#where the comfort dont erase the hurt

[just-sp-in-inginthevoid]

I want to write/read an AU where time leaping powers don't exist. And Shinichiro does end up joining Waka (he doesn't jump off the bridge. Might try to kill himself later still - does he succeed ? Idk) and then add Benkei and Takeomi and boom

AU where Black Dragon first gen become the top criminal organization of Japan (and do international business after or whatever idk. Time to rule the world ! And gain no satisfaction from it ! Because you're but a hollow shell !)

How would it end ? Probably horribly badly

Only got vibes for this idea and they aren't particularly good but sometimes you need a certain angst amount

[queer-alienbean]

Jegulus fic!! much angst inspired by Lookalike by Conan Gray

600 words

“But when you look in his eyes

Do you think of mine?

And when you look at that smile

Do I cross your mind?

I know in your head

You see me instead

‘Cause he looks a lot like I did

Back then

Baby dont lie

He's just a lookalike”

Regulus tried to pretend. But he’d never been that great of an actor. He tried to fool himself, knowing it was helpless.

He couldn’t pretend it didn’t hurt. After he and James had broken up, after a tumultuous relationship of 2 years, he had locked himself in his room for days. His friends had practically had to drag him out of bed to go to meals and classes after a week. 

And through all of this, somehow someway, James had survived. No. he hadn’t even survived, he had thrived.

He won more quidditch games after they broke up, he seemed lighter, brighter. Regulus often caught himself watching James at meals, gazing at his smile and wondering why he hadn’t been able to be the cause of it. James laughed more now. And he never glanced at the slytherin table,

Well, almost never.

A month after Regulus and James broke up, James had hearts in his eyes again. And he and Barty announced their relationship to the group.

Barty.

Regulus’ best friend of 6 years, his confidant and the one he had cried to the most over the breakup.

Regulus hadn’t handled the news well, screaming and crying and throwing things at Barty. Evan had to restrain him, holding him and telling Barty to leave the dorm.

The weeks following, Regulus slipped into a routine. Avoiding all human interaction entirely, he hardly went to meals- choosing to visit the kitchens in his breaks and late at night.

He kept his grades up, not wanting to face his teachers’ worry. He spent almost all of his time in the library: reading, drawing, sleeping, journaling, anything to keep his mind busy.

Because he was afraid of what he thought when he had the time.

What if Barty was better than him? What if Barty and James had been together even while Regulus and him were? What if Regulus just wasn’t enough? Or even worse, too much?

And, Regulus realized after a while, he actually missed James. He was still so in love with him that he had a hard time being angry sometimes. 

If Barty was what made James happy, then why couldn’t he be happy for him?

Maybe Regulus needed to move on, find someone new. He tried to go to parties, but everyone he attended, James and Barty were there. And those two always found a way to be the center of attention. 

Evan comforted him, knowing that though he and Barty had broken up a year before, he could somewhat sympathize with Regulus’ feeling of betrayal.

And when Regulus went home for the holidays, he accepted his parents rough teachings, he kept silent and let them think he would join them.

And when he ran away finally, no one had expected it. And no one knew where he went.

Regulus had escaped, he was free to live as he pleased, to think and breathe by himself without the eyes of others, the expectations.

When Regulus was older, laying in his bed alone late at night, he would think back to James and his relationship, wishing it had never ended but also so grateful it had.

“And I'll admit that I

Sometimes, maybe, might

Think about you at night

No matter how I try to hide

And erase you from my mind

I’m dying

To find a lookalike”

[spiraling-vastly]

Honestly one of my favorite things I've found since joining the TMA fandom is the way the smut is written.

I have read some FASCINATING distortion smut, which is a delight for my monster fucker fascination, but that's not really what I mean.

As an ace person who enjoys reading and writing smut for fun, it's kinda nice to see how ace smut is written. And before anyone comes after me ACE PEOPLE ARE ALLOWED TO ENJOY SEX AND IM TIRED OF THAT BEING ERASED. but again, not really my point.

I mostly just love seeing characters written with the way I look at things. In a way it also helps me to better understand myself and feel a little less weird about how I've always felt about things. I'm reading one now where Jon talks about worrying about having to "perform" in a certain way, or people being weird about him not reacting the way they expect and gods that was just such a mood. Nothing like feeling that pressure because of "well I mean you dont seem into it so obviously you don't actually want it"

There's so little content with ace characters like "eh i don't crave sex but I don't really mind it"

Idk I'm just rambling. It's just kinda nice to sorta see such relatable content. Like I know I'm not broken DUH but it just, I feel SEEN and REAL.

Unrelated, it's nice to see the amount of found family stuff. I have been reading SO much fluff and hurt comfort found family, JEEBUS.

[namearentfunfr]

lords in black human au

im not talking, like, them pretending to be humans. im saying some fucked up ritual erased all their memories of their godliness whatever the fuck and they're trapped in human bodies

each of them has their own "life" that was made for them, but their "best friends" dont remember them for a hot second. their bodies feel wrong. their memories are fuzzy. they dont remember their childhood. whos webby?

some random ideas i wanna throw out there before i forget them all

"waylon" is a shareholder of toyzone, where a new toy called a wiggle me wiggly has just arrived. its a weird little thing, but its strangely familiar and comforting

"pietro" is a famous song writer. hes demanding and harsh, forcing his actors to act the exact way he wants, speak the exact way he wants. but they cant do it right. everyone is so goddamn useless

"bryson" is a freelance journalist. he knows every secrets in hatchetfield, every relationship, nothing goes on without him knowing. its the only thing entertaining him, keeping his mind off the discomfort that is everything about his life

"toby"'s best friend has been peter spankoffski for years. he remembers them playing together with peter's brother ted. but ever since last friday, their relationship has been strained. its unnatural. its like theyve never met before

"nash" doesnt fit in at school. hes constantly hungry, his stomach hurts, his eyes are blurry, and everyone around him just suddenly looks so tasty

they get nightmares of evil, cruel creatures. everything just keeps getting worse, the discomfort, the hungriness, the frustration, the shadows at the corner of their eyes

maybe theres a mysterious white lady who keeps appearing and giving them cryptic messages. who knows

honestly all this is just self indulgent angst.

[save-the-villainous-cat]

I’d say my favourite genre to write is just. Murder. Gore. Characters losing their humanity and being absolutely feral. Whether it is to protect themselves or someone else or just for the fun of it.

I will give you anything and everything just for one snippet based off this 🤎

(Obv ignore it if you dont want to)

“They’re dead,” the hero whispered.

It didn’t matter, though. The villain didn’t stop. Again and again and again, their fist found the supervillain���s face, forcing blood out of the cuts splintered bone had torn into the skin. They kept punching, hard enough to turn the dull sounds into cracking. What followed were wet sounds and then blood, everywhere.

“They’re dead,” the hero repeated. Although they were shocked, they couldn’t blame their enemy. The supervillain had done unspeakable things to both of them.

When their gaze dared to land on the villain, they saw their hands drenched in fresh and sticky blood. That wasn’t the problem. The sound was the problem. The supervillain’s skull was crushed but the cracking didn’t stop.

It was too late when then hero realised what was going on.

“You’re breaking your fingers, stop it.” The hero rushed to their side and tore them off the body.

“No, let me—” The villain’s breathing was heavy as they took in greedy gulps of air and the hero saw they were crying. They tried to push the hero away and in other circumstances they would’ve totally succeeded. They were a lot stronger than the hero was but they were exhausted, both physically and mentally.

“They’re dead,” the hero whispered into their enemy’s hair, holding the struggling villain close. “They’re gone, love. It’s over.”

The villain’s sobs ebbed as they allowed themselves to lean against the hero. They buried their head in the hero’s shoulder and mumbled “Oh god, oh god, oh god…” over and over again. The hero rubbed the villain’s back, fingertips tracing simple shapes into the suit. Little comfort, they knew that. But better than none.

It was a violent sight. The villain had punched them until their face was beyond identifiable. They had killed them with their bare hands.

The hero swallowed.

Hatred was a strong ally, they supposed.

“Let’s get you cleaned up,” the hero suggested. They grabbed the villain’s forearm and made sure they stabilised them when they guided them into the supervillain’s kitchen.

There, they helped the villain sit down on one of the luxurious chairs and closed the bedroom door where the blood soaked into the carpet. They looked at the villain who seemed to be present somewhere else. Their eyes were glassy and their head hung low. Their hands were shaking.

“Hey,” the hero said. “It’ll be okay.”

They cupped the villain’s cheek gently but even that was little comfort. At times like these, the hero felt truly helpless. They wanted to make everything right, they wanted to comfort the villain.

But what was there to say? Congrats, you killed your abuser? That didn’t mean the damage done was erased. It was a burden the villain had to live with every day. Healing hurt, healing wasn’t easy.

There was silence when the hero searched for medical equipment but once they found a first aid kit, they had new hope.

Healing was always important, though.

“Show me your hands, please.” The villain obeyed and put them on the counter carefully. The blood had already dried but that only added to the horrible look of it. Here and there, their knuckles looked weirdly out of place.

The villain didn’t dare to look at the hero, though.

“…I didn’t think it would end like this,” the villain whispered as the hero took one hand into theirs and started to clean it. “I didn’t think I would win. I never did when it came to them.”

“How do you feel?” the hero asked. When they saw that the villain flinched, they forced themselves to be gentler with the cloth.

“I…I don’t know. Empty? Overwhelmed?”

“You’ll need some time,” the hero said. “That’s part of it. The government gave you permission to kill them but it doesn’t mean you’ll be unscarred. Maybe take a vacation, think about everything. I can arrange that for you.”

“I think the last thing I want to be is alone right now.” The hero started with the bandages, gently covering the villain’s fingers and arm. Once — their brain had actually repressed this — the supervillain had tortured them. It was for a few weeks and the villain had saved them. It had taken them some time to accept the cruelty and the reality of it. With lots of talking and support, they’d gotten through it.

They were sure the villain hadn’t been that privileged.

Sometimes, the hero would notice a certain pattern, a certain characteristic rooted in anxiety within the villain. Sometimes, they wondered if that was a result of growing up here.

Footsteps, door sounds, lighters.

All of it was an attack, ready to kill them. The hero couldn’t even begin to imagine how terrified they were.

“We could go together, if you want to. Maybe there’s a place you prefer? I won’t leave you,” the hero said. They were done with the bandage and even though their wound care ended up being messy most of the time, they’d done a good job.

They pressed a soft kiss to the injured knuckles.

“Just you and me?”

“Just us. For as long as you want. For as long as you need.”

[borderline-buddies]

U know whats funny?, u have friend who's a bit problematic and that influenced u someway but u still love and wish the best for them and always try to support them in their steps of change, and when they do change now they have better people around him, more friends, when u were the only one they had, and not only that, they don't bother to even reply to ur texts...so when u confront them they say they've been dropping hints that they don't want u anymore, n that they feel 'uncomfortable' n that they want to be a better person and have better influences around them...funny because when the vent to me about their daddy issues and mommy issues and over-shared info that u shouldn't, i didn't say hey that makes me uncomfortable, i stayed, n i comforted u, i tried my best to be supportive, amd when that person made sexual jokes about me or any other thing, i never said i was uncomfortable...i let it slide because i held that person a special place in my heart, its funny because i was always trying to help this person get better n call them out if they did something that upsets me, but now that they're fixed they dont want their broken piece anymore, the little piece that was heavily influenced by them, the one who always were there even at their worst, cuz if the people they know now knew how the person was like before changing...they will throw up. They wouldn't put up with them as i did. And i hate myself for every moment i never told this person that i was uncomfortable, afraid of misunderstanding, afraid of hurting someone...and now, they think they are so much better than me...that they changed and went back to god, and suddenly became pure like all their past troubles were erased, and they tell me that my feelings are scary, for being honest...for telling them how i actually felt! About them leaving me unwanted and excluded, "its like ur saying im obsessed with you" yea thats what they said to me...OBSESSED!? Just for being upset. for feeling invisible. unwanted. used.

Oh god where do I ever start Yeah ! Yeah. It really is always just like this - huh ? When you think it all gets better and then life hits you with this shit. But hey - that person is a fucking ass. That person does not deserve people like us - nor do they deserves to use people like us for their own gain. fuck anyone who thinks they can do otherwise - the mentally ill are not your dumping groups for your own issues - nor should they be fixing you. think about it like....this. If you were not around - this person would have remained a sad little loser with nobody to talk to. Let us see where their "good influences" are then. Drop this person and never look back. It is so - SO difficult to do that sort of thing - but trust me ? you will only be so much happier. Morons like this do not deserve your time - nor should you waste your comfort for them. You can find somebody to treat you so much better - honestly. Let them be the issues of somebody else and heal from their influence. You are not obsessed. You cared - and that is not a crime.

[velvetvexations]

hello just gonna throw my hat in the ring but also. binary isnt always a self identifier; for some people it is! but just as often it is more a political designation for how you are or desire to be treated within the rules of society. if you are comfortable being seen exclusively and only as a woman, you are functionally binary regardless of your personal identity.

personally i really wish we had better language bc there is a GULF of a difference between the things i struggle with (transandrogynous ftx) and my partner struggles with (transmasculine nb). i dont think its fair to call them "binary" and "binary ish" or "binary adjacent" doesnt really feel complete either. so like. i get the kneejerk feeling of insult but "binary" is really much closer to designations like "cis" than it is designations like "trans". < by which i mean, it isn't generally something you actively identify into, it is defined by what you are not, and how your experiences differ from those nonbinary ones. i recognize this isnt true for everyone, and im not trying to say "binary privilege" is a real thing either, but this is what i personally have observed.

like. we Need language and terminology to discuss those differences. i legally cant exist in my state and even if i could, if i had to move or visit another state in the long term my "X" gender marker might not exist THERE. it causes a fucking buttload of complications (health insurance requires a gender marker, for example) that my transmasc partner would not need to deal with in the same scenario of us changing our gender markers. saying "theres no such thing as a binary trans woman" (and it generally does focus on trans women and. i have a few half baked thoughts about that but the most obv one is cause theyre transradfems and regardless if theyre transfem or not they refuse to see transfems as anything other than Eternal Martyrs or Walking Corpses or whatever) is effectively erasing that conversation and preventing it from happening. it is ACTIVELY STIFLING nb liberation and, gender liberation as a whole by extense bc a world where we dont need gender markers at all would be infinitely more trans-friendly than the world we're in currently and breaking down the M/F binary is step 1 to that.

but trfs dont care abt that. transmeds dont care abt that. they care abt hurting nb people.

(also not transfem obv but i like antigonist i think its sweet. i have a soft spot for antigone so i might be biased but. made me tear up a bit tbh)

The English language is so cissexist, I'm always going on about it, it drives me up a wall how often it feels like 30% of intercommunity issues could be cleared up if we just had words that worked for things.

Also, thank you for the support for antigonism! I think I'm gonna make another post about it this Warless Weekend.

[wangxianficfinder]

Fic Finder

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1. WangXian story where wen Cho crashes the wedding (unsure if this was actually an Itmf, if it is, please tell me and I will move it. - Mod C)

FOUND? Perfectly arranged by Anonymous (E, 2k, WangXian, Rule 63, Arranged Marriage, Canon Divergence, Cunnilingus, Vaginal Sex, First Time, Loss of Virginity)

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2. Hi mods, trying to find this is driving me mad: I recall a post-CQL, pre-get together fic where Lan Wangji was unwittingly cursed to express his worst impulses and became increasingly possessive/controlling, isolating the two of them. The fic ended with Wei Wuxian transferring the curse onto himself and Lan Wangji cleansing it.

FOUND? Clouded by diamondbruise (M, 15k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Getting Together, Case Ficish, Curses, Dark LWJ, It's a curse, Dubcon Kissing, Jealousy, Sharing a Bed, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dubious Consent, no sex in this fic just in general)

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3. hellooo i need help looking for a fic. it was modern zombie apocalypse au (i dont remember if it was tagged as such). wangxian is established and married, they live in the cloud recesses with lans and wens. first scene opens with wwx getting stuck while scouting and lwj having to look for help where he meets jc and his group(jyl, jzx, jl, fairy, mxy). they later went to the cloud recesses separately. other significant details i remember is that jl was born on the date the apocalypse happened, jyl met meng shi, jc named his.. gun? zidian. i remember it was incomplete but i couldnt find it, if anyone happened to know the fic help would be appreciated!

NOT FOUND! So Faithful, So Few (So Pardon, and Done) by azri (M, 3k, wangxian, canon divergence, post-siege of burial mounds, revenge, zombies, horror, blood & gore, not JC friendly, not cultivation world friendly)

FOUND! Sad and Sober, Sunday Afternoon by Iamsweden (M, 36k, WIP, WangXian, XuanLi, Zombie Apocalypse, Blood and Gore, Unreliable Narrator, Minor Character Death, Major Character Undeath, Major character death, Suicidal Thoughts, Graphic Description of Corpses, Flashbacks)

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4. there was a fic where JC managed to wish WWX out of existence - and the resulting world is worse and JC is the only one who remembers WWX because he erased him. And then somehow WWX comes back and fixes things (again)

NOT FOUND! Ad Oblivione by Baph, HikariNoHimeWriter (M, 70k, WangXian, Time Travel Fix-It, Temporary Character Death, POV Multiple, Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Identity Reveal, Golden Core Reveal, Cultivation World Critical, Not JC Friendly, Abusive YZY, Angst with a Happy Ending)

NOT FOUND! Lynchpin by ShanaStoryteller (Not Rated, 103k, WangXian, JC & WWX, Time Travel, Fix-It, Lynchpin [PODFIC] by Opalsong, [PODFIC] Lynchpin by Gwogobo)

FOUND! The Way It Wasn't by KouriArashi (T, 72k, WangXian, XiYao, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fix-It, (eventually haha), Slow Build, Family Feels, Moral Ambiguity, Eventual Happy Ending)

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5. Help finding a fic? WWX comes back but instead of the canon story he goes first to find Jiang Cheng. Jiang Cheng hides him by dressing him as a woman, and the jianghu thinks they are engaged (so LWJ is very concerned about his growing feelings for this "taken" lady). I think it was a very lighthearted and fun fic.

FOUND! By Any Other Name by ShanaStoryteller (Not Rated, 31k, Wangxian, Canon Divergence, Crossdressing, Misunderstandings, Identity Porn, Identity reveal)

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6. Hi, there's two fics with single parent wei ying that I'm looking for. Both aren't abo i think.

A) WWX and wen chao gets married after WWX gets pregnant after a one night stand with wen chao. A-yuan is the baby. WWX don't love wen chao. The jiangs kicked him out before this. Wen chao tells wwx that the wens kicked him out too. After a few years the situation is this - wen chao leaves wwx and a yuan alone in their house multiple times in the name of business trips. I don't remember the details but wen chao dies one day and on the death bed he says "I'm sorry" to wwx.

On wen chao's funeral WWX learns that wen chao had another wife -wang lingjiao and that wen zhuliu was aware of wen chao's double life. Neither wang lingjiao nor wwx knew of each other's existence, wen chao cheated them both. Wen chao was bankrupt and all the burden of debts came to wwx shoulders, so he along with a yuan had to leave their home.

Wwx gets a job as a club/hotel host with mianmian as his superior.

Enter lan wangji. The lans and the jins came for a business meeting at the hotel wwx was working at and mianmian assigns him to their table. LZ is ofc shocked to learn of his childhood crush wei ying's situation and tries to helps him along the way. In the end after some trials and tribulation, obviously wangxian and ayuan becomes a family.

B) Wei ying is a single parent. mpreg and the nameless dad left them both giving away his rights over ayuan. Wei ying is fashionable.

Wei ying was walking through the streets when a motorbike racer passes him. The racer then comes back to take a double look at wei ying. The racer is ofc lan wangji who is also a racing champion, who also happens to be baby yuan's idol. Wei ying doesn't recognise him at first but agrees to a coffee date. There he recognises him. Wei ying tells lwj about ayuan. They get close from then on.

Lwj asks wei ying and ayuan out to watch his race. Lwj gets them a ticket in the area reserved for family, lan xichen meets them there and obviously likes the people his brother loves.

Everything's going good but lwj's manager doesn't like that lwj is spending time with wy and ayuan.

Wei ying gets pregnant again and lwj tells him he is going to retire from racing soon. The manager doesn't like it and tries to berate wy when he gets him alone. Wy goes to lxc to clear misunderstandings and lxc tells him lwj made the decision to quit because lwj wanted to.

The final race day is also close to wy's delivery date. Well, wy's water broke when lwj is in the race course and he had to be rushed to the hospital. Wen qing told the manager to inform lwj. The manager doesn't and lwj wins the race. Then lwj learns of the delivery and rushes to the hospital.

Please help me find these two fics

6A)

FOUND! please give me the time it takes a tear to fall (so i can be by your side) by prettyxianxian (E, 48k, wangxian, LWJ & LSZ & WWX, minor WWX/WC, modern, LSZ is WC&WWX’s child, implied/referenced alcoholism, friends to lovers, mpreg, angst w/ happy ending, pining LWJ, smut)

6B)

FOUND! My Heart is the Finish Line by UseMyMuse (E, 29k, WangXian, Bikerji, dadxian, Mpreg)

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7. Hello! I’m really struggling to find this fic I read some time ago and would like some help. In it, lan zhan is a dragon that gets hurt and stuck in his small dragon form. Wei ying finds him and takes him back to the jiang sect to take care of him while he’s healing (tho he doesn’t know it’s lan zhan). I remember it’s not jiang cheng friendly, i think the sun shot campaign is still a thing that’s happening in the fic, and by the end of it, Wei ying ascends (?) and becomes a dragon himself with like the ability to purify resentful energy. I remember really enjoying it and would love to read it again, thank you!

FOUND! fell by you by Vrishchika (E, 44k, WangXian, Dragon LWJ, Fantasy, Explicit Smut in Last Chapter, Pining, POV LWJ, Canon Divergence, Immortals, Deities, Dragon WWX, Angst with a Happy Ending)

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8. Hello :) I’m looking for a nielan fic where it’s an arranged marriage between LXC and NMJ. The details I remember are that in the beginning it’s supposed to be the elders talking and the marriage being arranged. NMJ sets up a separate room for LXC so that he comfortable but LXC takes that as NMJ not liking him or smth. And during the war LXC gets taken by the Wens. Thank you! @plzloveme

Hi, I was 8 on the last fic finder. That unfortunately was not the fic I was looking for, but I will give it a try :)

NOT FOUND! soaring, carried aloft on the wind by Skadiseven (E, 68k, NieLan, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Arranged Marriage, Horses, Swordfights, hunting hawks, and braids of course, Romance, Friendship, Twin Jades of Lán Dynamics, Light Angst) this almost sounds like 8, except lxc doesn't get taken by the wens, not sure if it's correct but I thought it was worth mentioning, also the asker might enjoy reading it as it seems to have a similar plot?

FOUND! How To Communicate With Your Husband: A Narrative in Many Frustrating Parts by Lan XiChen and Nie MingJue by Vanja (E, 38k, NieLan, Canon Divergence, Arranged Marriage, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Canon-Typical Violence, Minor Character Death, Minor Original Character(s), Fluff and Smut, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Happy Ending)

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9. Hi, um so, I have been searching for wangxian fic travel-fix-it I think for a weeks. But sadly I forgot to note it. I think it's Lan Wangji that have been time travel, he also make nie huaisang working together to make sure wei wuxian leaves the Jiang Sect. Also that the Jiang bashing and turns out that Madam Yu are actually the second madam of Jin Guangshan and both Jiang Yanli and Jiang Wanyin are the Jin. Also Wei Wuxian become Sect Leader and Chief Cultivator.

FOUND! I'm like 90% sure that the number 9 is "OOC!" in which lan wangji is ooc, but I don't remember the author (and I think the fic was moved to wattpad?)

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10. Hello I want to find a fic where xicheng is the main ship and wangxian is the background ship

It's a JC centric fic where he gets reincarnated over and over again he also retains his memories (canon memories)

Throughout all his reincarnations he loved LXC but never did he express those feelings

He also believed LXC loved JGY (which isn't true)

In one of those reincarnations LXC actually killed JC by mistake (actually manipulated by JGY)

JGY was an evil person in all the reincarnations except the last one

FOUND! Running Our Hands Through Embers by MarvelousMar (E, 136k, XiCheng, WangXian, Modern AU, Reincarnation, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Slow Burn, Masturbation, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Happy Ending, But With A Lot of Suffering in Between)

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11. Hello ^_^ Can you help me find the ao3 fic where wwx grew up in Cloud Recesses together with lwj? They were very close and handsy to easch other. There's a specific scene that wwx and lwj cuddles in the cold pond while meditating, that its normal for them to do that. There's also a scene that guest disciples, especially nhs, noticed it and asked lxc about wwx and lwj's closeness.

Hello! no. 11 here. Its not soft hearted :( the cold pond scene that im talking about, i know that lan qiren and lan xichen(?) saw them but they didnt disturbed them. About the time nie huaisang(?) asked lxc about them being clingy, lxc simply answered them that they grew up close to each other esp when madam lan died. thank you! (oh! Oh! I know this fic! I've read this fic! Oh man, I wish I could remember the name 😅 - Mod C)

NOT FOUND! soft-hearted by sarahyyy (G, 6k, wangxian, alternate universe, childhood friends, hurt/comfort, getting together, first kiss, wedding fluff)

for #11, there is an alpha/alpha wangxian fic where Wei ying grew up in the CR, and when the visiting disciples comes they're surprised at how close/tactile wangxian are cause they're handsy for friends, and also both alphas and ppl comment on it. This sounds like it but the requester didnt mention abo.

FOUND? The Demonic Cultivator by Cat_Noir (T, 202k, WIP, WangXian, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Major Character Injury, Angst, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Torture, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Psychological Trauma, Attempt at Humor, Crack, Canon Divergence, Mentions of Blood Blood, Injury, Minor Character Death) has a scene where Jiang Cheng finds them in the cold springs cuddling. Also has Nie Huaisang talking to LXC about it - Mod C

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12. Hi, first of all thank you for your amazing work! This is not a WX request so feel free to ignore it but I have been looking for this fic for so long that I thought I take a chance here. I read it quite some time ago and I think it was Meng Yao/ LXC but it might also have been JWY/ LXC. MY or JWY (whoever became LXC's partner) was a succubus who had been together with one of the Wens. He was used for his magic but also starved because because never got enough affection etc. to fill his succubus magic reservoir. He only realizes this when he gets together with LXC and recovers. WX are together in the background. I also remember a scene in which Su She comes to bother LXC after having established his own small sect at the edge of Gusu Lan territory. MY (or JWY) encourage LXC to be more assertive towards Su She by telling him to remain half-dressed and talking to Su She at the kitchen table. If I remember correctly there was also a second part in which MY or WWX used their power to make their enemies kneel in a showdown. Might have been ABO on top of succubus magic. This fic has haunted me for a long time now and I would be super grateful if anyone remembered it!

Hi! Thanks for trying to find my fic (no.12)! Unfortunately, it is not the suggested one. Maybe the author deleted it because god knows I have searched high and low for it...

not FOUND i could whet your appetite by beizhaan (E, 20k, XiCheng, Modern AU, Alpha LXC, Oral Sex, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, JC is a Mess, Bottom JC, PWP, Bukkake, Come Swallowing, Comeplay, JC Needs a Hug, JC Gets Railed, Omegaverse, Supernatural Elements, Light Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Urban Fantasy, Incubus JC, Top LXC)

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13. Hi! Do you know a fic where lwj texts wy and adds kaomojis at the end because lxc told him it breaks ice/it's a hit thing among his peers?

FOUND! we'll get him falling for a stranger (or a catfish) by sweetlolixo (T, 38k, WangXian, Modern AU, College AU, Catfish AU, Eventual Happy Ending, Crossdressing WWX, Pining LWJ, Fluff, Humor, lwj is a grade A+ SIMP, Identity Porn)

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14. Hello! There was a 20 part (or more?) series that was recommended in one "in the mood for"s here recently. It was a royalty au, lqr or lxc pressures lwj to take a wife or a concubine. Lwj takes wy as a concubine and thus upends his predicament which turns hilariously troublesome for everyone except wangxian. @imstillthinkingaboutithmm

FOUND! The one where WWX is not LWJ's concubine AU Series by Lookingkindofdumb (Varied, 89k, WIP, WangXian, Non-Cultivator AU, Emperor LXC, Concubine AU, Rumors, Humor, Politics, Extended family chaos)

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15. wei ying was cursed with obedience by madam yu and, when that makes his family suspicious, is forced to harm himself to skirt the edges of the curse just enough so that he seems more like himself. set in the cloud recesses study arc, i believe! thank you!

FOUND? obey with true endeavour, lest the wound loses its savior by bogliasco (M, 60k, WIP, WangXian, Curse of Obedience, Self-Harm, Canon Divergence, WWX-centric, Fix-It of Sorts, Consent Issues, Torture)

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16. Hi! I'm trying to find a fic where on post-canon Lwj and Wwx are going through Lwj's mother's things and find out a letter (or a diary, I don't remember what it was) where she reveals that she loved Lxc, but actually hated Lwj, and it absolutely breaks Lwj's heart, since he loved her so much.

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17. Hii, i was searching for this modern au wangxian fic that i read a while ago and couldn't find again. all i remember about it is that it atleast in part focused on the lan family dynamic and lwj and lxc finding out their mother had had a sister who had been in foster care/ adopted in america. in the fic lwj was autistic and his aunt was also autistic. i remember there being a lan family gathering at some point in the middle of the fic and baoshan sanren was married to lan yi. thank you so much💖

FOUND! together, we’re just enough by lulu_kitty (E, 134k, wangxian, past WWX/OFC, modern, younger LWJ, bartender LWJ, older WWX, rich WWX, fluff, yearning, smut, bottom LWJ, LWJ has scoliosis, slow burn)

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18. Hi I love this blog and I really need help finding a fic. It was a nsfw fic on AO3 where I think WWX was like an explorer or something and finds a snake(?) Or at least a creature of some kind which bites him and infects his with like some close to sex pollen. But the creature turns into LWJ who I think was a naga. I can't find it at all and none of the searches I've done seem to bring up either. Thank you for the help (I just home Tumblr doesn't eat this ask )

18 on the fic finder. Yea the one described sounds exactly like it! Slither pleasure didn't look the same but I'm happy to read it anyway. It's suck if the one I'm looking for got deleted so fast. Thanks y'all for the help!

NOT FOUND! Slithering Pleasure by sweetdeadlykittypaws (E, 8k, WWX/Other(s), WangXian, PWP, Size Difference, Anal Sex, Double Anal Penetration, Oral Sex, Mind/Mood Altering Substances, Post-Canon, Huge dicks, Monster sex, Bestiality, a bit, Oviposition, Egg Laying, Urethral Play, Shameless Smut, Male Lactation, Choose Your Own Ending, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Underage Sex, Incest, Nipple Fuck, wwx gets fucked by his small nagas, Gangbang, Come Eating, Stomach Bulge, Come Inflation, wangxian in third chapter, A Bit of Fluff, Plot Twist, Somnophilia, Pregnancy Kink, Dirty Talk, lwj is a pervert, Everyday means everyday)

know that I've read #18 on the latest fic finder before and it's not Slithering Pleasure but think it may have been deleted because I can't find it anywhere 😭 lwj was the snake and kind of intersex. Wwx was a certified monster fucker and thought a lot about past sexual encounters he'd had with other creatures. It ended with lwj declaring wwx as his mate and wwx more than happy to be so. I really can't find it anywhere so hopefully someone else can!

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19. Hi can you help me find a fic abouts mdzs characters see wei ying past and memory.. .I know they alot of chapters to the story @sadritsuka12 (hi! Can you be a little more specific? There's a few fics I can think of that this could be ^^ - Mod C)

FOUND? Misunderstood by Silver_Flame_2724 (M, 250k, WIP, WangXian, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Heavy Angst, Suicidal Thoughts, Canon-Typical Violence, Self-Worth Issues)

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20. Hello! can you help me finding this fic? There are two scene that i remember vaguely of:

Scene one is wwx went to gusu when the burning of cloud recesses happen. And because lxc is missing, lwj is taken, and lqr is heavely injured, he take control of situasion. After lqr knows about that, he reluctantly compliment wwx

Scene two is when they already married and wwx went to get purified of resentment energy. He didnt tell anyone the effect of purification and he let lwj and lxc to do it. In the middle of the process wwx start bleeding and loss consciousness. Not long after wwx wake up, lwj divorced him because wwx didn't trust lwj enough to tell him the consequent of purifying ritual and let lwj kills him (wwx)

If i remember correctly, it was an arranged marriage. I don't remember if it was in one fic or two different fic.

That's all i can remember of. Thank you @idontknowwhattowriteforusername

Hi! i'm requester number 20. Unfortunately, its not "decay". The fic that im searching is a long fic. When i'm reading that (around a year or two ago) its around 20-ish (or less) chapters and still on going. Thank you for your help

NOT FOUND! 🧡 decay by antebunny (G, 15k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Angst, Misunderstandings, Miscommunication, Fix-It, Angst with a Happy Ending, the fluffiest ending, Hurt/Comfort) Scene 2 of #20 sounds a lot like decay by antebunny, but WWX and LWJ aren't married? / #20 b) sounds like decay by antebunny but there's no arranged marriage involved

FOUND? 20 sounds like A Price to Pay by wangxianist which was sadly deleted Although only the second scene described for 20 fits A Price to Pay, I'm don't think the first one does

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[ze0n-wuz-here]

TW: Traumadump???? Vent

Hey uh

How much of an unhealthy trauma response is it to block artists when they post something related to the events that happen after ROTTMNT S2? Specially if it’s Raph art? Even saying the name is a trigger

Like, it traumatized me, but not the “Oh haha! Yeah I got traumatized from it!” no, I mean REALLY traumatized, like, losing sleep, heart pounding extremely heavily, shutting myself from everyone, and it would take multiple days until I calm down completely again, only for it to get shoved down the drain as I get another reminder of those events

I have to block so many tags and words, and then also block so many people, people that DONT EVEN DESERVE TO BE BLOCKED BECAUSE I LOVE THEIR ART AND THEY SEEM LIKE COOL AWESOME PEOPLE AND I FEEL LIKE SHIT WHENEVER I BLOCK THESE PEOPLE, THEY DONT EVEN DESERVE TO BE BLOCKED YET HERE I AM. It’s a very weird trauma response that I have, and it’s awful /srs

I feel like I can’t even enjoy the show without thinking of all those awful events that happened after S2, things that even mentioning will trigger me, characters that I have to tag that come from that that I have to tag and pretend they’re not there, because of how traumatized I got from it

I want to seek therapy so bad, but my mom will have to know about this, and if I tell her that I wanna go to therapy because of an ANIMATION, she won’t take me seriously, in fact I don’t think even the therapists will take me seriously

I have gone through all stages of grief except acceptance at this point, it’s so awful, and it hurts so bad, and this trauma wasn’t that bad the first time i saw that. It’s only been getting worse, like a plague. It’s been going on for 2 years by now.

I feel so stupid for having been traumatized by this. It makes me feel so stupid and immature. I can’t even enjoy the fandom because of that. I wish there was something, like a discord server that completely banned topics related to the events after S2, so I could feel completely safe, but I’m being completely irrational, so I can only suffer in silence, I get more hurt by seeing ROTTMNT content than actual enjoyment. Even after telling myself “this isn’t real, this can’t hurt you”, it still hurts like hell.

I tried taking breaks from those events, but they just keep coming back to me like a boomerang, and I don’t really have many people to walk about this. None of my real life friends know. Only about 2 or 3 mutuals know about my trauma

I wish those events had never happened. I wish to have my mind erased, at least to forget those events. I want to enjoy ROTTMNT again. But it’s getting increasingly difficult, as my trauma gets worse and worse, and again, it makes me feel so stupid that THIS is the trauma I have. Maybe it would’ve been understandable had i been 7 or 9 when I watched it. BUT NO. IM ALMOST AN ADULT AND IM ACTING LIKE THIS.

And it’s ALL because of the things that happen to Raph in there. I don’t know what is it about me, but whenever I see aftermath stuff, anything, o get super stressed, specially if Raph is in there. Even if it’s a simple doodle. It sucks. It hurts. It wasn’t like this, and yet here I am. Raph used to be my comfort character. Yes, I discovered him when those events had already happened, but I still found comfort in him, until it started getting worse and worse, like a disease. I took so much of that comfort that seeing him in those situations where he got hurt made me feel so much pain. He had become a stress inducing character, and Im still obsessed with him.

I tried finding alternate fandoms, fandoms that were similar to Rise, or at least that had characters similar to Raph, but none came close to what Rise was for me, because either there’s not enough content, the fandom is dead, both, or they simply don’t hit as hard, and unfortunately it’s gonna take a big while before I can find something that replaces what Rise did

I know the most no-brainer solution is “Quit social media” “go outside” shit like that, but it doesn’t work for me, I get reminders either way. I don’t wanna abandon talking to my friends.

I don’t wanna block people. They did nothing wrong. They were just making art, or posting images, or making fanfics, and I’m sitting here like the cowardly idiot who’s best response is to block them and block everything that reminds me of those events. I’m not as active in the Rise servers I’m in because of those events. Those events ruined ROTTMNT for me.

I just wanna find something. A group. A community, where they talk about Rise, but completely banning topics relating to, well… those events, it would be my safe haven, but since these events are what brought in most people to the fandom, I can’t have that. I don’t wanna leave the fandom. It shaped me so much, and I don’t wanna lose that, I just wanna find a community that only talks about the show. Fanart ONLY about the show, discussion ONLY about the show…. But just as the conservatives say, I’m just being a “special snowflake” for this, and it makes me feel like shit. I feel like shit. It hurts so much.

Im sorry for anyone who’s reading this who had to watch me vent about some dumb turtles

[unofficialadamtaurus]

i dont agree with the idea that they killed Adam because of the bees. its basically something homophobes cry about again and again. in every fandom there are those people who complain about wokeness and how the writers push gays down their throat and are destroying the show because they want to make it gay. adam most likely didnt get killed off because bees and wokeness and gays. if that was the case they would have made the bees a thing in vol 6 instead of queer baiting us for years. adam Sienna and sun got killed or disappeared from the show because the writers couldnt write a proper racism storyline and are too lazy and ignorant to do so. they dont think its necessary to do so. they told a white comfort story written for racist white people by racist white people who wanted to feel like victims. thats who they cater to and thats why the predominately white fandom defends them. they didnt want to tell a story about minorities or people of color and how they suffer and get victimized by racism and racists. they wanted to tell a story about the oppressor class (or white people) and how the ‘good white people’ get victimized and hurt by the terrorist minorities. a lot of white people feel victimized when people of color say that all white people are complicit/benefit from racism. they get defensive and feel like this is an attack. ‘so you are saying that ALL white people are racist? you are saying that ALL white people are evil?’ thats what they hear and of course no one is saying that but they dont want to listen. they feel victimized and offended. so they create these far fetched impossible scenarios about how minorities hate them actually and want them dead actually and are not fighting for equality actually but are fighting for dominance actually. a lot of racists or misogynists or homophobes have this persecution complex where they push the idea that they are the oppressed class, getting ‘cancelled’ and ‘attacked’ and ‘abused’ by the evil racist heterophobic minorities. they tell stories of how ‘black lives matter is a terrorist organization! SHOCKING discoveries!’ ‘How the #MeToo movement targets and destroys men! How feminazis want us dead!’ ‘The cult of the LGBTQ community and how they want to turn us all gay! They want you erased!!’. thats exactly the WF arc in a nutshell and it’s exactly what CRWBY wanted it to convey. they just backtracked with ‘we were just ignorant’ excuse when they got backlash. i really don’t think there was a deeper motive. they literally focused more on how the faunus hurt the humans and showed us more of that rather than showing us how the humans hurt the faunus and expanding the narrative and worldbuilding regarding the racism in their world. we had an entire episode about how poor weiss became a racist because her poor family was victimized by the terrorist white fang but didnt get a single flashback of adams past or ilias past. the wf ended up the way it did because crwby are racist. adam was written and killed off the way he did because they are racist. Sienna got killed off the way she did because they are racist. other faunus got written off the story because crwby is racist and has no idea what to do with those characters now. not because of the gays or the bees or wokeness.

Pulling out this part in particular because it seems to be the crux of what's going on with the writers and their show:

they feel victimized and offended. so they create these far fetched impossible scenarios about how minorities hate them actually and want them dead actually and are not fighting for equality actually but are fighting for dominance actually

I agree with pretty much everything you've said. As I pointed out, it's genuinely impossible for us to know exactly why they made the decisions they did, but Occam's razor does encourage the idea that we stick to the simplest explanation, and that explanation is the racism we've already seen from them time and again.

We've also seen homophobia, though, and them milking the bees with merch and teasers and so on. It could easily be a "both" situation.

[aro-bird]

Hey, I should've probably made a post about this when the controversy first started but it's better late than never I guess. There's been some discourse on twitter about this, mostly from non-native Filipinos, so I have to say: Stop trying to say that the Filipino sapphic McDonald's commercial was just taking advantage of Filipinos.

Look, I understand that it's so easy to try to go "rAinBoW cAPiTaliSm!!!" on companies when you see them creating content for the queer community especially if the company doesn't really have a good track record. Hypocrisy is absolutely a thing you should point out especially when companies trying to capitalize on the groups they refuse to support. But FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP TRYING TO SPEAK ABOUT SHIT YOU DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT

If you're not aware, the Philippines has an awful homophobic and transphobic culture where, like a lot of Asian countries, they would tolerate you being gay but wouldn't accept you. It's not uncommon for people to get their identities erased by their families, their queerness forced into the closet, and family making suggestions to force you to be cishet. Not only that, but if you were public about being queer, you would either be mocked or harassed with some incidents possibly escalating to violence.

This culture of bigotry has created a push to make laws to prevent discrimination against people based on their sexuality or gender identity in the form of the SOGIE bill. The thing is, this law constantly gets push back from religious groups and even some members of the cishet majority since they don't understand what the law entails and think that the gays just want to hurt the "nuclear family".

You wanna know how bad it's been for the SOGIE bill? An anti-discrimination bill was first officially proposed in 2004 and none has had approval since. In February 2023, there was a news report that even uncovered a large disinformation campaign that was trying to spread lies about the current SOGIE bill so people would be against it passing into law. These were mostly spearheaded by Christian Evangelical groups that had had a stranglehold on queer rights in the country for decades.

There has also been a constant pushback against queer people and loud discrimination against them even on a societal level. Stories like that of Gretchen Custudio Diez who was a transwoman that had been arrested for trying to use the bathroom may have been given a transphobic spin by the larger anti-queer disinformation campaign, but there's still so many people that either mocked and ridiculed her before they heard anything else about the story besides "transwoman gets arrested for using the bathroom." I vividly remember my otherwise pretty supportive mother making jabs at it and even spouting some transphobic rhetoric before I had to correct her, and she's not really the type to be obsessed over Facebook or Twitter.

McDo creating this commercial is controversial and yes, could be considered pandering, but you need to get it into your head that the Philippines has different cultures and social issues from the fucking west. The Philippines may be listed as "one of the most gay friendly countries in the world" but that is such a gross understatement of the truth here. The Philippines is gay-tolerant, not gay-friendly, and anything that tries to normalize any gay relationship outside of queers being used as a punchline or some emotional sideplot gets criticized to hell and back.

The amount of sapphic Filipinos and other queer Filipinos that found joy, comfort, and hope because of this commercial could also not be understated. I've seen so many tweets and posts about how happy and represented they felt even with such a short ad and you shitting on that is just such a dick move, especially if you yourself aren't a Filipino who grew up and/or lives in the Philippines.

As much as I hate capitalism, corporations actually showing public support for the queer community is extremely necessary here since it normalizes queer people. In this day and age where not only do queer Filipinos barely even have rights but the global queerphobic right has definitely been influencing the Filipino internet which may even endanger any bit of progress queer activists had made for the past few decades, corporations being on the side of the community is super fucking important.

If you haven't seen the commercial yet, here's a link to the video. McDo has also made a more subtle mlm commercial before that you can watch here.

[a-earthssprout]

🌼🐌 do they hurt you ... ? 😟// @galaxofmuses ( continued from 🌞 )

WITH ATTENTIVE EARS AND WILLING HANDS, Ari did not resist as Skyler gently guided her fingers away from his quills. She was certainly well - aware of the potential risk that naturally came with such an attempt, if one so boldly made it—but there was something in that naïve little heart of hers that told her TRUST erased risk. 

For how could someone as gentle as Skyler ever hurt her? Ari couldn't imagine such a thing even if she tried. 

Ari possessed a mildness to her that was not typical for most children her age; she was not fitful, and her temper was not an easy one to spark. Even when her deepest wishes were not granted and she felt terribly hurt as a result, the most one might worry about was the certain way that her precious face could transform. The way her eyes shimmered as tears welled in them, how her bottom lip trembled as she desperately tried to fight them back—it was a sight that wrenched most feeling hearts. 

And as worrying thoughts—things she had not thought of before—filled her mind, it inevitably changed now. 

But such a twist in Ari's expression was not caused by disappointment—for, again, Ari was cooperative, agreeable and respected Skyler's position as a ' big brother'—but rather by concern for his well - being. It was only then that Ari imagined terrible things—things that made her heart feel so heavy in her chest and that couldn't be endured without tears to help relieve the ache it all caused. She wasn't allowed to touch his quills, for they were DANGEROUS—pointy things used to protect him, serving their purpose as a SHIELD just as well as they could a sword. 

So she began to silently wonder … 

Had they ever hurt him? When he rolled around in his bed and tried to sleep? Would they bend and prick his neck—pierce his skin? Skyler was a BRAVE sort of hero—the kind that wouldn't tell others about their boo - boo's. 

Even the familiar feeling of his soft cheeks in her hands was not enough to comfort her, though they remained where they were as if to comfort him. Little thumbs gently ran over his cheeks, wiping tears that she only imagined away. 

" th — th … thhh … the point - ies hurt Sky, please … ? " 

" whe … whe— when Sky sleeps? do they p — poke him and hurt him? "  

" I ... I dont wa— don't want the point - ties to hurt skuh ... skih ... to hurt Sky ... nnn ... no, thank you ... "

Ari then leaned forward to tuck her face into Skyler's shoulder and wept softly, painting his fur with tears.

" i ... if Skuh— if Sky gets hurt then it huh ... it hurts my heart! "

[strikingamatch]

[CLICK]

SYDNEY

Hello.

It’s… later than usual, I know. Or maybe earlier. Time hasn’t been the same recently… the ticks and tocks have become muddled and sticky, and every numb day seem to last longer than the last. I suppose that should be concerning to me, but I can’t be bothered to be worried.

I can’t be bothered to do much at all, I think. Not like I used to, anyway. Not like I ever will in the future.

I don’t know.

I’m supposed to be sleeping right now. Jedidiah is in our room. I assume he’s either waiting for me or asleep, in which case both scenarios would be alright I guess.

I try to wait for him whenever I’m in bed before him. I like to make sure he sleeps after all… but lately he’s been staying up all night and into the early hours of the day. At this point he’s going to turn nocturnal! And he said I was the vampire because I was goth.

I dont have much to say tonight, if I’m being honest. All the same… I cant bring myself to end the recording. I suppose maybe there’s something I’m supposed to say that hasn’t alighted on my tongue just yet.

Hm.

[BEAT]

The pain is back.

I dont know why I’m surprised, really. It’s just that… that pulsing. And its nothing new, I mean, when am I not in pain but this feels different somehow. It grows and shrinks along with my heartbeat, following the rhythmic patterns of the organ.

It always starts in my wrist, running through my body until it reaches my ankles. It doesnt affect my back, or maybe I just don’t notice because of the spasms.

I’m not sure.

[HE SIGHS]

Ghost recorder…

I’m so tired.

And, hell, I’m tired more often than I’m in pain but its not like that either. I dont know how to describe it. I’m just so tired, emotionally and physically and theres nothing I can do about it.

Oh well.

I’m not sure.

[BEAT]

Hey… you know last night? When I said I was going to draw a bit before my hand gets too cramped?

I have this sketchbook. It has a leather cover and handmade pages. There was a bug on the third one. Trapped in the paper… you could feel its ridges and wings but not take it out. I didn’t want to take it out.

I dont think it would have wanted me to.

After all, its not its fault that it was trapped in a paper jail. It was alive before. It must have landed on the paper, thinking it just a resting place while the wood pulp slowly dried, trying to escape but finding itself unable to take flight.

It must have been so scared.

Maybe because my own autonomy and control is so important to me, but I can emphasize with the little fly.

Its easy to take root someplace you think is safe. Someplace you think you cant be hurt, where you’ll be kept in comfort, whether that be a city, a house, or a heart.

But nowhere is ever safe. I’ve learned that by now. There will never be a place that is well and truly safe.

[BEAT]

I wonder if that fly landed on the paper knowing it was dangerous. Knowing that it wouldnt survive the night, but enjoying the safety for those last few hours.

[BEAT]

I broke the bug.

When I was drawing, I mean.

Tried to shade over it, and some of its thorax and abdomen came off, out of the page. I brushed it aside along with eraser shavings.

I hope it will forgive me.

[BEAT]

Hm.

[BEAT]

Jeddie’s in the room right now... I should probably go join him before he gets too worried. If he’s even awake.

Realistically, I doubt he gets worried. But I like to imagine someone gets worried about me. Does that make sense?

Well. At any rate.

Good night, ghost recorder. Sleep tight. I’ll speak with you again tomorrow.

[dexaroth]

i still feel awful. its only been 2 days and yet it feels like a week. the regrets are eating me alive. how am i supposed to cope with this at all?

to a certain degree moving on does mean forgetting things, right? he was neglected his whole life just like me and the others. hes been forgotten for most of his life and only remembered by everyone else when he caused a mess because he never had proper training, and at that age he barely could control his bladder. even when he was in the process of dying i tried my best. but my best will never truly be enough because i'm disabled. and even in the situations i thought i shouldve done X, if i truly think about it, its all because of hindsight. they wouldve been bad ideas even if he wasnt going to die this week. but i cant help but feel like i should have brought him in when he was cold. or stayed with him in the kitchen even though he was reeking and i barely had energy to sit on the ground for 5 minutes. its all regrets..

i dont want to forget him. to do what everyone else has done. but i cant do anything else for him now. i cant take care of him. hes gone. i didnt even get to truly say goodbye to him and now all i have are pictures and videos, mostly of where he was in a better condition, and some worse ones of him at the tail end of 2023 where he was already degraded.

i barely took any photos because he was so miserable. just weeks before i was begging to take him to the vet and we just didnt - and still dont- have the money for it. years he spent slowly decaying. i was just hoping that, even if he was in his final days, we'd be able to make it a bit more comfortable by then. but he died as miserable as he was before.

i know i cant be this sad for long. i am worse than usual. i still cant grasp how empty the kitchen is, or how i cant pet or hear him anymore. i cant better things any more. the only chance i had to truly say goodbye went away as quick as i knew he was dead.

i am still not sure if having him stay there for a while wouldve been better for really taking it in he was dead or if it would only make it worse by seeing him there for so long, not responding. i keep going back to the spot he was. hes still not there. he hasnt been these 2 days either. and he will never be there anymore.

i feel even sicker trying to figure out how to move on just this short of a time after his death. it feels like im purposefully trying to erase him from my memory when thats the absolutely the last thing i want to happen. but i feel so bad. hopeless. it hurts so much. i can barely hold myself together to do anything other than to sulk and cry and repeatedly apologize to him in my head. the guilt, the sorrow, the regrets are really truly eating me alive.. i cant help but feel like its deserved, in some ways...

[sskk-ao3feed]

Switched (Bungo Stray Dogs)

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/mCYM1qN by EnbyLogan Different gifted woke up in a dark room one day, and none of them knew why they were there. It was unordinary because while most of them were from the armed detective agency, there were three members of the Port Mafia. Chuuya Nakahara, Mori Ougai and Akutagawa Ryuunosuke. And also one person that had little to do with the two organisations. Edgar Allan Poe. It was unclear who was capable of kidnapping the strongest gifted in Yokohama, but this person must have been a dangerous threat. They had to think of something fast to get out because gas was filling up the room. And while they thought the Gas would make them go crazy or even erase their abilities. They didn't know that It would be worse than they imagined. Words: 1038, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English Fandoms: 文豪ストレイドッグス | Bungou Stray Dogs Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Characters: Nakajima Atsushi (Bungou Stray Dogs), Akutagawa Ryuunosuke (Bungou Stray Dogs), Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), Edogawa Ranpo (Bungou Stray Dogs), Miyazawa Kenji (Bungou Stray Dogs), Edgar Allan Poe (Bungou Stray Dogs), Dazai Osamu (Bungou Stray Dogs), Fukuzawa Yukichi (Bungou Stray Dogs), Kunikida Doppo (Bungou Stray Dogs), Yosano Akiko (Bungou Stray Dogs), Mori Ougai (Bungou Stray Dogs), Izumi Kyouka (Bungou Stray Dogs) Relationships: Dazai Osamu/Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), Akutagawa Ryuunosuke/Nakajima Atsushi (Bungou Stray Dogs), Edogawa Ranpo/Edgar Allan Poe (Bungou Stray Dogs) Additional Tags: Angst, Soukoku | Double Black (Bungou Stray Dogs), Dazai-Typical Suicide Mentions (Bungou Stray Dogs), Past Abuse, Port Mafia (Bungou Stray Dogs), Angst and Hurt/Comfort, got rid of the tanizaki siblings, i dont know where this will go actually, good luck, to me and you, characters switch their abilities, How Do I Tag, I NORMALLY WRITE ON WATTPAD, Cross-Posted on Wattpad read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/mCYM1qN

[phobiapup]

it is very difficult. i can never tell if my mind is pushing me to harm myself. am i innocent? i have my own blood on my hands and ive tried for so long to erase myself. i dont feel like i can trust my own mind.. and now that i am trying to heal and put myself back together, the pieces of myself that only aim to hurt me are difficult to deal with. where do these parts of me go?

"ive decided i want to work on my body once im not sick anymore. i want to do simple exercises and stretch to gain muscle and flexibility!"

why is that?

what is the reasoning behind it?

i want to feel comfy in my own skin physically and mentally, but when does that go too far?

i already know and have accepted not being "normal". so it isnt that i want approval from society, the standard of beauty is murderous. and i dont want to die.. so what do i want?

i just want to feel comfortable in my body.. to feel pretty..