#(i think seb likes to be himself but also does feel really hurt when people dont think he has the capacity or ability to rule effectively)

[skitskatdacat63]

I don't know how I'd ever convey this in art but. Thinking very deeply about how in boy king au, a very crucial part of characterization is that Seb is a wolf in sheep(or lamb more specifically)'s clothing and Fernando is a sheep in wolf's clothing.

Seb is very unassuming, very delicate, seemingly very vulnerable and malleable. But, deep down, he can be very ruthless. It's in the the way he hesitantly declares war, with a spark in his eye and a suppressed smirk. In the way he challenges someone to a card game or a horse race, proclaiming that he's not great, but winning every round and prancing around the room and mentioning it ad infinitum. The way he's able to instantly turn the tide in a debate in one fell swoop. By showing all his cards constantly and letting himself be vulnerable, he's making himself invulnerable. No one would ever consider him to be able to make big moves, so he wins every single time, because no one even thinks to expect it from him.

Fernando on the other hand, is constantly committed to having a looming presence and harsh reputation, but deep down, he's soft. He knows what happens to people when they're vulnerable, and he's not going to let himself be taken advantage of. The way he keeps a brave face when being informed of the marriage proposal, but goes back to his room and cries. The way he proclaims that he was always going to be the rightful ruler of Spain, but confides to Flavio that he never thought there was any real chance of it ever happening. The way he takes himself so seriously in public, but inside feels so giddy whenever he can make someone laugh. Everything to him always feels unstable and ready to crumble at any moment, and he's not willing to contribute to that by letting himself relax.

I think thats why it's very difficult for them to get along at first, because they have completely different approaches to how they carry themselves and make their way through life. Seb is confused at Fernando because he feels that he's very bland and overly serious at first, but truthfully he's not really seeing the actual Fernando. And Fernando finds Seb to be naive and easily taken advantage of, but that's because he's never seen Seb at his most cruel. Seb really loves when he eventually gets to see Fernando being vulnerable, and Fernando really admires and respects Seb when he sees him being serious. I think it just takes a while for them to show the other their full and complete selves, even the parts they can sometimes be ashamed of. There's this very compelling dichotomy in Seb laying out all his cards, but still being very difficult to read, and Fernando keeping his cards to his chest, but his intentions often being easily seen through.

[vro0m]

i agree with merc's driver management anon tbh. i don't even like george and i feel for him a tiny bit here because. let's see.. (bear with me i love bullet lists)

he signs with merc in 2021 when the car was good, and also when it looked like lewis would win the wdc and probably retire. at most he'd stay maybe one or two more years.

neither of these things happen. the car sucks. lewis stays because he's hungrier than ever for the 8th.

that first year, everyone hypes george up a lot. he even gets a win. people talk at length about how george is so much better than lewis but no one takes the extensive experimentation into account.

2023. car still sucks. george does a lie detector and says with his entire chest that he's faster than lewis. spends the year getting soundly beat by him. things at merc seem to be breaking down. george goes into a wall at singapore and the way merc acted you'd think the end of times was nigh. this mistake doesn't do well for his reputation as a driver.

2024. lewis is moving to ferrari. george probably thinks ok, he can finally be the priority in the team. he can be the number 1 driver, the face of the team.

let's take a moment to talk about the rookies who came up with him. lando at mclaren, number 1 driver, who finally got his win this year after a long time of working hard for it. actually quite good at playing the team game. alex, who struggled at rbr but is doing well at williams. they love him so much they fucked over logan for him. he's a solid driver and while he doesn't have any wins yet, his skills are undeniable.

ok back. 2024. mainstream fans on social media have been displeased with george since at least qatar 23 if not earlier: it seems to be hitting critical mass this year. almost all of merc's social media posts, as well as f1 and espn's, are filled with comments about george buckling under pressure, not being as good as he thinks he is, and definitely not being a good teammate. on top of that his boss is trying to offer a metric fuckton of money to get max verstappen into the seat. plays around with the idea of fernando alonso until alonso goes like "lmao girl in THAT wheelbarrow?" and even bringing seb back from retirement. neither of these three are known for sitting quietly and following team orders and would probably laugh george out of the room at the suggestion that he be prioritized over them.

and then there's kimi antonelli. this ask is long enough so i won't go into detail over my feelings on that but at this point, george, who was desperate to be number 1, is watching his boss talk up a child who should be doing Intro to Calculus, while everyone calls him the next hamilton or verstappen.

and no one knows where george is in all this, including george himself. chances are though that he has not been impressive enough to be considered a leader or number 1 by anyone and merc aren't even pretending he might be. they're looking to replace lewis not just as a driver but as a leader and that has got to hurt for george.

*mic drop* 🎤

No but really I had forgotten about Alonso and Seb too like. No wait. Let me sit up for this.

The amount of DISRESPECT George has had to deal with is astounding. And it's coming from all sides. Fans, management, drivers. You can't help but empathise.

He's also so very unlucky! Every time you'd think things are looking up for him F1 throws him a curveball.

I wonder how he deals with this. That might explain some of what some fans perceive as undue confidence / audacity. Like what else are you gonna do in his situation but wall up and assert yourself the best you can, when your worth as a driver is constantly being questioned.

[galacticwarpedlense]

My opinions on Maru and Seb's family

Huh, something not about Elliott...how different.

I have some complicated feelings about the fam as I don't really dislike any of them but I can see their faults. To try and make a long LONG post a bit shorter, I'll just mention a fault I see with every person, a way they either can or could have fixed it and if I see any reconciliation specifically with Sebastian and Demetrius, the most obvious strained relationship.

Let's start with the character I most relate to, Demetrius. I like the guy. He seems very nice, cares about the environment, and he clearly loves his wife and daughter. Where he falters is obviously how he raised Sebastian. But not exactly how I think most have said he has. He clearly tried to raise Sebastian from both the book in his room called "Practical Tips For First-Time Step-Dads" and Sebastian's dialogue criticizing Demetrius's attempts at discipline. At some point though, he seemed to have just given up on trying to the point where he doesn't even mention Seb in his dialogue. Do I think Demetrius was being malicious? No. I'm under the personal headcanon that he's probably on the spectrum (from other unrelated dialogue and events) so he possibly just struggled to communicate. Let us remember that the man never says anything negative about Sebastian. I think he should have spent more time trying to understand Sebastian rather than giving up to raise Maru instead.

Then there's the main boy himself. Sebastian. I do not think he's mainly at fault, however, I do think he has some fault. He is very quick to make snide comments about his sister and step-father and while Demetrius can be argued to be deserved, Maru has wanted nothing more than to be closer to Sebastian so it seems oddly cruel. I will give Seb some leeway since he was clearly a child when his father left and that can cause some scars and children should not be expected to act as maturely as adults should. We don't know much about his bio dad but we can at least assume he's not in Seb's life anymore for whatever reason. I do understand that can lead to abandonment issues and a need to distance yourself so you don't get hurt but I'm pretty sure that's also the catalyst to the strain on his relationship with his step-dad. Not the cause, the cause is mutual distancing, but the catalyst. I think Seb needed to be more open with Demetrius and Maru rather than shutting them out and he still has a chance to do that, Maru still wants to have a sibling relationship, Demetrius still has that book, neither have completely given up on him, but he needs to accept that olive branch before they do.

I have some commentary on Robin's involvement in that strained relationship or more accurately, the lack of involvement. Robin does seem like a loving wife (if a bit mean to Demetrius sometimes) and an attentive mother being doting on her son and daughter... though I do think she babies Sebastian a little. But that's not my issue with her. I think she was way too distant with her family's relationship with each other. She's basically the glue that holds these people together and we can only assume that she simply watched her family grow distant. No one mentions her trying to repair the damage and she doesn't show concern about how distant Sebastian is becoming from the family. She mentions Seb's distance from her but not Maru or Demetrius. There isn't much evidence of her stepping in to either convince Seb to give Demetrius a chance or to inform Demetrius of the actions he's doing that are driving Seb away. I feel like she should have stepped in more.

Then there's Maru. Probably the most faultless person in the family. Like Seb, she was a child when the strains in her family's relationship started so there was little she could do. She wanted to have a sibling relationship with Sebastian but he was too closed off so she just stuck with having a relationship with her parents instead. I think she definitely could tone down on the condescension as if she can show that to the farmer, she's probably said worse to her family. But other than that, she was simply a kid born into a distant family.

Wow, this ended up being longer than I thought it would be...

Uh, in conclusion, this family needs to talk to each other. Communication is important. And probably family therapy. Lot's of family therapy.

[bwoahtastic]

nico studying engineering and seb studying ecology (he is bee boy in every universe to me) so although they're both technically science students there is 0 overlap in their degrees and they hardly see each other on campus. nico feeling quite lonely for his first year or so, he's not the most outgoing person and there aren't many omegas in his classes, so he's really excited when he and mark get paired up for an assignment and actually become friends. he loves training with mark, and just talking to him is so easy. when mark comes by to drop off his bag and seb announces that he's hot, nico gets worried, and it only gets worse when mark tells him that seb has asked him out. mark tells nico that he won't go out with seb if nico doesn't want him to, and nico tells mark that it's fine and they should have fun but internally is like 'i have lost my only friend in the world. to my brother.'

mark and seb begin dating and nico tries so hard to be okay with it because he wants them both to be happy but he still feels a bit alone. so when jenson comes along and is handsome and funny and interested in nico, he falls so hard. he takes every opportunity to spend time with jenson when he comes to pick up seb, and is so disappointed when he stops coming round and seb starts taking the bus. nico knows he hates the bus and that something must be up. seb tries to be nice when he tells nico he just doesn't think jenson and nico are right for each other and doesn't want them to get hurt, but it still upsets nico and he refuses to speak to seb until toto intervenes. toto gets nico to apologise for being mean to seb but also points out to seb that he can't control his friends or brother, and if nico and jenson like each other they are allowed to date, especially as seb himself is dating nico's friend.

Ohcplss! Maybe they were in the same class in high school so they were always together, having each other to count on at all times and they were so close!

But then they move on to college and while they are in the same building, they don't have any overlap. Seb makes friends easily and is thriving but Nico feels so lonely, misses having his brother close and is a little sad seeing Seb having fun without him but is also happy for him!

Nico struggling a little for the first months or even year, being friendly with people but not really friends and he is a little lonely. Bur then he gets paired up eith Mark and they actually have things in common and Mark laughs so hard when Nico makes a joke! And then he finds out Mark does triathlons too anf rhey start training together and pls Nico is so excited telling Toto and Seb all about his friend!

Mark and Seb start dating and Nico tries really hard to be happy for them but he does feel a little deserted... he spends a lot of nights with just Toto, curled up close to his dad and trying to be happy when Seb comes home rosy cheeked babbling about how nice Mark is, and then trying to do the same when Mark tells him about the date the day after!

It's around that time that Jenson starts hanging out more waiting for Seb and Nico likes it, feels seen,feels like Jenson is actually listening to him and interested in his opinions and thoughts and he is also so handsome and a little cheeky and Nico likes it! He takes any chance he gets to talk to Jenson, alwsys casually asking if it's jenson coming to pick seb up when he is going somewhere and waiting eith butterflies in his stomach for Jenson to come but then Jenson stops coming and Seb starts taking the bus which he would never do without reason!

Nico asking seb about it and seb tries to tell him in the nicest way that he thinks Jenson will end up breaking Nico's heart and Nico tells Seb that what if he is wrong?what if Seb is ruining his chance at love?

Nico refusing to talk to Seb who is very distraught by it all because he was just trying to protect his brother! Toto having to interfere and sits them both them, making them talk about it and making them both apologise!

Seb asking Jenson to come over? Pretends he needs a ride and when Jenson shows, Seb goes "Mark is taking me, why don't you go chill with nico" and then just leaves leaving the two a little shy and blushing aksk

[sp00ky9]

Black butler rant bc I just reread up to volume 31 in the span of 4 days because of the new anime announcement:

Ciels character

Ok so Ciel has always perplexed me because of the way he acts— cold and yet there are glimpses of a sort of compassion sprinkled throughout the series. I like to think of his character as almost a split between two people— the traumatized child who was tortured and had his brother killed in front of him and then the kid he used to be/almost wishes he was.

He’s constantly pushing others away (usually in a pretty harsh way) because I would assume that he doesn’t want to get hurt as all the people he cared about ended up dead. Obvs he doesn’t want that to happen to the people he knows now. I feel like this is the only way he knows how to care about people— by pushing them away (paradox but his whole character is to me LOL) I also think it’s from the guilt of not being able to save his brother (r!Ciel) that he wraps himself up in this cruel persona and plays the part of a heartless earl— he wants people to see him this way because it’s easy. It’s easy to push people away and not form meaningful relationships. It’s easier to be cold than compassionate.

It’s ironic that the only person he’s really honest with is Sebastian, but even then I think Sebastian’s very presence reminds o!Ciel of the brother that he sacrificed (though I think it’s more of survivors guilt as the cult was responsible for his death) and it hurts him. How could it not?

In some of the recent chapters I think his persona is really highlighted as he declares himself to be the true “Ciel phantomhive” as he took on the name from his brother and accomplished things using that name that his real name probably would never have afforded him. He put in the work under that name, and it was all swept out from under him (hence the anger). As the weak and sickly brother he would have never really been seen as the earl, only a stand in for the true heir, r!ciel. This is why he took on his brothers name I think. Both to carry on his brothers legacy as well as to assert himself as someone who, despite his “sickly” nature, was not just a spare.

However despite all his cruelty, o!Ciel is still just a kid. In fact, in some ways I think he’s the same as before he got kidnapped. I think this is highlighted in the fact that he started his toy company— which had been his dream as the second son of the earl. Because he took on the responsibilities of his brother his dream could come true, albeit under different circumstances. This act in itself shows a glimpse of the kid he used to be.

Of course, this is also seen during the green witch arc when he won’t let anyone but finny near him. The green witch arc is one of my absolute favs bc it shows part of ciels motivation as well as more defines ciels and seb’s relationship. I love how he says that “I did this for me!” during his fight towards sanity, which shows selfishness. However I think that yes, his motivation for killing is somewhat self centered (he is tired of being the spare, tired of being powerless)but I think there is more layers to it. I think he is trying to convince himself that his motivation for revenge is centered in his own self. He wants to get revenge because he feels guilty that he could not save anyone, not even his brother. So he’s “doing it for himself” — as in he really just wants /his/ guilt to go away.

His selfishness is absolute and yet he is constantly taking in and taking care of others despite his whole cold guy act. I think he denies himself the trust in those relationships due to his guilt/past. I think this is especially shown when Agni dies and he kind of has a break down where he tells soma that they should have never gotten involved with him. However I find that these words show that he truly does care about those around him to an extent.

Anyways this was all written around 1am after finishing volume 31 and I just have. Thoughts. Anyways ciel still confuses me somewhat so I might add on to this rant later LOL.

[forgottensebastian]

ooc | Sebastian & Roderick

WHAT A FATHER <3

Okay wow, I feel like Sebastian has a lot of complicated emotions re: his dad???

First, I feel like Sebastian believes family is extremely important & I also feel like they probably had kinda an unstable childhood since their dad was constantly conquering new places and sometimes they would up and move to a new country for months at a time, only to do it all over again. And I'm sure that court has always constantly been filled w/ people who are loyal to Roderick, but also those who he has screwed over/those whose homes he's taken and I don't think that there's been a lot of people Sebastian believes he can really trust outside of his own family and so he's very protective of them and just wants them to love and respect each other and just GET ALONG! <33

I do think part of him wants to make his dad proud & sebastian is also someone who likes to do what is right/what he's supposed to do, but I think more and more recently he's realizing that maybe what he's being told to do, isn't what the right thing is? Like he's always been told to listen to his parents and to listen to his king, but he's realizing that his dad isn't always right and I think that he's going to start (silently) questioning his dad more and more. and that's also just going to shake up his world view/everything he thought he knew about life!

He also is more and more aware of just how much his dad hurts his mom/how much she loves him but how unloved she feels by him and he doesn't really like how he just goes around collecting wives/children, but doesn't seem to care enough for any of them!!

In addition, he does not appreciate what his dad is doing to his kids (especially ot3: succession kids) and as someone on the outside, he definitely sees exactly what's happening and he hates it!!!

All that being said, I don't think he's super vocal w/ his dad when he disagrees with him and sorta picks his battles. I think he tells himself that it is because he's doing what he can to do the most good w/ his position (which is true) but I think that there is definitely some fear that plays into all of it as well -- he knows his dad does NOT appreciate being crossed and while he doesn't think that anything he would do would be to put his life in danger, he can definitely see his dad disinheriting him/exiling him and Seb has no idea what he would be able to do with his life if that happened??!?

TL;DR: Seb both loves and hates his dad and thanks god everyday he's not a constant on his radar!

[tonnerredebrest]

a tired canadian trying to put back together two annoying europeans

summary: Lance is tired. Tired of putting Esteban back up each times Alonso just looks at him, tired of feeling shitty about Mick leaving, and exhausted about having said Spaniard as his teammate. Yet, he needs to be strong, for he’ll learn he has a new quest for the 2023 season: making his teammate and friend see reason, and date again. Also he’ll have to threaten some people to get Mick back on the grid, but nothing is impossible. tags: eventual happy ending, crack, emotional hurt/comfort, eventual fluff, breaking up and getting back together, warnings: none apply, some f-bomb swearing. part: 2 of 6

Part 1 ;

Abu Dhabi cannot end soon enough. The heat is unbearable, and so it the car. Thank god Sebastian has such a keen eye on everything that involves engineering, maybe next year the Aston Martin will be able to battle the Williams. Speaking of that German driver, one of the Powerpuff crew is in desperate need of help too. Mick is glued to his friend’s side, trying hard to not cry.

What a German mess they are making of themselves.

Lance, always tactful and empathic, comes up to them with his best bitchy face. It throws Seb off, when really it shouldn’t, after all the time they spend together. Mick, on the other hand, looks even closer to crying that before. He hugs the other German man closer, rambling in that awful language Lance cannot understand. Really, you wouldn’t believe how many times he had to say to people Belgians don’t speak German, it’s frightening.

The Canadian driver goes forward, to hug his friend. Seb wants to leave him some space, but Mick is too busy melting himself against him to leave some space for Lance. Seb gives him a i-told-you-so glance. Lance can only sight, and awkwardly hug both of the drivers.

Lord, what wouldn’t he do for his friends?

When the situation becomes too cringe, and Mick has relatively calmed down, Lance goes away, to change at the Aston Martin garage. On his way there, he goes past his team’s hospitality, and almost knocks down someone wearing Alpine blue.

“What the hell do you think-“ He starts talking to the person, only to realise it’s some Alpine PR person.

Lance glances past them, and his jaw almost drops on the floor. What the hell is he doing here?

“Hello, teammate.”

His eyes are glimmering from mischievousness, his loop-sided smile only a consequence of that PR stunt. His whole posture is made to impress, to intimidate whoever stands in his way. Lance’ll be damned, it does work.

Fernando Alonso, of all people, is standing in front of him, and for the fist time of his life, Lance actually wants to run away from his team. No, he was supposed to officially met him the next day, at testing, not now, not when the whole grid is in shambles with one fifth of them leaving. Especially not when Lance knows he’ll have two person to comfort this night, after partying like the world is ending, anyways.

But for the time being, he’s still in his raceoveralls, in desperate need of a shower, and an old man is just standing there, like he owns the damn place. Lance sees red, but doesn’t show it. After all, it’ll clash horribly with Aston Martin’s emerald.

“Hello,” Lance replies, not even allowing his teammate a name.

Conversely from others, he holds grudges for years, especially against people who hurt his friends, n’est-ce pas Pierre?

Yet, his murderous stare doesn’t seem to impress the king of on-and-off-track war crimes. Alonso just snickers, as if the Canadian driver is just a mere inconvenience in his day, and walks past him, shouldering-checking the younger one.

“Oh, sorry,” he says with his stupidly annoying Spanish accent. “Thought I had enough space.”

Ok. Lance is ready to throw hands now. But before he can do anything, his trainer comes up to him, to take him away.

Yeah, do that, Lance thinks. Otherwise I would have decked that man to the fucking ground.

[thebestpersonherelovesbucky]

Falcon and the Winter Soldier: Ep. 4 Takeaway

Uh. No. No, I was not in any way, shape, or form prepared for that heart-wrenching opening. That raw emotion. The gut-punching fear. The devastation. The soul massive relief from under all that fear and pain. No, I was not ready.

“She’s just a kid.” This is why Sam should be Captain America. Look, no one can replace Steve Rogers. There will never be another Steve Rogers. But that’s not the point. Sam isn’t meant to replace anyone. He’s meant to be his own Captain America. A man who has the heart and soul of a person who doesn’t go looking for a fight. A man who will fight when it needs to be done. A man who reaches out with compassion first and fists second. Sam is the Captain America this world needs in these modern times and tbh it doesn’t deserve him.

“Those are our friends you’re talking about.” “The Avengers, not the Nazis.” Thank you for your contribution, Bucky. 😂 No, but, I really liked the our friends. Not just my friends, but our friends and Bucky concurring with that by pointing out who Sam means. 

Sam sharing the story about his TT. His family means so much to him as does community and I think that’s why he can relate to Karli and what she wants to do but also cannot condone how she’s going about it. 

Yes, if anyone wondered, Baron Zemo would sell out his family to the White Witch for some Turkish Delight. 

I do like Zemo stepping back into the more villainous role. While I enjoyed the humor from last episode, it never really sat right with me that they gave Zemo a “tragic” backstory. He was Hydra in the comics and it feels weird to me to change it in such a way. He was a supremacist so his new anti-supremacist ideals is...off-putting to me.  

“It wasn’t just one community coming together. It was the entire world.” Hence why Sam can understand Karli’s goals.

Sam assuming the leadership role so much in the episode. So much foreshadowing to what’s (hopefully) to come. 

When Bucky loses it with Zemo and Sam is like “Don’t engage. He’s just gonna extort you and do that stupid head tilt thing.” Not only is this more leadership from Sam it’s also showing how much he pays attention. He knows all their social cues. He knew Zemo was gonna do that probably before Zemo even did. In other words, Sam Wilson is remarkable. 

Sam calling Sharon for help. I wasn’t expecting her again so soon. Yay!!

As soon as John Walker steps on screen I want to punch something. 

“He’s dealt with worth. And he’s not my partner.” Look at Bucky backing Sam up while trying to play it cool. We all know you love him, Buck.

Sam talking to Karli. Coming to her from a place of understanding and genuinely trying to earn her trust because he does understand her pain. He’s filled with so much compassion and so much empathy and he knows how to employ both of them to better a situation and the world at large instead of coming in guns blazing. He gets it. And he wants Karli to know that he gets it. His approach to getting her to see that she’s going about it in the wrong way. But while she’s okay with acceptable loss, she in fact expects it, Sam is not. “No, it’s not a better place if you’re killing people. It’s just different.” Again, this is what makes him a good Captain America. 

“He knows what he’s doing.” Bucky’s faith and trust in Sam when Walker is literally itching for a fight. That...cold, obsessed look in Walker’s eyes was chilling. (I’ve given kudos to Mackie and Seb for their acting but I should also acknowledge Wyatt Russel’s chilling performance)) 

Thank you, John Walker, for coming in and making things better oh wait, no. Just come in a fuck things up. Super of you. 

Sam’s immediate “no” when Zemo asked if he’d take the serum if he was offered it and asking about Bucky being included in the “super soldiers cannot be allowed to exist.” “Blood isn’t always the solution.” Sam is just. I’m running out of words.

I’m now walking a thin line of patience with Bucky criticizing Sam over not taking the Shield. Like, yes, he’s right in that Steve’s wishes were not honored, but Sam is living the consequences wanting to do the right thing by giving the Shield to a museum. He did not and would not have ever handed it over to anyone to use, especially not a man like John Walker. Sam didn’t give it to him. The government did. The same way they’d’ve given the serum to a man like Gilmore Hodge. The same way they forced it upon Isiah Bradley and then experimented on him and locked him away. The same way they “agreed” that Sam was doing the right thing by turning the Shield over and then handing it to John Walker. This is not Sam’s fault.  

I could take hours of Ayo and the Dora Milaje kicking John Walker’s ass.

Ayo and the Dora Milaje. 

Did I mention Ayo and the Dora Milaje? 

I really want to know what Ayo said to Bucky there**. After everything the Wakandans did for him, I can understand why she did what she did. She helped give his freedom and his mind back to him. I know Bucky only intercepted in that particular fight because Sam asked him to and he didn’t (not totally) want them to hurt Walker but. They gave him this place of freedom and his actions (breaking Zemo out, getting involved in their fight) did disrespect them. 

The Dora stepping on and catching the Shield. SWOON.

“They weren’t even super soldiers.” Oh, boo freaking hoo. You don’t need the serum to be a superhero, dude. And the fact that you’re basing so much of this on that plus your obesssion to gt it just proves you’re not worthy of it. 

“Power just makes a person more of themselves, right?” Vs. “Because a strong man, who has known power all his life, will lose respect for that power. But a weak man knows the value of strength, and knows compassion."

Seriously, the expressions John Walker makes sends chills down my spine.

Karli calling Sarah. I actually thought she’d show up in person. Sarah’s comments about “Captain America” and her assurances that Sam is not working for Walker. 

Sam’s immediate protectiveness when Sarah calls him and Bucky’s worry on his behalf. Sam’s anger with Karli when they meet again and the fact that he didn’t argue with Bucky for him wanting to come rather than Sam going in alone. 

Sam and Bucky working together (anyone notice a lot less bickering??) is so amazing. I love them as a team. 

Sam’s face when he realizes that Walker took the serum. 

Quite honestly, if Bucky Barnes wanted to stab me with knives all night long, I’d let him. 

Not happy with them killing Lemar for white man pain. I’m sure there were other ways they could have had Walker rage out. 

That amazing parallel between Steve slamming the Shield down in Civil War to defend himself and Bucky and Walker killing a person who was just with Karli. 

Speaking of parallels, there was SO many in this episode. The serum vials being shattered. The bursting through the doors Shield first. The jumping out of the window with the Shield. Just wow. 

“The Whole World is Watching”. A quote from Black Panther when T’Challa did not kill Klaue, an actual terrorist. The title of this episode when John Walker kills a man who didn’t even incite his rage. 

And, of course, that final image. I’m still shaking over it. If there’s a better image for what America represents to the rest of the world, idk what is. I just want to cry after seeing what this man is doing with it. This is why he’s U.S. Agent who represents the “power” and “strength” and “might” of the United States. Not Captain America who represents the ideals and hopes of what any country can be. 

The acting in this is utterly incredible. The story has me reeling. My mind has been blown by each and every episode and I can’t believe there are only two left. 

**Edit: Got it now! Thanks to those who messaged/replied!! 

[awake-dearheart]

it took me a couple days but here’s a rundown of things sebastian said during the zoom call with his trainer don saladino and the march challenge group. he was on for an hour and three minutes total. keep in mind this challenge was fitness oriented so most of the questions revolve around that. this will also be LONG.

first of all he had trouble unmuting himself which was hilarious

he had a carboard cutout of the falcon with him which made everyone laugh

he loved being able to support ronald mcdonald house and he was sad they couldn’t go this year. sweet baby

when he was asked what he struggles with in his fitness he immediately said body dysmorphia. like no hesitation. he said he felt like he could stand to be less hard on himself.

he prefers cardio over other kinds of workouts.

he mentioned a role he’s getting ready for that’s “a lot different” but he laughed it off and said he couldn’t talk about it. i’m thinking it might have been tommy lee?

he tries to workout even just a little before he goes to set even when his schedule is crazy.

when he started training he had NO idea what he was doing. it took him a while to get into a routine and figure it out. he credited don with working a lot with him and finding a routine that works for him.

he feels better when he can do something physical every day. he said it really helps him mentally because the two go hand in hand for him.

someone said they were learning romanian and asked him for phrases to learn in romanian he said (in romanian) “oh my GOD why would you do that?” he also said he thinks people learning romanian because of him is “one of the sweetest things.”

he was asked how he balances training to look good vs training to feel good and he said if he’s training to look good he’s never 100% satisfied. training to feel good and setting short term goals has been better for him. 

don praised him for working hard to pivot his focus on the overall vs the day to day. seb said it was a lot harder when he started than it is now.

someone asked him if the workouts or the nutrition was harder and he immediately started talking about pizza and how much he loves a good cheat meal. the chat blew up talking about his cheat day video for men’s health. 

seb asked don his favorite cheat meal and they went on a tangent about burgers and fries and vodka that had us cracking up. seb said he went through a period where he was eating some kind of chocolate every day.

someone asked if he found it mentally difficult to go from one body type to another for roles and he said absolutely. he said if he has a shirtless scene to do then a month before he cuts out ALL sugar. fruits, carbs, everything and he turns into a very irritable person for about two weeks.

he was asked how the pandemic has changed his training and he said of course it has. him and don worked together to create a program for him to do from home with dumbbells and they had to get inventive. he’s been running a lot too.

someone asked the strangest item he’s used for weights and he said he’d go to the grocery store by himself without uber or anything. he tried to do one big shopping trip to last him for a week and half and he’d be laden with bags and it took him an hour and a half to walk home.

he told a story about using a towel and a bar in his house and he said “you probably know it because some “super fans” love to leak my address. so kind. lovely people.” the chat became v enraged.

he’s never had to get in shape on super short notice. marvel usually gives him about a 2 month heads up before he has to shoot things.

someone asked if he was a dog person. he said he loves dogs and he’d love to have one but he travels too much to give one the right kind of attention. he said if he could have a dog he’d have a bulldog or a husky.

he was asked his favorite nyc cheat meal and his first answer was “seeing all of you there�� and we all cracked up. his real answer was a pizza place called rubirosa. he specifically likes their white pizza. (who wants to go to new york and get pizza with me?)

who would win in an iso squat challenge? him or don? (iso squats are when you drop into a squat and you hold it. it’s been the most hated exercise throughout the challenge). his face was HORRIFIED when he remembered what they are and he said don would definitely win. “don you have thighs of glory” the group is contemplating making shirts.

he played some sports in school but he wasn’t a super athletic kid. he struggled in school a bit because he had an accent and people were picking on him. it took a long time for his confidence to build.

celebrate victories where you can. he talked about when he posted that shirtless picture from the gym as an example. he said it’s more for motivation and pride in his achievements than about showing off.

he mentioned the documentary “the weight of gold” as something he watched recently. he said it’s a good example of people who are gold medal olympians struggling with the same things as everyone else when it comes to fitness. he comes back several times to not being too hard on yourself. 

he hasn’t lifted any weights in about a month and a half but he’s been running. he’s surprised at the amount of muscle he still has because he thought he’d lose a lot of it.

taking breaks when you’re working on fitness is so important. he says taking a week off sometimes is ok if that’s what you need.

they have talked about pizza at least 5 times at this point (32 minutes in) and it’s HILAROUS honestly.

he hates leg day. he knows how important it is because you need strong legs but he prefers doing arms and chest. “the squats can be so annoying UGH.”

someone asked him his advice for people who are starting an acting career and he laughed and said “quit all social media.” he walked it back and said you have to find a way to quiet the noise. 

this mfer went to theatre camp when he was 15 and he did MUSICALS. we tired to get him to sing. it didn’t work.

“you gotta do you. you cannot lose you as you’re going. and you cannot care what people think.”

he talked about imposter syndrome in terms of getting reviews and stuff. he said when he gets bad reviews it hurts but sometimes when he gets good reviews he can think “oh my god they made a mistake” or “oh my god i have to deliver like this every time.” he said if you’re starting out ask yourself why you want to do this and make sure this is what you want to do day in a day out. make sure when you face rejection and obstacles you have the energy to push you to get back up and say “fuck you i’m doing me.”

recommended the book “the subtle art of not giving a fuck” as something he loves.

“there’s creativity in everything. you don’t have to be a pianist or an actor or a writer. there’s creativity in all functions. as people we’re all creative.”

he went back to instagram for a minute and said to use it for the right things and follow the things that you like or are inspired by. he loves that social media can be used to reach people but you have to filter through the negative stuff.

someone asked the meanest thing don’t ever said during training and he said don’s never been mean but he’s always been inspiring and motivating for him. cute lil bromance moment.

he was asked if it’s harder to get into shape physically for the winter soldier or mentally. he said now it’s more of a head thing than it was in the beginning. the physically part was challenging for him in the beginning because he wanted to feel strong to build his confidence. he felt he couldn’t be bucky without being strong. 

civil war was his real hair but when they started filming it wasn’t long enough so he had extensions. by the end of the shoot it was long enough to cut the extensions out. 

the line between overtraining and not being motivated to train enough is hard for him sometimes. things tend to come all at once or not at all and it can be a struggle. 

he meditates and does some kind of physical activity every day at the start of his day. it makes him able to do the things he needs to do for the rest of the day better.

he thanked everyone for their support of tfaws and “making us look pretty good.” he’s very grateful for the turnout.

don says falcon weird. that’s not important but i wanted to mention it.

running is his go to thing. he feels like it’s a good meditative thing for him.  his go to pandemic workout was 100 pull ups, 100 push ups, 100 sit ups, 100 squats and alternating with running. we all panicked and were like “100 PULL UPS AT ONCE??” and he was like no no no no no no no no space that shit out during the day.

he loves breakfast but he doesn’t eat it at breakfast time. he joked he was going to eat breakfast after the call (which ended at 7PM). he likes anything with eggs and avocado. 

there are still directors he wants to work with that he can’t get to see him for parts. he did three audition tapes, two in person auditions, and a screen test to get bucky.

he just recently learned what “thirst pics” are (he figured out from the chat it’s thirst traps). when someone told him that picture from the gym was a thirst trap he was like “oh great well that sounds terrible.” men’s health didn’t call him until after that pic. he had reached out to them before that but that was the thing that made them call.

“make fun of yourself. you have to not take yourself too seriously.”

they both talked about how being able to do things like this is a privilege. there are always days when seb or don or anyone walks into a gym and doesn’t want to be there.

this is the part that made me emotional as FUCK. he’s had days where he’s gone to set and been like “what the fuck am i doing?” he says every time that happens he thinks “this is the time they’re gonna realize i can’t do this. this is when they’re all gonna know i’ve never been good at this.” he said in those moments you can’t just say “no no no i’m the best.” he said sometimes affirmations work and they can be as simple as “i’m gonna try to have a good day today” and it doesn’t have to be “i have to be the best version of myself.” it can just be “i wanna have a good day today” but on the days when you don’t feel good about things and don’t know what you’re doing he said you have to go there and say “ok i don’t know what the fuck i’m doing. fuck everything.” be in the thing that’s happening to you and give yourself permission to be down for a minute. find a compromise with yourself. if you can’t run the same three miles you’ve run all week and you just don’t want to, maybe you go for a walk instead. (his example not mine i DO NOT run). when he’s been in those moments of defeat accepting it had lead him to things he didn’t plan for and he finds those moments to be gifts in a way. accepting it and saying “today is that day” your body and your mind can start moving into finding other little things to do.

he came back to pizza one more time. i love him.

he recognizes how lucky he is to have the life he has. he says it’s important to pay attention to give a fuck about things and to give a fuck about things that will help other people. 

watching him talk the whole time he seemed so happy and relaxed. he seems like such a light hearted and fun person and he laughed SO much

that’s the end y’all. thanks for sticking around and reading all my hastily typed notes

[angstysebfan]

Ok a request? Lemme think! Hmmmm, ok. How about “reader and Seb have been dating for a while but Seb is getting a little distant. Reader overhears a conversation Seb has with Mackie about all these nasty things about her, it breaks reader’s heart and it makes her go home and move back to her old apartment. She confides in her best friend, Tom Hiddleston, and he helps her boost her self esteem and with having fun again, like a good friend. When Seb finds out, he becomes a jelly boi, confronts them when he sees pictures of them together and Hiddleston isn’t having it.” You can do whatever with the ending. I trust you ❤️

 --

Oh boy this one is going to hurt me. Even though a lot of people are mad at Seb and he has been acting like a douche canoe, I still love him...

--

Is It Too Late?

You lie on your bed staring at the ceiling for what feels like hours. A lot of different things going through your mind at once, and all of them about your current relationship. You have been dating Sebastian for about 3 years, and for most of it, it has been absolutely amazing. He has an actor and have to travel the world to film, while you are just your everyday average girl, but you both always made it work. You met him through your best friend, Tom Hiddleston, who is also an actor.

You noticed over the last 5-6 months, Seb has been very distant. You don’t understand what happened, but you are worried that he might be losing interest in you, or cheating. I mean when you compare yourself to the women he had before, and the ones that throw themselves at him, you could understand why you don’t measure up. 

With a sigh, you get up from the bed to go in search of your boyfriend. Maybe he doesn’t realize what he is doing, and with a little heart to heart, things will get better, hopefully. You go to walk into his office when you hear him laugh and speak in hushed tones. You peek in and see that he is on the phone and go to step away when you overhear what he says, “I don’t know Anthony, I’m just over her. She is so needy and whiny. I mean if she was gorgeous I would ignore it, but she isn’t. I just don’t think I can handle this with her anymore, ya know?” he says.

You cover your mouth with your hand, in hopes of covering up the gasp. Tears immediately form in your eyes as you turn and run back into the bedroom. You force yourself to calm down after letting a few tears fall. You quickly grab your suitcase and start clearing your things out of the apartment. Seb continues his conversation, not realizing what is happening. Once you are done collecting everything, you put it all by the door for a quick escape.

You walk into the office, as Seb is still on the phone. You stand in front of him with your arms crossed, looking none too pleased. Seb looks at you with furrowed brows of confusion. “Hey Anthony, let me call you back,” he says before hanging up. “What’s wrong?” he asks innocently. You have to fight the urge to roll your eyes, “I just wanted to say goodbye,” you say.

His eyebrows shoot up in shock, “Goodbye? Goodbye as in you are going out and will be back later, or goodbye as in goodbye?” he asks standing up. You look into his blue eyes and see an expression you haven’t seen in awhile, nervousness. “Goodbye as in... I don’t know. I have to think about things and I think it’s better if I’m away from you,” you say.

You are proud of how strong your sounding, considering you are falling apart inside. Sebastian walks around his desk, “Is everything ok?” he asks softly, reaching out to you. You step away from his hand, which you see shocks him again. “I just think you need more than a needy, whiny ugly girlfriend, so maybe we should just call this what it is. You have been distant for awhile and it’s obvious you fell out of love with me, so I am giving you your out,” you say as tears form.

“I-- No, Y/N, wait please! Let me explain, please!” Seb pleads with you as you back away from him. “I heard you. I don’t need you to make up some stupid ass lie or excuse. I’m leaving,” you say as you turn around. Seb follows you out to his front door, begging you to stop and listen to him. You pick up your stuff and without sparing a glance you walk out of his apartment.

--

It’s been a few days since you went back to your old apartment. Everything that you brought from Sebastian’s continues to sit by your front door where you dropped them. He has called you multiple times, along with millions of texts, all that you have ignored. When your phone rings again, you go to throw it when you see it is not Sebastian who is calling, but Tom. 

“Tom?” you answer through your tears. It takes no time for him to come to your apartment and hold you while you cry. He packed a bag to stay with you for as long as you need him, and while you finally fall asleep, he starts to clean your apartment and order your favorite food. He calls Sebastian to give him a piece of his mind as well. The conversation is short and to the point, and it finally makes Sebastian stop reaching out to you.

Over the next several days, Tom holds you while you sleep, and constantly tells you how amazing, and beautiful you are. You have a hard time believing him, though, but he just keeps reassuring you. It takes awhile, but he finally gets you to smile and laugh again, which feels really good. Over time you both start going out into the world and having fun, whether at bars, clubs, museums, or anywhere else that will put a smile on your face. You are so grateful for your best friend.

--

Seb sighs as he runs his hands through his hair in frustration. it’s been too long since you left, and he hasn’t been able to reach you. He thought giving you some space might calm you down enough so that you can talk. The hurt he saw in your eyes haunts his dreams, more like nightmares. Every night it’s the same thing; you leaving without him explaining that he wasn’t you he was talking about. He knows he became distant, but it wasn’t for what you thought. When Tom called him screaming, he tried to again explain, but Tom wouldn’t hear him out. He has tried to call Tom again, but he won’t answer his calls either.

He looks at the picture on his phone of you and Tom dancing together at the club. You never wanted to go to the club when you were with him, at least he didn’t think you did. He looks at how happy Tom makes you, and he wonders if Tom is keeping you away from him so he can be with you. Does he hold you tightly at night. Does he kiss your soft lips every day? Does he tell you that he loves you more than anything?

Seb reaches into his desk drawer and pulls out the velvet box. The reason he was distant was because he didn’t want to give away the surprise. He wanted to marry you, but now he has no way of telling you. Sebastian sighs and looks at the diamond ring before standing up. “Fuck this, I’m not giving up without a fight!” He says to himself before walking out of his apartment toward yours.

When you opened the door to frantic knocks, your heart and stomach dropped. There is a very disheveled and out of breath Sebastian. “Y/N. I know you think I was talking about you, but I wasn’t. I’m so sorry I was distant from you, but it was because...” Sebastian got down on one knee causing you to gasp, “Y/N L/N I love you more than anything in the whole world. Will you please consider talking to me so I can explain and then hopefully marry me?” he asks as he shows you the big diamond.

At this point Tom walked into the room to see what was happening. “Let him have his say Y/N,” he says when he sees you hesitate. You turn and look at him for a moment before turning back toward Seb and nod. Sebastian released the breath he was holding and stood up, following you into your living room. He nods at Tom, who smirks and leaves you two alone.

“Seb, I know what I heard that day,” you say sadly, looking at your hands. Seb slowly put his hand on top of yours, seeing what your response was. When you didn’t pull back, he sat closer to you and continued to hold your hands, “Y/N, I know with me being distant, it sounded like I was talking about you, but I wasn’t. Anthony and I were talking about one of the crew on our show. She has a huge crush on me and is very needy and whiny around me. She tries to get my attention--” “So if she was gorgeous you would give her a chance?” you said sternly, interrupting him.

“No! That comment was a stupid inside joke that I regret immediately. She likes to tell everyone that she thinks everything is gorgeous, and she is gorgeous, so I said it to make fun of her. I want nothing to do with her. I only want you! I love you, Y/N! You’re it for me, baby! I want nothing more than to marry you and be with you forever,” he says. 

You are crying at this point, not sure who to believe. “Y/N...” you hear Tom say. You turn and look at him, “I spoke with Anthony and he confirmed everything Sebastian said,” he says. Seb looked at Tom with a relieved and appreciative smile. You look at Seb, “Ask me,” you say. Seb’s breath hitches, “Are-are you sure?” he asks. You nod and he laughs, again getting down on one knee.

“Y/N, will you please put us out of the misery I caused and marry me?” he asks. You look at him and a smile slowly makes its way to your lips.

“Yes.”

--

Hope you liked it. I played with different version of the ending or how I wanted Seb to act, and this is how it worked out. lol

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[multimetaverse]

HSMTMTS 2x01 Review

New Year’s Eve was a great way to return to HSMTMTS especially after such a long gap. Let’s dig in!

Vladimir Lenin once said that, ‘’ there are decades where nothing happens; and there are weeks where decades happen". It’s been almost a year and half since S1 ended but this past week has seen revelation after revelation as the fandom has resurrected itself and promotion for S2 kicked into high gear: Joshua Bassett came out, Frankie and Joe confirmed that they are a real life couple, Larry seemingly confirmed that S2 will only have 11 eps rather than the 12 initially ordered, and perhaps most importantly Olivia revealed that she and the main cast are under contract for 4 seasons and made clear that she’s leaving the show as soon as her contract is up.

I really enjoyed this premiere, it felt like picking up right back where we left off. I’m guessing that S2 was originally supposed to premiere around Christmas or New Year’s but the holiday decorations and real Utah snow add a charming aesthetic to the ep. Tim Federle deserves credit for giving HSMTMTS more of an ensemble feel which is no easy feat with a cast as large as this show has. It likely won’t last due to covid restrictions  but at least for tonight we got to see all the characters hanging out together acting like a real group of friends.

The dialogue tonight really reminded me of Glee and I think I mean that as a compliment. Miss Jenn in particular seems to be doing her best April Rhodes impression minus the alcoholism. 

The rini scenes tonight were lovely. Perfect gift was a great song and I loved the rini duet during the music in me as the world faded around them leaving just the two of them. The Harry Styles reference is funny in light of Josh’s coming out interview. Of course, it’s hard now to separate Nini and Ricky and Olivia and Josh. Their chemistry shines through as 2x01, 2x02, and possibly parts of 2x03 were filmed pre Jolivia breakup which seems to have happened around summer 2020. Whether they can keep that same chemistry later on in S2, not to mention future seasons, remains to be seen.

A major theme tonight was communication and clearly Rini need to work on theirs. Poor Ricky had to learn that Nini’s moving to Denver the night before she leaves town which has to remind of him of his mom effectively abandoning him. Ricky saying that he’s never gonna breakup with Nini ever again sure sounds like foreshadowing for a disaster though the odds that this time Nini initiates the breakup are pretty good. 

I’m glad that the show is continuing to delve in the Bowen’s divorce story with their house being sold and Ricky and his dad having to move into an apartment. Divorce is expensive and the division of assets typically leave people less well off. Mike Bowen needs to work on his communication skills but he’s rocking that beard; it takes him from depressed divorced dad to depressed divorced daddy.

Seblos was cute and in a nice change of pace Disney doesn’t seem to be cynically teasing them then cutting their scenes. It was refreshing to see them just being a couple and to hear Carlos casually refer to himself as gay. In that regard tonight’s ep didn’t seem like it was a Disney show at all and it’s major progress that there are now two main gay characters on HSMTMTS. We learn that Carlos is rich which seems likely to be a source of conflict with Seb who comes from a large farming family.

Bet on It was really fun and I liked that Ricky apparently couldn’t stop singing it. The medley of HSM 2 songs was fun but I’ll be real with you wildcats, I never thought HSM 2 or 3 were nearly as good as the first movie so I’m not sad that they’re doing something else this year.

Wild that Big Red’s mom also calls him Big Red. Salt Lake Slices seems poised to be a big part of S2 both as hangout spot and work location for some of the characters. Redlyn are sweet together but sometimes Big Red comes off as a closeted gay guy which isn’t ideal for a het pairing that is supposedly a big part of S2.

Nice to see Gina so excited to have sleepovers with Ashlyn. We know from 2x03 that Gina contends with being single on Valentine’s day and from her glances at Ricky tonight she’s clearly not over him. Tim’s playing with fire and I can only hope he knows what he’s doing. I liked the little detail of Kourtney having AOC on her vision board, it feels true to the character (hopefully AOC gets elected president one day if the USA doesn’t collapse into a fascist dictatorship or civil war before then). EJ’s beard has got to go but I like that he seems committed to being a better version of himself; very doubtful his plan to go straight to Duke like his forefathers doesn’t change by the end of the season. 

Derek Hough did a good job of playing Zach as a subtly condescending man who managed to swiftly undermine Miss Jenn’s confidence, we’ll see what he and North High bring to the table.

Looking Ahead:

Next week are auditions for Beauty and the Beast, we know Ashlyn gets the role of Belle and EJ has conveniently removed himself from the running for Beast which presumably clears the path for Ricky to take the lead. There’s been some controversy over the casting choices and I’ll save my comments about it for the 2x02 review.

We get to see Lily who looks like a meaner version of season 1 Gina, we’ll see how much depth she actually ends up getting. Howie is introduced in 2x03 and Antoine likely shows up later on. Jack likely shows up towards the end of the season.

Howie seems to have a connection with Kourtney though the character synopsis does say he gets close to a wildcat or two which certainly leaves room to slide him into Gina’s plot. We know Antoine is into Ashlyn so that’s another love triangle to look forward to. Jack was described as having wanderlust and most of the cast seems not to have filmed with him so I think it’s likely that he plays a role in convincing EJ to take a gap year rather than head straight to Duke. 

A translation leak on TikTok reveals that in 2x03 Gina is sad that she’s only gotten a Valentine’s Day gift from her mom. A brief clip from the promo shows up her on her porch at night holding a heart shaped box of chocolates. If that’s supposed to be from a secret or semi-secret admirer than it has to be from either EJ, Ricky, or Howie. If it’s a platonic gift then it could be from anyone, we’ll see what Tim has up his sleeves.

Nini moving back to SLC is a question of when not if. It’s going to be very difficult to bring her back in a way that’s justified and also doesn’t leave the time she spends in Denver looking like a total waste. Frankly, I’d rather the show just bite the bullet and bring her back with as little fuss as possible.

We’re possibly around a quarter way through HSMTMTS given that the mains have 4 season contracts and presuming that the show is not cancelled earlier. At the very least the show will be radically different after S4 if they try to continue it as Olivia has made very clear that she’s going to leave asap to pursue her burgeoning music career full time (notably she’s only done the bare minimum of promo for S2). 

Looming over the remaining seasons of HSMTMTS is what the professional relationship between Olivia and Josh looks like especially since in many ways the show is built around Ricky and Nini. Off screen relationships have often caused on screen problems and dating a co-worker is rarely a good idea since even clean breakups leave lingering resentments. Obviously the Jolivia breakup was not clean, Driver’s License, Deja Vu, and Good 4 U (which is a certified bop) were clearly written from a place of hurt and in some ways were written to hurt. It’s no surprise that Joshua has dropped his duet with Sabrina Carpenter from his EP; someone on his team at least is trying to stop the damage to his reputation. There’s a decent chance that Olivia’s songs becoming such hits has irreparably damaged Joshua Bassett’s reputation among the same pool of largely young women that he’s targeting his music towards thereby cutting off his music career at the knees. If nothing else this behind the scenes drama should keep things entertaining for a while.

Until next week Wildcats 

[beyondd-dazedd]

bren’s thoughts from this past episode because i’ve seen it so many times now and i’ve got a lot of thoughts so here’s season 2 episode 7 of hsmtmts (a rant):

portwell morning announcements?? ICONIC whether you’re vibing with a romantic or platonic endgame the fondness and their chemistry is amazing. (sofia wylie and matt cornett better be sending their hospital bill to disney because they are literally carrying season 2 on their backs and i said what i said.)

the rini drama?? feels bad. like the way they built up the end of season 1 with them to have it come crashing down feels like drama just for the sake of drama and honestly it’s a little boring to me which is unfortunate because i really did like them season 1.

ricky my sweet baby ricky. you need therapy. but also he was right about the rose song and i stand by that. it doesn’t fit the show and i think he has a right to try to explain his feelings without nini shutting him down. i am all for nini focusing on her own music and thriving through that but don’t shut him down sis that ain’t it

the costume reveal scene was so funny from the DEH thing to carlos popping off on kourt to seb mediating to EJ and kourt’s convo about the costume i thought it was all really funny. also carlos totally had the right to snap at kourt because wtf kourt. HOWEVER i loved seeing her all giggly and excited. it’s a side of her character we haven’t really seen yet and i think dara completely embodied that high school first real relationship giddiness. also loved miss jenn saying don’t dance with the enemy and all of them IMMEDIATELY ignoring her and going to north high followed by her also ignoring her own advice and going as well.

all of them joining together to sneaky steal the mask back?? iconic. peak friendship vibes. carlos being the leader of the group in a sense this season is something i’m LIVING for. also Gina 1.0 to 2.0 is a spiritual journey and i’m so proud of her. Ash dressing up for the mission?? that’s so her (she’s undercover let her live wildcats). the disappointment in carlos’s face when they all finished the wildcat cheer?? that got me. frankie does so well with carlos’s facial acting and i love it.

also gina baby you got all these boys vying for your attention why are you wasting your time on ricky?? ricky baby i love you but you’re being an asshat about that whole thing. the way ricky hasn’t really taken into consideration gina’s feelings is not it. he really is just kind of trapped in his own world and refuses to see anything from someone else’s perspective. i saw someone talk about how ricky is the beast in this season. like yes he’s playing the beast but he’s also metaphorically taken on that role. he’s lashing out at people who don’t deserve it, he feels misunderstood, he’s struggling, etc.

ANYWAYS that’s my thoughts of rina right now so back to the episode. EJ coming in to help get gina out of the situation with the guy was fake dating excellence truly. there’s no way he heard what was being said since you can’t see him in the background at all so either he’s picked up on gina’s reactions so well that he could tell she was uncomfortable or he had a lil jealous moment. either way i’m here for it. and again whether you like them platonically together or romantically together that portwell scene was adorable as hell. the teasing ?? the fondness?? both sofia and matt’s acting is incredible. also a GREAT parallel to the homecoming episode to show just how far their relationship has come.

the rini drama plus kourt being giddy again. portwell standing next to each other?? antoine’s use of the word fugly really shows how unhinged this show is. lily proposing a dance off and everyone being like ??? no that’s fucking weird was hilarious. gina standing up for her sister ashlynn like that was gold.

man you may hate her (i do too) but lily is damn good at stirring the pot. i almost admire her complete understanding of the drama going on in everyone’s lives. she knows exactly what she’s doing when she says particular things.

the scene with antoine and ashlynn was so hilarious. joshua bassett seriously does not get a break from this damn show comparing him to people that are way more famous than him lol. also red hitting himself in the face was adorable and no i won’t take criticisms on that. also antoine is BOLD bold.

EJ cheering while everyone is upset that it was the mob song?? big golden retriever energy. i love him.

i don’t know if this is an unpopular opinion but i actually really liked this version of the mob song. they really leaned into the whole stupidity of the dance off idea and i think it actually works out well. plus there’s a ton of talented people on that track which makes it so much better. (also thought east high should have won on vocals alone. no their dancing wasn’t better but they had that really nice blend on their vocals and they all seemed a lot less frantic than north did.) also if they had let sofia just be sofia and dance. east high wouldve won on that alone.

i liked the song with miss jenn and zack. the choreo was beautiful but god i hate zacky roy. and that’s all i’ll say on that. (miss jenn i know that’s derek hough but you got two other very nice gentlemen who want you. don’t go for the low hanging fruit sis)

what was the point of lily telling them they would be disqualified if they used the rose song?? the only thing i can think of is she wants it to be a fair fight. which is noble i guess?? i don’t have time to psychoanalyze lily and no one wants that.

EJ’s face when they all turned to him for the sports metaphor had me sCREAMING and all of them being disappointed and talking over one another was very funny.

nini joining up with the group at the last minute seems to be her thing lately huh? i’ve said it once and i’ll say it again ricky was right about the song.

the couples walking out together. ft. nini and ricky fighting (again). PORTWELL EXCELLENCE (and huge dorks. i love them). red and ashlynn getting a bit rocky which at first i was like why is red jealous but then i remembered its high school. seb, carlos and kourt is an iconic trio. seb and carlos running off to avoid the drama is the gay agenda but also being in on the drama is the gay agenda. you feel??

HOWIE?!! why am i gasping i knew that? the fact that some of y’all really thought they would cast roman banks on this show and let howie go free without any drama?? nah man he had to be the beast for north fOR THE DRAMA. my baby kourt looked so hurt im so sorry beautiful. howie looking so guilty and upset?? heart breaking.

all in all i really loved this episode. i thought it was well done and set up a lot of plot lines. i don’t love how much some of the stuff feels like drama for the sake of drama but we’ll see. i’m sorta over rini this season as of this point. rina is in shambles because wtf ricky. portwell is alive and thriving as they should. seblos is beautiful and wonderful as always (i think the sassy verging on mean and the literal ball of sunshine is always a great pairing) redlynn is a little rocky but they’re both so empathetic and sweet that i think it’ll work out alright. kourt and howie (kowie?? hourtney??) is not doing too hot but i LOVE them together so they better gets their shit together.

[nooneelsecomesclose17]

Am I a fool to think that there's a little hope - Part 4

This fic is growing yet I feel like I'm only writing a tiny bit at a time. Anyway I'm playing fast and loose with prison visiting here because Victoria has feelings and her brother needs to hear what an idiot he's been...Aaron's had his turn.

Robert's surprised but also he's not when the guard tells him he has a visitor the following afternoon. The rule is one visit a fortnight and he's got two in two days. He knows it's Vic even before he goes into the visiting room. He dreads to think what she's done to wangle another visit and decides he's probably better off not knowing.

Since Aaron left the day before he's done nothing but worry about what he'd said, about Liv, about the business and cursing himself for thinking Aaron would be better off. It sounded like it was anything but. He'd wanted to ask, wanted to know everything but Aaron couldn't get out of there fast enough.

He'd barely had chance to think about his case, if there was one, too focussed on Aaron, and he knew Victoria would be wanting answers, answers he just didn't have. He needed to talk to his solicitor. He'd asked for her to be contacted but nothing moved that fast in here, it'd take time for her to visit he knew that.

"Robert!" He smiles as she hugs him, gently pushing her away when one of the guards glares at him.

"Hi Vic. Are you alright? Aaron said you weren't up to much."

"Oh no, I'm fine now. Speaking of Aaron, what did you say to him, he was in a foul mood all night long."

"Never mind that." He can't stop smiling, her mood is infectious like that and he realises just how much he's missed her. "Just how did you manage to get another visit?"

"Oh...well I tried explaining that I'd been ill and when that didn't work I got on to your solicitor and...well she might've implied that it was a family emergency."

"Vic! You can’t do things like that."

"You would." He opens his mouth, then shuts it because she's not exactly wrong. "Anyway, it is. You could get out Rob! That's massive."

"Hold on, Aaron said it was a tiny chance, and besides, are you alright? Must've been a shock, Luke coming out like that and all this." He's stalling, he knows she wants him to jump for joy but he just doesn't have it in him.

"Oh I'm fine, I'm better off. You need to talk to your solicitor, and then we can get started on an appeal."

"Vic, slow down. I pleaded guilty, I took responsibility. Are you sure anyone's going to care?"

"I will, your nephew will." She paused. "Seb will."

"Don't." There wasn't a day went by without him thinking of his little boy, wondering what he'd be doing, if he was still cheeky, if he even knew who he was anymore. In his darker moments he imagined him calling Ross 'Daddy' and the three of them being the perfect happy family. "How is he?"

"I don't know. Rebecca's pretty much cut us all off. Diane managed to get to see him a few months back but she's heard nothing since. You know she stopped Aaron seeing him, not long after Christmas last year, right after the divorce papers arrived." He stares at her, wished she'd say it was a joke. He knew they hadn't had any kind of formal agreement but he'd never expected Rebecca to do that. She knew how much Seb loved Aaron. He was beginning to realise just how much he'd messed up, and Aaron had every reason to be mad at him.

"I've made such a mess. Is he...he said the business isn't good and Liv's in a mess." He reaches for her hand. "How is he really Vic?"

"Things are...difficult right now. We've not really been close the last few months, he had issues with Luke and Wendy and everything, and now I realise how much of an idiot I've been."

"It's not your fault, Vic."

"He's lonely. Even with..." She trails off and he knows she was going to mention a bloke, he's not stupid. He'd wanted this after all, he just hadn't realised just how much it would hurt.

"He's with someone?"

"Sort of, I think. Ben. He's alright, and they're...I don't think it's anything official, they're just hanging out, and Ben's helping with Liv. You can't be mad about it Rob."

"No I know. Hurts all the same."

"You might be my big brother but you're a proper idiot. Cutting him off like that, and me! What were you thinking?"

"I've been through all this with him, don't you start."

"I will start. You'll say it was for the best and that, but it wasn't. Not for me, and definitely not for Aaron. Neither of us care that it'd be a pain making the journey down here, or that it's for years. We love you, but you won't let us!"

He shakes his head, he knows she's right. He knows why, it's always been the same. Ever since he was sent away all those years ago, he just never feels as though people will stay with him, that they'll get fed up, that he's not worth it. So he gets in first, pushes them away, cheats, anything rather than be hurt.

"Vic, stop, please."

"No. You're my brother and I lost you before. Andy's gone, you're stuck here and it's just been me. I needed you, even if it was just a phone call or a letter. You've been all alone because you're stubborn."

"It was for the best. All of you should just get on with your lives and forget about me."

"Well tough, it doesn't work like that! You know, Aaron wasn't going to come with me, even though I asked, but he did because he wanted to see you despite everything. Left Ben to do it, what does that tell you?"

"That he's a good mate."

"No, that he misses you. First mention of you and he goes all Aaron, storming off and hiding away. He still loves you, you idiot." He shakes his head, doesn't want to believe it. He's managed to push all those thoughts aside and he doesn't want them coming back up again and torturing him.

"Didn't feel like that yesterday."

"Of course it doesn't. He thinks you don't want him. Honestly the two of you drive me mad. Look, say you do get out of here, wouldn't you want him back?"

"Of course I would, but he's with this Ben now."

"Pfft." He laughs a little and her face. "He'd take you back the second you walked in the village and you know it."

"Maybe once."

"You're so infuriating."

"So are you. I don't want to talk about Aaron anymore. Tell me what's been going on in the village." He let her chatter wash over him, too much going on in his head to even start to sort out. If he was lucky enough to get out, would he want to go back to the village where most of the residents didn't like him. He wasn't stupid he knew they tolerated him for Aaron. No doubt the Dingles hated his guts, and then there was Wendy. Maybe it'd be better all round if he just started afresh, or stayed where he was. He just didn't know what to do for the best. He needed time.

--------

Aaron throws his keys on the table, glad the house is quiet. He's exhausted. Vic had tried talking about Robert all the way home, so much so he'd contemplated getting the train home. Trying to tell him he still loved him, knew he'd been an idiot. He didn't care, no that was a lie, of course he did, but he was afraid to believe it. Besides what good would it do unless Robert changed his mind and let him back in.

He should call Ben, try and explain, try and make it up to him, except he really wasn't sure he wanted to anymore.

He's half asleep when his phone rings and he doesn't recognise the number.

"Hello?"

"Hi." The gasp sounds loud in the quiet room, the voice so familiar and so unexpected. "So, you married an idiot."

He can't help it, he starts laughing, hears Robert joining in and that's all there is for a good few minutes.

"I missed you." He doesn't say anything. "I know it's my fault, all of it and it shouldn't have taken my little sister pecking my head about it all afternoon, but...I'm sorry."

"I know. I missed you too." He feels the tension leave him, Robert always managed to do that.

"If I'm...Vic said, about Ben. If I'm...if you want me to go that's fine, I will, I just...I...wanted you to know."

"Yeah. Ben's...he's a mate." Not strictly true, but deep down he'd known it'd never be more than that, no matter how hard he tried. "I'm still mad at you."

"Yeah. Kinda mad at myself too. Listen, Vic said...about Rebecca stopping Seb visiting. I'm so sorry Aaron, I never thought she'd do that."

"Yeah well, I think she was just waiting for the chance. You know she never really liked me all that much." It hadn't mattered when Robert was there, he'd put up with it because as long as Seb was happy he didn't care.

"Still...if things go the right way, that's the first thing I'm changing."

"You're going to appeal then?"

"You have met Vic, right? As if she'd let me do anything else." He sighs and Aaron can hear a commotion in the background. "I've nothing to lose have I? If I lose I'm still in here the same amount of time. If I win then I get my life back, at least some of it."

"All of it." Robert pauses, and Aaron knows he's thinking he's misheard.

"Yeah?" His voice sounds just like it had so many times, when he couldn't quite believe what was happening.

"Yeah. I'm still mad as hell at you and we will be talking about you making stupid decisions all by yourself, but yeah...throughout our lives together, remember?"

"And if it takes a while? Or...if it doesn't work?"

"I'm not going anywhere."

They talk a bit longer, about nothing at all, just chatting like they used to and he realises just how much he's missed it. When they finally have to hang up he's smiling. He knew there was one more thing he had to do.

"Ben? It's me. Can you come over? We need to talk."

--------

It'd taken months, of legal wrangling, of trying to find Luke, months of visits to the Isle of Wight, of expecting every time to be turned away because Robert had changed his mind, but now it was the last time.

"Quit your pacing, you're making me dizzy."

"I can't help it. What if..."

"What if nothing. You heard the judge. He's free. He'd be here now if he'd been in court." He nodded, he knew that, but the restrictions still meant video appearances, so here they were waiting for all the paperwork to be finished before they could see Robert.

Vic had wanted to come with him, only Harry having a raging temperature had stopped her, so he'd asked Cain, the only member of his family who hadn't tried to talk him out of it all.

"Daddy coming?" He turned to see Seb poking his head out of the car window. Robert had somehow managed to convince Rebecca to restart their visits and he and Seb had been slowly getting to know each other again.

"Soon mate, promise."

"I'm hungry."

"I know. We'll get something as soon as he's here." Satisfied the little boy goes back to the game on Aaron's phone. "Do you think...is it wrong that I don't want to go back?"

"To Emmerdale? Why."

"You've seen what it's like. Mum, Paddy, everyone telling me what they think, how bad he is for me."

"Do you care what they think? You know the truth, they'll come round. If they don't, you've got your family Aaron. Your Mum's the one who'll lose out."

"I know. I just wish she'd try."

"Yeah well, she's stubborn. Just like him." Aaron follows his gaze, sees Robert standing outside the entrance to the prison, looking around, as if he can't quite believe he's out. "Go on then, go get your husband back."

He doesn't need telling twice, runs across the road, probably startling Robert as he throws his arms around him.

Everything would be alright now. He had Robert back.

[reasonablespeculation]

I’m going to warn you, I’m posting this on multiple blogs ONLY because I’m hoping someone on his team, or maybe even Seb himself sees it, and NOT to be one of those annoying anons. I’m hoping we can spread this and stop the madness because it’s breaking my heart to think this could possibly be the real Sebastian Stan. He may not care about his fandom right now, but who does he think buys con stuff, or movie merchandise and pays tons and tons of money to meet him? For normal people like us, that’s a lot of money to fork out because we are not born into it like some yacht girls are. It’s not just the random people or casual fans who see his movies. When my husband took me to see The Last Full Measure, our friends came too. They wouldn’t have seen it in the theatre unless I had picked it. If regular fans had to pick between Bucky and bigger marvel characters, they’re not picking Bucky. People like us are picking Bucky (or used to). I’d pick him over RDJ, but I doubt any of my kids or husband would! That’s what he isn’t thinking about. Seb has lost his marbles and I am hoping if someone sees this that is close to him, it may be his first marble he picks back up. - - - XOXO

I’m actually going to answer this because I see you absolutely twisting yourself into knots over this and I’ve been told much of the fandom is in a similar state. Let me get real real with you here. I really say this, from the bottom of my heart, with love.

There is no madness to stop (other than the madness of wealth and privilege and I can assure you that ain’t gonna change by “our” efforts). All of the people involved are adult humans with careers, relationships, all the associated responsibilities of life. They have the best health care and therapy money can buy. They have teams and families and support networks that many of us could only dream of.

There is no “real” Sebastian Stan for us. The sooner everyone accepts that we do not know that man, the better.

(I’m giving that its own paragraph because it’s the most important thing I’m saying. If you don’t hear anything else I say, take this one home with you.)

Since we are not able to know him as a real human, we create narratives based on his actions. The absence of coherence between your narrative of him and his actions is what’s hurting you right now. And I don’t say that to diminish the hurt. The hurt is real. I’ve felt it and I deeply regret that you’re feeling it.

Let’s say Seb dumps Ale tomorrow, flies back to NY after filming, never again travels during a global pandemic. How does that erase his actions for you? How does that change the fact that he is a person who does those things, which we can safely assert, because he did those things.

I feel like some people want there to be some dramatic reason that he would act this way. Like the shadowy forces of the agency, “PR”, whatever. Would it comfort you for him to be doing all of this because some mysterious PR person told him to? It does the opposite for me, that a man with so much privilege and freedom would go against his own morals because someone told him to. (Ditto the “Ale is changing him” idea, which also has deeply problematic layers of misogyny and “evil seductress” vibes that frankly are beneath all of us to buy into.)

I need y’all to accept, for your own sakes, the basic premise that: Sebastian is doing what he’s doing because he wants to and/or he doesn’t not want to.

How can I make this clearer? His actions matter. They fucking matter! The way we move through the world matters. I’m not saying he’s evil, but he is a person who made choices. He can’t go back to the old Sebastian because that person never existed except in our fantasies (this is a loaded word choice but I stand by it). He has always, fundamentally, been the same person, and no matter what he does in the future he will continue to be the person who did these things. His actions can’t be erased. They can certainly be forgiven, if that would make you feel better, but it won’t matter to him.

I feel like you also think he owes the fandom something when it comes to his personal life and behaviours. He does not. He never has.

I really really hope for your sake that you are able to come to accept the marbles where they are. There is no swooping avenger coming to save us from Seb being Seb. If those marbles are tripping you up this much, I really think you need to reevaluate this fandom’s presence in your life and the energy (and the type of energy, positive or negative) you’re devoting to it. Then allow yourself to sweep those marbles out the door and move on. Not right away. Give yourself the time and space to grieve this. Even if Seb isn’t, the emotions are real. I have to say again, I was there. I wish I could sit with you as you experience them. I wish I could make you a cup of tea.

I know things are hard right now and it’s difficult to imagine filling the void where this fandom was. I can tell you from personal experience that you will find something to fill that void. You’ll be able to look back on this with fondness, maybe some nostalgia, a wry chuckle. You will find something else that brings you joy. You will bring these lessons into your new fandom and you will be wiser and stronger for it. You will feel that rush of love and excitement and creative energy for something new. It feels fucking amazing. Be strong enough to go after it.

Big luv,

RS

[ravenadottir]

i’ve seen asks about this before but I wanted your take on it because I love your opinions and how much depth and flavor you give the islanders especially the bland as hell ones (*cough* Jo *cough*) (*cough* i hate her *cough*) anywayssss how do you think a relationship would go if MC never found love with any of the Islanders, but ended up falling for one of the producers or someone who works on set ?

yesss! thank you! jo is the worst! i’ve seen people saying “oh, but all she did was kiss ibrahim and lie about it.”

riiiight, but that bullshit lasted two weeks, then she twerked on my guy’s lap, smirking and thinking she was doing some damage! “vena, that’s the girl you have the lowest relationship with.” THEN SHE BROUGHT ON HERSELF, SON! if she wasn’t unbearable, i wouldn’t have a low relationship with her, and that’s on that.

*takes a deep breath* NOW

that galaxy brain of yours, bringing this prompt, it’s detrimental for me, ‘cause like, i already have over 23 WIPS... LOL but because you’re a fellow common sense stan, i’ll do a quick list of bullet points for this scenario... i honestly love it so much, and i apologize if someone has done it, but i haven’t seen it.

((this got a little long, so i’m putting it under the cut, for space saving purposes))

in the game they don’t quite show just how much the islanders actually interact with the camera/mic crew. they’re present in every date and recouplings, besides those “following” shots when they walk to the different locations. there are some takes that show the islanders having friendly conversations with them, and that’s why i included mic guy in gary’s beach hut confessions. it’s also something i mention in noah’s chapter, on “hold the line”, after operation nope.

for this scenario, i’m using a f!mc - robin x m!cameraman - seb

robin meeting the boys could’ve been exciting, but after a few days she quickly realizes the o.g boys are nothing but friends to her, her couple being the closest. let’s pair her up with bobby, initially.

the bombshells arrive, and still, she doesn’t feel much, but she’s invited to a date, and in hopes to find that little spark everyone keeps talking about, she decided to go.

while walking towards the table, she notices the camera man focusing on the image of the side screen, possibly telling her to flip her hair, and she does it, playfully charmingly, because why not? she’s excited to go, and that makes him smile. “that’s perfect.” he says, following the path to the table, where the henrik waits for her.

as she finishes the conversation with mountain boy, robin and seb move on to go back to the villa, the guy quietly follows her, but he can’t help asking. “how was it?”

she shrugs, maybe looking directly at him. “i think it went fine.”

“you don’t sound excited.”

she looks down, biting her inner lip. “i guess i don’t, huh...”

he leaves her by the gate, waiting to get further instructions. after bobby finds her, and she gets another text, she’s again heading to the date, the cameraman just smiling awkwardly. “another one, huh?”

“yeah, i guess...” they exchange a look, and she puts a strand of hair behind her ear.

“are you... excited?” immediately his pocket vibrates, and he interrupts the shot, reading the text. “focus on the shot.” so he does, staying quiet as he continues it. robin gets a bit confused, but it’s probably something to do with his job, so she doesn’t say anything.

as the date ends with lucas, and she walks back, the camera man is quiet, which makes her intrigued. “did you get in trouble?”

he nods, perching his lips. “nah, it’s fine.”

“i hope so. i don’t want you to get in trouble because of me.”

“honestly... it wouldn’t be the worst thing if it was because of you.”

they exchange a look and he brushes it off as they get to the entrance, and before she steps in, robin quickly turns to face him, speaking in a very discreet voice. “hopefully i’ll see you on the next one.”

on the afternoon of day 9, robin needs to choose someone to go on a date with. as she and her pick leave the villa, seb is following them, slightly uncomfortable, and possibly focusing the camera way more on her, not even noticing. the boy she’s taking definitely realizes it, but doesn’t say anything.

every challenge they need to go to a platform has her following behind, just to steal a glance or two from him.

and every time the challenge ends, she does the same, going back to the villa while having a short conversation with him.

each recoupling has her a little more on edge because of that initial attraction she felt towards him, and none of the boys really have her head over heels. from time to time it’s possible he casts a look or two, mouthing “are you alright” during the drama that she gets pulled in.

casa amor, which is a pivotal moment for all of them, because they all get in the cars, and the cameraman gets a little anxious, is now a reason to make him ask for the assignment in the second villa, not the main. he has to himself this is just a crush, and it will be fine after a few days, but it’s becoming really hard to look away whenever she’s around. same for her, even when the girls are doing the challenges.

receiving the suitcases from the boys, robin realizes she misses them, but it’s all about the mate vibe she has with each of the boys back in the villa.

seb has to watch her trying to have fun, and that might include the raunchy challenges that earned a party for casa amor. the guy is maybe now realizing is more than a crush, and he’s possibly upset that she doesn’t get to know him like he knows her. robin has screen time, she is solving drama back and forth, being a good friend, while he’s just watching, helplessly. what can he do except for trying to be professional and stay quiet?

the editors are having a hard time to cut those glances seb and robin exchange, since that would’ve been the hardest plot line to explain, and she signed a contract that states her attraction should be limited to the islanders, or she’s gone. and for whatever reason she has to stay, whether the money, or the clout, is enough to make her restrict the things she says to him. same for seb, he can’t exactly risk his job.

i think the moment seb is possibly more bothered is when the girls are back, and she finds out her partner switched. given they’re not romantic, she’s not disappointed or upset, but she’s frustrated for not only not finding someone, but also seeing everyone else getting the summer romance she wished for herself.

“are you ok?” he mouths, at the firepit, in the most discreet way he can. she nods, responding to her partner and saying how happy she is for him, proceeding to talk to the boys, by the bean bags.

seb is on edge, holding himself back and letting things flow naturally. but what he really wants is to offer a hug. that night, robin can’t sleep, worried about whatever is gonna happen the next day, and heads to the kitchen for water.

he can’t help himself but going there, knowing fully well he’s risking his job.

“hi.”

“oh, hi!” she’s surprised, but can’t help smiling.

he promptly fixes her a glass of water. “so... how are you feeling?”

“not great, i’ll tell you that!” she sees the look on his face, and immediately corrects herself. “not because of him! i’m not... i-” she stammers a bit but gets through it. ‘i’m not interested in him...”

“right! of course! not that i care!” seb notices her eyes going wider. “i mean, i do! i do care! i just meant...” he scratches the back of his head, possibly mortified. “i’m sorry... you make me nervous.”

“what?”

before he can respond, he’s called back to the back house, where the crew stays during the show. “sorry, i gotta go... i... hope you feel better.” he rushes to head out, not even hearing she said a very stunned “bye”.

with each bump, each bombshell that comes later, robin is definitely disheartened because the only person she felt a spark is not even part of the cast.

at some point, i think robin truly felt like the right decision should’ve been made ages ago. which she’s now determined to make it happen, calling everyone to the firepit, because she has an announcement. the boys and girls are anxious, because not once, in the history of the show, an islander has called the rest of the group to the firepit. something serious must’ve happened.

“i’m walking.” to the shock of everyone around her, and possibly to the guy who switched, she tranquilizes everyone, by saying what truly has been happening this entire time. “i found my spark... it just wasn’t with an islander.”

the boy she took on a date interjects. “i knew it! it’s the camera guy, isn’t it?”

possibly leading to a very “the office” moment, where all of them just stare at the guy, the camera captures their shocked and amused faces, all of them either smirking or nodding knowingly at him, to his very flushed face.

“i’m thinking to myself if i should just stay and wait around, but i’ve been trying it this entire time, and i just can’t... not anymore. everyone is making a bet on someone from the villa. i’m just... betting on someone out of the cast.”

between being showered in hugs from the islanders, possibly tears from everyone that loves her, because let’s face it, she’s an awesome girl, she heads to the entrance with her suitcase. and because seb has to follow her, he’s just as shocked as everyone else, maybe smiling so much his face hurts.

one thing i know for sure, in this scenario, he would probably make a joke about the date they’ll have later, with no cameras around, and not being in a vineyard with plastic cups, to which she responds “i was hoping you would say that.”

social media would be so confused, because whatever the producers decided to put out there won’t feature the real reason that led to her walking, that being the start of ridiculous speculations, only to be cleared up a few months later, when she reveals they’ve been dating since the moment she left.

and i can see the show trying to profit on that, making memes on twitter and instagram.

overall? i would love to see that take in the game. you can’t exactly control who you fall in love with, who you feel attracted to, and definitely not the timing. it just happens.

[luninosity]

Catching up on @evanstanweek ficlets again! Here’s Day 3, prompt: on set.

Read at AO3 here - 2,336 words of on-set love confessions, set during The First Avenger - or read on tumblr below!

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Sebastian’s watching Chris. He often is, can’t seem to help the track of his gaze—can’t pull away from the magnet-tug that’s Chris Evans’ loud laugh and gesturing hands and philosopher’s eyes, and if he’s honest he doesn’t want to. Right now the low hazy grey lighting of the broken bar sits on Chris’s shoulders and turns him into a grieving supersoldier: a man hollowed out by loss, left with a gaping hole right through his chest.

 Chris is so good. So brilliant at emotion, at getting character. So thoughtful and so generous with his feelings, the kind of bravery that holds nothing back. He is Steve Rogers, through and through: a hero, shining blue and gold.

 Sebastian’s not that brave. Not that brilliant. Good at angst and pain, or dry humor, or intensity, maybe; but he’s in character for it. He does love people and stories, and he thinks he’s funny, sometimes, and he thinks he might want to be a writer, sometimes, and he can shove an entire pizza slice in his mouth when he’s comfortable around friends, but.

 It takes him a while. Exhaling. Stepping out. Speaking up. He wouldn’t say he’s shy, because he isn’t, not once he knows people. He’s just…not Chris Evans, who wears joys and vulnerabilities openly, with pride, unafraid.

 Sebastian looks at Chris, and aches with emotion, and says nothing, every day and every minute on this film so far.

 He’s technically done for the day, though he’s not at all done on this film; he’s spent the morning running around with Howling Commandos and being a young and terrified sergeant thrown into war. They’d filmed Bucky’s fall from the train the day before; Sebastian had honestly loved it. The emotion’d been easy: love and loyalty, throwing himself in to fight alongside the other half of his heart, the moment of sheer shock, a small but gloriously physical drop onto thick mats. They’d let him do that one, because it wasn’t a long fall and they needed to see his face. He hoped it’d been good; everyone seemed pleased, at least.

 He shifts weight, wishes he had a pillar or a wall to lean on. He watches Chris some more.

 They’d caught the stunned disbelief on Chris’s—Steve’s—face at the fall, yesterday. Chris is so incredible at nuance, at blazing emotions, even in a few-seconds-long shot. Sebastian had said, after, “That felt really good, that last take?” and had meant, I think you’re a genius, I think I want to work right next to you forever, I think I love you.

 Chris had gotten kind of pink-cheeked because Chris is too damn self-deprecating, and had said, “Oh—um, thanks, man, you too, I mean it felt good to me too, I mean we’re fuckin’ awesome, obviously,” and had nudged Sebastian’s shoulder, somewhere between a punch and a quick resting of a hand. “Craft services? They got blueberry bagels, someone said.”

 Chris, bagel-focused, clearly had not heard Sebastian’s internal monologue. And if he had, wouldn’t reciprocate.

 Which is fine, of course. Chris never needs to know, and Sebastian’s ridiculous emotions will calm the hell down and go away. Any day now. Sometime. Soon.

 But he’s watching Chris, and Chris is pretending to try to get drunk, pain visibly shredding him inside; Chris is Steve and Steve can’t believe it and has to believe it and wants to scream, to shout, to punch a hole through the world—

 The scene’s fantastic, of course.

 They get it in maybe three takes, rapid-fire, Chris laying out his heart for the watchers. His voice cracks; it’s getting rougher, the third time.

 They do it a couple times more for different close-ups. Sebastian takes a step closer, between takes. His boots—he’s changed; they’re his own boots—are louder than he’d recalled that morning; Chris looks over at the sound.

 And maybe Chris looks surprised, or relieved, or grateful, for a split second; maybe it’s all in Sebastian’s head, though, because the next second they’re right back into it, capturing Steve’s heartbreak.

 It’s a wrap for the scene, eventually. And Chris is done for a few hours too, though he’ll need to stick around; he’s got some close-ups to do inside a mock airplane, being bounced around, for what’ll be the big final self-sacrifice. Sebastian loves the heroism and pain of it; he’s always loved good writing, and he’s got a good feeling about this script and about this universe, which he’s a tiny part of now.

 Chris doesn’t get up right away. Just scrubs both hands over his face, shoulders slumped. Hayley Atwell’s gone off to talk to the director; Joe’s nodding, listening to her. Nobody’s checking on Chris.

 And that’s wrong, that’s wrong and not good and not right—Chris has just been hurting, the way that Chris hurts for the world, and Chris should never be hurting, not while Sebastian’s alive—

 Sebastian’s legs move before his brain makes a conscious decision. He’s picking his way across artistic rubble and taking a few running steps and putting a hand on Chris’s shoulder. “Hey.”

 Chris actually jumps a little, which isn’t the best start. “Oh! Uh, hey, hi, did you, um…have a question? About Steve and Bucky, or somethin’?” The Boston comes out extra-strong; it does that when Chris is feeling a lot, or tipsy, or simply exaggerating to make someone laugh.

 “No,” Sebastian says. “Or, well, yeah, we might want to talk about some of those flashback sequences, so we’re on the same page with emotion and all, but.” He licks his lips, realizes he’s doing it—a nervous habit, one he’s had for years—and stops. He can taste chapstick on his tongue. “I just. Wanted to. I don’t know. Are you…I mean, that looked like a lot.”

 “You…” Chris trails off. He’s looking at Sebastian’s face with astonishing intent; Sebastian would say even desperation, but that’d be ludicrous. Chris doesn’t have any reason to feel desperate about him.

 He tries, “I know you, um, like tea? Not coffee? We could go grab, um, tea. If you want.”

 “Tea,” Chris says, a little blankly. “But you like coffee.”

 Sebastian’s starting to get kind of worried, here. “I do, but you gave it up? We could maybe head back to your trailer, and you can, um, relax for a minute, and I can…try to make tea?”

 Chris stares at him some more.

 “Or not,” Sebastian throws in helplessly.

 “Yes,” Chris says. “Yes, yeah, yes—you—fuck. Okay. Jesus, Chris, get it together,” and he even shakes his head like a puppy flinging off water, and Sebastian kind of wants to grin and also scratch his tummy.

 Well. Maybe not scratch. He can think of better things to do with Chris’s stomach. Mostly involving his tongue.

 And he should absolutely not be thinking of that when Chris needs his help. He sticks out a hand. “To the end of the line? Or at least your trailer.”

 Chris looks at the hand, and then takes it, hauling himself up out of the chair. His fingers are large and strong and a little cold, and they squeeze Sebastian’s for just a little too long, as if wanting to hold on.

 No. Must be Sebastian’s heart thinking that. Wanting what he can’t have.

 He walks with Chris through behind-the-scenes set-ups and teardowns, props and people rushing to and fro, the corners of trailers and the shouts of movie-making going on. The sun’s warm, if light; the ground’s hard beneath his boots. He keeps stealing glances at Chris, who doesn’t seem too talkative. Sebastian’s poor overworked heart wants to take each sensation, each sight and taste and scent of this backstage moment, and fold them up safe deep inside.

 Chris is letting him help. That feels like sunshine.

 Chris’s trailer’s simple, unpretentious, unfussy; script copies and notes lie scattered around, and he’s got some weights, and some Disney-movie DVDs. Sebastian smiles, because that’s so very Chris: delight in the magic, always.

 Chris, still in costume, sits down on his sofa. He breathes out, and looks up. “Thanks.”

 “For what? How do I make tea with this?” He’s poking Chris’s electric kettle. He does sort of know how it works, in theory. His mother has an old-fashioned kettle; he’s got fancy coffee-making machinery; he should be able to combine all this knowledge. “Where is your tea?”

 “Seb,” Chris says. “I—hang on, does anyone actually call you Seb?”

 “Um. Not really? You can. I don’t mind.” He doesn’t. Chris uses last names often, an affectionate Boston-bro shorthand for friendship; Sebastian’s somehow always been Sebastian or Seb, in Chris’s voice. He’s wondered why, though he’s thought maybe Chris just doesn’t feel that close to him. Not deserving of the bro-status.

 “You don’t mind, or you don’t like it, and you’re being nice about it?”

 “I don’t mind,” Sebastian says, too quickly. “I like it.”

 “Sebastian,” Chris says.

 “Really,” Sebastian says. “Either. Whatever.”

 “Jesus,” Chris says, face back in his hands. “I’m sorry. I just…just tell me if I’m sayin’ something stupid, okay? Please.”

 “But you’re not!” Sebastian comes back over to the couch. That damn magnet again. Tugging his bones. “You’re not, it’s fine, we’re good, Chris. I swear. Really.”

 Chris doesn’t look up, so Sebastian drops to both knees, right there at Chris’s feet, and tries not to think of all the times he’s wanted to do exactly that. It’s easier not to think of it, right now, because he’s genuinely concerned.

 He peeks up at Chris’s face. “Hey. Kinda worried here. Not about you, I mean, about your kettle, it’s got all these buttons, it’s like a rocket ship, I’m afraid if I touch the wrong thing it’ll explode.”

 Chris snorts, almost a laugh, and then does look up. His eyes go right to Sebastian’s, so close and so blue; and then all at once he’s moving, leaning forward, one hand reaching out and cradling Sebastian’s head, and then—

 They’re kissing. Oh, god, they’re kissing, Sebastian on his knees in front of Chris and Chris bending down to claim him, hand in Sebastian’s hair—

 Chris kisses like reprieve, like the release of storms, like the dive into a heated pool on a chilly day: wholehearted, devoted, anxious to lick and taste and plunge into every part of Sebastian’s mouth. Sebastian, who’s been kissed before, has in fact never been kissed before, because no other kiss has ever been a kiss, compared to this.

 His knees dimly register the hardness of the trailer floor, and his neck’s at kind of an awkward angle, and Chris is still mostly in the Captain America suit. None of that matters. Nothing else matters at all, because Chris wants him and Sebastian’s whole self yearns for Chris, and Chris’s tongue and taste and tug at Sebastian’s hair are all white-hot gloriously perfect.

 Chris pulls back almost as abruptly. They’re both breathless; Chris whispers, “Oh, fuck…” and takes his hand out of Sebastian’s hair, but then touches Sebastian’s cheek, cups his face, as if unable to stop touching. “I…fuck…I didn’t…I’m so fucking sorry, I just…”

 “Why?”

 “What?”

 “Why’re you sorry?” Sebastian tips his head into Chris’s hand. “I’m not.”

 “You’re…not.”

 “Chris,” Sebastian says, and then runs out of words. He hopes Chris can see it, can read it, in his eyes. On his face. “Yes.”

 “Yeah?” Chris reaches out with the other hand too: framing Sebastian’s face now, tender and awestruck. “You mean that.”

 “I mean it,” Sebastian says. “But—”

 “Oh god,” Chris says, “I’ve fucked this up, haven’t I—”

 “No! No, just…are you okay? I mean, from earlier.” Somewhere amid the kissing his hands’ve ended up on Chris’s thighs; apparently they just want to be there, and now rub along Chris’s legs, soothing and caressing and learning all at once. “I mean, I wanted to—”

 “To help,” Chris groans. “You came over to help—because you’re the sweetest fucking person I know, god, you’re perfect, Seb, the nicest and the warmest and the best—and I fucking, Jesus, practically mauled you—”

 Sebastian cuts that anguished recrimination off by diving forward and getting his mouth back on Chris’s. After some in-depth affirmation, he breathes against Chris’s lips, “Don’t think you’re doing any mauling I don’t like.”

 Chris’s eyebrows go up.

 “Really,” Sebastian tells him.

 “Huh,” Chris says. “Huh. Okay. You—okay.”

 “No,” Sebastian says patiently. “Are you okay?”

 Chris stares at him, and then bursts out laughing. Mid-laughter, scoops Sebastian off the floor. Flops them both down across the sofa, holding on. “God, you’re incredible.”

 “The best, you said.”

 “And I mean it. You just make it all…feel better, kind of?” Chris strokes a hand down Sebastian’s back, over his t-shirt. “That’s what it was, earlier. Like…being Steve, losing Bucky, but that’s you, and all at once I was thinking about losing you, and I just felt like…like someone’d dropped me off a train, y’know? Like I’d never get up again.”

 “I’m here.” Sebastian wriggles against him. They fit together: bodies pressed close, every piece of them learning each other. He’s half atop Chris, but with one of Chris’s legs tangled through his. “I’m here.”

 “I know.” Chris rubs his back again. “And you were there, too. You were right there and I could look up and find you, and it was like I could remember how to breathe. And then you were here, asking about tea and looking at me like—and I just had to kiss you. I want to kiss you. Seb. Sebastian. God, I fuckin’ want—everything. I know it might get complicated, I know we’re in the middle of making a movie, but I can’t not want everything. Together. With you.”

 “Well,” Sebastian says, “good to know,” and stretches to kiss Chris again. It’s that simple, if not easy: the future’ll change, but it does that anyway, sprawling out in all sorts of directions. And he thinks it’ll be a good direction, with Chris at his side. “Because I want everything with you too.”