#Fourth Wing | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

annie-creates · 2 days ago

Text

Projections

Pairing: Bodhi Durran x reader

Genre: angst

Words: 2900

Note: Hopefully this is the good old kind of angst I'm good at, I almost cried myself writing this. Please be aware not every detail might be completely true to the canon source material.

Bodhi Durran swiped you off your feet, you didn’t even notice how. You had been friends for almost as long as you studied at Basgiath. He naturally gravitated towards you after threshing and since then you were an unbreakable duo. It was like knowing him your whole life, the way he always knew what to say to make you laugh or how to get on your nerves regarding the simplest things. But to Bodhi you weren’t just a friend, you were everything.

His advances started sometime during the Christmas of your first year at the college. By the New Year he wasn’t hiding his attachment from anyone. You didn’t even notice at first, it was normal for best friends to spend almost all their free time together, right? But his gaze lingered longer during the late-night study sessions, boring into you like he could reach your very core. His strong fingers rested on your waist in passing a minute too long, his touch clearly possessive to anyone else.

You’d be lying if you said you never thought about Bodhi in that way, but you were too scared to lose what you had if it were to not work out. Being friends was safe, familiar. Friendship you couldn’t fuck up. Relationship? Those were too damn complicated. But Bodhi saw. The way you chewed on your bottom lip when he fought without his shirt in challenges, the way you tried to avoid looking at his towel when coming fresh out of the shower.

“You’re the most ethereal person I have ever seen.” He whispered to you on the sundown of Reunification day, hidden in the tall towers of Basgiath, afraid to break the quiet spell between you.

“You’re too kind.” You rolled your eyes playfully, not leaving the grasp of his hands on your face.

“I’m only truthful.” He promised before finally kissing you.

The ground spun under you, gravity no longer tying you to earth. You hugged his waist, kissing him back with all the emotion you were too afraid to act on. Lucky for you Bodhi was courageous enough for the both of you. Before the next school year came, you two were an established thing everybody knew of. The two of you weren’t exactly capable of hiding your relationship, and you didn’t really want to either. Let the whole world know the loving Bodhi Durran was your man.

With the second year around the corner, you were faced with new challenges and classes, but you’d be lying if you said you weren’t equally excited. Xaden had graduated and you and Bodhi would have more time to spend together, away from his suspicious eyes. Honestly, Xaden Riorson scared you a little. You were happy to not live under his surveillance anymore. But the free time only existed in your theory.

Not only did you have new rounds of challenges, where you had to fight for your life, and the RSC training now. It seemed that any time you were able to take for yourself, Bodhi wasn’t there. You could count on one hand how many conversations you had with him in a week. For the first few times, you could understand. He surely had some leadership stuff to attend to. But weeks turned into months.

Any time he actually was there, and you dared to question what he had been doing, he only got defensive. You didn’t want to ruin your evenings, the little time you actually got with him, but the sudden change in the man who would have given anything to be glued to your side only mere weeks ago was evident and upsetting.

“What is it Bodhi? Where are you disappearing to all the time?” You practically begged him for answers.

“I’m just busy Y/n.” He retorts tiredly.

“Busy with what?” You pressed.

“None of your business!” Bodhi screamed, flooring you.

“Is there somebody else?” You whisper, almost too afraid to even ask.

“What, you think I’m a cheater? A traitor? Why do you keep questioning me!” And just like that you ruined the night once again for the both of you.

“I’m sorry…” Not even knowing what you’re really apologizing for you leave him alone.

You spent the night in your own bed, tossing and turning till dawn. You did not see Bodhi for the next three days. You tried to spend time with your other friends and your squad, but in the quiet empty evenings your mind still wondered to your boyfriend. And then he missed your birthday. You cried yourself to sleep that night, mentally drained and tired. You thought he’d remember the next time you met, but he didn’t. He talked to you like nothing was going on, and you just went with it, missing your usual enthusiasm, which he didn’t even notice.

“I feel like ho doesn’t listen to me anymore. Like he doesn’t even care.” You confess in Dain, your oldest friend in this place.

“Did you talk to him about it?” He offers, ever so helpful.

“I tried, but any time I say anything, he just gets angry and it leads nowhere.” You sigh.

After the first-year’s threshing, you noticed another girl, Sloane, who picked Bodhi’s friends’ interest. Violet told you she’s Liam’s sister, and considering how close Liam was to their squad, you could understand. But you didn’t miss that the time Bodhi did spend around was all now devoted to her. Training her, teaching her, all the things he would have done with you were now given to her and it’s like no one even noticed.

On yet another lonely night you decided to use for training in the gym, you bump into Xaden in the rotunda, he must have been on his regular visit to Violet. You’d know his commanding voice anywhere. The hushed conversation that flows makes you still, the unmistakable voice of your boyfriend accompanying him. So he had time to sneak around with his friends, yet couldn’t spare a minute for you? You can’t stop the pang of hurt and jealousy in your heart.

“Maybe you’d like to know we’re not alone anymore.” Xaden’s cutting words flow before you’re pushed forward by his cold shadows.

“Y/n.” Garrick, the last person in their group, states matter-of-factly.

“Are you sneaking up on us?” Bodhi questions you, arms folding over his chest.

“What? Why would I be sneaking up on you..? Are you meeting up like this more often?” Your brows furrow.

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” Xaden suspects you with a meaningful look to the other men.

“So that you can tell on us to your dear friend Dain?” Bodhi adds.

“Why would I do that?” You fold your arms over your chest, your own anger rising.

“Don’t think I didn’t notice how cozy you are with Aetos now.” A flash of jealousy flares through Bodhi’s eyes.

“No, you don’t get to do that.” You furiously shake your head. “Not when you’ve said more words to me tonight than you have in the past month!”

“I told you I’m busy.” He spits.

“With what!?” You finally let out your built-up irritation with him. “Or should I be asking with who? Don’t think I didn’t notice how you’re fussing over Sloane now!”

“I told you I’m no cheater!” Bodhi’s voice rises even more with frustration.

“Then who are you! Because I don’t even know you anymore!” You let the painful truth out.

“You don’t know me?” He laughs coldly. “Maybe because unlike you, I’m not a traitor who’s just been with someone to get information out of them.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Your voice shakes as the first tears drop down your face.

“You’ve been with me just to use me. So you and your precious leadership can know what the dirty marked kids are up to, haven’t you.” He states much too calmly for the weight of his accusation. “The constant questioning, how persistent you were. It all makes sense now.”

“I was asking because I’m your girlfriend! Of course I’m worried where you are!” It’s getting hard to see through the tears, so you furiously wipe them off your face.

“Well you won’t have to worry now.” He grounds you.

“I can’t believe you.” You shake your head. “You have talked to me less than ten times in the last month, and now you accuse me of… I don’t even know what exactly. Yet I’m not the one who hasn’t been around, I’m not the one who’s constantly too busy for you… I’m not the one who even missed your birthday.”

You whisper the last sentence and run away, unable to listen to him breaking up with you. What did you do to deserve this outburst? You couldn’t find a moment where you pressed him too much, or when you weren’t being supportive, even over a little apprehension. And this is what you get back? A boyfriend who accuses you of using him in the first real conversation you have with him in weeks? You wouldn’t be surprised if the whole college had heard your screaming match, but you couldn’t find the will to care.

The next few weeks fly by in a blur, challenges, flight lessons and RSC now successfully kicking your ass. You didn’t have time to mourn your relationship, you were so exhausted from training that you passed out the moment you hit your mattress every night. Before you can fully heal from the last round of torture training, you wake up on the hard cold ground of the forest in October, so far from the college you don’t even recognize the place.

Your squad is accompanied by one from second wing and two sets of infantry cadets, everyone confused by the location, time of day, or the drugs they had to give you to drag you here. Your squad leader is not here, but you always worked nicely as a group, so you’re not too worried. The clouds above you do seem unsound tho, you better get back into the safety of Basgiath’s walls before they fulfill their promise of a heavy storm.

“Welcome to land navigation exercise.” Professor Grady greets you. “We expect you to use your best skills to return to the college, and remember, no use of dragons is allowed.”

With that you’re left alone again to figure out your way back yourself. Which didn’t go quite that well. You were lost in five hours, camped out by the river overnight, got soaked on the next day by heavy rain and had to go back ten kilometers just to return on the right track. The towers of Basgiath appeared on the horizon by the end of day three, all of you exhaling in relief. You were about ready to devour any food you’d be able to find, wash the disgusting dirt off and pass out in the comfort of your bed.

You’ll never complain about the comfort of your room again, anything was better than the stone floors of caves and wet grounds of the forest. The courtyard of Basgiath is strangely quiet, but it may be because curfew is already in effect. But nobody could be too mad at you for wandering around when you just showed up after technically being lost for three days, right? Yet the eerie silence doesn’t sit right with you.

A dragon lands on the stone wall, more of them following right after, yours included. You all look around in confusion, and then all hell breaks loose. Understanding fills the eyes of your companions as your loyal dragons rely on all the information of the past few days. Xaden Riorson breaking into the college, Violet Sorrengail’s torture, the cadre of Navarre’s betrayal and the departure of everyone who wanted to fight the right war to Tyrrendor. Your head swims, filled with all the new information and you’re suddenly more than awake in your mind, even though your body is slow to follow.

Your group breaks into a short discussion, opinions coming from all sides. Some thought Riorson was a filthy traitor, some believed you should follow him into the unknown because he couldn’t have deceived the dragons. After an hour of pointless arguments, you decided to split. Most of the infantry decided to stay, but your full squad wanted to desert to Aretia. You weren’t Xaden’s biggest fan, but you trusted your dragon and they wanted to go. Plus you were honestly scared what the leadership would do to you for knowing such things they tried for centuries to hide.

The sun was already setting when you finally returned to the college, but by the time you mount your dragons the light is long gone. It must be close to midnight, as you fly over Navarre, too tired to hold yourself on your dragon properly. Land navigation did nothing to help your bruises from torture training heal, and now flying on the verge of your strength didn’t make it better.

You can sleep, loyal one. I will take care of you. Your dragon promises lovingly.

I don’t want you to bother. You yawn even in your mind.

It’s no bother, I’m very proud of you. They assure you as you feel them striping you to their back with strong magic, making sure you won’t fall off.

Even though the flight takes hours, the sleep on your dragon’s back doesn’t really provide you with a lot of rest. You arrive in Aretia about an hour after the sun is already up, a few familiar dragons accompanying you to the grounds of Riorson house led by Sgayel. The moment your feet touch the ground, your body is ready to give up, but you force yourself upright. At the door you’re greeted by a Tyrrendor’s official.

“I’m lieutenant Aisereigh, welcome to Aretia.” A man not too older than you smiles down on your battered group. “You must be coming from Basgiath. Welcome to the revolution.”

He gets you settled in student dorms, briefing you in on the schedule and rules of the place. He also reiterates the whole tale of Navarre hiding the existence of venin and how the majority of Basgiath War College relocated here. You finally get a shower, breakfast and a real sleep. After a week you finally feel like a person again, not completely drained and disgusting.

The next day you join the provisional classes, meeting up with your squad discussing all the changes and heading to lunch. In the hall though you’re met with the sight of Xaden and his full squad of followers, Garrick, Imogen and least of all Bodhi. For a moment you hope they didn’t notice you, but his eyes meet with yours and their conversation dies down constantly. Before you realize he’s hugging you, whispering pleads and praises to gods into your ear.

“Oh my god, I’m so glad you’re okay.” He breaths, crushing your bones in his iron grip.

“What the hell are you talking about.” You gather all your will power to push him away.

“What..?” He reluctantly steps away, disoriented by your cold treatment.

“Where the hell did you get the audacity to talk to me like that!” You let your anger fill you. “I spent three days fighting through the forest and when I finally come home, the whole college is gone!”

“We needed to save Violet, and then we…” But you’re having none of his excuses.

“You left me! You left me there!” You blame him.

“We had to get the students to Aretia.” Bodhi opposes.

“You didn’t think of me for a minute, did you.” Your accusations aren’t exactly false. “You didn’t even remember to give a damn about me.”

“Of course I cared about you.” He argues. “I wanted to look for you if you didn’t come here…”

“Yea? Don’t even get me started on that!” You push your finger into his chest. “How long has this been going on? Why did you never tell me!?”

“We had to keep it all a secret…” Bodhi defends.

“Were you planning another revolution this whole time?” His guilty look tells you enough. “You question my loyalty, you accuse me of spying, of not loving you… and in the meantime it was you! You were just using me!”

“No, Y/n please, I love you, you have to believe me.” He pleads, eyes filled with sorrow now.

“I see now that your accusations of treason were just projections of your own doing.” You force your tone back to uninterested calmness. “Gods, I love you, but I hate you so fucking much.”

“Honey don’t say that…” He tries to catch your sight again, his hand desperately grasping yours. “I can’t lose you.”

“You’ll get over it.” You step away from him, your eyes watering with tears. “Maybe Sloane can help you with that, since everything seems to be so much more important to you.”

You run away to join your squad, willing your tears to dry up. He wasn’t worth the hurt, you wouldn’t miss someone who constantly put you on the bottom of his priorities now. If he doesn’t care enough about you anymore, neither will you. You’ll ignore the breaking of your heart until only dust is left of it. You weren’t going to remind him to care about you, if this is the path he has chosen, you’ll let him walk on it. Sometimes loving someone isn’t enough.

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