#where am I going to wear those??? | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

hootybal-lecter · 10 months ago

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Y'all I bough a vest and a suit jacket with a slight plaid pattern yesterday

Hannibal is a terrible influence

#also they're too big #they're medium and I look teeny tiny in them #I swear I'm not that small #but I look like a kid wearing their parents clothes #hannibal #nbc hannibal #hannibal lecter #also got a couple ties #where am I going to wear those???

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 6 months ago

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Flower Empowered.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #lan wangji #wei wuxian #lan wunian #The absolute chaos that ensued when Lan Wangji showed up...those girls went wild.#We have to give kudos to narration that takes the form of a bunch of suitor seeking ladies.#They were so loud about being here for the hotties and whispering gossip. You go girls.#Wei Wuxian most likely just picked up a already tossed flower to throw. Second hand flowers...are still flowers I suppose.#Can you imagine if LWJ had allergies? Poor lad.#Okay it's time for the real gritty discussion point. The one everyone is waiting for me to talk about:#So...from where we are in the timeline...what the hell is WWX supposed to be wearing?#I'm serious. Put all the fanart out of your brain for a moment.#We are post burial grounds and sunshot campaign so he's had his little goth moment reveal.#*BUT* he is still with the Jiang sect. And by proxy of this flashback talking about his disrespect - they never bring up his attire.#meaning he is likely in some kind of Jiang Purple.#Continuity wise it really feels like this scene should have been *before* the burial mounds.#I understand why it's post - we need to build up on the mystery of how he became the YLLZ.#But also his personality feels way more 'pre-burial mounds WWX'. I think this was probably a 'I don't want to kill my darling' scene.#(The Phoenix mountain flashback is a lot of people's 'darling'. I am knowingly putting myself in the line of fire here).#I'm willingly putting him in Wen Qing's borrowed cloak and assuming people take him wearing it as like...a war trophy.#Historians will revise this moment later on but for now he *is* a hero of that war.

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icewindandboringhorror · 2 months ago

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Little bright colored outfit with a fun vest ~

(shoes from ebay like 10 years ago. everything else is thrifted)

#ootd #jfashion #fashion #fantasy fashion #mori kei #....like... adjacent... lol #no idea what style this would be lol.. makes me think of like whimsical vaguely fantasy themed childrens book character #finally posting one of my aforementioned seven million drafts of actual outfits and costumes i have finished and edited #the photos for but just never feel like posting lol..#I need to find one of those people whos like 'omg i am ADDICTED to social media ugh i wish i could get off of it #im just browsing and posting like 60 times a daaaaay!!!' and take a little magical bottle and suck some of the social media #enthusiasim out of them. for moi. In exchange they can have some of my 'literally just never in the mood to post or interact with the #outside world ever' energy. We can balance each other. huzzah and so on #Though I think maybe it's part of the general thing I've heard of like.. I can't remember if it was in reference to adhd or just some sort #of general execcutive functioning issue type of thing - but the idea that things have to be ''just right'' before you do something. like #'oh i need to do this task. but i have to wait until XYZ first' or 'oh i can do this but only if X specific condition is met' or etc #The fact that I even have to be in a Specific Mindset to post. or sometimes will delay posting on social media because like 'oh well #I'm going somewhere tomorrow. somehow this matters. i cannot spend 5 minuts posting TONIGHT. clearly it will interfere #somehow schedule wise with the doctor appointment i have 15 hours from now. yes. yes. i must wait until my appointment is over #tomorrow afternoon. THEN i shall post' or etc. etc. lol. NOT even taking into account the many days #I just genuinely and physically sick and it's not even a mental thing. I just physically dont feel like sitting at the computer lol..#ANYWAY.. trying to get back into it. trying to get a business bank account.. make a proper paypal so i can start selling sculptures again.#selling clothes and sculptures.. posting about such things then of course as one must. etc... chanting to hype up and motivate myself lol #But yes. this is my favorite outfit out of the bunch so I am posting it first I guess.. maybe others later..#Also the purple dress says its from shein. which I've heard is bad fast fashion stuff. but maybe okay since its second hand? I havent #been to the bins since like 2020 or late 2019 even. and I think stuff like shein and temu has only become poular in the past few years #but I bet if I went to the bins now I might would find a good handfull of that stuff. Probably now not much different than what you #find in a walmart or a forever 21 or actual physical stores you can go to though. I hear quality of clothing is down everywhere no matter #where you get it or whatnot. What bountiful joys unfettered capitalism and exploitation bestows upon us (<being sarcastic).#Wearing one of my favorite little vests though. I love the texture of it and the clasps on it

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fisheito · 4 months ago

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yakuya in MY swamp? in MY ecosystem? no . i am still in disbelief. i hope you all know that my particles are bouncing off the everything. i am using periods as punctuation but the state of my mind is naught neareth final.

#the devs really did surprise me.....i'll credit them with that #i fully believed it was gonna be rei #i looked at that silhouette. saw the chunky heels. thought of kuya #but i scoffed at myself. tch. of course not. devs wont play with their strange topbottom segregation. i'll never get the yakuya event #at least not until it's with garu so they have a yokai hella exposition event #it's gonna be rei at a specific angle to SIMULATE a kuya. he will be wearing kuya-esque heels just to spite all the kuyafans #AND YET HERE WE ARE #UNDER THE SEA NO LESS #WHAT ARE THEY DOING INVADING MY SPACE LIKE THIS #like hell i'm gonna share my zone (abyssopelagic) with those accursed sirens #i'm going lower #i'm moving to the trenches. i'm gonna slowly lose the use of my eyeball sight . i'm gonna adapt to conditions #SO MANY conditions. maybe even learn to bioluminesce #actually no. then the predators might find me. and i'll have to regain the use of my eyes in order to improve my chances of escape #perchance even enlargen them like the giant squid. living in constant fear of a fox or a snake appearing in the depths #yet i get the creeping suspicion that kuya is just going to bully yakumo (when he's not bullying eiden)#kuya gonna drop a sad story about personal sacrifice and the difficult lives he's lived #and yakumo ever the baby in comparison will stare at him with his massive saucer eyes like.... do i... deserve to feel sadness?#if i have not gone through the trials and tragedies that master kuya has???#is kuya gonna be soft yokai grandpa or is he gonna be Auntie of Hard Reality #the boy just wants to find new soup ingredients #kuya will then unveil the ethical ramifications of harvesting these specific ingredients #and using them for a purpose other than their original spiritual intent by the indigenous merfolk #along with the questionable supply chain and processes that go into creating the ingredients in the first place #(not that any ethics or spirituality rituals or stuff like that is actually enough to influence kuya's behaviour in any way)#but it'll certainly mess with yakumo!!!! and that's where all the fun is?#furrows brow. what will they do with this event.....#i am so very excited to see them interact..!#mirage of scales #yakuya

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foxgloveinspace · 1 year ago

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People jumping ship cause of the new masks is very ahhhh. Telling. Tbh.

#very much so #tell me you where only here cause of the looks without telling me your only here cause of the looks #listen. I miss the old masks already too. that’s not the point.#you can mourn for something without that taking away your joy for it.#‘it’s all moving so fast’ iii has been turning red since July.#‘they’re evolving too fast’ or we just got here later then others.#‘I can’t even listen anymore’ sucks to be you. the music that has been put out hasn’t changed so I don’t understand this one #‘they’re gonna get cancelled over this’ ok. I guess this is just thinning out the people who were real fans and who where fake fans #I’m gonna be a sleep token fan til the end. if this is the way they want their image to go? I’ll follow. if we get heavier music next?#sounds fucking amazing to me. (I listen to heavier stuff anyway).#idk I just think it’s so so so fucking telling. that if your jumping ship cause their Live Performance Aesthetic has changed… you didn’t #mean it when you said sleep token was important to you.#like I’m 100% MOURNING the old masks. I am BMO with Finn’s old hair sobbing about the old masks.#but I know this too shall pass #this is how I fucking felt about Vessel’s mask change #and to everyone going ‘what about Vessel and the Chior!’#1). VESSEL HAD A MASK CHANGE EARLIER THIS YEAR!!! he isn’t gonna change masks again so fast those fuckers r expensive!#2). the choir did have a change?? they wherent wearing robes at all and where in body chains they looked amazing #I get we are all neurodiverse and hate change but take a deep breath before you renounce all your sleep token love #I’m guessing Vessel will get a new mask in April again. for the kick off show.#tonight was a closing show. and he didn’t FEEL GOOD. I wouldn’t be surprised that if he was gonna do something with a new mask #if he pushed it back because he didn’t feel good.#he performed a whole show while we could TELL his throat was hurting. fuck.#I want to wrap him up in a warm hug and give him hot water with honey in it.#idk I’m rambling. it’s just telling.

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todayisafridaynight · 7 months ago

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sometimes i get nishiki i really do

#snap chats #like from an outsider perspective it is utterly hilarious watching everything go wrong for him #BUT GIRL NOT ME STOP HAVING THIGNS GO WRONG FOR MEEEEEE WHAT IS ALL THIS #this month its actually one thing after another if i start wearing white everyone needs to be concerned #you guys remember my bullshit roommates yeah well TLDR im getting fined for their messes im going to SCREAM #I HATE IT HEERRRREEE I KNOW IM EVIL BUT CMON #literally had such a silly night last night and now everything sucks again is this life is this what life is #its not its not what life is im just hearing my mom bitching in the other room and im letting her vibes ruin mine #everything going to be ok this is just a hiccup .... a small pinprick in the tapestry of life ....#i am incredibly annoyed though cause this is one of those situations where youve done nothing wrong but youre being shot for it #its just unfair but whatever we ball ..... im putting the hair gel away guys im not slicking my hair back just yet ....#i got a new friend last night so maybe ill just hang with them later and ill remember life is beautiful ..#heh ... jk ... i can remind myself life is beautiful right now ... im gonna go eat some tiramisu ...#jesus christ i really do love italian food what the fuck. pasta / calamari / tiramisu #i dont think calamari is italian but i got it from an italian place w/e we get the picture #its not my fault that italy has good food ... i would just never go there .....#ok bye ima go eat and drink water now. water will remind me how beautiful life is ...

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eresia-catara · 5 days ago

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how weird I had a nightmare where I killed someone and for the first time I was ashamed and traumatized, I don't get it.

#like. I was wearing this white shirt all dirty with blood and I was sitting in a corner of the house trying to hide it #but a woman came up to me and said “but all those things *did* happen!”#and then there were guests and I was even more mortified because I couldn't get up to shake their hands #and I felt like I had a fever #I mean usually I get squeamish at the most but after I do the deed I am completely neutral and CLEAN.#now that I think about it I did also have a dream where a guy got dirty with the blood of a fish and it was sacriligious #he couldn't get married anymore nor go on a bike with his friend #there's a pattern here.....#blood symbolism in my dreams is changing and I need to understand it again!!

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moonchild-in-blue · 3 months ago

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Oh mother, tell your children Not to do what I have done Spend your lives in sin and misery In the house of The Rising Sun

#okay but can we agree? House of the rising sun? beautiful amazing incredible timeless masterpiece? yeah?#all i want is to put on a cute 70s dress with the bell sleeves and some gogo boots and get my hair all pretty with the flip curls #and go to one of those really cool and dark and lowkey shady bars you see on the movies. with a pool table and a jukebox #hard-looking bartender with an impressive mustache named Mitch or Hank #and go up to the bar and he'd be like “whatya having doll?” “oh. anything sweet please”#and he hands me some soda-gin or whatever with a lemon slice. and the guy next to me notices my drink and is like #“hey Mitch. give the lady something nicer eh? maker a double from the back shelf. extra ice”#“i'm fine with this actually. i don't drink whiskey” “tonight you do sweetheart”#and he's wearing some really nice jeans and boots and a dark shirt and a leather jacket. dark hair but has some freckles. charming smile.#“what is a pretty thing like you doing in a place like this? i think them church youths go bowling next door”#“i am not lost. can't a girl enjoy some music” “does the boyfriend know?” “i answer to no one”#and he takes a long drag of his cigarette and chuckles. Mitch brings my new drink as gives him a look before drafting some beer #“so. the pretty lady likes a little danger eh?” “the lady has a name” .#i take a sip of the whiskey and try real hard not to cough. he thinks it's funny. i think he's a little cute #“does she now? and does the lady dance by any chance” and he's standing up quite tall and offers me a hand “she does”#and we go to the dance floor near the jukebox where quite a lot of people are dancing and eventually this song starts playing #and he kisses me surprisingly gentle and tastes like menthol cigarettes and hard liquors and I'm definitely a bit dizzy from the drink #he probably has a cute name like Daniel (Danny is what everyone calls him)#and maybe he has a bike or a really nice convertible. obviously red. je offers to take me home but we're just driving for a bit instead #“didn't you daddy taught not to get into stranger's cars?” “my daddy also taught me not to kiss pretty boys and yet”#“so you think i'm pretty?” “pretty enough”#and we laugh to the wind and the radio is on and this song starts playing again and it's a perfect moment #anyways. great song great band 👍#darya's mixtape #Spotify

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em-b-sides · 6 months ago

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I think about that tiktok trend where you like paint your partners eye color on your nails or make a bracelet or something with the color a lot actually

#like its so cute honestly but sometimes i wonder how hard it would actually be to like find the right color match #maybe one day... but for now probably expect oc art with this trend in it maybe 💀#the thing about it too is i have like dark eyes and idk if ive ever seen like a dark brown nail polish. beads or thread yeah but ya #oh nvm i googled. it exists i just dont pay attention ig #OH you know what i can do... i can paint pepperonis eye color on my nails.... my baby... my kitty......#dude it feels like 5 am why is it only 2 #amyways. 4 monsters was a big mistake i think... i feel quite icky...#it doesnt help i didnt eat for a majority of the day it was just monster. im really unhealthy. need water maybe #wait i was talking about nail polish how did i get here #i just want to actually do cute couple things. i must heal. im gonna be so healthy.#its fine. lmao. i just know im not ready #oh i did eat btw dont worry lmao i had. chicken nuggets #i actually have to eat more bc i need to gain back some weight or they wont let me donate plasma #my extra pokemon money..... nawr...#i dropped like 10 pounds. my current job is very physical. lots of scuttling around.#i thought about working out too? i had a short phase last year in like spring or something where i started doing workout type stuff #so like.. maybe. probably should. healtly mindset shit yk #i also maybe want some more clothes. like update my wardrobe a bit. really figure out my style.#like some cool shirts and maybe pants. cause i wear a lot of the same stuff #also again. dropped weight so. need better fitting pants.....#i want more mens pants. big pockets... gender....#anyways. nice chatting with you besties. love you guys my silly little tumblr besties.#some of you that follow this sideblog have supported me on here for a while. i see you. i appreciate you. thank you 💖#genuinely there are names that pop up and im like !! hello!!! its you!!!!!#you guys probably know who you are. go get yourself a little treat you deserve it. or like. idk what you enjoy.#play a good game. watch your favorite show. idk. be happy. love yourself.#this also goes out to those of you who are more passive on my blog. i appreciate you too!! thank you!#all my little tumblr followers.... my besties..... unles you are a bot i havent cleared out lmao #k i might have to go to bed idk im tired well see

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silverwhittlingknife · 7 months ago

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hiii! i just wanted to reach out n let you know that i just spent the last few days speed reading all your ao3 work bc i literally couldn't put it down. the way you write dick really just scratches my brain in the best way possible. he's a little (read: very) neurotic and it just. his motivations are so clear in your work, not in the sense that there isn't tension and anxiety but in that his core personality, his drive to help and the anger and trauma that has built him, his need to always be performing and catering to those around him, it comes across sososososos SO well. he was the first character that got me into comics and since then i've kinda stopped reading him bc i have lots of issues w tom taylors run (not the point so i digress) but you have really inspired me to go back and read more of his old stuff so thank you! you have such a clear grasp on his character and its something i admire very much! ur very very talented! and i really appreciate you sharing ur art! hope ur doin well :)

HI THIS IS SUCH A NICE COMPLIMENT???? <3333 This is so nice & sweet & it made my whole day!!! THANK YOU I AM HUGGING YOU ACROSS THE INTERNET AHHHHHH

he's a little (read: very) neurotic and it just. his motivations are so clear in your work, not in the sense that there isn't tension and anxiety but in that his core personality, his drive to help and the anger and trauma that has built him, his need to always be performing and catering to those around him

YEAH IT's HIMMMM i love this description <333

THANK YOU YOU ARE LOVELY & KIND PLS ACCEPT THIS DOG PICTURE AS TOKEN OF MY GRATITUDE

#YEAH he's fascinating to me because he can do casual cheeriness sometimes and mmm like. it's not like it's FAKE #it's real!! when he's relaxed & joking around he is relaxed. he's not deliberately disingenuous #and he gets a huge kick out of performing a lot of the time!! like. nobody is holding a gun to his head making him tell stupid puns #tim takes every opportunity to put his version of robin in the shadows whereas dick's impulse is to be center stage #AND YET!! AND YET!!! also he is also so so so sooooo neurotic #and he's SO PRIVATE and every time he's upset he compulsively keeps other people at a distance #and yeahhhh the performing!!!#it's interesting to me mmm okay look obviously all these characters are Very Very Different From Me in a lot of ways #but with performance specifically i have done things where performance is a major part of the job #and it's something i enjoy a lot! but it's something i enjoy paradoxically because i am myself pretty private #and part of what's fun about performing at least for me is that it's so mediated & so there's an escapist element #nobody is expecting your true self. like. it's not like lying exactly so much as being someone else for a while #and it can be a real relief to be someone else for a while & to help people when your own life is going badly #...but also the habit of instinctively keeping other people at a distance can be like. bad for you if you let it get out of control #and the way that both dick & tim relate to performance-as-escape is a big part of why those two characters click for me so hard #it's part of why i like superhero stories in basically all their forms?? that metaphor of the masks you wear etc etc etc #anyway he is delightful i am glad you like him too and i am very glad you like the stories <333 #click this tag in case of sadness

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itissadbutitsmy-artblog · 1 year ago

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his internal monologue goes crazy hard

#spader internally watching cadebra wheel up to slap the shit out of him: ahaha. lucky for me i am wearing my second face under here #ten seconds later hes rubbing his face thinking ahaha. right. im literally not. where the FUCK did that come from. did i READ that somewher #i dont even wanna KNOW what was going throguh his head when he was dying in front of all those teachers #<- says things just to make dusty go WHAT???? in my tags ;)#adventure time #distant lands #cadebra #spader #digital

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tronlightcyclerun · 22 days ago

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being kin is like everything is wrong forever and ever and you can never tell anyone about it because they either wont understand or believe you or wont know what youre talking about and you can never go back !!!!! and you have to watch everyone else finding people they knew and itll never happen to you !!! and it feels Cringe and Bad that this is what dictates your entire mental state so you can never have a useful conversation about mental health with anyone because they arent talking to all of you they only want to know about things that happened /here/ and maybe it would be better if i didnt know that i was actually supposed to be someone else !!!and it seems to get me so much worse because im ********** about it so even compared to other kin it feels like im just being a dramatic bitch

#im so normal everyone actually this isnt making me feel like im literally hollow haha #not even allowed to call this one a [word] because ''those arent real!'' ok but im ********** about it what else do u want me to call it #idfc how much my timeline sucked actually if [redacted] wants to put me in a tube again it cant be worse than being stuck here !#is it some kind of sick fucking multiverse joke to not have the ************ wear off Ever even if you die like #WHY AM I //STILL// LIKE THIS . HELLO #that shit made me weird in a vevry specific way and im really not supposed to be just Out Here . What #wow this is just like the tl where i got dragged outside against my will but this time i have to be tr/ans as well and i cant go back ever #and nobody knows !!!!!!!#ok most of this post was about tr/on but also honourable mention to k/h for making me cry until i threw up the other day #and also having nothing in the kin tags and making me unreasonably upset considering i dont feel like i can say i k/in from it yet since-#-idk shit about any of it really . not that anyone does tbh but still . shift that makes you so sad you throw up and convince yourself-#-youre missing an actual organ ! im so normal #delete later #primary source torment nexus tag #kh stuff

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because-its-eurovision · 1 year ago

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I fully get the anxiety of feeling like you don’t deserve to go to a show. It comes with the whole competetive fandom stuff.

Honestly, as someone who has performed on a lot of stages with varying kinds of crowds, the most important thing isn’t if you’re the biggest fan or if you know the lyrics or some choreography or bring gifts. The thing that is the most valuable is that you go to the show to have a good time. That’s all the artists are generally looking for. That people enjoy their music, enjoy the show, are excited to be there.

Some people may be disappointed that they don’t get a ticket, sure. But it’s not you taking that ticket away from them. Not everyone can have everything. Sometime people don’t get concert tickets. That is not your fault for buying. It is a thing that happens when everyone has the right to buy concert tickets instead of them being raffeled off or gifted. If the show was just for the biggest fans, tickets would be give out as competition prices, not to the person who buys them.

And there is no right way to enjoy the show. Some superfans never learn lyrics because they don’t particularly care. Some people buy tickets to go see random artists just for the experience. Some people just love to give gifts and find that to be the best way of interacting. Your way of doing it is just as valid as all that. You don’t have to earn any right to be there, that is what the tickets are for.

And honestly, you’d be surprised by the number of people who have never even heard of an artist or band who just show up for the show because they had a day off and it could be fun. It’s not about deserving to be there. It’s about wanting to go and getting the chance to actually do that.

I don’t know if this little pep talk eases your mind at all, but I hope it does. Learning to let go of the competetive mindset and attitude when it comes to regular life stuff is a chore and a half. I just want you to know that I would love for you to go to the show.

Thank you for reaching out. I really appreciate it ❤

#ik it's mostly in my head #I've always felt like I'm never good enough since early childhood #I think band fandoms have partly always been like this #about going to every show and learning all the lyrics and 'you are wearing their merch so name all the albums' or you are a poser #ig and twitter and maybe tiktok as well have just made it worse because now I can see it all the time #like there were people queuing for Tavastia at 6 am today already #and there are people who travel across the continent for the shows #and I do not have those kinds of possibilities because I can't afford it and I have a day job #which makes be both feel like a bad person because I can't sacrifice everything to be a fan #but also makes me reconsider if I'm too old to be a fan and I'm just embarassing myself by going to any shows at all ever #because clearly band fandoms are only meant for teens and people in their early twenties who can skip school and camp outside the venue #also i made the mistake of going to twitter and saw a thread about 'so what gifts have you guys made for the boys this time?'#and I was so shook because I had no idea that you're supposed to make gifts to give for the artists at EVERY show #and I can't make anything #I have no skills or money #I can't paint or sew or make crafts #so is it like I'm a lesser person because I only paid for the ticket #you see where I'm coming from?#asks

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hikeyzz · 10 months ago

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age gap kink go brrrr

#sry i'm gross #i want a grandpa that goons to me and simps over me and is obsessed with my hot young body #that starts touching me but gives me money to be quiet about it #except he just gets more and more bold and buys me outfits to wear when we hang out #and all of a sudden instead of my grandpa taking me to go see the new teen comedy movie or something #we're going out on 'dates' where i'm dressed slutty and he keeps his hand on my ass the whole night and at the end of the night #forces me to suck him off and stuffs more money down my shirt before he leaves me on my dad's front step #when i finally tell dad about what grandpa's been doing they're appalled and call grandpa immediately to come over #dad and grandpa agree i need to be reminded of my place and what will happen if i ever make those horrible accusations of either of them #they both rape me and beat me until i am a sobbing broken dripping mess apologizing over and over again #dad decides the lesson isn't over and tells grandpa to take me home for the weekend and invite over all his old navy buddies #hikey #father figure <3

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weaponizedmoth · 2 months ago

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Abigail just standing there (waiting for the bus).

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butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway · 2 months ago

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Do you ever read a post where someone is explaining a pokitical thing and from the way they're saying you know with absolute certainty 1) they got their info from a tumblr post and have never actually followed up on how feasible that information actually is to act upon (they may not even have checked if it was CORRECT, but when they do they have clearly not looked into how easy or hard it may be to follow those instructions with a positive outcome), and 2) you know WHICH tumblr post they're quoting because it is basically a copy/paste of it, and 3) it was YOUR goddamn post and the thing they are saying is entirely counter to the point you were making when you said it to the point that you genuinely wonder if they just like. Memory-holed the entire context once they saw that one itty bitty point.

It's like the motherfuckiny dating apps all over again. I do not want people to love my words if they are not actually willing to do the work of understanding them! Didn't your kindergarten ever make you play Telephone to teach you how heresay falls out????

#sometimes i feel like a prized 12 point buck and everyone is desperate to give chase so they can skin me and wear my pelt in memorium #the luxury of being seen is rarely extended to those we perceive as confident/constant in their sense of self #the path of being a child who was constantly told i was making people uncomfortable and alienating my peers #only to immediately become an adult who everyone perceives as so together that they are just Like That With Everyonr #brennan said something like this in the disection of a recent misfits and magic episode about sam (character)#and how he (as evan) realized that the charm and specialness she gifts to everyone around her means that no one ever really gifts it back #and how that fundamentally felt transcendent and revelatory for evan as a turning point idea #he'd spent so long never trusting others feelings of care for him that he couldn't see how he was bulldozing right into and over sam's own #insecurities about whether or not she is worth loving or is special in the same way #and then they had some back and forth about like #sometimes when you develop the skill of relateability and pacification #you disappear so deeply into it that no one notices you're gone - even you yourself - until it's too late #it put to words a lot of the like #gap. that i've always felt between me and others. this insistance on elevating or pathologizing me depending on where they feel the need #to be in relation to me #while having absolutely zero awareness of my actual positioning in relation to them #i have found that they way i interact with others seems to give the impression that because i am being 'genuine' and 'open' about myself #that ALSO means that I am sharing the whole of me.#and when i talk about destigmatization and shame and people work really hard to be like. aware of the edges of me to carch me embarrassed #like if they can prove that i don't 'admit' something it's because i'm ashamed as opposed to considering that maybe they don't have the kind #of relationship with me that would warrant the sharing of it #because i'm willing to talk i am no longer allowed privacy or it's treated as incongruous #but like. i am different people for different people and they are all authentically me but they are also about faciliting the version #of the other person that matters to me to be able to spend time with. i'm not going to bring the parts of me that put you in a bad mood #or aren't comfortable/safe for you. also probably not going to put those things out into the open world as a mixed company conversation #i don't know where I'm going or where I came from here but i think the point is just that I think there's melancholy in seeing when #you also don't know a reliable way to be seen in turn

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