#what if you could make different choices
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Throwback
2020 had been an unequivocally horrible year, and everyone was more than delighted to see it off, but when the world woke up on January 1st, it was 2011 again. And only a few people remembered the years that hadn't happened yet. What would you do if you could rewind the previous ten years of your life? Would you still have that abusive relationship, knowing that your amazing child would be born? How would things unfold differently if you didn't take that job in another city? What would you do to keep everything exactly the same, even if someone else didn't?
"Throwback" is a collection of ten stories that explore how people responded to the Reset Event, the completely unexplained phenomenon that rewound an entire ten years of human experience.
Available June 1, 2024, in Kindle, paperback, and hardcover on Amazon.
#time loop#throwback#what if you could do it again#what if you could make different choices#what if no one else made different choices#speculative writing#spec fic#anthology#grass is greener#desiderata#the loop#the last goodbye club#ever a never after#the horizon of tomorrow#leaves that turn#and now the news#adult fiction#baby boom#better late
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Did you think I was done? Ahahahaha no, I have more.
Because chapter 70 of MOMU gave me the very dynamic between them that I missed so much, I just blacked out and started drawing uncontrollably lmao
Also. ALSO. I noticed a while ago that Prowl has the habit of..like…constantly frowning. So. I did a bit of research and made this graph.
In 70 chapters, Prowl frowns rougly 104 times. And the intensity of this gesture is very clearly correlated with the development of his relationship with Jazz, as you can see ahahahahah It might be wrong tho don’t take me seriously I’m not good with graphs

#maccadam#transformers#prowl#jazz#jazzprowl#fic fanart#momu fanart#I just#mmmmm#For the whole fic Prowl had to think twice about everything Jazz says#every information could end up being wrong#sometimes even without Jazz realising it#so when Prowl says#he’s trusting Jazz. it’s.#also it totally wasn’t me googling ‘believing and trusting nuance difference in english’#the moment I realised the difference I think my brain started rollercoaster loops#he can’t believe him but he found enough faith to trust him#while. YES. For the whole story Jazz couldn’t fucking be believed#list e n#Jazz did a lot of things for Prowl#fucktons of big and small gestures to show that yes he likes loves and appreciates Prowl#I’m so happy Prowl is returning this energy#like#remember that scene a while back when Jazz kissed Prowl? Cool cool okay. Did Prowl kiss him? nope. It was one sided gestures#*gesture. That kiss didn’t make me feel like it’s truly something precious because Jazz started it but Prowl didn’t do quite the same#but this👆. This feels so much more important for me. Because Prowl#who is for the whole story was mister I calculate every chance of possible betrayal. Prowl whos entire personality is to trust nobody#Prowl goes. Fuck that I trust you. You feel me?#it wouldn’t be the same if he said I love you. Because love is very much something you don’t have a lot of control over.#but to trust someone? It’s a choice Prowl had to consciously make. You see what I mean? I love it. oh fuck I ran out of tags..
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so uhhhhhhhh. not to be cryptic and bitchy on main but congratulations to everyone in my messages for like 5 months on being right i guess
#ramble#ughhhhhhhhhhhh ok so#i will delete this later bc idk if this person has tumblr and i genuinely mean no ill will i just need an outside opinion#i vented about it on my close friends story already but i need like. a neutral party#i won't say their name but if you're on other socials you probably know who it is#basically for a while i've been getting messages saying 'this person has hacked your art style' or 'is REDACTED your alt account'#and in the beginning there were like. similarities? but nothing i could really claim and also i don't want to accuse someone of theft#like i don't own any stylistic choices or anything. i've used things from other artists i like. honestly it's kind of flattering#and we are actually really friendly in DMs now and we even joke about it. we message eachother any time we get a comment about it#i made a joke literally 2 weeks ago about how we're two different people i swear#but after adding some Very specific things to my art (like the paper texture/hatching/shiny lighting). they also added them#and i gave them the benefit of the doubt bc i don't like to believe anyone has bad intent with stuff like that. and i've done the same obvs#but recently they dropped some tav lore and it was. basically a panel for panel copy of one of my cyra comics down to the HAND PLACEMENT#and obviously i don't own the Bitch Mother trope or anything but it's just. mmmmm it makes me feel weird#idk it just feels like it's gone a bit far now and i'm not sure what to do about it#like you would think after we became moots they would get scared and stop but i think i was too openly trusting and they just kept going#recently someone on THEIR PATREON thought they were me and they weren't even one of mine (which by itself is funny but. y'know)#i don't want to call anyone out or upset anyone bc it only causes more problems but like. i Know. and idk if they should know that i know#maybe i'm just stupid idk i really trusted that it wasn't happening but it is and i don't know how to feel#hONESTLY I'M JUST MAD THAT I CAN'T DO ANY MORE CYRA LORE NOW BC PEOPLE ARE GOING TO ACCUSE **ME**#also PLEASE do not witch hunt this person i want to deal with this as quietly as possible#i really felt like i was in the twilight zone or just being paranoid so i had to ask
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the lovers, reversed
(aka I'm still freaking out about Jou)
#art#ride kamens#i am about to go off on wild speculation so excuse me in advance#I HAVEN'T PLAYED THE EVENT YET so this could all be just absolutely nothing but i gotta get it out#(still debating if i wanna save the event for after i finish part 2 or not...)#this is my last chance to throw wacky theories out there okay#i've just. been thinking a lot about the riders the characters are based on and how they relate to their different classes#like the choices seemed SO random when they were first revealed but they do mostly make sense when you think about it#to the point where i actually do feel like i should've been able to call ooo for ambition. damnit.#however i did always feel like jou was a bit of an outlier and now i'm wondering if that's gonna be like...a thing#idk man just the fact that he's gonna have a special double card and bond henshin with taiten is nuts to me#especially since we're clearly on the verge of SOMETHING happening with soun and uryuu#what does it mean. WHAT DOES IT MEAN#what does this mean for the future of tower emblem#and it hasn't escaped me that there is no class associated with evolution (YET)#and thinking about who jou is based on i'm just like#(waves hands) YOU KNOW?!#(plus i'm still like WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR RUI AND HAYATE but that's a separate thing)#i'm gonna try and take my time and not rush through part 2 but i also am SO impatient#i gotta knooooow#given the way my predictions tend to go though i'm either 100% accidentally right about the dumbest thing#or jou is fine but leon fucking dies or something and i'm gonna throw my phone into a lake#HAVE FUN GUYS I GUESS
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Hey, WoT fandom, it's not bad writing; it's an adaptational choice you don't agree with
#Remblai#The wheel of time#Wot on prime#Had the absolute unhinged reflex of going on twitter because that's unfortunately the place where the official account posts#And behold the state of the fandom there#The people left there are raging on the show while also vowing they are not bookcloaks#Yes you are#If you don't like the show anymore you don't watch it#Simple as that#Because this is not the way someone who's enthusiastic about a show talks about it#I feel sorry for new fans because they will encounter the fandom on twitter first and those are not fans anymore#If these fans could provide one example of bad writing instead of 'adaptational choice I don't agree with' I would be more generous#But they can't#Meanwhile all the actual valid criticism regarding colourism or pacing gets drowned#I'm sorry but at some point you have to accept that you are not a fan of something anymore#And it's okay because the books and the show are two different things and you can still be a fan of the books#Fandom wank#Because it very much is but I am tired of fans going ''I'M NOT SHOUTING' Nynaeve shouted' about the show in the open#They're obviously not having a good times#They are actively making it more difficult for other fans to have a good time#What is the point#Anyway please WoT official account join us on bsky we're having a good time while also being able to criticize the show
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it’s not my scene so forgive me for only having an outsider’s understanding on that situation, but a while back there was drama in one of those massive boy idol franchises where the took an ainu character, jp’s indigenous people, and stripped him of that identity to put him on a unit based on traditional jp culture. so you know, they assimilated him to the imagery of the ppl who killed his ppl basically
idk if it was something leaked or outright hacked, but i saw that part of the reason corporate thought they could get away with that was bc fans of that group were more mild compared to other units’ fans and ever since then i’ve been like. morbidly curious about what notes kr has on every division’s fanbase sksksksksk 💀
#vee queued to fill the void#bc you know they do 😭😭😭😭😭😭#like even hypmic fans understand fans of each division are different from one another#i used to see tweets about how bat has a weird point of entry bc others find the fans intimidating i think lol#but we got stuff like the fan meetings where those seiyuu activities i think were crafted based on perceptions of the fans#like bb’s lowkey family feud game is something that could happen bc the bb seiyuu could facilitate that#but also bc the fans would vocally interact back lol#mtc’s gun shooting gallery lol the seiyuu got to look cool and mtc’s fans are very vocal about finding their seiyuu cool LOL#like stuff like that has to be bc of kr’s understanding of the fans right lol?????#and i can see it affecting the music choices too like for mtr’s overall vibes based sound#is in part bc of seiyuu considerations i think but maybe also in part bc mtr’s fans are more into vibes idk lol#i just want to know what kr thinks about dh fans or what they consider when making mvs for bat fans etc#if they’ve been tracking how chuuou fanbase has been shaping as it grows how they consider drawing fp for merch based on fans etc lol
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hey alan mandel and jonathan williams come over here a minute i just wanna talk
#screaming crying throwing up#just so unbelievably fucked up over this#like what if the only choices you remember making and also all the ones you don't remember making brought you here#to a place where you could give your autonomy over completely#what if you'd just accepted that the price of that sacrifice was one you were willing to pay to escape your own history#and as soon as you accepted this fact you woke up to a world completely changed where This Place demanded choice and intention#and what if you remembered the moment when you wished you'd wake up and the world would be a different world and you'd be a different perso#and you realized all of a sudden that the first part of your wish had been granted and the second was up to you#and what if in fact facing your own terrifying autonomy was the only way to save him#and what if the only thing more terrifying than making that choice was failing to (again)#(to you it was just the other day that you froze when you were supposed to help save his life) (you get a second chance for real this time)#(it's up to you darling)#ily red valley ily complex fucked up protagonists ily Themes and Narratives#red valley#red valley podcast#red valley pod#warren godby#if you don't want wall to wall red valley content you'd better block the tag now because i'm Deep In It
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You know, I gotta say, the fact that GOT7 has yet to do a 7 Deadly Sins inspired comeback feels like a crime
#got7#mark#jay b#jackson#jinyoung#youngjae#bambam#yugyeom#ot7#seven deadly sins#a crime truly#seven members and seven sins#i can just picture the music video#imagine each member made to represent a different sin with makeup and costumes and sets to match#picking who would be which sin is the difficult part#these are my personal choices#mark = sloth; jay b = wrath; jackson = lust; jinyoung = pride; youngjae = greed; bambam = gluttony; yugyeom = envy#my choices are based on what i think each member would look best representing looks and acting wise#they are in no way a reflection of the members’ actual characters and personalities#i do think some of them could be interchangeable which is what makes it hard to choose which sin for which member#but can’t you just picture it!!! how epic that would be!!!#and the title song could be called Sinful or Deadly or something along those lines#i’m just imaging something like the If You Do MV where each member acted out how they would handle a breakup#and the dancing/performance parts would be very chic and sexy monotoned in color#they could TOTALLY pull it off and it would so fit the kind of concepts they like to do
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so nice to watch skulduggery spend 4 years talking valkyrie down from meltdowns over her name, convincing her that no one is inherently good or evil, thought crimes aren't real, all that matters is your actions and choices, just for her to make the singularly most heinous choice she could think of and not even have darquesse to blame for it
#every time he says something like 'your true name isnt going to make you a bad person. you get to decide that'#then? she loses her name and still commits what to her is the most evil thing she could possibly do??#i havent read much this week bc of health but also because of dread for the ending of book 9#i love my baby so much i hate seeing what she does to herself and it's making me sick to my stomach#says kenna#skulduggery pleasant#and it's so painful too because how could anyone have made a different decision?? it was an impossible evil choice but the alternative!!#she and skulduggery operate under harm reduction and the greatest good. she just got stuck with the vilest trolley problem in the world
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indeed my exact process once every 8 months or so
#I just thought today of a new way to format a 'profile' (like the descriptions of self that people use on friend meeting#apps and stuff) and how to organize the sections so that it seems such and such a way and oh what if there's links which click off#into branching paths so it's very acessible and there are two different forms depending on so on and so forth#and i was like 'um.. wow. amazing idea. this will be soooo aweseome and will definitely work' but then .. you know...self reflection#lol.. is this just like the millions of other iterations of a similar thing? No.. This Is Different ... Surely...#Though if I had a millionaire friend and a few people who do the type of coding you use for web design stuff and etc..#I could create the most elaborate detailed and amazing platonic friend seeking (and I guess you could also have 'dating' as an option#since that would draw in more of a crowd) website on the earth.. the new okcupid (back when okcupid didn't suckishly abandon their#whole format in hopes of trying to become just like tinder or whatever and they actually had like tons of info and percentages and#open answer questions and would list personality traits on a profile (like 'this person is more Open To New Expereinces than 65% of#other users' etc.). etc. etc. Oh what a beautiful thing I could craft for the detail freaks of the world.... Alas...#unfortunately we seem to be in an oversimplification era.. everything in short quick bites. everything on a tiny phone screen. etc.#marketing 'Introducing The Most Complicated Data Heavy Social Connection Site In The World' would not sell well I'd imagine gjhgjh#AANYWAY.. also no idea why the representation of me is in a turtle neck. what a bold fashion choice..#In another moment of self reflection.. the fact that in the first tag on this post I felt the need to define the word 'profile' just to be#specific as if people couldn't tell from context.. so clearly someone who finds filling out forms a 'fun afternoon activity' lol#the type of guy who finds psych evaluations and pop quizzes and making chore lists mostly enjoyable (< true)
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So abom dlc came out like yesterday and I dislike everything about the choices they made so to cope i made this (also for some reason preview quality is ass, click to see this thing in it's full cringy glory) (A lot of bitching in the tags also)
#darkest dungeon#dd abomination#dd flagellant#abomination x flagellant?#fuck do i tag this#like this is less a ship and more situationship#but i digress MAYBE i'll expand on it when i have a chance#anyways about my complaint#spoilers btw#they ruined him bruv#“boo hoo a beast bit him and now hes cursed”#this is such a lazy copout oh my god#og abom had such funky implications when it came to the beast#it could be part of his subconcious it could be a different entity! who knows!#he didnt and thats what made it fun too#here its just. bloodthirsty. thats all.#like yes ik the beast wasnt that characterized in first game but you could at least guess what its like#scared? angry? perhaps even thinking?#but that nuanced is remove in favour of “beast bad and bigby just made a silly mistake please feel bad for him”#boooooo#i hate it#fuck it#darkest dungeon 2#i need outsider opinion on this#like is it just me? is it only me that they flattened any potential for fun and nuance he could have#just to make the laziest easiest writing choices?
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sometimes when I see killermare (usually fanon) i have to remind myself that it’s fictional and interpretations and blah blah blah
#houndshowlings#killermare neg#ship neg#maybe it’s because of my own experiences with people like nightmare.#nightmare doesn’t even see killer as a person.#they can never be anything resembling healthy.#not together#they could never make me like you Killermare#this ship makes absolutely zero sense to me.#i can never see killer in love with him.#not genuinely.#not stage 2 killer.#he’d automatically assume it’s manipulation & nm wants something from him.#regardless of if nms feelings are ‘genuine’ or not.#and he wouldn’t trust that nm doesn’t want something.#at most he’d play along either bc he thinks he has no choice & this is what the player wants#or because it’s beneficial. even if only to stay alive.#bc nm is the type of bitch to strangle killer unconscious if he doesn’t smile genuinely enough when he sees nm.#stage 1 is possibly a lil different.
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everything abt the httyd remake feels like such a deep insult to the first film. Insulting animation as an artform, insulting the texture and lighting work that still holds up so so well. Insulting everything they put in to make it such a tightly written and skillful film. Like what could you improve with this scene, the amount of character you get from toothless here and seeing his thought process, fhe mix of accepting his fate, weariness and curiosity, you're just sucking the life and intention out of it for what. To see the dirt in between toothless's scales? Guess what you can already see that in the first movie. To flatten the lighting, remove all mood so you can see how good they modeled his new scales? Show you how real the mulch looks. Whatever. They do this all the time but this is personal (autism) you're being shown up by a film from 2010. She is eating you ALIVE. Even the other httyd films couldn't quite re-capture what they did with toothless in this first one, they remodeled him ever so slightly and he lost that edge of intelligent Animal, and became a Slightly more condensed version of himself now that his personality was established.
#i can see his tear duct i can see inside his nose i can see the where his#bigger scales thin out into softer ones#even the choice to make his eye colour such a loud green instead of the paler one#it's like yes that's an eye that's a HD eye texture i know i get it#it looks realer in the first shot. like everything else#like i was a dragon obsessed kid when this came out i was eating up every detail#you can see those subtle mottled patterns across toothless in certain light#when he's abt to attack stoic you can see the methane gas building in his throat first#for the sake of grounding these designs they incorporated Every detail you could ask for#literally the only thing that wasn't realistic is when toothless is stuck in the gorge and needs to rescue hiccup#and he clings to the edge of the caldera and his Claw the nail of his claw changes shape to be more hooked to get a better grip#that's it and we get why that happens for the scene it's good#DISCRETION. you need doscretion every shot can't be a vfx showcase#environmental lighting is always going to obscure some detail it's going to react differently it looks so fake because nothing is being#obscured or effected by their environment#the way the shadows react to toothles in the first shot gives such a good sense of his form. it makes it moody#it makes it feel colder and the shadows on his face help obscure his mouth making him harder to read. okay#can anypony hear me#what's wrong with you
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despite the fact that spider-neil is heavily based off of the amazing spider-man (2012) peter parker, neil is infinitely more similar to miles morales from the spider-verse movies
#dps#dead poets society#neil perry#spider-neil#mostly because of miles and jeffs relationship compared to neil and thomas’ but also personality wise hashtag in my opinion#although miles and jeffs relationship is infinitely more understanding and obviously holds mutual respect where neil and thomas’… doesn’t#both artists (albeit in different fields) who are being pushed into something ‘greater’ or ‘better’ for their own long-term benfit/success#dorky in an endearing and charming way#very personable and well liked by those around him (visions exempt in miles’ case but he IS the new kid after all)#both sneaking out to do what they Actually love/enjoy (graffiti and acting)#and are both conscious of the fact that their fathers will kill them if they find out they did#both have a mentor mentee relationship (even if its a bit more fatherly and nurturing/less dysfunctional in neil and keatings case)#to be anderperry pilled here for a second: both have an embarrassing crush on a blond(e) with blue eyes#blond(e)s who are closed off and avoidant and have a hard time opening up no less#even if gwen is SO much blonder than todd oh my god he barely even counts lowkey 😭#also DIALOGUE PARALLELS. OH MY GOD SO MANY DIALOGUE PARALLELS.#‘just listen to me!’ / ‘okay champ! you got it! go for it! say whatever you wanna say! what do you got to tell me so bad!’#‘i’ve got to tell you what i feel!’ / ‘what! what! tell me what you feel! what is it?’#‘we all make choices in life miles.’ / ‘well it doesn’t feel like i have a choice!’ / ‘you don’t!’#‘don’t you ever dispute me like in public again.’ / ‘father i wasn’t disputing you-’ / +#+ ‘once you’ve finished medical school and you’renon your own then you can do as you damn well please but until then you do as i tell you.’#‘mom… have you and dad ever thought of moving out of brooklyn?’ / ‘our family doesn’t run from things miles.’#‘isn’t there an easier way?’ / ‘no.’#‘when will i know i’m ready?’ / ‘you won’t. it’s a leap of faith. that all it is miles. a leap of faith.’#‘for the first time in my whole life i know what i wanna do. and for the first time i’m gonna do it! +#+ whether my father wants me to or not! carpe diem!!!!’#miles confidence and belief in himself allowing him to properly use his powers in the first movie happening when +#+ jeff tells him how much HE believes in him and how he knows miles will be great no matter what he does#and the fact that neil could have gone SO FAR if he just had the proper parental support……#i’m literally INSANE about their tether guys ITS SO STRONG
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honestly (i say, piggybacking off of @fatedvoyage's post) the fact that so many ships i've had through the years have started as a joke says some...interesting things about me, i guess.
buckytony wasn't a joke, necessarily, but i lost the steering wheel to the bus on that one pretty early on and it's been a [mumbled number of years] since that whole thing even started and they are, by far, my favorite, top tier ship for tony. i love them and their stupid inside jokes and their stupid little domestic life and their stupid little adventures.
a friend and i had a ship for tony and maccready (yes, that maccready) that started out as me testing a romance mod on a tony fo4 playthrough that led to several unfortunate ingame events (you ever try to romance a companion and get turned down because buddy-) that i got laughed at about until we weren't laughing anymore because it was like you know what and still has a special place in my heart umpteen years later just because it existed and was some juicy characterization digging and a...slightly unorthodox take on romance in the irradiated world.
emmrich and zevran, i...i honestly don't have any excuse for that one, i hate that it literally started out as me bullying dean about taking that old man to pound town on a playthrough and he picked zevran and now i hate myself for how much i kind of love?? them??? like i am legitimately mad about it. this was supposed to be for giggles to make fun of dean about, i wasn't supposed to sit here and rotate them in seriousness.
anyway, trip down memory lane to the gazebo we're standing in today listening to zevran's bad pick up lines aside, that's the thing, right. like the ships i still look back on most fondly (like maccready's rper no longer writes on tumblr, for example) or that i hold closest to my heart have a common element of like...we were joking until we weren't? or we tossed out the script (such as in buckytony's case) because the inmates were running the asylum, anyway, you know what i mean?
i do not, under any circumstances, set out to ship just to ship, it's just not my thing, but man when the blorbos click, or they click unexpectedly, that's just. 👌😩 there's a couple here that are starting to veer into that territory and i'm sitting here nose pressed to the window like SICKOS_yes_HAHA_YES.jpg over it all.
sometimes your blorbo points at the idiot blorbo you were making fun of and says that one, and you're stuck with those bad decisions until you gaslight yourself into looking at them as warm fuzzies, is what i'm saying.
#( tbd )#// i'm joking#// mostly#// emmrich and zevran still make me so mad that wasn't supposed to head into real territory!!!!#// but the common factor here#// aside from my characters and their stellar life choices#// (looking specifically at you tony stark)#// 1. talking#// god i could yap about stuff like this all day it's a problem#// the more i talk the more i get a feel of who they are together#// the more i do that the more i hold them up and smash their faces together#// 2. not trying too hard for the most part because if the chemistry is there#// the blorbos make it happen whether you want it to or not#// (laser eyes at emmrich and zevran continue tbh)#// 3. throwing out the script because yes a framework is nice#// but you know what#// it's gonna be different taken out of the context of like#// button mashing to get there#// and honestly the surprise of how they zig instead of zag is the best part#// thanks for coming to my ted talk#back by unpopular demand - me / ooc.
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KILL!!!!!!!!!
#my post#this is so mean. why did i make this#but also....... the gun is in your hands now#i'll admit that it's my fault for putting the gun in your hand... however i've no say in what you choose to do with it#will you pull the trigger and accept whatever happens from now on? will you give yourself into the role forced upon you?#no one will know anything if you don't say anything. there will be no consequences or repercussions to this choice#but you will know. and you will need to live with that knowledge for the rest of your life#a gun not fired is like an itch not stratched#in the end i have no control over what you do... but free will is a funny thing#the brain is very susceptible to suggestion... everything we see and experience will remain with us in some way#if that's the case then how much control do we really have in our lives? how do we separate what we really want vs what we're told to want?#things like hunger... desire... they're all things the body asks for. but are they things that we truly want?#or are they merely a mechanism built into us for the sake of survival?#everything blends into everything. your past actions will inform your current actions. you're the only one who's ever lived your life#you're the only one who will ever live your life#little variables and experiences we all share... but the order varies greatly from person to person. everything is just a series of events#the way i see the world is different than the way you see it regardless of how similar they are#what choice will you make now? and how does it differ from the choice you would've made a week ago? a month? a year? does it differ at all?#does free will truly exist? i think it does... but not in the way most people think it exists#you and i... we might differ on that thought. or we might not.#regardless of whatever i've been rambling about right now... refusing to make a choice is still a choice you make. life is ironic like that#does one of them really have to go? that's for you to decide now#i've merely chosen to put the gun in your hand. to make you aware of the possibilities#so i hope you realize what power your choices have#dca fandom#daycare attendant#yeah sometimes i just say things that i think are deep but they're really not#i hope the choices i make have an effect on others. even if it's just one person...#if i can make even just one person think about something they wouldn't have normally thought about then isn't that a win?#life is a series of choices... ''it'd be great if you could see a figure of light by the time you die'' ♡
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