#which guess what. they ALSO have not stopped since then
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SATURDAY NIGHT
lorenzo berkshire x fem!reader
warnings: nsfw +18, childhood friends concept, teasing in public, explicit and suggestive language, dirty talk, v rubbing, blowjob, p in v penetration (unprotected), creampie, cum in general.
word count: 3,7k
. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ masterlist ; playlist ; characters list ; my website
the clock struck 8pm. I won’t lie saying I wasn’t nervous, because I was, I was very nervous.
my parents had recently become in touch with enzo’s parents again after 5 years of no communication, so now I was getting ready in my room to hang out with them.
enzo and I met when we were kids. he was slightly older than me but we were both in elementary school. our parents immediately became friends so we started hanging out quite often.
enzo had always been very sweet with me but also a pain in the ass. since we were kids, we often argued and we almost even hit each other once. though, I cared about him and I guess he cared about me too. through time enzo and I grew up and became distant — we stopped playing together and we began to hang out once every two months at best.
once we started high school, we lost touch and so did our parents.
I often thought about him. I quite missed his presence as he had filled a good part of my childhood memories. the only thing I had left of him was a necklace he got me the last time we hung out — it had a little swan as a charm and I was completely in love with it. I found myself touching it every now and then, in an attempt to feel enzo’s presence with me again.
“y/n! are you ready, honey?” my mom called out from outside — she was already in the car.
“I’m coming!” I said out of the window, rolling my eyes in annoyance.
I glanced at myself in the mirror one more time to check if I looked good. I didn’t know why, but I felt the need to look good. then I grabbed my purse and headed out fidgeting my house keys.
once outside, I closed the door behind me, I locked it, and then I spotted my parent’s car. I saw my father looking at me up and down through the window, his gaze not much approving of my outfit — I was wearing a fancy black dress, elegant and delicate. it was quite long, but not too long, and had a wide neckline that showed my cleavage and my boobs which perfectly sat there.
I approached their car and got in. “hi.”
my father sighed, almost sounding like he grunted. my mom, on the other hand, turned around and smiled at me. “are you excited?”
“a bit, yeah.”
“enzo will have turned into a handsome man by now, don’t you think?” she teased.
“mom.” I warned.
“just saying.”
my dad started the car and I put my headphones on, ready to get lost in my fantasy world as I watched the real one out of my window.
I didn’t want to admit it, but I did feel something odd in my stomach… like butterflies? impossible. enzo and I had only been friends and nothing else. besides he wasn’t even my type — for what I could remember from the last time we met. I sighed and accepted the fact the hangout would have been quite awkward.
(skip time)
my dad pulled over and we all got out of the car. the light of the streetlights surrounding me caught my attention, making me look up and see the dark sky of the night. I loved that feeling.
“cover up.” my dad walked past me looking down at my cleavage. I knew my dress wasn’t so appropriate, but I didn’t have many dresses in my closet.
I grabbed my purse and closed the car door before following my parents into the bar where my and enzo’s parents agreed on meeting.
the bar from the outside looked really good — there were a few glass tables and small dark red armchairs probably made of velvet. there were some people already, drinking and chatting, and enjoying each other’s company. the dim lights were placed on the tables, followed by some candles as well, creating a cozy and elegant atmosphere for the whole bar.
my parents walked in first, making me snap back to reality. I followed them inside, realizing the big moment had come. my eyes lazily roamed over the room scanning it to spot enzo and his parents, but they weren’t there yet. we decided to get back out and sit at one of the tables outside that I had previously spotted. as we settled down, my mom spoke.
“are you nervous?”
in the meantime, I calmed down. I mean, it was just a reunion, right?
“I’m fine, actually.” I replied nonchalantly, both because it was a bit true, and because I still needed to convince myself of it.
(skip time)
I looked at my watch on my left wrist, which showed it was already 9:45pm. the meeting should’ve been at 9:30, but I let out a huff.
before I could complain to my parents, who were busy on their phones, my attention shifted to the three figures approaching us from afar — enzo and his parents.
his mom and dad still looked the same, slightly older, obviously. and enzo… wait, that was enzo? he looked way taller than the last time, his hair was still brown but he had changed haircut as it seemed more like a sort of mullet with a few strands falling down on his forehead, he was grinning and looking in our direction as he got closer, making me appreciate his outfit as well — his black t-shirt amazingly hugged his torso, highlighting his abs and chest, long black pants fell down his legs matching his t-shirt, and the shoes as well, but not his belt which was brown and silvery.
oh my goodness.
I would’ve said it wasn’t him, but the way he was smirking with his eyes made me recognize him without a doubt. that was my childhood friend lorenzo berkshire.
“my god, hi.” my mother stood up hugging enzo’s mom. my father stood up too, saying hi to his dad and shaking his hand. enzo stared at me as I stared at him back. he nodded as if he wanted to say hi to me as well, and I smiled in return.
“you grew up so much!” my mom caressed enzo’s cheek, making him slightly blush. enzo glanced at the ground, trying his best to seem polite in dodging my parents’ touching. after that, enzo’s parents’ attention turned to me, admiring how I had grown up as well. (I will let up on this for your sake).
we all sat down around the table, the seats felt so comfortable. my and enzo’s parents started talking, happy to finally meet each other again, as enzo looked at me — I felt his eyes wandering on my figure so much that it seemed like his gaze was burning my skin. after a couple of seconds, I looked up, seeing his eyes, which shifted quickly from my cleavage to meet mine. I smiled and he smiled back, rubbing the back of his head. as he did so, I could finally have a better look at his silver bracelet that made his wrist look delicate and sexy.
“hey.” he broke the silence, he was sitting right next to me.
“hi.” I said back, eyeing him up a bit.
“how’s your life going?” he asked as he propped his head on his hand and turned his attention to me.
“good, good… yours?”
“same.” he eyed me back up, scanning my figure in my tight dress. his tongue licked his upper lip subtly.
our conversation went going for half an hour and it was totally awkward. not because enzo and I had nothing to talk about, but because I kept feeling his gaze on me all the time — every single movement I did, even the slightest, he looked. to finally break the moment was enzo’s mother.
“you grew up so much… I still remember you playing with my enzo at the playground.” she said with a hint of nostalgia in her voice. I smiled at her words. she had always been so sweet.
in the meantime we had already ordered our drinks — enzo had ordered some martini and I had decided to get the same. the bartender brought the beverages to us a few minutes later and we started sipping them as I kept sharing words with enzo’s parents.
“do you have a boyfriend now?” enzo asked me. his voice had lowered a bit not to let our parents hear us too much as they began to talk to each other once again, shifting their attention away from us two.
“no. do you have a girlfriend?”
“no.”
I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. I couldn’t understand why, but I felt relieved by the news of him still being single. I felt… possessive over him? as we kept chatting I couldn’t help letting my eyes fall on his hands several times as he gestured while speaking, even his hands grew up with him — they were veiny now, bigger than the last time we saw each other, and each finger had at least one ring.
“you sure you’re single? no guy drooling over you?” he said out of the blue, his eyebrows furrowed, interrupting the speech he was giving a few seconds before.
“yeah, I’m sure. what’s wrong?” I chuckled.
“I hardly believe a pretty thing like you hasn’t got a nice boyfriend.”
“well, guess what...” I sarcastically spoke and we both laughed.
but then he suddenly stopped, becoming all serious as his eyes stayed on me. I looked at him with a confused expression and I calmed down, finishing to laugh as well.
“I’m glad to hear that. you’re still my friend, aren’t you?” he spoke lowly, marking the word ‘my’ with his voice while his hand wandered on my bare thigh.
I nodded, not understanding what was happening. his touch gave me shivers.
he backed up, now fully focusing on my parents who started asking him questions, yet his hand stayed on my thigh — his thumb caressed my skin every now and then as his other fingers squeezed it.
I didn’t know what to think of it but I definitely enjoyed his touch and I didn’t want him to stop whatever he had in mind.
(skip time)
as the night went on, we all found each other more comfortable than at the beginning. but for each passing minute, enzo’s hand slid upper and upper. suddenly, when I was chatting with his father, his hand touched the hem of my dress, tugging at it, and slightly sneaking under the fabric to brush against my panties.
I tried to hold back a gasp, but I couldn’t do anything with the light blush that spread across my cheeks. I tried to push his hand away, but the harder I tried, the further he went until he completely felt my panties under his fingers.
enzo abruptly pulled his hand away, stood up, and he spoke to his and my parents.
“I’m going to smoke.” he picked up his lighter with his right hand while his left one still wandered in his pocket to find the pack of cigarettes.
“your father and I told you to quit, lorenzo.” his mother intervened.
“I will, I promise.” he grinned as he walked away to find a place to enjoy his cigarette.
“would you fancy keeping him company?” his mother changed her tone, sounding sweeter as she spoke to me.
“sure.” I nodded excitedly, hinting a smile as I stood up to follow him.
I made a little run to reach him, and he slightly turned back but once he spotted me with the corner of his eye, he drew his attention back in front of him.
“your parents let you smoke?”
“I ain’t a kid anymore, aren’t I?” he replied with a cocky smirk. “but they don’t like when I do it.”
I nodded as silence fell between us again and we headed behind a wall, I leaned my back against it and enzo stood in front of me.
“you still have the necklace I got you when we were kids?” he noticed, gazing at my cleavage.
“yeah.”
“it looks good on your boobs.”
“excuse me?”
“I said it looks good with your hoops. your earrings.” he said, but I swore I had heard something else.
“you think they match?”
“yeah.” I could tell he was not staring at my necklace, but he was looking a little lower. though, I decided not to push it further and we kept chatting for a bit until he finished his cigarette.
“did I tell you I’ve got myself a car?” he said, lifting his eyebrows.
“no, you didn’t.. have you really?”
“yup. wanna see it?”
“ ‘course.”
he tilted his head in the direction of his car and looked at me before we started walking. “I drove my parents here.” he boasted a bit.
“damn, you’ve really grown into a gentleman.” I complimented him, being a bit sarcastic. but he was indeed a gentleman, a sexy gentleman if I might say.
we walked a few more meters before approaching his gorgeous dark red car.
“wow…”
“the insides are even better, come on.” he said as he picked up his keys and threw them up in the air, before catching them with a smooth movement and making his way to open his gem.
“it won’t bite you.” he said as he got into the driver’s seat. I smiled and got in as well.
I admired the insides and as he said, they were indeed beautiful and looked quite luxurious.
“did you pay a lot of money for this gem?”
“uhm… let’s just say that I worked hard for it.” he smirked, leaning against the seat.
“wanna spice this up a bit?” he suddenly suggested as he moved his head to face me. his eyes fell on my cleavage for what seemed like the millionth time that night, before shifting back on mine.
“spice this up?” I echoed slightly confused, tilting my head towards one side. though I knew what he meant by that, I just enjoyed playing dumb.
“yeah, with some music.”
“uhm, sure, why not.” I smirked and he turned the radio on.
(I recommend playing this while reading. check my playlist)
“I like this song.” I spoke.
“yeah?” he spoke back, staring at my lips. I smirked to myself as I noticed how he was not concentrating on what I had just said at all.
“mh-hum.” I nodded as I shifted completely on my seat, facing him with my body as well. I gazed at his lips too.
“would you like to know an interesting fact about this car?”
“yeah.”
“well, it’s soundproof.”
and there I did 2+2. I knew what he had in mind and he was planning on it from the real beginning.
“soundproof, mh?” I smirked. “and how is it useful to you?”
his smirk got wider as he leaned in and tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear.
“you’ve grown into a really gorgeous woman, you know that?” he looked at me with a darker gaze, his voice slightly above a whisper.
“I saw you swinging your hips and showing off your little ass as we walked. I immediately understood the innocent little girl I once knew was completely gone.”
my eyes widened for less than a second, before turning back seductive as I listened to him.
“and that little girl, who’s now a menacing woman, enjoined my previous playing on her thigh, didn’t she?” he continued, his smirk never leaving his face.
“you were crazy for doing that in front of our parents.”
“you didn’t complain.”
“I tried to push your hand away.”
“you didn’t try hard enough.”
“how do you know that?”
“because I know damn well you liked my fingers on your skin, squeezing it and slowly going upwards. I could feel that you were into it… your panties were soaked, doll.”
I sighed. continuing to pretend would’ve been useless. I almost jumped on him, my hands finding his jaw as I held his face close enough to capture his lips in a fierce kiss. he happily wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me onto his lap as he kissed me back. our lips moved so passionately that I moaned every other second.
“fuck, baby… that was what I wanted…” he panted between kisses.
“you taste so good…” I moaned.
“let’s keep kissing then…” he groaned back as we heavily made out. his hand slipped under my dress, finding my drenched panties once again. he rubbed my pussy against the fabric, making me squirm on him, and let out desperate yet muffled moans against his lips.
“fuck… you are completely soaked.” he panted after his hand slid into my underwear — his middle finger rubbed my folds at a slow and sexual pace.
“ughh— mhh..” I clang onto him, my nails dug into his shoulders.
enzo pulled his hand away, leaving me needy of his touch, before starting to kiss me again. I kissed him back as my hand glided from his lower chest to his belt, and then I tugged at it, making him chuckle.
“someone’s impatient?” he teased, leaving some lazy kisses on my jaw.
I hummed in response, backing up enough to give room to my hands and undo his belt. enzo bit his bottom lip.
he lifted his hips up to let me pull his pants down, but without warning, I took his boxers off as well. he let out a low gasp, followed by a groan as he saw his hard cock popping out and standing right there for me. I smirked and immediately crawled back to my seat, before bending over and kissing his tip.
enzo threw his head back and shut his eyes, while my hand stroked his erection up and down and my mouth sucked on his leaking tip.
“ohh just like that…” he grabbed my hair, pulling it almost painfully, and forced me to go all my way down. I slightly gagged but quickly got myself together as I sucked on his dick completely, my lips touching his balls.
I could feel my throat giving me signals that I needed to pull out, but I couldn’t, I was making enzo feel too good.
“ughh! mhh— baby!” he jerked his hips upwards, trying to meet my movements.
I kept going for some minutes until I heard him groan and moan underneath me, so I understood he was getting close. I fastened my pace, trying to satisfy his needs, and in a matter of seconds, he spurted his seed down my throat.
“swallow… go on… swallow…” he encouraged me, panting heavily as he pulled my head back and watched me swallow his cum. I looked at him, not breaking the eye contact as I tasted him on my tongue, meanwhile, he watched me with an arrogant, yet affectionate gaze as his seed dripped down the corners of my mouth.
“backseat. now.” he smirked and pecked my lips, tasting himself on them. I happily moved into the back of the car, laying down on the seats as I watched him do the same thing and lay on top of me.
“you’re so beautiful… you’ve grown so well… fuck…” he groaned kissing my neck like a starved man — but suddenly he pulled away and his hands rushed on him to pull down his pants and boxers fully.
I bit my lip at the sight and in the meantime, I helped him taking his shirt off. he smirked, enjoying how I was as eager as him, and once his clothes were out of the way, he helped me undress as well.
“open up…” he arrogantly spread my legs, making me wrap them around his waist as he lined up against my core. “mhh…” I let out, my nails already digging into his back as I pulled him close to me.
“so wet… I bet you’re so tight too…” he said as he rubbed the tip of his erection back and forth against my folds.
“why don’t you go ahead and see yourself?” I teased him, smirking as I stole him kisses.
“I’m gonna fuck you hard.” he said, his teeth clenched.
suddenly he thrust in. I let out a moan mixed with a gasp as I felt my walls adjust to his size. He hissed, burying his face in the crook of my neck as he slowly started to grind his hips against mine.
“fuck, baby… ohh god…” he groaned in my ear — his thrusts becoming more and more urgent.
I knew our parents were wondering where we were or what we were doing, but enzo’s dick was all I could focus on at that moment. I felt it throbbing inside of me, eager to hit every good spot and make me come undone underneath him.
“ugh— keep going!” I encouraged him as I dug my nails into his back, scratching his skin and making enzo suck in air through his teeth multiple times.
my moans only fueled his hunger, his willingness to come inside of me, and I couldn’t help but give them to him all the time as he pistoned fast and hard. we didn’t worry about using a condom, we didn’t think about it and we didn’t even discuss it — we were too lost in the moment to mention that. I knew I wasn’t on birth control, but my paranoia could’ve waited. enzo was more important.
“ohh, baby! I’m close… please…” his eyebrows furrowed in a blissful expression, letting me know he was indeed getting close.
as his thrusts became more uneven, I began to realize I was getting close too. he was going rough, maybe too rough for me to handle him, and I could feel my body burning due to his harshness, but then I felt it. I felt my orgasm coming.
“enzo!” I cried out, arching my back and throwing my head against the seat. my juices coated his dick, which spurted his hot seed a few seconds later.
enzo grunted in my ear, altering incoherent murmured praises to desperate whimpers. “ohh— baby… god…” he moaned.
I chuckled, my hands caressing his back in a soothing manner.
“you okay?” he asked me, leaving a sweet kiss on my jaw.
I nodded, giving him a reassuring smile and he smiled back.
“we should probably get back to our parents…”
“we should.” he smirked. “but they can wait a little more…”
#Spotify#effy stonem#girlblogging#harry potter#skins uk#slytherin#slytherin boys#tumblr girls#skins#harry potter fanfiction#lorenzo berkshire smut#lorenzo zurzolo#lorenzo berkshire#enzo berkshire#enzo berkshire x reader#theodore nott#theodore nott smut#mattheo riddle#draco malfoy#blaise zabini#tom riddle#moodboard#artists on tumblr#writers on tumblr#poems on tumblr#tumblr milestone#viral trends#viralpost#girl blogger#blogging
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he looks just like a dream ⋆。゚☁︎。⋆。 ゚☾ ゚。⋆
summary: dating headcanons w/ remus lupin
a/n: hello!! this is my most recent fic on this account and my first Marauders fic, so sorry if this is bad!! also, please keep in mind that even though i'm writing a fic about something tied to the Harry Potter universe, this does NOT AT ALL mean i like JK Rowling. i've liked her books since i was a child and have been separating the art from the artist for quite some time when it comes to this. also, i've written Remus in more of a modern situation, so keep that in mind :)
tags: @back-totheoldhouse @daemontargaryennn @o-kye @unbeleevable @mochamuff1n @call-me-frosting-or-not-idc @dangerouslyyour (this is me just guessing who would be interested in this, please let me know if you would like to be removed/added from the taglist!!)
warnings: nicknames with "girl" in them but otherwise gn!reader, mentions of crying, mentions of scars
boyfriend!remus who's memorized how you like your coffee or tea. or if you don't like either, he's memorized your favorite drink and has perfected it every time he makes it. you tell him it's not needed, that you can make drinks yourself, but he says it's worth it just to see the smile on your face.
boyfriend!remus who wouldn't dare tell you to cover up with a dress or outfit you're wearing when you go out ("any guy who tells their girlfriend/partner to cover up because it makes him uncomfortable or insecure instantly just proves he has a fragile ego accompanied by a micropenis.") and he'll only suggest a jacket if he knows it'll be cold outside. if you're happy in what you're wearing, why should he stop you?
boyfriend!remus who reads the books you're reading to have an extra thing to talk to you about and to ensure he understands what you're describing when you rant about how much you either love it or hate it. "yeah I know, I can't believe he did that!" "seriously, the way the writer set up the plot is terrific." "what was the author thinking? the plot makes no sense."
boyfriend!remus who always gives you his clothes. his soft beige knit sweater? of course you can wear it to our date. you need to borrow his beanie because it's cold outside? please do. you want to wear his shirt to bed? just keep it, he thinks it looks 10x better on you.
boyfriend!remus who takes you on all sorts of dates. library dates, lego building dates (which turn into laughing hysterically because one of you doesn't understand the instructions and the other one does understand, but can't find the right piece), cafe dates, aquarium dates, baking/cooking dates, late night walk/drives dates...the list goes on (i will happily elaborate on any of these if asked). he may or may not stalk your pinterest to find out what dates you like
boyfriend!remus who subtly shows you off to the marauders. he's usually a little bit touchy with you in public (a hand on the small of your back or intertwined with yours, his arms around your waist or shoulders, etc.), but he does it more around his friends. it's not any sort of intentional possessive thing (like "grrr my bbg is mine you can't have her raaah"), he just likes people knowing he has a gorgeous partner :)
boyfriend!remus whose room is littered in random trinkets, some of which he'll randomly gift to you. a silver pocket watch he found with intricate details because he thinks you'd like it. a rock or crystal he says looks like your eyes. a flower that he found because he remembered the one time you said "what a pretty flower" when you accompanied him on a walk. a stuffed animal he found at a yard sale because it was your favorite animal. the list goes on.
boyfriend!remus who mainly shows love through acts of service and physical touch. your shoe's untied? he's getting down on his knee to tie it. your books are a bit heavy? he'll carry all of them for you. you're not feeling good? he's doing your homework.
boyfriend!remus whose nicknames for you are mainly "dove/dovey", "baby", and "darling". he calls you "sweet girl/pretty girl" when you're sick, under the weather, or sad, "my love/my dearest" when he knows you're upset, and "sweetheart" when you're in an argument.
boyfriend!remus who would be terrified of showing a lot of skin around you because of his scars mainly because he doesn't want you to be disgusted. he knows deep down that you wouldn't, but it's a deeply-rooted fear for him.
"Remus, your friends have scars. Does that make them ugly or bad people?"
"No."
"Some of the teachers you like have scars. Does that make them ugly or bad people?"
"No."
"I have scars. Does that make me ugly?"
"Of course not, dove."
"So then why do you think scars make you ugly if they don't make anyone else you care about ugly?"
#remus lupin#remus lupin fanfiction#remus lupin imagine#remus lupin x reader#remus lupin x you#remus x reader#mauraders#marauders#the marauders#marauders era#remus x you#remus lupin fic#remus lupin drabble
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i don’t like how almost the entire fandom is on jimmy’s ass but loves curly. while jimmy undoubtedly did worse things, curly PROTECTED HIM. you cannot stand there at your computer and type straight-faced about how ‘jimmy is a horrible monster!! ...but curly could treat anya sooooo well’ like HUH??? this game is NOT about how jimmy is the worst person alive ever WITHOUT also the message of curly being AT LEAST half as bad.
because HE KNEW. and i think this is also beautifully represented through his design. he chose to turn a blind eye to anya’s struggles, HE CHOSE TO NOT SEE, and then, after the crash, he found himself with one eye constantly open, FORCED TO SEE. and by god did he see. he saw, first-hand, how protecting his absolute bastard of a friend led to the death of the entire crew and their prolonged sufferring. i saw one person suggest that the scene in which swansea kills daisuke could be from curly’s POV since it aligns perfectly with the hallway and the look he would get of the scene.
so curly, who once always protected his friend and turned a blind eye to his misdemeanors, is now forced to see these terrible events unfold firsthand. because guess what? it’s about half of curly’s fault for these events jimmy creates. because he could have prevented so much if only he wasn’t part of this toxic culture of males protecting each others from the consequences of their own actions.
now before i get any angry comments or reblogs: i do not despise curly. i do not even despise jimmy as a character. i condemn their actions 110%, ESPECIALLY jimmy’s - but i think they’re such deep and shockingly real, raw depictions of humans that not only could, but DO exist. as concepts and characters, i admire wrong organ for their bravery to create them into existence - and i hate them as people. again, they are representatives of the toxic culture males have in which they protect each other (“my buddy couldn’t have raped/SA’d/etc her because i know him and he wouldn’t do that!!” etc etc.) and it is so upsetting but so necessarry to witness this. i just wish the fandom would be willing to witness it fully, not just go “FUCK JIMMY” “so sorry you had to draw jimmy” while simultaneously pushing out curly x reader or saying shit like “curly just wanted everyone to be happy :(” “curly would treat anya better” etc etc.
this is such a raw and real story once again ruined by a fandom whose minds are rotted by hehe hot man, toxic yaoi, and amatonormativity. and yea that sounds funny when you read it but so many of the messages of the game are ignored in favor of all the above. i’m tired of it!!!
TL;DR: i condemn both jimmy AND curly’s actions and i think that you guys should not give curly a pass for protecting jimmy. if you’re going to call jimmy a horrible fucked-up monster, acknowledge that curly enabled him time and time again. also stop shipping people this is Not That Kinda Story ffs (from a tired aromantic)
#hoowee thats a lot#anyways#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#wrong organ#jimmy mouthwashing#mouthwashing jimmy#captain curly#curly mouthwashing#mouthwashing curly#mouthwashing analysis#game analysis#long post#my rambles
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Pengu Finale Liveblog ahhhhhh
Julian just absolutely brain blasting this old woman
Oh Rex is close enough to call her doll and make her breakfast he is not beating the deadbeat daddy allegation
OH NO DOES SHE KNOW OH MY GOD SHE KNOWS
NEVERMIND I WAS SO WRONG ABOUT EVERYTHING SHE HAS KNOWN ALL ALONG
holy shit holy shit holy shit
okay so they did find the bodies eventually holy fuck hooooooly fuck
oh my god rex literally teaching francis how to manipulate oz and use him oh my god ohhhhh my god this is so much more of a betrayal than if francis had just hated him for what he'd done
she knew all along she knew all along and she used him and she
she
oz was right ahahahahah every relationship in his life is fuckign transactional because he KILLED THE ONLY TWO BOYS WHO TRULY LOVED HIM, AND KILLED HIS MOTHER'S LOVE WITH THEM
dude he has to kill his mother now
this is a psychological nuke the likes of which i think sofia could not possibly have ever imagined.
Francis's FACE oh my god.
Julian baby boy maybe Sofia should stand out of sight to not break immersion
God this is absolutely not how hypnotism works is it
IT'LL BE EASIER NOW YOU LITTLE PSYCHO
"I see you in ways other people don't" while she is ACTIVELY USING HIM
dude. dude. I just. It's always the same with Oz, isn't it. Sofia, Eve, his mom. He's the biggest bullshitter in Gotham, and he's so full of it he doesn't have a clue how to sniff it out
God they are both so horrific to each other. Just his horrible cycle of selfishness and toxicity what a twisted family they are
HELLO VIC I MISSED YOU
Oh rip lmao I guess the gangs know the bliss is all gone
Vic baby he's saying all the same stuff oz does, only he believes it, so he can't bullshit people to his side
Oh hey that dude on the other side of the walkie talkie lived!!
Man Oz and Sofia haven't been face to face since ep 4 hahahaha
BERTO MENTION. she hasn't used that name in a hot second
Oh my god Sofia literally using that bird nest metaphor ahahahh whoever that anon was in my inbox you are a genius
Man. Sofia literally just laying out all their horrible family drama in the worlds worst family therapy oh my god
Dude I've been saying for weeks now that Sofia's superpower is to completely shatter people with the truth and. ohhhhhh my god ohhhhhh my god ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Wait. Is Sofia going to give that cigar cutter in her cleavage to Francis to use on Oz. I think she should give it to her.
Uh. Nevermind
Wow Sofia really is leaning into this evil therapy thing what the fuck. girl.
God i desperately want her to be the girl-jonkler running the aslume at the end of this show please please please
Also Sofia, I think it was the left. I mean I'm sure she knows just so she can do the other one next, but. man. she is fuckin sadistic. im love....
Julian so enthusiastic about all of this hahaahah
I love Sofia like, almost framing this to them or possibly herself as a gift she is giving to Francis. Is this cope? Is this something she sincerely believes? Or is she just being cruel?
I ALREADY FUCKIN KNOW
It's my finger you spineless prick hahahaahha but that doesn't matter to him because its your love he wants it's your adoration your pride and what actually happens to you? Doesn't fucking matter.
I NEVER STOPPED HATING YOU
Sofia's face right then like. damn dude. god i love her
She had enough love for all of them and he soured every last drop of it. For them, for him, for the world.
Sofia really does know the value of just letting a drama play out.
Francis saying Sofia is right this ep, Sofia saying Francis was right last ep, damn.
Oz really is... the only character in this show chronically incapable of learning
Damn mama cobb strong enough to smash a bottle. I don't think even i could do that.
Oh my god no wonder she said "they look at me like i'm not even theirs" because in her mind, she let their murderer go free
also is oz gonna hulk out that she's showing love to an imaginary jack and benny when oz has just seen her hate?
Oh is she just dying right now
Julian doing the get down mr president
MR DETECTIVE YOU DIPSHIT
Sofia baby you did great okay you already hurt Oz please just go to italy with your boy toy
Wow is he not getting this fucking stab looked at
EW EW EW EW
Yeah sure sure. Sofia stabbed you. Sure. Sure.
Oh noooo. Vic... baby.... he is such a believer in Oz's stupid self serving bullshit. He is so good. And pure. And he speaks from the heart and. And Oz acts like this is something Vic rehearsed
And they laugh about it but Vic doesn't understand. He doesn't understand that Oz isn't giving him advice on how to most effectively show people the fire you hold in your heart—he's teaching him the art of smoke and mirrors. how to con and grift and bullshit until even you don't know what's true and real
Christ. Vic is so fucking dead
She'd never look at me again unless i get this done.
Oz knowing now that this love is transactional. And fine. He'll make that transaction, he'll take down sofia and then maybe his mom will pretend again that she doesn't hate him, doesn't want him dead
it's not going to work, of course. it can't because this show is about him becoming the penguin. and it can't, because even that transaction was always a lie Francis told herself
I don't think she could ever have loved Oz even if he'd gotten her into a penthouse at age 20. I think she lied to herself to survive living with him, because what was the alternative? Losing all three of her boys?
AHAHAHAHAHAH SOFIA LITERALLY PICKING UP OZ'S GOLD SUMMIT MEMBERS i have to say. I did not anticipate this at ALL
damn girlie really is just gonna dip to go to italy or wherever
sofia really is just setting up the funniest game of capture the flag imaginable while cramming like seven olives in her mouth
i dont' say this often. i desire her carnally.
The gun in the glove compartment surely that will not come back later
Oz originally checking his image in the reflection of the car vs asking Vic now, treating this kid as his reflection
Damn. Is Link really going to fall for Oz's shit again after that truck of cigs thing? Or is this just a ploy to get Oz into the right place for Sofia to pick him up?
Actually maybe that's what loses Vic, that Link betrayed him, and Oz expected it. Idk we shall see
Penguin planning to run for mayor in a couple movies?
Oh Oz is totally gonna send sofia to arkham ahahaha poor baby
Oh my god I thought Sofia was gonna claim credit for Sal's death, not that Oz would give it up himself
I cannot tell you guys how fucking tempting it is to skip right to the end of this episode to see if i'm right you guys
Wow Oz really eyeing that Mayor's office
Is he going to kill Bella and frame Sofia. Is he gonna kill bella and THAT is what turns Vic on him.
oh my god LINK
HAHAHAH I WAS SO RIGHT SHE IS BURNING DOWN FALCONE MANOR
oh god that's the watch Sofia gave him for his birthday FUCK YOU CARMINE
Sofia really is gonna fucking screw over EVERYONE hahaha THREE CIGS BABY
oh god she is so hot i love her you self actualize through arson baybeeeeeeee
that shot of her throwing the cig like a dart is so much oh my god
babygirl i love you
you deserve the world
but yeah she is going into the cold according to the needle drop. definitely going back to arkham
... what's in the trunk. i don't think it's normal luggage. is it more bombs
there is still 20 mins left. i am afraid
This is clearly a trap for someone i just don't know who. Where is vic
I'm so afraid this is the last we get to see of Sofia.
She knows. She always has such a nose for bullshit lmao. Also fuck you Link you gotta know Oz is gonna stab you in the back.
I do think it's promising that Julian has not been seen all day tho. What is he doing.
I love this. I love that Oz and Sofia finally get this one moment to be truly honest with each other.
Well. At the very least, Oz gets to be honest with Sofia. idk that he knows how to be honest with himself anymore.
Why does this look like a chemical factory. I know it's not happening but it'd be so funny for Sofia to become the joker right now.
just dunk her in the goop
Man. Is he actually going to shoot her. Police pls come and save my girl. Cannot believe that's what I'm begging for now.
oh my god
yeah i called it but. Man. This is so painful to watch. also i think my julian prayers are not going to be answered it did not look like Sofia had planned any of this
okay i'm normal about sofia being arrested now.
Okay. I'm normal.
I'm back to not being normal francis and vic and oz all in one place this is all gonna blow up emotionally
Is francis in a coma. is she totally brain dead oh my god.
oh man she really is never going to say she loves him hahaha
she let jack and benny's murderer go and it never got her anything
is he gonna kill her now.
TELL ME YOU'RE PROUD OF ME oz you fuckin
he's so fucking delusional jesus putting her hand on his head
dude. is Vic actually gonna live through this episode
holy fuck
did not call that in the least
well. i was right about the pyrrhic victory for Oz
"All kinds of things" shut the fuck up.
God. I cannot believe Vic is living through this show. Admittedly as the kind of guy that his parents would have been ashamed of, but.
Wait. No no
don't
don't do it
no nondfonfodnfodnfodfn
please dont
pelase dont
oz don't you dare
nONONNNONONONONONONONONONONONO
PLEASE DOJNT DO IT NOW PLEAE
NO NO HE IS THEO NLY ONE WHO HAS SEEN THE WEAKNESS AND HUMAN IN YOU
OZ YOU
OZ
NO
WITH YOUR HANDS???? WITH YOUR FUCKIGN HANDS???? I THOUGHT HE WOUDL PULL A GUN AT LEAST YOU FUCKING
ODSOFANDFONSODNOSDAGNOGNIOAGDSASGJDISGNAGLNFGOSANFOSDO
SANO
NON NO NONONONO
VIC
vic. vic. vic barely lived a month longer than his family
all that good heart and he just. enabled a monster to rise to power. to make gotham worse
HE'S MUGGING HIM
YOU PIECE OF SHIT YOU PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT YOU BASTARD YOU
i
i
and the water takes him too.
JULIAN
oH MY GOD I WAS RIGHT AHHAAHHAHAHA
JULIAN
I WAS RIGHT ABOUT SOFIA GETTING MARRIAGE PROPOSALS HAHAHAHAHAH
SELINA KYLE???????? HELLO??????????????
bro.... oh my god..... this is....
I'm so happy.........
sofia smiling... sofia finding a new family member....
nvm i am so glad my original theories were wrong this is way better than anything i could have hoped for
oh my god
ohhhhh my god he actually is keeping his mom in a vegetative state.... exactly what she begged him not to do.......
she knows.... she knows... some part of her is aware in there ahahahahah
you should have let Rex kill him all those years ago
oh my god EVE???? EVE GIRL GET OUT BEFORE HE KILLS YOU TOO
oh no please tell me he never learned what happened with sofia and eve
hes literally just calling her ma. fuck me. mayeb that means eve is safe for now
NOT THE BATSIGNAL
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I wanted to write about Buck and Eddie going in the ocean and I'd written most of it before I thought to check what the weather in LA is actually like right now (look, I'm in New England, I just think of it as Warm down there, okay?) and I decided to go with it anyway. as @frightfullytreeish said, get chilly, idiots
(806 coda, 1900 words, also on AO3)
"Hey, what brings you joy?"
Eddie is expecting some waffling in Buck's response. Maybe some suspicion. It's a weird thing to ask, obviously. Joy isn't a word he uses much, isn't a go-to. But even if what makes you happy is a more normal question, it's not right. He needs something deeper.
And of course there's the Tommy of it all. Buck hasn't exactly been mourning or anything, but he's obviously down. It wouldn't be unreasonable for him to say that nothing is bringing him joy at the moment. It's not a particularly joyful time.
But Buck doesn't hesitate, doesn't question. He just says, "The ocean," and doesn't even ask why Eddie wants to know.
"Really?"
"Yeah. I never saw it until I left Hershey. We never went to the beach or anything when I was a kid. The first time I saw it, I fell in love. It was the best thing I'd ever seen."
"I didn't know that."
Buck shrugs. "Doesn't come up that much. And I guess I always think I'll get used to it? But it's amazing every time. I never get tired of it."
He should have known, right? They've gone to the ocean together. Or--well, they've had calls near the water before. That guy who got struck by lightning. The shark.
The tsunami.
But they've never just gone. Buck has never tagged along with him and Chris on any of their trips, and he and Buck have no reason to just take a beach day together.
Joy doesn't need a reason, right? He can just do it.
"Cool," says Eddie. "Let's go."
"Now?"
"What else are we doing?"
It hasn't been a problem, exactly, their lack of things to do. It's just kind of new, the way they're hanging out in the last week. Usually they have Chris, or girlfriends, or boyfriends. They have some reason to stop being together, and now they just…don't. And Buck just keeps on coming over, hanging out on Eddie's couch, in his space, like he can't bear to be in his loft now that Tommy isn't there.
Or something.
"You got some trunks I can borrow?" Buck asks.
"Are we swimming?"
"You want to go to the beach and not swim?"
Most of the time, that's what he does. When Chris was younger he'd get in the water, but the last few years it's been Eddie supervising while Chris does his own thing far enough away that it doesn't look like he's being supervised.
But Chris is in Texas. And, yeah, it's November, but Buck doesn't seem to care.
"I'll see what I've got," he says and finds he has two pairs of trunks in good enough shape that he's not embarrassed about anyone wearing them. Small miracles.
He throws the bigger pair to Buck and then goes to change in his bedroom. Buck will be doing the same thing in the bathroom, not for the first time, but he's never been changing into Eddie's trunks before. Did Ana ever wear anything of his? Marisol didn't. Buck might be the first person since Shannon.
As long as they fit, it's fine. Not a big deal at all.
They take Buck's car, the podcast he's listening to about the issues with the keto diet resuming as soon as he turns it on. Hen has gotten tired of explaining why his diets might be a problem herself and is outsourcing, which Eddie can't blame her for, but he doesn't find the resources nearly as interesting as Buck does. He already knows he doesn't want to do keto.
"You don't need to cheer me up, you know," Buck says, about halfway to the beach, without bothering to pause the keto thing. "I'm doing okay."
"I know."
It's mostly true. Buck has seemed fine with the breakup. Not happy, but not heartbroken either. He's been a little quiet about it, more so than Eddie was expecting. All he'll say is that Tommy initiated it, but he understands why.
"I'm trying to be happier," he tells Buck. "For me."
"Is that a thing you can try? Like, aren't you just happy or not?"
"If that was true, the ocean wouldn't bring you joy, right?" He lets out a breath, his stomach tied in inconvenient knots. "Someone pointed out that when I had the choice between something that would make me happy and something that wouldn't, I picked the one that wouldn't."
Buck mulls this over for a long moment. "I always figured that's because you're more mature than I am." It's only half a joke.
"Yeah, that's one way of looking at it." His breath shudders more this time. "Anyway. I'm not doing that anymore. I'm looking for things that bring me joy. So I figure if the ocean does that for you, maybe it'll do it for me, too."
"I hope so."
They set up like Eddie would with Chris, towels and belongings planted in the sand, the only difference that they left their phones in the car since no one is staying behind. He keeps his back turned as they shed the layers of clothing they have on, but when Buck hands him a tube of sunscreen, he has no choice but to stare at the expanse of bare back. The motions are familiar, nothing he hasn't done a thousand times for Chris, but…
Well, he's never done it for Buck.
Buck makes him turn around so he can return the favor, a much less familiar process. These days, he usually leaves his shirt on.
But he knows Buck's hands. They're familiar, all heat and callus. Careful, incongruously so. Buck looks like he's built clumsy, someone who can't do delicate work, and maybe he knows that too. Like happiness to Eddie, precision doesn't come naturally to Buck. He has to put the effort in, and he does. Eddie's skin lights up with every stroke of Buck's hands, so he's sure that Buck gets every inch.
And then he keeps going a little longer. Just to make sure.
"Okay," says Buck at last. "We're good to go."
Eddie is expecting Buck to run into the ocean like an overgrown puppy, all bright enthusiasm despite the chill, but he's cautious. He dips a toe in, then his foot, then the other. He walks in slowly enough that Eddie overtakes him, even though he's not running. He's just eager.
"The first time I went into the ocean, I was in Virginia Beach," Buck explains without making Eddie ask. "It was May, and I thought it would be warm enough, it was a hot May. But I ran in and it was so cold. I ran right back out."
"Goes to show," says Eddie.
"What, exactly? I know how the water's going to be today. It's cold."
The water is probably around the same temperature as it was in Virginia Beach in May. Eddie shivers, but doesn't stop, not until he's up past his knees. He smiles at Buck, who's still just letting the waves lap his toes. "Yeah, it's nice anyway. It's hot out."
"Not hot enough."
"It's fine."
He's in up to his ankles now. "You're not getting the joy, though."
"I am."
"Eddie."
"I'm getting used to it."
"You're not supposed to get used to it. You're supposed to be be making choices that make you happy right away, right?"
"I am happy," he says again, and it doesn't feel like a lie. "It's nice, there's no one else here. And it's not cold enough for us to get hypothermia."
"Are you sure this isn't just for me?" Eddie cocks his head, and Buck clarifies, "For my benefit."
"Should it be?"
Buck kicks at a wave. "He said I wasn't ready. Tommy. That's why he broke up with me. I asked him to move in with me, and he broke it off instead."
"So he's an idiot," Eddie says. "Always knew there was a chance, but I was hoping I was wrong."
"Is he, though? Was he wrong? I didn't really want him to move in. I just wanted…" He huffs. "I want to be done with this, you know? I'm ready to be with someone. And I think it could have been him."
It's not like getting shot, or even like getting punched. It's like a bullet or a fist going past him, close enough to graze the skin. Close enough that he's thinking about how much it could have hurt.
"But that's shitty, right? Like, how long could I have kepg going just because I didn't have a reason to break up with him? He was…fun. I liked him. I liked feeling like I'd figured it out. Like that was the last piece. I like guys too."
"Maybe it was," Eddie says. The water is lapping against his legs, the surf gentle. He's used to the temperature where he's submerged, but it's only halfway up his thighs. Every time the droplets splash higher, there's this shock of sharp little pinpricks.
He's so fucking happy.
"Maybe that was the last piece, but that doesn't mean Tommy is it. Maybe you're ready, but you're not ready for him."
"I'm just tired," says Buck. "I'm tired of waiting for someone to want me enough, you know? I'm ready to settle."
"You shouldn't," says Eddie. "You shouldn't be with someone just to be with anyone."
"You can build it," he argues, like Chris angling for a later bedtime or more video games before homework. "Love. Like you and Shannon did."
Nausea roils his stomach. "We didn't. It wasn't like that."
"I know it wasn't perfect, but you two were working on it. You were going to--"
"She wanted a divorce. Before she died. That was one of the last things she told me. We weren't going to have another kid, we weren't going to get married again, we weren't going to be together." He's not crying, but in that way where he is very aware that he's not crying. Where Not Crying is currently defining his existence. "I think we could have been friends," he says. "And maybe we could have figured it out. Been together again, made it good. That's what I told myself. And that's…easy."
"Easy?" Buck asks, in a small voice. Like Eddie is telling him a fairy tale he wishes could be true.
Which Eddie is, actually.
"If she was the love of my life and I lost her, then that was it. No one else would ever measure up. Nothing else could ever be as good. It was never going to work."
"But she wasn't?"
"Maybe she was. Or maybe--" He's Not Crying. "Maybe I don't just get one love, or even just one life. Maybe it doesn't have to be about finding her again. It can be about finding someone new. Someone who…"
He chokes then, the words dying in his throat. Buck is dazzling in the sunlight, his eyes as blue as the sea, his expression open, waiting. His whole existence focused on Eddie.
Eddie would marry him today. Eddie would marry him tomorrow, Eddie would marry him yesterday. Eddie would tie himself to Buck in any way Buck could think of, in every way, with wills, with contracts, with mortgages, with handcuffs, with string.
"Someone who brings me joy," he finishes.
"Joy," says Buck. He looks over the horizon, smiles, shakes his head.
Eddie's chest is too small and too big. He's never had so much in him.
"I've never had that," he muses. "Someone who makes me feel like the ocean."
"Like the ocean," Eddie says. "Yeah."
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Jesus Christ why are auditory hallucinations so much scarier than visual ones? Like they're not even saying anything to me, it just sounds like voices with no distinguishable words and there's no one else in my house rn so uhh
#im starting to wonder if my antidepressants were leaving permanent side effects. but if they can even do that no one told me#like the first one i tried was cymbalta and i stopped because i COULD NOT sleep on it after a few months#but then when i stopped it got a littoe better but my insomnia is still much worse than jt was before#and it has not went back down to what it was before since. id say its about twice as bad so definitely noticable#and then after lexapro (which i didnt even stay on because the initial side effects were killing me) i tried prozac#and the reason i stopped prozac was because it was giving me hallucinations#which guess what. they ALSO have not stopped since then#if anything theyve gotten worse#like idk maybe i have a genetic predisposition and the prozac just triggered it or something but hhh#id really like to know whats wromg wjth me
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invisible scars (referenced previous talk here)
[ID: A colourless, digital Trigun comic of Vash and Wolfwood talking about Wolfwood's scars. They're both laying in bed and topless. Vash lays on top of Wolfwood, playing with the rosary around his neck. Then, Vash kisses a spot on Wolfwood's chest. Wolfwood asks, "What are you doing?" Vash smiles sadly, "You got shot here. In the last town we visited. You didn't even bother moving."
Vash props himself up over Wolfwood, who frowns slightly. Wolfwood is quiet for a moment before he says, "You remember that, huh?" Vash grabs Wolfwood's left wrist and brings it to his face. "And here." He kisses another spot there. "When you helped free the hostages from that robber..." Wolfwood dismissively says, looking away, "Was a lucky shot." Vash huffs, “Don’t brag. Jeez.”
Half of Wolfwood's expression is shown, eyes returning to Vash who is now sitting up, continuing to say, "And..." Vash goes on and kiss Wolfwood's right palm. "You got cut here, even though that girl was aiming at me." A moment from the past flashes, of Wolfwood grabbing a knife aimed at Vash, his hand bleeding.
At present, Vash moves down and puts another kiss on Wolfwood's right shoulder. "And here, from watching my back." Another memory flashes of Wolfwood and Vash back to back. Vash looks back as Wolfwood grins while holding Punisher, bleeding from multiple gunshots in his shoulder.
"And," Vash combs up Wolfwood's hair to reveal his forehead, "Here." A final memory shows Wolfwood with a regeneration vial in his mouth while getting shot on his temple. The next panel is framed in blood with Vash at the center, eyes wide and stunned in horror. The next panel is a closed up shot of Wolfwood's eye, locked on Vash's face.
Back to present, Vash’s head is bowed down as Wolfwood raises a hand to his nape and says, “Spikey.”
Wolfwood looks serious and frowns as he says, "We talked about this. Those were my decisions. They're not there anymore. Forget about them." Vash looks very sad before he smiles ruefully and says, "I still see them. All the time." He leans down so they touch foreheads. Wolfwood’s sorrowful expression can be seen as Vash says, "You protect so much. I could never forget what you've done to me. And many others..."
In the last image, they're drawn more cartoonishly. Wolfwood sweats and asks, "You don't actually remember every wound, right?" Vash points at a spot on his chest. "Kuroneko left a scratch here 7 times." Wolfwood, startled, says, "Why the hell are you keeping count—" End ID]
Credits for ID here and here
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#another scars comic for one of the vw week days!!!! frankly i think about their scars WAY too often . most notably wolfwood's because#it really symbolizes a lot for him imo bc for vash it's a history of all the people that's ever harmed him betrayed him and the trust he has#given to humanity despite it all. its a beautiful reflection of his character and then u look at ww and presumably#since we dont really see him half naked Ever (shame) and i mean. i guess technically its a hc -- i assume he wouldn't have any scars bc#of the regen potions (which is why he doesnt have his t scars btw the regen pot took them away :pensive:)#in a way its like washing his hands of blood. giving him the body of someone who might never been involved in a fight never held a gun#but he knows thats not true yet he cant really do anything about it anyway bc he's still just human. if he stops taking the regen pots#he can't press forward. so its just a rinse and repeat and growing accustomed to whats inflicted on him because he knows it'll go away at#the end of the day. he's human but he's also not he's far beyond what could be considered a normal human but he still just is.#mortal but also not immortal. idk. i overthink about it a lot GMSKGMDK frankly i dont think it matters THAT much in the context of trimax#but it means a lot to me somehow. also thinking about how no matter how many times ww kills he's never numb to the sensation of it. maybe#the adrenaline gets to him for the beginning half but ive been rereading like.. vol 3? and that entire fight for ww#u can slowly see him spiral as he keeps on going on. anyway anyway. i love ww#ruporas art
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Apparently in my absence this post had its 1000-notes-iversary.
This time we get to see the culprit responsible for ruining our heroes' lives as well.
I've really missed you guys, by the way. I know I've said that already, but I'm serious. Once or twice this year I've been right on the brink of coming back but schedule stuff always keeps me from letting myself commit to that again, and that in turn has kept me from posting anything at all. But I've been in an unexpected drawing mood lately and so if I can get enough stuff to set up a queue we might pretend I'm back for a month or so sometime this year. Maybe. Hopefully. We'll see. No promises though. That's why I'm hiding this paragraph under the cut.
Transcription:
[Beren:] "Uhhh...barkeep...I think he's had enough now..." [Tolkien:] "No, I don't think he has...!"
#beren#bilbo#frodo#tolkien#túrin#the man the myth the legends#beowulf except everybody is short#one shiny#three shinies#everyone deserved better except mîm#what's this a happy ending#my trash#is this actually funny or am i just tired#i'm sorry professor tolkien#/end classification tags#túrin keeps becoming a bigger and bigger guy in my drawings and at this rate he's going to be way taller and broader than he should be#canonically he was really tall and broad but i don't think the professor meant like THIS#at least it makes him really distinct i guess#gonna be sufficiently intimidating for the dagor dagorath#but in the meantime he's just making beren look like a schoolkid in this doodle#(and as i'm sitting here writing these tags i suddenly realize i forgot túrin's white hair streaks again)#(tsk tsk shame on me)#(and didn't it say somewhere that beren's hair also turned grey...? i can't remember where it said that though)#(0 for 2 i have failed all of us)#ANYWAY in my absence tumblr apparently changed formatting again which is not cool but whatever#it's nice to draw again#i've had art block for like 9 months straight#and suddenly this month i suddenly was able to write AND draw again as if i never stopped#i've had writer's block since maybe 2021 so that was the most surprising part#weirdest thing ever but i'm not mad about it
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So things are kind of shit right now...
And I haven't been able to write and draw as much as I had planned because of it. Or even answer comments. I feel like I just disappeared off the face of the earth or something.
And I just wanted to say that it wasn't intentional and I'm still here but I'm also really stressed and basically on the verge of a breakdown (due to various things happening in my life right now) so we'll see when I'll get everything sorted. I'm trying my best but I admit it's hard. I had so many hopeful plans and it sucks that I have been forced to postpone pretty much all of them :C
I hope you're all doing well, though. I'm very much out of the loop right now but I'll try to get back on track, slowly but surely. Please take care 💜
#Amethystina and Life#I really had the best intentions#To write on A New Dawn and post another chapter for my Mad Dog fanfic#But I just haven't been able to#The only thing I've been able to do lately is cross-stitch and listen to YouTube videos or true crime documentaries#In between everything else#I feel like I haven't stopped to breathe in week#Hilariously#The one thing I KNOW I would be able to write is Who Holds the Devil#Since that fucker is hardwired into my DNA at this point x'D#And I know exactly what's going to happen next#There's comfort in that I guess#But I also just don't have TIME to write#So that's a problem#That and the exhaustion fever#My fever is SO HIGH right now#Which is probably why I'm even writing this x'D#If I was more coherent I wouldn't
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I will never make this because it would be for an audience of one (me) but ever since reading "If we Were Villains" (story about serious drama kids in college who perform shakespeare and deal with a murder) I have been entertaining the thought of a crack fic crossover with High School Musical The Musical The Series where the staff decides they will no longer put on shakespeare after the tragic accident that happened at Thanksgiving, because Shakespeare plays would only increase the tension and drama. So they hire Ms. Jen who decides their spring play will actually be High School Musical (which exists in the 90s in this universe) and it ruins the vibe so much that everyone gives up on being dark and mysterious because they're universally pissed at Ms Jen for making them learn choreoraphed basketball dancing.
#if we were villains is actually genuinely good and has actual literary worth and pulls from shakespeare in an intelligent meaningful way#but unfortunately all i can do is comedy so this is the only fan content i have to offer :(#THE THING IS iwwv is just hsmtmts if it hsmtmts was good and also they committed crimes#they utilize the same parallel of casting choices with real life drama which I love#umm so casting: Meredith would be Sharpay Obvi. I think it would be really funny if James was cast as Ryan bc they hate eachother and would#have to pretend to be siblings working together. And I think ashley tisdale and Lucas Gabreel actually didn't get along when filming#also i love the thought of Ms Jen looking at James and going “i know what you are”#HOWEVER it would be more interesting if james was Chad to Oliver's Troy (which is really just reversing their Romeo and Juliet moment)#bc chad is like nooo don't do theater... stick with me and do basketball... but it would be Coded Subtextually#Unfortunately Wren would be typecast as Gabriella and I don't think that would cause drama bc I don't believe James actually liked her!#I think it was comp het bc she was very sweet and nonthreatening as opposed to Meredith's big flirting energy so she would be a “safe” crus#lets lean into that actually. this gives Wren a chance to have a personality (bc I enjoy this book but it is not good at fleshing out women#So oliver and Wren spend more time together and kind of talk about James a little and Wren is like yeah James is very sweet#and I like him but it feels so hard to get him to feel comfortable with me... i guess he's just closed off and doesn't talk much#we also get to see more of her personality and interests maybe she's like I relate to gabriella because I also like to Read :) feminism#and oliver is like Hmm That Is Not My Experience With Him perhaps our bond is deeper and James does like me Hm#And then Meredith can flirt with him as Sharpay and James gets pissed and in character gets very intense about how Troy can't join THEATER#that's why he's upset and sad bc sharpay represents theater and only that reason and nothing else and he isn't in love with oliver At All#Alexander can be Ryan now since James is Chad (and he's also Gay) and Filippa can be Kenzie bc they're both queer coded#Anyway at rehearsal one day Meredith and James and Oliver are having their fighting over troy moment and then Meredith stops and is like#wait guys. This musical is so freaking stupid. why are we even doing this#and their mutual frustration at their art being turned into a farce is enough to bond them together and they're like#we need to focus on our REAL enemy: ms Jen#and then they hatch a scheme and it's probably like. They dump a bucket of fake blood on her at opening night a la carrie#and then put on their own rebellious production... it still has to be a musical because i like musicals#families with children are in the audience and they're like OK FOLKS! HERE'S ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW!#if we were villains#iwwv#hsmtmts#high school musical the musical the series
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the day am fans realise that miles/milex shippers are less problematic and harmful to the fandom than lv/her supporters will be one of the best days of my life
rant incoming because I'm going insane:
i will never ever understand why am fans have so much beef with milex shippers.
i have been in SO many fandoms throughout my life, I've been obsessed with SO many bands whose members are shipped to the point of insanity, and it was never a problem. sure, some people didn't like the ships, but why are so many am fans acting like this is something unique? bts, mcr, dan and phil, harry potter, I've seen fucking everything. every other fandom in the world are just this obsessed with their ships, trying to prove that two men are fucking, posting theories and so on. shipping was always a thing in fandoms and always will be, especially if we're talking about male celebrities and teenage girls.
having said this, the kind of fandom i have never been in is one where grown ass women bring this much toxicity to the community and behave like children. there are hundreds of celebrities whose girlfriends are not liked by the fans, but no girlfriend ever engaged this much with the haters, probably because they realised that it would only make things worse, and the fans would hate them even more.
we could've had some peaceful end of the tour content, but no, we have this instead. every few months something has to be done by a certain someone in order for people to pay attention to her, and so that in the end fans will forget the reason they're fans and engage in stupid shit like this, defeating the whole purpose of being a music fan.
all this drama is slowly making me not want to have anything to do with am or the fandom anymore. if not for miles and him being connected to am, i would've stopped giving a fuck about alex years ago (technically not through his fault, but then also because of him). this whole thing just makes me sad because miles does not deserve to be associated with these people and the fact that he will never be able to get rid of them is so not it.
#look i could talk about this for hours but it makes me so angry it's best to just stop#i saved the spiciest things for the tags#matt used to be my favourite but now i cannot even stand to hear his name#such a disappointment i really thought he was better than this#which also makes me question what the hell alex sees in him#and then again alex is probably not the best person in the world#which i guess we knew ever since the absolutely disgusting behaviour towards taylor and him being friends with ppl like josh homme#and cameron avery#sigh#it's just a shame that his music is really good#(anyone looking to buy some am vinyls? 😂)#oh miles the things i endure for you#i have such a love/hate relationship with alex it's crazy#one second i love him the other i never want to see him again#which then makes me think about how different things would be if he had a different girlfriend#she really ruined absolutely everything#(not) sorry#rant#alex turner#milex#louise verneuil#arctic monkeys
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redownloaded an old art program
#specifically its tayasui memopad…#sketches was like borderline unusable last i redownloaded it#which was like.. oct last year#maybe its gotten better but i dont feel like bothering with it anymore haha#memopad i never used much aside from little scribble doodles (id make a scribble and try to turn it into something)#but its changed a lot since i last used it.. which was like four years ago so i cant be too surprised i guess XD#its still pretty jank but in a more manageable way . i missed rhe sketches brushes theyre very lovely#sorry for all the rambling haha#ive been feeling really shitty lately and have barely been able to draw it feels like#a lot of what i have made ive had to really.. force myself to get out. and i havent been as satisfied with it as id like to br#this is kind of janky still but i like it and i had fun making it#everytime i draw these two its exactly the same cuz i have to remind myself what their designs even were everytime >_<‘’#hopefully i do some more stuff today. its already getting late but im feeling a little better#getting back into the swing of things or whatever#i thought someone on af was ghosting me or whatever but turns out they were just . busy. ( <- figures i need to stop assuming haha) and#they also made this amazing revenge im absolutely in love with its so cute#really made my day =)#scribbles#furry tag#good god i write way too much in these#sorry#anyways#queueing this to post again (its the 14th as im writing this) i feel like that worked alright for me last time#im kinda making this post impulsively i am. constantly going back nd forth on whether i even like posting my art nowadays#oh well#yeah queue i wanna know#mother series#<- i forgot to tag that . for blog organization mostly these r just#nothing burger npcs barely anyone cares abt (nintens sisters lol)
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ive seen ppl saying smth in the wider plagiarism discussion to the tune of "don't worry anxious people, it's impossible to accidentally plagiarize!" and i feel like that lacks a lot of nuance that anxious brains like mine latch on to to just dismiss the possibility outright, as well as a lack of life experiences fueling it.
it is possible to "accidentally plagiarize" in that you can read something, forget about it, then a while later have your brain spit the ideas back out without telling where it got them. so of course you just assume they're yours and share them as such, because That's Where Most Of The Thoughts In Your Head Come From! and it both is and isn't plagiarism, you weren't /intending/ to pass someone's else's work off as your own, i'd even say in a way you were just as much a victim of misinformation as your audience. but you very much so did still resuse the work of someone else, even if you don't remember it.
but in my experience, this kind of thing also happens to a lot of people. you tell a friend a joke then wake up in a cold sweat two days later realizing the reason they didnt laugh was because they'd told you that joke a month ago. you reply to a friend's text and after sending you realized you ended it with the same exact phrase as theirs. you're writing edgy poetry and write a line you really like only to see it in a text post two days later saying youve already liked the post. like, it happens. so if it DOES happens and you're just honest and explain, people will understand. something like "oh shit im sorry, i totally have read that, i mustve forgotten and only remembered bits and pieces and just thought they were mine. thank you for letting me know and for the source" works wonders.
people know you can forget things. people won't automatically doubt your apology just because all true plagiarists say it was accidental. HOPEFULLY people can understand the nuance between a genuine remorseful explanation, and a thief who hoped no one would find out scrambling for excuses for why they did it. and those who can't, that's a them problem, not a you problem, you've taken responsibility for your actions as much as you can. they think the answer is simple, that the only thing stopping you from saying "yes i did it on purpose, i knew the whole time and deliberately copied them" is shame/inability to admit to your actions. but sometimes things AREN'T that simple, so imo ppl who are shitty to you for not following the script they made up for you in their head should be ignored
#youre allowed to make up scripts for people in fact good luck stopping yourself since thats kinda just part of how conversation works#is you try to predict how your audience will react to a certain statement#and my therapist actually encouraged me to practice run stuff i wanna talk about in sessions because That Makes It Easier To Talk About#like who cares if it's rehearsed‚ it's still the truth‚ yknow?#however that only applies to the things /you/ want to say. you are the only one aware of this script and the only one who agreed to it in#the first place which is why you plan contingencies into the script#is because you only have control over one character and can only take guesses at what the others might say#if you guess wrong and they do something different that doesnt mean /theyre/ not following the script#it means /your/ copy was a misprint and you filled in the blanks wrong. so do what good actors do and improvise. you'll get back on script#eventually. or not‚ if your guesses devolved into wildly speculative fanfiction‚ but frankly you knew going into it that#most of your script was guesswork so you should be prepared to have to make some things up on the fly#or see again: prepare contingencies#if your guesswork on your copy of the script turns out to be wrong‚ wouldnt it be sooo handy to have a second copy which follows this#version of events much better?#and if not that one‚ maybe this third? how about this fourth? etc etc etc#but really just. when guessing at what others will say. know that you are guessing and dont hold it against /them/ if youre wrong#sorry ik that wasnt super related to the post itself im just also passionate abt that#plagiarism#james somerton
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The whole "if a person is mad at you it's their responsibility to tell you" thing just made me realize how fucked my situation is. Like just. woah
#who wants to hesr the story of how I lost my irl friends recently (you will I'm spitting everything right now)#anyway so last year one day one of my friends decided to randomly backstab me and she started talking behind my back#and yeah this all made me mad because?? what the fuck#she started talking and revealing stuff that i had confide to her to other people and they slowly started drifting from me#BUt the thing here is that she was manipulating the story. she changed it every time she told stuff to people to make me look bad#i heard one of the things she said about me once and i was like ?? she even make me dislike me in her version which like woa#anyway I didn't understand why she did that because it was ? so random? and then she started ignoring me and has not talked to me ever since#the thing is. she apparently didn't have enough with just doing that. she slowly started to rot my other friends' brains too?#in the sense that. suddenly the rest of my group was ignoring me too. they never said anything to me. or stated that they had a problem#they just ignored me in my face? and yeah that. hurt#recently i found thanks to a third party that one of them decided to stop talking to me because apparently i had hurt her uncountable times#and she was just soo sick and tired of me doing that. which. honestly made me mad because she did not ever express that to me?? so#what was i supposed to do. if she never said anything.#anyway one of my friends confronted her about the treatment they were giving to me. the whole exclusion thing. and her answer was-#”well it's not my fault that she doesn't have more friends and doesn't talk to people”#and i was like. woah. what a poor reply. is that really it.. also apparently they all had agree to stop talking to me as a group-#-and they never informed me so. thank you?#and I'm still here asking what i did to that ex friend of mine. later on i found out she had hooked up with the guy i used to like btw#and she kept it secret. oh and then i started dating my current partner ! person she also felt attracted to. and that's my only explanation.#she started gossiping after what happened with the first guy. so that's really everything that comes to mind as a reason#ANYWAY now that i was at the hospital i didn't receive a single text from any of them. so i guess that was it. people who don't care-#-like that are not friends. those people are not my friends. people who ignore me on purpose and gossip like that are not. my friends#so yeah that's why I've been feeling down lately but ! here I am i ended up ranting so. much#rant#vent#?#woah i actually feel so much better after spitting it all#I'm also following that sour grape advice btw I'm not giving them the privilege of cutting me out. I'M the one who dislikes them now
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hello... (and bye ig 👋)
#👋😭 hi...#i haven't come on in about a month and i didn't realize a month passed by like that... i've kinda stopped using any apps on my phone#i barely even talk to my friends anymore lol 😭#i just saw my follower count this morning and realized i hit 13k and i was like 🥸 huh...#uhhhhhhh 😭 idk i wanted to say thank you i guess 🫂#i'm done with stayblr and tumblr in general 😭 this much has been obvious for a while now... i tried to fit myself back in during 5star but#i think i realized i've outgrown the vibes here and in online spaces in general... i don't really enjoy it anymore 😭 which is weird cause#i've used tumblr since i was in middle school so 🫡 end of an era some would say...#i think it sucks because i don't have the same feelings about this place or skz or anything in my life right now... i tried to ignore it bu#it's so obvious now that the entirety of december passed without me really talking to a single person / without me using social media /#without me really doing much except for like homework and assignments lmao#i think genuinely i've stopped enjoying everything i used to like and i don't know why 😭 it hit me the other day bc i don't even enjoy#pc collecting anymore which is CRAZY considering how much time and money i've put into that hobby so 👋🥸 who knows what goes on#i haven't consumed any skz content since rockstar dropped 😭 and that also feels weird to me... idk... i would say maybe i'm going through a#depressive episode but i don't really feel how i do then... i think i'm just tired like i always am and that's just how i am now .. i think#i'm just not really interested in things anymore? weird but .. yeah idk😭 if i knew what was wrong i would Fix It sndjdndkd mostly i'm just#sad because i haven't been talking to friends... i keep ignoring everyone and not replying to any texts from anyone because ????#i tell myself i will do it later but i know i won't ... idk i genuinely don't know why i'm struggling to talk to ppl anymore 😭 i've become#even more of a reclusive hermit than i already was 💀 and the worst part is i feel normal abt it#i don't feel /bad/ i just feel guilty that i'm not replying to ppl bc i don't want to hurt ppls feelings... on my end i feel Normal abt it#like i ??? is it weird that i'm so detached from everything that not even a month ago made me so happy..? that's weird right 😭 like idgi#i don't feel (as) depressed (as i usually do) but clearly ?? smth is wrong ?? like ik i'm not a clingy sentimental person but ? it kinda#makes me sad wondering if i really don't care abt ppl anymore ... but i think 😭 it's also the object permanence issues that come with adhd#not seeing or talking to the ppl i love . not doing my hobbies or seeing the groups i care abt . makes it easy to not care or forget what#they make me feel etc etc ... i get it... but idk 😭 if that's what this is . well wow it sucks ASS.. cause i feel guilty for not feeling#anything at all ... 😭 idk how to explain that HENSKDNISJS anywayyyy 💀#i came on cause i wanted to say thank you for 13k followers 😭‼️ and that i probably will not be online anymore unless i really want to say#this was a really long winded way to say i feel bad but i'm done with stayblr fr 👋🥸 i tried so hard for the last 2 years to make it feel#like home again but it stopped ages ago so 🥹 that's ok.. i still cherish my memories here 🫂 anyway thanku and sjsjsksksks bye i guess 😭#who knows maybe i'll enjoy it one day again and come back :') never know what the future holds 🫡
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So you're telling me in the US they put their ballot votes in a box in the streets????
Learnt that because apparently they are being sent on fire which is exactly what I'd expect with that kind of system...
#i know you guys vote online#but do you do the thing where you have to wake up a very sunny sunday (not in November i guess lmao) and walk to the voting point of#you city???#and try to avoid eye contact with the local representatives so they don't ask you to come back at 6pm to count the votes???#im very curious because i wouldn't trust the postal services to be on time here djdjdbenene#but anyway seriously#everything i know about the us voting system baffle me#you tell me a candidate can win the popular vote but lose the election????#i mean i knew that fact since like highschool but i still can't wrap my mind around it#apparently the US is the only democracy with no direct universal vote#also i did know that till very recently#i always wondered how tf some srates had more power than others#and like last week#i learnt that states with slaves used them as a one third of a voice and that's how they gained more powers#but when finally long years later they could finally vote#the same people who used them went on the streets to try to stop them to vote (which is sadly not surprising)#the whole thing is fucked up#I mean not saying here is really better at the moment#but at least one voice = one vote#im trying to imagine having ballots hanging outside in France and this would go so fucking bad omg#and the 'fun' part is that it won't be because of fascists (i mean today it would) but because stupid kids would take it as a challenge#anyway i don't want to talk about this election#im not American and shit#but it's kinda really stressful to see dumb shit like that on an election whi will have as many#if not more#consequences on the whole world#oh also what the hell are their official programs?#i mean except saying fascist stuff vs saying fascism bad and calling each other stupid#anyway case closed#but im very dreadfully curious about the voting system though
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