#I couldn’t motivate myself to get out of bed to start physically attending class again

[miiiwu]

Tbh I don’t think I ever mentally recovered from the pandemic. I’m still. Idk. Floating thru life with no real routine. Shit sucks

[fatiguing-thoughts]

“New Moon” - Jasper Hale Miniseries Part 2

I woke up in the morning to an empty side of the bed next to me.

“No, no, no!” I exclaim, running my hands sporadically throughout the spot where Jasper laid next to me last night.

This couldn’t be real, but it was real.

I grabbed my phone off the desk and called Jasper.

“Sorry, the number you have called is out of service.”

I called the rest of the family, all the same. I wanted to scream, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. My head was spinning, I was having a panic attack. I felt like I was dying.

Before I knew it, I hit the floor.

I woke up hours later, waking up to my living nightmare. It felt like my heart was ripped clean out of my chest, with no promise of return.

How could life rob me of the people I loved most in my life? Take away my families that gave me love, twice?

When the car accident happened on my way home from high school graduation, it killed my entire family. I was the only survivor. I moved to Washington to start a new life, I was too depressed to live in my home anymore, I couldn’t bare to live in that house. I moved to Olympia and attended Evergreen State College. Portland became too much for me, I had to go.

After I met Jasper and his family, things grew easier for me. The hole in my heart slowly filled. I felt loved again, people cared for me like a family. They loved and respected me; I was not lonely anymore. Holidays weren’t spent crying alone anymore, they were spent surrounded by love. I miss my family dearly but was grateful for a second chance for a family. But now, it was once again ripped from my hands at the hand of someone else.

 I stumbled over to my desk, looking at the pictures of my handsome boyfriend and myself. I noticed that he took one; I hope he looks at it as much as I look at them.

 I thought back to how I met Jasper. I was shopping in Port Angeles, as I like to drive and take road trips at any given chance. I ran into three beautiful women on that rainy day. The tiniest of the three, who I then learned was Alice, looked at me, stared blankly, and dropped what was in her hands at that time. The other two women turned to look at me, before going back to her. She whispered something to them. They all looked at me quizzically before approaching me. I hung out with them for quite some time, befriending them. I know now that she had a vision, she knew I was Jasper’s mate. Rosalie and I clicked very well. We exchanged numbers and agreed to hang out at some point. I spent the rest of the day with them. At one point their adoptive brother, Jasper, met up with us as he needed to shop too.

 When Jasper and I made eye contact, all of the air left my lungs. I almost collapsed to the floor, my knees buckled and I gripped onto Rosalie’s arm for support. Alice was smiling uncontrollably as the same thing seemed to happen to Jasper.

 “Hello, my name is Jasper Hale.” He says, reaching out his hand for me to take.

 “I’m (Y/N Y/L/N).” I said, short of breath, meeting my hand to his.

 He grabbed my hand and kissed it, causing me to blush uncontrollably.

The sweet memory caused me to smile, before heading back into reality.

The situation daunted on me, I was alone. I had nobody with me, wouldn’t have anyone with me for quite some time. My best friends, my family, my love-- they’re all gone without a trace.

 So I did what I could, I laid in my bed and stared at the ceiling for God knows how long. I had class in an hour and had to go, so I wouldn’t lose sight of my goal. Only now there was a new motive: to see Jasper sooner.

 I went to my class, but none of it felt real. It was all a blur. When I returned to my dorm room, I stared out my window.

 And that’s how I spent all of my time now, watching the world around me change as I stayed the same. I was too depressed to do anything extra. I went to class, tried to listen, and did the work I had to do. People spoke to me, but it fell upon deaf ears.

 I left Jasper and Rosalie voicemails on a daily basis. I wrote letters for Jasper daily, planning to give him them all at once when, even though it felt more like an if, I ever get to see him again.

 Being indefinitely separated from my mate left me feeling as if I was living in hell. My nightmares came back, and they came back worse.

 I would wake up screaming, having the RA banging on my door to see if I was okay, as people called it in thinking someone was dying. Though I wasn’t physically dying, I felt like I was. I was emotionally and mentally drained as the weeks went on. Weeks turned into months. By the time October rolled around, I still hadn’t talked to anyone. I was so isolated that I even forgot that other people attended this school.

 Until one day, a kid in my busines statistics class spoke to me.

 “Hey, do you know what we’re doing? I don’t really understand this.” He says to me, trying to smile in a friendly way.

 “Uh, yeah.” I say shyly.

 I explained the problem to him and turned my attention back towards the lecture.

“Thank you, (Y/N).” He said nicely.

“You know my name?” I said surprisingly. I was so down and lost in my own head, I never learned his name.

“Well, it is on your paper.” He said chuckling.

“Ah yes. That’s true. And your name?” I ask, trying to force myself to talk. After all, this is the most social interaction I’ve had since Jasper left a month ago.

“Mark. It’s nice to finally hear something out of you.” He teased.

I smiled back and chuckled out a “Yeah, that’s fair.”

The class came to an end and with that, I left to go sulk in my room.

Every class, Mark tried to talk to me more and more. He was very nice, I just didn’t feel a need to make any friends anymore.

“Hey listen (Y/N), I know you didn’t do anything for Halloween. Thanksgiving break is coming up in a couple of weeks. I think you need to have some fun. My friends and I are hanging out this weekend at my place. I think you should come by and try the whole, social, thing.” Mark kindly offers.

I sat and thought about it. What was there to lose? I didn’t necessarily want to go, but maybe it would be a nice distraction that wasn’t staring out my window all weekend.

“Ok Mark. I’ll stop by for a little while.” I said calmly.

“Oh wow, actually? That was easier than I thought.” He laughs.

He hands me his phone with a new contact page up. I add myself and hand the phone back.

The class ends and I head back to my dorm.

After sitting for about an hour looking out my window, my phone buzzes. It was Mark.

“So we’ll see you tomorrow at 6:30. Please try to have fun.”

“Yeah, I’ll be there. I’ll try my best.” I respond.

I started writing Jasper’s letter before I stare at the backpack I’ve yet to open.

I can’t explain why I couldn’t. I was just so nervous. But it was time. It’s been almost two months since the Cullens left.

I unzip the massive backpack and see an absurd amount of cash, some papers, and some little packages. I open the papers first. One is the address of the new apartment and the other two are sealed with my name on it.

I open the first one and see a receipt? I look closer and see that he had paid off the duration of my tuition here. I almost cried at the thought of it, and I would’ve if I had any tears left. 

I open the second one and see his handwriting. I stopped breathing for a second.

“Dear (Y/N),

         I’m so sorry for what is happening Darlin’. I hope this ends sooner than later because not being with you is the worst pain that I could ever fathom. I hope you treat yourself well, please take care of yourself. I can’t wait to see you again, my love. Soon enough, we’ll have forever together. Do well in school, it’s important. I left you what I think you’ll need in this bag, please don’t miss anything in it. I will see you soon enough, doll.

          Love always,

Jasper Whitlock Hale”

My tears dropped upon the paper. I opened the rest of the bag.

I saw a little rectangle box. I opened it and gasped. It was a necklace with a “J” on it. I held it close to my chest before putting it on.

It almost felt like he was real again. It felt like I wasn’t just imagining everything that happened to me.

I grabbed a picture of he and I before climbing into bed and holding it to my chest. I laid there until I fell asleep holding it.

When I woke up, it was 10 am. I did some homework and decided to finally go see the apartment that Jasper picked for me.

I ate some breakfast and got in my car. About an hour or so later, I pulled into the parking lot of a cute complex. I go up to mine and look around. It felt so empty despite being furnished. I walk into the kitchen and see a note on the counter. It was from Jasper.

“Hey Doll, it looks like you found the apartment. I hope you like what we’ve done with it for you.”

I almost instinctively crumpled the note up in my hands as I held it to my chest, but stopped myself. I put it back on the counter before finding my bedroom. It was customized just for me, that’s for sure. My eyes welled up with tears and I couldn’t control myself when I saw the framed picture of Jasper and I on the wall. I looked out the window and admired the view of the tree line. I missed my boyfriend more than anything. This was going to be hard. At about 4 or so, I decided to head back to school after dropping some of my stuff in the apartment.

 I get back and get ready to go to Mark’s hangout. This would not only be my first social setting in some time, but my first big group of people in months. I was so afraid I could get sick.

 I drive to the address that Mark gave me and let him know I was there. I looked around and noticed that this was definitely a frat house. Well, let’s hope for the best.

He came outside to come get me. I exited the car and followed him inside to see about 25 people in the living room and kitchen area. This was going to be a nightmare. 

“Hey (Y/N), thanks for coming. Can I get you something to drink?” Mark offers.

“No thank you, I have water with me.”

“What? You don’t want a shot or anything?” He asked me confused.

“Mark I’m driving. I also don’t drink, but thank you.” I tell him.

As I look around I become increasingly aware of the fact that I’m the only female here.

“Did I crash a boy’s night or something?” I ask him.

“No I just wanted everyone to meet you.” He says.

“Oh?” I said puzzled.

“Is this her? Is this (Y/N)?” A large man comes up and asks Mark,

“Yes it is.” Mark answered. “(Y/N), this is Joe.”

“Hi Joe. Nice to meet you.” I said shyly.

“Hello. You’re right Mark, she is really pretty. You should ask her out.”

Ah there it is, the reason I was invited.

“Please go away, Joe.” Mark said as he pushed Joe out of the conversation.

“Well…” Mark trails off, looking at me.

“Well what?” I ask back.

“Would you wanna go out some time?” He asked nervously.

“Mark, I’m flattered. Thank you but I’m actually with someone. It’s pretty serious. I appreciate the gesture, though.” I say nicely.

“So why are you alone all the time?” He asks me, with kind of annoyed tone.

“Because he’s not here right now?” I said questioning his tone.

“Well, let’s just get you to have some fun tonight.” He said, pulling me further into the house by my hand.

As I walk through, all I see is drunk men. I haven’t been this uncomfortable in so long.

I sit on the couch alone and look around. I check my phone, nothing.

“What’s a pretty girl like you sitting all alone for?” I hear from above me.

My stomach turned as I look up and see a guy about the size of Emmett.

Emmett. I miss my chaos twin. I miss them all so much.

I lost my track of thought when I felt the couch dip next to me and someone throwing their arm over my shoulder.

Once again, the feeling of nausea was returning. The pit in my stomach was turning.

“So, what’s your name? Jasmine? Jade? Am I close?” He says, reaching out to twiddle his fingers around my “J” necklace.

I quickly grab my necklace from his grasp.

“No, my name is (Y/N). The J is my boyfriend’s initial. His name is Jasper.” I snapped at him.

“Oh, so where is your boyfriend, then? Why would he leave you all alone? Doesn’t seem like he cares very much if you’re alone all the time, or if you came here alone.” He said in a whisper as he caressed my arm. I could smell the liquor on his breath.

I wish I knew where he was.

“He does, he’s busy doing something important.” I said harshly as I pull my arm away quickly.

My phone begins to go off in my pocket, I get up to look at the screen. It’s an unknown number. Hell I’d answer anyone, even a spam call, to get out of this situation right now.

“Hello?” I say into the phone, happy just to have a break in whatever that situation was turning into.

“(Y/N), leave. Now.” It was Alice.

“Alice?” I basically scream into the phone.

“(Y/N), please leave. Never speak to them again. Get out, go home.” She says as I hear the call end.

I ran out of the house, started my car, and left. My worries weren’t for nothing. They were going to hurt me.

But as I drove home, none of that really stayed on my mind.

Alice called me; I couldn’t even trace a number. I couldn’t call back. For once I felt like they were real again. I began to cry, I missed them so much. The most I heard from them in months was a fifteen second phone call. I didn’t get to talk, it was just so I wouldn’t let myself get hurt.

I pulled into my usual parking spot and headed up to my dorm room. Hoping that this semester ends soon enough. I only have two weeks before Winter break. This couldn’t come sooner.

I crawled into my bed, staring at the J on my necklace until I fell asleep.

 Jasper’s POV

Hearing the phone call was too much for me.

Hearing about Alice’s vision was too much for me.

This was all too much for me. I needed to see (Y/N).

I needed to go there and kill every single one of them. If it wasn’t for Emmett and Carlisle holding me back and calming me down, I’m not sure I wouldn’t have been able to stop myself.

I was sick of just hoping my fragile (Y/N) would be okay. It wasn’t enough for me that Alice was watching with her visions.

I have an anger so deep within me that I could destroy anything in my path. So that’s what I did with Emmett. We went outside and broke boulders about fifteen miles from where we were staying. It was how I was gonna keep myself calm.

“I’m really sorry Jasper.” Emmett says to me.

“Thank you, Emmett.” I look back at him.

“We all miss her too, I know it’s different. But it hurts us too. I wish she could’ve come. But we’ll see her soon.” He says to me.

“I want it more than anything. I would also like to show up to that party.” My voice trailed off. If vampires could cry, I’d have been crying from the start of this conversation.

“I know, but we can’t. We have to be happy nothing happened to her. So I really can’t let you go do that.” He pats the back of my left shoulder.

I nodded to him. Emmett was truly the best brother I could ask for. Rosalie picked an amazing mate, and I owe her one for that.

“Do you smell that?” He says, wiggling his eyebrows at me.

“Bears?” I say, a little bit of the predator side in me taking over.

“Yeah, I think it’s time for dinner.” He says smirking.

And just like that we were off, racing to find a bear.

 *********

Word Count: 2973

[unsteadyimagines]

Deceitful (Spencer Reid x Reader) Part 1/2

SUMMARY: Spencer helps Amanda (a recovering victim of domestic violence rescued by the BAU) by spending time with her, which makes Y/N mad because he barely had time to spend with her originally because of his job. Now, argument after argument, Y/N has suspicions Spencer’s intentions may not be so pure after all.

WORD COUNT: 1.9k

WARNINGS: N/A

NOTE: This is my first time ever posting any of my writing so please bear with me!! I also have to thank @moonlit-martyr​ for giving me the motivation to start writing again!!

***Feedback is always welcome for future improvement!

-------

“Hey, Emily long time no see,” you smile, walking through the entry of the BAU, hands full with Spencer’s lunch which he had left at home early this morning.

“Hey, Y/N it’s been so long, what are you doing here?” she asks, grabbing stacks and stacks of what I assume are new case files, once again reminding me of their hectic and highly dangerous job.

“I just came to drop off Spencer’s lunch; he left it at home again this morning. Do you know where he is?” You ask curiously. Emily’s face drops slightly, but enough for me to notice her change in demeanour. She looks as if she’s struggling to come up with an answer. Being in the FBI, you’d think she would be a better liar, or at least look more convincing.

“Oh, uh – he’s, um – actually already gone out for lunch… with Amanda. They left about 25 minutes ago,” She says, looking down to the floor. My stomach twisted in nervous knots, feeling both disappointment and uneasiness.

“T-they?” You’re afraid to ask. This was the third time this week Spencer has gone out for lunch with Amanda, and while you usually wouldn’t be concerned about Spencer making new friends, in fact, you would encourage it, this time something felt… different. Amanda was a victim they rescued from a life-threatening domestic violence dispute four weeks ago. According to Spencer, she didn’t have any family or friends left due to her then abusive husband pushing her away from everyone she knew and loved. She has no one.

You let out a heavy sigh, placing Spencer’s lunch on his desk and looking back at Emily, who looks sympathetic. “I know what you’re thinking, Y/N, but this is Spencer we’re talking about. I don’t think you have anything to worry about - he adores you… you know that” She tells you reassuringly. You believe Emily’s words of comfort because deep down, you know she’s right. From the moment you and Spencer met at the college you attend when he was teaching a class, it was a match made in heaven. The two of you hit it off so quickly, getting to know each other and already planning a second meeting before even finishing your first one.

“I know I know, and I understand she doesn’t have anyone right now and I think it’s very considerate of Spencer to help her get back on her feet but… and I may sound horrible for saying this, but… I-I just hope she doesn’t try to take advantage of his kindness and mistake it for something else.”

“Remember he loves you and wouldn’t do anything to jeopardise that, Amanda just needs a little bit of guidance right now, I’m sure you can try to understand that. Being isolated from every person you love for so long by someone who is meant to be your husband, then all of a sudden have everything taken away from you. Not to mention all the physical and psychological pain she must have been feeling.” Emily explains. Maybe I sound paranoid.

You smile at Emily, grateful for her advice.

“Thanks, Emily. I’m just being paranoid. I’m sure everything is fine.” However, at this point, I don’t know who I am trying to convince more - myself or Emily.

“Do you want to come and see the others? I’m sure they would all love to see you again,” Emily encourages, trying to get my mind off of Spencer and Amanda.

Giving her an enthusiastic nod, she leads me to the group, who are smiling and laughing while awaiting another case. As Penelope’s sees me walking closer, she has a huge grin on her face and her arms already out on either side of her for a bone-crushing hug.

It’s been a considerable number of hours since I left the BAU, getting on with household chores before Spencer is due to arrive home. Putting the finishing touches on dinner, I hear the front door open and in walks Spencer in his black suit. He drops his briefcase and bag by the door, walking into the kitchen with a lazy smile written on his face. His long arms stretched out; he makes his way towards me.

“Hey babe, sorry I’m home so late. I got caught up with some last-minute case reports.” He murmurs, wrapping his arms around my waist, placing a delicate kiss on my cheek. At this point, it just feels wrong to accept his loving gestures. Did they still mean the same things from when we first met? Placing the two plates on the dining table, I sit opposite Spencer, not sure how to even talk to him. Do I bring up my concerns? He looks quite tired from work. Maybe I shouldn’t push it on him tonight? Or should I? Do I mention it at all?!

Dinner was awkward, tense and quiet all at once. Only the sounds of metal utensils and glass plates being heard in the room and soft mumbles of delight from Spencer for the food. Spencer sits back and lets out a deep sigh.

“Do you mind clearing up? I still have heaps of work to get done before I go in tomorrow.” He asks, however, I get the sense that it doesn’t matter whether I say yes or no, I will still end up doing it.

“Sure, you go do what you need to.” I get up, grabbing both plates and begin cleaning up for the night. A half-hour later I make my way upstairs to get ready for bed and as always, I pass Spencer’s office. Except this time, I stop in my tracks and take a look inside and once again my stomach is filled with nerves and butterflies, but not the good kind. It’s funny how Spencer has ‘heaps’ of work to get done, yet he’s finding time to message back and forth with whoever he was talking to, and of course, it only took me a second to realise who it most likely was. Smiling and chuckling at his screen was a clear indication it was most definitely not someone from the team, but Amanda.

I desperately want to ask him about her, but I’m not ready to hear the answer. Spencer is the only serious relationship I have ever had, the only person I’ve ever loved. But this isn’t what love is meant to feel like. Feeling constantly on edge, anxious and paranoid. At this point, I’m not certain its paranoia anymore, but my gut feeling. I don’t want to believe that Spencer may be cheating on me. I can’t. I can’t stand this anymore. I make my way over to our bathroom and get ready for bed, leaving room for Spencer when he eventually comes to bed.

I suddenly feel a nudge on my arm. Slowly opening my eyes, I see Spencer’s face hovering over mine in the darkness. 2:25 am.

“What are you doing up still? I thought you would’ve come to bed hours ago.” I groggily ask, trying to make out his features in the lack of light. But I don’t need any light to notice how unconvincing his next words are, and once again, it sends my heart beating profusely.

“I just got called into work, but I should only be gone a couple of hours this time, I promise.” Promise. The word promise is used a lot by him and yet lately, he never fails to disappoint me. I promise I’ll be home early. I promise we’ll get to spend more time together. I promise we can make this work - I promise, I promise, I promise.

Having nothing to say to him, I simply roll over and try to get back to sleep. I hear him let out a sigh.

“I love you” He whispers. That alone threatens tears to brim my eyes. As much as I am hurting right now, I couldn't not say it back.

“I love you too, be safe.” I barely whisper, loud enough for him to hear. In a way, him hearing me say those words makes me hope he feels somewhat guilty if he isn’t actually going to work, but another woman’s house. Her house. But no, of course not. Instead, I hear him pick up his bag, walk downstairs and lock the door.

Sitting up in bed, my thoughts are running a million miles an hour. Where did we go wrong? Did I do something? Does he not love me anymore despite him saying he does? It takes me hours before I am able to go back to sleep, considering waiting up for Spencer to return home but deciding against it.

Opening my heavy eyes, I check to see the time is now 8:30 am. I also notice Spencer’s side of the bed remains untouched. A couple of hours, huh? Around 45 minutes later, I’m sat on the couch engrossed in a book, when Spencer walks in the door - clothes dishevelled and tired eyes. “Hi babe” He yells, walking up the stairs to our bedroom before I am even able to reply.

When he comes downstairs, he sits next to me, wrapping his arms around my shoulders, enveloping me in a warm hug and a kiss on the corner of my mouth. Fuck, I miss this. I hum in delight, taking whatever I can get, which sounds as pathetic as it actually is.

“You said you would only be a couple of hours, not over 6 hours.” You murmur in his chest.

“I know, I’m sorry I just got caught up with the others. Next time I’ll let you know if I run over time.” He assures me. Looking up at him, I can tell he is tired, small bags forming under his eyes. He gives me a lazy smile, pecking me on the forehead before heading upstairs.

“I thought we were going to hang out today? We’ve barely had any alone time together this week or last week,” I asked, turning around on the couch to look at him. He’s only made it halfway up the stairs as he looks at me, groans and looks up at the ceiling.

“Y/N, I’m tired. We can hang out tonight or tomorrow.” He huffs, continuing his way up the stairs.

“Will we though? Because that’s what you said a few days ago, and numerous times last week.” You blurt. It’s not my intention to start an argument today, but if it means I can finally get something out of him instead of endless false hope, then so be it.

Spencer’s face contorts in an annoyed expression, a slight glare in his eyes draining into mine.“Y/N, don’t argue with me. I’m tired and I want to sleep. We’ll hang out later.” He says more firmly. But to me, that isn’t good enough.

“It’s always ‘later’ with you isn’t it?” I push.

“For fuck sakes Y/N we can hang out later!” He yells, his arms flailing up in annoyance. I flinch slightly, taken aback by his sudden change in mood. For however long we’ve been together I don’t think he has ever really raised his voice at me before like he had just now. Sinking into the couch, I succumb to his angry and irritated mood.

“I- okay, sorry.” He didn’t look the least bit apologetic, trudging back up the stairs and into our bedroom. Hot tears slide down my cheeks, my throat tightens as I try to hold down my sobs. I don’t know whether I’m meant to stay here or leave. But where would I go? Deciding on staying on the couch for the time being, I curl up into a ball and shut my eyes, trying to sleep the day away and avoid any more drama.

[ottostherapy]

How to not be an adult - Exciting Staff Days

Severus Snape x OC

a/n: Still a Snape appreciation month story, cause Snape deserves some love. Excuse my language, not my mother tongue.

post-war au, where Snape survives and returns to teaching at Hogwarts. Relieved to find out Minerva understands his motives, he can now put his energy to getting to know other people.

warnings: angst

word count: 1561

Part 1 Part 2

(gif’s not mine)

That night Severus returned to his bedroom in the dungeons with his heart at ease. During their game of introduction, he had drawn the quote of the new physical education professor, who had previously taught at Beauxbatons Academy, but he himself was not too keen on learning how to play Duggle or Finchister. He couldn’t even imagine wearing bathing trunks and he would never show up in leggings to go dancing. Then again, Severus had never felt obligated to be on the Quidditch team either, so maybe it was just his disapproval for sports.

Maybe in a while there would be more than just the Quidditch cup …

Severus smiled to himself at the thought of battling Aurora Sinistra, the new Head of Gryffindor, instead of Minerva for the Quidditch House Cup and other sports events.

He had expected to fall fast asleep after the rather pleasant occurrences of the day, instead Severus lay awake until 3 o’ clock in the morning. He pondered his survival once again. The only thing he remembered was being bitten by the snake, Potter, and that he had given him his memories. His body had burned, stung, he had lost his ability to move, stunned by the venom. He had lost control over his legs, arms, core, over his face and over his mind. He must have lost his conscious. When he had woken up, he was at his home – Spinners End, how could that place ever feel like home?

Was Hogwarts his home though? Albus only accepted him, so he could save the boy. Potter’s son. Lily’s son.

Severus heart started aching again. It was his responsibility, he had murdered her, he had murdered his best friend. How could he have been so oblivious?

And why was he not dead. He had grown accustomed to the thought; he even found a liking to it. Severus was tired. So much energy he had spent to keeping Harry Potter safe and sound, was it too much to ask for salvation?

Apparently. It seemed like he did not deserve redemption.

Severus felt a familiar cold creeping through his chest, a familiar tightness. He tensed, burying his face into his pillow.

The next morning came fast, Severus face was pale, his eyes swollen, his head thumped. He decided to skip the shower, since he couldn’t get himself to leave the sheets.

He knew he had to attend breakfast; Minerva had hinted at having plans for the day.

Severus was rather averse to bonding activities, when he could instead spend time reading or bathe in the fumes of the shimmering contents within the cauldron.

Maybe he would roam the halls, plan his classes, study … Oh what a relaxing day he could have.

Severus, despite his difficulty of getting out of bed and facing anybody that day, most days, was not one to be late. He was one of the first people to sit down at the great hall.

Much to his disapproval the Muggle-studies professor already sat at one end of the table, talking to Minerva. Both their heads turned as he entered the room.

Sivit looked him up and down, before turning his attention back to the headmistress.

She, however gave him a warm smile. He assumed, she tried to hide the worry in her eyes, but she didn’t succeed. He must have looked miserable.

Severus deliberately placed himself on the opposite end of the table.

A few minutes later he sat accompanied by Septima to his left and Maia to his right. Luckily Septima loved talking to Wilhelmina Grubbly-Plank, so he did not have to converse with either of those two.

Maia on the other hand, seemed eager to get to know him. She had a toast, omelette and fruit on her plate and tried to sneak some personal information from him in between strawberries. “So, you have high standards educating the students?”

Severus nodded. He indeed had high standards regarding the growing wizards and witches, after all they went to Hogwarts to learn.

Maia chewed her omelette, nodded, eyed his plate. “And were you as eager when you attended Hogwarts?”

Severus nodded again. He wrapped his black cloak around his torso, clutching onto the edge of the fabric.

“And you are the Dark Arts Professor, right? Was that your favourite subject?”

“It certainly was.”

“Interesting!” Maia shoved the last slice of apple into her mouth. “What made you so interested in it, that you decided to teach it?”

On the other side of the table Hagrid laughed.

“Isn’t it important to know how to protect oneself?” Severus popped an eyebrow at the woman.

She took her time to answer his rather rhetorical question. Severus watched her forehead wrinkle, watched her muscles work, watched her shift. “I am convinced it is vital, if necessary.” She glanced to his greasy hair, his swollen eyes and his frantic grasp around his chest. Perhaps Minerva had set her up to him?

“You would know!” He sneered before he turned away.

Out of the corner of his eyes, he watched Maia frown, but pick up a conversation with Horace next to her, so Severus crossed his arms.

He looked over the staff until his eyes met with hazel-brown irises, belonging to none other than Lilou.

She had tied her hair up with a wide headband, still it stood to every side possible. Her body was wrapped in a teal gown, with ochre ornaments at the chest.

She wiggled her eyebrow, mouthing a good morning to him.

Severus pretended to look through her. She’d be better off far, far away from him.

Only when Minerva cleared her throat, Severus came back to reality. “I hope all of you had a good first night in the castle.” She peeked over her sheep. “With a good breakfast, you should be able to endure this day, I have planned:”

Severus groaned. How came Minerva was turning into Albus, when she was his greatest ally against the former Headmaster’s exciting staff-days?

“Today we will be playing Quidditch. The Sorting hat, divides us into four teams, to which we will be sticking for the rest of the week.” Severus silently cursed himself for appearing to breakfast. They might have forgotten about him, if he had not gotten out of bed.

Minerva went on explaining the rules to the little tournament she had set up for the new Hogwarts staff, but Severus was only listening with half an ear.

The Sorting hat placed him into “The Speedos”, alongside Minerva, Lilou, Sivit and five others. At least, he thought, they were enough for him to reject playing himself. Of course, Minerva declared herself team captain and nobody opposed.

“The Vilebreqins” declared Irma Pince as their captain, “The Quicksilvers” Maia Reed and “The Hacketts” were run by Filius.

They had half an hour to get dressed, in which Severus reasoned if he was able to simply disappear and never come back, but the blanc fear of resentment kept him from going anywhere.

“I have not seen you eating, Severus”, Minerva noted, as they made their way to the Quidditch field.

“I am not hungry”, he huffed.

Severus picked up the pace, storming away from Minerva. The disapproving hiss, he heard still. He wished for Sivit to vanish again, being reminded of not Arthur Weasley anymore, but James Potter and Sirius Black.

“I have decided I’ll make a great beater, what about you?” Lilou sneaked up to Severus and now danced next to him.

“A great reserve”, he growled between gritted teeth.

“Oh.” Lilou had difficulty keeping up with him. “I thought we could maybe be beaters together?”

“No.” Severus barked, but then quickly added: “But you can join me at the bench, if you get tired of beating.”

“I’ll sit with you against Quicksilvers, if you fly with me against Vilebrequins …” Lilou grinned.

They had reached the Quidditch pitch. The first match would be Vilebrequins against Hacketts. Rolanda did the referee, as always.

As their team sat down in the stands, Lilou plopped down next to Severus.

“I, myself would do the Seeker.” Minerva started. “Who of you wants to be in which position? Clearly, if you want to be the Seeker, we could switch.”

But nobody wanted to be Seeker, Deniel Guégan, the professor for physical education volunteered for Keeper and everyone approved. Deciding for Chasers and Beaters wasn’t as easy, but in the end Lilou got what she wanted. She and Severus made a Beaters-team, Sivit and an assistant teacher made the other team. Poppy and two new professors became Chasers.

The first match took almost an hour, Vilebrequins won by 20 points.

Their own first match only took 15 minutes, Minerva caught the snitch before any teams Chaser even scored one point.

Still Lilou used the time to tell Severus about how nervous she was to start teaching.

He had to reassure her for at least fourteen times, that she would most probably not be the most-hated professor – which was him, had always been him, but he kept this from her.

“I assume the students think you’re really funny?”, Lilou mused, while Deniel caught a Quaffle.

“Usually they are more intimidated.” If not scared.

“Oh, but who doesn’t like a little sarcasm every now and then?”

Severus puckered the corners of his lips, suddenly overly interested in exactly the direction, where Lilou’s face was not.

next chapter

[ichigopanhpff]

BNHA Fic: Blink! Ch. 14

Read Ch. 13 | Masterlist

SPOILER ALERT: This chapter’s not much of spoiler territory but it’s still within season 4. It’s character development time!

Summer’s last breath left near the end of September and brought the autumnal chills. All the interns were able to attend Nighteye’s funeral after the dust settled on the Shie Hassaikai raid. Both the school and hero agencies agreed on putting the work-study program in an indefinite hold.

Ren took two mental health days from classes after all her injuries healed.

She stayed in bed, completely unmotivated to do anything. Despite that, she ultimately returned but her attendance had scattered absences.

This alerted two certain students from 2-A.

When lunch time came around, two familiar second years came up to 1-A’s table. Everyone energetically greeted them.

“Have you guys seen Ren lately?” Seri asked with an underlying tone of worry. Midoriya and Todoroki quickly took notice of it.

“She said she hasn’t been feeling well,” Yaoyorozu answered. “And has been in her room since I last saw her this morning.”

“Gottverdammt,” Tomoe hissed out in German and went back to Japanese, speaking in a hushed manner with Seri. “She’s relapsing.”

The two rushed out of the lunchroom.

“Lange-senpai, wait!” a voice called out.

The two girls turned to see five of the first years followed them.

“What do you mean by relapsing?” Uraraka suddenly asked in between breaths. “She was with us during the raid.”

“If this has anything to do with Chisaki...” Asui assumed.

“We’ll explain on the way,” Seri promptly responded. “Come on.”

The rag tag group exited the corridor and made their way to their dorms at a quickened pace.

“Ren was basically a physical and emotional recluse when we first met each other in class,” Tomoe summarized. “Had a lot of trust issues after being bullied at her old school in the States.”

“Bullied?” Midoriya asked, knowing all too well of this.

“It’s… something to do with her family that’s better coming from her,” the tall girl quickly replied.

“When Tocchan and I managed to become friends with her, she’d have relapse episodes where she wouldn’t come to school for days,” Seri continued. “Her anxiety got the best of her whenever she felt herself opening up. We didn’t know it was such a big vulnerability at the time and thought she was just playing hooky. After butting our way into her place one day after school to give her notes and assignments, we saw her buried under her covers in her room, cowering like an abused animal.”

“We sat with her for hours until she was comfortable enough with us to talk,” Tomoe finished and clicked her tongue. “That dummkopf… She must be a mess right now.”

Finally reaching the Alliance Dorms, they busted through the door and heard a startled yelp from the kitchen. It was Ren at mid-chew with her lunch. The longer part of her hair was halfway up in a messy bun and was wearing a black slouchy sweater with loose cream colored sweatpants.

“What… are you guys doing here?” she asked slowly in confusion, her voice sounding rough.

Tomoe and Seri shook in anger and immediately ran at her; One kicked Ren in the back while the other punched her in the face. She fell down with a dull thud without having a chance to defend herself. Their juniors, for a lack of better word, were completely dumbstruck.

“Du dumpfbacke!” Tomoe yelled in German and went back to Japanese. “You had us worried sick!”

“You bloody wanking bellend!” Seri screamed in British English and continued to stomp on her. “Why didn’t you text us after everything?! We thought you relapsed, you piece of crap!”

The remaining group couldn’t do anything but stand there and watch the beat down commence. They understood their senpais were concerned about her, but this was their way of showing it?

“Lange-senpai, Kubo-senpai,” Midoriya softly called with a fearful quiver. “I think you should stop...”

“We’re not done worrying about her!” both simultaneously angrily shrieked out.

“Ren-senpai’s not moving,” Asui pointed out with fret. “But her arm is twitching though.”

The two girls huffed heavily and looked down to see an unconscious Ren laying on her side, foaming at the mouth. Once the tussle subsided, they all sat down at the couches in the common area and explained themselves.

“Relapsed? Well...” Ren trailed off and rubbed where Tomoe punched her on her face. Her voice sounded hoarse, like she’d been screaming at the top of her lungs. “I did for a bit when we got back, but it wasn’t as serious as you thought it’d be.”

“You look like you’re doing fine,” Seri noticed with a tinge of annoyance. “So why haven’t you come back to class?”

“I’m nursing a throat infection,” she revealed and went into a light coughing fit, covering her mouth with her sleeve. “The medication makes me sleepy.”

“Why didn’t you say so then?!” Tomoe angrily shouted, smacking her arm.

“Ow. Because you were beating me with an inch of my life ten minutes ago,” Ren briskly answered while soothing the stinging area her friend hit.

“You got us there,” Seri surrendered. Her expression went from nonchalant to concern. “… We saw what happened on the live broadcast.”

“Fight Chisaki that recklessly...” The tall girl gripped the hem of her skirt as her shoulder shook, unable to hold her emotions back anymore. “You could’ve died! Even if you did have a vendetta, I wouldn’t have forgiven you if you went out like that,” she angrily shouted.

Tomoe glared at her with tears in her dark brown eyes, now free flowing down her cheeks.

“So don’t go decidin’ somethin’ as selfish as throwing your life away without thinkin’ ‘bout your friends n’ your mom!”

Ren looked at her friend choking back her sobs with the saddest expression. The pink haired girl drew her into a tight hug and stroked the back of her head. After having a few days to reflect on her actions, she did feel a small tinge of guilt for doing what she did.

It’s as Tamaki and Mirio-senpai foresaw: she got blinded by her emotions.

“Sorry… for worrying both of you...” she whispered. “I wanted to tell you, but we were under strict orders from the pros to keep silent.”

Tomoe continued to cry into her shoulder while Seri remained pensive.

“So with Chisaki gone...” The silver white-haired girl softly spoke. “And Togata-senpai on an extended leave from school, what are you going to do?”

Ren’s hazel-green eyes gleamed with sadness and sighed heavily.

“Lately, I’ve been finding myself lacking motivation to come back...” she confessed and released Tomoe from the hug, her friend having now calmed down to sniffles. “All this time, I wanted to be a hero just to find that scumbag and bring him to justice. And now…”

She sighed again and leaned forward with her hands loosely clasped.

“I don’t know what to do.”

The pregnant silence momentarily rang through, feeling the weight of Ren’s words seep into their mind. It was Uraraka who decided to break it.

“It’s fine to continue on as you are, even if you don’t know where it’ll lead,” the gravity girl encouraged.

“Senpai, no matter how tough things get, I hope you know you can trust and rely on us with anything,” Asui soothed with a matching smile. “Even heroes need support.”

“There’s a lot more people out there to save,” Midoriya stated and clenched his fist. “The world needs more strong heroes now more than ever.”

Ren hung her head low, hiding her sullen face with her hair.

“Am I strong though?” she whimpered out with her right hand gripping her left forearm, still trying to make sense of what happened that caused her arm to dislocate.

“We can’t answer that for you...” Todoroki finally spoke up with clarity. “But continuing on to be a hero is what your brother would’ve wanted.”

Her head lifted up with hopeless looking wet eyes, letting out a small gasp.

That’s right: she became a hero for his sake from the start. Why couldn’t she remember something as simple as that? Somewhere along the way, she got swept up with the current, unable to think of her own motives as she ran forward. Ren turned away to wipe the stray tears with her sleeve.

“I’m a pathetic senpai.” She let out a dry laugh between sniffles. “Look at me, being consoled by my juniors over things I have no control over… I’m so lame.”

“You are pretty lame,” Tomoe teased with a comforting grin.

“But you’d do the same for them,” Seri remarked with a small smile.

The rose-gold colored haired girl nodded with a shy grin.

Two days later, Ren returned to class after recovering and her life fell back into the usual routine before the internship happened: Classes, study sessions, counseling 1-A students, and of course, the late-night training sessions resumed with Bakugou and Todoroki.

“I saw you try out that move fightin’ that bastard,” Bakugou casually remarked with crossed arms. “It was sloppy.”

“I was desperate,” Ren angrily quivered out and chugged some water, not wanting to be reminded of her screw up. “With the way I was going up the pillar, I couldn’t attack from behind anyway.”

“Stand,” the blond boy requested, with her complying. “You should’ve came at him like this.”

Bakugou charged at Ren and aimed his right fist low, stopping short at her torso and slowed his left that was aiming at her jawline. Not once did her body flinch, having gotten used to his movements.

“Your opponent’s guard lets down when you hit their core first and you can follow up with the finishing blow to kill ‘em,” he instructed.

“And if you add your quirk to it, you’d have an extra element of surprise,” Todoroki added. “Increasing your chances of victory.”

“Don’t butt into our conversation, half-and-half,” Bakugou scowled.

“There’s… somethin’ I wanna try,” Ren suddenly blurted out. “I need the two of you to come at me with your quirks at full force.”

“Are you sure?” the bi-colored haired boy asked.

“I don’t think it’ll work unless I feel my life’s in danger. And I can’t rely on it all the time.”

The three positioned themselves and as always, Bakugou was the first to attack with a mighty yell and charge. He shot an explosion with his right, only to have Ren duck under it with her speed and jumped up to dodge Todoroki’s trail of ice on the ground.

“You’re mine!”

Rapid shots of explosion shot out of his palm at close quarter, making Ren put her arms up in an X-formation and jumped back. The singe on her arms smelled of burnt hair and skin; she had to endure the discomfort.

“Hey! We agreed to no hits to the face!” she shouted.

“Huuh?! I can’t hear you over the sound of me winning!” he retorted and went on the offensive by using his hands as a rocket blast.

Ren timed it perfectly and managed to roundhouse him in the face, making use of his back to jump on to attack Todoroki on the back line. He came at her with his ice wall attack, but used her momentum to leverage herself on the already laid frozen crystals and flipped over toward him. Remembering how Toga moved when she attacked Aizawa, the airborne girl struck hard at his right shoulder blade with her hand of her fist making a stabbing motion. The shock immediately traveled up his body and brought the boy to his knees after she landed. She gasped out loud and turned to see Todoroki on all fours, sweating hard and panting. His arms were shaking.

“Oh crap!” she exclaimed and ran up to dual-quirk user. “Did I hit too hard?!”

“My body’s… just in shock,” he gasped out. “I think you hit a nerve.”

“I thought you said no face hits, ya dumbass!” Bakugou shouted from the other side of the room. Ren mockingly held her hand up to her ear.

“You’ll have to speak up. I can’t hear you over the sound of me winning,” she mimicked his previous response.

A short pause later, Todoroki was able to regain control over his body and plopped down on the floor to the right of Ren, glancing over at her, who was patting her face down with a towel.

“That move before...” the boy questioned. “Did you learn that from the raid?”

“From the enemy’s side, yes,” she hesitantly answered, not wanting to let slip who.

“Speakin’ of enemies,” Bakugou interjected and placed a hand on his hip. “What’s the deal with you n’ birdface? I take it he’s part of your history?”

Ren rested her arms on her knees, looking up at the ash blond boy. “We’ll talk this weekend. I did promise Kiri-kun, after all. That good with you?”

Bakugou glanced at his senpai, her expression completely different from how she was weeks ago. There was a sense of peace and openness reflecting in her hazel-green eyes.

“I’ll have to let Midoriya, Ochaco and Tsuyu-chan know about it too,” she noted aloud.

“Why does that damn nerd and the extras need to be involved with this?!”

“Because I owe them my life,” Ren argued back. “So grow up and deal with it, Bakkun.”

“Don’t call me ‘Bakkun’!”

“I rather like it,” she teased with a grin and rested her index finger on her chin like Asui. “Makes me think of ‘Ba-Boom’, like your quirk,” she chuckled.

“Senpai, your arms...” Todoroki pointed out. She looked down to see her forearms decorated with irritated red burn marks from Bakugou’s attack and clicked her tongue in annoyance.

“Bakkun!” She yelled and held her arms up for him to see. “You’re treating this right now!”

“What the hell?! You told me not to hold back!” he retorted.

“You’re still treating it,” the girl demanded and pouted like a child. “And you have to kiss it to make it feel better.”

“Like hell I’m gonna do somethin’ idiotic like that,” he grumbled and grabbed the first aid kit beside him. He carefully lathered aloe vera ointment on her right forearm, feeling the cool sensation sink into her pores. While Bakugou tended to the other limb, Todoroki unconsciously held his right palm over the already treated one.

A gentle chill emitted from his hand, sending a wave of goosebumps up Ren’s entire arm. She stared at him in awe while he concentrated. His head tilted up the moment she let out a small sneeze that sounded like a mouse squeaking.

“Sorry, was it too cold?” he asked with a tone of concern.

“Just a little,” she sheepishly replied with a tiny chatter coming from her teeth and sniffled. “But it felt nice.”

“I’ll hold back on your left then,” he verbally noted and tended to it.

“If you two morons are done gawking at each other like lovesick puppies, I’m heading out,” Bakugou listlessly spoke and got up off of the floor, shoving his hands in his pocket.

“Bakkun,” Ren called once more, making him turn around. She flashed him a grateful smile and said, “Thanks for not holding back and treating my arms.”

A splash of red dotted his cheeks and urged him to quickly turned back, merely acknowledging her with a gruff grunt.

–

The weekend came quicker than Ren expected and started getting nervous. She was picking at an invisible hangnail on her finger, staring at the box on the floor still. Ren mentioned in passing to Tomoe and Seri about what she was going to do, only to be met with an understanding and concerned look. Before they could say anything, she reassured them it was fine; their trust was forged in the fires of battle with her.

Perhaps she should’ve asked them to be here for moral support and inwardly groaned.

A soft rap of the door jolted her brain back and swallowed hard.

“Here goes nothing...” she whispered to herself and opened her door and invited her guests in.

[keyliftness]

Proper Introduction

Hello to whoever ends up on this blog!

My name is _______, but I go by Key. I live in Ames, Iowa (where the lovely Iowa State University is located), but I’m originally from the Fort Dodge area.

I started this blog to offer support to those who struggle with eating disorders, living a healthy lifestyle, or both. 

Personally, I’m struggling with anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating, general body dysmorphia, anxiety, and depression. I have recently brought attention to these personal issues after finally having enough of rumors saying my weight loss is thanks to hard drugs.

My fitness journey started my freshman year of college (August 2014), and has paused, started, paused, started again I don’t know how many times from 2014-2019. I first started off with only doing High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT) workouts and even tried Kayla Itsine’s Bikini Body Guide, but my diet and life away from home made it hard for me to stay motivated with such highly intense workouts. I did know that my diet wasn’t the best, but I didn’t understand food nutrition vs. exercise. 

My sophomore year I ate a LOT of Domino’s and drank a LOT of wine, and working at a bar-restaurant made sticking to any kind of meal plan unappealing because of all the “delicious” food I was constantly around (pizza, made-to-order pasta, appetizers, etc). I was gaining more and more weight no matter how hard I pushed myself at the gym (which really wasn’t that hard), but I was exercising consistently, so I started powerlifting. My coworker Manny and I worked out after hours at the gym we worked at, and man did I think I was getting strong! I remember benching 105 and thinking I was hot shit! At the time that was the strongest I’d ever been, and I was taking “progress” pictures all the time, but hardly seeing any progress other than strength. I tried out for rugby spring of 2016 and tore a ligament in my hand. I was in a cast for about 10 weeks and did NOT want to exercise while I was in that thing. It really fucking sucked feeling a sweat break under that cast, and all of the dead skin that shed once I got it taken off was absolutely disgusting lol. So I had gained probably 5-10 pounds while I was in the cast, but I was cleared from physical therapy 3 months sooner than planned. My best friend at the time, Brooke, and I started going to the gym really late at night, around 10 or 11pm, even if we didn’t really know what we were doing.

Preparing to move to Ames for my junior year of college, I decided to add Kinesiology & Health as a minor. I was attending Iowa State for graphic design but ended up EXTREMELY unhappy with the design program and dropped out after about 5 or 6 weeks. However I REALLY liked the few kinesiology-related classes I was in at the time and decided when I returned to school that I would change my major to Kinesiology & Health with my option of focus being Exercise Science. Fall of 2016, I learned about counting macros and flexible dieting, and started using MyFitnessPal for probably about two weeks consistently. I had/have a terrible habit of getting motivated for exercising and dieting and end up either losing motivation, or simply just lose interest.

2017 was honestly the beginning of TRULY pushing myself in the gym and realizing this is a lifestyle I want to live for the rest of my life. I got a job at Ames Racquet & Fitness as a front desk receptionist and got a free gym membership, which REALLY motivated me because I got 24/7 access for free! Brooke moved to Ames and we were able to start working out together again, but this time more educated and determined. Follow her on Instagram @_brookeashleyy to see her amazing weight loss journey from our sophomore year of college until now! That year I really wanted to put together my own home gym at the duplex I lived at and then at the house I moved into, but didn’t have a ton of equipment. The relationship I was in started to head downhill in the fall of 2017, and my depression starting gaining momentum. I began bingeing on junk food right before bed, and couldn’t find motivation to go to the gym consistently. Sometime weeks I’d only go once or twice, some weeks not at all.

2018 began with catching my then-boyfriend cheating on me, and the insecurities that came with that planted themselves in my noggin and started to spread roots. I should’ve ended the relationship there but was dumb and gave him a chance to change. When I caught him cheating again in April, I finally did kick him out, and the month after is when I got really sick mentally and physically and lost 30lbs in three weeks. This started the longest break I’ve ever taken from the gym, 3 months (May - July 2018). I didn’t go to the gym because I didn’t want to look any more sick than I already was, and I knew if I lost more calories then my body would really be screaming for help. Regulars at the bar I work at started to beg me to eat. They’d offer to buy me any food from anywhere, even the biggest steak from the most expensive restaurant in town, but I just couldn’t. Customers would bring food in to eat and the smell would make me nauseous, but it got so bad to the point where even seeing food would make me gag. There were many, many times I threw up at either of my jobs while working. There were many, many times bar customers or gym members would check on me and ask me if I was okay. And there were many, many times people would gossip when I entered the room. Believe it or not, but more people talked shit about me at the gym than anywhere else!

For the past year and a half, I’ve had to manage life with eating disorders as well as rumors of drug abuse. It’s hard to deal with already existing mental problems and then deal with people spreading such terrible lies. I recently made a public post on Facebook announcing that I do not have a drug addiction, but actually mental disorders that take turns with my body. Saturday night consisted of bingeing and purging at work, Sunday was spent fasting, followed on Monday with bingeing and purging. Tuesday was also a very restricted day but not on purpose, my appetite had been squashed from the previous days. Today I forced myself to eat within an hour of waking up, but I could only choke down one hard boiled egg and half of a blueberry bagel with strawberry cream cheese. I was able to cook a big dinner and eat it all, along with a few snacks at work tonight.

The body I want and the lifestyle I want to live can’t be achieved unless I eat. I need the calories to feed my muscles enough to grow, but they need to be coming from the right foods, and they need to be coming in consistently.

Anyway, this blog is to help inspire others trying to recover or whom are already in recovery but need a helpful push to keep going, as well as assist my friends and family with trying to live a healthier lifestyle!

[faean]

Adamance of a Dragon

Made in collaboration with @i-am-here-with-fanfic.

Rating: T+; This chapter features some vulgar language.

Word Length: 2,038

Chapter 1- New Arrivals

           It had taken me most of the morning, but I was finally able to organize all my belongings. Admittedly, it took much longer than it reasonably should have, considering I didn’t bring much from my old home in the states. Then again, I was overly sentimental for a few of the items I had, particularly my favorite jacket.

           Speaking of favorites, my dear friend and metaphorical brother, Aaron, should be well on his way exploring the city we moved to. Musutafu, I believed it was called; home to the prestigious hero school- U.A. 

           The school Aaron and I are planning on attending, assuming we pass the entrance exam. Well, assuming he passes the exam. Thanks to the numerous programs back in the states (notably in California, where we hail from), I was able to get into the school on several recommendations. Nonetheless, I was taking it out of curiosity, and so Aaron wouldn’t have to endure it alone.

           Alone… Ah, dammit. I was supposed to join Aaron and keep watch of him while we found our way to the academy. Checking my phone, I realized I wouldn’t be able to make it in time to the… Come to think of it, I don’t know where Aaron is, or how he was planning on making his way to the academy. Which meant that if he got lost, the one person I actually feared, Aria, his mother and my adoptive guardian, would kill me.

           Physically shuddering at the thought of her wielding her legendary axe against me, I opted to take a ‘short cut’ and do something I normally wouldn’t do; considering the amount of strain it put on my body.

           Concentrating, I envisioned Aaron in my mind, expelling magical energy to warp space-time to allow me to teleport. It wasn’t something I could naturally do with my quirk, evident by how I fell from the ceiling of the… train? onto the floor of it, Aaron sitting in the seat next to where I had landed, and hairline cracks began emanating from the seals on my ankles and wrists.

           “Ello, Aaron. How’re you liking the new city?” I spoke, nonchalantly. With his help (once he got over his surprise), I got off the ground and sat on the seat next to him, noting a rather irritated blonde a few seats away.

           Puffing out his chest as he answered, Aaron joyfully stated “I was able to figure out the train system and found a path to the school without any help!”

           Giving him a reassuring smile, I congratulate him, and tell him that he will be leading the way as I follow close behind. Nodding his head in agreement, we stayed on the train for a few more minutes, chatting about our respective mornings. I also had to sit through him berating me for already damaging myself with my quirk. I could do no more than shrug at my best friend and try to change the subject.

           “We have got the entrance exam in a couple weeks. We should probably do some training beforehand.”

           With a sigh, Aaron replied. “Yeah, it’d be for the best. But, can we spend the rest of today relaxing after we find the school? I’m tired from unpacking, and you need to rest. You know better than to overuse your quirk when sealed.”

           Conceding, as I could not argue with truth, I contented myself with sitting back and relaxing while Aaron brought up a rumor that an entire class at U.A. was once expelled. Telling the story of how the students were expelled, and theories stated it could be due to disobedience or flashy quirks and cocky attitudes. He continued rambling, which would happen often when he went off into his own little world.

           Hoping to respond, I leant forward and turned my body to face him, but before I could utter a single syllable, the train’s PA system activated and announced that we had reached a stop. Our stop, as Aaron rose, and I quickly followed.

           Although, as we exited the train, he had to catch me when I stumbled, my ankles buckling under the force from when I hopped off the train. Steadying me, we walked over to a map, and my friend traced a route from the station to the school. Unfortunately, we realized we actually got off a stop early, and Aaron understood that, although I could easily make the trip, I would probably complain the entire way (with a hint of sass and sarcasm).

           With a single look, Aaron spoke in a southern accent, switching from Japanese to English. “Don’t drop me like a baby bird!” was the only warning I got before he launched himself into my arms.

           Fortunately, he does this regularly, and I caught him with ease, steadying myself while holding him bridal style. I turned towards the exit of the station, and unfurled my (red draconic) wings, taking flight and speeding through the air, following the path he showed me.

           Arriving at the school, Aaron leapt out of my arms as we examined the impressive architecture of the academy.

           “So, this is the esteemed academy. Certainly, it appears more organized than the one’s back home.” I mention as my eyes continued to scan the wall surrounding it.

           Aaron agreed, and brought up the excellent query of “Do you think the students know about vines and memes?”

           A mischievous grin spread across my face as I answered. “They will know soon enough. At the very least…” I paused for only a brief second as I switched to an accent, finishing with “we know de wae.”

           Playfully punching my arm, Aaron chuckled at the reference. However, it was short lived as we realized we didn’t actually have anything planned after finding the school. Fortunately, our confusion lasted only for a moment before Aaron suggested we continue exploring. Looking up places nearby on his phone, Aaron began listing off different activities. My interest was piqued when he mentioned the reclaimed beach; partly because it offered a chance for me to fully recover, but also because I was curious about the ‘reclaimed’ portion of its description.

           Flying us to the beach, I set down on the soft sand, the damage to my body already beginning to heal. Dropping Aaron (gently, mind you), I turned my attention to the cause of the beach’s title of ‘reclaimed’. Apparently, the entire shoreline was used as a dump, but was gradually cleaned up over the course of the past year. Now, only a small section of it remained a dump, the rest free of trash.

           Although, considering it was once a dump, and that it was technically still winter, no one else was in the area. Using my magic, I ensured a swath of the land around us was indeed clean, and I warmed up the sand and a portion of the sea so Aaron could enjoy it as well. After, I bounded towards the water, my jacket folded neatly on a sand dune along with my moccasins, the rest of my clothing shifting into a proper swimsuit.

           With a grand leap, I splashed into the ocean, happily swimming about and experiencing the rolling waves. Aaron, however, was hesitant, and actually approached me from a different direction than from where we landed. It wasn’t difficult to ascertain what had gotten him wound up.

           The #1 Pro Hero: All Might, was training a young, green haired… child? I couldn’t tell from the distance, and it didn’t help that All Might towered over a majority of people.

           Whatever the case, I needed to help Aaron relax. It was simple enough, creating a water whip to snatch my friend and toss him into the ocean near me. When he rose to the surface, his red hair clung to the front of his face, obscuring has vision as he playfully questioned my motives.

           “You are in my domain now, asshole!” I exclaim before diving into the depths of the sea, hoping to entice him to join in the fun.

           And he did, albeit he was reluctant. He stayed close to shore and refused to venture out too far. Upset that he wasn’t enjoying his time to relax, I decided to use some magic.

           Creating orbs of light to illuminate the sea bed and my surroundings, I turned my attention back to Aaron. This time, I made a bubble of breathable air, launching it at him so he could breathe underwater for the time being. He began to swim further into the water, occasionally looking over his shoulder, probably wondering about heading back. From my view point, I could see him grow more confident, a wide grin on his face as child-like wonder filled his eyes.

           It didn’t last, however. I had started messing with the water current, weaving underwater slides with loops and random shapes. I used them to zip around, and I was enjoying myself immensely. Sadly, Aaron lost his confidence and swam back to shore. I felt bad knowing I was likely the reason for his panic, and I quickly swam towards him, popping out of the water to come to the same sight he had.

           All Might and the boy he was training, who was likely about our age, were standing near where our spare articles of clothing were placed, staring at us. Uncertain about the situation, I receded into the water, concerned I may worsen things. From what I could gather underneath the waves, Aaron had a fairly short conversation with the hero, his booming voice still discernable from where I was submerged. After the confrontation, Aaron swam down to me, and we were able to relax and swim about, peacefully this time.

           Until Aaron had to drag me out of the ocean when I started to experience sensory overload. Plopping me on the ground, out of reach from the pull of the ocean’s waves, Aaron reprimanded me for losing track of time, knowing full well what happens when I spend too long near a natural nexus for elemental magic. I could only manage a weak chuckle in reply as I examined my body. Parts of it began to meld into the water and it wasn’t until now that my body began to return to normal.

           I stood up when I had the ability to do so again and was able to use my magic to dry off and change my clothing. Donning my jacket and footwear, I casually announce “Well, I can still use distinct types of magic, so I didn’t fuck up that badly. On the bright side, I’m fully recovered.” Wearing a toothy grin, I asked Aaron if he knew anything about the pair we encountered.

           He assumed the green haired lad was likely training with All Might in preparation for U.A. It could be why he was training in what remained of the dump; in fact, part of his training could have been to clean up the beach. Either way, I didn’t press Aaron or keep up the conversation, as I could tell something about the meeting with All Might had an effect on him.

           We opted to walk to the train, indulging in the colors the setting sun cast on the structures in the city. It wasn’t a relatively long walk, but as I had found a house closer to the school I would be attending, I did not need to take the train. I was going to have to say my goodbyes to my friend when we arrive there, but until then, I was happy to spend more time with him before we had to deal with the exa-.

           “Mmph…”

           Deep in thought, I ended up bumping into someone while walking. Embarrassed, I began to apologize profusely. “Oh dear! I am so terribly sorry…” I trailed off in my apology as I locked eyes with the stranger in front of me.

           The shorter male had two-toned hair, and lovely heterochromatic eyes, although, he had a large burn mark over the left one. He looked fairly attractive, and from his loose attire, I could see a hint of toned muscle. Still examining his features, I did not snap back into reality until he spoke; his voice was so strangely… Alluring. 

First chapter done. Wondrous! I hope you heathens enjoy; I’ll likely try to update with a new chapter every Tuesday and Saturday.

Beta Reader, Collaborator, Owner of Aria and Aaron Granchester, and Creator of the Illegitimate Son storyline- @i-am-here-with-fanfic.

PS- Spam her with puns while you enjoy her blog(s).

[j-exclamationmark-l]

A new coworker asked me why I came to Japan.

I couldn’t tell him. It’s too much, but I started thinking about it, and once I began thinking, I couldn’t stop.

A million years ago, my favorite guitarist wished me a happy birthday.

I was bouncing off the walls, I was so happy. My stomach physically felt sick from excitement, and I couldn't eat anything for almost an entire day, it just... blew me out of the water. I never expected that of him. Of anyone, really. My birthday is in summer, on a major American holiday, five days after my brother's birthday, three days before my cheerleader cousin's birthday, and nine days before my other cousin's birthday. From experience, I'd come to not expect anything. So when he remembered, someone I'd never met before...

I began playing his music nonstop. I secretly printed out pictures of his band and decorated my room with them. I framed one picture and placed it on the piano, trying to motivate myself to practice better (I'd never had a piano lesson before so I was really bad at it, but I loved it all the same). After all, the first thing he knew about me was that I was a musician, too. I'd played one of his band's songs on violin and posted it to Youtube (and have since removed it), and he messaged me for the first time telling me how much he liked it. I was over the moon that day, but nothing compared to him remembering my birthday and wishing me a happy one.

About a week later, my dad stomped into the living room. We lived in the same house, but it was rare that he spoke to me directly. I jumped when I heard his voice booming at me.

"It was your birthday last week."

I was speechless. He let me know when I was little that he hated the sound of my voice, so I tried not to speak to him too often. What he said to me just now was not even a question, so I was unsure of how to respond. Not to mention, the previous week, my grandmother (on my mother's side; the only person who's ever remembered me) treated me to lunch that day at my favorite restaurant. It was just that my dad decided to tag along, and I never spoke in front of him. No one spoke to me and neither did I speak. I wondered if he actually knew and that's why he... I guess "ruined" my day by coming, but it didn't matter to me much at the time. I was too preoccupied fantasizing about a life where I ran away and married the guitarist to really be bothered by the fact I wasn’t vocalizing that day.

When I didn't answer, my dad spoke again. "Everyone forgot."

But that wasn't true.

"He didn't," I replied, pointing to the framed picture standing atop the piano.

My dad walked away without another word.

Eventually I grew bored at the piano and left. I don't remember what I did or where I went (somewhere in the house; I wasn't allowed to leave), but when I came back, the picture was missing. All pictures of my guitarist were missing.

Normally, when I cry, I do the whole obnoxious hitching breaths and sobbing and everything inside me feels rotten and blue and lonely. This time, instead, I sat down on the floor beside my bed. My stomach felt on fire from rage and helplessness, and hot tears streamed silently down my face.

I couldn't understand it. I just couldn't wrap my head around what I was being punished for. Why would he take my pictures away? What had I done wrong this time? Normally he raged and screamed to my mother about what he hated about me (he never spoke to me about it, preferring to yell at her where I could hear, pretending not to see me), but... the house was silent.

-

Two months passed and I went away to college, where I could actually use internet without fear of my dad finding out. I kept in contact with the guitarist. It was usually me messaging him on Ameba, and sometimes he would type a short reply to me. It wasn't often, but it absolutely brightened my day like nothing else could.

Finals season came around and one morning, I woke up early and checked my email to find my dad had forwarded me a message, which was bizarre (he rarely spoke to me). When I opened it, I found a message from my aunt to my dad, announcing their mother, my grandmother, had died in the hospital that morning.

I was shocked. As cruel as it sounds, I wasn't necessarily grief-stricken; I didn't see her often, and she didn't speak English, and most efforts I made to speak Chinese to her were viciously mocked by my dad. I didn't know what to do about the email, so I decided I'd push it to the back of my mind, pretend I hadn't seen it, attend my morning classes to prep for next week's final and then decide what to do from there.

That was a mistake. When I returned to my dorm, I found a dozen emails from my mom calling me terrible for ignoring my dad's email. I immediately got defensive and fought back, pointing out the fact he never even told me, he forwarded me an email from his sister, and that studying finals had distracted me from checking my email that morning. "You should be booking a flight to California right now to go see her," my mother scolded.

I... what?

It turned out, amidst all the confusion, that they had forgotten to tell me that she was not actually dead; her heart had apparently stopped for a moment, but the doctors got it going again. I furiously exited my email account page, knowing that I couldn’t win the argument with them.

I tried studying, but in the end, I was too angry to focus. I ended up logging onto Ameba and writing a blog about what had happened, trying to understand what had just happened.

Not an hour after I’d posted it, the guitarist sent me a message. “What happened? I’m sorry, my English isn’t great, but... did you just say your parents lied and told you your grandmother was dead when she wasn’t?” I confirmed that yes, that was indeed what happened. He messaged me back and forth for about an hour, trying to calm me down. Finally he told me he needed to go, but sent me a picture of him and another member of the band smiling, telling me to smile, too. (Also, my grandmother lived for another year before passing away).

His messages meant the world to me. Like I said, we didn’t message each other often, but when he replied or had time to chat made me shine brighter than the sun. I felt special, I felt cared about, and that feeling gave me the strength and courage to face each day. Other fans began to catch on, too, that he and I were talking, but at that time, I didn’t care.

April approached and one day, I got a message from another fan of the guitarist’s band. “I’m going to Seattle and don’t know anyone there. You like this band, too, right? We should meet up,” she said. I was apprehensive, but still young and naive and I agreed to meet her.

She was odd - she told me that she refused to answer any questions and wouldn’t tell me anything, but somehow seemed to indirectly answer any questions I had. “I am a woman of many secrets,” she told me. So many secrets, it seemed, that she just couldn’t keep them all inside. Without her directly coming out and saying it, I gathered that she was the band’s singer’s girlfriend. She was open about meeting them, though, and about the guitarist asking if she’d see me when she went to Seattle. “You must come to Japan,” she urged.

And with her and the guitarist urging me on, I began making plans to study abroad.

This is getting long. Perhaps I’ll continue writing about it later.

[branlovestowrite]

Complicating Factors: Chapter 12

This is my WIP that I have been posting over at FanFiction.Net. I am reposting it here to help drum up excitement for the new chapters. And folks, this is the last repost, so the next chapter up will be new material! If you want to be tagged when that is posted, let me know.

Additional note, before you proceed: this chapter earns the M rating. This is date between Emma and Killian, and it concludes in the same way many dates in the US conclude. In Bed. Having sex. 

Complicating Factors

Rating: M for language and smut in later this chapters. This chapter has smut.

Summary: Emma Swan is a single mother trying to contact her ex and father of her child, Neal Cassidy. While she expected some awkwardness when meeting Neal’s mother, Milah Gold, she never expected the undeniable attraction she feels toward Milah’s younger boyfriend, Killian Jones. No Magic, Modern AU. Captain Swan.

Previous Chapters: Ch1 Ch2 Ch3 Ch4 Ch5 Ch6 Ch7 Ch8 Ch9 Ch10 Ch11

"So," Emma asked. "What's the plan?"

Killian smiled. "Well, much as I love your boy's company, I thought we might take advantage of our first dinner with just the two of us and visit a more 'grown up' establishment. Do you like sushi?"

"I do, though I don't know that I've ever had it beyond the kind they sell in the grocery store."

"Well, my dear, you are in for a treat. Several, in fact, before the night is through." He gave her a wink.

She couldn't help the flush that rose in her cheeks, but still gave him a wary glance. "Then what, Pirate? We return to your place for some pillaging and plundering?"

Killian audibly groaned at her comment, and she felt a rush of heat between her thighs.

"Well," he said, "I had thought we'd see a movie before we returned, but if you'd prefer to skip to more 'enjoyable activities', I could be persuaded to change the plan."

"What movie?"

"I found a revival theater playing The Princess Bride this evening. Seeing as it is your favorite, I thought that too good of an opportunity to pass up."

"It is my favorite," Emma said in a soft tone. "But I've never seen it in a theater."

"Then I think we must postpone our amorous adventure for a few hours so you can properly experience your favorite film."

"Really? I'm a sure thing. You don't have to woo me like this."

"Love, you deserve all this and so much more."

His comment left her speechless. No man had ever focused so much on her desires. She didn't know how to express her gratitude with words, so she opted for a physical expression. She wanted to lean over and kiss him silly, but he was driving, so she settled for a gentle peck on his cheek.

"Thank you," she whispered as she pulled away, her hand skimming his thigh.

The tips of his ears were red, and his cool, flirtatious demeanor was down for a moment, but he quickly recovered. "I am happy to do this. And my motives may not be entirely noble. I imagined we might take advantage of the darkened theater to have a bit of a prelude to our later activities."

"You mean make out in the theater?"

His face broke out in a smile. "Aye, that."

"That's another thing I've never done."

"Truly?"

"Well, foster kids don't really get the luxury of movie dates. And I never trusted someone enough to put myself in a vulnerable position like that."

"Well," he said, as his right hand let go of the steering wheel and fell to her thigh. "I am am happy to provide you with yet another treat this evening." His hand slid under the hem of her dress. Though it was only a few inches above her knee, the touch felt erotic and Emma felt another rush of heat. "Can you handle it?"

"Oh it's on, Pirate," she said with a smirk. "The question is, can you handle it?"

He returned her smirk and squeezed her knee. They rode the remainder of the way to the restaurant in comfortable silence. Emma was struck by how natural this all felt. Although she'd spent much time with Killian in the past weeks, very little of it had been time alone. She wasn't sure what to expect, but found she was pleasantly surprised.

They parked and she unbuckled, moving to open the door.

He reached over and lightly grasped her wrist. "Stay right there, love."

She rolled her eyes. "Killian, I can open my own door."

"Swan, I know you can do anything you wish, but on our date will you please let me be a gentleman and open doors for you?"

"Ok," she responded with a small smile.

He gave her a quick peck on her cheek before opening his door and walking around the car. He opened hers and bowed with a flourish. "Milady."

She couldn't help the snort that escaped. "You can be such a dork sometimes."

He chose to ignore that comment and took her hand in his. They walked into the restaurant and he gave his name to the hostess. She smiled in recognition and immediately grabbed two menus, leading them toward the back. Several patrons sat along the walls near the door, waiting for a table. More than a few cast angry glares as she and Killian walked by.

Once they were seated, Emma gave her date a puzzled look. "Did you make a reservation?"

"No, this place doesn't accept them."

"Then how did we get a table so fast?"

"I may have a few connections."

"Is that so?"

He smiled and opened his mouth to reply, but was interrupted by the approach of a young, well-dressed woman.

"Dr. Jones!" She said warmly. "I was so glad to hear from you this morning. It is so good to see you!"

"And you, Amy. Congratulations on your marriage."

"Thank you! We are very happy." She looked at Emma. "Will you introduce me to your friend?"

"Of course. Amy, this is Emma. Emma, this is Amy, a former student of mine."

Amy held out her hand and gave Emma a warm smile, which she reciprocated. "It is a pleasure to meet you. I'm sorry I can't linger. I am in charge tonight. Please enjoy your meal and let me know if there is anything you need." She gave them another smile and then walked toward the kitchen.

"Former student?" Emma asked.

"Aye. Her uncle started this restaurant and she worked here as a server when she attended my class. Her parents were pushing her to seek a PhD, but she was obviously miserable. We had a few chats and I learned about her passion for this place and suggested she switch to the business school and focus on restaurant management. She later told me it was the best piece of advice she ever received. I believe she may be inflating my role in all this, but as a benefit she offered me a table here whenever I have need. I happened to run into her on campus about a month ago, and she reminded me. So I thought it might take advantage of the offer for our evening out."

Emma smiled at him. "You have such a wonderful effect on people."

"I have found my calling, love, and I merely wish to help others do the same."

Emma reached across the table and laced her fingers with his. She was having a hard time maintaining her walls in the presence of this man.

They ordered, getting two types of rolls Emma was familiar with, as well as some nigiri Killian insisted on. When the food came, artfully arranged on a platter, Emma looked warily at the slices of raw fish perched atop small mounds of rice.

Reading her mind, Killian pointed at one. "Don't make that face, Swan. You ordered Spicy Tuna and the Philadelphia roll, which both have raw fish in them."

"But it somehow seems different."

"It is. But with nigiri you can experience the true flavor of the fish. A restaurant can't hide behind the other ingredients. The fish must stand alone. And trust me when I say that the fish here is impeccable. One bite of this yellowtail and every other time you ate fish will pale in comparison. The flavors will meld on your tongue in a delightful dance that will leave you begging for more."

Emma sensed a flush in her cheeks as she listened to his words. She knew he was talking about the food, but couldn't help but draw a comparison to the other activities they had planned for the evening. She realized her silence was dragging on when he chuckled, and she quickly composed herself. "Okay," she said, "I'm sold. Let me try it." She moved her chopsticks to pluck one from the platter.

He stayed her hand. "Allow me, love. Sit back, relax your shoulders and close your eyes."

"Really? What is this, 50 Shades?"

"Only if you want it to be," he said, his grin turning wicked. "But for now, I want you to block out other distractions and focus simply on the flavors. Closing your eyes and releasing some tension will help with that." She complied. "Now, open your mouth."

She once again followed his instruction, and felt him place a morsel of fish in her mouth. Without prompting, she closed her mouth and began to chew. She felt him draw near, his breath hot on her neck.

"Slowly, love."

Never before had eating been an erotic experience, but when she focused on the food, she did indeed experience what Killian was talking about. The flavor was light and buttery. The fish melted on her tongue, leaving a slightly spicy, salty aftertaste. She involuntarily moaned after swallowing the bite. Opening her eyes, she met Killian's gaze, his pupils blown wide with lust.

"Wow" was all she could muster. His face broke into a wide grin.

"More?" She could only nod her head in reply.

The dinner continued in the same manner, intimate and sensual. When they left, Emma was half tempted to say they should skip the movie, but Killian was still showing restraint.

"No, love, I insist we attend this movie. Perhaps seeing Cary Elwes in tight black pants will whet your appetite for later."

He opened her door and she moved to sit in the passenger seat, but suddenly turned and grabbed his collar, pulling him in for a deep kiss.

"Thank you for dinner," she whispered after breaking apart.

He stood there for a moment, his arms encircling her waist. "You are a bloody temptress, love."

"Is it working?"

"Let's go see this movie. If we find we simply can't keep our hands off one another, we can leave early." He let his hands slip down and squeezed her ass as he rutted his hips into hers. "A little more delay will make the time when we come together that much more sweet."

"Tease."

"Patience, my love." He captured her lips in another kiss, and it took a moment for her lust-addled brain to register that he'd just called her his love. Her brain wanted to freak out. To run at his admission of love. Love equaled pain. She didn't want to be in love. But her brain was at odds with her body. Her body wanted to continue. To reach the moment when he would undress her and make good on his promises. She promised her brain to deal with the love issue tomorrow. Right now, she needed to get laid.

As they settled into their seats, Killian couldn't help but notice the change in Emma. She was still flirtatious, but seemed to be holding him at a distance, intent on controlling the pace. More than once on the drive to the theater, she'd tried to convince him to skip the movie and return to his apartment. Any comments he made of a more romantic nature were immediately responded to with a physical action. She was trying to cut off any discussion of a more serious nature.

He'd almost called her on this behavior several times, but stopped himself. He knew what she was doing. She was trying to fortify her walls. He only wished he'd known what happened to cause this sudden turn of events. Dinner had been a wonderful affair. She'd opened up to him. Shared some of her childhood experiences, and he'd reciprocated with some of his own. He'd told her stories of growing up with Liam and his travels diving shipwrecks.

Then once they left the bubble of the restaurant, everything seemed to change. He was baffled. What had he done? He resigned himself to watch the movie and hope that her mood improved before they left. As much as he wanted to seek a more intimate connection with Swan, he did not want their relations to be purely physical. He had no interest in being used. Sex without emotion was meaningless and Swan deserved more. He deserved more.

Cautiously, he reached his hand out and laced their fingers together. She looked over and smiled, though it did not quite reach her eyes. He was saved by the dimming of the lights and the start of the movie.

Of course, Killian had seen The Princess Bride before, but never in a theater. It was quite a unique experience. The audience participated, rhyming along with Fezzik and calling out 'Inconceivable' with Vizzini. Killian looked over at Emma, remembering his suggestion from earlier. She was engrossed in the film, her face in an expression of childlike wonder. He couldn't bring himself to interrupt that. Instead of pulling her in for a sensual kiss, he squeezed her hand. She squeezed back and leaned in as close to him as the uncomfortable chairs allowed.

When they reached the point that Roberts reveals himself to Buttercup, Emma looked over. There were tears in her eyes.

Killian reached over and cupped her cheek. "Emma?"

She shook her head frantically. "I'm sorry." She stood abruptly and ran from the theater.

Killian lept from his chair and hurried after her, their bag of popcorn tumbling to the floor in his wake.

"Emma!" He called immediately upon reaching the lobby. There was no one there but the lone employee behind the snack counter. She seemed to take pity on him and nodded her head toward the women's restroom.

Hiding again, he thought. I'd hoped we were past this.

"You want me to go see if she's okay?" The woman behind the counter asked.

"No, but thank you. She needs her space."

He waited. After 10 minutes elapsed, he purchased a beer. After 25 minutes, he bought another.

"You gonna be okay here? I need to take my break."

"Aye, yes, I am fine. Thank you lass."

She grabbed her phone and a pack of cigarettes and walked toward a door marked 'Staff Only.' Killian's head sunk and he took a long pull from his beer.

The bathroom was nice. There was a cozy couch tucked away near the entrance, and Emma had taken residence there. Killian was outside. He'd be worried, but she couldn't bring herself to move. She fiddled with her phone, pricing out the cost of a cab vs a rideshare. She googled the theater and tried to find a floor plan, hoping there was a way she could slip past the lobby without him seeing her.

The thought of leaving that way made her feel incredibly guilty. He was a good man. He deserved better than that. That didn't change the fact that she was terrified to face him. She'd tried to focus on the physical, but his tender looks and gestures spoke to the emotion she was trying so hard to avoid. He may have not meant to call her his love, but it was obvious that he was falling for her. Her own feelings were a mess. She didn't know if she loved him. She honestly wasn't sure she had the capacity for love after Neal.

Emma knew if they continued on this course tonight, Killian would confess his feelings.

He'd been texting her. She'd ignored them. Every passing moment increased her guilt and her fear, and she felt immobilized.

The bathroom door opened and her head shot up. She was sure her expression was akin to a deer caught in headlights. Her features relaxed slightly when she recognized the theater employee that had been working behind the refreshment counter. She met Emma's eyes.

"You're here with Sexy Blue Eyes out there, right?"

In spite of her emotional turmoil, Emma cracked a small smile. "I was. I think I blew it."

"Why're you hiding? He hit you?"

"No, no, nothing like that. I'm just an emotional mess."

"Still not over your ex?"

Emma scoffed. "I'm over him. I just don't know if I can move on."

The employee perched on the arm at the opposite end of the couch. "What's wrong with Blue Eyes out there?"

"Nothing. He's perfect. Too good to be true. That's the problem."

"You're worried something's gonna happen? The other shoe will drop? That it?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

"So, lemme get this straight… instead of watching a movie with Mr. Sex-on-a-stick, you're hiding out in this bathroom on a couch with more than a few cum stains because you think maybe someday he might possibly do something to hurt you?"

Emma stood quickly and shook with disgust. "Really?"

"Oh yeah, honey," she laughed, glancing down at the worn fabric. "Some kinky shit happens in here when people think no one's watching."

"Gross. Now I need a shower."

"So get out there and get Blue Eyes to take you back to his place and take one with you. Cause if you don't, I will." She stood up and walked to a stall, effectively ending the conversation. Emma glanced down at the couch and gagged a little before she grabbed her purse and stepped out the door and into the lobby.

Forty minutes had now elapsed. The movie was nearly over. Killian was at a loss as to what to do. He contemplated calling Ruby and asking her to call Emma, but remembered she was watching Henry. It was late and lad was likely asleep, but would Ruby be as well? He was just picking up his phone to dial when he saw Emma emerge from the ladies room.

"Emma?" He asked, standing from the bar. "Are you okay?"

She walked over to him and stood close, lacing his hands with hers. "I'm sorry. I got spooked."

"Why?"

"You said my love."

His first thought was that was it? That's what scared you? But he held his tongue. She must have been satisfied with his silence as she continued her explanation.

"I don't know that I'm ready for love, Killian. We've only known each other a few months. The last man I was in love with was Neal, and you know how that ended. I'm terrified of getting hurt again."

"I can understand that, but you should know that this isn't easy for me either. I just got out of a ten year relationship. Even though I knew things weren't right with Milah, I stayed because I was afraid of being alone. She dumped me and shoved me out on my own. I wasn't ready for another relationship." He moved closer, his lips just a hair's breadth from hers. "But I know that I don't want to miss a chance to be with you because I'm scared. You are an amazing woman, and this connection between us is worth exploring."

In one fluid motion he closed the gap between them and captured her mouth with his own. The kiss, meant to be tender and reassuring, quickly turned frantic. Her lips were soft and warm against his own, her body soft and pliable.

"That's more like it," came a voice from behind them, and he turned to see the employee who'd been so kind when he first followed Emma.

Emma flushed but made no move to pull away.

"Come on, love, let's go finish the movie."

They re-entered the theater and took new seats, their previous ones being covered in popcorn. They'd missed a significant portion of the film, but neither seemed to mind. As soon as they'd settled, Killian resumed devouring Emma's delectable lips. Her teeth grazed his lips as she carded her fingers through his hair. He responded in kind by blazing a trail down her neck, sucking hard at the juncture of her shoulder and collarbone. His hand lifted to her breast, alternating between kneading the soft flesh and pinching her nipples into taut peaks. She lifted her hand to the opposite breast, mirroring his motions. He felt the bulge in his pants harden further as he witnessed his Swan pleasuring herself.

"Keep going, Swan. I want to see you touch yourself all over." His voice was raspy and sharp as he whispered in her ear. "I want to watch you fuck your pussy with your fingers and pretend it's my cock filling you."

"Oh Killian. I need you."

"Yeah,? Where do you need me love? What do you want me to do to you?"

"I want you to fuck me until I cum so hard that I pass out."

"You naughty minx. Let's go."

As they exited the theater, Inigo told Rugen "I want my father back, you son of a bitch" and all the other patrons erupted in cheers. Killian wanted to join them, but his cause for celebration seemed too interested in getting him home to rip his clothes off.

She couldn't keep her hands to herself the rest of the journey home. In the car she leaned over, giving him an eyeful of cleavage as her hand massaged his throbbing erection. He felt so good in her hand. She couldn't wait to undress him and experience the full weight and feel of his cock. He was big. Thinking of how he would fill her up made her squirm in her seat, desperate for relief for her soaked, aching pussy.

"We have several more minutes before we are home, lass. Why don't you start with a warm up?"

"Oh yeah? What'd you have in mind?"

"You can start by taking off those panties and giving them to me."

She smiled mischievously at him as she lifted her hips and shimmied her way out of her underwear. She set them gently in his waiting hand. He brought them to his nose, inhaling deeply.

"You smell incredible. I want to taste you again."

"You have to drive."

"I do, so you're going to help me. Hike up your skirt. I want you to touch yourself for me."

The way he instructed her was not demanding, but still incredibly hot and she squirmed again involuntarily.

"Don't squirm, Love. Touch yourself."

She obeyed, pulling her skirt up until it was bunched around her waist. She slid down in the seat, spreading her knees as far apart as she could. Her hand trailed down her stomach until her fingers met her aching clit. She rubbed it vigorously, spreading the wetness that had been building all night. The relief of her pent up arousal was intoxicating, and she whimpered out loud.

"You are so fucking beautiful. Fuck yourself, darling. Pretend you are riding my cock."

She obeyed, quickly pushing two fingers inside. She ground down on her hand as her thumb sought out her clit.

"That's it. Good girl." Keeping his eyes on the road, he reached over and covered her hand with his own, guiding her ministrations.

She felt so wanton and daring. They weren't on a busy road, but they also weren't the only drivers out. Anyone driving next to them would have no question about what they were doing, and she found she didn't care. The prospect of being caught only seemed to enhance the sensations.

Her other hand came up to toy with her breasts, pinching her nipples. She continued to ride her fingers until she couldn't take it anymore, spilling over the crest of her first orgasm for the night.

"So damn gorgeous. Let me have a taste, darling." He brought her hand to his mouth and greedily sucked her fingers.

She remained slumped down in the seat, breathing heavily until he finally pulled into the lot behind their building and parked the car. The minute he turned the engine off she surged forward and caught his lips with her own. She could faintly taste herself on his tongue, spurring her desire. He kissed her back fervently, his lips firm on her own. She let herself get lost in the kiss for a moment before pulling away and touching her forehead to his own.

"Let's go upstairs."

He gave her a wicked grin before he literally hopped out of the car and ran to her side to open the door. She quickly pushed her skirt back down and slid out of her seat.

The elevator had never moved more slowly, and they had the sad misfortune of not being alone on their ride to his floor. However, once they were safely inside his apartment, he pinned her to the door with his hips, grinding against her center.

"I want. You. Inside. Me," she panted out between breaths as he assaulted her neck with his teeth and tongue.

"All in good time, darling. But first I want to taste you properly." He caught her by surprise as he slid his arm under her knees and hauled her bodily to his chest. Her hands moved to encircle his neck, seemingly of their own accord. He carried her the short distance to the bedroom and gently laid her down. Sinking to his knees and grabbing her legs, he pulled her so that her ass was parallel to the edge of the bed. He maneuvered her knees to straddle his shoulders and leaned down to lick a long stripe along her aching cunt.

Only one other man had done this for her, and his skills in this arena were sorely lacking. Killian, on the other hand, was highly skilled and seemed to enjoy it as much as she did. He settled into a rhythm, sliding two fingers into her while his lips and tongue attended to her clit. Emma could feel her next orgasm approaching, her body winding tighter and tighter. He pushed a third finger into her throbbing heat and pumped erratically, never letting up on her clit. She ground her hips into his fingers and lost herself in the sensations.

All at once the coil in her low belly snapped and she came hard. "Killian!" she cried so loud she was certain the neighbors could hear everything. His fingers slowed but did not stop and his attentions to her clit became gentle as she rode the waves. As she came back to herself, she realized her hands were vigorously rubbing through his hair. He looked up at her, his face shiny with her essence and his hair mussed in an incredibly sexy way.

"Take off your clothes," she commanded. "I need you to fuck me right now."

"As you wish."

It was impressive how quickly he rid them both of their clothes. When he was naked, Emma had to pause and take him in. He was an incredible specimen, with lean, taut muscles rippling as he knelt next to her on the bed. His chest was covered in a dusting of soft, dark hair. She'd always thought hairy men would be one of her turn offs, but on him it looked sexy. She bit her lip as she thought about how good it would feel rubbing against her nipples. And his cock. Oh his cock. He was bigger than she'd expected. She couldn't stop herself as she reached out to encircle her hand around his girth. He felt so good. The smooth, velvety skin contrasted deliciously with the rock hard muscle underneath. She leaned up and wrapped her lips around the tip, tasting the small bead of precum that pooled there. She moaned around him and sucked, bobbing her head to take in more of his impressive length.

His hands came to her shoulder and he pushed her down toward the bed. "Another time, lass, I will gladly let you continue that, but for now I want to feel you wrapped around me." He leaned over to the bedside table and fished out a foil-wrapped condom. Opening the packet and sliding it down his length, he moved to settle between her legs.

Emma lifted her hips and he positioned himself at her entrance. He slid in just a little and stopped, allowing her to stretch around him. The sensation was incredible, but not enough. "More," she cried and he obliged, pushing his girth into her waiting heat. But she could tell he was holding back. "Killian! More!" she pleaded, and he thrust the remainder of the way, fully sheathing himself inside.

She moaned loudly in response. It burned, but it was such a delicious burn. He held himself still to allow her muscles to stretch around him. After a moment, she adjusted. "Move," she pleaded. "I need you to move."

He complied and pulled nearly the entire way out before plunging back in. He set a punishing rhythm, and it was everything she needed. Her body was so sensitive after her first two orgasms, and it didn't take long before she felt the stirrings of her third. His hand found her clit and he rubbed her as he continued the pistoning motion of his hips.

"Oh my god, Killian, I'm gonna come again."

"Let. Go. Love." he said between thrusts. His usual eloquence had been reduced to be nearly caveman-like, and that somehow was what did her in. She keened and melted into the bed as wave after wave of passion washed over her. He followed her only a moment later, crying out at his release.

She wasn't sure how, but she ended up tangled in his embrace, covered in sweat and panting for breath.

"That. Was. Incredible," she said, her breath still uneven.

He smirked and squeezed her shoulder, tilting his head to place a gentle peck on her temple. "Killian Jones never leaves a woman unsatisfied."

All she could do was smile as she settled deeper into his embrace. She was exhausted after three orgasms. She knew they needed to take a shower. She should start thinking about when to go back up to her apartment. But all she wanted to do was sleep. Her eyes closed of their own accord and she let sleep take her over, nestled in the cocoon of Killian's warm embrace.

[noble-pro]

Running Dads… Finding time to stay Active

Being a parent and working can make it tough to find time to keep fit and stay active. All to often I hear that people dont have time to train for something they want to do. It’s TRUE, being a parent is hard, and it is hard to find the right balance. However, it is possible. I have been thinking how much my training has changed since I’ve had kids, and been looking at lots of awesome Dads that continue to do amazing things, whilst inspiring their children, through running. During this blog I want to show you what you can achieve whilst being a parent, by showing you stories of Dads that run. I have a collection of stories from 7 great Dads about how they manage to stay active.

Before children I was improving all the time, and hitting PB’s time after time. I trained often and hard, and frankly I do not have the time, or desire to do this. My routine is to get up, get the kids sorted, go to work, I work through lunch and get home in time to eat with my family, get the kids ready for bed and get them off to bed. I will often then work in the evening. All of this is very tiring, and it’s hard to find the motivation to train. I spend the weekend trying to have quality time with the family, so it seems impossible to fit in training. I overcome this by cycling to work, which keeps me active. I have a treadmill at home and add the odd run in a few times a week. Then I always try to do something at the weekend. I use my pacing as a long training run, and usually take my family with me. This means we explore together as a family, I’m missing for the Sunday morning, but the rest of the weekend is spent doing family activities. If we are on holiday doing an event I will often end up at the Zoo or theme park the day after.

The biggest tip from me is to enjoy what you are doing. Don’t worry about what anyone else is doing, and don’t worry if you can’t train as much as anyone else. Do what you can, and structure your expectations accordingly. To put things in perspective, I have completed 4 Ironman events whilst always putting my family first. I haven’t pushed as hard as I could with more training, but I’ve done the best I can, and that’s enough. So whether you want to do a 5k, marathon or Ironman, or just want to go out there and get fit and healthy, you can do it. Dont take my word for it, look at these fantastic Dads: Austin (Insta @thisdadcanrun)

Prior to taking up running more seriously in January 2018, I was finding it almost impossible to fit in any exercise due to work and family commitments. Becoming a Dad has been the best but I stopped looking after my physical health. Over time my weight had crept up and up, it got to the stage where enough was enough. Something just had to change. I started with the RED January challenge and ran everyday for a whole month and absolutely loved it. I carried on running and started to look for more challenges. I really wanted my children to know me as active, “no one was ever inspired by someone sat on the couch”. A massive highlight was when my son started to ask to come running with me and running together at junior Parkrun is the absolute best. As time went on in my own running I started to step my distances up and my times came down. I took on some half marathons and before I knew it I was committed to take on a full marathon. It’s so tough to balance the demands of training with spending quality time with the family but it is so important. Being healthy yourself is what allows you to be the best you, provide a good role model and keep your energy up to be a top Dad. I tend to try and squeeze runs around my other commitments if I can, for example I love a run commute. It saves so much time and saves having to be stuck on a packed out train. I’m so pleased to have discovered a love of running and am proud of the example I am setting for my kids and to other parents. Jon (Insta @this_man_runs)

As a father of 5 children (3 sons and 2 step daughters) fitting in time to train and keep fit can be a bit of a challenge. I am rather fortunate that I don’t need much sleep. This means that I am often out pounding the streets in the early hours of the morning. Earlier this year I ran 20 miles before 6 on a work day. I honestly believe that there is time in the day to be had if you get up early enough. I suppose I’m quite lucky that my children are all much older (their ages span 12-18) and therefore like a lie in…or two…so I can be done before anyone has emerged from their pits! However there are occasions when my training doesn’t quite fit around the schedules of dance classes/swimming lessons/football training… and of course…work. During these times I have found it helpful to always travel with running gear in the car. I might not be able to get the scheduled 10 miler in but, whilst the children are attending their classes, I can often get a few miles in, rather than waiting outside dusty halls or in humid swimming pools. On various occasions I’ve incorporated my family into my training. Either joining me on a run or cycling alongside me. We all ran during the Bournemouth Marathon festival in October, the youngest three (Alice, Francis and Eve) the 5k, my wife Hannah and my 16 yr old son Ewan ran the 10k whilst my eldest son Jon-Joe ran the marathon with me. I couldn’t be more proud. The biggest benefit to being an active Dad is that the children see the hard work that goes into it. They understand the work that I have put into it and are therefore under no illusions about how hard work translates into rewards. This is a lesson that also translates to their schoolwork and they have definitely picked up on that too. Finally I think it’s important to ensure that I thank my family (particularly my wife) for the support they give me. It certainly helps knowing that they are all wanting me to do my best too. Grant (Insta @runwithless)

My Dad is an active dad. He ran the first ever Great North Run in 1981 and London Marathon in 1982, amongst other running events. He inspired me to start running and as an active dad myself now, I hope to inspire my daughter in the same way. Running may seem like a solo pursuit, but it really is a collaboration. My training is only made possible by the help and support of the people around me. During the week I’m fortunate enough to work next to a parkrun location and have a flexible & understanding employer with shower facilities. This enables me to complete my training for running events most days, either on my lunch break or run commutes to and from work. Using this time to consistently & efficiently get my training done has been the key to successfully training for and achieving my goals. It also means that once I finish work for the day, my training has also been completed so I can be present and focus on family time. On weekends my supportive wife gives me time first thing on a morning to complete a long run and often a parkrun on saturday – sometimes my wife & daughter come along to cheer too. My advice for active dads is to share your training with your family. Earlier in the year whilst training for my first marathon, we ran parts of my training long runs together, whether it was joining me for the first 2K or the last 5K of my run. It took on a greater meaning than just marathon training. It was about creating memories together, capturing them with video, inspiring my daughter and making my family proud. I eventually ran Manchester Marathon in a time of 03:48:14. Whilst I was delighted to achieve a sub4 time at the first attempt, it was never about time. I found greater meaning – taking the family marathon baton from my Dad. Hopefully, I can pass it onto my Daughter in the future. Most importantly, I got to share and experience, not only race day, but the full marathon training journey with my family. Marcus (insta @themarathonmarcus)

I’m currently training for a sub 3 hour marathon, my recent result was 3:01. My training consists of mainly easy paced runs, with two workout sessions a week. I run a minimum of 50+ miles week most of the year, to maintain consistency in my training. Training around family and work is really tough. I do my runs before work, so I can get home after work to lessen the time impact with my family. You hear a lot about the importance of sleep and recovery, well it’s not always easy or achievable as I’d like, say if my kids sick. Or if I return from a long run, I still have to do my dad duties even if my legs have checked out for the day. Concurrently prioritising family time and my running goals, requires clear communication and planning with my family to make things work. Jonathan (Twitter @jonathancalver)

I have been running on and off for the last 20 years, the first race I have a picture from was Standalone 10k in 1996. For the last 5 years running has become a large part of my life, there are not many weekends when we, as a family, are not running. These five years also coincide with having our son. Before our son as born, we visited the Mother and Baby show and came away with a Thule Chariot, a superb running buggy with baby hammock, head rest, cosy toes, bottle holder etc etc, just what every excepting family needs. Looking back this was the baby accessory we had the most use from. As soon as Tommy was old enough he came out with us in the Chariot for runs and we kept this up until he was 4 years old doing mostly training runs, Parkrun and the odd race. The older he became, the longer the runs became. It was great to be able to interact with him whilst out running and it also passed the time much quicker, he also offered great encouragement, “go faster daddy” was often heard along route 51 in Bedfordshire. It was soon after we started doing Parkruns that the days of the running buggy were numbered, Tommy would be keen to get out and start running along side the buggy, when he’d had enough would climb back in then off we’d go again, our fastest Parkrun as a duo was 20:40. After the running buggy running became more difficult, we needed to go out separately. We managed this using the evenings, alternate evenings of running and early mornings at the weekend. Most Saturday’s I would do a long run to get to our local Parkrun, then cheer from the cafe with Tommy. On Sunday’s if not racing, I would drive to the junior Parkrun and my partner would run to it, allowing us both time with our son and also getting the miles in for any upcoming events. I am very lucky to have my family’s support and encouragement at most races, it gives a great boost seeing them on the course and getting the best high 5’s. I hope Tommy continues to enjoy his running as much a he is currently and I can’t wait to run and support him in his races in the future. Anthony (Twitter @dads_running)

It’s hard to put into words just how important running is to me. My main reason for heading out, sun, rain, hail… whatever the weather, is that my children grow up knowing about the sacrifices that you need to make to keep fit and active and to see the importance of doing so. Personal fitness of mind and body is also incredibly important to me, and the bling after running an event always hangs proudly. Balance though, is everything. I find that the best time to run; for my family to ensure that I don’t miss out on time with them, and for myself and the way in which my body responds to exercise, is first thing in the morning. I wake up, pack my bag for the day, drive to work and run from there. It also allows me to miss the rush hour traffic so whilst I don’t have many opportunities to sleep in, I spend less time behind the wheel. Probably around 2 1/2 hours a week. I also try to avoid long runs at the weekend. I often see on social media, some fantastic running by people in training and the weekends is where they are able to fit their long runs in. It just isn’t something that works for me. Now and again; but not every week, and certainly not when there are plans for the day ahead with the family. The last thing I want them to feel like is that they are second on my priority list after running so I go when it only interferes with my own time. Tim (Twitter @timsrunworld)

I’m a father of four, have a full-on teaching and management job, a passion for running and importantly, an understanding partner! I know that when I’m happiest is when I’m getting the balance right between work and play. For me, running is time for me to do something I enjoy, let off some emotional steam, process what’s on my mind or switch off completely and to stay fit and healthy. I strive to be a positive role model to my family, friends and fellow runners! I’d always been a footballer and cricketer until the children came along and I found that there just weren’t the hours in a day I could commit to these sports. I knew I wanted to keep exercising and so I turned to running – an activity I can do relatively cheaply and can be out the door when a window of opportunity presents itself. As life is so busy, particularly in term time, I tend to fit my running in during lunchtime breaks, or as a commute, though working a bit further away from home makes this more challenging. As I am now a qualified running coach, I get to practice what I preach in those sessions sometimes, so that’s a win there too! I do tend to get a longer run in at the weekend, particularly if I’m training for a longer race. I’ll tend to do these early in the morning, or after the kids have gone to bed. We are parkrun fans too, often going en masse to our local parkrun! I’m a member of Long Eaton Running Club, and being around like-minded people is such a comforting place to be – it makes me realise I’m not overly obsessed, I just enjoy a hobby like the rest of them! I’ve made a lot of friends there and there are more opportunities for racing or running with others through the club. I recently enjoyed helping the Couch to 5k group that we run twice a year! This year, I’ve managed to PB at marathon (2:55) and 10k (36:00) distances (hopefully 5k and half marathon too later on this year!), gain my Coach in Running Fitness qualification and start coaching fellow runners too. I’ve also managed to win a pair of trainers and with my running club, the local summer league of road races too! Whenever I find myself in a new place, I love getting the trainers on and going for an explorun to familiarise myself with the area, even if just a little bit! Finally, and very importantly, I have a partner who supports and encourages me in my running. Without her understanding, I wouldn’t be able to maintain my level of fitness, which is so important to me. The key thing for me is trying to look ahead and plan when I could go for a run. If I don’t think about it, I know it won’t happen in the busyness of life and if it doesn’t happen, it’ll be to my detriment, so the onus is on me. Running Dads

As you can see, there are plenty of ways to fit in a run, even as a busy dad. Whether that means getting up early, or going out late, or including them along the way. Some families will love to join in, others will be happy as long as it doesn’t take over every weekend. One thing we all have in common though, is we all recognise the importance of sharing the experience with the family, and we all have wonderful supportive wives (I know I couldn’t do it without mine). It can be hard to find the time as a dad, and there are many reasons that may prevent us from getting out there. But if you make the effort, include the family, and have fun together, it can be so rewarding and a great way to inspire our children. I love watching my children run kids races where they are on offer at my events. They get so much joy from taking part. I know looking at them that I am setting a positive, healthy example, and giving them the best possible start in life. How do you manage to find the balance between staying active, looking after you family and work? I would love to hear about it, let me know in the comments.   Read the full article

[cosmosogler]

hi guys. i lost a lot of time today. really not feelin it. but i’ll write about it.

i woke up on time. i’d been having... bad dreams. yes. definitely bad ones. it took me a moment to remember anything past the extreme unease and the glittering lights. i was on a road trip? not sure. i was in like a casino city. dad was there, but he was also some kind of mob boss businessman? i think he tasked me to try to fill up all the empty stores along the roulette wheel, which was also a street, but also a roller coaster. 

gainesville has a lot of empty shop shells. derelict. like my dreams for the last 25-ish years. 

it’s almost my birthday. i’ll be 25.

i’m thinking about making cupcakes for my birthday. if i can get the cupcake tin before the end of next week.

anyway, the flashing and blinking and twinkling lights in the “city” were super disorienting and giving me a headache. it may have been in the same place that a previous dream i had involving dad was? i saw a few familiar landmarks. but that dream had taken place firmly during the day, and this was at night. 

i eventually left after realizing that i was never going to fill all the shops, i could only try to place businesses in the busiest streets so that they’d get enough income to attract other places to come in and fill the space.

after that i left. i ended up in my high school’s theater auditorium, as happens pretty often. there’s several different versions of it, sometimes mashed up with a warehouse i dream about a lot, sometimes mixed into the independent theater i attended during grade school, especially in the backstage areas. sometimes it’s torn up into a lot of rooms that don’t quite match up with the real thing.

it’s weird. the big prominent back door in the high school theater doesn’t really make it into my dreams.

there’s usually a lot going on in the warehouse theater. this time i knew what they were doing but i still was not able to participate. i’m... not sure how to explain the game, and i’m not sure if it could be considered a game. it’s like a trapeze thing but there’s also a spoken script the players have to follow? conversations with people playing the game while i’m up standing on the ledge looking at them always feel very hollow. maybe it’s not that the conversations are pre-written so much as i’m distracting the players. 

i woke up many times before sunrise again. when i got up i was sluggish and confused. i looked up the clinic’s hours well after 8 but i was out the door around 9 at least. i was stopped by a homeless couple. the guy asking me for money was EXTREMELY QUIET. i could not hear him over every single passing car. i felt really bad asking him to be louder. maybe we could have just moved away from the road but his boyfriend was looking kind of on edge and like they may have been in a hurry. 

i guess i spent the time that i couldn’t hear him thinking over the situation. and i guess even if they weren’t actually going to use my money to buy a bus ticket out of town, at least they’d be doing whatever it was together. 

he looked pretty young to be whispering “we’re a homosexual couple” to me next to a busy road with no pedestrians, but i don’t know the region’s atmosphere very well. and i can’t stand disappointing people. every time i mentioned that the cat in my backpack really needed to get to the vet he looked so bummed and i was hoping that reminding him that i needed to be somewhere would help him condense. but it didn’t. i think i missed the bus because when i got to the stop i looked at the next arrival time and it was like 40 minutes away.

so i walked to the other route that goes near the clinic and got on that bus instead. i missed the stop because the bus does not announce its stops nor actually stop at the stops. so i had to backtrack a bit when i realized we’d gone past where i wanted to be. not too far though.

so. some good news and some pretty bad news. i filled out snoopy’s paperwork at the vet and all the techs were very nice and the vet answered all my questions as i remembered to ask them. i was a little confused because basically everything they said completely contradicted what the first vet had said about cats.

the good news is that snoopy does not have a tumor on her head. she has a cosmetic cyst. “cosmetic” as in “it’s doing nothing and has nothing in it, but if you want her head to look nicer we can take it off for 500 dollars. but it might go away itself too.” 

the bad news is that she has kidney disease, which is incurable and, eventually, fatal. 

it’s not... it’s probably not going to happen soon. her bloodwork showed that the blood toxicity thing is pretty low right now. the vet did not give me a lifetime estimate and just said that all cats are different. i gotta choke up a lot of money for specifically pro-kidney prescription food though and i can’t give her any treats for... well, the rest of her life. 

there was another cat at the shelter when we were adopting snoopy who had the same problem. i was bummed that i’d never be able to spoil her with cookies all the time so i got snoopy. but now i can’t spoil snoopy with piles of cookies either. at least she will eat the new food though. and she has gained some weight, but the vet wants her to put on another half of her total body weight. 

so i carried snoopy and the food bag all the way home (with the help of the bus half the time). she didn’t hold the vet trip against me but she seems pretty interested in laying next to the washing machine. maybe the blood draw exhausted her. i did get her to eat some of the new food right away at least...

i was starving because it was 2 pm by the time i got her re-settled and i had a big lunch. then i basically did nothing for 4 hours and then i re-tried making the gnocchi. this time i hand-minced some garlic and made a nice butter-parmesan sauce and threw in some basil so it would taste italian. and it was actually really good. the amount of garlic was illegal though. 

mom always puts tons and tons of garlic in her dishes so i might have trouble figuring out how much to put in my servings for a while.

tomorrow i got two classes. the third one is still being mysterious and will begin on friday. suzanne said i could borrow her mechanics textbook any time so tomorrow i’ll spend some time reading and taking notes- THAT’S THE PLAN. 

i’m having so much trouble getting rolling on homework and studying. i was so lethargic today that i didn’t take out the recycling or finish washing my dishes right after dinner. and that’s the un-stressful stuff!!!

my gramma is slipping toward kidney failure. i’m thinking about what that means for snoopy. but... gramma doesn’t have me restricting her diet. i’m thinking snoopy’s probably got a while before i have to start doing the, like, daily injections? that the vet talked to me about.

i know everyone dies eventually. and i know roughly the age that people and dogs and cats reach. but no one really wants to hear that that time is, in fact, coming up. grampa’s dying the death of a thousand paper cuts and he’s already lived longer than any man on that side of the family in our history. gramma’s body is just stopping taking care of itself. eve got her leg chopped off, but she’s still 13. snoopy’s 12. i don’t know much about her. it’s only been ten days.

not sure i like having this buildup of “the end” in my life right now. i mean, i love all of these people and animals, and i never want to lose them, but the anticipation stresses me out, and i know that the longer each of them lives, the more likely they are to die pretty close to each other. mathematically, i guess.

knowing that someday i’ll have to keep going without any of them stresses me out.

anyway. i need to figure out how to out-motivate my anxiety. knowing intellectually that this is what i want to do with my life and every stepping stone on the way down this road is, in its own way, a joy doesn’t seem to be making me less anxious. and the fear of, i don’t know, both failing and succeeding is more powerful than my interest in any subject including my very favorite. 

failing because this is what i want to do, and if i can’t do it because i’m not the right kind of person then it’s like “well, what now?”

succeeding because if i succeed then that’s wrong and someone must have made a mistake, but now everyone will expect me to know what i’m doing. and i never know what i’m doing. i don’t even know what i’m doing when i’m pretty sure i know what i’m doing! i can’t commit to anything because, like, if i get good at it, people will expect me to be consistently good at it! and i can’t be consistently good!! i can barely get up in the morning, let alone do quantum mechanics every day, or win at pokemon every day, or cook something good every day. 

at least with cooking so far it’s been almost entirely for just myself. it’s easier to enjoy the project and take risks and goof off with weird combinations when i’m the only one who has to throw it away and just make corn dogs if it doesn’t work out. my first batch of cupcakes during my sick period this year was humiliating. 

but i can’t actually get to the point where i am consistently good at something UNLESS i do it every day and spend a whole lot of time screwing up and making dumb mistakes. i gotta commit if i want to succeed. i’m not even that good at pokemon because i don’t actually play against other people. if i want to be good at physics i gotta do it a lot, and a lot of that has to be with other people who will point out my mistakes so i can stop making them.

but even doing a little bit is so difficult that it’s easy to find chores to do specifically so that i run out of time to do any actual physics.

look at that. i started writing super early but now it’s 10:10 and if i cracked open a physics book now i would get to bed late. guess i’ll have to do it tomorrow!!!!

at least, right now... it won’t be very helpful to worry a lot about snoopy. i’ve done everything i can right now and i can’t do anything past that. i’ll have to bring in the lab work the vet requested over the weekend or something because i just won’t have the time and energy to put like 2 hours into another vet trip if i got something else to do that day. i switched her food right over, and i am keeping her water fountain full and clean, and i am keeping her litter box clean, and i am trying to keep her fur clean. i don’t like that things take time. building skills, and getting to know people, and getting to know snoopy, and seeing how snoopy does with this chronic disease, are all things that take a LOT of time.

i wish my therapy appointment was this week instead of in a week. getting along by myself with no mental health support is a sisyphean monstrosity. 

[justtwentyonewriters]

Goner//Josh Dun Fanfiction

Note: Since it’s pretty much based on the idea that the book 13 Reasons Why by Jay Asher presented. It contains suicide, and some other pretty dark stuff. Each chapter will have its own warnings, but in the mean time be careful while reading—I don’t want to cause any harm.

Xx

               He was a nobody last month—when the teachers would call his name in attendance, everyone would look around. Confused expressions adorning their features, he seemed like a myth. Like a legend.

               “I heard that Josh kid killed a dude once.”

               “Really? Because I heard he was raised by wolves” Stupid things created by rather stupid people—usually. The more insane and unrealistic stories seemed like a comic relief compared to the other rumors spread about the boy. You heard all about how he allegedly tried drowning his younger sister, how he allegedly got kicked out of his old school because he was dealing drugs, how he allegedly slit his wrists all day everyday.

               You chose to ignore them—you rather liked Josh. Well when you saw him anyway. Columbus high wasn’t particularly small—there were a minimum of 3 classes each for all the core subjects; far more for the extracurricular. You were lucky though; you got to share 3 of 4 classes with this mysterious new kid. The one who kept his head down and only spoke when spoken to. You wish you could’ve figured out why.

Xx

               You internally groaned as your teacher began talking—not about science, not about chemicals. Rather, he was discussing suicide. The topic on everybody’s mind since the “nobody” became the school celebrity. It made you sick to see everyone fake compassion, suddenly turn into heroes; or what they believed was a hero.

               “I know this is a fresh wound for everyone, considering it has only been 2 weeks. But all the staff at Columbus High would like to reach out for any student needing help. Mental health is just as important as physical health! If your brain is off balance, then your whole body will follow.” You stared outside, choosing to ignore the latest soapbox speech. The sky was gray, except it wasn’t raining—nor did the clouds look like they wanted to pour. Rather it was just a dark undertone, blocking away the sunlight. Almost like the universe was foreshadowing the boy’s fate. “Now if you know anyone who is going through tough times; please remember that getting them help is much more important than keeping a friendship.” You cast your gaze over to the teacher, who was putting his paper on the desk. Figures, the school gave them a premade speech to rattle off. “Do any of you have any questions?” You took a deep breath in, waiting for the vultures to dive in for the kill.

               “This kid, is he dead?” One of the basketball players asked from the back of the room; his expression was neutral but you could’ve sworn you heard his voice waver just a little.

               “I am not in a position to discuss that with you Mr. Joseph. That is something you will have to talk to the family about. Are there any other questions?” Your gaze went to the basketball player, who was gnawing on his lip—deep in thought. Probably contemplating another question.

               “If he does die, will there be an investigation and charges? Will it be treated like murder or just his bad decision making?” The people around him snickered at the end of his sentence, finding a cruel amusement in the insult. You found it sickening—for the fact that he probably tried killing himself for this exact reason.

               “That is up to the family to decide.” The teacher stated bluntly, turning his attention to the latest unit. Trying to avoid being put in any more awkward situations for one morning. You pulled open your notebook, clicking your pen. Trying to ignore the heavy feeling settled in your chest—you barely knew this kid, so why is all the suicide talk getting to you?

Xx

               “Hey! Y/L/N!” You heard someone call as you walked toward the lunchroom—your morning classes droned on, filled with chatter about Josh. Why people think he did it, what they think happened, even as far as how. It disgusted you to the core. You turned to see that basketball player, Joseph you think his name was walking up beside you.  ‘‘You didn‘t look so good in class today, I was coming to see if you were alright” You were taken back by the question—despite its seemingly innocent motive.

               “I’m fine, thank you Joseph.” You whispered, turning to leave toward the cafeteria once again.

               “It’s Tyler, and you just didn’t seem so good when they brought up those rough topics. I just thought I’d be a support. So if you ever need anything. Call me.” He extended his hand out to yours—keeping up with you as you walked. You rolled your eyes before taking the paper and shoving it haphazardly into your pocket. “Before you think anything; I’m not playing any cheesy hookup lines on you. I actually care and don’t want this to happen to someone else.” He whispered to you, before changing paths and meeting up with the rest of the basketball team.

               You couldn’t quite wrap your mind around it, the basketball team captain was suddenly being nice to you? Something was definitely up.

Xx

               “Hi honey, how was your day?” Your mom asked, walking up to the door to greet you. Eyes shimmering with curiosity.

               “It was fine, pretty boring though. Just notes all class.” You shrugged, taking your shoes off and making your way to your room. Your mom following you most of the way, asking you a variety of questions about your day. What were the notes on, did you learn anything interesting? Did you make any new friends? Needless to say, you were kind of resentful at what this Josh kid had caused—suddenly nobody left you alone. It was a constant stream of “how are you? Are you okay? How was your day?” and other fake interest. You liked it better when you could sit on the outside of the world and watch it as it passed, popping in on your own accord.

               “Y/N, your bag is hanging wide open!” Your mom commented, as soon as you reached your door. You scrunched your nose up—you definitely remember zipping it before you made your way out of school. Except when you slung it off your back—the zipper was wide open. What the hell?

               “I must’ve forgot to zip it! I’m going to make sure everything is here and do my homework. Okay mom, love you.” You quickly slipped into your room, shutting the door behind you before emptying the contents of your backpack on the bed.

               Books, check. Pencil case, check. Notebook, check. Weird bag thing, check? You arched and eyebrow as you opened the zip lock bag. It seemed to have a brown paper bag inside of it. Sitting cross-legged on your bed you slowly pulled out the bag. Praying it didn’t have an illegal substance somewhere within it. You grabbed one end of the brown bag, letting out a shocked scream when it unrolled itself and something fell to you lap. Provoking the curiosity of your mother.

               “I’m fine mom! No need to come in, just saw a spider that’s all.” You yelled out to her, taking a breath of relief when you saw it was only a usb drive that fell to your lap—not drugs. You inspected the drive, it was seemingly normal. Had a few scratches along it, but what doesn’t? Putting it to the side, you looked closer at the brown bag, opening it to find a few sheets of paper crammed inside.

               For Your Eyes ONLY. Strange enough. You opened the paper, heart clenching when you saw a boyish handwriting sprawled across the page.

               It’s simple. Watch the videos, pack up the usb and instructions, and move along—maybe even change a bit. That could never hurt right?

               Besides that, keep this within the group—and keep it going. You wouldn’t want to know what would happen if it stopped, but what threat am I? I’m either dead or comatose.

JD

               No. It couldn’t be. Why is this coming to you? Maybe it was a mistake? You flopped over the side of your bed, reaching underneath to pull your laptop up onto your bed. Tapping nervously you watched as the technology in front of you took forever to open. And forever to recognize the USB.

               13 files. Each were labeled with a number—nothing else. Taking a deep breath you clicked the first file—watching as the media player popped up, starting a video of a dark room. The only sounds were that of a furnace and someone’s breathing. Shivers found their way down your spine when you were met with a somewhat familiar face—he looked calm. A small smirk playing at his lips.

               “I’m not going to repeat myself with instructions—if the person before you neglected to add them. Listen, find them and figure out what you need to do.” He let out a emotionless laugh. “Other than that, hey. Glad you could make it to the party.” You felt your chest tighten as your eyes burned with tears. You barely knew him, but seeing his face. No emotion, nothing on it made your heart shatter.

               “To set the record straight here, no I didn’t leave any notes, no my family doesn’t know why and no all your rumors are probably wrong.” You paused the video, resting your elbows on your knees and holding your head up with your hands. Why was this sent to you?? “I know what you’re wondering, “What is this and why am I included”, in dear time friend. In due time you’ll know. Just listen for a bit—like I do. Well used to.” You stared at the screen, in complete shock. Jumping slightly when a knock came on your door.

               “Honey, are you coming down for supper tonight?” Your mom asked—probably wondering how many plates to prepare.

               “No, I’m really busy and not too hungry.” You called back, reaching in your bag for a pair of headphones. Plugging them in before warily pressing play again.

               “If you’re ready for a ride, lets go. Congrats Mr. Cos, you’re the lucky first contestant.”

[dat-imagine-tho]

A Different Kind of Prank War

Pairings: Snape x Platonic!Reader

Warnings: Slight mention of dark themes

A/N: Gif not mine. This was requested by a lovely anon. Prompt: Severus and the reader have a student/teacher friendship sort of relationship and they sort of have a little prank war going on that only they know about. Shoutout: to my twin who helped me write this! (Newton-Scamandr)

It was a little-known fact that you and a certain black-clad Professor had a platonic type of relationship, wherein you had the privilege to be taken under his tutelage. 

However, one thing the man was slow to realise, was that you strived to do the same for him; how was this possible? Through "pranks" and puns. 

Why was this important to do? Well, as humans we all go through things in our lives, sometimes we just need a little help from another person. Sometimes in life you just needed a pick me up - everyone does at some stage. 

A smile or small gesture can go a long way. 

Groaning you got out of the seat to stretch your aching back. You had a headache that was sure to eventually go away. It was from the strain you had put yourself under from a vigorous study session. 

Sighing you collected your disarrayed textbooks, extra quills, the pot of ink and your used and unused pieces of parchment. 

Dinner in the Great Hall, it was such an amazing experience; great food, atmosphere and being with your friends at your House table. 

You strolled into the hall and straight over to your friends who were already sitting down. Being in your 7th year it was no surprise that you had the routine of school down pact. 

The stress seemed to be getting to all of you, although happily talking with one another, the physical consequences of stress was evident. It took a toll on your entire friend group in the form of but not restricted to; bags under the eyes, pimple breakouts, mouth ulcers, weight gain, fatigue and general jitteriness, to name more than a few. 

Sitting down you said hello to your friends, they replied as you reached for a clean glass. Noticing all of your friends had variants of drinks; pumpkin juice, soft drink, etcetera but no one was drinking water at this current moment. 

Being quite parched yourself you grabbed the jug of water before you, pouring yourself a tall glass of the cold liquid. Taking an eager sip you had just about drained half of the glass, sitting it back down on the table. 

Something unexpected and uncontrollable happened; you laughed. 

Your friends gave you a strange look at you abrupt behaviour. "Are you alright, (y/n)?" one of them asked. 

You kept laughing, unable to answer. This was definitely Giggle Water. Your friends exchanged looks with each other and they had small grins that grew into a huge presentation of their white teeth. 

It was contagious, your friends started laughing as well, you finally regained control over the behaviour, not that anyone noticed because the giggle-water-induced laughing turned into real laughter. 

With a stupid smile on your face you laughed again at the past events of dinner while laying on your bed, looking up at your ceiling of your sleeping quarters.

You sighed, getting ready to settle down into a good night's sleep when you heard a tapping at your window. 

Looking over you saw the familiar black owl that was instantly recognisable to you from anywhere. 

Opening the window, the feathered creature perched on the windowsill, a small note clenched in its beak. 

Thanking the bird, you took the note he was holding and proceeded to read its contents; 

Laughter is the best medicine. 

- SS 

A smile graced your lips, you knew exactly who the culprit was that replaced your table’s jug with Giggle Water. 

You drifted off to sleep with the contemplation of how you were going to respond.

It was early in the morning, the experienced professor stalked the halls of the dungeon, once again going without breakfast; it was, after all, a complete waste of valuable time and a pathetic excuse to be forced into a meaningless dribble of formalities in the name of socialising. 

Completely aware of this matter, an eager student snuck into the Potions Classroom and left a small surprise on his desk. 

Undetected (y/n) slipped out of the room and went unnoticed down the halls and into the Great Hall. 

A great grumbling came from the reclusive man as he headed for his scheduled Fourth Year Potions class. 

He pushed the thought far from his mind of who would explode the cauldron's contents from incompetence this time. 

Quickly making his way to the front of the classroom he instructed sternly, "Now, I expect you all to complete the readings on page 217, in silence. Do I make myself clear?" The rhetoric question was met with obedience by the unamused and bored-ridden students. 

Something peculiar caught the man's notice, sitting on his desk was what seemed to be a book and some sort of bag of sweets. 

It was, in fact, a small bag of lollies with a note attached. 

With furrowed brows Snape picked it up and investigated it, it read; 

When life gives you sherbet lemons. 

- (Y/initials) 

Not visibly, but amused nonetheless, he inspected the book that was left there as well. A newly published Potions book. He had eyed this book a few times but had not been able to purchase it yet himself. 

Happily, he ate one of the sweets. Skipping breakfast was the norm for him but his body would always protest, particularly following low blood sugar. 

All that remained on his facial features was a microscopic smile before his voice rang throughout the quiet classroom, "Mister Adams, stop whispering to Miss Jane and get back your studies. You and I are both very much aware of your dire grade." 

Over three months had passed since you gave him a copy of the newly published book on Potions, and your exchange of well-natured gestures in forms of pranks and puns. 

You did, however, get one response, a note and a chocolate frog with the words; 

Read it. 

- SS 

It took you a while to realise it's double meaning. At first, you simply smiled at the answer, but while chewing on the delicious chocolate frog you realised that it was a play on word. When said quickly, the deriving word being the sound a frog makes; ribbit. Ribbit having not much variation in sound as 'read it' if it were said as if it were one word. 

Half yearly exams were underway, your attention being fully directed at the gruelling task. It wasn't until you had gone for a walk in the halls before you headed back to your common room that you remembered the outside world.  

In Potions class Snape droned on and on about a particular potion, it was quite hard to fight sleep seeming you were deprived of it as of late. 

Class was dismissed and now being slightly more alert due to the clattering and commotion of eager students in their exit, you noticed his slip in hygiene and care. 

Your concern grew; this was not a good sign. 

You thought up a plan, you hoped wouldn't be crossing a line, but you felt you needed to do something. 

In these particular matters, following your out of depth knowledge and personal relations with the man who mirrored disconsolation, you would need to do something quickly. You would have to rally up confidence and hope that your gesture wouldn't be accepted as ill-mannered, but rather good intent. 

The day droned on, it was now 10:40 pm, and there was nothing Severus wanted more than to reside in his personal quarters and be done with the day's events. 

But alas, sleep was out of reach as there was grading to attend to. With an unamused scowl, the man set to work on the tedious task that was sure to make him lose hope that his teachings were all for naught. 

With a groggy head, the man sighed. Again, it seemed that he did not get enough sleep, he couldn't remember the last time he had. 

Lack of sleep, lack of motivation; it was an endless repetition, an inescapable cycle. His days’ tasks seemed dull, so did his life. He couldn't separate the two anymore; his obligations and free will. 

Nonetheless, he trudged on. It was the only thing he could do. 

 At least Potion brewing gave him a minimal escape. It was something in which he could entice his mind, allowing himself to be challenged by the complexities and preciseness Potion making required. 

Snape glided through the halls, his cape billowing behind him, leaving in his wake First Years who came across his path shrinking themselves and walking faster towards their morning class. Reminding Severus that he had a First Years Potions to teach this morning. 

Right on time the man stormed through the door, the students sat rigid in their seats, they had learnt straight away to be more than punctual when it came to their cruel professor. 

Something was amiss, however, the students were well-behaved. Working studiously; very odd for a bunch of children who hadn't been under the gaze of their professor, even if they were completely aware of the fact that he was on his way. 

The stoic man made his way towards the front of the Potions classroom to his desk. He tried to decipher as to why his students were giving him confused looks, he wasn't accustomed to this expression until he started speaking.

Severus Snape froze in his tracks. Sitting up on his desk was a cat, looking rather serious. Not just any cat, this one had precise markings around its eyes, if one knew what they were looking for they would know perfectly well what this meant. Although, the students thus far had gathered the latter information they missed one vital piece of information. The cat was not whom they thought, it was a stand in, but convincingly similar to an untrained eye.

Nonethewiser the attentive students dared not cross who they thought was a particular Transfiguration Professor.

It took sheer willpower to not laugh at the scene before him. A smile rested shortly on his lips before his unnerving stature took hold as he began the process of regaining control of his class. 

Retiring to his quarters before the continuation of the day's schedule, the black-clad professor noticed a sort of gift waiting by his door. 

Questioningly he picked it up and read on the gift tag that it was, indeed meant for him; 

To S. Snape, I hope you enjoyed my "prank", and that you accept this gesture as a token of gratitude. 

There were no initials to follow this message but he knew exactly who it was from; (y/n). 

He didn't dare open the gift in the halls, he would never allow his personal life to mix amongst the societal hierarchy and gossiping of the pupils that dwelled in the depths of these halls.

Once inside he investigated the gift basket's contents to which he found; An array of expensive chocolate, shampoo, conditioner and another Potions book. It was an all-encompassing gift to encourage him during the lack of motivation and an ingrained disinclination to maintain cultural hygienic standards. 

He was confused when he saw yet another note; 

and know that I care 

- (Y/initials) 

Walking to your next class you were petrified when a dark cloaked figure cut off your path. Looking up you realised it was your Professor. 

You eased slightly but quickly became unsettled when you figured out as to why he would be here standing before you. 

How would he react? 

You swallowed the lump growing in your throat, your mouth becoming dry. Hoping you wouldn't have to speak as you were fairly certain you couldn't at this very moment. 

A smile graced his lips, then it was gone and became nothing but a memory. "Thank you." Was all the Potions Master spoke before departing, leaving you to smile bashfully to yourself. After all, as he parted ways you smelt a hint of the unmistakable scent of a certain hair washing substance you had purposefully gifted.

More? (x)

[readbookywooks]

17 Blindsided. That's how I feel when Haymitch tells me in the hospital. I fly down the steps to Command, mind racing a mile a minute, and burst right into a war meeting. "What do you mean, I'm not going to the Capitol? I have to go! I'm the Mockingjay!" I say. Coin barely looks up from her screen. "And as the Mockingjay, your primary goal of unifying the districts against the Capitol has been achieved. Don't worry - if it goes well, we'll fly you in for the surrender." The surrender? "That'll be too late! I'll miss all the fighting. You need me - I'm the best shot you've got!" I shout. I don't usually brag about this, but it's got to be at least close to true. "Gale's going." "Gale has shown up for training every day unless occupied with other approved duties. We feel confident he can manage himself in the field," says Coin. "How many training sessions do you estimate you've attended?" None. That's how many. "Well, sometimes I was hunting. And...I trained with Beetee down in Special Weaponry." "It's not the same, Katniss," says Boggs. "We all know you're smart and brave and a good shot. But we need soldiers in the field. You don't know the first thing about executing orders, and you're not exactly at your physical peak." "That didn't bother you when I was in Eight. Or Two, for that matter," I counter. "You weren't originally authorized for combat in either case," says Plutarch, shooting me a look that signals I'm about to reveal too much. No, the bomber battle in 8 and my intervention in 2 were spontaneous, rash, and definitely unauthorized. "And both resulted in your injury," Boggs reminds me. Suddenly, I see myself through his eyes. A smallish seventeen-year-old girl who can't quite catch her breath since her ribs haven't fully healed. Disheveled. Undisciplined. Recuperating. Not a soldier, but someone who needs to be looked after. "But I have to go," I say. "Why?" asks Coin. I can't very well say it's so I can carry out my own personal vendetta against Snow. Or that the idea of remaining here in 13 with the latest version of Peeta while Gale goes off to fight is unbearable. But I have no shortage of reasons to want to fight in the Capitol. "Because of Twelve. Because they destroyed my district." The president thinks about this a moment. Considers me. "Well, you have three weeks. It's not long, but you can begin training. If the Assignment Board deems you fit, possibly your case will be reviewed." That's it. That's the most I can hope for. I guess it's my own fault. I did blow off my schedule every single day unless something suited me. It didn't seem like much of a priority, jogging around a field with a gun with so many other things going on. And now I'm paying for my negligence. Back in the hospital, I find Johanna in the same circumstance and spitting mad. I tell her about what Coin said. "Maybe you can train, too." "Fine. I'll train. But I'm going to the stinking Capitol if I have to kill a crew and fly there myself," says Johanna. "Probably best not to bring that up in training," I say. "But it's nice to know I'll have a ride." Johanna grins, and I feel a slight but significant shift in our relationship. I don't know that we're actually friends, but possibly the wordallies would be accurate. That's good. I'm going to need an ally. The next morning, when we report for training at 7:30, reality slaps me in the face. We've been funneled into a class of relative beginners, fourteen- or fifteen-year-olds, which seems a little insulting until it's obvious that they're in far better condition than we are. Gale and the other people already chosen to go to the Capitol are in a different, accelerated phase of training. After we stretch - which hurts - there's a couple of hours of strengthening exercises - which hurt - and a five-mile run - which kills. Even with Johanna's motivational insults driving me on, I have to drop out after a mile. "It's my ribs," I explain to the trainer, a no-nonsense middle-aged woman we're supposed to address as Soldier York. "They're still bruised." "Well, I'll tell you, Soldier Everdeen, those are going to take at least another month to heal up on their own," she says. I shake my head. "I don't have a month." She looks me up and down. "The doctors haven't offered you any treatment?" "Is there a treatment?" I ask. "They said they had to mend naturally." "That's what they say. But they could speed up the process if I recommend it. I warn you, though, it isn't any fun," she tells me. "Please. I've got to get to the Capitol," I say. Soldier York doesn't question this. She scribbles something on a pad and sends me directly back to the hospital. I hesitate. I don't want to miss any more training. "I'll be back for the afternoon session," I promise. She just purses her lips. Twenty-four needle jabs to my rib cage later, I'm flattened out on my hospital bed, gritting my teeth to keep from begging them to bring back my morphling drip. It's been by my bed so I can take a hit as needed. I haven't used it lately, but I kept it for Johanna's sake. Today they tested my blood to make sure it was clean of the painkiller, as the mixture of the two drugs - the morphling and whatever's set my ribs on fire - has dangerous side effects. They made it clear I would have a difficult couple of days. But I told them to go ahead. It's a bad night in our room. Sleep's out of the question. I think I can actually smell the ring of flesh around my chest burning, and Johanna's fighting off withdrawal symptoms. Early on, when I apologize about cutting off her morphling supply, she waves it off, saying it had to happen anyway. But by three in the morning, I'm the target of every colorful bit of profanity District 7 has to offer. At dawn, she drags me out of bed, determined to get to training. "I don't think I can do it," I confess. "You can do it. We both can. We're victors, remember? We're the ones who can survive anything they throw at us," she snarls at me. She's a sick greenish color, shaking like a leaf. I get dressed. We must be victors to make it through the morning. I think I'm going to lose Johanna when we realize it's pouring outside. Her face turns ashen and she seems to have ceased breathing. "It's just water. It won't kill us," I say. She clenches her jaw and stomps out into the mud. Rain drenches us as we work our bodies and then slog around the running course. I bail after a mile again, and I have to resist the temptation to take off my shirt so the cold water can sizzle off my ribs. I force down my field lunch of soggy fish and beet stew. Johanna gets halfway through her bowl before it comes back up. In the afternoon, we learn to assemble our guns. I manage it, but Johanna can't hold her hands steady enough to fit the parts together. When York's back is turned, I help her out. Even though the rain continues, the afternoon's an improvement because we're on the shooting range. At last, something I'm good at. It takes some adjusting from a bow to a gun, but by the end of the day, I've got the best score in my class. We're just inside the hospital doors when Johanna declares, "This has to stop. Us living in the hospital. Everyone views us as patients." It's not a problem for me. I can move into our family compartment, but Johanna's never been assigned one. When she tries to get discharged from the hospital, they won't agree to let her live alone, even if she comes in for daily talks with the head doctor. I think they may have put two and two together about the morphling and this only adds to their view that she's unstable. "She won't be alone. I'm going to room with her," I announce. There's some dissent, but Haymitch takes our part, and by bedtime, we have a compartment across from Prim and my mother, who agrees to keep an eye on us. After I take a shower, and Johanna sort of wipes herself down with a damp cloth, she makes a cursory inspection of the place. When she opens the drawer that holds my few possessions, she shuts it quickly. "Sorry." I think how there's nothing in Johanna's drawer but her government-issued clothes. That she doesn't have one thing in the world to call her own. "It's okay. You can look at my stuff if you want." Johanna unlatches my locket, studying the pictures of Gale, Prim, and my mother. She opens the silver parachute and pulls out the spile and slips it onto her pinkie. "Makes me thirsty just looking at it." Then she finds the pearl Peeta gave me. "Is this - ?" "Yeah," I say. "Made it through somehow." I don't want to talk about Peeta. One of the best things about training is, it keeps me from thinking of him. "Haymitch says he's getting better," she says. "Maybe. But he's changed," I say. "So have you. So have I. And Finnick and Haymitch and Beetee. Don't get me started on Annie Cresta. The arena messed us all up pretty good, don't you think? Or do you still feel like the girl who volunteered for your sister?" she asks me. "No," I answer. "That's the one thing I think my head doctor might be right about. There's no going back. So we might as well get on with things." She neatly returns my keepsakes to the drawer and climbs into the bed across from me just as the lights go out. "You're not afraid I'll kill you tonight?" "Like I couldn't take you," I answer. Then we laugh, since both our bodies are so wrecked, it will be a miracle if we can get up the next day. But we do. Each morning, we do. And by the end of the week, my ribs feel almost like new, and Johanna can assemble her rifle without help. Soldier York gives the pair of us an approving nod as we knock off for the day. "Fine job, Soldiers." When we move out of hearing, Johanna mutters, "I think winning the Games was easier." But the look on her face says she's pleased. In fact, we're almost in good spirits when we go to the dining hall, where Gale's waiting to eat with me. Receiving a giant serving of beef stew doesn't hurt my mood either. "First shipments of food arrived this morning," Greasy Sae tells me. "That's real beef, from District Ten. Not any of your wild dog." "Don't remember you turning it down," Gale tosses back. We join a group that includes Delly, Annie, and Finnick. It's something to see Finnick's transformation since his marriage. His earlier incarnations - the decadent Capitol heartthrob I met before the Quell, the enigmatic ally in the arena, the broken young man who tried to help me hold it together - these have been replaced by someone who radiates life. Finnick's real charms of self-effacing humor and an easygoing nature are on display for the first time. He never lets go of Annie's hand. Not when they walk, not when they eat. I doubt he ever plans to. She's lost in some daze of happiness. There are still moments when you can tell something slips in her brain and another world blinds her to us. But a few words from Finnick call her back. Delly, who I've known since I was little but never gave much thought to, has grown in my estimation. She was told what Peeta said to me that night after the wedding, but she's not a gossip. Haymitch says she's the best defender I have when Peeta goes off on some kind of tear about me. Always taking my side, blaming his negative perceptions on the Capitol's torture. She has more influence on him than any of the others do, because he really does know her. Anyway, even if she's sugarcoating my good points, I appreciate it. Frankly, I could use a little sugarcoating. I'm starving and the stew is so delicious - beef, potatoes, turnips, and onions in a thick gravy - that I have to force myself to slow down. All around the dining hall, you can feel the rejuvenating effect that a good meal can bring on. The way it can make people kinder, funnier, more optimistic, and remind them it's not a mistake to go on living. It's better than any medicine. So I try to make it last and join in the conversation. Sop up the gravy on my bread and nibble on it as I listen to Finnick telling some ridiculous story about a sea turtle swimming off with his hat. Laugh before I realize he's standing there. Directly across the table, behind the empty seat next to Johanna. Watching me. I choke momentarily as the gravy bread sticks in my throat. "Peeta!" says Delly. "It's so nice to see you out...and about." Two large guards stand behind him. He holds his tray awkwardly, balanced on his fingertips since his wrists are shackled with a short chain between them. "What's with the fancy bracelets?" asks Johanna. "I'm not quite trustworthy yet," says Peeta. "I can't even sit here without your permission." He indicates the guards with his head. "Sure he can sit here. We're old friends," says Johanna, patting the space beside her. The guards nod and Peeta takes a seat. "Peeta and I had adjoining cells in the Capitol. We're very familiar with each other's screams." Annie, who's on Johanna's other side, does that thing where she covers her ears and exits reality. Finnick shoots Johanna an angry look as his arm encircles Annie. "What? My head doctor says I'm not supposed to censor my thoughts. It's part of my therapy," replies Johanna. The life has gone out of our little party. Finnick murmurs things to Annie until she slowly removes her hands. Then there's a long silence while people pretend to eat. "Annie," says Delly brightly, "did you know it was Peeta who decorated your wedding cake? Back home, his family ran the bakery and he did all the icing." Annie cautiously looks across Johanna. "Thank you, Peeta. It was beautiful." "My pleasure, Annie," says Peeta, and I hear that old note of gentleness in his voice that I thought was gone forever. Not that it's directed at me. But still. "If we're going to fit in that walk, we better go," Finnick tells her. He arranges both of their trays so he can carry them in one hand while holding tightly to her with the other. "Good seeing you, Peeta." "You be nice to her, Finnick. Or I might try and take her away from you." It could be a joke, if the tone wasn't so cold. Everything it conveys is wrong. The open distrust of Finnick, the implication that Peeta has his eye on Annie, that Annie could desert Finnick, that I do not even exist. "Oh, Peeta," says Finnick lightly. "Don't make me sorry I restarted your heart." He leads Annie away after giving me a concerned glance. When they're gone, Delly says in a reproachful voice, "He did save your life, Peeta. More than once." "For her." He gives me a brief nod. "For the rebellion. Not for me. I don't owe him anything." I shouldn't rise to the bait, but I do. "Maybe not. But Mags is dead and you're still here. That should count for something." "Yeah, a lot of things should count for something that don't seem to, Katniss. I've got some memories I can't make sense of, and I don't think the Capitol touched them. A lot of nights on the train, for instance," he says. Again the implications. That more happened on the train than did. That what did happen - those nights I only kept my sanity because his arms were around me - no longer matters. Everything a lie, everything a way of misusing him. Peeta makes a little gesture with his spoon, connecting Gale and me. "So, are you two officially a couple now, or are they still dragging out the star-crossed lover thing?" "Still dragging," says Johanna. Spasms cause Peeta's hands to tighten into fists, then splay out in a bizarre fashion. Is it all he can do to keep them from my neck? I can feel the tension in Gale's muscles next to me, fear an altercation. But Gale simply says, "I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it myself." "What's that?" asks Peeta. "You," Gale answers. "You'll have to be a little more specific," says Peeta. "What about me?" "That they've replaced you with the evil-mutt version of yourself," says Johanna. Gale finishes his milk. "You done?" he asks me. I rise and we cross to drop off our trays. At the door, an old man stops me because I'm still clutching the rest of my gravy bread in my hand. Something in my expression, or maybe the fact that I've made no attempt to conceal it, makes him go easy on me. He lets me stuff the bread in my mouth and move on. Gale and I are almost to my compartment when he speaks again. "I didn't expect that." "I told you he hated me," I say. "It's the way he hates you. It's so...familiar. I used to feel like that," he admits. "When I'd watch you kissing him on the screen. Only I knew I wasn't being entirely fair. He can't see that." We reach my door. "Maybe he just sees me as I really am. I have to get some sleep." Gale catches my arm before I can disappear. "So that's what you're thinking now?" I shrug. "Katniss, as your oldest friend, believe me when I say he's not seeing you as you really are." He kisses my cheek and goes. I sit on my bed, trying to stuff information from my Military Tactics books into my head while memories of my nights with Peeta on the train distract me. After about twenty minutes, Johanna comes in and throws herself across the foot of my bed. "You missed the best part. Delly lost her temper at Peeta over how he treated you. She got very squeaky. It was like someone stabbing a mouse with a fork repeatedly. The whole dining hall was riveted." "What'd Peeta do?" I ask. "He started arguing with himself like he was two people. The guards had to take him away. On the good side, no one seemed to notice I finished his stew." Johanna rubs her hand over her protruding belly. I look at the layer of grime under her fingernails. Wonder if the people in 7 ever bathe. We spend a couple of hours quizzing each other on military terms. I visit my mother and Prim for a while. When I'm back in my compartment, showered, staring into the darkness, I finally ask, "Johanna, could you really hear him screaming?" "That was part of it," she says. "Like the jabberjays in the arena. Only it was real. And it didn't stop after an hour. Tick, tock." "Tick, tock," I whisper back. Roses. Wolf mutts. Tributes. Frosted dolphins. Friends. Mockingjays. Stylists. Me. Everything screams in my dreams tonight.

[dandelliongirl]

Summer is here

and I’m living my best life. ♥

So my last post was from my birthday week literally two months ago! Whoops.. In my defense May was crazy busy.

So I celebrated my birthday with lots of friends. I went on a picnic on my birthday and to a restaurant and for a walk the day after. Me and my friend got to celebrate our combined 50th birthday (25+25) with pizzas and free dessert. My guy got me a glass nail file, some cute lingerie and a DVD of the first season of Miraculous Ladybug for my birthday! ♥

The week after my birthday we celebrated May Day at our place. We had three friends come over, we made doughnuts, talked, ate lots, played Captain is Dead and Spyfall. Spyfall was surprisingly fun and I was pretty good at it. I’m generally not good at games that require roleplaying, creativity and spontaneous storytelling but it was nice to be rewarded for going outside my comfort zone.

All of May was super busy with housing board meetings, last minute ballet rehearsals, lots of stuff to do at work, dance rehearsals for graduation, ballet recital and finally graduation weekend. On the 12th we had a mother’s day lunch with my mum, grandmum, grandpa and uncle at our summer house. They also got to see my new cottage that grandmum and grandpa have been such a big influence in designing and decorating.

The week of ballet recitals was really busy. I went on a work trip from 4am until 9pm and had my only dress rehearsal right after that. My guy’s sister came over and she’s had some big life changes happen to her lately so it took a while talking with her and catching up. I tried out an Abs & Booty class and a HIIT 45′ class that week since ballet classes ended and I ended up really liking the HIIT class. I mean - it was really painful and hard but that kind of made me really motivated to get better at it. I felt like I did so much more than I thought I could and really drove myself to my limits, so although it isn’t as fun as BodyCombat I still felt really motivated! Besides it’s only 45 minutes and a really effective workout. On Saturday me and my guy had graduation dance rehearsals from 12 to 3pm, and my ballet recital started at 3pm. I didn’t go on stage until before 4pm so I made it there well on time. It was pretty nerve racking to go on stage without a proper dress rehearsal since I had to skip the morning sesh, but nothing awful happened and all went well. On Sunday I had two more recitals at 3pm and 6pm. The weather was amazing and I felt really sad staying inside all weekend though.. Especially since the next week was pretty rainy and cold.

The last weekend of May was filled with graduation. Friday morning started with the last dance rehearsal for the dinner ball. Then we rehearsed the actual confermement ceremony. I got out at 3 and starting at 5:30 pm me and mum went to the garland weaving ceremony and dinner. Mum made my garland for me and we had tons of fun at the ceremony. The food was really good as well, and having mum weave my garland for me felt really special. She can now say she made both the graduate and her garland. ♥ ♥ After the garland weaving I went with mum to spend the night at home. I got barely any sleep at all because I was so nervous I’d oversleep and/or screw something up at the confermement ceremony.

On Saturday morning I got dressed and put on my makeup at home. My stomach was incredibly upset and I even lost some weight just from having such a bad nervous stomach. My skirt felt like it was falling off of me. I had to be at the university by 11:15 am and the ceremony started at 12 with a procession into the hall. We had to unpin our garlands from our jackets and walk on stage to have the garland put on our heads and our rings touched before bowing to the professor, turning around and bowing to the principal and walking off the stage. It was really scary but nobody tripped. A few of the doctors almost had their hats fall off when they bowed but other than that it went off without a hitch. There were about 100 masters and 100 doctors though so the whole ceremony took a good 3 hours. Grandmum came to watch me graduate, which was really special. ♥ After the ceremony we were supposed to have a procession to the city church but the weather was pretty rainy and so we had a bus drive people there. I stayed at the uni main building to take graduation photos with my family and grandmum. Dad’s friend, who’s a photographer by profession, took my photos and they turned out really nice. Especially the pictures with my family and grandmum. ♥ I can’t wait to have them printed out.

I was done with the photoshoot around 5 pm and came to the apartment to get changed and eat a bit. Me and my guy went to the dinner dance at 6 pm to get our photo taken and settle down for dinner. It was a really formal dinner with lots of scary etiquette and several utensils for different dishes and I felt really awkward because our table was also a pretty quiet one but we had an enjoyable evening nonetheless. There were a lot of speeches, a really cute poem and some pretty decent food. Obviously dad would’ve made better food but that was fine. At 11pm it was time for the dance. It went pretty well considering people had had some alcohol by that time and we never rehearsed at the actual venue. The photographer came and messed up my guy’s steps a couple of times since we were in the front row, but other than that we did pretty well! Later on they carried a lot of important people on a carrying chair and the doctors formed a guard of honor with their swords that the professor went through. It was all very special and traditional and we stayed up all the way until the speech for the rising sun at 2 am. Then we walked home and I was glad I took my running shoes with me since I had been wearing the same heels since 10am that day. It was quite the weekend and I can’t believe how some people managed to attend Sunday’s cruise, lunch and the after party because I was completely wrecked from just two days of festivities. Also the sleep deprivation from that weekend meant that I was pretty much out of it the entire following week. I’m glad I took a day off on the 31st so that I got a 4 day weekend the next week.

We had a swelteringly hot last few days of May and beginning of June. On the 30th me and my friend both escaped work early to go on our traditional spring picnic and it was +30 degrees Celsius outside. On the 1st of June I watched two movies (Pretty Woman and Bridget Jones’s baby) with my friend from kindergarten. It was so good to see her again and hear about her busy summer plans. Her boyfriend applied for sports biology at the uni and it’s an insanely hard field to get accepted into with all the physical entrance exams, so he spent the entire evening exercising. Keeping my fingers crossed for him!

The next weekend my guy drove me to granny’s place on his way to work. I spent the day with grandmum helping her out with various little tasks and talking a lot. In the afternoon we picked up my childhood bed from my uncle’s storage and drove it to my cottage to be put together as a sofa and two extra guest beds. We missed 3 parts of the edges that have been lost somewhere but otherwise all parts were there and mum and i put the bed together over the weekend. I love having pretty much all my childhood room furniture in the new cottage. It’s been even more emotionally important than I ever thought since my room back home has been renovated and looks nothing like it did back when I lived there. I’ve gotten a piece of my childhood back and I wouldn’t change it! It’s perfect and I love my cottage more than almost anything else in the world. I’m already dreading autumn and the upcoming winter... I want to spend every waking minute at our summer house to get the most out of this summer. ☼

So holy wow - E3 and Nintendo Direct happened. At first I had the same reaction as a lot of the Animal Crossing fandom did with the trailer for New Horizons dropped. First of all I’m not in love with the whole island idea for a game that’s called Animal Forest. Secondly, I really don’t like how muted and blown out the textures on some of the items and terrain look compared to New Leaf. Also I’m still not sure about the whole paywall of Nintendo Online.. Also crafting and the Nook miles thingy seem really iffy as gameplay mechanics.. It really depends on the way they execute online and if a paid subscription is required to use any online features or not if I want to buy the game (and a whole ass console for it) in March. A lot of my concern for how I’m going to live through next winter was brushed aside with “At least I have Animal Crossing Switch to look forward to”, and not for a moment do I believe Doug Bowser’s excuse of “we don’t overwork our devs at Nintendo” and “we believe in a good work life balance for our workers”. Hello?!? Nintendo is a Japanese company and I really doubt it’s 100% because of localisation in the Treehouse team that the game has been delayed.. Anyway a 3 month wait isn’t really a big deal and it’s not like I didn’t see it coming. It’s still disappointing though, but I hope those 3 months help the team add some contrast and texture to the game because DAMN... Fingers (and animals) crossed.

On the 15th of June me and dad made a most important purchase. We split the cost of a 300€ SUP board for the summer house and I haven’t regretted a single cent of that price. I’ve spent literal hours standing, sitting and laying on the board, exploring the lake and even doing planks and downward dogs on it. There aren’t many things I love more in this world than SUP boarding.. ♥ ☼ Dad made his first fish, crepes and paella on our new barbeque/firepit and we got to enjoy some delicious food. I also bought my first set of Sylvanian Families (Calico Critters for the US I think?) toys and furniture. I’ve wanted some for years but couldn’t justify buying any because I had no space to store them in. Now that my childhood dream has come true with the new cottage I decided I’d finally start my own dollhouse collection over there with Sylvanian families. I bought a second hand house for them and borrowed some furniture from my boyfriend’s sister’s dollhouse. I can’t wait to take them over to the cottage!

Last Monday the student services at my uni took a summer trip to a national park. We took a bus to a little port, a boat where we had some fish soup and then we went on a hike on top of a mountain to a viewing spot. There were a ton of mosquitoes there so my hamstings looked like a pincushion after the trek but the weather was hot, the sun was shining and I enjoyed the exercise. We had some food back at the campsite and some brave souls took a dip in the lake. Then we took the boat back and drove to town. I pretty much slept on the bus because I was exhausted from all the food and fresh air. It was midsummer week so we only had Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday to work.

I’m glad I got a 3 day weekend, because I got to drive over to our summer house early on Thursday and spend the evening on the SUP board. I even swam for the first time this summer since it was such a hot day. ☼ I can’t remember the last time I’ve swam before midsummer! Dad made pizzas on the barbeque, my guy came over after work, we went to the sauna and spent the night in my little cottage. On Friday we had breakfast at my summer house and then drove over to his summer house to see his extended family. We spent the day making doughnuts, I raided (and cleaned up) my guy’s sister’s dollhouse, we had some quality time with my guy’s cousins and their partners, raised the flag for midsummer, went to the sauna, swam, started a midsummer bonfire and went to bed at 11-ish to drive to my friend’s wedding on Saturday. We started off after 6am so we got very little sleep.

The wedding was nice. We drove over with a friend and after a lot of searching for an actual gas station with bathrooms we managed to find a campsite/nature trail place with changing rooms, saunas and bathrooms to get changed in. The wedding took place in a fortress on an island so we had to be at the harbor an hour before the actual wedding. We had plenty of time to take a ferry, buy a quick snack and eat it on our way to the church. The ceremony was short and sweet, and after the ceremony we walked over to the venue. It was a cute rustic tile basement used originally for storing gunpowder. It was really nicely decorated with fairy lights and they had a super cute recycling/eco/nature theme going on (partially because transporting actual dinnerware on an island would be really hard and they were on a budget). It was a really sweet and cute wedding and much better than the previous one I went to. Still, I would’ve loved to know a bit more about the guests there as well as the couple since I basically don’t know the husband at all. There were a lot of things I would’ve done differently, and having been to two weddings now it increasingly looks like I would never want to bother organising one. It seems like so much work for one day, and people aren’t even going to enjoy themselves a whole lot... I would really want to involve my family and friends in the planning and the actual celebration, have lots of activities and take friends into consideration more as they know none of the relatives there.. Anyway right now it doesn’t look like I’ll ever get married - or that I’d even want to. Regardless it was really nice to get to be a part of my friend’s special day and I wish her the best. ♥ We drove back the same night with one stop for dinner on the way. I was back home at 1 am and in bed around 2 am. Sunday was spent shopping for groceries, napping, cooking and recovering from the midsummer festivities.

In the spirit of my return to childhood I started rewatching H2O Just Add Water for the first time in years. I love how it brings me back to being a preteen, waking up in the summer mornings to watch TV and spending endless vacation days swimming and hanging out with dad at home. It makes it truly seem like summer and like I’m on vacation even though I’m at work.

Work is really busy and we’re under a lot of pressure right now with people going on holidays and sending millions of emails and support requests daily. I don’t mind it too much, I’ve reached a chill place of “this is just work and I do what I can without compromising my freetime and wellbeing” and I’ve learned to let a lot of things go. I’m excited to see where we’ll be at on the 1st of August when everything should be ready to go with the new data system. Right now it looks pretty bad but we don’t want our end users to know that. Heh. I’m starting my holidays in pretty much exactly two weeks and my colleague and boss are starting theirs tomorrow. I’m excited to have a chill few weeks by myself. I’m also really looking forward to going on a road trip with my guy to hopefully go buy more stuff for my Sylvanian chocolate bunny family! I have so many things to look forward to this summer.. ☼ ♥ I just hope the weather stays nice so I can get a lot more swimming and SUP boarding in before autumn comes. I need full batteries to survive the winter.

I went rollerblading with dad today for the first time this summer and it was a lot of fun! I can’t wait to do more of that. My guy came home since he has a day off tomorrow and had Kendo practise tonight. I’m going to go edit some of the wedding photos so that I can share them with my friends and especially the bride. I’m hoping to stay more up to date with blogging now that life is more chill and I’m on the PC after work a bit more often. I won’t stress about it though, I just really like to record my life and thoughts every now and again, and I start feeling all scattered if I don’t do it for a while. Also I dislike these mega long posts because I always miss important details and it’s a whole ordeal that takes hours to write down. Anyway going to watch Mischa play Twilight Princess and edit photos. I just cried hearing the Wii start screen music for TP and realized what a truly lifechanging experience this game was for me, and how nothing else can really take it’s place. I’m excited to watch someone experience it for the first time. ♥

[angrycollectordaze-me-blog]

Assignment代写：Personal Narrative Essay

下面为大家整理一篇优秀的assignment代写范文- Personal Narrative Essay，供大家参考学习，这篇论文讲述了作者摆脱电子游戏的经历。初中的时候，在朋友的推荐下，作者第一次接触到电子游戏，并且很快就迷上了它。作何也喜欢通过游戏聊天和交朋友，这给了他很多以前从未有过的情感支持和归属感。后来到了高二，作者的成绩已一落千丈，在家人和老师的教导下，作者下决心放弃电子游戏，并且通过最喜欢的数学来与游戏作斗争，最终成功了。

Until high school, I considered my life to be quite smooth and uneventful. Everything proceeded as planned and expected by myself and my parents. High school became the turning point of my life because I experienced the first major bump: I played video games too much when I was entering in my high school so that I didn’t get high scores on most subjects. This marked a terrible beginning of my high school. Despite the defeat, I still got high scores on math due to my strong interest in it. My passion for mathematics became my saving grace. Through math, I gradually stopped playing video games and indulging myself in the virtual environment. Instead, I focused on my studies and my real life. This first major bump in my life all started back when I was a high school junior student in 2012.

My first contact with video game was because of the recommendation of my friends in 2012. Back then, there was this game called “Defense of the Ancients” that got very popular among us students. A lot of my friends around me were playing. I simply didn’t like the feeling of being left out. And usually some of my friends communicated with the terms in the game. As I didn't play, I usually couldn't understand what they were talking about. So, from that time on, I made up my mind to learn to play the game and got hooked quickly. Not only did the game settings and heroes intrigued me, I also loved to chat and make friends through the game, which gave me a lot of emotional support and sense of belonging that I had never felt before. As a result, I began spending more and more hours gaming.

Weeks after learning about the game, I started spending more and more hours on it. The good thing about being a junior student was that most of the materials taught in class was only an extension of the middle school stuff. This allowed me to pass the exams quite easily even though I did not spend much time on studying. However, my solid knowledge base from middle school was soon stretching thin. By the second year of my high school, my grades took a nosedive and I ranked the bottom in my high school class, an unprecedented low in my academic profile. Although I knew I needed to find a way to stop, whenever I arrived home planning to do my homework, I wanted to play more as I saw the computer. Meanwhile, I was also exposed to several other games. Playing video games became more of a compulsory habit for me than a leisure time enjoyment.

Entering the second semester, my teacher was among the first to realize that I had problems. She had always been caring about every student in her class, and she would not allow my grades to continue dropping. At the semester end of the junior year, I remember being asked to go to her office and have a chat with her. When she found out about the reason for my dropping grades, she said: “It is nice to have hobbies. However, you are too smart to allow your hobbies consume your life.” She told me that she always considered me to be a promising and bright student, because I was never among the trouble makers in the class. She expected me to sort out my problems in the following year, because the lessons were only getting more and more difficult. Without enough effort, she was worried that I could not get into a good university.

Seeing the dropping grades in spring 2013, my always liberal parents knew that they had to interfere as well. During that time, after returning home in the evening, I hurriedly ate the meal and started playing the video game. One day during the summer vacation that year, I continued until after 12 a.m. My father told me that I should go to sleep, but I just continued playing because I was too focused on the game. My father urged a few times, and it didn’t work. At nearly 1 a.m., my father was really angry and shut down my screen. In the following morning, my parents had a serious conversation with me. They threatened to confiscate my computer unless I had healthier schedules and improved my grade in the new semester.

The final decision to stop playing came from myself by the end of the summer vacation. Deep down, I knew the warnings from my parents and my teacher were right and for my own good. However, it was difficult to let go of the game because I had made so many friends. In addition to being in the game, we also had contacts in private. We had a special bond with each other and we could chat about almost anything, although we never met in real life. To my surprise, when I told them my worries about the dropping grades, they had similar opinions like my teacher and my parents did. They all suggested me to gradually stop playing games for a while at least and invest more effort in studying. By the end of junior year, seeing my math grades suffer was truly the last straw for me. Thanks to the support from my teacher, my parents, and my friends, I made up the decision not to play video games anymore, so that my real life wouldn’t turn into nothing but dullness and disappointment.

As I began year two of my high school life in September 2013, I began fighting the addiction through my favorite subject: math. Math had been my favorite subject since day one. I always find the numbers, shapes, and figures in math fascinating. In order to keep myself alarmed about what video games had done to my grades, I even created a function that recorded the intensity of my video game playing as well as my grades. Having plotted the graph with the two set of entries, a huge decline appeared in the graph as I first realized the damage of gaming. I continued plotting my grade changes in the following semesters as a form of motivation. My goal was to plot a rising curve by putting in all my efforts into studying.

In order to further reduce the temptation of gaming, I persuaded myself to sell my laptop and focused on improving my grades. I used the money to buy more books about math, physics and English, as they were the subjects that I was interested in the most. In addition to paying attention to my teachers in class, I also took extra classes to make up for the slack in year one. These efforts paid off as my grades began rising to satisfying levels. To my biggest satisfaction, my math grade remained among the top 5 in class. Interestingly, I found the similar joy in studying like I did in video games. Just like how my friends in gaming supported and guided me, my friends in class offered me their help as well. They were always there when I encountered a problem, and I was there to help them with math as well. My teachers and parents seemed delighted about my change as well.

In the spring of 2014, I joined my high school basketball club to enrich my leisure life. In addition to improving grades, I discovered a range of new hobbies as well. Basketball is among them. I had been playing basketball occasionally since middle school, until video games attracted most of my attention. Basketball served as a great distraction from the temptation to play more games. Through basketball, I experienced the importance of teamwork and friendship. Again, this experience created similar feelings like when I was playing DOTA. Unconsciously, my life was experiencing a major transition. I had much more regular schedules than year one. I work up and went to bed early every day, attended regular basketball trainings, and paid full attention in class. During the weekends, I found myself to go out more to the movies or the library, instead of locking myself in front of the computer screen for the entire day.

In the senior high school year, I could finally say with confidence that I said goodbye to playing video games for good. I obtained quite good scores on many subjects in the final year after changing the habit of playing video games. I always remember how my teacher warned me about the distinction between healthy hobbies and unhealthy indulgence. I consider this experience a valuable lesson for my life. Just like the old say of not putting all the eggs into one basket, out life is way too important to put into one basket as well. Focusing too much on one activities may bring temporary pleasure. However, it makes life extremely imbalanced and fragile. This is why I like to fill my days with different types of activities nowadays. In the future, I will explore more possibilities with my life and enrich it as much as I can.

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