#where I haven’t slept with it
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Diagram of me rn (eleven blankets btw if u even care..six pillows too)
#if I hear any of you bitches being like wahhh it’s too hot that’s too many#ok??? Kys#I live in New England and it’s chillly#I also do have a medical condition that makes me extra chilly#and I’m soooo comfeee#comfedlflffeee#mmmm#comfeeeee#my best friend gave me that Dino plush btw#and she doesn’t know I sleep with it every night#but I do#in fact there have been exactly three nights since she gave it to me#where I haven’t slept with it#and all three were when I was sleeping right next to her#literally insane how loved I am#I’ve never been happier
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You guys are commenting on the fics you read right? You’re at least leaving kudos on the Astarion smut and the pairs that have less than 20 fics for them too? You’re bookmarking stories you really like that are still being updated and ones that haven’t been touched in over a year right?
You know that even the smallest interactions are like cocaine to fic writers right? You understand how important a string of emoji hearts left behind on a chapter at three am is right?? Right????
You’re treating AO3 like a community and not a content factory….right?
#this isnt bg3 specific btw im seeing a lot of fandoms rotting cause of this#ao3#archive of our own#bg3 fanfiction#bg3#PLEASE YOU GUYS INTERACT WITH THE THINGS YOU READ#you’re not being weird or annoying!!! it doesn’t matter how old the fic is!!!#you can just say ‘I love this’ or ‘it’s three am and I haven’t slept yet cause I was reading this’#you can copy and paste a paragraph you like and add ‘!!!!!!’ after it#theories in the comments! mention when you think you’ve found foreshadowing!!!#if there’s a part where you have to physically put your phone down and smile off into the distantce? TELL THE AUTHOR#you can leave comments every chapter too!!! ITS NOT ANNOYING
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i want to put all of jon’s characters in a glass terrarium and occasionally add apple slices dusted with calcium to watch all the little jons scamper to the nourishment
#you know those videos where a guy puts an apple in a terrarium and after an hour it’s covered in snails and centipedes#i want to do that to all of jon’s little freaks#i haven’t slept in days#help#jon matteson#paul matthews#gary goldstein#richie lipschitz#boy jerry#roman murray#wiggog y'wrath#daniel stopwatch#trevor npmd#elmo keep#venus please#tgwdlm#the guy who didn't like musicals#black friday#starkid black friday#npmd#nerdy prudes must die#hatchetfield#hatchetverse#starkid#team starkid
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“Haven’t You Noticed (I’m a Star)” from Steven Universe works so ridiculously well for Leo
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt headcanons#rottmnt leo#rise leo#listen it’s morning now and I haven’t slept so bear with me for the sudden unwarranted lyric analysis haha#a lotttt of the lyrics work so well for him#not even just the overall theme the words just work great#first lyric is literally ‘I can’t help it if I make a scene’ which is one to one with ‘Leo’s makin a scene’ from the rottmnt opening like-#‘I’m turning heads and I’m stopping traffic’ -> Leo has not made it a secret that he values his looks a LOT#-not just his looks but also his ability to get people’s attention#‘when I pose they scream when I joke they laugh’ -> I feel like this speaks for itself#-posing and joking for the crowd and himself#‘I’ve got them dazzled like a stage magician’ -> works both with Leo’s canonical love of magicians and his aptitude with tricks in general#‘well everybody needs a friend and I’ve got you and you and you’ -> I just think it’d be cute to imagine his friends here just as his bros#‘I got you and you and you’ = ‘my brainy guy my smashing guy and eats peanut butter with his fingers guy’#‘haven’t you noticed that I’m a star?’ -> Leo loves attention and especially loves when his feats and efforts are acknowledged#+ he loves glam rock and sci-fi and being a champ and - listen he has a LOT of star symbolism with him#‘haven’t you noticed I made it this far’ - Leo is well aware of how dangerous situations get and thinks himself only a part of a whole#-so hey it’s notable that he’s survived this long yeah?#‘now everyone can see me burning’ -> self-sacrificing with his family bearing witness + all his star and flame symbolism in general#+ how attention naturally goes to him - including bad attention where his mistakes are highlighted and burn bright#also even the limo lyric-#obviously this boy has never and will never own a limo but one of his main secondary colors IS pink so even that#okay that one is just a joke but he would#(on that note though I think the other colors the boys gravitate to outside THEIR color are fun to notice)#I don’t actually know too much about Steven universe beyond the songs and some eps but I like the music#and this just came to my tired mind so here you go anyone who’s interested#may draw something with these lyrics dunno yet#it’s a good song in any case even though it’s super short
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Wei Wuxian and Narrative Agency – Part One
For Xiantober Day One: Genius… albeit stretching the prompt so it refers to MXTX and MDZS itself, but at the end of the day it’s still about WWX – so no harm done!
(Part Two | Part Three | Full version on AO3)
The narrative is a very active player in MDZS’ story. How it presents information, what it chooses to show and omit, often reflects important facets of its themes and characters – Nie Huaisang, for instance, is so good at hiding behind his mask that not even the narrative can hold him accountable; the present day’s storyline as a murder mystery and the slow reveal of information about the past both prompt the reader to think critically about the truth of events, when the importance of thinking critically is an important theme; and the dangers not thinking critically (and instead basing conclusions on rumours without much evidence) are shown by tricking unquestioning readers into the very same trap the cultivation world falls into, as the information given by the title, summary and in-universe rumours – which contradicts how we see actually Wei Wuxian act – turns out to be false.
But nowhere do I love this trait more than in its treatment of Wei Wuxian – and, more specifically, in its way of emphasising his agency. We’re not just told how much his active choices define his character, and we’re not just shown this in-universe through his personality, worldview and the events he causes. I’d argue that this aspect goes a step further, and shapes the structure of the out-of-universe narrative as well.
There are two main ways this happens: one, in how the aspects of Wei Wuxian’s life that are shown and hidden directly tell us what’s important about his character (which is good writing but isn’t necessarily tied to this shaping of the narrative), which is what we’ll explore today; and two, how what’s shown and hidden reflects what Wei Wuxian himself prefers to dwell on, resulting in the narrative respecting his own thoughts and feelings on matters (which very much is tied to it). We’ll explore this at a later date.
But as for now – let’s explore my favourite aspect of MDZS.
(Here, narrative agency will be considered the ability of a character to meaningfully influence their events and the story they’re in.)
Tragedy, Circumstance, Choice
If we simply look at Wei Wuxian’s backstory in a vacuum, it seems almost typically tragic. His parents died in circumstances beyond his control, he was left alone as a child with nobody to care for him, he was forced to grow up fending for himself on the streets, he was faced with abuse when he finally was taken in… as with all typical woobies, everything simply happened to him, and none of it was good. It’s just another example of the lack of agency being used for sympathy points, right?
…Except there’s one problem with that idea. We don’t actually see any of this.
It would’ve been easy to start the flashbacks during these times. We’re telling the story of Wei Wuxian in (largely) chronological order, and these are likely important experiences for him! But instead of starting in his street days, or evenat the moment Jiang Fengmian took him in*, we start at the lectures in the Cloud Recesses. That’s not even something mentioned in, and therefore something that’s able to disprove, the rumours at the start of the novel. So why is this the case?
Well, there are multiple reasons – the main one being that MDZS is also Lan Wangji’s (and Wangxian’s) story, and having the flashbacks open with their first meeting is very satisfying. But I want to focus on something else.
This period doesn’t have to be shown, because what happens to Wei Wuxian, especially out of his control, isn’t what’s important about his character.
We’re not even at Lotus Pier here, where Wei Wuxian certainly has more agency than he would’ve had as a young child, but where the harm caused by Madame Yu is still completely out of his control. Here, he has agency! Though there are consequences, he is free to act, and what happens to him is a result of those actions and not of circumstance. Yes, he gets punished more than others who also take those same actions (due to classism); yes, it’s not his choice to be picked on by Lan Qiren in class (yet look how he responds, twisting the situation to his advantage and ending up tricking Lan Qiren into letting him leave, which is what he wanted to do. He is not at all helpless here!); yes, these choices have been influenced by his learned mindset from Madame Yu that punishment is arbitrary and will happen anyway, so you may as well do what you want regardless. But there is cause-and-effect here. It’s not circumstantial tragedy.
Therefore, instead of our first impression of past!Wei Wuxian being that of an unfortunate woobie, it’s of someone who has the freedom, ability and will to choose and act (and that’s after these initial tragic events have taken place). This is compounded by the fact that before we see any of his backstory, we get a similar impression of him in the present day.
If the purpose of his tragic past was to earn him sympathy points, to make us pity him due to how much he was influenced by events out of his control, this would’ve been a terrible way of going about it… and it’s this that betrays the true reason for its existence. Because now, the flashbacks instead show us how little these tragedies define who he is! From the very start, Wei Wuxian isn’t someone defined by circumstances out of his control, but rather by who he is as a person and by what choices he makes in the present day (which is both a mindset in-universe, and a nice little out-of-universe detail that lines up! Because out-of-universe, this means he’s not defined by sympathy points from a backstory, but rather by his great character writing… aka, by who he is as a person and what choices he makes). And this refusal to be defined by tragedy is a conscious choice on his part, too – but we’ll explore that more later.
The important thing is that this idea of Wei Wuxian isn’t because of what exists in his past, it’s because of what parts of his past are shown to us (as well as what he chooses to do, with agency, in the present).
Now, if this relationship between what’s displayed and what’s omitted was just a one-time thing, I might’ve considered it a cool detail or a nice way to establish a character, but not something the narrative is actively focusing on. But it’s a pattern that continues throughout the flashbacks. What, arguably, are the two other most important times in Wei Wuxian’s life where he doesn’t have enough agency to meaningfully influence his circumstances? His three months in the Burial Mounds (before escaping – he managed to assume some control of the circumstances but not enough to substantially reduce his suffering in his time there), and his loss and death during the First Siege. And we’re not shown either of them! We skip to when Wei Wuxian has emerged from the Burial Mounds and is torturing the Wens, or we skip to the present day – both times he has agency once more, because, again, what he’s like without it doesn’t matter enough to be shown.
Furthermore, I’d argue this does actually contrast the other tragic events we see in Wei Wuxian’s later life. Things do go horribly wrong, but it’s either due to choices he knows the consequences of (see: rescuing the Wen Remnants in the first place), or instances where he still has some ability to act in the situation and influence it within the limitations. If he’d had no ability to influence circumstances at Qiongqi path, he would have died in the ambush; if he’d been unable to do that at Nightless City, he would’ve died then, too (of course Lan Wangji helped him escape as well). The attention drawn to him losing control of his actions in both instances is very interesting, but intentional or not, it’s still his actions influencing the plot. And that influence happens to be detrimental. The very ability to act and influence, at a base level, is not taken away (though, of course, that doesn’t make these events any less tragic).
So, so far, the narrative seems to be telling us that the ability to act and choose is key to Wei Wuxian’s character. And it’s doing it through omitting his moments without agency in favour of instead showing us his moments with it.
Let’s see if this is echoed in the text itself before we go further – because even with this pattern, nothing would end up mattering if Wei Wuxian’s agency wasn’t actually that important to the story itself. But thankfully it is, and that first impression we get of Wei Wuxian in the Cloud Recesses turns out to very much be accurate! Though there are defining circumstances out of his control that occur, such as the massacre of Lotus Pier, the majority of the important events of his life are due to his own choices. He didn’t happen to be forced to cease traditional cultivation and solely use guidao, didn’t happen to lose his Golden Core in a fight with Wen Zhuliu or due to some force in the Burial Mounds, it was his own choice to give it and his spiritual powers away. He didn’t tragically happen to get targeted by the cultivation world, it was a result of him acting on his morals and protecting the Wen remnants (a choice which he was fully aware of the implications of). He isn’t a protagonist to whom things simply occur, and that activeness and agency is my favourite thing about him.
That’s not to say that the times Wei Wuxian doesn’t have agency, or feels like he doesn’t have any, don’t exist at all, either – but they are rare enough to have attention directly drawn to them in his internal narration:
Or else what could he do? He could do nothing. He was powerless. Lotus Pier had been destroyed, both Jiang FengMian and Madam Yu were gone, and Jiang Cheng had disappeared as well. He was the only one left, alone, with not even a sword in his hands. He didn’t know anything, he couldn’t do anything! For the first time, he discovered how little his power was. In front of something as large as the QishanWen Sect, it was the same as a mantis trying to stop a chariot. - Chapter 59, EXR translation
(And even in this circumstance, note that he still does force himself to act – to carry on searching for Jiang Cheng, to place his faith in Wen Ning – and does accomplish his goal (albeit with the help of others)! So even in dire situations, he isn’t simply passive. This is actually also the case with his time in the Burial Mounds, almost certainly the First Siege, and even his days on the streets as well (Chapter 20: he did actively fight with dogs to get food despite their danger and his growing fear of them, rather than just waiting and hoping to somehow receive some more). He can’t influence or immediately influence his circumstances, but that doesn’t stop him from trying.)
Overall, although they do influence him, Wei Wuxian is very much who he is in spite of his circumstances, not because of them. We’re shown the importance of his agency both in-universe by the major impacts his choices have on himself and the plot, as well as by narrative presentation – important periods where he lacks the ability to meaningfully influence anything are often mentioned but not directly shown, which suggests that such moments and circumstances aren’t as important to understanding Wei Wuxian’s character as moments where he does have this agency are. And I’d argue this works very well. Depending on the version of the story you consume, you may end up having different interpretations as to how much circumstances were at play nearer the end of his life – but nobody comes out of MDZS thinking about Wei Wuxian, the poor bearer of yet another generically tragic backstory.
(Part Two | Part Three | Full version on AO3)
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*We are shown this moment in more detail in Chapter 23… but even then, it’s through the framing of Wei Wuxian remembering Jiang Yanli’s narration, not through a flashback proper or even him remembering the experience itself!
#there are three parts to this#part two dwelling on how wwx not dwelling on tragedy is a conscious choice#part three about how that choice and wwx’s preferences are ALSO behind what’s shown and what’s not#i originally wanted to post them all at once but life was very busy and they haven’t been finished yet#and i wanted to release SOMETHING on this day (it is after midnight but i haven’t slept yet and in a lot of timezones it’s not yet)#judging by the current length of it it’s probably better to be posting individual parts anyway…#so here we go#a complete version will br put on ao3 when done#also because i’m not sure where to put it in the meta – i’m aware external circumstances did impact this too#eg mxtx not wanting to write power-up/transformation sequences influencing her not to write wwx’s time in the burial mounds#i’m also aware a lot of this could be writing efficiency and not the deeper meanings i’ll (mostly later) assign to it#ultimately there’s not enough evidence either way to say if this was intentional or not#(i don’t doubt mxtx is an amazing writer but *i* feel i’m overanalysing while writing this which i do tend to do)#but even if it wasn’t it’s still a part of the story#and it still remains one of the things i love it the most#so i WILL explore it (taking the approach of death of the author here – i do believe context is important but i just love this throughline-#-so much)#xiantober#xiantober day 1#mdzs meta#my meta#wei wuxian#wwx#mdzs#mo dao zu shi#魔道祖师#grandmaster of demonic cultivation#gdc
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wip wednesday whenever
tagged by @hythlodaes and @lilas days ago - ty beloveds!! this is so late but I’ll tag @coldshrugs @scionshtola @ghostwise @creaking-skull @aphoticfairy @daggertongue @narrativefoiltrope @veeples if anyone has writing or art or other creative things to share because I’d still love to see it!! from the sidalia wip again:
“Did you mean what you said earlier?” she asks, and though she whispers, ‘tis nearly too loud in the sparse, quiet inn room.
D’alia braces for him to deflect with residual bluster, perhaps brush her off with yet another turned cheek and grumbled dismissal of the matters of the heart again, or simply allow her to float adrift in the expanding gulf of silence between them. She would not blame him, particularly after all they had been through in recent moons.
She continues to wind the bandaging around his biceps, careful with the tender flesh and scale beneath her fingers. She decidedly does not think about the memory of those selfsame arms around her that has lingered with her for some time, or the dizzying warmth that seeps into her now from his body so close to her, still wedged between his legs with his large hand gripping her thigh as she works. Nor does she look at him until he tilts his head into her focus, his sharp eyes searching her in the dim candlelight.
“And if I did?” Sidurgu returns.
A frown tugs at the corners of her mouth even as her heart flutters in her chest. You were injured because of me, D’alia wants to snap.
He doesn’t allow her the chance.
“Listen, Alia.” Sidurgu easily encircles her wrist in his warm, calloused palm, halting her work. “I meant it. If you need me.” His scaled throat bobs as he swallows and a desperate look flashes across his face. “And I— Well, I want you to need me.”
#i think i shared a version of this scene before but i’ve been reworking it 🫣#idk i think so much about the intimacy of having slept together and not knowing where they stand bc they haven’t discussed it#while d’alia feels guilt for dragging sid into her messes#but sid wants to be the one she turns to and takes pride in protecting her and rielle#and the catalyst being the fear of losing sid that makes d’alia want to admit her love and know if he feels the same#anyway!!!!!!!!! finally some words on page. maybe i’ll finish this before 2 years come and go#dani.txt#wip tag#oc: d'alia liveq#alia/sid
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one of the worst feelings ever is wanting to write but your hands hurt too much or the words just don’t want to work so you just sit there staring at a half finished doc with tears in your eyes bc you want to write and you need to write but everything is telling you that you can’t
#and that you’re a terrible writer and that no one cares aaaaaaand imposter syndrome kicks in and you just feel like crap#bc all your friends have been wriying recejtky so why can’t you??? cause they’re bETTER THAN YOU#lol idk why my head is so bad today#the feelings of inferiority and emptiness and idk worthlessness are strong and i hate it but i can’t stop it#i just wanna write!!! and like what i write!!!#but i Can’t and i haven’t liked anything i’ve written in Months and ugh i hate not being able to d something i wanna do#oh and now i’m crying??? why the frick am i cRYING litetally why is typing this making me Worse#sorry guys needed to rant#the inadequacy was strong today#something something students keep telling me how much they dislike me or how i’m whiny for asking them to be respectful and like#i Know i shouldn’t compare myself to my friends but gosh it’s hard when they’re all like. so much better than me.#and i don’t have a lot of time to be on tumblr bc of work so i just feel like i’m watching everything from afar and it’s no one’s fault but#my brain’s like no one is Doing anything it’s just my brain being dumb and i can’t stand it and I want to stop feeling empty and like i’m#missing a part of myself and like the words i write don’t matter gOD why can’t i just feel happy with where i am and not care what the kids#who hate me say or realize that no one cares that i’m not on much like i’m still Here and trying to interact it’s not like everyone hates me#for being busy or for liking side characters more than the main characters and just—#sorry#that felt good actually#idk what came over me#imma just. imma shower. then maybe delete my tags#sorry if anyone got this far aT ALL grace is either asleep or trying to sleep so i don’t wanna bother them since they slept poorly last nigh#okay done now for real sorry delete tags later sorry if you saw this and how freaking messed up ky freaking brain is
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if I may offer a word of advise to any person out there who may be as stupid as me - do not walk through a field of stinging nettles barefoot
#I’m not about to post a photo of what the bottom of my feet look like (at least not for free) but#just imagine the absolute last thing you would want the bottoms of your feet to look like. That’s what mine look like rn#I haven’t been genuinely fr fr drunk in a long ass time (2 weeks) so I guess this is what I get eh#this happened last night btw I was too drunk to notice the state of my feet so I slept like this 😭😭😭#so now I’m going to have a hangover soon AND I’ve got a literal BILLION tiny needles in my feet#Maybe next time I decided to get hammered I’ll put locks on my shoes to prevent myself from taking them off#Although bright side I’m glad I was just in a field and not walking around barefoot in a street where#I could step on broken glass or hypodermic needles or something lol so. silver lining#But fr idk what to do about it I feel like I’m still too drunk to start plucking them out rn my hands are too shakey#So I guess I’m just going to wait around like this until I’m sober enough?#& love how I was posting about staying in last night lol. Nice try mf you really thought you were just gonna watch a movie then go to bed 😭#I drank well over half a bottle of whiskey last night lmfao I don’t wanna know how many shots that comes out to be… over 10 at least ����#Maybe I have a problem……. nahhhhhhhjhjjjhhhhhh
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:-/
#came home around 10 then slept till almost 2#I had 4 hours where I HAD to read for class bc I have an assignment due tomorrow that I have to finish before work in the morning#I’m gonna be ok actually I’m gonna read for a bit then go to bed early and wake up early to finish my assignment before work#then I can read for Thursday between work and class and then read again that evening before going to bed on time#then Thursday I will work on an outstanding assignment while taking my notes for my ‘fieldwork’#Friday I can probably balance work and other plans…#then before DnD gotta do more homework#no days offffffff for a while bc I took a WEEK off for sick and my heart#(metaphorically)#my real heart is fine probably as long as I’m eating meals#which I haven’t been -_-#im eating now and will eat again tonight#then tomorrow in the morning and probably mid day and evening
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sleeping is so great. I never feel lousy after I sleep nor do I ever have dreams that make me wake up crying. I love sleeping. what if I never do it again
#txt#shitty sleep where I haven’t slept through in months and awful dreams that make me cry the second I wake up#who couldn’t love that
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Incubus boyfriend who has romance-repulsed days. If you need any kind of romantic affection on those days he talks to you in the most dramatic, flowery fashion possible, because it sounds like it could be romantic, but he’s actually aggressively trying to seduce you. It’s comforting because you think he’s reciting an epic declaration of true love, completely unaware to the fact that he just said “suck me good and hard bbg”
#aromantic#i’#i’m in my feelings about being aro but not ace and having days where romance makes me physically ill#so boom#making shit up on the internet#it’s 4:30 and I haven’t slept all night so forgive me if this makes no sense#anyway#if my future boyfriend needs romantic comfort on my romance-repulsed days#you bet your fucking bottom dollar that I’m pulling the incubus boyfriend shit#oh yeah hey it’s me#the incubus boyfriend#WAIT#THIS COUNTS—IT COUNTS#monsterfucking#THAT’S THE GOOD SHIT!#thanks for reading all these tags btw
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every time i listen to ugly death no redemption i go fucking insane about ice the last generation again
#sucks bc it’s one of my favorite albums lmao#for those who don’t know. ice is a really shitty post apocalyptic yuri ova#it’s made by the creator of the zeta gundam not like tomino but the mech designer#it’s also really anti men like there’s no men they all died and it’s between the two factions of like militant science and fuck it we ball#and the fuck it we ball people just have gay sex and do drugs#the militant one also has gay sex but only the leader and she has like slaves for it????#also the leader of the fuck it we ball one is part jellyfish bc her mom did genetic experiments on her to figure out how to make children#without cock#that’s one of my favorite parts of it the one scene where that’s discussed is really cool#there’s a weird age gap between the two love interests though i think they’re both adults????#but one of them was like at least in her twenties when the other one was being born??????#it makes me really uncomfortable which is why i haven’t gotten super into it otherwise i think i would go insane#also there’s some weird time travel esque stuff at the end and i think it might be implied that the love interest gave birth to her partner#through virgin birth like jesus style#before any of the plot even happened#or maybe the love interest is just there when she’s giving birth???? she dies in the main timeline and then her object that she gave her#partner is in the hospital room (in the past)#but also the person giving birth is technically different than the love interest bc all we know is that she has been hallucinating this lady#bc she hasn’t slept in literal years#and that’s the lady giving birth in the past and she might be the love interest and she might be giving birth to her partner#fucking insane shit there are parts that really interest me and i want to take for my own projects and stuff#do not recommend it at all but also i kinda do but like dont go into it seriously go into it to see a weird as fuck shit show#anyways ugly death no redemption uses a lot of samples from it!!!!!!#oh yeah humans have also evolved to only be able to eat processed foods and if animals eat it they turn into flowers that’s a cool scene too
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Can we talk about the comment Crowley made when talking with Shax in the park?
He says he (paraphrase) he doesn’t hang with arizaphale that much/often since the failed apocalypse.
THEN he mentions the 3 ways Axitaphale sounds/reasons to call. One specifically being he did something good and couldn’t hold it in without someone knowing.
THEN as @books-and-omens mentions, Crowley dismisses (albeit probably not on purpose) Aziraphales idea he had during the cotillion ball v demons battle.
We know via record store/coffee shop lesbians that they don’t talk. But hot damn they REALLY didn’t talk.
Crowley obviously mentions how the execution for Aziraphale went but between his anger and complete disgust that he feels towards how heaven treats Aziraphale. He doesn’t realize how that treatment affected the Angel.
Aziraphale mentions that someone should know when something good is done (even though he’s talking specifically about himself at that moment) it’s bc heaven/god didn’t care about what was GOOD in the world. They cared about what they thought was right.
He wants to do things, save someone aka Jim, go out in the Bentley bc before he almost let himself get beheaded because heaven had enough of his shenanigans.
And we always know Crowley goes back right? But it’s always after first saying no or demoralising the idea or choosing “our side”.
Which their side would be great but maybe Aziraphale is having a hard time differentiating the sides when NO ONE WILL TELL HIM WHICH DUGOUT HE STARTED IN TO BEGIN WITH.
#good omens#aziraphale#crowley#good omens season 2#neil gaiman#ineffable husbands#david tennant#michael sheen#i haven’t slept in two days#I don’t think this makes as much sense anymore than where I began#I just really feel for aziraphale that’s all
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.
#lol. fatigue is kicking my ass and the fact i haven’t slept well in days isn’t helping.#and i hate feeling so off the rails every month#emotionally and physically both but especially emotionally#like yeah i’ve found something that helps now so it’s not like that stretch of months where my mental health was trashed#but pmdd really is that bitch sabotaging me when i’m. so tired. lmao#anyway sorry 2 whine on main again yk how it is#the life and times
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I still believe there may be a day where I believe I am enough as a person
Or maybe I may just blow my brains out eventually
#depression makes you feel like you’re screaming in a room full of people and no one looks up#I haven’t slept in a real bed in months#this isn’t where I envisioned my life to be at 31#my insides are hurting
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throwing up dehydrates you. drinking dehydrates you. crying dehydrates you. i did all three of those yesterday. HOW DID I GET TO BE. OVERHYDRATED. i’ve been drinking a lot of water to try to course correct and bc ive been feeling insatiably thirsty and not to be tmi but ive been pissing crystal clear. and SO MUCH. why do i still feel thirsty when i have so much water in me. how did i get here when i should be fighting tooth and nail against being leathery and dessicated like some kind of taxidermy animal. how does this make sense.
#i haven’t slept#aside from being tired i feel really good physically#probably bc im sloshing around like a water balloon. no hangover obviously. due to the water situation#emotionally who knows where im at
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