#whatever. coworkers have my back
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trying so hard to hold both 'sometimes people have really bad days and let out their feelings at the wrong person. none of us are perfect.' and 'people who are rude to service workers should die by flaming morning star blunt trauma' in my heart
#aiden's monologuing#customer tells me the wrong thing and then gets mad when it's wrong. hm. i wonder whose fault that is.#whatever. coworkers have my back#i miss office job... excel...
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my job makes me want to kill myself but maybe spending all my money on theatre tickets is the way
#i am literally so damn tired#and also mad at everything idk#i'm tired of living alone & having basically no friends here#because most of my friends live so far from me we are seeing each other like once a year#my only friend who lives near me doesn't really get me most of the time#the only thing we can do together is to go for a walk once in a while or go see a movie#i literally cannot find a normal job with normal boss who's not a fucking asshole#all my coworkers look at me like i'm crazy when i say i don't go to the clubs because i'm not that kind of person#what the fuck is wrong with people really i am so damn tired maybe i should just come back home and live with my parents#for the rest of my life#and finally admit that i fucking failed#i say whatever and whatever that i want*
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very suddenly realized i don’t care. Yay ❤️
#pers#sorry the amount i’ve done for this job that i really should not have done. like really truly. in the past 2 weeks#im not killing myself today so that my coworker can fuck me over tomorrow sorry. Whatever. Well figure it out.#im going back to making new characters
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#coworkers decided to do an impromptu happy hour today and must have made this decision while i was away from my desk at lunch.#bc i got back and they were just. all gone. and i only found out bc our boss swung by my desk before he left and told me.#and i know it wasnt intentional (at least i don't think it was) but idk man! just feels kinda shitty! yall could've left a note or something#but anyways. boss was like you should come! but i. did not go. partially bc im kind of a little sore about that actually?#but also they went to a beer place and i. dont drink beer. and like yeah yeah go for the people not the place but also. idk just.#it's cold and rainy and today has kind of sucked too so like. im not really in the mood#(which HONESTLY was probably the point of going out bc NO ONE is in the mood)#but. ugh.#now im going to spend the whole weekend trying to think of what im going to say when someone inevitably asks me why i wasn't there#and they all probably think im antisocial or whatever#esp bc like. im pretty quiet at work too. like. i feel awkward just jumping into conversations sometimes bc like.#im still the newbie on the team. like i just got moved to this one at the end of august#but these people have been working together for like years now.#so like they all know each other!!! theyre all super comfortable with each other!!!!#but im still new im still getting to know them all!!! and like idk. just feels awkward to insert myself into those conversations#even if im probably allowed to. so i just. dont.#and ugh. its a vicious cycle i know. 😔#but anyways.#wow that was so much oversharing how embarrassing#whatever. what is the internet for if not embarrassing amounts of oversharing 🤷♀️#N E WAYS.
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I feel like I’m losing the battle of treading water and am just starting to drown in exhaustion now
#I would take a day off a work#but people have been out sick#including a coworker who’s been out for a while since she got sepsis and pneumonia#she’s out of the hospital now and all but obv still needs time to recover#I’ve definitely been kinda sick with Something all week but obv wasn’t gonna cause a fuss over something small#when I have no obvious symptoms and we’re short on ppl#now I think this is just my Stomach Problems acting up from whatever that was#but I’ve been tired for a while#I have stuff I need to do over the weekends#but I also need to just be dead to the world for at least a day#but then I still have no energy to do all of the things I need to do#and never any time or energy to try to get back into hobbies#aaaghhhh
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Car at da grocery store I wish i could've taken a picture bc i can't believe i saw that with mine own eyes. It was covered i shit u not head to toe, every inch, in various "HELL IS REAL GOD WILL JUDGE YOU" stickers and like oh I wish I could remember some of the other batshit stuff "SINNERS BURN IN HELL" "GOD FORGIVES" idk. God. And you know I've seen several cars and trucks flying that stupid fucker's flag. Like I probably haven't truly trusted this area since my own VP got hit pieced essentially for being gay or whatever. And they hate to see a fat gnc person or however ppl perceive ever so. who's they? idk man, wtf was that huh? you just live your life like that?
#every day i must be forced to remember that people just idk have no empathy or whatever#whatever the difference is between seeing inherent humanity in anyone and whatever idk man#i have to keep pushing myself to continue growth bc twice now ive had moments where#my one coworker was like yeah you help me feeler safer i know ur not out out but im glad u exist#like i need to get back into things and volunteering and etc around here#im still never getting over this car wtf is that shit HUH#i shouldve fucking hit it
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how do i stop feeling like i'm in trouble all the time fr. sitting here on my lunch break like everyone's gonna be soooo mad when u get back...from lunch...which you are allowed to have.....(?)
#social anxiety kicking my ass so bad every day#unless my supervisor actually says hello you are doing an amazing job today and i dont hate you im like omg she hates me bc i suck......#miscounted the kids yesterday and left one on the playground for like two minutes and im still traumatized#she wasnt alone or anything there was another class w teachers but 😬🔫#killing myself killing myself killing myself#i counted them five times today tho#and the playground was empty which made it easier but ugh#infinitely better than my last job and im actually good at this but i still feel like my supervisor doesn't like me#even tho i think she's just a bit awk and has anxiety also lol#she was reading a book abt coping with anxiety the other day lol#also my other coworker w the drama likes me but the drama is always threatening to happennagain bc she doesnt like our supervisor#anyway#my mentor just got here before lunch for her half day shift so i feel better but aaaaa#way less stressful than my last job tho and im grateful but very stressed lately#also the owner of the school was in the room im taking lunch for a while and im like omg she's gonna be annoyed that im here#she's gonna judge me for having a chocolate bar like a shitty spoiled young person or whatever and listening to music bc im rude#i need to calm down fr#she complained abt lazy inconsiderate young people at my job interview so now im paranoid abt every interaction w her lmao#bc i am a lazy oblivious young person and also i took a sick day my first week which is what she was complaining abt said young people doing#but i legitimately was throwing up i Had to call out#that's life in child care#but ughhhh#i was determined not to bc this is a job where they expect you to come in even if ur sick#but puking is my limit i genuinely couldn't do it#anyway.#normal adult experience#doctor who told my mom i was high functioning i want our money back
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woof woof what a week
#logbook#sooo tired and in sooo much pain. . .today really was the icing on top#i woke up in so much pain i went you know. whatever. i cant stress abt this and texted that id be late. . .#went in late AND left early cause id already worked my 40 hrs lol. .#had a good heart to heart with my heart coworker. . we both needed it. left feeling a lot more positive then i started this week off.#first day i also havent cried whrn ive gotten home so 👍 a win!#i dunno im just a lil uncomfy cause my fav coworker got promoted and idk how to talk to him anymore. .in my experience ppl who get promoted#turn their back on me/get all weird and sometimes confrontational. . .i trust him but. it just feels weird.#hes probably uncomfortable overall abt everything but it was a really weird week and today was kinda. .stagnant.#its ok my supe was nice to me for the first time all week. and i finished my projects.#im going to rest in the morning and then have lunch with a possible housemate. . .moved hike to sun so i can rest and not die#truly what a week. what a month tbh.#i havent had a break. sick work work sick#everybody else at work priveledged enough to do that. . .take breaks whatever. good for yall.#and now we're picking back up. delivery on monday. and ive got new prepricings and an old one i need to finish. and maps. and spreadsheets#and lots of plant lists. ..and follow ups and just. . . nope nope#its just me fighting this solo fight but thats ok. another week is done. time for feb.
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Truly did not think I would be half drunk, explaining to my father how to work an Xbox 360 controller in the parking lot of a bar at midnight today but that is certainly how my life goes I suppose
#and so it goes#no but seriously what#he got an xbox 360 for free from a coworker#(jealous but also I've saved a perfectly working game cube & about $250 worth of games from being tossed at a job but that's another story)#and he got it for my little brother but the guy gave him a knockoff controller#so there's no start button???#and my poor poor father tried plugging the damn thing into the back with the ports#so i was just like “dude buy a normal one please it will be better in the long run trust”#so we go to Local Chain Video Reseller Shop (which i adore)#and they have one for a good price#and i show him how to put in batteries and that he won't have to plug it in because the future of gaming is now#and we go to the bar and i enrage a woman by playing lots of billy joel (but if you're playing along at home you knew that)#and we get in the car and he's like “explain again? will these games work?”#and I'm like “mike buddy we bought the games it's done-zo but yeah man xbox has backwards compatibility”#and he's like “what's that?”#oh dear lord#so i show him again and tell him that the console takes original xbox and 360 game BUT THAT'S IT NO NEW ONES#still very unsure#i tell him “press xbox button it wake up the controller”#after all this he says “I'll google it”#fuck#off#anyway this was a very unnecessary post but I'm still a bit tipsy so whatever
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love that my job is so noncommittal to giving me my breaks, like other coworkers have literally walked out taking their breaks when they want, but when I waited over an hour from my expected break (and for an empty period) I get told I need permission
#I also don't understand how my coworkers are constantly doing fuck all#Chatting in the break room or gossiping in the back or whatever#But I get fussed at for crossing room to another to help a fucking customer#God forbid I need to pee or something#Like I also get there before lots of people and they all take breaks before I do#So explain why my taking my break is an issue#Also asking for my fifteen usually gets eye rolls and sighs#But jokes on you I know I get a break and you have it posted in the break room so I'm gonna use it
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worst work schedule for this week the one day im not working basils working & the day he isn't working im working & his traniversarry is coming up on sunday AND IM FUCKING WORKING 😭😭😭😭
#& i can't call off cuz the other host is out of town#kms#whatever man#cope and seethe....#i still wanna do smthing sweet & special for him tho on sunday :<#this week is j wack cuz he's training & once my coworker is back im gonna have more flexibility or whatever
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anyway yeah relevant to that post abt being deaf/hoh and ppl excluding u from conversation bc of it (even unintentionally), that's smth that's been really deeply bothering me lately bc there are a few ppl I routinely have to deal with who do it a lot and it Pisses Me The Fuck Off I've lost all patience w them. giving up and calling it ableism and walking out idc anymore 🚶♂️
#theres a guy at work whos incredibly annoying for it but tbh hes bad at his job in general anyway n everyones annoyed at him all the time#so at least i get some solidarity from my other coworkers (who are generally rly accommodating of my deafness)#i dunno how he hasnt got the memo ive explained im deaf so he needs to face me n make sure he has my attention n enunciate multiple times#but nope still not getting thru to him! so half the time if he starts mumbling i just pointedly ignore him until he either speaks more#clearly or goes away lmao#and same with a friend of a friend im sure hes a nice guy and everyone else seems to like him n hes in our main discord server so i cant#avoid him as easily and ive been so tolerant of it but hes worn thru my patience entirely and idc abt trying to be nice anymore#if he comes on call and starts mumbling and sidelining me from the conversation i just put him on mute im not dealing with that anymore#i dont fucking care if its petty and rude to do that. im tired of trying to understand him and dealing with how left out he makes me feel#i hope he picks up on the hostility n feels unwanted so maybe then he'll understand what its like for me and fix his behaviour 👍#bc i have no other way of communicating that with him anymore. since I CANT FUCKING HEAR HIM!!!!!#he also has a lot of other annoying behaviour which is fine but this is my limit its so disrespectful and outside of my control#make space for my disability or go away forever#not sure if we could even be friends if he did change now bc hes soured my impression of him so much by this point.#sad! well theres other guys#im glad everyone ive met at climbing so far has been pretty good abt it. really not that hard to do!#anyway rant over lol. at least the guy at work is only on a temp contract so only have to deal w him for a few more months#unfortunately since the rest of that group is friends w this other guy he'll prolly be around longer. but oh well lmao#just crossing my fingers he'll drift away n never open discord again so ill never have to deal w his shitty crackly mic mumbling#or maybe he'll stop fucking calling from whatever wind tunnel hes in and properly join in on our movie nights instead!!!!!#it is sad bc i think he has similar music taste to me. there are def some things we have in common that could form a basis for friendship#but hes gone n ruined it innit#aaaanyway oops started complaining again... the bitch grind never ends#im gonna shower n go back to elden ringing it.... fare thee well#.diaries
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how about if... i just... don't do my work.....
#ohhh right i was supposed to connect my phone! i totally forgot about that!! and i didn't read that par#of the email you sent me... just all other parts... and even though you told me to do it this tuesday and also last week i just forgot...#pls i'm so unmotivated#i speedran a lot of my work stuff but now it's like#my job computer has freaked out and i should go to the like it services help but i just can't be bothered#idk the guys working there are kinda sketchy (and they're probs on lunch break rn) plusssss i don't have a like access card (????) so like#if i leave the office i cant really get back in so i'll have to knock on the door and hope someone lets me in lol i just don't wanna#the only assignment i have left for the day is something i need the work computer to do but i just don't wanna talk to people to get help..#also none of my bosses or coworkers in my department are here... its just me and this one lady from the economy department so no one knows#she either listening to really loud music in her headphones or she doesn't even have headphones?? either way i can hear her music clearly 😶#also!! the n1 thing i should do but just cant is#im supposed to go to the front desk and like connect my phone to my boss's number so i get her calls because shes on holiday or whatever#but like... i still really really *really* can't talk on the phone#there's just no way im doing that#i just don't know how to fake like#sounds believable?#much more fun to rant in tags than to work 👍#and to think of how obsessed i am with lando norris#OMG PAUL F2 ANNOUNCEMENT RN AS IM TYPING AAAAAA#HELP
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part of my job is going on Instagram to see what questions autistic families have
and
I’m getting real sick and tired of “ABA is the perfect therapy which has never had an issue ever and also I will not vaccinate my children because obviously the autism is from vaccine injury”
or
“ABA is 100% abusive and has never benefitted anyone, also if you call your child nonverbal instead of nonspeaking you’re a terrible person, and support levels are ableist BS made up by neurotypicals”.
with very little in between.
I get that autism causes black and white thinking but please golly can there be some nuance on the little camera app.
#Tay don’t look#there are some good accounts#but gosh there’s a reason I prefer tumblr#because if someone lacks that nuance I can just block them and it’s not a breach of etiquette#whereas this is a business account and I’m supposed to be doing networking or whatever#so I have to be Very Careful to follow the etiquette rules if I choose to comment or interact#except the etiquette rules Make No Hecking Sense#every day I wish my old coworker would come back T-T she was good at Instagram#there is a reason I do not tell my boss my tumblr account bc she would probably ask me to use it for business#and that’s not happening#but gosh at least there’s some MSN/HSN autistics on here I can find#and follow#and learn from#haven’t found any on Instagram
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Okay I've been thinking about the lil cute therian fic I've been writing, and I think I know how I wanna end it and it's like. Very much self indulgent not really accurate to the mechanisms canon and way too cute but the thing is I can do whatever I want forever so I think Im gonna do it (I'm only like idk 1/3 done tho so don't get too excited fjdnfjndn)
#okay like im gonna spoil it in tags#this is my warning there will be nothing else in the tags#so basically in the fic youre a dog that got kidnapped by the mechs with a bunch of your coworkers#a heist just for fun and to kill some random people out of boredom#but you survive on the ship bc you hide#but then Tim finds you and at first jonny tells him to kill you like the rest#but tim is like. hold on. that person is not a human i dont think. i don't wanna kill an animal#and jonny is like this is stupid. but whatever. were gonna put it back on earth were not keeping it timothy#and thats pretty much all i have for now#but then you just kinda. hang around on the aurora while youre going back to earth and you meet a few of the other mechs#they all have different reactions to you but in the end everyone somewhat accepts that youre a dog#and i wasnt sure how to end it#one option was to just go back home and be done with this silly little adventure and go back to living a normal life as a person#but youre happy you finally met some people that accept you for what you are even if for a moment#the other option would be to stay on the ship kind of as a pet#but that felt a bit off to me because youre not a literal dog youre a human that is a dog yknow. and that feels a bit too. idk weird#but i think i got the solution#what if. you get mechanized#and your human body is replaced with an anthro dog. so you can still be a thinking person you were but with a body that makes sense#like kind of like a permanent fursuit but more metal#and yeah that doesnt make much sense in the mechs canon like thats too nice of them and ill have to think of a good reason for that#but wouldnt that be just. so cute#like thats honestly the dream#i love robots and i am a dog so. if i could get mechanized to be a steel furry id agree right away like not even think about it#kind of like in that one love robots and death episodes with the kitsune#that scene where she transforms into a robot fox is my favorite in the whole ep i think and it honestly gives me species euphoria#so yeah i think im gonna ignore canon for that one but and give the reader/mc a sweet happy ending#and now youre a doggy pirate in space surrounded by people who are okay with that!!! isnt that the best#therian#bee buzz
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#ok sorry rant tags ahead but i so so so so desperately need to leave this current job lmao#literally worked 6/7 days this week to cover for my coworker who quit on the spot bc nobody else could. so whatever#and a shift that i got covered for next week is suddenly being walked back on and now they're not allowing me to take it off. lol. lmao even#and like whatever it's just so i could go to an op card game locals tournament. but i have not been able to do anything fun for myself#in almost 2 weeks without seriously sacrificing sleep. and they took the shift dyas ago. why is it my responsibility to get it covered again#i'm not a full time employee!!!! i'm not a lead or a manager!!! i dont want to work this much!!!#i get this weekend off. yippee. and then i work another 7 days in a row by myself and i'm tired and like it's stupid#but i was looking forward to going to that tournament lmao#this job is so easy but when it's like this it's actually the worst ever#chen.txt
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