#I will live and die by my love of this show

[1969chevycamaro]

As an amateur historian, I try my best to remember this, but it's hard.

I see the world crumbling and yet I'm still a child. I was born after a certain event, and by my logic, I have never seen the "Good Times" If those are even real. I may never own land. I may die because some billionare wanted an extra $60. I want to change the world. But I am too young. I have too much to live for. I don't let myself live. I am aroace and Non-Binary. Will I ever get to show it? I'd love to live alone. Can I ever afford that? I want a good economy. Will the billionaires allow that? I enjoy privacy. Will the corporations allow that? I enjoy freedom. Freedom is fucking dying. Lady liberty is hacking and weezing on a death bed. The giant fell asleep ages ago.

I'm not gonna die quietly. I know what my founding fathers taught me. I know what Otto Wels said. I know why Lincoln fought. If death wants me, we're gonna fight. I will die clenching a rifle before I die under the heel of those profit driven lunatics who seek to remove our freedom! I won't surrender! I WON'T DIE!!!

If nothing else, as a historian every time I get scared at the state of the world I have to remind myself that "uninteresting times" is a myth.

The world has always been in the throes of chaos and violence and fear, just in different ways and to different degrees. The anxieties of the past are no less real than our own, and we can learn from them. Normality and peace are fleeting, but we can always strive to increase those moments. We have to keep hoping and working for a better future. It's all we have. We may not succeed, but if we don't try, what are we living for?

[ju-nebugg]

moments from trb that make me lose my mind (pt. 2)

- “once your balls drop, that beard’ll come in great. like a fucking rug. you eat soup, it’ll filter out the potatoes. terrier style. do you have hair on your legs? i’ve never noticed.” ronan lynch i love you so much

- ronan panicking and letting the mask slip when gansey was staring down that wasp

- ronan being jealous that gansey was leaving henrietta with adam and saying “do you not want me to come” and gansey responding with “i would take all of you anywhere with me”

- “the sky as blue as death above him” like WHAT

- “i didn’t realize that ‘midget’ was the adam parrish type” ronan your yearning is showing

- gansey’s smile being “complicated” when he notices adam and blue holding hands

- “…blue’s dress had gotten hitched up and gansey could see a long, slender triangle of her thigh. adam’s hand was braced a few inches away on the seat, knuckles pale with his hatred of flying. there was nothing particularly intimate about the way they sat, but something about the scene made gansey feel strange, like he’d heard an unpleasant statement and later forgotten everything about the words but the way they had made him feel.” (long quote i know but holy fucking shit)

- obligatory “i’m always straight.” “oh, man, that’s the biggest lie you’ve ever told.”

- gansey doing his little indie film main character scream to god in a field

- gansey pointing at people. so much pointing. what a dork. i love him so much

- also his vocabulary. what a NERD <333333

- ronan pissing all over the state of virginia

- gansey calling blue “the table everyone wants at starbucks”

- “i just fed chainsaw but she’ll need it again.” “this,” gansey replied, “is precisely why i didn’t want to have a baby with you.”

- adam’s immediate thought when holding blue’s hand is to worry about crushing her fingers :(

- ronan forgetting to be “cool or surly” when translating cabeswater’s latin, and apologizing over and over again good lord and gansey only responding with “it’s okay, you’re doing really well”

- the whole “coincidence because it wasn’t” trend

- gansey being SO NERVOUS to ask blue to hang out at the church, and then sounding “fourteen shades brighter” when she accepts

- gansey’s arms being super fucking ripped from rowing and blue Noticing

- “aquamarine is a wonderful color, and i won’t be made to feel bad for wearing it”

- “gansey’s voice, when he replied, was a little rough. ‘well, if you killed adam, i’d be quite upset.’”

- “on the inside, he sort of wished he looked more like the camaro. which was to say, more like adam.”

- gansey planning out his “cunning thing to say to blue when he saw her next”

- ronan walking in on adam and blue flirting and immediately shoving chainsaw in their faces. hm.

- “no matter how hard he tried, he kept becoming a gansey”

- “out of the blue?” “i’d prefer if you didn’t use that expression.”

- BUTTERNUT

- blue being reluctantly attracted to gansey’s glasses

- ronan trying so hard to give adam an excuse not to go home, and then going absolutely apeshit when adam gets hurt

- neeve’s voice sounding like a “computerized voicemail menu” (can you tell i’m in love with maggie’s descriptors)

- “gansey was just a guy with a lot of stuff and a hole inside him that chewed away more of his heart every year.” oh god

- ronan carrying all of adam’s possessions into monmouth on his back

- gansey saying things like “excelsior” and “yee haw” for no one but himself

- gansey being miserable and blue liking him better that way

- ‘“crushed and broken,” gansey said. “just the way women like ‘em.”’ correct!

- “cabeswater was just as literal as ronan was” HMMMMMMMMM CURIOUS

- ronan writing “remembered” on the red mustang and walking away without a word shut UPPPPPP

- ganseys first question after adam sacrifices himself being “was i so awful?”

- “they didn’t even have the authority to choose an alcoholic beverage. they couldn’t be deciding who deserved to live or die.”

(pt. 1)

as soon as i can stumble my way to a bookstore, dream thieves will be annotated to hell and back. expect more yelling very soon <3

[cuchufletapl]

I was rewatching the scene where Ekko is trying to stop Jinx from killing herself to get a better feel of her perspective during all that and:

She's looking at him as he talks about it not being too late to build something new, and then she looks down.

Focus on the cymbal monkeys lining the Z-Drive that AU Powder put in as decoration.

We go back to Ekko, who also looks down for a second before he says the bit about someone worth building it for, and when the camera focuses on Jinx again, she seems to still be looking down at the Z-Drive before her gaze flickers back up to his face.

How the fuck did this detail not stick in my mind before this rewatch. The monkeys have been her symbol since childhood — it's practically her signature as Jinx, since what set her on the path to become Jinx was a cymbal-monkey bomb and she spray-paints it everywhere, in every place where she causes mayhem. But given AU Powder's fondness for them too it's safe to assume that she used them often for her gadgets even before that. Gadgets that she'd surely show and make with Ekko because that's a hobby they shared as children.

Her eyes fixating on this detail, these little toys that are synonymous with her, at the same time as he's saying the words that convince her to give life another try. It's significant! It's her past and her present, her inventiveness, her trauma and her havoc-wreaking — and Ekko is carrying it with him. During his time in utopian Zaun, he fell in love with AU Powder again, yes, but he was also finally able to reconcile with the fact that Jinx existing doesn't mean that his Powder is dead, that Jinx didn't replace her, that she's a continuation of the girl he knew. The cymbal-monkeys inside his device that allows him to rewind time and try again and again: they stand for both Jinx and the two Powders, three versions of the same girl he's come to love.

So Ekko, in this scene, is not really asking her to change and fix her image like Vi did (which kind of takes me back to his conversation with AU Powder in front of the Vi mural, when she asks him, "You want me to change?" and he tells her no, that she's the kind of person whose ideas change the world and should allow herself to live to her full potential — because he's missing that part of her that's salient in Jinx, but that AU Powder is repressing). To her, his words sound like she doesn't need to die to break the cycle. No part of her needs to die. There are no chairs to choose to sit in anymore.

There's also a possibility that she realises that he's doing something weird with time. Every second of this conversation, every time she looks at him, he suddenly gets more disheveled and injured despite the grenade never going off (from her perspective) — she must notice that. She looks at that glowing gadget by his side with this added touch that is very much hers. And maybe she figures out that it was a version of her who put it there.

[grimaldiapologist]

Writing on a blog dedicated, at least in spirit, to our dissociative identity disorder, this is something that fascinates me. For context - living with the poster child disorder of "that's not even real" and "you're just faking it to get out of jail" and "you're just histrionic with bpd I know this because I took a psych class once in uni", that some fucking airheads still make their paycheck "criticising" in the psychology field (and teaching), the fear of being declared a faker, an attention seeker, a liar, a self-centered and stage-obsessed criminal-until-proven-otherwise came as a free package with the diagnosis. Just the suspicion of the diagnosis was enough for all of those labels. From whom? Everyone.

The first time I dared to open my mouth to my psychiatric nurse, she was putting me against the wall for lying and omitting, because in her view, I was doing too well with no explanation. In reality, at that point, I'd spent some months after becoming aware of the system getting to know them and reading up on how to get the basics of communication together, and working through the first chapters of Coping With Trauma-Related Dissociation, which helped us understand what we needed to do with one another in order to stabilise and feel safer in our everyday life. Things were actually going wonderfully, I wasn't lying, but I was omitting, yes. I was omitting, because even though at that point I knew nothing about DID beyond what I was learning from resources and my friend/now partner, who'd been in the community for a long time and gave us crucial peer support in terms of figuring our situation out, I knew extremely well the stigma associated with "split personality", and our first and primary instinct has always been to hide and cover the existence of the system.

But she was forcing it, so I told her. I was asking for help, yes, but with the context of doing so well - we were winning, and we wanted to keep winning.

She promptly told us we weren't allowed to leave, and started to set us up for involuntary inpatient stay. Exactly what we'd been afraid of the most: that "the psychiatric system" would imprison us and kill us, kill the parts of us who were vulnerable, with cocktails of medication in padded rooms and straitjackets and whatnot that we'd seen in the movies. (And, to a degree, during our actual inpatient stay years before.)

The resident psychiatrist did a quick evaluation of us and released us after, clearly annoyed at the nurse for overreacting and putting us in the extremely triggered and traumatised state that we were in, but it did permanent damage.

Very soon after, we discovered the online "discourse" on the validity of DID, and the "fake claiming" communities. This is all we inherited, first thing, with our diagnosis - which we did get after the above clusterfuck, within a year, with the aid of a specialising therapist and years of notes from our history, or so I assume. I can't remember, it's been years, and I have DID. The point is, even the DID community itself demands that you will never show a bright side to your disorder.

You either suffer all of the time, always, you hate yourself, you hate your other selves, you want to die, and you're forever a mess and you're in eternal war against yourself, or you're faking.

We are not this way and have never been. Prior to discovering the system, we were poorly. To spare the details, at 29 when we were diagnosed, we hadn't worked a day in our lives, dropped out of school at 12, and spent about a decade locked indoors with suicidal spirals being the expected main event of every three days or so. But our main strength has been our us, the family that we have, and the care that we've shown each other all along. Even if we can't love ourselves, we can love each other, and after learning communication - learning to listen, learning to talk - we've been doing phenomenally. Our condition has changed from treatment-resistant and debilitating to actually, we no longer need SSRI medication at all, after being on it for our whole lives. And luckily, this is enough proof for us, but not the world.

No, we're now in that funny place where our partially treated trauma/dissociative disorder looks like too much fun to the world. We're fine and we love each other. We indulge in dressup, we have our own silly little blogs and journals each with their own specific equipment like fancy ink pens and wares of stickers and decor, we have galleries of fake Instagram pictures of ourselves, we use PluralKit on Discord and talk to ourselves like we own the chat - among friends, anyway, or just between ourselves in our private one. All of this means we're fake, fake, fake, fake. God forbid a man has fun. God forbid a woman takes an afternoon to herself to give herself a makeover and go on a date. God forbid a guy just wants to feel comfortable and laugh and express himself, or have a chat with his closest friends.

We're not in enough pain all of the time to be "true" DID anymore. If we were "true" DID then we'd still be in the untreated, pre-diagnosed state. This is a stagnant disorder of identities that may never experience growth or true humanity. All I am allowed to be is a filthy, incapable hikikomori afraid of the world, because anything else is fucking weird to people.

I'm sorry, but. None of your fucking business. I've spent 33 years of my life split squarely on a tightrope over the chasms of "I don't want to die" and "I want to kill myself now". I'm 33 fucking years old and I've earned my goddamn license to feel good, actually. I'm allowed to be fucking weird because I'm developmentally disabled. I will never not be the way that I am, and I also have no intentions to ever be anything but the way that I am, I'm just aiming to be better at it.

This now means that I'm not actually allowed to talk about my disorder... basically anywhere but here and in therapy. No matter where I go, people treat me like a criminal. People who don't have DID tell me I'm faking for clout and larping (LARPing is great by the way and you should absolutely try it out instead of using it as a weird slur online) and they're the champions of true sufferers who are there to nobly remind me that REAL people with DID are actually so in pain all of the time and dying unrecognised while freaks like me... post on Tumblr for attention or whatever I don't fucking know I'm still disabled and in chronic pain and I can't do shit with myself regardless of our overall improvement - and people with DID tell me what I have isn't real DID and I'm "anti-recovery" or whatever because I don't subscribe to their specific dogma of recovery (which, for the record, every single microcosm of the recovery community has their own version of, and they all hate each other for it). The latest edition of how this fucked us over was our choice to write frankly about the positive sides of how the often negatively portrayed coping mechanisms of DID can be turned to work for recovery, and how things like substitute beliefs (believing things that are factually untrue such as 'I am an actual dragon trapped in a human suit' when you're not) can be used not to distance one from reality to escape but help one adapt into it (because I am a dragon in a human suit, a dentist cannot scare me), and had the whole conversation just without warning or any sort of notice deleted from the community. Mods never replied to my request on clarity on what the fuck they were doing and why, and I haven't been back in the community since, either.

And it's hilarious. The whole fucking thing is hilarious. You're faking it if you've recovered too much, because a true sufferer of a severe mental health condition would never recover, but if you don't recover enough, you're anti-recovery, and therefore also faking. There's a slim venue of acceptable suffering in an eternal still-shot in the middle, but you're not actually allowed to exist beyond it or past it in any capacity.

The only true DID case is a non-person who is incapable of growth and change, for a disorder that is all about identity, which by definition is all about growth and change.

I'm so tired of it. Sorry, freaks, I'm gonna freak the way that I freak from now on. I'm too well-adjusted these days to be your perfectly martyred poster patient.

ive found that partially treated mental illness can sometimes look to uninvolved onlookers like faked mental illness.

[angelic-writer]

Project Mimicry (Vol 1) - Chapter 1

"In the beginning, God created the heaven and the Earth." - Genesis 1:1

1983

"This is a test. This station is conducting a test of the Emergency Broadcasting System. This is only a test."

A long, screeching noise blared from the old TV. The Markson family had a different program on when they announced the test. It was some cowboy show their dad loved so much. For eleven year old Jade, it made her stomach churn. It was an odd sound, different from the sounds of horses and gunfire that came from the living room while they were doing family worship. It made her want to jump into her mother's arms and pray to Jehovah for the noise to stop.

Her mom, dad and brother were silent as the attention signal droned on. After a minute, it stopped.

"This is a test of the emergency broadcasting system. The broadcasters of your area in voluntary cooperation with federal, state and local authorities have developed this system to keep you informed in the event of an emergency. If this had been an actual emergency, the attention signal you have just heard would have been filed by official information, news or instructions. This station serves the northern Alabama area. This concludes this test of the emergency broadcast system."

Jade fiddled with the pages of her book, trying to think of the right words to say. Her brother, Caleb had resumed work on his drawing, seeming to not care about anything. Her mother let out a small sigh. "I swear, can they not scare the kids like that?"

"Mom..." Jade quietly said. "Why do they send out something like this? What if it hadn't been a test? Are... Are we gonna die?"

Opal got up from her chair and pulled her into her arms. "Oh sweetie, we're not gonna die. Everything's gonna be okay. This whole thing will blow over in no time."

"Well Jade," Opal's husband, Simon, chimed in. "They played the test on our TV because they want to inform us on what's happening. The world is at a very turbulent time at the moment so they are doing their best to keep us informed. If we were actually under attack, we would've been hiding in the basement." He let out a small chuckle.

"Well, what can we do to make it better?" Jade asked.

"Pray to Jehovah, of course. Our safety is his priority and if we pray to him, he'll protect us."

Jade smiled and snuggled into her mother. Jehovah is the only thing she knew. She may not be like the other "worldly" kids, but she didn't need all those material goods. She didn't need to see the latest movie or buy the newest toys. As long as she had her family and Jehovah, she can get through anything.

Caleb let out a soft coo.

"Oh, we didn't forget about you!" Simon lifted him out of his baby chair and gently rocked him. The whole family began to giggle.

This was their life. This was their routine. Jade was determined to be a good older sister to Caleb. And soon, he will be baptized.

-------

December 24th, 1983

"This is an important message from the Crestwood police department. This is not a test. I repeat, this is not a test. The Crestwood police department has issued a Shelter-in-place Warning for the county of Crestwood until further notice. Reports of unknown figures have been confirmed by law enforcement and the Department of Babylonian Crusaders. For your safety, until 5 PM to 6 AM, stay home, lock all doors and windows and, in the event of a break-in, have access to a loaded weapon at all times. Do not call 911 unless you need to report an emergency. The Crestwood police department and the Department of Babylonian Crusaders thanks you for your cooperation.

Stay tuned for a message from the representative of the Department of Babylonian Crusaders."

"Hello. My name is Dr. Lloyd Evans from the Department of Babylonian Crusaders. We have been receiving reports of unknown organisms that we've decided to call mimics. You may have already gotten the alert from the EBS about this phenomenon, but we're here to tell you about what those mimic types are and what you can do to protect yourself.

The first type are the defensive mimics. They are a sub group of mimics that take on the role of a protector when they find a human. Some pose as aggressive mimics to ward off other humans or they deceive humans they perceive as harmful with their harmless look and kill them. Think of it as a predator camouflaging itself in order for them to eat their prey.

There are three types of defensive mimics. There are Batesian, Mullerian and Emsleyan or Mertensian mimics.

Batesian mimics are harmless. They pose as a harmful mimic to ward off anyone they tries to hurt them or their human.

Mullerian mimics are two or more mimics that advertise themselves as harmful to ward off predators. These mimics often work in groups of two or three.

Emsleyan or Mertensian mimics take the form of a less harmful mimic to deceive the predator and kill them.

These ones can be considered safe, but you should still be wary of them. Aggressive mimics are the ones you need to watch out for. Now, aggressive mimics are the type of mimic that pose as humans to kill them. These types use mind games to toy with their victims. If they haven't committed suicide, the mimic will finish the job.

Predators are a mimic group where they take the form of a loved one, deceive them into thinking they are the real person and then use psychological manipulation. Those are the most dangerous types of mimics and we strongly advise to avoid them at all costs.

Parasites are [REDACTED DUE TO SIGNAL GLITCH]

Now, here's what you can do to keep yourself safe. Stay in your homes after 6 PM, lock all windows and doors and keep a loaded weapon with you at all times. In the event of a mimic attack, follow the S.A.F.E. principle.

S - Secure yourself in a room.

A - Access the situation. Learn how the mimic operates.

F - Fire your weapon. If the mimic attacks, do not hesitate. It can mean life or death.

E - If possible, escape. Do not let them win.

We hope this message keeps you safe. We're very sorry for the interruption and we hope you have a Merry Christmas!"

Though this message was broadcasted to most TVs, some of them reported the S part saying something different. According to reports, it said "Surrender yourself to the Lord."

--------

1987

The young man's back was pressed up against the wall. The shotgun he had in his hands had one shell left. The creature that was at his door kept calling out to him in a mockery of his wife's voice.

"Ralphie... Please let me in... I'm sorry for sca-a-a-aring you back there. You know how I am."

His grip tightened. That wasn't her. That wasn't his wife. She was dead. And now, he was going to die too. His eyes started to fill with tears.

Marla... I'm so sorry... I couldn't protect you... I couldn't save you from these things.

The image of his wife sprawled out on the kitchen floor flashed in his mind. Her neck that was gushing blood... He swallowed, trying to hold back his vomit. They had followed the rules. They had done everything the broadcast said. What did they do wrong? They had to have done something wrong for something like this to happen.

He gritted his teeth. Pondering over this won't help him now. Remember the S.A.F.E. principle, Ralph. Remember.

He secured himself in his bedroom, grabbing his shotgun so he could protect himself. He analyzed the situation. The creature, the mimic, was trying to use his wife's voice to lure him out, using his nickname. Ralphie was what she would call him when he came home from work. The way she said it made his heart soar. However, when it said his nickname, it felt like nails on a chalkboard.

The high school sweethearts had moved into the rural Alabama town after they had gotten married in New York. They thought getting away from the bustling city life would help them. They were in the talks of starting a family when the broadcast came on, talking about reports of mimics.

"Talk about bad timing. On Christmas too." Marla had said while bringing out the cookies and milk. "Let's hope Santa gets there okay."

"I hope so too. But hey, look on the bright side. This lockdown will end at 6 AM tomorrow. We've still got time to celebrate, right?"

"Yeah, I guess you're right. Besides, anything's fun with you." She gave him a light peck on the cheek.

A low sob escaped him. There was so much they wanted to do together. So many things they had planned. Their entire life... They were now gone.

Oh Marla... Why did they have to take you? What did we do?

God, please... Please help me.

He wiped his face. No, crying and pleading to some higher being isn't gonna solve anything. I have to survive. I have to live on for Marla! If I can get out of here, I could alert the police.

With a sense of courage taking over, he pointed his shotgun at the door. The mimic had begun to claw at the door, no doubt leaving scratch marks in the wood. "Ralphie... Please... Let me in. It's so cold. My neck hurts. Help..."

"Shut up... You're not her..."

The doorknob rattled.

"You're not her. You're not her! You're not her!!"

There was a sudden loud banging making him jump. "Ralph, open the goddamn door! You'd really leave me out here with these things?! How could you?!" The thing screeched.

"You're! Not! Her! Leave me alone!! You killed her, you monster!! You're not- You're not her!" He screamed, tears streaming down his face. "Just try and get me! I dare you! I'll fucking shoot you if you try anything!"

"Ralph..." His 'wife' had begun to cry. Normally, it would cause him to go over and hug her, but he will not be swayed. What it was doing, it was disgusting. It's desecrating his wife's memory, his image, his everything. The nerve of the creature...

The door flew open, allowing Ralph to see the monster. Though it was hard to see through the darkness, what he could see made him freeze.

Its form was tall and lanky, its arms and legs stretched out to an almost inhuman degree. What little hair it had on its head was beginning to fall off. Its skin was beginning to sag. Ralph could swear he was beginning to see bones. The mimic looked at him with empty eyes yet it pierced his soul with an intense glare. It opened its mouth to speak, but all that came out were rasps and gargles.

Ralph began to shake, his aim wavering as he stared at... He didn't even know what he was seeing. It was human, but at the same time, it was not. It looked like his wife, but it was like looking at a decomposing carcass. The smell... It smelled like rotten eggs left out on the hot sidewalk. Bile threatened to come up his throat, but he held it in.

One shot. He had to make it count. If it failed...

The creature began to laugh. It was the kind of laugh that made you cringe. It was an ear-piercing, gurgling laugh that was like if you tried to imitate a toy clown on its last legs.

Ralph pressed his finger on the trigger. Taking a deep breath, he screamed out.

"I will not let you kill me!!"

The gun went off.

--------

2017

The group of kids stared at the small house as their two older brothers talked to the movers. The smallest one of the bunch hugged her teddy bear. Though leaving their home state of Florida didn't seem like a huge deal at first, Catherine still had her doubts. Sure, they were free from all the hurricanes, but they still had friends there. They still had people they could talk to.

But now, she and her brothers moved to a new town. There was no one she knew there. And there was... an abundance of churches. Lots and lots of churches.

@chibisrpblog

[amiaclone]

Oh hello! I love the way you write, could you write something like the reader is pregnant by player 333 and he protects her no matter what in the games,ty ✨️

YES IVE BEEN WAITING FOR PLAYER 333

Soo since this is basically just Junhee I’m gonna add a bit more to the plot if you don’t mind!

You were in the first games like Gi hun you didn’t win although you escaped after you lost at one of the games (let’s say marbles) was living with Gi hun for a good while then moved out etc met Lee Myung gi (player 333) got you pregnant did the scam etc anyways you wanted to help Gi hun but not get involved but Front man kidnapped you anyways for fun and well….here you are

Since I like Junhee I don’t wanna erase her so she’s like a spy or sm 😔 a whole different plot but interesting still

Anyways here it is!

Lee Myung Gi x Fem! Reader

You sighed in annoyance as your ex came to bother you about if you were okay or needed anything the usual

You didn’t even wanna be here but be with him? No way!

You won’t lie you *did* need help in a place like this but with him? No way!

“Do you need my extra milk? A place like this isn’t fit for someone like you! Bla bla bla” that’s all he ever said

Myung gi and you used to be one of those lovey dovey couples who you’d think would get married or something…..it could of happened if he didn’t end up with you losing your money and ghosting you

For the money? Meh you didn’t care as Gi hun managed to pay off your debts but ghosting? That was cold you called almost everyday and received little knowledge……yeah he deserves what’s coming to him

Currently it was after red light green light and he was bothering you about a new thing!

“You played these games before and never told me?”

You rolled your eyes “Yeah cause telling someone I was kidnapped and forced to play children games and could die is so believable”

He shook his head “Yeah well things like this aren’t just things you can forget about! How did you leave why did you go back-“

You turned to him rather harshly “Not that it concerns you but I don’t wanna be here just as much as anyone else” you sighed staring at your stomach for a bit your child could die here…..you could die here was it really worth it?

He noticed and stood firm “Well I’ll protect you” you gave him a small glare

“How am I supposed to know I can trust you?”

He shook his head “Don’t be stubborn y/n in your condition if the majority votes to stay….your chances are very slim”

You sighed looking up at the roof “Fine. But don’t think this means I have forgotten anything”

He sighed smiling that you’d agree maybe this is a chance to finally make things up with you?

Cue to the six legged pentathlon

You teamed with Gi hun followed by your ex who’s been following you around the whole time like a lost puppy except the puppy is preventing anything from even looking at or touching said person aka you

So far you agreed to do Jegi as it seemed the easiest

“Don’t you think it’d be dangerous-“

“I’m doing it”

Luckily we barely lived even though In ho/Player 001 nearly screwed it over for us and you all headed out

Once again Myung Gi stood by your side you even cheered with him for passing it he smiled

Oh wait your still supposed to be mad at him you quickly erased that smile with a frown

“Well thanks for protecting me i suppose you’ve been nice…”

“Nice enough for me to finally show you I’m sorry?”

“No”

He mentally groaned he knew he messed up but he really did miss you ghosting you was a big regret but he didn’t want you getting involved because people were trying to kill him!

Well atleast you’re nice enough to try tolerating that’s a start…

Cue to mingle

You haven’t seen Myung for almost the whole game and to be honest you were getting kinda worried you were with Gi hun and the team you formed back in six legged pentathlon

The new number was seven you grabbed onto Junhee a kind girl who told you in secret she was a spy for the government (Cool plot might use it for an oc) who you’ve bonded with the whole time you were here

You ran but someone fell you think it was Young Mi? Anyways just as the door was about to close *He* walked in

Ah typical Myung gi smiled staring at everyone specifically you as he expected to be seen as a hero

Why were you kinda relieved to see him?

Which you agreed he did technically save your lifes you empathised heavily with Hyun Ju banging on the door crying for Young Mi it gave you flashbacks of the first games you didn’t lose anyone typically close you can recall but still a sad time..

Anyways Hyun Ju blamed Myung gi while Myung gi defended himself and begged any of us to agree with him which you did

“I’m sorry about Young mi Hyun Ju but he’s got a point we all would have died”

Myung gi seemed relieved and when you were all walking out walked up to you “Thank you for defending me does this mean we can talk? Oh! Watch your step”

He points at the wall when you were a good distance from it you rolled your eyes

“This doesn’t change anything I just agreed with you cause you were right”

Before he could say anything the last round started

It said 2 and he immediately grabbed you before you could even comprehend who it was luckily he found a random door barely and slammed it shut breathing heavily

“Thanks” is all you could mutter heavily breathing

He smiled

“As long as I’m here I’ll protect you”

And why did you feel comforted by that….

I loved this one smmmm we need more Myung gi fanfics! Hope you likeddd it

[anangelforsure]

Dave Miller and Frontal Lobe Injury: an analysis?

There is so much to say regarding Dave’s mental state, many angles to approach from. As a psych major (with very little actual knowledge about the brain, mind you, but so tumblr users ever let lack of knowledge stop them) I want to talk about frontal lobe damage. One of my professors brought up the symptoms of said damage causing aggression and emotional issues, and I latched onto to that for later, to write this very essay. I used mostly Wikipedia as my sources for this, but this is tumblr, so that is allowed. Anyways, let us begin with a quote from Henry to set the stage:

“Once a month, I anesthetize William, and remove one of his vital organs, or typically, a portion of his brain. Usually, tissue from the frontal lobe due to it being a generously accessible mass of neurological material.”

The most notable function of the frontal lobe is what is known as “executive functioning”. This label encompasses processes such as planning for the future, setting goals, time management, problem solving, impulse and emotional control, flexibility (adapting to change), and stress tolerance. This portion of the brain is associated with personality and speech production. There is said to be a possible link between the frontal lobe and someone’s will to live, apparently.

“Surprisingly, William doesn't seem to be suffering from dementiated memory loss, but rather, a shift in personality. His conscience is unburdening itself, and he has begun to ask substantially fewer questions about the ethics of our work.”

Memory loss is often thought to be a symptom of frontal lobe damage, however what is seen is actually a deficit in ‘working memory’. Working memory involves the ability to focus attention on a task, as well as the action of retrieving information from stored memory.

What is a symptom of frontal lobe damage is disinhibition, also known as impulsivity. Impulsivity is defined as ‘making choices, or taking action without thinking about the results’. This is concurrent with what Henry observes, Dave is losing his inhibitions, giving less thought to the implications of murder. Manipulating a vulnerable child is no great feat, but it probably became even easier to suggest things to Dave in his disinhibited state.

Another behaviour that increases with frontal lobe injury is risk-taking-‘To jump at the opportunity of a reward, even if the likelihood of receiving the reward is small’; things like gambling addiction demonstrate increased risk taking. This too fits with Dave’s behaviour, he would do just about anything, kill and die over and over for Henry, for just a glimpse of the twisted attention he sees as love…

Already likely traumatized and desperate for connection as an orphan fending for himself, it figures that Dave should be predisposed to attachment issues. He had no parental example to build his ideas of healthy attachment from. Familial bonds are a vital part of child development. If I may, I want to pull from theories like Erik Erikson’s- which posits that there are a number of stages humans must go through to become stable adults. The most basic stage asks the question of ‘trust vs mistrust’, where, ideally, an infant is treated with care and so learns to trust in others. Dave however, never had that care. He was never allowed the luxury of trusting someone else. Living in a constant state of self-defense does not tend to contribute to healthy development. Many victims of childhood trauma find themselves stuck, so to speak, in a childish state of mind, or regressing to childlike behaviours when distressed. This can be due to these individuals lacking healthy coping mechanisms , which should be formed during healthy, secure development.

Humans are observant creatures, and Dave learned his ideas of ‘love’ from the one person who showed him any sort of attention in his childhood. Take, for example, this interaction between Jack and Dave.

“I thought you loved me, Old Sport”

“You’re a fucking eggplant”

“I thought I was your fucking eggplant”

We can look at this through our past observation of Dave building his ideas of affection off of Henry’s treatment of him. Dave’s non-reaction to being insulted suggests that Old Sport may speak to him like this regularly. Pairing this with Dave’s belief that Old Sport loves him..It is possible that Dave is repeating patterns from his childhood, attaching himself to people who show him the same kind of “love” that Henry did.

Another thing we know about Dave is that he is a pretty vulgar person. Whether or not this was true of him before his surgeries, is unknown, but here is a quote about the most famous survivor of frontal lobe damage, Phineas Gage:

“after the man recovered, and while recovering, he was gross, profane, coarse, and vulgar, to such a degree that his society was intolerable to decent people.” Allegedly, he was not like this before his accident. (Full transparency, Gage’s case is shrouded in misinformation, and is often dramatized, but still, interesting if true). Frontal lobe damage has been said to impact the personality of the victim, so perhaps Dave could have been made a bit more intense by his surgeries.

“William cannot follow simple instructions, cannot control his emotions, and is even too afraid to leave his vessel for even a second, even when incentivized with controlled shocks.”

Emotional dysfunction is another symptom of frontal lobe damage. In my image of it, it’s somewhat like the frontal lobe fighting with the primal instincts. When the frontal lobe gets damaged, the more animalistic traits have more pull. Aggression is also observed in those with frontal lobe injury because of this.

Some examples of Dave’s emotional issues include: his obsession with Old Sport. He has extreme reactions to Jack’s decision to join him or not (“I sure am wild about old sport” vs. “he’s going to pay for this”). He even goes as far as showing up with intention to shoot up the restaurant in one route if Old Sport turns him down, saying “this is the last time you break my heart”.

[Keep in mind though that Henry has his own slew of problems. He is far from an unbiased account, and may be misrepresenting Dave’s behavior. ‘Refusing to leave the vessel’ as he put it, is not an indicator of impaired brain function, in fact quite the opposite. Why the hell would anyone in their right mind want to do that]

If you made it this far, thanks for reading! In summary, I think Dave would definitely be a contender for a frontal lobe injury diagnosis, if we didn’t already know Henry stole it from him. It may even explain some of his erratic behaviours!

(If you see a typo,, please let me know. It’s like. 1am as I type this out to post hehe)

[transtrashpanda]

Ok, I don't really like jegulus all that much *gasp* i know, BUT there is one idea of them that lives rent free in my head and is my ride or die for jegulus.

Basically James is in 7th year and Regulus is in 6th.

James loves running early in the mornings as the sun is rising (he's allowed to cause he's a quidditch captain and he's doing it for quidditch so McGonagall is a little more lenient), but he always does it alone because Frank graduated and Sirius refuses to wake up that early. Anyways he runs into Regulus also out running at the start of the year and they run in silence. They do that again, and again for a week or so.

It becomes evident that neither of them are going to stop running early in the morning for an array of reasons including but not limited to:

James already being deep into the habit of waking up at that time and running it's unnatural not to.

Regulus is stubborn as fuck.

Purposefully changing their routine to avoid the other is rude and impolite (they're both really into politeness and manners cause you know their mothers would have their heads for anything less) and would needlessly complicate future encounters which are more and more common that year (both are quidditch captains, James is head boy, and Regulus is a prefect so they have to begrudgingly interact)

They were both raised to be good sports and to show some respect to the other teams, especially the other teams captain (James was taught that because that's the right thing to do and being a good sport is important. Regulus was taught that being disrespectful/a bad sport was far below him and his family and that he must uphold the family image and therefore the family name by being proper and that means being the paragon of good sportsmanship and respect for those he is competing against)

House unity and shit (both are reluctant yet do it cause of their positions)

Anyways, James eventually starts a conversation and continues talking despite Regulus not responding or giving any sign of listening because damn he missed talking on these runs. They become reluctant friends because neither of them are going anywhere so they better make the best of it and they start working out in the quidditch pitch together.

Eventually Regulus starts giving small responses, little hums and nods but not full words. Then as the end of the term nears, they start actually talking.

Then they're both at the quidditch pitch early for the finial game before winter break, preparing cause they're the captains and they kiss and it's wonderful.

Just them being reluctant friends and quidditch not-quite-rivials-but-close to lovers>>>

(also at some point James would give Regulus his hoodie because it's cold and he's nice like that and Regulus has a whole gay panic over it when he gets back to his dorm, all while still wearing James' hoodie)

[thesun4ndthestar]

•Selfishness•

When Regulus had turned 17, he had gotten the mark. He fought with James for weeks because of it, they never broke up though.

Regulus was 17, about to be 18 when he found himself in that dark cave.

James was 19 when he learned about his lover’s death through a letter.

Hi James, i’m sorry but by the time you’ll read this, i will probably be dead.

I was a coward, during all my life, and you can’t deny it. I was a coward for leaving you, I was a coward for leaving Sirius, I was a coward for letting them take me and give me the dark mark. I am really sorry James, but I knew I could never live with the feeling of loosing you, so I will be the one to die; and I know that makes me selfish as fuck. I’ve always been selfish and I never knew how to not be.

You taught me a lot of things Potter, but everyone, after a long time not practicing, forgets them. And so did I, I forgot how to do what you teached me. I forgot how to love others, I forgot how to love myself, but most importantly I forgot how to breathe. I always felt like suffocating before you came into my life, I never knew how to properly breathe before you taught me, James. But now I am slowly forgetting, and that’s why I’ll die in the deepest waters of the cave. Ironic, isn’t it?

My tears are now ruining this paper, but i hope you’ll be able to understand it, as you always did with me.

By this point you may think that I am killing myself only for the fear of facing your death, but that’s not quite right. I wrote a letter, to the Dark Lord, where I tell him how I ruined his plan, but my love I can’t tell you what I did, I really want to but, it will only make this war worse.

I am sorry my love, I couldn’t give you what you deserved, but please don’t cry. It’s not like i never told you that, with me, you would have never been able to achieve happiness, but you decided to go against my will (and i will never thank you enough for doing it) and you fell for me anyway.

I want to ask you one thing, and I beg you to do it. Please never show this letter to ANYONE, at least until the war is still going. It’s a matter of life or death, and I would prefer for you to live and don’t have a fate like mine.

Goodbye James, I hope to see you in the afterworld, not too soon though, for this time I won’t be selfish and I will wish for you the greatest and longest life. Please don’t die too soon…

Yours and only yours

R.A.B.

Years had passed after Regulus’ death; James was now 20.

He was happy now: he had a wife, all of his best friends and a child.

Although, he still felt like something, or rather someone, was missing.

After the Slytherin’s death James never really loved anyone anymore. Sure, he was married to Lily now, but what people couldn’t know, was that James still wished for Regulus to come back.

That’s why, some months after the Gryffindor’s 21st birthday, on the fateful night of October 31st, James died with a smile and tears streaming down his face. He didn’t keep his promise of having a long life, but he wanted to be selfish too for once and reunite with whom he truly belonged with.

[cheloverse]

Thanks pretty 🌸 @lulu-christiangirlygirl

Age: too old to die young

Height: 1,53m / 5'0 ft

Grade: ??

Confidence: very low, insecure princess, but changing that this year!

Happiness: my goal. at the moment 6/10

Gender: Girly Woman ♀️

Sexuality: straight (unluckyly)

Romantic: A lot ❤️ (heteroromantic)

Favorite food: fries 🍟 with🥤 soda

Favorite show: these days SQUID GAME

Favorite movie: The Silence of the Lambs

Favorite song: too hard to decide, my songs 🥹

Favorite artist: 2024 was about BTS, but i love many artists

Favorite colour: green 💚 and purple 💜

Relationship status: single and free

Follower: i don't know, 10? 14? something like that

Favorite season: i live in a tropical place. But used to be SPRING 🌻🌱🌸

tags: @strawbs4days @krystals-krystals @sparklejumpropequeen1985 @tiredandlonelymuse

End of year stats!

Age: won’t say but minor

Height: 5’5

Grade: won’t say

Confidence: 7/10

Happiness: 5/10

Gender: gender fluid

Sexuality: asexual

Romantic: aroflux

Fav food: probably ramen?

Fav show: b99

Fav movie: not any

Fav song: too many to pick!!!

Fav artist: wallows or dayglow

Relationship status: single

Fav colour: green

Fav season: winter

Followers: 358 (as of Dec 29 at 2 am)

[befuddledcinnamonroll]

Spare Me Your Mercy - final thoughts

I was out of town last week, so didn't have a chance to watch the SMYM finale until today. But wow, what an experience this show was. I have a few minor criticisms, but overall, I found this to be such a nuanced and heartfelt watch.

You can tell how deeply those making this series cared about the topic of euthanasia, and creating a venue for discussion. The emphasis on people's autonomy and right to dignity, the callout of class disparity and how it impacts the end of one's life, the inequity in health care and how people with few resources are disproportionately burdened with caring for dying family while still trying to survive day to day. How the trauma and pain of it all grows exponentially, continually leading to further tragedy.

I know there are criticisms of the Kan and Thiu relationship, but honestly, it worked for me. To me, it felt like what was needed for the story. Thiu is clearly a deeply internal character. He may not necessarily hide but he is not remotely forthcoming about his inner world, whether it be his sexuality or his affections or his worries about Kan. Kan is much more open and extroverted, but at the same time, he was willing to lie to Thiu for their entire lives due to his convictions. These are not men who are going to be doing grand romantic gestures for each other; it's a quiet, and honestly, quite realistic form of love. At the same time, it was supposed to feel slightly off, because there was a giant wall between the two of them. There were too many secrets, and too much pain, and none of it was being dealt with in the open. They couldn't be genuinely honest and intimate with each other. Until the very end, when Kan shows he is willing to give up everything in an act of love for Thiu, and Thiu is finally able to say what he feels. It may feel dark, but the wall is down, and I think they will weather what comes next.

What I particularly appreciate about this series is the emphasis on how harmful it is when you cannot talk about a difficult subject. It is likely that many of us fall into slightly different places on the spectrum of what is moral and ethical when it comes to euthanasia, but the vital thing is being able to communicate about it. Thiu's mother wasn't able to tell her son that she was ready to die, so he became mired in his regrets and his grief, rather than understanding it was her choice. Rin wasn't able to talk to her father, to know that he was self-determining his end (and thinking of her), so she was left to wonder and feel rejected. Somsak wasn't willing to listen to his lover's wishes, due to his entrenched beliefs, so missed being there for his final moments. Boss couldn't come to Kan directly, and ended up on a misguided and fatal path. And none of them had an avenue to process their pain. It all needed to be talked about, to be brought into the light of day without fear or shame. We all need to be able to talk about it.

It's really interesting to watch this show as someone who grew up in America when the furor around Kevorkian happened (for the non-Americans, a doctor who went to prison for euthanizing a terminally ill man), and experienced what it's like when euthanasia breaks in as a topic of news cycles and everyday conversation. I am also someone who lives in a state where assisted dying is legal. My parents are elderly, and we have talked about their end of life wishes. Living in a state where they could make their own decisions was paramount to them. It's incredibly challenging, and it hurts to even think about, but it is so very necessary to communicate with those we love.

My heart goes out to everyone who has had to personally grapple with this topic, and had to deal with a lack of legal options for a peaceful end of life. May we come ever closer to a world where we all get full autonomy, and can be open with those we love about what we need, both now, and at the end.

[sombredancer]

The best cdrama of 2024

is The Spirealm. I love it, love it, LOVE IT! Beware of being heavily spoiled ahead! What I was fond of: 🔑It's a nice story about finding love a true friend and a reason to live even if you are very lonely and abandoned by everyone, and it's full of tenderness and jokes. (Sometimes these jokes were so BL that I thought this drama should have been shot in Taiwan).

LQS: *whispers* I'm a dedicated materialist, I'm a dedicated materialist... RLZ: Yeah, yeah, I got it... RLZ: 👀... RLZ: If you are a materialist, why don't you say it to her? LQS: ... LQS: I'm not a that dedicated materialist! RLZ: ... RLZ: RUN! The main heroes are going the whole way from this:

RLZ: If you are not capable of passing even your first trial, you are worthless. to this:

Calmly accompanying each other on their way to the doom. 🔑 I love its lore and the detective part. As far as I watch cdramas, I try to avoid Chinese detectives because they are very fairytail-ish and don't allow you to participate mentally in the investigation. But it's not that case! (Who knew we would find real detective cases in a horror drama!). You can participate in investigation and even find out the truth before the main heroes will, and it's... pleasant. Btw, the mystical detective cases are so different in their levels of horror and mystics that you def will find something to please you even if you are a horror movies hater like me.

🔑 The horror stories were re-made for the adaptation in a very interesting way. Every monster is related to the inner pain of the main hero: they are betrayed, traumatized, abandoned by people they loved, just like him. So he feels pity and sorry for them and redeems them instead of killing. And, moreover, it makes impact throughout the whole story, on the main hero's 11th door as well on his relationship with his lover.

🔑Speaking of traumatized monsters. The first time I ugly cried over this drama was a story of the 4th monster. The monster! Made me cry!

But of course it wasn't the last time I cried my eyes out. The secondary characters of this drama are lovable, too. And the lore mechanics makes the awaiting of death so unbearable painful... You physically can feel the huge weight of characters' despair when they know that they or their dearest will die in a few minutes and there is ABSOLUTELY nothing they can do about it. This level of pain is something else, indeed.

But the most painful scene, where I cried the hardest, was not a scene of someone's death, but a scene of interaction between the main hero and his mother. She told him not to show up again, because she has a new family now, and was about to throw his school dreams and memories into the dump. What kind of mother she is!!😡

🔑And the most important thing about this drama: all detective cases allow you to restore the main story, piece by piece. And this story is about bone-piercing loneliness. The main hero was bullied in school, abandoned by his family and betrayed (kind of) by his best friend. His life was meaningless before he met his partner, the only person who returned to him the reason to live. But he happened to be a monster made specifically for the main hero to accompany him to the 12th door, a virus that needed to get to the 12th level with the help of the main hero to destroy the game. But the main hero's kindness to other un-humans, his ability to understand their pain despite of who they are, melted even monster's heart and made him genuinely love the main hero. It's truly sad that the main hero refused the real world and spent all his years left to make the world of his dreams and to get his lover back, but it's a story about loneliness, so I can't blame him. In his place, I would do the same.

The first meet

and the last. And the last but not least: I adore the technical part of this drama! I love RLZ's costumes! They are classical yet not really standard, make him conspicuous and give a feeling to a viewer that he is someone special. That he is somehow ethereal.

But he is not the only one whose clothes are saying. The White Deer people have their own style as well, so you can understand almost immediately that the characters in strange and pretentious clothes are related. And the main villain's costumes tell a lot about his personality.

And the set designs! They were marvelous! They gave me a feeling of vastness, as if the characters really were in other, spacious worlds.

And the soundtrack! I love it! It's such a shame that iQIYI didn't publish BGM and OST officially. But I found some of the tracks on YouTube. My favorites are the soundtrack to the 4th case: 森川-佐子 here and the variations of the door theme: 门 (变奏) here and 门 (门中门) here. Love it and highly recommend! 💙

[aspd-culture]

I think the House pfp makes me like you a lot more, lol. /srs

We love our very problematic but extremely, sometimes painfully, unflinchingly honest and mostly accurate portrayal of (SPOILERSSSSSS) canon ASPD. Tbh, one of the few accurate portrayals I've seen and the only one that doesn't cover it up with "but he's a good person" or "but they learn to love and change their ways and no longer are like that yay they're cured" or pair the representation with a side of demonization. Special interest infodump below:

We know House does bad things, but in light of that, the show forces you to stare in the face the questions: What does it mean to be a bad person? If it's your intentions, do your bad actions not matter? If it's your actions, do your intentions not matter? Does the effort not to hurt people in spite of your pain and trauma and maladaptive worldview not matter, no matter how hard you try, if you fail? How many failures is considered "being human" and how many makes it "being a bad human"? Does a good or bad person even exist with how fluid and nuanced life and human nature is? Can you, as a fellow flawed human, define a good or bad person and if so what gives you the right? The show demands you look at this man with low empathy and learn to feel for him whether you like it or not. And so many prosocials completely misunderstand the show and paint him as the antagonist when the entire point of the show is (imo) to humanize the people you shove into the "bad" box. Also hhhh I hate the people who say "House is autistic that's why he acts like this!" Nope nope nope he is literally diagnosed with ASPD. Do I think he's got autism too? Possibly, but I think he may understand social cues, body language, subtext, etc too well for it to be that. I would personally guess ASPD+ADHD+MDD. One of his major specialties is dissecting the social boundaries not because the doesn't understand them, but to show the blind spots they leave, the disservice they do us. He knows what he does is against the norm, he knows he doesn't speak like the people around him and he knows how to do it right. He just *doesn't* because he finds value in removing that and finds no value in others' opinions on him. He knows he is seen as terrible and does not care to change it, not because (imo) he was not accepted as a person but because he was traumatized against people as a whole. See also, MIA and unknown father, questionable mother, shitty stepfather, and all the things he hints at but does not tell us outright. House is a lot of things, but socially unaware is not one of them, and whilst there are autistic people like that who are prosocial, I think the show addressed this clearly in the early episode of the autistic (they used the n*zi term but I will not) child who gives him the PSP or gameboy or whichever it was. House sees some of himself in that child, but it is clearly addressed that it's not quite right - that House relates but does not seem to click properly with being autistic. However, in the "soci*path" patient episode, House heavily struggles to separate himself from her, and finds himself repeatedly coming up empty on reasons they aren't the same. In fact, when he finds out it is reversible, it seems to me like he is simultaneously glad to have figured out the puzzle - and maybe to save her from his suffering - and distressed and jealous that she gets to get out of this. She will get to meet people who did not know her that way and be like them and feel like them and feel like one of them. Unlike in the autism episode, the characters around him seem to believe he has it as well. If he is autistic, he has ASPD as well - diagnosed in fact.

It's such a damn good show.

You did not ask for my (as restrained as possible) infodump about House, MD but you activated my special interest trap card.

[theribbajack]

"Now, the vow will be honoured, and my Lord brother's soul will return."

Radahn stans keep winning, but I personally am in Miyazaki's walls rn

[mutantfactor]

Fangs of Fortune 𓆩𓆪 Zhuo Yichen & Zhao Yuanzhou

[turtleblogatlast]

[ cw: violence mention / death mention / ]

Will never stop thinking about how Leo, all alone in an endless void and being beaten again and again and again by the only other living thing around, still finds comfort in that space. The situation he was in was completely hopeless, and in any other circumstances he would not have escaped, at least not fast enough to save him from permanent (or even fatal) damage, be it physical or mental.

And yet, despite the bleakness of his situation, despite the agony and helplessness, all he needs is one glance at a crumbled photograph, one glance to remember his family, and that’s enough of a reason for him to smile.

Maybe that’s why his powers center around manipulating space - because no matter how much space is between them, no matter how dire his own situation may be, just the thought of his family, alive and okay, is enough to give Leo hope.