#+ how attention naturally goes to him - including bad attention where his mistakes are highlighted and burn bright

[turtleblogatlast]

“Haven’t You Noticed (I’m a Star)” from Steven Universe works so ridiculously well for Leo

[mountswhore]

Hey there! Could you write a JLingz one where you are no longer dating (he broke up with you) but when he sees you all happy and that he feels sad because he knows he made a mistake. He is having a bad time so his friends tell you what's going on with him (arent eating well, can't focus on his work). You decide to help him because of all the good time you spent together and after hours looking for him in the places he usually goes, you find him in your favorite place (a beautiful park where you used to go for a picnic and could see the whole city). There you realize you can't live without each other.

𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐚𝐝𝐞 — jesse lingard

summary after breaking up with you, jesse loses himself. and you offer to help.

notes requests are open

It had now been four months since Jesse had broken up with you. You still had no idea why, but you were moving on. Your relationship had slowly broken apart, you’d become so distant from each other, choosing to spend time away from the other, and Jesse thought it was right to end it.

“Don’t be boring,” Mason sighed, stretching his limbs over your bed. You and Mason had been close friends, even before you and Jesse dated, but it stung to hang out with him sometimes. “Everyone will be there, so come on. They all miss you.”

You spun your head around from your seat at the vanity, giving Mason a look. “Everyone?”

“Apart from Jesse. He doesn’t show up to these things anymore.”

You'd made the decision to go, hoping to reinforce to everyone that you'd moved on from Jesse. Clubs weren't entirely your thing, it was one of your many differences with Jesse. He'd want to celebrate his birthday in a club , but wonder why you looked so uncomfortable sat beside him.

"Y/N," you heard from behind you, Ben's hands placed on your shoulders as he guided you to his booth. Sat there was Mason, Jack, Declan, and Marcus. You greeted them all and sat between Mason and Ben, stealing sips of Mason's drinks from time to time. The boys were all chattering, and you'd joined in, but Marcus kept giving you weird glances. You'd assumed that it was just weird for him seeing his best mates ex acting so happy and care-free, but he seemed to give you a sympathetic smile.

"I'm gonna get some more drinks," Marcus announced, pulling himself up from the edge of the booth and looking at the faces surrounding him, "I don't know your drink, Y/N, so you'll have to come with me."

You followed Marcus to the bar, sitting on one of the few empty chairs at the corner of the bar, waiting for the bartender's attention. Marcus sat beside you, fiddling with the glass in his hand. "I need to talk to you, Y/N."

"I thought as much," you noted, glancing at him and shifting in your seat, "you know my drink, you've ordered it a million times." The pair of you smiled at each other, a brief memory being remembered, but quickly batted away as it included Jesse. He was not a topic to be talking about, but Marcus needed to.

"Jesse isn't doing well, at all." Marcus stated simply, a painful look in his eyes. Marcus was the perfect friend, he knew what Jesse needed but Jesse wasn't willing to chase after it, so Marcus stepped in to help. He saw his friend struggling and decided to help. But your face wasn't sour, like he'd imagined. Your features softened at the mention of Jesse, and how he was doing.

"Why are you telling me this?" You questioned, finally raising your arm at the bartender who'd spotted you both.

"Don't pretend you don't feel anything towards him, Y/N. I can see it on your face." He replied, it as if the grip he had on your hand was urging you to tell the truth, you felt awful lying to Marcus.

"So what if I do?" You asked, no longer feeling the need to conceal your affection towards Jesse anymore. "Why would it matter? He broke up with me, if you forgot. He got home from training and told me to leave. Nothing further."

"I can't speak for him, I really can't. But I know he misses you, he regrets it." Marcus mentioned, tightening his grip on your hand ever so slightly, "and I wouldn't tell you this if it wasn't serious, but he's barely eating, barely sleeping, he doesn't show up to training on time and gets sent home if he's not performing well, he doesn't show up to parties or to hang out. He's gone."

Your heart ached. You could just imagine him now, on his sofa in sweats and carrying his heavy heart around his dark home. And you weren't far off from the truth. He was in bed, bundled up in the duvet and scrolling through your Instagram. It hurt to see you so okay. You had pictures of you and Mason, some of you and the England boys, some with just you glamming up, he'd watched every story, every highlight. You looked like you'd moved on, and here he was still yearning for you.

It had gotten to an hour after looking at your profile now, and Jesse had fallen asleep. Whereas you were just heading home for the night, you'd gotten into an Uber with Mason and Declan, giggling at their half-shut eyes and nonsensical words. You'd all gotten out of the Uber and into your place, the other boys had their own way of heading home, but you'd decided to let these two stay the night.

Even as you'd gotten into bed yourself, you couldn't stop thinking about what Marcus said. About how bad Jesse was feeling inside, and how much he'd let himself slip.

It even plagued your thoughts in the shower the following morning, as you drove with the boys to breakfast, as you'd dropped them back to the place they were staying. You'd gotten home that afternoon and were tired of debating it in your head, you'd locked back up and headed back to your car. The route to Jesse's was pretty familiar, almost like second nature at this point. Some days after a pretty rough day at work, you'd find yourself indicating left to go to Jesse's, and quickly began to indicate right.

You hadn't been here since he told you to leave four months ago. You'd barely paid attention to Jesse's car being missing, after banging on the door several times. He wasn't here, where else could he be? Marcus had said he doesn't go anywhere apart from training. And they were on a break right now.

He misses you, he regrets leaving you. Marcus' words were repeating in your head as you drove down the road to the field. Surely, if he missed you, he'd be here. You'd parked your car as close as you could, and began making your way up the hill. The only times you'd come here were with Jesse, for birthdays, anniversaries, even when you just had an hour together. This was a beautiful spot. It's where Jesse said he loved you, where he gave you all your birthday gifts. You'd spotted a man laying on the grass, head supported by a ball. Hood up and watching the city below it.

You'd come to realise, by the logo on the hoodie, that it was Jesse. You'd kicked the ball from under his head, falling back to meet your eyes. His bored face was swapped for a shocked one, sitting up and checking to see if he was actually seeing you opposite him. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to check on you," you mentioned, sitting beside him and balling up your boat to lay your head on, Jesse had laid back down onto the ball, eyes grazing over your features. You were still a beauty. "I checked your house, and figured you'd be here. What's this I hear about you not doing well at training?"

No matter what was going on between you, you always made sure he ate and was well-rested for training. His career was one of the most important things to him, behind you and Hope of course. So you'd never let him slack, it's only recently he realised how well you looked after him. "Just doing bad this season, I suppose."

"Jesse Lingard doesn't just do bad. I remember him to be a class player," you replied, seeing a brief smile on his face, and you'd mirrored it out of instinct.

"Yeah," Jesse mumbled, "well Jesse Lingard is an idiot."

You sat up as he did, hand on his back as he hunched over. His hands over his face, you couldn't tell whether he was crying or not. "Why's that?"

He decided to be completely honest with you, not wanting to feel this way anymore. "I shouldn't have broken up with you," he sighed heavily, almost regretting saying anything, but now he had to keep going. "I've regretted it ever since I did it. I saw us in a rough spot and thought you might have been falling out of love with me, so I saved myself the heartache and ended it with you. I keep replaying it in my head and I hate myself for it. I just wish I could take it back."

You were stunned. You had no idea he felt this way, that he carried all this regret. "Why didn't you say anything? Why didn't you reach out?"

"Because you looked so happy," he argued, voice cracking from the sudden raise, "I'd scrolled your Instagram every day, I saw how happy you looked with Ben and Mason and other friends. You looked like you had moved on, so I left it."

There was a tense silence, you had no idea what to do or say, you were contemplating being as vulnerable as he was. "It was a façade."

Jesse turned to face you, brows furrowed and hands on his knees now. "What are you on about?"

"I keep telling myself I've moved on, but I haven't. Marcus could see it on my face that I still love you." You admitted, shuffling closer to him and taking one of his hands in yours. "There's not a day I haven't thought of you, that I haven't hoped we'd run into each other."

There was nothing more that needed to be said, Jesse wanted to kiss you. So he did. He held your jaw with both hands tightly and kissed you, making up for these four missed months.

[telehxhtrash]

A masterpost on Togashi’s gay subtext and why it’s intentional.

Hi ! After seeing so many posts about Togashi dropping subtext about Killua's possible romantic feelings for Gon, I thought it'd be a good idea to make a sort of "masterpost" with all the subtext that Togashi has included into his work.

I usually see a lot of people trying to say that HxH isn't about romance and that Togashi isn't interested in writing romance into the manga, but when you analyze all the subtext that's been going on the further Gon and Killua's relationship progresses, I think it's incorrect to say that Togashi has never hinted at the possibility of romance in HxH.

This is going to be a long post, enjoy your read!

Also, please note that I will only base this analysis on the manga, so there can be no mistake that "maybe this is just something the anime made gayer" : i want to prove that the subtext is 100% intentional on Togashi's part.

I'd also like to mention, although I will analyze it further after listing the subtext, that Togashi is a VERY smart man. There are always little details in the story and/or foreshadowing that are easily missed at first but when you notice them, it truly makes you understand how much attention and care Togashi puts into his work. There are countless details and symbolism that are analyzed daily through wonderful meta posts, from the main 4′s birthdays and their link to their character or the religious symbolism in Kurapika’s story arc.... Togashi loves to foreshadow and plant little details into his work, so when Togashi plants subtext, I'm sure he 100% knows that he's writing it, and it can't be seen as unintentional.

I'll also link all my references for this post at the end of it, so feel free to read all the additional textposts and content if you want to know more.

Well, let's get into it!

EDIT : i can’t believe this post is still being used as a reference it makes me so happy... thank you so much !!! i edited this to tweak it a bit because i wrote this a while ago and the phrasing seemed off to me, so if you’re reading or re-reading this post, hi, welcome to masterpost on gay subtext 2.0 !

GREED ISLAND ARC

Greed Island is to me the arc that lays down the nature of Killua and Gon's relationship. It's during this arc that we get to see a bit more of what Killua thinks, how he's lucky to have met Gon and that he feels really grateful. Gon’s behavior in this arc is also very affectionate, with him always reassuring Killua about his place next to him. While the scene where Killua thinks "You've got it backwards, Gon, I'm the one that's glad I met you." can't be considered as subtext, I think it's something that lets the reader know a bit more about how Killua feels towards Gon. 

But other than this scene, which can clearly be dismissed as platonic, there are 2 more moments in the Greed Island arc that are layered in subtext.

• The Rainbow Diamond (chapter 151)

During their time in Dorias, Killua uses Risky Dice to gain cards from the slot machines. The first card that Killua gains is called "Rainbow Diamond", the description of the card being "A diamond that shines in a rainbow of colors. Propose with this diamond and she is guaranteed to say "yes"". 

There are 3 different things we can take from this panel. First, the card is a marriage proposal card, so it's obviously romantic in nature. Second, the object is a RAINBOW diamond. And third, Killua, wanting to keep the card safe, gifts it to Gon.

In short, Togashi sat down at his desk, decided to draw Killua winning a MARRIAGE PROPOSAL CARD (it could've been any card, but Togashi CHOSE to make Killua win a marriage proposal card) that has a RAINBOW diamond on it and made Killua gift it to Gon. 

While I personally don't think that subtext can be used to 100% ascert that Killua has romantic feelings for Gon, I think it's a funny little touch from Togashi, and I'm even gonna say a sort of hint towards how Killua's feelings for Gon are going to evolve in this arc and the next.

• “It has to be Killua” (chapter 166)

Now this is a scene that I've never seen anyone talk about, at least on Tumblr, but when I read a bit of analysis on it I was 100% convinced this was intentional subtext. I'm basically quoting here what this article explains, so if you want more detail, I recommend reading it.

As you probably recall, during their deadly dodgeball game against Razor, Killua decides to sacrifice his hands to ensure that Gon could use all his strength. When confronted about it, Killua insists that it's nothing, and Gon shocks him by saying that he knew all along that he was hurting himself for his sake. 

Gon then says that it can only be Killua holding the ball, and that it has to be Killua, resulting in Killua being absolutely awestruck and embarassed. I'm also going to talk about the anime adaptation for this one, because it's perfectly executed and translates extremely well the nuance that the second sentence bears. If you want to rewatch it, this scene happens in episode 70. It's worth noting that in the anime, we see Killua not reacting to Gon's first sentence, but losing his composure entirely when Gon says the second sentence. But why ?

The reason was lost in translation. His exact words are "Booru wa Killua ga motte-kurenai to. Killua ja nakya dame nan da.". Both sentences basically say the same thing : It has to be Killua holding the ball. That second sentence can be translated literally as "If it's not Killua, that won't do." However, the second sentence, in a different context, can also be used to say a totally different thing. 

While it's certain that Gon used this sentence in the context of the dodgeball match, the sentence "~ja nakya dame nan da" also serves as a confession of one's feelings in japanese. It's basically the equivalent to "you're the one for me". When you google the sentence, it turns up romantic songs, forum posts asking what it would translate to in English and posts on how to confess to someone. 

The sentence basically drowns in romantic subtext. As mentioned before, Killua has no reaction to the first sentence "Booru wa Killua ga motte-kurenai to.", but loses his composure at the second one, and I think that was a very deliberate thing Togashi wanted to convey : this sentence has an additional layer, and clearly Killua is taking it to heart.

I will come back to this specific subtext in a bit, because we can parallel it with another subtext-y situation, so please keep it in mind for now.

CHIMERA ANT ARC

Now onto the sad gay arc! This arc is so RIDDLED in subtext and parallels that it's making me lose my mind.

• Gon, you are light. (chapter 199)

This scene is just... So romantic in nature. I’m not too objective on this, but I really do believe that this moment is the exact moment Killua fell in love with Gon and started to realize he felt a bit more than friendship towards him. It’s Killua respecting Gon for who he is, realizing that he’s light and he’s always been, he’s the one who saved him and who’s always been so bright and optimistic and always makes the best out of any situation. In this scene, Killua lets himself drown in Gon’s light, allows himself to feel this “wow” moment of pure admiration and love, and it’s absolutely beautiful.

It's extremely important to take the context of this scene into account. What happened is that Killua, who has been struggling mentally for the entire series with the fact that he's always running away, ran away once more, leaving Kite to die with Pitou. This ENTIRE chapter is literally adults absolutely DESTROYING Killua, first Kite's troupe bashing him for leaving Kite behind, and then Netero, Morel and Knov coming in like icing on the cake telling Killua that "After all, he's just a kid", and that he should hurry up to his mommy. 

Killua is beating himself up for running away again, got destroyed by Kite's team and 3 extremely strong pro hunters. His morale is down in the drains right now. He expects Gon to be mad at him for betraying Kite, for running away once again, for leaving Kite to die alone and ripping Gon away from Kite : he expects that he'll lose Gon for his cowardice.

HOWEVER, the first thing that Gon says to Killua after having been passed out for god knows how many hours is "Thank you". 

Gon woke up and instantly eased up all of Killua's fears : he wasn't a loser for running away, and Gon was actually thankful for him. Gon, at this moment, was the only one that showed kindness, understanding and gratefulness towards Killua. Gon even goes so far as saying that he knows that Kite isn't dead, and that they have to help him. At this instant, Gon is truly Killua's saving grace. He's the one that trusts him with his entire heart, and believes in his choices when even he can't believe in himself. Gon is truly Killua's light at this precise moment, because he was the only one who supported him, trusted him and reassured him in this awful situation.

How can someone shine so bright in such a terrible situation ? How can someone be so positive that nothing bad will happen ? 

Gon asserting all of this makes Killua respect him a lot. Keep this word in mind, because it’s going to be important in the next piece of subtext I’m analyzing, because those two scenes canonically follow each other and are basically Togashi highlighting that something special happened when Killua called Gon his light, and that his feelings deepened.

• Introduction to Palm's character (chapter 200)

This piece of subtext is very very easy to miss but it's one of the most important subtext-y scene, because coupled with the “Gon, you are light” scene, it’s very clear that this dialogue is deliberately highlighting Killua’s feelings.

This chapter introduces Palm's character (which, imo, is a character introduced for the sole intent of being a catalyst to Killua's feelings towards Gon, but I'll talk about it in my post talking about the CAA parallels) - edit: i talked about this briefly here.

So, Killua having looked into Gon's eyes for like 10min straight and concluded that Gon was the light of his life a chapter ago, is now chilling with Gon as they meet Palm. 

Palm takes them to a café and STRAIGHT OFF THE BAT harasses them about how much she's in love with Knov. Like when I say harassing, it's literally a whole page of her explaining her feelings towards Knov. 

There are two interesting things that can be drawn from this interaction.

First, it's extremely easy to draw parallels between Palm's situation towards Knov and Killua's situation towards Gon. Palm starts by saying how amazing her master is, that she probably has special feelings for him but the most important thing is to respect the other person. Remember how I talked about how this last scene was Killua having a surge of deep, deep respect for Gon ? Palm makes sure to highlight that special word, that it’s important to respect someone when it comes to love.

She then goes on to say that she hasn't said anything to Knov, and never will. All of this adds nothing to the story, it's empty dialogue, Togashi could've introduced Palm in virtually any other way possible, but he chose to drag her and the gay duo to a café and make her have a monologue about love RIGHT after the extremely emotional panel of Killua declaring that Gon is his light just a chapter ago.

But there's more. Not only does Palm monologue for a while about love, but after finishing her monologue, this happens :

This panel features ONLY Palm and Killua, her looking at him like the psycho she is, and straight up telling him that "love can suddenly spark out of nowhere, don't you think so?". 

What's so interesting about this is the fact that Togashi made the deliberate choice to have Palm say this to Killua and Killua ONLY, which after the gay existential crisis he had last chapter, can very much be applied to his situation. Love DID spark out of nowhere, and Togashi wants you to notice. Togashi could've made Palm say this to herself, with no distinct listener like the last panel, but he made the conscious choice to draw this panel with Palm adressing herself to Killua SPECIFICALLY. 

Those two pieces of subtext, that fit perfectly together, make me believe 100% that Togashi knows what he's doing and he's not unintentionally planting gay subtext in his work. The fact that Togashi sat at his desk, drew Killua calling Gon his light, and then followed this scene with the introduction to a character who picks Killua apart to tell him that "love is something that just happens, don't you think?" is 100% proof that Togashi knows what he's doing.

• Date with Palm (chapters 217 and 218)

I think this situation has many layers, but many people still dismiss it as bro behavior so I'm gonna try my best to counter argue. First of all, and although that's not proof of anything, Killua looks EXTREMELY distressed by the prospect of Gon going on a date with Palm, but that can be counter-argued by saying that Killua is just worried because Palm is completely crazy. 

What I want to talk about is the scene that happens right after, when Gon and Killua go to the gym (because theyre DUDES YEAH WE WORK OUT NO HOMO), and the conversation casually drifts to Killua asking Gon if he's ever been on a date before, valid question considering what just happened previously. There are multiple things here :

1) Killua seems distressed that Gon has been on dates before. While it can be argued that it's a normal reaction because Gon has and he hasn't, I believe that Killua - who is in no way a normal person who would get flustered about "not having been on dates before a certain age" - would not feel uncomfortable that his friend is more experienced than him - especially when literal seconds later, he monologues about how he doesn’t care about dates and just wants to stick with Gon.

2) Gon then proceeds to ask Killua if he's ever been on a date, to which Killua responds :

What I want to highlight is the panel where Killua says "And the truth is, I want to stay by your side... Always...". Basically, what Killua is saying, is that he doesn't care about dates, all he wants to do is be with Gon.

I don't think this can be counter-argued as bro behavior, but with all the subtext I've explained before, this right here is pretty gay. Togashi put this panel deliberately to show that Killua doesn't give a crap about dates when he can stay with Gon, and with the "gon you are light" scene and everything in mind, this is another intentional subtext.

There's also the fact that Killua stalks the date like a jealous girlfriend - but I'm not gonna count that as subtext because it can be argued that he's just worried about Gon because Palm is insane.

• Gon is my best friend ! (chapter 219)

Remember how I told you to keep the "It has to be Killua" subtext in mind because I was gonna come back to it later ? Well.

During Palm's date with Gon, Killua runs into Rammot, who would definitely have ran into Palm and nenless Gon. Killua is forced to confront his worst fear : this is the moment where he knows that if he runs away again, Gon WILL die. Killua is literally overcoming his "programming", the physical representation of years of abuse out of love and care for Gon. He's ripping out the needle from his forehead out of pure, genuine care for Gon, because if he doesn't, then he'll lose him forever. 

Now, what I actually wanna talk about is this panel :

What we see is Killua thinking happy thoughts about all his adventures with Gon because he can't - won't - doesn't want to run away anymore, and all this for his sake. But what I wanna draw attention to is the dodgeball panel that's bigger than all the others, and the only one where you can actually clearly make out what's written : "Killua ja nakya dame nan da". 

Now, isn't that interesting that the panel that takes a bigger place in the whole panel is the one with this particular sentence? Remember what I talked about a bit earlier, about how "~ ja nakya dame nan da" is a sentence with a lot of romantic connotations (would pretty much equal to "you're the one for me" in English). Clearly this particular sentence stuck with Killua. 

I'm not completely objective on this matter since I firmly believe that at this point, Killua has romantic feelings for Gon, but I interpret this as another deliberate thing Togashi did : putting the panel bigger so we can see that it has a particularly significant importance to Killua, and Killua's state of mind right now (not wanting to lose Gon). 

In my opinion, two things happened here: One, Killua remembers this specific interaction because he knows how much Gon trusts him and he doesn't want to betray his trust. But I also firmly believe that Killua remembered this specific interaction because of the romantic connotation the sentence "Killua ja nakya dame nan da" has. Those words clearly shocked him, and I think he remembers them in this life-threatening situation, after the "gon you are light" scene, Palm talking about "love just happens", the "i want to stay with you, always" because he realizes that he wishes Gon would say that sentence in a romantic context, and not in the context of the dodgeball match, thus leading him to surpass himself to prove his love and perhaps live to see the day where Gon could say those words in that romantic context.

Now, of course, all of this is my interpretation, so it's really up to debate, but I really wanna highlight the fact that Togashi deliberately CHOSE to highlight this particular interaction between Gon and Killua, this sentence with romantic subtext, to lead Killua to finally break his chains and be able to be protect Gon fully. It’s also interesting to note that the 2011 anime adaptation also makes it a point to emphasize how deep these words stuck to Killua by making it the last flashback that makes Killua effectively rip out the needle out of his head. 

Also let's quickly mention the irony in the situation here : while Gon is on a romantic date, Killua fights to protect him, overcoming his weakness to prove his love. It’s not Palm who deserves that date, it’s Killua.

• A lovers’ suicide (chapter 286)

Now, onto the most important piece of subtext, that can not be counterargued as platonic in any way, shape or form. During the palace invasion, Killua leaves Gon's side, proceeds to go kick Youpi's butt only to have to fall back because he used up all his electricity nen. When Killua is charging up, he meets with Meleoron, and tells him that once he's done charging, he'll go back to Gon's side. 

They briefly exchange information about the battle, and then Meleoron proceeds to ask Killua what's the plan for him and Gon. That's when Killua explains that "Once Gon is like this, he won't budge an inch. Worst case scenario, it'll be a double suicide.". At worst they both die, cool. They “go down in flames together”. It’s actually much, much more meaningful than that.

The specific word that Killua uses for double suicide is "心中" (shinjuu), which is a heavily romantically connotated word in japanese. Shinjuu, also translated as "lovers’ suicide", is when two people die out of love, by the same method, because there's a belief that this'll allow those two people to spend eternity together. Shinjuu is a major theme of Japanese literature, and it is always used romantically. It's a very uncommon word to use to refer to two people dying together, because of its heavy romantic connotation, and because it always refers to double suicide committed by people bound by love. In literature, it always refers to two lovers, in love. If you want to read more on shinjuu, i suggest this and this, those articles explain its historic roots and the definition, also emphasizing the feeling of "oneness" that characterizes shinjuu. If you’re interested, I also suggest reading the japanese article that defines shinjuu, and hitting the google translate button, it has some pretty interesting sentences like “Shinjuu is traditionally committed by men and women out of mutual love, in the hope that they will be connected in the afterlife because they can't be together in this world.”

So basically, what Killua is saying is that he wants to go back to Gon's side to die with him, committing a "lovers’ suicide" because he doesn't want to leave Gon to die alone, and wants to die with him.

I also want to emphasize how special this word is to Killua, and that he and everyone around him know the special meaning of this word - In chapter 300, Ikalgo literally says "We were... No, KILLUA was ready to commit shinjuu with Gon". Ikalgo is really highlighting the fact that this word holds special meaning, especially to Killua, and that it was HIM who was willing to commit shinjuu by staying with Gon. Ikalgo and company dying with Gon wouldn't be shinjuu, but Killua dying with Gon would be, and Togashi emphasizes this through Ikalgo's thoughts.

This is pretty much the gist of it, but I suggest reading the wonderful post I linked in the references below if you want to know more about this specific subtext.

(edit : i actually wrote a post going a bit more into detail on Killua’s shinjuu wish if you want to read it here ! :3)

• “The one that Gon needs the most is you” (chapter 294)

I will go into this subtext more in details when I write the post about parallels in CAA, but I still want to talk about it briefly here.

Like I said before, to me, Palm was introduced as a catalyst for Killua's feelings towards Gon. Togashi purposefully wrote Palm as having romantic feelings for Gon to foil Killua's feelings for Gon and make him show jealousy towards Palm. 

To Killua, Palm is someone who stole Gon from him, he sees her as a threat because maybe she'll make Gon happier than he does ? (ofc we all know thats not true but Killua is baby) - Basically, Killua thinks Palm might be more important to Gon than Killua is, because he believes they are romantically involved. That's why when he sees her again later on, after Gon rejected his help, leaving Killua helpess as to how to save his dear friend, Killua sees Palm as a saving grace. 

He knows that if Gon sees Palm as a chimera ant, he will spiral down even more, so he tries to reason with her to get her to be gentle to Gon, because if not her, then who could? Palm would clearly be able to comfort Gon, with whom Killua believes is romantically involved with, better than him, right ? If Gon rejected Killua, then clearly Palm could help, since she seems closer to Gon (BECAUSE HE BELIEVES THEYRE DATING), right? 

This confrontation between Palm and Killua closely ressembles a situation like an ex confronting a new girlfriend - and I think this is exactly why Togashi wrote Palm this way. He wanted Killua to confront who he thought was a threat to their relationship, making him believe that this person who's """"dating"""” Gon is more important to him than himself, only to have her openly admit that she means nothing to Gon. The only one Gon needs is Killua.

And that, my friends, coming from someone you believe is romantically involved with your best friend (who you probably have a crush on), someone you're jealous of, the one you thought was the person most important to him, that's a pretty meaningful statement. 

Basically, what's happening, is that Palm reaffirms that Gon holds Killua closer than a potential romantic partner. And that's why Killua is so, so happy to hear that. He was questioning his entire relationship, questioning if Gon even cared about him, because he rejected him a few minutes before, but then his "rival" comes in and reaffirms that even she knows that no one comes close to Killua to Gon.

I also want to mention that this act of pure love (Killua only thinking of saving Gon when in a life threatening situation) is what made Palm come back to her human senses. d'awwwwww

• Illumi and Hisoka’s parallel on lovers who die of Alluka’s requests. (chapter 323)

Now onto the final significant subtext - while I don't particularly think of it as subtext-y, I know a lot of people have so I still want to include it here.

When Illumi explains Alluka's powers to Hisoka, he explains that there are two different types of linked deaths when a request is failed : 1) the person who failed + the person they love the most 2) the person who failed + the people they spent most of their time with. 

When applied to Killua, Hisoka naturally comes to the conclusion that no matter the outcome, Gon would always be the one dying with Killua, because he's spent so much time with him, and because he's the one that Killua loves the most. In the panel where Illumi explains this, we see a romantic, heterosexual couple  demonstrating the effects of not completing one of Alluka's requests, and thus the "most important person dying". 

While not making any true parallels, the fact that Hisoka, and the readers, are drawn to compare a heterosexual, romantic pairing to Killua dying with Gon because he's his "most important person" is an interesting piece of subtext.

_______

I want to finish by talking about Killua's birthday and how significant it is in my opinion. All the main 4 characters have birthdays that fall on specific dates, related to Japanese tradition, and often with events that can be associated to their character. Gon's is 5/5, which is Children's Day. Kurapika's is 4/4, the number 4 being considered an unlucky number, and this being an unlucky day to have a child. Leorio's is 3/3, Hinamatsuri (not really any main parallels here but still). But Killua's birthday is 7/7, and is the Japanese day to celebrate Tanabata. 

If you are not familiar with Tanabata, the story is as follows : Orihime is a princess who works for her father, working hard and well, but she laments the fact that because of her hard work she can't meet someone and fall in love. Her father arranges for her to meet Hikoboshi, allowing Orihime to leave because he expects her to come back to work for him, but the two immediately fall in love and get married, and she never returns. I won't get into the rest of the story as it's this part that interests me the most, but if you want to read more about Killua and Tanabata I suggest reading the post I referenced below.

Does the story of Orihime remind you of anyone ? Killua also works for his father, but laments the fact that he can't go outside and meet someone. His father then lets him go, saying, and i quote: "he will come back, because he's my son". Doesn't this remind you of the tale of Tanabata ? Killua's story references the tale of Orihime perfectly, and I believe this is intentional : Killua's birthday isn't of any importance to the plot, so why make it Tanabata, a day that celebrates a love story that closely ressembles Killua's story ? The answer is simple : subtext.

With all this in mind, I think it's pretty clear that Togashi is writing intentional subtext to hint at Killua's feelings being romantic in nature. Togashi is a master writer, he has years of experience, and I strongly believe he knows what he's doing and not planting unintentional subtext. He's a very smart man, and knows how all of this can be interpreted.

I will finish by saying that Togashi is NOT an author that would deliberately queerbait his readers. So many people dismiss the possibility of having gay subtext leading onto an actual canon gay relationship because "it's not like the author would ever have gay main characters". While this holds true for a lot of manga authors, especially shonen manga authors, it does NOT apply to Togashi. 

Togashi has always displayed interest in queer subjects and queer representation, putting trans characters in all of his major works (Miyuki in YYH, Mikihisa in Level E and Alluka in HxH). There were also canonically gay characters in his previous works : Itsuki in YYH, and a character named Kuramoto in Level E. 

Togashi also always had interest in mangas having BL elements, citing Maya Mineo's "Patalliro!" as a manga he was attracted to during High School. If you're unfamiliar with Patalliro, the story focuses on the main character's love life as a gay man.  He also admitted to basing Hiei's (YYH) design off a character from that manga. 

Last but not least, Togashi mentioned in a note included in volume 1 of YYH that he wanted to write a sports manga, called The Trouble Quartet, where basically all the characters are gay. Togashi said he based it off his own interests as a writer, and that while it was refused by Shonen Jump, he got deeply attached to the project and that he would love to explore this project in a different shape once he made a name for himself. I suggest reading this post because the parallels between The Trouble Quartet and HxH are HILARIOUSLY accurate.

In short, Togashi has always had interest in queer matters, and was always interested in putting queer representation in his work. After YYH, which was a terrible experience for Togashi as a writer, he managed to snatch a contract that basically allows him to do whatever he wants with HxH. Having always held dear BL matters but never being able to explore it to his full intent, I believe Togashi is exploring queer identity further with HxH, because Shonen Jump basically lets him do anything.

To conclude, with Togashi's past experience and skill, his interest in queer representation, and the amount of subtext surrounding Killua, I honestly believe that Togashi is trying to explore further queer representation, and I wouldn't be surprised if HxH ends with Gon and Killua becoming a canon pairing, whether it be delivered in an ambiguous manner or not. 

Edit : I actually wrote a post on why I believe it won’t be ambiguous, and that it’s truly never been ambiguous, just developing : here.

I hope you enjoyed the read, thank you for reading all of this, and feel free to show this to anyone who denies subtext in HxH !

REFERENCES

- "It has to be Killua" - Medium article, "Impossibilities in Translating Queerness : The Dodgeball Dilemma" 

- Palm's Date Scene - Reddit post, "Togashi's love of Ambiguity: Chapters 217 and 218" 

-A thematic analysis of Palm’s character : ”The Issue With Palm”

- Shinjuu - Tumblr post by hunterxhell, "A lovers' suicide, I guess." :  + the post that mentions Ikalgo talking about shinjuu 

- An analysis on different subtext-y situations

- Illumi and Hisoka’s parallel : here and here 

- Killua’s birthday : "Killua, July 7th, and the significance of his birthdate”

- Togashi's interview mentioning Mineo's Patalliro 

[zukoromantic]

Spoilers for The Life and Crimes of Scrooge McDuck!

Okay so. This episode was.... WELL HOW WAS IT. Me personally, I think it was good!! And bad..... it's complicated. So right now i will be reviwing/analyzing this episode, including where i think the narrative and lessons of this episode go wrong and how this episode stands in relationship to the season.

So we were about teaching both Louie AND Scrooge to take over responsibility and owning up to mistakes. Which was nice!! I think that part was well done! But HOW they did that with the villain sides.... not so much?

First off, I like how they showed Scrooge making that mistake with Poe and recognizing the need of an apology and the blame he carries. Him saying he doesn't want to be defined by his mistakes but by admitting them, DAMN that shit was good. Especially since he already knew he was fucked as soon as Magica entered the room, so you really felt that one. It is something that he apparently recognized as his fault before this episode, so it felt like a genuine apology and a sincerely learned lesson.

Not only that but also Louie saying there's always two parties at play and Scrooge is not the only one to blame. They also wronged him. And this is where the issue starts.... While this is true, yes, this is not the reasoning (or at least not the only reasoning) that should have been brought up. Louie briefly adresses this when he said Glomgold brought his villainess upon himself saying "He is literally planting dynamite under Scrooge's chair right now!" Which Doofus debunks with a quick "But would he have lit that dynamite if Scrooge wasn't sitting there??" and it's just not elaborated on at all for the rest of the episode. The argument they go with in Glomgold's case instead is just "He was a villain well before this event."

The problem I have with this whole thing is that it absolutely dismisses the responsibility that the VILLAINS carry for themselves. That they don't have to CHOOSE to let Scrooge's mistake affect them this much (regardless of how much Scrooge actually is to blame). This goes against all modern narratives of redemption and is also a Pretty hot philosophical take.

So uhh brief excourse, idk if you know this but the theory of determinism says that every decision we make is just the sum of all of our experiences and genes. This is one of the things questioning free will and in that progress, manages to take blame away from people who have done something wrong (in this case, the responsibility of scrooge's enemies for their own choosing of path in life). Regardless of one's opinion on the concept, this is WHY it is NOT being used in court, it's not applicable to any justice system.

I'm not saying that the villains should have admitted to being at fault as well, i just think they should have done the opposite actually. Show that they are NOT willing to take responsibility for their actions, neither past nor present and that this is what sets them apart from Scrooge and Louie in the end (Doofus doesn't apologize in return either). I don't know how relevant each of them will be in the show's finale, but either way, i don't think this would have been a problem because either way, their takeaway from this ep wouldn't have been too different since they got mad anyway.

So, the way did handle all this, is a very fragile take. Why is this the writing this episode chooses? Because this episode isn't for the anatgonists, it's for Scrooge and Louie. And in that regard it mostly works! They learn their lesson and they learn to take responsibility where it is due. To apologize regadless of how much they aare actually to blame. Which is a nice lesson!! I mean, we DID already have something similair for Louie in s2, with the whole Timephoon thing, but then again, that was never truly resolved actually, only in regards to working for your success. So it's obviously a lesson that fit Louie well and I love how they paired this with Scrooge's less obvious need to learn this!!

This is already pretty long, so i will keep the rest short.

Glomgold's and Ma Beagle's stories were okay. I preferred Glomgold's story by a lot though, it was actually - a nice insight?? Actually feel sorry for him ngl i mean yeah he's still good ole glomgold apart from this but.... his main mistake here was thinking they had been planning this thing together. If it hadn't been for what's her name, then this story would have looked pretty different. I just thought tgis was p interesting and actually deserved a bit more spotlight tbh.

And then OH BOI HAHA MAGICA AND POE OH GOD THERE IS FAR TOO MUCH TO BE SAID ABOUT THIS. Just lemme say i LIKED IT A LOT and i WISH it could have been explored more since it's super interesting and just about everything deserved more attention and time than it got. We all knew this part of the ep would steal the spotlight and it DID. THIS is some ducktales i would have wished more for in season 3. This story alone clearly could have, and should have filled a whole episode. The other two.... Meh, Glomgold's story, i'm not sure, it could be elaborated on and feel more natural, but Ma's, not really. Maybe it could have been mentioned in some other episode as a side thing and THEN it would have kinda come down to that in the end and the trial would have been part of a diffetent episode? This episode's theme DID feel a little bit big for one episode. I'm not sure about this, but i definitely think that Magica and Poe part very much deserved more time. Maybe it would have gotten that with another season, who knows. I DID like the general theme actually, so I would not have minded for it to be a bit more relevant. Especially since it's a very good fit for the season's theme of legacy. But then, again, Huey is once again not tied into any of this so that's a problem.

Okay this is all i have to say. It's a complicated episode because it's not bad per se, it just suffers a lot from one-sided narratives and classic time issues. It was, as so often, pretty enjoyable and a highlight for all Magica fans.

(And obviously, yup, Poe, very good, Martin Freeman, yes, you already know it all.)

[bbq-hawks-wings]

Series Review Pt. 2/3

Part One

Part Three

Continuing the trend, lots to read under the cut.

In part one we established that the central conflict of the series as a whole is not so much a black and white “good guys side vs bad guys side” but of a much more complex societal problem stemming from individual choices and series of choices made by individual people and the impact those choices have on others. This is the heart of the current conflict between Hawks and Twice.

Twice and Hawks share many things in common and have been shown to develop a genuine friendship in their shared time in the PLF. This, however, has not changed the fact that they are still functioning from opposite sides of the central conflict - at least the institutional facet of it. Each of them has taken up a position fundamentally opposed to the other in attempts to bring about their prospective “big picture” futures, but that comes with the added emotional baggage each carries from the events that have happened to them in their respective pasts.

The visual direction of the scene enforces this concept. Each one is seeing the other literally from a different angle and in a different light. Twice is on the ground prone in a room where the only exit is blocked while Hawks stands alert and at attention over him, obscuring the only source of light entering the room. 

From Twice’s perspective Hawks’ face is obscured- the harsh light from behind casting a dark shadow across any features that would clue him into what Hawks is feeling - and he has to use the context clues he has available (posture, words, immediate events) through tears and adrenaline to interpret how to respond to Hawks. He’s been so suddenly thrust into this situation he literally and metaphorically can’t properly tell which way is up from where he lies. (Note how Hawks’ silhouette is sideways and looming over him in the same direction as Twice would be seeing from his place on the ground on page 13.)

From Hawks’ perspective Twice is knocked off balance and panicking like a cornered animal, completely unaware of the larger situation at hand and how they arrived here. When the perspective of the camera shifts and we can see his face again for the first time we get a completely different picture of what’s going on. Importantly, we can see in the change in perspective a closeup (usually used to highlight the key emotion) of Hawks’ face, complete with a somber and compassionate gaze that Twice is incapable of discerning right now.

Read this section through again twice. The first time use only the frame from Twice’s perspective and the second time read it with Hawks’. This is something I’m actually intrigued to see the anime handle because depending how deep the divergence in perspective goes, even the vocal performance may be different depending on the camera angle.

Twice sees a sociopathic, unempathetic monster who has used, abused, and thrown away his sincere offer of friendship to get what he wants and then has the audacity to try to convince him to play the fool again to get Twice to betray his friends for an easy way out. Hawks sees a person who feels betrayed and scared so Hawks is trying sincerely to explain to him what has been going on in order to be transparent because that’s the only way he can think to communicate the fact that he still values Twice, ending on the note that he believes that while Twice has crimes to answer for, he is still a good person who deserves to have a real shot at a happy life and that Hawks is personally invested in making that a reality if he’s willing to take the offer and trust him.

Hawks is operating as an enforcing tool of the law, but while he believes that law is set in place for general stability and safety it takes a human to human connection and cooperation to save someone to whom the law is blind. On page 16 when he says, “I don’t want to fight you, Bubaigawara!” he’s identifying with him not as the villain Twice, but as a person with an identity and will separate from the personae he’s crafted for himself over the years. Hawks would probably use his own real name to try to hammer this point home if there was a way to naturally do it. If Bubaigawara continues to resist and fight Hawks cannot make the case to others that he deserves a second chance. 

The exact memory that comes to Hawks’ mind is Twice’s words, “Anyone who helps his friends can’t be all bad.” Hawks is trying to say in this scene, “I’m your friend! I’m trying to help you! I know you see me as the bad guy, but I want to be your hero so please let me save you the only way I know how! Please trust me!”

He needs the cooperation, but Twice resists and Hawks has no other choice but to operate as law enforcement for the sake of the greater good. Twice has chosen to be a “villain,” so Hawks has to be a “hero.” All those feathers were for Twice in the case Hawks needed them, and now Hawks has to subdue the Sad Man’s Parade alone as well as Dabi whom neither knows is on the way.

That’s the bad news, but the good news is that hope is not lost. 

This is where I repeat my mantra of “we won’t know specific, individual fates until they happen." However, I think there are notable observations to keep in mind as we watch these final battles unfold.

Coming off of the discussion with Twice and Hawks, many including myself (and arguably even Twice) have gotten hung up on whether Hawks will choose to join the League eventually. Where we are now, I think it’s become a moot point almost not worth discussion anymore. If he does, we’ll see it soon; but Hawks seems to recognize that as long as the core complaints of the individual League members - and any of their sympathizers, for that matter - are not directly addressed, some other criminal force will come alongside and clash with them continuing the cycle of bloodshed and violence as influential leaders focus on gaining power until they are absorbed or achieve their end goal of complete anarchy and societal destruction. (Remember, he’s been following the League and their movements at least as far back as Kamino.) We saw it with the MLA, we saw it with the Shie Hassaikai, and even with Stain - along with the League of Villains, it began with a guerrilla group of revolutionists seeking to right a societal injustice; but if and when a separate opposing force of revolutionist outsiders cannot agree with them a battle ensues until one is subjugated and the strength of the loser is granted to the victor. Until the underlying issues are addressed, this cycle will only continue.

This is also to bring up the fact that the League of Villains is genuinely strong in terms of interpersonal loyalty but as an organization with foundational core values and a unified end goal has been fractured and shaky since the beginning. We saw those particular cracks most prominently just before the fight with Gigantomachia when lack of outer conflict began to highlight the inherent lack of unity in the LoV, only to be interrupted once again when some outside force stirred up a reason for them to work together for survival. Remember, all of the current members of the League of Villains were initially attracted and recruited because Shigaraki falsely appropriated Stain’s ideology. Dabi has stated he wants a world where heroes are obligated to their families first and that thinking of the misery he’s left the survivors of killed heroes “drives him crazy.” Toga wants a world where she has a network of unconditional support without feeling repressed. Twice wants a world in which he can trust others and be trusted and useful despite his bad luck and occasional mistakes. Spinner has clarified he needs a cause to believe in and fight for that supports outcasts like him, and Mr. Compress’s reasons for joining the League are simply to challenge the current status quo instead of mindlessly embracing it.

Shigaraki’s nihilistic dystopia of “burn everything to the ground” is not necessary to achieve any of these goals, and if enough confidence in alternative solutions and doubts in Shiguraki’s loyalty grows in the minds of each member of the League it could genuinely fall apart at the seams, though that isn’t to say that the League isn’t an incredibly tight knit and loyal group - quite the opposite, they’ve constantly shown to be willing to risk life and limb for each others’ sake - just that they’re more concerned with tearing down the current order than restructuring a cohesive new one. However, if the context around their unity has genuinely shifted to center around Shigaraki himself as a symbolic leader as it's been implied since the fight with Gigantomachia and the MLA, this will be clarified very quickly.

Even for most other villains we’ve encountered through the series this violence-first upheaval of society is not necessary to realize most of their goals. Gentle Criminal sought to shake up heroes’ apathy and overconfidence in their strength - La Brava following him closely because of her unwavering loyalty to him as a person - and even Stain was not opposed to the concept of heroes, just an institution of heroism that breeds greed and apathy instead of elevating the ideals of heroism. 

There have been exceptions like the Shie Hassaikai (who sought a complete erasure of quirks from the human genome) and the initial ideology of the Meta Liberation Army (a world ruled by the strong with completely unimpeded use of quirks) that would have required an entire shift in society on a cultural, governmental, legislative, and economic level; but for most the heart of their issues with society is an issue of the heart - that is, a cultural shift is necessary first and foremost to alleviate the problems each of these criticisms address.

This drastic but necessary change has been difficult to achieve up until this point because most of the mouthpieces for these cultural criticisms are either not weighty enough to carry traction without the threat of violence or are held by those motivated by personal vengeance who are not guaranteed to sit and talk  about peaceful options even if the opportunity was presented to them. The “outsiders” are so deeply ostracized in the current social and political climate that they can’t get a word in edgewise to those “inside” who go mostly unaffected by the shortcomings the outcasts are attempting to bring to light. This is where the series’ proposed solution enters the stage.

[aureatecore]

PLEASE TELL US ALL ABOUT WHY YOU WROTE YOUR APPEAL THE WAY YOU DID AND GIVE US ALL THE DETAILS

((Thank you so much for the ask, omg okay where do I start))

I really wanted to focus more on the appeal being in-character rather than writing whatever I thought would be a good appeal. I flip-flopped between different music choices a lot when I was still planning it, since a lot of the pieces I thought would match the themes (especially beauty) weren’t pieces I felt Gold would choose.

The music I ended up picking is much more energetic and upbeat than all my other choices, and doesn’t fit the categories as well, because that’s also the kind of person Gold is. And he’s also the kind of person that would base his choice on personal preference rather than on what would please the judges the most, because he’s only doing this for fun.

And even though Lucas gave him advice on what’s important and what to look out for, it’s still Gold’s appeal, and Gold decided what he wanted to do in the end.

This goes for the actual choreography itself too. Again, Lucas has contest experience and he for sure helped Gold come up with something that would look amazing if performed on a stage, but it’s specifically tailored to Gold, somebody who’s never been in a contest before but spent most of his life training his pokemon for strength.

That’s what his routine is supposed to show off. The skills that that choreography draws attention to are ones useful in a battle, mainly speed and agility, stamina, and of course raw attack power (which I even mention specifically at one part), rather than the pokémons’ natural physical beauty. They don’t have much to show in that regard, especially if they compete against pokémon bred and raised for that specific purpose.

All of the things Gold’s routine emphasises are also presented in a rather straightforward way. Sure, there’s a lot of combos and that’s probably thanks to Lucas, but instead of packing his five minutes of performance full of creative tricks that look pretty, Gold draws out individual moves as long as possible to show off their full power instead. All of his combos are large-scale (I mean look at him completely transforming the entire field!) and some last for quite a while.

This also reflects the kind of trainer Gold is. I actually talked about this with Doodles since her Steven also came up with an appeal that highlights his skill as a trainer instead of as a coordinator, but whereas Steven picked a more strategic approach, Gold is the kind of trainer that’ll just practice practice practice until his team possesses the strength to beat his opponent.

(That doesn’t make him stupid of course, it’s just his preferred way of doing things.)

Then there’s all the things that go wrong - or at least not as right as they could. I don’t know how many others have written mistakes into their appeals, can’t imagine it to be many and I get that it’s a weird thing to do, but I wanted the whole thing to be realistic more than I wanted to points. Anyway.

Gold is sort of a public figure, he’s well known in two regions and he’s battled in front of an audience before without issues, plus he’s generally not the type to worry about things. But I think it’s important to remember that this is an international event with a much bigger audience than anything he’d be used to, and that he’s doing something that he’s never done before, unlike battling which he already had years of experience with - including experience of failure.

Even though there’s similarities, it’s completely different from anything he, or his pokémon, have ever been through before. Once Gold focusses on giving directions like he would in a battle and ignores the entire context surrounding the performance, he manages to shake his nervousness pretty quickly because that’s something he’s familiar with, but it makes sense for him to be anxious at first.

And of course they’d screw up. All their mistakes and accidents are minor because they do have the skills that are in theory needed to get through the entire routine with no issues, but they have to use them in way they’re not used to. I’ve been a dancer for over a decade, even competitively, and mistakes still happen on stage. Gold had six weeks to prepare and no prior contest experience.

I wanted to cover both the stuff that’s just bad luck (like the flower clip falling off), and the mistakes that would’ve been avoidable but they happened and the team has to keep going anyway (like Bubbles getting distracted at the start). While the pokémon are well trained, their performance as a whole is sloppily executed, since precision isn’t very high on the priorities list for someone whose favourite strategy is raw strength.

Hoping that the judges won’t notice because they don’t know what the routine is supposed to look like is something I threw in from personal experience.

Then there’s the end of course. I think that’s pretty self-explanatory. All Gold wanted out of the experience was to have fun, and he did. Everything else, to him personally, is irrelevant.

[nightmareonfilmstreet]

[Recap] STRANGER THINGS 2, Episodes 6-9: A Stunning Finish

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[Recap] STRANGER THINGS 2, Episodes 6-9: A Stunning Finish

I’m back with recaps of the final four episodes of season two of Netflix sensation Stranger Things. If you haven’t looked over the recaps for the first half, you can find them here. Alright, let’s dig in!

Episode 6 – “The Spy”

If things start to come together in episodes four and five, six is where Stranger Things season two really begins to deliver on its potential. Following Will (Noah Schnapp)’s seizures, Joyce (Winona Ryder), Hopper (David Harbour), and Mike (Finn Wolfhard) wind up at Hawkins Lab where Dr. Owens (Paul Reiser) and his team struggle to properly diagnose him. What is clear is that Will‘s memory is being affected by the otherworldly presence and, as the episode progresses, his amnesia is symptomatic of the fact that he can no longer be trusted.

It’s unfortunate that the titles of Stranger Things are so prominently displayed at the start of each episode, because the reveal that Will has broken bad is blatantly telegraphed. Despite this, I still found myself swept up in the action, especially when Steve (Joe Keery), Dustin (Gaten Matarazzo), Lucas (Caleb McLaughlin) and Max (Sadie Sink) wind up trapped at the abandoned car junkyard thanks to the appearance of multiple demi-dogs. Collectively the cliffhanger at the lab and Steve‘s near-death helps to ratchet up the momentum as the series heads into its final few episodes.

Odds and Ends:

The relationship building between Steve and Dustin is easily one of the episode highlights. Plus: the scene of the group walking along the train tracks is heavily evocative of Stephen King’s Stand By Me.

I’m no big fan of Nancy (Natalia Dyer) and Jonathan (Charlie Heaton)’s sojourn into conspiracy theory-ville with Murray (Brett Gelman), though his ability to diagnose their unrequited love affair is mildly amusing.

The fatal climax, in which Will‘s deliberately leads the soldiers into a trap, is a clear homage to James Cameron’s Aliens, right down to the images appearing on the radar screen. Love it.

This is the first episode of the series that doesn’t feature Eleven (Millie Bobby Brown).

Eleven’s standalone episode 2×07 “The Lost Sister” is a singular mistake

Episode 7 – “The Lost Sister”

UGH. I wanted to give this episode the benefit of a doubt, but five minutes in I began checking my watch. Then I did some laundry. Then I began surfing YouTube for funny cat videos.

Yes, folks, this is undoubtedly THE WORST episode of Stranger Things that the series has ever produced. Yes, it pays off Eleven‘s “family” arc by reuniting her with her titular “lost sister”, Kali (Linnea Berthelsen). Outside of teaching Eleven how to hone her powers and helping her to realize that Mike and the others are her real family, however, this is 55 minutes of duds-ville.

It got so bad that I began making jokey memes about its awfulness on Twitter to pass the time. Seriously, this is one to tell friends to avoid – as Alan Sepinwall of HitFix suggests, it plays more like a bizarre backdoor pilot for a spin-off series that no one asked for.

Odds and Ends:

This is the first episode of the series that doesn’t feature any of the rest of the regular cast.

When Kali and her friends give Eleven an 80s punk look, I couldn’t help but think of the iconic ditty from Clone High about makeovers. MAKEOVER!

This is your first Matthew Modine-cameo alert for S2.

Seriously, I’d like to know who thought this episode (and its timing in the season) was a good idea? The only element that I enjoyed was that weird moment where the episode turned into a home-invasion thriller in the vein of The Purge & The Strangers.

The harrowing escape from Hawkins Laboratory is a focal point of 2×08 “The Mind Flayer”

Episode 8 – “The Mind Flayer”

With the worst creative decision that Stranger Things has ever made firmly in the rearview mirror, “The Mind Flayer” picks up right after the cliffhanger from 2×06. The escape from the Hawkins Lab is superb, particularly the cross-cutting between Bob (Sean Astin)’s solo mission to reset the power and Dr. Owens‘ guidance on the surveillance cameras (shades of Jurassic Park). And while horror fans undoubtedly knew that the writing was on the wall for Bob the moment he was told his exit path was “home free,” his death – and Joyce‘s reaction to it – are well-done.

With the season’s big death crossed off, the time comes to reconvene the disparate groups at the Byers house and prepare for the big battle. This is the calm before the storm as everyone catches up and they strategically plot their options. I’ll confess that while I appreciate the effort made to gently address the lunacy of Dustin‘s Mind Flayer/hive mind connection plan, it’s pretty unbelievable that everyone basically just goes along with it.

Once again the focus returns to Will and, in a well-executed montage, the infected boy is awoken and treated to trips down memory lane that double as opportunities to communicate how to shut down the otherworldly threat (using Morse Code, naturally). With a plan in hand and time running out, the group is seemingly beseiged by demi-dogs when Eleven returns from Duffer Brothers purgatory to finally rejoin the main group. Thank goodness – let’s get this climax on the road!

Odds and Ends:

In an episode filled with highs, the extended scene of Billy (Dacre Montgomery)’s dad beating him up for losing track of Max just feels so unnecessary. It’s still unclear why this storyline needed to exist.

Eleven and Hopper’s reunion is one of the finale’s strongest emotional beats

Episode 9 – “The Gate”

Here we go – the big finale. If there’s anything surprising about this episode, it is how quickly the threat is dispensed with: we’re barely half through the episode when Eleven manages to close the gate. This winds up being a smart decision because it avoids a long, drawn out battle in favour of narrative and emotional closure for nearly all of the characters, while once again teasing another season of Stranger Things.

After coming together briefly last episode, our protagonists split into three groups: 1) Hopper and Eleven head for the gate, 2) Joyce, Jonathan, and Nancy create a home sauna to steam the demon out of Will and 3) the D-Listers (eventually) head back into the tunnels to draw attention away from the gate and clear a path for Eleven and Hopper. And barring the occasional hurdle, including – UGH – Billy, as well as one last encounter with D’Art, things more or less go to plan.

Of course I’m doing the finale a complete disservice by being so nonchalant. In all honestly “The Gate” is easily one of the most satisfying hours that the series has ever produced, hitting all of the right action AND emotional beats.

Let’s talk about each of those individually:

1) The action when Eleven goes up against the gate (and begins levitating!) is a stunning achievement. Visually (those special effects!) and aurally (that score!), the scene delivers a more bombastic finish than some big budget Hollywood tentpoles. Throw in Millie Bobby Brown’s absolutely commanding screen presence, masterfully conveying the entirety of Eleven‘s two season journey in a nearly silent performance and you have an absolutely killer sequence.

2) As significant an achievement as the action is, however, it would be nothing without the quieter moments. I was particular awestruck by Eleven and Hopper‘s extended conversation in the truck. There’s a reason why the Duffer Brothers paired these two together and while I complained about how repetitive their storyline was in the first few episodes, it really pays off here.

Ditto the moments when Mike attacks Hopper for lying to him and when Eleven and Mike lock eyes at the dance. These scenes only work because of our investment in these characters, so kudos on making us give a damn about these people in between all of the action and special effects.

Odds and Ends:

I mentioned last episode that I didn’t understand the point of Billy‘s storyline and aside from adding an additional obstacle to the team’s success, my opinions have not changed. I have nothing against Montgomery as an actor, but this was one addition too many in S2. Seeing Max finally stand up to her step-brother’s abuse (when he’s already drugged) just didn’t work for me.

Now that the Hawkins Lab has been shut down and Barb got her damn funeral, is this a wrap on #JusticeForBarb? PLEASE?

Nancy‘s pity dance with Dustin at the Snow Ball gave off some pretty heavy John Hughes vibes. If Stranger Things had been made in the 80s, I could easily see Molly Ringwald in the Nancy role.

So Joyce and Hopper are totally going to hook up now, right?

Finally, what do we think of the final teaser/twist? Personally I found it underwhelming (the Upside Down still exists? Colour me unsurprised!) but I appreciate that this is a way to hint that there’s more to come without undoing the narrative closure covered by the second half of this episode.

So that’s it for season two. What are your thoughts now that it’s all said and done? What do you expect to see in season three? Hit the comments below and sound off with your reactions and predictions.

[tssw]

Jolyne’s IN DEPTH character notes.

HER NAME:

Though she goes by Jolyne “Jolie” Clover Rabenz, her full name is: Jolyne Annaya Clover Rabenz.  

Jolyne means “Beautiful”Annaya means gracious and caring guardian. Clover means “Luck” and also represents hope, luck, faith and love. Rabenz is a fictional name, and its definition is “Ever/always changing”

Jolyne is a guardian and protector of others. She is compassionate and caring. She is beautiful beneath all of her harsh nature and qualities. She is lucky, a bringer of hope. People who rely on her can have faith in her to succeed and fight for them whenever they need her most. And she loves those who love her for who she is beneath, those who can see her inner beauty. And finally, she is a character who is constantly in a state of flux and change. Whether it be for the better of for the worst.

TAROT:

Jolyne during the course of “Sensational” is best represented by the tarot card “The Moon”

Upright Moon: Illusion, fear, anxiety, insecurity, subconscious

The Moon is the card of intuition, dreams and the unconscious. The Moon provides light as a reflection of the Sun, yet this light is dim, uncertain, and only vaguely illuminates our path as we journey toward higher consciousness. The pool at the base of the card represents the subconscious mind and the crayfish that crawls out of the pool symbolises the early stages of consciousness unfolding. This creature also represents the often disturbing images that appear from our inner depths, just as the dog and wolf at the beginning of the path represent the tamed and the wild aspects of our minds. The path leads between two towers into the mountains in the distance, showing the way to the unconsciousness. The astrological sign associated with this card is Pisces – psychic, receptive and mysterious.

The Moon is a psychological card of projecting fear into your present and your future, based on past experiences. The images, thoughts and feelings that you have repressed over time cause inner disturbances that are becoming overwhelming. As a result, you are now experiencing negative blocks within your personality, causing fear and anxiety. To remedy this, you need to go through a purging process whereby deep memories are released. This is a time when you need to go deep into your soul and dredge up your anxieties, fears, psychic blocks and personality disturbances. Many invisible things are coming to the surface including secret motives, clandestine information and ancient hidden truths. These newly discovered resources may confuse you but once they are brought to your awareness, they will no longer haunt you.

The Moon is a card of illusion and deception, and therefore often suggests a time when something is not as it appears to be. Vigilance and clear perception will be necessary to find that which is hidden before it is too late. If other cards in the reading are negative, then the Moon shows that not all is as wonderful as you would think and there are still hidden forces at play that may unravel your success. You may be idealising the situation, and ignoring the fact that potential for failure exists among success. If the other cards are generally positive, then the Moon suggests that you are letting your imagination run away with you, and that things are not nearly as bad as they seem. In both cases you must open your eyes and see what it really going on. Guard against accepting illusions as they may cause an error in your judgement.

Oftentimes, the Moon appears in a reading when you are not sure of your destination, or even of the path you are travelling but you travel nonetheless. You may have lost your way and are now left to walk in the dark, guided only by your inner light and intuition. You need to go on without a clear picture of where you are, where you are going or where you have been. The Moon is a card of intuition and psychic forces, so let go of your conscious mental blocks or negative self-talk, and allow your intuition to guide you. Your dreams, intuitions, and inner promptings lead you forward toward higher levels of understanding if you listen carefully and use your judgement to help interpret the veiled messages of the unconscious. Not only will the way forward be revealed but in many cases you will learn lessons about yourself that will be valuable in later journeys.

Reversed Moon: Release of fear, unhappiness, confusion.

The Moon reversed indicates that you have recently experienced a time of self-deception, illusion, fears and anxiety but these negative energies are beginning to subside. You may have also been dealing with some deeper emotional issues that have previously been sitting beneath the surface. While this has created some discomfort and turmoil as you deal with these deeper issues, you are starting to feel as if a weight has been lifted and that you can be less fearful and anxious about your life situation. You are beginning to work through your inner fears and anxieties, understanding the impact that these have on your life and how you can eventually free yourself from these limiting beliefs. This can be a wonderfully liberating and transformational experience.

A reversed Moon may indicate a fundamental unhappiness with your present situation but also confusion over what else you could do and what you really want to do. It may be that you believe that what you really want to do with your life is impractical or unrealistic, or your past experiences in life have convinced you that you are stuck with what you have and it is too late to change now. These emotional issues are preventing you from moving forward. To overcome this, it is essential to confront your innermost fears and assumptions to gain self-confidence and direction. You need to believe in yourself and know that it is possible to create balance in your life. You may also find that your dreams provide you with important clues as to what direction you need to take. Pay attention to the subtle, subconscious messages that come to you in this way.

The Moon reversed can highlight that you are in a more psychic and intuitive phase than usual, however the feelings that you are getting may be confusing and easily misinterpreted. It may be that when you draw Tarot cards for yourself and come up with one interpretation, you then draw them again, only to see something completely different! Nonetheless, do not ignore the messages you are getting. Take note of them and perhaps come back to them later when you are feeling clearer about your situation.

PERSONALITY:

Jolyne is a character that seems bad on the outside, but is truly good on the inside. She is viewed as dangerous girl and a menace to society by everyone who knows of her family and her reputation. She’s a beautiful soul that has been corrupted by unfortunate events in her life, that lead to her brilliance being obscured by a thick outer shell of self righteous coldness towards others.

Being viewed as such by the people around her made Jolyne develop very negative traits. She stopped caring about people’s expectations of her and started to become the delinquent that people viewed her as. She stopped restricting herself. She started to give into her own inner desires and urges, because this terrible reputation that she developed made her feel free. She didn’t have to worry about how other people saw her due to the fact that she simply stopped caring. 

Jolyne became a very greedy person. She is a girl who absolutely adores money. She loves purchasing things for herself, she likes buying fashionable new clothes, new drawing tools and supplies, video games, comic books etc. She adores the idea of living a life of luxury and comfort. This is because one of her highest concerns are in regard to her own personal interest. She doesn’t really bother herself when it comes to worrying about other people and whatever they’re going through unless it’s one of the few people close to her. 

Jolyne is a loner who compares her way of living and interactions with others to that of a cat. To her, cats are badass loners that mind their own business, stick in high up  and isolated places, and scratch at anyone who decides to come along and ruin her peaceful and quiet existence. In this regard, Jolyne is very similar to her mother.

Jolyne is loyal. 

Despite her greed and nonchalant lifestyle of worrying mostly about herself and her own interests, there are many situations in which she thinks first and foremost about others rather than herself. For example, when someone else is in danger of being hurt. She is a girl who despises suffering in any way shape or form, but only if it is the pain of others that comes into play. Jolyne would never think twice about getting herself hurt or killed for the sake of someone else, even if it is someone that she doesn’t even know.

Jolyne hides her pain behind a smile and a couple of reassuring words. She’s a part of Cecilia too. There’s a 6 foot pile of crap between herself and her emotions. She is a part of this city that she protects. She represents the golden heart of the Rabenz, and the golden hearts in Cecilia.

He is able to carefully look past his feelings and see the real situation at hand, which has been demonstrated on more than one occasion. He is extremely perceptive, able to quickly recognize the patterns and mistakes that his opponents make, which gives him an edge. In battle, while his preference is to concoct strategies based on deduction of his opponents' fighting abilities and style, his natural battle instincts are also highly tuned. He is capable of slashing another person's head off in just an instant, relying only on impulse. However, his care for his friends and family are the backbone of his fighting drive, as he would sacrifice just about anything to protect them and thus making him a reliable teammate despite his cunning front. Kurama has a very kind heart, and several villains in the series will use this ploy against him in order to beat him.

In the face of adversity, Kurama has the uncommon ability to shun all emotions and shine a blank slate, thinking three to four steps ahead to clutch the pinch and seize control of the situation. Coupled with his vast intelligence, his detached emotional state is perhaps his greatest asset.

Despite his physical appearance, Kurama has very high durability, shown in almost all of his matches. Because of his analyzation lenience, he is always the most injured in his fights, but manages to pull a trick out of his hat to decide the match.

He's short-tempered, impulsive, merciless and likes to intimidate those who are afraid of him. Underneath his bold, cocky attitude, he has a joking and kind nature. Yusuke has also had the bad luck of having to deal with so many cruel and despicable people at such a young age. Iwamoto being among them.One of his most notable traits is his desire to fight, which becomes more noticeable as the series progresses. Yusuke has been noted on many occasions to be rather unintelligent, and, at times, just plain stupid. However, as his teacher Genkai later notes, he "can be a genius at fighting". Yusuke's desire to fight is more out of enjoyment of a good brawl, and surprisingly Yusuke doesn't like killing if he can avoid it.Even though Yusuke is feared by most students and severely disliked by almost all of the teachers, he is generally misunderstood. Keiko Yukimura, one of his childhood friends (and later love interest), is one of the very few who knows Yusuke is actually very kind, and she sympathizes with his problems in life. Yusuke also becomes very protective of his friends, especially.

Jotaro is introduced as a rough delinquent, but he has a gentle heart, and is loyal to those he likes. He is highly perceptive, intelligent and quick-witted while keeping a perpetually cool, slightly neutral or disinterested attitude.

Jotaro is both fierce and gentle, showing these traits in various scenes.

Jotaro hates people who hurt women or children in a fight, even if they are evil, and will be especially violent toward them; one example of this is his beating of Steely Dan. Jotaro is still prone to violence, and doesn't hesitate from severely hurting his enemies, even if they are women.

Moreover, Jotaro is blunt and foul-mouthed, having no problem being insolent toward his mother or any authority figure. The teenager favors witty one-liners, often ridiculing whoever is the target of his quips and offering absurd reasons for his feats, notably defeating DIO because he pissed him off. Whether Jotaro does take himself seriously or is just having fun when using his one-liners is left unanswered.

Jolyne retains her confrontational attitude throughout the story. A former delinquent living in a maximum security prison, Jolyne had to toughen up and can be especially rude. Her rare interactions with villains are either surly taunts or death threats, knowing how despicable most of them are. She also advocates aggressively asserting herself, especially in the prison, and once told F.F. to violently confront an inmate who cut in the queue for buying their lunch.

Jolyne possesses a fierce determination, carrying her through several battles and inspiring her companions. After learning of DIO's plan, Jolyne took pride in her lineage and opted to continue Jotaro's effort to seal the menace DIO left behind him. Jolyne stoically endures the hardships she faces and carry on her goal, disregarding the suffering and possible risks. Her determination is so great that she was willing to lose a limb or even her life to defeat her enemy and save her comrades, 

Common in her lineage, Jolyne has honorable morals and treasures her family and friends. She would selflessly do everything in her power to help her companions and random victimized people

Jolyne is willing to believe in the good in people, which resulted in a share of betrayals, but also earned her F.F.'s friendship. 

A defining characteristic of Giorno, and shared among his peers through him, is his resolve (覚悟 kakugo); something that can be described as his ability to make important decisions without hesitation and seeing them through to the very end, even in the face of pain, sorrow, and tragedy. An ambitious individual, he readily takes any occasion to achieve his final goal 

With others, Giorno treats people with the amount of respect he believes they deserve based on their beliefs and actions. He seems to have inherited both of Jonathan Joestar and Dio Brando's traits, with the former's being present towards peers and allies, and the latter's towards enemies. He has a good heart and wants to help out anybody who has demonstrated kindness to him or others, but casually disregards law. He was a petty thief when he first encountered Koichi and bribed the airport security guards before stealing Koichi's luggage. Overall, he follows his own morality without compromise. Giorno believes that people are free to die how they want. However, he also values life greatly and always seeks to never leave someone to die if he is able to help it, even putting himself in danger if another can stay unharmed.

On the other hand, Giorno has no trouble or qualms in punishing those that needlessly and intentionally hurt other people.

-However, when pressed into a corner, Hayato proves to be exceptionally brave. He was willing to commit suicide if it would prevent Bites the Dustfrom activating. Even Josuke comments on Hayato’s bravery for his age when he volunteers to set off Okuyasu’s explosively-charged body at the risk of death. 

-Hayato has also been proven to be exceptionally intelligent, managing to trick Kira into revealing his identity out loud while giving Josuke a phone call to wake him up and meet at a certain location without activating Kira’s stand. During the fight between Josuke and Kira, Hayato was capable of giving Josuke important tips despite being unable to see Stands, such as figuring out that Kira could only detonate one bomb at a time using his Bomb ability.

He isn’t strong because he is powerful. He is strong because he makes the people he cares about strong. And in the end he won’t give up who he is for power.

Being the daughter of a serial killer puts everything into question. Am i worthy? Do i have a right to exist when he took so much away from other people? And if i’m happy, is that a slap in the face to the victim’s families? I don’t want it to be.

In 1995, I wasn’t capable of balancing out these memories and feelings with the reports I was reading in the library. One day I read an article that quoted Winningham’s son, who called my dad a “monster” and said he should be executed. I knew he had every right to say that, but it was just daggers to my heart. I mean, this was my dad!

I stopped reading newspaper reports after that, for my own sanity perhaps. I was able to compartmentalise what my father had done. I thought: he’s a truck driver and he comes and goes, now he’s gone out of my life for a long time and I don’t need to think about this stuff.

I got stared at in high school when the news came out. Parents were really shaken up by the thought that their children might have been in harm’s way, so they kept them away from me and I began to feel tremendous guilt and shame.

But during the summer of 1995 I had other, more immediate worries. For a start, I was in a violent, abusive relationship with a boy - something I think my father primed me for.

Somehow I ended up feeling that I had to pay restitution for his crimes. I felt dirty, I felt less of a person, I felt isolated, I felt alone. I used to think that I couldn’t live in this world and be a part of it. I would always be a spectator, watching normal people go about their lives.

There isn’t a book out there called, What Do You Do When You Find Out That Your Dad’s A Serial Killer? There’s nothing out there that tells you what to do.

I was also worried. I knew I wasn’t capable of killing anybody, I knew I wasn’t a sociopath. And yet, didn’t I share my father’s DNA? How does one become a serial killer? Could that evil be something that I was carrying around, and could I even pass it on to my children?

It became a part of my life that I kept very secret. When I dated boys, I would never bring it up because there’s no point scaring anybody away at the beginning

My father will never get the death penalty for his crimes. But he should.

I don’t say that for myself, but for his victims. Justice will never be served to them. I’m not going to go into the details of the horrific torture he inflicted on those poor women, who were mothers and daughters and sisters. Not all his victims have even been identified. There are some parents who still don’t know where their daughter or sister disappeared to.

I’ve spoken with family members of his first victim, Taunja Bennett. They had a lot of details about her life, and who she was as a person, which I really wanted to know.

I’ve also spoken to his only survivor, who he brutally raped in front of her infant and tried to strangle. She reached out to me, and we arranged to speak on the phone. I was very nervous before the call, and I won’t deny it was hard to hear graphic details about her assault. But I believe it was a powerful gift that she gave me. If I wanted to delude myself about what he had done I couldn’t any more. I couldn’t live in la-la land.

I haven’t seen him for almost a decade. After my book came out in 2008, I got a letter from him in which he said, “I don’t want the world to judge me as a dad. I was a great dad. My only mistake was my eight errors in judgement.”

But he’s talking about murders! He’s calling them “errors in judgement”! That’s the way he sees things. How can anyone - even someone as close as a daughter - continue to have a relationship with a person who so completely lacks honesty and compassion?

For years I kidded myself. I knew he had done terrible things, but I still believed that he loved me and my siblings, that he was capable of love and empathy. Then one day, while I was working on my book, I had a conversation with my grandfather. He told me: “You know, I went to visit your dad in prison, and he said something that surprised me. He said that he had had thoughts of killing you children.”

Maybe people won’t understand this, but hearing that gave me freedom. It allowed me to see that in truth there had been no double life - there had only ever been one Keith Jesperson and he had been able to manipulate everyone around him and present different facades to the world.

And finally I knew the answer to the question that had been bothering me every time I thought about our last breakfast together in the diner. Would he have killed me if I had told the police about his crimes? Yes, he would.

Understanding that allowed me to say goodbye to him.

[she-shall-conquer]

Week 2: The 4 Eras of Leadership & the Church Tag-a-long

Daft, R. (2017). The Leadership Experience (7th ed., pp. Chapter 2). Boston, MA: Cengage Learning.

At some point in my life, the time might come to nail my “95 Thesis” to the proverbial door of the charismatic church, however, that day is not (I repeat, not) today. Also, it wouldn’t really count for anything because I’m a woman, right? Either way, in any form of organisation, there will always be strengths and flaws. There should also be a goal of maximising strengths and minimising weaknesses. With this understanding, as well as the fact that the church is a form of organisation, for the reasons that it is a collective of people with a common goal or objective – and just like any other company, not everyone completely understands or is working towards this goal or set of goals.

The four era’s of leadership are what was covered this week in the leadership lecture and follow the cultural and societal understanding of what relationships should be in a workplace, which is all very heavily influenced by research being done at the time. I aim to briefly summarise key factors of each era and point out how the church has followed the notion (though in some cases in a delayed fashion) and how the church could benefit from moving along into the current era of leadership as it fits more within the doctrine and values of the Christian faith. As far as organisational experience goes, the church is an organisation where I have been both extremely involved and barely there in all kinds and manner of churches and therefore my experience with it is a resource I can draw upon to reflect on these theories.

Era 1: Maybe He’s Born With It, Maybe It’s Lazy Thinking.

Era 1 is rife with the kind of leadership theories that now circulate amongst the common man, theories that leaders have particular traits (a set of personality characteristics that remain stable over time) that make them good leaders, be it the magnetic personalities, the inspiring orators, the confident or gregarious socialites, the social climbers, or the accolade trophy-hunters. In our own minds, we most likely have reflected on a particular authority in our lives and deemed them a good or bad leader (and perhaps have later on become disillusioned). In terms of singular leaders that have been able to mobilise large groups of people through charismatic tendencies and emotional or moral appeals, one would call to mind the preachers of the 17th through 19th century. Charismatic leaders would include Martin Luther who pioneered the Protestant Reformation, challenging the most powerful organisation of the time (the Roman Catholic Church);  John and Charles Wesley, who traveled around preaching to the masses in the Methodist Revival as well as George Whitfield who lead the Great Revival in America; 19th century had the Third Great Awakening with the likes of D. L. Moody, William Booth, and Charles Spurgeon, all of these men are revered, well-known, and frequently quoted to this day. They lead big movements, where people’s lives were impacted and forever changed.

However in the 20th century moving forward, the dangers of charismatic leadership was evidenced and shocked the masses in cases such as Hitler in Nazi Germany, Stalin in Communist Russia, and all the other tyranny of dictatorship. Mega-churches and celebrity pastors began to spring up, more and more emulating the celebrity lifestyle of Hollywood. More information was accessible which meant that big name preachers hosting evangelist crusades were caught out for scamming their congregants, money scandals were more public, as were moral failures. And while for the most part, there are many mega-churches that are decently run, the great man theory can be traced to the smallest of churches, where the leaders are not to be questioned, but rather their vision is to be championed and followed without question, unfortunately. Another problem is that one of the characteristics believed to be particular leaders was being male, as has been the case for centuries of the Western civilisation’s belief, however as Era 2’s contingency theories so aptly highlight, there may be certain cases in a church context where a woman is the best person to lead, On the surface level, this seems contrary to biblical teachings, but once cultural factors are taken into consideration, as well as context and understanding the heart and nature of decisions made and advice was given, it is not necessarily country to Scriptural Doctrine for women to be in positions of leadership (unless of course, they really aren’t allowed to be as near to God, or hear from Him, or something of that nature). Looking at the theories of good followership, it is easy to see how charismatic leadership without a good understanding of relational  necessity can be a poison of its own – the followers are not encouraged to think critically which already puts the organisation at a disadvantage, as well as that when the leader does make a significant mistake, which will most likely happen, followers, are forced to rationalise or justify the mistake or to come to the conclusion that this pastor is not a leader because he has acted contrary to the characteristics of a leader.

Era 2: Checkboxes and Metal Cages

Era 2 of leadership is comprised of far more precise procedures, where as much as there is talk of people oriented versus task oriented, people, in this era, are a task and must be measured in distance and handled theoretically. The two main themes to emerge from this era are the behaviour theories and the contingency theories. The behaviour theories  are evidenced in such as the Leader-Member Exchange theory (LMX)  where a unique relationship should be created with each follower, where an orientation must be selected between autocratic or democratic, boss-centric or subordinate-centric, as well as the dimensions of fit, where the contingency must be managed by the appropriate style of leadership. The aim of relational engagement is to direct, control and ultimately manage behaviour. What perhaps leaders still do not completely fully comprehend is that there needs to be room for one leader to respond in different styles to different people in different situations. I grew up in a church culture where there was a great deal of encouragement for leaders to form relationships with new members in an effort to reduce church turnover. This included the then innocent “coffee” which has now become a euphemism for rebuke, berating, voicing disapproval. I grew up in an era where welcome teams were sent out and instructed to speak to new people, and as a result, I have found a million and one ways to ask teenagers about school (what are you studying? what is your favourite subject? what is your favourite part about that subject? what do you want to do after school? where have you thought about studying? what extra-murals do you do? what subjects are you going to choose in grade 10?).

Nothing good happens over forced conversation, but the mission or task was relationships, and so structures and systems were established to force relationships, which as can be imagined never became real friendships, as can be imagined. Building relationships is a good thing, but building relationships out of duty or obligation often is more damaging than helpful because there is little to no authenticity or genuine interest in the relationship. In fact, both task-oriented leadership and people oriented leadership are necessary, they’re not opposites, they’re dimensions and each serves their own role in when they are useful. There needs to be a boss-centric approach towards God, and a subordinate-centric approach towards congregants, there needs to be trust built and treatment as equal, as well as a strong focus on the mission and vision of the Christian faith, there needs to be an intentional partnership and a spirit of inclusion. With the LMX theory, there can often become in-groups and out groups, and in church one of the biggest complaints I’ve ever heard in my life is that church is “cliquey”, which is exactly that. There forms a pattern where leaders form close relationships with people that they like and obligatory hierarchical relationships with those that need to be “check on” but aren’t favourable to the leader. Not only is this a terrible leadership practice for the good of the organisation, but it’s also very contrary to what Jesus modelled, where he had the capacity for close relationships with 3 disciples but did not alienate the other 9. His relationship with each was different, but there was no ingroup or outgroup, and all were treated with dignity, respect and value.

The contingency part of Era 2 requires attention to be paid to the situations that are arising and a commitment to addressing the problems and meeting needs in the best way possible, not in the most comfortable way or in the oldest way. Sometimes organisations and even churches need to be restructured or step out in a new area to meet a need or address a problem that is new and unknown territory, such as the Pokemon Go players that went to churches to find virtual Pokemon. Some churches responded to this and offered refreshments, as well as using it as an opportunity to engage with these people that would not normally be at a church. If the chain of the command is too complicated, the bureaucracy can get in the way of necessary decisions being made and contingencies cannot be adequately addressed. The best way to be a contingency adept church is to focus on empowering congregant sand building relationships of trust where anyone can take initiative and receive necessary support because they are a part of a community. The contingency theory places a big emphasis on the situation, and too often churches don’t. Church leaders can be so convinced that their way of running a church is right because it’s the only way they know, and they don’t think to look at possible systemic or structural improvements that can be made to adjust to the environment – this often leading to detrimental situations. It could also mean that in a situation where the pastor is beyond their depth, they can call on the help of another congregant that is better equipped to handle the situation because of personal insight into strengths and weaknesses. This also allows for engagement with congregants on whatever level they are ready to engage in and at whatever maturity they are at. This can become a problem as there are no recruitment procedures or handing in of CVs. There should be a conscious effort from the leadership to find out about new people, to know their life story, and where they’re at, otherwise, the relationship becomes a task and can often lead to acting in a condescending or inappropriate manner. At first, relationships might be more transactional, but a leader should always be willing to learn, even from the least of these.

Era 3: Entropy

Like a ship, the organisation has to sail, and in a time of rapid change and movement, of international crises and disruptions in long-term strategies and understanding of the world, the company can other be viewed as a ship on calm waters where storms occasionally arise at which point steps have to be taken to get back to status quo, or the ship could be on rough and stormy seas, where the organisation has to constantly grow, learn, evolve and re-evaluate. The era saw the emergence of the team leader, or the change leader and influence theory, where it was no longer the job of a leader to manage people within an existing system, but to recreate the system and the culture to best suit the people and achieved intended goals through greater empowerment, diversity, teamwork, and expertise. I remember the drastic culture shock I got when I moved from Cape Town and had to assimilate into the church music band. I had gone from a very autocratic leadership style, where when we arrived two hours before the meeting for practice, we would be handed a list of songs we had never heard before and we would be given specific direction on how to play it. However, the new team was more team-leadership oriented, which was new for me and took a lot of readjustment to get used to. The thing is, team leadership only works when you trust your team members. It is only profitable when you can acknowledge the strengths of your team members and follow them in certain sections. I remember one particular instance where I had to run with a song and I wanted to use a particular musical rhythmic style for it, which the drummer insisted did not exist. It was a very difficult conflict, as I was the most educated musician on the team, and I knew for a fact that it did exist, but the drummer who perhaps had more experience asserted that it did not. This is a small example, but it tends to happen a lot. With a rapidly changing environment, the only way to escape domineering and authoritarian leaders is to trust each other as a team and allow people space to exercise their strengths as it will be of great benefit to everyone in the long run.

Reminiscent of the great man theories is the charismatic leadership that emerged at this point in the influence theories. which as previously discussed is wonderful for mobilising people, but can be detrimental, such as when a pastor makes quick changes between visions and never sees the previous one to completion because it doesn’t work right away, which I have seen with church mission, vision, direction, affiliation, and it means that the church as a whole always comes up short changed because they never give the ideas time to develop into practice and momentum. Team leadership is important and too often in church goes under the guise of team leadership, but in fact becomes a manipulation. With the charismatic (it’s in the name) church’s complete rejection of any of the traditional churches, they believe they have rid themselves of the hypocrisy of religion, when really, as Jesus pointed out, it is a heart issue and not a case of behaviour, but intention. These, of course, are often interrelated, but too often, the self-righteousness, the empty actions, the living behind a facade and putting on a show is still present even in charismatic churches. And the problem when there is this kind of masquerade is that the truth can never be told for what it is, because critical thinking is viewed as insubordination, and pointing out a lack of foresight in the inspiring vision of the charismatic leader results in victimisation, alienation, and excommunication. The danger of influence theories in the same boat as team leadership is that sometimes this charade can occur and practically nothing can be done that will not cause more damage than good. Where there is a team, there must be humility, and those are some of the most beautiful characteristics to see in a church body. We are assured that there will be more and more rapid change, and the only way we as a church can survive that is if we start trusting each other's abilities to contribute and add value.

Era 4: Imagine...

The age of relational leadership theory, on the mutual benefit of both leader and follower based on their relationship and influence on one other, where leadership is a function, not a status. How I long for a church that fully embraces the tenets of this fourth era that really are so in line with their doctrine. I long to see humble leaders become caught up in something greater and beyond themselves and to take others to that river of refreshment and revelation. I long for an era of no mirrors! No place for leaders to catch their own reflection so as to become proud and let power corrupt them. I long for a time where there is the openness to constant experimentation, learning and change in the building process, where rules and control are far from any relationships that take place. Where expectations are those of love, respect, and kindness, where hearts and filled with grace more and more – far beyond rational management or even team leadership. I long for a time when the church will stop breeding emotionally immature people that don’t know how to have boundaries due to the constant rules and expectations that have been set for them and with which they have been threatened. When emotionally mature adults can function, make decisions without constant supervision and conspiracy, but rather that trust is built and fostered, where young people are empowered. I long for the emotional maturity of engaging with people genuinely, of actually supporting them and being there for them when they are going through a difficult time and not just rambling off the quickest google search results for appropriate bible verse, where leaders engage because they truly are interested in building a relationship with you, not because of a formula of people management. I long for a time where there is freedom to make mistakes, confess mistakes, and have a genuine community rally around to assist and support in overtones mutual growth and learning. For a religion that follows a characteristically relational God, that is so deeply and profoundly invested and so intimately connected to our lives, we treat each other so very badly in the church – and maybe that’s because leaders “are never wrong”, or that you have to be of a certain age or status or gender to submit any theory or revelation or question or criticism that is deemed “valid”. I long for the day where I can walk into a new church and find a brother and a sister, on a different road to the same destination as I am, with unity of heart and spirit, and not have to work my way up the church ladder for 5 years before people will take my faith seriously. We need to start viewing people as people, each with their own stories, own struggles and own journeys, all of which are good and beautiful and can be a good part of the community towards a glorious hope. When will be become more inclusive of the family? Imagine a church that places all the measure of its leadership effectiveness on a “relational process that meaningfully engages all participants and enables each person to contribute to achieving the vision”…

[nightmareonfilmstreet]

[Recap] STRANGER THINGS 2, Episodes 6-9: A Stunning Finish

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[Recap] STRANGER THINGS 2, Episodes 6-9: A Stunning Finish

I’m back with recaps of the final four episodes of season two of Netflix sensation Stranger Things. If you haven’t looked over the recaps for the first half, you can find them here. Alright, let’s dig in!

Episode 6 – “The Spy”

If things start to come together in episodes four and five, six is where Stranger Things season two really begins to deliver on its potential. Following Will (Noah Schnapp)’s seizures, Joyce (Winona Ryder), Hopper (David Harbour), and Mike (Finn Wolfhard) wind up at Hawkins Lab where Dr. Owens (Paul Reiser) and his team struggle to properly diagnose him. What is clear is that Will‘s memory is being affected by the otherworldly presence and, as the episode progresses, his amnesia is symptomatic of the fact that he can no longer be trusted.

It’s unfortunate that the titles of Stranger Things are so prominently displayed at the start of each episode, because the reveal that Will has broken bad is blatantly telegraphed. Despite this, I still found myself swept up in the action, especially when Steve (Joe Keery), Dustin (Gaten Matarazzo), Lucas (Caleb McLaughlin) and Max (Sadie Sink) wind up trapped at the abandoned car junkyard thanks to the appearance of multiple demi-dogs. Collectively the cliffhanger at the lab and Steve‘s near-death helps to ratchet up the momentum as the series heads into its final few episodes.

Odds and Ends:

The relationship building between Steve and Dustin is easily one of the episode highlights. Plus: the scene of the group walking along the train tracks is heavily evocative of Stephen King’s Stand By Me.

I’m no big fan of Nancy (Natalia Dyer) and Jonathan (Charlie Heaton)’s sojourn into conspiracy theory-ville with Murray (Brett Gelman), though his ability to diagnose their unrequited love affair is mildly amusing.

The fatal climax, in which Will‘s deliberately leads the soldiers into a trap, is a clear homage to James Cameron’s Aliens, right down to the images appearing on the radar screen. Love it.

This is the first episode of the series that doesn’t feature Eleven (Millie Bobby Brown).

Eleven’s standalone episode 2×07 “The Lost Sister” is a singular mistake

Episode 7 – “The Lost Sister”

UGH. I wanted to give this episode the benefit of a doubt, but five minutes in I began checking my watch. Then I did some laundry. Then I began surfing YouTube for funny cat videos.

Yes, folks, this is undoubtedly THE WORST episode of Stranger Things that the series has ever produced. Yes, it pays off Eleven‘s “family” arc by reuniting her with her titular “lost sister”, Kali (Linnea Berthelsen). Outside of teaching Eleven how to hone her powers and helping her to realize that Mike and the others are her real family, however, this is 55 minutes of duds-ville.

It got so bad that I began making jokey memes about its awfulness on Twitter to pass the time. Seriously, this is one to tell friends to avoid – as Alan Sepinwall of HitFix suggests, it plays more like a bizarre backdoor pilot for a spin-off series that no one asked for.

Odds and Ends:

This is the first episode of the series that doesn’t feature any of the rest of the regular cast.

When Kali and her friends give Eleven an 80s punk look, I couldn’t help but think of the iconic ditty from Clone High about makeovers. MAKEOVER!

This is your first Matthew Modine-cameo alert for S2.

Seriously, I’d like to know who thought this episode (and its timing in the season) was a good idea? The only element that I enjoyed was that weird moment where the episode turned into a home-invasion thriller in the vein of The Purge & The Strangers.

The harrowing escape from Hawkins Laboratory is a focal point of 2×08 “The Mind Flayer”

Episode 8 – “The Mind Flayer”

With the worst creative decision that Stranger Things has ever made firmly in the rearview mirror, “The Mind Flayer” picks up right after the cliffhanger from 2×06. The escape from the Hawkins Lab is superb, particularly the cross-cutting between Bob (Sean Astin)’s solo mission to reset the power and Dr. Owens‘ guidance on the surveillance cameras (shades of Jurassic Park). And while horror fans undoubtedly knew that the writing was on the wall for Bob the moment he was told his exit path was “home free,” his death – and Joyce‘s reaction to it – are well-done.

With the season’s big death crossed off, the time comes to reconvene the disparate groups at the Byers house and prepare for the big battle. This is the calm before the storm as everyone catches up and they strategically plot their options. I’ll confess that while I appreciate the effort made to gently address the lunacy of Dustin‘s Mind Flayer/hive mind connection plan, it’s pretty unbelievable that everyone basically just goes along with it.

Once again the focus returns to Will and, in a well-executed montage, the infected boy is awoken and treated to trips down memory lane that double as opportunities to communicate how to shut down the otherworldly threat (using Morse Code, naturally). With a plan in hand and time running out, the group is seemingly beseiged by demi-dogs when Eleven returns from Duffer Brothers purgatory to finally rejoin the main group. Thank goodness – let’s get this climax on the road!

Odds and Ends:

In an episode filled with highs, the extended scene of Billy (Dacre Montgomery)’s dad beating him up for losing track of Max just feels so unnecessary. It’s still unclear why this storyline needed to exist.

Eleven and Hopper’s reunion is one of the finale’s strongest emotional beats

Episode 9 – “The Gate”

Here we go – the big finale. If there’s anything surprising about this episode, it is how quickly the threat is dispensed with: we’re barely half through the episode when Eleven manages to close the gate. This winds up being a smart decision because it avoids a long, drawn out battle in favour of narrative and emotional closure for nearly all of the characters, while once again teasing another season of Stranger Things.

After coming together briefly last episode, our protagonists split into three groups: 1) Hopper and Eleven head for the gate, 2) Joyce, Jonathan, and Nancy create a home sauna to steam the demon out of Will and 3) the D-Listers (eventually) head back into the tunnels to draw attention away from the gate and clear a path for Eleven and Hopper. And barring the occasional hurdle, including – UGH – Billy, as well as one last encounter with D’Art, things more or less go to plan.

Of course I’m doing the finale a complete disservice by being so nonchalant. In all honestly “The Gate” is easily one of the most satisfying hours that the series has ever produced, hitting all of the right action AND emotional beats.

Let’s talk about each of those individually:

1) The action when Eleven goes up against the gate (and begins levitating!) is a stunning achievement. Visually (those special effects!) and aurally (that score!), the scene delivers a more bombastic finish than some big budget Hollywood tentpoles. Throw in Millie Bobby Brown’s absolutely commanding screen presence, masterfully conveying the entirety of Eleven‘s two season journey in a nearly silent performance and you have an absolutely killer sequence.

2) As significant an achievement as the action is, however, it would be nothing without the quieter moments. I was particular awestruck by Eleven and Hopper‘s extended conversation in the truck. There’s a reason why the Duffer Brothers paired these two together and while I complained about how repetitive their storyline was in the first few episodes, it really pays off here.

Ditto the moments when Mike attacks Hopper for lying to him and when Eleven and Mike lock eyes at the dance. These scenes only work because of our investment in these characters, so kudos on making us give a damn about these people in between all of the action and special effects.

Odds and Ends:

I mentioned last episode that I didn’t understand the point of Billy‘s storyline and aside from adding an additional obstacle to the team’s success, my opinions have not changed. I have nothing against Montgomery as an actor, but this was one addition too many in S2. Seeing Max finally stand up to her step-brother’s abuse (when he’s already drugged) just didn’t work for me.

Now that the Hawkins Lab has been shut down and Barb got her damn funeral, is this a wrap on #JusticeForBarb? PLEASE?

Nancy‘s pity dance with Dustin at the Snow Ball gave off some pretty heavy John Hughes vibes. If Stranger Things had been made in the 80s, I could easily see Molly Ringwald in the Nancy role.

So Joyce and Hopper are totally going to hook up now, right?

Finally, what do we think of the final teaser/twist? Personally I found it underwhelming (the Upside Down still exists? Colour me unsurprised!) but I appreciate that this is a way to hint that there’s more to come without undoing the narrative closure covered by the second half of this episode.

So that’s it for season two. What are your thoughts now that it’s all said and done? What do you expect to see in season three? Hit the comments below and sound off with your reactions and predictions.