#what is next for me i dont know but i do know no matter what ill be ok even if this month was a shit ton to deal w mentally

[danyasblogsblog]

MY LIVING LEGEND KEEGAN RUSS

warnings : SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, death, grief, gunshots, sad ending, SOO angsty, probably more

- after y/n’s best friend, ajax’s death, they havent been the same. in the end, all they want is to die. until they dont want too.

based off the lana del rey song, living legend

a/n: magpie is your codename!! finallyyyy im doing a gender neutral reader!! hope u guys enjoy. sorry if it all moves too fast. im not very used to writing long fics.

‘tangos. next building.’

the afternoon horizon glistened as gunshots reverberated through the air. the burgundy hats worn by federation soldiers fell off as they dropped to their knees, crimson blood rippling out of their chests. you held your sniper scope up to your eye, holding your gun in a white knuckle grip. as soon as you spotted one of those maroon hats, your trigger went off. the gunshot was loud, but your headgear stopped the sound from blowing out your eardrums. you watched as the solider fell backwards, blood pooling out of his bullet wound. a sigh escaped your mouth as you pulled the scope away from your face, holding it against your chest.

‘nice shot kid, almost getting better than me.’ keegan’s voice was like an angel call from behind you, and his calloused hand went to grip your shoulder. ‘almost? wow, could you be more narcissistic?’ you chuckled.

‘just watch and learn.’

you stared as keegan removed his firm grip on your shoulder and pulled out his gun from his back. he brought it close to his face, and his hands lingered over the trigger. of course, you thought to yourself, safety is already off. his eyes scanned the nearby buildings for federation soldiers, and within a matter of seconds, he spotted one. pulling the trigger, the man was dead on impact. the death rattle shook his body, as a pool of blood circled itself around him.

‘thats how its done, kid.’

keegan looked down at you, waiting for your approval. ‘wow, mr living legend. that was a beautiful shot.’ you quipped, silently clapping for him. before he could respond, merrick’s voice erupted out of your radio. ‘everyone, move forward. enemy contact ahead in further buildings.’

you huffed out of your mouth as you and keegan made your way out of the abandoned house. you thought about the memories that were once created in the very room you and keegan were killing people in. were those people who lived there even alive anymore?

‘whats on your mind, magpie?’

keegan’s voice slightly startled you. ‘nothing.’ you muttered. it really was nothing- you didnt have time to be worrying about the people who once lived in the houses you and your team ended lives in- especially when your life was at stake.

keegan looked bothered by your answer, but nevertheless, you two continued walking. side by side, arms lightly grazing eachother when you wandered a bit to his direction. soon enough, you met up with the rest of the ghosts.

‘keep working with the people you’re with now, don’t split up. there are too many of them for us to risk it.’

merrick’s barked orders were copied and obeyed as everyone slowly split up with their partners. keegan’s footsteps echoed yours in a rhythmic manner.

you knew why he told everyone to not split up.

‘theres a building up there- high enough to see everything. we set up there to prepare. be quiet though, because sometimes federation soldiers are surrounding the building.’ his words were confidently spoken, and you followed pursuit.

*+:｡.｡　　｡.｡:+*

‘imagine falling off this thing.’

you looked down through a broken window in the building, the ground seeming so far away.

‘well you better not, im not dragging your dead ass back to fort santa monica, y/n’

‘you’d cry if i died, i know you would.’ you imitated a crying face, and wiped imaginary tears from your cheeks. you chuckled and keegan rolled his eyes. your hushed voices could only be heard by each-other as the shuffling of footsteps from keegan echoed off the walls, bouncing back to you two quietly.

the sound of gunshots and spanish orders being screamed frantically switched a flip in the two of you- your joking demeanours suddenly serious and concentrated. you pulled your gun out of your back sling, taking off the safety. you glared as you stared into the scope, searching for the familiar burgundy hats that you had learned to hate.

‘see anything, magpie?’

keegan pulled up close behind you, and you could feel his breath on your neck as he leaned down to your ear. his silent whispers to you were like a mantra you wish could be repeated thousands of times. ‘nothing. not a single solider in sight.’ you mumbled.

he leaned back up, straightening his back.

you put your scope down, your eyes finally resting, and the tension in your jaw relaxing. you sighed. spanish was heard below you and keegan. you immediately pulled a pistol out of your holster, your reflexes making your body move fast. footsteps and creaking floorboards could be heard, and to say you were on edge would be an understatement.

‘its fine, kid. they wont come up.’ keegan’s hushed voice soothed you, but you were still unable to shake the feeling of the need too protect him and yourself. ‘did you hear me? its fine.’ he was a bit louder now, but there was still not a chance in hell the enemy could hear him. the floorboard creaking and quiet voices stopped after a matter of seconds. ‘better safe than sorry.’

silence.

you raised an eyebrow at keegan, wondering why he was suddenly muted.

‘i know you still blame yourself, y/n.’

first mistake.

your silence indicated you knew exactly what he was talking about. something that killed you inside. ajax’s death.

you had blamed yourself for it- you took one minute apart from him and when you had returned, a bloody trail and a missing ajax were all to be seen. the multiple nightmares you had had the days following his disappearance plagued you, even to this day, it still did. thinking about how, maybe, his death could’ve been avoided if you had just listened to your gut.

you still remembered the day he died. when keegan held him as he died in his arms. when you guys had gone between hell and earth to find him- just for him to die the minute you got your hands on him.

you still remembered sobbing in keegan’s arms with your head pounding, blaming yourself and wanting to just die. since that day, suicidal thoughts carried around you. you just wanted ajax back. he was your best friend- the first ghost you met. he was the first person you told about your crush on keegan. you would do anything for 5 more minutes with him- to tell him how sorry you were. to tell him how much you cared about him.

‘it wasnt your fault. you know that.’

you were silent. the way keegan’s smooth voice talked about it made something rattle inside of you. you felt weak. you were distracted. your airway felt tightened- as if you were being choked. tears threatened to fall but you couldnt dare yourself to let them roll down your cheeks. you had to focus. you had too.

keegan thought about what you had said earlier, about dying. come to think about it, he liked you a bit to much for your death. he didnt want you to be just another funeral he’d have to attend. he wanted you to be alive. he’d miss the concentrated face you made when you were on a mission. all the memories you two had together.

*+:｡.｡　　｡.｡:+*

‘i saved you a chocolate bar, kee.’

‘how healthy.’

‘i know, right?’

*+:｡.｡　　｡.｡:+*

you fell silent. gunshots could still be heard, and it was the only thing that was stopping you from falling apart. the fact that you were on a mission, and it wasnt the time to fuck around.

‘keegan, this isnt the time.’ you huffed. you so badly wanted to talk about it, but how could you? it simply wasnt the moment, and both you and keegan knew this subject wouldnt come up again for a long time. you thought keegan would stop pestering you with questions, that maybe, he would just leave it. but oh, how wrong you were.

his strong, broad frame walked over to you, and his wintry blue eyes stared down into yours. his hands firmly gripped onto the back of your elbows, not too tight, but he had a stable grip. god, you thought, i forgot how stubborn this man is.

‘i wanted to talk about this with you, and i know its not a good time too right now, but i dont get another opportunity like this again.’

keegan was a man of very few words- his eyes and actions speaking more than his mouth did, but now, you could tell he was serious. you pulled your eyes away from his, but the intense glare he carried still was focused on you.

‘keegan-’

a louder gunshot could be heard- one closer to you and keegan’s position. immediately, you felt on edge. but keegan’s grip on you tightened, and you felt compelled to stay where you were. that was your second mistake.

‘ajax wouldnt want you to blame yourself. you.. you doing this to yourself is hurting you. its distracted you for months i can tell. you’re always on edge, you just arent the same. the jokes you make arent the same. you just aren’t right.’

‘keegan stop. youre not.. youre not a fucking therapist. just leave me alone, i dont want to talk about this.’

third mistake.

your annoyed tone set something off in keegan- you’d never been like that with him. you had always been even-tempered, something the rest of the ghosts admired. your words, enunciated by the way your voice seemed sharper to him now, made him furrow his eyebrows as he stared down at you. he let go off your arms, but for some reason, you longed for his touch still. you shook off the feeling, and stepped away from him.

*+:｡.｡　　｡.｡:+*

you didnt know how it happened.

the spray of blood sprinkled itself over the walls as it erupted from you like a fountain. the ringing in your ears felt like the devil screaming at you as you fell back, your head hitting the wooden floorboards.

a wail of pain escaped your lips as your hands travelled your stomach trying to find the bullet wound, and when you finally laid your fingers on it, your body felt stiff.

suddenly, all your fantasies of dying and killing yourself were gone. now, you just wanted to live. your life was fading, and it was fading so quickly.

keegan had rushed over to you, screaming into his radio, telling merrick you got hit. over the incessant ringing in your ears, you could hear the panic in his voice. his trembling hands went to your wound, examining it. birds sung as he begged you to open your eyes- the sun’s light slowly fading, just like you.

‘magpie, y/n, open your eyes, open your fucking eyes, please.’

keegan’s eyes were horrified when he saw what he was looking at. blood trickled from your mouth, falling off your chin, and your uniform was stained with crimson.

‘kee-’

you tried to say his name, but only half came out. blood spluttered out of your mouth as you wailed in agony. ‘speak to me, y/n, solider. come on, talk to me.’

keegan ripped open his medical pouch, taking out some gauze in an attempt to prevent more blood from spilling out your wound. it pooled around you as you tried to speak. ‘i- i just want to..’

you were appalled at how difficult it was to talk. it was like your vocal cords had been ripped out, and all that was left to leave your mouth were gasps that made your lungs ache. ‘keep going, magpie, come on.’

‘i- i always wanted to.. die, after aja..ajax.. but i just want to- to live.. now’ every few seconds you had to pause your speaking so you could cough out blood. it blocked your airway as if it was trying to silence your cries. ‘i dont- i dont wanna di..die im not- not ready.’

keegan’s hope of you living was slowly disappearing. the bullet was still lodged in your stomach, ripping at muscle and letting its molten heat play with your flesh. ‘you’re not gonna die, im not letting you, im not. youre gonna live, for me and for merrick and the other ghosts and ajax, especially him, okay?’

even though keegan was trying to calm you, he could barely keep calm himself. his breathing felt difficult and forced as he watched the life escape from you. your eyes were still fluttered closed, but tears ran down your cheeks, mixing with blood as they went further. ‘please.. p-please keegan, i dont want too di-’ ‘stop talking like that, youre gonna be just fine, i promise.’

it was a ridiculous thing to promise. oh, how keegan wished he hadn’t said that. he knew. he didnt want to think about it, but he knew deep down what was gonna happen. ‘im not ready, god. god.. im not ready… i wanna.. i wanna..’

‘come on, keep talking to me, please.’

keeping you talking has keegan’s way of making sure you were still awake- that, atleast your body could keep your lips moving with phonics.

keegan felt so weak. wrapping the gauze around you felt like covering your corpse with a cloth. ‘i wanna live.. and be.. with- with you.’

keegan was taken back by what you said, to say the least. his heart thumped against his sternum, as if it was trying to escape. blood mixed with phlegm coughed and spluttered itself onto his balaclava from your mouth, but he couldnt care less.

he tightly wrapped the once white, but now, deep ruby red gauze around your waist. he stared at your face as your lips trembled, his hands tying a tourniquet at the end of the gauze.

‘i.. i wanna be with you too, y/n.’

*+:｡.｡　　｡.｡:+*

they say hearing is the last sense to go. however, speaking was the last thing you ever did.

‘you re..really are, my living legend.’

[nico-sees-dead-people]

*nico just nods, he knows how hard its been for will and he kinda predicted somethijg like this he sits properly on tje ground and pats tje space next to him as a “cmer” gesture*

of course

*he takes out two of the first letters he wrote and begins to read*

dear will,

Mr D told (read forced ) me to write to you even though I exactly give these letters to you something about process processing my motions and it might even make me feel better which sounds like bullshitt to me but I’d rather not end up a dolphin so here we are, I love you and you have amnesia. I love you and you don’t even know my full name anymore. Its niccolo by the way niccolo di angelo it would be nice to hear you say it again I think, i suppose ill just tell you it in the morning we will find it out from one of the medical files. I wonder if it will still be the same as it was before when I hear it, will your voice still sound fond. Will it just be the doctor voice you use for everyone else? I’m not sure which would hurt more. I’m not sure I want to know, but I’ll tell you anyway my name I mean and I’ll keep coming to visit. how could I stay away? Youre still Will after all, even if right now you cant be mine. Ill always be yours though, no matter what, youre stuck with me im afraid, even if i do have to listen to all of your dad jokes again because you dont remember telling me (i actually secretly think theyre funny and since youll probablt never read this i can admit it safely). Its odd missing someone who is right there, youre still you after all, you still smile tje same, still have the same shitty fashion (no, neon green flipflops are not “in” amd have neber BEEN IN honestly william) but you dont smile at me the same and i cant help but he jealous of those you do

Well, I wrote my feelings and I still feel like shit and Mr D is a dirty liar but that’s really not a surprise.

love, nico

[in the morning]

*nico wakes before @dr-flipflops and sighs looking at him on the sofa so gently uses some shadows to move him into the bed, tucking him in and smoothing his hair back and scribbling a note reading “morning sleepyhead, here’s your reminder to drink some fucking water and eat more than a muffin and also to let your mother know that you have a cough or so help me hades solace ill do it myself, ill probably be gone when you read this because i have to pick aria up from sally’s but ill be back at somepoint because your mom made me promise, love you dont die see you soon” before whispering “love you” and leaving the room to speak to naomi*

nico: good morning mrs solace uhm.. sorry for intruding i didnt exactly plan to come it was more accidental shadowtravelling episode

naomi: nonsense, you know youre always welcome here, even after everythin’

nico (watery smile): yeah i know, how is he, will i mean, he doesnt seem.. happy

naomi: hes as well as he can be in this situation, he’d be doin’ better if he found it easier t’ let people in, if he let you properly communicate with him but… i also can’t blame him for his reaction

nico: neither can i, and i know i messed up, im trying to fix it i just- i don’t know how and.. *his voice breaks* i miss him and so does ari

naomi: *smiles gently at him* he does care about you nico, hes just hurtin’, he misses you too *she pulls him into a hug* it’ll be alright in the end

Nico: *fully crying now* thanks mrs solace

naomi: *pats him on the back softly* anytime sweetheart, now, you said you had somethin’ t’give me?

nico: ah, yes, *he pulls a thick bundle of letters out of his aviator jacket* its a collection of letters ive written to will throughout his amnesia, explaining.. well just about everything, when he says hes ready and wants to know then he can read all of them regardless if he wants to see me or not

naomi *smiling*: thats a lovely idea hon, very thoughtful of you, ill give them to him once you’ve gone back though, the topic is sensitive enough without…

nico *nodding*: without the added stress of my presence, i was just about to say that, besides i have to pick up aria from her aunt sally’s, she had a sleepover the past couple of nights

naomi: you should bring her, next time you come, i know will don’t remember but i do, an’ i miss my granddaughter

nico *smiling*: i will mrs solace dont worry, she misses you too, and thank you, for everything

naomi: dont thank me sweetheart its been my pleasure

*nico begins to wave goodbye before noticing will standing in the doorway*

[oh-sturg]

TADC is about suicide and here’s why

TW : Suicide

CW : Spoilers

Okay so. First of all, this might be a cold take. Someone else might’ve done this already or come up with this theory, I haven’t watched any videos EXCEPT for the actual show. So maybe I’m late to this

Additionally, we’re only on episode 4 of season 1 I could be COMPLETELY wrong on this. I might be looking too deep, so give me a grain of salt

The circus itself is giving very. Place after death vibes. Not purgatory, or heaven, or hell. But just… somewhere people go after they die. Yes I know in the first episode Pomni says she can’t get this stupid headset off so hey, maybe she’s still alive?? I DONT KNOW FOR SURE but maybe the headset is giving her a glimpse into the afterlife?

That, or it’s some kind of therapy program

IGNORING THAT

All of the main cast act like stereotypes of suicide victims, maybe it’s just me

Jax is an asshole, that much is obvious. We haven’t been given many inclinations into whether or not he has a softer side, but he seems to be compensating for something. It could be insecurity

Gangle is assumed to have been a shift manager at either a fast food restaurant or some other similar chain job, and it’s implied she wanted artist only to be told her dreams were unrealistic. Something that some people don’t know about people who are suicidal is that they can become extremely happy before going through with it, which we see with Gangle in episode 4 before she’s hit by a truck. Now the truck thing could be an accident, but she literally leans into the road. She looks surprised to see the truck, and maybe she was unaware of her surroundings at the time, but it could be that she also was surprised to go through the same experience again. She literally says that she snapped under the pressure of the job and responsibility. Could be headcanon. There’s also the whole masking emotions thing which is quite literal in its presentation

Ragatha is obviously toxicly positive. She tries to make things better and look on the bright side of things. She’s courteous and compassionate, but there’s no way she can be like that constantly. It’s just not humanly possible. Gangle says in episode 4 it’s hard to tell when she’s being genuine after you spend a lot of time with her, so perhaps it’s a coping method? Or a habit? In the pilot episode/episode 1, she literally tells Pomni she understands if she leaves her behind while she’s in pain. Maybe I’m misremembering, but she values others over herself. After a certain point that becomes exhausting. You can’t do it anymore

Zooble clearly goes through body dysmorphia as seen in episode 3. They don’t like their body, no matter how many times they can change it. This could also be a gender dysphoria thing, but we don’t see a lot of their relationship with their gender other than their pronouns being non-binary

Kinger is one I struggle with a little bit. We know he had a relationship with Queenie, and now she’s gone, but we don’t know if that relationship started in the circus or before either of them were brought into it. What we do know for sure is that he’s paranoid. In his first appearance the cast literally speculates that he will be the one to abstract next, with abstraction being the product of heavy dissociation. Sure, he’s not all paranoia and fear, but he’s wary. He’s a kind soul who broke under everything

Caine’s influence in all this is that he’s someone who isn’t depressed or suicidal. He’s the person who tries to fix those people, but goes about it in the wrong way. He’s trying to take their mind off of what makes them suicidal by shifting their attention. When they try to open up to him, he doesn’t understand their issues because he just isn’t suicidal like they are/were. Like Ragatha, he’s toxicly positive and tries to change the topic when things like that come up. Think of someone who doesn’t want you to show symptoms of mental illness around them because they “don’t like it” or “are offput” by it

That’s really all I’ve got on this. Again, I could be wrong or I might be totally late to the party but I can’t get this out of my head so

[haveihitanerve]

hey, i loved the way you wrote my idea, the kind of adams proyect fits so well the sassy children Dick, Jason and Stephanie were and still are. I do consider Stephanie Bruce's daughter, they have such potencial is a pity we don't see more of them together. It was lovely, maybe you can do me a second one

Bruce is de aged at an age were he has been training for a while but not batman, this kinda scary teenager version of Bruce sees his future sons and daughters and realize hes not alone anymore, he has a family.

If you can't do it is okey, i enjoyed the other two fics you write, have a wonderfull day.

ohohohohoho these asks just keeping getting better- thank you so much and yesss i love steph and bruce so much they are like two sides of the same coin and its a downright shame we dont see more of them in canon- anyway onto the ask

"Look deep into your mind. Silence all else. This is between you and your soul."

The monk's voice was soothing, belaying his hard exterior(and interior if Bruce was being honest- if the man was golden at heart he had yet to see it) but Bruce ignored everything, focusing instead on the cold wind, the feel of his bare toes slowly numbing, the nice feeling of the snow against his bruised ribs.

He was buried up to his torso in snow, only his chest and head above it, arms laying flat on top, eyes closed. It was a new form of meditation, one he had only recently "earned" as the next step in his training.

He wasn't entirely sure what use the freezing-his-balls-off-while-meditating was going to do for him, but he figured the monk had at least some idea of what he was doing, even if he was a little harsh.

But the methods were necessary. All of it was necessary. To do the mission, to pursue his path. To become the Batman and free Gotham of crime. He was alone, his family was dead, the least he could do was dedicate everything to honoring them.

"I will return for you at dawn. Do not move. Do not open your eyes. I will know if you do."

The monk murmured, snow crunching underneath his feet as he circled Bruce, like a wolf circling its prey. Bruce hardly resisted the Gotham-honed instinct to flip him off, focusing instead on his breathing.

The monks footsteps retreated, and Bruce knew he was heading back down the mountain, probably to grab a few pints and boxes of cigarettes, before passing out in the snow. He wouldn't be back by dawn. He probably wouldn't be back for a while.

Bruce ignored his thoughts, concentrating. The practice of stilling his mind was still difficult, no matter how hard he tried or how long he meditated for. His mind was just so... loud.

But he had to try. Again.

He breathed, focusing on each new breath, each sear of his lungs in the frigid air. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In-

Bruce blinked slowly, rubbing his head. He must have fallen asleep at some point, and not noticed.

More of his surroundings blinked into view, and Bruce shot up, spinning around wildly.

"This... is not a pile of snow." He muttered. No. Sadly enough, he recognized where he was.

Wayne Manor. The library, in Wayne Manor, to be specific.

"No no, no no, what- what happened?" Bruce growled, tugging at his hair. "Why am I back here? Was it all a dream?" Panic gripped him. It couldn't be a dream. Everything he had trained for, all he had done, it couldn't be a dream.

Unless that meant-

Shouts came from outside the door and Bruce spun wildly, rushing for the large mahogany. He wrenched it open, cries of "Mum! Dad!" already on his lips, only to almost collide with a blond haired girl, shrieking with laughter as she raced past.

Bruce blinked. That was... not what he had expected. "I better be dreaming." he grumbled, and made to close the door. But... something held him back. Tugged him to follow her. To go on.

Footsteps thundered from the stairs and Bruce turned just in time to watch two black haired boys chasing after her, shoving the other. But not with malice, Bruce realized as he slowly trailed after them, cautious, using every tool he had not to be seen. But rather with glee.

They weren't roughhousing to hurt, they were doing just that. Roughhousing. For fun.

He followed the sounds of chatter to the kitchen, barely managing to dodge behind the corner as the door was flung open, and a new, taller, black haired boy streamed past, two wafting plates held aloft on his arms, chattering animatedly with a red haired girl in a wheelchair that followed, another plate of food on her lap.

"I'm telling ya Cass, he's into him." The blond girl from before followed, talking to a black haired girl, a Gotham draw distinctive in her tone.

The other girl, Cass, rolled her eyes, yet another dish balanced on her head, as the blond girl carried napkins.

"Stuck on napkin duty again Steph?" One of the black haired boys from earlier teased, breezing past with a cheeky grin, another two plates on his arm.

"Shut it Tim." The blond, Steph, snapped, swatting at him. The anger was light hearted though, and the boy, Tim, laughed.

"It was one time." She muttered, and Cass lifted a hand to her mouth to cover her grin.

"One time I shall never forget Miss Brown." Announced a voice and Bruce recoiled.

Alfred Pennyworth appeared in the doorway to the dining room, extending a hand to take Cass's plate. "Neither shall my fine China, nor my nice rug."

Steph's cheeks reddened, her scowl deepening. "Sorry Alf." She mumbled. The butler patted her shoulder mildly, looking faintly amused.

"It is of no concern now my dear." He soothed, gesturing them into the room. "Now come, or all Master Jason and my fine dishes will get cold."

The girls obediently trotted into the dining room, resuming their casual chatter. Bruce watched, hidden in the shadows of the storage closet, waiting as his butler busied himself straightening a few things in the hall.

He was waiting for someone, that much was clear, although who, Bruce couldn't for the life of him figure out. It was clear he had a full house, and a much fuller life with all these strange people, so who would possibly be worth waiting on?

The answer came down the stairs, a tall, rather broad man, with dark black hair. Bruce couldn't see his face, but he walked with the surety of a man who had been to hell and back, and walked out alive.

"B!" Someone screamed from inside the room as the man clapped Alfred affectionately on the shoulder. "B- B help they're trying to kill me-!"

A new kid, a dark skinned, also black haired boy appeared, hands scrambling for purchase on the unknown man, ducking behind him. A child, a literal child, emerged, a scowl fixed on his lips.

"It is a smoothie Thomas." He announced blithely. "It is for your health."

The boy, Thomas?, remained cowered. "Please don't let him get me!" He squeaked. The man chuckled, reaching back to ruffle his hair.

"Duke, baby, it is good for you."

Thomas, Duke, scowled, batting his hand away. "I knew I'd find no allies here!" He declared with flourish. The man chuckled as a new face appeared.

"B, Duke, stop. We're all waiting, come on Dad." The man, Dad, laughed again, slinging an arm around Duke and the younger boy.

"Alright, alright chum, we're coming." he herded what was undoubtedly his family into the dining room, greeted with uproars and cheers.

"B's here!" A deep voice called.

"Finally we can eat!" groaned a girls voice Bruce identified as the girl from earlier, Steph.

The unknown man laughed again, releasing his sons, but faltered a step, glancing back.

Back at Bruce.

Bruce's breath caught in his throat. Because- because looking at him-

It was his father. No- his mother. No- both. It- it was him. Him, older, stronger, wiser. And- and with a family.

Older him frowned, scratching the back of his neck, brows furrowed.

"Dad come on." Someone called. Bruce shook his head, and headed inside.

The snow, the cold, the frigid wind slammed into Bruce and in seconds he was chattering.

"So- fucking- cold." He muttered, body shaking as he shook free of the snow, stumbling away and down the mountain.

"H-hey- you- you little shit-" The monk was drunk, as expected, and Bruce dodged his flailing arms with ease.

"Find someone else to be your punching bag. Or better yet, find no one at all." Bruce called, landing a heavy hit against the back of the mans neck, sending him sacking to the floor.

He shook his head, making his way to the airport. His training was as good as it was going to get. He needed to get home. And working on his family.

Bruce grinned, a light skip in his step, as he headed for Gotham.

ummmm okay this took forever to write and im so sorry abt that- its also not really what you asked for- he doesnt actually get to talk to any of them, but i wanted an invisible bruce(even if he wasnt sneaking no one would have seen him-traveling through time using his soul/mind and all that but wtv) to see how life is, how the manor, this cold desolate, empty echoing place turns into such a hub of joy and laughter and life, brimming with it, and he's the cause...

anyway hope you liked, sorry its late, and omg thanks for the idea!

[heartorbit]

searching for a star that's still unknown to anyone!

[applepixls]

foreign to me to not be writing everything in the tags but here we go rdgjmkh

your poetry is so visceral and beautiful to me and its so cool seeing quotes i recognize :))

these are the vibes i get from all the quotes :)

etho's fits so well to me and particularly reminds me of the scene in liml where he's talking to scar, bdubs and cleo after they've all died, about his regrets and if they'd try again

gem's has such the right vibe for her, its violent and like shes aware of something higher than herself in this hellscape

scar's. you. the things that first sentence did to me. it definitely brings the image of him in sl after winning and how all he's wanted is to live but after winning there's a sort of realization that he doesn't want to live without other people and.. that the win is almost like a punishment for how he tried to game the system? since 3l he promised not to kill if [insert conditions] and its like the game is finally bringing that to a head and punishing him

impulse's has a bitter, wise, melancholy feel i dont associate with hermitcraft impulse but its all about the circumstances that have made him this way

martyn's i have nothing better to say but i hope you know how well it fits

lizzie's reminds me of some of hers and jimmy's s1 esmp lore about being sea creatures that came from eggs and it has the same vibe as her saying "so i left this world just as i entered it; confused"

mumbo's has the sort of resignation of someone used to being thrown around like a ragdoll. others will try to fight the rules and win together or not kill or sacrifice themselves and some play into them aggressively and kill indiscriminately. mumbo on the other hand seems to accept this is how he lives now.

pearl's her quote encompasses a feeling i am very familiar with, that all the evidence suggests you are something to be killed or hated but despite it all, you. just. want. to. be. loved.

skizz's suits him so well. it isnt naive, blind hope. its a hope that's seen adversity and persists anyway. (i thank you so much for sharing the story behind this poem <3)

scott's poem has a sort of peace to it, an awareness of higher beings, like he knows after all the suffering it will end. and he holds on for that time

joel's feels like being pulled into the undertow. it reminds me of falling face first into the pacific ocean as a kid (it was very funny but also not). it feels like a sort of awareness that you put yourself into this situation in the first place, you're reaping what you sow but. it still hurts (i loved this poem when you shared it. i saw it at a time when i was going through a lot of change and it kinda made me see it in a different way, it gave me a fun image of floorboards being pried up and replaced)

tango's feels bitter to me. but it has the feeling of,,, never learning your lesson. like saying "I'll never do that again" and then doing it the next week. like by the end of one season saying "I've had enough im not teaming with them again" like scar and grian after 3l but by the time the next season rolls around and by the end of the first session some arrangement of best or ties has reassembled themselves.

cleos to me has a very similar feeling to scott's. and I've figured out the word for it. in universe, its like faith. the belief in a sort of better peaceful afterlife. and the surity that when you make it through it will be better. no matter how hellish your life may be

saw this post assigning devastating quotes to each life series members, got incredibly inspired, and decided to try my own hand at it but specifically with snippets of the poetry ive personally written throughout the years :] thoughts and musings on several of my choices will be under the cut if you're interested in that sorta thing!! Enjoy<3

Bdubs: "it's all so blue. so blue, so wet, so cold, but you've got a fire in your heart like a hundred rockets. you aren't hungry, but you could eat the dead, / cut your teeth on a rotting corpse."

BigB: "SOMETHING HAS FRACTURED HERE AND IT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN. EACH DAY YOU WILL CHASE THE FAULT LINES LOOKING FOR A BRIDGE ONLY TO FIND IT ALREADY BURNT."

Etho: "I am above myself, hovering, pressing pale fingers into the dull bruise of yesterday to test its lingering ache. Is this all that's left?"

Gem: "what are gods if not the mothers of our own inventions. we are the avatars of violence and love and hope and fear in equal measure."

Scar: "I think I want to live. I know one day, I must die. In the cosmic wheel of fortune, I am a gamble in the making, gentle breath washing a little luck over the dice."

Grian: "Within the shape of my clawed fingers are knives: scrabbled dirt; scarlet lines; the escape route / Between a fence and / Tall grasses."

Impulse: "Life's bitter, stilted offering / Is that every person we meet / Will one day become a perfect stranger."

Martyn: "Dangerous beasts must earn / Their survival. / You are no different than a knife / In the hands of murderers."

Lizzie: "When I think of the egg-tooth, / I revel in purple glass; the lightning; the shatter; the knife-slip between / Death, and a wake."

Mumbo: "This is your life now, / Found in the cracks and crevices, scraps pried between laughter and reckless abandon."

Pearl: "I am begging, raw in the face of absolution— do not hate me. Please, keep watering me in your garden, / Despite how closely my heart resembles a weed."

Ren: "— and sometimes hearts are forged in violence /— and sometimes blood cannot form scabs / — and sometimes wounds carry half-hearted sutures / — and we are all but living fragments / —"

Skizz: "Just a little longer. Please. / There is light pooling at the bottom of the flower vase."

Scott: "I can only hope that with the rising of the dawn / I will pass through darkness and return to day, / Where I am a solar ray blinding— teeth and claws sharpened, the stretch of my skin carrying gold / Above the dull, dug out earth"

Joel: "Tamed by nothing, no one, I lose myself to the shattered chains; / Yes, there is a loss."

Jimmy: "for year after bloody year, i clung to life with aching fingernails, grasped at every straw, took every scrap of double-barrelled hope and shot myself in the chest with it."

Tango: "every time you claw yourself from the ashes you insist it will never happen again. every time you reach the breaking point, it happens a little bit faster."

Cleo: "It's about catharsis, not letting go. / Because a part of me wants to hold this, / A swelling hurt deeper than tides, / Hotter than stars. The kind of rage / A mother might raise against her own child."

I dont share my poetry on here very often, partially because it tends to end up coming from a very personal part of me, but since this was actually a lot of fun maybe i'll start posting my poems more often here :]] i think what i found most interesting about this exercise was that as i scrolled my notes app and cherry-picked quotes for each character, it felt like the ones i chose naturally became part of a larger conversation-- as if the characters were speaking to me through my own words about their lowest points, about their ultimate views on the games filtered through the lens of a red life.

It felt enlightening; i dont often feel like im speaking to characters or being informed about their plots/preferences, etc. the way many other writers discuss in workshops or casually online, but by the end of this exercise i felt like i just... understood them, better than i had before. There's something inexplicable about reading your own words and consciously finding ways to apply them in a way that encapsulates them down to a character's core that just... truly highlights the specific qualities that resonate most with you. And i think stumbling upon that organically was a very vivid and incredible experience for me

Admittedly, i did struggle on Scott, Ren, and Etho a lot-- im not as familiar with them as characters, and for a while i couldn't quite pinpoint what exact themes they tend to carry with them throughout all their life seasons. But when i started to really look at everyone's quotes as a whole, i realized they felt like a story, like the response to a question-- as if i was being TOLD what they felt and how, and that that was how i needed to frame the rest of my selections. So Scott's ended up being about control, and the desperate hanging onto of it; Ren's is about the acceptance and bitterness of what he cannot change; Etho's is a quiet resignation rounded out with softer disbelief. The more i looked at these choices, the more they felt correct to me-- and while i still think i have a ways to go before i fully understand these characters, i feel like this has helped me a lot with that ultimate goal :]

Of all these poetry snippets, though, i think Scar, Skizz, and Joel's are my absolute favorites. Skizz's poem is actually the whole poem in its entirety (as is Cleo's, funnily enough)-- it's a short, very simple poem that is incredibly close to my heart for many reasons, but the main one being because it was written at one of my lowest points a few years back. Its about clawing for hope when there isnt any, and finding even the smallest of beautiful things to hold onto, and begging yourself to keep holding onto that at any cost. The pure, clean beauty of watching light refract through a vase of flowers, and knowing that sometimes, that's all there is to live for-- I felt like that really spoke to Skizz's life series character as a whole: finding the beauty in every tiny thing, no matter how small, and scrabbling for more time to appreciate it.

Scar's snippet comes from a much longer poem of mine about the difficulty of reconciling the idea of a future when you havent had to think of one before (incidentally, Etho's snippet comes from this poem as well). I think out of everyone, this quote encapsulates him the best; i like how it subtly references that inner well of vivacity he draws from that many other characters struggle to find, and how that in turn ties in with the lore that he never died a final death during Secret Life. And i love how it simultaneously manages to encompass the way he utilizes the social game in each season as well-- Scar's an incredibly intelligent social player, and i think the imagery of a gambler breathing their luck over the dice as they cast it, and as he casts himself at others for alliances and enemies, truly does fit him.

As for Joel, the full poem his quote comes from is one im particularly proud of, especially for its final lines. I think, quite honestly, i can let this poem stand for itself in its entirety:

They say transformation is letting the light in, But in my mind it's a violence. A coarseness, a fracturing, the bloody vowels between a scream And a howl. How do you transform without killing yourself? When I am a lion, my hands and feet Grow claws; my teeth sharpen. No longer do I spark— I ignite. Tamed by nothing, no one, I lose myself to the shattered chains; Yes, there is a loss. To transform is to leave behind a body And eat its still-breathing corpse.

I find myself referencing this poem a lot even in my daily life-- as longterm readers of mine already know, one of my favorite themes is that of replacing yourself and permanent transformation. This poem really is just about how changing, in any shape or form, alters you forever; how you can look back on yourself from even just a few months ago and feel like a completely different person despite remaining the same. Connecting it with Joel's character, and how he acts during his red lives in each season, was a natural and intuitive progression once i really sat and thought about it.

Alright thats enough yapping from me 😂😂😂 im not used to writing meta nor delving into my poetry on here, so this was a bit of an experimental post for me. If youve read up until this point, i both applaud your patience and really hope you enjoyed this window into my personal works and thoughts on them :]] cheers, and thanks to @/chipperchemical the op of the original post for inspiring me!!!❤️❤️❤️

[deoidesign]

I met the me who made different choices

[sidesteppostinghours]

ok. question.

ortega ended up hallucinating sidestep after they "died", but sidestep doesnt know about that. they know it got bad, but never the full extent of how their death affected them. so if your sidestep Did learn, if they found out ortega looked for them in every little piece they could, would that change anything for your sidesteps? would their relationship with ortega be any different?

[puppppppppy]

its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously

[halfusek]

oopsie

so the stream was a flop (ill need to solve that problem in the future but that was very weird cuz these settings worked with batdr before and i doubt batdr was easier to stream performance wise) but yall didnt miss out on anything cuz uh

basically in 15 minutes i was done with the part of the. "game". that was. actually kind of looking like one. you know i didn't expect any polish to this, it was free and all. that was the part with gaskette, it was. fine. i did not find it interesting but at least it wasnt what the rest of the game was

but you know what, i get it. finally i get it

they, or maybe just mike, but its released under their company so i will say they,

they hate theorists

they hate dataminers

alright, point taken, i guess

just push away the fans who were the most interested in playing your games, cuz that's smart

it's sad really but oh well have it your way

[eikichi-supremacy]

and they were singin', bye-bye Miss American Pie // american oldie i think kuwabara unironically listens to

(low effort lyric edit im queueing here in May cos im probably gonna forget it exists otherwise)

[hellsbellssinclub]

I graduate tomorrow

Like for real.

There is a ceremony and everything. they are giving us a gown and cap for the graduation. I have brought a pretty dress. My hair will be nice. i even got my nails done

And I am going to have a bacholors degree to hang on my wall.

What the fuck you guys.

What the absolute fuck.

I spent my teenage years with bad mental illness.

I barely managed to get through with anything. School was hard because I could bare tolerate being there. I got lucky that the school had been supportive for that. I stumbled through my 20s, finishing off my diploma through covid and then now finishing off this bacholors course

I am 30 next year. I am starting my 30s off with two fucking degrees, a car, a job (or two) and my own little rental

fuck me. This is unreal. I feel great about it but fuck, it doesnt feel real

(i will post pictures tomorrow or day after)

[skunkes]

if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.

[faaun]

procrastination is starting to have its consequences finally

[deus-ex-mona]

up next on chapter 36 of idol sengen… _(:3 」∠)_

[kohakhearts]

anyone else think theres some kinda bizarre love triangle going on between the player and the dlc siblings cause thats all i took away from it lmao. cant wait for part 2 so i can take carmine on a true american date