#which is a trans girl or transfem who's a lesbian

[hyp3rfixation-h3ll]

All Inclusive Transbian Flag! (+ stripe meanings & higher contrast version) I don't normally post flags, but I'm proud of this one PARTICULARLY so :3 here you all go! This is the all-inclusive transbian flag, for when you're trans in ANY way, shape or form and are a lesbian! Anyone can use this except if you fall under my DNI or you're not a transbian (unless you're making a character who IS one) ( this flag has also been dubbed the sunset flag & the hyacinth flag (courtesy of my friend Angel @fawningdolls ! )

[smile-files]

i'm fighting every urge to headcanon nickel as a trans butch lesbian egg... and i'm losing...

[transmisogyny-explained]

I want to submit a perspective on "afab transfemininity" from. an afab multi gender person. I know my experience isn't representative of everyone who calls themselves this, but I wanted to at least share

I don't call myself a trans woman, I hesitate to call myself transfem. nonetheless, I feel connected to femininity in a distinctly transgender way. when I first came out, I hated being a girl. I was a transmedicalist and validated myself by invalidating others. I had to face a lot of internalized misogyny and transphobia in order to really learn what it meant to be a man. after I started testosterone about 3 yrs ago, I realized I was a lesbian, and started feeling more comfortable being, at least in part, a woman. it was different this time because it was something I liked, something new and my own, not something ascribed to me. it's not cisgender in any way, it is transfemininity

this being said, I know my experience toward transfemininity is extremely different from the norm. I am not what most people are referring to when they refer to transfems, and there are many definitions of transfem that do not include me. despite that, I do have some experiences that overlap, things I can relate to. my femininity is at its core transgender in nature. my gender now is more complex... I feel like both a man and a woman, neither and both. but that doesn't mean my feelings about my gender are predatory or invalid. I don't want to talk over transfems, I am very aware of my place in these conversations. but I still have a place, and it frustrates me to see you share posts that minimize my experience into a stereotype

Why do you view transfemininity as being, at its core, the experience of being “both a man and a woman” lmao

Get back to me when you start viewing trans women as actual women and transfemininity as actual femininity, and not an aesthetic or a vibe or “some other third thing” apart from femininity.

You “feel femininity in a distinctly transgender way?” Congrats! You’re nonbinary! But that is NOT what being a trans woman is — Their womanhood and femininity is not essentially different from cis women’s.

What you are describing is a very generic experience of being a feminine nonbinary person, and I don't say that to insult you; but to compare that experience to those of trans women’s betrays the fact that you don't view them as the same gender as cis women. Which is transmisogyny. It’s textbook third-gendering.

Call yourself a nonbinary woman- Call yourself whatever you want, in fact. But trans women and TMA people are never going to feel safe around you so long as you continue insisting that transfemininity is essentially the same as the nonbinary femininity you experience, and essentially different from “real” cis women’s femininity.

Also, can I just say that it’s a little condescending that you would end your ask by saying “I’m aware of my place in these conversations, but…”

Like, if you were really “aware of your place” and were actually listening to transfems when we talk about transfeminism, you would be able to recognize the enormous amount of transmisogyny baked into your message. On top of the third-gendering, you also managed to:

Imply that TMA people don’t understand the complexities of gender and nonbinarity like you, a TME person, do

Imply that TMA people creating the language and spaces to discuss our experiences in a way that excludes you, a TME person, is invalidating and somehow tantamount to labeling you as “predatory” (what does that even mean?)

Sent an unprompted ask to a transfem’s blog venting your frustrations with the language of transfeminism, despite the fact that I’m not even the one who made those posts?

Showed a pretty absurd amount of entitlement by insinuating that it’s somehow my problem that you feel frustration over misunderstanding the basics of transfeminist theory

Subtly demanded that I do the emotional labor of managing your frustration, which, frankly, is just classic misogyny

Displayed a complete lack of understanding towards what transmisogyny even is, nor why we, as the direct targets of transmisogyny, need the the language and spaces to discuss it

I really don’t care what transfem “experiences” you think you relate to, the fact that you perpetuate and can benefit from transmisogyny will always separate you from us, and if you actually gave a shit about us and our struggles, you would recognize that and try to be a better ally to us rather than co-opting and redefining our language in a shallow attempt to define us out of existence.

As has been said countless times now:

“Transfeminine” does not mean “trans + feminine,” it is a term coined by TMA people to describe our specific experiences with being denied our femininity. That is something which you, as a person for whom (as you said) womanhood/femininity was ascribed by the system of patriarchy, cannot understand in the way we do.

[dee-the-red-witch]

How to ACTUALLY date a trans girl

(This column was originally submitted to Autostraddle as a reply to their "A Trans Guy’s Guide to Picking Up a Trans Girl" but since they've apparently passed on it, it gets to be posted up free everywhere else instead.) Picture this- you’re a trans woman who’s been in transition for three years now. Your dating life has gone from abysmal to amazing in alternate fits and spurts and you’ve found not just one, but three awesome partners despite the many, MANY pitfalls you’ve experienced along the way. And then one day, your social media feeds ping up with screencaps of a guide to picking up girls like yourself. Needing a good laugh, you click through. And read. And proceed to smack your forehead with your own palm in frustration a few times and giggle and some other lines on the first readthrough. But things feel off, so you read again. And begin to seethe. And then start opening up the Word document and start typing frenziedly into it. Because honestly? At the end of the day, as a trans lesbian who dates all sorts of people on non-male parts of the amorphous spectral mass that is Gender, I feel like I’m obligated to. I wanted to go into that first reading and find a column that actually got things right, and this was so far off the mark in the worst ways, so I feel like I have to set some things down on paper. Because this guide reads, in so many ways, like everything my cisfem friends have complained about in the straight dating scene for years. Reading through it that second time, I felt almost the exact same sense of of sheer grease and sleaze that I’ve felt reading incel pickup guides. I felt like I was being seen as a pretty object at best and a disposable sex toy at worst. I wasn’t treated as human. At best it was a bunch of stereotypes, none of which applied to me. But under it all, I saw other bits- the tricks an abuser used to lure me in. The lies my rapist fed me. The excuses made by folks online for why I should be treated like a monster or thing because of my identity. You know, the specific blend of misogyny that singles out transfem identities in general- transmisogyny. And since we’re addressing the elephant in the room, I want to address a few particular points from Gabe’s article before I give you some real idea of how to go about this. And I want to emphasize here- this is after editing out a page of swearing, going over Gabe’s own past history of transmisogynistic writing, and just cutting it down to the actual points where the original article really went wrong, and also pick up a few points at the end that’ll actually work well for trans guys or anyone else who might be interested in a relationship with a trans girl. First off, if you’re trans as well? Stop playing the ‘we’re both trans’ card. ESPECIALLY if you’re coming at it from a ‘Why yes, I used to be a woman’ angle. For one, you’re telling us at the same time that you see us as former men, which is usually very much not the transfem experience (Personally, I always felt like I was putting on a ‘man’ act. All the time. Badly.) and for another, you’re being transphobic to yourself and your own identity. If we’re there to date you, it’s as the man you are- be that guy.

Secondly, just because the trans woman experience shares similarities with the experience you had trying to be a woman up until you came out and transitioned, it also has staggering fundamental differences, and your attempts to relate are going to highlight those differences in ways that aren’t going to work in your favor. We didn’t get to go shopping in public, or if we did, it was fraught with fear at being caught out in the early stages of transition, followed by massive frustrations with both trying to figure out where we fit into women’s sizing. And then discovering that absolutely nothing available in local stores, including thrift shops, would fit right, especially not that cute choker we’d always been drooling over. That nothing smelled right for lotion or perfume because we were dealing with a body chemistry that was going through a slow shift on HRT. And we don’t need or want to be reminded of just how much we stand out from the other girls in those kind of regards.

Also, maybe, just maybe, don’t do things that would get seen as completely misogynistic and creepy if you pulled them on a cisgender woman. Don’t go digging into her socials- stalkers and chasers pull that crap and it’s beyond tiresome. Don’t try to deduce what her pretransition life was like, that’s for her to share, if she chooses to. Don’t see her as a stereotype- some of us never played New Vegas, owned cat ears, or like thigh-highs. On that first date if you ever get there, don’t bring her flowers, lovebomb her like mad, constantly find little ways to touch her, any of that- if she has any experience, she’s waiting for the other shoe to drop in response, because she’s had this treatment before and it ended oh so badly. Just be yourself. And get it through your head that the bear is still definitely a choice regardless of everything- after all, we have examples like Gabe to prove that transmisogyny certainly isn’t limited to cis folks.

What should you do? Treat her like any other woman. Treat her like a human being, because we get so little of that, even from the rest of the LGBTQIA+ community. Yes, you’ll more than likely have to take initiative, because we’re used to seeing our attractions, needs, and desires as being perceived as aggressive or predatory by others. When you touch her, do it with assertion and intent- none of the little brushes and stalker moves- ask if you can hold her hand, or put an arm around her, so she knows you actually want to be here and want contact with her. Listen to her, and pay attention- let her be open and honest about her experiences and interests, and remember what she tells you, because she’s going to need to know that she’s wanted and valued for who she is and what she’s into, and it will be part of how she connects to you. And finally? Common sense and communication- every last one of us is different in a lot of ways, and asking or making room to talk about things from physical contact and sex to social activity or group outings or anything else can save a lot of blunders from ever happening. All in all you can and should date trans women! Please! A lot of the best relationships I’ve ever had were with other trans girls and I don’t regret any of those. But you have to put down the pickup guides, stop seeing us as fetish dispensers and sexy lampshades, and actually deal with us as people, first.

[unlimitedbutchworks]

i wish it was less complicated to talk about the ways in which people preferentially support transfems who present or talk about themselves in similar ways as before transition but there’s so many layers it’s just a pain and everyone else tunes it out. julia serano wrote that it’s often the case for tomboyish, masculine, or butchy trans women to be preferred and sought after over feminine trans women (notice how neutral isn’t an option for us? Ha-ha.) in lesbian and queer spaces, but i don’t think this is a whole truth in of itself; trans women who are very feminine are often othered and pushed away, but at the same time, the “support” for the masculine or boy-identified transfems is also highly circumstantial and fairweather. many perceived markers of masculinity, or absences of femininity, still bring transmisogynistic punishment and othering on these women.

in reality, i think what is really happening here is an unspoken, perhaps sometimes even unconscious bias against transfeminine transition. people who aren’t transfem, and often especially other trans people, are uncomfortable and afraid of the hybridity implied by people they thought were men blooming and changing and taking on aspects they didnt think possible. they don’t know what to do with the anomaly that calls the legitimacy of the binaries and gender systems into question through her active living, and so they want them to stop or to couch it within a context of preserved masculinity, manifesting as this “preference”. it’s a subliminated desire against transition rather than an enjoyment of masculine women, a shoring up of gendered walls to defend what manhood they hope remains, and sometimes it’s directly for detransition.

this is why you see people clamor about how attractive trans women with cropped short hair and undercuts are when a girl muses about how long her hair is getting. why you see people say that trans women who get laser hair removal are supporting gender norms, but at the same time misgender and hate on trans women with thick unshaven body hair. it’s why they love to see you joke about how bad of a man you make, but are put off and disturbed when you try to be taken seriously as anything else. even if they don’t word it or see it as such, a lot of people just genuinely only want transfems in their life to stay as hollow, subservient husks of boyhood for their enjoyment or political tokenization

[st-dionysus]

(The Poem is named) Emetophobia CW

It’s 2024 and I’m in a 20 year old drag bar, watching the very first trans-masculine performer to compete on their stage, he gets second place even though he deserved first.

I show up to the men’s bathhouse on trans night to get free entry and get turned away at the door, and told it’s for transgirls only, bitch you could have put it on the flyer that transmen need not apply.

I’m doing a line of ketamine off the table, calling it stealing transfem valor.

I get banned from the camsite for listing myself as transgender when I don’t have a dick, I complain online and get told that the trans-masculine body is to grotesque to be fetishized and I should be grateful.

I wear a packer and hitch up a skirt, walk the street, get $20, calling it stealing transfem valor.

Cissie puts a TW #body-mutilation tag under my thirst trap. Tranny puts a TW #dysphoria tag under my thirst trap.

T-girl with a callout post pedojackets me, Enby with TME in bio pedojackets me, T-boy with a self-deprecating joke about men in his bio pedojackets me.

I do another line of ketamine off the table, calling it stealing transfem valor.

I am at the woman’s clinic, I am at the woman’s clinic, I am at the woman’s clinic wearing a mask – not cause I’m compromised (I am), just to hide my beard – avoiding making everyone uncomfortable.

I am getting re-diagnosed with BPD, which just means I have bitch disorder and no one trusts me.

I take my pills and throw them up. I drink my liquor before the beer and throw them up.

I am just 14 when the picture and videos go up. Remind me that I have it easy, they were only pictures and videos.

I am just 17 when the recording of my proof stops before it happens, my phone memory is full, I’m called a liar and now I can’t see buttered crackers, thanksgiving, or sriracha sauce without wanting to kill myself.

No one gets me therapy, but they still want to convert me, she puts her hands down my pants, at least I’m 19, to remind me I’m a woman – tell me how they love trans men again.

I do a third line of ketamine off the table, realize it doesn’t effect me, calling it stealing transfem valor.

I call myself a dog, I start biting my lovers and I have to hold back from ripping out a chunk of flesh, I don’t think I’d throw it up.

I am reading the statistics, 40% of BPD patients try and kill themselves. 1 in 2 transgender men try and kill themselves. I’m one of them. I’m 12 and I swallowed all the pills. I’m 14 and the gun is empty. I’m 17 and I put the box-opener against my throat. Therapist calls me a liar, there is no scar, and my words don’t count for anything.

I’m using he/him pronouns for Stormé DeLarverie, like the stonewall veteran association said to, and telling you he started the riot, calling it stealing transfem valor from a woman who told you she didn’t fucking do it.

I’m shoving my fingers down my throat in a fit of mania, convinced I can vomit up my uterus. She tells me I should be grateful, she’d do anything to be able to get pregnant.

My brother in the struggle gets bottom surgery without top, calling it stealing transfem valor to feel comfortable in his body.

It’s 2024 and I’m at trans pride, the announcers tells everyone to give a round of applause for trans woman, a round of applause for gender-queers, a round of applause for transfems, a round of applause for the enbies, a round of applause for trans-masculine people. You forgot someone. Did you know a trans man started the first ever transgender pride parade?

A book on queer history talks about gay men and lesbians and trans women and the women who dressed as men for better job opportunities. I’m reminded that my invisibility is a privilege, if you aren’t seen you don’t get bashed.

I’m 13 and they throw me in the girls bathroom, pin me down, beat me, and in black sharpie write “dyke”, write “tranny”, write “lesbo”, and pull my hair out the cap I shoved it in.

I’m 19 with D cups that a binder can’t hide and a beard I refuse to shave less I break the mirror and kill myself with the shards of glass I would swallow.

Man at the bus stop calls me tranny and tells me I’ll never be a woman. I’d laugh if he didn’t have his hand on my throat. Calling it stealing transfem valor.

I’m 21 and have to pull a taser on him, cause from the back, even with short hair and top surgery, I look rape-able.

I’m 23 and in the gay district when they chase me down the street, calling me faggot.

Make another forcemasc post, calling it stealing transfem valor.

Read an article about a trans man prostitute that kills himself and ends up another female statistic.

Read an article about a trans man shooter, they blame the HRT he didn’t have access too.

Going to read a callout about me, five pages on Google Docs, does this post make it on the list?

Do a final line of ketamine, write the final line of a poem that makes me want to die, calling it stealing transfem valor.

I puke and miss the toilet.

[genderqueerdykes]

trans women & transfems have to jump through near impossible hoops to be gendered correctly and seen as real women. it's very true, very present in just about every pocket of society in general including trans spaces. it's so hard for other people to accept trans women as real women no matter what they do. this is important to discuss. there is something else to add to the conversation of the struggles trans people face, which is that trans men & mascs also have to jump through these same hurdles

if a trans man is not a hyper masculine or "normal" level of masculine cis passing dude, they're misgendered. if trans men do not or refuse to appeal to toxic masculine standards of what a "real man" is they're misgendered and disregarded as a stupid cis girl who's too stupid to think for themselves and is misguided and doesn't know what manhood "really" means. if trans men don't painstakingly try night and day, increase their T doses and focus on doing nothing but masculinizing, going to the gym, having only "male" interests. hanging out with only cishet men. if they don't do these things, they are not seen as men at all and are viewed as dumb cis girls.

if they're a masculine trans man, they're a "Confused butch lesbian" or a "tranny dyke". if they're a feminine trans man, they're called "quirky cis girls who need to feel special" or "transtrenders". if they're a gay man they're called a "tranny fag" or a fujoshi or a cishet woman. if they're genderfluid or bigender they're either called "AFAB" enbies or cis girls wanting to be special. if they're a feminine nonbinary person, they're called a quirky cis girl wanting to be special. if they're bigender they're called a quirky cis girl who wants attention. people threaten trans men & transmascs with corrective sexual assault in order to "force them to realize they're just stupid women", and unfortunately, this happens within the queer community as well as the tons of people outside of the community do it, mostly in both rad fem & specific transfeminine circles, though many other people do it as well.

trans men & mascs are constantly reduced to their genitals. people will say it's great for transfems & trans women to have penises, but it's gross for trans men to have vaginas. trans men who do have vaginas are reduced to them, and referred to in very disgusting, sexualized fashions when that trans man never consented to that or asked for it. trans men & mascs are reduced to sex objects & being women if they have vaginas. they're just stupid cis women who need to be fucked in order to remember that. if they have penises, they are mocked and told their penises are gross, among way worse things.

are we noticing a pattern here?

trans men & mascs have to perform to the most extreme toxic masculine standards in order to have anyone, cis, trans and everyone else to accept that they are masc/a man. when someone finds out someone is a trans man and/or masc they instantly start finding ways to reduce them to "quirky cis girls". people start instantly finding ways to misgender and de-gender them and all kinds of invalidating things such as questioning everything about them and treating them like they're too stupid to think for themselves.

trans men & mascs also do not have it easy and its okay to say that. i'm not saying that trans women & fems don't face these exact same things with being gendered correctly in fact, i'm saying they're very similar and just as bad. these are serious things to discuss at once in order to reveal just how bad transphobia is and how many people it affects. it's okay to talk about these things at the same time, it provides insight into what is happening to other trans people as well. we all have unique struggles. its okay to acknowledge that, and use words to describe it so that we can create open ended discussions and long lasting conversations that prove that what we are going through as a community is brutal and eats us alive.

we are all struggling. let that unite us so we can provide safety, comfort, understanding, and protection. the more we understand each others struggles, the easier to protect each other becomes, and it is a mutual thing, it is not purely one sided!

[psychotrenny]

One of the more depressing effects of systemic transmisogyny is the way some trans women get so desperate for any validation thar they start praising chasers. And not just specific chasers who gave them an apparently "good" experience, but with the entire concept of chasers as a whole. It's like they feel flattered by the idea of people seeing their transness as a positive characteristic, something that makes them attractive and special, while ignoring the way that even "best case" that attraction stems from a place of dehumanisation which sees you as merely part of a class of sex objects rather than an actual individual person. I say "best case" because for many chasers their attraction to transfeminity comes less from a desire for those associated characteristics in a vacuum, an inexplicably desire for girlcock or what have you, but from the vulnerability (both personal emotional and systemically socio-economic) that TMA people experience making them much easier to exploit and abuse

Like Pro-Chaser sentiment is a product of people completely misunderstanding what a Chaser is and what they do. No matter how lonely you are it doesn't do any good to see Chasers as some easy outlet for sex and validation; their treatment of transfems isn't just degrading but is often outright dangerous to an even greater extent than your average TME individual. Not the sort of people you want to be spending any time around

And sometimes you even see this sort of sentiment, this desire to be loved by someone who only loves you as a tranny because at least it's some sort of love you can get as a tranny, creep through when others are treating Chasers in a critical or mocking way. Like the Halimede MF twitter account's whole deal is roleplaying as a (somewhat exaggerated but still recognisable) specific sort of Lesbian Chaser; the "harmless transfeminist girl" if you will. Regardless of what you think of the bit, it's very clearly a bit. It's largely meant to be funny, but certainly not flattering to the kind of chaser Halimede embodies.

Most of the transfems I know recognise this, on one level or another, but you sometimes see girls express an almost genuine longing for her. A desperation for affection so great that it bleeds into how they treat a caricatured depiction of someone that is predatory on a fundamental level, just because it represents a "real woman" capable of feigning some shadow of respect for their identity and struggles despite the obviously dehumanising way with which this character regards trans women and their anatomy. Sure a lot of this "I want Halimede" stuff is just playing along with the joke, but some of it has enough genuine sentiment behind the irony that it makes you worry. To put it in Tumblr terms, HalimedeMF is another example of "You missed the point by idolising her". Which isn't to blame the individuals; the fact it happens at all is just another manifestation of a much larger and more horrible system. But it's saddening how attempts to criticise our oppression, even light-heartedly, can end up just reflecting it back into our faces. We need to do better than this

[househrt]

transfem egg Chase

secretly loves it whenever anyone calls him pretty (though he wishes they would stop adding "boy" afterwards)

has confusing feelings whenever House makes jokes about him being a girl (but he doesn't hate it?? does House know something?? what does it mean??)

cut his hair short to try and perform cis masculinity, and because he got dysphoric from being seen as "the male doctor with long hair" and now he's just seen as a doctor (but he misses his long hair)

was friends with mostly girls in high school and liked how they treated him like he wasn't that different from them

loves being a doctor because it means he has a gender neutral title and goes by his surname only

loves halloween (even though Australia doesn't really celebrate it like the US does) because it's an excuse to dress fem

experimented with feminisation when he was in the kink scene, but left the scene because he couldn't stop thinking about how it made him feel

prayed as a teenager in Catholic school that he would learn how to act and think like the other boys, because he never understood why he was different

and, post-egg-crack:

has the most gloriously lesbian relationship with previously-comphet-suffering Cameron, who is finally in a relationship that she hasn't felt is doomed from the start

is still the butt of House's jokes, but now she knows House was (mostly) just trying to crack her egg (house in this version of canon is dating trans man wilson btw)

post-cameron breakup, chase has a string of toxic messy lesbian situationships before figuring out the lesbian dating scene

is a total u-haul lesbian

other thoughts I had:

transfem chase with a short butch <333

wilson very awkwardly comes out to chase because he feels the need to give advice, but by this point chase is past the need for advice from dr repressed

house makes many jokes about chase being a diversity hire and/or that now house, as a cis man, is a minority on the team and therefore should be allowed to do whatever he wants (which is what he does anyway)

[tjodity]

dsmp lesbian analysis post

this was based on a misreading of a different post so now im rating how lesbian dsmp characters are. no real criteria just going off of vibes from a lesbian. based vaguely on how lesbian they are and how much they might identify as lesbian

C!Phil- (4/10)-he has a wife so thats something. he's kinda forgone most identities by this point he just does what he wants

C!Tubbo-(1/10)-im sorry thats just some binary gay transmasc guy. he may have briefly been a lesbian in his early teens so he had an extremely on the spot explanation for schlatt abt dressing masc but he likes men (a lot) so he never really had any attachment to the label

C!Ranboo-(3/10)-they arent really interested in women but he's got a lesbian gender thing goin on. guy with a weird relationship to femininity

C!Dream-(2/10)-she actually is a lesbian but no ones told her that yet and she's probably not gonna figure it out on her own. mamacita was an egg cracking experience

C!George-(0/10)-im sorry i dont see it

C!Niki-(10/10)- trans curious bisexual woman who wears a trench coat and has ratty dyed pink hair and knows how to tie a lot of different kinds of knots and not for boat reasons. she's having a full boar gender and sexuality crisis starting during the election. dyke as a gender identifier probably wouldn't occur to her but she'd like it a lot. she'd also like the old flag with the axe

C!Sam-(2/10)-not really a lesbian at all but if puffy squints hard enough while theyre making out sad style she can act like he's a cute butch

C!Fundy-(3/10)-he doesnt really call himself a lesbian but whenever he has a crush on a woman he in his head says he's being gay for her. accidentally postponed niki's sexuality crisis by transitioning to a guy

C!Punz-(10/10)-look at him. look at him. butch lesbian who kinda acts like a dog for the girl she's obsessed with. religious horror toxic devotion yuri buff lady general tragedy we got it all. also tommyinnit certified look

C!Hbomb-(3/10)-she's mostly straight but a lot of her admiration of other women and learning to do femininity in a way she likes kinda aligns her with lesbians. she believes in their beliefs

C!Sapnap-(??/10)-kinda in a quantum state of lesbianism for me. could go either way honestly. if her fiances want her to be a girl she can be

C!Karl-(9/10)-karl set off everyone's lesbian radar they didn't know they had which was really confusing cause it presented like a gay cis guy for a long while. tubbo just happens to ask her abt gender once on a whim n she's like oh no im a girl thing :3 and everyone else freaks out cause it was just not correcting them. it likes flamboyant masc fashion and being confusing

C!Quackity-(10/10)-watch the quackhalo date stream if you haven't yet i'm begging you. bigender transfem girlguy guygirl who wants to be someone's girlfriend and have a girlfriend or multiple or many. she's running the full gambit of presentation in a bunch of combos

C!Badboyhalo-(5/10)-Quackity brings out the lesbian in her (she's a closeted transfem lady and it makes her very flustered when she realizes q's calling her his girlfriend.) the bigboobies in bigboobyhalo are the result of lots and lots of estrogen

C!Wilbur-(0/10) he doesnt know lesbians are real

C!Puffy-(7/10)-the best way i can describe puffy's gender is that she is earnestly trying to be as confusing contradictory and horny as possible and it's working. she's a lesbian but only when she's a guy or just extremely down bad for some lady and if you called her a dyke she'd moan

C!Slimecicle-(7/10)-lesbian as a gender thing. he doesn't like using typical words to describe his gender but lesbian is the closest to standard it'll go

C!Hannah-(10/10)-she likes women. A LOT. and also worked hard to become one. just a lot about women going on in her life

C!Schlatt-(???/10)-he's got some shit to sort through n maybe that'll be a realization he makes down the road

C!Foolish-(2/10)-if you tried hard enough you could make him one

C!Tina-(10/10)-many of her actions are motivated by the need to kiss a girl with teeth

C!Eret-(8/10)-strong yuriful vibes

C!Tommyinnit-(9/10)-they are fucking ATTACHED to that label you can pry it from their cold dead hands. she also likes boys n is more platoniromantic than anything but. lesbian critter right there it's important to her

C!Aimsey-(-1000/10)-killed your wife idiot

[xenasaur]

So, you gonna admit you were wrong and forced a trans woman to out herself because “Everyone I Disagree With Is A TERF!” or what?

holy shit, you mean homunyas? hey tell her to unblock me, if she didn't like what I have to say about cryptoterfs when I thought she was cis, she's REALLY not gonna like what I have to say now that I know she's trans. because now I know she's not only spouting off crypto-terf shit, she's also doing it to someone who was supposed to be her own fucking sister. this intensifies my dislike of homunyas and I stand by every single fucking thing I said. poor "mean lesbian" can't take backlash? she shouldn't fucking harass transfems. nobody made her come on my post (which was about trans positivity) and call me a bigot for having a complex relationship with gender and sexuality (which is especially funny because by her own rules I'm a good girl Real Lesbian��️). nobody made her mark me as a transphobe on shinigami eyes. nobody made her out herself as trans. she experienced the consequences of her own fucking actions and is now trying to use her identity as a shield, because surely a trans woman couldn't POSSIBLY have shittons of internalized transphobia.

that being said, I obviously do not support the harassment of transfems, even if they fucking suck and are harassers themselves. idk what is going on with homunyas bc if i did a "where are they now" with every harasser i got I'd never have any free time. but we already have so much fucking shit to deal with every day without it. if you think you are helping me by harassing her, or are in any way doing this shit on my behalf, take a big fucking step back and realize You're The Homunyas Here. then go live in a monestary where trans people don't have to exist around you for a few years to do some deep soul-searching. then come back and voluntarily self-report so I can block your ass. don't fucking harass trans people. i get it, she sucks. just block and move on. you aren't making me feel better by making my sister feel worse.

[taylor-titmouse]

i think it's crazy that people come after you for not making f/f content, but what makes it even crazier is that. I distinctly remember a few instances of f/f content you *have* put out with transfems and it makes me side eye even harder that that doesn't seem to "count" for some of these askers

(for context, this is in relation to me being vocally annoyed on twitter that i was asked twice in one day why i have "i don't write f/f" in my retrospring faq when the reason it's there is so im not repeatedly asked about it)

i think that's reading too much into it. the people who ask usually aren't familiar with my work, and it's not very often that i do actually draw f/f so they probably don't see it. and it's usually not people coming after me (except when i push back and express frustration because god forbid). it's literally Just that i'm being asked at all, as if it's something that needs an explanation or justification. that's the part i want people to get their heads around. you don't need an explanation for why anyone wouldn't make porn of a specific sexuality. it's not your business. you should not be asking at all.

the personal reason i don't want to be asked is because i am a bi trans man. i am not a lesbian. my attraction to women is different. and coming to terms with that was a difficult part of my transition. and being asked why i don't write f/f comes with the subtext that i should be, that i need a good reason why i dont. but you wouldn't ask that of a cis man. why should you ask me? i'm a man. or do you not see me as one?

which is equally reading too much into what is probably simple curiosity. but that's how it feels whenever i'm asked, which is why i don't want to be asked, and why i put it in the faq. and got annoyed that i was asked twice in one day.

and it is all very dumb because i do Draw f/f. i just don't want to write it, because that occupies a different headspace and amount of effort i would rather put toward things i like more.

but there is the ratna vignette in objects of affection. maybe when that's out i can finally say "i did it. there it is. it's a woman peeling the skin off a girl robot so she can see the internals as she fucks it. enjoy."

[plaidos]

im a nonbinary/transmasc lesbian who generally feels more comfortable with transfems than other transmascs due to being a lesbian (which draws me towards women as my friends and connections, tho obviously not exclusively) and having a pretty big passion for transfeminism that the broader transmasc community doesnt super share - trans women make a pretty hefty majority of my friends because of this, and im happy w that fact and they're all super nice girls who im happy 2 know :) but i worry it comes off like, chasery, that i actively seek out connection w trans women in particular? is there a way to make sure i dont come off that way to my friends so they know i care abt them as people and not what their gender is or something? or am i getting in my own head about it

you’re probably getting in your own head about it. i can’t promise nobody will ever think you’re coming on strong, but generally speaking, transfems want to be friends with people who wanna be friends with us etc.

i mean, to put it into perspective, i wouldn’t have considered in a million years that you were treating trans women like objects from the description “i’m a transmasc lesbian who prefers hanging out with transfems” or even “i’m a transmasc lesbian who prefers hanging out with & dating transfems in comparison to transmascs, bc i’m a lesbian so i prefer women” like that just seems like a normal thing to feel imo

[winternimbus]

i've been holding back about going all out about transmisogyny on here apart from that one post i made last night--but i think it's fair to me that i should vent about a major pet peeve of mine; said pet peeve is that ALOT of people, especially TME people, have gotten way too comfortable with overstepping their boundaries by viewing the transfem identity and injokes which originated within the transfem community just as inconsequential toys to be played with, and not as important identities and injokes that are exclusive to trans women by this, i'm referring to how people like finnister deliberately using blahajs in the background of a photoshoot of his all while riding off of the "teehee! who knows if i'm a boy or a girl :)" schtick in order to appeal to transmisogynists who sexualize trans women until the cows come home. i'm also referring to the recent phenomenon on here of AFAB nonbinary and transmasc people who tack "transfem" as a label onto themselves. the latter instance is especially baffling to me--i love genderfuckery as a GNC nonbinary transfem lesbian, but this isn't how you do it. (something something "you may be a genderfreak dykefag, but are you normal about trans women, and can stand to share the same place with a trans woman without going ballistic?) to segue this, with that influx of AFAB nonbinary and transmasc people using "transfem" as a label... considering how TME people, especially AFAB NB and transmasc people, generally are much more populous and visible in queer spaces--especially in such stark contrast to the comparatively CONSIDERABLY smaller and much more close-knit transfem & AMAB NB population... it all goes back to the time-honored activity of "trans women make a joke amongst themselves, it gets decently popular within the trans community, and then TME people invite themselves in and essentially claim it for themselves". i'm not saying that TME people aren't allowed to make celeste, new vegas, and blahaj jokes--mind you, but those aren't jokes dedicated to the queer community as a whole. they're explicitly transfem-specific jokes, and the fact that they're jokes made by transfems should be respected. the sheer isolation and loss (and/or deliberate co-optation) of identity within the transfem community--both online and in-general can't go unstated, especially with trans women in the closet and/or trans women who're figuring themselves out. i still clearly remember being 16 back in october of 2017, knowing that i'm not cis--and i knew that i was nonbinary (i had used agender to identify myself with at the time, prior to me realizing that i was transfem a year later iirc), but i couldn't find ANYTHING for the AMAB nonbinary community for me to relate to, apart from this AMAB nonbinary bingo that i had found which had ultimately boiled down to several jokes of "do we even exist?". that fucks you up as an isolated teen looking for any semblance of identity and community

[drdemonprince]

Hey, I just wanted to thank you for your honesty and willingness to explain how queer spaces can be a lot less transphobic than discourse within the trans community can make it seem. A lot of the past few years for me have been spent closeted out of fear that reactions around me would be uniformly hostile. Things are obviously going to be different for me as a transfem, but I have a much easier time being optimistic now!

I am so glad! Listen, the people who post online all the time about how miserably hard it is to find a place for oneself as a trans person create a kind of reverse survivorship bias. They are the people who have already convinced themselves it's best to forever remain closeted or that forging any kind of accepting community for oneself is impossible. Often, they are also people who once harbored unrealistic fantasies about just strolling up one day into a pre-existing community that was perfect for them, not realizing that we must form our relationships painstakingly one by one (it tends to be the white eggs/unhappy lonely trans people who are most prone to thinking of community in that way). there's plenty of trans guys who are doomers like this too and they really tend to actively encourage one another to remain locked away. it's like incel kind of behavior when it's taken to its most extreme form. sometimes, it can be outwardly really nasty homophobic shit too (especially among "afabs" who complain about "cis gays" never accepting them and being super privileged). in its milder form, it's just extreme trauma brain.

The people you do not hear from so much are the people who are busy out in the world going on dates, acting in plays, getting their asses spanked in dungeons, playing tabletop roleplaying games, and going to farmer's markets with their three also transgender wives. Those are the people who know (that is to say, have learned!) how to interact with their fellow queer people, have spent some time out in the community, and in all likelihood have many rich friendships with cis lesbians, cis gay men, enbies, asexuals, bisexuals, straight ish poly people, and everybody else under our big umbrella.

I don't want to be overly pollyannaish because of course trans people have a tough time, and especially trans women have unfortunately to be on the lookout for really vile transmisogyny. But I think when people are wounded and traumatized by these things, they sometimes make the entire world sound incredibly unwelcoming, which creates a self-limiting feedback loop of isolation and mistrust. That is what trauma does! But it is not the truth. and we only learn otherwise when we give other people the chance to prove our worst fears wrong.

Like, just for an example, this Sunday I was at a silent book club at Dorothy, a gay bar on the west side that skews lesbian but is for everyone. I'd never been there before but it was an absolutely charming experience! Dozens upon dozens of lesbians draped over couches and curled up in chairs with their books, quaffing cocktails, alongside a few random dots of gay and/or trans men. Trans women were just a natural completely unremarkable feature of this environment. I couldn't even tell you how many t girls were there. It would be like counting plus sized girls or butches at this lesbian function. If it's a good lesbian function, there's gonna be a diverse crowd and it won't be weird or a big deal to anyone, they'll just be like any other women there. a lot of the big lesbian events here in Chicago (like Strapped) are organized by trans women, so of course there's a robust trans femme presence there.

And all of these groups at this function were getting laid. the couches were overflowing with women, so many that girls were grabbing pillows to sit on and huddle together with their books on the floor. Girls canoodled and cuddled on couches. I saw a cis alt girl covered in facial piercings flirting with a very prim and proper trans girl who was dressed like a victorian governness. they didnt know one another, but after the silent book club hour was done, they left for a while together, then came back with some food. across from me and my friends, i watched them gathering up on the couch, the space between their bodies slowly closing up into nothing over the course of the evening. they flirted and touched and then left the bar together to (and im no expert on body language but i could pick up on this one) fuck eachothers tits right off.

and of course plenty of other lesbians and wlw paired off or tripled off and had their fun too. again, just like steamworks, fat people, thin people, black and brown people, white people, disabled people, neurodivergent people, trans people, older people, younger people, everybody was there. like any good queer space, it was just a reflection of humanity. there is always more that can be done to make these spaces more broadly accessible to full community. but part of that is by putting ourselves there.

again i dont mean to make it sound like finding and making one's space is easy! especially not for trans women! but I also don't want people to get seduced by the hopeless jadedness that some foment online. there are spaces that some trans women I know will never go to -- even an explicitly trans affirming bookstore like Women and Children First gives many trans women I know bad vibes they cant quite explain but all feel (the store is owned and run by old white cis lesbians, it's not surprising to me that it's a little fucked no matter their good intentions) -- and ive heard people say transmisogynistic stuff at events, particularly from "ill date anybody but cis men" type t boys (my brothers, i hate you). shit can be tough. very tough. but also, the world isn't all uniformly as hostile as it's made out to be. there are people who are desperate to meet you. I hope you will come out to find them.

[velvetvexations]

incredible, i just saw a reblog of that "transfem headcanons are always better and sometimes transmasc headcanons actively make the text worse and more hateful" by someone i followed. funny to see discussions arguing against the post before seeing the post itself, otherwise i would have unthinkingly internalized it and felt like shit without knowing why. anyway, i unfollowed that person now. to make it worse, op tore into someone for claiming that chihiro from danganronpa is an exception and better read as transmasc... the irony is insane. yet another example besides miquella that would make the story more boring and maybe worse if transfem.

it's so disgustingly petty lmao

a lot of transfem headcanons are reaches, often "this is literally a man magically trapped in the body of a woman and he hates it and desperately keeps trying to go back to being a man" and it's FINE to headcanon characters however you want but since some people can't conceptualize being a woman as anything other than something they wish would happen to them they take characters like that and hiss if you go near them

i get the sense that there's a very specific, narrow demographic of transfems who used to buy into that reddit guy "being a hot 22-year-old girl must be like having 10 billion dollars" attitude and never really let it go. thus the fixation on "AFAB privilege". isee a similar mix of resentment and attraction from lesbian TERFs, though it comes from a different origin. and it's an attitude that can slide easily into TERFism even for cis men--just look at tatsuya ishida!

If anything the idealization of femininity a small minority of transfems exhibit when they complain endlessly about how good trans people AFAB have it would come more from dysphoria and the grass being greener on the other side. "An AFAB trans person will immediately revert to being an innocent little girl to hurl sexual assault accusations at trans women," however, is really concerning!

Regarding whether "binary privilege" exists, i am once again on my hands and knees begging people to actually look at the statistics. The US Transgender Survey and Cohnting Ourselves (from Aotearoa) are right there. And they both show that all trans people are about as badly off as each other regardless of their specific gender. Yes, there are some ways in which being nonbinary is particularly hard, such as not having a social role to fit into, I'm not denying any of that, but if you're going to call being binary a "privilege" then there needs to be a visible whole-group effect for binary people compared to nonbinary people. And there isn't one when you look at the numbers.

It's not really about non-binary people having it flat worse, more just situational complexities.

The thing about even discussing privilege (binary privilege in this case) is that so many people talk as if to have privilege means to inherently have privilege Over someone else. Like is it an advantage for me to be vaguely binary alligned enough sometimes to have a legal gender marker that is moderately less dysphoria inducing when some people are equally harmed by either? (Tbf I live in a state where x is an option, I simply do not feel safe with that 😵‍💫 (tho that does not help when nothing else other than state id accepts it)) like yeah it's a privilege but it's not privilege Over someone. It does not make me an oppressor or mean I am causing harm, which is a thing many people seem to believe, about various forms of privilege

That's a very good point, anon.

I suppose this isn’t how others I’ve seen think about it but. I’ve always just understood that you can be oppressed for being trans without your gender being affirmed. Like. The bigots understand you’re trans but that doesn’t make them think of you as your gender it makes them think of you as trans. Misgendering is such a huge part of what transphobes do and I’ve never once assumed they were like. Lying about seeing trans people that way. I don’t get acting like transphobes can see our, as you put it, soul gender.

It makes people feel better.