#which is why haven't really been on here
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having an almost comically bad couple days so i'm microdosing on all my fixations by alternating episodes of kids in the hall, night court, h2o just add water, and conan o'brien remotes. just having a normal one
#the fun part of being the child of my alcoholic dad and junkie mother is that my form of vice is old tv shows#as i try to zone out while stone-cold sober#i had a bad day at work which was the capstone to a rough couple weeks#which is why haven't really been on here#and i'm pretty sure i can't trust my own vision or whatever because i look at things and get told i'm wrong#and then i found richard moll died so i'm not doing so great#i am so sad#i'm just so so sad and scared#all the time and i hate this so much and i hate being a burden to the person i love#and i just feel so alone and not good at anything and not good enough for anything or anyone i'm just not worth anything#it's my fault for only being able to conceptualize relationships via the familial bond#so i take my boss who is normally sweet and patient with my stupid worthless self#yelling at me as rough as you can possibly imagine#she didn't even yell at me specifically but every time she came by i flinched and any time i said something she got mad and yelled at me#i don't know i'm sorry#i just want to disappear#i'm also on my period one more cosmic corkscrew of pain
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y'all have no clue how wild it is to live in my timeline, because 12 years ago i was a huge fan of these cute lil' zelda strips and at the time i found out through the grapevine that the creator apparently stopped making these comics because they had started drawing NSFW content-

and at the time i was like "oh ok that's wild but respect"
and now in the present the artist who's making the OMORI manga adaption is under fire for being a shota fetishist and it's putting the spotlight back on the OMORI creator themselves for ALSO being a shota fetishist and oh my god the omocat who made those zelda comics over a decade ago is the same omocat who went on to make OMORI holy shit-

#small fucking world jfc#and yeah maybe i'm the last person to cross the finish line here but listen#i hadn't thought about those zelda comics in AGES#not until i came across one of them in my FB memories#because i've been on FB so long now that some of my memories are like 15 years old#and as soon as i saw the artist credit i was like HOLD the fucking phone there's no WAY#anyways there's some wild shit happening in the omori fandom ig#i've only completed the whole game once and honestly i loved it but i haven't really participated in the greater fandom#and i can very much see what people are getting at lmao#especially with the manga jfc#why would you make a manga adaption of a game that's largely driven by a self-insert-style main character#never mind the fact that it completely removes the soundtrack which is like half of what made omori so memorable ffs#even without the shota shit a manga version of OMORI is still. just not something we needed lmao#bad dumb stupid idea
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You ever just read a fanfic that rots your brain so much that you had no choice but to make a comic out of it? Yeah.
Anyway, here's the first 1000 words of A Mirror in the Dark by Fastern on Ao3 illustrated.








(Click for better quality)
I know I could have picked some sort of big scene to illustrate, but idk man, I felt like going from the beginning even if it doesn't seem like much is happening. Trust me when I say this is the best Traitor Kaminari fic I have ever read. My initial plan was to do the whole first chapter but then I realized I didn´t have infinite time so have these 8 pages instead!
Anyway, go read the fic right now. You will not be disappointed.
#I could go on for hours on how much I love this fic I am very serious#Still think about it all the time despite it being months since I read it.#I really don't post much mha stuff and that's cuz I haven't been caught up in ages at some point in the future I'll properly revisit it#Kaminari is still my boy though my love for him has never left me#Drew this bad boy on paper and then colored it digitally#Which is why it may look a bit wonky here and there#Also my apologize for the messy handwriting. If you at some point don't understand know that all dialogue was taken straight from the fic#So you can check it out if something isn't clear to you (Wink wink)#mha#mha fanfiction#mha fanart#mirror in the dark#my hero academia#bnha#bnha fanfiction#bnha denki#bnha momo#bnha mineta#traitor kaminari#denki kaminari#minoru mineta#momo yaoyorozu#bnha fanart#boku no hero academia
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Things could be better, if you were to ask Ishida (Patreon)
#Doodles#Original#Yanderapy#More little half-started ideas that haven't quite made it to their full concept yet! Huah!! Finding the focus for it has been hard#Which he helped express lol thanks Ishi <3 Not that he's happy about it lol#First one is again kind of early on in their relationship - Ishida's bringing up something he knows Micchan likes#He's heard him talk about cats! Let's talk about cats! You like cats! Why aren't we talking about cats!#Micchan isn't trying to ignore him he's just focused on other things#They'll get it worked out but there was meant to be dark comedy in here somewhere!#Hopefully I'll come back to it - I want to! I'd like it expressed how it is in my head#The good of note-taking haha#Angy Ishi is having a bad day poor lad#He's usually fairly composed and able to put on a happy face so once it gets up over that edge you Know he's in a bad way#Stressors and things just not going well#The best comfort is some Mitsu hugs of course#Which he's happy to give but he's always worried <3#Unlike you! Want you to be happy or at least better!#Just act as his battery he'll be back to his usual self soon enough#Sometimes it really does just come down to support while low ♥ Watch over him as he recovers :)
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#You know that feeling where you have had it up to HERE#with your stupid body and its stupid never-ending Maintenance Needs#which you will never ever be able to let up on when you “recover”#because you don't recover from lifelong conditions and you will always need to do this or things will immediately start getting worse again#and then a doctor gives you a new exercise you need to start#and tells you that ideally you should really be doing this three times a day for at least 10-15 minutes#and you have also been receiving inquiries from family members#as to why you haven't been trying more#when it comes to finding good cardio exercise your body can tolerate without constant pain#on top of your existing assigned PT routine#but also wow you are way too uptight (physically and just in general) and you seriously need to relax#but also have you considered that maybe you should just be Doing More and you really need to make plans and get out more#and you just want to scream for approximately a week straight#... or is that just me
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decided to start posting my edits on tumblr again. @sunset-of-the-void suggested this song for an itha edit when i was working on my morningstar edit, but i didn't get around to actually making something for it until way later. but it's done!! and it happened. i love this fucked-up little mama's boy and i'm very proud of how this turned out, so here it is <3
song is cain by cousin marnie
#this is actually older than my rare case edit#which is why there's maybe some stuff in that edit that isn't used here#but again i haven't been posting my edits on tumblr bc i kinda didn't really want to#rambling#idv#identity v#idv ithaqua#idv night watch#nathaniel norwell#my edit#idv edit#identity v edit#pieter tag
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I'm really bad at law school 🧍♀️
#just got my mark back for an essay#buh-bye honours program next year ig#I haven't been handing anything in on time but this is the first time someone's actually picked up on it and deducted marks#IF IT'S HANDED IN THE SAME DAY JUST HOURS AFTER 4 PM BUT BEFORE MIDNIGHT WHY IS IT COUNTED AS A DAY LATE#granted this specific one was like 10 mins before midnight#but holy shit bro I got murdered in my feedback#I'm too stupid for law school honestly why the fuck am I here#yes I passed and I got a credit but that's not what I was aiming for and it's not what I would have gotten if it wasnt late#because I could have been that much closer to a distinction which would ease some pressure of the exam off#but nooo I had to get marks taken off for handing it in BEFORE MIDNIGHT#got told I don't really seem to have an understanding of corporate theory and I seem confused#it was clear I engaged with the materials But Not Enough#do you know how many FUCKING sticky notes I have in my damn textbook??#I even looked at a SECOND textbook!#and took written-on-paper-notes to try and wrap my head around the different theories that applied to the topic and how to argue them!#on top of what notes I had from the lecture slides#and you're telling me 😭 that was all just for my professor to call me silly in fifty different nicer forms? 😭#had a cry because I am Going Through It today#and I have another assignment to hand in tonight#and then another one next week#and another one the week after#AND the week after that#and then it's my exams 😔 someone please murder me
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i continue to find ii3 baffling. why did they make it (this isn't to hate on the season, i'm genuinely curious)
#melonposting#this isn't meant to be ii neg by the way. i'm just confused about AE's writing choices#i don't remember if they ever said explicitly? at the very least i haven't heard an official answer#i don't think it was initially for any plot reason. my theory is that it's for the same reason bfb and tpot split#the episodes were taking really long to make and they wanted to go back to regular lighthearted uploads. which is understandable#so while ii2 was cooking they could still post new ii episodes with reasonable frequency#but that also raises so many questions#the biggest: why the hell is mephone here#seriously i know people like mephone but i'm sure having a different host wouldn't turn literally everyone off#and mephone hosting this show causes so many strange easily avoidable problems#like the screwy timeline. mephone ditches his show for what he experiences to be years and yet ii2 is continuing like normal#only a day has passed for them. why? maybe they'll try to explain it#in any event if ii3 had a different host this wouldn't even be an issue#but then they made ii3 really plot heavy for mephone which then ended up screwing itself over#the season justified itself as being mephone trying to escape from his problems#and he goes through character development to address all of his baggage and how much of a jerk he can be#that suddenly makes what seems to have been meant to be a lighthearted offshoot season into an imperative piece of his character (bizarre)#which would inevitably make his return to ii2 really weird cuz that would mean he had his redemption arc basically off-screen#but then they didn't even do that????? in the new episode mephone is still his old bastard self. nothing like late ii3 mephone#which means that they're effectively retconning ii3's plot out of existence. as it is ii 15 barely acknowledged anything specific from ii3#but this in particular is especially absurd. ii2 can continue like normal only because they're acting like ii3 never happened#which is just insane to me. why even give mephone character development in ii3 to begin with???????#why does ii3 even exist????????????????????? his character development is literally the in-universe justification for the season#i'm so confused#i'm just glad ii2 can proceed like normal :thumbsup: but these are seriously some puzzling writing decisions
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#ohhhhhh my fucking god. omg. omg#i really need to learn to trust my own instincts about people#there's this dude - let's call him biff - who lives in my city#he's always been very consistent about staying in touch with me over the years even though we don't really have any shared interests#i met him when he was dating this girl i was friends with. then they broke up & he wanted to hang out with me#then he started dating someone else & they got married and had a kid#and after a while he stopped messaging me (fine by me)... UNTIL#i posted on fb the other day that i was starting the process of quitting everything Meta#and that people should comment if they wanted my contact info elsewhere#after making this post i thought 'hmmm maybe i should have restricted the audience to the only people i actually WANT to stay in touch with'#but it was too late. biff had already messaged me and asked for my number#stupidly i gave it to him. he (a german) joked 'still no german number i see?'#(it is clearly a german number. also i live in fckn germany. and have done so for 7 years. how the hell would i not have a german number?)#then he realized that & added me on whatsapp (kinda silly bc i explicitly said i'm going to quit the whole metaverse eventually but oh well)#first message: 'how u doing?' this man is in his 40s and has still never learned to type properly#second message: he said that he (singular) had recently moved to a new apartment and was not doing great#which makes me think that maybe he's gotten divorced and that's why he's suddenly so eager to reach out to me again#and he added apropos nothing 'but the good thing is that now i'll finally get to see the harry potter movies!'#ummm... great? fuck that transphobe but have fun i guess? what a weird thing to mention#third message was - just fucking WAIT FOR IT - 'what do u think about what's going on in the US recently? are you planning on going back?'#if y'all know me by now you know that this kind of question drives me bonkers#so i replied 'no i'm never going back. i live in germany. kinda sick of people asking me that. I LIVE HERE'#and i just... godddd my intuition is so depressingly good sometimes.#the moment his name popped up in my messages i had this sinking feeling of 'why did i give him my contact info'#and then what do you know... in his next two messages alone there were at least three minor red flags#NOTE TO SELF: TRUST YOUR FUCKING INSTINCT#why haven't i learned this yet? i do not need a 'valid reason' to softly let someone slip out of my life#cosmo gyres#personal#tag rant
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oh my god. that one "oc" we wrote who had DID that we came up with before our syscovery. that was not an oc. oh my god cody and blake why did you take five years to make yourselves known to us-
#AND WHY DID YOU GET FRONT TRIGGERED BY A RANT REVIEW OF A MOVIE BASED ON A PSEUDO-ROMCOM BOOK???#question not necessarily directed at them but the structure of our system as a whole#we've been doing a lot of discovering of headmates who were FOR SURE around before our proper syscovery#most of whom we. conceptualized as paracosm characters i guess to cope?? and mask without knowing??#which is probably why our paracosm is inseparable from our system they are one and the same#but like. i mean we found the whole valley full of elder scrolls introjects (there were 11 of them. at once)#who at least with Aerina and Serana they both were around when we were 14 at the very least#bc aerina holds a shocking amount of memories of high school that we thought we'd just Lost Forever#like. she actually remembers what our classrooms looked like#we know that the Sides (like. of the sanders variety) that we made for ourselves. like our own Sides#most of them became true headmates but we're not sure about the rest... but they're probably here#Cecil and Cherry (intrusive thoughts and creativity) were some of our very first known members#cecil was the first actually. but we know he wasn't the first to form bc Sheo hiding his presence ANNOUNCED cecil to ruby the host from then#and like. we created our own versions of sides for every one that was in the actual series#but then There Were More. like 6 or 7 who wouldn't ever have been included in the series#and we were like 'we dunno why they're here BUT they're supposed to be OUR sides so of course there's differences!' and then.#and one of those was Aura who was our side that represented autism#we also had Ryker (anger issues) Oakley (obsession/hyperfocus) Aiden (adhd) and one that represented faith (like. spiritual and stuff)#don't remember the faith one's name it was something obscure#and seeing as like. 5 years after our syscovery we actually discovered Analise (our Logic side) in the sys#we probably have All Of Them somewhere#so like. cody and blake were from the first character we ever wrote who had DID#similar to our first trans character. writing it as if im someone on the outside when really we were just an egg carton#we didn't write Much of him but we put much work into making him like. not fulfill bad stereotypes#he was still kind of stereotypical but we were 15 and an egg carton#but like. we haven't thought abt him or his story like. Since Then#so. very odd that they both show up here and right now-#cody was supposed to be the host and blake was the only alter we actually came up with before abandoning that story like most we wrote#there were absolutely going to be more but. we never got to that point in the story#mostly bc something we were co-writing with someone else fell apart so we just started All of our projects over from scratch
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sitting waiting for someone to text you bc you wanted to make plans with them almost 4 hours ago but now you've just wasted 4 hours bc you couldn't do anything bc you were waiting for them to text should've been a circle of hell in dante's inferno
#i also was on the phone with my mom for a bit so maybe i wasn't fixated on the waiting itchiness for all 4 of those hours but i still#haven't done any of the work i need to do for tomorrow :/ and i don't want to start it bc i'll have to stop in the middle of it except i#really do need to start it regardless of when she texts me back but she hasn't texted me back yet and we're trying to meet up to get food#but we hadn't decided on where to go so idk how long it will take so my window for doing any of it is rapidly shrinking and i can feel it#closing in on me bc it's been dark outside for an hour and i'm still just fucking. sitting here.#also unrelated i figured out this morning that i've been taking tylenol instead of my antidepressants for the last several days! which helps#to explain why i'm suddenly experiencing such a sudden uptick in my depression symptoms but also doesn't help me get back any of the days#i've spent in stasis bc apparently my adhd meds aren't enough on their own (bc i'm depressed) to allow me to do anything easily including#but not limited to getting out of bed#i've also discovered recently that just expressing that i've had difficulty with something to someone at all helps dissolve the mental block#that's kept me from doing it which has been massively helpful for me but maybe annoying to my friend who i usually text about it <3#megan you're a real one and i love you#a post
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Absolute theory/headcanon/analysis/general idea legend whatudottu character arc of slowly becoming one of the four (4) Cerebrocrustacean fans in the entire fandom (even if Petrosapiens will always be #1 in its heart, which, you know, completely understandable NGL) let’s gooooo!
Also I can’t believe I haven’t made this connection until now but:
Cerebrocrustacean: “My people have a rich and complex history and culture, but most of the galactic audience boils us down to being nothing but ‘the violently bigoted xenophobes who keep destroying their own planet’ and it frustrates me to no end.”
Gourmand who’s been forced to hear the same “I can excuse cannibalism but I draw the line at marrying outside of your own race” joke over and over again: “Yeah, welcome to the club, pal.”
Me and my homies (4) being cerebrocrustacean fans: If cerebrocrustaceans have 0 fans we are dead, haha- Would buy merchandise to convince CN that Brainstorm is a cool transformation *looks over my shoulder to see the playdough brainstorm with removable brain toy that either I or my sibling got millions of years ago*
ANYWAY!
It's very evident when I don't think about a particular species when I have to look something up like the gourmand cannibalism, but seeing as though they have a collective pocket dimension where their stomach goes (at least that's where the logic got them in the show instead of being consumed food expelled in energy reflux), if cannibalism didn't implode the two gourmands like how bag of holding inception works then I suppose it's far better than *shudders* perk murk relationships. Got a whole 'house divided' 'alike in dignity' situation over here, Perkulet and Murktague having asses-
...You know what if I get a chance to think about gourmands in more detail I might turn that pocket dimension into a magic thing instead of a xenobiology thing that's just overall bullshit- comes free with potentially real cannibalism but like they've eaten 11 planets I think cannibalism just in general pales in comparison to what they could do-
Well, whatever cannibalism gourmands excuse and all the jokes they have to deal with about perk murk relationships being somehow much much worse, at least they don't get shoveled with 'violent bigots' that 'aren't smart enough to support their lifestyle without destroying their own planet' which well- I don't have any present headcanons as to why Encephalonus is on it's 4th edition yet but let me tell you, when cerebrocrutaceans found out the galvans lost their planet (admittedly to the Highbreed Invasion) and then galvans WEREN'T immediately assumed to have fucked up somewhere, you can bet that Dr Psychobos was one in the crowd that went absolutely livid.
#ask#anonymous#cerebrocrustacean#gourmand#ben 10#also i wasn't kidding when i said i had that toy he's kinda sitting on a bench that admittedly has a lot of other ben 10 toys#childhood stuff mostly but hey just means i've been into ben 10 for a while... but there's no diamondhead to speak of#<- joined ben 10 on complete dvd set of os + started af with a disc from a kids magazine with a season 1 sneak peak#anyway today i learnt that gourmand physiology has some bullshit in it so now that's potentially on my mutants and magic list to change#potentially since the revelation was a shotgun blast to the face of 'oh right yeah THAT'#maybe gourmands can be a little bit termite in addition to being amoeba and frogs- the queen being bigger than them would make sense#and then because peptos has been eaten like 11 times now we know what constantly keeps happening to gourmand's planet#not to be a killjoy nerd here but a quick solution to encephalonus iv's name is to be the 4th planet to the star encephalonus which-#would be how cerebrocrustaceans may consider naming the planets in their solar system#as opposed to coming up with more creative names like greek gods- anatomy- and dirt#and like it would make the stereotype just absolutely worse because cerebrocrustaceans don't even have a dead planet let alone 3#'why do you assume we destroyed our planet we're just the 4th planet in the solar system' they shout#but really i'm just positing that as my way of saying 'i haven't thought it through yet'#maybe they've been experimenting with artificial planets- the mega-ist of megastructures#it's just that the 4th one is the most recent and hopeful not inefficient model#maybe they have farmed up all the resources of their several planets- draining them dry like how billionares on earth want to#idk maybe it's both- they went too far with the first- tried to delay the second- decided to make a third but it broke- 4th time's the char#so far- at least#you know what i think i just answered my own question yeah i'll do that one#shortterm thinking got the first planet destroyed- forgot longterm thinking for second- made a shortterm solution the third-#and now the fourth time they're really hoping that history and longterm planning helps them this time around
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i feel weird and self conscious about my art again. sigh
the entire post ended up in thw tags ohb my god
#imptxt#ill talk about it more here#i do actually really like my art overall#i love my artstyle a lot it's so fun! lineless art awesome yay ^_^#i also really like the fact that i can very easily make super experimental art without feeling. bad or something.#BUT#i started drawing later than a lot of other people i guess. i haven't drawn since i was born i started drawing on aj when i was 9/10#and i didn't ever use references when i was younger which has made me incredibly. anxious about using them now :(. doesn't help that i am-#genuinely scared of using human refs because. i feel like they're staring at me#ive been seeing a lot art by people who are the same age as me or younger recently which is. technically a lot better than me currently#like. skills wise or whatever#and the ideas ive been having in my head have also become a lot more. out of my comfort zone/abilities#which is making me feel like i have to improve but. i don't really feel like it at the same time. i just want to have fun#but. i also want my art to be more interesting and dynamic anf just. Cool i want to have cooler art.#i haven't really used any tutorials but. None of them are really just. suitable for me from what i can tell??? idk man. different artstyles#to the one i have.#it's. it sucks.#i hate it.#sigh#ive also been feeling more guilty about yhe art i post recently???#idk. it feels repetitive and i don't want that. sigh.#i also wanna draw backgrounds man i love backgrounds but they're difficult#nothing is stopping me from doing that tbh. i just. have been very focused on drawing characters and ive been lazy with them#thankfully background refs aren't difficult for me to use.#ouuuhggvgg art js a Fuck why do i do it#(it's so fun hats why)#helllk wajt i just realised the reason why this is happening is because the thing im reading has fucking banger art#You Fucker. whatever you're forgiven god your art is so goals hs.#maybe i can. hm#AART YAY!!!!
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oh yeah not sure where we're at w money btw. we might be able to get some of it back but we wont know anything concrete until friday
#the fey speaks#which is why i haven't been reblogging the d0n0 post#like. i got $115 total and we Do need to buy groceries before friday and also some of it has already been spent on gas for getting to work#so what i'm saying is the support i got so far has already be immensely helpful#i am just not sure how much more help i will need or by when. or anything. until friday.#and i'd hate to keep askin only to end up not needing it ig. that said if anyone still wants to send me a few bucks while understanding tha#i won't say no. there are many things i need money for in this world rn. like a new belt. been thinking abt a cane. but idk how much it#would help so i haven't been able to justify the cost to myself#but like. there's probably better things you could be doing with your money rn.#also its been really hard for me to get info bc no one (my parents. whose bank acct it was.) wants to fucking talk about it#like. i live here too idk i think i should be allowed to know like what days bills are due and exactly how much they cost!#bc originally i was told (by my mom) that Literally All of our bills were due this past monday. and we would have#no power water or gas. but we still do. somehow. so idfk#and she won't talk to me abt it if i ask she just Stops Responding or walks away#and if i try to ask dad he just responds “i don't know” or starts crying. or like self loathing spiral#so basically. even if we get 100% of the original money back#its ALSO possible we will have a shit tone of late fees and overdraft fees to pay. no clue : )
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having some thoughts on itachi and radicalization and how people can do the most horrific shit imaginable while fully believing it's the right thing to do and police states
#naruto#naruto shippuden#uchiha itachi#i give itachi a lot of shit. which he very much deserves#but on the other hand.#idk itachi isn't a character i can really hate or stan i guess. i mostly just feel sorry for him#i feel sorry for a lot of the characters in that world really#here in this world we're all more or less on the same playing field#like there's ways to be privileged or disenfranchised sure but. no one can throw a meteor at your head for questioning the government#i feel like that's something that gets overlooked a lot in metas on why characters do things#like we can compare to ourselves all we want but we still live in a world where it's significantly more possible to speak out#and people STILL have a very hard time doing that#in the world of naruto.... you really can't#if your village is horrible too fucking bad none of the other villages care enough to do anything#if your village is awesome surprise no it isn't you've got awful shit going on and you just haven't noticed it yet#everybody seems to be running on ''well at least we're better than THOSE guys''#and the people who actually DO want to make things better simply. don't have the know-how to do it#bc all the people who could've come up with the ideas we have here have either been brainwashed killed or scared into silence#it's a lose-lose situation for literally everybody and they all keep perpetuating it bc nobody knows how to stop#you can save the world. you can save the world a hundred thousand times and it will NEVER matter. bc you still can't save the people#it's an eternal tragedy and i love it
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