#when i stuff you into my closet | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

fruityliscious · 2 days ago

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I will gladly join this coven

#creepy dude can get fucked tbh #ill show you how we stay so slim and perky #when i stuff you into my closet #complete with a strait jacket #it does marvelous things for your waistbyou wouldnt believe

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corpsentry · 6 months ago

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pick your battles

#my art #my stuff #art #comic #original art #pride 2024 #pride month #trans allegory..... or not even allegory. just trans .... ^_^#i technically cannot come out yet but i don't think the people who i need to not see this stalk my tumblr #i know they stalk everything else like my twitter and my instagram but this might be safe #so fuck it we yap. this is a comic about picking your battles #this is a comic about how for almost a year now everyone at home in singapore has been crying about my sore throat #my terrible fucked up voice. my you know. etc #i came out as not cis and using they/them pronouns in 2015 when i was 14 #but no one ever used my pronouns. none of my classmates or friends even up until i left for college in 2020 #from 2020 onwards every year i wrote an angry vulnreable essay about how much it hurts that they dont remember #and people would dm me apologizing on their hands and knees and commending my bravery #and then forget about it all over again. id ont mean 'they misgender me and then catch it and apologize and correct themselves'#i mean they dont even get that far #and so you might ask yourself: why have you kept them around all this time?#and i would have to explain that by pure bad luck i grew up in the most conservative close minded community #that all of my ex classmates that stayed in singapore are cishet and upper middle class and chinese singaporean #that i Am the trans person. that they were able to ignore me for a decade partially because there was no one else #so this is a comic about how there is dignity and grace in staying in the closet sometimes #about how not everyone deserves to see you at your happiest. about how some people can go fuck themselves #you know your truth and THATS THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS!!! YEAH!!! i love you

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not-the-coffee-machine4 · 3 months ago

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Me: *tries to see what the Queen fans on TikTok have to say*

*Jim hate*

*”facts” that may or not be actually true*

*”Freddie Mercury was bisexual-“*

*Using Barbara Valentin as evidence*

*thinking things that happened in the movie actually happened irl*

*general misinformation about everyone and everything*

Me: aaaaand back to Tumblr I go

(open tags at your own risk, there’s a whole essay in there)

#Why are Tumblr Queen fans the only sane ones like what happened #Coincidentally this is also how reading a lot of articles about them and their history tend to go #When did we stop looking at the primary sources like how did some of these disconnects grow so large #Freddie was just gay. YES he was out. YES he stated it publicly (he was still coy sometimes I will give you that)#No he didn’t know he had AIDS before Live Aid. Yes Jim was his major long term partner.#No the little people with trays of coke on their heads story isn’t true. No Freddie most likely didn’t take Princess Diana to a gay bar #No Roger didn’t accidentally give a fan a sex tape (there is a nugget of evidence that a tape was leaked but if so it didn’t happen like th #He locked himself in a TAPE CLOSET not a cupboard (this one doesn’t annoy me as much as the rest)#No Freddie was not ✨involved✨ with Barbara Valentin #No Love of My Life is not about Mary in the way people think it is #RESEARCH PLEASE I AM BEGGING #IT’S NOT EVEN THAT HARD TO FIND SOME OF THAT STUFF #ESPECIALLY IF YOU’RE A JOURNALIST LIKE LOOK AT THE PRIMARY SOURCES INSTEAD OF CONFIRMATION BIASING BY LOOKING AT ARTICLES #FROM OTHER JOURNALISTS WHO ALSO DID WHAT YOU’RE DOING #REEEAAADDDD #It’s not even annoying because it’s about a topic I like it’s just literally the unimaginable gap between truth and reality #that is SO EASY TO BRIDGE AND YET. LIKE HOW IS IT THIS BIG OF A PROBLEM WHAT HAPPENED #I have written a novel in these tags so I’ll stop yapping now but GOD it grinds my gears #queen #queen band #roger taylor #roger meddows taylor #brian may #sir brian may #freddie mercury #john deacon #Tiktok #queen fans

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michameinmicha · 1 month ago

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Things i desperately want for Project Zomboid:

Bicycles

A cat!!!

Roller Skates

Ladders!

Baby stroller or handcart to transport heavy things for short distances (mostly for lots of materials or furniture and such)

Cargo pants with pockets

Growing my hair veeeery long (and keeping it in a loooong braid)

Head lamp

Let me paint metal crates and cars!!!!!!!

I have more but these are the most functional ones i guess

#mine #project zomboid #pz #i also want a million aesthetic things like cowboy boots and cute decorations and dying fabrics and stuff #(well the fanric dying is not just arsthetic that would be useful to tell items apart and shit)#i think fabric dying is planned for the next build and i rly hope you can keep cats as part of the animal system #god being able to paint metal crates would be so useful #and i WISH painting crates would make them look different in the little tabs of the inventory window that would make things much easier!#like different coloured backpacks have different thumbnails too! i wish we could have that for closets and crates and such as well #also i wish i could preserve meat and fish for longer (i know there are mods but they all have way more functions complicated for me)#oh also i want a million more kinds of teddy bears and plants and wall decorations and things i can put in my house ;^;#making concrete would also be useful (i think it has been planned before cause there are concrete bags in game but u cant use them)#the fact that u can make stairs but not ladders is also annoying and reminds me of playing sims lol #okay i think thats all i have for now ill probably add to this post when i got more stuff to complain about lol #(dont get me wrong i love this game to bits but man i wish i could mod!!! i have so many ideas!!)

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qoldenskies · 2 months ago

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I want you to know how brilliant The Canary Continuity is.

Also this-

I just wanna talk about this-

This conversation with Leo is where things REALLY started going down hill in my mind because the curse takes hold. So it’s the ‘beginning’ of the horrors and the pain. And when you contrast it to Raph’s dream of everything being perfect and the situation getting resolved it’s like the two statements “It was wishful thinking from a guilty man” and “It was the wishful thinking of a guilty man” is a reminder that this COULD be where the story ‘ends’ that streak and summarizes things in a sweet loop but ACTUALLY NO.

This COULD BE the fanfic-usual sweet ending and then maybe a chapter or two of bonding and apologies afterwards with everyone else that sums up the story- BUT NO

Actually, this statement is the beginning of ANOTHER batch horrors that are hidden in positives because despite things getting better they’re actually getting worse which is ALSO contrast from the first story where it’s OBVIOUS what’s bad and now it’s test with no right answer for literally everyone involved.

I don’t know if that makes sense at all, but I love your stuff.

Thank you for writing it and going absolutely feral all the time

Each update makes my day a little better <3

AYYYYY THIS ASK IS SO SWEET THANK YOU!!! yeasss ive used that line in ME as well but the parallel here was fr meant to indicate that i was moving to the next "act" of the story in the same way that argument with leo was .... the beginning of the real downwards spiral in both!!! also notice the relevance of doors to the two passages. real big door motif going on in canary continuity

LOVE THIS ANALYSIS EATING IT UP YUM

#ask #canary continuity #you can tell theyre all gay asf with how much i focus on that fuckass closet /j #i actually think i need to go fix that leo passage because ive been inconsistent #about whether or not he entrance to his room is a door or a curtain. ill probably make it a curtain #easy fix ill just make him be going somewhere else LMFAO #reminder to myself #sometimes i edit my fics after the fact when i notice stuff like that... ignore it

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cams-cozy-corner · 4 months ago

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VERY specific nostalgia time

#like less than 5ish #give or take #this is like. OLD old nostalgia like stuff I barely remember #I even have pictures of some of these old toys <33 #all of these are so stereotypical girlie baby and then I I got the animal puzzle #vivid memories of doing those two puzzles in a walk in closet that was HUGE to my tiny 4 year old brain #one of the funniest memories is when my mom told me (about the lps book) “aren’t you a little old for that one?” GIRL I WAS 8???

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xxplastic-cubexx · 1 month ago

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I think I remember you mentioning corset tops in some tags, so let me tell you that your fashion sense sounds amazing. I love when people are able to express themselves through clothing, it's always so cool, and your art is impeccable so I feel like that might be a good indicator too lol. love your blog!

AWH ty for lovin my art AND my alleged fashion sense 😏 i dont own a lot of corset tops- just like. Three (tho ngl i would like more) but i do have a. Particular style i suppose (enough of a style that people are semifrequent to compliment it). S’def real fun playin round with clothes and accessories :]

#snap chats #i do very much love my corset tops ty for noticing anon …. i feel epic when i wear em 😼 the rare times i do djOSNSN #when i was growing up i really loved this avi site called gaia so ig i just feel . like a gaia avi when i Dress Up dress up djOSDNSN #its all very fun …. i have no reasn Not to dress fun why should i not …#whats funny is one girl was complimenting my outfit one day #and she was getting into how she doesnt like it when people dress drab so FRANKLY that was a great compliment #like omg … i stand out to you … thank you :)#i dress pretty Tame most days at school tho like usually business casual wear and whatever #THE OCCASIONAL corset top and funky cardigan tho ☝️ they are a must #i also dont clothes shop a lot (if ever fjOWSNAK) so i try to get stuff i REALLY really like yk what i mean #most of my stuff is either second hand or gifted so its generally Kinda Funky LMAO #i have this one like. i call it my vampire pirate shirt cause it is very much Vampire Pirate #im talkin a cream/beige long-sleeve with those like. what bishop? sleeves?#the ones that poof a bit at the forearms- and theyve got the lace cuffs and this really cute lace . bit at the front LMAO i cant desxribe it #it hooks at the collar but i usually wear it open BUT i do have a cravat for days i feel fancy 👍#my closets kinda fun ….. idk again i feel i dress p tame but i generally get compliments on my stuff so .. gotta mean somethin #but yeah !!! ty :] not that i can show my outfits but thank you for believing in my tastes 😌#ok thats partly a lie sometimes i draw charas i like in my outfits but i cant imagine any of my outfits on charles or erik #not unless they were my business casual stuff but anyways

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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 4 months ago

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Could someone please sit on my bed and do whatever so I can clean my room?

#its just easier to do things when someone is keeping me company and keeping me on track #like i just need someone to sit on my bed on their phone or whatever so i can clean #is that too much to ask?#my room is... its bad. and its not entirely my fault!#i moved in may and just havent gotten a chance to unpack and stuff just kept ending up in my room #today i added a queen sized bed frame. now i cant walk through my room until i take down the twin bed and set up the queen #theres a queen mattress leaning against my whole closet #if you choose to come sit on my bed so i can clean i will repay you with whatever fast food dinner youd like #but seriously the state of my room is rough... its in my parents house. and it was kind of used as a spare room while i lived elsewhere #god i miss living elsewhere. i used to love in a cute little studio by myself in a city i loved #im gonna go back but for now im living with my parents and i have to make the best of it #its hard to make the best of it when you cant walk from your door to your bed unhindered #its gonna be fine i just need to clean. just need to clean. i just have to face the daunting mess and clean

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shirogane-oushirou · 2 months ago

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no promises anymoooooreeeee i'll appear online when i appear online 😭 every time i say "ooh i think life is almost done being overwhelming!" it. becomes even more overwhelming in the dumbest ways. all i can manage rn when i'm not stressing myself into a shut-down state is staring at the wall while listening to youtube essays + mindlessly crocheting.

i might queue up ppls art and fics w/o commentary in the tags... i want other ppl to see what all of my cool friends have made, but i genuinely can't think right now with this monstrous brain fog. i'm really sorry, just. yeah. maybe i'll think of some way to make it up later!!! once the dust has settled!!!! but until then i wuv u and miss u. smiles.

[venting in tags including familial manipulation and ableism. i. didn't mean to write all of that, thiss was originally going to be a main blog post but. aaaaaAAAAAA!!!!!

also no need for replies or anything, i'd turn them off for just the one post if i could kjsndkn, i just needed to get things out and go eep jsjndsfdn ok bye bye bye bye!!!!]

#goddd my family finds it sooooooo funny that i can't do basic tasks! it's soooo funny that i can't even think of a horror movie to watch #on halloween bc i genuinely can't remember a single one right now. it's soooo funny that i can't take cardboard boxes or #old furniture out of my room without help bc i've physically and mentally and emotionally burnt out for Months.#and me not being able to move shit out after two (2) days makes me a hoarder somehow. and ofc hoarding is a moral failing #and my mom has to give me a stern talking-to about hoarding things... that were. again. in my room for 2 days....#[tbc it isnt a moral failing no matter the reason. life is hard and things happen and it can be hard to get rid of things for Reasons.]#nevermind them making constant snide remarks about me using ugly 'mismatched' desk / storage furniture. bc it was free / cheap? no income??#AND!!!!! i have a couple of new diagnoses. which doesn't change much day to day but it does make my family making fun of me #even more dumbfounding. like. this explains a lot of really scary unexplained symptoms that constantly leave me #housebound for weeks but uhhh haha hehe hoho??? so silly so funny that i'm barely conscious for multiple weeks???#and you can see that i'm getting worse but that makes it funnier??? hmm!!!#also nevermind that i've told them the exact reason why i've been like this (read: them) but that ALSO makes it funnier somehow.#but i also can't say shit bc they're doing something ~nice~ for me (out of convenience + after almost a decade of 'don't get comfortable'#and 'don't decorate this room bc it isn't yours' and 'you need to be ready to move out by x date'#only for the date to arrive and them to pull the 'i never said that. and if i did say it i didn't mean it like that.#and if i did mean it like that i don't anymore.' card. + any big renovations are things they wanted anyway. hmmmm!!#and how i have to do all of the phys labor alone bc if i ask for help i get made fun of!!! and yelled at that i'm doing things Wrong #(hint: i'm following instructions to the letter but. my family knows better than those silly things!! ^^ ))#jfc i sure did rant. uh. yeah. things. are really weird and uncomfy and i feel thankful that i finally can have my own things on display #outside of closets and bins again after a decade?? but i'm also waiting for the other shoe to drop / them to tell me i owe them in #some way??? bc that's how it works. 'i'm doing a nice thing you didn't even ask me for so now you have to do whatever i tell you to.'#meanwhile i can't even maladaptive daydream my way through it bc my brain is soup right now. can't remember basic things abt #my interests bc i've been on negative battery / spoons for a couple of months straight and it's only getting worse.#OKAY TLDR i'm not in a state to do anything until everything irl gets settled. and i'm trying So Hard to get it all over with but there's #only so much i can do in a day before i completely shut down. i didn't even get into the insurance stuff i've been fighting too ughhhh.#so if i show up on here in short spurts -- hi! bye! hi!! i wuv and care u!!! hope youre well mwah mwah!!!!!!! i'll post what i can and then #disappear when i need to recharge. it is what it is. i need to try to sleep now... uh if this post disappears when i wake up.... yeah......#📌 [ my posts. ]#💭 [ my thoughts. ]#vent -

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jankwritten · 10 months ago

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yall wanna know how fucked up my anxiety is about some shit

i scroll past a post that's about a topic i don't like. whatever, it's fine. i scroll past a video that's a topic i don't care about. that's normal.

i scroll past a video that's a topic i don't like or care about but the person presenting it is a person of color? i IMMEDIATELY feel immensely guilty and need to "compensate" by "proving" it wasn't because of race by also skipping other random posts, JUST IN CASE someone thinks I'm racist because I didn't want to watch a video on a topic I didn't like or care about, that happened to be presented by a person of color.

this just in on: the police in my brain are loud and i'm scared of them

#this is also because i grew up in a racist area and in that culture and my own ignorance i also Was Kinda Racist #but like in that way where you don't realize it's racism until you're out of it and now feel so ashamed that you forcefully block all #those memories just so you don't ever have to associate yourself with them ever again?#(mind you I was like. 15-16 and closeted and scared scared scared all the time so I acted like the Crowd and that was awful of me to do)#BUT NOW that i've grown and am learning and have taken classes on anthropology and all kinds of stuff I just feel like I notice my own shit #like TENFOLD now #it's my anxiety overthinking thing plus if anybody ever knows I could have done anything SLIGHTLY problematic the world will explode #plus my constant paranoia that someone is always watching me and just Knows that I'm Secretly a Bad Person (even though I don't think I am?#also I feel like I need to clarify that the kind of racism in my town wasn't like. klan shit. it was like very hidden racism?#it was like. kids casually doing black accents and making jokes with racist undertones. the kind of racism where race was always #the butt of the joke instead of an outright HATED thing. and I think that's why it was so hard to unlearn #it's like that thing where in order to stop wanting to kill yourself you have to stop joking about wanting to kill yourself #this has become a vent post accidentally i'm so sorry #this is just. one of my Major anxieties that engulfs me every day because of 1) anxiety 2) potential OCD 3) being a bad person in my past #this is another reason I fucking hate florida #because I just know if I had grown up in my home town in MI I would not have been raised in that environment #and it's my own fucking fault for falling into the crowd like that.#all this to say i traumatized myself and likely some people around me by being A Fucking Idiot when I was a kid #and now adult me is doing everything in their power to not ever be that person ever fucking again #tw vent post #tw racism #tw past racism #but im better now and I know my mistakes and I refuse to make them again #fuck florida for every fucking reason under the sun

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seagull-scribbles · 2 years ago

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Some nonsense from my first watch of TMNT 2003, S4

#TMNT 2003 #raphael splinterson #leonardo splinterson #Michaelangelo Splinterson #donatello splinterson #obsessed with putting raph away like he’s a toy you have finished with #I don’t want to play with you no more lmao #his brothers really do be saying BACK IN THE CLOSET YOU GO #in pain Harold #meme redraw #protect Kevin hart meme #but in this case it’s Raphs punching bag #my friend said some belter stuff I’ll draw memes for when I feel better #really enjoying this series very much #scribbles #doodles

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itsalwaysdark · 18 days ago

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eeppp i cant wait til i get to buy my very own mattress

#and even bedframe like im excited #i think the current one is a fullish... its a weird situation bc its a pullout yk #its a bit small 4 me i used to have a queen and it was perfecttt #then in wa while i was with ugh it was like. a twin full or smth so it was tiny DNRNFJFB.#and then my little mat i slept on was like. maybe twinish sized but i think skinnier... it wasnt s mattress tho lol #anyways. im just excited 4 when i get to have a proper nattress again Not complaining im very lucky to have a place to sleep and a bed and #its nicer than my wa bed but you know. itll be nice to have like a proper thick mattress with like cushioning and stuff... my mattress idt #is even a tually considered a mattress its pretty much the same as my umm. one from wa just wider and longer obvs. its like maybe 3 inches #thick or smth. and then theres also a seperate little thing that has springsalso around 3 inches but its not like. very supportive or #anything #And also this bed it umm like. it leans up at the top kinda like a recliner or whatever yk wim. its not my favorite its good for when im #just sitting in bed but i think i prefer flat bed.... To be honest #bc i like a thick pillow with an arm jnderneath it and then my head on top #and that +the incline kinda just makes my head be straight up #which isnt comfortable Lol #AGAIN THIS IS NOT ACTUAL COMPLAINING just talking abt how excited i am 4 when i am able to get a nice bed again :]#and id love 2 get a bedframe w little drawers and shit again #before i moved to wa i had one like that my queen sized one. and thats the one that used to be my moms #and br rhat i had umm. a mattress + box spring this was when i was in the um. when i lived in the closet... i miss her sometimes #that one was i think a full but it mightve been a queen #but ya my mattress b4 i moved to wa i miss her she was so soft but not too soft and ohhh how i long 4 her.

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thats-my-passion-right-there · 7 months ago

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I finally saw the mean girls musical (the movie one) I have so many fucking thoughts oh my god

#thoughts #oni talks #mean girls 2024 #I think I may be the only person to kind of like it? like don’t get me wrong it is kinda ROUGH but it has so much potential and there’s bits #and pieces that I actually really enjoy or wish they had more of or just aahh #I’ve been nonstop thinking about the ideal version in my head like there’s so much potential obviously I’m biased by like a lot #since for one I know I tend to like stuff other people hate or don’t like but for two this sequel was weirdly way more relatable so maybe #I’m just projecting from my own personal experiences but Idc the POTENTIAL THERES SO MUCH ID WANNA DO INSTEAD #like there’s so many little details and characterizations that I wish was expanded on or fleshed out and it’s just like it feels like either #half baked or that it’s gone through too many edits it’s like it’s scared to exist?? like there’s some differences I love and wish they lol #leaned into but it’s like it was terrified to be too different? or like they were rushing the end especially #like in my ideal form it’s a tv show coz I think they honestly have enough that could be genuinely expanded in a way more interesting way #via that format probably not like a super extended series like you COULD but you’d definitely need more expansion but I could see the potent #but like idk one SOLID musical season with expanded character story and not like one of those rush cram shows like a good solid one #like Regina’s characterization is so fascinating but also feels like slightly off and like they could’ve leaned way more into things?#like I think keeping Regina as a closeted lesbian gives the greatest potential and interest for an expanded story #like I loved maybe the first half of the movie the most like that one song she sang to manipulate Aaron would work so much more perfectly if #she’s singing it about/to Cady? I also think in my ideal brain an cool flashback episode for Janis and Regina would be so cool coz there’s #so much you could flesh out in a flashback than you could in a retelling which while I do like the retelling since it lets you imagine thing #I just! potential! I also want more of them interacting and I do think changing Janis to be a lesbian works if they leaned more into it?#I also think in my ideal form janis would have more comeuppance or acknowledgement of her shit? I also think an arc of Regina coming out #like one thing they missed from the original is Regina playing soccer at the end & I think they could hint more towards that and maybe lean #more into her at home life in an expanded story way coz her mom is clearly like… yikes. granted maybe some of my views on the movie are too #biased by personal experience but like the way she snaps at her mom usually in my experience isn’t out of nowhere? like parents behind #closed doors. or frustrations with what her mom has clearly been putting on her the way she tells her mom not to talk about her body is very #like idk a lot of the characters in this version feel more real to me bc they act really similar to people I know irl so the expanded story #could be cool. another one that in my ideal brain would have more is Gretchen and especially her relationships with Regina as well as with #that one guy and her parents I wanna see more of how that works and her arc to feel more meaningful when she dumps him & mentions family #also as much as I didn’t care much for the straight plot stuff there’s 100% missed potential there that I could see in the differences like #iirc in the original it’s regular algebra not AP calc which I think could’ve been used as an interesting characterization opportunity for

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queers4years · 2 months ago

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I just keep thinking about august when I had 2 nonbinary kids talking to me about how scared they were. One told me she might have to go back into the closet for safety.

#I was marveling about how they figured out stuff so early. they knew they were queer and had words to describe themselves so young #Pansexual and nonbinary weren't really talked about when I was their age. And my identities overlapped cishetness enough no one bullied me #But what's the fucking point of knowing yourself earlier if it just paints a target on your back when you own it?!#Queerness is allowed to flower one moment and is ripped out the next #It broke my FUCKING heart when one kid told me about how they had to consider going back in the closet #And I didn't know what to say. Other than 'you're not a [AGAB] it's like saying you're a giraffe. It's not you'#Which is important for them to hear #But in the back of my mind I'm thinking about how they /would/ be safer if they weren't openly queer #But they should be allowed to get to live queerly before they're an adult #I got to know those two more than the other queer kids I've had and man. The joy and sorrow.#I worry about those kids so much. But it's really me worrying about thousands of kids like them.#I wish I could hug them and protect them #And [redacted] [redacted] with my bare hands 🪦#And just the one telling me they're not allowed out of the house on election night #Like I know a lot of groups are being effected and believe me my heart breaks in so many different directions #But there's something about having the children whom I'm directly supposed to keep safe come up to me and tell me they're terrified #And I can't disarm the fear like I can with other stuff #it's not a bumblebee that I can explain is non-aggressive. I cant suggest sheltering in a basement like w a tornado #Mostly I can say 'yes this is dangerous BUT here's how to keep yourself safe'#But I don't have a comforting second statement for these kids. I don't know what will keep them safe #elections #election 2024 #2024 presidential election

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ratatatastic · 2 months ago

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HELLO MISS DOOM AND GLOOM

#forsy is one of the only cats who sometimes just doesnt wear the team issued stuff to pressers and it makes me 😵‍💫😵‍💫 everytime #unfortunately mikksy has influenced him too much #sucked all the colour out of his closet #this is what happens when you go out after mikksy for warmies sometimes #im ngl he looks so weird in black oh my god #i am not used to this at all #he can be your angle or yuor devil

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ismyteadoneyet · 4 months ago

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#I think I may have figured out why I'm so goddarn overstimulated all the fkn time when I'm at home lol #my parents were away for a couple days and my mom made me promise her to not spend the “home alone”-time cleaning #But man I'm considering climbing the walls and leaving through my bedroom window so I don't have to see the random boxes of STUFF #I AM TOO A SELF-DIAGNOSED HOARDER BUT MOTHER AND FATHER I BEG #It is a miracle that the closets and cabinets have not fallen apart when they are under more preassure than I was during my school years #The question is if of whom will outlive whom #me or the cabinets #cleaning #decluttering #is it still a coping mechanism if it actually does bring you peace or is that the actual definition

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