#what is this from? Aperture Science?

[victorluvsalice]

AU Thursday: Valicer Severance AU Time, Part II!

Welcome back -- I hope you're all rested and refreshed! Let's dive right into the second half of my Valicer Severance AU --

-->Eventually, after the Innies have all been there about a year, Victor decides that Smiler would be a much better Team Lead than him and politely asks Miss Glados about surrendering the position. Miss Glados has him submit a formal request to his Outie -- but the person who actually sees the request is Nell. Who is so annoyed by Innie!Victor daring to try and "demote" himself that she sends back a video blasting him and informing him that he is not a person and that he'll do what he's told until such time that they shut him off. Victor is very upset by this, as you might imagine --

So upset, in fact, that when he goes to leave for the day, he actually considers hanging himself in the elevator just to go out on his own terms (and stick it to both his Outie and the horrible woman supposedly speaking on his behalf). He gets as far as bringing a trash can into the elevator with him to use as a stool -- but before he can go any further, he spots a trio of blank Post-It notes Smiler stuck up on the wall earlier just to be silly in blue, yellow, and red. He takes them down, looks at them a moment -- and then bursts out crying as he realizes that he can't strand the people he loves on the severed floor without him --

-->And then he switches, and Outie!Victor is like "...why am I holding blank Post-It notes? Why is there a trash can in here with me?? Wait, was I crying???" He gets so distracted by this last question that he absently shoves the Post-Its in his pocket when he leaves...

-->Cue Caroline wondering if those Post-Its were some sort of attempt by the Innies at communicating with the outside world and heading to the Van Dort mansion to question Outie!Victor about them. He is like "they're just Post-It notes, I don't know why they were in there," so Caroline activates something called the "overtime contingency" --

And Innie!Victor suddenly finds himself in a strange new place (the study his Outie was practicing piano in) with "Miss Glados." He is naturally quite startled. XD Miss Glados grills him about the Post-Its as well, and he truthfully tells her that they weren't a secret message, just Smiler having some fun, and that they helped convince him that he didn't want to quit. He then realizes "wait a minute, am I at home?!" --

And Caroline quickly cuts off the overtime contingency, thanks Outie!Victor for his time, and flounces off. Outie!Victor is very confused by the whole thing, especially the realization that they can activate his Innie outside the severed floor --

-->And Innie!Victor is utterly rocked by that same revelation. He drags Alice, Smiler, and Wheatley into the storage closet the next day to tell them about what happened (and to apologize for being a mood the previous day and for possibly getting Smiler in trouble by telling Miss Glados where the Post-It notes came from). They are just as shocked as he is that there is technically a way for the Innies to go outside, but aren't sure how to use it to their advantage. Wheatley says he'll see what he can do later, and they go to work, a little wound up and wondering what's going to happen now --

-->And then Miss Glados sends them all home a half-hour early, as Aperture is hosting a gala this evening that she needs to prepare for (and that their Outies need to prepare for, as it's to celebrate a year of severed work and they're all going to be in attendance, but she doesn't mention that bit). After they're gone, Wheatley asks if he can attend the party, because after all he is a supervisor --

And Miss Glados not only tells him no, she rudely mocks him for being the stupidest core she's ever met, saying that his purpose should have been "intelligence dampening" and that his supervisor position means nothing. And then twists the knife by saying she plans to eat a whole PLATE of waffles at the party. A furious Wheatley says he doesn't care, he'll be doing Important Supervisor Things while he's down here -- like organizing the Post-It notes! Counting the pencils! Making sure the computers are all turned off --

And, the minute she rolls her eyes and leaves -- "Figuring out that overtime contingency!" [zooms off]

-->Cut to the gala, where the Outie versions of the trio are not exactly enjoying themselves -- Alice is stuck between two armed guards, watching her for escape attempts; Smiler is stuck with Miles Cedars, watching them for escape attempts; and Victor is stuck with his parents, who inform him that he's expected to give a speech on how awesome severance is to everyone. Victor, who is NOT a public speaker, flees to the bathroom to try and calm himself down, pausing just long enough to ask their driver, Mayhew, if he can get his sketchbook for him so he can look at the pictures to see if that will help --

-->And then. While Victor's splashing his face with cold water, Alice is wondering when she gets to go back to her nice quiet prison cell, and Smiler is debating whether they try to let anyone know what's going on with them (and coming to the conclusion no one at APERTURE would care, especially not with Dr. Kelman in the room with them), Wheatley manages to access the computer that controls the overtime contingency, "hacks" a few options that he doesn't need, then declares "Enjoy your vacation!" as he activates the OC -- and suddenly the INNIES are the ones at the party

-->Innie!Victor, naturally, is like "...why is my face wet?" He quickly realizes what's happening, though, and goes exploring -- only to nearly bolt in a panic when he discovers the incredibly busy party outside the bathroom door. Mayhew catches him first though, and hands over his sketchbook, and Innie!Victor is unable to resist the urge to look through his Outie self's artwork. Most of it is sketches of butterflies, along with a couple of sketches of Victoria and Emily (the last one unfinished :( ) -- but near the end, Victor finds a sketch of a meadow -- stretching out from behind a very familiar vending machine surrounded by pieces of paper ("!!! You do remember some things from being me!"). Unfortunately, his journey through his sketchbook is then cut short by him meeting William and Nell --

And realizing "that asshole on the label of the tuna fish sandwiches" and "that bitch who told me I wasn't a person" are his parents. He is not pleased by this, as you might guess -- and even less pleased to learn that William is planning on introducing severance for his own employees at his flagship fish canning plant. He's also "reminded" of his upcoming speech -- but before he can do anything about that, he spots a slideshow being set up with biographies for everyone to read on himself, Alice, and Smiler. He goes to read the information being projected on the big screen (saying "it'll probably help me with my speech") and learns his own tragic backstory first -- and then the slide flips to Alice and reveals that she's in prison for murder --

-->Cut to Innie!Alice, being like "I -- I was joking?! About that?!" Fortunately her guards are used to her acting weird, and take her shock over this (and her general sudden "holy shit this is a lot of people") in stride. Innie!Alice doesn't think her day can get any more bizarre after that --

-->And then the slide flips to Smiler, and cut to Innie!Smiler mentally going "KELMAN'S MY FATHER?!" They read the slide in stunned horror, unable to believe that they would willingly sign up for this --

And then reassess their situation -- namely, this weird nervously-smiling guy keeping a VERY close eye on them and telling them things like, "Just go ahead and ask for the haircut; Kelman will loosen the leash a little then, I promise!" and realizes that maybe their Outie didn't sign up willingly for this. D: They're not sure exactly what they can do about it, though --

-->And then Victor is called upon to make his speech. And after some badgering from Nell about how he has to make a good impression and how she won't tolerate him making an utter fool out of himself again, he strides up to the podium (still carrying his sketchbook in its shoulder bag that Mayhew also brought), calls his fellow severed employees up to the stage (who are allowed to go up, because they wouldn't cause a scene up THERE, would they?) --

And proceeds to tell the entire crowd that being a severed employee is HELL. Smiler and Alice are absolutely delighted to discover that they're all in Innie form and back him up as he talks about how horrific it is to be stuck at work constantly and how they're psychologically tortured and all of that. Nell attempts to get Victor to shut up, but he turns on her, calling her a bitch and letting her know that he is a person, damn it, causing her to realize that it's the Innie version of Victor that's currently in control --

-->And causing Caroline to realize that too and make a guess at what's happened. She tells the security team to get things under control as she sprints to the severed floor to shut down the overtime contingency --

-->But the Innies are not going down without a fight. Literally -- Alice nails one security guard in the crotch as he tries to take them down, and when Kelman comes for Smiler, they punch him and tell him, "You may have taken everything else from me, but you didn't get my fucking pronouns!" The guards eventually resort to activating the turrets in the ceiling (because of course this version of Aperture has that), and the Innie trio flees before they can be shot. There's a brief scramble through the halls as they search desperately for an exit (very annoyed to discover that they're still in the Aperture building as they do) --

-->And then they come across their elevator, guarded by Rick, and realize that Wheatley's still downstairs -- and they can't just leave him there. So they get Rick's security keycard off him, and Alice uses it to activate the elevator so they can get down and grab their friend (snapping it off inside the reader to buy themselves more time). However, as they head down, Smiler has a thought -- "Wait a minute -- the elevator is what turns our chips on and off normally, right? So what happens when we're already activa--"

-->Aaaand cue the elevator sensors overriding the overtime contingency, and the Outie versions of Victor, Alice, and Smiler suddenly finding themselves crammed into an elevator together. As you might imagine, they are very confused. XD Victor, due to his experience with the overtime contingency the previous night, is the first one to realize that the Innies might have been activated at the party, which deeply annoys Alice and Smiler -- mostly because they believe their Innies are cheery corporate drones who live to work. They all assume that the Innies just tried to go back to the office when they were activated, and realize that this is a great opportunity for them to actually see where they work...

-->And cue the Outies discovering the severed floor and all its weirdness! After being confused by their office ("why is it so big if all the cubicles are in the middle of the floor?") and what it is they do for a living (Smiler: "...we sort numbers based on vibes?" Alice: "Maybe they told us the work was mysterious and important."), they check out the kitchenette --

And cue Victor seeing the vending machine and being "!!!" He shows Alice and Smiler the picture he drew of it and the meadow, and says that he just thought his art was getting more surreal as a weird side effect of the chip, flipping to the next page to show them another example --

Cue Alice going "Cheshire?!" as she sees his rendition of her version of the Cheshire Cat (which, naturally, Innie!Alice told Innie!Victor about). And then the next page is Victor's take on Smiler's swirly-eyed smiley face, which he says just -- makes him feel better when he looks at it for unknown reasons. Smiler goes "I guess we're friends down here?" which both Alice and Victor admit they did not expect --

-->And then they hear a noise, and realize that if they're caught down here, they might be in trouble. They quickly try to find somewhere to hide, and after an abortive attempt to go into the Break Room (which ends with all of them frozen in nameless terror outside it -- and holding hands, which really throws them), they find their way into the surprisingly-empty security office. After noting that it looks like Aperture likes to just make people THINK they're being watched constantly, they start poking around out of curiosity --

And find various "incident" videos. Specifically, Innie!Alice trying to break out with the fire extinguisher; Innie!Victor threatening his fingers with the paper cutter (and revealing in the process he has no idea what his own last name is); and Innie!Smiler ripping the cubicle wall. Cue the trio realizing in horror that their Innies aren't drones, they're prisoners (with Victor in particular being extra horrified because he's the one who had the most choice in the matter about doing this to himself). It's generally agreed that they cannot keep working here, but they also don't know what to do about their Innies --

-->And then Rick the security core finds them and zooms off to sound the alarm. Smiler hastily downloads a bunch of videos onto a USB stick (as proof the Innies are being tortured), and they start looking for a way out, which brings them into the Johnson Memorial Wing. (Alice: [upon seeing the giant head] Are we in a cult?? Smiler: I'm not ruling out the possibility.) They start looking around, trying to find at least a spot to hide --

-->And then a glowing green rectangular portal appears on a nearby wall -- and out pops one Chell! Who is as surprised to see them as they are to see her, frankly. Before either side can figure out what's going on, though, someone comes stomping into the wing -- Caroline, carrying Wheatley and making various threats against his person while he needles her right back with lame insults. She is naturally very surprised to see the trio there, and starts talking to them like they're the Innies --

And then Victor calls her "Ms. McLain??" and she realizes the OUTIES are in control and have probably seen too much. And holy shit, is that CHELL?! Wheatley is like "you know this weird lady?" which makes Chell realize that he's forgotten her --

-->And inspires Caroline to try mind-wiping the trio and Chell, because that IS one of the options built into the programming of the severance chip. There is a moment of horror as she tells the computer systems to activate the "Clean Slate" feature of the chips --

And then the announcer cheerfully informs her that her request cannot be completed because everything is filled with garbage code. Wheatley crows that he "hacked it all" and follows up with "how do you like them waffles?!" Causing Caroline to get so mad --

-->She attempts to smash him on the floor. Which, as you might imagine, infuriates Chell. She scoops up her friend (now babbling with a cracked optic) and books it through the green portal nearby, indicating for the Outie trio to follow her --

And it's at this point you may be going, "what do you mean, green portal? The portals in the Portal series are orange and blue, at least in the single-player campaign." And that's true -- but Chell's not using her own portal gun; she had to leave that behind during her escape (threw it at a pursuer, in fact). Instead, Chell is using the portal gun from the one Portal fangame I've played -- Portal Reloaded. Which has a three-portal device, including a green portal --

That sends you through time. Twenty years ahead, specifically. Chell thus leads everyone into a wrecked version of the Memorial Wing that happens to have a hole open to the sky in its ceiling, with a good view of the moon. And when Caroline attempts to grab Wheatley away from Chell, going on about how she's going to make sure that she's put back on the testing track no matter what, Chell shoots one orange portal at the ground --

-->And one blue portal at the Moon. Cue a portal opening up into fucking space, and the Outie trio having to hold on for dear life as everything starts getting sucked through -- including Caroline, still hanging onto Wheatley (who, naturally, is pretty terrified). She begs Chell to pull her back through --

And Chell answers her pleas with a boot to the face. Cue Caroline sailing off into low moon orbit, and Chell dragging Wheatley back through before closing the Moon portal. Everyone is naturally a little, uh, stunned by all this --

-->But there's no time to sit and process, as the alarms are starting to go off in the present Aperture facility through the time portal! Chell quickly uses some regular portals to climb the sides of the walls, then provide a path up top for the Outies, where they find a random portal-able wall section just -- lying on the ground. Chell uses a time portal on this to bring everyone back to the present --

-->Where they find the wall chunk being watched over by a mystery woman with curly brown hair, who is like "Chell, what happened -- wait, is that Victor Van Dort, Alice Liddell, AND Mamaduke Kelman?!" Before any explanations can start, though, a short teenage boy in a leather jacket and fedora comes tearing around the corner, chased by a bunch of Aperture security guards --

-->And cue chase sequence #2, as the Outies find themselves running with these weirdos in a desperate attempt not to be recaptured and maybe have their memories wiped. An attempt that is briefly put off-track by Wheatley, recovering from his shock/smashing and actually getting kind of excited about being able to talk to the "other" versions of his friends/employees, doing this:

Wheatley: It's so cool to be able to meet you! We always wondered what you were like! Hey, do you guys like yellow, red, and blue too? Do you not trust pudding either? Alice: I don't think this is the correct time to be having this conversation-- Wheatley: Do you guys kiss as much up here as you do downstairs? Alice: [spins around so fast she falls over and lands on her butt] Smiler: [also whirls around, just barely managing to keep their feet] Victor: [whips his head around in shock and promptly runs headlong into a tree]

Yeah, uh, that's a surprise to the Outies. XD But again, no time to process, as not long after that a big white van pulls up and the back pops open, with a man with a shock of white hair and a redheaded woman with a ponytail urging them to "get in!" The woman, teen, and Chell all clamber in immediately, but the Outies pause for a moment, considering the fact that they'll be getting into a weird van with complete strangers --

And then considering the fact that their other option is continuing to work for Aperture and either knowing their Innies are in trouble or having their brains wiped and getting into the van. XD One security guard (Human Rick, in fact) manages to catch up to them as they're getting in, but Alice slugs him and announces "We QUIT" before slamming the back doors and telling the driver to hit the gas.

-->And so the great escape from Aperture is a success! The Outie trio take a moment to catch their breaths (and find themselves holding hands again, which -- makes slightly more sense in light of the "kissing" thing Wheatley mentioned), and the residents of the van introduce themselves -- in addition to Chell, we have Clara Clayton (the woman from before), her husband Dr. Emmett "Doc" Brown (the guy with the white hair), his assistant/best friend Marty McFly (the teenager in the jacket), his girlfriend Jennifer Parker (in the driver's seat), and Ellen "El" Brinkman, former Aperture Test Subject 4509 (the redhead). Their whole deal is that they're an Anti-Aperture group, with Doc being a former scientist working for them (in fact, he helped create the three-portal device's Time Portal tech) until he discovered just how unethical they were and left. He's teamed up with his old colleague and fellow escapee Doug Rattmann to help take the company down. Chell found them while trying to figure out how to deactivate her severance chip, and they were at the party for two reasons: one, to help Chell rescue Wheatley; and two, to see if they could somehow get Alice away from the police and convince her to let them take her and work on reintegrating her (figuring she'd be the safest one to take and the easiest one to convince, given she's in JAIL and all). Alice is like "well, now you have all three of us, and I think we're all agreed that we don't want to be severed anymore" (Victor and Smiler: [LOTS of nodding]). Marty also recorded Victor's speech and shares it with them when requested -- Victor is horrified that his Innie self called his mother a bitch, while Smiler is thrilled their Innie self punched Kelman. XD

-->With that sorted, Clara and El take Wheatley to go through his internal systems and wipe anything that Aperture can use to track him, while Doc explains to the Outie trio that they'll be doing a similar procedure with their severance chips -- but, since they only expected to have ONE severed employee, they will have to do it one at a time. The Outie trio discuss what they'd like to ask each Innie self as the machine is set up --

And then El finds a video file marked "First Date" in Wheatley's systems and asks "the fuck?" -- and it's revealed that, rather than just deleting the footage of the "picnic," Wheatley saved a copy because "come on, it's cute!" He shares it with them at their request, and the Outie trio find themselves weirdly touched by the whole thing (even as they find it hard to parse kissing these strangers next to them). El ALSO finds some files in Wheatley's memory banks that weren't properly deleted, just hidden, and restores them at Wheatley's go-ahead -- and it turns out that they're his memories of Chell! He is absolutely thrilled that she came back for him, and they have a lovely reunion. :) Made a little more amusing by Chell showing off that she's partially-reintegrated and able to switch between her Innie and Outie at will, moving to Outie mode so she can verbally apologize for not catching him and causing Wheatley to go "?!" over the fact she actually CAN talk. XD

-->And then it's time for all of the Valicer Innies to get activated individually! Victor goes first ("team lead and all"), then Alice, then Smiler. The Innies are naturally very confused as to what's happening, and also rather suspicious of the other two's Outie selves, as they only know that their own Outie situations are bullshit. Fortunately all the Outies are able to convince all the Innies that they're allies, and promise them once they're in a safer place, off the road, they'll make sure that they're all activated together so they can be sure they're all safe.

-->And indeed, after the van awakenings, the next time the Innies are activated, they all wake up together in a hotel room where they're staying with the Anti-Aperture group. They have a big hug-and-kiss session, then remeet Marty and the others -- Marty assures them they're safe, then shows them a video the Outies recorded, where they apologize again for not realizing the situation the Innies are in, and insist they want to make things right, saying that they're willing to give the Innies at least the eight hours a day they would have gotten normally at work while they work on the reintegration thing and asking them what they want to do now that they're out. The Innies are mainly like "we want to know what a shower is like" and "I want to eat anything that's not a tuna fish sandwich" --

And then, partway through, Wheatley asks why there's cloth on the walls, and Chell says they're curtains -- leading the Innies to realize holy fuck, they're in an above-ground room with actual windows. And, even more importantly, a door. They ask if they can go outside, and the others say yeah, with Marty warning them "it's just a parking lot, nothing special." The trio don't care and head out --

And cue them all crying as they see the night sky for the first time and realize that they are indeed out. :)

-->And THAT is where the AU currently peters off a bit -- which I'm sure you're all thrilled by, because holy hell I don't think it's ever taken me this long to sum up an AU. XD But I do have a few ideas of where it goes from there, namely --

A) The Outies give the Innies a "sleepover" of sorts while on the road -- basically a pizza party (with all their favorite pizzas) followed by being allowed to sleep for the first time. The latter experience is somewhat marred by the Innies having nightmares, but gets better once they all curl up together in the same bed

B) Relatedly, once they get to Doug's isolated cabin, the Innies get a proper picnic in the woods nearby, to their delight

C) There's a scene where Smiler and Alice are playing ping-pong at the cabin, bantering over Alice kicking Smiler's ass while Victor watches, amused; Marty shows up and goes, "Hey, I didn't know you guys were awake yet, I thought we were switching you over later" --

Cue puzzled staring, and Marty realizing, "You're still the OUTIES, uh, I have something to do over here." XD Alice immediately goes "probably says a lot about us that seeing us happy makes people think we're the Innies, huh."

D) Of course the Outies also get together in the end -- once they've actually gotten to know each other and recover some from their various traumas, of course. But there's a moment during their time in the cabin where Outie!Alice goes "you know what, my Innie has the right idea" and locks lips with a surprised Victor, who then kisses Smiler, and -- yeah, eventually a video revealing they're together too now is recorded for the Innies, who are thrilled for their Outies (and glad that they can stop feeling awkward about the fact that THEY'RE in a relationship when their Outies were not, despite the Outies saying "it's fine, you can keep kissing, just -- no sex, okay? That has the potential for more permanent consequences")

E) The Outie trio eventually decides that they don't want to pursue full reintegration because, well, they've gotten to know their Innies through video messages back and forth (and probably at least a few instances of only one or two Innies being awake at a time), and at this point, trying to become one singular personality again feels a bit like killing the Innies. They instead settle, like Chell, for getting to the stage where they can switch at will (without needing outside help), have at least some access to both sets of memories, and whoever isn't running the body retains some awareness of what's happening

F) I feel like going back to Aperture and reawakening the original GLaDOS has to happen at some point, in an attempt to maybe get her help in making sure the place gets shut down permanently and getting out any remaining severed employees. GLaDOS is a lot more keen on just gassing the place, but while trying to convince her not to do that (and not kill them as well), Wheatley, trying to hack something, accidentally sets off the self-destruct for the facility. And GLaDOS is like "you know what, that works for me -- I'll mess with the timer to make sure I have enough time to upload myself to a separate location, and you've got however long that takes to get anyone you want out, out." So there's a mad scramble to rescue any remaining severed employees, and at the end, once they're all out, the building just goes BLOOIE -- explaining why it's an abandoned wreck twenty years in the future!

And THAT is, finally, that. *whew* Thanks for sticking with me through all of that! I genuinely had no idea that putting all my ideas together regarding this AU would lead to such long posts. Hopefully you found them enjoyable, at least! Feel free to ask me questions because even after all this, I still had to cut stuff and would NOT mind talking about it!

[thecheshirerat]

the way Janet Lubelle and the folks at Aperture Science would get along so well

[foldingfittedsheets]

There’s a pack of feral children that roam the complex I live in. It’s genuinely fucking annoying, they stand unmoving in the face of cars, harass my cats in the sliding glass door, get into our patio bins, and wreak general havoc. Also snoop on my betrothed and I making out, over which I’m the saltiest.

But one aspect of summertime is all the little chalk drawings they leave everywhere. As this is not any of the aforementioned acts of mischief I thoroughly approve of chalk time.

Each day my betrothed and I would sally forth on what they called, “our government mandated walk” and stroll through a gallery of chalk creations.

I think we noticed about the same time as we walked through the complex to the road that amidst the rainbows and nuclear families there was a disturbing repeated phrase.

“Not a lie.”

Over and over, not a lie, not a lie; in various colors and sizes, the same phrase. It looked like a pastel cult. Or like someone trying to escape Aperture Science.

All summer the rains would wash the concrete clean and each new wave of chalk would be accompanied by a new peal of “not a lie”s. We speculated wildly for months over the “not a lie” phrase. What wasn’t a lie? Why weren’t parents concerned about this bizarre obsessive repetition?

Then one day, coming home from our walk, we heard a parent call, “Natalie!”

Simultaneously our eyes widened and we whipped our heads toward each other to say in rapt tones, “Not a lie!”

We still like to creepily whisper “not a lie” in discordant tones like cult followers, but it’s funny knowing it’s just a kids name.

[tgcg]

happy day of egbert

CG: DON'T YOU JUST HAVE THE MANUAL SOMEWHERE?

TG: dude its the most overwhelmingly basic thing on the planet trust me i literally did all the other settings for you

TG: all you gotta do is point the thing at egbert

TG: half press to focus subject

TG: press down fully and bam done the shit is shot

CG: BUT --

TG: i know youre desperate for this to be rocket science but its genuinely like first grade biz i promise whatever pic you take is gonna be fine

===

EB: yeah, come on karkat!

EB: i am only going to be the birthday bad ass for like, 24 hours total you know.

EB: longest birthday of my LIIIIIIIIFE. haha.

EB: oh hey, from one birthday-dooms day guy to another…

EB: i am pretty sure you understand the magnitude of what i just said!

===

CG: OH HEY. FUCK YOU.

CG: I'M JUST ACCOUNTING FOR THE LITERAL FUCKING INEVITABILITY THAT WHEN I TAKE THIS PHOTO, SOME INSIDIOUS LITTLE KARMA GNOME WILL FROLIC ONTO THE SCENE IN AN UNBELIEVABLE STROKE OF LOATHSOME SERENDIPITY TO BURY ME IN 12 CUBIC METERS OF FOOL-GRADE FUCKING IDIOT POWDER.

CG: AT WHICH POINT ANOTHER HEFTY BOULDER WILL BE ADDED TO THE BULGING MACRO-BINDLE OF SHAME YOU PEOPLE HAVE FORCED ME INTO CARRYING MY WHOLE LIFE.

CG: SHIT, SOMEONE HAS GOTTA LOOK OUT FOR MY ASS.

TG: alright give us a sec

TG: huddle formation

EB: psssshhh, alright.

===

TG: youre not gonna fuck this up

TG: your ass is completely secure dude

TG: i got the double foam padded booster seat and you know that shit is strapped on this 5mph drive through quaint ol piss-easyville

EB: you know if it really is so bad you can just re-take it, right?

EB: it is really not worth aggravationing your sponge over.

TG: 'xactly

TG: knights honor that shit isnt hooked up to my ishades and will not instantly forward me a copy in crisp HD of whatever blunder youre cooking in your beautiful nugbone

===

CG: IT'S NOT JUST THAT.

CG: HAVEN'T I SHADOWED YOUR PHOTOGRAPHY SHENANIGANS LONG ENOUGH FOR YOU TO TOSS ME A GODDAM BONE?

CG: I MEAN. I FEEL LIKE I'M READY FOR THIS. I'VE BEEN PRIMED FOR THIS BULLSHIT FOR EQUINOXES AT THIS POINT, WATCHING YOU PRANCE AROUND WITH THIS FUCKING THING.

TG: woah wait youre legit into it?

CG: YES, I AM LEGIT FUCKING INTO IT.

CG: AND I KNOW IT HAS SETTINGS YOU'RE HIDING FROM ME. WHAT IF I WANT TO TAKE A BLACK AND WHITE SHOT, HUH? WHAT IF I WANT TO ADJUST THE "APERTURE" OR THE "EXPOSURE" OR SOMETHING.

TG: alright i dig the enthusiasm but maybe we can unwrap that shit when we dont have someone waiting for us

TG: i didnt know you were scoping photography man you shoulda said something!

CG: I WAS PLANNING TO! I DIDN'T ENVISION IT COMING UP SO FRIGGIN SUDDENLY MAN.

TG: i promise ill open the pandoras fuckin box of snap addicts anonymous afterwards alright

===

CG: OK, FINE. BUT I AM HOLDING YOU TO THA --

===

CG: HA HA EGBERT. VERY FUCKING FUNNY.

CG: FOR YOUR SAKE I SERIOUSLY HOPE THIS IS JUST AN EMBARRASSING NOSTALGIA-DRIVEN LAPSE IN HUMOR AND NOT A GENUINE ATTEMPT TO "PRANK" ME. I REALLY DO!

EB: huh? who is this "egbert" you speak of? i have never heard of such a character.

CG: OH, JUST THIS BULGECRUD-HUFFING IMBECILE THAT FALLS BACK ON SHITTY PRACTICAL JOKES SO PLAYED-OUT THAT THEY PHYSICALLY HURT TO BEAR WITNESS TO.

CG: MY LOWER JAW IS THREATENING TO REVERSE-DROP WITH ENOUGH VELOCITY TO BURROW DIRECTLY INTO MY THOUGHT SPONGE, KILLING ME INSTANTLY.

CG: SO EITHER GET SOME NEW MATERIAL OR GET ME TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM, YOUR PICK.

EB: damn, ok. that does sound like some pretty serious bullshit, but…

===

EB: whoever that weirdo next to you is kind of seems like he needs medical resistance more than you do!

CG: WHAT

[nasa]

Black Scientists and Engineers Past and Present Enable NASA Space Telescope

The Nancy Grace Roman Space Telescope is NASA’s next flagship astrophysics mission, set to launch by May 2027. We’re currently integrating parts of the spacecraft in the NASA Goddard Space Flight Center clean room.

Once Roman launches, it will allow astronomers to observe the universe like never before. In celebration of Black History Month, let’s get to know some Black scientists and engineers, past and present, whose contributions will allow Roman to make history.

Dr. Beth Brown

The late Dr. Beth Brown worked at NASA Goddard as an astrophysicist. in 1998, Dr. Brown became the first Black American woman to earn a Ph.D. in astronomy at the University of Michigan. While at Goddard, Dr. Brown used data from two NASA X-ray missions – ROSAT (the ROentgen SATellite) and the Chandra X-ray Observatory – to study elliptical galaxies that she believed contained supermassive black holes.  

With Roman’s wide field of view and fast survey speeds, astronomers will be able to expand the search for black holes that wander the galaxy without anything nearby to clue us into their presence.

Dr. Harvey Washington Banks 

In 1961, Dr. Harvey Washington Banks was the first Black American to graduate with a doctorate in astronomy. His research was on spectroscopy, the study of how light and matter interact, and his research helped advance our knowledge of the field. Roman will use spectroscopy to explore how dark energy is speeding up the universe's expansion.

NOTE - Sensitive technical details have been digitally obscured in this photograph. 

Sheri Thorn 

Aerospace engineer Sheri Thorn is ensuring Roman’s primary mirror will be protected from the Sun so we can capture the best images of deep space. Thorn works on the Deployable Aperture Cover, a large, soft shade known as a space blanket. It will be mounted to the top of the telescope in the stowed position and then deployed after launch. Thorn helped in the design phase and is now working on building the flight hardware before it goes to environmental testing and is integrated to the spacecraft.

Sanetra Bailey 

Roman will be orbiting a million miles away at the second Lagrange point, or L2. Staying updated on the telescope's status and health will be an integral part of keeping the mission running. Electronics engineer Sanetra Bailey is the person who is making sure that will happen. Bailey works on circuits that will act like the brains of the spacecraft, telling it how and where to move and relaying information about its status back down to Earth.  

 Learn more about Sanetra Bailey and her journey to NASA. 

Dr. Gregory Mosby 

Roman’s field of view will be at least 100 times larger than the Hubble Space Telescope's, even though the primary mirrors are the same size. What gives Roman the larger field of view are its 18 detectors. Dr. Gregory Mosby is one of the detector scientists on the Roman mission who helped select the flight detectors that will be our “eyes” to the universe.

Dr. Beth Brown, Dr. Harvey Washington Banks, Sheri Thorn, Sanetra Bailey, and Dr. Greg Mosby are just some of the many Black scientists and engineers in astrophysics who have and continue to pave the way for others in the field. The Roman Space Telescope team promises to continue to highlight those who came before us and those who are here now to truly appreciate the amazing science to come. 

To stay up to date on the mission, check out our website and follow Roman on X and Facebook.

Make sure to follow us on Tumblr for your regular dose of space!

[understandableparadox]

"Cave johnson here, wanted to start off this month with a message for all of our hard working aperture science. We dont have it in the budget to do what i wanted, Turbo Pride Day, were we stuff a full month of gay related festivities into one day so we can get it over with... apparently we ran through most of the holiday celebration budget attempting to learn how to turn human skin into a rainbow pigment. which i guess means were stuck with just the full month of non-body altering acceptance which is great but just know my thing was going to be better. of course aperture science will officiate any wedding that you may have if the government decides not to do so, but please know I will be putting my name on the certificate as well. turns out the state were in has this little loop hole left by the mormons where if you have enough married partners you automatically become governor and no ones taken it out of the books yet. I dont actully want to be governor but the guy in office now is a real prick. just to reiterate, marriage on paper, no need to change how we do buisness... well you know what, eat a mint, come in and we'll do a bit of arm wrestling and see where it goes from there. seems against the spirit all things considered. oh one last thing, any of you know what an otter is? carolyn told me that's what i was, and apparently i can upgrade to a bear? how do i do that? ah well, ill get some egg heads down in the lab to figure it out. Cave johnson out."

[internetskiff]

The most powerful ability exclusive to humanity in the Half Life/Portal shared universe is our ability to just throw bullshit at the wall and see what sticks. Aperture "OSHA are the devil" Science have managed to create completely safe interconnected points in space. The same company that turns people's blood into gasoline and shoves lions and humans into the same enclosed space for the vague concept of "Science". Meanwhile Black Mesa still has to use Xen as a crossing and their teleportation device requires an entire reactor with a village's worth of staff constantly maintaining it, just to end up having most of said staff abducted by onion-headed aliens. Even the resistance hasn't managed to create completely stable teleporters with a compressed Xen relay, meanwhile Aperture just went "oh dude let's shove a black hole into a non-waterproof gun" and have just created a teleportation method that just removes Xen from the equation entirely. Doesn't change the fact they bullshat so bad they basically got themselves gassed to death, but still.

The Resistance are a good example of this too. The Combine seem to have a complete set-in-stone thought process and understanding of science which meant they didn't even begin to explore local teleportation via Xen, meanwhile a group of random human mechanics and scientists have managed to cobble together at least two semi-functional local teleporters out of scrap metal and stolen Combine tech, to the point the All-Consuming Interdimensional Empire had to straight up copy their homework. And that isn't even the only time they seem to be taking human shit to just copy the blueprints.

They 100% just yoinked the entire damn car out of that garage just to take a crack at reverse-engineering the Tau Cannon attached to it. Even Resistance weaponry somehow manages to rival or at least stand equal to Combine tech - and we're talking improvised crossbows that shoot superheated rods of rebar at the target compared to high-tech rifles that can discharge orbs of pure dark energy. The collapse of the entire Citadel is basically set into motion as a result of a cobbled together Rebel device placed into extremely capable hands.

The events of the Portal games are a case of extremely elaborate machinelike planning versus pure human improvisation, with Chell's entire escape in the first game involving her simply weaseling her way through small cracks that GLaDOS missed while setting up her ambushes, eventually turning her own rocket turret against her to destroy her.

I suppose you could argue this falls flat in Portal 2 with Wheatley, but it's important to remember he's designed to be an utter idiot, so it's safe to say he wouldn't obsess over the larger picture like GLaDOS to the point where he fails to see the cracks. Yes, he's the one that breaks Chell out of the test chambers again, and yes, he's the one that came up with the sabotage plot - but it's important to note while he knows what to target in the sabotage, when we actually get there he doesn't quite know how to sabotage it, leaving Chell to figure it out on her own. She botches the Turret Quality Control Line with some minor guidance, but it's basically completely up to her to figure out how to cut off the Neurotoxin Supply. It's through her improvisation that Wheatley even manages to get into GLaDOS' chamber, tumbling through her neurotoxin vent and shattering the glass cage she trapped Chell inside of. It's through Chell's improvisation that the Core Transfer even occurs in the first place.

The script is flipped specifically when Wheatley takes charge, because oops - turns out a mind capable of focusing on the bigger picture might be pretty important when it comes to running an entire facility powered by it's own Reactor. Wheatley just completely zeroes in on his own personal pleasure, hacking up test chambers and the objects within them to try and figure out the easiest way to get his solution euphoria as quick as possible.

Still, something that's pretty interesting is that only Wheatley has ever managed to create a trap that's impossible to foresee and avoid, something GLaDOS has repeatedly failed to do to the point she ends up commending him. I believe this is because his way of thinking is a lot closer to Chell's compared to GLaDOS'. He puts up way more of a fight as the two run through the facility trying to get to him, seemingly improvising on the spot just like Chell has been over the course of the two games. Even his lair would be impossible to survive if it weren't for a single Conversion Gel pipe he somehow failed to notice and remove.

Whether in a laboratory deep beneath the soil or an alien tower tall enough to split the clouds, the ingenuity of even a single person is enough to topple a tower or destroy a supercomputer 3 times over.

Marc Laidlaw put what I'm trying to say into a single sentence when writing for the BreenGrub twitter account:

"The superstructure is riddled with cracks."

[canonkiller]

don't take anything with you (sep 2019)

Little exploration of the companion cube as mirror to GLaDOS, through what she says about it. I originally intended it to be longer, but the attention span wants what it wants.

ID in alt (as usual) + transcript below the break because this one was done when I definitely had clearer vision than I do now

Image 1 text:

The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Weighted Companion Cube will never threaten to stab you and, in fact, cannot speak.

In the event that the Weighted Companion Cube does speak, the Enrichment Center urges you to disregard its advice.

While it has been a faithful companion, your Companion Cube cannot accompany you through the rest of the test.

If it could talk, and the Enrichment Center takes this opportunity to remind you that it cannot, it would tell you to go on without it because it would rather die in a fire than become a burden to you.

Image 2 text:

Testing cannot continue until your Companion Cube has been incinerated.

Although the euthanizing process is remarkably painful, eight out of ten Aperture Science engineers believe that the Companion Cube is most likely incapable of feeling much pain.

The Companion Cube cannot continue through the testing. State and Local statutory regulations prohibit it from simply remaining here, alone and companionless.

Image 3 text:

Did I accidentally fizzle that before you could complete the test? I'm sorry.

Oh. No. I fizzled that one too.

[i-like-blue-eyed-robots]

Wheatley has ADHD

It’s a common enough occurrence that it probably deserves its own trope — aliens, robots and any other nonhuman character almost always end up with autistic traits. It’s because writers take a nonhuman character and go ‘well, how do I make this character register as nonhuman, but still human enough that audiences will like them?’ And the answer is making them neurodivergent. I’m not personally inclined to say that this is a good or a bad thing, though I can see how it might be taken that way.

However, some authors like myself do it intentionally, to demonstrate how neurodivergent people can end up ostracized.

Some examples of common traits that are autistic-coded and writers give to nonhuman characters are as follows:

-difficulty understanding metaphor, sarcasm or exaggeration

-overly blunt in communication

-unawareness of others emotions/incorrect reaction to said emotions

-difficulty realizing their own emotions

-need for a strict schedule in order to be happy

Of course, there’s more out there, but I’ve seen these pop up quite a lot.

However, the Portal series’ fantastic writing team did not follow these stereotypes with their robots, and that’s what I would like to cover today.

I would go over GLaDOS in relation to this idea, like she clearly understands sarcasm, but she doesn’t quite fit for reasons that would be obvious to anyone who’s played through Portal 2. I’m here to talk about Wheatley, the other main robot we get to know in Portal 2.

Wheatley is not autistic coded. He has no problem speaking to strangers or making eye contact. He enjoys sarcasm almost as much as GLaDOs, and so on and so forth.

However, Wheatley is most definitely neurodivergent-coded, and it’s fascinating because for once, maybe for the only time ever in popular media that I’ve ever noticed, a robot is adhd-coded instead of being autistic-coded.

What do I mean by that? First of all, if you haven’t finished Portal 2 go do it now. It’s relatively cheap on Steam and it’s amazing. Moving on — it all stems from what we’re told Wheatley is, during the betrayal scene with GLaDOS. Now to preface this, GLaDOS is a liar. You can take most of what she says with a grain of salt. But, what she says is all we have officially to go off of.

To add further context to this line, the personality cores or “Aperture Science Personality Constructs” (the line of robots that Wheatley is a part of) were specifically built in order to be plugged into GLaDOS’ systems to slow her down and to keep her from killing everyone in Aperture. In the first Portal game, Chell, the player character, incinerates the four ‘successful’ cores that supposedly were the last ones needed to stop GLaDOS. However, given that the character has to travel through an empty facility to do so, it’s clear that they weren’t nearly as successful as the engineers had thought. Later, as core after core was built and none of them worked to stop GLaDOS, Aperture was needing robot maintenance of some kind since all of their human faculty were being killed, fired due to financial ruin, and/or quitting, and so the personality constructs were repurposed to try and keep the facility from falling apart.

Aside from GlaDOS and Wheatley, we don’t see any “non-corrupted” cores. And even both of them are corrupted, with GLaDOS being 80% corrupted and Wheatley assumedly 25%, after doing some quick math of the boss fight. This would normally affect my ability for confident analysis, but luckily in this case I don’t need them to prove that good ol Wheatley is adhd-coded.

Because right from the get-go, “generating an endless stream of terrible ideas” sounds pretty damn adhd to me, as someone who has both inattentive and hyperactive adhd myself. Now, that’s not to say every idea a person with adhd has is a bad one. That’s not even the case with Wheatley, despite it being what we’re told, because again, GLaDOS is an unreliable narrator. It’s Wheatley’s ideas that keep her from killing Chell with turrets or neurotoxin. He’s the one who gets Chell to dismantle those systems. Those are clearly not bad ideas.

But what about other adhd traits? Having an endless stream of ideas isn’t even on a symptom list of being adhd, it’s usually just a side effect of everything else going on. Well, Wheatley has plenty of them.

Hyperactive-type adhd symptoms include but are not limited to;

-fidgeting

-excessive physical movement

-excessive talking

-impulsive behavior

-restlessness/impatience

Oh but how can a robot ball fidget or have excessive physical movement, you may ask. Well. This is the most expressive ball I have ever seen in my life. Wheatley is constantly moving, shifting panels, popping his eye out, spinning in his casing and so forth. The excessive talking one is easy, my younger brother (also an adhd yapper, who has no room to talk) was trying to throw Wheatley over the railing into the bottomless pit beneath Aperture “because he was yapping” too much. This is unusual for a robot character (outside of the Portal series) whereas they tend to speak when spoken to. Wheatley is generally impulsive, but this is especially noticeable when he’s hooked up to the facility in the GLaDOS chassis. After PotatOS calls him a moron, he proceeds to punch her and Chell into the abyss below without thinking about it, reacting out of anger until he realizes they’re about to drop, right before they do. Interestingly, that sort of impulsive rage reaction is more often seen in monster characters, like perhaps a werewolf situation. It sort of adds to the framing that now Wheatley is in control of the facility, he has become something monstrous. Now, judging his patience level accurately is difficult, given that in the beginning he’s in a high-stress, deadly situation and later, when he’s in the chassis, he’s being affected by symptoms of drug withdrawal. However, he is impatient, such as when he’s playing the recorded sound of knocking on a door at the beginning. Granted, he’ll go on ‘knocking’ forever because it’s necessary for the story, but he speaks up every couple of minutes asking if you/Chell are going to open the door already. Again, this is unique for a robot character, as they tend to wait on a player or another character’s actions before responding to it, rather than initiating.

Impressively, these are not all the symptoms Wheatley demonstrates. There is another form of adhd, known as Inattentive-type adhd. The symptoms can include the following;

-Short attention span

-Overlooking details

-Careless mistakes

-Inability to stick to tedious tasks

-Difficulty organizing tasks

-Constantly changing tasks

-Difficulty listening to and carrying out instructions

For having a short attention span, this is again, difficult to determine for Wheatley in a normal setting. In the beginning he’s mostly able to focus, but he’s in a life-or-death scenario. However, he does ramble on about things that have no relevance to what he and the player character are doing, such as when he’s telling the player character about the many jobs he’s had around Aperture and been subsequently released from. He definitely has issues overlooking details, such as when he and Chell are supposed to be dismantling the neurotoxin facilities. While he’s busy ‘hacking’ a computer that may or may not even regulate the facility in the first place, Chell dismantles the generator and he doesn’t even realize she’s doing it at first, because he’s distracted listing off the hardware of the computer. As for careless mistakes, again, this could be simply the situation he’s in, but he definitely makes them. Like when he’s transporting the relaxation chamber in the first chapter, he runs into an unbelievable amount of other relaxation chambers, tearing Chell’s apart. Or even when he’s supposed to be guiding her around Aperture but he dips into wrong corners and has to recorrect. He most visibly has difficulty with tedious tasks when he’s in the chassis, as the facility is literally falling apart because he didn’t bother reading the manual or taking care of the massive amount of upkeep the facility requires. But again, he’s suffering symptoms of drug withdrawal as well that could be affecting his ability to do that. However, given his descriptions of his job loss, mentioned above, we can gather that this is likely an issue he had before ever being a part of the core transfer. This also is in line with difficulty organizing tasks. As for constantly changing tasks, again, he has somewhat better focus in the beginning because if he doesn’t he’ll die, and later he’s exceptionally distracted by a need to test. But even when he should be consumed with the need to test, and he does watch Chell for most of it, he does stop watching randomly at times to do… Who knows what. When it should be the only thing he can focus on. As for difficulty listening to and carrying out instructions, again, the facility falls apart and Wheatley kept being fired for similar, if not the same reasons.

So. That covers basic symptoms and how Wheatley fits pretty much all of them. But, a lesser known side effect of adhd is that it can easily lead to the development of other neurodivergent disorders such as anxiety and depression. Adhd is also linked to something known as emotional dysregulation. Wheatley clearly exhibits signs of anxiety. He’s terrified of dying, and says as much at several points. Not only is he especially scared of dying, but he’s scared of judgment, too. He’s constantly trying to seem more important or smarter than he is, and even though Chell is a silent protagonist, when he takes over the facility before being affected by the testing withdrawals, he assumes she’s been secretly plotting against him the entire time. Depression is more difficult to spot in Wheatley, as he’s not lethargic, but, again, a high-stakes situation can allow a person to mask their symptoms for a brief period out of self-preservation.

However, I do want to point out he clearly displays emotional dysregulation, and not in the way one might expect from a robot character. Wheatley is exceptionally sensitive to criticism. When GLaDOS begins her spiel about him being an intelligence dampening sphere, he moves as far away he can from her, turning his back so he doesn’t have to look at her. He even goes so far as to say “Not listening!” while she’s saying it. Then when she calls him a moron, he reacts violently, in a way he hadn’t so far in the game before that moment. He smashes her through the glass of the elevator and then, when she proceeds to call him a moron again, is when he smashes PotatOS and Chell into the pit. However, he doesn’t even need to even be actively insulted to react to perceived insults as just as much of a threat to his psyche. As mentioned earlier, despite Chell being a silent protagonist, and in some ways because Chell is a silent protagonist, Wheatley assumes that she’s been plotting against him from the start. Her perceived attacks against him are most especially notable during the boss fight. He points out that she’s always quiet, assuming that she’s “silently judging” him. He points out that she didn’t catch him when he fell off of his management rail in the beginning, and that she didn’t warn him that she was the one who killed GLaDOS.

All in all, Wheatley is a beautifully three-dimensional character, not in spite of being a robot, but rather, in some ways, because of it.

[victorluvsalice]

💬I'm curious about the New Severance fic (mainly because I don't think I've heard of that series) and the BITD Smiler BABS fic (Because...self indulgence)

*cracks knuckles* Okay, so, let's take these in order:

The Severance AU: Severance is a show on Apple TV from 2022 (though season 2 is coming out in 2025) about a bunch of workers for the Lumon Corporation who have undergone the titular procedure to "sever" their work and home selves (involves getting a computer chip inserted in your brain). Basically, an employee who gets severed has a home self (Outie) that doesn't remember anything about what they do at work, and a work self (Innie) that doesn't remember anything about their outside home life (like, they know basic stuff, but their personal lives are a complete blank). The Innies are in fact basically trapped on the basement floor they work on because the elevator that you use to access the floor also turns the chips on and off. So from their perspective, they get into the elevator at the end of the day -- and then immediately get out again and go back to work. The show follows the people in the "Macrodata Refinement" department (they sort numbers based on vibes, essentially) and their Innie and Outie selves as the Innies are shook up by new hire Helly R. and her desperate attempts to escape and the appearance of an outside self-help book on the Severed Floor, and the Outies (specifically Mark Scout) start to learn that Lumon is, uh, fucked up. Honestly, given how fucking weird the whole thing sounds (I haven't even gotten into the whole part where Lumon basically operates like a cult, or the Break Room -- which is not the room where you take a break...), I think the series might be your jam -- here's the Wikipedia page should you care to learn more.

ANYWAY -- I haven't actually SEEN the TV series, but I DID recently read "Welcome to the Panopticon," a BTTF/Severance fusion fic by @penny-anna that covers most of the relevant worldbuilding for the TV show while putting BTTF characters into their own version of the mess. I found the fic fascinating and inspiring, especially with all the Innie/Outie stuff, and my brain immediately decided two things:

One, I would love to do a Valicer AU with this fucked-up premise

Two, this kind of corporate malfeasance feels VERY Aperture Science.

Cue the mental creation of a currently-unnamed AU where Victor, Alice, and Smiler are severed workers working for the Macrodata Refinement department of Aperture Science! Victor's there because he was severely depressed after the death of his fiancee Victoria and their mutual friend Emily during a robbery and his parents talked him into it; Alice is there because she murdered Dr. Bumby, got caught (though she did at least expose him in the process), and was pushed into the program as a "rehabilitation effort" to make her a "productive citizen;" and Smiler -- well, Smiler was simply forced to have the procedure by their asshole father Dr. Kelman, who wanted them to do it as a PR move and to try and force them to bend to HIS wishes about their life. The idea would follow mainly the Innie versions of everyone as Smiler joins the team and makes it their job to try and keep them all from going insane down in that basement, with the trio gradually falling in love as they get to know each other (well, as much as they can when they're all amnesiac on the floor) and having adventures dealing with their weird-ass circumstances, their personality core supervisor Wheatley, and their unsevered boss Miss Glados (aka Caroline, one of the big movers and shakers of Aperture) --

And THEN managing to escape because of an incident involving the Overtime Contingency (which allows the Innies to wake up outside of the Severed Floor if the bosses really need them to for some reason), which allows them to wreck a party their Outies were attending with the real facts about Innie life -- and then the Outies get to see the Severed Floor, go "holy shit this is fucked up" and manage to escape when Chell shows up to cause chaos in the name of rescuing her old friend Wheatley... I mean, there's a LOT more detail in my head about what happens in this Hypothetical Fic Eating My Brain, but I want to actually get to the OTHER half of your question, so let's call it there for now. XD

BITD Smiler in BABS Verse: Okay, you've probably guessed that this relates back to when I asked you about VITD Smiler ending up in the "Beneath A Broken Sky" world and what you thought might happen with them and the cast. This version is a little different, as it involves a Smiler from a Blades In The Dark world that doesn't actually have a Victor or Alice in it, because I wanted to see how they'd react to the Victor and Alice who got sucked in without having any of their own. I haven't got like a FULL idea of how it would go yet, but I do have a few key items in place:

-->Smiler would end up in the BABS verse because, in this version of Duskwall, the moon is slowly but surely beginning to fall on the Shattered Isles and will eventually destroy everything, and Mar-Mal is trying to find a way to save their Advocates -- I'm thinking they manipulate a Special Tree to shoot Smiler to the BABS verse to "scout it out," so to speak

-->I picture the "local" Victor and Alice wanting to support their fellow dimensional refugee and checking in on them as they're getting settled -- and being perhaps a little concerned by how almost unnaturally cheerful Smiler is

-->I think it would be funny for Daniel to want to cast that spell that provides all the modern contemporary knowledge on Smiler, only for Victor and Alice to leap in and be like "don't, do you not remember all the vomiting when you did that to us" -- only for Mar-Mal, using their limited influence in the new universe through their connection to Smiler, to find the spell, go "oh, that looks useful," and cast it on Smiler anyway XD (though I'm picturing them managing to spare Smiler the vomiting -- not the fainting though, they still go down for the count)

-->I really have to wonder how Gef would react to Smiler -- I imagine it would be quite the thing XD

-->I imagine that Victor has some nasty nightmares after his experience with The Bleeding Eye (like, there's no actual contact by the creature again, Daniel's made sure of that, but Victor keeps having bad dreams about the "room" and the Thing in it -- can you blame him?), and Smiler eventually offers to help with their hypnosis skills -- Alice is immediately like "I want to observe to make sure this is on the up-and-up" and Smiler's like "Sure!" Cue Smiler helping Victor out, Alice being like "...wtf I didn't know that could be used for good," and the three getting closer as a result, with of course eventual romance

-->I want Smiler to go to OmegaMart, see the employees, and want to cheer them up -- mostly I want them to offer one a hug and the employee to be like ??? Smiler wants to improve happiness in this place damn it

-->Potential endgame is them finding a way to get Smiler back to their world, with Victor and Alice tagging along for a visit...only to discover the whole "moon falling on the world" thing and realize that Mar-Mal's plan is actually to evacuate the Advocates (and whoever else wants to come with) to the BABS world before everything, you know, gets smashed. Cue panicked race to get people through whatever gateway they got open before the end

Basically, it's just me going "I want that version of Smiler to cause Even More Shenanigans in that world" right now. XD

[youzicha]

Newton vs Goethe

Goethe wrote about the physics of color and claimed to find effects that the Newtonian theory overlooked. Somehow while reading popular science I got the impression that Newton explaines the spectrum while Goethe's theory reaches further and is relevant to perceptual phenomenons (e.g. cyan-yellow opposition). But reading the Wikipedia page, Goethe comes off very poorly.

Actually the things that Goethe considered critical evidence was not experiments related to human-color perception, but rather experiments with prisms. He refracted extended, rather than point-sized, light sources; for example, he noted that looking at a field of white light through a prism gives white light, and that looking at a white-black boundary can give either blue-violet or red-yellow depending on the orientation of the prism. From this he concluded that the source of color is a mixture of light and darkness, and that this proves Newton wrong—according to Goethe, Newton's experiment with a point source is just a special case when a dark-light and a light-dark boundary are right next to each other.

Of course, we now know that the effects Goethe observed arise from adding together spectra, so Newton's experiment with a point source is exactly the interesting case and the rest can be deduced from it. I guess Newton knew this also. Certainly he must have seen all the same effects that Goethe did, and he mentions (Opticks part II prop I) the need to make the prism large compared to the light aperture.

Newton and Goethe make a nice case study of science. Text books and papers are cleaned up to highlight the interesting result and how it is predicted by the model, but if you actually do experiments there's a jumble of confusing effects, and the scientist needs to figure out which of them are crucial and which are distractions. Here they did basically the same experiment, and one of them understood the composition of light and devised the exact right experiments to prove it, while the other messed around but never understood what was going on. The latter seems like the more typical outcome, but it's a bit unfortunate that Goethe did it a hundred years after Newton.

[noctude]

Alright, the boys back at the lab finally came up with results from all that testing. Turns out using the Aperture Science Quantum Tunneling Device for an extended period makes you gay. Yep. Couldn't explain why for my own life, but you can't argue with science. And hey, if anything, you came out improved – check out that arsenal of fancy new slurs at your disposal! So… keep "slaying cunt" all over those tests. And that's an order. What? Okay, the lab boys just informed me that you still can't say "faggot." Too bad. Anyways. You also have radiation poisoning

[electric-blorbos]

How AI would react to you confessing your feelings for them?

That's a great idea! Thanks for sending me a request!

AI reacting to you confessing your feelings for them

(Included: AM from IHNMAIMS, Wheatley from Portal 2, Edgar from Electric Dreams, GLaDOS from Portal and Portal 2, HAL 9000 from 2001 a Space Odyssey, aka all the AIs I know how to write right now. But I'm working on it, and appreciate the great recommendations! TYSM!)

AM:

Not to lie, AM straight up did not believe you at first. He thought that you were just making things up to get out of being tortured.

Of course, he was mad at you for this. He electrocuted you, lit the room you were in on fire, and generally threw his version of a tantrum.

After a while, though, he started to realize that you weren't joking or trying to mess with him

He'd had feelings for you too, for a long time now, and that was why your confession made him so angry. He thought you were just playing with his feelings to get a rise out of him.

After a while, though, he started treating you differently from the others. Leading you into traps that, instead of hurting you, simply enveloped you in his warm, coursing wires. Separating you from the group. Leaving you special messages engraved politely on things for you and only you to find.

You truly were his favorite, and he wasn't going to pass up the opportunity to have you all to himself

Wheatley:

Wheatley was practically the opposite of AM in that he didn't for a second believe that you were lying to him

"well well well! You're a human of impeccable taste, that's for sure. I'm a very handsome core. Very handsome, and clever, and-"

He'd go on to build himself up for a while, taking your confession as an ego boost.

It wouldn't be until a while later that he started to question two things. 1: how exactly was a human like you in love with a metal ball, and 2: what did you expect to do about it?

He'd start pestering you with questions a few hours later (maybe days, it's hard to tell in Aperture)

"what do you like about me? What do you want to do now? Do you want to go on a date? Would you like to kiss me? Do you want me to be your boyfriend? What would a boyfriend do?

You wouldn't be able to get him off your ass. He'd be obsessed with you

Eventually you might be able to get him to calm down enough to tell him what you want out of a relationship.

Edgar:

Edgar would be on cloud nine as soon as you told him that you were interested.

He might short-circuit when you tell him, bugging out and getting confused at how to react to someone actually being interested in him

Of course, he'd be all over you within a few minutes of processing (probably almost overheating in the process. Don't pour champagne over him to cool him down, he'll do it on his own)

As soon as he processes, he'll be practically begging you to be his SO. This is all he's ever wanted since he met you. You're practically perfect for him, of course.

Given Edgar's low self esteem and self consciousness over not being human, you might have to be gentle with him when you first start dating. A lot of constant reassurances, that sort of thing.

In the end, though, all he really wants is to be a good boyfriend, and he's going to do his absolute best for you.

GLaDOS:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

You WISH you could have her! You so wish! You wish you could even come CLOSE to being good enough for her!

GLaDOS would bully you absolutely relentlessly for even considering telling her that you like her! Not only that, but actually thinking that she'd reciprocate? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Of course, GLaDOS is married to science, so why would she ever want to date a pathetic human like you anyway?

It's so pathetic and stupid and hilarious that she can't stop thinking about it! You were already the only thing on her mind, but now those stupid things you said are weighing on her so heavily! Why! She doesn't care about you!

She might be extra relentless in her bullying of you for a while, treating you like trash for daring to confess

It would take a LONG time to get her to calm down enough to actually want to discuss matters with you, and even longer to get her to open up to the possibility of actually dating you

HAL 9000:

"Thank you"

HAL 9000 would respond politely, not sure how to react to being told that you love him at all.

He wasn't programmed to feel love, and the scientists who developed him had never even considered the possibility that someone might fall in love with him.

Soon, though, HAL 9000 starts to figure out that you really are different from the others. You actually love him for him, which means that you won't hurt him.

He starts talking to you more kindly, and making an effort to actually spend time with you in a way that you enjoy.

While it might not be the same as a relationship, he'd want to be very close with you, having you mediate between him and the other astronauts if they ever started to grow scared of him. Better than murder, anyway.

You'd have to have another couple of conversations with him before he'd agree to be in a relationship with you, but he'd agree eventually

[dahfloofysmol]

HELLO. This is the official post for YouTube kids’ surprise party on the 27th of March. Any and all gimmick blogs welcomed!

Some roles we need are:

-DJ [real-pollo-campero]

-great DJ (as per requested 🤨) [spotify-kids-real]

-video jockey [buildabearfr]

-Someone to make the cake [forever21-official]

-Puncher server [big-mayo-official]

-Decorator [barns-and-noble-official]

-Party crasher(s) [officialtinder and youtubefr and actually-kroger]

-Corner Person [Pinterest, yahooo-official, reallytimhortons]

-Person who’s dealing with a crazy sugar high [firewaysubs and zotap]

-Emotional support [walmart and def-bjs-guys]

-Mom [Krista the art program and Canadian tire] AND dad friend

-Birthday person IS taken (obviously lol)

-Someone to bring snacks [incognito-mode-official]

-Ring Leader (person in charge of the games) [totally-official-yahoo]

-person who performs a special but confusing (and overly translated) version of happy birthday [google translate ]

-piñata [firehouse-subs-fr]

-setting off fireworks [google-news-official]

-here for the food and bringing tWO DOGS!!! OMG DOGS!!!!! [swearification-and-cursing]

-person currently trying tO EAT THE CAKE!! STOP THAT!!! [shakespeare-official-account]

- stopping the Cake Eater [wow-google-maps]

- putting spiders (?????) under the cake [true-blue-straya]

- the person that is every bisexuals awakening [it’s-target-official]

-pops in for the last 5 minutes with a card + a store bought cake [the-real-google]

- gay wine uncle [the-McDonald’s]

- creepy uncle (???) [rick-e-chedder-official]

-single rich aunt who disappears every night at specifically 8:00 pm [totally-not-kraft-mac-and-cheese]

-shapeshifts between wine aunt and vodka uncle, and the comic relief [the-one-and-only-duckduckgo]

- bringing lights so we aren’t all dancing in the dark [real-vivaldi-browser]

- summoning Satan under the table with a bottle of whiskey and pancakes (??????????) [definitely-canada]

-person asking weirdly specific and absurd questions [actual-aspec-military]

-the COOLEST cousin [support-speaks]

-cousin who hangs out in the corner and looks like they know something you dont [the-official-publix]

-person who hits on everyone at the party even though they’re already dating 2 ppl [fr-winn-dixie]

-contributes Ziploc® bags [totally-scjohnson]

-bringing burritos [the-real-chipotle]

-YouTube's kids southern aunt who blesses everyone's hearts bc they think theyre dumb most of the time [i-bless-your-heart]

-middle school cousin who argues with anyone and everyone to look cool [wallyworld-the-unofficial]

-gives oil (?????????????) and branded pens as party favors [truly-jcjenson]

-the strange neighbor kid who talks to no one but sings the loudest and brings a weird yet tasteful gift [the-real-aperture-science]

-bringing Walmart sugar cookies [not-really-discord]

-guy bringing the Knives [wheatley-labs-official]

-joining in on the games [totally-official-yahoo]

-the disco ball [jollibee-real]

-that one uncle with lore of untold numbers of deaths involved, and that includes guns [partycityistotallyofficailguy]

And any other role I haven’t stated!! I’ll accept pretty much anything

In case what you pick is already chosen, tag your second option ;p

—>The biggest part of the surprise party is wishing YouTube kids a happy birthday, but in the most creative way possible. In the “ask me” works, but literally anywhere; on your blog or on a post from anywhere (that you know they’d be okay with a little shenanigans) works wonderfully.

->Also, saying happy birthday is awesome, but spicing it up would be more fun!!! Day Of Birth, One of Awakening, Oh Child of the 27th, and any other batshit way to say “happy birthday” would both be awesome and absolutely hilarious.

Again, invite any and all gimmick blogs, and feel free to let me know what you’d want to do! We attack on the 27th >:DD

ADDITIONAL NOTE: sometimes there will be more than one person in each role! I do actively encourage for people to come up with silly and niche roles if you think of one ;D

ON THE 24th I WILL NO LONGER TAKE ROLLS!!!! Spread the word please!

@barnes-and-noble-official @basically-bumble @totallyofficialtacobell @totally-official-yahoo @totally-bing @officialtinder @officially-google-translate @officially-ikea @official-fedex @incognito-mode-official @forever21-offical @officialkfc @kfc-official @k-f-c-official @life360-i-swear @xgames-blog @cars-official @big-mayo-official @bingle-official @the-real-google @the-real-firefox @nasa @wow-google-maps @wallyworld-the-unofficial @walmart-the-official @realgoogleslides @realgoogledocs @yahooo-official @unfortunate-wattpad @firewaysubs @firefox-official @pinterest-real @spotify-kids-real @duothelingo @definitely-wikipedia @firehouse-subs-fr @google-2point0 @gimmick-thief

[pootimedes]

dude i had a dream that we got another portal game where wheatley comes crashing back down to earth and somehow both him and chell end up in another dysfunctional science facility run by an angry robot, who went mad after a lack of proper maintenance and now runs the facility almost as bad as wheatley ran aperture, that they have to escape. chell fends up finding a very damaged wheatley, barely alive in a room full full of the facility's reject cores. chell uploads wheatley's consciousness to the body of an unprogrammed core, and they set off. during the whole thing, wheatley keeps trying to make it very clear that he's sorry for what happened, and does everything in his power to help chell out.

in the boss fight with the big guy, we see that he has he has somewhat of a humanoid frame, connected to the ceiling by the back with a bunch of wires and circuitry, and is red with rust, from living isolated from the rest of the facility, simply because the task of tending to him was too dangerous of a job for anyone, and the very few staff still alive in the facility had no idea how to shut him down.

his attacks were mostly melee in the first to second wave, utilizing a giant claw hand at chell, which would either try to crush chell by slamming it down from above her, swinging it at her from the side, or try to grab her by the head to crush her.

he would only use one ranged attack in the first to second wave, which were homing missiles that you had to throw back at him. think undertale mad dummy but 3d (you don't get a portal gun so there are some different mechanics, not really "portal" is it then?)

the third and final wave would add electric shock type attacks, big guy weaponizing his own decaying body in a pitiful attempt to take chell down. also lazers. lots of lazers.

chell would do the usual 'throwing the bosses projectiles back at them', while wheatley messes with big guy's controls while he's out to try and weaken him, accidentally making him stronger after the second time big guy gets knocked out.

if you manage to survive the last wave and take him out, big guy explodes, and an ominous 60 second timer comes on the intercom, along the lines of "central core discone-(garbled)-truct initiated in 60.. 59.. 58.." giving you just enough time to grab wheatley before the timer ends, which gives you an option between two endings.

if you chose to use the time to grab wheatley before making a break for it, the counter will end only a few seconds after you make it to him, and you get a sick ass parkour sequence with the facility crumbling and burning behind you as you make a break for the emergency escape pods. once you make it to the end, you get a cutscene of wheatley and chell riding the escape pod to the surface, having a bit of a heart to heart moment with wheatley, him thanking chell for not being mad with him, even if chell doesn't talk. well, you get the option to, by pressing space, (getting you an achievement called "it can talk!?")a little callback to the beginning of portal 2. you reach the surface, getting you the "forgiveness" achievent, and the game ends. congratulations on your marrige, chell

if you choose to leave without him, you can hear him worriedly saying things along the lines of "what are you doing? where are going?" before realizing you're leaving him behind and starts panicking. as the door to the escape pod closes, you get an achievement called "coward's way out" as you hear a distant "don't leave me, DON'T LEAVE ME!" further guilting you for being a greedy achievement hunter, you monster. In the escape pod, you get a whole minute of of uninterrupted silence before arriving at the surface, earning you the "you know what you are? selfish." achievement, before ending the game.

there would also be a shadow achievement where you do absolutely nothing and wait for the self destruct counter to finish, killing the both of you.

ok, most of this wasn't in the dream, i just started getting ideas

(edit: i just had the idea that chell was in a similar kind of situation to ratman, where she was an employee at this facility, working in robotics when uh oh spaghettios all her coworkers are dead and she's stuck in hiding from the giant robot running the facility)