#when i tell you this show has saved my life repeatedly . | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rabbitsrants · 4 months

Note

Could you tell me what's your opinion about kogoro,like you always appear like you hate kogoro that's why I wanted to know (whenever you mention him you tell that unbothered fuckin father) wanna know your opinion please answer my ask

fun question!

I LOVE KOGORO

with that being said, i have a very nuanced opinion on him

do i think he's a good detective, husband or father? NO, absolutely not. i don't even think he's a good guardian in regards to conan lol

kogoro can be very self-absorbed, impatient and superficial. his alcoholism and gambling addiction strain every aspect of his life, but kogoro doesn't seem to care enough to change

a few examples:

chapter 1

chapter 370

LIKE??? SHE HAS TO STUDY FOR HER MOCK EXAMS AND KOGORO CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO GIVE A FUCK LOL

initially, i blamed his attitude on his lack of success as a detective. but he shows signs of being irresponsible in his youth as well, despite working for the police:

chapter 572

even after shinichi saves kogoro's career and introduces him to a lot of fame, kogoro shows no willingness to change. he's chronically self-indulgent:

chapter 853

on top of that, the rare times that ran asks him to do something for her, he acts like it's a complete burden:

chapter 528

ran asks him to watch eri's cat while she's in school and kogoro tries to pass the responsibility on to conan

speaking of conan, kogoro repeatedly gets violent with him when he's investigating alongside him

chapter 12

the reason why it appears like i hate him is because my posts are mainly about shinran and interestingly enough, gosho decided to write kogoro as shinichi's polar opposite in a lot of ways. which he even admits in his own writing:

chapter 163

it's evidently a writing choice that gosho decided to go for on purpose. and i think that's fucking brilliant. think about it: ran growing up with an irresponsible, unreliable dad who often prioritizes drinking and gambling over his own daughter? and that same girl falling in love with a guy who's incredibly dependable, attentive, selfless and everything her father is not? IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE

so whenever i analyze certain shinran moments, it becomes glaringly obvious to me that shinichi often acts like an anti-kogoro, so to speak.

examples i already mentioned in my acts of service post: kogoro refusing to help ran - shinichi stepping up as a result in chapter 457 and 716.

additional examples:

chapter 192

kogoro drops off ran at this weird, isolated mansion for a meeting that sonoko arranged with a bunch of strangers online and he feels off about the whole thing and i'm like YES LOVE THAT, SHOWING GREAT PARENTAL INSTINCTS

he even warns one of the guys and i'm like YEAH YOU'RE BEING A GOOD DAD, LETS GO KOGORO

naturally, shinichi feels weird about the situation as well, so he insists on staying with his girl, even though it's already been discussed that he's too sick:

so, despite the fact that a) kogoro feels like something is odd about the meeting, b) he warns the guy to leave ran tf alone... HE STILL LEAVES HER AT THE MANSION UNPROTECTED

and i'm like... WHY????? and gosho immediately answers my question:

LIKE????????????????????? talk about bad parenting lol

anyway, turns out something about the meeting was indeed off and ran is potentially in danger. both shin and kogoro lose their shit:

but there's a key difference between kogoro and shinichi and i feel like gosho wrote this difference on purpose - nothing, and i mean absolutely NOTHING will ever stop shinichi from trying to keep ran safe:

ONE MORE EXAMPLE

chapter 347-349

the case barely even begins and shinichi immediately observes that ran isn't feeling well:

he even tries to convince her to ditch dinner and go back home:

when shit starts hitting the fan and ran is getting incredibly dizzy, kogoro doesn't even notice:

again, maybe i'm reading too much into it, but i think the fact that gosho depicts kogoro's ignorance in this situation is 100% by design and as a result shinichi gets to be the anti-kogoro again:

throughout the whole case shinichi worries about ran and tries to take care of her. which is very impressive considering that ran constantly tries to downplay her symptoms:

examples like this occur way too often for me to write them off as a coincidence. we're clearly dealing with a pattern. how could i not point that out in my analysis? especially when shinichi's unwavering loyalty towards ran is something that she gushes about constantly?

with all that being said, just because i regurarly point out kogoro's flaws as a dad, doesn't mean i hate him. it's just that i aim to reach a full, comprehensive conclusion with every analysis i write and that entails important details like the glaring differences between shinichi and kogoro regarding their treatment of ran.

i still adore kogoro. cause like i said, there's nuance. i feel like there's a lot of hidden depth behind kogoro's character that i wish gosho explored more:

he's smarter than people think

chapter 11

HE'S THE FIRST PERSON TO QUESTION CONAN'S REAL IDENTITY, EVEN BEFORE RAN:

chapter 165

to everyone's suprise, kogoro deducts that eri lost her wedding ring and he goes out of his way to find it for her:

there are more examples of him showing decent detective skills during certain cases but this post is already long enough lol so i'm not getting into that

he can be very idealistic

chapter 86

him holding an old and dear friend accountable for murdering someone:

chapter 376

him doing the same again with a childhood friend:

HE HAS HIS MOMENTS, OKAY?!

chapter 266

I LOVE IT when kogoro shows his vulnerable side, i find it so heartwarming:

chapter 986

OR HIS BADASS SIDE (this is him protecting eri from a guy who's about to sexually assault her)

WHAT A KING

and even though i shit on his parenting a lot he can be very endearing at times! examples:

chapter 207

his reaction to ran dreaming about the one time that shinichi asked her to give him her bra (it was for a case lol)

chapter 254

MY FAVORITE KOGORO MOMENT:

it's a small but incredibly touching gesture and i love him so much for moments like this

chapter 255

HE CAN BE SO SUPPORTIVE AND SWEET

chapter 765

even though i criticized him for his treatment of conan earlier, shinichi and kogoro have their moments as well. the ramen case is one of my favorite moments between them, it's just so wholesome!

this case is giving dad and son-in-law eneregy!

to sum up my very long response: kogoro is an overall shitty person but he can be very smart, idealistic and sweet and i wish gosho explored those aspects of his character more, cause i feel like he gets sidelined a lot. he often uses kogoro for comedic relief which is fair to a certain extent cause kogoro is HILARIOUS and makes me laugh all the time but gosho keeps giving the bigger and more meaningful plotlines to characters that I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT (looking at you amuro) and i think that's a fucking shame cause kogoro has a lot of potential

hope that answers your question! :)

visit the shinran library for more

#kogoro mouri #shinichi kudo #ran mouri #shinran #dcmk #case closed #detective conan #ship analysis

143 notes · View notes

hubristicassholefight · 4 months

Text

Hubristic Asshole Fight: Round 1 Part 1b

Anakin Skywalker (Star Wars) vs Feanor (The Silmarillion)

Propaganda below cut

Anakin

Decided that he would become stronger than death to stop those he cares about from dying after failing to accept his mother's death. When he begins getting visions/nightmares like he had before losing his mother of his wife dying in childbirth, he decides to team up with an evil sorcerer and mastermind to learn the secret to stopping death. The price he willingly paid was leading the slaughter of the community of peacekeeping monks who had raised him from nine years old, feeling guilt about his heinous betrayal even as he unflichingly continued the massacre (sunk cost fallacy to a very extreme degree). The unintended price he paid was the loss of his limbs and independence after his injuries during a fight with his mentor and brother figure, his wife dying on childbirth due to the great stress of his heinous actions, and being separated from his children until they were adults firmly opposed to the imperial regime he became the attack dog for (only knowing of their survival until after he had personally attacked them both); He literally did not have to do any of that. his wife Padmè very very very very much did not want him to do any of that. He was completely absorbed in his own inability to deal with loss that he deadlock refused to consider losing family again and then he went and killed what amounted to his extended family, his wife and the man who raised and guided him from age 9. And his own kids unknowingly. In terms of accomplishing your goals there really really wasn't much more he could have fucked up. And when it comes down to key moments, all he had to do was not cut off mentor and co-worker Mace Windu's hand with a laser sword and everything would have been fine. He's a nominee for Fail King of All Time to me

He thinks he's hot shit which, he is, but like cool it dude you don't have to mass murder maim mutilate your way through life to prove you're the extra most specialest bestest psychic space wizard;

Hubrised so hard he 1) lost his limbs and his skin 2) became what he hated 3) caused the very death he sought to prevent, betraying and destroying himself for nothing; So soaking wet and self aware that he cried committing atrocities. If he knew what hubris was, he'd agree he has a lot of it

Feanor

The definition of hubris. Created the silmarils who were so perfect even the gods praised them. Got them stolen by the gods evil brother (so essentially fantasy satan). Then decided to go fight the evil god to get the silmarils back and swore an oath binding him and his sons to get them back no matter who would stand in their way. This drastically backfired when some other elves stood in his way so he murdered them. Got cursed by the gods for this (together with his entire family and everyone who followed them). Told the gods that they were of the same kind as fantasy satan and that they would end up following him

Morgoth (a god) shows up at his house and Feanor (professional hater of gods) tells him to get fucked* and slams the door in his face. *”Get thee gone from my gate thou jail-crow of Mandos!”; He has never spent anything wrong ever aside from all the war crimes.

The Valar (gods) asked Feanor for help in saving the world from being in total darkness and he said “no, figure it out yourselves”. Repeatedly and intentionally goes against their orders leading to war and chaos; I know it’s left open ended to what really happened to him after he died, but I hope he never repents. I hope he stays an antagonistic and egotistical bastard after being reimbodied (brought back to life) and continues to make it everyone else’s problem. I love him.

I’m gonna have to try to do this without a sing Tolkien scholarship words so bear with me. Basically my dude is one of the smartest and most talented elves in the world. Unfortunately he has a lot of daddy issues AND mommy issues largely due to the fact that his mom died when he was a kid and decided not to come back (as elves can do). No one else has this problem. He invented a ton of important stuff and had seven sons. His most prized creation was three gems called the Silmarils, which contained the light of the Two Trees, which gave light to the world before they were destroyed. When the Valar (the gods of Tolkien’s world) asked if they could use the Silmarils to potentially create another light source, he emphatically refused and in fact became so jealous of them that he and his sons swore an oath that anyone who so much as touched them would die by their swords. Sauron’s boss steals the gems and Feanor decides that he will lead his people on a crusade to retrieve and avenge them. This results in the death of him, most of his people, and almost his entire family minus one of his sons, Galadriel, and Elrond; He once yelled at the devil to get off his lawn

went to war with morgoth (satan basically) against the will of the gods and made a whole speech to said gods about how they were gonna feel really silly when he killed morgoth and saved the whole world. he never actually did battle with morgoth because he died on like day 1 of getting to middle earth (he left like 2/3 of his forces behind because he didn’t trust them) and spontaneously combusted upon his death; he’s a huge asshole and a mad scientist and linguist and prince with daddy issues and also mommy issues

Dude thought he could win a fight with the devil, tried to just walk into Angband (Mordor before Mordor actually existed), made an oath to kill everyone that tries to take his creations even the Valar (angelic like beings) and ends up causing his death, his sons deaths and a bunch of other deaths; His name is quite literally spirit of fire Is basically regarded as THE greastest elf Is in fact THE best smith of the elves and crafts their most precious jewels (that end up causing so much death) Is THE linguist to the point of creating the alfabet every one uses even after The Crimes, creates a bunch of things that are used even after The Crimes actually Loves his dad more than the things he made Is the only recorded elf with seven kids Is married to a sculpter that is so good that people confuse her statues as actual people (a propaganda because he had to be good to actually bag her you know) Manages to create jewelry so good even the the angelics beings sent by god are surprised he managed to do it So good at making speeches that it leads to a rebellion against said angelic beings and a lot of people to leave paradise with him His mother died because his spirit was too powerful Invented kinslaying after trying to steal some boats for said rebellion Swears an oath that destroys his whole family (but adds a great flavour to the rest of the story) Tells the devil to fuck off and slams his house door on said devils face Dies via auto combustion because his spirit was just too powerful for a normal death Gets stuck in the afterlife (that elves can usually just return from) for spiting the Valar Is said he will have an important role in Tolkien’s version of Ragnarok by letting the jewels he previously promised to kill for be destroyed to defeat the devil

Because of his pride, he went against the gods because the evil god Morgoth stole his life's work (the Silmarils, 3 shiny gems that radiated the light of the two trees that a huge evil spider had sapped dry). Swore (with his 7 sons) an oath to hunt Morgoth and retrieve his shiny gems. Commited kinslaying, burned some boats, combusted to ashes after suffering mortal wounds at the hands of corrupted demi-gods. Consequences of his actions could be seen long long after his death: the oath was passed on to his sons to hopelessly fulfill (failure after failure, including two more kinslayings, one of them casting himself into a fiery volcano, another wandering the shores for eternity);

#anakin skywalker #star wars #feanor #the silmarillion #tolkien's legendarium #hubristic assholes tourney #round 1 #round 1 part 1b #official #poll

90 notes · View notes

twomiddlefingersforthehaters · 2 months

Text

サスケはオレにとっちゃ深いダチって訳でもねーし.... 別に好きな奴でもねェ

Sasuke wa ore ni toccha fukai dachi tte wake demonē shi....betsu ni sukina yatsu demonē

Sasuke is not my deepest/best friend and I don't.... I don't even like him

Here Shikamaru is openly admitting that he doesn't like Sasuke.

Even though he doesn't like him personally.... he is willing to put his life on the line to rescue Sasuke. Why?? Chouji and Neji went to the brink of death during the Sasuke retrieval arc. We haven't seen these boys have a friendly interaction with Sasuke yet. So, Why are they helping him?? Nakama is more like an associate amongst a group of people or people who are in the same team/group and have the same goal, dream, or purpose. Nakama also means one that is of the same nation. Even if they don't like or get along with each other, they are still your '仲間 nakama'. That's why they were willing to risk their lives to rescue Sasuke because Sasuke also belongs to the same village as them. After they heard about that Sasuke was joining the Akatsuki, an organization that destroyed Konoha, the Konoha 12 decided to kill Sasuke.

✲ Even Sasuke is a nakama of Naruto, but the nature of their relationship is not the same as between nakama.

✲ A boy who worked hard to gain the acknowledgement of others, leading him to the dream of becoming a Hokage. A boy who refused to die until he became Hokage. Ready to die with Sasuke

✲ persistent uncertainty, doubt and confusion about their relationship.

✲ longing

We know...Naruto always saves others because he can't leave someone so similar to him alone.

In Gaara's case, Naruto understood him, but on the other hand, he was literally threatening to kill him if he didn't stop his rampage. From the panels above you can see how the expression in his eyes changes, his eyes with angry veins show that his emotions are heightened.

If Sakura was included among his important person, he could have saved her from Gaara. She became important in here only because Sasuke was on that team.

If he considered Sakura as an important person, Naruto would never smile like this after Sasuke literally tried to kill her.

And he clearly stated that his only bonds are Iruka and Sasuke.

Naruto empathized with Gaara and tried his best to save him. And he was crying. That's understandable! But, Why is he mentioning Sasuke here?

Seeing Gaara's dead body... He said: ぶん殴ってやる = bunnagutteyaru -> (I'll) beat the hell out of (you). Then he strikes Deidara repeatedly with his fists as he said. But when Sasuke died, Naruto's words and feelings were very different from Gaara's. Kishimoto did the scene very vaguely. Zooming out of the panels as Naruto leans into Sasuke and slowly closing their gap it's as if Kishi is giving them a private moment.

When his master Jiraiya died, he did not go into a rage because he chose not to voluntarily seek the power of the Kyuubi. But he cried a river of tears. But, At the end of the Pain arc, even though he wanted to kill them so badly, we saw a new and more matured Naruto as he forgave the enemy who destroyed his home and killed his master. And he also wanted to end the cycle of Hatred by carrying on Jiraiya's Will.

But this all turned upside down when he heard that Danzo had decided to eliminate Sasuke and Raikage has decided to kill Sasuke.

Naruto wouldn't let them kill Sasuke and or stop the chain of hatred by forgiving them. Naruto implies that if Sasuke is killed there will be a war.

友情 yuujou is a common word for "friendship". 友情- you and me. You can use this word when you want to refer to a good relationship of friends. 友情 refers to the wonderful feelings such as affection and love that occur between 友達 tomodachi - close friends. You can sacrifice yourself for other people. 友情 is a deeper and more personal friendship.

As you can see, Naruto calls Sasuke his Tomodachi in the panel above, and here the Raikage tells him that this is not considered friendship in the shinobi world.

✲ Have we ever seen a moment where he said he would start a war when Jiraiya, Gaara, Kakashi or any other Nakama died?

✲ Have we ever seen Naruto kneel down and beg in front of others?

✲ Have we ever seen him say that he can't become Hokage if he can't save others?

✲ Have we ever seen him offered to give up his life for anyone?

He did all this only for Sasuke. Just only for him. Sasuke alone. Because his feelings goes beyond Friendship....

And also, Naruto starts hyperventilating and has a panic attack when he learnt that everyone turned their back on Sasuke.

#There's more to it which I'll write about in my next post #sns #narusasu #sasunaru #Naruto #Sasuke #my stuff

100 notes · View notes

kevin-the-bruyne · 10 months

Text

The 25th hour and the kindness Boston unwittingly pays forward to Sand

The 25th hour is such a neat yet complex concept. The fact that Sand's episode is called 'The Extra Hour' and that this extremely rigid, disciplined man's 25th hour is Ray is at once heartwarming and gut wrenching. I've seen multiple people discuss what the 25th hour is and most interpretations were to my surprise very positive! In fact, when I think back to my reaction to the start of the episode I thought it was delightful! What a delightfully irrational way for Sand to think of Ray's role in his life, for a delightfully irrational man who really needs a little bit of magic and fairy tale in his life. And yet by the end no matter how you slice it, the only thing about the 25th hour that stays absolute till the end is that it's not real. There's no such thing as a 25th hour. Whatever was happening between them was happening entirely within the 24 hours of their lives and neither were able admit to it. There is a separate meta to be written about how there are elements of healing in their relationship - definitely for Ray and maybe even for Sand who benefits from being near someone who prescribes to whatever the opposite of his 'The Grind and Hustle' lifestyle is. But there are two sides to every coin and the side that Sand had completely blinded himself to even thought it was all right there - long before Boston showed up - is that Ray is an addict. And the way Ray chases the pleasure impulse of Sand's company is - more than just a little mildly concerning. Both times that they engage in anything sexual is Sand giving and Ray receiving, but more importantly Ray talking Sand into it - not in any way that is even remotely close to coercive but doesn't it niggle at the back of your head a little - just how good Ray is at getting Sand to do things for him? I could let the list run from protecting him, cooking for him, driving him, putting on his helmet for him, dressing him, taking him to concerts all such wonderful beautiful, heartwarming, wounded inner child healing things and yet...there are patterns. 'Thank you for saving my life' once is beautiful, sexy, gut wrenchingly vulnerable. But twice?

The guy did have a bottle so it could have been dangerous and his target could have been Ray's head but he also could have smashed it on a table to scare him, on his back, heck he could have been going for Sand too. Doesn't Ray have a tendency to slightly embellish situations to make himself more sympathetic?

My boy Sand has literally been on the receiving end of it adjfkldshjf. Further, when Sand is aiming to bash the guy's head in turn Ray makes zero moves to stop him. Sand could get into a lot of trouble for intervening here and injuring a random customer while he's not bar security and P'Yo and her boyfriend are the only ones actually concerned about Sand here.

Ray is so turned on by his man going all psycho to protect him (understandable) that his only thought is to fuck him (also very very understandable) but he's just gotten so good at asking for it

Incredibly, incredibly good

And he knows how much Sand eats it up

He knows it turns Sand on, uses it repeatedly in the context of sex. In fact it's the only way we've watched him initiate sex this episode

And worst of all, in the times that Sand doesn't quite take the bait Ray knows how to frame it so that it somehow still becomes Sand's idea, Sand's initiative:

And this scene is so mind bogglingly sexy that I was legit SCREAMING because Ray is being SO sneaky and he's an addict and you can see it from a mile away and imagine being Sand and horny and turned on by how much people need you and then having the cutest puppy of a man constantly wagging his tail at you and needing you and being so generous about how much he appreciates you and constantly telling you how big and strong you are and how you're such a great protector like help this man he is so entirely caught in the web that Ray is spinning. I was so into it but I was also like alarm bells ringing like 'Fire! Fire! Fire!' Sand this is exactly the fire that you were once conscious of playing with but he's totally been blinded to it - how could he not be??? Ray is an addict but he's also a creature made entirely of love, what defenses can Sand possibly have against Ray's innocence and sincerity? This has already gotten so long that I need to stop here or my mind will explode but there's more to be said here about how that scene where Boston outs Ray's crush plays out and Ray's complete inability to reach out and comfort Sand. What I can end this part with is that - Sand really, really needed to hear it. Boston's whole 'Sand deserves to know' thing might have been the shittiest cover to his real motivations of just totally fucking up Ray's life but he's not wrong about this. Boston is not wrong about the farce of Sand and Ray's relationship that he so mercilessly calls out. The 25th hour isn't real and Sand knows it. The show is very heavy handed about it and it fits so goddamn well with my Sand and Mew don't exist on the same paradigm of Ray's life idea that I have been peddling since Ep2

#ofts meta #sandray meta #only friends the series #ofts #sandray #nani's hot takes #god i have more meta inside me than i have time #i might write some of them anyway #but also feel free to ask about things too if you're curious

153 notes · View notes

wellofdean · 4 months

Text

So in my ongoing efforts to say nice things about Supernatural and, as @luckshiptoshore said yesterday, "reclaim this nice, gay show" together, and also probably because I listened to Bruce Springsteen earlier today while I was thinking: why is it that this particular love story has me like it does? Why can't I let this Destiel thing go? I mean... I watched all the recent queer love stories and as much as I enjoyed Good Omens and OFMD, they just don't take up real estate in my soul like Supernatural does -- and that's not a decision I made, it just is. I don't know about you guys, but my little rages choose me.

Anyway, I was thinking -- it's probably not just because of queer representation or whatever, and I don't think it's because I want to see dudes be tender -- I think I ran out of that form of interest in the life of dudes awhile ago, but yeah, Bruce Springsteen. Born to Run. He says "I want to know love is wild, I want to know love is real" and I felt like it pretty much hit the nail on the head for me, somehow.

It's been a long time since I have felt moved by a het romance story. I feel like I can no longer believe it when the roles are so pre-packaged in the tropes and trappings of what was sold to me as idealised love in my younger days. And, like, I am Gen X, so it was pretty gruesome out there when I was learning how to want love -- the power of compulsory heterosexuality was strong, and the shit that was sold to us all as ways to love and be loved were pretty gross, just watch any romantic comedy from the 80's or 90's.

I think I love Supernatural so much because of the way Dean plays the role of a standard issue dude, and postures like he is a stereotypical red-blooded American dude, but it's so transparent that it isn't him. I don't know if it's just Jensen things, or if it was consciously done, but I love how unconvincing Dean's act is, and how clear it is that he is a wounded child whose own real desires and needs have been beaten out of him somehow, and I just love the way the real Dean and what that guy wants slow rises out of him as the story goes on, until he's choking on it, and visibly swallowing it down. For me, the queerest thing about Dean is his pain, his aching loneliness, and his sense of failure at being what he thinks he is -- a violent man who only knows how to kill, and I love Dean's moments of clarity, moments when he speaks from his own soul -- when he tells Cas he's sorry, tells John he has a family, tells Chuck "that's not who I am" are just everything to me.

Both Dean and Cas are victims of conditioning and coersion -- Dean trying to be his Daddy's perfect son, and being manipulated by Chuck, and Cas horribly violated and brainwashed repeatedly for millennia in heaven -- and they love each other in defiance of conditioning, because love is wild, and it's the product of their freedom.

I feel like ALL actual love eschews force and arises out of freedom. All real love is specific and weird, and is co-created in the space between lovers from what is most real in them and in that sense, all real love is queer in some way in that it is not part of the big social project of subjugating what doesn't comply. I feel like a lot of people lead lives of mindless compliance and that a thing that's wonderful about queer people and queer community is that we work against the grain to honor what is truest in us, whatever that is.

I guess I just love that, on Supernatural, the kind of love that saves the day is the kind that grows wild, like a weed you can't kill, out of more than a decade of choosing each other, again and again, and choosing to fight coercion and conditioning. Love that just fucking refuses to comply, and in fact, cannot comply, because non-compliance is it's very nature. There's something so hopeful and beautiful about that to me. I want to believe in it, and I do.

It's also why, after ALL THIS, in the context of that narrative, Dean is incontrovertibly queered, and anything else is just straight up narrative malpractice.

#supernatural #dean winchester #love is queer yo #anti-trashnatural agenda

82 notes · View notes

lunabug2004 · 5 months

Text

Why the Troy and Angela Situations Should Not Be Compared (+ Why Mike's Reaction Is Valid)

One of the things that gets my blood boiling as a Mike defender is when people try to compare the bullying/El's reaction to said bullying between the Troy and Angela scenes. They are not the same thing, not even close! Yes, they're both cases of bullying, but two very different levels of extreme.

Yes, I understand that words can hurt just as much, if not more, than a physical weapon, and Mike understands this too, that's why he tries to connect with El the morning after. But in the real world, one without monsters or powers, the one they believe they're living in at the time, violence is almost never the answer, it only makes things worse, as it did. Mike also understand this. Now, yes, it took him a minute to figure out that El didn't quite understand this yet, but he works to fix his mistakes as soon as he does.

Now, let's look at season 1's incident. Troy is threatening to cut Dustin with a knife if Mike doesn't jump off the quarry cliff. Two lives are in immediate and direct danger in this situation. El, literally at the last second, saves Mike as he's falling, so that's one problem fixed and one less life at stake. By this time, yes, Troy has moved away from Dustin, but he is still holding the knife! And then he aggressively steps towards El, threatening her with it, so she snaps his arm and makes him drop it. This is self defense, as well as defending her friends from a dangerous situation.

In season 4, Angela publicly humiliates El. Yes, it's awful, and yes, she deserves the smack that she gets for it, but it's nowhere near as bad as what Troy was doing. Angela isn't putting any lives in immediate danger, she's not brandishing a weapon! Legally, El smacking Angela is assault, because at the point of the roller-scate-smack, the ordeal is done with, and there was no physical harm done. I'd like to add that I'm aware of El falling, and that she may have been hurt, but technically no one touched her, so it still isn't technically self-defense (I may be wrong here, pls correct me if so). This is a very unfortunate situation, and I feel terrible for El, as should everyone, but I'm a firm believer that when it comes to bullies, you shouldn't fight fire with fire, and Mike seems to carry this belief as well, as he repeatedly tells the boys to just ignore their bullies in s1. @foodiewithdahoodie has an old post (can't find it irl, but it's stuck in my brain) in which they say El treats Angela, a normal girl who is not a serious threat, with the same extreme hostility she shows the UD monsters, and I completely agree with this. El is flawed, and Mike's not a bad person for reacting to those flaws, that just happen to include unnecessary violence, the way a normal person would.

Anyways, what I'm getting at here is that these two situations are completely different (again, Troy has a literal weapon, two peoples' lives were being actively threatened!) and Mike's reaction in both circumstances were completely valid! In season one, he was seconds away from death, and so when El saved him and made the threat go away, he was eternally grateful for her defense. In season 4, he tries so hard to get to her when he realizes what's going on despite having just found out she'd been lying to him for months, and he was even completely on El's side, trying to find and comfort her, until she hit Angela, then he believed she went too far (she did), so he made that known. He's never been one to sugarcoat when he disagrees with certain behaviors, and he doesn't start here, he tells it like it is: Angela doesn't look fine. It also is just a lot to process, so it doesn't surprise me that it takes an overnight thought-session for him to figure out where he went wrong, and again, he tries to make it up to her! To connect with her, bringing down some of his walls in the process! She just disregards his experiences, then brings up him not saying ILY, so he gets defensive and puts back up his walls, and they never get to continue this conversation! (This is an analysis for another day in and of itself tbh)

To reiterate, it just irks me when people compare these scenes to try and make Mike out to be a bad person, when they are nowhere near the same situation! His reactions being different makes total sense, esp when adding the shock-factor of it all! I'll stop talking now cuz this could go on forever and I lowkey feel like I'm just repeating myself now.

Pls tell me your thoughts on this!

108 notes · View notes

delcakoo · 2 years

Text

enha’s ways to make you blush. *ੈᜊ‧₊˚

༉‧₊˚ PAIRING ! enhypen x gn!reader

༉‧₊˚ GENRE ! fluff

༉‧₊˚ WC ! 2k

a/n: thank u for the love on my other fics, luv u guys <3

# LEE HEESEUNG !

this handsome idiot doesn’t even have to do anything. in fact, you blush just from looking at a picture of him. during the paradoxxx invasion mv shoot, you’d be waiting with some other staff for heeseung and the rest of the boys to be done. you sat on your phone patiently, lying on your elbow while scrolling through twitter. when you were extremely bored, like now, you’d search up your boyfriend on social media and have a laugh at the different kinds of content engenes would post about him.

it was going great, you even found a few memes to harass with him later, that was until you came across the most amazing photo of heeseung you’d ever seen. he looked angelic, ethereal even, you don’t think you’d ever taken a screenshot so fast in your life. a small giggle rips you out of your daydream, and you jump at the closeness of the easily recognisable voice from behind. “really, babe?”

you quickly turn off your phone, the blush on your cheeks growing quickly as you meet eyes with your boyfriend, who’s watching you over the couch with a dopey grin on his face. “listen, you just looked so good i had to save it, and i needed it for my album of you.”

“why do you need an album of pictures when the much better, real life version is right here in front of you?” he inquires, manhandling you to your side to press a quick kiss on your lips. before you can recover, he snatches your phone and unlocks it, taking his own glance at the photo of him that you were practically drooling over. “hm, that is a pretty good one actually.”

“yah, give it back!”

# PARK JAY !

sometimes, jay would let you come with him, sunghoon, and niki to work out, and you couldn’t decide if you should hate him or be honoured by the invitation. he’d be there in a muscle top, lifting weights, sweat running down his neck, while you sit there in your oversized hoodie and shorts trying to process how he ever became yours. sometimes, he would purposely flex his biceps just to see your reaction, and would even send winks your way every so often. meanwhile, niki would be like: “hey y/n, can you come help me do sit ups?”

and you’d be like “u-uh yeah sure! coming!” *nervous laughing* of course niki means no harm, you all know this as you sit there, holding his legs down and counting for him while he stretches repeatedly. but jay still doesn’t approve of the fact your eyes were on his friends instead of his, and especially that the blush on your cheeks could be caused by not only him, but now niki too. in your defence, this kid has gotten way too buff in only a few months!

“y/n, come help me do sit ups now.” your boyfriend doesn’t ask, but rather demands, straight up grabbing your under arms and dragging you away from a confused niki. jay does about 20 sit ups, giving you a soft peck on the lips every single time he comes back up. (🥺)

# SIM JAKE !

cutieeee! jake would definitely write lyrics about you in songs not specifically to make you blush, but to show just how much he appreciates you. he would try to tell you right away ‘cause of how excited he would be, and you’d be so cheery and grateful every time. once he’d tell you about his lyrics, whenever you listened to those songs, you’d begin blushing without fail because of how special it’d make you feel, especially when he was the one singing the lyrics about you. “babe, did you listen to the b-sides yet?” jake asks, sitting down excitedly on the couch next to you.

you nod in return, grinning at him proudly. “my favourite is shout out for sure, you guys really suit the rock concept.” you scoot closer to him, offering a small kiss on his cheek.

he grins shyly, “well, you know the part where it says ‘my life without you is a misery’?” you nod, “i wrote those lyrics for you.”

you gasp, moving back from him in disbelief. that was your favourite line of the song from first listen, the thought of him writing that with you in mind made you squirm in your seat happily. “seriously!? i thought that was for engenes?”

jake ponders for a second before shrugging in reply, “them too, but it’s mainly for you. you’ve really helped me a lot without even realising.” he leans down to embrace you, pulling you onto his lap. you really don’t deserve this boy.

# PARK SUNGHOON !

this man catches on to anything and everything, unfortunately (or fortunately) for you. when he first gave you a back hug and realised how flustered you’d got from the close contact and the sight of his biceps wrapped around your front, he knew he’d found a new weakness of yours.

you were angry at sunghoon, which was something that you didn’t feel towards him very often. you texted him, specifically saying not to eat the chocolate chip cookies in your pantry, and what did he do? he ate all the cookies that you had planned to have with the milk you’d just bought, even after you specifically told him not to. “i just don’t understand, how can i text you saying don’t do something, and you do it an hour later? i was so excited to have those coo– ah!” you yelp as your suddenly dragged forward into your boyfriends arms, then being spun around so your back pressed against his built chest. any anger and frustration dissipated in seconds as your tense body relaxes, the only thoughts in your head now was how nice he smelled and how warm he felt behind you. why did he have to be so sneaky?

his chin rests above your head, strong arms locked around your waist securely. “i really did forget, i’m sorry baby. i promise i’ll buy you the best cookies in the world tomorrow.”

you grab hold of his arms and gulp at how muscly they felt, leaning your head back to look up at him. “you know exactly what you’re doing, don’t you?”

he giggles adorably, “maybe.”

“i hate you,” you huff.

“it’s a sin to lie, y/n.”

# KIM SUNOO !

this baby probably wouldn’t even be aware when he made you blush half the time because he could be doing literally anything and you’d still be flustered. however, he did recognise that there was one way that always worked if he wanted to see your cheeks turn bright pink. sunoo finds it hilariously adorable that whenever he showers you in compliments and attention, you start blushing as if it’s your first date all over again.

you were at your local park on a boba date when you ask if he can take photos of you for your social media. of course, he agrees excitedly, making sure to take the photos on his phone so he could keep them forever and perhaps get them made into polaroids for his room. “okay, show me that beautiful smile!” he grins cheekily when you do, offering a few cute poses. “you’re so stunning, i think i’m going to go blind! wah, i’m so lucky.”

“yah, you’re so embarrassing, just take the pictures!” you whine, blushing from his compliments. he giggles, recognising the blush on your cheeks immediately.

“i can’t help it, how can you be so adorable?” he blabbers, continuing to snap more photos for you to choose from, never stopping his onslaught of cheesy remarks along the way.

after your mini photoshoot, you walk back over to your boyfriend whos looking a bit too suspiciously happy. “what’d you do n—“ your jaw drops as you see him changing his lock screen to a photo of you when you were in the middle of scolding him during the photoshoot, looking like an angry, embarrassed puppy. “sun! i look stupid, take that off right now!”

he only laughs harder, bending over. “no you look adorable! look at your pouty face!”

you whine once more. “you couldn’t just pick a nice picture?!”

# YANG JUNGWON !

being the leader of his group despite being the second youngest gave jungwon a hand at constantly checking on his members and keeping an eye on every little thing. this boy always makes sure you’re well and tidy, and damn if it isn’t attractive.

for example, you’d just be sitting in the dorms while jungwon cleaned up the kitchen, your sleeping shorts not doing much to cover you. jungwon’s keen eye would notice right away as they rode further up your thigh, eyebrows furrowing at your underwear nearly peeking through. he’d rush over, pulling your shorts down, and you’d look up from your phone in surprise. “oh, thanks,” you say, a slight blush blossoming along your face. it flustered you to know that didn’t matter what he was doing, he always had you in his little bubble of consciousness.

your boyfriend grins, “you’re welcome, love.” his big eyes turning into cute crescents as he leaned down to give you a quick peck before going back into the kitchen. his thoughtfulness and constant care for you was truly outmatched.

or if you were ever in a situation where you were uncomfortable, jungwon would know right away, his leaderly instincts alerting him to step in. you’d be at the grocery store, running errands when you were stopped by a man who seemed around your age, perhaps a bit older. jungwon was in the aisle next to you, and he could clearly hear your conversation. “hey, i think you’re really pretty, can i get your number?” the man said. you frowned. you were tired, and you just wanted to have a cute shopping date with your boyfriend. jungwon - knowing you so well - could see this by your expression alone, so even if he was confident you could stand up for yourself, he made his way back to the aisle you were in to deal with it for you.

“they’re taken.” is all he needed to say, offering the man a passive aggressive smile. despite being shorter than the guy, jungwon managed to intimidate him with ease. you always appreciated his little acts of service for you, he truly was perfect.

# NISHIMURA RIKI !

where do i even start with this cocky mf.. niki is always finding new ways to tease you and make you flustered, it’s just how he shows affection. he does all kinds of things to make you blush; purposely wearing tank tops to flex his slowly growing muscles (hybe close the gyms pt.2), being extra touchy out of nowhere to see you freeze up, and of course, making fun of your shortness by asking stupid things like how the weather is down there. one of his most favorite methods though, which has worked every time without fail, is when he gets right up in your face during a conversation.

he completely understands the effect he has on you, never the oblivious type, and uses it to his advantage any chance he can get. you would be on his bed, playfully bantering back and forth like usual. “an arm wrestle? that’s how you want to settle who’s stronger?”

niki scoffs, “yeah, how else? this is like the nicest way i can show you, idiot. i still don’t get how you think you’re stronger than me to begin with.”

you roll your eyes at his, “you have way too much confidence, i’m stronger than i look.”

“fine then, c’mere,” the boy demands teasingly, reaching his arm out. you quickly follow after him, grabbing his larger hand in yours.

“i hope this won’t bruise your manly ego too much, i’m going to win,” you declare. gripping his hand tighter, you look up at him, ready to begin a countdown until you see his face right up in yours. your mouth falls open slightly in surprise, gulping as your noses brush, lips centimeters away from his pink ones.

“oh yeah? you’re going to win?” niki says almost mockingly, and you feel a shiver go down your back as you feel his warm breath on your face. you’re still drowning in his closeness, trying to comprehend what was happening when he suddenly begins counting down with no announcement at all, “three.. two.. one.. go!” his arms flex as he immediately yanks your arm down, making you wince in slight pain.

“you’re such a fucking cheater!” he laughs proudly at your whining, falling back at your still dazed expression. “you were seducing me like some crazy siren!”

“yeah, and it worked. you should be happy babe, you were going to lose either way. at least i made the process a bit more enjoyable for you.”

the audacity...

the end! thank you for reading c:

3K notes · View notes

shadowqueenjude · 7 months

Text

Lorcan and Elide's relationship: A summary

Lorcan: jeez that bitch smells funny she must be a monster in disguise *decides to follow her for days* Elide: Dude I'm just trying to get to my queen I'm a normal human being leave me alone pls. *ilken show up* Lorcan: Oh dear what's the point of stalking her if she dies now? Let me kill those ilken for you. Run girl. Elide: *runs* Lorcan: Damn this bitch slow af. *ilken split up and catch Lorcan and Elide separately* Lorcan: *kills ilken* Elide: *tricks ilken* Lorcan: Jeez wtf she survived? Smartass. She must be a monster. Elide: I'm literally not. I'm escaping Morath Lorcan: Whatever, let's go. *scoops Elide up like a sack of potatoes and runs* *once they're safe* Lorcan: Yooooo you came from Morath? I'll protect you and in exchange you tell me everything about the place. Elide: Deal. Later on... Elide: So let's sneak into that tavern in disguise. Follow my lead. Lorcan: ...fine *overhear a carnival group discussing how to get across the plains* Elide: So you're my husband now. Lorcan: Are you crazy, woman? Do I look like a male who can be tied down? Elide: To me, yes. Lorcan: ...Yes ma'am. Elide: Hey circus babes! Do you have any availabilities? My husband here is an expert sword-thrower and I'm an oracle. Circus troupe: What a coincidence! A sword-thrower is exactly what we need! Lorcan: 👁️👄👁️ later on... Elide: Actually fuck you I don't want to tell you shit. Lorcan: ... *washes her clothes, draws her a bath, brings her dinner* Elide: My uncle locked me in the dungeon in Morath and abused me in Perranth long before. Lorcan: *cracks knuckles* Somebody has a death wish *repeatedly saves Elide from ilken* Lorcan: Not my wife you dicks! Later on... Elide: *picks up his axe and starts wielding it like a badass* Lorcan: 😍 Later on... Lorcan: *shields Elide from the might of Aelin, Dorian, and Rowan's magic* Elide: Damn, my queen and her court are terrifying. Lorcan is just my smol teddy bear. Lorcan: I aM nOt I aM lItTeRaLlY dEaTh HiMsElF- *proceeds to put a tiny shield over Elide to keep ash from clumping in her hair* Elide: Uh huh. *Gavriel and Fenrys try to kill Lorcan and Elide jumps in between* Lorcan: I'm going to kill BOTH of you assholes. Gavriel: Let me heal the girl at least. Lorcan: ...fine. Elide: NO- Lorcan: I wanted to go to Perranth with you. *random army approaches them* Lorcan: DUDE WTF WE JUST ESCAPED 500 ILKEN I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS SHIT *tries to help Elide escape* *turns out Aelin had called for that army but she was too stupid to tell anybody and it was too late because Lorcan had instinctively called for his queen* Elide: I choose you, Lorcan. *Aelin gets kidnapped by Lorcan's queen* Elide: ...nvm *proceeds to destroy Lorcan's will to live over the next few months* Lorcan: I'M SORRY ELIDE! I SWEAR! Elide: Actually die, monster. Lorcan: *about to die* Elide: ExCuse me, he's MY emotional support monster. *proceeds to save him in a legendary scene* Lorcan: I LOVE YOU ELIDE! Elide: *quietly* I love you too. Lorcan: WHAT WAS THAT? Elide: I SAID I LOVE YOU LORCAN SALVATERRE *fade to black sex* Later on... Lorcan: Ask me to marry you. Elide: Will you marry me? Lorcan: I'll think about it. Elide: *doubles over laughing* Lorcan: What? Elide: Is it truly worth it to become Lord Lorcan Lochan? Lorcan: I will marry you, Elide Lochan. And proudly call myself Lord Lorcan Lochan, even when the whole kingdom laughs to hear it. And when we are wed, I will bind my life to yours, so we will never know a day apart. Never be alone, ever again.

#lorcan salvaterre #elide lochan #lord lorcan lochan #elorcan #elorcan trash #lorcan stan #lady of perranth #lord of perranth

121 notes · View notes

taylortruther · 4 months

Note

I've been following the discourse on The Alcott, which I love, and I couldn't resist chiming in (long-time reader, first time sending an ask hehe). I agree a lot with everything that has been said, and even though The Alcott is canonically about Matt and his wife, I do think aspects of Taylor's dynamic with Joe towards the end inevitably bled into it.

In the song, The Alcott is a place sacred to the lovers bc it's where one of them runs off after a fight and the other one chases after them, and in the Alcott (could be a bar or cafe), they manage to reconcile. To me, "I get myself twisted in threads to meet you at The Alcott" is the charcater saying that he will do whatever is neccessary to meet his lover at this place of reconciliation in order to fix things after a fight, no matter how hard it might be, but in a way it's also the character saying that he will pick fights over silly things, as in having to do mental gymnastics ("get twisted in threads") to find something to fight over just to get the chance to meet her at the Alcott, bc even if the rs is going through a horrible rough patch where they're emotionally distanced from each other, causing a fight would force them to at least feel something towards the other and talk, and that is better than feeling nothing, even if the emotion is anger. He knows exactly where she will be bc that's where she retreats to when they fight ("I'd go to the corner in the back, where you'd always be"), and seeing her there reassures him that that's where she (and him) will continue to run to in the future: not away from each other, but to this place of reconciliation. She's "writing something about someone that used to be me [him]", which could be a way of saying that she's now writing about someone else that she might be falling in love with as she's falling out of love with him. However, to me it feels more like a reference to how in the last couple of years (see the Joe songs on Midnights) Taylor reverted to writing about the beginning of their rs, back when things were good and joyful, bc at the present things were very bad and she desperately wanted to get back to how good it once was; hence why she's writing about it. I agree that "the last thing you wanted" and "the first thing I do" is referring to saying "I love you"; the reason why it's the last thing she wants could be bc that's how he usually tries to fix his wrongs in an easy way and she's tired of him saying that but not actually making an effort with his actions, which I do think Joe was guilty of towards the end. Or, alternatively, it could be bc the charcater has fallen out of love with him and therefore doesn't want him to say "I love you" bc she can't truthfully say it back. "I tell you my problems, you tell me the truth" could also be in this context: he tries to apologize by telling her his issues, she tells him that the truth is she no longer loves him. In the context of Joever, however, imo it refers to Joe telling her all the problems he has with her excessive fame and the public attention on them that it implies etc, and Taylor being honest about how songwriting and performing are an essential part of who she is, and giving it up forever would be devastating to her. But that she would do it for him if it could save them.

The fact that he waits for her to look up makes me think that he's cautious bc she might still be angry and/or that he doesn't have the courage to initiate the apology, and instead waits for her to do it or tries figure out what to say that will earn her forgiveness. "How many times will I do this and you'll still believe?" shows that he knows he screwed up badly and has done so repeatedly, yet she still always forgives him bc that's how much she believes in their love and wants to fight for it. How long can the relationship withstand and survive his repeated offenses again and again though? (which goes back to "how long could we be a sad song till we were too far gone to bring back to life?").

"Tell me which side are you on" is very interesting in reference to the "you fire off missiles cos you hate yourself" in Renegade and the "I tried to be your bravest soldier, fighting in only your army, frontlines don't you ignore me" in YLM. She's saying "why are you fighting against me, when we're supposed to be fighting together? I'm not the enemy, I'm always on your side and fighting for you", yet he still (consciously or subconsciously) treated her like the enemy, blaming her for things that were completely out of her control and all the outside stuff that they thought was the cause of their rs problems, instead of being on her side and fighting for her too. He left her all alone on the frontlines and not only ignored her efforts but also contributed to the missiles fired her way. Will be very interesting if she further develops the Archer metaphor in TTPD, under the theme of "I had only arrows as defense from your angry missiles and your love bombs" or something akin.

"Have I become one of your problems?" seems like her conclusion to him telling her his problems: apparently, they all have to do with her/her career. Yet, she's clearly exhausted and drained by their fights, and desperately wants it to be easy for once, so she puts the blame on herself ("everything that's mine is a landmine"), knowing that her continued forgiveness and desire to love him could redeem and heal him but it could also very much enable him to keep hurting her ("did my love aid and abet you?").

Then, as the lovers sing "I'll ruin it all over for you" together, they're both accepting the blame for the fight equally, which is the ideal conflict resolution (but sadly, not at all how I think it went with Taylor and Joe towards the end).

The back and forth in the last chorus is particularly gut wrenching to me. In a way, it echos the desperate begging and pleading in the bridge of YLM, but in this case it's softer, more hopeful perhaps, and as you and anon said, it alludes to pain and pleasure (both emotional and sexual): she's telling him "go ahead, shit on my art and my job, rip it off me, set the terms and conditions you want ("read my sentence out loud"); anything to save our love" but there's also a darkness to this, where she would rather he use her for his own physical pleasure even when still mad at her bc that way he at least feels something for her, which is very 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 but it goes to back to how in the beginning of the song he says he will pick fights in order to at least make her feel something (anger/rage) towards him, instead of remaining in the coldness and disconnect in which they were before. Florence + The Machine's song "Dream Girl Evil" describes this type of dynamic very well imo (which is even more😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫), where sex is used as both a weapon during conflict and as a means of resolution. I do think this was the case with Taylor and Joe after their honeymoon phase (False God, Afterglow) and also towards the very end, hence the TTPD cover. During folkmore it seems like they had a couple of years where they learned to use their words to resolve arguments instead of resorting to sex, but unfortunately went back to that dynamic when the rs started to fall apart.

In this way, the metaphorical Alcott for Taylor and Joe was the bedroom ("you had turned my bed into a sacred oasis"): it became their sacred place of reconciliation. Their love, once a blessing, is now a curse, but a curse that she loves and cherishes bc it's theirs, it keeps them together, within this home (both physical and metaphorical) they have built together over the years; she sees no other option but loving him (as we know, Taylor thought she would die if she lost him). All of this is emulated in the beautiful yet vulnerable and almost sad way in which Taylor sings the last "back in love with you": in The Alcott, sacred place for the lovers, they reconcile and fall back in love with each other.

I didn't mean for this to turn into an essay but oh well 😅 those are my two (or twenty) cents. Would love to hear what you and the anons think! Also, I love reading your blog, your takes are brilliant :)

i don't have much to add, because i like just letting this interpretation just sit on its own! but i do love that your interpretation of the alcott being the bedroom fits in perfectly with the discussions we've been having the last 2-3 days.

other things i really liked here:

Will be very interesting if she further develops the Archer metaphor in TTPD, under the theme of "I had only arrows as defense from your angry missiles and your love bombs" or something akin.

me too!!! how will the combat theme she discusses so often evolve in ttpd?

also intrigued by this:

"Tell me which side are you on" is very interesting [...] She's saying "why are you fighting against me, when we're supposed to be fighting together? I'm not the enemy, I'm always on your side and fighting for you",

and:

Or, alternatively, it could be bc the charcater has fallen out of love with him and therefore doesn't want him to say "I love you" bc she can't truthfully say it back. "I tell you my problems, you tell me the truth" could also be in this context: he tries to apologize by telling her his issues, she tells him that the truth is she no longer loves him

this was my first take!

but what i've noticed is that everyone has a different opinion on which role taylor is occupying (the one going to the alcott and confessing, or the one receiving the confession.)

also, i feel the need to address this for the readers: no, we do not know which parts specifically that taylor wrote, and she did write this from the pov of matt berninger's wife. acknowledged!

#the alcott #ttpd #*combat #false god #afterglow #florence #*intimacy #*miscommunication

41 notes · View notes

sadhours · 1 year

Text

Wicked Sensation

part nineteen // billy hargrove x f!reader

find all chapters here

a/n: this is the end of the road :( next chapter is the last one. thank you all so much for reading!! I’ll be working to start up another series.

word count: 5.5k

warnings: 18+ minors dni, dirty sex like literally, p in v, neil but he’s not being the worst?!

tag list: @blue-eyed-lion @bbyhargrove @sweet-villain @actuallyspencerreid @trapistani @sierrahhh @likeanimagepassingby2

Billy has had what feels like the longest shift of his life. Twelve grueling hours of being under searingly hot engines. He’s learning a lot and earning even more but he sincerely fucking hates these long days. However, he’s offering to stay late more days than not. He’d saved up enough for a place but once you’d mentioned how you wanted a honeymoon, Billy took it upon himself to make that a reality. His bank account was looking nice meanwhile yours was draining almost as soon as you got paid. He wasn’t upset though, you were buying baby stuff and even though both he and Mary suggested you wait until after the baby shower to start buying stuff, he liked the excited look on your face as you showed him all the things you’d bought.

It’s late when he walks through the front door. You’re seated at the kitchen table, flipping through wedding magazines Mary brought home for you. The clock on the stove tells him it’s almost nine and the look on his face tells you the day he’s had. He’s covered in sweat and grease, his curls barely have any bounce to them as they stick to his neck and forehead and his eyes look exhausted. For some reason, the sight of him like this sets you aflame. You feel yourself getting very wet. And Billy can read you like an open book because he gives you a pointed look.

“I need to shower first,” he tells you seriously but his lips curl up as disappointment twists your features. “What? You want me to fuck you like this? All covered in fucking oil and god knows what else.”

You nod up at him, “You look so sexy.”

He shakes his head but steps closer to press his lips to yours. You deepen it instantly, sliding your tongue against his bottom lip until he opens his jaw slightly. Tongues clashing, you grab onto his dirty work shirt and moan softly. It lights something deep in Billy and he’s lifting you from the chair and setting you on the table. You don’t even care that your dad and Mary are awake. Maybe it’s the hormones but you want Billy so carnally in this moment you’re gonna let him fuck you on the kitchen table.

Your hands make quick work of his belt and zipping, pushing down his briefs and pants low enough for his cock to spring out. Billy groans into your mouth, his fingers pushing your nightgown up and pull your panties to the side. He presses his tip to your entrance and pushes in with ease, filling you to the brim in one swift thrust. You cry out but he silences it with his lips, hands digging into your hips while he drills into you. It’s so rushed and reckless, like if anyone walked in you two couldn’t physically stop. Your hands wrap around his neck, whimpering against his lips. With each thrust, he hits your g-spot so perfectly and repeatedly you’re already a goner.

He pulls his lips away to whisper in his ear, “Such a needy girl. You’ve been thinking about my cock filling you all day, haven’t you?”

“Y-yes,” you confess breathlessly, “want it all the time.”

Billy has to admit, with all the working he’s been doing he’s a little pent up so he’s not lasting very long. He grabs onto your hair and pulls it, tilting your head back so he can devour your throat with his tongue and teeth. You grip onto him tighter, gasping out without a care in the world about how loud you’re being. Billy rolls his hips into you even harder, his grip on your hair getting tighter as he chases his high. It grabs you first, though and you moan out his name as your hips rock up to meet his eager thrusts. Your orgasm ripples through you, your thighs shaking before your legs go limp. Billy grabs a hold of them, fingers digging into the back of your thighs as he holds them up. He gives another few hard thrusts before shooting his load into you. He stills completely, lowering his forehead to rest on your shoulder as he breaths hard. You giggle softly, wrapping your arms around his waist and turning your face slightly to kiss his dirty hair.

“Jesus Christ,” he mutters before pulling away and stuffing himself back into his pants. “You need a shower now.”

You bite your lip as he slides your under back into place and helps you off the table. He laces your fingers and drags you to the bathroom where you share a very boring shower.

“He proposed how?” Eddie asks, eyebrows furrowed as he looks at Billy from across the room.

The baby shower was bigger than you thought it would be. Your dad invited every single one of his employees and they all showed up. You invited Eddie and Billy invited Max. But there were so many people here you barely knew. Mary even invited the majority of her coworkers. It was nice. Your eyes turn to follow Eddie’s, seeing as Billy sips his beer while talking to his coworkers.

“Well, the ring fell out of his pants when we were getting ready for bed and I saw it so he just did it then,” you shrug, “I’m sure he was planning some big gesture but I like how he did it. It was sweet.”

Eddie frowns, “He’s so different now.”

You know he means it as a compliment but you know this Billy has been in there all along. You’re just glad you were able to help coax it out of him. Billy was different without having to be under the dictatorship that was Neil but he was more like himself. He was patient, kind and incredibly loving. The biggest surprise was just how funny Billy is. He would have you bent over laughing so hard you couldn’t breathe. When he didn’t have to be so serious all the time, he had a great sense of humor.

“He’s himself now,” you correct Eddie.

He reaches over and squeezes your hand, “I’m happy for you. I mean it. You deserve this, all of it.”

“Thank you,” you beam, meeting his eyes. “Oh!” your eyes widen as you slide off your engagement ring and you hand it to Eddie. “Look how he engraved it.”

“Snoopy?!” Eddie let’s out a bellowing laugh before handing the ring back to you. “And you were embarrassed of those pajamas.”

“It’s still embarrassing,” you gush, “We may be getting married but I still want Billy to think I’m cool.”

“He obviously does, otherwise he wouldn’t be looking at you like that,” Eddie grins.

Your eyes raise back up to see Billy looking at you with stars in his eyes as he bites his lower lip. Your cheeks redden as you smile back and you see him walking over.

“Having fun, Eddie?” he asks, hands in his pockets.

Eddie nods enthusiastically, “Oh yeah, this is quite the rager. In fact, I frequent baby showers. They’re the best kinds of parties.”

“Well then,” Billy smirks up at you, “We’ll have to make a couple more so you can come to the parties.”

The idea that Billy wants more than one baby makes your stomach flip. You can just imagine him rocking cargo shorts and dad shoes.

“Give me two years after this one at least,” you say defensively.

“You excited to be maid of honor?” Billy directs his attention back to Eddie as he sits at the table with you two.

“Dude of honor, thank you very much,” Eddie bites back cheerfully.

“You wearing a dress?” Billy teases, pulling the beer he was holding up to his lips as he smirks over the rim of it.

“Don’t think I won’t,” Eddie mimics Billy’s smirk.

Mary interrupts by rushing over to tell you it’s time to open the gifts. She ushers you and Billy over to the couch where the presents are slowly presented to you. Mary takes photos of every gift, insisting Billy smiles as he hold them up. You turn to watch his face scrunch up in exaggerated delight as he holds up a box of diapers.

“You’re not gonna be making that face when you have to change ‘em,” you hear one of his coworkers call out.

Billy rolls his eyes as he sets the diapers back down but then his smile is back as Max walks over with a gift bag. He pulls the card out and opens it.

Billy,

This gift was hard to give because it’s the one thing I kept from your infancy. It was a reminder of the love your mother and I once shared and what a wonderful baby you were. You’re growing up and I wanted you to know I’m proud of you. I know you’ll be a great dad.

Love,

your dad.

Billy’s eyes immediately well up with tears and he wonders if his dad cried while writing that. Neil had never been so candid, he’d never once told Billy he was proud of him. He wouldn’t even bring up Billy’s mom. This… this was something else. He wipes his tears quickly, sniffling harshly as he hands you the card. He pulls out a second card and wonders if his dads playing a sick joke and this one will say Just kidding. Fuck you. but it doesn’t. This one is to you and him and it’s from Max and Susan. He reaches into the bag as pulls out some baby clothes. After you read the card, you’re leaning into Billy and pressing a kiss to his shoulder as you rub circles against his back. You’re crying, a lot more freely than he is. At the bottom of the bag, Billy feels the hard plastic and hears the sound before he sees the gift and immediately he knows what it is. He pulls it out, mouth agape slightly as he peers down at the ocean themed rattle. He recognizes it, he’d been pretty damn attached to it when he was a kid. He can’t believe his dad had kept it and had it tucked away all these years. He’s too floored by the rush of emotion to care about all the eyes in the room on him. He won’t let himself break down and sob, but he stays silent as he holds the toy in his hand. He didn’t know Neil had it in him to be so kind.

You press a kiss to his cheek, “That’s so sweet, Billy.”

“I know,” he says after clearing his throat and resting the rattle back into the bag before slapping his thighs, “Alright, what’s next?”

You let it go, knowing you’ll talk to him more in depth tonight. Max reaches forward and squeezes his shoulder before retreating. She knows Billy well enough to not dwell on this moment in front of everyone.

When you walk into the bedroom, you see Billy sitting against the headrest of your bed. He’s holding the rattle in his hands, turning it over while he looks at it. You sit next to him, placing a hand on his thigh as you wait for him to speak first.

“You think he regrets being a giant asshole my whole life?” Billy breathes out, not tearing his eyes away from the rattle.

“Probably,” you guess, “I’m sure he misses you being around. He’s probably had lots of time to think about how he treated you.”

Billy drops his hands, looking up at you with misty eyes, “I want to hate him so bad.”

“And you have every right to. But it’s complicated. Did you hold resentment for your mom after she left?”

He nods.

“Yet, you still love her dearly and you’ve justified why she left. It could be that while your dad was shitty to you, you still appreciate that he was there,” you offer, hoping it could help him. You didn’t exactly know how Billy was feeling but you know how you felt about your own situation with your parents.

Billy sighs, a tear breaking from his eyes and cascades down his cheek. He reaches for your hand and squeezes it, “I don’t want to be like him. I want to be a good dad.”

“You will be,” you promise, moving into his lap and raking your hands through his hair. “You don’t have to be like him.”

Billy rests his head against your chest, pulling you into a hug. You circle your arms around his neck and squeeze him tightly while you kiss the top of his head. “It’s not the best apology but maybe it’s way of doing it.”

“Yeah…” Billy sighs, “I just don’t know what to do about it.”

“You don’t have to do anything,” you tell him.

“Are we ready for something like this?” you ask as you walk down the hall, peering into empty rooms.

“Your dad said he’d co-sign,” Billy shrugs as he steps into the hallway bathroom and flicks the light switch on and off.

A mortgage seems like a big step into adulthood that you’re not sure you’re ready to take. You’re always overthinking things, though. You’ve imagined all the possibilities. All the things that could happen. Like what if you and Billy break up. Or what if you guys can’t afford to pay it and it horribly damages your credits for the rest of your lives. Billy seems to notice you’re panicking internally because he wraps his arm around your waist and looks down at you.

“You’re pregnant with my baby and we’re getting married in a week. The next logical step is buying a house,” he says and then thinks for a second, “Er, trailer.”

“I don’t even have a car yet. I’m still a kid,” you argue back.

“Yeah, we’ll work on the car thing,” he chuckles, “We may be young but we’re doing very adult things. We’ll be fine. We’ve got each other.”

“It’s three bedrooms,” you point out.

Billy rolls his eyes, “We ain’t stopping at one baby. We’ll need the room.”

You giggle and with that, he’s convinced you.

“Fine!” you gush, “Let’s do it.”

Billy grins as he leans you back and plants a big, sloppy kiss on your lips. The prospect of being so domestic with him has you buzzing. You grab hold of his jaw while you kiss back. He pulls back to nudge his nose with yours, “I’ll put in an offer. We can move in after the honeymoon.”

“Honeymoon?” you look up at him in disbelief. You’d thought it’d been out of the budget.

“Oh yeah, did I forget to mention that?” he leads you into the kitchen and leans against the empty cabinets.

“You did,” you reply, “How can we afford to buy a house and a honeymoon?”

Billy lifts you up and rests your ass on the counter, twirling a bit of your hair between his fingers while he looks up at you. Your heart swells with how much you love this man. He’s given you everything you could ever want and more.

“Why do you think I’ve been working twelve hour days? I wanna give you everything I can,” he murmurs, blue eyes scanning your face and focusing in on your lips.

“I wanna give you everything too,” you whisper, wrapping your legs around his waist and grabbing a hold of his t-shirt.

“Yeah?” he smirks, resting his hand on your thigh, “You can give me something right now.”

“In here?” your eyes widen.

“Why not? It’ll be ours,” he counters, hooking his fingers into your waistband.

He has a good point so you nod, leaning back so he can pull your leggings down to your ankles. He presses a bruising kiss to your lips as he starts to unzip his jeans. Once he’s got his cock in his hand, he drags his tip through your folds. Billy exhales at the sensation, your slick coating his throbbing head. It’s all so intoxicating and right. He taps it against clit a few times, eyes on yours intently as you whimper. You worry the realtor will show up randomly even though she canceled and gave Billy the key.

He reads your mind, seeing the uncertainty on your face and tells you, “Stop thinking. We’re alone.”

“Okay,” you breath out but it quickly turns into a moan as Billy slips inside your dripping hole.

He fills you completely, exhaling against your face as he does so and you can smell the minty gum he was chewing. You grab a hold of his shoulder, sinking back until your head rests against the cupboard. You’ll never get used to how big he is or the way your aching pussy grips him. You get excited, thinking about all the furniture you guys can fuck on in your new place and how you’re starting that now before it’s officially yours.

Billy’s lips are against your ear suddenly and you feel his breath on it as he whines, “Fuck, you’re so tight. I fucking love your pussy. All mine.”

You cry out when he bites your earlobe and starts thrusting into your eager core. The slow drag of his member against your walls is electric, sending shivers up your spine. He grabs hold of your thighs and scoots you a bit closer, angling your hips up so he reaches the spongy spot deep inside you.

“Billy,” you moan out, “Ugh, right there!”

He laughs lowly, almost sinisterly and it’s the sexiest sound to grace your ears. You love to fluff his ego, you want him to be so sure that he fucks you like no one else could and that you completely belong to him. It’s hot how arrogant he can be about it.

“Fuck, that’s so fucking good,” you groan out, eyes rolling back as his rhythm reaches the pace that’ll bring you over the edge.

“Yeah? You like that?” he grits out, “This pussy was made just for me.”

“Uh-huh,” you nod frantically, “all yours, Billy.”

“All mine,” he repeats, moving his hand so he can lick his thumb and press it against your clit, moving it in quick circles.

“Ugh, yes… I’m so close,” you warn him, hands tangling into the curls at the back of his head.

Billy groans lowly against your ear before encouraging you, “That’s it. Cum for me, baby. Cum all over my cock.”

You whine, closing your eyes as he lures you to the edge. He licks against your neck and you lose it, writhing on the counter as you reach your climax. He keeps whispering praises into your ear as you ride it out, prolonging the waves even further than normal. You don’t even notice he’s meeting you there until you feel him emptying inside you.

“Billy,” you pant softly, a few tears rolling down your cheeks. He wipes them away and kisses your lips gently before pulling away and dressing the two of you.

“Well, we’ve christened the house,” he jokes.

You smack him arm, “We have to buy it now.”

He chuckles as he helps you down of the counter, “Or we can keep looking and see how many empty houses I can fuck you in.”

“Very romantic,” you roll your eyes, lacing your fingers together so you can lead him out to the car.

Your wedding dress is just a tad snug but you can still walk in it so you think that’s a win. Max, Mary, your dad and Eddie sit on the bench while you stand on the pedestal. You’d wanted Billy to come with but Mary insisted it was horrible luck for him to see you in the dress before the wedding. You felt like you and Billy were too in love for any of those superstitions to affect you. However, at the same time you didn’t want to risk it.

“It’s a little tight,” you mention to the associate, “in the belly, obviously.”

Eddie snorts but when you turn to him to glare at him, he smiles wide, “You look great in it.”

“Could we just take it out a tiny bit here?” you ask the associate as you rub your stomach.

“Of course, we can,” she smiles at you, “We’ll be cutting time a little short, it won’t be ready until the morning of, though.

“That’s fine,” you say as you turn and look behind your shoulder to see the back of it. “You can pick it up, right, Eddie?”

“I’ll pick my dress up then too,” he teases, earning laughs from the room.

You roll your eyes as you turn back around. When the associate brings out the veil and places it on your head, Mary lets out a sob and you turn to see your dad also has tears in his eyes.

“Happy crying, I hope,” the associate mutters to you, “you look stunning.”

You hope Billy will agree. You beam at her before you turn back to the mirror, the reflection you see is almost a stranger. You’d never imagined you’d be getting married ever, let alone right before your nineteenth birthday.

“I can’t believe I’m getting married,” you say to yourself, eyes scanning over all the delicate, lace details on the dress.

“To Billy fucking Hargrove,” you hear from Eddie, it’s soft and copies your disbelief. It was quick, very quick. Hell, you’d known him barely over a year and now you’re making the commitment to spend the rest of your life with him. It feels a little scary until you imagine him standing next to you, in a suit and bowtie. Then it feels more exciting than anything.

Billy peers down at the invitation in his hand as he stands at the doorstep. He could turn around. He could run back into your dads house and continue his life without Neil in it. But the card he’d given Billy made him not want to. He’d always been there, always stayed by his dads side and picked up the broken pieces of their life. He knew his dad was an asshole, knew he treated him so unfairly for his entire childhood but he never abandoned Billy. So Billy couldn’t abandon him.

He knocks on the door, hoping that maybe Susan or Max would answer and he could just hand over the wedding invitation and leave. But he’s met with a familiar mustache and brooding blue eyes, wonders if his own look like that.

“Son,” Neil says, his tone stern with a hint of relief.

Billy keeps their eye contact, like he’s been taught to, like real men do. Though he struggles, always has. Wants to anywhere but his dad.

“I uh, wanted to give you this,” he says and extends the invitation out.

“Come in,” Neil says, the tone has changed but Billy’s still wary. He thinks of making an excuse, saying he’s got to work or you have an appointment but he doesn’t. He follows his dad inside, to the fridge where he grabs two beers and casually passes one to his son. As they walk into the living room, Billy notices his weight set is gone and a chair takes its place, probably paid for the chair. Billy won’t mention that he personally paid for the bench press. He hasn’t had time for working out anyways, doesn’t have much anger pent up anymore. He fears for a moment that he’s getting pudgy but his dad distracts him from the self criticism.

“Sit down.”

Billy obeys, sits on the new chair and cracks the beer open. His shoulders ache and he notices how much he’s tensed up by stepping into this house so he rolls them to get some relief and tells himself he’s fine, safe. Extending the invitation to his father, he relaxes a bit. There’s a peace offering in it.

Neil takes the envelope and opens it, pulling out the card stock with your name and Billy’s at the top.

“So, you’re gonna do the right thing and marry the girl,” Neil nods, “Good.”

“Yeah,” is all he says, wants to tell his dad how much he loves you and that’s why he’s marrying you, not just because he knocked you up. “It’s this Saturday. I probably should’ve brought this over sooner but you know, we’ve been busy. I just signed the papers for our house.”

“You bought a house?” Neil sounds surprised but proud.

Billy nods, “Well, it’s a trailer but yeah. Three bedrooms, two baths, it’s nice.”

“Expecting more kids already?”

“We want to,” he clears his throat, “Not right away but yeah.”

Neil sighs, looking down at the invitation, “Well congratulations. I’m glad you’re starting a family.”

“Thanks.”

Billy’s itching to leave and hates that he can’t just get along with his dad like most sons. Furious at his dad for making it feel like he can’t say what he’s feeling. Part of him wants to tell him thank you for sticking around but he knows Neil will tell him he had no choice. And Billy knows that’s true.

“We’ll be there,” Neil says and sips his beer, tossing the invitation on the coffee table. The air in the room is thick. They both want to say how they feel but it’s been beaten in both of them not to. Billy makes a silent promise to himself he won’t do that to his kids because this is brutal to sit through.

“Cool,” Billy nods and they sit in silence as they finish their beers. Billy figures he can leave now.

Squeezing into the wedding dress was like shoving a balloon into a sock. How your belly had grown so much in just one week you weren’t sure. It was a horrible way to start the morning. You felt bloated and tired. They’d taken the dress out but it seemed like they hadn’t. You should’ve insisted another inch or two. Mary assures you that doesn’t look like it’s squeezing you. Eddie walks into the room, already in his suit and he looks like a million bucks, he’s holding a packet of mini donuts from a convenience store.

“Jesus,” you breath out when you see him, “I have never in my life seen you look so grown up.”

He shoves a donut into his mouth, cheeks filling as he smiles around the bite. Once upon a time you thought you’d end up marrying him and seeing him in a suit gives you a tiny glimpse into that parallel universe and it’s not so bad, but you’re glad it’s not the one you’re in.

“Did you invite Harrington?” he asks once he’s swallowed, “I saw his placement on the table.”

“Billy insisted,” you admit, “think it’s part of that weird feud they have going on.”

He snorts, “Did you make him invite Stephanie?”

“We never got her RSVP,” you giggle and Mary rolls her eyes.

“Doing all these grown up things yet you’re acting like you’re still in high school,” she sighs.

“It’s healthy,” Eddie shrugs.

“Very healthy!” you agree.

“So how did the bachelor party go?” Eddie asks as he sits.

You laugh, hard. Billy had come home drunk but complaining that Tommy and Drew didn’t get along and that neither of them knew how to throw a proper bachelor party.

“No strippers then?” Eddie teases and shoves another donut in his mouth.

“I think they just got drunk at Drew’s apartment.”

“Real rager.”

“Totally.”

Your dad walks into the room, getting a look at you all done up for the first time. He grins wide, “My little girl. All grown up.”

“It’s about time, huh?” Eddie shoves your shoulder playfully.

Your eyes always hurt after spending time with Eddie, constantly rolling them.

“Speaking of,” Mary rips the donuts from Eddie’s hands, “You need to be heading down the aisle.”

“Yay, I get to walk with Tommy,” he mumbles sarcastically. “Think I might get lucky,” he winks at you.

“Carol’s watching,” you call after him as he exits the room.

Mary stands at the door as watches, then she’s turning back to you and your dad.

“It’s time!” she squeals.

You link arms with your dad after he fixes your veil. The butterflies in your stomach rave, more present than they’ve been all day. It’s happening. You’re about walk down the aisle to Billy. You feel like you might puke so you take a deep breath. The piano sounds cue you and your dads feet, walking through the doors until the beginning of the aisle. Immediately, your eyes meet with Billy’s ocean blue ones. The threat of vomiting immediately ceases. He’s never looked more handsome than he does in this moment. His suit hugs him perfectly, the blue tie matching his eyes. His curls. They’re so perfect, pretty blonde coils styled more intently than ever. He takes your breath away. It’s as if you’re the only two people in the church. You can’t even feel all the eyes on you as every head in the pews turn to you. The walk feels like it takes forever, you want to run to him.

When you finally get there, you see the tears in his eyes and he shyly says, “Hi.”

“Hi,” you repeat and it’s met with a roar of laughter. For a moment you feel like you’re in a tv show and you’re reminded there’s about 100 eyeballs on you.

Billy takes your hands in his, grounding you. It’s easy for the rest of the ceremony as you look into his eyes. He somehow expresses silently to you that this is just between you and him. You could’ve done this simple and just as sweet at the courthouse but Mary loved planning this big event.

You recite your vows, Mary had helped you write them because you had no idea what you were supposed to say. The first wedding you attended was your own. Billy recites his and they’re simple but beautiful. They make you cry. He reaches up the year streaming down your cheek and the audience collectively ‘aws’ and you feel like you’re right back in that tv show.

When you kiss, you feel a whole lot lighter. Billy’s lips are soft and pliable. He’s your husband now. You’re kissing your husband. He cups your cheeks with his hands, smiling into it before slipping his tongue past your lips. Again, you’re reminded of the audience by the whooping.

Billy can dance. You watch with wide eyes as he two-steps with none other than Steve Harrington. They have drunk smiles and flushed cheeks. You feel warm inside, dandelions sprouting in your belly. You and Steve made a mistake but he was a really good friend, you’d wanted to show Billy that. Open Billy up to people who would care for him.

“That’s a sight for sore eyes,” Mary says to you, nudging your shoulder. She can see the smile stretching your face. Everyone in the room can see it.

When Billy locks hands with Robin and sways away with her, you take the opportunity to swoop in on Steve. He looks surprised, but happy. He holds onto your hand and awkwardly moves side to side with you. It seems Billy was doing all the work.

“Thanks for coming,” you say to him, watching as his chestnut hair flops with each step.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” he beams, “Seriously, congratulations.”

“It’s weird, though, right?”

“Oh, other dimension weird,” he agrees, “That’s life.” Steve shrugs on the last word.

“He’s nice,” you feel the need to say. “Better than nice.”

“He’s not half bad,” Steve says but his eyes look past your shoulder and you feel strong hands on your waist, pulling you back from Steve’s grip.

Blonde curls tickle your jaw as your husband rests his chin on your shoulder, his eyes locked on Steve’s.

“Mind if I steal her? She’s my wife, after all,” Billy shoots him a toothy grin and the declaration sends tingles through you.

Steve raises his hands, “Hey, she’s all yours.”

Billy turns you, looking right into your eyes with a dreamy bite of his lip. You hook your arms around his neck and press your hips to his. He moves his hands up your back and shamelessly says, “Can’t fucking wait to get this dress off of you.”

“I’d be happy to leave right now,” you chide, hooking a blonde curl with your finger.

Billy purses his lips, “We could just find a broom closet or something.”

“Hmm, romantic,” you roll your eyes but you’d definitely do it. “Where are we going?”

“Oh you mean the honeymoon? It’s a secret, tonight we crash at our new place,” he tells you nonchalantly.

“On the floor?”

“What do you think I’ve been doing this week? Got us a much bigger bed,” he grins, nudging his nose into yours.

You tilt your head, “Think they’ll all notice if we leave right now?”

Billy lets out a deep, throaty laugh. He squeezes your hips, “This whole shindig is kinda for us. Yeah, they’d notice.”

“I don’t really care if they do,” you admit and that’s all it takes to convince Billy. It’s late anyways. He’s pulling you out the doors before anyone can make a peep.

#billy hargrove fic #billy hargrove x y/n #billy hargrove x female reader #billy hargrove x you #billy hargrove smut #billy hargrove x reader #wicked sensation

173 notes · View notes

fangirleaconmigo · 1 year

Text

I just finished Time of Contempt for the third time and I am deep deep deep in my Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon feelings again. Now that know what’s coming and I understand her arc, I’m catching a lot more.

TW: mentions of sexual assault

Ciri’s descent, which we see a hint of at the end this book, her “corruption arc” is the story of what war, and what the associated abandonment and abuse of children, does to a society. It is a visceral story about how (as the saying goes) A child who is not embraced by the village, will burn it down to feel its warmth.

Probably the worst interview of Sapko that my eyes have had the displeasure to read was a guy who asked him basically (paraphrased) how could Ciri’s mind be so “weak” that she falls into murder and crime after everything she learned from Geralt.

And like BUDDY DID YOU NOT READ THE STORY? Wow ok.

Sapko is like…because that is real, look around you.

“Well, I suppose here my fantasy becomes very real and lifelike. What happened to Ciri happened to hundreds of teenagers, in that number some I knew.”

There is a narrative.

And when kids are all by themselves and repeatedly traumatized and threatened, they will turn where they need to for safety. Their minds and the way they process empathy and emotions will change as a result of related abuse.

And to me, that arc is very believable. And it is part of her rite of passage of ultimately choosing good and coming fully into her power, choosing the love and example of her found family (primarily Geralt and Yen but also Kaer Morhen and Dandelion). In this terrible interview (seriously someone let me interview the man I could do better) he says:

And – last not least – that’s me, the author, who has invented Ciri and her fate, who has invented the whole storyline, and the storyline required of Ciri to become a teenage killer. It was a stage in her rite de passage, the rite of passage.

It is an arc. And for me a very believable (if extremely painful one) First there is the “before”.

The story is very clear who Ciri is before she is alone without the protection of Yen and Geralt.

Her character is already established by Time of Contempt but the narrative still goes through the trouble of showing her deny the offer of destructive power.

As a little girl, (in Blood of Elves) Ciri risks herself to save Triss’s life when she and Geralt’s caravan is attacked. She doesn’t wait for someone else to help, she shields Triss with her body. (That made me feel some kinda way in retrospect let me tell ya)

In the same scene we see how tender hearted she is towards the elves plight and how she resolves not to be neutral.

Blood of Elves and Time of Contempt both show how she is just a little kid who wants parents (running away to see Geralt, writing him letters from Meliteles temple begging him to come see her, identifying fiercely as a witcher girl of Kaer Morhen, idolizing Yen)

But at the end of Time of Contempt, Ciri still makes two dramatic, narrative establishing decisions, that show what kind of person she is.

First is the refusal of power. The refusal of revenge.

In the desert, she taps into prohibited power (fire power) to save Little Horse. It begins to consume her, offering her dominion over the world. It is personified by Falka and it shows Ciri vengeance. It shows her her enemies. It shows her the people who killed her grandma and sacked Cintra. It shows her the black knight.

Ciri and vengeance is already a theme. We know she feels urges towards vengeance for the people who slaughtered her family. The only bad fight she’s had with Geralt was about that. (She says she wanted vengeance and he overreacts and has to follow her and comfort her and apologize. The narrative doesn’t let us hear what he says, it’s through Triss’s eyes, but it is heart wrenching)

And now she is being offered vengeance by showing her what it really looks like. People suffering and dying. And it’s asking hey little girl you want this? Because I can give it to you.

This power also shows her her loved ones.

At this point in the story, Ciri is alone, lost in a desert, and feels abandoned. And any kid that feels abandoned blames her parents. It makes her a very believable kid character. Im alone? Where are my parents?? They’ve abandoned me?? At least that’s what she says.

But when the power offers her the opportunity to take the hurt she is feeling and hurt them back she is horrified.

She shouts out loud that she relinquishes it. She relinquishes all the power and collapses.

She makes an incredibly important decision to refuse destructive vengeful power.

The second thing that happens to establish her character at this point in the saga is she is being pursued by people who want to kill her and/or turn her into Nilfgaard. She is running and trying to escape. She is armed and gets a clear shot at a pursuer but again, sees a human face, and can’t do it. She shows mercy because her empathy will not allow her to see a persons face and kill them.

She is very lucky to survive that encounter.

She is a good, decent, human being.

But the story doesn’t leave us there. It gives us an ominous hint of the oncoming storm.

To get out of a life threatening situation, she joins a gang called The Rats. The Rats are a group of heavily traumatized war orphans who have been abandoned, raped, and abused and have banded together to not be alone. They’ve become murderers and no longer feel empathy for those they harm, but rather they take pleasure at killing others. She sees the look in their faces and identifies it as evil.

They adopt her. They protect her. Suddenly she is ‘safe’. Suddenly she is with others like her (war orphans with heavy trauma). Suddenly she is no longer alone. She is being offered a new identity (her old identity will get her killed at this point) She is them.

They also sexually assault her. (Cycle of abuse. I had to fast forward those parts. I’m listening to the audio and I can’t do that again)

But by the end Ciri has a new family. It’s the only option to her for survival. She finally manages to kill someone and takes the name Falka.

And as the return reader, you already know just how horrific it’s gonna get before it gets better. The feelings of doom. Ooof.

There is so much coming and if you’ve already read it, the dread is real.

It takes worse torture and assault than you can possibly imagine for Ciri to become the “teenaged killer” the narrative demands.

Because above all Ciri is like Yen. She is a survivor. She is angry. She has impulses for vengeance when she is harmed. All of these things are normal and human and can be given healthy outlets in normal situations. But this is not a normal situation.

So yeah I love her so much and the feelings of doom I have going into the next book are hanging over me. Of course it makes the bloody vengeance at the end that much more satisfying. But yeah.

And just to be clear I don’t judge her at all for anything she does during this “corruption” arc. I just don’t. She is surviving and no one can make me hate her ever. I’m an irrational person when it comes to her. And the her growth, her arc is one of the most satisfying I’ve ever read.

Most of us may not be war orphans being pursued by half the world. But the parallels to being an unprotected teenaged girl in a world that wants to exploit you, chew you up, and spit you out, is something those of us who came from abusive homes can understand. It is ultimately very validating and inspiring.

So I’ll be skipping the worst parts on audio. Some of them I just can’t do again. But I’m still obsessed with this story and I love my girl.

Ok thanks for reading my Ciri feels.

#the witcher #the witcher books #cirilla fiona elen riannon #thinking about the witcher books yet again #thinking about Ciri yet again

170 notes · View notes

aishangotome · 14 days

Text

Alfons Sylvatica: [Mad Love] Chapter 22

Chapter 21 His POV

♡———♡

**flashback**

Alfons: …Then… shall we make a bet?

Kate: …A bet…?

Alfons: If I die, I win. Goodbye, have a good life.

Alfons: But if I survive… you win.

Alfons: As you wish, we’ll love each other properly—

Alfons: And I’ll tear your life to shreds.

**flashback over**

---The bet made on the brink of death.

Kate: ... I won the bet.

Smiling with tears in her eyes, Alfons gently placed his palm on my head - -

Alfons: Did I say something about a bet?

--CHOICES--

Pinch his hand

Step on his foot

Poke his wound

---------------

Kate: Have you forgotten!? That's terrible!

I try to stomp on his foot, but Alfons narrowly avoids it.

Alfons: Phew, that was close. I'm a sick man, you know. Take it easy on me.

Alfons chuckles at my sullen expression.

Alfons: It's not a lie, I remember it very well.

Alfons: I also remember your adorable face when you clung to me and cried out.

Kate: You can forget about that...

I hug him even tighter, and he pats my back repeatedly as if in surrender.

Alfons puts his hand on my chin - close enough to see each other's reflection in our eyes - and our gazes meet.

Alfons: But I don't know what it means to love properly.

Alfons: Can you teach me, Kate?

My heart skips a beat as I hear the slight heat in his voice.

Kate: ... Of course.

Kate: First of all... you shouldn't tease the people who care about you.

Alfons: Haha! You're serious.

Just as Alfons bursts into laughter - -

Elbert: Al...?

(Lord Elbert...! )

Lord Elbert, who had appeared in the dining hall, stood still in surprise.

Elbert: Alfons, you're safe! You're alive!

Kate: We won!

His smile, which suddenly blossomed like a flower, made me happy too, and my cheeks relaxed.

Alfons: ... When did you two become so close?

He tilted his head curiously as he watched us exchange smiles.

Kate: While you were dying.

Elbert: Mm.

Alfons: ... Oh.

Alfons: Well, you're both quite naïve, so I guess you'd hit it off, you two.

Elbert: I think there are more similarities than that...

Alfons: ... What is it?

Lord Elbert glanced at me and showed a mischievous smile that I had never seen before.

Elbert: ... A secret.

Alfons: Huh?

I think I understand what Lord Elbert is saying.

(Maybe it's because you love Alfons.)

Kate: ... Hehe.

Alfons: Is that a secret just for the two of you? Even in front of a man who has pledged his love to you, that's cruel, Kate.

Roger: - - By the way.

Before I knew it, I was pulled away from Alfons, and Roger was grabbing him by the scruff of the neck.

I don't know when he finished eating breakfast, but the few slices of toast that had been on his plate were completely gone.

Roger: Al, I don't remember telling you it was okay to get out of bed.

Alfons: Hmm, do I need your permission?

Even though he knows that he was saved thanks to Roger, Alfons deliberately tilts his head and looks clueless.

Roger: I'm your surgeon. Patients are not allowed out of bed until they have permission from the doctor.

Roger, on the other hand, is used to this kind of thing and responds calmly.

Alfons: I can't follow that because I haven't given "informed consent."

Roger: No, you will follow my instructions.

Roger: Because you're in a state where your heart could stop at any moment due to internal bleeding and arrhythmia.

Roger: You pulled out the IV on your own?

Kate: Eh!?

(You were hiding from me and following me around in such a critical condition!?)

Kate: Go to bed, right now!

Alfons: That's cruel! Kate, whose side are you on!?

Kate: Of course, Roger's!

I would rather side with Roger, who is saving his life, than Alfons, who is taking his own life lightly.

I said it firmly, and Alfons made an exaggeratedly shocked face, taking out a handkerchief from his pocket and wiping his eyes.

Alfons: Such... I thought I could count on you...

Kate: ... Even if it's an act, I don't want to hear that from you...

Alfons: ... Aren't you lonely, Kate?

Alfons: We just decided to love each other properly and now we're going to be separated right away.

Kate: Well... of course I'm lonely.

Kate: But Alfons' life is the most important thing, so I'll put up with it.

Alfons: ....!

Alfons blinks at me, his eyes wide.

(Oh, was that a joke? I took it seriously.)

(Am I going to be teased again?)

As I look at him awkwardly, a smile appears on his lips.

Alfons: Hehe... then I'll make up for it by spoiling you a lot when I'm healed.

(Wha...?)

His words are naughty, but his smile is gentle and - -

Roger: Sorry to interrupt your fun, but that's it.

Before I can say anything, Alfons is dragged away by Roger, still holding him by the scruff of the neck.

Alfons: See you again soon, Kate.

Roger: If you "escape" again, I'll tie you to the bed.

As I wave back, following Alfons, the words from earlier keep running through my head.

(Spoil me? What will he do?)

My head is filled with Alfons again.

It was a few days later that Alfons was finally allowed to leave the hospital bed.

But before I could be "spoiled," the Crown's mission was in motion.

The members of the Purification Club who had tried to contact Alfons were all interrogated for information and then condemned by the Crown.

---The Crown never forgives sin.

The Purification Club has gone into hiding after learning that the member who tried to contact Alfons never returned.

According to Victor, Congressman Gore has asked the Privy Council for instructions, but they seem to be ignoring him.

Wiliam: There's no point in keeping a pawn that cannot be used.

Alfons: I bet the pride of a political bigwig must be hurt.

Alfons pretends to sigh dramatically.

But the next moment, he takes a sympathetic breath and his lips curl into a playful smile.

Alfons: - - Oh, I have a great idea.

Alfons: What do you say we comfort the wounded and frightened Congressman Gore?

Kate: It's finally time, huh...

Alfons: Ah ha! As always, you're so stiff, Kate.

The "plan" that Alfons came up with was a simple one: trick Gore into coming to the palace by pretending to be the Privy Council, and then condemn him on the spot.

If it's an invitation from the Privy Council, which has been ignoring him recently, he should want to jump at the chance, and even the most cautious politician would have to respond to a summons from the Privy Council.

As Alfons predicted, Gore has agreed to the invitation and will be coming to the palace tonight.

(Other things are going well too.)

**flashback to earlier**

William: If there is a problem, it's this. There is a possibility of obstruction by the Privy Council or intervention by the police, but...

Harrison: We've leaked misinformation to the Privy Council beforehand.

Harrison: They believe that the Crown will confront the Purification Club tonight at a different location.

William: ...That's what he said.

(Why did the Privy Council easily believe the information Harrison leaked...?)

That bothered me, but William seemed to know the reason, so I didn't ask him in detail.

Alfons: Everyone has a secret or two, I'm sure.

Alfons: Even Harrison... right?

Kate: ...That's more convincing coming from you.

Alfons: Ah ha! You flatter me.

*flashback over

To make the "misinformation" Harrison leaked more credible, the Crown split into two groups, with Harrison, Liam, Roger, and Jude heading to the fake meeting place.

And then William, Elbert, Alfons, Ellis, and Victor.

They are going to confront Gore directly.

(The key to the plan to lure Gore in is Alfons' ability.)

Alfons will use his ability on Gore to make him believe that the people waiting at the palace are the "Privy Council".

(...In other words, Alfons is the only one who will confront Gore directly as himself.)

Kate: ...Don't get any funny ideas, okay?

Alfons: What do you mean, funny ideas?

Alfons: Are you going to do something naughty with me here to drown the anxiety?

Kate: That's not what I meant...

Alfons: You mean like provoking someone to kill me, or something like that?

He then looks at me with a dumbfounded expression.

Alfons: ... If that's the case, I'm actually more worried about you being here.

Kate: Why is that?

Alfons: I'm afraid your stubbornness might backfire again, and I'll end up getting shot protecting you.

( ... That was definitely my fault.)

The regret is etched into my heart so deeply that it will never fade.

(But I won't let it happen again.)

Kate: It's okay. I won't let you do that again.

Kate: I'll protect myself.

She lifts the hem of her skirt slightly.

Alfons: ––Oh?

When I showed him the leg holster I had concealed inside my skirt and the pistol nestled within, Alfons whistled in a teasing manner.

Alfons: Sexy. Would you like to spend a night together?

Kate: Don't joke around!

She quickly lowers her skirt, hiding the pistol.

Alfons: A gun? Do you even know how to handle that?

Kate: The postmaster said, "In this day and age, it wouldn't hurt for women to learn how to protect themselves," and held a training session...

Alfons: Haha! That post office... is it really just a post office?

I had forgotten because my time with Crown was so shocking, but thinking about it, this is the kind of story Alfons would find amusing.

Kate: The postmaster was fond of new things. Of course, I had no real combat experience, so...

Kate: While waiting for you to wake up, I had William teach me a little, as a change of pace.

Alfons: What a dangerous way to change your pace. You've been completely tainted by Crown, you poor little robin.

Kate: Heh, you're one to talk.

(When I talk to Alfons, my nervousness fades away...)

Thinking back, it's always been like this.

(No matter how cautious I was, Alfons would suddenly breathe into my ear, his presence undetectable...)

(Ever since we met, he's always been taking away my anxieties and tension.)

As our eyes met, I couldn't help but smile naturally, despite the fact that I was about to confront Councilor Gore.

Kate: What I'm trying to say is... I won't let you protect me anymore, so don't worry.

She touches the gun through her skirt.

(I don't want to forget you yet.)

This gun holds my wish.

Alfons: So I won't get to see you, the one I protected, pathetically crying and clinging to me anymore...

Alfons: ... That's a shame.

The shadow of a cloud slowly drifts overhead.

The night of judgment - light and shadow alternately illuminate Alfons' gleeful smile.

Mad Love Chapter 23

If you’d like to support my translations, feel free to buy me a coffee here! :)

#ikemen series #cybird #ikemen villains #alfons sylvatica translation #alfons sylvatica #cybird ikemen #cybird otome #ikevil translations #alfons sylvatica translations #alfons sylvatica mad love translations

17 notes · View notes