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#where are my friends to tell me to stop typing
sturniolo04 · 2 days
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The Confession 1 C.S.
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Fwb!Mean!Chris x Fwb!Fem!Reader
A/N: I tried something different :)
*Really long you have been warned.
I dont even know how I ended up in this position. One minute my best friend Madi thinks she likes both Matt and Chris and the next she is 100% Matt. Me and Madi are super close I mean we practically grew up together and when we met the triplets in Boston everything changed, our circle grew just a little bit bigger. Lately, I haven't been the best friend to Madi just because I have been neglecting to confess to her about my secret crush on Chris and I am not the type to run over her if she knows she likes Chris because who am I to tell her she can't like him especially since I haven't told her that I did.
its about 1:50 in the morning and by this time Madi had walked all the way to a park and found a bench to sit and bawl her eyes out she couldnt figure out why she was feeling this bad whether it was that she couldnt articulate how she hurt Matt and Chris or if it is was because she cant choose between chris and matt she knows them both equally for a long time. sighing looking down at her phone finally deciding to call the one person she knew is always there. Holding in my tears as the dial tone rings hoping she wasnt asleep yet.
"Hello Madi"
jess speaks into the phone
"Jess"
she states through choked tears
"Madi what's going on love what happened" 
"i messed up really bad and i dont know what to do"
she exclaims letting her tears fall
"Madi"
"I like chris and matt and ive might have messed up our friendship"
"no madi you didnt okay i promise you didnt they are still your friends and they love you"
you quickly reply feeling that heavy feeling in your chest again as she still thinks she like chris.
"i dont know"
she replies through a fit of tears
"its okay promise try to get some sleep and you will feel so much better tomorrow i promise"
you reply reassuring her.
"okay goodnight"
she sniffles out
"goodnight i will see you when you get back home "
she hung up from jess and sighed out once more calming her nerves proceeding to walk back to the house. as she made her way into the driveway sitting back on the concrete driveway where the night officially started 
"MADI"
you exclaim softly seeing her sitting on the driveway
"hi"
she replies quietly as she turns around to look at you
"i was so worried are you okay"
you ask again.
"im sorry"
you sigh squatting down and hugging her then sitting down next to her
"i fucked things up didnt i"
she huffs out
"what no well i mean chris and matt are not speaking to each other currently but i mean whats new"
you sigh out since madi basically confessed to both of them on the same night and them both finding out in this driveway tonight.
" but it was my fault im the reason they are mad at each other"
"no no youre not okay they are just being them okay they will grow up"
you reassure her
"but i mean i told you had feelings for chris too"
you state smirking trying to shake the heavy feeling in her stomach at that sentence.
"jesss"
"you know i love you"
you say side hugging her
'well im going to bed you think youre going to be okay"
"yeah thanks j" 
"okay"
you say standing up and walking back into the house as madi rests her head on her arms positioned on top of her knees as someone comes and sits next to her quietly
"hi matt"
she speaks softly out noticing his presence
"hey"
"im sorry"
"why you were just being honest" 
he sighs out
"i do really like you" 
she confesses again
"no madi you and chris are perfect and honestly it makes he was at least able to communicate how he feels about you without being oblivious about it im not the one you need madi you are way out of my league and im okay with that honestly"
he sighs out rambling
"what the actual fuck matt stop youre  out of my league why do you just automatically assume your not good enough" 
she exclaims frustrated standing up and wrapping the blanket you had brought her getting upset
"madi no youre not out of league okay just stay"
he says pulling her hand down a little as she sighs and sits back down as matt pulls me into him connecting our lips guiding her on his lap in the process. He tangled his fingers through her messy hair as he continue to make out with her. Her hands wrapped around his neck tightly as he stood up carrying her back into the house. shepulled away quickly he closed the door behind them and set her back on her feet.
"Matt if-if"
she trails of whispering
"wait"
he stops her as he pulls his and her shoes off leaving them downstairs as he swiftly picks her up again by her thighs taking her upstairs to her room quietly being sure not wake up anyone especially Chris. Matt leans back in after setting her on her bad standing in between her legs attempting to connect their lips again but madi halted him in the process.
"matt..seriously come on"
she giggles out as he sighs out stares at her as she bites her lip slowly.
"yes madi you were saying"
he chuckles out
"matt if- if we do this"
she trails off motions towards them
"no one can know yet"
"okay"
he kind of chuckles at the concept
"im serious matt"
she exhales out looking at him as his face softens at her response
"at least until i figure out how to tell" 
"chris"
"yeah because"
"i know i know"
he sighs out moving himself from in between her to next to her laying on her bed. 
"jess' mom might be coming to boston"
"what that so cool"
"yeah she called her when i walked off tonight"
"oh" 
"yeah"
"well im going to go"
he states standing up
"where"
she states worried
"dont worry just in the other room with chris maybe so you can get some sleep"
he chuckles out giving madi a forehead kiss as he walks out of her room.
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Madi wakes up the next morning mentally face palming herself considering well she basically made out with Matt after literally confessing to both brothers she has feelings for them. she rolled out of bed hoping everything will return to normal. she shower and put on this And head downstairs to be met with the face of the one and only
"good morning"
"whats up how are you feeling"
"better just like jess said"
"jess"
"i talked to her last night after everything"
"oh okay hey madi listen forget everything i said last night i was just being stupid it was nothing"
he states quickly realizing he also confessed that he liked you.
"chris i dont think it was nothing you dont have to lie about it"
"no im being for real"
"christopher"
"what im serious"
"okay then sound cool"
she states heading back upstairs
"where are you going"
"to wake up matt and everyone else"
Chris couldnt understand why he said that he literally let her get away again. His thoughts were soon interrupted the sound of jess's doorbell ringing. He went over and opened the door to reveal
"oh hi there i was- where is jess"
jess mom trails off
"she's upstairs um"
he trailed off kind of awkwardly since he had no idea that this jess's mom as what sounded like jess's laugh approaching the bottom of the stair case. I turned to see jess walking down with Nick and Madi being carried down the stairs by matt. the lady at the door cleared her throat as they all snapped out of their trance looking in that direction
"Mom"
she exclaims running over and hugging her
"mom"
Chris questions
"yeah.. mom this is chris, matt, nick and then you remember madi"
she trails off as chris waves his hand
"Hi you all"
she says with a raised eyebrow smiling
"jess; mom"
she exlcaims hugging her after jess
"hey madi"
"when did you get here" 
madi asks her
"last night when jess called"
Madi looks over at jess standing next to her as she shrugs her shoulders a little not wanting to talk about last night at all due to the fact she still felt the pit in her stomach of guilt of even allowing herself the like chris and not trust madi enough to even tell her that you liked him.
"so mom do you want to come on in then"
she states as madi and her both step aside to let her in
"how long are you going to be here for"
"just the weekend"
"maybe we can all go somewhere and just hang out for a little bit maybe grab dinner does that sound good guys"
she asks everyone
"im fine with that"
nick agrees nodding his head
"mom"
you question her
"sure plus i want to see all there is about Boston since this is my first time up here"
"well the triplets can definitely help point out those key spots since they've grown up here"
"literally"
chris chuckles out admiring jess' laugh slightly
"cool so do want me to ride with you"
"umm.. im going to ride with jess and her mom is that okay"
"uh yeah of course" 
madi and you grab your shoes and they all head out the door.
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"soo"
she trails off looking the mirror at the two girls in the backseat of the car
"what's going on with you and Matt Madi"
"uhh"
" yeah i was going to ask about that i mean i knew you guys made up because i saw him come outside after i left you after you came back home"
"umm i dont know what you guys are talking about"
"are you sure because i remember clearly you being carried down the stairs by him this morning"
"in a skirt too at that madii"
you exclaim dragging out the 'i' in your best friend's name
"oh come on what is that suppose to mean just because we made up doesn't mean we are dating"
"so your telling me he hasnt tried to make a move on you after everything that happened yesterday evening"
she asks as madi kind of stares off into space getting flashbacks to last night of literally her and matt making out in her driveway
"oh my god he totally did didnt he"
"what no jess no" 
"madi"
jess's mom exclaims trying to get an answer out of her
"OKAY maybe we might have made out in the driveway at like 2 in the morning"
"MADISON"
you exclaim at your best friend with your jaw dropped
"what i mean its wasnt like terrible"
she shyly replies.
"that you made out with your bestfriend the best friend you liked for literally ever or that he was actually good at making out"
"OH MY GOODNESS"
madi exclaims embarrassed
" just asking"
"OH MY GOD NO"
"it was definitely the second option"
you giggle out
"shut up Jess"
she exclaims pushing some of her hair behind her ear opening her phone
"just make sure you do and know what your heart wants madi" 
"of course always"
Taglist
@dirtylittleheart333 @stayingstromboli @wh0resstuff @mintsturniolo @spicymuffins03 @emely9274
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Routes I Would Want For Damian Wayne's Character(because I desperately dont want him to become Batman)
1) TRAVEL ROUTE
• in my opinion, Damian's travel arc was really short. I was actually expecting it to be longer but instead he came to Gotham earlier.
i think travelling, learning new cultures, meeting new people would be better for Damian's character as he is seen to be always confused about who he is and who he wants to be.
one of his main things about Damian's character currently is him being confused about who he is and him not wanting to live under his parents shadow(which is why im not happy with the "damian is a mini bruce" or the "father like son" agenda they keep pushing in the comics but i will tak about that for another day)
if damian was away from his family like be was in the lazarus island, i think he have a better chance at finding out who he is because he is seperated from what others want him to be. also everything would be funnier imo
maybe Nika would join him and we could see Nika panicking about how to break the "Ra's al ghost" issue to him while Damian is just happy to have Nika with him. or we can have Suren&Damian&Maya trio(or dnd trio as me and my bff call them) reunion that would be so fun.
> my point is, I dont think Damian is meant for Gotham. I dont think Gotham is the route for him
2) SEPARATE VIGILANTE ROUTE
• I have seen SO many things about Damian creating his own persona, a one that he is comfortable with and i absolutely love the ideas even if its not my favourite one
shadowbird/blackbird/redbird/ghoul/caracal etc.. i have seen SO SO many things but i think "Shadowbird" and "Caracal" is my favourite one by far.
Shadowbird both follow his father side of the familys "bird theme" and his mother side of the familys "shadow theme" and in that sense i really like it.
i love Caracal because its really ironic considering caracal is a feline type creature and isnt on theme with the rest of his family😭😭 i find it funny
all of the names are very very nice and lovely imp i love all the original concepts!!
3)MEDICAL ROUTE
• i have two ideas for this one so i will separate them to make them easier to read
1)) nearly everyone knows this one. Its damian becoming a vet. i REALLY love this idea. I also love him moving to a cottage and opening up a clinic there. or maybe a farm too!!
2)) the second one is damian becoming a doctor.(surgeon to be exact) The reason for this idea is comes from him being a doctor to save lives to make up for the ones he ended.(since being a doctor is a very time consuming job so this kinda implies him stopping being a vigilante)
4)CIVILLIAN ROUTE
• I think one of damians main problems with not knowing who he is comes from the exceptations he has placed on himself because of the mantles/titles he had gotten in his life.(son of the demon/bat, heir to the demon, future batman, demonhead, robin etc..) if he were to be separated away from these he would at first maybe be confused with what to do but it would be better for him imo. i think he really could be in peace with himself if the civillian route were the case.
also there is something really sweet about him leaving the life of violence/fighting behind him considering his whole life has been filled with chaos.
i would love him being roomates with one of his friends(either Colin or with his cousin and brother Mara and Respawn)
5)ART ROUTE
• this one is a route where he goes to an art school in bludhaven(dont ask me why bludhaven it mostly because its a canon event for nearly most batkid to live there at least once) and becoming an artist!!
>>> If you have a route for Damian please tell me i love reading about damian!! <<<
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writeriguess · 1 day
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kirishima x insecure reader where he overhears that she has a huge crush on him please. have a good day!
It was late afternoon at U.A. High, and you were tucked away in a quiet corner of the common room. Your close friend, Mina Ashido, sat beside you, and you hesitated, your fingers nervously playing with the hem of your sleeve.
“You’ve been acting strange lately, you know that?” Mina teased, nudging you playfully. “What’s up? You can tell me anything.”
You felt a rush of warmth to your cheeks as you tried to avoid eye contact. Mina was sharp and had probably noticed the way you’d been acting around a certain someone. Your heart pounded every time he was around, and it was becoming harder and harder to keep it a secret.
Finally, after what felt like ages, you whispered, “Okay, okay… promise you won’t tell anyone?”
Mina’s eyes lit up. “Of course! You know I’m good with secrets.”
You swallowed hard and took a deep breath. “I have... I have the biggest crush on Kirishima.”
As soon as you said it, you felt like you wanted to curl up into a ball. Admitting it out loud felt like the most vulnerable thing you’d ever done.
“What?!” Mina gasped, clearly trying to suppress a squeal. “Oh my gosh, that’s so cute!”
You groaned, burying your face in your hands. “It’s not cute, it’s embarrassing. He’s so confident and amazing, and I’m just… not. He’d never go for someone like me.”
Mina frowned and shook her head. “That’s not true at all! Kirishima isn’t the type to judge people like that. You’re amazing, and he’d be lucky to have you.”
Little did you know, Kirishima was standing just outside the room. He hadn’t meant to eavesdrop, but he was frozen in place, wide-eyed as he overheard the conversation. The words tumbled around in his mind — You liked him? His heart raced at the thought, but he also felt a pang of sadness. You thought you weren’t good enough for him?
He knocked on the door, pretending he hadn’t heard anything, and stepped inside. “Hey, what are you two up to?” he asked casually, flashing his usual bright grin.
You stiffened, feeling like the ground was about to swallow you whole. Did he hear anything?
Mina smirked knowingly but kept quiet, just giving you a reassuring look before standing up. “I think I’ll leave you two to talk,” she said, almost too casually. She shot you a wink and walked out, leaving you alone with Kirishima.
Your heart thumped loudly in your chest as you tried to keep calm. “H-Hey, Kirishima…”
“Hey,” he said, a little softer than usual. There was something different in his expression — his usual carefree smile was still there, but his eyes seemed more serious. “Can we talk?”
You nodded, unsure of where this was going.
Kirishima took a deep breath, his usual confidence faltering for a moment. “Look, I heard what you were talking about earlier. I wasn’t trying to listen, but... I overheard.”
Your stomach dropped. He knows?
“W-What did you hear?” you stammered, your voice barely above a whisper.
Kirishima stepped closer, gently placing a hand on your shoulder. “I heard that you like me. And… I also heard that you think you’re not good enough for me, which is just ridiculous.”
Your eyes widened in shock, and you opened your mouth to protest, but he held up a hand, stopping you gently.
“You’re amazing,” he continued, his voice steady and sincere. “You’re kind, strong, and always working so hard to improve. I’ve noticed how determined you are, even if you don’t see it in yourself.”
Tears welled up in your eyes, and you looked down, overwhelmed by his words. “I just… I didn’t think someone like you would ever be interested in someone like me.”
Kirishima’s expression softened, and he tilted your chin up, forcing you to meet his gaze. “Well, you were wrong,” he said softly. “Because I’ve liked you for a while now too. I just… didn’t know how to say it.”
You blinked, your heart skipping a beat. “You… like me?”
He chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. “Yeah, I do. I’ve been meaning to tell you, but I didn’t want to make things awkward between us.”
For the first time, a small smile tugged at your lips. “You’re not just saying that to make me feel better, are you?”
Kirishima shook his head, his smile growing. “No way! I wouldn’t lie about something like this. You’re super cool in your own way, and I really like that about you.”
You blushed, feeling a warmth spread through your chest. For the first time in a long time, the insecurities that had been weighing you down started to lift, just a little.
“So… what now?” you asked, your voice still soft.
Kirishima grinned and held out his hand to you. “Well, how about we start with dinner? I know this great ramen place we can go to. You up for it?”
You stared at his hand for a moment, your heart racing, before finally taking it, feeling a spark of hope and excitement. “Yeah… I’d like that.”
And as you walked side by side with Kirishima, hand in hand, you couldn’t help but feel that maybe, just maybe, you were enough after all.
Requests are open. Send as many as you like.
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lol i've complained about this a fair amount on twitter but I got a comment last night? that made me think about this again.
And its ...getting weird comments that I cannot tell if they're being RUDE or there's a language barrier or some combination of both.
I finished a standee art last night and posted it and this morning I get a reply from someone who's replied very confusingly before...."You're tired and need to go to sleep"
Which LMAO wasn't entirely untrue but that was the whole comment on the art.
Not to put this person on blast and obviously do not go bother them if you know where the comment is at.....
But like what the hell does that mean? I F E E L like this is a translation error or a miscommunication. But thats the ENTIRE problem. THAT IS THE ENTIRE PROBLEM. I'm tired of getting comments that are CONFUSING to me AT BEST...and more often just fucking rude.
Like....its weird. Bc i've been on the internet for close to 3 decades now??? Lol I'm so old. But.....I've been more confused in the past year or so with how people talk to perfect strangers on the internet. I think it might be a generational thing but like LMAO ARE THE "KIDS THESE DAYS" just ......fucking RUDE??? Like I've heard pre-teens and teens talk to each other and its pretty mean but so were a lot of kids when I was a teen. So maybe its a language barrier there.
But I feel like....because everyone is so comfortable talking to perfect strangers on the internet, and getting EXTREMELY overly close? or thinking they have the right to speak to people as if we're super besties (which in turn means saying a rude backhanded compliment thats intended to be nice but just sounds mean??)...its just....so common lately for me to just be like "Why the fuck would you say this to me?"
I'm not your friend. I'm just a random artist online that draws from a fandom you probably like (or hate? Idk your life lol)
I think this whole thing STARTED with Japanese and Korean artists (and probably lots of other languages that aren't English) begging people to stop leaving horrible reaction images or people saying "I'M GONNA K*LL YOU!!!!! THIS IS DEVASTATING!!!! I'M DEAD!!!!" and the poor artist being like...okay well this is a thing I have to live with now.
And I thought we DID move past that but I feel like its back just without the reaction images bc Gen Alpha and Z thinks reaction images are cringe LMAO (small blessings)
But ....I forget which drawing I did.....It was something sad. I think it was a sad zosan?? And this person LITERALLY said they were going to hunt me down. And that wasn't the initial comment. They said something equally as rude and when I asked for clarification for what they meant they were like " I'M GONNA FIND OUT WHERE YOU LIVE"
GIRL ITS FANART OF ZORO AND SANJI!?!?!?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN
Again. I've talked about this til I'm blue in the face (fingers?? since its typing??) about this on twitter. And I've been sitting on this comment for nearly 24 hrs just....fucking confused. And I hate this ....confusion. Bc In My Day(tm) .....lol I didn't like mean comments then either but it was usually some asshole in my tumblr mail being like "YOU FUCKIN SUCK!!" lol
I might just be too stupid to interpret these quirky little comments but like
guys please if you like something. Just be normal and say "omg I love this" or like a cute reaction that is APPROPRIATE to the situation lol Don't demand things from me when I'm already giving you something that I'm doing in my free time for fun. Lol And stop asking me if there's a fic for comics or art that i TELL you came from me asdfasdfa I don't know where the fic is. I'd like to know too. (but also if I draw from a fic I link to the fic but I've decided to stop that for the time being. Any comics coming from me will be mine wholecloth for the foreseeable future)
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sapphire-weapon · 1 year
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what’s been really interesting about writing fic in a post-RE4make world is that it’s like I’ve had to completely relearn how to write Leon, which is weird after having done it for like 20 years already at this point.
like, realistically, there’s not a whole lot of difference between OG Leon and Remake Leon, because they are still the same character
except when you get to the smut parts because
look
here’s the thing
OG Leon definitely lost his virginity in high school and is just an unrepentant whore
Remake Leon, on the other hand, fooled around a little bit but didn’t go all the way until after Raccoon City, and then rarely, if ever, since then
OG Leon has control issues and can’t come unless he’s on top
Remake Leon is happy to fill whatever role is needed as long as it gets his partner off, but he secretly just wants someone to take care of him and tell him he’s doing a good job
OG Leon is here for a good time, not a long time
Remake Leon will fuck you until the sun comes up
OG Leon will fuck you dirty in a bathroom stall at the nightclub if the mood’s right
Remake Leon will insist on taking you back to his place unless he’s convinced otherwise
OG Leon has a tried and true technique that he’s perfected over the years and sticks with
Remake Leon is 100% an intuitive lover and enjoys learning as he goes
OG Leon has a really great sense of what the right time and place is, and he can prioritize correctly despite being a huge fucking slut
Remake Leon is so fucking touch-starved and lonely that he’ll completely melt for anyone, anywhere, at any time if they touch and talk to him the right way
OG Leon is terrified of being genuinely vulnerable and does everything in his power to avoid overly emotional situations, so he hides his emotions behind bad jokes and/or drowns them in liquor
Remake Leon is also terrified of being genuinely vulnerable, but he so desperately wants to feel safe enough to be, so if nothing else he’ll at least kiss you softly after you bare your heart to him, even if he doesn’t open up, himself
it’s just a different vibe, man
and that’s the motherfuckin tea ☕
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izzy-b-hands · 3 months
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You ever have a day where you feel like you're doing everything wrong, even when you're like. just doing things you normally do. And are alone, so like the only person i could in theory upset/piss off/etc right now is me myself, and Yet the feeling persists
Yeaaaaah. That's today's vibe for me apparently lmao
#text post#it's fine bc i know it's probably just a culmination of a couple different worries that i should be able to address#in the coming days/weeks but all the same#my brain is pinging like no you immediately need to check with everyone you know that you aren't mucking up#but like. if that was the case they'd talk to me and let me know#and i could apologise recognise where/how I've fucked up and change what I'm doing/try to do better#some days i just can't turn off the 'everyone is frustrated with u & feeling worse bc u aren't recognising that u fucked up' feeling#bc sometimes it's true! i missed a cue or didn't properly pick up what was being put down/implied!!#and when i do that it just. kills me 💀#like i know that life does just involve fucking up sometimes and being in the wrong and apologising and doing better#but also oh god i need to know immediately if I've fucked up so i can do better and try to make things right#or as close to right as possible#i need to stop typing tags and get onto the survey sites and into the chores that need doing today#fr tho if i have fucked up recently & any friends on here know/have been nervous to tell me#pls just do. i want to know so i can try not to make the same fuck up again#the anxiety over feeling like I've fucked up something but haven't realised it is ten times worse than#being told i fucked up apologising and figuring out how I'm going to try and make things better#no more tags rn tho!! time to try and get something done!!!
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coconut530 · 9 months
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Here’s two doodles (late night edition)
#Malevolent#Malevolent Podcast#6#WOW LIKE WHERE DO I EVEN START#First like them talking and stuff#John sorry bby you felt isolated but I mean come on friends never hurt anyone#And NOEL!!! Frickin’ love this guy#SO MUCH USEFUL INTEL WHAAAAT. CHARON TREASURER ORDER SIGIL LIKE SO CRAZYYYYY#AND JOHN WAS PART OF THE CONVERSATION!!! I have no idea why the second Arthur started talking I just burst out laughing for like.#So many minutes#But it was so wholesome and gratifying! Like we only get this type of freedom with Kayne bc he can hear John so having a trustworthy friend#Hearing us is nice#Unrelated but soundscapes were really good this ep like dang surely one of my fave eps of the season#And then um. Whatever Aldrich and Percival scenes were#That story was kinda cute I forgot about it way to tie it back to the beginning during the penultimate#JOHN STOP FORGETTING THINGS WE NEED TO BE PAST THIS#MARIE GIRL I’LL MISS YOU YOU WERE VERY FUN AND EPIC AND OUR FIRST WOMAN CHARACTER SO UHH YEAH#ALSO YOU TALKING ABOUT UR SON MADE ME WANT TO CRY OKAY HAHAHA#Noel!!! He’s just the best I tell ya#WHEN HE WAS LIKE UR OFFICE CUMMINGS DREAMLANDS KING IN YELLOW PRISON PITS THE CANA ADAM FRY LIKE OH MY GOOOOOOODDDDDDDD#I DIED IT WAS LIKE SO CRAZY HE LIKE KNOWS SO MUCH IS SO SIMILAR TO US IT’S CRAAAAAAZY#AND DUDE IT’S REALLY HARD TO NOT CALL YOU NOEL STILL#WE GONNA BREAK! IN! AND IT’S GONNA BE EPIC!#ANS THEN WE’RE OFF TO ENGLAND!!! WHAT I’M SO EXCITED#FIRST MIZU FROM BLUE EYE SAMURAI GOES TO ENGLAND AND NOW ARTHUR WHAT A TREAT#MALEVOLENT’S SO COOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLL
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one of the worst feelings ever is wanting to write but your hands hurt too much or the words just don’t want to work so you just sit there staring at a half finished doc with tears in your eyes bc you want to write and you need to write but everything is telling you that you can’t
#and that you’re a terrible writer and that no one cares aaaaaaand imposter syndrome kicks in and you just feel like crap#bc all your friends have been wriying recejtky so why can’t you??? cause they’re bETTER THAN YOU#lol idk why my head is so bad today#the feelings of inferiority and emptiness and idk worthlessness are strong and i hate it but i can’t stop it#i just wanna write!!! and like what i write!!!#but i Can’t and i haven’t liked anything i’ve written in Months and ugh i hate not being able to d something i wanna do#oh and now i’m crying??? why the frick am i cRYING litetally why is typing this making me Worse#sorry guys needed to rant#the inadequacy was strong today#something something students keep telling me how much they dislike me or how i’m whiny for asking them to be respectful and like#i Know i shouldn’t compare myself to my friends but gosh it’s hard when they’re all like. so much better than me.#and i don’t have a lot of time to be on tumblr bc of work so i just feel like i’m watching everything from afar and it’s no one’s fault but#my brain’s like no one is Doing anything it’s just my brain being dumb and i can’t stand it and I want to stop feeling empty and like i’m#missing a part of myself and like the words i write don’t matter gOD why can’t i just feel happy with where i am and not care what the kids#who hate me say or realize that no one cares that i’m not on much like i’m still Here and trying to interact it’s not like everyone hates me#for being busy or for liking side characters more than the main characters and just—#sorry#that felt good actually#idk what came over me#imma just. imma shower. then maybe delete my tags#sorry if anyone got this far aT ALL grace is either asleep or trying to sleep so i don’t wanna bother them since they slept poorly last nigh#okay done now for real sorry delete tags later sorry if you saw this and how freaking messed up ky freaking brain is
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yuckyfucky · 1 year
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⋆。゚(??????? // ?????????) 𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐑.𝖿𝗍.𝐄𝐋𝐋𝚰𝐄 𝐖𝚰𝐋𝐋𝚰𝐀𝐌𝐒 remix
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author’s scribbles: my s!lly as$ was in an incredibly s!lly mood. i wanna laughᵎᵎ i wanna have fun, a bch can hardly sit stillᵎᵎ
summary: ♡ ellie goes out on a date with friend ♡
uhhh w⚠︎rnings(??)..mm 2 b aware of..(???): honestly self insert, alllll oc’s r blk(coded) ☆, a lvl of unserious-ness, these bchs r str8 (no) up CLOWNS, “cuz u gay n’ stuff,” fwb 2 lovers, fluff + suggestive, not proofread @ all (SAWRY), loosely based on a story i have in mind, i have a visionᵎᵎ
l: v (very), wld (would), 2 (to), cld (could), bk (back), @ (at), nvr (never), 4 (for) // my slang is jus foolishness buh i can’t stop! update: im reading this thinking..damn this might give y’all a HEADACHE geezus, lemme make it make sense a bit fr 😭💀
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╔═══  
•..0..*AND
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NOW..$..#..%ᵎᵎ
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✎ “come.on. there’s gotta be fucking something..SOMETHING!” the last time ellie went shopping was almost half a yr ago. she wore her shit til the seams unraveled
✎ cue 2 a night when she tried 2 send an “accidentally on purpose” thirst trap but the second she pulled @ her shirt 2 flash a lil sumthin’, it came undone by the sides she still sent a pic
✎ wearing SCRAPS 4 clothing @ this point. “fffuuuuUUUUCCC—!” just a mess!
✎ n’ her excuse reasoning 4 STILL not going 2 damn store despite actually looking very forward 2 her night-out “it was in the spur of the moment!” (sheee literally had three whole days 2 go buh was all heart eyes n’ wobbly knees simply bcuz she had finally asked. oh, n’ bcuz her date said “yes,” obvi ♡)
✎ her hands shuffled robotically in front of her face before settling them on the back of her neck. terrible, TERRIBLE tics; she knew better than 2 bite @ her fingers
✎ especially after oc had made a comment that if she didn’t stop she’d end up with “frog fingers.” completely brushing over the countless vids of ppl they’ve seen wound up in the hospital bcuz of that that n’ a few other ridiculous warnings were thrown @ ellie if she didn’t want 2 end up accidentally leaving herself disfigured in the later future
✎ lightly being scared—or as she would call it, “bullied” out of her bad nervous habits
< from: my silly rabbit💋💋 > (tots didn’t personally put that in as their contact 030)
nobody:
u:
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✎ but it was working. her lips also recovering from the excessive biting and lack of lip balm
LOL&;$:8:8.&IMFKNGONE ↴
✎ disgustingly dragging/typing out their laughter 4 emphasis on how funny they thought sumthin’ was, ranging from pure gibberish or (a personal fave) “AAAAAAAAAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHA” 4 obnoxiousness
✎ oc was as silly as they come: nvr failing 2 make an interrobang form above ellie’s head or getting a smile out of her
1) from a fucksesh that lasted nearly 3hrs, the both of them clocked out almost immediately right after. tho ellie’s slumber was cut short when she heard giggling in the middle of night. going thru emotions of confusion 2 anxiousness then annoyance n’ fearfulness. it was that she was being robbed or her place was haunted, n’ who tf had the time 4 either?? she leaned over, ready 2 shake oc awake n’ grab a bat she kept neatly stashed from underneath her bed buh paused when she saw them comfortably asleep with a fkn smile on their face. another giggle escaping their lips before they unconsciously stuffed their hand into their underwear
2) ellie could practically see the gears turning in their head from her peripheral. cocking their head 2 the side while they noisily slurped down a sweet tea they had gotten earlier from a lil donut shop right off of campus. a mischievous twinkle in their eyes. “..ellie,” they started ooh so casually “you know how to dance?” she squinted her eyes before rolling them. failing 2 suppress a smile which only grew bigger when oc surpassed hers with a cheshire-like grin “…no.” “So if I throw ass, how you gonna catch it?”
✎ dina shared that ellie was only working herself up. especially considering that they’d b out n’ around in such (inconsistent) humid + hot weather. with a pat on her shoulder n’ a “you’ll figure it out” 4 extra support, along with a promise to take her shopping next week. n’ ellie did. same way she let out a sigh of relief when she figured out which carnival 2 go 2 instead. this one being 30mins away. ellie didn’t want them to cross any paths with old habits. it was lowkey much 4 her that she still went 2 the same university
✎ oki, now ellie wasn’t exaaactly a player persay. tho she did happen 2 get around..often.. (unintentionally) leaving behind a lil more than a handful of broken hearts affiliated with either jesse or dina having 2 suffer n’ fend off awkward run-ins from “have you seen Ellie”’s. playing confused like they don’t practically live with her not like that’s their business anyway. blowing em’ off wit a neck scratch n’ a tired “she’s in jackson for the next two weeks.” followed up by a ray of annoyed texts sent her way: bro, call them already! x next time im giving them the keys to ur room buh-buh ntm on her! she’s a changed person now!
✎ tho she did met oc @ a time despite claiming she was done with hookups, happily welcomed them into her life with open arms, and open legs and an open mouth. but it was a treat 4 herself! had absolutely no expectations other than a lil summer fling @ best buh overtime she found herself wanting them 2 stay a lil longer (tho it took her awhile 2 admit it)
✎ she crossed her fingers n’ hoped, damn near got on her knees n’ PRAYED that they didn’t know about her promiscuities. like she didn’t spend her first 2yrs n’ sum change walking round campus with “community strap” practically stamped on her forehead—like that wasn’t exactly how n’ y they even met! (womp womp)
✎ ◁◁: oc knew of ellie best from a conversation they shamelessly eavesdropped on during composition. a girl n’ assumingely a fren, were trying 2 ever so quietly (buh failing) 2 talk about her. her n’ another one apparently. called them a “cock carousel,” tho admittedly confessing she’d like 2 get on that ride all dreamily. it made them curious
✎ damn her hypnotic green orbs n’ those scruffy ass shoes!
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✎ dina ain’t give a shit fr lol. FINALLY an opportunity 2 give ellie a lil makeover after all those years she turned her down when they were younger, cuz apparently she was jus too cool 4 that shi n’ dina was willing 2 take whatever she cld get. ellie knew it was coming too
✎ “you know—“ “no.” “..?..you don’t even—“ “no.” “why are saying ‘no’, you don’t even—“ “no.” “you didn’t even—” “no!” “fine, be late to your date!”
✎ either ellie wasted more time tryna puzzle piece whatever was left of her wardrobe n’ b late or her clothes would come apart before she even left the damn house, making her even more late
✎ she knew she gave herself the short end of the stick. ellie didn’t even have 2 utter a “yes.” dina was already down the hall happily humming 2 herself, that deep exasperated sigh of defeat from ellie was more than enough. she could hear the clatter of doors opening. it’ll just have 2 do
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(∩`-´)⊃━☆゚.*・。゚ OC’S POV
“Okay, look up again real quick!” “Oou put this on ‘nstead!” “Lemme add another strip!” Excited squeals circled the living room. I stood tall and balanced on the foot stool. Theatrically posing like a Zara Model (a.k.a unserious). I basked in my friends buzzing energy like a damn mannequin while they beautified me for my little adventure—oh! Sorry, DATE, of the night. Lightly..floating away.. back.. — .t
.
o
o
   o
      o
  o
  。
ₒₐa
a late convo in the middle of July.
< from: ew!..♡ >
then the beeeest fucking part
ending the night with elephant ears
or funnel-cake
u know, something like that
“Something like that..” I read her text aloud to myself. Geeked up in bed like she was a high-school crush: a finger pinched between my teeth and feet kicked up into the air. This was serious!
I motioned my hand in slow circles as I watched the three dot speech bubble appear then disappear for the next minute.
Mhmm..Oki!..Oki!
Then two.
..Oki!..Oki!…….Oki? My smile faltered and I stopped my movements.
It’s been five minutes.
I lulled my head to side and scoffed. My dazed smile turned agape.
< to: ew!..♡ >
…..i know this ain’t ur way of asking me out
ellie😭
i was working my up to it!
talking bout something like that
b a fkn lady!
damn! i won’t ask then!
ooooomfg, i was jus playing
it was funny.LAUGH!!!
elliiiieeeugh
We started spamming each other. Her pretending to be chicken shit while I demanded for an official proposal. I loved, fuckin’ DESERVED to be courted dammit!
fine! sorry!
..[redacted]
uuuugh
???
do u NOT want 2 take me out or sumthin?!?
bro, STOP
just let me do my thing!
“Just let me do my thing!” I mocked.
“Hmph!,” I let out a squeak as I hugged squeezed the shit out of my pillow. Growing silent while I waited. My heart racing.
can u go out with me?
What the..? I deadpanned and kissed my teeth.
i mean…..ig i CAN
u know, since that’s wha ur asking me
Giggling myself, I imagined her combing a hand through her hair while yelling out “oooooooh my gooooooo—!” I don’t care! This isn’t middle school!
toooots not w8g 2 b swept up off of my feet by prince charming or sumthin..
I dramatically pouted into the phone. Just sitting here! Waiting and waiting aaaanD WAIT—
O’ [redacted], O’ [redacted], wouldst thee liketh to wend out on a date with me to the
fuck it
carnival this saturday at 7??
Oh how dramatic!
WOAH?!
not even a “let down your hair” remix?? u went deep into the wenches wit it. u sure u nvr been 2 a renaissance fair b4🤨 bet they had ur freaky ass greet ppl by the s🚫x dungeons
u got that shi str8 from google anyway!!
Immediately a speech bubble popped up.
LOL
STOP, JUS LEMME HAVE A LAUGH OMGG
EHEM, EHEM!!
i wouldst v’ry much like—th..uhh that
^-^
and u said I got my shit from google
took u 10mins just to look something up and put together that scrambled egg of a sentence
lmaooo
ANYWAYS!!
@ 7
T’is a date!
it’s a date
:)
*        
   . ⊹ ⁺
☾ ˚₊‧꒰ა It’s a date! It’s a date! ໒꒱ ‧₊˚  .   
✦⠀ , 
˚ . I threw my phone onto the bed and screamed into the pillow. Excitedly kicking my legs. ⋆ ⠀   ⠀. 
  ˚    , “Wait, oh my gosh!”—I grabbed back my phone—“I gotta tell the others. Imma need help with this!” .
.
< to: we r lightskin, n’ we can help you >
guess who’s goin on a date with a certain sum1 2 the carnival this Saturday, @ 7??!
I laid sprawled out. Waiting for my phone to blow up—bzzt! bzzt!.. BZZTBZZTBZZTBZZTBZZT! Oh, never mind.
What will we even do? Oki, I mean..yeah! It’s the literally the fair. Just get up on a damn ride, ‘woohoo’ n’ whatever, but like..it’s been a little minute since I’ve went out-out…especially on a date.
My smile fell and settled into a deep frown.
What if I embarrass myself? What if I don’t even get to do that? . What if she flakes out last minute? Or worse! What if—
“BOOOOORRRIIING!” I yelled. Wiping my face to swipe all of that negativity into the trash.
   ˚        ゚     .
. “Yeah, enough entertaining that shit..” ,
  *   ⠀.★
     .    “It’s a date,” I reassured myself. Lightly brushing my fingertips over my lips. That dopey smile making its way back on my face. “It’s a date.” ⠀✦
 ˚              *     
It’s a
ₒₐa
o
O
🅳. Ⓘ ᗡ ๏ ˎˊ˗
П. 𝗚
ˏˋ. Ͷ【G】
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✎ the house stood still. then came the hushed shrieks
✎ oc was suddenly pulled into a whirlpool of 21 questions n’ inspection: “text—no, CALL me when you guys get there! and give me updates every four hours.” “do you have your keys? what about your lipgloss?” “ur location still on?” their friend, brandy, patted n’ smoothed down the crop top she had picked out 4 them 2 wear (along with some shorts). “okay..okay..” reassuringly murmuring more 2 herself than them. making sure the 10 strips of boob tape was wrapped securely (they REFUSED 2 wear a bra again!..unless it was rly cute ofc)
✎ n’ right before they knew it , n’ could answer a damn question, they were shoved out the house with a slam behind them
✎ staring @ the puzzled freckled faced girl (who quickly collected themselves from tripping up the steps from the porch n’ almost crushing the gifts she had bought them)
✎ she was dressed in a plain black wife beater top, dark green lounge shorts n’ those damn converses. she scrunched up her face n’ scoffed @ nearly everything dina originally had picked out. hyping herself up in the bathroom “damn i look good” while dina stared @ her thru the mirror bored n’ rolled her eyes before walking away
✎ does that shit where she uses her spit 2 slick her eyebrows instead of buying eyebrow gel
✎ all of that just 4 her 2 hide in her car 4 almost 10mins outside of oc’s place bcuz she was doubtful n’ regretting her outfit choice
✎ oc ooooobviously thought she looked hot af (regardless/always) ♡
✎ “oh uh, sorry about that. my friends are uh..” oc’s hands flailed around as they tried 2 collect their words. pointing n’ looking back towards the front door, but paused when they didn’t see any light from the other side of the peephole. “the fuck..?” were they..seriously watching them?! looking 2 the window, immediately the curtains shuffled bk. NOSEY PERVERTED AS—
✎“like that isn’t you..” ellie let out a chuckle from behind them. “here.” she handed them an overly stuffed gift basket full of pop up confetti cards, candy n’ sum other things. knowing how much they love 2 b spoiled with all the lil silly things that makes their world go round. beaming like a child on halloween night
✎ ▷▷: engulfed by the shrill screams of kids n’ the aroma of overly sweetened treats in the air battling the occasional MUSK from ppl that refused 2 wear/carry deodorant. the two of them spent the first half an hr pushing thru the crowd 2 find one of those expensive air sprayed shirt displays. bought sets of two: coordinating n’ individuals. oc settled picked a stencil 4 their shirt 2 say heaven sent in bubble font with a hot babe on the side where ellie’s said hell bound in block font with a big headed styled chibi drawing of her
✎ individuals: oc’s got a bunny blowing hubba bubba n’ ellie’s was of the moon of course (she’s never taking it off btw)
✎ oc tots failed 2 b keep their frens posted buh @ least they turned on their location. it counts 4 sumthin!
✎ oc has a major sweettooth: practically inhaled a diabolical sugar rush of strawberry milkshake topped with giant lollipops, cotton candy, sprinkles n’ gummy bears. ellie felt sick jus looking @ it. they were getting caramel popcorn next
✎ all the rides were old n’ rusty as hell. went on the lil spooky merry go-round n’ not even a jump scare or sum flashing lights, jus riding in the dark 💀 wasted 3tickets 4 that shi
✎ they shared a liking 2 fast, spinning rides. jus another n’ a much more fun excuse 2 b up against each other (…in public)
✎ not silly, jus a menace: “put ur foot here” ellie bent down 2 show oc a cool trick, “now lift,” already walking away. pleased n’ laughing 2 herself. “UUUUGH!” leaving behind oc 2 grimace @ the glob of gum stuck beneath their shoe. yeah, cuz that’ll show em’ 4 putting a fkn ZIP TIE who tf just carry’s those??! on ellie’s car handle attached 2 a shopping cart 2 beat her in a (mini n’ SAFE) race back to her place
✎ “it was funny. laugh!” ellie mocked. circling oc as they pretended to b annoyed. “y’all hear sumthin?” literally jus talking 2 themselves, per usual. ellie kissed her teeth “such a baby, here I’ll make it up to you” she stride towards one of the many gaming booths where workers who looked like they had better things 2 do boringly resisted lines along “step right up…” (disappointingly looking nothing like nor holding the same enthusiasm like that one guy from that carnival video game) “which one you want?” oc pointed at a Kai-Lan plushie
✎ ooh, she cheated. it was either that or she was gonna (somehow) steal the plushie. the both of them coming 2 an agreeable justification: all the games were rigged
✎ hanging out 4 a bit, ellie ate two corndogs n’ oc stuffed their face full of fries (that were no different—literally bought from the grocery store, not they cared anyways. their argument being “it’s tastes better!”) while they complained n’ expressed their delight 4 the “architecture” of fairs. rambling on n’ on about how lame most places r now 4 taking down all the weird whacky shi: the giant objects on the walls @ in malls 4 advertisement, the fake homes above the deli/vegetable section in grocery stores, fuckin’ fast food restaurants n’ movies theaters losing wha made them movie theaters in the first place. “whyyy do i have to drive out of the state just to find a movie theater that still uses mothafuckin’ cutouts?!” all the things that made life a little more enjoyable. “look, look!!” holding up their phone 2 ellie’s face “i know what im talking about!!”
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✎ completely bypassed the ferris wheel or a causal walk right after eating n’ excitedly got in line 2 the fkn GRAVITRON🧍🏽‍♀️learned absolutely NOTHING from the last time they went 2 the fair n’ ate a shit ton of food before going on a ride. literally has it set as a “rule” in their notes app
✎“shit, i think im gonna—“ ellie held her hand against her stomach as she hunched over the exit railing, covering her mouth. “im walking away from you” oc hurried down the ramp “you better not! stop!!” screaming @ ellie as she chased them around acting as if she was gonna vomit on them
✎ she actually did puke. making a frantic beeline to the bathrooms. oc gave them the french fry bucket they were gonna keep as a souvenir , incase she felt nauseous again buh the toilet wasn’t close by. they’ll jus get another one before they leave
✎ eventually the musky crowd dispersed, children’s screams were replaced by light squeals n’ the pitter patter of shoes against the grass mixed with unintelligible conversations
✎ the two of them made their way towards the back of the fair. headed str8 4 the funhouse that was freakishly empty. the glow from the red lights created a spooky ambiance. just walked right in cuz whoever was supposed 2 stand outside was nowhere 2 b found
✎ “this kinda reminds me of this music video..ca—mm..don’t know a lick of belig..em??..belginguam??” “Are you serious..” “Wait hush, hush, HUSH! uhh..belgium—YEAH, belgium!!”
✎ they started shuffling their body awkwardly, trying 2 replicate the dances in the mv. “lemme stop before something actually happens” it was supposed 2 b like a ritual/possession
✎ “uh uh, back up!” “what i thought you liked me?” ellie corned them tryna get a kiss. “yeah once u brushed n’ rinsed out your mouth! im not kissing no—stop, get off of me, FREAK!” they giggled. pushing her out of the way n’ running back outside
✎ ellie’s ego was satiated from showing off her gaming skills at a mini arcade (since when did they have those??), adding another plushy to the mountain oc was carrying beside her. tho their mood was a bit sour bcuz the photo-booth was out of order , all those pinterest reference photos they were so ready 2 recreate
✎ greedy as$ bought more fries, a burger n’ two extra corndogs. choosing 2 believe the money was being well spent . no real care 4 cost effectiveness , “it made me happy that’s all that matters!!”
✎ n’ ofc, ended the night wit elephant ears AND funnel cake ♡ (n oc’s phone blowing up 4 not giving the dets 2 their nosey frens)
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damn that ending was FLAT!! lol 😭😭 tell me if i used hcs properly tho , literally jus told a whole story thru it cuz i couldn’t do it the other way (yet). was fighting 4 my life fr // thanks lot 2: [ @s-4pphics n’ @seattlesellie ] 4 encouraging me 2 write ^-^
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bokuwadekinaiko · 1 month
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cw post / tags. sorry
i don't even know if i have the words
to express this
she's gone
and its all my fault
#~ . 🥀#half my brain wants to scream to cry to do something#the other half wants to lie here forever and wait til i go numb#im in such a state of shock rn i .m gonna throw up#for context#2 hours ago as of writing this i received news that a loved one committed suicide#i was one of the only people that knew she was severely depressed / suicidal i shouldve seen the signs#i shouldve helped her more or called her or told someone#i was a coward. i couldn't.#and because i willingly did nothing to stop someone from dying#i am compliant. therefore . its my fault shes dead#.#this isnt some story where you can rewrite the ending#this is real life#and now i watched someone i love die and will have to live with the guilt of knowing i couldve done something but chose not to#the worst type of person.#i didnt deserve to be friends with someone like her.#no one did. she was smart and witty and oh so stubborn (affectionate)#we both loved the same bands. i don't know if i can ever listen to those bands the same way again#god i cant think#im actually gonna throw up#this is the 2nd time in my life something like this has happened. 3rd if you count all COD not just suicide#knowing something is wrong with a loved one but being too much of a wuss to tell anyone or help them or do anything useful#god im fucking worthless#my friends and family will vent to me and share their problems with me and ill say i care and tell myself i care#but givenmy behavior i don't think i can ever say i can#idoly standing by while people i love suffer#fuckin pathetic#this was a deliberate choice i made. this is all my fault#this is all my fault
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toastsnaffler · 2 months
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was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍
#wild ik so many ppl getting married meanwhile im over here struggling to convince myself my friends even care abt me or want me around#pathetic to admit but i cant even fantasise abt someone loving me bc im too insecure n emotionally unstable#my mind just shoots the idea down like whoa. unrealistic. ur incapable of expressing or receiving affection in any way that matters#no matter how badly u want to... and even if someone did well u wouldnt believe them most of the time#gotta get out of the fucking labyrinth first i couldnt inflict this shit on anyone i cared abt#but it makes me so desperately sad sometimes i dont know how im ever going to get out of this ive been trying for years and years#and im a little better at it snd i dont feel like this all of the time i know it just comes around and itll pass again#but im tired of being in so much emotional pain so frequently. and shouldering it so alone. theres such a disconnect between myself and#others and i dont know how to bridge that i don't know how to stop feeling so isolated and unwanted !!!!!! im trying so hard#it doesnt even bother me w relative strangers in my life like i dont get insecure at all around them i like meeting new ppl#bc theres like. no expectations i guess. like ik they dont care abt me personally and idk them well enough to do that either#and its fun but it doesnt satisfy needs that i have like i need to feel close + connected to ppl i need to care abt them + feel cared for#but as soon as i do start to care abt ppl it gets all tangled and i end up getting rly badly hurt over and over. thru no fault but my own#bc im constantly alienating myself and bc i struggle so much w shit like physical affection which is frustratingly rly critical for me!!!!#it wouldnt fucking matter if i didnt like or want affection ik some ppl are fine without i wish it worked like that for me#but nope instead i have to be constantly messed up over my complete fucking inability to express myself in any form#and ik it makes everyone around me so uncomfortable so it just becomes self reinforcing and eventually they drift and leave me behind#and i just do that over and over and over and every time ill tell myself ill do better ill try harder and itll get easier and someone will#and it happens again and right now im at the stage where the abandonment fear is starting to kick in which is awful n paralysing#and usually a precursor to actually being abandoned ehich is always my own fault bc i start behaving so erratically out of fear or defense#its self fulfilling and im trying. im trying so hard not to let it overwhelm me again and not to start acting out and freaking ppl out#and im coping with it okay i think but just hurts me a lot its all internal my rejection sensitivity is gradually ticking up and up#and argh!!!!!!!!! and some days im okay and some days its like this and i dont know what todo when its like this im so tired and in pain#its not even that bad today tbf. once im done typing this to get it out ill be able to do smth else and distract mysrlf for a bit#and then calling friends later too so exposure therapy innit. but itll be fun and i love them but i will probably also feel very bad after#or even possibly during but thats okay ill still manage fine im not going to let it interfere i dont want it controlling my fucking life#i am going to have a nice time and be okay despite it all. even if i do have to fucking battle this every day forever#and even if it stops me living my life to the extent i want and feeling as ok as i want i just have to come to terms with and be ok w it#and im not going to be!!! a fucking asshole abt it!!! i dont want to hurt anyone else thats the most important thing no matter how i feel#thr rest is all secondary and ik i cant help a few little bumps here and there but trying hardest to keep it separate its not negotiable
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cashweasel · 11 months
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Got tagged by besties @night-triumphantt and @sysba who I’ll be sending my therapy bill to for making me take this quiz for blorbos but maybe it’s also partly my fault bc I can’t resist taking quizzes esp if they’re about ocs
Tagging @lawrencebarkley @sosolenoo @heaventides
What kind of love are you?
valen - love that heals
your love is healing. it burns you with every bit of your soul, but you choose to heal, nevertheless. you are so, so so strong and i hope you know that. i send you peace. i send you calm. i hope things will become better for you in time, just as you have made others better in time as well.
gideon, yazan, hyacinth - love that lasts
love unconditional, love unfailing. you love no matter what happens because you believe in the best – of you, and them. it will hurt and it will fail you, but this love tastes so sweet – you can never believe that it bitters sometimes. the way you choose to love unconditionally is incredible.
karima - love that protects
you love so fiercely, with every fibre of your being. maybe you were wounded by love in the past ; such that you choose to love and love and love so wonderfully that the next person who comes into your life never doubts that they are loved by you.
shaheen - love that strengthens
you make sure that people know that they are loved, and you give them strength when they need it the most. this is an ability that is rare; the love that you hold speaks wonders of yourself. i hope you're doing alright. isn't it exhausting always being the bigger person?
angie - love that calms
this is sweet. i hope you know that you make others feel at ease around you. you're a gem, a blessing, a treasure – and you should know it. it's comfortable loving you. it's a privilege to be around you and to be let into your world.
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Also I just wanna point these out because- I was so attacked, triggered even, hurt also
how dare you put these very specific quotes in a quiz a I was meant to take for yazan and gideon
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jouska-the-deer · 1 year
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People still suck at writing Sonic the Hedgehog
Interpretations of Sonic outside of media made by Sonic Team often seem either unable or unwilling to reconcile the fact that Sonic is both kind-hearted and intelligent, but I think I've noticed a recent shift in the way writers try to reconcile it.
In general, there seems to be this belief that smart people are inherently more pessimistic toward the world and that kind people are inherently more naive towards it. So, when writing for a character who's both smart and kind, less knowledgeable writers end up flanderizing them in one of two ways:
The first way, which is how Sonic was interpreted in Sonic Boom and prior, is making the character act like a jerk who knows best. At worst, they'll be outright rude towards their closest friends, but any criticism they get for it will be ignored because their opinions are always correct in the eyes of the narrative. At best, they'll sometimes make mistakes and learn lessons about being nicer to other people, which is something their non-flandarized self wouldn't have struggled with.
The second way, which is how Sonic is interpreted now, is making the character a saint who solves everything with friendship. At worst, they'll give absolute tyrants a million chances, but any criticism they get for it will be ignored because their opinions are always correct in the eyes of the narrative. At best, they'll sometimes make mistakes and learn lessons about certain people being unwilling to change, which is something their non-flandarized self wouldn't have struggled with.
You may have noticed I straight up copy/pasted a couple bits of those last two paragraphs. Well, that's because those bits reveal a bit of truth in how Sonic is portrayed by Sonic Team. Sonic's opinions are always correct in the eyes of the narrative, because of the lessons he no longer struggles with. Sonic already learned to balance his desire to give people a second chance with the fact that some people just have to be stopped. When? Since the very beginning. Sonic has always been trying to defeat Eggman for good while also giving second chances to people who he thinks deserve it.
But how do you deal with people who are causing so much harm when you still think they deserve a second chance? Guess what? Sonic answered that straight up in Sonic Adventure 1.
Do me a quick favor and if you can listen to Open Your Heart, specifically the Sonic Adventure 1 version (Click here). You may notice that there're two distinct sets of vocals; One clean and high pitched, and one distorted and low pitched. (And if you're wearing headphones the audio will even pan during the chorus.) For context, this is the song that plays while Sonic is fighting Chaos.
You can figure it out yourself from there, but if you want me to really dig into the topic, feel free to keep reading.
So like, I shouldn't have to say this, but the dark negative voice is Chaos' view and the light positive voice is Sonic's. But notably, they sing together during key points, specifically those related to the anger, sadness, and hopelessness that Chaos has been feeling for ages. Sonic has recognized that 1. imprisoning Chaos as suggested by Tikal wouldn't solve anything because, 2. Chaos is only acting this way due to being blinded by hatred for those he perceives as selfish monsters, and 3. he's still very much currently destroying the world and won't change his mind because he's lost hope that there's anything worth holding on to.
What does Sonic do then? Sonic may be an unstoppable force but Chaos is a seemingly immovable object. Well, he literally uses the positive energy from his friends and within himself to stop Chaos' rampage and prove that there are still good people in the world that want to maintain peace. After he loses the fight, Chaos is able to calm down and see that the cute defenseless chao he'd been protecting ages ago had survived, living among the very people he had assumed could only be power hungry monsters. He's able to let go of his hatred and live a peaceful life understanding that good people still exist and the world is still worth protecting.
And that's where the question is answered. How do you deal with people who are causing so much harm when you still think they deserve a second chance? You do everything you can to stop them, and if they're still around afterward, show them that they didn't need to fight in the first place. But that only works if they had a good reason behind why they were fighting, and would have chosen peace otherwise.
Sonic wanted to give Chaos a second chance because he knew that violence was not truly in his nature. Had he not been forced into those specific circumstances, Chaos would have chosen peace.
And that's what separates characters who have done a lot of harm but Sonic still gave a second chance to like Chaos and Merlina, from those who have done a lot of harm but Sonic wouldn't give a second chance to, like Eggman and Erazor Djinn. The former wanted peace but became convinced that it was impossible, and the latter only wanted power and were willing to hurt others to obtain it. The characters who Sonic won't give another chance to have proven that when dealt a better hand, they'll still chose to hurt others solely for their own gain, because that's what they want. To stop them peacefully, Sonic would have to convince them to give up their true dreams.
And that, is why Sonic's opinions get to always be treated as right in the games, because they are right. He has an absolutely kind heart, a nuanced understanding of morality, and the integrity to never give in to selfish desires.
None of this means Sonic is always right, though. Most people already know of his impulsiveness, which is his greatest weakest, but also one of his greatest strengths. Sonic never waits to act, which is great when innocent people are seconds from mortal danger... but not so great when a situation looks to be one way but is actually another. He teases Eggman for pleading for a second chance in Unleashed and he kicks the Cacophonous Conch from Eggman's hand in Lost World, and both of those were massive mistakes.
But, despite making those mistakes, his mindset wasn't the problem. How was he supposed to know Eggman was a shockingly good actor leading him into a trap? How was he supposed to know the people Eggman was controlling with the conch were equally as evil? (Yes Tails tried to warn him but literally if he didn't Sonic wouldn't have looked stupid and it just shows how poorly written Lost World was overall.) Had Eggman actually been pleading and the Zeti good people, Sonic's actions would've been justified.
Still, those were mistakes, and Sonic always wants to do what's right, so he does what he can to fix his own messes. He restores the planet Eggman broke apart. He stops the Zeti from sucking the life out of the planet. Sonic always makes things right in the end, and so he has the right to be so confidant in his beliefs. So confidant in fact that he doesn't care about looking like the bad guy if it means doing the right thing. Oh look, there's a song about that too. From Sonic's fight with Merlina in Sonic and the Black Knight. (Click Here.) Don't be fooled by the feminine vocals, if you paid attention to the themes of the game, the song is clearly from Sonic's perspective.
So yeah, Sonic is kind but he's also smart. He won't let anyone change his mind on anything, but he doesn't need to change his mind because he follows his kind heart and compassionate soul. He doesn't worry about looking like the bad guy because he and his friends know his true nature. When he gets angry he lets his rage fuel his desire to save the day. He'll never shed tears of despair because he knows that if he keeps fighting he'll make things right in the end. Sometimes his impulsiveness gets him into trouble, but it also helps get him back out. No matter what happens to him, he'll always make it out in the end either through sheer determination or the help of his friends.
Sonic is absolutely silly; He makes dumb jokes about his enemies and talks to himself when there's nobody around. Sonic is completely serious; He's willing to kill someone if it means saving the world and has felt multiple friends die before his eyes and in his arms.
Sonic is literally just some blue hedgehog who can run really fast.
Sonic is a god, and could kill god, and there is not a difference!
But most importantly, Sonic is all of those things at once. He is a wonderfully balanced character who's been right from the very beginning and has spent all his games sharing his wisdom with others simply by being himself. He isn't perfect, but that's not due to some personality flaw he needs to correct, but because nobody can always have all the answers and know how to avoid all potential mistakes.
The problem is, writing a character like this is hard. Writing conflicts for a character like this is hard. Most writers rely on making their protagonists work through relatable flaws to create an emotionally compelling story... but you don't need to do that. Sonic's conflicts are mostly external, but we care about him succeeding anyway because he's a good person who's just trying to live his life.
So really, if you wanna write Sonic well, you have to just let him speak for himself.
...By the way I mean that literally. Dude listen to his character theme it's all right there! (Click here.) Even when his theme was altered in Sonic Adventure 2 the only thing that changed was how confidently the same ideas were delivered. (Click here.) But seriously listen to literally any of the game themes, final boss themes, and ending themes. (I'm not linking all that.) No matter the quality of the games, if Sonic wanted to teach you something he was gonna teach it... through the power of having a music department detached from the nightmare that is game development time crunch.
And that's why Sonic Lost World is the worst Sonic game. Because it was so pointless that Sonic didn't have anything to sing about!
Wait... what was the point of this post again?
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segernatural · 11 months
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hmm
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theevilicecreamsoda · 11 months
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I think i ever processed anything that happened from 2021 to now like ever
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handcat · 1 year
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back to the dating app 🚶
#got inspired to try it again 🙄#i have a date semi planned now and all of the women in portland are obsessed w me or whatever#bc i like love and dating ppl but i keep falling in love with friends and it HAS NOT ENDED WELL ONCE so maybe stop it you dumbass#(this may be caused by the fact i’ve gotten my hopes up a bit abt a friend of mine but i should NOT… unless…)#i crave companionship#and am#also so scared all the time i’m soooooososcaredddd rn#why can’t everyone just love me all the time#must be my personality bc i’m like really hot rn#also me swiping on ppl just looking for hookups them matching and just 😳 i do not know if i’m at a point in my life where i am confident eno#ugh to do that 😳#as previously stated i’m so so scared#idk i’m conflicted and need to over share about it#idk will continue flirting w that one friend tho#even though flirting with eachother is an ongoing joke in this friend group so i don’t think she would take it seriously lmao#was telling my dear good pal to come over and suck my fingers yesterday like that’s just how it is#anyway she’s cool and makes childrens books and stories and loves dinasours and is tall and can jump really high#we got drunk together at my friends bday and bonded and it was SO CUTE#also she cries a lot when she’s high but doesn’t notice (she’s not even sad there’s just tears lol)#ruh roh just typed that all out and realized it seems like i’m obsessed w her 😳#going to hit my head on a wall okay goodnight
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