#when I don’t even have the motivation/energy to get out of bed most days

[rosicheeks]

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[chaoscharme]

Self Care Activities that Actually Help

My list of practical, achievable and useful self care tips that will actually improve your mood instead of enabling you to wallow.

Reply to your correspondence

Often if we feel low or our motivation is down, we find it tricky to respond to messages and calls from others. This allows unopened messages to pile up which creates stress and even panic. Instead of trying to ignore this problem, set a timer for 15 minutes. Then give yourself those 15 minutes to respond to as many of those messages as possible, starting with the most urgent messages first. If you cannot complete all the messages, take a minute to reevaluate. Can you give yourself another 15 minutes to finish the task today? If not, that’s fine. Assign the task for tomorrow, and repeat the process when you feel refreshed. If you are not able to give a thorough response to all of your contacts, I recommend drafting a universal message to send, stating that you are currently occupied and you hope to offer them a more appropriate message over the coming days. You can tailor this message to suit your needs and circumstances, and it reduces the amount of pressure on you to offer explanations for your absences.

Wash your clothes

Take the clothes you are wearing off. All of them. Strip your bed. Gather up any towels or tea cloths you can find. Wash them all. I cannot overstate the benefit of living in a clean environment, and wearing clean clothes. Even if you can’t wash everything, wash the essentials, and make sure you are wearing fresh clothes from head to toe. You can swap pyjamas out for more pyjamas, what you wear doesn’t matter. Just make sure they’re clean.

Water

Drink a pint of water with nothing added, no fruit, no cordial, nothing. Just drink a pint of water in one sitting. You are almost definitely dehydrated, just like everyone else. Hydration provides mental clarity, energy, and even relives stress. It reduces pains and aches in the body. It helps quell nausea and heartburn. Water is the quickest and easiest way to reduce physical pain or discomfort throughout the day. By keeping hydrated, you’re improving your quality of life almost instantly.

Stretch in bed or on the sofa

The last thing most of us want to do when we feel low or unmotivated is going for a run, or working out at the gym. Instead of pushing yourself to get a serious or intense workout in, try some stretches you can do from the comfort of your bed or sofa. Stretches will help relieve tension in the body and can increase your energy throughout the day. You don’t have to do anything crazy, just a couple of simple, effective stretches will do the trick.

Eat a “healthy” carb

People so often try to avoid eating carbs as they think carbohydrates are inherently unhealthy. This is simply not the case. While carbohydrates are often used in the production of unhealthy treats such as cakes, cookies and pies, they are not fundamentally bad for you. Carbs are our main source of energy, and if you’re feeling low energy is exactly what you need. Try eating a healthier alternative to those instant sugar rush carbs, such as rice, wholemeal pastas or breads, potatoes or oats. You can add other ingredients to these meals, such as berries to oats or some veg to pasta, to make a more filling meal. Everyone eats differently, but we all need carbohydrates in our diet to provide energy and nutrition, alongside other food groups. Creating a balanced diet is much more important than eating “healthy” all the time. Respect your body by fuelling it appropriately and regularly.

Clean yourself as best you can

Have a shower. Take your makeup off. Brush your hair. Clip your nails. Put deodorant on. Brush your teeth. Wash your hands. You might not have the energy for a full “everything shower” but you can probably do one of the things listed above to make yourself feel better about yourself and your hygiene. Don’t berate yourself if you’ve gone a while without practicing any of these for a while, life can be pretty difficult. Just accept your current situation and try to better it as best you can with the energy you now have.

Please reach out to a trusted person or a qualified professional if you feel you need extra support for any reason. You are not alone and you do not need to suffer in silence. Support is there.

Mwah, Chaoscharme

[danikamariewrites]

Can you pls do a part 4 clingy reader Rhysand and Azriel rhysriel poly ddlg relationship

where they do cute things for reader and take her out on cute little dates to the bookstore, pincnics,movies and coffee bc reader is shy and has social anxiety so they do cute little things where there isn’t much people buy on the rare occasion they go to loud places so they can help reader with her social anxiety/anxiety

Acts of Service hc

Rhysriel x reader

A/n: hey guys! Sorry again for being inactive lol. I’ve been so tired when I get home from work I have like 0 energy for anything. But I’m finding the motivation to keep writing so thank you for being patient with me

Warnings: none

These two will do everything for you

You never have to worry about a chore or want with Azriel and Rhysand bc they make sure all your needs are met

Even if it’s just the little things during the day. For example Rhys always gives you his arm when walking down the stairs or around the house

Azriel always reaches things high up on shelves for you

And they both keep you close out in public, parties, and meetings if you attend

There are specific things that they do for you everyday

Rhys lays out your outfits so you’re always matching

He’s a lil fashionista of course he’s going to be in charge of curating the best wardrobe for you

How could Rhys let his High Lady look anything but her best

Rhys loves playing with your hair too. He brushes it before bed as a way for the both of you to relax and he often braids it

When you have to go to the court of Nightmares he dresses you like his lil assassin to get a point across

Azriel made sure you are very skilled with daggers

The fact that you can hold your own and could kill a man with a slice is a huge turn on for them

Azriel escorts you everywhere

He loves holding your hand when on walks, shopping, eating, and even cuddling

You and Rhys are the only ones that

Rhys and Azriel always make sure they have a gift for you when one of the, comes home from being away

Usually Azriel is the one who’s away so he and Rhys work together to make sure there’s a store Az can get something for you and Rhys pays for said item

He always carries you when the three of you fly somewhere since Rhys gets you most of the time Azriel likes to keep you as close as possible while he’s home

Dates are always special for you 3

It doesn’t matter if it’s an at home romantic dinner or they take you somewhere fancy, it’s always special

Your favorite dates are the ones away from prying eyes of the citizens of Velaris

You love your people and the city but get anxious when they just stare and ogle at Rhys and Az openly especially when you’re right next to them

Picnics by the lake and weekends away at the cabin are the best

You just cling to them and they make sure you’re fed and warm and give you lots of love

There are times when you like going to the city for dates even if you get anxious

Rhys and Az know your favorite treat is the bookstore and coffee and that’s a once a week thing

Except if you’re bored or sad then they take you again on another day

When your anxiety acts up they are really good at noticing it especially Azriel and his shadows

His shadows adore you and protect you all the time

If Az isn’t there then one of his shadows is always with you wrapped around your arm like a bracelet

They have a cool soothing touch but nothing beats physical reassurance from your boys

When you get really anxious you immediately find on of their hands to hold them or cling to their arm, pressing your forehead into their bicep

They’ll start rubbing the back of your neck and pressing kiss on your head

“It’s ok darling, I’ve got you.” Rhys likes to say

They lead you to a quiet place to help you calm down until you’re ready to go or want to keep spending time out with them

Rhys and Azriel don’t care either way they just want you to feel safe

And if you being safe means winnowing you home immediately and hiding under blankets on the couch then they’ll do it

[onyourhyuck]

Beautiful. | L.DH

— Prologue: “Baby you’re beautiful, you don’t need to feel insecure when you’re the only thing I wanna see.”

— Summary: Where you are on your monthly period and it’s making you feel insecure about yourself, your boyfriend is determined to make you realise just how beautiful you are.

— Genre: Fluff but suggestive smut at the end, y/n is on period, nothing too spicy here, wholesomeness. Hyuck is such a green flag honestly. Mention of porn.

— Notes: So we all on our periods rn?

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Your body flops on the bed as you changed into new pyjamas sets with your favourite Sanrio character, Hello kitty. You actually got this pyjama set with your boyfriend however he ended up getting another character and not the Hello Kitty one. You groan when an incoming cramp hurts your entire insides and now you want to feel like you don’t exist because the pain is very much unbearable. When people often say it can’t be that bad, you want to slap some sense into them, because it is very bad for you.

As you’re on the bed laying with your hands covered against your eyes. Your boyfriend walks in with his Sanrio pyjama sets with Tiny Chum on it. He sits down on the edge and you feel a sudden hand brush over your stomach making you feel a lot more sensitive than usual. You feel shivers on your skin by his soft touch it kills you to think that’s how you react to the simplest things he does to you.

Your boyfriend sees how well you react and he smiles when he hears another groan incoming from your mouth escaping. He raised an eyebrow at you now, deciding to ask what’s bothering you today. You’ve been grumpy and looking almost sad. “Y/n what’s up with you today?” He breaks the silence and awaits for an answer.

You pull your hands away from your face so you could see your handsome boyfriend sitting up gazing above you and you make a pained expression as you turn around, when the period cramp really digs inside you. “I feel so, horrible. I don’t know why. My cramps are hurting, I feel so down and low on energy. And I keep eating nonstop…” You lay back on the bed and you wish this could end. It’s just making you even more insecure about yourself.

You have to deal with these symptoms for a week? You wish it ends right now and it’s only your first day. The first three days are always the worst for you, the fourth is manageable because most of the hormones acting up are gone. Fifth is practically nothing. “And I look horrible too.” You mention lastly as you feel like whenever you’re on your period you downgrade a little on your looks. Maybe it’s just you overthinking right? But you genuinely feel like it.

You don’t make yourself feel presentable. Whenever your period comes you stay in bed all day and meep around your gloominess and low energy. It generally feels like a depressive state you’re in.

“Baby you’re beautiful, you don’t need to feel insecure when you’re the only thing I wanna see.” He said to you when he realised you don’t feel like yourself.

Your boyfriend’s eyes widen when you said that you look horrible, he didn’t expect you to put such a big insult on yourself when he’s looking at you like you’re the most beautiful person in the world right now. No matter what you’re going through, he thinks you’ll always look like yourself; Beautiful.

“Y/n you don’t look horrible seriously, take that back.” He vows now as he reaches his hands on your stomach again rubbing it in circles as often he does when you ask him to do this. Usually to stop the cramps. You shake your head. “It’s the truth…I can barely do anything without feeling like it’s so much work.” You hate this feeling of low motivation the most. You can’t get rid of it.

“My stomach is just so… big?” You point out now and Haechan seen your head lift up now you’re poking your eyes around your stomach and he rolls his eyes at your words. You feel your boyfriend put his palm against your forehead and make you lay down so you can stop looking at your stomach in such observing ways. “Your stomach is fine, Y/n.” He said back warningly and you look at him with furrow eyebrows. “It’s not, I can see my rolls poking out!” You told him and he heard your voice raising.

Haechan sighs. “Y/n… your stomach is literally perfectly normal and fine. Okay maybe you feel that way because of your period, but, it looks the same as before.” He reassured you as he leans down and gives your stomach a kiss now, and that kiss multiples to many kisses. You lay back hiding your smile whenever your boyfriend reassures you he knows how to say the right words. Haechan grabs on your hips tightly and travels up with his kisses. “So don’t ever say your stomach is big.” He continued lowly speaking against your stomach skin now just above your chest.

“And even if it gets big in the future, Y/n it’s completely fine. Girls shouldn’t be so skinny either.” He smirks a little when he saw your red expression and you feel your eyes widen. He wouldn’t care if you changed weights at all. It doesn’t change anything about his love for you. As long as you’re a healthy weight he is happy. He wouldn’t want you to be in a bad position with your body in any different way. “Anything else you’re insecure about?” He asked you now.

You gulp. He’s now asking to share more of your insecurities and you lay down murmuring one of the lists. It’s been on your mind a lot. It’s always been there. “My… chest.” You say lowly at the end. Haechan moves his face up letting out a sigh. “Your chest?” He now said asking questions of why.

You nod your head. “Well… they’re small… I guess they were always my insecurities.” When you were younger you used to think having bigger chests are better. However your friends who had bigger chests say it’s a curse to have since they give backache. At the same time you feel happy you don’t have bigger chest because backache would be horrible, but you always feel like yours are too small? Especially when period hits you. Your thoughts just become intoxicating to you.

Haechan listens to you attentively before he lets his hands roam upwards on your upper-body and puts his hands on your chest now simply. “They are perfect, what are you on about?” He lets out a soft smirk as he watches you. “You know the things I’d do to them, it’s not gonna change no matter what size you have them in, sweetheart.”

His blunt and vague answer at the same time makes you go shades redder. He’s never really been like this, so aggressive and rough with his words to you while he is complimenting you trying to make you realise how perfect you are without needing to change your body at all.

Haechan lifts your pyjama top over only a little, he won’t be taking off your clothes fully, he just wants to see your chest and admire them. He loves looking at them because they’re always so warm. Sometimes you lend them your heat on your chest when it’s cold in the house and you couldn’t be bothered to turn the heater on. It works out perfectly. They are like mini heaters to him. He smiles and kissed your cleavage softly. “You have beautiful tits, trust me, don’t change them.” He said now, as if it was a loving threat from your boyfriend.

You roll your eyes a little. “You’re just saying that aren’t you?” You mutter wondering if he even hated anything about you. Surely he must’ve thought one bad thing about you right?

Haechan scoffs as he pulls his face away from your body and looks down at your face. He held your face with his hand and he said with a little smirk back at you. “I mean everything I say to you. Trust me when I say the only thing I don’t think that you do is when you’re self talking yourself down.”

“Okay but when…when you’re watching porn you look at other women don’t you? They have bigger chests and stuff.”

He wants to laugh when you sit up pulling your shirt down and now you’re both sitting on the bed as you’re discussing this like it was a super serious world matter that could do a lot of damage. Haechan wants to smile as you’re now bringing up his porn history. It’s no secret between you guys. He showed you the stuff he watches and it’s nothing too wild. He once put on a woman with bigger chest on and ever since then in your mind you wonder if your boyfriend probably wants bigger boobs from you. Which is ridiculous, Haechan wouldn’t want anything from you to change he prefers you being yourself.

But you suppose your period is making you very emotional about this matter and he can see you are running loose in your mind.

Haechan leans closer smirking. “Just because I looked at women with bigger chests, doesn’t mean i actually need them.” He said to you teasing you with his eyes knowing you’re not thinking logically you’re just thinking with your insecurities right now.

You glare. “No you seemed to be pretty glued to her chest when you watched her on your laptop.”

Okay, maybe now you sound a little jealous right now. You are pretty convinced he was turned on a lot more when he saw that porn video than when it comes to you.

Haechan wants to really make your brain stop working for a moment it would save you and him a lot of more time because the fact that you’re thinking he would choose a porn actress over his own girlfriend is a little mental.

He sighs trailing now as he pulls your body on his lap when he sits on the edge of the bed and as you sit on his lap because he put you on there. He stares into your beautiful eyes admiring them. “Alright listen here carefully. I won’t repeat it.” He said now truthfully and seriously. You hate it when he sounds so serious right now it makes it seem like he’s lecturing you.

Well maybe he is lecturing you a little because he can’t have you thinking he wants you to change for him when you don’t have to do that. At all.

He saw how you’re watching him now with a little intense focus on him and his eyes as he wore those black thick glasses. You always found him to be very handsome when he’s in pyjamas and glasses at home. “I watch porn when i need a quick release. I don’t need to be watching strangers alright? But when I do go to porn for last solution, I always think of you. I don’t think about the women I watch. I think about you in that situation.” He explains now as he rubs your thighs with his hands, eyeing you in some sort of dark gaze.

“That means I imagine your sweet voice whenever you moan, I think about your chest not their chest, I imagine you in the same position, I literally can’t think of anyone else but you. That’s how much you mean to me and how beautiful you are to me. Some mere porn star actress can’t compare to you. No one can.”

He was serious. You can tell from the way he spoke to you and down to the way he held you. You weren’t even living with doubts anymore you were just slightly turned on when he’s lecturing you now and you blame your period hormones on this. It’s not your fault you seem to take everything from zero to a hundred percent real quick.

You feel slightly taken aback by all of this, maybe you were all in your head, too far in your head perhaps with your thoughts. You bite your bottom lip and look away on to the side. “Okay…” you trail carefully. “I’m sorry. I guess i wasn’t thinking right.”

Haechan tilts his head and kissed your jawline and then your cheek afterwards. “You shouldn’t apologise either. You say sorry too often.” He smirks as you feel your cheeks growing back to a reddish shade. “I can’t help it…” you murmur.

He smirks and rests his head against your chest, he loves it when you’re being like this because it feels like you both are getting closer. He rubs your hips and you feel the need to lean in and press even harder on his lap. He lets out a soft groan and warningly looks up. “Maybe… i should show you what your beautiful body does to me.” He said now looking up at you Suggestively.

You feel your face glowing with anticipation at the idea. Somehow, you like the sound of that.

Haechan is about to show you why you’re so Beautiful, and he is going to make sure you will never forget this.

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@onyourhyuck please refer from translating copyrighting and plagiarising my work thank you!! Reblog this fic and follow me for more fanfics it helps a girl out.

[writing-about-current-obsessions]

Not okay

Pairings: Charles Leclerc x reader (requested)

Words: 1067

>Click here to check out my masterlist<  

Despite this year's car proving to be more challenging than expected, Charles was over the moon. He was optimistic and motivated, ready to take on the whole world. That invincible feeling may have something to do with a certain special person in his life. Well okay, it most certainly had something to do with his girlfriend.

She made everything in his life better. The unconditional support she gave him regarding his career and the way she cheered him on meant everything to Charles. But even beyond that, the way he could talk with her about anything and everything, the way they simply understood each other was something rare and Charles considered himself lucky to have found that with her.

On top of that, she just lit up every room she entered. Charles would certainly describe her as a social butterfly, because she was always surrounded by people who were either listening to her intently, laughing with her or joking around. She could always find common ground with anyone she met and start up a conversation, which Charles admired greatly. Especially because he thought of himself as awkward or shy at times, it was definitely a trait that he even envied her on.

Even now, when he was busy, she was conversing leisurely with the mechanics in the garage, passing time until Charles would be finished with work and they could get off the track together. He had just enough time to check up on her for a few minutes, wrapping an arm around her waist as he slipped into an easy conversation she was having with his co-workers.

At one point, Charles leaned closer to her ear, whispering a quick ‘I love you’ just for her to hear. She smiled wide, turning her head to look at her boyfriend, completely forgetting about the conversation she was previously immersed in.

“Can’t wait to get back.”, she whispered back. “I just want us to be alone for a while.”

“Me too, mon amour.”, Charles sighed, pressing a kiss on her cheek.

As if on cue, he was interrupted by his media manager. Before jumping in the car for another session, he had to meet up with some VIP guests at the garage. Since it was hard for him to actually unwrap his arm from his girlfriend, he included her in the conversation as well, basically dragging her with him and introducing her to everyone that just arrived. She didn’t complain and Charles didn’t realize it, but she was slowly but surely getting overwhelmed. As soon as she could, she extracted herself from the conversation, because everything was becoming too much; the people talking, the noises of the garage, the clicks of photos being taken and the cameras surrounding them. And that’s not even mentioning the energy she needed to keep up smiling and being nice to strangers she just met, trying to keep up conversations with everyone, crack a few jokes and try to be as charming as possible. Under the excuse of going to the bathroom, she escaped to the only room she knew that she will have some peace – Charles’ driver room.

She just needed a breather, that’s all. She sat on Charles’ bed, closing her eyes and taking a few deep breaths. Out of nowhere, horrible thoughts started swirling in her mind; how she wasn’t interesting enough and how people actually don’t want to hang out with her. She started overthinking about every single interaction she had that day, with every person she communicated with, her pesky head always making up reasons why she could’ve said something better. Her head was a mess and she felt like all of the noise from the garage was still there, although she was actually sitting in a quiet room.

Her head was in her hands, trailing her fingers through her hair while she tried to take deep breaths. She was so distracted that she didn’t hear when Charles came in until he called out her name. That made her open her eyes in shock and look up at him.

“Is everything okay?” Charles furrowed his eyebrows, looking at her intently as he closed the door behind him.

As he approached her, she just kept staring at him, not knowing what to say. Her eyes were watery and tears were threatening to spill down her cheeks, there was absolutely nothing she could do to stop them now. When Charles saw her expression, he kneeled next to her, his eyes roaming all over her in worry.

“What is it? Are you hurt?” Charles asked in a panicky voice. “Did someone do something to you?”

She shook her head no, the first tear rolling down her cheek.

“N-no…”, she answered with a shaky breath. “I’m okay.”

“You’re clearly not okay.”, Charles said, moving to sit on the bed next to her and take her into his embrace.

She allowed herself to fall into his arms, completely enveloped by his warmth. He kissed her temple softly and rubbed her back in soothing motions, letting her cry silently for a bit.

“Can you tell me what’s wrong?” Charles asked carefully after she calmed down a little.

She was silent, not knowing how to explain to Charles what the problem was. It was always hard for her to explain to her friends and family how lonely she felt. But, with a little goading from Charles and some encouraging words, she told him. In a quiet, unsure tone, she expressed her insecurities and the way she felt.

It was liberating. And what’s more, Charles was the best at comforting her; whether it was with his words or with physical touch. He hugged her close to him and peppered kisses all over her face, eliciting a few giggles out of her.  

“Mon amour.”, Charles said softly. “I had no idea you were feeling this way. I am so sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize, Charles.”, she tried to smile at him. “It’s not your fault.”

“I am glad that you told me.”, he pressed another kiss on her cheek. “Because now I can be more considerate and not put you into situations that make you uncomfortable.”

“You’re the best, Charles.”, she smiled wide, feeling like a huge weight has been lifted off her shoulders now that she confided in him about this.

“I am, aren’t I?” he smirked, cocking an eyebrow at her and making her laugh.

[writing-for-marvel]

Every Step of the Way

Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader

Summary: After struggling through the entire week, Steve’s there to comfort you when you need him the most.

Warnings: TRIGGER WARNING: severe depression is depicted, Steve and reader being naked in a shower together but nothing sexual, major hurt comfort vibes

Word count: 1.8k

A/N: this is 1000% self indulgent, I wrote this when I was in a really dark place, struggling to even just get out of bed every day and I needed Stevie there to comfort me. Banners by @vase-of-lilies

Masterlist | Ask me anything! | Library

Opening your eyes seems like an effort too great for the amount of energy in your reserves.

Every breath is a heave, as if trying to gasp for air with an anvil sitting on your chest.

The backs of your eyes sting with tears at the thought of needing to get out of bed. You don’t want to face the day, don’t want to be the early bird catching the worm. You want to stay under the covers and sleep, that’s all you have the motivation to do.

Dirty dishes are stacked next to your sink, they’ve been accumulating since early in the week and you’ve just not had the energy after working and making dinner each night to actually wash them yet.

Clothes litter the floor of your bedroom, but you’ve put off going down to the laundry room for the past few days, with each new sunrise promising it’ll be tomorrow you’ll find time to do it, but that tomorrow never comes.

The bathrooms need cleaning, the floor needs vacuuming, surfaces need dusting - you put off doing them last weekend to focus on other household chores, but this weekend has come around and you’re not any more inspired to complete them.

You hear keys rattle in your front door, the sound startling you enough to finally open your eyes, but not sufficiently concerning to warrant leaving your bed. The only person who owned keys to your place was your boyfriend and though you didn’t want him to see the mess you were living in, there wasn’t anything you could do in the two seconds it would take for him to open your door.

As if instinctually he knows you’re still snuggled up in bed, you hear his heavy footsteps striding steadily towards your door.

Bracing for the furious displeasure you have been conditioned to receive from ex partners when they discovered you in a relapse, you pull the covers tighter around yourself as if to shield you from what was about to happen.

“Stevie…” Your voice is soft, vulnerable as he enters the room, but it’s not pity nor annoyance you see in his eyes, which you had been expecting, but instead they are brimming with concern.

“Hey darling.” His honey voice is slow and smooth, soothing the jittery anxiety ricocheting through your mind and chest. “Not feeling too good?” It’s a rhetorical question, but you shake your head anyway, clutching the duvet closer to your chin. Steve pulls his shirt over his head, rounds the bed and climbs in next to you.

“C’mere.” His strong arms envelop you and pull you into his strong chest, the weight of them on your back and his musky scent, which now consumes your senses, is the secure reassurance you’ve been needing all week that you’re not completely alone in this brutal world.

He doesn’t ask what’s the matter with you, doesn’t ask why you’ve barely answered his messages all week, why your home is a complete mess or why you’re laying in the dark at noon on a weekend. He doesn’t make you justify your change in behaviour, why you kept him at arm's length, doesn’t scold you for your absence as other people have done in the past. Instead, he kisses your forehead, whispers that you’re safe with him as he gently rubs his hand up and down your back.

He could have easily chastised you for withdrawing into yourself and not seeking help, could have pointed out the state your home was in, or mentioned that you smelled in need of a shower, but he does none of that. Rather, he tells you over and over again that you’re loved, ingraining the notion in your mind so that you won’t ever forget, placing kisses over every inch of your face he can reach while still holding your body close.

The sound of his beating heart lulls you to a peaceful sleep, feeling safe and treasured, and for the first time this week like you don’t have to carry the weight of expectation and hollow desolation all on your own.

* * *

When you wake, the warmth provided by your sturdy boyfriend is missing. Distress fills your chest for a moment, thinking perhaps Steve coming to soothe you to sleep was a figment of your imagination, until you hear the faint sound of movement from the main living area.

With an effort you believe rivals running an entire marathon, you push the sheets off yourself, heave yourself out of bed and trudge into your kitchen, but not before noticing that the clothes that were strewn over your bedroom floor this morning were no longer there.

Once your eyes adjust to the light you notice Steve hunched over your sink, elbows deep in soapy water doing your dishes. Part of you is thankful, you’ve been needing to do them all week and just hadn’t found the energy or motivation. But another part of you, deep in your chest, feels ashamed - you have to rely on your boyfriend, who has a hectic enough life of his own, to do something as simple as washing your dishes. How pathetic.

“Steve, I can do them.” You declare, lumbering over to the counter, feeling somewhat relieved to see there’s only half the number of dirty pots and pans as was there when you left them last night.

“It’s okay darling, I’ve already got my hands wet…”

“I don’t want you doing my dishes for me, Steven.” You don’t know why those particular words leave your mouth, because seeing the dishes you had failed to clean the last few days finally have the grime scrubbed off them alleviates some of the hefty gravity pushing you chest so tight you almost can’t breathe. But it also makes you feel incapable, worthless and weak.

You’re not sure what quality it is in your voice that indicates it, but Steve immediately removes his hands from the bubbly water, dries them quickly on the back of his pants and pulls you into his chest just as tears you didn’t realise were coming start silently streaming down your cheeks.

“Shhh, it’s okay, deep breaths for me baby.” His large hands rub soothing circles around your back as your tears dampen his shirt. You try your best to follow his instruction, slowly take deep breaths and calm the flow of untameable misery pouring out the corners of your eyes, but your throat starts constricting and each new tear running down your cheeks evokes two more.

You just want it to end. You want to be able to function like a regular human being without exhausting all of your energy reserves by simply getting out of bed.

You just want to be normal. Be someone Steve can be proud to call his girl. Not someone who struggles to do the simplest of tasks.

When Steve senses that your flood of emotions isn’t subsiding, he shuffles with you in his arms towards your bathroom, whispering that the warm water of your shower will help refresh you.

He helps lift you onto your bathroom countertop, kissing away the stray tears on your cheeks before turning on the shower. While he tests the temperature of the water with one hand, his other maintains hold on yours - even just the connection to him helps in your attempts to calm yourself down. He’s here for you, and he isn’t going anywhere.

When the temperature is just how you like it, Steve helps you strip off your clothes and directs you under the stream. You let the water wash over your face, taking some of your worries with them, as Steve steps in behind you.

You can’t tell the difference between your own teardrops and drizzle of the shower as you look up at your boyfriend, grateful for the care and tenderness he’s shown you while you’re at your lowest. No one else has stuck around when they’ve seen you like this, but in this moment you feel nothing but pure love.

You place a gentle kiss to a scar on his bare chest and Steve kisses your forehead in return - a silent message to thank him for being there for you, and him to acknowledge that though you’re unable to voice your gratitude at the present moment, he understands it’s there.

Once Steve washes your hair, knowing the steps of your routine perfectly, and the rest of your body, you step out of the shower feeling like the load you’ve been carrying for the past few weeks has been washed off your back.

Steve smiles as he pulls his own shirt over your head, kissing your nose once your head pops through the hole. Now your tears have settled, you can appreciate the affection overflowing in his baby blues, fondness you don’t believe you deserve, but cherish nonetheless.

Forgetting all about the dirty dishes in the cold, soapy sink, Steve directs you back to your bedroom, climbing in after you and pulling you once again into his strapping chest.

“Darling, you don’t have to carry this burden alone. I’m here for you, and I love you, you don’t ever have to face this by yourself again.” Steve speaks softly into your hairline, the intent and conviction in his voice enough to drive you to tears again.

“But it’s not like I have that much on my plate, I should be able to do simple things like housework. I just… I just can’t. I can’t explain it, my brain just doesn’t allow me to.”

Steve pulls away from you slightly so he has an angle to look at you directly in the eye. It looks like it physically pains him to see you struggling so much.

“My love, you are the strongest person I have ever met. I am so proud of you everyday that you are here with me, that you keep battling your own mind. You’re my fighter, my best girl, and I’m here to help you through this difficult patch. For better or worse. In sickness and in health, I love you.” He punctuates his declaration with a sweet kiss, reinforcing his words.

“We’re not married Stevie.” You point out, but he simply smirks at you.

“Not yet.”

Before Steve Rogers you believed love was tumultuous and torture, that it was meant to tear you in half, because you cared about the other person so ardently it left you bloodied and bruised. But Steve proved to you that wasn’t love - love isn’t supposed to feel like you’re going to war, instead it’s comfort, it’s a reassuring embrace of someone who has seen your battle scars and tells you it’s time to rest.

Love is solace.

And Steve Rogers is certainly your solace.

[the-wip-project]

SloMo WriNo: The Writing Habit

You’re going to get tired of hearing me say this, but when it comes to finishing your writing (or getting pretty much any long term project accomplished) habit is everything.

A solid writing habit will get you through those days when writing feels boring, when you’re tired, uninspired, lost. Habit is the magic that makes the writing train go— more often than most people want to admit.

That said, establishing a new habit can be fiendishly difficult— especially if you have a neurodivergent brain. (This is coming from personal experience, as someone who took literal years to establish the habit of brushing my teeth before bed. (I still frequently have agonies about washing my face at the same time.))

So. How to establish a solid writing habit?

Step one is finding the time.

Your writing does not require large blocks of time. You can write productively in as little as fifteen minutes a day (yes, really!) but the only way that gets accomplished is by making it fast and simple to get into your writing headspace.

How though?

By making it a routine at a similar time and place each day, by creating rituals that cue you that it’s writing time, or by attaching your writing to another established habit. Ideally your writing habit will combine all three.

Yes, flexibility is important, because every routine has variations in it, so being able to write even when you don’t have everything just right is important. But if in the past you’ve struggled to keep writing as a consistent part of your life, then creating a routine is the best first step to creating a habit.

Connecting your writing to another, enjoyable habit is good first step. Writing while you take your morning coffee break, or during your headphones on commute time, or along side your lunchtime treat might be all you need to create a positive association. You want writing time to be something you look forward to, not dread.

By keeping the session short (Somehow setting a timer for a number less than thirty makes even the most scary tasks feel approachable for me.) and adding something pleasant and relaxing to the mix you can start to build that positivity. I think this is why so many writers like to write with a cup of tea, or in coffee shops. Adding a delicious beverage habit cues your mind that this is writing time, and what’s more, that writing is a pleasant time taken just for one’s self.

It also makes a huge difference to write at a time when your brain feels good.

I have tried writing later in the evening, and every moment feels like work. My brain is tired, and all I want to do is relax, not think. It feels like I’ve already used up all my energy and motivation.

Instead I like to wake early to write. This might sound like torture for all you night owls, but for me, (and plenty of other people) writing has become a keystone to healthy morning habits. Knowing that I’m going to wake by 5am in order to write is an incentive for me to be in bed by 9:30, (instead of staying up late to doom scroll, eat junk food and make other poor decisions) which helps me wake up with the right level of brain activity to write, which then makes me energetic enough to head out on my morning run directly after writing. Which means all the ideas from my writing session float around in my head in a pleasant soup, distracting me from the monotony of feet hitting ground. It’s a string of positive associations that keeps me happy and healthy.

For you the opposite might be true. Perhaps you find yourself in a peaceful writerly head space after the rest of your household is asleep, or while taking a break at work or school. The key is to find a time and/or place that’s low friction, when the obstacles to writing are less, when getting to your keyboard (or notebook if you’re old-school) feels less like work and maybe even like a reward, and then build out other positive associations around it.

If you’re used to viewing writing as something painful and difficult this might seem alien to you. So let me just add this: your words are not worth more because you were miserable when writing them. It’s not only okay to enjoy your writing time, it’s preferable. Sure you’ll connect a bit less to the writing is misery memes, but it’s worth it, I promise!

So, here is your assignment for the week: Take a look at your schedule and figure out what times might be convenient for regularly scheduled writing. And then try them out and see if you can find a time and place where writing feels good. You might have to move some other activities around to find that sweet spot, (like me, moving my bed time to allow morning writing time) and expect some stalls, some fails and lack of consistency. It’s not going to feel good all the time immediately, and you will need to will power your way through at times. But overall, once you can start forming that positive habit, the writing will become far easier to get to. And much more enjoyable when you do.

—Maree

Subscribe to my substack to make sure you don't miss a post, chat with me on the WIP Project discord, and tag any posts you make about the challenge with #slomowrino if you want me to see them!

[hyperiondickrider]

Arena Angel

(Chapter 1)

Hisoka x reader; Chrollo x reader; Illumi x reader (might start off relatively slowburn as I build the story)

Y/N used to work as an unofficial healer at the Heaven’s Arena, but was recently demoted and can no longer perform her side gig. Chaos ensues when her fav lil menace returns from an absence. (Adultrio x reader)

Bzzt… bzzt… bzzt

With what most would deem unnecessary violence, you smacked your alarm clock with all the rage one can muster at 5:00am.

“W-what time is it?”

Sleepy mumbles cascaded from your lips, as you rubbed your eyes vigorously, trying to shake the sleep from them. Forcing yourself upright, you at once your bed for a moment, contemplating your options.

You could get up now, or be late for work.

“God, I hate this fucking job.”

I mean, working at the notorious Heaven’s Arena wasn’t all bad - the pay was good, you worked with friends, and there were plenty of hot men to stare at (if you could ignore their psychotic personalities), but the early mornings really did suck.

“I swear to god, as soon as I can afford it I’m quitting this god forsaken job.”

Despite your grievances, you still found the motivation to drag a comb through your hair, throw on some makeup to hide the visible bags under your eyes, and don your rather eccentric (but kinda cunty?) uniform.

Admiring yourself in the mirror, you picked at the uniform with a slight frown.

“Holy shit, am I sexy in this uniform.”

With a sudden surge of energy, you slapped your cheeks for courage and headed off to work.

~

“Hmm, coffee really does make everything better!” With eyes extremely alert and a beaming smile, you skipped over to your manager’s office to learn your assignment for the day.

‘Mimi! It’s been too long, baby!”

“Y/N, you literally saw me 8 hours ago.” With an exasperated sigh, your manager got up from her desk to approach you.

“You’re on sign-in duty today. No complaints this time, honey.”

“Awh, but Mimi, it’s so fucking boringggg!” You shook her arm gently, whining at your assignment for the day.

Sign-in duty sucked. You had to act all happy and shit to meet these wannabe fighters who likely wouldn’t even make it to the tenth floor.

“Baby, please, at least let me work the desk on 100!”

Mimi groaned at your persistence. Shaking your limbs away from her arm until you released her, she returned to her desk.

“Nothing I can do, honey. You’re gonna have to suck it up today.”

With a groan befitting an annoyed teenager, you dragged your feet and stumbled out of Mimi’s office. You grumbled under your breath as you slammed the door for effect, trying to emphasise your displeasure.

“Don’t slam my fucking door, missy!” A yell came from behind the door, as you hastily jogged away. Mimi sure knew how to ruin your day with relative ease. I mean, you loved the girl, but fuck did she give you the worst assignments.

Once again, you began whining to yourself as you made your way towards the elevator.

“There’s literally never anyone interesting to speak to there. This is why Melanie works the sign-in desk: there’s nothing going on in that fucking head of her’s. I, on the other hand, am a fucking Nen user, and I’m not ever allowed to work on the 200’s anymore.” Rambling to yourself as you stomped into the elevator, you waved your hands around for emphasis.

“I mean, I slapped a participant one time, ONE FUCKING TIME, and I get borderline demoted. Bullshit, if you ask me.” With unnecessary force you slammed the ground floor button on the elevator, tapping your foot impatiently as you waited to arrive at the bottom of the building.

A dark air seemed to gather around you, deterring watchful stares from people passing by, as you slumped down into your chair, putting on your game face.

“Ok, Y/N. You’re gonna be the best fucking greeter ever so we can have maybe fun at this job again.”

~

Maybe this was your own personal purgatory. Your face hurt from smiling, the amount of ego stroking you’ve already done is mind numbing, and it’s not even noon.

The line still extends for hundreds of meters, and with no end in sight, you accepted your fate with a grimace.

“Killuaaaa, how long is this gonna take??” You suddenly hear an impatient whine a few people down.

You mumble to yourself, “me too kid.”

“Gon, would a little patience kill you? We’re almost there.” The huffing of another young boy catches your attention.

It’s not everyday young children show up to fight he, but then again, you can’t sense any aura from them - other from the usual leaking of course.

‘Maybe I’m getting my hopes up. At least they sound interesting - they’re fucking loud though.’

With a forced smile, you greet the pair. “Hello boys! Are you here to sign up on this fine, fine morning?” The white haired kid widens his eyes slightly, taking in your form.

“That smile looks painful.” Well, this has just killed any baby fever you have ever experienced. The green haired boy clearly needs to work on his social skills.

“Yeah well, ego stroking all day’ll do that to you, kid. Can I help you?” Slightly irked, you try to stay polite, making eye contact with the white haired boy.

“Wait a minute, do I know you? You feel familiar..” you trail off, unsure if you recognise him.

“You’ve aged poorly, old hag.”

“OLD HAG? Is that you, Killua?” Wholly unimpressed, you glare at the cheeky brat. “I’m literally 20. I was 14 the last time you saw me.”

He waved his hand, acting unbothered. “Yeah, yeah, woman. Just sign us up.”

“Well what the fuck’s this kids name, huh? Finally made a friend? Who knew you were capable of socialising, mr assassin.”

The green haired boy’s eyes flitted between the two of you, confused by the witty banter. Pointing at himself, he finally spoke up.

“I’m Gon. It’s nice to meet you, desk lady!”

“Please don’t call me that. I’m Y/N, kid. Nice to meet you. Anyways, let’s get you two signed up. Hopefully I’ll get to see more of you. It’s nice to have familiar faces occasionally.” After a few moments of admin and paper work, you finally set the two boys up.

“ookay, Killua you are number #2054, and Gon is #2055. You guys can head in, and when they call your number, head to the stated arena for your first fight.” You scribble something on a piece of paper and slide it to Killua. “Here’s my number. Call me if you need anything. I’m working on working my way back up the corporate ladder following my last incident.”

Killua snorts at the memory. He’s still astounded you managed to take a fully grown man down with a single slap after he groped you.

“Sweet, I’ll text you if Gon needs babysitting.” Killua grabs Gon by the shoulders, steering him towards the door, despite the boys whines at the insult. You send them off with a chuckle, more determined than ever to get back to the 200’s.

After all, you rather missed your side gig.

A/N: not proofread so sorry if bad grammar lol. this is gonna be a very silly fic. I need the hxh fandom to be reborn so I am contributing fanfics.

[kaciidubs]

Camboy!SKZ Headcanons | Maknae Line

❣ Summary: What it would be like if the SKZ boys were camboys? An idea brought on by @onmykneesforchanlix ❣ ❣ Warnings: Camboy AU, kink discussion [mommy kink, pet play, orgasm denial, begging, overstimulation, deception], sex toys ❣ ❣ Additional Tags: Slight crack energy for Jisung, Felix is hinted at having an interest in a certain camboy. ❣ Hyung Line ❣ Stray Kids Masterlist ❣ General Masterlist ❣

Jisung

The people’s princess, quokkasungie, honestly started his account on a drunken dare. Yeah, really.

His very, very, first video on his account - that’s still there to this day - is a video from that same fateful night, a poorly recorded, slightly out of focus video of him jacking off with unabashed moans and desperate whimpers for a release.

Very unceremonious and unplanned, but for some reason it got views and he liked the attention - even if hearing himself as desperate as he was still makes him turn redder than a tomato.

As an upgrade to his procedure/setup, he invested in a webcam to add to his desktop computer, which provided his viewers a better view to his bedroom and bed - his personal stage.

His content is very much viewer interactive, his pleasure hinging on the messages sent in from the anonymous users as they guide him through the session; sometimes allowing him a straight through orgasm, while other times forcing him through orgasm denial after orgasm denial, getting drunk off of the needy whimpers and whines from his putty lips.

He owns a few toys, between 3 or 6, and the ones that make the most appearances in his lives are his pretty pink [viewer gifted] dildo, and matching cockring.

Is friends with leeknowswho and had one stream where he [Minho] was the one guiding him through his live session - it was one of Jisungs highest viewed lives to date and people still beg him to have another session with the mystery man.

Felix 

Introducing the content king who has everyone falling to their knees, the freckled fairy sunshinebokkie!

He started camboying because, well, he wanted to! There’s no grand story about his motivations for it, other than it was something he wanted to try for the sake of trying it, much like most of his other hobbies. At some point this side hustle sort of became more of his main job, while his main job became a part time gig.

Since he had previous experience in streaming/social media, doing this was basically a walk in the park, just with the added bonus of showing off his dick and hole to thousands of horny beggars. It’s empowering in its own special way.

His streams are diverse in content, ranging from streams simply for him to get off, streams where he showcases the “sponsor of the month” with the toys they’ve sent for him to try out, to themed scenarios his viewers voted for him to act out, and even streams where the viewers control how and when he could pleasure himself.

Speaking of toys, he has a collection that would make a pornstar blush; normal dildos, dragon dildos, silicon grinders, vibrators, buttplugs, nipple clamps, cockrings [vibrating and metal], a cock cage - he even has a goal for a fuck machine stream [per the request of his viewers].

His viewers always rave about wanting him to collaborate with other streamers and he always replies with the same flustered laugh and sparkling eyes, “I don’t even think it works like that, guys! You just want me to get fucked by someone, don’t you?”

They do, and they know he wants to, too - especially when he went on a horny ramble about a certain body building cammer before fucking himself into multiple orgasms and overstimulation.

But he can’t fold that easily - not yet at least.

Seungmin

Onto our textbook camboy, the guy who started camboying with the intent of making money off of his dick, minmong00.

Working a dead-end job making coffee from morning to afternoon wasn’t his ideal way of living, especially when he had bills to pay and hobbies to feed. He also knew that he was a generally attractive guy, at least, that’s what he garners from the longing stares he catches from time to time - so, why not use it to his advantage?

Starting an account wasn’t hard, nor was trying to decide what he wanted to market his content as - the hardest part was, surprisingly, trying to stick to his morals in not selling himself off too much to pander to the horny viewers.

Now, hear me out.

Camming automatically comes with a sense of selling some part of yourself for the pleasure of other people - he knew that, he understood that - but the way people genuinely begged him to make certain types of content with more than generous tips had him heavily reconsidering his limits.

Textbook camboy meant textbook camboy; he had the webcam setup, he only showed off part of his bedroom [only enough to get him fully in the webcam’s view without having to shift much], and he was on for the goal of reading a few messages, pandering to a few donations, busting a nut, and signing off.

Some days he didn’t even read comments, acting as if he weren’t even live as he got himself off, though he’d always make eye contact with the camera and moan about how good it felt.

Other times he would concede to viewer requests; he bought a vibrator, a small thing that looked like bunny ears [aptly called a rabbit, he’d discovered], he did boyfriend service [only once the donation goal was reached], he even ventured into mommy kink territory.

The thing requested of him the most - much to his chagrin - is pet play content, specifically him in a dog getup with puppy ears and a collar, and as much as he tried to portray aloofness to the suggestions, he can’t help the tingle of curiosity at the thought of leather wrapped around his neck.

Expanding his content couldn’t be too bad, right?

Jeongin

Last, but definitely not least, we have our dearest Jeongin, also known as yjinout.

His journey as a camboy sort of wrote itself, thanks to his sharp features yet youthful appearance he was often regarded as a newbie to the sex world; looking to use camming as a way to explore himself under the eager eye of many.

He’s diverse with his content to an extent, mostly trying out things he plans himself but he does take into account some recommendations from the chat when he feels like spicing things up.

Now… if innocence were a genre, he’d be the king of it - from the way he timidly smiles at the webcam, eyes turning into crescents, to the light touches he gives his leaking cock, almost as if he’s not sure when to start or where. 

Everything he does is with an air of unfamiliarity and the curiosity to look for more, and the reaction of when it turns out to be something he likes? Oh, the tips start rolling in.

However, Jeongin isn’t as innocent as his viewers like to view him as - far from it, actually. It’s deception, a game; letting them get off on the idea that he hasn’t had his name screamed to the heavens or even been the reason behind an orgasm that leaves you twitching for more.

He knows some viewers catch on, he can see their comments get drowned out by the influx of praise and “advice” on how to make himself feel good, and it only makes him harder, moan louder as he fucks the brand new fleshlight gifted to him.

Most of his toys are ones gifted from his account’s wishlist, and so far he’s the proud owner of nipple clamps, a fleshlight, and a cockring - it’s not much, but for a newbie such as himself, it’s a good place to start, yeah?

❣ I shit you not, this took me so long to do because I couldn't for the LIFE OF ME decide what trope fit each guy, but I think it turned out pretty well, if I do say so myself. ❣ ❣ Any type of feedback is appreciated! Whether it be a simple like, reblog, or keyboard smash and the most essay-like comment, feel free to share your thoughts. ❣

[physalian]

Physalian's Top 10 Narrative Pet Peeves

*For now*

In one way or another, these all boil down to “Author took a shortcut and I absolutely noticed”. In other words, most of these stem from Manufactured Sincerity.

All of these come with the caveat of *except when done well*. I’m ordering these from “I’m annoyed but I’ll get over it” to “Nope, DNF”. 

10. Sad times = Alcohol

Everyone drinks when they’re depressed apparently. Only women or fat men are allowed to eat away their sorrows with ice cream and guilty pleasures. No one’s allowed to go on a self-pity shopping spree. No one just goes to bed.

They drink. Or they go shoot something. Or punch a wall. It’s usually out of a flask or a crystal decanter. It’s usually whisky (specifically bourbon) or scotch, or something out of a brown paper bag.

Maybe this is my own bias as someone who does not drink, but writers, please come up with more diverse ways to show your character is mourning someone or something, beyond immediately heading straight for the alcohol. Not everyone likes liquor, not everyone owns a decanter set and crystal glasses.

Let them eat or shop or sleep or get high, or watch their favorite show or a really sad movie or listen to emotional music. Let them cry if they’re bad boys. Don’t make them punch walls.

9. Down time = Sexy Times

This applies of course only to narratives with implicit or explicit sex scenes and what I mean by down time is those situations where characters are either on the run or have some crucial deadline to meet, some race to win, what have you, and the second they get some time to breathe and have a heart to heart, they both let their guard down and ignore impending doom and sleep together.

If you’re in the real world and you are that stressed for any of the reasons above, you’re going to be constantly looking over your shoulder, worrying about what you’re going to do next, wondering if you should even stop to rest, not be dead on your feet but have enough energy to bang.

Obviously if it’s played for humor, that’s different, but in dramas, or especially in environments not suited for intimacy (looking at you fantasy and sci-fi) it just feels ridiculous and particularly gratuitous. Non-aces please tell me if this is a legit thing you would do, I sincerely want to know.

It also tends to happen with near strangers who’ve only known each other for several days, possibly weeks with little buildup, and they also tend to be at each other’s throats bickering incessantly. Save the sex for after you’ve won and can really dedicate all your attention to enjoying it.

8. Pointless Filler Pit Stops

Or ones that last way too long for no reason. I love filler, but only *productive* filler. It doesn’t have to service the plot, but it does have to develop at least one character, a relationship, the lore, somebody’s backstory, or be really funny and/or interesting to sit through.

Usually, it feels like it’s there to pad the run time or slow the pacing, but rarely does anything for the overall story. A fair bit of season one of ATLA is filler pit stops, but even when they go to all these random places for one-off adventures, the story is still showing us the world they live in, making it a teachable moment, introducing important characters, foreshadowing, or is just mighty entertaining to watch.

ATLA has only one pointless filler pit stop: the infamous Great Divide. It doesn’t positively develop any of the main trio, we never see these side characters again, Aang’s story is a complete lie so it doesn’t develop the lore or the world, and, most importantly, it’s just frustrating to watch. Your first job as a writer is to entertain, and this episode is annoying.

7. Fridged Character Motivation

I don’t mind the “fridged lady love” inherently. It’s a quick and dirty way to give your brooding hero backstory and everyone is familiar with it. I’m annoyed at how it’s the only nuance these characters tend to get, like this man’s dead wife/girlfriend/dog is his sole motivation for everything he does in life and all his goals.

I like broody badasses. I don’t like one-note broody badasses. His character existed before he met his dead love interest. Who was he back then? Does he have any friends who hate the man he’s become? Old mentors who’ve lost their faith in him?

This man’s arc is usually not even therapy-via-violence to get over his dead wife, it’s just a ham-fisted excuse to make him mean and short-tempered. Who is he, unrelated to this fridged character?

6. Dumbass Villains

The villain has captured the hero and friends and plans some dastardly torture to break their will. The villain has all their tools prepared and monologues about how easy it’s going to be, and the hero usually says something along the lines of “you can’t break me” or “I can take it,” whatever. And after several pages or minutes of screen time, the hero’s right, and then the villain breaks out plan B: The hero’s love interest, or their parents, who have just been waiting in the wings.

Why is this almost never plan A? The hero can always handle the pain, and always breaks down the second it’s someone else’s health on the line. Why doesn’t the villain, who’s always pissed at the lack of results, start with the proper motivation?

It’s either this or they wait until the perfect dramatic timing to reveal some skill or weapon or ultimatum after precious time has been lost, deadlines have been missed, and money has been burnt. Or they’re in the boss battle and they wait until the hero thinks they’ve won to pull out their secret weapon.

Unless you can give your villain a valid reason to not start with all the tools they have at their disposal, it might as well be a reverse deus ex machina. Even if it’s something as simple as Plan B hasn’t arrived on scene yet.

5. Everybody Has a Somebody

A topic I plan to expand on so I’ll keep it short here. Basically, the story wraps up and every eligible single character has a love interest they’re in varying stages of romance with. No one is spared, or they’re already dead. It’s a race to the finish line to give these characters significant others because that’s just what you do, it’s what audiences expect, there must be a romantic subplot.

Particularly annoyed when it’s an ensemble cast and the entire hero team only has relationships with other members of the hero team and no one outside this unit of 6-10 characters (*cough* Percy Jackson *cough*). No one is allowed to be single, or happy that they’re single. Everybody has somebody, no matter how well developed or plausible this relationship is.

4. Half-Baked Twist Villains

No one likes these characters and I’m not saying anything new here, and yet it still keeps happening. This one comes from just recently rewatching the abysmal Cars 2 (which is older, I know) and just trying to untangle this plot. This plot, that Pixar rinsed and repeated in Incredibles 2, and really thought no one would notice. This plot, where the villain creates a problem that doesn’t exist to make their own agenda look better, whether that’s malignant superheroes or green fuel.

Both try. Neither pretend the story is absent of a villain, unlike, say, Frozen. Both movies have a villain, they just have a hidden identity. The reveal just never hits as hard as the writers expect it to because, once again, they didn’t actually do the work to write a competent villain, they just slapped a “villain” sticker on their foreheads and called it a day. Why? Who cares.

3. Consequenceless Revivals

I love revivals, I love bringing characters back from the dead, love watching it, love writing it, love the drama.

Don’t love it when they’re suddenly back with no explanation or price to be paid. A character death should be a major event, and if you kill a character just to make your audience sad, then bring them back with zero effort, death begins to lose meaning in your world. CW shows are particularly terrible at this, specifically the TVD universe and Supernatural.

In the earlier seasons, when Sam or Dean died and came back, they still experienced character growth by dying and the experiences in hell, the PTSD inflicted, the new emotional battle scars. Even when Dean died a thousand times in the “Mystery Spot” episode, the point wasn’t “ha ha funny Dean dies again,” it was exercising Sam’s crippling codependency on his brother, as Gabriel says. There are consequences, either for the character’s psyche, or a cost for bringing them back to life.

2. Wimping Out on Promised Death

This decision makes me want to throw the book at the wall, or pause the movie and walk away. It’s the penultimate battle, the prophecy is upon us, a character or one of two characters must die to save the day, it cannot be impeded, avoided, or circumvented. We’ve known this is coming since the story began and are prepared for the tears and bloodshed.

Then the magical miracle springs out of nowhere and everyone gets to live. Kill them. Please. Even if it’s my favorite character, I’d rather cry over their death than be disappointed by plot convenience. If this is the tragic, fulfilling end to their arc, then that’s how I want it to end. Rarely do these characters get revived in a satisfying loophole everyone should have seen coming. I just feel manipulated.

1.  Forced Miscommunication

*Picture me walking a stadium hawking Pointless Drama like cotton candy and cans of beer* Cheap Drama! Anybody want some Cheap Drama? Cheap Drama!

In the real world, people make misassumptions all the time and many of us are conflict-averse. We avoid talking about our problems to those who’ve wronged us like we’re polarized magnets. Forced miscommunication doesn’t care about anxiety, which would be fascinating to explore as explicitly anxious characters suffering legit mental issues is under-utilized. No, these instances just have characters eavesdropping or snooping and, out of character, make all these outlandish assumptions, refuse to listen to explanations, and start a fight that lasts juuuuust long enough until it’s magically resolved without consequence.

It doesn’t do anything for the story. It exists independently of these characters’ relationship and has zero impact once it’s resolved. I am 100% down for a single miscommunication causing an emotional outburst so extreme that it has the offended party seriously considering the strengths of their relationship, but it never happens that way.

—

TL;DR: The existence of a trope does not do the job of writing a compelling story for you. If you can look at any one scene in your book and not explain why it matters, what impact it has on the plot, story, or characters, delete it or rewrite it so it does. Even if it only exists to be funny, there should still be something gained from the experience.

[fieldofdaisiies]

azriel x eris | 3,6k words | warnings: mentions of something close to a panic attack, sad thoughts | masterlist

He can’t breathe. The walls of the dimly lit room are moving in on him, the air is thick, hazy, he needs to catch a breath, but he can’t. His lungs won’t open, won’t fill.

His heart is hammering against his ribcage, his wings feel like a burden on his back, the blanket draped across his body suddenly resembling a vice that is wrapped around his torso, cutting off his blood circulation. His chest feels too tight. He trembles and a gurgling sound slips through his dry lips. 

I don’t know why I kissed you, but I know it was a mistake.

I was a fucking huge mistake - the biggest mistake he could have ever made. Why did he kiss Eris? Out of everyone in Prythian, why did he have to choose Eris for his first kiss with a male.

Or any kiss.

Why Eris? Why this damn huge asshole? Why did he have to kiss him? 

It is all Eris‘ fault,” Azriel groans under his breath. “He tempted me. He seduced me.”

Azriel knows this is only half the truth. Of course, Eris somehow tempted him – his scent, his looks, his closeness, the things he said, but still Azriel made the first step and he can’t make sense of it. Eris is just…everything Azriel now imagines in the depth of night. Everything he thinks of every minute of the day. His body, and the possible things the heir of the Autumn Court could do with it, the only fantasy sparking in his mind once his shadows are asleep.

Eris is…everything he loathes and wants at the same time and it doesn’t make sense.  

He has felt himself drawn to Eris, more than to any male ever before, but he hates him. He can’t stand him, and yet his heart beats a little faster whenever someone mentions the Autumn Court prince‘s name. And when they are in the same room, or only within a short distance, his soul starts to sing the sweetest melody. The kind of melodies Gwyn sings in the services. 

It all started after the High Lord‘s meeting. It was the first time he started to question…things. But with the war with Hybern and everything that followed, he clamped down on these thoughts, tried to focus on something else –someone else– until…

Until Eris was taken by Briallyn. Azriel’s alarm bells had rang non-stop and deep within his soul he had felt the powerful urge to save the Autumn Court heir. He couldn’t have stayed in the Night Court, it would have destroyed him. He needed to move, to act, to help Eris, no matter what it meant for them. 

Since then Azriel has been left confused. Utterly and completely, because his whole body yearns for the heir, but his mind tells him it is bullshit. 

And then there was the kiss. This stupid, fucking kiss. Some people might not even call the first one a kiss. Their lips merely brushed but…they met. He kissed Eris; and no one will ever be able to change anything about that. He kissed him. It wasn’t Eris who kissed him. But it was him who kissed Eris. Azriel kissed the Autumn Court heir. Out of pure desire. 

Eris kissed him back the second time their lips met and he tasted of fire, passion and longing. His lips were too soft, too plump – Azriel has never felt anything like that before. 

Quite a few nights after the kiss he found himself with his hand wrapped around his hard length, imagining what it would feel like to have Eris’ lips fastened around him. Feeling his tongue lick over his skin. Each morning, he woke covered in sweat and absolutely bewildered about letting his thoughts stray into that direction. 

“I can’t like him,” Azriel groans into the back of his hand, eyes squeezed shut.

Early morning sunlight filters through the curtain-framed window, bathing the room in a soft, white glow. It is winter, Velaris most definitely covered in snow, appearing beautiful this early morning, but Azriel has no motivation, no energy, to get up. He wants to stay in bed all day where he can allow his thoughts to be loud and fill his entire brain. 

But he needs to get up. He needs to do some work for Rhys and later go to training with the Valkyries or whatever is planned for today. He has no idea what is actually on the schedule today. He doesn’t really care much about anything lately. 

Azriel’s throat is still too dry and he knows he needs to drink something, but his body feels too heavy to move. So damn heavy. His chest still feels too tight, his heart still beating rapidly. 

Did yours see you for the bastard and asshole you are and got rid of you when you were still in your diapers?

Azriel slams his palms onto the mattress, tears lining his hazel eyes.

“This fucking bastard!” He shouts and punches his pillow a few more times.

What Eris had said, had hurt Azriel massively. But he had also pushed him to it, had evoked this reaction in the Autumn court male.

Azriel is not without fault, but he would never apologise. Not to Eris. Never. Eris doesn’t deserve an apology from him…

The situation is so messed up – why did he kiss his nemesis? If he hadn’t kissed him, it—

He can’t like him. And even if he did, Eris would never like him back. He hates him just as much as he does.

A shout leaves the shadowsinger and with the last ounce of energy left in him after a whole night of training, alone, on the rooftop, Azriel pushes up on his hands, eyes immediately falling to the marred skin of his hands.

Azriel sucks in a sharp breath and sits back on his heels, throwing his head back. “How could Eris like someone like me?”

His eyes close when more tears start to burn in them. 

Eris Vanserra will be the future High Lord of the Autumn Court, a noble, his style immaculate, just like his manners, his demeanour, his whole appearance. He is gentle and polite while Azriel is—

“Eris could never like a fucking brute,” Azriel breathes. Eris would never like a brute. It wouldn’t suit him. It wouldn’t fit. They wouldn’t fit. Maybe he would fuck him, but nothing more. And Azriel is tired of only fucking. He wants love. He wants tenderness, passion, gentle love making…

Azriel shakes his head, finally climbing off the bed, naked as the day he was born, strolling to the adjoining bathroom.

The face that appears in the mirror looks even worse than he had imagined; dark circles are beneath his eyes, the skin of his lips is choppy and he needs to shave. So that is what he does and he takes his time doing it.

He remembers that he needs to go to the Riverside Estate in the evening, decorating for Solstice and the content of his stomach already sours at the thought of it.

He hates keeping things a secret from his family, especially from Cass. He wants to talk to him about it, tell him what he has found out about himself — Cauldron boil him, he even wants to tell him about the kiss with Eris, but he can’t. 

He can’t look Cass in the eye and tell him he kissed Eris. Eris Vanserra out of all people. The person also his brother hates the most in the world.

And then there is the thing about him being alone while everyone else is there with a partner, their family, happily displaying their joy and bliss. And he, he will be alone again – like every year.

He has no one. No one he can bring to such celebrations and it makes him sadder than he could have ever imagined. He always dreamed about bringing his mate to the Solstice celebration, to Starfall, spending time with them. He bever thought that after 540 years he would still be attending those celebrations alone.

Azriel wipes at his tears, hoping his eyes don’t look too puffy and swollen in addition to the dark circles beneath them.

How wonderful, Azriel thinks, another day he finds himself crying, although he has told himself to never cry again. Never show weakness again. Never be vulnerable again. Another thing he failed at apparently.

Azriel exhales a deep breath and straightens up. He looks into his eyes through the mirror, and once again the spark in them is missing. In them, there is nothing but darkness. A void. A mirror of the emptiness deep within his heart.

Did yours see you for the bastard and asshole you are and got rid of you when you were still in your diapers?

And maybe Eris was right after all - he is a bastard, an asshole and a failure.

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

“Az, come on.” Cassian chuckles. He kisses Nesta‘s cheek and lifts a bottle of wine, waving it around, nearly splashing wine onto the luxurious carpet. “Don‘t be a broody shadowsinger for once. Have some fun.”

Azriel chuckles coldly. Then his gaze lowers and without another word he turns away, leaving the family living room. He heads for the adjacent terrace and regrets it immediately.

It overlooks the large garden, which appears to be absolutely immaculate even in winter due to Elain‘s skilled hands. 

He hasn’t seen her today, she hasn’t appeared downstairs yet. He has no idea where she is. And he actually doesn’t care. As long as she is safe.

Azriel braces his broad hands on the small and in snow-covered railing, the cold like balm against the inside of his hands. His biceps flex when he rests most of his weight on his hands, and finally exhales a long breath. Tendrils of warm air dance in front of his face, mingling with his shadows.

The happenings of the morning still cloud his mind like a thick haze. His eyelids feel heavy from a sleepless night. 

“I’m sorry.” A broad hand clasps his shoulder and it startles Azriel. He freezes, eyes bulging when he whips his head towards his best friend – his brother.

Why did his shadows not warn him? Why did they not alert him that someone was coming?

Cassian wears a sympathetic look on his face, his hand a warm press, a comfortable weight on Azriel’s shoulder. He finds comfort in it.

“I didn’t mean to…bother you.”

“You always bother me.” The corners of Azriel’s mouth twitch and also Cassian chuckles a little, but then the look of worry and empathy returns to his face.

“What is going on?” Cassian asks in a tone he rarely uses, soft and gentle.

Azriel shrugs a shoulder. “I‘m just tired.”

Cassian’s thick brows curl, and he shakes his head. “Maybe you are tired today. But this has been going on for weeks now, Az. What is on your mind?”

Azriel doesn’t know how to explain, because he doesn’t even know exactly what is going on. What he is feeling. Too much. Too little. Nothing at all.

There is a void inside of him. A void that has always been there, but lately it seems to grow faster, stronger, until – what he fears most – one day swallows him wholly.

Both males stare out at the garden, smaller and larger snowflakes dancing on the breeze that blows over the landscape. Tufts of dead grass poke through the endless white that sunlight sparkles on.

Cassian blows out a long breath, then clears his throat. In a careful tone, he asks, “Is it about Elain?”

Azriel draws in a deep inhale, the fresh crispy air filling his lungs. He could lie now. Say that it is. But he decides against it. 

Cassian is his longest and closest friend. He loves him like a brother. A good brother. Not the kind of brother he had by blood. The kind of brothers Eris had by blood.

His throat works on a swallow and he turns his head.

“I need to tell you something.” Azriel meets Cassian‘s gaze, but immediately wants to look away. It is not easy, this next step is not easy. Revealing what only he himself and Gwyn know about so far…is not easy.

Cassian was raised in the same environment he was and the Illyrians have prejudices. Have a certain perspective of how things should be. What a relationship should look like.

A relationship between a male and a female and a male and a female only.

What if he— What if Cassian will think differently about him from now on?

A single snowflake lands on the back of Azriel’s hand and the shadowsinger watches how it melts, a single droplet sliding down the side of his hand, next to the cobalt siphon.

Cassian is calm, knowing he needs to give Azriel time to reveal whatever is on his mind. 

“There is something I haven’t told you.” Azriel’s gaze lowers. “There is a part of myself that I have hidden for a long time. I spent a lot of time away, working. I was alone a lot and had time to think and figure things out.”

Cassian dips his chin. He moves a step closer.

“I don’t want you to think differently about me when I—”

“Don’t worry about that.” Cassian clasps his shoulder again. “You are my brother, Az. We‘ve been through so much already. I don’t think anything you could tell me would make me think differently about you.”

Azriel isn’t so sure about that. Cassian has a kind, big heart but…Azriel has no idea what he will think about his revelation.

Gratitude fills his eyes, and a small smile nevertheless tugs at the corner of his mouth when he looks at his best friend.

“I figured out that I find both females and males attractive. And lately I definitely feel a stronger pull towards males.” 

There it is. His secret, the part of himself that he has hidden for so long. 

The revelation hangs in the air, heavy, thick. Or not? Maybe it is as light as a summer breeze, Azriel thinks when he sees the kindness, the understanding on the general’s face.

Cassian’s eyes widen slightly and then he grins. “And you thought I would think differently about you after you told me this.” The general shakes his head, his tone slightly reproachful.

“Az, there’s absolutely nothing wrong about that and I’m incredibly happy you shared this part of yourself with me.” He lunges forward and pulls the shadowsinger to his chest, hugging him tightly. “You are my brother, and I am proud of you for telling me this and becoming clear of what you are feeling.”

Azriel’s own arms wrap around Cassian, his chest heaving with a deep breath of relief.

“Thank you.” Azriel’s tone is lighter. A weight has been lifted from his chest and somehow he can breathe a little easier now.

When they part, Cassian pats his shoulders. “There’s also something I need to say.”

Azriel’s forehead furrows and he slowly dips his chin.

“I’m sorry for not being here as much as I used to be. You mentioned being alone a lot and I’m sorry for that. I know we used to spend basically every living minute together before, but—”

“Never apologise for spending time with your mate, Cass.” Now Azriel is the one to pat Cass‘ shoulder. “You deserve this. This time and joy with Nes.” A rarely-there smile blooms on Azriel’s face, sincerity lacing every word he says.

“But it is true, I felt alone a lot. But that is your fault. It isn’t anyone’s fault. But definitely a fear that I have.” 

Azriel averts his gaze, eyes following a single snowflake that drifts down from the sky, slowly landing atop the railing. 

“I am scared I will one day be alone. What if I never find someone. What if no one will ever love…”

“You?” 

Azriel’s chin dips the slightest bit.

“You have a full house of people here that love you. You are part of our big family, you will never be alone.”

“But–”

“But, I also understand your concerns. You can’t force love between two people. You can’t force a mating bond, you only have to be patient. I know there is someone out there for you and they might even be closer than you know. Than you realise.”

There is hope and honesty etched upon Cassian’s features. “I know that love will find you, Az. And until then you have all of us who will shower you in it.”

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

Cassian was right, Azriel realises. The void inside his heart about wanting a mate and a mating bond won’t fade or close, but he has people in his life who love him and who he can call his family.

People who bring him something very close to joy.

The little boy bounces on his thigh, playing with his thumb and when Azriel lowers his gaze, a small tear slides down his cheek. Well, this is joy. 

“A-aaf.” It’s the best version of Azriel –rather Az– little Nyx can produce, but it warms a part of Azriel’s heart he thought to be long dead.

A shadow swirls around the little boy's head, sometimes brushing over his ear or his nose which elicits the most lovely sounds from the little boy and also makes Azriel chuckle; no, laugh, actually.

“Aaf, Aaaaafi, Aaaaaf!” Nyx bounces up and down, trying to catch the shadow, tiny wings flapping behind his shoulders, a grin spreading from one ear to the other.

“Happiness suits you.” Nesta sits down in the arm of the couch, her attention on her mate, although she addresses the shadowsinger. 

Azriel turns to her, eyes slowly running over her.

There is a soft smile on her face, in her hand a cup, on her ring finger a wedding band.

“I can only say the same.”

She turns to the shadowsinger with a now big and beautiful smile.

Other than him, Nesta has truly found happiness. In Cassian. In Emerie and Gwyn. She is contented and joyful, and it shows in her appearance and in her demeanour.

Azriel wants to reach that level of happiness as well. He wants to manage it, to not fail again, but it is so damn hard.

At the moment, Azriel thinks, he finds himself in a hopeless place, living day by day without real joy, only small moments of it.

Of course, little Nyx makes him happy. But only for a moment, and that moment is always fleeting, over way too quickly. 

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

“We decided to invite Eris to another Solstice Ball.” Rhysand moves his hands into the pockets of his pants. “In Keir‘s name.” 

Azriel’s breathing catches, arms slacking to his sides. He hasn’t expected to see Eris so soon again.

And in addition to the shock another emotion bubbles up inside of him. Jealousy lies thick on his tongue – who the hell is we when Azriel only learns about it now?

Formerly, we always used to be them, Rhysand‘s inner circle - Mor, Amren, Rhys, Cass and himself.

But Azriel wasn’t involved, so who is we now?

Probably Rhys and Feyre…obviously because he has a mate now. A mate who he can consult with.

“It is a good opportunity for a meeting; one that does not have to happen in secret.”

Cassian grimaces and expresses a loud “och”. But Rhys ignores him, obviously, and once again addresses his family.

“He might want to dance again. Either with my wife, or—”

“Not Nes!” Cassian lifts a protective arm in front of Nesta, and Azriel almost wants to laugh at his territoriality. But it is the jealousy boiling inside of him at the thought of Eris and Nesta dancing, the sudden envy that blazes through his veins and leaves him utterly confused, that makes him stay calm.

No, Azriel thinks, his insides convulsing, his hands trembling lightly, I can‘t have feelings for him. Not for someone like him. Not for Eris Vanserra. 

He can’t allow this. Can never allow this.

“Is it for show or because he wants to dance with me?”

“For show, of course. He knows you are mated now. But I can dance with him as well, if you’d prefer that. It would be proper that the guest dances with the High Lady of the other court.”

Nesta‘s takes Cassian’s broad hand into hers, her slim fingers naturally intertwining with his. “I love you, Cassian, more than anything and a spoiled, polished princeling won‘t change that.” She leans in to kiss— 

Azriel turns away, eyes closing for a second. Fucking jealousy. He clamps down on the feeling, or tries to. But it is so hard. 

Once again his chest feels too tight, his heart heavy with emotion, his lungs like they don’t get enough air. He wants to leave, catch a breath of air. Just get away, be alone.

But he needs to stay. Needs to listen. Needs to hear what will be decided on, so he can prepare himself for the ball.

“I will dance with him.” Nesta smiles. “If it makes him kill Beron a little faster.”

A chortle leaves Feyre at that and gratitude fills her eyes. "Thank you Nesta, you can always change your mind, if you don’t feel comfortable anymore. It is still a few days until the ball.”

tag list for ACOCD @hnyclover @honeysuckle-daydreams13 @a-frog-with-a-laptop @queercontrarian @fandomsmultiverse @acourtofbatboydreams @chunkypossum @baileybird71 @beckkthewreck @hells-sluttiest-new-arrival @owllover123 @acotarobsessed @goldenmagnolias @honeysuckle-daydreams13 @v3lv3tf0x @talibunny30 @allyhill @popjunkie42 @skyesayshi @going-through-shit

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[look-at-the-soul]

The one

Modern Tommy Shelby x reader

A/N congratulations @toms-cherry-trees on 1.5K followers! 👏🏻✨🎉🥳🙌🏻 you deserve that and many many more!! So I wrote this little piece for you, I hope you enjoy it, the idea came to my mind as the perfect match for your autumn theme when I saw this moodboard @acewritesfics created (I know you did it for Cillian + cottage Ace, but since I have that idea very similar in my The Photoshoot series, I took it as inspiration for a modern Tommy ☺️)

Patting around the bed to find the solid body she loved the most, but all Y/N could find was emptiness.

She couldn’t love this place more, the birds were chirping outside, the fresh air was too good to be true, no cellphone signal… if only she could find Tommy.

“Good morning beautiful.” He praised from the bedroom door, stepping in with a tray full of coffee, fruit and toast.

“I woke up and you weren’t here.” She pouted covering her upper body with the sheets.

“But I am now.” He replied placing the tray over her legs, taking one long look at her disheveled hair, tangled from all the times he ran his fingers through it the previous night. Her naked form covered only by the ivory sheets.

This was the closest to a vacation she could afford right now, not because money was a problem, but because Tommy had been extremely busy with his business and she knew asking for a five day or a week holiday would drive him mad, so a weekend at a small cottage was a luxury she couldn’t miss.

Everything had been perfect since they arrived; the lovely weather, the scent of nature, the calmness vs the caos in the city. She loved specially the dead leaves crunching beneath her feet as they took a long walk the previous day.

“It was a good idea to bring that small coffee machine.” Tommy chuckled realizing how little things they had there, no tv, no wifi, there was a small old fashioned fireplace that luckily still worked and he lit it as it started to get chilly last night.

“Told you it was a good investment.”

“I thought we’d have one… guess I was wrong.”

“Yeah same reason why you brought your iPad too.”

Tommy stole a strawberry from the bowl. “Uhu, I really can’t believe there’s no access to technology around.”

“Don’t complain, we’ve hot water and power light.”

Tommy’s eyes sparkled suddenly. “And the best part is… I‘ve you all to myself.”

Y/N’s body tingled just by his voice and the way he was looking at her.

Closing her legs instinctively, she observed her boyfriend place the tray on the dresser.

“You think that’s going to stop me?” He arched an eyebrow cockily at the same time he took one of her legs to drop a kiss on her ankle, starting a trail of feather-like kisses all over her skin, making Y/N discover the soft spot behind her knee that she didn’t know it existed and how much it was turning her on.

She sighed content letting Tommy throw the covers aside.

****

It was a lovely Autumn day, her favorite season, the colors, the trees losing their leaves, the smell, she could swear the atmosphere was different.

Perhaps what really made a difference was watching Tommy so calm with a high energy and an endless smile on his face. Turning around, she found the last rays of sunshine kissing his skin, every freckle and the reflection in the lake in front of them making his blue eyes sparkle even more.

He wasn’t wearing his signature immaculate three piece suit, but a white t-shirt covered by a denim jacket and black jeans, he looked like a totally different person, looking at him made her heart skip a beat, just like the first time.

“Whot?” He frowned.

“You look different.” Y/N pointed out. “Happier.”

“Well I’ve everything I want right now, that surely is a motive.” Tommy admitted kissing her hair.

His surprise grew even more when he saw Y/N pulling out a blanket from the basket she demanded to bring to their stroll.

“Don’t stand there watching, help me!” She shot him a look, placing her side on the grass.

“So bossy.” Tommy chuckled, relaxing his body finally over the blanket, pulling her towards him moments later.

He tried to suppress a chuckle when he saw her placing a bottle of wine and two glasses between them, she was always extra when packing.

“Oh, do I hear someone complaining?” She laughed.

In silence, his mind wandered to think how grateful he really was for Ada insisting over and over for him to try out one of those ridiculous dating apps, after being extremely picky about the prospects showing up in his cellphone, he stopped when he found Y/N’s profile.

Matching her right away, the conversation was flowing naturally, they simply clicked and agreed to meet the following week.

She wasn’t just eye catching physically, her interests caught his attention, she was a lawyer and worked at her own firm, had a good taste in music and books, she loved to fight for human rights. And when they first met in person, he knew she wasn’t just good looking, she had a brain, an interesting conversation and she could keep up with his wicked sense of humor surprisingly well. He was surprised how the conversation never seemed to die with Y/N.

The romance took off immediately, date after date, they discovered new things about the other one, Tommy particularly loved the moment she arrived at her apartment, kicking her high heels while he poured some wine as she stretched her legs on the couch. By now he had lost count of how many skirts and dresses she owned, but he knew she wore a different outfit to every trial.

Now they were both wearing casual outfits, comfortable shoes and she added a light scarf around her neck, both completely out of their elements.

Tommy leaned on his back enjoying not having everyone bothering every three minutes, the silence, peace, not feeling anxious about his next meeting or the papers piling up to sign on his desk, the atmosphere calm, he even took several minutes admiring the sighting… not every day he got to have all of that.

“Did you fall asleep?” Y/N whispered nudging her nose against his cheek.

“No, I’m just relaxing as you said I should.” He confessed opening one eye to look at her.

The autumn breeze made a chill run up and down her back, instinctively Tommy’s hand started caressing over the jumper as if he had been able to feel it. He was lying down on his back. This was the prettiest sunset she had ever seen, the lake catching the reflection of the sky, copying the oranges tones, as well as the incredible trees before her eyes, it looked like it was taken out of professional photograph.

Closing the novel she had been reading, Y/N turned around and rested an arm and head on his torso, adapting to the calm rhythm of his breathing. Taking in the scar on his chin, she wondered how he got it.

“I can feel you staring.” He stated with his eyes closed, hidden under his Ray Bans.

“Just admiring the view,” she admitted, “and the calmness.”

A smile started forming on his lips, but he didn’t move from his position, loving the way her body felt against his.

“I can’t remember the last time I took a day off.”

Y/N chuckled switching her position to lay down next to him. “That’s exactly why I suggested it. You needed to relax.”

“I was relaxed.” He defended quickly.

“Ugh you can be so stubborn sometimes, you were under so much stress, it wasn’t fun to be around.”

In mere seconds, Tommy pinned Y/N under his body.

She squealed and tried to kick her legs while he was holding his weight on his arms to not crush her down.

“Oh let me show ya how much fun I can be.” He adviced with a smirk, grinding against her sweet body, changing completely the atmosphere.

“This is dangerous… and wild.”

Apart from the cottage and the very few villages at the other side of the lake, they were practically on their own.

“No one is around.” He answered playfully looking from left to right, attacking Y/N’s neck afterwards.

A wave of electricity ran through every nerve in her body. Deep down she knew this was a side of him that not all the people got to see, and it wasn’t really so frequent.

“But… you’ll have to be on top darling, I’m not getting any younger.” Tommy joked resuming his previous position.

“I don’t ever want to go back to the city.” Y/N murmured as they snuggled, loving their surroundings close to the cottage. “Look at you. Who would’ve thought you would end up enjoying this?”

“I’m a man full of surprises, love.”

His hand sneaked around her waist, bringing her body above his.

Y/N giggled, but let him pull her closer, Tommy loved that look on her as the sun about to go down shone through her.

“Oh Mr. Surprises I think we should rent this Airbnb more often.” She absolutely fell in love with the cottage and everything around it. It was small, cozy and had everything they needed.

Tommy cleared his throat. “Speaking of Airbnb…” he took in her beauty for an instant, “when we go back to the city, I’m planing to make an offer for the place.”

Y/N looked at him with shock written all over her face.

“What? Why?”

“Because I love how happy you look.”

Her smile grew and the space in her face wasn’t enough to hold it. “Tommy!”

He felt her smile against his lips as they kissed, but soon she moved away from his body to wrap a cardigan around her shoulders.

“And I also think it’s time you meet my son, Charlie… and the rest of my family.”

Before Y/N could answer something, Tommy continued. “I know we said we’d take it slow, but we’ve been dating for a while and you already know I’m deadly serious about this, why waste time?” He shuddered. “My sister specially has been very adamant to meet you.”

“Woah, you really want to make this official?”

Tommy nodded.

“I couldn’t feel more sure about us, since the moment I saw you walking into the restaurant that first time I thought shit, this is it, this is the one for me.”

“I’m so glad you sent that first message, I had decided earlier I’d give up looking and close the app.” Y/N ran her hands up and down his chest.

His knuckles caressing her cheek.

“Tell me about Charlie.” She asked. Eyelids half closed from his delicate touch.

And now it was his turn to smile because he absolutely knew she was the one.

***

A/N one of my friends just met her bf through a dating app and I’ve never seen her happier, so I got the inspiration from there! Kat I hope you never see this 😂🤣

Master list

Tag list: @lyarr24 @runnning-outof-time @cillmequick @gypsy-girl-08 @datewithgianni @cloudofdisney @gretelshelby @ange-thoughts @lespendy @onlydeadcells @fastfan @stevie75 @thenattitude @prettylittlehoneyeyesxoxo @esposadomd @allie131313 @imichelle-l-rigby @winchestergirl22 @already-broken144 @strayrockette @forbidden-forest-witch @elenavampire21 @forgottenpeakywriter @zablife @heidimoreton @peakyscillian @shaddixlife @moral-terpitude @babaohhhriley @shelbydelrey @sloanexx @cilliansangel @rangerelik @sydneyyyya @adaydreamaway08 @dandelionprints @thomashelbyswife

[stillalittlelostngl]

Gojo/Reader Sick Day NSFW

 So this is a one-shot rn but i’m thinking of making it maybe an interconnected series of them? I toyed w/ the idea of a fully fleshed out story for it but idk. I don’t really have a good idea of the reader’s character to get heavy into a plot like that. One shots where i don’t have to develop a background and distinct character motivations tho? I can do that. Maybe something will come to me and i’ll circle back around to it idk. I’m also working on a geto/reader (honestly haven’t truly decided on the pairing yet - toss up between nanami & geto) that i’m actually really excited about so i feel like i’d be spreading myself a bit thin. If you want a good gojo/reader fic go check out mushmoon12’s - the girls are being fed w/ it omg. 

I’ve had the outline of this ready to go since November and have just been sitting on it.

You can’t hold back the mumbled curses as you shift around. Your body unable to get comfortable no matter which way you twist and turn under the mountain of blankets you had  piled on top of yourself before falling asleep. 

Everything is much too warm and your body aches as you move. Your fever has not gone down it seems. 

You had woken earlier that day with a kick drum pounding behind your eyes, your throat scratchy and your skin searing hot to the touch. You weren’t used to feeling anything other than ‘normal’ so the cold you’d developed had you convinced you were at death’s door. Calling in sick from classes left a bad taste in your mouth but the thought of pushing your aching body to get dressed and walk all the way across campus was less and less appealing by the second.

You’re not sure if the text you’d sent to Yaga had been coherent - your mind was much too foggy to concern itself with such details - but after sending it you had promptly rolled back over and cocooned yourself into your bed, hoping to sleep off whatever it was that had you feeling so miserable. 

It hadn’t worked, of course, you realize as your mind becomes more and more present. With an irritated huff you work on untangling yourself, the process taking longer as your limbs feel like dead weight as you try to coordinate yourself. 

You finally manage to get your head out from beneath the covers, your eyes squinting at the harsh light you don’t recall turning on, and you let out a soft gasp of surprise when the first thing you see after returning to the world of the living is deep cerulean. 

“Mornin’”, Satoru’s smile is all teeth and he’s certainly made himself comfortable on your bed as his larger body has somehow taken up most of the space. He’s laid out like he owns the place. You’re not all that sure of when he got there. Or how. You’re certain your door had been locked before you went to bed last night. 

You raise a questioning brow to him, “How long have you been here?”

“Long enough to see how pathetic you are when you’re sick,” he brings one of his hands to your forehead, feeling the fever on your skin and clicks his tongue, “I didn’t believe Yaga at first but you really are in a bad way, huh? Poor thing.” 

You’d roll your eyes at his teasing if you could find the energy for it. 

"Fuck off,” is all you can manage to mumble before attempting to shift away from him. Entertaining him when you feel as if you’d been hit with a semi isn’t sounding all that appealing. 

"Hey, hey," his hands make quick work of stopping you from moving away from him, "Don't be like that. How are you even more cranky than usual? You must be feeling better.” He pulls your face back to him and his eyes examine you under those long white lashes. He takes in the rosy hue of your cheeks and the glazed over look in your eyes. It’s all looking very familiar to him even if he’d never seen you sick before. You recognize the look in his eyes too. 

You blame the sudden dizzy feeling overtaking your brain on the fever. 

"I know!” he suddenly releases your face and claps his hands as he arrives at a thought, not paying attention to how the sharp noise causes you to wince slightly "let's play doctor. I'll take real good care of you.” 

"Please, I'm surprised you manage to keep yourself alive day to day.”

"Come on,” he insists as his hands begin uncovering the rest of your body from the blankets, ignoring your protests, “It'll be fun. Let me take care of you.”

“I don’t need a babysitter,” you practically hiss as you put up a weak resistance against his wandering hands. 

“Not really what I had in mind,” the octave his voice takes causes you to still in your movements. He smiles down at you with that shit eating grin. The one that promises that he’s up to no good. You’ve seen it a million times - usually it’s reserved for when he’s about to do something to annoy Yaga that you and Geto try to talk him out of. More recently, though, he’s been using it when it’s just you two. 

A trill goes down your spine, heating your body further at the thought of the good trouble he’s been the cause of recently. 

You nearly hiss when he finally manages to uncover the rest of your body. The cool air hitting your overheated skin brings some relief but it’s short lived as his hands begin to travel to where your sleeping top has ridden up, his fingers ghosting along the skin as he toys with the hem. 

His eyes drink in the sight of you in that way that makes your stomach do flips before he startings leaning down towards you again, bringing his face closer and closer to your own. 

Gojo let's out a soft questioning hum when his lips meet your cheek instead of the intended target. You can see the pout already forming on his lips, upset that you had turned your head from him and denied him. He always pouted when he didn’t get his way. Spoiled brat. 

"I could get you sick,” you explain as you bring your hands to the ones that are still playing with the fabric of your top. Tempting as he was, one of you had to be sensible and you knew it was never going to be him. 

His pout quickly morphs into another shit eating grin at your explanation. “Oh, you really do care about me. Don’t you?” 

You barely get a mumbled ‘shut up’ out before he silences you with a kiss. His lips quickly molding against yours and silencing whatever harsh words you had for him. You can’t help the small moan as his tongue slips against yours. 

He shifts above you, caging you in-between his body and the mattress as he moves to pepper sloppy kisses and bites down your neck and collarbone, tasting the slight salty sheen of sweat that coats your skin. Your breath shudders at the feeling of his teeth as he marks you. He’s always eager to leave marks on your skin - you want to hate him for it. You’ve told him so many times to be mindful of where he leaves them, not wanting to suffer the awkward glances that others might send your way should they see them. You’re certain the idea of others seeing evidence of the time the two of you spend together only encourages him to do it more. Bastard. 

It’s hard to stay mad at him though. At least when his mouth is moving against your skin like this. 

He pulls back from his work for a moment, surely admiring it you think in irritation, before his eyes raise and meet yours. When you offer no further protest he rewards you with a kiss as his hands begin removing what little clothing you had on. His eagerness making quick work of the process. His hands and mouth travel across the expanse of newly exposed skin. His fingers dip between your folds and you feel him smile against your skin. You’re already soaking wet. 

"You're not being a very good doctor, you know,” your breath is airy, the feeling of his fingers against you sends a buzz of pleasure throughout your body. Your mind too muddled with desire to think as his other hand moves your thighs further apart to make room for him. Anticipation coiling the spring further and you nearly forget how to breathe properly, "More like a pervert taking advantage.” 

"Semantics,” his breath ghosts along your skin as he moves further down your body. 

Your hands rush forward to grab his head, stopping him. He stares at you, the question evident on his face and you can’t help but look away in embarrassment. 

 "I feel gross" and you do. The sweat from your fever doesn’t exactly feel sexy in the moment. 

"I'm gunna make a mess of you either way" he says, continuing his descent as his fingers resume their exploration of you. You can’t stop the gasp as he pushes one inside of you, it glides in easily to the first knuckle. Your soft flesh warming him to the bone, "does it really matter?" The feeling of his breath on your clit as his finger slowly begins to pump in a steady rhythm nearly makes you forget every thought you’ve ever had. 

"I guess not" 

He wastes little time pressing his tongue against you, your eyes nearly rolling back into your head at the overwhelming sensation as he slips another finger into you, stretching you out further. You’re mesmerized by the sight he makes between your thighs, gripping his white hair tightly as you groan at the heat building inside of you. The feeling of your nails raking through his hair against his scalp is enough to have him choking out his own moan. The sound vibrating against your core and sending another wave of pleasure through you.

You can’t help the incoherent babbling of praise and encouragement that falls from your lips when his fingers increase in tempo and his lips lock around your clit.  It has you squirming in his hold, trying to meet each thrust of his fingers. 

Your desire builds, steadily climbing but your hazy mind recognizes that it’s not enough. You need more. 

He lets you pull his head up to yours. You nearly whine as you feel his fingers slip out of you, your heat cleaning around the new emptiness as you bring his lips to yours again. You taste yourself on his lips as your tongue explores his mouth, your legs wrapping around his waist to pull his body closer to yours. You feel his length straining against his pants as your grind your hips against his, the friction sending small electric currents of pleasure throughout your body but still not enough. 

You force your aching muscles to move and soon enough you find yourself on top of him. In the back of your mind you want to think that you surprised him with the movement but you know that he’s only under you because he allowed it. 

He’s smiling up at you, his eyes heavy lidded with desire as his hands come to rest on your hips. He looks nearly delirious and you’re sure he could say the same for you. 

“Eager, are you?” his teasing is cut short with a groan as you grind down on him again. The fabric between you doing little to mask the feeling of him against you. 

You bite your tongue to prevent your own reply to his stupid remark, opting instead to pull on his waistband and release his dick from the restraint of his pants. You nearly smirk as he lets out a soft hiss at the feeling of your hand wrapping around him, he’s always been so sensitive that even the slightest touch from you can draw noises from him. 

Your other hand goes to balance yourself on his chest as you raise your hips. You can’t stop your own noises from spilling from your lips as you lower yourself onto him. His nails sink into your flesh deeper as you take him inside of you inch by inch. He doesn’t bother to quiet the loud moan when you finally have his dick fully inside of you. He never bothers to be quiet. 

Your pace starts off steady as you move against him. Your teeth catch your bottom lip as you fight off your own moans at the look of him beneath you. His pale skin is flushed, pupils blown wide and mouth hanging open. You raise your hips higher, his length nearly slipping out of your completely before you’re slamming yourself back down onto him. The action drawing noises from both of you, his dick buried so deep inside of you with each movement that it leaves you seeing stars. His fingers digging into your hips leave small indentations as his grip tightens, small curses leaving his lips as he watches you move on him. 

"You're supposed to be the one taking care of me and here I am doin all the work," you moan, digging your own nails into the skin of his chest as punishment, "fucking spoiled brat." 

"You wanna be spoiled too baby?" He grabs your hips suddenly, taking control as he thrusts up into you. He angles himself just right to hit that sweet spot again and again. The one that makes you sing for him. "Cmon, is this what you wanted? Gotta use your words" he teases, knowing that he's fucking any sense right out of you. 

Your grasp of how to coherently string together a sentence in any human language is lost to you. Instead, you find yourself whimpering and throwing any arrangements of syllables together that would get him to just keep doing that. The tips of your ears begin to burn as you feel yourself reaching your peak. His thrusts become harder and deeper as he feels you beginning to clench around him, knowing the signs that you’re close has him chasing his own release. 

Gojo’s always been such a visual creature. The sight of you fucking yourself onto him, his length entering your wet heat, your whole body being rocked by his thrusts is nearly enough for him finish right then and there. It isn’t until he feels you spasming over him and his name tumbling out of your mouth like a prayer that the pressure becomes too much. His thrusts become erratic as pulls your body down against his, drawing out your orgasm with each movement. The pressure snaps with one final thrust into you, his warmth filling you to the brim as he releases a strangled cry of your name. He pumps into you a few more times, riding out his wave until there’s nothing left. You can feel his heart hammering away in his chest as you both take a moment to catch your breath. 

When you look up at him you find his eyes already trained on you. His pupils are still so blown out that they nearly overtake the entirety of the blue you’ve grown so attached to. His smile isn’t the cocky self-assured one or the shit eating grin that you’ve grown to associate him with. It’s a soft thing that is so unlike him you almost think you’re seeing things. His hand rises to your cheeks and the kiss is soft too. Tender, even, as he holds you against him. He pulls back from you with a content sigh. 

“That was really dumb.” you can’t help but say, “you’re going to be really annoying in the next few days when you start to come down with whatever I have.”

He scoffs. 

“Please, as if I’d get sick,” he says as if the idea is entirely ludacris. Maybe it is. With a power like his, who knows. 

You turn your head down hiding your own soft smile as you bury your face in his neck, breathing in his scent. 

It’s followed by a sharp yelp of pain from his as you bite down against the skin. 

Just enough to hurt. 

Just enough to remind him he’s human too.

____

He does get sick and like predicted is very fucking needy about it and whines to you to take care of him

"You have to take responsibility! You did this to me" "Dumbass I told you you'd get sick! This isn't my responsibility!" "How was I supposed to know this would happen? You should've been smarter and stopped me" "You had your tongue down my throat! Of course this would happen"

you do end up playing nurse. He's so demanding and childish but it's also...kinda cute.

[spidrstar]

HE AINT SHIT pt 2.

★ pairings: aged up e!42 miles!morales × latina! reader

★ slowburn? characters are 18+ in this story they're in their mid twenties.

★ warnings: as i write this story some parts will be slightly suggestive, if that bothers u dni..

★ a/n: now THIS, this one i put a lot of effort into ☠️ 3k words long.. btw i already had most of chap 2 written out so i will not be putting this series on hold but i won’t be having a schedule bc i know i wont follow it. Again sorry for the hold up y’all my motivation went poof ily and lmk what y’all think abt this chap. sorry not sorry for the cliffhanger 😊

★ p.s i'll be adding a link to a playlist i made that you could listen to when reading abt miles Imk what y'all think.

★ summary: You end up going to your ‘apology date’ and things go south. You wanted to spend your time eating snacks when angry but ran out, so you left and went straight to the market then you met someone unexpected.

★ previous, part 3

mwah

“…almost fell in love with you

After the club last night.”

- lovely : sonder

With groggy eyes, you found yourself zoning out, you had woken up 20 minutes ago because you were hungry. You had the worst headache ever, and all the memories from last night flooding into your head wasn’t helping either.

‘I don’t know what I was thinking, giving him my phone. Whatever, I just won’t text him.’

You stretched and yawned once again shutting off the music you fell asleep to, getting up standing in front of your mirror you noticed you had the same clothes on from last night. The sight of yourself made you sigh in exhaustion, you looked like a disaster and didn’t have energy to get all pretty today.

You lifted your dress off of yourself and sat back down on your bed in the set you had bought specially for your date that failed last night. The thought, only making you wince with closed eyes, you remembered yourself falling into bed as soon as you got home crying yourself to sleep with music playing to help. You sighed and went on your phone, you realized you never answered Kole and you wanted to keep it that way ‘til later.

You weren’t in the mood to deal with him especially after what he pulled last night. Honestly, you didn’t really care if you both went the whole day without talking to each other. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t losing feelings for him, sure you’d been together for 6 months and duh you loved him he’s your boyfriend.. you just.. weren’t sure you loved him as much as you did before. Kole rarely did anything special, he stopped giving you sweet things ‘just because’ he didn’t compliment you as if he was still trying to get with you.

None of that.

He acted as if his goal was to just get with you, not keep you happy, not love you, not make you feel special, just get with you. You started noticing it on your 3rd month anniversary. All he did was buy you flowers, no date no nothing. Only reason you hadn’t left him is because you just felt as if you couldn’t. He had been there for you during all your darkest moments, you felt like you needed him in your life. You felt glued to him and if you were to unstick even just a little bit, he made sure he stuck you back to him.

Scrolling through your other notifications you find nothing interesting and upon turning it off, that’s when an incoming call pops up on your screen. You mentally sighed preparing yourself for the incoming argument awaiting to happen.

It was Kole.

It was 2:34 pm and he wanted to call you now? Scoffing before picking up the call, you already felt yourself getting angry.

“Qué quieres ahora, Kole.” 5 seconds of silence seemed to be enough for him before he finally spoke up.

“Listen, baby, I know I fucked up by not showing up yesterday but I had things going on and—“

You didn’t even let him finish before you snapped, this made you laugh. “I don’t even wanna hear it, Kole. All I'm getting from this is that anything is more important to you than our relationship.” You closed your eyes and laid your face into the palm your hand waiting to hear what excuse he had for you this time.

“Nonono, baby listen I promise it’s nothing like that I was just chillin’ with the guys while I was waiting for you to get off work and I fell asleep watching a game and—“

“Don’t- No puedo mas, don’t even finish. Kole, I'm fed up.” here we go, you had to stand up for what you were about to say already feeling yourself tense up at the anger you were feeling.

“You know, I made sure I asked for a day off tomorrow thinking we were gonna have the best night of our lives like you had promised. Do you know how much effort I put into getting ready yesterday? You never think about anything but yourself. I made sure to buy new clothes just for you, and here you are telling me you were too busy watching games with your friends while I spent more than 2 hours preparing for our date? Are you fucking serious right now?”

You couldn’t believe what he was saying and the silence on the other line was more than enough confirmation for you to continue speaking, you let out a short laugh, tears already forming from the anger you felt. “This just goes to show how little I mean to you. I cried, Kole. I cried over and over again last night because of you.”

Kole knew he had hurt you, never in your whole 6 months of dating him had you gotten so frustrated to the point where your voice started shaking. He knew he messed up, and bad. The silence on the other line only hurt you more, your response only being a couple of sniffles.

You heard him sigh preparing to speak, “Listen baby, I know I messed up. I truly wish I could show you how sorry I am. I never meant to make you feel this way and you know I would never do this to you on purpose, I—I’ve just honestly been so stressed and wanted to let loose with the guys. We drank a bit and I got sleepy, and I know—I know that is not a good enough excuse to not show up. And I could've at least left you a text. I know that. I just—..I swear this time I'll make it up to you, Y/n.”

You frowned and sighed. As much as you really wanted to forgive him and just ‘go back to normal’ you’ve been letting this slide too many times. You knew all the times he had given you a speech almost exactly the same as this one, he was bullshitting you. You remember it clear as day, when you found multiple dating apps downloaded on his phone he gave you the most shitiest apology. He never really meant it; he just wanted to make sure you were stuck and didn’t leave him.

“I don’t know, Kole. I really don’t know what to think of this anymore—“

“Y/n, please. I know I messed up, just give me a chance to make it up to you.”

You sat there really considering it, and you came to a conclusion that if he really messed it up this time then that would be the end of this relationship. “Alright Kole, fine. Pero te lo juro if you mess this up we’re done.”

“Thank you, thank you. I love you so much baby and I promise I won't mess up. Meet me at our favorite coffee shop at 4.” and with that he hung up.

You had lost almost all your faith in your relationship, so you figured today you weren’t going to put in much effort since you just wanted to enjoy your day off in bed. You stood up from your bed again and grabbed your towel heading to your shower.

It was 3:17 pm and you had only just started putting on clean undergarments, you knew by the time you left you would be there late but at this point that was the least of your worries. You sat in front of your vanity doing your skincare routine when you noticed a dark spot on your neck, wondering what it was you looked closely.

A hickey.

You gasped grabbing your makeup sponge and some foundation trying to conceal it so your boyfriend doesn’t think of anything. But to no avail, you failed. It was still pretty visible. This is the moment when you really started panicking, you got up from your desk rummaging through your drawers searching for a turtle neck and when you found one you sighed in relief. You thought for a second letting your heart beat slow down.

‘Miles, ese estupido.’

You put the turtle neck on along with some sweatpants, slipped on your uggs and fixed up your hair only slightly since you had slept with a bonnet on. It had just hit 3:34 pm and you still weren’t ready, a few pumps of your bath and body works perfume and you got straight to your makeup. Sure you weren’t going to put in much effort, but you still wanted to wear just a bit of mascara.

You got up from your desk, grabbed your keys and let Kole know that you were on your way.

As you made your way out the building it hit 3:56 pm, still no text back from Kole. You weren’t surprised to say the least. To pass some time you decided to walk, and since the coffee shop wasn’t far. You also didn’t want to lose your parking. You slipped on your earbuds listening to some music on your way there.

Self Love; Metro Boomin & Coi Leray.

“came to the city for the love

got her hurtin’ now”

By the time you got to the coffee shop it was 4:08 pm, Kole hadn’t texted you back nor was he inside. You stepped in the shop and got in line wanting to order a snack so you wouldn’t starve while waiting. You chose your favorite, a glazed donut with some hot chocolate. You decided to pick a warm snack since it had gotten a bit windy outside.

You got your order and sat at your usual spot in the corner, taking a bite out of your donut. You decided to go on instagram to cure your boredom. You opened the app and clicked on the explore page button, you watched a few reels and quickly got bored again, swiping to the right again trying to find something interesting you stumbled across a post with more than 4k likes. You hummed in amusement scrolling through the pictures.

Pressing onto their page you realized who it was, Miles. Intrigued you stalked his page, all his posts having more than 2k likes. You observed them closely, and you’d be lying if you said he wasn’t insanely attractive. You paused annoyingly remembering that you were still in a relationship and that you were mad at him for leaving a hickey on you. You glanced at the time again and it was 4:23 pm. You sighed, and got a notification from your weather app stating that there was going to be a crazy rain storm happening in about an hour.

‘Seriously? The one day I decided not to wear a sweater.’

As if on cue kole barged into the coffee shop in a hurry to see you.

You looked up at him with a dull look on your face, “Hi baby, I'm sorry there was traffic and I forgot my keys inside—“ Interrupting him you loudly sipped on your hot chocolate, signaling him to shut up with his excuses already. He sighed in defeat and sat down, “Well it doesn’t matter, you’re here now aren’t you?”

You flashed him a fake smile and you placed your cup down on the table and cleared your throat not sure what to talk about, “Sooo.. you gonna order anything or?”

“Oh, right. Do you want anything, love?” Slightly cringing at the nickname he gave you, “Yea another glazed donut would be nice.” And with that he headed towards the cash register ready to order, you took this as a chance to hop back onto your phone and look through Miles’ instagram posts.

You thought for a second, and pressed onto the ‘follow’ button. Disregarding the fact that you were still with Kole you exited out of the app.

‘Oh well, he follows many girls anyway and it’s not like we’re going to see each other again, especially after what he did.’

Kole came back with your glazed donut, he sat down and tried his best to make interesting conversation and most of the time you gave dry responses because he was just so.. how do you put it?——Boring. Usually it wasn’t this hard to catch your attention and have you entertained, but you genuinely wanted to leave.

“So yea, the game yesterday was awesome and oh! Max almost threw up because he ate 3 full boxes of pizza, can you believe that?! It’s crazy.”

You stared off across the cafe, so clearly uninterested and done with Kole. “Out of all the things to talk about, you chose to talk about what you were doing while I was waiting for you at the restaurant.” You rolled your eyes at him.

“Oh cmon, don’t do that. The whole point of today was for me to make it up to you and you’re making it difficult.” He pouted, and this only had you feeling even angrier.

“Yeah well, it’s hard not to when you’ve done this four times already.”

He sighed and as he was about to speak that’s when both of your phones vibrated against the wooden table, you turned your attention to his screen first.

Incoming call from Madison.

“I-I gotta go babe. I promised my friend I would help her move into her new place. ” He then placed a kiss on your cheek quickly and rushed out. You sat there in disbelief as to what had just happened.

‘So not only did he show up late to his little apology date, he also ditched me for some other girl.’

You scoffed and stood up from your seat angrily deciding you were finally going to break up with him. You stared at the screen of your phone acknowledging what your notification was, Miles had followed you back. You ignored it, not thinking anything of it.

You angrily walked down the street and headed to the supermarket before going home to distract yourself, you needed to get some stuff for the house anyway.

Only two blocks away from the supermarket you started feeling a few small rain drops on your cheeks.

‘Great, now I'm gonna be soaking wet. Could this day genuinely get any worse?’

You quickly rushed into the supermarket a bit damp and grabbed a shopping basket to your left.

You head towards the snack aisle remembering you had finished your last tub of ice cream last Friday. You scanned through the aisle looking for more options and as you were slowly walking sideways squinting your eyes you bumped into someone.

“Oh- I’m so sorry i wasn’t watching where i was goin-“

Before you finished you managed to turn around and see who the person was, as if the smell of his husky cologne wasn’t an obvious giveaway.

It was Miles.

“We meet again, hermosa.” He grinned at you in amusement, eyeing you down and of course, he still looked as beautiful as when you first saw him, nothing new. You rolled your eyes mentally and just stared at him wanting to take the ‘sorry’ right back.

“Never mind, excuse me.” You tried to walk right past him trying not to acknowledge his existence. “Wow really? It’s like that now?” He asked with hurt in his voice sarcastically, you shut your eyes and sucked in a deep breath. Dealing with Miles was the last thing you needed right now, especially after your little fiasco with Kole.

“Miles. Quítate del miedo o te quito yo.”

You spoke seriously without making eye contact, this only made him feel like teasing you more. The way you spoke to him in Spanish angrily made him smirk. “Cmon amor, what’s with the attitude? You weren’t like this last night.”

His snarky remark only irked you more, which finally caused you to look up at him. “Yeah well, this is what happens when you think it’s funny to leave hickies on me knowing I have a boyfriend.” You snapped at him and he chuckled lightly lifting your chin up to look at you directly. “You enjoyed it, what's the problem mami? You followed me on instagram too, so I know you were thinking about me, why the sudden change?” He smirked.

His voice so close to you sent shivers down your spine, you felt your body react to his touch and his voice so you quickly swatted his hand away, you clutched your shopping basket and moved past him. “Whatever, and that was a mistake, I'm unfollowing you later.”

He smirked as you walked away, you could feel his gaze on your back and you felt vulnerable, like he was a predator and you, his prey. You reached the cash register with him still following behind, you decided to speak up to try and get him to back off. “Will you quit following me everywhere?” You turned to face him, annoyance written all over your face.

“I’m tryna pay ma, not doin’ it on purpose.” He grinned at your reaction and you just wanted to oh so badly smack that beautiful grin off of his face. “Yeah? Well you could’ve chosen any other cash register, whys the one i went to your choice.” The cashier finished ringing you up and your total came to $23.47, you rummaged through your wallet and paid $20 you soon realized you didn’t have enough and mentally cursed at yourself for being so reckless.

You remember thinking before you left the house that it was best to not take much money since you were only going to the coffee shop, that decision only came back to bite on your ass. You cleared your throat nervously not knowing how to explain.

“I’m sorry.. I uh- I’m missing $4.” You laughed nervously trying to rummage through your wallet once more seeing if you could find at least three or two dollars. Miles noticed this while being behind you. You soon see out of your peripheral vision that he slid $5 to the cashier, you turned to look at him with a look that said. ‘You’re annoying, but thanks i guess.’

You placed all of your items in a bag and walked to the exit hoping Miles would stay behind, but of course since your day already sucked why not make it suck even more? He was right behind you. Pretty soon, that was the least of your concerns once you noticed that it was pouring outside. You groaned in distress palming your face and made terms with the fact that you had to walk in the rain.

You were about to step out until Miles caught on and stopped you. “Woah woah, what are you doing?” He asked, cocking an eyebrow. You looked at him as if he was wearing a red clown nose and a wig in confusement.

“Uh.. trying to walk home? What does it look like.” He matched your energy and came right back at you with a smart tone. “To me, it looks like you’re just tryna catch a cold.” You mocked him and soon noticed he was taking off his jacket while speaking. You had a confused look on your face when he placed it over you.

“What are you doing?”

“What? You think I’m bouta let you walk out ina rain like that?” He responded with a raised brow.

“Like what?”

“..Nothing.”

You ignored him and looked straight ahead, jogging out the market doors bag of snacks in hand. You groaned slightly looking up at the sky in annoyance because if even possible, the rain seemed to pour down harder. You noticed Miles was still behind you and turned to stare at him, eyeing him weirdly you then noticed how good he looked even when dripping wet in the rain. His black tee soaking wet, braids fucked up he stared at you through wet eyelashes.

“Miles, why are you still following me? I'm literally going home. Ya vete y déjame en paz, dios mío.”

“Look, I'm sorry, okay? I get it you’re mad but just let me at least walk you home. You don’t even gotta go on that date with me either, I’ll leave you completely alone afterwards. Promise. ”

You both stood in the rain staring at each other for a second before you felt sympathy for him, you felt bad for the way you came at him. Yeah, he left marks even when he knew you had a boyfriend but it’s not like you didn’t think he was cheating either. You enjoyed it anyway.. So why not cut him some slack? You turned around and continued walking but before you did, you slightly turned your head to the side to speak to him.

“Fine, but I'm not completely declining your ‘date’ offer. If you respect my relationship then maybe I’ll let you take me out. Not on a date, more like us hanging out as friends.”

You felt bad turning him down completely when you had already agreed to meeting with him, so you gave him a chance bonus points for the sad look in his eyes causing you to give into him. Besides, being just friends won’t do any harm to your relationship.. right?

He smiled following right behind you as you both turned a few more blocks, finally reaching your house. You went up the stairs and stood under the roof of the apartment to avoid the water. You stared down at him shivering in his jacket.

“Soo.. where you going now?” You asked curiously trying to fight back the way your teeth hit each other from the way you shivered.

“Probably gonna walk home, don’t live too far.” He shrugged.

You looked at him in disbelief, walking out this late in the rain with how windy it was would probably be enough to give him the flu. You sighed and stared up at the ceiling for a second before staring at him.

“Miles, come on.”

“What?”

“You’re coming in with me.”

He stared at you wide eyed not expecting you to invite him in, after all that begging for him to stay away from you; inviting him inside your home was the least thing he thought would happen but of course he didn’t have a problem with it. All he did was smirk at you and raise his brows as if to say, ‘you bein’ for real right now?’

“You paid for my snacks, lent me your jacket in the rain and walked me home. It’s the least I could do, besides you’ll get really sick if you stay out any longer soaking wet.”

You walked in making your way to the elevator which only left him smiling, standing behind you at the way you were concerned for his health.

You paused then spoke up again, “So? ¿Vas a venir o que?”

He then walked up the stairs to follow behind you into the apartment muttering a low ‘well if you’re offering, might as well.’

Soon, you were left to contemplate if this was a mistake or not.

Because little did you know, this was gonna be a very long night.

★ translations: Que quieres ahora - what do you want now || no puedo más - I can’t anymore || pero te lo juro - but i swear || ese estupido - that idiot || hermosa - beautiful || quítate del medio o te quito yo - get out of the way or I’ll make you get out of the way myself || Amor - love || ya vete y déjame en paz, dios mío - go away and leave me alone, my god || vas a venir o que - are you coming or what

TAGS:

[ohyespotatous]

Fri, May 31, 2024

🌲 End-of-month reflections 🌲

"Easy wins" vs "Eat your frog" ⚡🐸

I see this pattern of me falling into a prolonged slump (3-4 months) after maintaining pretty consistent and productive days for a month, and then I need quite a long time to get back on track again. I realized this some time ago, and I thought I shouldn’t push myself too much or beat myself up if I couldn’t achieve my ideal day. I acknowledge that my productivity could ebb and flow.

But the thing is, once I loosened my grip, even a little, I fell into this dark hole again. 

Sometimes, I’d wake up in the morning and do not feel like doing too much, so I let myself rest. However, I got carried away, which continued for days or longer. Sometimes, I’d start my day with good energy, but I spent too much time on smaller tasks, so I didn’t have enough time to do the crucial tasks. 

So, to keep my days going in any situation, I think I need to switch between the “easy win” and “eat your frog” strategies based on how I feel in the morning and how important the tasks that I have to complete that day are.

If I feel energized and motivated and have a “big task” to finish as soon as possible, I’ll eat my frog first, when my brain is still fresh and I have a lot of energy. But if I don’t feel it when I wake up (or if I wake up late), I need to accomplish my easy wins first, so I feel motivated to tackle bigger tasks.

For the best results, I need to make nightly planning (or listing whatever I need to do the next day) a habit so that I have an idea of how the day should go. 

On learning languages 🧠

I didn’t identify myself as a language learner, but I think I need to dedicate some time to studying my own language and English. 

I feel like I’m losing my ability to use my mother tongue because I’m exposed to English media too much and rarely interact with real people in person. I used to live in a boarding house full of workers who came home late (and I work remotely), so I only talked to them when we met in the kitchen or the living room. I have moved back in with my dad, who also comes home late, so we only have the chance to talk around dinnertime. It feels awkward when I try to write in my language because I barely use it these days, but when I write in English, I still can’t express myself freely the way I intend to 😅

I’m literally relying on my language and communication skills for a living when in reality, I suck at it!!! I must survive :(

I want to work on my spiritual wellness, finding peace and meaning in life 🤍

I think one of the reasons I struggle these days is that I don’t have a good sense of purpose. I don’t know exactly what I’m chasing or what I'm working for. I think I need to connect with my inner self to figure out that purpose so I can navigate through challenges with greater resilience. I want to have a balanced and fulfilling life. I want to experience a deeper sense of satisfaction and contentment mentally, emotionally, and physically.

How was May? 🌼

May wasn’t the most productive month, but it was way better than April. In April, I was almost like a living corpse, never leaving my room—or bed, even—to the point that my body was stiff, and I had thigh pains. In May, I started to feel alive again. I started finding my routine again and caught up on some responsibilities. Everyone has their own challenges, and this is the tiny win of the challenge for me. But that doesn’t mean I can ease up. I need to put in more effort to be better.

ლ(╹◡╹ლ)

[xaytried]

Dan Heng x Depressed Reader

self-Indulgent idk what im doing bro. first fanfic ever??

not proofread!! 1.4k words

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

The day you had begun as it usually does. Being woken up by your cat at 6 in the morning, even though you had gone to bed at 3 am. You should have learned your lesson by now. Why do you still choose to go to bed so late, knowing damn well your cat would wake you up with the sun. 

It was hopeless trying to go back to sleep after getting up to feed the cat, so it might as well be productive right?

Your idea of productivity was different from others. For most people that meant maybe checking their email or cleaning up a little. For you though, it meant feeding yourself and taking your medication. Things most people don't think twice about, but the hardest part of your day. Your boyfriend knew this. He usually got up around 6, not because of the cat. He’s always been a productive and curious man. He gets up early and takes care of himself without any issues. That's not to say that he doesn't have his problems, but even he can admit that he doesn't have it nearly as difficult as you do. 

You get up and don’t even bother getting dressed, it was impressive enough that you even got up in the first place. It’s just another extra chore. You’re not going anywhere today anyway. The only thing you have today is online, and surely your psychiatrist won’t be able to tell you don't have pants on while on the video call. 

You make your way downstairs and on arrival, your lovely boyfriend, Dan Heng, greets you with a gentle smile, as he does every morning. 

“Good morning, darling.” He looks at your exhausted expression, a little worried that you look so worn out despite having just woken up. But he knows how awful your sleep schedule is. You honestly don't know why he still even wastes his worries on you.

“Good morning.” You reply.

You make your way across the living you into the kitchen. The medication you take requires food before you can take it. Supposedly you'd get sick if you missed this vital step, but you have never risked it. The last thing you wanted was to puke all your expensive medication down the toilet. Unfortunately though, you never really found anything appetizing, not ever. 

“I made you a breakfast taco, it should be in the fridge.” Dan Heng's voice startled you.

“Oh, okay… Thanks.” You make your way over to the refrigerator.

Dan Heng watches you. He watches through concerned eyes. It makes him sad that you always seem to wake up feeling absolutely nothing. No motivation or anything. And it's not like your sad or anything like that. It just hurts his hurt seeing you suffer. 

Ever since you first met him you've been very open to him about your depression, but once he moved in with you it's been more apparent. It's just not fair. It's not fair that a beautiful and kind-hearted individual such as yourself struggled so fiercely to function. You never had energy, you were always tired and your body constantly ached. 

He watches you take your pills every morning. This has got to be the fifth anti-depressant you've tried and it makes his heart ache to see you get absolutely no relief. It's like you're immune to everything you try. All he can do is be here for you, but he wishes so deeply that he could do more.

You slowly eat your breakfast and take your pills, standing in the kitchen for about 5 extra minutes just to stare at the remaining water in your glass. When you were little you used to always drink chocolate milk with your breakfast. That was too much effort now. You zone out, staring at your water, thinking about how much things have changed.

Your mother used to call you a “ray of sunshine”, her “sweet baby”. You never lost that kindness from your mother but it seems you certainly lost yourself. These are things that only Dan Heng can see in you now though. And no matter how hard you tried you could never see it in yourself. If it was the middle of the night and the sun wasn’t awake to mock you, this certainly is something that would make you tear up. But you physically couldn't cry right now. 

Your thoughts are interrupted by your boyfriend's arms wrapping around your waist.

“You okay?” He asks, chin pressing against your shoulder as he speaks. 

“Yeah.” You reply. Which is the truth. Nothing is ever exactly wrong, it's just never right. This is just how things always are. The cause of your depression was a chemical imbalance, there was nothing that could be fixed. So overall you’d say you’re pretty okay.

“Are you sure?” He lets out a breathy laugh. “You’ve been staring at that water for quite a while.”

You give him a soft smile. It’s not often your serious boyfriend lets out a laugh, but it seems even he knows the power his joy has over you. Coming over here and letting out a laugh into your ear, it’s enough to help you push forward for today.

You turn around, now facing Dan Heng, his hands now resting on your hips while you lean against the counter. Before you started dating him you would never have guessed how important physical touch was for him, he had always been so distant, wanting nothing more than to lock himself in another room and isolate himself for hours. 

Dan Heng certainly preferred to be alone, but ever since he met you he realized her much more enjoys being alone with you. Moments like this, when the world is still and it’s just the two of you, with some peace and quiet. That’s what he lives for. 

You were tempted to speak but then Dan Heng let out a sigh and rested his head on your shoulder. You let your concern show by moving your hand to his back, but you knew that if he wanted to talk he would. Perhaps right now all he needed was some quiet.

After a minute or two of silently rubbing Dan Heng’s back, he spoke. “You know you can talk to me right?”

You have nothing to talk about.

“I love you, I would love to listen, I would love to support you.”

“You’re already my biggest supporter.” You let out a giggle, hoping it would soften the mood a little more. 

“I want to help.” He’s more serious than ever.

“You do help, baby. More than you’ll ever know.” Your comforting words also help to comfort you. It was true. Even before you started dating Dan Heng had been your best friend and biggest supporter. Honestly, without him, you don’t even know if you’d still be here. But you don’t tell him that. He doesn’t need to know that you ever think of not being here. 

He stands straight up again to brush his hand across your cheek and that's when you can see it. His tears. There aren't many but he is without a doubt crying.

“Hey, what's wrong?” You ask him, no longer leaning against to counter, hands cupping his face, deep concern wavering in your voice.

“Y/N, you’re the most loving, kind, most perfect soul I’ve ever met, so why is the world doing you so wrong? You deserve to wake up every day full of excitement, full of energy, ready to take on the day. You deserve to smile, to laugh, genuine ones. Genuine smiles and genuine laughs.” Your eyes start to water, you continue to hold onto his face as tears roll down his cheeks and onto your fingers. “You deserve to be happy, Y/N. It’s not fair. You do so much good for so many people, for me. You make me smile, you make me happy, you make me feel alive. I don’t feel like I need to run anymore because I have you. So why must the world put you through so much pain?”

You had never seen him like this. 

“Shhhh…” you hush him and he looks at you, no longer breaking eye contact to speak. “I’m happier than I’ve ever been because of you Dan Heng,” you promise him. “I finally feel loved.”

After a moment of looking at you, he kisses you. Its soft and warm, a kiss to tell you that he’s not going anywhere and that he’ll be with you forever. 

With him… you’ll get through this.