#which is a major running theme across much of what I make

[keii4ii]

Chapter 8

The Boy with the Arms: chapter 8 is all done. Read it here!

The embroidery-kill scene in this chapter (if you know, you know) is one of my favorite moments in the comic so far, and very different from my other fav scenes. It's traumatizing, horrifying yet incredibly gentle -- tender, even -- in multiple ways.

If this chapter gives you thoughts and feelings, too, I would love to hear from you! 👉👈

[guidaozongshi]

Sasuke and Japanese Masculinity

There are some Naruto/Sasuke blogs that I generally like and I am in agreement with many of their analysis but one of the ideas perpetuated by them is the idea that Sasuke is the feminine counterpart to Naruto' s masculine one or that he has characteristics typical of a heroine, which I can not agree with.

Let's start with one of the most befuddling claims that I have come across -

You can only come to the above conclusion if your only consumption of Japanese media include post 1980 Shounen or Toukatsu TV.

Theatre/Kabuki were enactment of the existing literature and I can assure you that their protagonists were FAR from the modern Shounen protagonists( I discuss this in detail below ).Almost every character in Kabuki has exaggerated make up and wore bright colour, it's not reserved for the protagonist either.

"The Ideal Japanese Hero"

This is a very broad term in itself that doesn't take into account the time period nor genre.

The character traits typical of a Shounen protagonists that presumably OP is talking about such as being short tempered/rebellious/punkish appears very late in the history of manga. These protagonists exhibited such qualities to be relatable to adolescent boys but they are not the ideal conception of masculinity in Japan and they are often criticised for being immature.

These characteristics are often not found in Seinen/Gekiga works, or any literature that is not targeted at kids.It consists of a very diverse variety of protagonists but they are much closer to the Japanese equivalent of a Byronic hero than a loud troublemaker. Take Blade of the Immortal , Vagabond , Berserk , Vinland Saga etc.

Back to Sasuke : Revenge and Restoring Honour

These are the topics that are so embedded in classical Japanese literature that there is an entire Genre dedicated to it : Jitsuroku

The one that started it all i.e Forty-Seven Ronin tells the story of revenge against a political opponent who caused the death of a Samurai lord by wrongfully framing him. This story and it's themes are embedded deep in Japanese heritage and remains one of the most influential works that would inspire similar stories.

The story of being wronged due to politics, resulting in dishonour and ultimately death and then being avenged by the protagonist who sets out to fulfill his duty of revenge and restoring their honor owing to filial piety or loyalty becomes a staple genre. One of the examples being Tales of Jiraiya, one of the many inspirations for Naruto

And Sasuke is a textbook example of such a character from this genre.

He is the typical classical Japanese male protagonist

Despite being a deuteraginist he challenged Naruto's role as a protagonist both in the text and outside of it . During the run of Naruto on Weekly Shounen Jump , Sasuke would occupy the #2 position for the vast majority of times and even beat Naruto at least once to take the #1 spot. His character and story arc was incredibly popular in Japan because it exhibited characteristics of a classical Japanese hero.

He might get mixed reactions in the West but he is beloved in Japan. So much so that some people wanted him to be the protagonist instead of Naruto.

Naruto while a beloved protagonist is considered too naive,and almost childish in his beliefs . While Sasuke is his mature counterpart who is capable of ideological introspection.

Blogs that are in favour of putting the 'heroine' role on Sasuke often use a comment made jokingly by one of the anime directors as Sasuke being the true heroine because he is to be chased and rescued by the protagonist or claim that some Japanese people discuss him as such and I am ????? Are you serious? This is such a superficial way of looking at their relationship and Sasuke's character arc or even what actually transpired between them that I am not even bothering countering it.

If you could browse 2channel back in the day , you would see hundreds of messages in various threads that Sasuke is apparently the true hero of the story or how they want Sasuke to be the protagonist. There would also be comments about how emasculating Naruto's relationship with Sasuke is but that is another can of worms.

It is a common sentiment in Japan that if Naruto was a Seinen manga, Sasuke would undoubtedly be the protagonist.

Instead of being the 'heroine' or 'feminine counterpart', Sasuke exhibits the reserved, graceful and mature masculinity typical of a classical Japanese hero in counter to the open,exuberant and juvenile masculinity of Naruto.

There are people who claim Sasuke being a bishounen and graceful is him being the feminine counterpart because he is the Yin to Naruto' Yang. I highly disagree, Yin-Yang analogy is used throughout the manga to describe contrasting forces especially darkness/hatred and light/love , it is not used to portray outward characteristics. Using Yin-Yang to explain their appearances or behaviour is just extrapolating using the philosophical concept outside of its use of the manga.

While femininity is associated with Yin, I would like people to introspect what 'feminine traits' in the Japanese context constitute. Because the 'feminine traits' that Sasuke apparently exhibits aren't feminine at all.

Sasuke-Naruto are not the only two duos with such outward contrasts anyways , it's predecessor duo and one of the most recognisable rivals (at least in Japan) like Rukawa-Sakuragi from Slam Dunk, which Kishimoto likely took inspiration from has Rukawa who is aloof and desirable vs Sakuragi who is more of a delinquent in both appearance and behaviour . Such contrasting outwardly attributes are present in a lot of Shonen rivalries, you don't need Yin-Yang concepts to explain these.

On this tangent I would actually recommend everyone to read Slam Dunk not only because it is good but to also actually understand how a normal Shonen rivalry between likely straight males works and how much of a deviation Sasuke and Naruto' relationship is. I mentioned before that Kishimoto likely took inspiration from this and I say this because in addition to Rukawa-Sakuragi's rivalry in the sport, there is a love triangle aspect to it. Sakuragi loves Akagi who has a crush on Rukawa, who doesn't care. Here's where the similarity in the dynamics ends. Sakuragi actually really likes the girl ,he only starts playing basketball to impress her and then develops a rivalry with Rukawa. I can go on about their similarities and Kishimoto's subversion but it's a topic for another post.

Getting back on topic.

Sasuke's Desirability and Beauty

One of the most common arguments that is used in favour for Sasuke as a heroine is that he is desired by multiple people in the story and how his beauty is commented and highlighted on, and that these are the features apparently typically given to the female love interest.

This is one of the most ignorant claims I have ever come accross. Japanese literature has a long-standing tradition of exalting the beauty of males and their desirability, often to denote how perfect and/or otherworldly the person is.

One of the seminal works in Japanese literature Tales of Genji had to say this about its protagonist Hikaru Genji : "His appearance tempted men and women alike, as he had smooth white skin, excellent fashion sense, which increased his fame and popularity". His beauty is commented throughout the novel and he is desired by many, this doesn't negate his very masculine character.

It brings me to the next topic:

Bishounen

This is a term with so much history and what tropes it is associated with changes according to what genre it is used in that I am not surprised that some people just use it as a synonym for feminine/homosexual men. But in the contemporary lexicon and usage it just means a pretty boy of any sexuality.

Bishounen serve as love interests in Shoujo, the entire cast in a BL, Antagonist/Rival and sometimes even the protagonist in Shounen and Seinen. It just means a man who looks handsome/beautiful in a androgynous way but at the same time not be mistaken for a girl.

I came across this post and this is what put me over the edge to actually create a proper post because the claims here are completely eregrious

" saying Sasuke is meant to be a typical Japanese ideal of masculinity....... wearing lipstick crazy"

I don't think that the author drawing Sasuke with stage makeup on a cover featuring him as an actor negates the fact that Sasuke is meant to be a typical Japanese ideal of masculinity, I have already discussed it in detail above the reasons he is considered such.

"call Sasuke the Japanese ideal of masculinity... funny... meant to be bishounen"

OP themselves doesn't have any Idea on the Japanese conceptualisation of masculinity nor the term Bishounen, which is fine if they weren't scoffing at an objectively correct reading of a character due to their own ignorance.

Being beautiful, youthful and desirable is well within the form of Japanese masculinity. Being bishounen doesn't negate masculinity, on the contrary validates it.

The sublime masculine Samurai were obsessed with keeping youthful appearances. And there is a reason almost all Japanese male idols/actors/singers strive to look androgynous.

I don't think Sasuke/Sakura shippers refuse to accept that he is Bishounen, that's quite literally one of his appeals,it's a general term not exclusively used to describe homosexual men. The origins of the term definitely contains homoeroticism but as I have said before that in contemporary usage it just means a pretty man and can be found in almost all type of Japanese media.

However if anybody uses the 'Japanese Ideal of masculinity' as an argument against him being attracted to a man, they would be displaying ignorance as these are concepts which can be found in a complementary fashion throughout Japanese literature.

Bishounen also has different tropes associated with it depending on the genre:

Comics for younger boys tend to use arrogant bishōnen in the role of the recurring minor rivals readers love to hate, though their effeminate good looks there, they will often appear older... stronger, and thus in fact more masculine than the commonly shorter and less mature protagonists.

- Manga: The Complete Guide, Del Rey

I think many people cannot let go of their Western sensibilities when analysing the text, especially in relationship to concepts like masculinity which is very dynamic even in Japan. They see two contrasting masculine characters: one being more open and brash and the other being reserved and graceful , and come to the conclusion that the latter is the feminine counterpart , which cannot be further from the truth.

Either that or some people are affected by their bias towards a certain pairing dynamic.

TL;DR Sasuke is the embodiment of classic Japanese masculinity

[gh0stofstarman]

A Ramble about X-Men

I’m a pretty big Marvel comics fan. I’ve had a Marvel Unlimited Subscription since the pandemic and I’ve pretty much run the gamut of heroes. Avengers, Iron Man, Captain America, Captain Marvel, Ms. Marvel, Squirrel Girl, Fantastic Four, Peter Parker Spider-Man, Spider-Gwen, Miles Morales Spider-Man, Spider-Girl, Quasar, Thor, Eternals, Hawkeye, Howard the Duck, What if?, Deadpool, I could go on forever. And I can pick a run for each of these characters that I specifically clicked with a certain author and the themes they chose.

Except X-Men.

Which is ironic, because I love the X-Men shows, the characters, their major themes, their designs, their movies. Heck it’s not like I haven’t read most of Claremont’s run and beyond.

But I’ve never had a run that actually fully clicked with me, and I kinda wanted to ramble about why. No idea if this will be a series or whatever.

Chris Claremont

Admittedly I’ve never really been one to seek out every single spinoff of a series so most of my experience with the “golden age” of X-Men is with the mainline Uncanny X-Men rather than stuff like the New Mutants. I know it’s sacrilege in some circles not to go in full chronological order with the spinoff series bouncing between but I’m just not that way.

Anyways while Jack Kirby and Stan Lee created the blueprint for what would define X-Men on a fundamental level, Chris Claremont would be the author who made the heroes popular. Storm, Colossus, Wolverine, Jean Grey, Cyclops, Nightcrawler, Banshee … Sunfire, Thunderbird … okay not all of them stuck. But Claremont would write iconic stories that are beloved and I love as well such as the OG Giant Size X-Men comic, Proteus, Days of Future Past, God Loves, Man Kills, and the Dark Phoenix Saga. Stuff that truly gets to the heart of the X-Men fighting against discrimination and hate, proving they deserve a chance to live as they want.

Then that should settle it! I like Chris Claremont, then! These are the most iconic storylines that means I love the most iconic incarnation of the X-Men.

Not really.

Chris Claremont founded a lot of good ideas that would be the springboard used by other authors in years to come. But it’s not as though his stint was as brief as Lee/Kirby or Roy Thomas.

16 years.

And most of what I mentioned is spread far across the first 8.

So what about the bits in-between?

Well, if I had to describe the majority of Claremont’s writing as X-Men outside of these storylines is that it’s kinda a roulette wheel.

This was back in the day where you had to have some bonkers concepts to hook the reader in. Vampires, sci-fi tech, aliens, gods, demons, etc. And most of the time Chris chose a random one to analyze the X-Men under and reevaluate how they can be used for the X-Men’s explicit purpose of fighting against discrimination and promoting equality and diversity.

Which often leads to those aforementioned storylines where they build on this very well. X-Men vs Televangelism does go out into creating weird devices to mind control people but it’s all in service to the team’s message. The bad future the sentinels create in Days of Future Past can easily be seen as a dystopian future where discrimination is normalized.

However sometimes Chris can’t help himself and adds more layers of insanity to the plot, to the point the message kinda gets lost in the mix.

Here’s an example.

X-Men go mysteriously missing, only for Beast to find them working at a circus freak show. Interesting. Leads back to the idea of them being demoralized and treated as freaks rather than real people.

Beast does some snooping around, finding that Magneto is the mastermind behind this. Perhaps he’s trying to humiliate the X-Men and get them to give up their hope for equality seeing how humanity makes fun of them while also getting revenge because he’s the bad guy.

They fight Magneto but are bested in combat. It’s then revealed that Magneto, after being turned into a baby in a previous comic did want revenge, so he took the X-Men to his Antarctic base to … mentally regress them into babies and torture them with a nanny bot.

Huh?

And I’d be lying if I said this sort of weird progression isn’t a repeating theme.

X-Men go to space to fight aliens; makes sense because all the other heroes were fighting aliens so they gotta prove they’re on the level. Alien fighting leads into them meeting Xenomorph-like aliens that slowly transform the X-Men into them; drama is created. X-Men escape but still are transforming, so Storm befriends a space whale and then becomes one to cure everyone; buh?!?!

Like I feel like some of these stories increase the insanity progressively but they go a little step too far. Sometimes it’s just out of nowhere like when demons kidnap the X-Men even though they were never hinted before to care about them, and somehow age up Magik to an adult. Or just Storm becomes a vampire suddenly even though last issue there was nothing even slightly referencing vampires.

It’s kind of a curse because X-Men is constantly trying to get bigger and bigger under Claremont but sometimes you’d prefer it just to take it slow and get back to the more straight forward connections to fighting oppression and discrimination.

Ironically it causes me to appreciate the more mundane moments that aren’t trying to be huge plot twists one on top of each other. Stuff like Kitty Pryde and Storm hanging out, going to Japan and getting to know Wolverine better, Nightcrawler trying to socialize more, and just Beast’s witty banter.

But even that can be a little fumbled at times because well,

Chris Claremont is a straight white guy.

And there’s nothing wrong with that at all. But you can tell he has hang-ups trying to write about race or women because he doesn’t really have those experiences. Therefore, sometimes when he tries to write soliloquies and romances (which is pretty common), sometimes it can fall flat because of his perspective.

There is a lot of romance and relationship drama in X-Men, which is understandable and needed for the narrative. But so much becomes either bland, unintentionally problematic, or just too brief to make any true impact.

I’d say the biggest exception is Jean/Cyclops because they’ve been established for years and it’s very clear they care about each other. However, Jean dies in Dark Phoenix (at least that was the intent of the time) so a lot of the time the series bounces between other couples.

He later meets and then marries Madelyne Pryor, who is noted to look nearly identical to Jean. However that just makes things awkward as Madelyne often plays the role of “Not-Jean.” It at least has an interesting through line of him working through his grief, but little time is actually given for Madelyne’s own agency to break out of “Not-Jean,” which makes it really awkward when it’s revealed she’s a clone of Jean and Jean was alive all this time. So … what was the point?

Charles Xavier has so many love interests but often times he comes off as a jerk. Moira MacTaggart, Liliandra … even at one point Jean herself but everyone buries this for good reason. He comes off as very manipulative both to his partner and the X-Men. Charles is very unsympathetic to Moira’s predicament in raising Proteus. Liliandra he’s willing to bend over backwards for even if it means that he’s breaking his own morals in the process. And we don’t talk about Jean. However this would mostly be used by other authors to analyze how good of a leader Charles is, and more of his flaws. Meanwhile, Chris Claremont normalizes his behavior and rarely calls him out on it.

Colossus and Kitty Pryde.

What can I say about them? Colossus is an adult, Kitty Pryde is still a kid. It’s gross, but Chris wants you to really know they love each other more than a brother-and-sister relationship would. And they even point out it’s creepy, yet they still do it anyways.

Wolverine is entirely a whole other can of worms that I could write about separately.

Ironically some of the relationships that aren’t confirmed because of the times but are implied like Mystique and Destiny or Storm and Stevie are actually a lot better and written with much more nuance. However again nothing is confirmed and could be left to interpretation such as with Storm and Stevie. After all they do try to pair up these characters in straight couples … problematically but still.

Ultimately I feel like Claremont does have a lot of good ideas but the execution of them is where the ball is dropped. I would never call his run bad but I’ve never really felt compelled to return to it. I can’t deny the impact it’s made by any measure. However, returning to the originals just makes you wonder, how did some of this lead to Claremont’s X-Men being held up as an absolute gold standard comic?

I don’t know this was a long rant and I dunno if I’ll do it again. If you liked this let me know

[pearlahearts]

Kinktober Day 7 - Toji Fushiguro

pairing | toji fushiguro/fem!reader

warnings | smut, streaming, fake blood play, masturbation (f&m)

notes | this took a turn i didn't expect it to. i enjoyed writing it regardless

toji + camgirl

as of late, toji has been looking forward to holidays. halloween, christmas, new years. all of them have him excited.

but not excited in the way that everyone else is. toji doesn’t do the family or the bonding, or the traditions shit on holidays.

no.

he’s usually alone, in the dark, on his bed, pumping his thick cock to the sight of you fucking yourself with a holiday-themed dildo.

tonight, you’re dressed up as a succubus. or that’s what he assumes that’s what you’re going for when he sees the dark red lingerie on your body and fake horns on your head. 

the sight of your lackluster succubus costume has his dick hard, granted though, it doesn't take much for his dick to get hard. At least when it comes to you. 

so, like usual, he’s sitting on his bed, back leaning against the wall, watching you pleasure yourself on his phone. 

his phone is in one hand and his rock-hard cock is in the other, stroking it at a leisurely pace.

he watches you as you go through the little bit that you usually do at the beginning of your streams.

you thank the viewers, show off gifts, and flirt with the people in the comments. All things that bore him to death. 

sure, he knows that makes him a loser, just wanting you to ‘get on with it’, but it’s a major turn-off to see you force yourself to flirt with even bigger losers.

he notices that you’ve finally adjusted yourself away from the camera to lay back on your bed. he can feel himself getting excited and adjusts himself to be a bit more comfortable. his hands grip his cock a bit tighter as he watches you run your hands up and down your body, sensually running them over your mound and groping at your breasts.

you’re a special sight to see and hear. the soft moans you let out as you caress your body, if he was the type of guy, he’d bust a load right now. But he’s not that type of guy, he likes to make his orgasms count, especially when it comes to watching you.

he watches as you unhook your red bra and begins to tweak and tease your nipples, your legs spreading open to show the wet spot forming on your panties.

he can see in the corner of his eyes the comments are forming faster now, but he maintains focus on you and stroking his cock. one of your hands has moved away from your breast to rub yourself through your panties.

your soft moans start to get more pronounced and your hips jerk up a little every time the rough fabric of your panties catches your clit. 

toji strokes his cock faster, matching the pace at that your hand rubs pussy over your panties. 

he can see that you’re getting close just from rubbing yourself, and he knows you’re about to stop. and just like clockwork, you do. a dazed look in your eyes and a shy, dopey smile on your face as you sit up and reach off-camera to grab your dildo of the night.

but you surprise him and your hand brings into the camera what looks like a bag of blood.

the sight of the bag of gore makes him release his cock from his hand and stare at his phone with concern.

“don’t worry guys!” you say quickly. “it’s just corn syrup and food dye!”

your explanation doesn’t lessen his concerns.

the fake blood play is kind of extreme for you to do. sure, you’ve played into a lot of crazy fantasies and stuffed way too big dildos inside of you, but the fake blood throws him off.

maybe it’s because he’s so closely involved with real blood.

but, he can be a man who is open to new things, so he relaxes again a watches as you lean off again to grab a towel and situate yourself on top of it.

you dip your hand into a bag, so the corn syrup mixture lightly coats your hand, and you start to rub your breasts with both hands again.

the fake blood glides across your skin and breasts with ease. a slick sound comes from toji’s phone, which causes him to grip his cock and stroke it harder. he didn’t think this would turn him on so much.

you stop your ministrations on your upper body, your chest, and torso streaked with fake blood. 

you wipe your sticky hands on your towel and grab your dildo and lube from off-camera. you place your items next to you as you start to shimmy off your panties. 

as you get fully naked, toji can't help but notice what kind of dildo you have for tonight. it’s large, maybe 8 or 9 inches. it’s a human-shaped one with a red and black marbled color going on. it fits the whole succubus theme, which is to be expected.

now you’re drizzling the lube onto the dildo, rubbing it up and down the length before leaning back onto your elbows.

you take the dildo to your core, circling the tip around your hole. you’re soaked and he can hear it. 

toji strokes his cock at the same pace that you’re circling the dildo around your hole. he can feel the early signs of his release coming and lets go of his cock to last longer.

you finally stuff the dildo inside you with a drawn-out moan. you quickly begin to thrust it in and out of you with wet squelches.

the sounds your pussy makes, and the way it stretches around that thick dildo has toji’s stomach clenched in need. so he wraps his hand around his cock and beings to stroke it at the same pace you’re thrusting the dildo inside of you. 

he stops for a moment to spit in his hand so it can glide up and down his cock. he strokes it from base to tip over and over. making sure to occasionally swipe the tip with his thumb.

he’s in sync with you. the way he’s stroking himself, when he moans, it’s all lined up to you. 

he can feel himself nearing his release, and he can tell you’re close too. he can see the way that you’re creaming around the dildo, your juices dripping down onto the towel below you.

your thrusts and moans are getting more erratic and your hips are jumping every time you slam the dildo into your g-spot. 

you start to go faster so he starts to go faster, eager to cum with you at the same time. your free hand is clenching the sheets and towel below you, you thrust the dildo into you a few more times before you let it go – leaving it inside you – and begin to rub your clit frantically.

he speeds up the pace on his cock as well. the mixture of the fast pace on his cock and the wet sounds coming from both of you has him teetering on the edge of his release.

as soon as he sees you clenching your toes, your pussy creaming and drooling over the dildo, he can feel himself cumming all over his hand. he lets out low moans at the feeling of his release. you’re convulsing on your bed, loud moans coming from his phone speakers.

you both take a moment to collect your breaths before you get up to do a final conversation with the viewers and he gets up to clean himself off. 

after he’s taken a quick shower, he lies in bed, staring up at the ceiling. he ponders over the stream you had today. the fake blood was a surprise but he’s intrigued by how turned on he was at the sight of you covered in blood. 

he gets distracted from his thoughts when he hears footsteps make their way down the hall, and a few moments later, the door to his room opening then closes. 

he turns his head to see you, all cleaned up with freshly washed hair and in your pajamas.

“how’d you like it?” you ask as you crawl under the covers and cuddle up to him.

“the blood was a surprise, but i was into it,” he confesses, wrapping an arm around you. 

“i still have some more left over,” you whisper up at him from his chest. he gazes down to look at your face. 

you’re still horny, he can tell by the way your eyes are glazed over and the way that you’re breathing heavily. it's enough to make him hard again.

“well, what are you waitin’ for, go get it,” he commands gruffly.

you scamper out of the bed and out of the room, getting the supplies for the long night ahead of you.

copyright © pearlahearts

do not copy or repost my work anywhere

[literary-illuminati]

2024 Book Review #34 – Children of Memory by Adrian Tchaikovsky

Overview

I have had this on my list for long enough for my request that the local library get a copy actually result in me getting my hands on it. It’s the third instalment (the last? I’m not sure – the ending here felt like far less of a natural conclusion than the ending to either of the previous two) of what is for my money some of the absolute best space opera (maybe even just science fiction writ large) of the last decade. I actually opened it with a real sense of trepidation; Children of Ruin had ended on an optimistic, open-ended note, with the creation of an interstellar and inter species society that was both deeply aspirational and incredibly alien. I wasn’t sure how a book from their perspective would even work. Thankfully, my fears were basically misplaced – there’s definitely a drift in tone and focus from where the series started, but the thematic heart’s still there, and this was overall a joy to read.

Synopsis

Following the end of Children of Ruin, we have a nomadic society of uplifted spiders and squids, Humans (the capitalization signifies infection by an engineered retrovirus to help with empathy and accepting/valuing the Other), the formerly all-consuming alien microbal parasites of Nod (who have agreed to only assimilate the identities of those who expressly consent to the process), and various instances of Avranda Kern (millennia old upload of a meglomaniacal mad scientist who is by a quirk of history now the OS all computers run on). After making tentative Second Contact with a half-terraformed world now inhabited by a civilization of debatably-sentient crows, an exploration ship takes on a pair of them as ambassadors before finding their way to way what seems to be a struggling but holding on colony founded by one of the last arkships of refugees to escape the ruins of Old Earth. .

Intercut with this is the narrative of that arkship arriving, very much the worse for wear after two thousand years and change hurtling through the void with its crew and cargo in cryo. The world is hardly what they hoped for – only ever half-terraformed, breathable atmosphere and some basic engineered microbal life, but entirely lacking any sort of biosphere – but it’s not like they have another option. They make the best of it they can, using what working technology they have to bootstrap a basic ecosystem of pigs and trees, a few species of bugs and fungi, enough to farm and build with. And the core crew holds out hope that the faint trace of a strange signal buried in the hills near their colony might lead to something more.

Intercut with that is the story of Liff, a young girl in the colony as things take a turn for the worse. That’s when things start to get weird.

Xenophilia

The best way for me to get across the central theme of this whole series is ‘more star trek than star trek’ (or at least, than any star trek produced since I’ve come of age). It believes is absolutely nothing so strongly as it believes in the pure and perfect virtue of curiosity, that the point of existence is to discover, and to share what you have discovered with those around you. It is an oft-repeated point that the overwhelming majority of the universe is cold and empty, and anything different is worth seeking out and treasuring for its own sake – that every shred of diversity is the cosmos is a wonder in its own right.

Which is the entire purpose our protagonist’s civilization has set themselves – the distributed fleet of pathological scientists and novelty-seekers, leaving behind teeming cities and orbital habitats for a life seeking the mysteries of the universe with tiny circles of peers. It’s very Starfleet, in its most idealistic and elevator-pitch form.

And even beyond them, curiosity, discovery and exploration are treated as basically heroic wherever they’re found – Captain Holt and the Enkidu might have been doomed, but they’re still presented as deeply and wholly admirable for trying.

It goes beyond that, too. This is one of vanishingly few space opera settings I can think of with a cast full of distinct and dissimilar species, where none of them are orcs. Or dragons, for that matter. No matter how monstrous and horrifying a species seems – spiders the size of your head, the mad remnant of an ancient demiurge, all-consuming and replicating alien parasites – the answer is diplomacy, outreach, communication. Both sequels in the series have begun with a civilization formed through the total (though not seamless) integration of alien societies from the last book into a greater whole. The parasites from Children of Ruin best exemplify this, I think – convinced that consuming and assimilating everything it can reach will result in nothing but a universe of itself, compared to walking through the world with a soft touch and appreciating all the different dynamics that can develop through so many myriad perspectives. And now one of them is basically the book’s main protagonist (and very guilty about all the nonconsensually-eating-people thing).

Whereas in Memory it’s not exactly subtle that the intolerance and violence against social deviants is presented as basically a symptom of material scarcity and desperation. When Landfall is doing well, the little band of infiltrators – strange, nonverbal artist, discomfortingly informative schoolteacher, standoffish and thoroughly gender nonconforming woodswoman – are affectionately tolerated and appreciated for what they can do. When the harvests are bad and the forests are rotting – well who even needs abstract art or history lessons to begin with? They’re lashed out at, used as just one of a growing set of scapegoats, and when things are dire enough, again and again, they end up on the noose. Intolerance is a self-harming reflex, a wounded animal lashing out because it can neither understand nor change the actual source of its pain. Again, Star Trek but moreso.

The ‘moreso’ does a lot of work in this comparison, to be fair. The series shares Star Trek’s deep love of science just like it shares its pathological liberalism – it’s just consistent about it. The crew explorers are casually transhuman (transarachnid, transcephlopod, etc) - immortal and physically enhanced, capable of sharing and downloading both memories and skills, visibly aging or carrying scars only as a fashion statement. It is treated as a casual fact of life that letting an experiment progress might mean going into cold sleep for decades or centuries, if there is no better way for a group of six on a small ship to while away the time while they wait. Technology has conquered scarcity on anything like a personal scale, and the explorers take full advantage.

Which is probably downstream of the books not being particularly caught up on ‘humanity’. I mean, humans are there – are very important! - but to the extent they’re the axis the universe turns upon, it’s only the ghosts of the old empire. Modern humans are just one part of interstellar civilization, and not even its most numerous or prominent. Humans have a unique way of thinking (as does everyone else) but no monopoly on heroic drive or virtue.

Curious Corvids

Each book in the series feels marketed around a different uplifted animal arising from the ruins of humanity’s imperial glory and galaxy-spanning hubris. This is not wrong, but it definitely becomes less right as the series progresses.

Children of Time is about the spiders. There’s humans too, sure, but I’ve yet to see a single person who read for the Gilgamesh plotline. By wordcount and thematic focus and just what makes it an interesting book, it is about the evolution of Portid intelligence and civilization across the millennia. The real protagonist of the novel is the species.

Children of Ruin is still kind of about the uplifting of the Squids. Senkovi’s efforts and relationship with them gets a decent amount of focus, as does the development of their civilization after the terraformers’ death. They just share top billing with the alien aliens, and rather than just being the climax of the story Second Contact is the real meat of the entire plot.

In Children of Ruin the introduction of the corvids almost feels like a publisher mandate – their history and backstory is basically brushed over in the prologue and one interlude, Second Contact basically a triviality. It’s not that they’re not important to the book or its themes, or that they’re not interesting (in both cases they very much are!), but they feel like a b-plot. Supporting what the book is about, not defining it.

Which to be clear, is from a writing perspective almost certainly the correct choice – ‘Children of Time but with a different species’ would still be fascinating, but it really doesn’t cohere as a continuing and linked series. I just think you could have dug some more meat out of the abbreviated history given there. What fanfic is for, I suppose.

It’s a funny sort of distinction that unlike the others, the corvids aren’t technically uplifts – the considered opinion of the series is that while spiders and squids would require millenia of nanite-assisted directed evolution to develop anything that looks like human-level sapience, in the right environment crows would just Do That (admittedly with the addition of alien radiation scrambling DNA and increasing mutation rate by an order of magnitude or two).

The other trend with the different uplift species as the series has gone on is that with each book they become neurologically and psychologically weird. The spiders had Understandings and a bunch of predator- and cannibal-instincts, but they’re still each an individual intelligence. The squids are a central brain and a bunch of semi-autonomous limbs which are only barely on speaking terms with the conscious mind. And now the crows are not individually intelligent at all – they think and live in pairs, one observing and recalling, the other analyzing and inferring, actual intelligence appearing only in the dialogue and interaction between the two. Which makes chapters from their POV very entertaining, at least.

Sentience and Identity

The book’s very interested in both – it’s probably the most central and explicit theme of the entire thing. Our crows, having given the matter thorough and careful reflection, eventually decided that they weren’t sentient at all (that nothing is, really) – or at least, that’s the series of sounds they make when asked. Our other main characters include:

an alien parasite which has assimilated a copy of a woman’s consciousness and now imitates her so well she often forgets she’s anything else

a copy of a sliver of an instance of an upload of an ancient terraformer, who for a nontrivial period of time was running on hard that was mostly ant colony

an extremely detailed simulation of someone who could have but never did exist

(arguably) the simulation they are running on.

The book comes down pretty solidly on a ‘if it quacks like a duck’ model of personhood – and cheats a bit in terms of giving most of the above POV chapters and obvious internal monologues – but the question of who counts as sentience and as a person, and of what ‘sentient’ and ‘person’ even mean – are ones that various characters spend a lot of time and angst on.

The answer the book arrives at isn’t exactly a surprise – see above, more star trek than star trek – but it’s still an interesting angle to look at everyone from.

Genre Ambiguity

The book is clearly, self-evidently science fiction, but Tchaikovsky still has a lot of fun playing around with some fantasy tropes and imagery in it. Liff is an adolescent who dearly loves her book of ancient fairy-tales, and so our view of Landfall and the world beyond it, which means basically her entire plotline is narrated with a fairy-tale sensibility. In fairness, Kern and the crows do an excellent job accidentally seeming like a witch and her familiars. Landfall’s whole deal seeming a lot more like a fairy curse than anything from the inside doesn’t hurt, either.

While it’s science fiction, Memory is definitely softer science fiction than the previous books in the series. In general, human- and human-descended technology all at least has the convincing appearance of rigour and plausibility, while anything alien falls solidly into the real of space magic plot devices. So we get elaborate narration on the exact details of how the crew of the Enkidu bootstrap a functional ecology around Landfalll before their high technology begins giving out, but the simulator buried in the hills Just Works. Which as neat a way to do the division as any, really, but there’s a real shift in tone from Time where just about everything feels like it’s from the first category. I mean, they have fTL now!

Conclusion

This isn’t really a book I’d call groundbreaking – Children of Time has much more of a claim to novelty in both subject and presentation – but it’s one that I think solidly achieves everything it tries to? The writing’s good, the characters all cohere, the themes are explored intelligently. Plus, Kern is probably one of my favourite characters of all time.

So y’know if you don’t have major issues with spiders, multiple POVs and unclear timelines, or existential angst, would solidly recommend.

[mydearestbeloved]

you know based on the latest updates so far, the system and reader, to an extent, seems to determine to keep things and comply with the canon timeline so this make me question one thing: why is reader here? is something about this timeline different than the canon that requires her to intervene and keep things running? I hope I don't come across as rude or hateful but since things haven't changed much that much compared to the main storyline, so far, reader being here feels rather... redundant? (besides making the lives of people around her easier of course) I'm not saying huge changes won't happen and i probably need to be more patient but i have my doubts when you mentioned potentially making one of the endings where jinwoo doesn't end up with reader and marry haein instead and follow up on that is the trial player au of solo leveling ragnarok, which, imo, kinda make adding reader pointless in a way if nothing major changes in the end. idk maybe i expect too much since i thought iseka'ing reader to SL means something significant and changes, epspecially the positive kind, mean she is needed but idk it's your fic so I'm sorry if i sound overbearing.

?System¿:

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No, actually, you are thinking in the right direction! 💞

Since you’re onto something, I’ll give you a little bit more information without spoiling too much:

A Recurring Theme

You noticed the pattern, yes? That, for now, this AU doesn’t seem to change much from the original plot of Solo Leveling, only that it has a new major character who doesn’t even seem to change the trajectory of events, their outcomes, or the story overall. Even outside of the story, I, as the author, seem to fuss too much in my discussions about staying canon-compliant when this story is an AU, not a rewrite of the original. So let me tell you this one thing:

It’s all intentional.

The deeper plot of this AU of mine is related to why, for now, the story is staying mostly canon-compliant. This is also related to Trial Player!Reader’s actual role in this story.

Trial Player!Reader’s Role

“Why is she here?” That is one good question, my friend. Indeed, besides making small changes that don’t affect the outcome much and making the lives of people around her easier, in retrospect, her presence doesn’t change anything major.

“So far, Reader being here feels rather... redundant?” That’s exactly the first point of this story that I want to introduce to you all. Because, let me repeat, this is intentional.

“Is something about this timeline different than the canon that requires her to intervene and keep things running?” Instead of thinking like that, let’s try the opposite: In order to keep things running naturally, don’t intervene. But if that’s the case, then what’s the use of her being here? Especially with the power she has?

To that question, let me raise you another: If you have a plan, don’t you have a backup?

The point of a backup is to anticipate uncertainty, just in case something goes awry with the ongoing plan and the outcome is not as expected. But if the plan goes smoothly and the outcome is as expected, then the backup is instantly discarded, no?

Does this ring a bell, anyone? Because that’s exactly what TP!Reader is. But what uncertainty is she here for exactly? For the answer to this, we’ll have to see further in the story.

Trial Player, a Solo Leveling AU, and Its MC

“Is something about this timeline different than the canon?” No, they should not be different. Why?

This is already a recurring theme in isekai’d-to-a-story-I-know fiction, where the isekai’d MC tries not to change the story unless it’s for one reason or another (living the life they didn’t have, saving themselves from certain fate, saving others from certain fate, and so many more). I’m sure some people are bored of this, but then, why is it written again and again and again? Because it is the most logical approach.

Remember, we as readers view this story as purely fiction, a fantasy. However, we also view this story from the viewpoint of someone whose dreamy fantasy turned into cold, harsh reality. In reality, everything has consequences. We survive by learning to choose and bear the consequences of our choices. And when in the shoes of someone in a fantasy-turned-reality, isn’t it normal, wouldn’t it be safer, to anticipate what you already know will happen and its more predictable consequences instead of an uncertain future and its more uncertain consequences?

Of course, change is inevitable. Their presence where they shouldn’t have been is now part of the story, their new reality. So changes will happen. Then what can they do to salvage the security they’ve left? Minimize the changes, and improvise if the worst comes.

TP!Reader thinks this way. However, she was first and foremost human, a normal human like the rest of us. And humans seek to change and change others for one reason or another.

TP!Reader officially arrived in Solo Leveling’s Earth during the first S-Rank Gate tragedy, near the end of the catastrophe. Even if she didn’t directly participate, can you imagine how horrifying it was to witness the event, a real event, in person? Not to mention if you have this intrinsic urge to change, further pushed by being given the power to make a change, yet all of it is useless when it takes just one instance of you being reminded of something beyond your control. The helplessness—don’t we all feel that at least once in our lives?

TP!Reader chose to make life easier for Jinwoo. Note that the system didn’t force her, didn’t even give her a side quest to help Jinwoo (Why?). She did this out of her own volition, and perhaps one reason was to not feel that suffocating helplessness she felt before. So imagine, after finally feeling like you can help and make amends, you are reminded once again of how helpless you are. The first time the system erected that barrier to prevent her from changing Jinwoo’s mother’s fate, it left a permanent scar on her.

When you already think like someone who’s in fantasy-turned-reality, have invisible scars and deep trauma from just trying to survive, and then the system pulls a stunt like that—how would you react? For one, TP!Reader became even more convinced that she shouldn’t change the major events in the original plot. Which also aligns with the deeper plot of this AU of mine.

For those who already read Chapter 20, it might look like saving Min Byung-Gyu is a great deal in the road of changing the story. However, Min Byung-Gyu was already retired, so theoretically, his presence won’t change the story. But then, why did TP!Reader forbade him to join future battles if he’s already retired? The exact reason why he chose to participate in the Jeju Island Raid in the first place—his sense of duty. Min Byung-Gyu is an S-ranked healer, a capable hunter even with his distaste for violence. Even the slightest chance of him joining a future battlefield for his friends could bring about too many changes, minor or major, we don’t know.

So even when she wanted to help, to change his fate, TP!Reader, who’s already traumatized, will not take even the slightest chance of him being alive changing the story. The system also wouldn’t let her bring him back to life if his presence brought about those changes. Hence the ultimatum: If Min Byung-Gyu accepts being brought back to life, he will never step foot on the battlefield again. The moment he does, he will die, as he should have.

Let me repeat this one last time: There’s a deeper ongoing plot to why this story seems to revolve around the canon storyline so much for now. If ‘Solo’ is Jinwoo’s theme, then ‘Preparedness’ is TP!Reader’s. The Trial Player AU will have a Happy Ending. Discussions about other endings and ideas are conceptual, not canon.

_____

I think that's all I can say for now.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing your thoughts!

I finally get the chance to geek out about this in another form beside the story, which still got a long way to go. 🥲

Thank you once again for giving my story a chance, for your interest and support. I really means a lot! 💞

[fizzyapplecandy]

The Friendly Ghost Girl

Genre: fluff, angst, strangers to lovers, happy ending (different from each person's perspective)

warnings: character death, heavy themes

4.9k words

Summary:

Is there life after death? After meeting a stranger on his deathbed, a friendly ghost decides to stick around to help him find his peace.

Sometimes, things don't turn out the way you want them to.

You imagine what your life will look like two, five, ten years from now.

A house in the suburbs, a cozy fireplace where you tell Christmas stories, a fluffy dog sitting in the corner...

You get the gist.

Unfortunately for me, this will never be the case.

As I stand over my lifeless body, limbs sprawled on the pavement, paramedics rushing around the scene, I can't help but wonder one thing.

Is death truly the end?

I was an honour student in high school. The best grades, the most accomplishments, medals in every competition there were. College came naturally to someone like me. With a major in business, I was on the way to becoming a success. I could feel it in my veins.

The only thing I feel now is the light breeze coursing through my body as I sit on the edge of a bridge.

In theory, if you fall from this height, you'll probably end up dead. In practise, I am already dead, so this doesn't apply to me.

I don't know what went wrong. One minute I was laughing with my friends, stumbling around after one too many tequila shots, and the next...

I shake my head as the image of running cars passes before my eyes. I feel bad about the people who were with me that night. The sight was not pretty.

I was about to leap from my spot and disappear into the night when I heard whimpering from my right. There are many people crossing over this bridge, but mostly with their cars. I turned my head around and there he was.

Standing a couple of feet beside me, a handsome man leaned down to look into the flowing water under the high bridge. He had a solemn expression on his face. His eyes were red, nose runny, fingers almost blue in colour.

What caught my attention the most were his blood stained lips, and his bare feet.

He looked like he was on the brink of death.

He gripped the railing, and sniffled. I almost felt bad for him, but then I remembered he was the one with a beating heart.

I scoffed.

"Pathetic."

His eyes widened and he turned towards me.

Our eyes met.

Wait?

He could see me?

"Hey there. Isn't it dangerous to be sitting on a ledge so high up?"

"Almost as dangerous as going barefoot in this cold weather. On a non-pedestrian bridge."

A tight lipped smile stretched across his face.

"Fair enough."

I jumped back down and came to a stop before him. He was even prettier up close. With his high nose, foxy eyes and the cutest little mole underneath one of them.

That didn't change the fact that he looked too ill to be standing.

"Is there a reason you chose to come here like this?"

He nodded.

"You see, you are a complete stranger. Which makes it good, because you aren't biased to me personally. Which further means you can give out your honest opinion."

Weird, but hey, he's the first person I've talked to in... Well, I don't know how long.

I crossed my arms in front of me and gestured for him to continue.

"You see... I'm dying. Like, for real. I have had this autoimmune disease and it's been a pain in my ass for ages now. The doctors don't know what to do anymore. They say I'm not going to be able to walk for much longer, or talk. And everything else that comes with being alive. So, to retaliate, I'm going to jump off of this bridge while I'm still myself. I don't want to die tied to bed."

He took a deep breath after finishing his rambling, and it's to say I'm surprised is an understatement.

I took it all in before looking into his eyes. I could tell he was struggling.

"Listen up good buddy, because you aren't going to believe me. I, for one, can say that death is boring, but bearable. If I was in your shoes, I'd do the same. However, seeing as I'm already dead, I can't really help you. I get the point, but it's a stupid one."

He let out a barking laugh. God, was it annoying.

"Okay, I'm probably already far gone. Or you are just a seriously crazy lady. There is no way you are dead."

Was he calling me a liar?

"I'll have you know I am as dead as it can be. Buried six feet under, white casket and all that jazz." I did like my white casket.

He started shaking his head. "Cut it out, I'm supposed to be the neurotic one."

Before he could move, I went right through his body.

He froze. Slowly, he turned around. His face became even paler than before.

I smirked.

"Told you I was dead."

He stood there, looking at me, mouth wide open.

"But... How? I see you! I know I see you!"

With his finger pointing at me, he couldn't stop fidgeting.

"I know that. I don't have a single clue either. However, you are the first person who's talked to me in months, so I don't want to question it."

"Fair point. Does this mean..."

"There you are!"

I turned around and saw a tall man running towards us. Well, my new friend to be exact.

"We've been worried sick Wooyoung! You can't just leave like that! The nurses are going around the hospital like lunatics. Your mom is in shambles. And you're barefoot, again! Are you insane?"

The boy, Wooyoung, put his hands up in defence.

"Okay, okay. Calm down Mingi. I know it all too well."

Tall man, Mingi, ran straight through me and grabbed Wooyoung by his shoulders. Rude much?

"I'm sorry about the yelling. I'm just glad I found you. Come on, we have to go back, it's freezing out here."

Wooyoung nodded and glanced at me.

"We're going to the Seoul Medical Center, the one across from the main shopping mall?"

Mingi furrowed his eyebrows.

"Why are you being so specific? You know where we're going."

By the look in Wooyoung's eyes I knew that information was for me.

I nodded and waved him off.

"I'll come find you later buddy, go now. You've made a mess out of your friends and family."

Mingi ushered him inside his car and I watched them drive away into the night. Wooyoung turned around and watched me as they disappeared along the road.

"Seems like this isn't going to be so boring after all."

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.

It's been a few days since my encounter with Wooyoung. The only living person who knows of my existence. I've yet to go visit him in the hospital. I have to admit I'm afraid.

Afraid that all of it was just a moment, and if I appear again, I'll be invisible.

It's also fun to keep men on their toes.

It all came to an end when I found myself in front of his hospital room. It's easy to get the information you need when you are invisible.

I looked into the little window and saw him sitting on his bed, a tray of untouched food beside him. He was gazing at the sunset with a small smile on his face. I took one step inside and cleared my throat.

"Well, here I am. You probably can't hear me anymore. So bye now, it was nice meeting you."

I turned on my heel when he interrupted me.

"Wait."

Shoot. Here we go.

"I hear you. I see you. Don't worry, I'm just spaced out at the moment. This new medication is a pain in my ass."

I nodded and slowly moved towards him.

"Hey I get it. We're not in a normal situation anyway. How have you been? Still thinking about jumping from bridges?"

He snorted a laugh.

"You wish. They've been keeping an eye on me since that night. Security had been notified of my escape plans. Now I have guards surrounding my door at night." He turned to look at me.

"You know, I'm jealous of you."

What? Of me?

I pointed to myself. "You're jealous of a dead girl?"

He nodded. "Yep. You get to do what you want without any consequences. Like, really, you can go anywhere you want, see the world, scare people..."

I put my hands up to stop him.

"Okay. Hold on. You think this is fun? I'm literally a ghost. No one can see me, my family put me into the ground, and I'm constantly levitating. You know how lonely I get?"

He was silent so I continued my rant.

"I've been contemplating for days about visiting you. You are the only thing that made me feel human again. You see me. You hear me. You annoy me as well."

Wooyoung chuckled. "I get that a lot."

"You probably deserve it."

"Put yourself in my shoes for a second. I'm living every day thinking it's my last. My friends keep crying, my family's already planned out my funeral. They are asking me about floral arrangements! They want me to be a part of it, even when I'm dead and cold. I just want to go on my own terms, without this whole ordeal."

"My mom put red roses on my casket even when she knew I liked pink ones better."

He shut his mouth and looked at me in confusion.

"What?"

"What I'm trying to say is, those things don't matter. They want you included because they think it's the only way to make you feel more comfortable about the fact that you are dying."

"I get that. I do. But they are suffocating me."

"Too bad for you then. I'd kill to have conversations like these. Wanna know something funny? More like morbid. They couldn't let my parents see me until they put my head back onto my shoulders. A truck came out of nowhere carrying glass plates. And what do you know? One fell, started an avalanche, I was too drunk and carless and here I am!"

I gestured around me as I stood up.

"You have to get that through your head. Not everyone has a support system like you do."

He looked down at his bare feet.

"I'm sorry you died."

"Yeah, me too."

I sat next to him again. I knew he was at a crossroad. Not a single person in the world would like to be in his shoes now. Death is a tricky bastard. I tried putting my hand on his shoulder, but it went right through.

He shivered. "Woah, that felt weird."

"I guess. Sorry, I don't know why I did that." I gazed out the window while he searched my face with his curious eyes.

"You know, for a ghost, you're really pretty."

I scoffed.

"Yeah, thanks."

I couldn't help but wonder if my cheeks would have flared up at the compliment if I was alive. They probably would. He wasn't so bad to look at, but I can't make myself tell him that.

It felt comfortable, sitting next to him in the silence that followed. It was almost... Normal.

Like he was a guy, I was a girl, we were in the moment, that was it.

"You know you never told me your name?" I turned my head towards him and hummed.

"Yeah, I guess. I'm Y/N. Renowned ghost girl."

I put my hand out for him to shake, even though I knew it was impossible. Still, he reached over and our palms were inches away, doing a make believe handshake.

"Nice to meet you Y/N. You already know who I am. Tell me Y/N, how is ghost life treating you?"

"Well it was rough at first, because I didn't have a clue what happened. After a while it becomes... Boring I suppose. I do have fun going around different places, but I never seem to find any..." I trailed off and looked at my hands.

"I never seem to find peace. It's what I want the most."

Wooyoung sighed. "I guess peace is the one thing everybody's looking for."

"You know, I've met some other ghosts, but only briefly. They all moved on from this in between space faster than me. I don't know what I'm doing here. I've made my piece with the fact that I'm dead. I've said my goodbyes. So I don't know why I'm still here."

"Maybe there is something you haven't done? Think about it. There has to be a thing you didn't do, never had the chance, and now you can't settle."

I blinked at him. Then it came.

"I've never been in love." Wooyoung choked.

"What?"

"I've never loved someone. Sure, I liked the guys I've been with, but there was never a person I've fallen in love with. I didn't think that would set me back so much."

"That kind of makes sense."

"If this is what's holding me back I'm going to be here forever."

"And why is that?"

I looked at him and sighed.

"If you haven't noticed already, I'm dead. No one is going to fall in love with a ghost. But, hey, at least I will get to witness flying cars in the future."

Wooyoung chuckled. "I like your sense of humor. Don't worry about being alone though. Once I'm gone, I'll be at your side looking at the flying cars."

"You want to tell me you've never been in love as well?"

"Never, not once. It's difficult to date people when you are bound to your bed most of the time. They can't handle it."

"Well then, my friend, we are going to have a blast."

Our eyes met and I couldn't quite place the feeling in my chest. It kind of tingles? Wooyoung is a handsome boy, even with the obvious signs of his illness showing. He is also quirky, but in a good way.

He cleared his throat.

"My mom's going to be here soon. She always comes in the late afternoon, says it's the calmest time in the hospital. I want you to stay, but I might feel awkward."

I stood up and went to the door.

"No, no. I get it. I've got places to be anyways. Listen, Wooyoung. Try not to make this time miserable for your parents and friends. This is all they have left with you. Be more positive, okay? I'll be by your side in the meantime. It doesn't hurt to have a friend who knows the ropes, if you get what I mean." I smiled as I gestured around myself. He nodded and watched as I disappeared through the wall.

The cavity in my chest was getting a lot tighter lately, and now it seemed like it was going to suffocate me. Jokes on you, I'm already dead.

.

.

Two days later I went to see him again. I wish I didn't.

He was hooked up on various machines, his face even paler than before. And here I thought I was the ghost.

A nurse was checking his vitals before letting out a sigh and walking outside. I was careful to approach his bed, afraid of disturbing the peace in the room. Once I got closer, I could see just how much worse he looked than the last time I was here.

I carefully sat in the bed and cleared my throat.

"Hey there... You look rough buddy." I shook my head. "Sorry, that was rude. What happened in the last couple of days Wooyoung?"

It was difficult to look at him. I couldn't quite place the feeling in my hollow chest, but it wasn't good.

I knew it was a shot in the dark, but I had the sudden urge to hold his hand. I reached over and lightly placed my fingers in his cold hand.

Wait?

Cold?

I furrowed my eyebrows and squeezed his hand.

I could feel him? I could actually feel his skin?

"Oh my... Wooyoung! It's a miracle, look! I can touch you! Hey, buddy, you've got to wake up. I can't be the only one excited about this."

He was as still as a statue.

"Come on Woo. Wake up and look at me."

He still wasn't giving any signs of waking up, but the beeping of his heart monitor became louder. Soon enough the machine started going loud and crazy. Nurses rushed in and I quickly moved away. As soon as I let go, his heartbeat became normal.

We all looked at him in confusion. Was he actually able to feel me in his unconscious state? The nurses went around, double-checking everything. My eyes were focused on his face. I could see his eyelids fluttering.

Soon enough, he slowly opened his eyes and looked directly at me. The nurse shot a light at his pupils, but he tried moving her away without breaking our gaze.

They fussed around some more while I stood waiting patiently. He never moved his eyes from me.

As soon as the door closed, he let out a tired chuckle.

"So, touching me in my sleep? Very naughty of you Y/N."

I wasn't sure if ghosts could blush, but I sure felt a bit warm.

"Hey, it wasn't like that and you know it."

I came closer and sat on the edge of the bed again.

"Wooyoung. You felt it, didn't you?" He nodded.

"I don't know how this is possible Woo."

He smiled. "I like it when you call me that."

He let out a sigh. "I suppose this is a sign. I am about to die, you know? Maybe the spirit forces and gods want me to get used to it."

His ramblings were far fetched, but kind of made sense.

"Well, I mean... I don't know. But, it's nice to finally feel something real." Without hesitation, I placed my hand on his again. He interlaced our fingers and moved his thumb to caress my hand. I felt slight tingles running through my palm. It felt... Nice. Warm, comforting, everything I've missed since my untimely death.

"You're really cold Y/N. I should get used to that."

I laughed. "Yeah, that's one thing you won't be able to escape. But it's okay, you won't notice it. Or you'll get used to it."

He nodded.

"You know, I'm glad I met you Y/N. At least now I know I won't be so alone once I pass. I think about you when you're not here. It makes me happy I suppose. Now, I do have one request from you."

I could hear his voice getting weaker. I knew he was tired, so I nodded for him to continue.

"Will you wait for me? I know you have the whole world to explore, and maybe you want to move on quicker, but please... Wait for me to come. I don't want to be without you."

He squeezed my hand with the little strength he had, his pleasing gaze almost piercing me.

He wanted me? I've never had someone so desperate for me, since I knew I was nothing special. But Wooyoung thought I was, and that should count for something.

I placed my other hand on his cheek. His eyes widened, but he didn't move away. He almost leaned into my touch.

"I'll wait for you Woo. I can't leave my only friend hanging."

His mouth stretched into a wide smile and he grabbed the hand that was on his cheek, caressing it lightly.

"Thank you, Y/N."

I nodded and untangled myself from him before standing up. I went towards the door and turned around to look at him.

"I'll leave you now, but I'll come back. Rest for now buddy, you've had a rough day." He nodded and waved.

"Bye angel, see you soon."

.

.

Life doesn't care if you are happy. It always finds a way to mess with you. Once you get too comfortable, it slaps you so hard you get whiplash. I don't know if people can die from heartbreak, and I'll never find out as I'm already dead. I suppose it could be possible.

I wasn't happy about the fact that Wooyoung was dying. That's absurd. I was happy that we found each other in our darkest moments, finding comfort in one another. I was imagining what life on the other side would be like once he joined me.

I came to the realisation that I've fallen for him in a way. Being inexperienced in love, and then seeing how good it could feel gave me a wave of happiness.

About three days have passed since I've seen him. I promised I would come back once he got a bit more stable, but I was prepared for the worst.

What I wasn't prepared for is seeing him almost jumping around his room in glee. His cheeks were rosy, his feet no longer bare, and his laugh filled out the room. He looked healthy.

There was a pang of anxiety running through me.

The worst part, he didn't even notice me. The room was full of his friends. I remember the talk one from the night on the bridge. Mingi, was it? The others were called Seonghwa and San. I gathered as much sitting in the corner of the room, watching them interact.

He usually gave me a sign if he knew I was there, but now there was nothing.

It brought me joy to see him so happy, but I had an internal conflict. Didn't we agree to be with each other? Was it so impossible for me to be happy, after everything? I knew my happiness would cost Wooyoung his life, but I was desperate at this point. I couldn't help but accept the fact that he was better, and he no longer stood on death's door.

His friends left after a while and we were alone. He sat on his bed and gazed out the window. He sighed, his smile going down.

"Hey Y/N. I don't know if you're here right now. I don't know if I can see you anymore. Wanna hear something funny? The doctors said my test all came back really positive. After the other night when we held hands, I only got better. I think you helped me in a way. You know, I was actually excited to be with you. I... I think I fell in love with you. Maybe you were a fragment of my imagination? My body isn't exactly in its best condition. Who knows... Thank you Y/N. I want you to find peace." He took a deep breath and shook his head.

"No, wait... I know I might sound insane and selfish, but... I don't want you to go. I want you here. I want you to be here. Why is it so hard for us to be happy? We could've been happy! My God Y/N I can't... I miss you..."

Tears slowly made their way down his face. My eyes stung, but I knew I wasn't able to cry. It broke my non-beating heart to see him like this. He was in complete shambles over me, a ghost. Someone who isn't real anymore.

I slowly approached his side and sat next to him. I made sure we didn't accidentally touch.

"Hey Woo... It's okay buddy. We knew it was impossible from the start. Everything we had was impossible. But it's going to be okay baby. You're going to get even better in time. You'll find a nice, pretty girlfriend. She would have to get used to your sarcasm, but with the amount of charm you possess it won't be difficult. I'm going to miss you, though. You've made me happy these past few weeks. Thank you for that. I might be able to move on finally. I did the thing I've never done before. I fell in love."

I knew he couldn't hear me anymore, but it felt comforting to confess to him.

He was wiping away his tears and smiling. His wanted to place his hand on the bed, but he accidentally put it on my outstretched palm.

Wait.

I quickly moved away and stood up. He shot up as well.

"Y/N? You felt that, didn't you? I knew you were here! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Y/N! Please don't go away, stay with me. Just for a moment longer. Please..."

He crouched down and leaned his back against the wall, sobbing again. It was hard seeing him so distraught.

I sat next to him and slowly leaned my head against his shoulder.

He let out a cry.

"Thank you Y/N... Just for a moment. Be here for just a moment longer."

And so we sat there. The room was quiet, aside from his desperate sobbing. It was as bittersweet as it gets.

He calmed down after some time and I felt his breathing get even. He fell asleep with his head against mine.

I slowly stood up and made him comfortable on the floor. I didn't have the strength to move him to the bed, so this would have to do.

I moved his hair out of his eyes, caressing his cheek and that cute little mole he had. I slowly leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead.

"I wish you all the best Woo. I'll see you, someday. Goodbye."

With that, I disappeared into the night.

.

.

The view from the bridge was the same as that fateful night. The flowing water from bellow was calming my mind though. It brought me a sense of tranquility. It's been a week since I've said my goodbyes to Wooyoung in the hospital. It's been difficult to say the least. I can't stop thinking about him, our late night conversations in his hospital bed, the promises we've made.

I knew it was selfish of me, but I was sad, so I allowed myself to be selfish for a moment.

I couldn't bring myself to visit him anymore. It would be too difficult. I knew he had enough of a support system beside him.

I couldn't help but wonder if he missed me as much as I missed him. I'm a smart girl. I know he will find someone to fill up the space in his heart again. He will have a big family house, Christmas morning in front of the fireplace, with a fluffy dog sitting in the corner.

I want my dream to become his because I know he can make it true. That's all I needed to make peace with the situation.

There was a light ahead of me. Somewhere down the river, shining so bright it could hurt your eyes. I knew what it was as well, but I couldn't bring myself to cross over.

The universe thought I was ready, but I wanted a couple more minutes to take everything in.

"Sitting on the bridge, again? You know if you jump you won't die, so what exactly is the point?"

I froze. Not only am I a ghost, I am an insane ghost.

"What? You won't look at me anymore? I know we had some bumps in the road Y/N, but I thought we had a connection, you know?"

I slowly turned to my left, and there he was.

Standing in all his glory, dressed to perfection, with his eyes no longer tired but mischievous.

"Wooyoung?"

He smiled. "Hey there. Long time no see."

I jumped down and took a couple of steps towards him.

"How in God's name is this happening? Woo? Are you... Dead?"

He nodded.

"Burried six feet under and all that jazz."

My eyes widened.

"But how? You were better! Wooyoung! You didn't do anything stupid, right?"

He put his hands on his hips in a sassy manner.

"Hey, that was one time. Do you have that little faith in me? I died completely naturally, I'll have you know. The doctors told my parents I had a jump before the big fall. That usually happens to patients who are on their deathbed. Had me fooled though, I thought I was going to be miserable for the rest of my life."

In a second his hands were around my waist, squeezing me in a hug.

"But I can't say that I mind now. I knew my time was done, and I've made my peace. What I couldn't make peace with was not seeing you for the rest of my life."

My arms went around his shoulders and you couldn't tell who's grip was tighter.

"Wooyoung, I'm so sorry..."

He took my face into his hands and put our foreheads together.

"Hey now, don't be sad. I told you, I've made my peace. I'm okay. I've said my goodbyes. I've made floral arrangements with my mom. All is well."

I chuckled and nodded.

"So now what?" He smirked.

"Now I kiss the shit out of you."

With that, he crashed his lips onto mine. We didn't know where to hold onto anymore, moving our hands around, feeling every inch of each other. The kiss was desperate, full of unspoken emotions that were begging to be let out.

It's a good thing we don't need to come up for air, because we couldn't stop ourselves.

After what felt like ages, our lips disconnected and our eyes met. He smiled.

"I love you Y/N. I hope you know how much you mean to me."

I smiled as well. "I love you to Woo."

A bright light appeared before us. He looked at me before grabbing my hand.

"I think this is our sign Y/N. Are you ready to spend eternity with me?"

I nodded. We turned towards the light and started walking.

"Thank you Wooyoung. I'm at peace now as well."

[theresattrpgforthat]

Now that requests are open, time to drop a request I’ve been waiting on for a while:

Games where you play as bugs. Whether it be the route of Bug Fables, Hollow Knight, A Bugs Life, whatever. Rules light is preferred but I’m open! I just wanna play a game where I can play a Trapjaw Ant interacting with a whole bug bureaucracy that’s as big as a backyard.

THEME: Bug Games

Alright friend, so I think right away you want to look at Cuticorium, which I have talked about in my Insect Games recommendations. It’s about bugs that have gained sentience and also a moral compass, figuring out how to live with each-other in the shade of a magical tree. I’ve also got a few more for you to look at!

Agramabug Hex, by Volpe80.

Have you spent your whole life dreaming about what it would be like to be an insect? To crawl across the floor for a handful of breadcrumbs and a few shabby spells? To clash with the dictates of your religion that is incompatible with the very survival of your species? To trade every amenity you’ve collected in sweat and blood for precious human poo? Well, if that’s what you dream of, I may have something for you!

This is a supplement for Troika that includes a number of buggy backgrounds to choose from, as well as a bug-themed adventure. You’ll need the Troika rulebook in order to play, which is a really kooky ruleset primed for easy character creation and generative adventures.

Depending on the pace of your group, Agramabug Hex may last for a short campaign, with a small hex map for your little bugs to travel all over, and a random village generator to help you populate the map as you go a-traveling. I don’t know how much bug bureaucracy exists in this little world, but the hardscrabble fight of the various bugs for the scraps of human garbage certainly sounds like a conflict that you can throw all of your legs and mandibles into.

Hive & Hill: A Tale of Two Queens, by thebigtabletop.

Long have the insects warred amongst each-other. Hive and hill rarely see eye to eye. Both sides have suffered innumerable losses when war breaks out and prefer to keep their domains separate. Hives rule the skies and hills rule the earth. A singular threat to their way of life binds them together…

Humans have spread across the world forcing the insects into smaller and smaller pockets of the world. Their size and chemicals make them a great threat. While insects are small, they greatly outnumber the humans. In rare moments, the insects are willing to band together to fight the threat.

Upon a checked ground of red and white gingham, the humans have laid a bounty of food. A veritable feast that they seek to consume. While insects on both sides spend a majority of their time seeking out food, even a small sample of the meal that the human’s call a “picnic” would help feed a hive or hill for the long winter. At this moment, both hive and hill have agreed to work together to get the bounty and drive off the humans.

This is a game all about alliances in times of attrition, but placed on a battlefield distanced from human conflict. You use pools of dice to determine how successful each queen is in her manoeuvres, and role-play through blunders and connections between two sides of the field.

Overall I think this game is a bit closer to a board-game or dice game than a typical ttrpg, although the premise might be something that you can take and run with. If you want a collaborative, team-based game, you might want to take a look at Hive & Hill.

Bug Dish: Amuse Bouche, by The One True Ryan Khan.

Bugfolk from every reach come to Tower Lake at least once. You might be here to see the port city of Tower Point, or the golden hives of Honeyflow. Perhaps you’ve come to wander the paths of woven roots in Banyan Cradle, or to circle the lake on the Gossamer Rail.

But you are certainly here to taste the foods of Tower Lake’s Mobile Kitchens. Restaurant crews who travel around the lake creating culinary experiences. Fusing flavours, textures, and aromas with vision to create delectables no bugfolk has tasted before. Whether it’s a traditional dish perfectly executed, or a meal that changes how you think about food, these chefs are masters of their craft.

Bug Dish is a tabletop roleplaying game about bug chefs who travel the world and compete in culinary competitions. Using a bespoke push-your-luck mechanic, spend time to learn about the local cuisine, find out what your rivals are up to, and create meals to wow the judges.

This is a charming little game that casts your bugs as top chefs, tasked with learning the tastes of cantankerous judgy NPCS in preparation for a big cooking competition. I don’t own this game, but judging by the little teasers on the storefront page, your adventures will include various locations to visit and interesting ingredients to harvest in the pursuit of creating the perfect dish. If you prefer to solve your problems with a saucepan rather than a sword, this might be the game for you.

Beetle Knight, by Brooklet Games.

Beetle Knight is a bug-sized role-playing game for your tabletops. It features "contest rolls" where two creatures, or a creature and the arbiter roll dice against one another to determine uncertain outcomes. 

The quickstart for this game starts with a short list of intriguing mysteries that your little characters might find themselves engaging with; from disappearing flies to a water skater trade embargo, to a sudden reticence amongst the court of the Orb Weaver queen. The problems that plague the insect kingdom call for a coterie of buggy knights, called to go where most dare not go!

This game feels heavily inspired by Hollow Knight, and asks the players and GM to engage with contests with e/o every time the Beetle Knights face up against an obstacle. Depending on the foe, this could make play very challenging. Your characters also have a magical resource called Resolve, which can be gained when you roll ties and spend when you want to use the magical items that your knight carries.

The game underwent some fundraising on Kickstarter a while back; there’s no official release of the game yet, but you can still download the Quickstart version of the game if you like. If you want a game with all the fantastical fixings, I recommend Beetle Knight.

Queenless, by Croaker RPGs.

Our Queen is dead! Such sorrow and despair! Without our Queen, our hive, our home, will slowly perish. Our only hope, our only slim hope, is to find, beg, borrow and steal enough Royal Jelly from our neighbours. If we have enough Royal Jelly, maybe, just maybe, we can raise another Queen.

In Queenless you’ll explore the valley, meeting other insects along the way. Your aim is to recover six jars of royal jelly, which your hive will use to raise another Queen. Some insects are friends, such as the Ants who share much in common with the Bees. But some are deadly foes, like the Praying Mantis, who would like nothing more than to eat you up little Bee.

Queenless is built as a solo game from the start with tables, exploration, and other mechanics that will keep you interested and challenge your little bee as it explores the valley on its quest. The core mechanic is based on Firelights, where you use a deck of standard playing cards and dice to determine success, partial success, or failure. You flip two cards and compare them to a dice roll+stats. Easy to figure out and resolve.

If you want a solo game about exploration and survival, but also bargaining with a number of other insects as you search for the things you need in order to raise another queen. Using the Firelights system, you’ll need a deck of playing cards to draw from, using the values of the cards against the results of your dice rolls to determine whether or now you succeed, and whether it will cost you anything to do so. If you want a game that can be be played at the comfort of your own pace, without the constraints of a group, I recommend Queenless.

You might also be interested in…

My Bee Games recommendation post.

This quick Bug Knights recommendation list.

[ultfreakme]

Chapter 56 meta thought:

So Kagurabachi has had this running theme across three arcs wherein people are dehumanized into tools and objects, primarily by the Hishaku and the Kamunabi. It's happened frequently enough that I am confident in seeing this is a central theme of the story.

The theme starts in the first chapter with Kunishige emphasizing the dangers of the katana & how its use as a tool needs the human element of purpose to be used wisely. This human element is stripped away by literally everyone. In the first arcs we see that Kunishige is remembered for the blades specifically.

Then we learn that the Kamunabi value the blades over people in their willing participation in the Rakuzichi Auction, and in how the basically imprisoned all the blade wielders and dedicated a majority of their forces to protecting the Wielders over you know....protecting the rest of the country, which is their ACTUAL job.

The Blade Wielders are synonymous with their swords and that is the only way the Wielders hold value to the Kamunabi.

Hokazono had said in an interview that this is a story about people. The Seitei War was against other humans and there is no monster waiting to attack, it's just people....doing their worst towards each other and the aftermath of how everyone dealt with the ways in which they monstrously attacked fellow humans.

With that being said I specifically want to talk about the latest arc and recent chapter(Chapter 56), and highlight those themes further here.

Samura & Uruha

Samura and Uruha understand very well that their value is so high because they are synonymous with the blades and thus have begun to see their life as such.

Uruha sees himself as a "dangerous" tool(or I guess more of a key to a dangerous tool). If he falls into the wrong hands, he would be the reason for unspoken amounts of violence against others. His value as a key has already led to the death of his entire squad and so he values himself as an object in that manner- protecting himself in the moment for his abilities so he's not used against others.

Samura is the opposite. He knows he's dangerous, but he determines his value in how useful he is to others, not based on his potential to cause damage. He also sees himself as a person first- he talks about himself and his actions in the war a lot, indicating that he recognizes his autonomy and had even kind of punished himself for it. He maintains his personhood outside of the worldly possessions, his life's value is not determined by an object- and therefore he is willing to die protecting Uruha, The Makizumi and Hakuri.

Their clash in the way they conceptualize themselves is how Hakuri determines who gets the sword.

I don't think it's coincidence or thoughtless action which led Hakuri to get Tobimune to Samura.

The Makizumi and Hakuri's job was protecting the Wielders- Hakuri's mission was accomplished with the the teleportation. So why did Hakuri give Samura the exact tool he needed to put himself back in danger?

Because Hakuri also sees himself as a tool who lives in service of others. He determines his value based on the number of people he can help, not based on personal motives. He is a storehouse, he is a place where people can come and take what they need. And if Samura needs Tobimune, who is he to deny that? He's fully abandoned his personhood in service of others (I am going to make another post about the view of 'Storehouse' wrt Hakuri and Kyora+ the Sazanami family later).

Hakuri understands Samura's desperation to save others. He also does not want the Makizumi to die despite them not being a part of his mission because much like Samura, he also sees them as people (Uruha does too but he's deeply influenced by his own squad and Gurt/Bandana Guy's sacrifice), and therefore Hakuri would give Samura whatever he needs to accomplish his goals. Hakuri grew up in an environment that consistently objectified human beings(literally).

He won't make the mistake of stripping the chance to live for themselves from them again.

[silmarillisms]

Criticizing the Critics: ROP, Sexism, and Racism

This is a bit of an anti-anti-anti post, if that makes sense. Before I get into it, please understand that I am absolutely not saying that there are no sexist or racist criticisms of The Rings of Power. I am also not saying that none of the people viciously critiquing or review-bombing The Rings of Power are sexist or racist. I am certain that there are those among them who are.

My argument is that the majority of individuals criticizing the show are not doing it for those reasons and that painting them all with the same broad brush of "you're just racist or a misogynist" is making the divide in the fandom worse.

Anyway, I argue with a lot of people on both Reddit and Tumblr about The Rings of Power and I'd like to bring to the table some trends that I've noticed among them.

The Peter Jackson trilogy was the introduction to LOTR for most modern fans. Most of them have never seen the Bakshi film or listened to the BBC audio drama.

Fewer still have read the whole trilogy, especially recently. Even fewer have read the other adjacent works like The Silmarillion, History of Middle-Earth, Nature of Middle-Earth, et cetera.

A lot of these people are wrapped up in the nostalgia of Peter Jackson's films. There are huge parts of Tolkien's mythos (there isn't any hard canon for a vast majority of his world, which was a purposeful choice that he made as an author) that have no hard canon at all but rather several competing explanations or interpretations. These are portrayed largely inaccurately or entirely ignored in PJ's films - and I understand why. There's only so much you can do in a limited amount of run time.

The Rings of Power is actively digging into a lot of that ignored or broadly brushed over mythos - mythos that people are not familiar with and do not associate with the franchise, on a large scale. Many people have put up blockers in their mind and have no interest in learning about the actual mythos we are presented with in the main and extended works on Arda.

As an example, someone on Reddit called me pedantic for explaining the difference between Sauron shapeshifting and Sauron's fea being disembodied from his fana, which is what we see in episode one of season two, and for explaining that the black slime that comprises his form is probably a nod to Gandalf saying that Durin's Bane, also a fallen and corrupted maia, took on a similar form when he slew it.

These are simple concepts from the mythos that Tolkien wrote but PJ excluded and they are often the most hotly criticized by people who dislike the show.

I think these objections, for the most part, stem from the fact that PJ's trilogy is what a lot of people know and where their nostalgia is rooted. A different adaptation can feel threatening to something they know and love. Imagine you got into some series as a kid not knowing there was a book series behind it and never reading it. You grow up on it. As an adult, it's remade and it's not like the series you remember. Do you care if it adheres more closely to the original source material that you're not even that familiar with? If the pacing and themes and character choices are different from the series you loved?

Look, I'm not excusing these people from being assholes. I just don't think that most of them are actually upset about strong female or POC characters. Some of them definitely are, but in my experience those aren't the arguments that I'm actually coming across in true droves. Reducing their arguments to racism and sexism does nothing to combat their actual complaints, which in bulk seem to stem from ignorance rather than malice.

It's possible to argue in good faith, but we all have to participate. A bigger fandom is better for everyone. Unless someone is obviously being a bigot, try to extend them a little grace if you reach out to them. You might be surprised by the people who come around.

[stairset]

Aight now that I've slept a bit and am less tired and have had some time to think about it, here is my hopefully coherent enough attempt to get my thoughts across on the Degenerate video, because I'm The Starset Guy and this is like the first major controversy they've ever had and even I have concerns about it and thus feel the need to get my thoughts out there. Cut-off for those who don't wanna scroll past all this cause it ended up being kinda long:

So first off just to get it out of the way: the song itself is great, as is to be expected with Starset. Vocals great, lyrics great, etc. No surprises there. Now to the actually controversial part, the music video. If you even wanna call it a music video, the video title calls it a visualizer instead but whatever. Semantics. Not the point.

So yeah, to start, I'm not exactly a fan of AI "art" for well, all the reasons everyone else has already brought up about it. But as other people have pointed out, in the case of this video there ARE some nuances to its usage that are worth discussing before jumping the gun and canceling the band. So first I'm actually gonna defend it a bit by going over the artistic intention behind it, then also point out the reasonable concerns that people have with it in spite of that intention.

So, I know this band. I know the lore and the narrative and the central themes and all that. The band's story centers around how technology shouldn't be abused by greedy corporate shitheads lest it ruin our society. Literally just a few months ago they released a book where the main antagonist was an AI that gained sentience and tried to enslave humanity. I'm not parasocial enough to pretend that I Know Dustin, but I know what he's about. And he's smart enough that I have to believe he didn't just make a move like this for no reason with no self-awareness. So yeah, I 100% get what the intent is here. As Dustin has said and others have repeated, the AI usage is clearly meant to be "ironic" and satirical, which becomes pretty clear when you actually watch the full video. Essentially it's using AI imagery to make fun of AI images. Real "I used the stones to destroy the stones" moment I guess. Lyrically, the song itself isn't SPECIFICALLY about AI, but it definitely is a big criticism of modern consumerism and commercialism in general, essentially talking about how we feel the need to stuff our faces with corporate-produced shit while our society is slowly falling apart around us. And while AI certainly isn't the sole problem there, it has certainly become a notable aspect of that larger problem, so it makes sense to satirize it to get the larger point across. The visualizer is gross and uncanny to look at on purpose. And it's clearly not trying to trick you into thinking it's NOT AI or anything, not trying to pass as something an actual human made with their own hands. It doesn't want you to be impressed by the visuals, it wants you to be disturbed by them. I compared it to the video for Linkin Park's "Lost" from last year since that was also made with AI visuals and as much as I also love that band and that song I'm still not exactly a fan of that particular choice. But the reason I bring it up is because I do think there's an interesting contrast in how it's being used in these two videos, as with the video for Lost it really did feel like it was using AI just for the sake of using it, riding the current trend, whereas here with Degenerate there's at least an actual reason for it, a reason that one can at least understand even if they don't like or agree with it.

Apparently Dustin's also said that they did pay artists to make the images for the specific purpose of running them through the AI for the video, though didn't really elaborate beyond that. But just based on what we know it does sound like these were consenting artists who knew what they were getting into here and were compensated for it. So it's not like it's a case of just stealing art or trying to replace actual humans to save a few bucks or anything, which is good since that's obviously one of the main concerns with AI in general.

There's also the fact that, as much as I don't like AI shit, the harsh reality is it's not going anywhere anytime soon. Personally if I had a magic button that could indefinitely halt all development on AI stuff until I can be sure that everyone will use it ethically and not abuse it then I would definitely hit that button, but the fact of the matter is that, for better or worse, it's here, it exists, and it will continue to evolve and be used. We can't just un-invent what's already been invented. And I'd argue that specific, limited, one-off uses like this are probably just about the most ethical way to implement it. Though of course I personally would rather this STAY a one-off thing, I absolutely do not want this kind of thing to become like, a regular thing for them. Or a regular thing in general.

But of course this video doesn't exist in a vacuum, there are other nuances here. Because as still more people have pointed out, using AI to make fun of AI is still using it. It's not like the video is in a completely neutral position, just commentating on the situation from afar. Even if it's making fun of AI, the fact that it's using it to do so means it's still feeding that AI, it is now another step forward in the evolution and proliferation of the thing that it's criticizing. One could argue that they maybe could have found a way to poke fun at it without actually using it. There's definitely a certain irony to be discussed in Making Fun Of The Thing By Doing The Thing. Is it being clever and meta? Or is it lacking forethought? Or maybe it's a bit of both. I don't know. Either way it's not exactly the best look, regardless of the intention and thought process behind it. Insert Torment Nexus joke here.

And although I SAID earlier that the satirical intent is pretty clear, it might not be clear to everyone. Even if the video isn't MEANT to set a precedent, it could unintentionally set a precedent anyway by inspiring copycats. Because unfortunately some people are simply too stupid to get obvious satire, especially if they're the ones the satire is aimed at. So it's entirely possible certain people will just see the trippy weird AI visuals and either won't realize or won't care what the the purpose behind them is and will just want to do it themselves because they think it's cool. And then THAT raises the whole question of "how much should you blame the person who made the satire for people being too dumb to get it, especially in cases like this where the satire is incredibly unsubtle and on the nose?" But then that's getting into a whole 'nother topic entirely so I'm not gonna dive into that.

And then of course there's other concerns like how research has shown that AI has a negative effect on the environment. As far as I know THAT particular concern hasn't been addressed so I don't know if they even considered that, but if they didn't then yeah, that's pretty irresponsible and lacking forethought.

There's also just the matter of personal preference, like even if you get that it's satire you might just think that it's not very good satire which is a fair opinion to have. Like personally I just didn't even really enjoy watching the video despite knowing full-well what The Point of it was.

So, in summation, taking all these points into account, I don't think that this particular usage of AI tools is THAT bad. I might even go as far as to say that it's like, fine I guess, at least in isolation. I think many assumed the worst before it came out but I don't think it's worth suddenly denouncing the band or going all "well actually they sucked the whole time and I totally never liked them anyway" or anything like that. Though I'm sure some people will start doing that. I'd say this is a somewhat questionable but not-too-egregious move, that there are legitimate concerns to be had and that I do share those concerns, and as I said I don't want this kind of thing to become the norm for them or for any other band, but I also don't think we should immediately conclude that the band has been Ruined Forever or anything. This kind of thing is a slippery slope, so I guess all we can really do is hope that Dustin doesn't end up falling down it. But that's my take on the whole thing. Maybe I'm being fair and nuanced and unbiased. Or maybe I'm just a hypocrite who's bending over backwards to give my fav the benefit of a doubt. I don't know. All I know is I just wanted to get all this off my chest at once so I can hopefully stop thinking about it and just enjoy the song on its own.

[justsomekpopstuff]

seventeen as a baseball team - part 2

A/N: I have had so many thoughts recently, I just had to share!

part 1 | current masterlist | fic recs

team colors are white and serenity blue, and every now and again they get ones with rose quartz accents (its my au i'll do what I want)

their team mascot is something whimsical that has a cloud and diamond theme along with it

the whole team goes absolutely nuts the first time that center fielder!Dino gets voted into the All-Star Game

When they find out, they throw an absolute rager of a party in the locker room complete with champagne showers. When the All-Star game actually happens, instead of taking vacations, the entire team shows up to the game. All of them are wearing Dino's jersey, have their faces painted, and come equipped with horns and signs all cheering for him. It is the worlds most perfect Embarrassing Dad Cheering Section™️. Dino is bright red for the entire game because he can hear them from all the way across the stadium every time he takes the field.

third baseman!Wonwoo, on the other hand, despite being incredibly good, BEGS the fans to not vote him into the All-Star Game and Home Run Derby

He just really enjoys his time off...but alas, one year the fans absolutely do not listen, and he gets voted in with flying colors. He is, unfortunately, forced to go by catcher!Seungcheol. Despite not wanting to be there at all and tired all the time, Wonwoo ends up completely blowing the competition out of the water. In his final interview after winning the All-Star Game and receiving the MVP award, he begs the fans to never do it again.

the whole team holds a fun exhibition game every year during spring training where they all scrimmage against each other

The whole game gives major Savannah Bananas vibes, as well as that one kickball episode of GoSe. They have ridiculous rules like when the other team scores a point, the team on the field has to endure a "punishment" chosen by the fans. Inflatable costumes ARE used. Synchronized rehearsed dances are a must-have and they put their whole CHESTS into it. The fans love it and look forward to it every season.

right fielder!Joshua can always be seen playing catch in the outfield with some of the younger kid fans in the stands during warm-ups

He is very sweet with all of the younger fans, and has a reputation for always taking time to sign autographs and take silly selfies. He is, also, a chaos creator. He has absolutely stolen Red Vines from a child after making a catch that almost went into the stands.

starting pitcher!Woozi will deny it until his dying day, but he absolutely did cry the first time he threw a no-hitter

The whole team went absolutely nuts for him and stormed the field. Hoshi 1000% took pictures of Woozi crying. Woozi found out and threatened to absolutely kick Hoshi's ass if he ever showed those photos to another living soul. Hoshi listened.

first baseman!Mingyu has tripped running around second base more than anyone on the team...probably more than anyone in the league

There are multiple compilations each season of him tripping over second. He swears its an accident every time and that he does not trip over the base intentionally. The team places bets at the start of the official season for how many times he does it during the regular season. Winner gets all the cash pool and first pick of dugout snacks next season.

closing pitcher!Jeonghan has always been secretive about the reason why he wanted to become a closing pitcher

He will always say he wanted to be a closing pitcher because he loves the idea of being able to hold down the lead for the team, or give them opportunities to win. Jeonghan will swear that he likes being relied on and is good under pressure (which, to his credit, is technically true). However, the actual real reason he wanted to be a closing pitcher is so he wouldn’t have to run as much.

despite being injured, catcher!Seungcheol still attends every home game

He is usually sitting in the same place in the dugout, close to where the manager usually stands. Seungcheol, despite not being the manager, is absolutely yelling directions from his crutches in the dugout. The team will often listen to him better than their actual manager. The whole team is taking bets on whether or not Seungcheol will become a coach when he retires.

[suzannahnatters]

I have finished watching MR SUNSHINE, and there was so much that I loved about this prestige kdrama. The writing of the heroine was SO good in how it discussed and defied some of the worse kdrama-heroine tropes. There was amazingly trenchant and deeply nuanced social criticism, gorgeous cinematography, lots of fascinating history, the warmest and most positive depiction of Christianity I've ever seen in a kdrama, men who drink respect women juice, the beautiful and angsty Gu Dong-Mae, FABULOUS period clothing, and rivals in love learning to put aside their differences in favour of shooting imperialists.

But the show has a major flaw - a flaw that was particularly interesting to me, because it's the precise sort of flaw that I would be most prone to. The screenwriter, who does such brilliant work in so many other ways, is clearly most fascinated by the themes and symbolism she keeps bubbling away in the story's subtext. The problem is that these themes and symbolism - which delightfully clever - are not actually supported by the storytelling, and particularly by the characterisation.

And it's a really fun, rich, resonant bit of symbolism: Ae-Sin is not just a character in the story, she's the living embodiment of Joseon Korea. She's beautiful, desirable, noble, privileged, gradually awakening to a life of hardship and struggle and resistance. Each of the three male leads in the story has a different complicated relationship with her. Eugene has run away from Korea, but returning as an adult cannot help falling in love with the land and the people in defiance of the nobility who mistreated him as a boy. Gu Dong-mae was horribly oppressed by his homeland but cannot help loving it anyway; the Korea which oppressed both men also saved their lives through small acts of kindness. And finally, Hee-Sung, Korea's richest son, is her approved betrothed, but past injustices committed by his family against the people Ae-Sin cares about stand between them. The three men fall in love, not with Ae-Sin, but with their homeland. They express their love for the woman by sacrificing themselves for the homeland; in dedicating themselves to her, they cannot help dedicating themselves to the fight for freedom.

This is why the story had to have a sad ending. None of these men can espouse the whole country; they can only die for her, while Ae-Sin - Korea itself - lives on, alone and victorious, even in exile.

This symbolism is itself delightfully rich, deftly painted, and rewarding to think back upon once you see it. There's only one problem: it doesn't. make. sense.

From the very start of the show, I felt a little impatient with the writing because the relationships between the heroine and her three suitors are so poorly developed. The feelings come out of nowhere. Take Gu Dong-Mae, for instance: he last met this woman when she saved his life as children. Now, it just takes a brush of her dress across his fingers to get him pining madly for her. Hee-Sung, after avoiding her for the best part of a decade, gets one glimpse of Ae-Sin at the washing-line and just like that conceives an undying passion for her. The central relationship, between Ae-Sin and Eugene, doesn't fare much better. The problem is that the story demands each of the male leads to sacrifice himself for Ae-Sin by the end of the show, and I simply couldn't understand why they should. They all have multiple other women pining for them, and Ae-Sin doesn't give two of them the slightest encouragement to hope. I wanted them so badly to find happiness with one of the other women, and they never did.

What MR SUNSHINE needed was not primarily rich and complex symbolism - it was believable characterisation and relationship development. As it was, the lack of substance to the relationships cheapened the grand historical tragedy which was being told. When at the climactic moment the last of the three leads sacrifices himself for the heroine, it felt cheesy and unintentionally funny, rather than tragic.

I loved so much about this story, but the heart of it never clicked for me, and it's a crying shame that with all that budget and talent, it wasn't better written. And that, for me, will be the central tragedy of MR SUNSHINE.

[pll-reimagined]

Pretty Little Liars: reimAgined

Hello Liars of tumblr!

I am a huge nerd for the Pretty Little Liars franchise – I adore the books (I’ve been reading them as far back as the original release of ‘Killer’), and while I love the show, I've always been more than a little disappointed that it wasn’t closer to the source material. During spooky season, I began both rereading the books and rewatching the show, and it gave me the creative inspiration to blend together the best bits of each canon into one cohesive narrative, start to finish. With that said, I present to you all my passion project, 'Pretty Little Liars: reimAgined', as what a retooled, more faithful adaptation could look like.

My primary goal is to tackle the books’ canon and adapt it to span across a number of 'seasons' in an episodic fashion - currently my plan is a 7-season format with around 13 episodes apiece, leaving wiggle room for more as I progress. I intend to weave in some aspects from the original show that were either invented FOR the show, or ones that it particularly excelled in translating… but not necessarily the ones people might expect. This will range from minor storylines and interactions to entire episodes from the OG - albeit through a different lens - if I believe it will help to flesh out characters and the tapestry of Rosewood at large, however this is not the priority. I may periodically condense, expand, omit, and/or change the order of storylines and arcs to make them stronger, and so as to cut down on unnecessary filler. I want for there to be nods that both book and show fans alike can appreciate while also keeping them in suspense over how events unfold; it'll feel familiar, but won't be a twin copy.

My overall creative concept is a period piece set in 2006 (so I'm keeping as much of the niche style and dated references from the books as possible), with a sense heightened reality and a focus on themes such as symbolism, luxury, and indulgence. Think less ABC Family/CW vibes and more HBO/FX, American Horror Story vibes: big on suspense, a dark and gothic aesthetic contrasting expensive and chic high society, somewhat realistic yet simultaneously a bit larger-than-life or fantastical, can range from slightly eerie to downright unsettling, and doesn’t shy away from vulgarity or adult themes and imagery, but does so tastefully and in moderation. Rosewood should absolutely DRIP with exorbitant wealth, lust, disdain, competition, and secrets, but in the flavor of Old Money. My vision is of a nice suburb in New England, where every yard has a white picket fence to hide the imperfections from your neighbors, and petty, political cold wars matter to your social standing at the country club.

The rewrite will have a more serious and mature tone: less teen romance (though, as it IS present in the books, there will still be some) and more focus on psychological torture, thriller/horror tones, the mystery surrounding the disappearance of Alison, the identity and motive(s) of ‘A’, and what ‘A’ puts the Liars through.

As of now, I have a very rough draft of the major story beats that I plan on covering, as I think the story starts to fall apart when you don't have your long-term mystery road mapped well in advance. My goal is for each story arc/season to feel well-balanced and important to the over-arching narrative, and the 'A' reveals are a large part of this. The 'A' thread is the most meticulous and delicate, as any misstep leads to inadvertent plot holes, which is exactly what happened to the show. Most importantly, the 'A' motivations need to make sense in relation to the Liars - that means no Shower Harvey's running amok in this fic!

I’m also going to fix some aspects of certain storylines, and the timeline in general, that were either rushed, dragged out, unnecessary, unrealistic, or flat-out didn’t make sense, adjusting the pacing where I deem it necessary (RIP Never Ending November). This is less so with the books, although they do have some instances - Sara Shepard wtf do you MEAN THAT ARIA STOLE THE STARRY NIGHT - and more so what I use from the original show. I want to give the story the proper room to breathe and the space to gradually build suspense, ensuring a structured flow for every episode within each season’s narrative arc.

I’m aging everyone up slightly, so the start of the series will take place on the last day of 9th grade (making the Liars around 15), and the time jump will be about 2 years, to the end of the summer before the girls’ senior year (making the Liars around 17). Hopefully this will make some of the plotlines a little less icky and statutory grapey when it comes to age.

I’ll also be combining book and show characters as I see fit, giving preference to the books. In particular, I'll be utilizing the ensemble of Rosewood Day students in a much larger capacity than the show did, so to increase the number of suspects while cutting down on extraneous random characters, effectively creating a small community of socialites not dissimilar to Gossip Girl. These people have largely known one another since childhood, and that should be reflected in their interactions.

I'm retelling the story through the mind and voice of none other than Alison DiLaurentis, and she will operate in a way similar to Mary Alice Young from Desperate Housewives: secretive, slightly omniscient, gone yet still very much a part of the Liars' world despite her absence, and playfully watching over her friends as they navigate past her disappearance. She serves as a narrator for the Liars’ inner thoughts and monologues, but will frequently provide her own insight on situations, occasionally injecting some dry humor into the series.

Lastly, the Liars will actually... y'know... lie lol. While the show captured their positive traits, it suffered from the fact that the girls either didn't do bad/selfish things at ALL, or they were coerced to by outside factors. The girls in the books are much more self-serving, petty, and willing to do bad things to achieve what they want. There will still be 'A' manipulation, however I want the general sense that the Liars are victims of their own actions. They should be much more uncomfortable in maintaining and balancing their social lives with the threat of ‘A’ always looming, poised to knock them off the top of the totem pole should their secrets be exposed. The outward appearance of perfection should be, at least initially, the driving force for the Liars. They’ll be more rational and cautious, making less immediate boneheaded and/or out-of-character decisions like the show portrayed, and a bit more reluctant to trust one another until after things have unraveled and bound them together.

I’m currently outlining the details for the first 'season', and I'm about halfway done with the prologue, which I plan to post by the end of the week to gauge interest. I'm open to feedback, so please let me know what you all think of my little passion project!

[solokabuto]

So what are your Fate yuri rarepairs?

Thank you so much for asking!!! I treat fate women like immensely complicate barbie dolls i can roll around in my mind until they slot together in ways that make the deeply ill recovering catholic lesbian in me squeal so you may or may not notice some general themes, I’ll be including hcs and fic ideas in here because my brainrot is terrible rn so have fun with this:

Dobrynya Nikitich x Morgan Le Fay

Now this is largely due to the fact that i noticed similarities in them (white haired mothers that are more than they seem and definitely not who they seem with fucked up daughters that have pink hair and pent up rage) and admittedly I’m not in Tungsuka sanctuary so I don’t have a vantage point on Dobrynya’s personality like at all outside of adorable fanart but they seem like they’d be cute. They’re one of those couples that would largely only exist in au’s where Dobrynya runs the daycare that Morgan drops Baobhan at or something. And the entire story is just Baobhan being terrorized while Dobrynya and Morgan make out in the background.

Okita Souji x Nitocris

That moment when you (living vessel for your brother’s vengeance who immediately committed suicide upon fulfilling your goal due to perceiving the cold embrace of death as warmer than the cruel clutches of your fellow man) come across another girl (a hollow mockery of a human being born and bred to slaughter without a care who relates better to broken bones, sinew, and blood than she does to living beings and can kill her friends at a simple order)and link up (have intense homoerotic discussions about death dying and purpose) over tea and wine (cups of literal blood) and fuck nasty (memento memori style)

Olga Marie Animusphere x Ereshkigal

If you haven’t read Afterlife by nd7878 and you have any form of attachment to Olga or Ereshkigal or see the similarities between the two please read it, it’s amazing and I love it so much it fulfills my Olga Marie cravings very well. Anyways i think these two are cute, like super cute like insanely cute and I’d like to imagine Olga would bring out the more forward and irritable side of Ereshkigal and the two would clash in a way that’s still friendly. I dunno she’d make eresh more lively and make Olga feel more loved. I really love afterlife, please read it.

Jeanne D’ Arc x Barghest

I just think the idea of a woman who already sees herself as an offering, offering herself up to a worthy warrior who desperately wishes to stop destroying things she loves to be incredibly interesting. Especially because in my mind Jeanne would probably have little issue with letting Barghest eat her regularly as long as she recovers decently enough. They’re interesting i have fic ideas for them i think Jeanne would enjoy being devoured gruesomely. The knowledge of having a set place for your body to go rather than being burned and desecrated just to be tossed into the river and washed away. I am far too invested in Jeanne D’ Arc. A part of me thinks she would enjoy having something resembling a proper corpse since she was torched to ash and thrown into a river rather than properly being laid to rest. I have vivid images of their entire routine can you tell u have been plagued by yuri visions for far too long?

Edit: I made a fic for these two if you’re truly interested: https://archiveofourown.org/works/58314286

Baobhan Sith x Galatea

You know how popular girls in hs always have that one girl that isn’t popular or important or really much of anything to a majority of the student body that they don’t play about? Yeah that’s Galatea to her. They hit it off over sculpting because Baobhan has a general affinity for art that includes her love of fashion and eventually they become friends which is incredibly strange to Baobhan because she is deeply unused to being cared for and loved by anyone that isn’t her mother and even then the way she goes about it is very much not like her mother (it’s okay Morgan you tried sweetie). I just think it would be nice to see Galatea slowly help Baobhan build a healthy relationship with love, loving and being loved. They’d be cute. I also think Galatea would find having her blood sucked to be an interesting experience considering she probably finds the fact she has blood to be quite novel.

Merlin (Prototype) x Morgan Le Fay

With benefits. I don’t know what to call their relationship so they’re just with benefits. Morgan would just vent out her frustration on her while Merlin just takes it because why the hell not, being half-succubus has its perks. Additionally, she’d rely on Merlin to have a few moments of complete thoughtlessness and freedom from the stress and general fuckery of Faerie Britain by just allowing herself to fall for the effects of her beauty. Honestly it’s more so method of relaxation for Morgan then a genuine relationship but I think it’s interesting. They probably have insane conversations about the world that usually end in Morgan forcing her to shut up because she says something she doesn’t want to hear but isn’t untrue. Occasionally in moments of weakness Merlin will ask Morgan if she wants her to take her away to Avalon and leave this place for the faeries she hates so much, and Morgan will always refuse dispute herself.

[vanhelsingapologist]

//scuttles in

Hey you should totally talk about Kasimir

Kasimir And The Terrible Horrible No-Good Very Bad 400 Years

CW: Sororicide, Child Death, discussion of mental health, discussion on the nature of shame.

This is going to be so, so long. Disclaimer that this is our table's interpretation of Kasimir Velikov. Spoilers for Curse of Strahd and the Dusk Elves abound.

Guilty, Not Remorseful

Kasimir is one of those characters who seems to be very consistent in characterization across tables. I do believe that if you asked DMs to list their Kasimir’s traits, a majority would hit the Trifecta of Misery:

Guilty

Sad

Desperate.

A massive part of our Kasimir’s characterization is how my DM draws the line between regret, guilt, and remorse.

He feels fathomless guilt surrounding killing Patrina, but he never describes himself as feeling remorse. To explain, I’ll divide it like this:

He feels guilty because he knew it would have a repercussion. He did it anyway. Patrina was engaged to Strahd.

He did not expect the repercussions to be all that they were. This was a mistake, but I don’t entirely know whether he sees his decision surrounding killing Patrina as one or not.

He does not feel remorse, because that would require him to regret what he did (killing his sister). Our Kasimir does not feel remorse for killing her, and it makes him guiltier because of everything her death set off, not to mention the love he held for his sister.

He tells himself that he did what he had to do (he did not), and wishes there were another way (there undoubtedly was), which gives way to shame. 

"I had to do it, but I wish I didn't." "... Did I have to? Surely, yes?"

So, he has these interplaying themes connected to the overarching theme of guilt, all of which drive his every action in our campaign. 

He is okay with this.

He is okay with the idea that every day is a punishment. He did what he had to do, he says, and he believes he should pay that price forever. 

The Whole Patrina Thing

In our game, Patrina didn’t seem to be so much in love with Strahd as she was in love with power. My running theory is that she was intending to dethrone Strahd or overpower him once she’d been turned. 

Because (I believe) in our game, he was one of the first vampires, if not The First Vampire, she didn’t quite realize how spawn mechanics worked— and to that end, neither did the dusk elves.

The Story

Kasimir holds to the story he told us. He discovered his sister half-turned, having received two of the three bites required to undergo the bride ceremony. 

I believe he discovered her in the process of trying to feed (a la Lucy Westenra) and came to the conclusion that she had been irrevocably turned into this horrifying, unknowable dead thing. So he gathered the dusk elves and killed her, setting off the chain of events. 

In the years since he’s been confronted with new information regarding vampirization and the process of turning, but he’s also said that if Patrina hadn’t died, she likely would’ve gone through with it anyway. Is this to avoid heaping more guilt onto his shoulders? Maybe. I don't know. Despite his guilt, he still, interestingly, provides a justification.

We have nothing to contradict his word with.

However, he also told us that he’s been experiencing dreams where she tells him how sorry she is, how much she hates him, how much she loves him, and how much she would have changed if he'd let her live.

His foundational beliefs get preyed upon, because what if he was wrong? What if he doomed everyone because he couldn’t compromise his morality for a moment?

Kasimir’s Backstory Is Misery In Case You Were Wondering

In our campaign, Kasimir and Patrina were raised to be the leaders of their communities and witnessed Rahadin’s exile and subsequent alliance with King Barov.

When the Dusk Elves regrouped after a crushing defeat, Kasimir, who is a Druid in our campaign, was voted in to be the head of the remaining families, and Patrina, an Archmage, left for Ravenloft intermittently. 

I think there was an effort for peace being made with a marriage between Strahd and herself, but obviously, the Tatyana Conundrum came in (Kasimir Win!), and then a couple years down the line, the Patrina Conundrum happened (Kasimir Fail!).

By the time he made his big bad decision, he was not only the head of his community but was also the father to a small child and the husband to a man who would die defending their family.

So, as far as he’s concerned, Kasimir is almost directly responsible for the deaths of his entire family.

He’s in a constant internal battle between blaming Ravenloft— perhaps predominantly, Rahadin— for enacting disproportionate revenge and blaming himself for pulling the trigger. Two things can be true. And still, to this day, his remaining people trust him. He still leads them and protects them. Yowch.

Kasimir As The Moral Compass

While traveling with our party, Kasimir was militant about doing what he believed was right. It could’ve been because he might’ve literally snapped in half if he took on any more shame, but probably had more to do with the fact that he was likely projecting heavily onto our party. 

He held his hand on the metaphorical stove for so long that he has nothing but bone left, so when he sees the party tentatively edging towards the fire, he takes action. 

Because he lives in a cesspool of anguish, I think an argument can be made that he wants to ensure his actions aren’t repeated by someone else. That is for HIM.

How It Affects Dynamic

This makes him fun to have in the party, because not only is Sororicide “Hypocrite” Velikov telling us not to do things, but it also provides a good bit of levity to what is otherwise one of the emotionally heaviest characters in our campaign.

Having this ancient elven druid sternly ask if kicking the corpse of enemy #6 made you feel good and having to shamefully tell him ’no’ creates a bond like no other.

It’s also an interesting way to have him trying to semi-atone without explicitly expressing remorse. Because he judges himself so harshly, he judges the party by the same standards.

Kasimir Will Make The Same Mistake Over And Over

The problem is that shame is poison to recovery.

Kasimir does not believe he has a place in a world in which he is not suffering, so whenever he is confronted with redemption, he’ll do what keeps him rotting.

I don’t know how my other players feel about this, but I’m convinced that it’s not that he can’t break the cycle, it’s that he won’t.

In trying to do the right thing, I think he will choose the wrong thing. He will stone her to death again and again and not know why.

There He Goes Again!

It’s why I think these dreams are such a big problem. I think they’re goading him. Whatever’s causing it (the Dark Powers, Strahd, or Patrina herself) knows him well enough that he will make a horrible, horrible decision. As far as theory goes, I think it may really be Patrina, because who would know him better than his sister?

In our campaign, Kasimir is currently acting as a mentor to a half dusk-elven wizard/druid who habitually toes the line between good and evil. He waffles between wanting to save her and wanting to nip the problem in the bud, propelled by his profound shame for wanting to do it.

He knows he shouldn’t have anything to do with it, but whereas Van Richten isolates himself out of necessity, Kasimir creates this wall between them because he sees the cycle starting again and feels helpless to stop it. It’s like he doesn’t realize he’s actively recreating the cycle.

Sound familiar, Strahd?

He and Van Richten are two characters who might have the biggest questions of the nature of redeemability hanging over their head, and both grapple with themes of guilt.

I think they differ because, in our campaign, Van Richten is actively seeking redemption. Kasimir is not.

He can’t imagine atonement even exists.