#and I felt like I had a fever

[eresia-catara]

how weird I had a nightmare where I killed someone and for the first time I was ashamed and traumatized, I don't get it.

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

storytime which my figs know about but whatever (and thanks to my beloved boundin for being all worired abotu me. sorry.)

so i had an assignment due yesterday. a care plan worth 15% of my grade for a double credit point unit. anwyay. i didn't touch it, for various reasons up to and including what i'm currently calling situational depression, and planned to get an extension.

fun fact: apparently you can't get extensions day-of, at least for that assignment.

i found this out at about 11am, due 8pm, having not even looked at assignment before then.

so of course i kind of panicked. just a little bit. and opened it up real quick. shifted to desk. put on the kettle and started digging around my music library.

there's this song i like, carpenters of course, "don't be afraid". i cycled through a few other songs before i got to that one, none of them helping me get into the zone.

(anyway i listened to "don't be afraid" on loop 108 times yesterday afternoon, putting it as the top number of plays on my music app, finally surpassing a particular movement of a beethoven sonata (13 second mvt) that has reigned as king for a couple of years. then towards the end, flagging, i switched to a combo of "road ode" and "a song for you (reprise)", because those two songs have to go together musically.)

i was already feeling awful physically because most of my intake the previous day had been cheese, so wheeee dairy and almost-diarrhea as well as reasonably severe stomach pain. stress was making me dissociate a bit as well.

so. caffeine time.

keep working. more caffeine time.

keep working. more caffeine, an unmeasured amount of sugar, and another couple of spoonfuls of coffee because why not. because of a mysterious headache (likely caused by a combination of too much coffee, no food, and dairy the previous day), took ibuprofen.

keep working. more coffee. more headache. more ibuprofen.

at that point i was entirely detached from my body, experiencing symptoms of a caffeine overdose and potentially ibuprofen overdose too (didn't exceed the maximum for ibuprofen in a day, but in that short a time yes, and certainly caffeine), and saying all the stuff that worried boundin. still working on the assignment though while feeling unreal to a complete degree, not just partial, and noting symptoms as an intellectual exercise. was not present in my body at all. oh, did i mention i hadn't eaten that day? i was also experiencing violent nausea.

keep working. song still on loop. headache reducing. time passed and the reaction i was experiencing began to fade. brother gave me chocolate at some point near the end.

completed and submitted assignment about five minutes before i had to go out for the evening. somehow not at all shaky but i could feel all my skin and was inclined towards giggling.

arrived at friends' house. mentor asked how my day had been. i began laughing, explained what my day had been doing, and ended up giggling helplessly. she looked Concerned++ as i hilariously recounted my accidental overdoses x2 and that i hadn't eaten anything except chocolate, sugar, caffeine and ibuprofen that day. i made many jokes throughout the meal but mostly restrained myself overall - i was self-aware enough to know how abnormally i was acting, but it was so hard to avoid these things. inclined to laughter the whole evening, though after eating actual food that didn't contain sugar it did settle a little. later in the evening i impulse-agreed to a thing saturday i didn't want to go to, noted the concerning level of impulsivity and restrained myself from agreeing to anything else.

was offered, and enthusiastically consumed, a quantity of cold roast potatoes, which definitely helped as well.

arrived home less inclined towards giggling, but still violently nauseous; managed to avoid throwing up by the barest of margins. practically inhaled bread and ham, which i found too sweet because it was housed in the same fridge as bananas; found peanut butter for the last slice of bread, which helped. still feeling very ill but suspected i needed it given all the everything - i think this was the right call.

went to bed, yoinked ransom, cuddled him forcibly and eventually managed to sleep, still feeling rather quite hyper.

this morning i am still slightly hyper and mildly unwell but fatigue is balancing the tendency towards impulsivity. am not going to consume either caffeine or ibuprofen today unless something drastic changes or something, and a hard ban on both refined sugar and dairy until i feel more normal again.

bit of a rollercoaster.

[vicsbasement]

Is the scene in the new snippet taken from the Maria/grief fic? :P

You absolutely caught me. It is! I don't know, there's something about that moment in time for me that compels me to write it over and over again. I keep going back to it because I remember that first time we saw the picture of Charles and Carlos driving out of Maranello and to see Charles there-- they already knew, you know? And they couldn't say because there wasn't anything official. But there's this whole headcanon in my head that Charles didn't, couldn't, let Carlos go through this alone because the announcement wasn't supposed to come this early, right. So when Carlos called he picked up. When Carlos needed him, he went. I don't know. Anyway! I did say you'd win another snippet so this is another one for clingy!charles. Enjoy! Carlos was sure that nothing was amiss. He was sure that Roberto just got in his head, but—as he stumbled out of his car in FP2, Charles was the one to grab his arm to stop him from falling. Why was Charles there?

“Hello, mate!” Charles says; a light tone to his voice, cheerful and sweet. Almost too light, like it was forced gentleness. Carlos would be suspicious if he didn’t feel like he was about to hurl.

“Care to hand me over to Gigi? I’m not feeling too well.” Carlos declares, a bit of his polite front waning when another roll of nausea hits him as Charles removes his hands from his back. Carlos starts to take off his helmet and balaclava, hating the sensation of the fabric dragging against his sensitive skin.

“Fred told me this.” Charles sounded… admonishing, like he wanted to make Carlos feel bad for not telling him he’d been having a hard time keeping his food down since yesterday. “You guys heard him, where’s Gigi?” Charles gets something in his eyes when he turns serious. Carlos has seen it a couple of times before, even directed at himself, but his garage—well. It’d come alive with his instructions, with Charles’ tone.

Two mechanics scrambled out of his seat to look for Pierluigi as Charles grabbed Carlos’ arm again and made him sit in a corner. When Carlos felt he wasn’t about to keel over, he let his body fold into himself and his back curved. Carlos just wanted to sleep. The pounding in his head was worsening, the nausea came back with a vengeance, and Charles was looking for—his isotonic drink, of course. That would help a little with the nausea.

“It’s behind you.” Carlos said, and Charles turns sharply and grabs the drink, offering him the straw between pinched-tight fingers. Carlos doesn’t hesitate, but Charles seems to notice the gesture—his fingers a little too close to Carlos’ lips and mouth, so he recoils, albeit gently.

“Thanks.” Carlos murmurs, and Charles nods. He looks fidgety, like he wants to help more but he doesn’t know how. Pierluigi must be looking for medicine to stop the nausea, that’s probably why he wasn’t close, maybe he went to the Ferrari hospitality for his medikit. Charles seems to get an idea and looks for a wet towel, and hands it to Carlos. The heat is stifling and it’s making everything worse, his mouth fills with liquid and Carlos feels like he’s about to throw up in front of the whole garage, when he feels Charles’ gentle hands press the ice-cold towel to his forehead.

“They told me you had a fever?” Charles asks, sheepish. He removes the towel for a second and replaces it with his hand, looking for the pulse point right behind his eyebrows and using his wrists to gauge the temperature. “I shouldn’t have put the towel before, I don’t know if you’re still—”

“I think I am, yeah.” Carlos says. Charles is using both his wrists to gauge his temperature, now, he’s basically cradling Carlos’ head between them. And Carlos gets a good look at Charles; the frown, the pursed lips, the demeanor, and Teto’s voice echoes through his head.

“He’s clingy.” He remembers. But this is not clingy, this is just worried. Right? Just worried.

Pierluigi arrives at that moment and sees Charles cradling Carlos’ head. He raises an eyebrow, a silent question, and Carlos just shrugs as Charles makes space for Pierluigi to lean down and ask him about his symptoms.

As Carlos is trying to recall what’s causing him discomfort he feels how his mouth fills with liquid again, he starts slurring his words, the world turns on its axis and he feels as he’s fading slowly away, the last thing in his vision Charles’ expression of  utter worry.

[ki1ldeer]

I think this will be my second to last redraw because I’m running low on energy juice lol so officially #3 of 4

And here’s the original not too cronchy but still cronchy

I made Emmeline in 2020 can you guys believe it it’s been nearly 5 years!! I was really into crosshatching in 2020 which is crazy because I’d never have the patience to do that now. And I was drawing on DRAWCAST which, despite being sold as an app for artists, had perhaps one of the worst drawing UI ever created. But there’s something nostalgic about it and how pixelated every piece would turn out. I mean I spent my entire teenage years on it, it shaped me as a person and I met some really cool art friends. Too bad Daniel Cota SUCKS and planned to revive it only as an NFT maker. Boooo. I’ll never return!

[bookshelfpassageway]

i'm gonna be the one insufferable bastard on this earth that liked everhood 2, huh

[jasethegooberton]

fuck it. I'm gonna draw Seven saying this to Izuku cuz 431 midoriya was acting so ooc to me

[boatshoesdude]

Andrew, a man who was never given the option to ask, to want, in his life finally being able to have desires is so special to me. Just imagine, Neil sitting on the couch in their apartment (not someone else’s apartment that Andrew happens to be staying at, but his place, his and Neil’s home) and Andrew walks up to him, not sitting down immediately but standing hesitantly for a moment. He’s still learning what he wants, what he needs, what he can find in Neil. “I want to try something” this snaps Neil away from whatever show/book/thing that had his attention before. “Okay”. It’s a blanket statement, it means permission, it’s Neil allowing Andrew to try whatever he has in mind, because Neil trusts him and wants his to learn to act on his indulgences. “Is today a good day for physical touch?” Andrew asks because he needs to know the limits, Neil is so relaxed (a more common sight nowadays) and he can’t be the one to ruin it by overstepping. “Yeah” Neil pays attention to every movement Andrew makes, not watching him to ensure his own safety, but out of curiosity. Andrew sits on the couch next to Neil, then he tucks his feet up onto the couch, he lays on his side with his back to the couch and leans his head on Neil’s lap, almost like a cat would. After a second, tests the waters, seeing if he himself is okay with this, he relaxes his muscles, his head sinking deeper onto Neil. “Shoulders and up” he says. Neil runs a hand through Andrew’s hair and Andrew closes his eyes, not to sleep, but in content. Neil turns back to whatever show/book/thing had his attention before, still running his hand through andrew’s hair, sliding his fingers down his neck, rubbing circles into his shoulders. Andrew wanted this, this confort, this sense of security, this undeniable show of trust and love, and Neil gave it to him without a moment of hesitation.

[beautifulscreaminglady]

those of you who accurately name what phase of your menstrual cycle you have it together way more than me. I'm either bleeding or I'm not bleeding. or I'm horny. or I have baby fever. which could be relevant, but probably not.

[imekitty]

Today I worked on:

Disillusioned: 532 words

Last sentence written:

“Honestly, I probably shouldn’t be outside more than I need to be,” he said in a low voice.

Sorry I haven’t been writing, I was horrifically sick this past week, not sure what it was, I only know for sure it wasn’t the flu or Covid because my parents actually had the same virus and my mom ended up being rushed to the ER after going into atrial fibrillation and they tested her for both and they were negative. So a really bad cold, I guess? I don’t know but we’re all starting to feel better now. I will try to write at least 500 words each day to get this chapter done as soon as I as can.

[kanomitri]

shout-out to the most interesting sova i've ever met (i was, of course, playing cypher)

also later from this same game!

[gabrielsbubblegumbitch]

Does anyone else remember hazbin crew roleplaying during Helluva Boss streams??? Or is it just me??????

[pucellerie]

i'm glad i'm gay because i don't think i've ever felt the maternal instinct for even one singular second so i doubt i'll be able to love one... & i don't hate babies i just feel nothing when i see them like i'm fascinated but that's sort of where it ends for me

[luna-loveboop]

Parting sorrow, meeting follow

..or whatever the quote in majoras mask was

[thetardisisnotourdivision]

Hey did I ever tell y'all about the time I dreamed that I had a baby daughter called Ellie that began with my finding out I was pregnant and ended on like her third birthday?

I legitimately woke up thinking "I should go check on Ellie" and then realised she was never real and when I tell you I SOBBED. I've been haunted by an implacable sense of loss ever since. Did I travel to another dimension? Wtf happened because that was insane.

[animaxvi]

☀️The road to dawn may not be easy but at least your light is there, always dazzling brilliantly 🌼

Happy Riku Day and happy 19th anniversary to Kingdom Hearts Chain of Memories! ✨

[leprosycock]

You must elaborate on why you like that dreadful movie. Make me see the light.

because it was good?? really funny witty engaging dialogue, it subverts genres as you watch it, it presents extremely real characters in an extremely real world that veers on absurdity and surrealism but is still grounded in real and primal instinct, i love fucked up boys with so many problems who get into drugs out of desperation and are evil and impulsive, it had a massively autistic girl portrayed in a way that i felt deep and viscerally in my gut, i love bands and band dynamics, i love the themes throughout, i loved the love story, the score was great, the performances were incredible… maybe i saw something you didn’t anon but our tastes seem to differ. it was very very very good