they playfight as dragons. That said, it seems Paris is surprisingly gentle towards Fian in this form and never hurts him.

he uses this form to intimidate people into getting what he wants. He’s not used to getting retaliated against while in this form and quickly respects anyone who does so (read: Fian, Lyla and Helene)

the silver scales on his body can glow in the same way his eyes do. Typically, he keeps them dull-colored (see above) but if he feels a strong emotion of any sorts they’ll glow brightly without him meaning to (noticeably: they glow constantly whenever Helene is around for obvious reasons~).

#it hurts to see the person you like cry. but you wouldn't understand-#that Paris #TME #TME art #Paris being weak for Fian is so canon it's literally joked about more than once that they're unnaturally close to each other #i wish the manhwa/LN would elucidate more on the instinctive (and clearly qpt) bond dragons share with each other #and why that bond was overridden in the original story by each dragon's obsession with Helene when they'd yet to imprint on her #man i still remember reading about how Paris felt utterly alone once he awakened as a dragon and Fian coming into his life made him so happ #i still get teary over that passage in particular ahgjgjfgjjh that part of Paris's backstory hits where it hurts lmao #i also really wish the manhwa had included that about Paris because it really fleshed him out knowing that it wasn't that he bonded w/ Fian #that changed him but that he finally FINALLY had someone else who could understand him that made him happier in life and chill TF out #if you pair info given about Paris in the light novel with what's given about his manhwa self he's an amazingly well done character #like ive literally gone from thinking him cringe + unlikable to being deeply invested in and sympathetic to his character #also fun fact i find the idea of Paris and Fian playfighting as dragons really fucking cute #it's not in any way canon (well it kind of is actually lol) but i like hc'ing that awakened dragons need to spend social time together in-#their dragon forms doing shit like playfighting or resting together in order to live happier lives #and unfortunately this kind of qpt relationship is not understood by humans/mermaids/mages hence why Paris went absolutely mad pre-Fian bc #no one around him was capable of understanding the desperation he felt to fill the void in his heart and unfortunately he turned to Helene-#to fill that void to the point he went insane over her to the point he tried to completely monopolize her as a means to salvage himself #(which understandably pisses Helene off in the og timeline to the point it's no wonder she rejects him lmao)#and now that in Lyla's timeline Paris has gotten someone in his life who understands him and fills the void in his heart #he's more than capable of empathizing with Helene and seeing her as a person he wants to genuinely learn more about even if he can't quite-#shake his obsessive tendencies towards her #(which is really really REALLY fun to watch and i hope to see more development from his character)#(because i really do want him to reflect on Fian's words of when it comes to Helene)#(not that I think Helene would ever cry in front of him bc of him but she might do so because of Lyla)#(and god do i wanna see Paris eat his words about finding Fian's romantic-ness corny lmao)#yes i very much can write a whole-ass essay of a character study on Paris he's wildly fascinating #and he's so NOT my type which makes it even funnier that im as fixated on him as i am right now

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sunlightfeeling · 9 months ago

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god i forgot how much i liked that cohost hid a lot of metrics…

(much ranting in the tags…)

#im despising the note counter again….#ramblin but not a gamblin man #but i really REALLY didnt like how cohost completely felt like a void #…like genuinely felt like an isolation room or smth…#why can’t i just opt out #i have my notifications turned off again for sanity #but I don’t like seeing everyone else’s lol #…they make me feel bad….#and yeah i guess it has to do with smaller fandom but that’s kind of part of why it sucks #i want new content that’s not just made by the small group that we are #i want fuckin dedicated tags and a line of people making new things….even if the stuff we use is old #there are so many smasmas that have NEVER been giffed #so many dramas #(even though for a lot of these there’s like negative incentive to make anything for….)#but you know what sucks the most….#no matter how much we love the stuff and do it because we like it….we are hoping that it will get shared….be known….#im trying so hard not to pressure myself to gif every little thing #which is part of why im posting more and more clips #but it hurts seeing the note count that other fandoms get even in such a short time….and just being grateful-enjoying the ones i receive #i don’t know how much this shit makes sense #and im honestly so tired of getting upset by this time and time again but it hurts #i hate being part of an actually small fandom lol #..that’s basically it….i guess #or one that’s small until someone random reblogs it and shoots the note count up #and I really can’t explain why that makes me more upset than happy but it actually really does lol #how many times am i going to talk about these and go in circles? way too many #i ruminate….its what i do…always been that way…got on my ex’s fuckin nerves lmfao……

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yongseungkim · 9 months ago

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#talked to her a little bit more about her confusing behavior #esp her relationship w this one person and how it confuses me when its a more group setting #and lo and behold this solved nothing lol #she was like we are close i dont know how to make u feel that #and i was like i do feel it when we are one on one but when we are in group settings i dont feel close to you at all #wasnt very clear at all with my feelings though but more or less listed off things that she had done that unintentionally had hurt me #or just made things feel kind of confusing #like if we are close then why xyz thing #i feel like i never see her if xyz person doesnt come to me first cuz she'll follow her around right #i did straight up ask her if they were just friends or smth more and if she had feelings for her #and she was like yeah just friends (which idk for me just cuz i asked doesnt mean she has to respond to me honestly)#(so taking it with a grain of salt)#and i was like yeah man ur relationship w this one person cuz u give her so much attention like i never know how to itneract #sometimes if eel guilty for taking her away from u when i talk to her cuz u kinda just shut down #and dotn talk to anyone and she was jokingly like yeah go sit in a corner and i was liek DUDE LITERALLY YEAH?#and then also times when her attention on xyz person has left me feeling left out #and i think its so funny this girl was like i literally didnt know i interact with xyz person in that way cuz i dont think abt it #cuz if i start thinking then i start overthinking and thats nto fun #which is T RUE BUT LIKE ALSO #idk how can one person be that dense like her and xyz person literally won a dynamic duo award thing #ppl were like 'dont separate those two they cant live without each other' LIKE BRUH ARE U SERIOUSLY TAHT DENSE?#and then also the whole shes not a great texter but how shes literally always on the phone texting someone it feels like so for me its hard #to really accept that sometimes like but then she had said earlier like her friends from undergrad just straight up call her so yeah maybe #i guess but also idk man #also times when she had promised to do smth and then didnt follow through on that hurting bc i take ppl by their word

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ramblinseahorsey · 23 days ago

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As a person with bipolar disorder, I never thought I'd see a joke about mania I liked, but Gangle's struggles with her emotions and the heavy guilt for being over the top or needing help all the time was handled with so much care in her "episode". I feel respected and heard... Which is very rare.

Lots of people who are doting when your hurt in a thematically romance-able way, conveniently quiet or depressed and tragic, suddenly don't like helping or being around you, or even knowing you at all once your disabilities make you annoying, discomforting or angry. When your feelings are out of your control, and your hurt and overwhelming emotions disables you from being kind and helpful and happy, people are often much more disconcerted with you than bad behavior from a "normal" person. Sometimes it feels way lonelier than being stuck in a depressive episode somehow.

And you know they often don't mean to or don't know they're disrespecting Gangle, she seems to know too, but she sucks it up because she doesn't know how to "earn" help in either state, and the fear that a sudden surge of happiness will lead to a sudden great fall after solidifies the want to hide your "wrongness".

She is the very opposite of helpful here, but she tries her best, and having someone let her know it's ok for her to be around or have failed attempts to not bother those around her is all she needed to smile on her own face today. It doesn't fix everything, Zooble doesn't even correct her from saying she doesn't deserve their friendship, cause that's not something she will believe or needs to hear right now. She needs to know she still deserves and will get help and more tries, that there will still be people who will forgive and love her, that those who lose their patience with her right back will still want to spend time with her later.

The horrible ups and downs still haunt you, the long long journey to find the right treatment is exhausting, and it still won't ever get rid of all of it, but the episodes don't feel like their going on forever and always when someone will listen to you, wants to listen to you. Wants not just to help you, wants to spend time with you, wants you to be.

Also it is legitimately really funny to me she outright states she's going to weaponize her trauma to get back at Jax for his warcrimes lol. There isn't much out there better at making you feel less guilty about your mania than a legitimately evil person tbh. The manic episode having more seasons pun feels like something a bipolar person or someone who is trusted personally by a bipolar person would say, it legit made me giggle

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