#when I feel like I just graduated high school?
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The Roommate Agreement | 1-The Line.
‘New Girl’ inspired fic starring Reader, her older brother, Steve and Eddie.
Pairings: Eventual Steve Harrington x Reader, slowburn.
Summary: Your first day at college is a disaster, but luckily your big brother lives right down the road… with some very interesting roommates.
Warnings/Extras: Strong language, mentions of shitty parents, cockroaches/bugs, psycho roommate (we’ve all had one), of-age drinking, Steve and Eddie being slight pervs. Let me know if I missed anything!
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“Who the hell drinks pumpkin spice in August? It’s 85 degrees outside.” Daizy states her opinion loudly, catching the scowl of a the poor girl minding her business and drinking her latte on a bench. I snort, rearranging my grip on the box labeled Books.
“You’re just a ray of sunshine today, aren’t you?” I tease her as we climb the Dormitory steps.
“I just can’t believe you’re leaving me for some stuffy college in Chicago,” she complains.
“I can’t believe you’re not coming with me,” I retort. We slip past a couple making out in the hallway. Daizy makes a face at them before catching up with me.
“This place is well above my tax bracket,” she tells me. I count down the door numbers until we reach our destination. Room 203B. I kick the slightly ajar door with my foot, the waft of fresh paint and stale air hitting me.
My roommate has beaten me here, marking her territory by setting off an apparent bomb in the room. Foul smelling clothes are strung about, boxes sit in groups everywhere, including both beds. She’s got messy black hair and a general unpleasant disposition to her, staring at me as I walk in.
“Um, hi. I’m your roommate. You must be Hailey?” I readjust the box to shake her hand but she ignores it, returning to a box on her chosen bed. I wade through the landfill that was once our room. I try to set the box down without disturbing any of Hailey’s things, but Daizy makes a show of sweeping all the items off my bed with her arm. A waterfall of junk falls to the ground loudly. Hailey’s head turns to quick I think she’s snapped her neck.
“HEY!”
“Ever heard of manners, Halsey?” Daizy scolds.
“It’s Hailey,”
“Whatever.”
“Dude!” I whisper-yell to my best friend. The last thing I need is to get off on the wrong foot with my roommate and have to endure her wrath the entire semester. Honestly, I can’t help but be disappointed; my faith in the college’s random roommate assignment program completely shattered.
Their silent standoff awkwardly disperses, leaving a thick blanket of tension in its place. I suddenly feel like I can’t breathe and my clothes feel too tight. I squeeze my left hand in my right, tugging on my fingers one-by-one anxiously. Daizy glances down at my hands and sighs, “Alright. Let’s get all your stuff up here and call your brother.”
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I’m buzzing with a concoction of anticipation and excitement as I sit in the cafe, my oat milk latte long forgotten. Staring out the glass front of the shop, I perk up a little at every man with dark hair that passes by. Daizy occasionally laughs at me, reminding me it’s only been two years since I’ve seen my older brother, not a lifetime.
It feels like a lifetime.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t chose this college because Benjamin had chosen it. Well, he played a great factor in it at least. Whilst I had Daizy and am forever grateful for her, Ben had practically raised me and his absence left a palpable hole in my life. I didn’t blame him for leaving; a prestigious school in Chicago and an excuse to leave our parents in the dust would bend the strongest wills. I was simply collateral damage, and I endured two years of torture at the hand of our parents until I graduated high school.
Besides, getting into The University of Chicago was damn near one of the highest honors someone in our family could receive. With a 7% acceptance rate, I felt like I’d received a letter from Hogwarts when my acceptance came in the mail. It was probably the only time I’d ever seen my parents proud of me, despite my 4.0 GPA and several letters from different sports. “Your brother was Valedictorian with a 5.0 in Honors,” they’d tell me. Yeah, well, fuck Honors.
“I drove 16 hours from Houston to see this asshole, he better show,” Daizy says affirmatively, and I imagine what she’d do to Ben if he ditched. Wring him out like a rag, probably. I cock a brow at her and she rolls her eyes. “And to be with you, of course.”
“Thank you again for driving me,” I smile. Daizy drives like she’s got 10 lives, but given that the alternative was to ask one of my parents to drive, I was more than happy to risk my life on a cross-country journey with her.
She grins, flipping her insanely long black and purple hair over her shoulder before reaching across the table to grab my hand. She squeezes it reassuringly.
The French doors of the Cafe swing open, prompting the dainty ring of a brass bell hung from the ceiling. Both of our heads snap in that direction, my brother standing with his hands in the pockets of his blue jeans.
I stare at him, gobsmacked, until he opens his arms.
“No warm hello for your big brother?” He laughs. I stand abruptly, running across the room to him. I jump into him with a thump, and he lets out an oomph on impact. I hug him tightly, and suddenly I’m that annoying little kid who’d follow him around everywhere again. He squeezes me tightly as we rock side to side a bit.
“Holy shit, you look old! College has aged you,” I tell him when I finally let go.
He shoves my shoulder. “Still a Shithead, I see,”
I pretend like it hurt, but he’s not looking at me anymore. He’s looking over my head, jaw hung slack ever so slightly.
“BEN!” Daizy says, way too enthusiastically, jogging to him. I’m suddenly very awkwardly in the way as they embrace each other and he plants a kiss on her cheek.
Ugh, gross. They’ve been obviously in love with each other since we were kids, but God forbid either of them admit it. The closest they’ve ever gotten was a New Years kiss at a sweaty high school party, but they never mentioned it after that night. I’m not opposed to the idea of them together, only apprehensive; because in the event they’d split, I’d have to chose one over the other. The idea alone makes my stomach churn.
“It’s been so long!” Daizy pulls away form him barely, still gripping onto his shoulders.
“Are you in town a while? You should come by the apartment. We live just down the road,” Benjamin starts.
“We?” I echo.
He shrugs. “My roommates and I,”
“You didn’t tell us you had roommates,” Daizy adds inquisitively.
My brother nods. “Used to be four of us, now there’s three. Some guys I met in school,”
“An apartment filled with college boys, what’s the worst that could happen?” I joke.
“We function quite well. Thank you very much,” my brother dismisses as his phone starts ringing. He digs into his pocket, face falling as he swipes the screen. “Hey, what’s up?” There’s muffled words on the other end. “He did what? Jesus Christ. Yeah. Let me run by the bank, I’ll be there.” He hangs up, rubbing his face.
“What’s wrong?” I query.
“It’s my friend Eddie. Got himself into trouble, again. I gotta go. Call me later, yeah?” He says hurriedly, leaning forward to kiss the side of my head and hug me. Then he’s gone, just as swift as he’d arrived, and for a moment I question if he was ever here at all.
I scrunch my nose up, trying not to feel bitter. My fantasy of catching up with my brother just that, a fantasy, I relent and decide it’s time to face my creepy roommate.
It’s just one year, right?
Grabbing Daizy’s hand, I tug her out the doors and into the busy streets of Chicago.
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The unfortunate part about August is that, while beautiful, it’s hot as fuck. Not quite as ‘I’m going to melt alive’ hot as July, but enough that the lack of air conditioning in the Dorms has me wanting to peel my skin off for a semblance of relief. I toss and turn in the night, sleep evading me. I’m sticky with sweat and my chest heaves against the stuffy air. Giving in, I lay on my back and stare up at the ceiling.
I sit there, in the darkness, questioning every choice that lead up to this point, when my legs begin to tickle and itch.
Fantastic, I’ve got heat rash. I lean down to scratch at my legs like a wild animal, but stop when my nails brush against something soft and smooth.
Something crawls up my leg.
I squint against the darkness, the faint glow from the streetlight outside reflecting through the blinds. A cylindrical bug, about the size a quarter, scurries against my sheet.
A cockroach. There’s a fucking cockroach in my bed.
I scream, kicking my blankets off and scrambling to turn on my bedside lamp. A face—shrouded by darkness before—meets mine at the edge of the bed, just inches away. Hailey grins down at me. I scream again, petrified, and tumble out of bed.
“JESUS CHRIST! THERE’S BUGS IN THE ROOM!” I cry, running my hands over myself to check for more.
“I know,” Hailey smiles.
I stop dead in my tracks. “Did you… did you put fucking roaches in my bed?!”
She tilts her head to the side.
I think I saw this in a movie once. She’s going to skin me alive and wear me as a hat.
“Psychopath. God!” I exasperate, snatching my phone off the nightstand. “I’ll see you on the 5’o clock news for murder.” I murmur but I don’t think she hears me. She watches me leave, that uncanny grin never leaving her lips. I shiver to shake the sickening feeling she leaves me with.
It doesn’t settle in just how screwed I am until my bare feet hit the pavement. A cascade of rain trickles down my face and soaks my hair. I roll my eyes and groan. Of course. This is just perfect. Murderer roommate, bugs, and now rain.
I clutch my phone tight in my hand. I contemplate calling Daizy, but I feel I’ve asked her for enough favors recently. Defeated, I sigh and click on my brother’s name.
The last thing in our text thread is his address, with the message: sorry to run out like that. Stop by sometime. I click on it, pleasantly surprised by the 8 minute walk icon. Peering up at the black, starless sky, raindrops getting in my eyes, I sigh heavily and begin my barefooted decent to my brother’s apartment.
It’s 1:04 AM when I reach the red brick building. I double check the address and triple check the apartment number before knocking on the bright blue door. Aggressively, unwavering. At some point knocks turn into open-palmed pounds as I’m desperate to awaken my big brother.
The door flies open. Ben stands in the doorway, beer in hand and eyes hooded.
“There’s cockroaches in my dorm, it’s the temperature of Hell and I’m pretty sure my roommate is the Jeffery Dahmer reincarnate,” I blurt out, tears stinging eyes.
He blinks. “Normal people start with ‘hi’.”
I frown and he shrugs, opening the door the rest of the way and gesturing for me to come inside. I oblige, turning back around to face him.
“Bugs, Ben. She put bugs in my bed. You know how I am about things with too many legs—“
“—Nothing should have more than four legs, it’s excessive and creepy,” he mimicks me. “Yes, yes. I know. The legs,” he shakes his hands and raises his voice, pretending to be a girl, which he’s terrible at. I make an annoyed sound.
“She was staring at me, while I was sleeping. Like she wanted to—“
Someone clears their throat.
I spin around, hair whipping me in the face. My heart drops into my ass as I lock eyes with two boys sitting on the weathered leather couch. One with long, unruly black curls; covered in tattoos and plucking at a guitar. And the other, all puppy dog eyes and sandy hair, sipping on a beer.
“Hello there,” the one with dark hair chuckles, grabbing his own beer to slyly take a swig of his PBR can.
“Eddie, don’t start. Your stupid ass is still grounded for getting yourself thrown in jail,” Ben groans, stepping between us.
I’m suddenly feeling very self conscious in my sleep shorts and t shirt, not much left to the imagination. I wrap my arms around myself, a useless gesture.
“That guy was asking for it,” Eddie defends.
The guy next to Eddie on the small couch is silent, arm stretched over the back and staring at me. I sweat, unable to peel my eyes away from his. He’s beautiful, to put it simply. Sun-kissed skin against dark eyes and brown hair that frames his sharp features.
“Hey, man. Didn’t your mom ever teach you that starin’s rude?” Eddie scolds jokingly, covering the other’s eyes. “How come you don’t ever look at me like that, huh Stevie boy?” he cackles, and I realize he may be drunk, as he grips Steve’s face and plants a loud kiss to his cheek.
Steve recoils, pushing his friend away. “Gross, get off me dude,” they take turns shoving each other.
“Alright, you delinquents. That’s enough,” Ben speaks to them like a disappointed parent, ripping the blanket off the back of the couch and handing it to me. I take it graciously, wrapping it around myself. “This is my baby sister Y/N. She’s off limits, that’s a line you don’t cross, ever. She’ll sleep in my room tonight though, since you two can’t be trusted,” he inserts himself into the space between me and the sofa, drawing a metaphorical ‘line in the sand’ mid-air.
“The line,” he appoints theatrically. “Do. Not. Cross it.”
Steve nods. Eddie salutes drunkenly, his eyes nowhere near focused on Ben. I suppress a laugh.
Ben wraps his arm around my shoulders, spinning me around to walk down the hallway. “Now, why don’t you calmly tell me what happened?”
#steve harrington#stranger things#steve harrington x reader#steve harrington x you#eddie munson#female reader#friends to lovers#slow burn#x reader#joe keery
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The crazy thing is, like, as someone who works in education. The districts just don't really know what to do anymore, so they're out here like....well, what constitutes really cheating? So they're like make sure to allow some form of Ai in the classroom (just to boost graduation rates). Today during like our meeting they simply asked that we have a separate rubric for students to refer to when they use Ai to know whether they're cheating or not (which is fair but like why are we allowing it?)
Which is crazy right? Like as an institution we should be making students write and think for themselves. (Ahhh it's just so frustrating) sorry I saw your last post and I was like you get it because there's some English teachers that I work with that are like no no it's a really good tool or some math teachers that actually promote using photomath.
I had no idea that people were publishing books with Ai, though! That's insane :( It's honestly scary because why can't people just think for themselves? I understand Ai isn't going away, but at the same time, I feel like there should be heavy regulations and not companies seeing this as easy money to market into educational tools
Sorry to be ranting in your asks!
no anon you're right and you should say it,,, cheating was definitely pretty normalized when i was in high school and i was absolutely not a perfect angel, but i can't imagine what it's like for kids now. they've got adults on all sides telling them it's cool and smart to never try even a little at anything you'll ever do in life and that trying to get out of every mundane task you'll ever be asked to do is Good Actually, and it just,,,, can't be good for their sense of motivation. society is buckling under its own weight and the world is burning. we could at least make them feel like the essay they wrote for third-period english matters.
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Just saw your post.
No wonder you’re having a breakdown, it seems like you’re going through a lot at once.
It can be really overwhelming. Completely understandable.
You deserve to be happy, I really hope things turn around. It’ll take time and that’s not a bad thing!
I’m fine I’m great I’m so so sooOoOooOoOooOoOooOooO good 👌
#totally not broke and still living at my parents at 25 with no career and no friends#hahahahahahhahah I’m great#definitely not turning 26 this year and going to have to figure out insurance and all that bullshit#when I feel like I just graduated high school?#im not doing the math cause that’ll kill me but 2016 was how many years ago?#so yeah#also think it truly went all downhill when covid hit#not gonna get into that and I don’t fully blame it cause I was already going downhill before that happened but that definitely did not help#do you ever just feel…. not real?#idk sometimes I just feel like I take up space and I’m a human and ya know that’s it#I look in the mirror and I don’t know who the fuck that is#I look at pictures and I just don’t process that it’s me#idk idk#I’m doing great though#super duper happy#found my purpose in life#and singing and laughing again#so so great#but yeah this is only part of why I’ve disappeared for so long#shut up rosie#ask#anon
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remember him losing his mind over dreams bath space 😭😭😭😭😭 and turns out dream really WASNT in his right mind so we were like My bad. Sorry a6d.
how was the bath space real 😭 a fucking fever dream for us and dream
#cq.asks#it happened the morning of my high school graduation 😭#which made it even weirder for me LOL#actually let me overexplain the situation#the week of my graduation i got fucking PINK EYE#so when i was driving to my dads house I accidentally hit a mail box and that was the first time#i ever got in any kind of accident#so it made me feel weird for a while like freakd out even though all that happened was I broke my headlight XD#but on top of that#i couldn't just go back to my room and chill#bc my grandparents were staying at our house#so they rented an airbnb for me and my brother so stay in?#so we were stuck out in the middle of nowhere with shitty wifi#adn it was the night before my highschool graduation#and dream went live with the fucking bath space#adn i was like this is the weirdest week of my life#anyways
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I’m just here as your friendly neighborhood podcast listener and current layabout with not much going on.
I’ve seen a few things about Eddie and the community turning on him quickly. I think a lot of things people aren’t remembering or realizing is just how prevalent the satanic panic was, and is, in the US.
Now there’s no chance that everyone in Hawkins hated Eddie and believed the satanic stuff. I mean, look at everyone in Hellfire. I guarantee parents were wary at first but then Eddie shows up like a goofball or has a string of ma’am’s and sir’s and they realize he’s just a kid with a lot attached to his name from a lot of terrible circumstances.
Anyways. A good thing to listen to is the You’re Wrong About podcast. Specifically these episodes.
Very first one of the podcast:
And then these two both have multiple parts to them, the first one is actually about the book that kind of jumpstarted the whole panic to begin with.
This also has multiple parts. This one is about someone getting seduced by a ‘satanic cult’.
These would have been books that while not everyone would have had one in their home, anyone who was devout or at the least religious, would have bought or read their own copy.
Basically all I’m getting at is that Eddie would have had a lot going against him. I know that a lot of people didn’t want to read Flight of Icarus but Eddie’s character is built on a very shaky foundation. The town dogpiling when the ‘Queen Bee’ gets killed, especially if they’ve already decided that he is a satanist? It was only a matter of time.
#Eddie Munson#Writing#also#Eddie doesn’t help his case by acting out#that’s not me blaming him because literally why join the bastards?#when no matter what you do they’re never going to accept you#so stick your tongue out and make horns at them because it’s gonna get you laugh#do you think he ever thought any of those things would happen to him?#god no#if he’d had even a bit of foresight into the events that would unfold I guarantee he would put his head down#or finally just dropped out#why would he willingly stick around a bunch of townies with no more sense between them than two rocks#I have a lot of feelings about this#because the satanic panic is like a really big thing in the US#was a big part of my childhood#I remember hearing about it all through high school and I graduated in 08#so it hasn’t gone anywhere#it’s just mutated
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love this part of my life where the things that are difficult but challenging and good for me are things i can stop and skip and halfass, but the things that are difficult and painful and pointless are the things i have to live with no matter what
#school and home life are too much to handle so i skip school#because i cant kick my parents out#and appartments cost money#and i dont have a car to sleep in#i could maybe try to dig up my old childhood tent but that brings a whole host of logistic questions + im scared and it's difficult#anyway. it's fine. it's cool. i just have to hold on until i graduate high shcool and then ?????#find a way to live without my parents money OR scholarships#all for some nebulous end goal of having a job (the only field i'm interested in and good at offers two options:#to become an academic#or to become a freelancer#i do not have the fortitude to be an academic and being a freelancer is convoluted and pays like shit)#i might've spent 24h without my parents occasionally if i spent the night at a friend's place once or twice recently#but besides that the last time i've gone 48h without my parents was when the mental health center organised a week camp uhhhh...#two summers ago#incredibly good for my mental health as you can see#god i remember like... years ago. around 13yo maybe or 14. a guy. i dont know if he was a mental health professional or like social cases#but anyway he told me ''you're too afraid to be away from mommy and daddy'' and it made me want to rip his eyes out#several other people have implied or suggested that too over the years and it's just#am i too dependant on my parents? yes. will it be difficult to take my independance? yes.#does it means i don't both rationally recognize and feel that this is really fucking unhealthy and hindering for me#on top of being unpleasant?#FUCK NO#i want out my guy. there's just not many opportunities for an already mentally ill teenager#now that i'm eighteen i have to grapple with the logistical problems of the money needed and how to continue my education#and im sure a billion more if i start searching a little more seriously#perhaps i should kill myself that way i don't cost anyone any more money#broadcasting my misery#vent
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thinking about superheroes unfortunately
#random thoughts#let me daydream about batman in peace#love the dynamic between spiderman and deadpool#it's that kind of dynamic i love where two people have power over each other in different ways#like spiderman is a well-loved public figure and deadpool's idol while deadpool is a dangerous mercenary with regeneration powers#physically deadpool probably outmatches spiderman through sheer dogged perseverance#while in the public eye spiderman is more well-liked AND deadpool is feverishly obsessed with him#i'm gonna keep forgetting the hyphen between spider and man btw fuck the world#loving the idea of a spiderman who KNOWS deadpool can do better and believes in him while deadpool gives him a space where HE can be himsel#like spiderman has so many masks he has to put on around other people#i think deadpool should be one of the few people he can truly let himself loose around#yknow before he can get to a point where he can reveal he's peter parker#also i think peter parker in his ideal state suffers from severe identity and self confidence issues#like he thinks spiderman is a seperate persona he puts on which is superior to himself in every way#(okay seperate thought: DID spiderman. the spider bite being so traumatic it led to him creating a split personality to cope.)#(or separate. whatever.)#also age difference. peter should be in his mid-twenties while deadpool should be in his thirties. need more power imbalance#also they're both sa survivors and their personalities could be interpreted as them handling it in vastly different ways#with deadpool being hypersexual and spiderman being flirtatious yet distant and peter parker being borderline celibate#though honestly i could leave spiderman being an sa survivor given it was a whole 'gay people are all predators' psa#also i think spiderman should have been held back in high school. due to struggles relating to being spiderman#so he graduated late and now he's going to community college#peter parker has the luxury of going incognito. wade wilson will always be stared at no matter what he's wearing#deadpool who every superhero hates. spiderman who every superhero organization is trying to recruit desperately#also i think peter should admire wade. physically. built like a brick shithouse that one#also the third act low point CAN'T be about spiderman feeling guilty because deadpool kills people#okay? it's overdone. we've seen it. it's lame#i prefer when their opposing views on murder are treated in a more 'death penalty or no' way rather than assuming deadpool is always wrong#because spiderman's idyllic 'people can change' beliefs can be just as wrong as deadpool's 'assholes deserve to die' beliefs#and spiderman has definitely killed people are you kidding me. both accidentally and on purpose
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Never not going to be emotional about this
#adventure time#adventure time together again#finn the human#Jake the dog#the brothers of all time#rambles from the ether#I will admit I’m biased and more emotionally invested in this episode bc it happened to come out the same month I graduated high school#but still. it’s GOOD#also I think this is one of the first times thet I cried tears of joy while watching a cartoon#I get emotional when I watch shows but usually I just cry because I’m sad#but this ending made me cry because I was so HAPPY.#that doesn’t usually happen with me#just. oughhh#I wish I could write endings like that#also I wish I could experience this episode for the first time again#I can’t watch the last few minutes without smiling#also sorry the screenshots look weird#I got them from YouTube bc I was suddenly having feelings about this episode again
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I just woke up from a nap but didn't Kanata used to take naps on Kaoru when they were in school in the Marine Bio club and they both individually needed to decompress from life? I'm just imaging a Kaoru who can't sleep or doesn't want to sleep gently playing with Kanata's hair, loosely braiding it or wrapping it around his finger while Kanata is softly snoring and leaning into Kaoru's touch.
Or one of the rare times that Kaoru is the one sleeping, Kanata just being there to watch over him and make sure he isn't disturbed because Kanata can tell Kaoru hasn't been sleeping well and wants to give him the time he needs to rest.
Or both of them napping together, either on top of each other or just in the room, separate but basking in the comfort of a familiar and calming presence as the whirring of the fish tanks lulls them to sleep
#shay speaks#enstars#kaoru hakaze#kanata shinkai#kaokana#kaokana nap pile in the marine bio room. kaoru actually lays his head on kanata's chest or stomach#and lets himself be intimate with another guy just this once (its the third time this month)#they are each other's comfort person. to me.#this could be romantic or platonic tbh#i think. in high school its platonic kaoru still has a lot of internalized homophobia to work through#but after they graduate and kaoru is a little more honest with his feelings#i think thats when he'd want to slowly test the waters of dating another guy for real#they hold pinkies :) more casual touching of the hands and arms#that kind of stuff#still takes like 6 months for kaoru to kiss kanata though dksbsjsjwjwbw#he's really shy and kanata is like dont worry kaoru i have never kissed anyone#this does not make it easier but its still a cute moment on the beach at sunset for both of them#even if its a little stilted and awkward
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My campus had a mental health "spooktacular" and I only went bc one of my classes is fuckall and wants us to do shit on campus but I copped a cute lil coloring book so I guess it wasn't too bad
#dumb fuck ted talk#i have no school friends so i just grabbed something and dipped i lowkey feel bad#can my irl friends just come to school with me ffs#like even the people i went to high school with. the ones i knew just started working after graduating and like. same i did that. no shade#but now that i'm trying to finish it's just so weird being on a big kid campus surrounded by a bunch of newborn adults#and like. i kinda wish i didn't want a “real job” bc now i gotta put in real effort and i kinda sorta wanna really really not#like. bro. c'mooonnnn. i already have work experience just give me the degree so i can get my joooobbbbb i hate it heeerrreee#is this my sign to go back to therapy#just might be#i could very well be losing it#unless this is the period hormones controlling my feelings. or is is it my real feelings controlling my feelings. the world may never know#either way. will be coloring when i get home before starting my papers. wish me luck#rain's daily issue
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i seriously need to get a new job and start making money again asap bc i cannot keep living at home much longer it’s driving me insane
(wrote an entire essay in the tags without meaning to oops)
#i feel so isolated from everything bc i’m not in school rn but all my friends are and 90% of the ones who are in state go to the same school#so they’re all in the same town and here i am 45 minutes away#i never get invited to anything bc 1) my friends all tend to make plans really last minute#and 2) if we want to go out and drink - which we usually do bc that’s the stage of life we’re in rn - i’d have to stay the night with#someone bc i absolutely cannot afford a 45 minute uber home and most of my friends don’t like staying over / having people stay over#so i have basically no social life and it’s only gotten worse in the past couple months since i got laid off from my main job#not only did i love that job but i loved my coworkers and work was pretty much the only time i left the house and interacted with people#and without that job i can’t even do the little solo things i used to do to cheer myself up like go see a movie#or even just go for a long drive bc i’m broke (as in i have $17 in cash to my name and am like $1000 in debt rn)#so all i do is rot in bed all day and apply for jobs that i’m overqualified for yet still don’t get hired#i barely even leave my room bc i avoid my family which just makes me feel guilty bc i love my family#but they get on my nerves so easily and most of the conversations i have with my mom end in her lecturing me about something and me crying#and on top of everything it’s just straight up embarrassing to be unemployed and completely directionless about college and living at home#logically i know i’m still very young and it’s common to live at home when you’re 20 but literally none of my friends do#i had a couple friends who lived at home for the first 2 years after high school and went to community college but by now they’ve moved out#and they’re all at universities and either graduating this year or next year meanwhile the earliest i could possibly graduate is in 2 years#i should be finishing my junior year rn but i’ve only completed my freshman year#i hated the school i was at and planned on transferring sophomore year but long story short that didn’t work out#even longer story short i ended up doing a semester each at 2 different community colleges and failed all my classes both times#and took 2 semesters off so now i’m a full 2 years behind and even though my freshman year was miserable#i’m starting to wish i stayed at that school anyway bc at least i would be at a university and accomplishing something#plus theres a huge difference between staying at home for a couple years after high school then moving out later#vs living on your own right away then having to move back home after you’ve already experienced having your own space#and on top of everything i have an older sister who’s a literal genius and graduated last year#and a younger sister who just finished her freshman year at the school i hated but she loves it and got perfect grades and made friends#so they’re both thriving and here i am living with my mom and my 13 year old brother and just completely failing at everything#i’m just so miserable and obviously moving out again and going back to school wouldn’t magically fix everything#but at least i would feel like my life was going somewhere and i wasn’t getting left behind by everyone i know#i just have no idea how to move forward and i feel like ever since high school not a single thing has gone the way i wanted it to#vent
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living in a college apartment on campus is like a million times better than being in the dorms and i love having my own room and a kitchen and a bigger bathroom but it doesn't feel......... like im on campus anymore. i suddenly feel like im not having The College Experience that i did when i lived in the dorms with a meal plan. like i was closer physically to everything else on campus and i was out of the house more often to go to the dining halls and now i sort of just feel like a lonely adult who happens to be taking classes
#the lonely part bc i used to room with someone i knew and my bestie was in the same building#now im just civil and friendly with my roommates but we're not Friends so :/#and the fact im 23 now is also driving me a little bit crazy#like i know and firmly believe there is no Being Behind in school and theres no reason everyone has to start righr out of high school#but friends younger than me are graduating and getting jobs and i feel like im this weird dude still taking calculus lol#just harder to fit in and make friends when half my classes are full of freshmen#and my core classes are people in my year but ... still a few years younger age-wise#i feel like i dont have PEERS#idk what this turned into sorry lol#diary
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got 19 hours of sleep yesterday and apparently my parents + sister genuinely worried i was dead for a little bit. no i just needed to hibernate a little. it happens.
#when i finally woke up i was like [all chipper and everything too] ''WOW i feel so well rested! i needed that :)''#and my mom started flipping out like ARE YOU OKAY?? and i was like ?? ye#apparently they were trying to wake me up but they couldn't (i've always been a deep sleeper)#i was like mom remember how i graduated high school and immediately fell asleep and then basically hibernated on and off for the next week#and half after. and she was like oh you did do that. and i was like [gestures vaguely at situation] same thing#that calmed her down.#im just sleepy!! it's the work and the colelge getting to me bro!#cricket.chatterbox
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i shouldve studied something else i should’ve done stem
#GUUUUUYYYSSSUUAUAUUUHGGAHUHGHH#i am so so so dumb and stupid truly i can feel like brain smoothing as the seconds pass#i feel like i’m gonna die someday and they’re gonna take my brain out and it’s gonna look like a bowling ball bc of how smooth it is AUUAUGH#yesterday a girl at this party asked me what my major was and i said gd and she was like ‘do you love it?!’ and i just 😃☝🏼🧍🧍🧍🧍🧍#GGAAAAHHWHHHHUHHHHHUH I DOOO I LOVE IT I THINK BUT IM SO SCAAARREDD I FEEL LIKE IM BAADDDDDD AND IT MAKES ME THINK I DONT LIKE IT TTTT#I DONT LIKE BEING BAAADDDUUUHAHGHGHIHGH HOW HARD CAN IT BE.#AND I LOVE SCIENCE SO MUCUUUUCH BUT MY BRAIN HAS SMOOTHED BEYOND REPAIR I KNWO I WOULD BE BAD#BUT IF I STARTED OUT DOING IT MAYBE I WOULDNT BE SO BAD. AUUGGHH#maybe my smooth brain would not be so smooth. god. i love science#i loved biology i loved oceanography i LOOOVE CHEMISTRY AUUGH#and if covid don’t happen i would’ve taken physics and probably hated it but maybe i wouldn’t and maybe i would like astrophysics#and maybe i would go to space. covid ruined my chances of going to space and turning my brain smooth#whatever whatever whatever i like being an artist it’s fine i love being a graphic designer i love being an illustrator i love it#it would just be very very nice if i didn’t feel dumber than everyone around me all the time when having conversations#and it would be nice to not be. so so scared of my job all the time#whatever whatever#sorry#🌙.txt#i love science#my high school chemistry teacher also redacted after i graduated an do liked him a lot so that makes me miss chemistry even more. WHATEVER#sorry i’m done
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me as a student: it must be so annoying for teachers to receive emails from former students, idk if i wanna bother them even if they said i could :/
me as a teacher: if you dont email that story you showed me after youve finished writing it just know that i KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE-
#taylor.txt#ok i have a former student whose email i desperately need to respond to...i told him to send me a reminder if i forgot to respond and he di#so djfgfjkdjkfd it's time. it's time#that being said i also just sent an email to one of MY high school teachers and theres this weird part of my brain thats like#what if he doesnt remember who i am. as if you could ever forget a kid who spent every other lunch hour crying in your classroom#i wanted to tell him about where i'm teaching now and like...i'm graduating uni! bc i used to send him yearly updates but never did this#year so yeah. my rational brain knows he'll appreciate it and be excited for me but it does kind of feel like a...damn it's kinda weird to#still be sending emails to your high school teachers 5 years out#but like aforementioned former student of mine i technically didn't even teach#he was in a club i ran in sept-nov 2022. and obviously i don't find it weird that he's still emailing me so yeah#teachers love this shit. believe me. when we say 'you can always email!!!' we mean it lmfao
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I’ll make myself tea, drink half of it, forget it, and then be less sure what i want to do when I find it again three hours later
#emma posts#it’s not warm#but I could make it warm?#am I still in the mood though?#it feels like a breakfast thing to me#when I was drinking it earlier I remembered how I used to down two cups worth of black tea with sweetener in the morning senior year#and maybe Junior year or whatever the one before it was#because I hate coffee but was barely holding on#and I’m like ‘I don’t know if it’s still a rule. but before one of my younger brothers graduated they made it so that the kids#could only drink clear liquids out of a clear bottle and I’m like. I think i would have died even faster#so many weird rules keep getting added after I’ve graduated and I’m like ‘these kids can’t have shit. huh?’#to be fair I was also on a very high dose of an adhd medication at that time so my heart was going so fucking fast#my childhood psychiatrist seemed to live by the philosophy of ‘if it worked before and isn’t enough now just take even more’#which probably (definitely) had a negative effect on me because of the side effects I was getting#new psychiatrist is like ‘maybe we should also consider trying other medications’ which is great. seriously#I’m not sure if my current one even existed when I was in school though#and I’m not sure it would have been enough but damn. the side effects are lesser#I’ve drank my current tea cold before. not black tea though#black tea goes cold and I’m out
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