#which actually felt very nice
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Random interactions I've had in the past couple of days in Japan:
-old naked lady at the sento who did her best to explain to 3 confused french tourists who had never been to a public bathhouse how to proceed, despite us barely speaking any japanese, and her barely speaking any english. She also gave us sweets afterwards. She was lovely.
-middle aged man who stopped us in the street to tell us we were beautiful. He then said "I am crazy", smiled, gave us a thumbs up, and left.
-brazilian tourist who started talking to me in the bus and told me I should go visit Himeji.
-old japanese man who started talking to me in the train station and told me I should go visit Himeji.
#the bathhouse was truly an experience#equal parts uncomfortable and nice#my friends were stressed out about it beforehand#but i kinda assumed that we'd each have our own space to take off our clothes and wash#and we'd have our little towel to cover us#and the only time we'd be fully naked would be when we're in the water so no big deal right#seems easy enough to avoid being naked in front of friends and family members right#wrong#you are naked so much in there#we were not prepared#but the place was pretty though#and the bath itself was very relaxing#and the old lady and the other customers were all very nice and patient with us#also i was feeling a bit nervous about people seeing that i only have one tit and a half#but nobody batted an eye#people genuinely did not care at all about how the others looked like#which actually felt very nice
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I feel bad for neglecting Hazel so much, I do have many thoughts about her.. and also a mermaid au that im probably not going to do anything with
#fop#fairly oddparents#fop a new wish#fairly oddparents a new wish#hazel wells#fop hazel#fop dev#dev dimmadome#art#digital art#doodles#I wish Hazels parents were more flawed tbh...#Like I get why they wanted to have them be good rep so that young people could know what a good family is supposed to look like#but it felt like every time there was an opportunity to have them do something genuinely flawed-#they would perfectly sidestep it before it even became a problem#I really enjoyed the first episode because it showed a hint of a very unique emotional issue Hazel had related to having a therapist mother#The idea that she has to be mature all the time#constantly living around therapy speak makes her feel like she isnt allowed room to breathe#Feeling unable to express her emotions without someone there giving advice that she isnt ready for yet#just small things!#She feels so pressured to be emotionally mature all the time BECAUSE she gets praised for it#maybe im projecting everyone always tell me I was so mature for my age...#But like I really really wanted to see that from her!!#And then after that episode it doesnt even come up again#The only other episode that features the moms job as a conflict is the one where she wants to spend more time with her#which is a fine conflict I guess but it still ends with her saying all the perfect things#I wanted Markus to be more of a genuine threat too. even if he didnt actually do anything having him be more looming would have been nice#I feel like they mostly forget hes a para scientist most of the time idk.#I just felt like his interactions could have been more unique#Maybe he will be in future seasons idk
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when you're the main character's little brother and doomed by the narrative because the author decided that the cult trauma wasn't enough. rip aaron
#ts4 render#aaron#aaron is a curious case as a character because i think in the very first thing i wrote about aiden and sam#aaron was not a nice person he was still in the cult and aiden and aaron never had a good relationship#but aiden still felt guilty about you know. leaving aaron at the cult because aiden still recognizes that aaron is just mimicking their#parents etc etc#then i think i changed it so that aaron and aiden did have a good relationship but aiden did leave aaron at the cult#so then he very understandably feels guilty about that but the thing is aaron is. dead in this version too#so aiden very much feels responsible for aaron's death and he also theorizes that the people in the cult literally killed aaron#which i'm pretty sure wasn't actually the case but aiden's like trying to find someone other than himself to be angry at. you know#and THEN came the versions where aaron does run away with aiden#but now aaron instead dies under aiden's care and their relationship is like pretty complicated before aaron's death#mostly because of aiden's addiction so aiden very much feels responsible for aaron dying. so yeah
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albus severus is the human embodiment of be gay do crime, in this essay I will-
#shitposting in its rawest form#im right though#this boy saw that phrase said bet and never looked back#harrys a cop its neccesary rebellion#and he is into some dark magic shit i am telling you right now#he has been dabbling#he commits low level crimes on the daily#and is very open to high level crimes when the situation arises 😗😗#source: my brain#also actually the entire fucking play#that is not a teenager who follows rules or makes sound sensible decisions#hes the type of kid to just go out one day and accidentally commit fraud embezzlement buglary and join the mafia or something#half by accident half just cause he felt like it 🤷🏻♂️#scorpius is not like this yet is always by als side when hes getting into trouble so he might as well be lmao#the be gay bit is very self explantory#he would commit unspeakable crimes for scorpius which just ties it all together so nicely#scorpius is the source of his gay and his crime 🙏🏻#hashtag soulmates 😍😍#albus severus potter#scorpius malfoy#hpcc#scorbus
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26 days until gunil's 26nd birthday
day 26 aka THE COUNTDOWN IS OVER - gunil's past birthday brrrr ppoppos
#xdinary heroes#gunil#goo gunil#jungsu#junhan#jun han#jooyeon#ode#gaon#kim jungsu#han hyeongjun#lee jooyeon#oh seungmin#kwak jiseok#gunil26#forfreddy#here we are! no i won't joke about how this countdown felt longer than the ones before. even though it would be very gunil like#HAPPY BIRTHDAY GUNIL! ♥ hope the members are nice for once ♥#cAN'T WAIT FOR NEW KISSIES#(quick mention before things get sappy: this was the hardest kissie gifset up to now. different formats?? u G H)#(it was hard enough already to decide which scenes to use and in which order)#so. gunil. i appreciate his way of being a leader sooo much! he can be serious and all and he can actually take over#(ugh there's this one clip where they're in the practice room and gunil is directing them and he KNOWS what he's doing)#but he isn't that much about 'i'm your hyung we need some distance'#and he's okay with not having to carry the burden of being a leader on his own#he isn't this authoritarian kind of guy and thus they feel more like a community and that's so neat ♥#and (now it's time for my personal impression or whatever) he is such a chill guy and i love it! he doesn't care about distance in general#he feels super approachable. like the kind of guy that would get drinks with the fans after a gig under other circumstances#he also takes things seriously and he cares about music and ugh that's so neat#but he's also super super chill and i hope he keeps that part of himself ♥
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lmaoooo maffhew wanting the knot immediately and having to wait for sasha to catch up with that is so deeply funny like. this omega is not subtle and you’re not a stupid alpha babe! can only imagine what benny has to say to maffhew about it once he catches on and stops banging his head against a wall
idiots to lovers is always great but especially when its two people who would be hitched with 10 kids by now if they stopped being dumb for a single second like its that easy and yet...
to me they very much fall around the same time (infatuation at first scent if you will) just that sasha takes some time to get there not because he's dumb (okay he's a little dumb) but in the sense that its like "this person is very interested in me, i can see and recognise that but theres so much cognitive dissonance in my brain right now between knowing that intrinsically and finding that hard to believe so i unintentionally play dumb because obviously i'm reading too much into things it cant be me they're interested in haha that'd crazy but they're being awfully touchy and flirty with me wow"
but also it takes two to tango and we have to acknowledge that and this is when i would love to bring up the ways in which this man decides is the best way to go about that because he is a catholic school girlie... there's so much hilarity to be had here especially because his flirting is very uh how you say... a little ass backwards if you will especially considering dynamics
"I make it a point to keep the door closed when we're alone in a room together! That's basically a clear invitation that I'm down to fuck!!! Im basically asking to be ragdolled on his knot!!!"
and Benny just pinches the bridge of his nose like "I don't know how to explain to you in a way you'll understand that not everyone went to Catholic school."
But saying that Sasha does side-eye the door knob heavily when Maffhew goes over to close it the first time and he starts sweating like he just got dragged into a game of 7 Minutes in Heaven he did not sign up for and he's 13 again and oh god he got paired with a really cute girl, and he hasn't even had his first real kiss yet and-
And then absolutely nothing happens because Maffhew is just waiting with a polite expectant smile (because his work here is done, he did the heavy lifting know it's Sasha's turn) and this is when Sasha's dynamic classes training kicks in and he basically scolds himself for even assuming in the first place because this is clearly a show of trust (correct) not an invitation for extra circular activities (incorrect buzzer noise) and it basically becomes "This Omega really trusts me, I'm honoured especially as Pack Leader that I'm able to be so accepted into such a private space with the inherent knowledge that I will not encroach their boundaries whatsoever because consent is verbal, this is not in any way an invitation to take advantage of them this is deep platonic trust I will guard with my life :]"
and if you listen closely you can hear the lovely sounds of Maffhew bashing his head into a wall about how much of a gentleman Sasha is but also COME ONNNNNN... you know... once Maffhew realises what's happening which (looks at my watch) is not due for another few months really
Battle of wills: unstoppable force (maffhews catholic school understanding of dynamic interactions) vs immovable object (overseas alpha cotillion classes)
And if you think it's an Oh! An overseas dynamic thing! It's not. The Euros are watching the horrible car crash in front of them and doing absolutely nothing about it because it's none of their business, but they will stare at it... maybe judge it a bit but definitely are observing from the tall grass.
and I'm also not saying that luosty lundy forsy and bobby have a current running bet of how long it'll take for maffhew to break sasha in but i'm also not not saying that... luosty goaded lundy in the midst of a gossip session ("It has to be 3 months, right?) forsy happened to be around so lundy turned to him for advice ("7 months.") and maybeeee bobby overheard from all the way over from his stall and puts in his two cents for what it's worth ("6. Captain nice but not that nice. Very impatient." "So 3!" "No. Impatience makes him double the time, and wait longer. 6 months.") (lundy finally settles on a good 5 months because he's indecisive)
And Sasha does eventually pick up everything maffhew is throwing down... eventually... and when he does it becomes more so I want to court this omega the way they deserve I will take this slow and romance them sweetly :) *smash cut to maffhew caterwauling like a cat in heat*
but also once again its not like maffhew is helping sasha in any way this is idiot4idiot and benny would like to enjoy the car crash with the euros but unfortunately that's his soulmate, thats his bestie, his littermate from birth who has been weaned on the same teat as they climbed over each other to get to it, the first girl you kissed in your childhood bedroom because somehow you started play fighting on the bed because she was like i could totally pin you down easy and then she does and you always noticed how beautiful she was but shes even more gorgeous when she's pinning your wrists to your hannnah montana duvet you promised yourself youd changed out before she came over but you forget and well she teased you about it and you cant help but giggle about how perfect this all is and it seems that the natural conclusion to this is to taste the strawberry lipgloss of her lips because whats a kiss between besties huh its tacky and sticky and it tastes like summer and just other apt metaphors to put here about the inherent -isms of their relationship that i nearly cant put to words properly other than girls having fun (they are fucking)
and well anyways benny is watching and he has a lot of things to say about how its been proceeding so far
"You should really use your words."
"I am!"
"Right because smelling like a fucking perfume shop in the middle of October is using your words."
"This usually works with most Alphas okay!"
"Sasha isn't most Alphas."
"Tell me about it." Matthew grouses before he peeks over to Sam, looking up from beneath his eyelashes—the exact way he knows both endears him to Sam but also absolutely miffs him all the same, "Worked on you, didn't it?"
"Oh, is that what we're doing right now? We're calling getting a lapful of a preening O in preheat in the middle of a roadie a normal way to go about these things."
"It worked didn't it?" Matthew reiterates.
"It would work better if you use—"
"Okay! Alright!! I get it!!!" He does not.
like benny here is unfortunately an active listening participant in the going ons of the fuckery if not because hes involved by proxy because of maffhew because who else will hold his hair back as he calls him a dumb bitch you know
#ask#i dont think we nearly take enough advantage of maffhew going to a catholic prepatory school#my friend who went to catholic schooling his whole life until highschool (where we met) dropped the bombshell of the door thing on me#to which i went you have to be fucking with me that cant be real and then i was like well i guess its good we're both boys then-#and then he goes oh my mom knows im queer the rule applies to boys too#and i just nervously looked over to the door knob like well uh maybe we should open the door? i dont want your mom to be mad-#and he was like oh shes convinced we've been fucking since we met so this is allowed youre the only boy she lets do this (the door thing)#a couple of years later when he moved out i found out friends weren't allowed over if he was alone in the house but i was the only exceptio#and i felt like the equivalent of a roving tomcat who keeps wandering into the gardens and got the neighbours cat daisy pregnant#i dont think i could ever look that woman in the eye after all that#this is all to say catholic schooling does things to you man#anyways i do have to reiterate every kitty is fucking each other on a normal basis and in an abo au it gets even worse#making our whorehouse a whorehome#ive always said this but flirting with a virgo is like flirting with a brickwall#actually thatd be an insult to the brickwall because at least the brickwall would give you something to work with#the humble virgo looks you in the eyes before they crush your ego with a single word and youre like thank you mistress may i have another#i feel for maffhew i really do#theres just so many funny ways this just goes terribly wrong because both maffhew and sasha are inherently messy people#matthew and sasha on a team outing sat next to each other in a booth and matthew gets a little tipsy and starts rubbing his cheek#on sashas shoulder and sasha is just looking over to benny like please. help. and benny just snorts and blatantly ignores#him as he continues to sip on his beer and sasha just turns to ekky and silently pleads with his eyes. PLEASE. HELP.#ekky huffs and looks away very much not thrilled about being involved in any form whatsoever and hes not gonna change his mind about this#*5 minutes later* and ekky finds himself switching spots with sasha with a cuddly maffhew on his arm and he's a little disgruntled about it#but its very hard to stay upset when maffhew keeps mumbling about how nice he smells and keeps trying to scent him#all over like he has any right to lay a claim when hes been in the pack for such a short time#and yeah okay maybe he preens a little bit at the compliment like just a little#and maybe he does like being treated like a glorified scratching post but matthew doesnt need to know that (matthew knows that)#well anyways
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I don't know how I'd ever convey this in art but. Thinking very deeply about how in boy king au, a very crucial part of characterization is that Seb is a wolf in sheep(or lamb more specifically)'s clothing and Fernando is a sheep in wolf's clothing.
Seb is very unassuming, very delicate, seemingly very vulnerable and malleable. But, deep down, he can be very ruthless. It's in the the way he hesitantly declares war, with a spark in his eye and a suppressed smirk. In the way he challenges someone to a card game or a horse race, proclaiming that he's not great, but winning every round and prancing around the room and mentioning it ad infinitum. The way he's able to instantly turn the tide in a debate in one fell swoop. By showing all his cards constantly and letting himself be vulnerable, he's making himself invulnerable. No one would ever consider him to be able to make big moves, so he wins every single time, because no one even thinks to expect it from him.
Fernando on the other hand, is constantly committed to having a looming presence and harsh reputation, but deep down, he's soft. He knows what happens to people when they're vulnerable, and he's not going to let himself be taken advantage of. The way he keeps a brave face when being informed of the marriage proposal, but goes back to his room and cries. The way he proclaims that he was always going to be the rightful ruler of Spain, but confides to Flavio that he never thought there was any real chance of it ever happening. The way he takes himself so seriously in public, but inside feels so giddy whenever he can make someone laugh. Everything to him always feels unstable and ready to crumble at any moment, and he's not willing to contribute to that by letting himself relax.
I think thats why it's very difficult for them to get along at first, because they have completely different approaches to how they carry themselves and make their way through life. Seb is confused at Fernando because he feels that he's very bland and overly serious at first, but truthfully he's not really seeing the actual Fernando. And Fernando finds Seb to be naive and easily taken advantage of, but that's because he's never seen Seb at his most cruel. Seb really loves when he eventually gets to see Fernando being vulnerable, and Fernando really admires and respects Seb when he sees him being serious. I think it just takes a while for them to show the other their full and complete selves, even the parts they can sometimes be ashamed of. There's this very compelling dichotomy in Seb laying out all his cards, but still being very difficult to read, and Fernando keeping his cards to his chest, but his intentions often being easily seen through.
#meanwhile everyone else: what is this weird fucked up mating ritual they are participating in#though i think its very interesting how their motivations differ#seb wants to lull people into a false sense of security(and also really just likes to be his complete unadulterated self)#and fernando is guarding himself because he doesn't want to get hurt#and i think seb convinces Fernando that its okay to be openly soft and yourself :) not eveyrone is out to get you#and fernando teaches seb hey maybe dont invite this obvious assassin to your chambers?????#i think seb also has insecurites but Fernando's are just more easy to explain bcs hes in a much more difficult situation#at the end of the day both of them are putting on facades in some way#(i think seb likes to be himself but also does feel really hurt when people dont think he has the capacity or ability to rule effectively)#(he likes to be kind and playful and doesnt want to obscure that part of himself. but hes aware it can hurt his image unfortunately)#also lol the way i characterize fernando is very historically accurate btw#bcs the spanish court tradition was basically to be above it all and be a lofty unobtainable figure if that makes sense#yknow having just this insane level of confidence and infallible image of yourself as the ruler#the guy seb is based on really bought into that idea but i dont think it really suits seb so yeah#seb I think is very much a unique figure that others have a lot of trouble reading him and his intentions. which is great!#AAAAAHHH MAN FELT REALLY GOOD TO WRITE ALL THAT OUT !!!!!!!!!#i love writing their characterization so fucking much you dont understand#its nice to put it in words like this bcs yknow i dont rly enjoy actual writing. but this i enjoy greatly#hope this is compelling to more than just me hahaha#boy king au#catie.rambling.txt#vettonso
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When I was in Oklahoma there were these pokemon go players, blue team, and they would drive out to the park behind my house and take over all the gyms. Which.... Whatever. But if you knocked their pokemon out, these grown ass men (I never saw more than two despite there being six pokemon in each gym) would get in their big trucks and show up a full ten minutes later to kick you out again. It was about a ten minute walk to the park, dark and often cold so like. As a recent yellow team member to join my sister, there was nothing I could do. They actually camped out in their truck behind a fence out of sight once and spent an hour kicking people out but not taking the gym over. Bunch of kids getting real bummed out and we all thought each other was responsible, but we ended up talking and realized none of us was doing it. I saw the truck parked on the way home, idling around the corner.
It wasn't a lack of coins. They were just dicks and it legitimately made me mad. They also had a guy on red team who would come around and knock their stuff out for them so they could refresh their coin gathering. Complete bullshit.
Context for tonight, when I'm in bed and the yellow gym I can hit from my apartment starts going nuts. There's this one guy who comes by every night and takes over this gym and two more. I kicked him out tonight. He came back. War ensued, and since I was a little high I could feel myself fixating on this but was unable to stop. I could feel the stress coming back of not being allowed to get coins, that frustration. I'm not repeating that experience and I'm not quitting over this, so what can I do? Only one thing.
Anyway after nearly two hours of bullshit (I took breaks) it was very satisfying to grab the team medallion, swap to blue team, and put a magikarp named midfinger up next to their 4k tanks. Petty, yes. But I started out blue team anyway and I HATE the way the yellow team guy looks so I had already been considering it for the past week every time I had to look at him. Really, this was just a nudge.
Now we hope he and his buddy don't swap teams too. It would admittedly be very funny. (important context: you can only swap teams once a year)
#My sister is very 😭 about me leaving yellow team but she admits this is iconic#Which is very generous of her because it's actually extremely pointless#But because of the weed I can feel pleasure and it felt very nice to be like no and fuck you#I don't have money to spare buying coins all the time#I am in fact allowed to be petty once in a blue moon and this was a problem that could be solved and now it is#Those asses never let other blue team people in either if they could help it#It was a very small town and on the edge of that town so it was legit the same people every time
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.
#feel like my relationship with my younger brother is changed completely forever not to be dramatic lol but i am sad#we used to b very close but he has kind of. found his faith again and gone full missionary christian which like. i knew meant the dynamic#was doomed lmao but actually acknowledging it makes me sad i feel like i'm grieving for the friendship we used to have even though#it is literally a me problem i think from his perspective he doesn't think anything has changed. but i feel weird about everything#also his new gf is nineteen and he is. almost 25 and i am the only one who feels weird about it like i know she's over 18 but! idk i can't#tell if i'm being overly cautious or if my gut instinct is right. my sister & her husband have a similar age gap but they met when they wer#both over 30 so like. it didn't feel weird. and i didn't feel comfortable actually seriously talking to him about it apart from the first#time he mentioned her over facetime (he went to another country to do mission stuff & met her there) so like an idiot i've just been#making jokes about the age gap becausee like. thats always been our thing lightly bullying each other lol but he blew up at me and said#i've had nothing positive to say about her since he's been back home and that he thinks i hate her and i'm out of line for constantly#implying he's creepy for dating someone younger. idk i felt like such a freak idiot horrible person about it. it completely blindsided me#bc yes the jokes were coming from a place of idk how i feel about this situation so i'm going to rely on the humour-based communication#we have always fallen back on as a safety thing but i guess i was wrong or the dynamic shifted or something anyway it's all fucked#& everyone is just telling me i feel weird out of some?? misplaced kind of jealousy thing?? because i'm 'losing' my brother to his gf lol#which does not feel right at all he has dated so many other girls and i have never had a problem it is literally the age gap like i haven't#even met this girl i'm sure she's very nice! i just worry about her being nineteen!! jesus. and yes maybe i do feel some resentment around#a brother younger than me who seems to be able to live his life with zero difficulty whilst i'm stuck being this unemployed loser who ruins#literally ever friendship & relationship ive ever had but i think thats ok right like i can't help feeling that. i don't fucking knowwww#am i just projecting all these sad feelings about our friendship dying onto his new relationship or like. am i right to be genuinely#concerned she's six years younger than him and still a fucking teenager!!!!!! i don't know
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the pics of morgan and joel are from travis sanheim's wedding this weekend!
^^^me experiencing the one-two knockout punch of “oh they WERE each other’s wedding date” followed by the realization that sanny finally got married 🥹😭 cheers indeed!!!
#have i ever told you all how i have the best anons in the world because i do. you’re all so nice to me and whenever i just. yell things#you come here and answer my questions and i love you for that thank you anon. i love you. 💕💕💕#also yes i KNOW i said finally and sanny’s like what twenty five however that is a) an old bachelor by most hockey standards b) he and alex#are high school sweethearts/been together forever and are disgustingly in love thank you they’ve been married in spirit if not reality#for years now. this has no bearing on my actual personal opinions on when you should or if you should be married or how long it should take#anyway. truly deeply madly obsessed with the joel/morgan of it all now because did they have to conform to a blue suit theme and if so#joelle why were u not wearing a belt. were all the flyers in blue suit uniform because that’s what our beautiful sensible sanny could trust#them to do &if so which ones were at the wedding i WILL be investigating post-haste. i have to update my tags 1st bc i’m the future me rn#who is currently dealing with them potentially being matching wedding dates & dunking my head in tinfoil to say morgan broke up with his gf#and ohhhhh if i don’t have a five weddings fic floating around SOMEWHERE for them. god knows i have the comment marriage fic AND fantastic!#liv in the replies#travis sanheim#<- in spirit i guess because it’s about his wedding so i felt like he should be included#philadelphia flyers#joel farabee#morgan frost#<- for my own sorting purposes#ANYWAY CONGRATS SANNY HAPPY MARRIAGE WE <3 U (do have to mention that i laugh so hard every time about that post calling him a rpf void i-)#also also bc i keep adding p.s. to this i was very pleased with myself to have flat fuck tk in the reply so that the travii were present 🫶
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Me: I'm not sure if my health can withstand a commute. Should I try to go in tomorrow?
Apollo: no
Me: should I plan to work from home?
Apollo: no
Me: ...
Apollo:
Me: migraine?
Apollo: migraine.
#(cue it starting immediately afterwards)#i managed to take some painkillers in time to stave the migraine off but i still felt like shit the next day#so i couldnt have worked regardless#this was monday night (and tbf sunday & monday were *extremely* tiring days. i was falling asleep while crocheting & playing ac#which is rare even considering my fatigue issues)#yes/no divination has been great as a way to consult apollo without pulling out the tarot deck (which is more time consuming and takes#a *lot* more spoons)#the only issue is that when i do the stones or tarot i tend to get on a Divination Kick tm which is. not helpful b/c what am i going to do??#i've already finished asking what i needed to ask???#i should probably funnel that burst of dopamine/hyperfixation into researching different methods actually#gonna add that to the routine#also! working out the kinks with the yes/no method. doing it on my floor? no good. inconsistent results. Feels Bad. Loud#doing it on my bed? wonderful 10/10. very consistent results. Feels Good. not loud#i still do tarot on the floor though b/c having a flat sturdy surface is nice#for reference: my commute is 2-2.5 hrs each way via public transit. the sensory experience drains me *very* fast if im not careful and#we're in Purgatory Weather season where it's *juuust* warm & humid enough to maybe be a problem but isnt one For Sure#*and* the state fair is on so the trains are gonna be packed when im trying to get home#coriander says#helpol#hellenic pagan#hellenic polytheism#apollo#theoi#pagans of tumblr#hellenic community#paganblr
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in order from left to right: the face of someone who is unaware they're about to rawdog their first day back to work, the sky, the sky, the sky, the sky
#I was halfway to the plant before I remembered I hadn't taken my meds 🥲 happy monday#monday felt like a whole week even though very little actually happened#telomirage.txt#anyway. the 🌱🌿🍃🥬🌵🍏 will be immortalised on my id badge which should be coming in from corporate later this week#and it was kind of nice having so many people seem excited to have me back#boss and big boss in particular seemed thrilled. big boss had a skip in his step and everything#I'm here for now!!! but WATCH OUT!!!!!!!! 👿#also d (dad friendworker) and I were like ships in the night#by which I mean my first day back = what was supposed to be his first day of vacation#but he came in for half the day to wrap some stuff up and to check on me lol#and then when he left it was very much him going 'DON'T STAY LATE YOU BETTER GO TO BED EARLY' and me going 'GET OUT OF HERE YOU'RE SUPPOSED#TO BE ON VACATION BE SAFE GO AWAY'
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every experiment people asked about after my talk is something i'm already working on 😌
#i mean it felt a little obnoxious i wanted to be like 'wow that's a great idea ive never had before!' but unfortunately it so happens that i#did have that idea also. it just doesn't work yet#or possibly ever for some of this stuff bc im not actually very good at using the contraption.#like it's actually incredibly useful to get that feedback especially from the audience i was talking to (cell biologists)#bc it means im going after things that make sense/follow naturally/address people's main questions about the project#it's just a little embarrassing going 'yeah we're already trying that' six times in a row#box opener#people seemed really attentive and tuned-in so i think i managed to make it reasonably interesting which im very pleased about#it was a fun time everyone was nice to me
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I miss the library :/
#i do and dont#the social tension of that setting was very stressful#but the job itself was like a perfect routine and most of my coworkers were great and i do miss them#interacting with customers was sometimes actually quite nice and i felt like i was getting better at it#but there were people i felt were being fake to me or didnt like me at all which i guess is to be expected anywhere#and i really felt my incompetence hard when i failed at certain tasks#id love to just go Hang out there but when i worked there it felt weird bc i was always there#and now it feels weird because i didnt leave on my own terms#and its like a cone of shame around me the entire time#even when said coworkers have seen me since and theyre always happy to see me and like Want to know how i am#and they seemed genuinely sad that i left#but its just so like its such a sore spot that i just cant#we do have Other libraries in the city but thats the best one its my favorite one
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#(huge relieved sigh)#I'm emotional over the little community that I get to participate in here#been on Tumblr over 10 years#been in multiple fandoms that I've made content for#and this is the first time I've experienced this level of interaction and community#first time I've had mutuals and had that actually mean something#I'm still terrified of unknowingly doing something rude or wrong or annoying (which is why I struggle so much to tag people) but#idk I'm starting to feel braver#I'm actually getting emotional thinking about it#sorry I'm just#maybe rereading symphony and noticing how lonely Violist-chan is has got me focused on how lonely I am too#and yeah it's not like I'm anyone's actual friend on here but just being able to interact and participate and be welcomed is...#idk#there's this gnawing ache in my chest all the time but this little community brings me sparks of joy that I haven't felt in a long time#sorry ignore me I'm just#i don't know#I'm trying to express my gratitude but I'm not doing a very good job#if anyone actually reads this just know I'm trying to say thank you for being nice and for letting me be feral over turtles with you#and i hope you're all having a good day
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finished opla and have truly shocked myself.... i think sanji might be my favorite. he is just a little baby. i want to squeeze him so hard.
#Nami is also very high up there. loved her so much. Lesbian QUEEN#of course I loved Luffy how can you not??? and zoro was great and so was usopp#but weirdly something about live action sanji was just really good to me#i didn't go into opla expecting to get a new fav. especially since i really don't like sanji in the anime#he's just not my cup of tea... even more so as the series goes on. i liked him more when he was first introduced#so this was a nice surprise!!#also loved coby and helmeppo and garp and zeff and nojiko and all the others#oh!! and buggy. he was hilarious#AND KUINA MY PERFECT DARLING BABY GIRL SHE WAS SO GOOD AND RIGHT AND EVERYTHING TO ME#SHE DESERVED 10000 MORE HOURS OF SCREEN TIME#but yeah opla was very very fun and everyone should watch it#i enjoyed that they actually killed people and the fights (even though there were silly moves) felt serious and dangerous#and there was some blood (not gore which would have shocked me if there was but it wasn't completely bloodless either which i appreciate)#and there was cursing and flipping people off which was perfect and hilarious#AND THE SHIPS WERE SO GOOD LOOK AT THOSE BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL BOATS#anyway i loved it and would watch it 100 more times#one piece
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