#which is why haven't really been on here | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

charlotterenaissance · 1 year ago

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having an almost comically bad couple days so i'm microdosing on all my fixations by alternating episodes of kids in the hall, night court, h2o just add water, and conan o'brien remotes. just having a normal one

#the fun part of being the child of my alcoholic dad and junkie mother is that my form of vice is old tv shows #as i try to zone out while stone-cold sober #i had a bad day at work which was the capstone to a rough couple weeks #which is why haven't really been on here #and i'm pretty sure i can't trust my own vision or whatever because i look at things and get told i'm wrong #and then i found richard moll died so i'm not doing so great #i am so sad #i'm just so so sad and scared #all the time and i hate this so much and i hate being a burden to the person i love #and i just feel so alone and not good at anything and not good enough for anything or anyone i'm just not worth anything #it's my fault for only being able to conceptualize relationships via the familial bond #so i take my boss who is normally sweet and patient with my stupid worthless self #yelling at me as rough as you can possibly imagine #she didn't even yell at me specifically but every time she came by i flinched and any time i said something she got mad and yelled at me #i don't know i'm sorry #i just want to disappear #i'm also on my period one more cosmic corkscrew of pain

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kirby-the-gorb · 20 days ago

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#kirby #daily kirby #my art #digital #hal laboratory #nintendo #still yakuza lmao #I don't remember which day I started it but it was definitely no earlier than the 30th #I think I didn't start until I actually got holiday packages into the mail on the 3rd.#my partner started playing it like the day after it got released for switch #which I think was late october?#but he has like. a job. so he's just been playing an hour here a couple hours there yknow #we are both very much getting our money's worth though lol #I try to stop playing by midnight but I didn't manage that today -n-#I really wanted to find the last 2000 yen bill without looking it up but I was Struggling #(I did find it tho)#I've still got a decent amount of stuff left to do #even discounting the completion list stuff that doesn't interest me like the gambling #which I might at least try to do anyway #but we're both in chapter 9 of the main story now (although he's already a ways in)#(and I technically haven't done the last conversation of chapter 8 but I did all the actual Doin Stuff)#it sounds like there's probably 10 chapters from a thing I saw having to look up where majima was hiding the first time?#that's the only thing I've looked up so far though.#anyway I'm having fun #this is why I refused to start playing yakuza until I finished my holiday crafts.#oh wait I also looked up a clarifying explanation on one of the dragon moves you have to learn #I wanna do as much of it as I can without external guides #update from the next day I was incorrect about there being 10 chapters yay :)#more game for meeeee

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genericpuff · 2 months ago

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y'all have no clue how wild it is to live in my timeline, because 12 years ago i was a huge fan of these cute lil' zelda strips and at the time i found out through the grapevine that the creator apparently stopped making these comics because they had started drawing NSFW content-

and at the time i was like "oh ok that's wild but respect"

and now in the present the artist who's making the OMORI manga adaption is under fire for being a shota fetishist and it's putting the spotlight back on the OMORI creator themselves for ALSO being a shota fetishist and oh my god the omocat who made those zelda comics over a decade ago is the same omocat who went on to make OMORI holy shit-

#small fucking world jfc #and yeah maybe i'm the last person to cross the finish line here but listen #i hadn't thought about those zelda comics in AGES #not until i came across one of them in my FB memories #because i've been on FB so long now that some of my memories are like 15 years old #and as soon as i saw the artist credit i was like HOLD the fucking phone there's no WAY #anyways there's some wild shit happening in the omori fandom ig #i've only completed the whole game once and honestly i loved it but i haven't really participated in the greater fandom #and i can very much see what people are getting at lmao #especially with the manga jfc #why would you make a manga adaption of a game that's largely driven by a self-insert-style main character #never mind the fact that it completely removes the soundtrack which is like half of what made omori so memorable ffs #even without the shota shit a manga version of OMORI is still. just not something we needed lmao #bad dumb stupid idea

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thatonefandomjumper · 10 months ago

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You ever just read a fanfic that rots your brain so much that you had no choice but to make a comic out of it? Yeah.

Anyway, here's the first 1000 words of A Mirror in the Dark by Fastern on Ao3 illustrated.

(Click for better quality)

I know I could have picked some sort of big scene to illustrate, but idk man, I felt like going from the beginning even if it doesn't seem like much is happening. Trust me when I say this is the best Traitor Kaminari fic I have ever read. My initial plan was to do the whole first chapter but then I realized I didn´t have infinite time so have these 8 pages instead!

Anyway, go read the fic right now. You will not be disappointed.

#I could go on for hours on how much I love this fic I am very serious #Still think about it all the time despite it being months since I read it.#I really don't post much mha stuff and that's cuz I haven't been caught up in ages at some point in the future I'll properly revisit it #Kaminari is still my boy though my love for him has never left me #Drew this bad boy on paper and then colored it digitally #Which is why it may look a bit wonky here and there #Also my apologize for the messy handwriting. If you at some point don't understand know that all dialogue was taken straight from the fic #So you can check it out if something isn't clear to you (Wink wink)#mha #mha fanfiction #mha fanart #mirror in the dark #my hero academia #bnha #bnha fanfiction #bnha denki #bnha momo #bnha mineta #traitor kaminari #denki kaminari #minoru mineta #momo yaoyorozu #bnha fanart #boku no hero academia

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outlying-hyppocrate · 4 months ago

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well. did you fucking miss me.

#random thoughts #apologies for sounding in such a sour mood. life is fucked as of late.#scheduled post. i made this on 10.08.2024.#everything has just gone to shit. so far i've been eating less than ever. feels like my stomach is eating itself augh (':#(technically the so-called relapse started on 24.12.2023. but we are not unpacking that today or ever.)#and i am filled with this desperate urge to cut myself. really really deep. not sure how to cope with it #i also?? hate how i look??#and yet i spend all my time?? in this dark dark room?? taking pictures of my face?????#i'm not killing myself off just yet don't worry. i considered it but it won't be happening any time soon.#i originally planned on disappearing for twelve days. partly to make my friends feel bad because i'm awful #which. obviously didn't work. as i don't think anyone noticed or cared particularly.#but mostly because i can't fucking handle it. it being everything. my future feels so uncertain #i am barely alive. i love all the people in my life. but they're too far away physically and emotionally.#but yeah. back finally. although ciel disappears for a lot longer than me and if you know hym my absence would be a small stint.#ciel if you're here when i post this i love you please come back. ):#this place is so scary to come back to. i'm not sure why. i'm just. scared.#i'm not even sure if i want to return really. i'm having second thoughts now. i haven't gotten worse enough #and i can't say what that means. because in theory there's nothing wrong with me that's been speculated upon. so.#i don't think anyone would care if i disappeared for longer than this.#but being away is torture. and then again being here also sort of is. it's scary #fuck.#i can't get out of bed without feeling like shit. i don't know if i can come back. i'm so sick of everything.#if you're seeing this i'm so sorry.#I NEED TO CUT MYSELF I NEED TO CUT MYSELF NOW. I NEED TO. I MADE SO MANY PROMISES BUT I NEED TO DO IT NOW #I'VE GOT THE SCISSORS I NEED TO DO IT #I NEED TO DO IT RIGHT THE FUCK NOW #(<- tags canceled for now)

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akuma-tenshi · 8 months ago

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decided to start posting my edits on tumblr again. @sunset-of-the-void suggested this song for an itha edit when i was working on my morningstar edit, but i didn't get around to actually making something for it until way later. but it's done!! and it happened. i love this fucked-up little mama's boy and i'm very proud of how this turned out, so here it is <3

song is cain by cousin marnie

#this is actually older than my rare case edit #which is why there's maybe some stuff in that edit that isn't used here #but again i haven't been posting my edits on tumblr bc i kinda didn't really want to #rambling #idv #identity v #idv ithaqua #idv night watch #nathaniel norwell #my edit #idv edit #identity v edit #pieter tag

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tleeaves · 3 months ago

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I'm really bad at law school 🧍‍♀️

#just got my mark back for an essay #buh-bye honours program next year ig #I haven't been handing anything in on time but this is the first time someone's actually picked up on it and deducted marks #IF IT'S HANDED IN THE SAME DAY JUST HOURS AFTER 4 PM BUT BEFORE MIDNIGHT WHY IS IT COUNTED AS A DAY LATE #granted this specific one was like 10 mins before midnight #but holy shit bro I got murdered in my feedback #I'm too stupid for law school honestly why the fuck am I here #yes I passed and I got a credit but that's not what I was aiming for and it's not what I would have gotten if it wasnt late #because I could have been that much closer to a distinction which would ease some pressure of the exam off #but nooo I had to get marks taken off for handing it in BEFORE MIDNIGHT #got told I don't really seem to have an understanding of corporate theory and I seem confused #it was clear I engaged with the materials But Not Enough #do you know how many FUCKING sticky notes I have in my damn textbook??#I even looked at a SECOND textbook!#and took written-on-paper-notes to try and wrap my head around the different theories that applied to the topic and how to argue them!#on top of what notes I had from the lecture slides #and you're telling me 😭 that was all just for my professor to call me silly in fifty different nicer forms? 😭#had a cry because I am Going Through It today #and I have another assignment to hand in tonight #and then another one next week #and another one the week after #AND the week after that #and then it's my exams 😔 someone please murder me

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smile-files · 4 months ago

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i continue to find ii3 baffling. why did they make it (this isn't to hate on the season, i'm genuinely curious)

#melonposting #this isn't meant to be ii neg by the way. i'm just confused about AE's writing choices #i don't remember if they ever said explicitly? at the very least i haven't heard an official answer #i don't think it was initially for any plot reason. my theory is that it's for the same reason bfb and tpot split #the episodes were taking really long to make and they wanted to go back to regular lighthearted uploads. which is understandable #so while ii2 was cooking they could still post new ii episodes with reasonable frequency #but that also raises so many questions #the biggest: why the hell is mephone here #seriously i know people like mephone but i'm sure having a different host wouldn't turn literally everyone off #and mephone hosting this show causes so many strange easily avoidable problems #like the screwy timeline. mephone ditches his show for what he experiences to be years and yet ii2 is continuing like normal #only a day has passed for them. why? maybe they'll try to explain it #in any event if ii3 had a different host this wouldn't even be an issue #but then they made ii3 really plot heavy for mephone which then ended up screwing itself over #the season justified itself as being mephone trying to escape from his problems #and he goes through character development to address all of his baggage and how much of a jerk he can be #that suddenly makes what seems to have been meant to be a lighthearted offshoot season into an imperative piece of his character (bizarre)#which would inevitably make his return to ii2 really weird cuz that would mean he had his redemption arc basically off-screen #but then they didn't even do that????? in the new episode mephone is still his old bastard self. nothing like late ii3 mephone #which means that they're effectively retconning ii3's plot out of existence. as it is ii 15 barely acknowledged anything specific from ii3 #but this in particular is especially absurd. ii2 can continue like normal only because they're acting like ii3 never happened #which is just insane to me. why even give mephone character development in ii3 to begin with???????#why does ii3 even exist????????????????????? his character development is literally the in-universe justification for the season #i'm so confused #i'm just glad ii2 can proceed like normal :thumbsup: but these are seriously some puzzling writing decisions

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chrisbangs · 1 year ago

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hello... (and bye ig 👋)

#👋😭 hi...#i haven't come on in about a month and i didn't realize a month passed by like that... i've kinda stopped using any apps on my phone #i barely even talk to my friends anymore lol 😭#i just saw my follower count this morning and realized i hit 13k and i was like 🥸 huh...#uhhhhhhh 😭 idk i wanted to say thank you i guess 🫂#i'm done with stayblr and tumblr in general 😭 this much has been obvious for a while now... i tried to fit myself back in during 5star but #i think i realized i've outgrown the vibes here and in online spaces in general... i don't really enjoy it anymore 😭 which is weird cause #i've used tumblr since i was in middle school so 🫡 end of an era some would say...#i think it sucks because i don't have the same feelings about this place or skz or anything in my life right now... i tried to ignore it bu #it's so obvious now that the entirety of december passed without me really talking to a single person / without me using social media /#without me really doing much except for like homework and assignments lmao #i think genuinely i've stopped enjoying everything i used to like and i don't know why 😭 it hit me the other day bc i don't even enjoy #pc collecting anymore which is CRAZY considering how much time and money i've put into that hobby so 👋🥸 who knows what goes on #i haven't consumed any skz content since rockstar dropped 😭 and that also feels weird to me... idk... i would say maybe i'm going through a #depressive episode but i don't really feel how i do then... i think i'm just tired like i always am and that's just how i am now .. i think #i'm just not really interested in things anymore? weird but .. yeah idk😭 if i knew what was wrong i would Fix It sndjdndkd mostly i'm just #sad because i haven't been talking to friends... i keep ignoring everyone and not replying to any texts from anyone because ????#i tell myself i will do it later but i know i won't ... idk i genuinely don't know why i'm struggling to talk to ppl anymore 😭 i've become #even more of a reclusive hermit than i already was 💀 and the worst part is i feel normal abt it #i don't feel /bad/ i just feel guilty that i'm not replying to ppl bc i don't want to hurt ppls feelings... on my end i feel Normal abt it #like i ??? is it weird that i'm so detached from everything that not even a month ago made me so happy..? that's weird right 😭 like idgi #i don't feel (as) depressed (as i usually do) but clearly ?? smth is wrong ?? like ik i'm not a clingy sentimental person but ? it kinda #makes me sad wondering if i really don't care abt ppl anymore ... but i think 😭 it's also the object permanence issues that come with adhd #not seeing or talking to the ppl i love . not doing my hobbies or seeing the groups i care abt . makes it easy to not care or forget what #they make me feel etc etc ... i get it... but idk 😭 if that's what this is . well wow it sucks ASS.. cause i feel guilty for not feeling #anything at all ... 😭 idk how to explain that HENSKDNISJS anywayyyy 💀#i came on cause i wanted to say thank you for 13k followers 😭‼️ and that i probably will not be online anymore unless i really want to say #this was a really long winded way to say i feel bad but i'm done with stayblr fr 👋🥸 i tried so hard for the last 2 years to make it feel #like home again but it stopped ages ago so 🥹 that's ok.. i still cherish my memories here 🫂 anyway thanku and sjsjsksksks bye i guess 😭#who knows maybe i'll enjoy it one day again and come back :') never know what the future holds 🫡

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medicinemane · 6 months ago

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I don't know... horrible things happen all around the world and it's not a competition

Atrocities are committed against multiple groups in multiple parts of the world at the exact same moment, and none of them erase each other. They all matter, all the people in this world who are being brutalized matter. There shouldn't be any line you draw where one group doesn't actually matter as much as another

You're welcome to prioritize your energy towards helping one group or another, but what's not ok is invalidating or dismissing people who are actively being harmed

Same goes for trying to figure out which social group has things worst (and lets be honest, always using a US lens)

Like... maybe the important thing is to prop each other up and help everyone get on their own feet rather than trying to... pick fights about if physical disabilities or mental illness are less respected (I'm trying to pick a more absurd example but sadly I've seen exactly that argument happen before). Maybe it doesn't really matter and what matters is helping who we can when we can

I'm tired of it, I'm just fucking tired of it. Support people, champion them when the world is just brutalizing them, but you don't need to throw a single other person under the bus to do that

Which seems to be an absolutely impossible lesson for people to learn

#I won't say anything else on this; but I will say that to me one of the groups that it feels like is most forgotten is Syrians #including by me if I'm honest #I don't know what's currently happening in Syria... but... my understanding is it still hasn't really gotten better #assad is still brutalizing people last I had heard #so rather than saying anything else I'd prefer to simply focus on some people it feels like were forgotten back during Obama #and... and have remained forgotten #and I'm sorry I can't do more to help with the suffering in the world #but... you notice what I'm not having to do here?#I'm not having to throw a single other person under the bus #I'm able to just focus on how much I wish for Syrians to be ok (which is a hollow gesture on my part in many ways I think)#and I can keep all the focus on Syrians rather than throwing anyone else under the bus or doing any whataboutism #and that's literally all I'm asking of you fucking people #don't downplay human misery to try and make your thing seem more important #they're both fucking important... they're all important #there's so much suffering I can't even keep up with it #there's so much of it that I can only name without knowing the details; Congo; I believe Sudan is still suffering; Haiti #I don't know how things are in Ethiopia right now... I can't keep track #and none of these situations and the horrible things they're dealing with; things I haven't even been able to follow #none of it detracts from and of the issues I am following more closely #I don't need to compare them and say 'well it's not as bad'; because... bad is bad and any is too much #and nothing I say here will do a damn thing; no one'll hear and even if they did they'd ignore it or get pissed #that's what my evidence shows me about how people behave #but suffering isn't a competition; the correct amount is zero #and... perhaps I'd have more tolerance if I hadn't watched how you behave with stuff #...the worst part is the person I adore who... man... I wish I could just get them to really think through their words #they mean well; they're coming from a place of love; but I just haven't been able to paint the picture for them of the harm #and I'm flawed; I don't have all the answers; I could be wrong here #but... can you at least see why I feel that maybe we shouldn't pit misery against each other #that the people suffering have more in common with each other than opposed and... maybe westerners aren't fucking helping #eh... too fucking drained thinking about this; end of tags

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mashmouths · 2 months ago

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sitting waiting for someone to text you bc you wanted to make plans with them almost 4 hours ago but now you've just wasted 4 hours bc you couldn't do anything bc you were waiting for them to text should've been a circle of hell in dante's inferno

#i also was on the phone with my mom for a bit so maybe i wasn't fixated on the waiting itchiness for all 4 of those hours but i still #haven't done any of the work i need to do for tomorrow :/ and i don't want to start it bc i'll have to stop in the middle of it except i #really do need to start it regardless of when she texts me back but she hasn't texted me back yet and we're trying to meet up to get food #but we hadn't decided on where to go so idk how long it will take so my window for doing any of it is rapidly shrinking and i can feel it #closing in on me bc it's been dark outside for an hour and i'm still just fucking. sitting here.#also unrelated i figured out this morning that i've been taking tylenol instead of my antidepressants for the last several days! which helps #to explain why i'm suddenly experiencing such a sudden uptick in my depression symptoms but also doesn't help me get back any of the days #i've spent in stasis bc apparently my adhd meds aren't enough on their own (bc i'm depressed) to allow me to do anything easily including #but not limited to getting out of bed #i've also discovered recently that just expressing that i've had difficulty with something to someone at all helps dissolve the mental block #that's kept me from doing it which has been massively helpful for me but maybe annoying to my friend who i usually text about it <3 #megan you're a real one and i love you #a post

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whatudottu · 10 months ago

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Absolute theory/headcanon/analysis/general idea legend whatudottu character arc of slowly becoming one of the four (4) Cerebrocrustacean fans in the entire fandom (even if Petrosapiens will always be #1 in its heart, which, you know, completely understandable NGL) let’s gooooo!

Also I can’t believe I haven’t made this connection until now but:

Cerebrocrustacean: “My people have a rich and complex history and culture, but most of the galactic audience boils us down to being nothing but ‘the violently bigoted xenophobes who keep destroying their own planet’ and it frustrates me to no end.”

Gourmand who’s been forced to hear the same “I can excuse cannibalism but I draw the line at marrying outside of your own race” joke over and over again: “Yeah, welcome to the club, pal.”

Me and my homies (4) being cerebrocrustacean fans: If cerebrocrustaceans have 0 fans we are dead, haha- Would buy merchandise to convince CN that Brainstorm is a cool transformation *looks over my shoulder to see the playdough brainstorm with removable brain toy that either I or my sibling got millions of years ago*

ANYWAY!

It's very evident when I don't think about a particular species when I have to look something up like the gourmand cannibalism, but seeing as though they have a collective pocket dimension where their stomach goes (at least that's where the logic got them in the show instead of being consumed food expelled in energy reflux), if cannibalism didn't implode the two gourmands like how bag of holding inception works then I suppose it's far better than *shudders* perk murk relationships. Got a whole 'house divided' 'alike in dignity' situation over here, Perkulet and Murktague having asses-

...You know what if I get a chance to think about gourmands in more detail I might turn that pocket dimension into a magic thing instead of a xenobiology thing that's just overall bullshit- comes free with potentially real cannibalism but like they've eaten 11 planets I think cannibalism just in general pales in comparison to what they could do-

Well, whatever cannibalism gourmands excuse and all the jokes they have to deal with about perk murk relationships being somehow much much worse, at least they don't get shoveled with 'violent bigots' that 'aren't smart enough to support their lifestyle without destroying their own planet' which well- I don't have any present headcanons as to why Encephalonus is on it's 4th edition yet but let me tell you, when cerebrocrutaceans found out the galvans lost their planet (admittedly to the Highbreed Invasion) and then galvans WEREN'T immediately assumed to have fucked up somewhere, you can bet that Dr Psychobos was one in the crowd that went absolutely livid.