#what the hell i’m Emotional

[pulledpurplecurtains]

bechloe fic is DONE like omg i’ve written something AND finished it in the year of our lord 2023???

[lotus-pear]

i love you royal trio (minus akechi)

[thewhalelord]

“Oh, take me back to the start.”

[goodnight-whore]

That’s rude Levi

[crab-people-overlord]

The Parallel Between the South Park Episode’s Kenny Dies and the Book of Mormon Musical’s Song ‘Turn it Off’ - TW: grief and death

tw for death and the loss of loved ones (and also kinda for religious trauma? idk, my apologies. this got much darker than I intended lmfao)

As a kid who both grew up Mormon who served a mission AND as a lover of South Park… I find the BoM musical so fascinating. Unfortunately, I’ve never been able to see the play (though I have plans to one day), but am more than familiar with the soundtrack! Trust that I’ve got it all memorized.

I love all the SP songs M&T come up with, so obviously the BoM soundtrack is no exception. If you’re a SP fan who hasn’t looked into it, I highly recommend it - it’s VERY reminiscent of SP humor with clearly lots of thought and input from M&T, and the songs they have on the SP show. And vice versa, if you’re a BOM musical lover who doesn’t know much about South Park - I can’t recommend enough you check out the show. It has the same level of satire and an almost endless amount of satirical songs.

From what I’ve heard of the BoM soundtrack, it clearly has Matt and Trey written ALL OVER it lol. It’s clear they have close ties to the Mormon community, which makes sense given their location in Colorado growing up. And one of my favorite songs (along with Spooky Mormon Hell Dream of COURSE lol) is ‘Turn it Off’.

Imo, the two (the SP episode and BoM song) clearly have an intentional parallel, particularly when it comes to religious manipulation for what is the ‘correct’ way to grieve the loss of a loved one ‘should be’.

In ‘Kenny Dies’, you have Kenny actually dying for real and for good. Stan in the episode has a very hard time with it in juxtaposition to his friend Kyle, who has a more healthy psychological outlook of grieving and death even as just a kid. This isn’t to say there’s a more objectively good outlook to grieving or that Kyle had an easier time - anyone who has lost a close one too soon knows that there’s genuinely no fair and good way to grieve the loss of a close one. Which is exactly what this episode is trying to portray - that while Kyle’s more healthy way of letting loose his emotional grievances initially can seem like the more emotionally secure way to deal with things and probably is, that doesn’t mean that life makes it possible to do so.

Stan gets very avoidant in this episode, just as he does in many others. He is confused as to how a seemingly all-knowing and caring God would take away someone he loves so much and views as so wholesome and perfect. And his feelings are more than fair and relatable here. This causes Stan to avoid one of his best friends who really wants and needs him at the time as poor Kenny really needs him there at his side as one of his closest and most treasured friends, and it’s not fair to him that Stan avoids him. This hurts SO BAD and is one of the extremely rare times a show makes me tear up, because I think a lot of us who have lost someone so amazing and close can really relate to this feeling of not knowing how to be there when you’re so hurting indescribably bad yourself to the point you feel like you genuinely don’t know how to be there for your loved ones because you’re too fucked up.

In the SP episode, you have Kenny’s literal last words be, “Where is Stan?”

In the Book of Mormon Musical ‘Turn it Off’ song, you have the Elder Thomas’ sister with cancer’s last words be, ‘Where is my brother?” (him singing about himself being said-brother. But his reminiscing in this song VERY MUCH has to deal with Stan’s own feelings in ‘Kenny Dies’.) These two lines can’t be coincidence and show something personal in Trey and Matt’s personal life experiences.

I get that obviously M&T try to bring dark humor to both these parallels, but for me, while I can still find it funny - I get an overwhelming sense that it’s one of the rare times they are also trying to actually be deep here. In the ‘Kenny Dies’ episode, you have that conversation between Stan and Chef where Stan asks, “Why would God let Kenny die, Chef? Why? Kenny’s my… f-friend. Why can’t God take someone else’s f-friend?”

And this is a more than fair and realistic question for Stan to ask at 8 years old. Jesus, in my early 20’s, I’ve asked the same fucking question and it’s one of the fucking reasons I left the Mormon church in the first place. Chef responds by saying, “Stan… sometimes God takes those closest to us, because it makes him feel better about himself. He is a very vengeful God, Stan. He's all pissed off about something we did thousands of years ago. He just can't get over it, so he doesn't care who he takes. Children, puppies, it don't matter to him, so long as it makes us sad. Do you understand?”

This is clearly written by Trey who had lost someone he loved so very much pretty recently. And it fucking hurts every time to hear that line.

Stan responds, “But then, why does God give us anything to start with?”

To which Chef says, “Well, look at it this way: if you want to make a baby cry, first you give it a lollipop. Then you take it away. If you never give it a lollipop to begin with, then it would have nothin' to cry about. That's like God, who gives us life and love and help just so that he can tear it all away and make us cry, so he can drink the sweet milk of our tears. You see, it's our tears, Stan, that give God his great power.”

I think this is the turning point at which Stan becomes a bit more nihilistic and nonchalant about life. But it also doesn’t make that moment where he actually makes the extremely difficult effort to show up for Kenny even more devastating to learn that Kenny had already passed by that point.

Anyways, I honestly don’t know the point I was trying to make here lmfao. Because I don’t think there ever is a point to make about when you lose someone who should have never been lost, other than how you feel is fucking valid— and anyone who says otherwise likely has never had the displeasure of losing someone who a just God would never take in the first place.

And for what it’s worth… if there’s anything I’ve learned from losing loved ones far too fucking prematurely, whether that comes to the stupid fucking healthcare system not taking 21-year-olds seriously when you say they're having a stroke so they literally fucking die because it’s not taken seriously in time (sadly a true and personal story of my brother. I may make occasional dark jokes about this because I only know how to cope w dark jokes so if I ever do please laugh so I don’t cry lmfao) or your best friend killing themselves at age 20 (also sadly a real story), or anywhere in-between… just know that how you process that grief is FAIR and real and there’s no actual REAL moral way of grieving, and any one who says otherwise is SO MORALLY UP THEIR ASSES (not talking about Kyle here btw; I know Kyle suffers just as much in this episode. talking about people in real life who try to pressure to to get over grief a particular way.) You don’t have to be a ‘healthy’ griever like Kyle. It’s okay to be a selfish and angry and non-understanding one like Stan or Chef or Elder Thomas (and by extension, Trey) in The Book of Mormon with his sister.

And if something like “Where was Stan?” or “Where is my brother?” haunts you? Just know that you’re not alone.

Either way- please hug your loved ones closely for me today, even if you’re not much of a hugger like I’m not. I’m really struggling with the loss of a few close ones today (probably in an unhealthy way but can now understand that’s okay though I so wish I’d hugged those folks more), and I hope none of you take your loved ones for granted 💔

P.S. You know what makes this funnier? The Mormon church taught me to "turn off" my bisexual thoughts (word for word lmao; m&t clearly did their research with terminology lmao), and then life taught me you can't actually “turn off” grief or your own sexual attractions lmao. Plot twist: both those lessons of just ‘turning it off’ were bullshit! Turns out feelings are like Kenny – they keep coming back no matter how many times you try to kill them. And I love Kenny and am glad he always comes back… so maybe it’s time to accept that hard feelings can also be healthy to just feel.

So here's to feeling things, even when they suck. Here's to Stan's awkward avoidance, to Kyle's ‘healthier’ grieving (fucking show-off (said lovingly)- I love kyle and look up to him sm tbh), to Chef's cynical theology he teaches to Stan , and to every single one of us who's ever been haunted by a "where were you?"

[violentdelightshavevioletends]

Welp… I’m bawling like a baby… just read Chapter 36 of Fourth Wing… and I am not okay.

[sleazybag]

i love being sensitive and i love sensitive people <3

[loren91]

Been a while, so here’s a little screenshot study

[moreunknown]

i’m afraid empathy and in turn, guilt, will eat me alive

[xlcovo]

reblog if you were labeled “overly emotional” as a kid

[ociels]

his brother died and one of his first thoughts were that it should’ve been him instead because now people are going to be disappointed…

[happi-dreams]

Found more special spaceship content :D

[usedtobethelegendcreator]

25 reasons why I want Alastor to meet Yato

1. Murderers. Like. So many bodies. Wow.

2. Fake adoption of a blonde child vs real adoption of a blonde child

3. Daddy issues

4. Tragic backstory™

5. Both have a friend that gets followed by bad luck

6. Cheerful friend that believes they can be better

7. Genuinely silly

8. Are underestimated by those unfamiliar with The Lore

9. Have gremlin children of questionable emotional stability

10. Young on the inside but old as fuck

11. Nature vs nurture

12. Have a toxic rivalry with at least one old friend

13. At least one person has consistently tried to kill them over an extended period of time

14. Grow on people like a fungus

15. Have been described as creepy

16. Haven’t really been active active in a while

17. Don’t like kissing top dog ass

18. Would fight Lucifer, solely on principle, solo and together

19. People aren’t really sure whose side they’re on

20. CARMILLA VS BISHAMON FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

21. Can wear other things, but simply prefer their usual clothes

22. Have stalker-ish tendencies

23. At least one woman they would bitch-slap Heaven for

24. CHARLIE VS HIYORI TALK TALK TALK

25. Musical numbers

[wexhappyxfew]

thinking deeply about vivian ratcliff. grew up in fort collins, colorado with a good family, a good childhood, filled with many homemade dinners and pastries after meals and flowers in pretty, passed-through-generations vases. her family had a big farm that’s been there for hundreds of years through the ratcliff family and she spent many summers riding horses, tending to the cows, chickens, pigs and her ma’s honeybee farm. they make quite the profit. she’s kind and conscientious, aspiring teacher, and a happy-go-lucky, calm-cool-and-collected type of girl. she’s content with where she is in life. and she wants to do things, see new places, read and learn all there is. and then she meets boyfriend-turned-future-husband when her dad needs a handy-man and james pennington shows up. she attends the university of washington and completes a program for teaching but goes into the military after graduation because of an opportunity to shoot and fly - and, with a war on, she could kill two birds with one stone and see the world and do something for it at the same time. with her parents a little less than happy and her boyfriend shipping out to the navy, viv takes this in stride. heading to utah, she gets a gig on a plane as a turret gunner before being accepted into Silver Bullets under captain birdie faulkner, the first female pilot of the war for america. the crew builds up, the friendships form and Silver Bullets is the finest B-17 there is. she writes to james, she keeps up with her family and friends back home, she goes to the flying club, and takes early morning runs around base. she’s content. things are good.

then, captain faulkner is KIA. flying a regular bombing run - freak accident with the shrapnel flying through the air. killing her right in the midst of the sky. viv remembers how numbed and equally freaked out francis was - how’d she manage to land a plane and maintain composure? lieutenant annie bradshaw is the newest replacement and finds herself next as the newest pilot of Silver Bullets. viv thinks things are okay, things are looking up.

then, a letter comes in. james pennington is KIA. her world seems to shatter. everything seems to crack open and equally fall apart. she’s half in a spiral and half trying to keep it together in front of everyone else. no one should see her like this. she hardly wants to see herself like this. annie bradshaw and the rest of the crew seems to pull her through; most surprisingly, so does everett blakely. he was always more in the background, a handshake, a comforting pat on the shoulder, willing to check in and move on his way. an all-around gentleman. then, she starts to notice him. at breakfast, at dinners, before missions, after missions, glances through the interrogation tables, before bed when cigarette butts were stubbed out and last minute conversations were held. everett blakely was always there.

then, the Silver Bullets crew is split across half of europe. and yet again, with 40% of the crew MIA, viv is sent to operations and is suddenly stepping into a world where her hands are filled more with pencils and papers and maps then a gun. yet again - without annie bradshaw and francis montez, who became a pilot for a new B-17 crew with quite an annoying co-pilot, viv feels more alone than ever. until ev blakely is there. always there. again. they grow closer than they ever had - breakfast together, sometimes even lunch and dinner, cigarette breaks, sharing coffee breaks, finding moments to take a glance throughout the operations room. moments viv didn’t think much of. until she was heading out for the night and ev invited her to the flying club for a drink and a dance.

and then the war ended. and everyone went their separate ways. and reality hit. and it hit hard. james pennington’s funeral, the reality that the man she was going to marry is now dead, and her family, torn at the edges, crumbling. she’s hurt, filled with a grief she can’t untangle and is lost between what to do and what else there is left for her. until everett blakely starts writing. and doesn’t stop writing. writing the Silver Bullets girls were on thing, but writing ev blakely was different - in his words, his phrases, what he talked about.

they decide to meet, and everything comes flooding back. like the crash of high waves, just as fast, just as harshly. and she doesn’t feel herself turn away like she would. and suddenly, she doesn’t want him to leave. and for the first time in her life, he doesn’t. he stays.

[bishkebab]

SOPHIE HATTER. AUTISTIC SEND TWEET

[andtherestishistory13]

I CAN’T REMEMBER WHICH ONE OF Y’ALL CONVINCED ME TO WATCH FLEABAG BUT Y’ALL OWE ME MONEY FOR THERAPY!!