#which is why I've spent so much of my own money through the years making other ppl's indie shows

[thelaurenshippen]

HI HELLO DO YOU LIKE AUDIO DRAMAS, WOULD YOU LIKE TO MAKE YOUR OWN AUDIO DRAMA well do I have news for you

for quite some time, I have been working on putting every bit of practical information I have about making a podcast into some kind of readable resource and I'm very happy to say that, by george, I think I've done it.

that link will take you to our resource page which has links to a 35-page handbook that takes you through every step of podcast production (on our merch page, but you can download for zero dollars! do it!) and a direct download of a 15-page pdf about how I take an idea from development through scripting.

this is by no means the be-all-end-all definitive correct guide on how to make an audio drama. as I emphasize many times throughout, this is just how I do things, but it's a pretty thorough rundown of how I do things. if you've been too overwhelmed to start your own show, I sincerely hope this helps you!

[calliesmemes]

ATLANTIS: THE LOST EMPIRE (2001)

SENTENCE STARTERS PULLED FROM THE DIALOGUE FEATURED IN THE ANIMATED FILM ATLANTIS: THE LOST EMPIRE, with some quotations slightly modified for roleplay purposes.

CHANGE gendered words and in-universe phrases as needed.

SPECIFY muse for multimuses.

   “   Uh, would you gentlemen please excuse me for a moment?   ”

   “   If I ever hear the word "Atlantis" again, I'll step in front of a bus!   ”

   “   You have a lot of potential.   ”

   “   Who... who are you? How did you get in here?   ”

   “   I'm acting on behalf of my employer, who has a most intriguing proposition for you.   ”

   “   Relax. He doesn’t bite … often.   ”

   “   Did you really know my grandfather?   ”

   “   We stayed close friends ‘till the end of his days.   ”

   “   He spoke of you often.   ”

   “   I've spent my whole life studying dead languages.   ”

   “   I will stake everything I own, everything that I believe in... that this is the genuine Shepherd's Journal.   ”

   “   I'll show them! I will make them believe.   ”

   “   For years your granddad bent my ear with stories about that old book.   ”

   “   Your grandpa was a great man. You probably don't realize how great.   ”

   “   Don't let her age fool you.   ”

   “   Our lives are remembered by the gifts we leave our children.   ”

   “   Atlantis is waiting. What do you say?   ”

   “   Boy, I’m so excited, l-l-l-I can't even hold it in.   ”

   “   Excuse me? I need to, uh, report in?   ”

   “   Blondie, I got a bone to pick with you.   ”

   “   If you're lookin' for the pony rides, they're back there.   ”

   “   You can’t put a price on the pursuit of knowledge.   ”

   “   This should be enriching for all of us.   ”

   “   Now tell me your story, my little friend.   ”

   “   This is an outrage! You must leave at once! Out, out, out, out, out!   ”

   “   Now, what have I told you about playing nice with the other kids?   ”

   “   Back to the pit from which you came!   ”

   “   OK, everybody. I want you to give Mr. Thatch your undivided attention.  ”

   “   Cartographer, linguist, plumber. Hard to believe he's still single.   ”

   “   Captain, you'd better come look at this, sir.   ”

   “   Do you want to do my job? Be my guest.   ”

   “   How much time do we have?   ”

   “   I don't think he's comin' back.   ”

   “   Move it, people! Sometime today would be nice!   ”

   “   I won't sugar-coat it, gentlemen. We have a crisis on our hands.   ”

   “   Looks like all our chances for survival rest with you, Mr. Thatch.   ”

   “   We’re all gonna die.   ”

   “   Looks like we have a little roadblock.   ”

   “   That thing is going to keep me up all night, I know it.   ”

   “   You know, we've been pretty tough on the kid. What do you say we cut him some slack?   ”

   “   Hey, Milo! Why don't you come sit with us?   ”

   “   Hey, Milo, don't you ever close that book?   ”

   “   I know, I know. Sometimes I get a little carried away.   ”

   “   You know, that's what this is all about, right? I mean – discovery, teamwork, adventure. Unless, maybe, you're just in it for the money.   ”

   “   Hey, how’d you learn how to do that?   ”

   “   I never got to meet your grandfather. What was he like?   ”

   “   He was like a father to me, really.   ”

   “   My parents died when I was a little kid, and he took me in.   ”

   “   That is so cute!   ”

   “   Uh, no... no offense.. but how does a teenager become the chief mechanic of a multimillion dollar expedition?   ”

   “   So, what... what happened to your sister?   ”

   “   I just like to blow things up.   ”

   “   All right, who's not dead? Sound off.   ”

   “   Maybe that's our ticket outta here.   ”

   “   I gotta hand it to you. You really came through.   ”

   “   They can smell fear just by looking at ya.   ”

   “   We are explorers from the surface world. We come in peace.   ”

   “   Come. You must speak with my father now.   ”

   “   Someone's having a good time.   ”

   “   Commander, there were not supposed to be people down here. This changes everything.   ”

   “   This changes nothing.   ”

   “   You presume much to think that you would be welcome here.   ”

   “   I know what you seek and you will not find it here.   ”

   “   Your journey has been in vain.   ”

   “   May I respectfully request that we stay one night, sir?   ”

   “   Your heart has softened, Kida.   ”

   “   A thousand years ago, you would have slain them on sight.   ”

   “   We were once a great people. Now we live in ruins.   ”

   “   The kings of our past would weep if they could see how far we have fallen.   ”

   “   Our way of life is dying.   ”

   “   When you take the throne, you will understand.   ”

   “   Well, the King and his daughter don't exactly see eye to eye.   ”

   “   Well, if he's hiding something, I want to know what it is.   ”

   “   Look, I have some questions for you, and I'm not leaving this city until they're answered!   ”

   “   Oh, there is so much to ask about your world.   ”

   “   You are a scholar, are you not?   ”

   “   I got a few questions for you, too. So let's do this, OK? You ask one, then I'll ask one, then you, then me, then...well, you get it.   ”

   “   how did you get here? Well, I mean, not you personally... but your... your culture. I mean, how did all of this end up down here?   ”

   “   Wh... what... what … are you telling me… that you remember what happened because you were there? No, that... that's impossible...   ”

   “   How was my accent?   ”

   “   You know, you deserve credit for even... even gettin' this far.   ”

   “   By the way, we were never properly introduced. My name's Milo.   ”

   “   Uh, hey, you got a nickname?   ”

   “   You know, my grandpa used to tell me stories about this place as far back as I can remember.   ”

   “   I just wish that he could be standing here with me.   ”

   “   We are not thriving. True, our people live. but our culture is dying.   ”

  “   I wish there was something I could do.   ”

   “   Why don't you lead the way, because I have no idea where we're going.   ”

   “   This is amazing! A complete history of Atlantis!   ”

   “   I am such an idiot.   ”

   “   This is just another treasure hunt for you.   ”

   “   I would've told you sooner, but it was strictly on a need-to-know basis.   ”

   “   Welcome to the club, son.   ”

   “   Mercenary? I prefer the term "adventure capitalist."   ”

   “   You don't know what you're tampering with, Rourke.   ”

   “   Academics. You never want to get your hands dirty.   ”

   “   I got to admit, I'm disappointed.   ”

   “   You're an idealist, just like your grandfather.   ”

   “   For once, do the smart thing.   ”

   “   I really hate it when negotiations go sour.   ”

   “   Well, as usual, diplomacy has failed us.   ”

   “   You've got to listen to me. You don't have the slightest idea what this power is capable of.   ”

   “   Let’s get this over with. I don’t like this place.  

   “   Doesn’t anything surprise you?   ”

   “   Talk to me, Thatch. What's happening?   ”

   “   So I guess this is how it ends, huh?   ”

   “   You've read Darwin. It's called natural selection. We're just helping it along.   ”

   “   Be serious. This is wrong, and you know it.   ”

   “    You pick now of all times to grow a conscience?   ”

   “   She has been chosen... like her mother before her.   ”

   “   I followed you in, and I'll follow you out.   ”

   “   it's been my experience that when you hit bottom, the only place left to go is up.   ”

   “   What do you think that you are doing?   ”

   “   We're going to save Atlantis, or we're going to die trying.   ”

   “   Well, I have to hand it to you. You're a bigger pain in the neck than I would have ever thought possible.   ”

   “   Tired? Aw, that's a darn shame, because I'm just getting warmed up.   ”

   “   There's a hero's welcome waiting for the man who discovered Atlantis.   ”

   “   I don't think the world needs another hero.   ”

   “   I'm going to miss that boy. At least he's in a better place now.   ”

[couchpotatoaniki]

An Annoying Kind of Pretty

Pairing: College Rival!Jungkook x College!Reader (British college, so basically senior year in highschool--they're 18) Word count: 4k+ Tags: mega fluff, light swearing, mentions of very mild violence (banter...maybe), mentions of clowns, reader is terrified of them, honestly, just cute shit, and they're being idiots A/N: I'm in the middle of reading Highly Suspicious and Unfairly Cute by Talia Hibbert and this just sprung to mind soooooooo yeah

No matter how much you scrub, you can't get this darn plate clean. At this point, you're ready to smash it to pieces so you don't have to spend another second on it. But, alas, this is not your dish and therefore dish-smashing rights are revoked. A true travesty, considering how ugly the damn thing looks anyway. Society would be better off without it.

But you scrub, scrub, scr--"Are you done?" A deep voice rumbles behind you. Involuntarily, your eyes close to hide the annoyance flickering through them, lest he somehow sees through the obscured reflection of the kitchen window. This time you've spent together has taught you he's almost decent at guessing body language (almost--he's still otherwise a useless male).

Gosh, if only you could destroy the plate and take a shard to one of his annoyingly pretty brown eyes. Honestly, the fact that a man like him has such wonderful features is what you'd consider to be a crime that nature has committed.

"What does it look like?" Yeah, maybe you should relax your jaw before your teeth grind to dust. Your dentist would have a heartattack if she saw the stress they've put them under lately (she likes to talk about them like they're some separate entity, a bit odd but she's sweet and likes to rant about her cats so you can happily bare it).

"Looks like you're slacking off."

Excuse me? "Maybe I'd be more efficient if you didn't leave your dishes to grow a mini ecosystem in your kitchen. You're likely worshiped as a god by bacteria since you created them their own little world."

He rolls his eyes. This you can't see through the haze of his reflection on the slightly filthy window but you've somehow grown accustomed to his mannerisms. Like a shitty superpower.

"Don't be so dra--"

"If you dare say 'dramatic', the next thing I'll be cleaning are your insides off the floor and countertops."

His reflection raises a hand in mock surrender. "Touché. But for your information, I don't live here."

This makes you turn around, pinning him with a glare. "If you don't live here, which ogre or troll does?"

"My brother. But he's been... ah, what's the word--" he waves his hand in a circular motion with his eyes closed, only to open again at the snap of his fingers--"backpacking across mainland Europe for past three months."

A huff leaves your nose as you return to the gruelling task at hand. You're going to need a shower after this, maybe two, just to make sure you don't catch the Black Plague or some other disease that would trigger another pandemic. "Then why am I here?"

"Because you owe me, remember?"

"Yes, you--not your brother that can't even remember to put away his dishes before he goes on stupidly basic holidays."

"'Stupidly basic'?" Jungkook's frame hobbles into the corner of your eye as he mocks you with a smirk. Darn him and his unusually large (and unfortunately well sculpted) build. A disgustingly natural beauty that demands attention, but you'd rather poke your eye repeatedly than admit that to him lest his cocky smirk and big head grow more than it already has.

Yet, you can't help a glance in his direction. Props to you though, your face managed to not betray your soul and remained in it's usual disinterested state.

"If I had a penny for every time I've heard someone backpacking across Europe, I'd be so rich I wouldn't have to pay you back with my services."

"Considering you sprained my wrist and my ankle, I'd request both payment in money and services."

The thought of the Incidents sent and involuntary shudder down your spine. About two weeks ago, you were minding your own business in the library, one thing led to another and long story short, you accidently pushed the usually well-balanced hulking man onto the hardwood floor and his hand landed at a funky angle. Less than 72 hours had passed and various shenanigans ensued involving 12 glue sticks, streamers, a helium tank, and an unwanted clown roaming the gymnasium which led to his second trip to Accident and Emergency.

In all fairness, he shouldn't have even been there helping to set up the farewell assembly for the final years in the first place. His fault, really, but he wouldn't hear of it since you did crash into him as you were running away from a definite (maybe) psycho killer.

"How many times do I have to apologise," you huff.

His finger taps his chin in mock thought. "Preferably forever, seeing as though I am having to limit my activities while it's the summer holidays before we go off to uni. But I suppose having you as my little servant until I get better is decent enough."

You send him another glare before carrying on. Almost spotless, this dish. "This is abuse of power."

He raised his cast as well as a deadpanned expression onto his face. "And this was just regular abuse."

"It was self-defence."

"Against me or the very innocent clown you claimed was 'chasing' you?"

"Both. And he was chasing me. I was terrified."

"Remind me when your birthday is?"

"Why?"

"No particular reason. Certainly not a clown-related one for retaliation. None whatsoever."

Your head turns so quickly to him that it almost gives you whiplash. "You dare."

"We'll just have to see."

Huffing, you finish up the last of the dishes, with Jungkook sat on the countertop beside yours (with a bit of difficulty). Guilt begins to bleed out of your heart and pool into a warmth in your cheeks as you once more mumble an apology to him, the dishes suddenly looking more appealing for your eyes to land on. "I... I really am sorry, though."

He sighs--as he usually does when you once more feel horrible about the state he is in and try to voice it. "Stop that."

For the millionth time, you purse your lips, ready to let a few beats of silence pass before you could say something to return it back to that annoyingly fun hateful banter than the heavy and suffocating air that follows an apology. Jungkook, however, did not care for your mental plans (you don't really think he cares about much of anything besides his grades, friends, and snacks like a typical man).

"Can I... admit something to you? So, like, Truce?"

"...Truce." You reach out for a cloth to wipe anything left on the countertop, but ears keenly remained on him.

"I'm kinda... glad you fucked up my arm." You send him an incredulous look, to which he blurts in response, "don't get me wrong, it hurts like shit and I'm no masochist, but having you here doing my bidding--" his lips quirked at the sight of you murderous glare, "--and keeping me company is... nice."

"...'Nice'." The word feels funny to your ears as you hear it, and even funnier when you speak it.

"Yes, nice." His feet swing a little, his head hanging a little sheepishly. "My friends are cool and all, but you're, like, really fun to piss off." Okay, you might actually end up killing him. "And we don't really hang out all that often during the holidays. Plus, you've got a different vibe to you that I think is... nice--" There's that fucking word again, how on earth did he get higher marks than you in English? "--and my parents work a lot regardless so having you as company is, I suppose, ni--"

"Get a grip, dude." Your eyes roll by themselves. "You're rambling."

His lips pout and his cheeks puff to make a ridiculous (yet adorable) face of a child being lightly scolded for no reason. "You said Truce."

"I'm hearing you out, aren't I?"

"Yeah, but you're still being mean."

"Boo-hoo." He look up at you and his narrowed eyes make you retract your statement. "I mean, sorry. Carry on."

"That's it."

"What's 'it'?"

"The thing I wanted to tell you."

"What thing?"

"You know...the thing."

"You spewed a lot of crap in that short frame of time, I truly have no idea what you're talking about."

Jungkook's eyes narrowed once more, this time in suspicion. "You know exactly what I mean."

"No I don't." It's pitiful to say that your face is losing the battle to keep your smile away, which ultimately makes him gasp and point accusingly towards you.

"Yes, you do, you egg."

"Going for the Shakespearean insults? Wow, I must've really ticked you off," you laugh.

Lucky for you, the nearest thing to him was an almost-finished kitchen roll, otherwise he would've landed you in A&E too from his well-aimed throw to your forearm.

"I'm trying to be sincere." His voice is at that whiney pitch he uses when he's frustrated but not enough to care about it. He tends to only use it around his friends, but the more hellish (a potential exaggeration) time you spend with each other, the easier it slips out of him.

"Stop saying 'nice' like someone's pulling it out of your arse and not in a fun way."

"Well, what else am I supposed to say?! That I think your wonderful and funny and interesting and I like it when we spend time together!"

You try not to let the admission show up in your expression, not when it's making your heart race a mile a minute. "I mean, yeah. Don't stop on my account, keep telling me how you think I'm the most amazing person on the planet and you worship the ground I walk on, please."

He rolls his eyes and smiles in that adorable shy why which tells you that he knows exactly what you're trying to do and appreciates the way you relieve the tension. "Jesus, even when you take the piss out of me you still say 'please' in a way that makes me want to..." he trails off, then sighs. "Nevermind, ignore me."

Oh no, you're not going to let it go that easily. "Hard to do when your pig-headed ego takes up half the room." You take your gloves off--making a mental note to burn them in the incinerator for all they've had to deal with today (it's a mercy, really)--and turn towards him to give your full undivided attention. As if that would make it any easier for him to speak. "Go on, please."

He rolls his eyes again, trying even harder to hide his smile but it's fails just as easily. "Stop it."

"Stop what? Could you tell me, please?" Your head cocks to the side and your eyes challenge him in a teasing sort of way.

"God fucking damnit, Y/N. I don't know how I'm going to survive uni with you," he laughs, but the way he looks back at you feels a little too fond.

It takes a second to process what he just said. "Um, what?"

"What?"

"You said... wait, are we going to the same uni?!"

"Um, yeah? We got into the same uni."

Shock takes ever your expression for a moment. "You remember which uni I applied to?"

He looks at you incredulously. "Yeah, of course I remember. And don't be so damn humble about your exam results, I know for a fact we're both getting in."

You take a second to find a response in your head, which seems momentarily empty except for that one phrase 'of course I remember.' "Well, that's beside the point." Jungkook raises a brow at you, not buying it but willing to shelf the matter for now. "What did you mean by all that earlier?"

He looks down, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. "I have no idea what you mean."

"No no, you can't get out of it that easily."

"I think I can."

You take a few steps to his side and try to perch yourself up on the side of the counter next to him. He doesn't say anything as he helps you up with his good hand wrapped around your waist--and neither do you in case the combustion of heat in your body will expel flames out of your mouth the second you open it, right for your rival to see. "You're infuriating, you know that right?"

"Really? Haven't heard you say it before."

"Shut up," you chuckle, lightly shoving his shoulder with your own.

"Never. I know how much you love my snark, even if you don't admit it," he grins in return, looking at you in a way that makes your insides turn and twist. God you didn't think you could hate his stupid face even more than you do now (or something like that).

Then there comes a moment where everything went still. You think it's slightly unfair that this boy is able to bend people to his will with his looks and charm, and now apparently he can bend time too. Okay, maybe in this instance it doesn't feel as bad because you strangely don't mind having time suspended when he's there with you.

Those brown eyes flicker down to your lips so quickly you wouldn't have caught it had you not been intently gazing at him too. Rushes of heat fill every inch of your body, and to be honest, you don't know how to respond to it.

Times like these are few between you two, mostly because most of your interactions happen where there's a number of people around. But when it's just the two of you...

It feels slightly dangerous, but in a warm, comforting way that's so addictive you get a little scared of how much you don't want it to end. And also how his lips don't look as repulsive to press your own again as much as they usually do.

Damn him and his witchery.

"Anything else you want me to do?"

He raises a brow. "I want you to do a lot of things, you're gonna have to be more specific."

It was your turn to roll your eyes. "I mean, any cleaning up you needed me to do for your unhygienic brother?"

"Ah... no. The dishes were the main thing."

"Okay..." Silence stretches around the two of you until you find enough boldness within you to break it. "What were the other things?"

"What other things?"

"That you wanted me to do."

"Uh, I think you might fracture my balls too if I said them."

"Coward."

The corner of his lips curve. "There's a fine line between bravery and stupidity."

"Wow, I didn't think you knew it existed since you tend to cross it a lot."

"Har har," he deadpans, making you smile.

Your hands run over your thighs, a nervous tick you have that you have no doubt he's clocked onto by the way his good hand reaches out to squeeze one of them gently. Your hand, that is, though a corner of your traitorous mind that's steadily becoming louder over the past couple of weeks the longer you spend time with him thinks that maybe it wouldn't be so bad if it was your thigh instead. It's certainly big enough and you've seen the way he handles modelling clay for his art homework. There's no doubt he'd be able to relieve the tension of the muscles there. Or anywhere else--ah, no. Nope. Absolutely not.

"Sometimes I kinda kick myself for doing this deal with you." At your quizzical look, he clears his throat. "Makes it harder to ignore you when you're right with me for a good chunk of the day."

"You couldn't ignore me even if you tried."

He snorts. "Tired and proven."

Your brows scrunch, though your heart still beats against your chest. "What, really? You've tried to ignore me? Damn. Here I was hoping it would've worked out."

"Oh, I tried a few years ago, I think? Closer to when we first met. But unfortunately, you're hard to ignore."

Mockingly, you straighten you back and lift your head up. "Given how perfect I am, smarts and looks and all."

His smile is a bit weaker this time. "Yeah... Practically impossible to keep my mind off you."

Silence flows once more for a moment or two and you realise his hands is still wrapped around yours. "You know I tried too...in the beginning. Unfortunately, that didn't last long either."

His brow quicks. "Given how perfect I am, smarts and looks and all?"

"The opposite, actually. You were too dumb and ugly not to. Out of pity, really." From your teasing expression, he knows that he was right.

"Riiiiight, 'pity'. We'll go for that blatant lie if you want to save face."

"I have no idea what you mean."

"I think you do."

"I think I don't."

You don't realise until now how close your faces have gotten, able to feel the soft gentle breaths against your lips from his. It feels so difficult to maintain the distance but even more so to move closer to further.

"When you asked me what I meant by all that... ask me again."

"What?"

"Ask me what I meant by everything I said before."

You've been sensing this coming for a while now, longer than whatever time you've spent together in his brother's now-clean kitchen (thanks to you). Like the sky is falling, but you can't seem to look away from it.

"What did you mean?"

Jungkook's tongue peeks out to run along his bottom lip. "I meant that I... I think you're amazing, potentially out of my league--"

"--definitely out of your league--" Definitely what you would consider a lie because look at him and his social skills and his grades and passion and whatnot.

"--and so damn sweet and kind."

"Did you not just hear me call myself out of your league? Or pay attention to most of our conversations in general."

He sends a questioning look to you, as if he can see through your bullshit. "I think we both know you don't think that--for some stupid reason, because you actually are out of my league."

"Don't be humble, it doesn't suit you."

"I'm not. Just truthful. And the truth is, I find it hard to be around you and not fall for you. I see the person you are when you let your guard down with people you care about and how annoyingly well you follow that moral compass of yours even if you use fancy mean words to distract everyone else."

You snort. "If only you heard my thoughts about you while I was doing the dishes. Maiming was not off the list."

He tried to bite back a laugh. "Given the condition of those dishes, I would give you a free pass for homicide."

"Good thing your teen boy-genes haven't totally overtaken your common sense of hygiene."

"I think we can both agree we're growing out of the 'teen' bit of our lives."

"Nope," you deny quickly, waving your hand out as if to undo what he just said. "I'd like to stick my head in the sand and forget about how quickly life is moving into adulthood until it hits me like a train--"

"--or a clown--"

"--thank you very much," you end tightly, sending him a light-hearted glare.

"As I was saying," he continues, amusement lighting up his face, "it's hard not to want to kiss you at times."

"Even when I'm mouthing off to you?"

"Especially when you're mouthing off."

Even though you were expecting it, it takes a minute to process. "Oh."

"Yes, 'ohhhhh'," he mocks, nudging you with a teasing smirk.

"That must've been annoying in class then."

"Very," he nods solemnly. "There were times I wanted to throw caution to the wind and traumatise everyone."

"From the shit some of my friends say, I don't think people would be that shocked if you'd kiss me."

"Huh, maybe you're not as airheaded as you make yourself out to be."

"Rude," you mumble. "I pay attention. I just tend to...second guess."

"I think my feelings for you were a bit obvious. I mean, I think I could've survived without having you be at my beck and call this summer but I said yes anyway."

"Manipulative bastard."

"Anything for you," he sends a cheesy grin your way, making you laugh at the sudden and very inconvenient butterflies fluttering about in your stomach.

"'Anything'?"

"Okay, from that tone, I can tell you're imagining something horrifying so let me change that to 'anything within reason'."

"Coward."

"You are slightly terrifying."

"Why, thank you," you smile, and he smiles too with that buttery warm look of fondness again before he leans in slowly, giving you enough time to move away. But when you don't, he pressed his lips against yours and fucking hell it's the softest thing you've ever felt.

You don't know how long it takes for the kiss to break but even breathless you still miss the warm softness against your mouth. And apparently he felt the same because it takes very little time for him to capture your lips again, untangling his hand from yours to cup the side of your jaw, keeping you in place--not like it was possible for you to leave his addictive taste anyway, it might take dark magic for that to happen.

Maybe something even more potent, when his tongue slips its way past your lips and you find that he's stolen every single thought that occupied your mind. Again, time slips away until you're lungs are burning from the lack of air and you both pull away--though not too far from one another.

"So," he says breathless.

"So," you repeat in the same manner, mind still a little fuzzy.

"That was... something."

"Good something or bad something?"

"I don't think 'good' is a strong enough word I want to use." You hum in agreement, and reluctantly pull a little further away, his hand dropping back down onto yours. He looks at you curiously. "So..."

"So..."

"Would I be too soon if I asked you to take pity on a poor simp like me and be mine?"

"Hmmm," you hum in thought. "Given your performance, I'm inclined to accept."

"I can upgrade you from being my reluctant servant to my reluctant lover." He wiggles his borrows and you groan.

"With a romantic declaration like that, I find it hard not to accept," you deadpan, before sighing and leaning against his shoulder. You want to bottle up that sound up and listen to it until you get sick of it--which you have a sneaking suspicion is about as likely as the sun imploding in your lifetime.

"Would you let me continue to wreak havoc on your life?"

"Naturally."

"Then yes. I accept." He raises a brow expectantly and you clock on to what he's waiting for. "I'm not saying it."

"Say it."

"No."

"Please?"

"I take back my answer."

"No backsies."

"What, are you five years old or something?"

"Just say it! Say you'll be my lover."

"If you manage to make this relationship last for 50 years, then I will."

He huffs, leaning his head on top of yours, fingers linking with yours. "I suppose I can agree with that. I'll keep a note of it in my calendar."

"How unusually organised of you."

"Like I said, I'd do anything for you."

"Within reason, of course."

"Of course. Doesn't need to be logical reason, just reason."

"Good to know. Now, let's get out of your brother's place. I feel all the germs crawling all over me and need an extra hot shower--maybe two--to feel even remotely clean after that ordeal."

He laughs as he pressed a kiss on top of your head. "Yeah, okay, we can do that. Though I hoped you reminded me before I kissed you."

"You just did again after I told you, dumbass."

"In my defence, I did tell you it was hard not to. If I die of some unknown disease, I blame on you." You roll your eyes with a smile as the two of you hop off the counter and make your way out, hands still clasped together.

[ratherembarrassing]

2024: weeks 36 through 38

here are some things i had thrown into a note

beetlejuice beetlejuice (2024). cute! enjoyable but not mindblowing, but representative of a the middle class of films that no longer exists and which i miss dearly.

corridors of power (bbc, 2024). i'm still making my way through it, but if you're excited by seeing formerly powerful people say absolutely batshit crazy things about the exercise of that power, this might be for you too.

maria abramovich's this or that for GQ germany.

and now: LONDON (a chronological series of happenings)

airplanes: still miserable. i do think that we need to rethink international airtravel, because 23 hours in a plane is just ridiculous. nonetheless, in keeping with tradition, i had a pretty good 8-9 hours sleep, which i measured by having hotd on and every few hours waking up to wonder what all the screaming was about.

immediately spent money on clothes: it could not be helped. i've been staying walking distance from brick lane and these things happen. now i own a levis jacket that's as old as i am that fits me perfectly, as god intended.

food: part 1. took my cousin, who is also in london on holiday rn, to dishoom, per literally everyone's recommendation. you were all entirely correct.

food: part 2. abuelo in marylebone, served me some vanilla fig jam on a plate of random other foods that was, without exaggeration, the most delicious thing i have ever eaten. i literally asked if i could buy a jar. i could not, and i will feel sad about this for the rest of my life.

punished for the crime of being interested in a crime: the british museum. the parthenon room was closed, so what even was the point. anyway, i was generally unimpressed, with some exceptions (who amongst us is not moved by the existence of the rosetta stone, also a very good prints and drawings exhibition). but also my god, would it kill them to install some aircon (a sentiment i have felt applies to almost everywhere i have been in london thus far)?

very far away: kingsmeadow. opening week for my beloved chelsea, i could have wept from happiness. sat next to a local woman and her husband who come every week and talk about the team like they are each girl's parents and biggest stans, and it was entirely perfect.

did i mention: CHAPPELL FUCKING ROAN. yes, i queued for like five hours. i was 68th in the priority queue, which is behind the vips but in front of everyone else. all i did to get in that queue was buy an o2 sim card for £20, which i needed anyway. it was fun, everyone made friends, you could come and go as you pleased and we all made sure everyone got their spot back even as we were repeatedly shuffled up the side street behind the brixton o2. it was nice and wholesome and exactly what you would expect from the 99% of people who aren't assholes and also into this lovely woman. the rest is just a blur of askldhjalsk. objectively, she's not the best performer going right now, the show's not overly produced beyond a set list of songs and a bit of banter, and absolutely none of that matters in the face of how quietly charismatic she is and the absolutely insane set of pipes she's got. it was fucking intense, man. zero regrets about the time and money (oh my god, the money) it took to make this happen, delighted to have corrected my grievous mistake of choosing not to go to her show in melbourne last year.

i don't think my insurance covers this: ebiking across north and east london. first attempt was, uh. ill conceived, and i will never recover from seeing my phone go flying in one direction into the street as i went skidding along in the wet, still in the bike lane. phone's fine, i'm fine, not sure why i decided today was the day to ride a bike for the first time in 15 years. second attempt went much better.

sportsball 2: this time bigger! like the absolute turncoat that i am, i also went to arsenal's opener at emirates with 40k other people. sat next to a woman with her 13 year old daughter who come every few months and who noted early on, pointedly, that it was unfortunate we weren't sitting on the other corner, where we would have been closer to the WAGs. love this mum for this kid.

food: part 3. i just ate the most delicious burger i've ever eaten, wtf???

coming up: i fought a battle with booking.com, and i won, and tomorrow i'm off down the south coast for a few days. LA's roads didn't kill me, but london's might.

[prikarin]

Regarding Killer Trait Updates

Hello, everyone!

It's been a good minute since my last Killer Trait update, hasn't it?

A lot of people have been asking me about Killer Trait updates and when the full-game will be released so, after a lot of thought, I decided to make this post.

Here's the thing: my Patreon hasn't been doing well. It hasn't been doing well for several months now. While the decline started after Where Winter Crows Go's release in November of last year, it's gotten progressively worse from February 2024 onwards. And because of this I'm going to have to pause my billing for my current patrons from August onwards—at least until I have something new to post.

It'd be a lie if I said this didn't affect me, I'm only human after all, but I'm also well aware that Patreon is a tough thing to maintain in a way that's consistent and interesting.

Unfortunately, since I live in Argentina, my only real way to get funds for my games is through Patreon, donations on Ko-Fi and sales and donations on Itchio. While it definitely helps that I hire some people from Argentina for certain art related things (so I pay them in Argentine Pesos), most of the people I commission are from overseas, so it's always a must to be able to pay them in USD.

And that's the issue: since I don't have that much money anymore and I can't commission people as often... this inevitably delays my progress on both Killer Trait and Potion Pleasing (DEMO out now!) indefinitely. It's sucks for me too, but it's the reality: making games costs money.

As I mentioned in a previous post, Killer Trait will have re-designs for most of the characters (not counting Carl because his design was originally my own) since the ones in the DEMO were stock sprites I bought from an artist, not my own designs. And I want these characters to be 100% my own, which is why I decided to have them re-designed. I've talked about this in the past in more detail when I decided to have Crowe re-designed, you can find that post HERE.

Of course, for these new character sheets (with the exception of Oz's, which has already been finished) and the new sprites, I need game funds in order to commission the artist. Even after the sprites are done, there are a couple of backgrounds—the characters' rooms—that I'd like to have originally made (especially since the ones I bought from Minikle are very limiting and don't really fit with the characters' personalities). And this doesn't even account for CGs, which I'll probably have to postpone for a while because the sprites and the backgrounds are way more important.

Some might be thinking "What about Where Winter Crows Go?". While I was lucky that WWCG's first demo was so well received, I still spent a whole lot of money from my own pocket to make it. I bought a lot of assets and, when I got a few donations, I commissioned a few artists to help me. WWCG was NEVER a game made with only free resources.

Making the art book for WWCG was a way I found to get a little of that investment back, but I'm well aware that I'll never get all the money that I spent back. And that's okay! To this day, I don't regret having invested my money to make WWCG because it gave me a lot of experience, perspective and made me learn a lot.

Be that as it may, however, I can't realistically make the rest of my games free. As I mentioned before, game development is expensive in both money AND time. Without funds, it's a given that things are going to be delayed.

So... where does that leave things?

Well, after pondering on it for a while, I came to the conclusion that I'm not really ready for a crowdfunding campaign right now. Those are extremely hard and ALSO cost money to advertise well and make sure everything's in order. So... the temporary solution I arrived at is setting goals on Ko-Fi! 

How would this work? Basically, I would set a monetary goal of the amount of money needed for a certain asset in a certain game that needs to be made. For example: sprites & character sheets in Killer Trait. Once that goal is met, I'll commission the person in question so they can start working on it! After that, I'll set the next goal and so on 💪

I'm thinking of setting the first Ko-Fi goal once August starts. And from there... I'll see how it goes! If things don't go well, I'm also considering making Where Winter Crows Go paid for a while—don't worry, I would make an announcement first—because I honestly have no more ways of getting game funds for Killer Trait and Potion Pleasing and, as mentioned before, making games is really expensive (and I'm only one person).

Thank you so much for reading until the end and I hope you have an amazing day!

[markie-baby]

If You Love Me | pt.1

🌹AngstFluff/Smut (18+ MA) Part II 🌹Black Female Reader x Mark Tuan 🌹shower sex 🌹Your boyfriend Mark has been away on his first solo tour for his album, The Other Side. You haven't seen him in months and something is...off. Now that he's back home, there are a few things you need to get off your chest.

You stared intently at the last text messages your boyfriend sent you.

(7:00 pm) Markie-moo💜: I just landed😁

(7:05 pm) YAYYYY💕 can't wait to see youuuuuuu

(7:05 pm) you sure you don't need me to pick you up?

Read 7:09 pm.

(7:10 pm) Markie-moo💜: I'm sure😊 I need to go by the studio real quick, then I'll be omw

(7:10 pm) Markie-moo💜: I can't wait to see you, beautiful🖤 I've missed you so much

(7:15 pm) Okay💕 Let me know when you're otw home... I've missed you more!

Read 8:30 pm.

You glanced up at the time on your screen...It's 11pm.

"Your father is very late." You sighed at Milo, who could only look up at you and tilt his head as if he understood the severity of you using the word 'Father' and not 'Daddy'.

The television screen shined through the tall bottle of red wine that sat on your living room table, which casted a shadow on an open bag of gummy bears. You already started snacking on them an hour into waiting for Mark to get to your apartment, and only just realized that you obliterated half the box already. You spent the past three days gearing up for Mark's arrival from his first album tour; aimlessly cleaning your place, cooking all of Mark's favorite foods, buying wine, and meticulously sprinkling rose petals all over the bedroom. You even got dressed up and wore that perfume he liked on you... only to find yourself feeling silly, scratching the belly of his furry baby, as your bones grew stiff waiting for him.

Regrettably, you couldn't deny that you weren't surprised he was a little late. The strongest part of your relationship with Mark was first and foremost, honesty. Mark hated lies and had never told you one himself. Which is why it was so obvious that he has been lying for the past few months. Badly. I was stuck at the studio and I lost track of time, being the most frequently used of the bunch. You'd find him speaking in a low tone for phone calls, rarely letting you use his phone or laptop, and getting absorbed into his phone screen. He started becoming distant... becoming someone completely different from the man you met. You started suspecting he was cheating.

You moved to LA six years ago to pursue owning a business and had no intentions of having a long-term relationship. Mark was a little timid towards you when you first met him through a mutual friend. He never said much outside of the realm of "Hi", "How are you", and "How are you doing?" But as you stuck around more and more, you couldn't help but be drawn to him. You felt connected talking to him about your aspirations, hopes, and fears, knowing that he was always there to listen and share some of those same feelings. It also helped that Mark was (and still is) the most beautiful man you've ever met in your life. Every time you met up with him, you found yourself drinking up all his features; from his pink, heart-shaped lips that opened to a breath-taking smile, to his deep, dark, entrancing eyes. The last time you got lost in Mark's eyes as his best friend, was when your business hit an all-time low.

~

"I just don't know, Mark..." you sobbed through clogged sinuses. "I don't think I can't still support myself if my business can't make more sales."

Mark was only inches away from you on your couch as you cried into your fetal position.

"Hey, hey..." Mark gently placed his warm hands on your shoulders. "Don't think like that. You've done amazing so far... There has to be something else you can do to get your sales up."

"Well..." You poked your head out briefly. "I could do more marketing... but I already spent so much money on marketing and-"

The tears started reforming in your sore eyes as you hid your head back into your knees. Silence hung in the air like a bad joke as the idea of complete failure circled in your head... You would have to leave the life you worked so hard to build in LA, only to return home to square one, with your tail between your legs. You weren't ready to leave your hard work, your home, your friends, or Mark...

"Y/N..." You felt Mark leaning closer to you with a rasp in his voice. "Look at me."

You reluctantly looked into the eyes of your friend, and suddenly, all the anxiety and fear that you felt only seconds ago, felt like forgotten emotions. His eyes seem to pull you into their calming, deep brown pools.

"Ever since I met you, I have seen you fight and work hard for this. I've admired your passion, and how dedicated you are to your dreams... It's one of my favorite things about you. You can't give up on this now. Not after you worked this hard. Not after you've built this life for yourself all on your own... Not to mention how hard it would be to say goodbye to you if you leave."

"Mark..." You felt your heartbeat in your throat.

"I care about you... and I hate seeing you struggling like this. If you need help, why didn't you ask me?"

"I just didn't want to inconvenience you... I know you've been busy in the studio and doing photoshoots I-... just figured that could do this on my own. Like I've always done everything on my own."

Mark's eyes trailed yours, slowly inching to your nose then your lips...

"You don't have to do this alone." You felt Mark snake his long fingers in between yours. "I'll be there for you... like always."

The bubble developing in your throat was an indication that the waterworks were rising again. Up to this point, Mark has been the most supportive, honest, sweetest, considerate, and the most chill person in your life. He's always been there to listen to whatever you had to tell him; what you see each other doing in the next few years, or a late-night drunken rant about pineapples on pizza. And whenever Mark called, you would drop everything just to hear how his day was. Whenever you hung out with him, you could be alone or in a group of other people, it was like it was just you two. Your soul mate...

You looked into Mark's eyes again, feeling your heart start to race... in your trance, your eyes wandered across his face, admiring how the low glow of the Livingroom television showed his soft textured skin. How his hair was poofy since he raced over to you from his nap. Sometimes you felt like you didn't deserve someone this amazing and supportive to be in your court. But Mark was just your cute little blessing on top of all the other ones. Overcome with emotion, you crash into Mark's arms and held him tight.

"Thank you so much, Mark. For everything." Your stress left your body in a big sigh. "I love you..."

You felt Mark's arms around your waist slowly pull you closer to his body and his face buried into the crook of your neck.

"I love you more..."

You replayed his response in your head as you held on to him.

"I love you more" Thump.

"I love you more" Thump-Thump.

"I love you more" Thump. Thump-Thump-Thump. Thump.

Your heart started to race. Goosebumps raised when Mark's breath lightly brushed your neck, and you felt his strong heartbeat thump against your chest. What was this feeling? You were scared to pull away, frightened of getting lost in his gaze again.

"Um, right s-so..." You cleared your throat. "Thanks again, Markie."

You tried pulling away... but found that Mark's grip was still tight around you.

"Wait..." He spoke in a low tone that made your spine shiver.

Your heart felt like it was going to climb out of your mouth. Of course, you've been this close to Mark plenty of times before, you guys have practically held hands before. But there has never been this type of tension hanging in the air. It was almost suffocating. You looked into Mark's eyes for some sort of sign... but damn, he was looking so gorgeous. Your eyes traced his whole face; every curve of his pink lips, every line in his jaw & every eyelash sitting upon his beautiful eyes. Oh, his eyes... they seemed to sparkle... and they were intently fixed on your mouth. Instinctively, your hands made their way up to his jawline, which produced a small sigh from Mark's parted lips.

He was slowly closing the space between your faces. The heat started to rise in between your ears, as you battled with the thought of kissing your best friend. If you did, you could be either making the best decision of your life... or ruining a friendship with a man you cared for deeply. But you couldn't deny... you wanted him. With every heavy breath that Mark breathed, with every second his hands tightened around your thighs, with every inch that his lips drew closer to yours... your desire for him grew. The realization that you loved him grew.

"Mark-"

With the most genuine softness, Mark closed the painful gap between both pairs of lips. Both of your bodies were lost in each other... neither of you realized just how steamy your little make-out session got. You became a couple shortly after, with this year being your third year together.

~

With each passing day, you felt more frustrated in your conflicted feelings. On one side, you were upset at him... but more at yourself for letting the situation grow. On the other hand, you felt the yearning for him grow hot and restless in your core, and eventually, you couldn't help but touch yourself out of the thought of him. The way his dark, loose curls flop over his forehead, the sparkle in his eyes, the sincerity of his smile, the sweetest of his cologne, the slight curve of his lips, the softness of his skin, the heat of his breath-

You snap out of your trance when you hear the jingle of keys at the door. You tap your screen back to life. It's 11:55 pm.

"I'm home!" Mark poked his head through the door at beamed at you on the couch.

"Mark..." You couldn't help but sigh.

"Babe!" Mark cheesed the brightest smile you've ever seen as his chest collided with yours.

His arms tightly squeezed around your waist as you heard him drink in your scent. Finally, your boyfriend was home, with a bouquet as bright as his smile. Almost instinctively, your nerves weakened in his warm embrace, and you melted around him. You forgot about everything you were ever upset about. With every bone in your aching body, you wanted to hold him... feel his skin gently graze yours, caress his adorable face, and shower him in kisses... but he still broke his promise. The one person in your life who was always truthful, real, and loyal... wasn't anymore.

"I missed you so, so much..." Mark whispered into your ear.

"Mark..." You pulled away from him. "What took you so long..."

"I'm sorry," He sighed. "I got tied up again-"

"Mark I..." You paused. "I've spent all of the past 3 days preparing all this stuff for you. And I have been... trying so hard to be so excited for you to come home. For you be in my arms again, to kiss you, to make absolute love to you..."

"What?" Mark's eyes widened.

"We need to talk about something."

Mark's smile slowly started to fade and the bouquet slowly lowered from his grasp.

"You've broken the one promise that we've had in this relationship... you lied to me, Mark. And you've been doing it over and over... And I'd hope that our bond was strong enough for you to realize that I would notice that."

"Hey-"

Mark gently placed the bouquet on the kitchen counter and held both of your hands in his.

"Do you truly think I'm cheating on you?"

You looked longingly into his eyes, only to be handed a cold, serious gaze in return.

"No," You bit your lip in hesitation. "You wouldn't do something like that. But I don't know what to think, Mark."

Mark sighed deeply...

"I leave for months and come back to a fight..." He scratched the back of his head in frustration. "You said that the one promise we made in this relationship was honesty, but you broke another one too. You don't trust me to be loyal to you?"

"I do trust you! But what am I supposed to make of this, Mark?" Your eyes stung.

Mark's cold gaze softened. "I have never had the thought of ever cheating on you and would never. I'm sorry that I was distant and made you feel that I wasn't being truthful."

"I'm sorry I didn't talk to you about it until now..."

"You have nothing to be sorry about. I've been waiting for forever just to get back home to you." You felt his warm hands caress your waist. "Can I please kiss my beautiful girlfriend now?"

"Yes." You breathed.

Mark snaked his hands further around your waist, and with a passionate firmness, pursed his lips between yours. You felt your body tingle with warmth and your heart beating heavily against your boyfriend's chest. A groan left Mark's lips as he left yours.

"Hey..." Mark's voice turned raspy as he eyed your body. "You deserve my honesty; The real reason I have been distant is because I was putting a lot of energy into planning something really important."

"Planning something...?" Your head cocked to one side. "For your album?"

"No, for you."

"For me..?"

Mark's lips cut your question short and derailed your train of thought.

"It's a surprise for later." You could feel a smirk developing on your boyfriend's soft lips. "Let me enjoy the surprise you have for me first."

Mark gazed over at the romantic display you made in the living room.

"Do you like it? I hope I didn't go overboard..."

"It's perfect." Mark looked into your eyes with the utmost sincerity. "And you even got me my favorite gummy bears? It's everything I could have wanted. And you being here with me makes it all better."

Mark infused passion into every aspect of his life, and his way with words was no exception. Surprisingly, conveying his feelings verbally wasn't always his forte in our relationship. However, he consciously broke free from the habit of murmuring, trailing off, and avoiding eye contact. Despite not being the most talkative when we initially met, the incomprehensible extent to which Mark went out of his way to express how much I meant to him was truly remarkable.

"I'm so glad you're home." You wrapped your arms around your boyfriend's torso and pulled him close.

"Me too." You felt a light peck on your forehead. "Why don't we get this night started?"

~

It was 2:45 am when the credits started to roll on the third horror movie that Mark insisted that you both watch. Unfortunately, he had been too invested to realize that you had fallen asleep since movie number two. You found the most heavenly spot on his chest to rest your head, and with his right arm snuggled gently around your torso and his left hand resting on your thigh, it was a guaranteed recipe for a great night's rest.

"The gore in that was something else-" Mark cut himself off when his eyes came to gaze on your sleeping figure.

Your face was adorably smushed up to Mark's chest, letting out soft breaths as you rested. All four of your limbs found themselves wrapped around his slim body, trapping him in your sloth-like embrace. Mark's eyes traveled and the bottom hem of your dress found itself dangerously hiked up to expose your smooth thighs.

Mark rubbed his hand against your thigh. "Wake up, babe."

You blinked your eyes awake and gazed upon the tired eyes of your boyfriend. "Oh shit, did I fall asleep?"

"Definitely. And I think you were snoring a bit, too." He joked.

"Oh stop." You rubbed your eyes to get a better view of the clock. "Oh shit, it's late..."

Mark's voice became hushed. "Maybe we should...continue this celebration upstairs?"

"You're ready for bed?"

"I am. But not necessarily sleep."

You smirked, picking up on his hint. "Oh, I see..."

Without saying another word, you took Mark's hand and guided him up the stairs, where you were greeted by the romantic glow of the moon.

"Oh..."

"You like it, right? I got rose petals, the candles are all lit..." You gestured towards the bathroom.

Mark pulled your hand back towards his body and planted a firm, hungry kiss on your lips.

"You are so sweet. This is amazing..." His warm hands caressed your cheeks. "How do I deserve someone as perfect as you?"

You could feel the heat of his breath on your lips. He was close, too close. The temptation to press your mouth to his was too much to handle. You could almost taste the mint of his toothpaste.

"I know I've been a little distant for these past few months." Mark started. "It's just... I've had a lot on my mind. There's something I've been meaning to talk to you about, but I didn't want to rush things."

"Yeah?"

"But now, I can't hold back." He cupped your cheek and brushed his thumb against it. You felt his gaze bore into yours, and he seemed to study every inch of your face.

"What is it, baby?" You pressed.

"I'm so in love with you. I love you so much that it hurts. I love how passionate you are, I love how you make me feel when we're together, and I love that you've been patient with me during this whole process. You're my rock. You make me want to be a better person. I want to be worthy of you."

"Mark, you already are." You gently held the sides of his face. "Don't say that. You are good enough, Mark. You have such a kind heart and a big soul. You're the most loving and caring person I know. Just don't get too caught up in your music, and start overworking yourself. You're not gonna find me there."

Mark let out a soft chuckle in response.

"You always know what to say," Mark breathed. "I need to ask you something."

"What is it?"

"I know that I was gone for a while, and I want to make it up to you. So, how would you feel about me taking you on a trip?"

"A trip?" You shot him a confused look. "Where would we go?"

"Oh, don't worry about that." Mark kissed the tip of your nose. "I'll take care of everything. Just be ready to leave for this weekend."

"Three days??" You giggled. "You really just planned a whole trip, huh?"

"Anything for you."

As Mark leaned in to kiss you again, you couldn't help but notice his scent. He smelled like the airport and the plane and everything else that was not his normal aroma.

"Speaking of jet setting, you smell weird," you chuckled.

"What do you mean?" he laughed back.

"I'm not sure, but you just smell different."

"Well, I should take a shower then," he suggested. "And maybe you can join me."

"Okay, but don't try any funny business." You smirked.

"What?" He feigned innocence.

"You heard me," you replied, wagging your finger at him.

"Well, I guess we'll just have to wait and see," he said, pulling you close.

"Wait and see, huh?" you repeated.

"Yeah, just wait and see."

You rolled your eyes and pulled away from him, making your way toward the bathroom. As you walked into the bathroom, you could hear Mark following closely behind. You pulled him toward the bathroom and turned on the shower, the sound of the water filling the small room. The sound of unzipping made your head turn to Mark, who was already undressing. You watched on in perverted wonderment at how his abdominal muscles flexed under his perfect skin as he moved to remove his underwear. He glanced over his broad, muscular shoulders, smirking while keeping eye contact as he bent down. You admired how his hair grew poofy from the steam beginning to form around him.

"Enjoying the view?" Mark's husky voice startled you, causing your eyes to snap to his face.

"Shut up," you said as you joined him, sliding the flimsy slip of material you wore onto the floor.

Mark's eyes burned with need as his gaze traveled up your legs, slowly drinking in the image before him.

"Damn..." he breathed as he raked his teeth across his bottom lip, his dark eyes meeting yours.

You smiled coyly at him as you stepped into the shower, closing the glass door behind you. Mark's eyes never left yours as he joined you in the warm spray of the water.

"Mmm," he hummed as he cupped your cheek and brought his lips to yours.

The kiss was soft and sweet at first but quickly turned passionate and needy. You ran your fingers through his damp curls as he pressed his hips into yours, his hardening length brushing against your stomach. His hands were everywhere, exploring every inch of your bare flesh as the water cascaded around you. You moaned softly as his lips found your pulse point, sucking the sensitive skin into his mouth.

"I love the sounds you make," he growled as he gently nipped the delicate skin.

"Hey, don't forget that you have to take a shower, stinky." You chuckled.

Mark grinned and rolled his eyes, grabbing the bottle of shampoo that rested next to the tap.

"Okay, okay."

You watched in anticipation as he squirted some of the soap into his hand, before applying it to his hair. His eyes stayed fixated on yours, which flickered down briefly to take in his naked, glistening body. You couldn't help but admire his perfection, even when doing the most mundane task. How his pectorals flexed with every movement, as he brushed and lathered the soapy bubbles throughout his coils of dark brown hair. How his veins tightened from his arms to his hands, and how each drop of water seemingly dripped at a pace slow enough for you to memorize. Your gaze traced down from his chest to his abs, and even further down past the borderline of pubic hair where-

"Babe."

"Sorry, what?" Your eyes shifted back to his face.

"Were you paying attention?" Mark smugly raised an eyebrow.

"I was definitely paying attention..." You trailed off.

"So what was I saying?"

"You were saying, that I was being the best girlfriend ever!"

"Mm-hm."

"By making us dinner tonight."

"Mm-hm."

"And how your favorite gummy bears are an ample reward for me having to put up with you-"

"Alright," Mark chuckled as he laid his index finger on the seam of your lips. "Point made. You got me."

"Duh." You nipped at his knuckle. "You're so easy. What did you say, anyway?"

"Something..." Mark teased as he dunked his head back under the water, washing the remaining shampoo down his torso. "About how much I really, really, missed touching you. All of you."

You snorted. "You mean our little quickie at LAX before you left didn't cut it?"

"Is that what you call what happened at LAX?" He asked, pulling you close and pressing his arousal against you.

"Yes," you giggled. "Because that is exactly what we did. You were the one trying to miss your flight."

"I couldn't help it." He groaned. "It was just so hot."

"Oh shut up." You laughed.

You grabbed the bottle of body wash, poured some on your towel, and rubbed the soap into the cloth.

"Are you gonna help me or what?" You asked playfully.

"What do you think?" He replied, grabbing the other end of the towel and helping you rub the wet cloth along your body.

Your breath hitched as his hand moved from your ribs down to your hips and your mouth dropped open when you felt his fingertips graze your behind. You groaned loudly as Mark continued to caress your ass, his other hand sliding around your waist and pulling you into his embrace. You shuddered as he pressed his lips against your neck, murmuring words of love and encouragement in between every kiss.

"Why didn't you come with me on tour, again?" Mark asked as he continued massaging your skin.

"We talked about this, Mark," you replied, lightly rolling your eyes. "I wanted to be here and continue working. And I don't think I'm cut out for road life."

"But I wanted you there..." he pouted, making your heart stop. "I missed you like crazy."

"I missed you, too..." You turned to face him, seeing him still with an upset frown. You reached for his hands and gently ran your thumb over his knuckles.

"But I don't think I can spend another tour without my Markie-Poo," you admitted with a soft smile.

You looked up to see your boyfriend with the brightest grin you've seen him with in a long while. Mark immediately took the back of your head and pulled your face towards his in a loving embrace, getting soap all over his arms and torso...

"So you're telling me that the next tour I have, you're coming with me?"

" I promise."

"I could get used to having you near me every day," Mark whispered into your ear, his low voice sending shivers down your spine.

"I'd hope so," You replied. "It would be pretty confusing to accommodate another presence in our bed, otherwise."

You could see a pout starting to form on your boyfriend's lips. You loved how Mark could make a face of indifference switch from a stone-cold wall into a begging, adorable, child. The pout quickly melted away, however, and you were only able to appreciate its short existence for a split second. His eyes shifted from your own to your neck, his pale and slender fingertips gliding gently against your exposed collarbone.

"Hey..." You whispered into his ear. "What are you thinking about?"

Mark didn't speak. Only paused for a moment, as if contemplating what he wanted to say, but only getting lost in your beauty. Your breath hitched. His eyes were focused on yours as he inched closer to you. He never broke your stare until his hand suddenly reached up and he placed it ever so carefully against your cheek, causing you to inhale deeply. His eyes flickered over your face, resting for a brief moment at your lips, then back up to meet yours once again. His hand traveled from your cheek and made its way down to your chin, tilting your head up slightly. His lips met yours, softly and gently. He didn't push or rush. He seemed to savor the moment, pulling away just enough to let out a small whimper.

"Did you just moan?" He asked.

"Mmmm, maybe," you replied teasingly.

"If we weren't in the shower right now..." he started.

"Then what would we be doing, Mark?" You asked, grinning at him.

"Then," he said, his low voice rumbling as his hand wrapped around your waist, gently moving his face close to yours. "I would be taking you against the glass."

Mark kissed your forehead tenderly and continued his gentle ministrations against your skin.

"We would start slow," he began. "My hands would travel all over you, starting at your hips. I'd go over them over and over until I could feel you shake."

You bit your lip as Mark's movements matched his words. You could feel your cheeks warm from the way he talked. He had never talked to you this way. Never with the confidence and sultry tone of voice. Mark was normally a gentle, passionate, yet quiet lover.

But this was different. It was sexy. You loved it.

A moan escaped from your lips, unable to suppress the shiver that ran throughout your entire body. The mere thought of having him inside you caused your muscles to twitch and spasm. Mark chuckled lightly as he leaned into you, his hands still exploring your curves. You loved it when he held you. His touch felt so warm and comforting. It made you feel safe and protected, but at the same time, you loved how strong his arms felt against your frame. He felt so large compared to your small size and it gave you the most pleasant butterflies.

"After that I would pick you up, your legs around my waist," he said softly, pulling back a bit to stare into your eyes. "And then, I'd drive you insane..."

He emphasized each word as if he were whispering them into your ear, and his words left you breathless and speechless. Mark's voice had a way of making you feel things you've never felt before.

"Sounds like you really want to have shower sex," you said with a slight giggle.

He kissed you passionately as his hands glided back to your ass once again, gripping you firmly as he slowly lifted you in the air. You wrapped your arms around his slender neck, and your legs around his waist. As your curves pressed against him, you could feel his excitement, causing your eyes to widen slightly. You hadn't even touched him yet, and he was extremely excited for you.

Mark placed one hand against the shower wall for support and you looked into his beautiful brown orbs once more.

"Have you been wanting me, like I have been needing you?" He asked in a low and husky voice that sent shivers through your body. You answered him by pressing your lips against his and kissing him passionately. After a few seconds, Mark moved his kisses across your neck and down to your collarbone. He sucked on it lightly, causing you to gasp as your nails dug into his shoulders. He let out a small groan, and you couldn't help but laugh slightly. The man was adorable.

For five agonizing minutes, he tortured you with his mouth, and slowly lifted you higher. Your heart started beating so fast, causing a mixture of nervousness and excitement that blended perfectly.

"Relax babe," Mark cooed.

You took a deep breath, the smile not leaving your face, and nodded at him.

Mark entered your slit slowly, his length engulfing your walls slowly. You sucked in a breath and shut your eyes tight, letting yourself enjoy this feeling of being filled so completely by your boyfriend. He went deep, his entire length inside you now. He let himself stay there for a second, giving you time to get used to this new feeling. Then he pulled out a few inches before sliding back into you. He continued this process, slowly getting a rhythm, his thrusts growing in power. You moaned each time his length penetrated you.

"Yes..." you breathed and heard Mark moan in response.

He increased his pace even more, driving his length into you and then withdrawing completely with each thrust. Soon, the sounds of water splashing off your wet skin filled the room. Mark became a mess of grunts and pants every time he penetrated you, audibly teasing you toward your climax.

"Babe, you feel so-" A deep moan escaped your boyfriend's parted lips.

His breath was hot on your neck as he worked you towards your release, and it felt like electricity every time his skin touched yours. You had forgotten where you were, who you were, and what was going on around you, it was only you and Mark.

"Mark..." you moaned.

You couldn't hold off your orgasm any longer as waves of pleasure washed over your body. He continued his ministrations as you rode your high, and you watched him as you came down. You looked in awe at this beautiful specimen of a man standing before you as he held you in his arms. He just smiled at you and placed a kiss on your forehead.

Then he exhaled and put you down, slumping against the cold tile wall. His wet hair dangled over his blushed face. You smiled and placed a hand against his cheek, stroking it gently as you gave him another kiss, he kissed you in return, and the soft brush of his lips lingered as you pulled away.

"I love you," he said, his gaze fixed on yours.

"I love you, too."

You say "You took the energy out of me."

Mark smiled and leaned back against the wall. "I guess you could say that," he smirked, raising an eyebrow. "Do you think you'll be able to get to the bedroom? Or do you need me to carry you?"

You slowly stood up, ceasing the sound of running water with your index finger. "Carry me, please!" You pouted and raised your arms.

Mark chuckled as he opened the shower door to retrieve your towels.

"Alright, alright, my queen," Mark threw your wet towel on your head, muffling your laugh. "I'll carry you to the bed."

You pushed the towel off of your face as Mark slipped his arms underneath your wet body and scooped you up into his arms.

"Mmm, you smell much better," you murmured as you nuzzled against his neck. Mark snorted and kissed the top of your head.

You were smitten by his scent and the way he handled you with such ease. He gently laid you on your bed, sinking in on top of you, like you had been daydreaming of for months.

"I've missed this," he whispered, "missed touching you, missed watching you sleep..." He brushed a strand of hair away from your face and gazed down at you like you were the only person in the world.

"I missed waking up next to you, seeing your face in the mornings, and hearing your voice at night."

He brought his lips to yours, softly and sweetly like he was afraid you would break. His lips tasted like the memories of stolen kisses in dark corners and glances behind closed doors. The more you tasted his lips, the more you craved, and you pressed into him, desperate for more.

"Baby, I've missed you so much," he mumbled against your lips, "and you don't understand how crazy it's been."

"No kidding," you replied, returning his kiss with equal vigor.

"Everywhere I went, fans were throwing themselves at me. All I could think about was you. All I'm ever gonna want is you."

Your heart skipped a beat at the confession. You pulled away to smile at him, taking in his beautiful face. It wasn't just his looks that captivated you; it was his mind and his heart. He was pure goodness through and through, and you knew you were the luckiest person in the world.

"And all I ever want is you," you replied. Mark cupped your face and stared into your eyes, his deep brown eyes pooling with emotion. "You okay, babe?"

"It's nothing...I just- I love you," he said, his voice cracking slightly, "so much."

You kissed him fiercely, overcome with emotion. "I love you a shit ton too."

Mark laughed, the corner of his eyes crinkling. "Well, you better. You won't be able to get rid of me that easily."

"Good."

Mark smirked and moved his head down, trailing kisses across your stomach and past your navel.

"What are you doing down there? Aren't you tired?"

Mark looked up, his eyes twinkling mischievously.

"It would be a waste not to take advantage of the candles and rose petals, don't you think?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

~

To Be Continued.

[multimuseticles]

You know... I've been drawing ever since I was like 5 years old. It's something I've spent pretty much my entire life doing. The longest I'd ever really go without drawing is like a couple of months maybe, and lately I've been drawing on an almost near daily basis. But if I'm being honest, I'm fairly close to actually quitting.

I still love to draw and I don't really want to stop, but it's getting to a point where AI slop is just entirely taking over the internet. Finding even reference images these days is so difficult because google is filled with AI crap and a lot of actual art sites allow AI art(looking at you Pixiv and DeviantArt).

I used to get a couple of commissions a month just a few years ago. Then covid hit and I got a little less work because people didn't exactly have the same amount of money to spend, which makes perfect sense. But getting closer to the end of covid when people could actually go back to work etc, AI decided to creep its head up and now I'm lucky to get one commission every few months. Originally, AI art was laughable and it was only able to make really stupid shit that was basically illegible. Like that Dall-e thing.

Putting the rest under a read more because it's somewhat long.

But nowadays, a lot of people prefer to use AI than give actual artists attention. Especially now that a lot of big companies are pushing their own AI crap(looking at you Adobe and Meta). Instagram used to be a great place for artists, now its filled with AI crap that Instagram seems to fucking love and is basically training their AI on your own posts. They say you can opt out, but if you live in the USA? You seemingly can't. In the EU you can because of laws, so I was able to opt out. However. I don't trust Meta not to train off my shit anyway.

Then you've got Adobe, which y'know, was a thing for artists to create stuff, be that through Photoshop, Illustrator or even their video editors. But now they're just pushing their lame AI crap to do everything for you, and still charge a ridiculous amount for their service.

Now I'm not just complaining because I'm getting less work. It's just depressing that creativity is dying. Generative AI is being used in video games, movies, tv shows, music, youtube videos, voiceovers and pretty much EVERYTHING else. It's impossible to avoid these days. Sites that allow AI but ask you to tag it so people can hide it doesn't work either, because people just don't tag that shit.

Due to all this AI crap, artists are being accused of using AI to create their art, regardless of if they show proof or not. It hasn't happened to me yet, but I feel it's inevitable simply because I absolutely suck at drawing hands and I can just barely get the hang of them most of the time. A ton of actual artists have been essentially bullied to the point where they don't post their art online anymore, or are forced to change their art style.

It's so much harder for artists to get their work out there anymore because AI is taking over all of these sites so the majority of the stuff you see is generated bullshit. It has led to people being like "Why would I pay someone to do this when I can just write a prompt and get what I want in seconds?" and no matter what you say to people with this line of thought, they just do not give a single shit.

I'm fine with AI to an extent. I think it's fine to just use it for dumb shit between friends, or helping to get a design idea for an OC or something. But the moment you start making money from AI or posting it online and claiming it as your own(and saying that people should credit you if you used it???) is the moment I think it's not okay. Have you seen Facebook or Twitter lately? Filled with really messed up AI images and AI responses. Facebook is rampant with weird and disturbing looking AI generated images and Twitter is 90% bots these days.

This whole post was spurred on by a conversation I saw between two of my friends. One of my friends wanted to get into graphic design, and being the artist of the group and having experience in graphic design, he came to me for advice. He got some very basic stuff done and he was really proud of it. He was showing some of the stuff he made to our other friend who simply responded with an AI generation of the same thing saying "Just use AI man, it's quicker and looks better." It was super depressing to see, especially since I've had conversations about how much I hate generative AI with these same friends.

So at this point I'm on the edge of just stopping. I probably won't, but I'm starting to lose motivation because I feel like there is no safe place to upload my art anymore. Will I stop? Probably not, but the temptation is there. I dunno, fuck generative AI man.

Sorry for the long ass rant, but I'm just getting so fed up with this crap.

[tuherrus]

Could you do a TL;DR of the whole Kino thing, please?

i can't promise that this will be much shorter but i'll do my very best for you anon!

DISCLAIMER ONCE AGAIN DO NOT HARASS KINO OR DO ANYTHING STUPID, i'm not your dad but use some common sense

i'm pulling info from the doc currently available here and asks and messages i've received which are available in the tag kinodraws on my blog, everything is alleged, use your own brain and make your own judgement on whether you wish to support kino

kino (they/them), current account kinodraws on most platforms, is a fairly popular online artist and now tattoo artist who has for years on various accounts scammed people out of money via unfulfilled commissions, fundraisers and recently even a charity zine (the doc mentions a bunch of other allegations of bad behavior and random stuff like ghosting webcomic companies etc but i'll try to keep this brief and focus on what i feel is most relevant)

some of kino's previous accounts and their scamming related to them:

PAISELEY, currently permabanned on furaffinity, here's a livejournal of a bunch of people corroborating their experiences being scammed by kino through unfulfilled commissions

CAPONE, also permabanned on furaffinity for the same reasons

RIVETS, permabanned once again on furaffinity for scamming

ARTIST BEWARE PAGE, the user got a refund after nearly an entire year of messaging kino about the subject

RUN ME THROUGH ZINE, all pages of which kino deleted, the proceeds of which were supposed to go to charity, you can find a lot of the things related to this on my tag and pinned post it was an ofmd zine and was very badly managed (missing artists and pieces etc etc) that ended up never being released kino ghosts the zine, deletes the pages and pockets the money made (allegedly $1300 but we have no real way of knowing how much the proceeds actually were), posts a falsified receipt only after people pressure them to speak on the matter after months of silence, people contact the charity and the charity reports kino donated just $1 kino once again goes silent and only after a giant uproar they FINALLY donate the money to the charity, but not before they blame someone else for not posting receipts about it (it was kino's responsibility) and guilt tripping people about how they've been harassed (again i do not condone harassment but people literally wanted them to just donate the money where it was supposed to go in the first place and they refused to even address that nor why they forged the first receipt)

kino also has a tendency to make expensive frivolous purchases (electronics, a hot tub, tattoos, a custom chair....) time and time again once they've scammed money out of people via whatever method they've chosen (they often post about these purchases too after deleting whatever emergency commissions post or a post asking for donations), and while far be it from me to tell someone what to do with their finances, they can't seem to stop scamming in order to get money

so i'd strongly suggest not supporting kino! they manipulate, lie and steal and claim they're a victim of some mass bullying campaign when in reality they've spent seventeen years scamming people out of money and people are getting rightfully angry! they also will likely continue to do so as long as people give them money

again use your own brain when reading people's testimonies about kino, a lot of them in the tag on my blog, but i believe these people and that their experiences are real considering the number of messages i've received (some of which people wished to remain private)

kino's made their bed and i want them to finally lie in it, so even if one person is convinced not to support kino via all this information then i'll be satisfied

i'm sorry this still got so long!

[hjellacott]

When I was a teenager, my father passed away from years of chronic illness and I got very depressed

I don't remember much for about a year, other than being in bed, crying. Life paused for a year or two, so that although time went on, my life didn't. Effectively ending it would've merely been a physical affirmation of what was already true: I was dead, at least, inside.

My father and I had a very close relationship. It wasn't like we got to do that many father-daughter things together, but mostly it was just that we were two faces of the same coin; similar enough to understand each other without a need for words, and to feel understood by each other, but different enough not to rub each other off the wrong way. I am far more different from my mother, and yet, the mother-daughter bond being as legendary as it is, we've always been attached to each other's hip and we have a deeply affectionate relationship. But after my father died, I felt abandoned, left out, alone. I felt like the black sheep of the family, the different one, because the one person who got me, who I was like, was gone forever. If only I'd known then what I know now: everybody tends to feel the same way at some point.

It affected my relationship with my father's side of the family. My parents were together until the end, so I'd always spent the most time with his side of the family, which lived near us, rather than my mum's, which lived farther away. My dad had been the best of his family, so I was never particularly close with anyone there except my, by then, very elderly grandparents. Without my dad, I experienced an odd feeling of disconnection; like a cable that's cut in the middle. Like, the thing that united me to them was gone, so was I even one of them any more? And it might seem strange, but actually, the fact that I had my dad's surname there was something I held onto firmly to remind myself I was still part of my family. Still, even a decade later, it's my mother's family I feel more united to.

Losing a parent at a young age was, to me, like being blown away by a bloody tornado when you were just beginning to learn how to walk on your own. And suddenly you're all alone, waking up in unknown turf, standing in the ruins of your family, your home... whatever remains when a chronic illness has been punching everyone where it hurts the most for years and years. And it took me years, and actually leaving my country, to find my footing again and stand strong again.

My point is that, for many years, I was in a deeply vulnerable and fragile mental state. I didn't seek refuge in drugs, but I did start to drink for the first time, even when I've always despised the taste of alcohol. In my late teens, it was trendy to be dark, mysterious, depressed... and none is that more than someone going through the kind of grief and heartbreak you can't make your friends understand. So my sudden drinking (not to drunkenness, but certainly completely out of my normal behaviour), my quietness, my self-isolation, were seen not as warning signs, but as cool behaviour, among my friends.

And then things got weird. I was seventeen, bursting into tears in high school, in front of everyone, because I'd misplaced something my dad had gifted me and couldn't find it. It wasn't even something important, just a pouch where to put money... but it was my dad's gift to me, and I could only find one friend who understood why it mattered to me, and helped me find it even if I was making a huge thing out of a grain of salt. And for a decade, I've been lashing out. A small feeling of discontentment or annoyance suddenly bursts into flames of fury, and I screamed at my mother, even though I'd never done it. I still go from 0 to 100 with tremendous ease; in sadness, in happiness, in anger, in laughter. Every feeling starts dull and is suddenly overwhelming. And so in the middle of these years of grief, I fell in love, went from 0 to a 100 in five minutes, and if I hadn't stopped myself right on time, I would've agreed to marry someone who simply wasn't right for me. Someone who loved me 80%, when I was there 100%. By now I've accepted that everything is always going to feel too much, too suddenly. That tears will burst out of my eyes for no particular reason, but so will laughter from my chest, and love from my heart. It is both a super power and a dangerous thing, but I'm treating it as a super power, and doing my best to control it when I can, without eradicating it.

One of the things I did in my grief was cross-dress as a man. I put on a three-piece suit that didn't really suit me, and cut my hair from long to zero, and even tried to use fake beards.

I wasn't a man. I never identified as such. I was always clear on the fact that I was seventeen and I just wanted to know "what it's like". But deep inside, it was about control. You see, I'd been left shattered, I was scrambling to keep my head above water, I had no control - and I longed for the power of being a man.

I wanted to stand strong as a man. I wanted to be like my late dad. To be a good man in the storm. To fight, to be strong, to be tough, to dress however I wanted, to stop being whistled at and catcalled, to have a man's salary, a man's work opportunities, a man's power.

It was just a period of my life. The closer to thirty I've gotten, the more comfortable I've felt as a woman, the more I've loved being a woman, the more I've remembered my father's happy eyes on me, watching me speechless the first time I put on a dress, make-up and heels, telling me how beautiful I was, taking photos non-stop with his professional camera and making me feel like a gorgeous princess. And damn it, I've never given a shit about male admiration, I've never fancied dressing "to impress", but my dad had such a way of looking at me with eyes full of wonder, not in a sexualised way, but in a "my god, you're a grown-up woman!" way, that I'd happily fight to have that back. This was the same man who, when I first got my period and was in a mood, cracked a smile on my face by grinning at me and saying "you're all grown-up now!", the same man who when I was just born, was the only one who said I was beautiful, and was too afraid of hurting me to even hold me for a wee bit, the same man who, if I was sitting alone with my head on the table going through whatever, would sit next to me and put his head on the table too, without saying anything, just so I wouldn't be alone, and the same man who'd go above and beyond to do things with me and get to know me. I don't look back on my dad as a dad, I look back on my dad as a best friend. I used to want to be just like him - now I just want to be like myself, and see in me the wonders that he saw. Now I stand proud as a woman, the woman I know he would've been stocked to know.

The Cass Report has brought back into the forefront of my mind what a pain it was to be a teenager and a young adult. In my case, it was because of Earth-shattering grief. In my case, I could want to have male things for a bit, and I got to experiment, to cross-dress, to kiss boys and girls, to make mistakes, and to, over the course of a decade, find my way back.

That is what I wish for children to be given back: the space and the time to figure things out without having to deal with more life-changing procedures.

Teens were in a mental health crisis a decade ago and it's only gotten worse since. And if my friends had seen what I was doing in my grief as alarming signs of mental health problems, instead of as a cool, trendy behaviour, then maybe I would've gone to therapy instead of opening a bottle of Vodka. I probably would've taken it wrong to be told I had mental health problems - and I would've rebelled, fought, argued, and in fact I did, the one time my mum insisted I saw somebody. God how I hated psychologists then, and now it's one of my main fields of study. I didn't want to be told I was sick any more than these kids do. But I needed to hear that. I needed my problems validated, even if I didn't want to hear it. I needed to be forced to accept help. I needed to be told grief is one thing, and feeling like you can't possibly go on is another. I NEEDED PROFFESSIONAL HELP.

That is all the Cass Report shows. That children need professional help. That children go through hell and back because they're barely equipped to deal with big shocks to the system, and the world has never been more hostile to them. And that just because alarming behaviour that points to mental health issues can be perceived as "cool" or "trendy", and become fashionable, it doesn't make it less of a mental health problem.

[lostinfantasyworlds]

Life Update

Heyyyy it’s been a while! I never really expect anyone to notice when I fuck off for long periods of time, but in case you did and happened to be wondering why I was mostly MIA for most of 2023, here's what I've been up to.

The short version: My husband and I sold our first house over the summer and bought our “forever” home! It worked out so much better than I could have hoped, but it turns out that prepping a house to sell and moving = lots of stress and chaos...which caused me to tumble off the deep end mentally for a while afterwards and I’m only just starting to recover.

---

Before I elaborate, I feel like I have to give a disclaimer because the last thing I want is to come across like I'm complaining or ungrateful. I'm very aware of how lucky and privileged I am to be a homeowner, so I am by no means asking for sympathy or trying to act like "buying/selling a house is so stressful, woe is me!" I understand that homeownership is a pipe dream for a lot of people, especially in the current economy, and I don't take that for granted. I'm genuinely grateful that I even have the opportunity to be stressed about something like this, but I can't deny that it was stressful.

If anyone is wondering how I managed to buy a house at all, I'm happy to answer that in a separate post. The abridged version is extremely lucky timing plus countless hours of hard work put into fixing up our first house that we bought for cheap back when the market was way more balanced (2016).

When I talk about the stress of last year, it's almost entirely in regards to my own mental health which is something I've always struggled with. I get overwhelmed VERY easily by regular life, let alone when I go through a major change (no matter how positive it is). Every big transition period in my life has triggered intense anxiety disorders and/or depression for me, so that's the main reason why things felt so difficult.

If you happen to be thinking something along the lines of "shut the fuck up, no one cares you were stressed, you're so privileged to even be able to own a house," ...believe me, I've already said to myself a million times. That is part of why I end up so depressed in the first place, because I feel like I “don’t have the right” when my life is so wonderful. But thanks to therapy I understand more about my mental illnesses and I'm trying to be less hard on myself now.

Still, I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea 😅.

---

Anyways! If you want to know more about our house/see some pics, the long version with all of my rambling is below the cut!

The long version:

My husband and I bought our first house in 2016, right after getting married. It was conveniently located right across the street from where we had been living with 4 of our friends (which is how we were able to save enough money to buy a house), but it was in such bad condition that it didn't even meet the FHA minimum property standards so we had to use a special type of mortgage to purchase it. We always meant for it to a long-term flip, planning to live there while renovating it so that we could sell it after a few years and use the profit to buy a house that would be more permanent.

We put so much literal blood sweat and tears into that house. In the beginning we spent every single hour of our spare time fixing up the house. We do all renovation work ourselves because my dad and husband have experience with demolition, electrical, and plumbing. And anything we don't know how to do we just figure out as we go along. The only time we hired a contractor was to replace the roof that had extensive water damage.

(This is the water damage discovered down the whole back of the house a few weeks after we bought it 🙃)

(One before-and-after out of many to avoid making this post absurdly long. The contractors finished the ceiling when they did the roof but otherwise we did all the work on that bathroom ourselves, including moving the shower wall back 6 inches so that the shower door wasn't mounted to the window trim 🤦🏻‍♀️)

Over a few years we worked on remodeling each room until we eventually we got super burnt out, and then the pandemic happened and we both fell into a deep depression. Finally, in 2022 I got myself a therapist and started clawing myself out of the dark place I was in, and at the start of April 2023 we started prepping the house to sell. I had been watching the market steadily increase to absolutely insane levels and knew it was kind of a “now or never” situation, even though I still felt very fragile mentally so I was worried how I would handle such a large undertaking.

I never could have imagined just how amazing it would turn out. We truly couldn't be happier with our new home, it’s pretty much everything we were hoping for and I still can’t believe how lucky we are to have gotten it. I was prepared to have a hard time finding an affordable house. I had heard of all kinds of horror stories and the crazy competition going on in the market was intimidating. I thought we were gearing up for the long haul, and prepared myself for a lot of disappointment. Our house was the first house we put an offer on (the third one we looked at in person) and we somehow got it! It’s insane, I'm so fucking grateful.

The only catch is that it's a lot more of a fixer upper than we had originally planned on buying. I didn’t think that we would ever buy another house that required as much renovation as our first one did, because that shit was intense and we are now in our 30s and very tired 😂. But our new house has so many features that were on our “would-love-to-have-but-probably-won't-find-in-this-economy” list like laundry upstairs and an attached garage (also a pond??!?! We have a fucking pond and I love it so so much🥹). So we knew we could turn it into a home we’d love spending our lives in if we put in the work. Plus it was actually well below our budget (probably because of the condition it was in).

We decided to offer what we were willing to pay, which was well above asking but we still didn't think we'd have a chance because the market is so competitive. I don’t know if our real estate agent just worked some magic (she was amazing), but we were genuinely stunned when she told us we got the house.

(Our beautiful pond🥹 🥰)

After that, things moved SO fast. The timing made it overlap with the prepping/listing of our first home, which was really stressful to juggle all at once on top of our full time jobs. I thought selling was going to be the easy part since the market is so skewed towards sellers right now. And it did go amazingly well once we listed (64 showings and 12 offers in one weekend, fucking nuts?!?!!), but the months leading up to listing the house were CRAZY. I knew it would be a lot of work to prep the house since we had a bunch of unfinished projects, 4 open permits with the town that we needed to get closed, and had accumulated so much shit over the years, but I definitely underestimated how intense it would be, especially with the overlap of buying our new house. I had used up all of my PTO for the year by June in order to deal with house things and felt like I was constantly on the verge of a mental breakdown. I pushed myself way past my limits and knew I would pay for it eventually.

But we made it through the chaos and officially moved in July. Let me just say that I hope I never have to move again😵‍💫. It was 90+ degrees (F), 95% + humidity that weekend, and then POURING rain on the day of the move🙃. But other than that, everything went pretty smoothly! After a couple weeks of getting settled and sleeping in the living room, we started on the renovations in early August.

(Before and after of our living room that we are using as a hobby room for D&D, music, art, etc I love it so much!)

(Before and after of the downstairs bedroom which we use as our office)

We remodeled two whole rooms in about 6 weeks, which was wayy too much. We had been going nonstop since April and by the time we got to October, I hit a wall. Because my mental health was incredibly fragile to begin with, surprise surprise I ended up stuck in another bout of horrific burnout-fueled depression for a solid 2+ months after we finally paused to take a break. I've struggled with my mental health since I was a teenager, having periods of depression, panic disorder, and GAD on and off. Also over the past year, I’ve started to suspect that I may have undiagnosed ADHD so there's a lot going on with my brain. I've always been a very sensitive person, and my mental health is the first thing to suffer if I don't take care of myself.

I started feeling a bit better in December, but then things got crazy again with work and the holidays, so I ended up back in burnout land yet again. Now I think I'm finally starting to truly recover as I enter the slow season at work. We are easing back into renovations but I've been trying to take it as easy on myself as possible to avoid falling back into that dark place, which is why you haven't seen much of me on tumblr. It bums me out, and I often feel frustrated with my own limitations when I see everyone posting and chatting and creating and I want so badly to join in, but I sadly just haven't had it in me for a long time. But I'm still lurking and forever obsessed with InuKag and hope to be recovered enough to participate in fandom stuff more soon!

I've still been writing and drawing here and there whenever I get a bit of inspiration. I actually just finished an Inuyasha redraw that I'll be posting soon! I've also been writing a lot more recently, or at least thinking a lot about my WIPs😂. The main one I've been working on is If It Kills Me, which I am dying to share with you all. But it's a mystery/thriller/actiony type of story with plot points that still need to be figured out, so once those pieces fall into place I will hopefully be able to wrap it up. I'm going to be working on it a lot in February, so we'll see what happens.

I would love to share my other main WIP The First and Last this summer (since it's a summer-based story), but we'll see how things go. The next major renovation project is the kitchen 😵‍💫, so fandom things might have to sadly take a backseat again during that. But I'll still be lurking here and missing you all! ❤️

[balladeez-nuts]

Recently I realized how much the song Pacific by Chase Petra fits Furina and Focalors' stories, so I figured I'd do a little (ha.. after finishing, maybe not little) lyric analysis. I'll go through the first verse and chorus from the eyes of Focalors and then move onto Furina as I think it fits better that way

"I hate gambling but I was handed a full house" This could represent how Focalors wanted nothing more than to be human, yet she was still granted divinity instead, which in most cases would be seen as a blessing, that is of course unless you see being human as far greater than any godly abilities.

"The swords on the cards sliced open my palms and all I could do was bleed on the money I’d won" This of course reiterates just how much her granted divinity was anything but a blessing. Not only did she not want godhood, but the threat of the prophecy coming as a package deal with her new responsibility wouldn't have been the easiest thing to handle. Having it all suddenly thrust upon you when your current beloved leader suddenly perishes.

"And everyone was confused, didn’t know why I was blue, couldn’t show them my wounds" Now obviously this one works more with Furina, but I believe I can make a case for connecting it with Focalors as well. As we're going to get into with the next couple of lyrics, Focalors' plan is to deceive everyone in order to deceive the heavenly principles, and though her mind's fortification may be stronger than that of Furina's because of her divinity, that doesn't mean she didn't have her own feelings about their predicament, especially at the beginning I'd wager. Anyone she had contact with prior to being given the seat of the Hydro archon she would have to leave behind, and as she says herself, she does fear her death, if only a little.

"Had to bluff after the game, knowing it wasn’t the same, I put a smile on my face" I could talk about the ways to interpret this line for paragraphs, but I'll spare you for now. What I've landed on, to keep it as simple as I can, are some pieces that are fairly obvious and some that are a little more between the lines. Obviously, the bluffing here would refer to her plan to feign the prophecy coming to pass. For the next bit, however, she knew Furina wasn't the same as her, but no one else would, and she put a smile on Furina's face, which for all intents and purposes is her face. In other words, she would be the only one aside from Furina herself to know that the prophecy as Celestia sees it happening isn't the same as what will actually happen, and she was directly responsible for Furina having to feign happiness for 500 years.

"Cause I looked like I owned the ocean after twenty years of staring at the sea" These lines are far more interesting from Furina's perspective, but for now, I think this part pertains quite well to Focalors recounting how she sat on the seabed until barnacles grew on her. It may well have been 20 years she spent thinking about how to handle and defy the prophecy.

"And all I could think about was the sand at the bottom and how I wished that it would bury me" Perhaps these are her feelings after she realizes her one chance to save her people is to sacrifice herself, to spend centuries in waiting just to gain enough power to destroy herself and her heavenly throne.

"And how the speed of light is far too fast to barrel into a tidal wave" Instead of focusing on the speed of light, I think this line suits more to highlight that the passage of time must have felt a lot quicker for her as a god than it did for Furina. And considering her, albeit small, fear of death, it must have felt far too fast as time barreled towards her impending sacrifice.

"Last night I cried enough to make the Pacific blush" It's not hard to imagine that before she separated the part of her that became Furina from herself she had more of Furina's sensitivity, and that perhaps with the crushing realization of her situation, she had cried quite a bit. It would be no surprise if the Hydro archon's tears were powerful as well, considering how the Hydro dragon's are.

"Now hear me say" I mark this line as the transition from Focalors to Furina, and it could be used for all sorts of moments with her. Luckily for us this line is used multiple times so I shall be using different moments for each one. This one particularly with its contrast to an upcoming line in its intensity in the singer's voice, I think it works quite well with how Furina first attempted her accession speech, polite and reserved. Asking to be heard, but not demanding it.

"I hate gambling but I was handed a full house" Now continuing from what I said above, obviously the more intensely sung part of this line would be her stepping into the intensity of the presence of a god. Onto the lyrics however, it's clear that this personality, no matter how effortlessly it looks, does not come naturally to her. Nevertheless she was handed this destiny, and like she says, it's hers alone to fulfill.

"Lost an ace in the deck don’t know how I’ll get around this" This line and how it focuses more on cards makes me think of Lyney, and the word "lost" fits well within this context as well. The first trial Furina takes up against the traveler she loses, which not only serves as wonderful foreshadowing for her final trial, but also begs the question, did she see it coming? It's quite possible she knew the traveler leaves change in their wake, she likely could see them being a cause of her act being threatened in the future, thus she would likely be questioning how she could possibly avoid that coming to pass.

"And everyone was confused, didn’t know why I was blue, couldn’t show them my wounds" This one doesn't need any stretches to be clear as day. Everyone was confused, most notably Neuvillette and Arlecchino as they had multiple meetings with Furina in an attempt to get any answers from her, yet still she let nothing slip. For her being blue, though it is contradictory to how she consistently presents herself as cheerful or at the very least confident, when Arlecchino threatens her life, she is able to see behind her mask for a moment. And this only serves to further confuse Arlecchino, why would a god be so meek, why would she be crying? As for being unable to show wounds, that is exactly the situation Furina is in. However, what really pulls me to this line is the almost regret in the singer's voice on the last word, this serves very well to highlight Furina's feelings after she, even if only in her inner world, denies confiding in the traveler. It's not exactly regret, but I think the mix of emotion in the singer's tone fits perfectly with where Furina's head was at.

"Had to bluff after the game, knowing it wasn’t the same, I put a smile on my face" I imagine this is when she takes over the trial, rallying the crowd in her favor despite knowing this isn't the same as the trials she is usually a spectator of. It is a trial against her, the "Hydro archon" after all, but despite this she still puts on a smile and stands her ground, confidently.

"Cause I looked like I owned the ocean, after twenty years of staring at the sea" She indeed looks like she owns the ocean, the seas, all of water itself, and she has spent the last 500 years maintaining this image.

"And all I could think about was the sand at the bottom, and how I wished that it would bury me" Through the entirety of her excruciatingly long life, she has been waiting for the end of it, the "magnificent and dramatic" trial that will save everyone. Though she doesn't know yet that this trial she is on is the trial she has been waiting for, I think it's safe to say that this line can represent her feelings about it. All she could think about was the end, and how she wants so desperately for it to come.

"And how the speed of light is far too fast to barrel into a tidal wave" Now this line could either be used in contrast to Focalors' version to show how agonizingly slow it has been for Furina to wait this long, or it could be used to represent how quickly her trial turns against her favor. Her weight with her people now meaning nearly nothing, even the Oratrice is not tilted towards her.

"Last night I cried enough to make the Pacific blush" This one speaks for itself, the countless nights she spent crying, so much so that she starts to not even realize when it slips through during the day, and the Fountain of Lucine carrying so much of her sadness that you can hear her sobbing in its flow if you listen close enough.

"Now hear me say" I think this line, though not holding as much desperation as she did, can fit the mark for her begging for her people to believe her. Even through her own tears, she needs them to believe her, they have to hear her. Anyone needs to hear her, and yet as the trial comes to an end not one person is even looking at her.

"I’m sorry" x8 Her apologies for the people who died due to her inability to take action as a true god would. When she goes to Poisson she is hit with a great amount of guilt, seeing the buildings greatly damaged and the place nearly completely evacuated, the emotion slowly building as each apology is said fits very well with how her emotions boil over, guilt, anger, helplessness, like she says "But what can I even do, other than to repeat meaningless apologies over and over?"

The repeated chorus after this serves well as a reiteration of the previous thoughts, but through an even more emotion heavy lens. The singing ramps up in emotional intensity, and specifically on the line "And how I wish that it would bury me", it sounds very raw. This jumps out to me as Furina telling herself to give up, that there's no point in holding out anymore. Despite how she holds strong, the desire to give up is still there, and this line represents it well.

"I’m sorry" x4 The resignation and sadness in these final apologies fits perfectly with Furina succumbing to the death sentence she thinks she has been given and the crushing realization that she has failed her people and that because of this everyone will die. She does not know this is part of Focalors' plan, she can't know in order for the plan to work, so she's playing her role, now without even knowing it, as the Hydro archon, weeping on her throne.

[asbestos4president]

Ham episode 2 "Whoopsies" transcript

Below the read more due to spoilers

[soothing music box lullaby mixed with Indie snoring]

[crash]

Indie

(waking up. Realisation that a spaceship has crashed through her roof)

AAAAA

Patty (genuinely apologetic) Oh my god, ma'am, I am so sorry for crashing through your roof at 5am on a Wednesday morning… Could you please stop screaming? I don't want the neighbours to think someone's been murdered.

Indie Someone has been murdered! My husband is under your spaceship!

Patty Oh darn oh darn oh darn… Um, I don't really know first aid but I've seen that one House MD episode where House does surgery on his own leg in a bathtub, so I could try-

Indie No, no, absolutely not! I've been waiting for him to die for ages so I could study his internal organs for signs of extraterrestrial life! I wish you had killed him a little more neatly, but as an academic I'm used to working with what I've got.

Patty Oh…kay?

[knocking]

Butler Is everything alright in there, Mrs. First Lady?

Indie Everything is fine! My husband is alive and I have zero alien visitors! We're just trying something new in the bedroom!

Butler Pardon?

Indie BDSM!

Patty

(at the same time)

Remodelling!

Butler That sounds… Rather advanced.

Indie We've been experimenting with, uh, wallpaper play! You get some paste and a roller and then you-

Butler I don't need to hear the gory details, ma'am.

Indie Then give us some privacy!

Butler Does the Mrs. first lady project that she shall be finished in time for her scheduled flight, or shall I inform the astrophysics conference that you send your regards but you find yourselves rather… tied up? And unable to come?

Indie Oh, I'm sure we'll be done in seconds. You always are, aren't you, dear?

Patty Uh.

(trying to make her voice deeper)

Yes?

Butler Very well. I shall return in an hour to escort you to the airport.

[door closes]

Patty Mrs. First Lady?! Oh dear oh dear oh dear… Did I just-

Indie Yes, you just killed the president of the United States, a noble and charitable act that billions will thank you for. No need to brag about it. Can you pass me that scalpel?

[star spangled banner begins playing in the background]

Patty Please don't turn me in! I mean, I'd understand if you did, but it was really an accident and I don't want to go to jail and we all make mistakes when we're young and nobody actually liked him that much in the first place if you don't mind me saying so, Mrs. First Lady. I mean, I guess you're Miss First Lady Now, because I killed your-

[extremely loud incorrect buzzer]

maybe I should stop talking.

Indie Maybe you should. No, I'm not going to turn you in.

Patty So I can go? I'm really terribly sorry about your husband and all that, but I was kind of on my way somewhere when I ran out of fuel and dropped through your roof. Do you want money? I have money. It's really only about thirty bucks because I spent most of it on minecraft skins. Shoot.

Indie Are you stupid?

Patty Yes!

Indie Oh, good. That'll make it easier to convince you of my plan. Listen, random alien lady. You just killed the most valuable specimen in my collection and you're going to cost me several thousand dollars in roof repair, which is rude of you. The least you can do is put on this wig and pretend to be my dead husband so I don't have to miss my conference just to attend his boring funeral. Pretty please? By the way, you should think very carefully about this decision because I have some serious dirt on you.

Patty I see! The fake marriage gambit, where I sacrifice my dignity in the early game to gain a later advantage. That might have worked on me if I hadn't spent most of my life forced into a situation where the only opening I knew how to play was the hide in a closet defence! Send me to jail if you want, I will never pretend to be a man again!

Indie You don't have to. It gives us a better cover story, anyway. Why is the president suddenly twenty years younger and also a beautiful woman? That's just what estrogen does to a motherfucker. Here, put on his tie.

(in an enthusiastic voice)

Wow, the resemblance is non-existent!

Patty I do look good in a suit… And I do like free holidays… And you are threatening to send me to jail… Alright, fine. One condition, though!

Indie You're in no position to negotiate.

Patty

(unfazed)

I get to do an accent!

Indie No accents under any circumstance.

Patty Please? I always wanted to do theatre in high school but it clashed with chess club.

(doing a dubious Russian accent)

Hello, yes, it is me, the president of United State. Please direct me to your highly classified government secret.

Indie I want a divorce.

Patty We just got married! Hand me the wig.

[aeroplane announcement jingle]

Announcement Hey everyone, you're on a plane! That's pretty cool! There are, like, emergency exits, but I'm not sure where they are. Um, if the plane crashes, that's our bad and we're really sorry, but flying a plane is harder than it looks, okay? So before you get mad at us for dumping you into the pacific ocean, I'd like to see you try and pilot this thing. You couldn't even get it off the ground! So, yeah, think before you criticise others. Also, my aunt Martha runs a funeral home, so text your loved ones to tell them they can use the discount code PLANECRASH28 for 20% off your funeral arrangements. Just kidding, Martha doesn't do handouts. You're paying full price just like the rest of us lowly mortals. Thank you for flying with United!

[ending aeroplane announcement jingle]

Patty Whew. Man, going through customs is scary. I always feel like they're gonna find a bomb in my luggage. Good thing the worst thing I had in my bag was a jar of peanut butter.

Indie Tell me about it! I was so worried they were gonna hold us up because of the dead body in my carry on!

Patty The WHAT?

Indie Relax. I remembered to drain all the blood out beforehand, otherwise we would be way over the liquid limit.

Hey, stop looking at me like that. What was I supposed to do, just leave him there for the cleaners to find? I folded him up real neatly and tucked him in my backpack.

Patty

(Miserable sigh)

You have a plan for getting rid of the body, right?

Indie Of course!

Patty Then, I guess it's your move. I'm gonna nap for twenty hours. Wake me up when the refreshments come round, okay?

Indie Hey hey hey, nononono. This is my first time meeting an alien, and I need to collect data! Let's start with the basics. What's your name?

Patty Patty.

Indie My name is The Noble and Honourable First Lady of the United States Her Holiness Independence Day, but I guess you can call me Indie since we're married now. Where are you from?

Patty Porirua.

Indie Wow! What planet is that?

Patty Like, Wellington-ish.

Indie

(no idea where that is) Ah.

Patty Listen, I'm not even an alien. I just have purple hair and lacklustre social skills and a bad habit of finding myself in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Indie You literally flew in on a spaceship! That's alien behaviour!

Patty It was my ex's spaceship.

Indie Were they an alien?

Patty Yeah.

Indie What type?

Patty Lesbian.

Indie Nice of them to let you borrow their spaceship.

Patty Yeah.

Indie Reeeeal nice.

Patty Yeah, it was.

Indie You stole it, didn't you?

Patty

(almost simultaneously)

I think it's time for me to ask you something.

Indie Oh? You want to know how I scored the president?

Patty How did you know?

Indie It's all anyone ever asks. No, "how was your day, Indie?" No, "can you tell me a fun fact about Jupiter's moons?" Only, "how do I find a man as rich and spineless as your husband?"

Patty He only lost his spine this morning. It's a recent development. I watched you reach in and pull it out.

Indie Semantics. Anyway, here's the story. Ever since I was a little kid I was always fascinated by space. I wanted to be an astrophysicist until I realised it was all math. Then I wanted to be an astronaut until I realised the food was shit. Finally my mom asked why I couldn't just get a degree in something sensible like art history, so to spite her I went to medical school and passed with all A's. I wanted to get a job doing alien autopsies, but when I brought it up at the hospital job interview the hiring staff got real quiet.

Patty Right.

Indie They suggested I seek psychological counselling and gave me a pamphlet. I suggested they seek medical attention and gave them a nasty bruise. As I was running from security, I glanced down at the pamphlet and was struck by a powerful vision!

Patty That's an interesting way of describing getting tased.

Indie No! It was a powerful vision of a gap in the research field! Nobody has ever studied the psychology of aliens!

Patty Let me tell you, they have some serious issues with emotional vulnerability.

Indie Is this about your ex-girlfriend again?

Patty

(lying)

No!

Indie Uh huh. Now, let me show you the one thing I learned from my degree. Put on these sunglasses.

Patty Huh? Okay.

[laser sound effect. Glass shattering.]

Patty Wow! The glare at people so hard their heads explode strategy! They banned that at most major tournaments after an incident in 2008. I think you killed the guy behind me.

Indie He'll be fine! Unless he isn't. Then he won't be fine. Anyway, I learned it from my thesis supervisor. It was the look she would give me everytime I dropped my work off on her desk. She would take a long sip of her coffee, remove her glasses, wipe them down with a cloth just in case what she was looking at was a streak of dirt instead of the culmination of my many years of educational struggle, read it again, then let the words sit with her for a second, then look me in the eye and tell me, "Miss Day, this is not a quasi-experimental study investigating the impact of parasocial engagement with an outgroup on reducing intergroup prejudice. This is the first draft of a science fiction novel, and you misused a semi-colon in paragraph five."

Patty Then what?

Indie Then I stormed out of her office and headed to a cafe on campus to drown my sorrows in overpriced coffee. And who did I lock eyes with across the room but future president of the United States, Beau Jiden himself!

Patty And he grinned, and everything about him was perfect, and you fell in love instantly?

Indie What? No. He was eating yoghurt with a fork, and I thought, "man, what a freak!" The only logical conclusion was that he must be an alien, so I took him out on a date to study him up close. My suspicions were confirmed when I took him to see The Thing and he spent the whole movie crying and shielding his eyes from the screen. I figured he must have felt really homesick, so I patted him on the back and let him throw up in my empty popcorn bucket. I didn't realise he was just some guy until four years into our marriage, and by then it was too late. If we got divorced, I'd have to admit to my thesis supervisor that she was right all along, aliens aren't real, and the psychology of boring old men has already been studied so extensively that there wasn't a single neuron in his brain I could wring a research paper out of. Oh, we're here!

Patty We still have over half of the flight to go.

Indie I told you I had a plan to dispose of the body, didn't I? See that lake down there? Now, you hold the bag while I-

[glass smashing]

[smooth jazz]

[static]

[classical music]

[static]

[short extract of somebody reading The Emperor of Ice-Cream by Wallace Stevens]

[static]

[heavy metal]

[static]

Reporter Tonight, our breaking story comes from 30,000 feet in the air, where the first lady Independence Day was sucked out of an aeroplane after an unexpected window failure reportedly caused by her smashing the glass with a brick. She was saved by her wife, president Beau Jiden, who is looking great these days, by the way. The president was able to grab her by the ankle and hold on tight until the plane could safely land. When we reached out for comment, the first lady, who was being treated by hospital staff for a dislocated shoulder, just said "whoopsies. My bad". The only other major casualty resulting from the incident was the loss of the first lady's luggage, last seen plummeting out the-

[static]

Asbestos But it doesn't say anywhere in the rule booklet that Chokeholds are prohibited!

Ham It's kind of an unspoken rule. Let go of Stanley!

Asbestos What about body slams?

Ham No!

Asbestos Double knee facebreakers?

Ham No!

Asbestos A tiny little eensy weensy spinning crucifix toss?

Ham Absolutely not! put him down!

Asbestos I'm going to write a strongly worded email to the inventor of Uno.

Ham I'm sure they'll be delighted to hear from you. Hey, do you see that?

Asbestos See what? Me throwing you out of the ship? Yeah, I see it in the not too distant future.

Ham No, falling towards us! It looks like a backpack!

Asbestos Open the hatch and catch it! There could be snacks inside! Ooh, or a bomb!

Ham I got it, I got it.

[thump]

[zipper]

Looks like it's just clothes and stuff. Ooh, and a jar of peanut butter! Does anyone have any allergies?

Asbestos Boring. Toss it back out.

Ham Wait, wait. There's a label. Do you know anyone named Patricia?

Asbestos

(laughing nervously)

I'm sure there are lots of people named Patricia. Give me that?

Ham Do you think the owner would mind if Stanley took this jacket? He thinks it's really cute.

Asbestos Whatever. Listen, I'm bored of Uno. Let's play Monopoly. Last man to lose both his kidneys wins!

Ham Sure, I mean who needs kidneys?

Asbestos That's the spirit!

[static]

[hospital equipment beeps]

Indie All in all, I think that was a resounding success!

Patty I would hate to encounter your interpretation of a devastating failure.

Indie Well, we got here in one piece-

(Patty coughs)

Mostly one piece, we dealt with our little problem with style and panache, and tomorrow I get to spend the whole day relaxing at the astrophysics conference while you're off playing golf with the prime minister of Australia.

Patty What?

Indie Oh, you thought we were here for fun? No. It's an election year, sweetheart. It's time to reaffirm some existing allyships and give the papers something to gossip about before the primary debates on Thursday.

Patty The what?

Indie Why don't you get some sleep before your big day tomorrow. I got the staff to bring in your stuff- your bag should be in the corner somewhere.

Patty If I had just remembered to fuel up before I left, I would be at the Idaho Potato Museum right now, admiring the-

Indie What? What is it? Hey, are you mad at me? Please don't be mad at me.

Patty Indie. We threw out the wrong bag. Your husband is in here, and he's starting to stink.

[beeps speed up and flatline]

Credits

Reporter Mrs president, do you have any response to the allegations that the voice of Independence Day is Jenny Wang, the voice of Patty is Monkozia, the voice of Asbestos Le Guin is Bulk, the voice of Hamuel Burger is Spikes, and the voice of this reporter is Dan Mac?

Patty

(doing The Accent again) Uh, well, that's, uh-

Reporter What about the damning claims that Jenny also voiced an airline announcement and Spikes also voiced a butler? Would you say this is indicative of the podcast's lack of budget or merely a testament to the incredible range of these talented performers?

Patty Um, can I say "no comment?"

Reporter Are you ever going to address the rising concerns of the general public that the editor of this podcast is Sarah, the episode art is by Bulk and the script is by Spikes?

Indie The president isn't taking further questions at this time!

(to Patty)

Come on, run!

[yokozii]

Life Update

full transparency: I figured I'd express and post this now before I don't have access to do so.

I have been trying my hardest to find work and I have an interview tomorrow but it is a distance I have to travel and I can't afford to get there. it was either buy food for next few days or not have enough for the ride. I literally have not had much $ this past month, from having to pack up and leave my hotel to moving here took all my money I had. my best friend even helped which was great, she's an angel and I even had a few people donate to help me which was wonderful I appreciate those people a ton too.  unfortunately this job, they're the only company that has replied to me within the last 2 weeks, my last interview decided not to pick me that I spent over a month in communication with which sucks. I've applied to 32 jobs within the last month. I literally counted them all and I feel like either someone is preventing me from getting hired, my phone & email are both hacked, or something is stopping my progression. patreon funds for June went towards my storage where all my things are *so grateful for everyone here for that* and transportation to move around. other than those I have nothing at this point. all of my saved $ went towards the hotel which is what frustrates me the most that they did not care about my situation at all prior to having to leave. to make matters worse the lady that I've been staying with doesn't really want me here & isn't who I thought she was when she offered me to stay. I thought she was a friend (old co-worker) but all she does is lie about everything, steal, and does alot of crooked hateful things to people and is really mean to her kids. but she sent me a text tonight that said her landlord found out I was staying here and I have to leave by friday or she gets evicted. which I don't know is even true or if she is lying about it and just wants me gone because I asked her eldest son who and he was clueless. either way I don't have anywhere to go, shelters are full for the next month near me and everything is getting worse and worse & I feel very hopeless. I don't know what to do.

I don't want to constantly ask or expect help but I do think this is because for so many years I went through alot of abuse and pain and did not ask for help which is more than likely why I'm in this position and I have no one to depend on irl, I have never asked for help up until I left last year and I still struggle with it and I'm doing all of this on my own without help. this is alot on me & I can't take this on

I don't know when I will be able to make anything new or be active creating so don't expect any CC moving forward for the time being. I just can't do this mentally

I'm mobile right now, but if anyone can help I'd be grateful. here are my links 

direct paypal link

cashapp : $Yokozii

Ko-Fi

thank you everyone , if you can't it's okay but please share if you can

*this will auto post when the queue runs out sometime in July, I'm not going to be actively posting for a while, I will check notifications from mobile*

[szynkaaa]

What are your thoughts when you see mutuals of yours using AI in their binds? I'm not defending afb at all, I think what they did and their attitude is vile, but why don't a lot of binders on instagram hold the same attitude towards AI and programs like midjourney? From my understanding, it's the same concept. It's still theft. These programs steal from artists without permission for the AI database. I've even seen someone using AI to edit a piece (avendell's art from grayscale to colored), which is as horrible as editing someone's typeset. I guess I'm just frustrated as an artist when I see such pretty books only to find out AI was used in the endpapers or dustjacket, and then see their friends cheering them on in the comments :/ It is so harmful to the art community, yet I feel like I can't speak up because many binders support it. I'd appreciate your thoughts on this though as a fellow artist

Hi! This is a very interesting ask and something I have been pondering for some time now but never really had the chance to put into words, so I will try me best to do it here :)

Disclaimer: those are my thoughts and observations about AI being used in book binds since I started binding almost 6 months ago. Please keep in mind this is just how * I * personally have decided to deal with my mutual using AI for their binds. I am not telling anyone that they should do or feel the same way as I do, each person has their own way to handle it. 

Short answer: Have spoken up about this before, which you can find in a post here and also on my IG story, there is a highlight called “no AI”. This is mostly from when I first started binding. I think my tone there is a bit more aggressive because there were just a lot of penned-up frustrations LOL, but most of the things I said there I still stand by them. 

Long answer under cut:

I’m an artist and have been drawing for 13 years now, and mostly hang out in the creative / artist sphere of the fandom sides online. Most artists do not support AI, and it has been incredibly frustrating to see how AI has just made life so much harder, from getting accused of using AI even though no AI is used, to seeing companies hiring artists who have also made a switch to AI and also support it, to Etsy sellers selling AI art on mugs and what not. 

I was in the exact same spot as you when I was doing my social media research on how to get started with bookbinding, and spent a lot of time scrolling through other binders instagram accounts to see what they have made. I am in awe of what they can make because like every craft, it takes money and time and practice to get really good at it and I have seen so so so so many pretty books, but then also quite shocked at how most binders view on AI art differs so much from the art community. AI is used for typesets and endpapers and dust jacket, and scrolling through the comment sections, there was no one speaking out against AI art (or some did and got snarky replies or comments were straight deleted). This did discourage me at first from taking up a new hobby and being an active part of the community. I should add here though that no one has to make their hobby public and post everything they make. Personally, for me, I don’t have any IRL friends to talk about bookbinding or, and I’m also an introvert, so meeting and making new friends online to chat about hobbies is the best way for me to go. Also I just like sharing my work, I’ve put so many hours and time into it, why shouldn’t I get to show it off. 

In the end, I have decided to make a book-binding account and be part of the fun and honestly, I don’t regret it. Everyone is super welcoming and will help you with any questions you have, I have made many great new friends and exchanged a few binds with people from across the pond. 

And yes, some of those friends and mutual binders use AI for their book binds, I’ve had discussions with them about it, where everyone gave their input and thoughts on the topic in a respectful, mature, and civil conversation. Opinions are split on the topic in the binding community, this is what I have observed and gathered from my binding journey so far: 

some people don’t know much about AI art or how it works, hence they decide not to touch it. 

Some didn’t know how AI worked, dabbled with it, read up on and decided not to use it anymore. 

Some have done extensive research on it with arguments from both artists and tech side, and then made a decision based on that 

Some see MJ as another tool like Canva to make graphics or whatever for your bind. 

Many binders use AI for their binds, because no money is made from it. It is (mostly) personal use, either for themselves or to gift away to friends.

One should always be transparent about whether MJ (midjourney) was used in their binds or not, to give people the choice to decide if they want to interact and support something with something that uses AI or not

Not all artists reply DM requests for permission to use their art for personal binds, or the art style / concept they have in their mind exists, so they resort to MJ as a quick solution

Not everyone has the money to commission artists, and especially for commissioned book binds, the prices for commercial art are not something everyone can afford.

The gist I got from the instagram binders (I don’t want to muddle them with AFB binders), is that they will try to use artist’s art with permission as much as they can, but roadblocks like the ones mentioned above happen and make them resort to MJ

Some artists do no want to be associated with AI at all so when they see that binders have used MJ for their binds before, they will not permit them to use their art

Some artists have spoken out against AI and talked with binders about the AI, but still take commissions / collab / trade with binders that have MJ works on their account 

I see more artists permitting binders to use their art for binds than rejecting the request even though some of those binders used MJ in their binds. I do believe that most artists do a quick social media check and see what exactly their work is being used for before answering

Some binders are not fully active on IG anymore because they see so many AI being used 

Many binders are still supporting artists in different ways such as subscribing to their patreon, donating to their ko-fi, buy their merch, share their art etc.

If given the chance, many binders would also love to collaborate with artists on a bind together - I’ve had several reach out to me and express their interest in collaborating together which I think is great. 

About Avendell’s art being colored via AI: there is one known binder on IG that edits art without artist’s permission and we all do not like them LMFAO. All the binders I have hang out and spoken to respect artist’s boundaries and would not use their art or edit it without their permission. 

The points above-mentioned are not me trying to justify and defend the binders that use MJ/AI, it is just me listing up my observations and things I have read and heard from binders that use AI.

I can’t fault artists for charging xxx amount for commissions because they have to make a living and pay bills too, but you also can’t condemn binders for not having the spare funds to commission artists because they also have bills to pay and groceries to buy. 

So on the one hand, if I put myself in the binder's shoes, I do understand the appeal of MJ and understand to a certain extent why they use MJ for their personal works, no money is made etc etc etc. On the other hand, it’s AI/MJ and as an artist myself it is frustrating to see AI on my dashboard and until there is a more ethical way to use AI, the law has updated on the usage and the artists whose work were used to train the machines without their consent, I will not support AI. 

AI art aside; binding books - especially a whole fanfic from scratch - requires so many other skills and labors put into making a book that also takes a long time and money invested to get better at. There is so much love and creativity put into a bind, and it amazes me what people can come up with that you most likely will never see in any mass production because it is a one-of-a-kind book. There are binders who have spent money purchasing stock image and font license for their personal binds, and will make sure they are respecting fanfic authors wishes and boundaries. For that, they have my admiration and respect and support and I am very happy to be still part of the community. I don’t think I need to get into how disrespectful the AFB Admin’s tone is in the overall post on top of them seemingly flipping off every one that is trying to have a civil conversation on the topic of sharing typesets without permission, editing art and straight up hold a best-copy-contest  in a “”Private”” group that accepts pretty much any application and has over 6k members. 

I don’t support AI, but I am very grateful that I have been welcomed very openly into a new community even though I have expressed freely in my public instagram account and on discord servers my disdain for AI. If I see my friends and mutual doing a bind where MJ is used, I simply don’t interact with the post, will not comment and share it in my stories, and move on. I personally don’t have the energy to comment and educate binders in comment sections for using MJ. I am friends with binders that use MJ, despite our different views on it, I have also blocked binders on insta because I do not agree with some of the things they said about AI and artists. And if binders do not want to interact with me because I don’t wanna support binds with AI - or artists do not want to talk to me anymore because I am friends and mutuals with MJ users, that’s fine too. I don't wanna get too caught up in the us (artist) against AI war, I wanna enjoy my new hobby and make pretty books.

I have been trying to incorporate more art that I draw myself into my binds and sharing WIPs and timelapses of the process, and I do hope that in some way this may help other binders also want to give digital art a go. 

At the end of the day, it’s up to each individual both binders and artists how they wanna deal with MJ being used on binds and how they are gonna interact with it. I’ve decided for myself that I do not want to let my view completely stop me from enjoying what has been a wonderful community experience so far.

[helly-watermelonsmellinfellon]

So, the drama currently going on in my life is Dave throwing a 3- month temper tantrum based on something I said months ago.

3 months ago, we were in a motel, and I was STILL sleeping on the floor. We had no food left besides bags of rice, cans of mixed veggies, and cans of diced tomatoes(plus salt, pepper, and garlic powder). Obviously, everyone was hungry. We only had a few dollars in the PayPal, and that money came from a renewed Subscription on my Ko-Fi.

At most, it was enough for rising-crust pizza at Walmart. Or... a tub of ice cream apparently.

See. Dave spent the past several hours complaining about there being no food and everything Bethy suggested was shot down cuz he had no money. Mom had no money. And there was less than $10 on PayPal, which was given through Ko-Fi, which PayPal took a portion of, so it was even less than the Subscription cost. And after hours of back and forth he suddenly sits up and goes, "Let's get ice cream."

So I, being the one with common sense and no small amount of annoyance, asked, "Why are we wasting money on ice cream after going hungry all day? Why would you buy ice cream instead of food?" (And his ass wonders why he can't lose weight? What is the obsession with ice cream ffs?)

Ever since then, he has been throwing a tantrum. Turns out, he HAD money of his own he just didn't want to use it personally. So, he drove out to get HIMSELF ice cream, and got like a pack of already-made cones, that he then ate all right there.

He was going to use MY MONEY to buy ice cream for everyone instead of getting like, stuff for PB&Js(which we could have afforded). He had some petty cash of his own on hand AFTER filling the gas tank, with more of MY MONEY.

His tantrum has extended all the way up to now. I've talked about how we've been able to do so much since we're not homeless anymore and we now have a stove. We've made homemade cheese sauce for mac n' cheese, homemade biscuits, homemade gravy, and homemade pasta. We've had chili, quesadillas, spaghetti & meatballs, baked chicken, ham & scalloped potatoes, hasselback potatoes, oatmeal, sausage gravy & biscuits, pancakes, rice, all sorts of canned veggies, soups, cereal, egg & cheese bagels, grilled cheese, PB&Js, lasagna, French Toast, and homemade Salisbury steak with a different homemade gravy.

Also, we made brownies. (And I'm gonna make choco chip cookies and Rice Krispy Treats soon.)

AND DAVE ATE NONE OF IT.

He whines about going hungry and having nothing to eat to anyone who will listen, but it's because of his own fragile ego. All cuz I had a problem with his plan on spending MY MONEY on shit we did not need; he's making it everyone else's problem.

(The biggest issue is that the lease is in his name this time so... mom doesn't want to start anything with him just to be safe. And ain't that a sad reality? We have to worry about potentially being kicked out if we offend him too much. After an entire year of me and donations from generous strangers keeping us afloat so we're not in a van all the time, we still can't fully relax cuz his ass is ungrateful. He's now telling people he's been working this entire time, and he will ignore all the good other people have done for us because it didn't come from him specifically.)

[queenofthearchipelago]

I think I've figured out why people can't get obsessed about the dragon prince as they used to. S1 left me intrigued, I thought about where the story was going all the time as I waited for s2. After s2, I couldn't wait for s3. I was constantly making theories and checking for the next release date. After s3, I was so obsessed with the story I basically spent an entire weekend screaming about it with the fandom. It was such a fun time to be in fandom.

And then the three year hiatus happened, and instead of a new season, we received books. Novelizations of the seasons, graphic novels of stories that are meant to happen between the seasons, short stories on their website. And I read none of them.

Then came season 4, which I KNOW was meant to function as foundation for this new arc the characters are going on, but that meant that it was slow compared to what came before. Which should have been fine, but I couldn't connect to the story anymore.

Because so much happened in the extra content that it feels impossible to create interesting theories that even might be correct unless you've read all the extra content. I don't feel equipped to theorize on where Callum and Rayla's relationship is going because I didn't read Through the Moon. It's lucky I have spoilers for that graphic novel because otherwise I wouldn't understand rayllum's relationship in the season at all without them.

And then there's Callum's spell book, which to my understanding lays out the different locations in Xadia, talks in depth about some characters in ways the show and novelizations don't, and talks about the different types of elves in ways that show is most likely never going to. For example, that the horn cuffs some elves wear most likely means they're married.

And so I see this show now, and I realize that unless I literally spend money on the 5+ books they've published so far, I cannot actually fully understand the story season by season as they're presented to me on Netflix anymore. I can't theorize about parallels in my own otp, I can't theorize about the world building, I can't even theorize about the literal Mystery of Aaravos.

And so I watch the show season 5, sure. But will I ever feel that deep obsession I feel towards my other fandoms again? No, probably not. Because in this fandom, the supporting material is essential to understanding the full arcs. And the show from season 4 on is less likely to be able to stand on its own.