#what could have been a complex take on social expectations in turn gets even MORE homophobic | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ballerinarina · 3 months ago

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𐙚LET'S TALK ABOUT... DIEGO, LILA & FIVE

Okay, firstly I need to state that I'm going to say my impressions about the season four of The Umbrella Academy, focusing on the subway plotline. My considerations are very long (I'm talkative!) and about what I watched in the episodes and what I read on social media, so, I am totally open to opinions too!!

As an hyperfocused girl, I've been thinking about the subway arc plot decision during an absurd amout of time. I watched it a few times and read a lot of opinions. Yet, I still feel a little... surprised (?) by the intense hate over it.

It's not about liking or disliking the new couple that I'm talking about. Since naturally people would prefer one ship over another, it was obviously waited that the opinions would be divided.

I just... can't understand why people hated it so much as if it was a bad plot decision. Diego and Lila are beautiful together, i agree! They have a long, real and strong love story together. But why people are acting like this new plotline erased all their relationship together? Relationships are more complex than that.

Feelings are more complex than that. Humans are.

Actually, I may say that the psychological development that happens in the subway is way more interesting because Lila and Diego love each other, as much as Five loves Diego too.

This being said, I don't mean that I think a cheating plotline is interesting because of the cheating. I actually use to dislike it a lot. However, dealing with cheating in a black-and-white way as if it's an indefendible action is not clever. Sometimes, some things I read make me realize that people are so stuck into traditional morals that their capacity of thinking and analyzing complex emotional situations is kind of... damaged.

𝐒𝐨... 𝐋𝐢𝐥𝐚 𝐗 𝐃𝐢𝐞𝐠𝐨 𝐨𝐫 𝐋𝐢𝐥𝐚 𝐗 𝐅𝐢𝐯𝐞?

The Umbrella Academy is known as a series with very human and complex characters. That's what makes it so good, from the beginning! That's why I think it's kind of sad to judge their relationship with a typical moral view.

Claiming that Lila didn't deserve Diego, for example is so... so sad. She was an amazing mother and wife. She tried to go back to them for six years and as soon as she could she went back! Not even thinking twice! She loves Diego, of course she does!

Loving Five doesn't make her love for Diego less strong.

I really don't think Lila X Five is just neediness, however, no way. They already spent two seasons constructing a beautiful (friend) relationship before and in this horrible context they spent a lot of time taking care of each other, being each other's support. Considering this and their communication development — jokes on season 3, kindness in the beginning of season 4 — it's not surprising or nonsense that it turned to become romantic. People and relationships change, love is built and adapted.

I don't think Lila stopped loving Diego (i mean romantically, but even if she did, she surely didn't in other ways of loving that are as beautiful as it is) but that doesn't make her love for Five false, and Five loving and having a relationship with her doesn't make him a bad brother either. That's why I emphasized that TUA is a series with complex relationships. Why do you get upset and surprised when another relationship between complicated characters is built due to the tragedies of the script?

If this didn't cause outrage before, could it cause because, this time, when things get complicated, the plot resource used questions the standard romantic drama format expected by the system?

𝐍𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐞 𝐩𝐥𝐨𝐭? 𝐎𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫?

I guess one of the main arguments I saw was that their relationship didn't make any sense and that their scenes were extremely out of character, but I don't think it could be sustained when they both are characters who go through a lot that makes them change, alone or together. What they're claiming being out of character may simply be character development under non-ideal circumstances.

It seems like there's an strong resistance to open their minds while watching and realize that love isn't something that can only happen once and/or once at a time and under ideal situations. Diego and Lila's marriage crisis, Five and Lila developing ther friendship inbetween work cumplicity, Five looking more lost and tired in his decisions than before, the fact that it is the second time he has been trapped in space-time — which is a big trauma for him, since, from the first season (in the first apocalypse) we have been shown that, despite being introverted, arrogant and reserved, it is precisely "relating" that serves as a point of refuge for Five not to go crazy, lowering his guard and being kind...

All of this constructs very well their psychological coherency. "He wouldn't treat her like that during season 2 or 3!", "Lila would never be a domestic mother/ Five wouldn't work do CIA!". Well, we're talking about them now, not there.

One of the plot decisions to start this season was that the characters were living between what they kind-of-desired, but things still weren't fine, they still weren't getting what they wanted.

Five being free from the world-ending, but stll not being able to relax and live a simple retired life as he wanted. Klaus being sober and free of the ghosts, but insecure and anxious. Allison having Claire and Ray, but still unable to live a happy marriage and career. Viktor having his place working with something that makes him comfortable, but still unable to find love. Diego and Lila having a family and marriage and still unable to feel happy because the domestic work dynamic wasn't working...

Adulthood. Real life. None of those situations were out of character, as much as none of the psychological changes they suffered were too.

𝐀 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐦

Since I don't really see the point on why would all of the happenings between them three could be claimed as "nonsense", even less "unasked" or "unnecessary" — because it's a work of fiction and, even if it may not be what the public wants to watch, it is not something that needs to prove its usefulness, just as events (that tie together well, because coherency matters) do not need to prove their necessity in art —, so it makes me even more sad that clearly mostly of the reactions are based on conservative views of marriage.

I know this season is not perfect, and it had a lot of defects, so I'm not saying the arc is perfect. As all the other arcs, it happened in a hurry, making us the public less abl to feel the 7 years of development. Complaining about how the arc was executed is perfectly fine, actually: after all, we know that 4 episodes were cut from the original script, as were many recorded scenes (including a big part of the subway plotline).

AIDAN: "There's a lot of the relationship with Lila that we filmes but they cut it. It took weeks to film it and they used a few minutes in a montage. That wasn't right. It also made very hard for the viewers to believe when we spent weeks filming scenes to set up that scenario."

But when I bring the conservatism theme (misoginy and remnants/consequences of the monogamous religious structure), it's because, even if we have lots of other of worse defects on other parts of the season, the biggest public overreacting opinions have been undoubtly about Five and Lila.

Anyone who spends more than 2 minutes in the comments on Twitter, Tiktok or even here knows that most of the time people've been sad and angry treating them both as if they were turned into cheaters with no morals (Five as a new kind of scroundrel asshole, Lila as some kind of ungrateful whore and I've even seen people problematizing their enemies phase, or the age difference as if one of then, or even the director, were predators, which is pure nonsense) and I can't even express how it makes me deeply melancholic.

I can't see how reacting as if the situations they were put in and their actions toward it in the scripts were absurd, terrible and dumb can't be just conservative, because they were actually very well tied script decisions, used in a bold way. With an interesting and well written enemies to frenemies to friends to lovers trope, they managed to write something fun and that developed both of the characters in their early-season-conflicts-arising-from-other-seasons.

𝐒𝐨? 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧, 𝐂𝐞𝐂𝐞?

I truly just... Can't understand how some people ended up having collectively such insensitive opinions about the relationship of two characters who were so... vulnerable.

Non-ironically I even saw a lot of people defending they would prefer Five to end up with a “real life Dolores” plotline (since the author felt the need of a romance) than with Lila, or that he shouldn't ever fall in love with anyone else than Dolores. It sounds so... Insane. I can't see how someone can have any kind of shipping-affection for his "sick" relationship with Dolores. It was, for me, a completely heartbroken arc.

While watching this new season, actually, it made me almost warmly happy, as a Five fan, to see him having someone to take care of him in hard times like that. Last time he didn't have it. They loved each other, they constructed this love and even if it was constructed under a refuge, extremely vulnerable situation, as much as even if it was constructed over a hopeless and trust-breaking decision towards their loved Diego, it doesn't make it less real and beautiful.

They aren't bad people. They aren't cheaters. They were desperate.

I'm happy they found love in each other. They were victims but managed to construct a beautiful relationship to survive and it doesn't make them love less Diego, as a brother or as a lover.

Of course it breaks completely my heart that Diego and Five died without making peace, but while watching not even for a moment I considered that they stopped loving each other. They're brothers, they've went through a lot.

They were doing so fine getting along together since they came back from the apocalypse.... There's no way it would "destroy" and "erase" (terms used by some fans) all the progress that's been made... I think it would be a very shallow interpretation of their relationship and a very futile interpretation of the events. Some of the public is seeing the situation as if Five slept with his wife since the beginning, not as if he had felt in love with her in a very apocaliptical and hopeless situation.

It's essential to remember that nothing said romantic happened for six years. It turned this way only after they having practically given up hope of returning home, so exhausted they were.

I really don't think that such a desperate and lonely situation would erase all the love and dedication Diego have for Five (and Five has no reasons to stop feeling it for Diego too, obviously). Diego was totally the sweetest during this season, he did his best, but Five did too... Now they fought but it doesn't mean their relationship would be forever broken. They were both stressed out, of course, it was a sensitive situation. But, i don't think it would... However with an apocalypse going on, they just didn't have enough time.

Diego was clearly open to understand Lila better, so I really doubt he wouldn't try to do the same with Five. But, again, they were both heart broken, hot headed and with no time. It's sad and it affect them, but "destroy and erase" are very heavy terms and inconsistent with the context of their relationships.

I don't know. I don't know how to conclude this analysis. I just… Am sorry. I honestly feel lucky to have been able to experience Diego, Lila and Five, but I'm so sorry that I couldn't see these three hearts find peace in their complicated loves, even during their final moments. These are three very beautiful love relationships that grew up tangled up and that, unfortunately, couldn't unfold in time to hurt less their lovers.

It felt wonderful and desolate. I hope more people can feel it like i did.

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oddly-casual · 5 months ago

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Gaap Goemon appreciation post/ Character Analysis

because I need y'all to hype him up as much as I do.

I was a fan of the Mairimashita Iruma Kun anime many moons ago, and just recently I got back into it. Finished the manga. Walked away loving the entire Misfit class. Most of all, I see a criminal lack of Gaap content. So, here's why I love Gaap and why I think you should too.

By all accounts, there isnt a whole lot of focus or information about Gaap that goes beyond the depth of a kiddy pool. (It's like that for most of the misfits tbh...) Still, Gaap gets more focus than most.

Kindness and care:

The thing about Gaap that stands out the most, is how much of a natural caretaker this kid is.

He greets everyone he meets with respect. Often using the honorific "Dono" Which google tells me translates to "Lord" or "Master". Almost every time he greets somebody he always has an offer of Hell tea and onigiri. He always makes sure to take care of his guests and his friends. This kid has no shortage of manners. So polite.

In the Harvest Festival arc, Gaap is the one who goes out to save the other students even when Agares has valid points about why rescuing a bunch of demons they dont know wouldn't benefit them in any way. In the festival, where the entire point is to be a cut above the rest, what did Gaap do?

We see little examples of Gaap's kindness. How he defends his friends and is usually on the front lines whenever someone's well-being is cause for concern.

This boy is the mom friend who always had a painkiller and a stack of bandaids on hand. He's such a mom friend that he canonically fights with Jazz when it comes to taking care of their classmates. (They both have a caretaker complex.)

It's also the way Gaap responds to stress! In the Heartbreaker arc, Gaap is paired up with two first-years who won't stop fighting. This obviously stresses the boy out, because he had high expectations of getting along with his first years, but it didn't turn out that way.

The first thing Gaap does is try to offer them food, something we see Gap do to Agares when he snaps at him. When the offer of food doesnt work, he instead tries to assure the first years that everything will be fine. Even if Gaap isn't confident, his first instinct is to try to appeal to and take care of people. Even if that's not what they want.

It’s interesting, because Gaap doesn’t physically get in between them, like you would expect him to do. He avoids conflict when it gets physical, despite being such a capable fighter. (Though when it comes to saving others, he has no problem acting.)

Friends and Habits:

We get to know Gaap the most when he's around other people. Obviously, because he's a secondary character. I think another aspect of this is because Gaap is a social creature, he thrives around people. We rarely see Gaap standing alone and this makes sense because his goal is to have 100 allies.

In the demon world, we know that demons usually dont care about saving or helping others if it doesnt help them. Nor do they have the drive to see their efforts to the end, because they get bored rather quickly. Gaap breaks out of this status quo, along with the rest of the Misfits, by stubbornly pushing towards his goal even when the fruits of his labor dont bloom right away.

The biggest showcase of this drive is the person Gaap takes care of the most, that we know of.

Chapter 111 shows us that Gaap came to Agares' house every day. check it, every day. Gaap would go out of his way with breakfast and pick Agares up so he could make it to class.

Agares clearly doesnt want to go, but Gaap takes him anyway, refusing to leave him behind. From what we can guess, he's been doing it before they started training together. Which could mean Gaap didn't know this kid, but saw he wasn't going to class and went to go take care of him. (Classic extrovert adopting their introvert friend).

We see how that kindness affects Agares as a result. Agares feels guilty when he snaps at Gaap and goes out of his way to visit Gaap when he doesn't show up for class. (This could also mean Agares went to class on his own, without Gaap having to force him.)

Agares was also willing to help the people Gaap saved. Even when telling Gaap not to go out and save those people, Agares still houses them, keeps them safe, and even plans an escape route for the other students when things look bad. It's a lot of hassle for a character who hates being bothered. Gaap's kindness is contagious, even if it's not obvious at first glance.

Oh, Maybe He's Kinda Fucked Up?

No one escapes childhood unscathed.

Gaap is a caretaker, he does it happily. Even so, when you put yourself in the position to take care of others, there are parts of yourself that fall into neglect that you dont realize.

After the Heartbreaker arc (Chapter 272), Gaap is noticeably absent. We find out later, what happens when you fuck with the nice guy too much.

Maybe it was his crushed expectations, the stress of failing and losing, or maybe Gaap was just tired of being nice but he goes apeshit. Accidentally slipping into his Wicked cycle and nearly driving two students mad with his fucked up face.

We learn that showing your true face is a big no-no in the Gaap household. It's literally written on the walls, and Gaap feels immense shame and embarrassment that he broke a family rule.

He hides his face in his hands, and puts a bag over his face when Agares comes over. He's afraid of hurting someone again, even though the stress of those events have passed.

We dont know his parents' reaction, (because aint no way they dont know) Whether Gaap was disciplined by his parents or not, Gaap put this huge weight on his shoulders. Not blaming the stress of the situation, but blaming himself for losing control.

Gaap specifically said, “I panicked”. Which could mean that with all the stressors, he snapped and just lashed out. Gaap didn't willingly enter his wicked phase, I think he just gave in to his instincts. His bloodline originally started by warding off predators with their maddening appearance. What is panic if not your brain responding as if your body is in danger?

Despite Gaap reasonably getting upset, he still feels terrible for the trouble he caused and the students he hurt. The first thing he did after waking up was to ask if he could apologize to the first years for mentally scarring them.

Gaap’s ambition is to make 100 allies. It's pretty sweet. When a teenager says it(Gaap looks 17 yrs old), It just sounds like he wants to have friends. Pair this up with the fact that Gaap rarely asks for anything in return, and suddenly his wanting a ton of friends makes sense for someone who looks his age. Gaap takes care of people because he wants them to like him. (Even if he can drive them away with how much he cares.)

I have no idea where this desire comes from. If it's something his family drills into him, to be sociable and network, or if it's just a personal goal because of his ugly ahh face.

Regardless, this moment makes me want to lie down on the road while it rains:

Despite how much his ambition means to him, he is willing to isolate himself as long as it means no one else gets hurt. This speaks to his good intentions. It isn't just about the popularity or all the favors he could have from knowing so many demons. It's about forming genuine relationships with other demons and providing them a soft place to land and build community.

Look at my son, he tries so hard.

My final point:

Look at how cool he is. This is Chapter 76, my boy came out the gate swinging with powerful bloodline magic. He's got the position, he's got technique, he's got flare. What more could you ask for?

Gaap started out as rank 2, and since then has had no problem leveling himself up. Gaap always stays on his feet (Hence his nickname Busy Body), not letting himself fall behind his classmates. He aced his training and had since learned to use Wind as a companion and not as a tool. He even developed a full-range attack where he can pick which targets get hit by his swing and which dont. He is leveling up in the world. Dont hurt em now Gaap.

Conclusion:

I'm the equivalent of those parents who show off pictures of their kids from their wallet.

Gaap as a character, in the story he's in, isn't anything really new or groundbreaking. Even still, in a story like Mairimashita Iruma-Kun, the Misfit class are demons that are different. We get to learn why they're different, and how they learn to overcome these challenges despite how they threaten to hold them back.

Gaap is a good kid that you watch succeed from the background. We see him struggle and fall apart, but he never stops caring about others in that process. He's that good-natured kid in your life that you hope succeeds because in a cruel world, they make the decision to be kind.

If anyone made it this far, slay. Even if you never noticed Gaap before, I hope you have a new appreciation for his character. Nishi took time and love to write him out, I think that deserves attention too.

#character essay #character appreciation #m!ik #mairimashita! iruma kun #welcome to demon school iruma kun #gaap goemon #agares picero #manga panels #To the three Gaap fans out there I hope i did our boy justice #He's just such a sweet kid #Can you tell how the manga affected me? Is it obvious?#Kinda tempted to do posts like this for other characters because this was fun to write! And I also like reading about characters I like.#We all love an underdog story and some of us were the kid that felt out of place growing up and for me the Misfit class is like a comfort #Like the best case scenario yknow?

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escespace · 1 month ago

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Merlin And Arthur modern settings with a twist

Merlin walks into his trusted coffee shop. Locally owned, familiar customer service, he's known them since he moved to the city. Strangely there's someone at the cash register when he goes to place his order , it's not a place where there are lines or a lot of new customers.

He doesn't pay much attention until the conversation in front turns up the volume beyond what is normal for the quiet place.

"There is no way to screw up a simple order of black coffee and yet human idiocy ends up surprising me!" Said the burly blond who turns his back on him

"Hey hey! that's enough, My friend"

"Do I know you?" He turns to it and can tell that the front is just as impressive as his back had indicated.

"I'm Merlin..."

"so I don't know you"

And we know how this romantic introduction continues. The difference is that this time Freya, who is working the cash register, has been tired of the customer since he came into her store like a wrecking ball pushing other customers and ordering fancy franchise coffees until that after a lot of time wasting she forced him to make a normal request, then she decides to push the coffee in the hands of the unknown man as a courtesy of the house hoping that he would eventually go away (and hoping she would not have to intervene in whatever that pair is referring to by " Take You Apart" and "blows")

The unknown blond does not leave but has the decency to seem surprised by the attention he's been drawing as he retreats to the corner table.

Merlin is near the cash register to talk to Freya but it seems that the only thing he wants to talk about is the blond idiot, which tires his friend out. With a cake stuffed in his mouth she shushes him away, which makes him sit at a table with a direct view of the blonde.

From that position Merlin comes up with the brilliant idea of playing a harmless joke.After all, anyone who yells at the adorable Freya deserves it, right? I won't say yet what happens but it involves public wifi.

It's only when Arthur arrives at his apartment complex, where of course all his loved ones live, that he notices people looking at him strangely. Leon handed him a cream without saying anything when he passed by. Morgana can't stop laughing like a deranged hyena and Gwen is hovering around him like a disappointed mother, trying (and failing) to give him a lecture on safe practices (SAFE PRACTICES OF WHAT?)

After a while they finally take pity on him (more like they want to see his face when he finds out) and they show him a Twitter post he apparently made that same afternoon where he asked: "what could it mean if there are itchy welt near my You know?"

HE DOESN'T EVEN POST ON SOCIAL MEDIA

That one was definitely not posted by him. But then, what happened?

He delegates to Morgana the task of investigating what happened because he has no experience with technology and she has contacts. It is clear that someone entered his media but they doubt that it was only to post a silly message in an abandoned account.

The problem was that Morgana's contacts couldn't find anything even the next day. Luckily, Arthur was expecting it and didn't stop, instead preferring the old way. He checked the time the post was made and remembered that right at that the day before at that moment he was in the annoying cafeteria.

Surprisingly, the tall black-haired man is there again. And Arthur's not lying to himself, the back and forth he had earlier with that guy distracted him from the terrible day he'd been having, you could even say it was fun. He can go and bother him and do what he came to do, he is a multitasker and a skilled one at that.

"looking for trouble again?"

"That would be looking for you and, no thanks, I wouldn't disgrace myself that way"

...

"You think you're so smart but the truth is it takes more than just a quick tongue to get you far"

"You wish you could see my tongue being quick, my friend, you're not so lucky"

...

"that's not even a word!"

"Didn't you hear me say it? Let me repeat it, DOLLOPHEAD! That's what you are! "

...

And somehow they end up talking about why Arthur is there:

"Hahahaha! Whoever made this is a genius!"

"It's an eight-year-old's joke. It's not funny or stylish. Apart from that, this person entered my abandoned social networks, I don't even remember the last time I logged in... Who knows what else he has done with my data"

"You know what? I have exactly what you need"

He hands him a card that says "Golden Age: Private Investigation" and Arthur laughs

"What? You a private investigator?"

"If you don't want it..."

He tried to take it from his hand, but Arthur quickly put it in his suit jacket and, without stopping to stare at it, he walked away.

A week passed before he decided to visit the supposed offices of Golden Age and it was not in the least because of his problem with infiltration of his social networks. The truth was that nothing happened after the damn post. There was no missing money or corrupted files, and Morgana had her best technicians checking the devices associated with the organization at all times.

Before Arthur reaches the building where the offices are, he notices that there is a commotion in a remote place. There he finds Merlin surrounded by unfriendly looking men and what does the idiot do? He makes them even angrier with his mockery.

Arthur couldn't even get close because Merlin ended up showing them something from his phone. He held the device being too haughty and it seemed to be well earned given the cautious reactions he received

It seems that it was not enough because the next moment the thugs were advancing on the slender black-haired man. He was agile enough to get under the pile of arms but almost ran over Arthur, who was stupidly blocking the exit from the alley, before continuing straight towards the road with tremendous car traffic

Arthur will never admit that he was paralyzed when he noticed that Merlin didn't even take his eyes off his cell phone as he continued running. The thugs followed soon after, though not as nimbly, among the honking vehicles.

It was a miracle (more likely thanks to his obsessive observation skills) that he noticed what was really going on.

It wasn't that Merlin was a lucky bastard. The bastard was controlling the cars in some damn way until he finally reached the opposite end of the street Just as the police sirens started to sound nearby and the thugs had no choice but to start running towards a parked van

Now, now. If there's one thing Arthur is grateful for in life (and there isn't much of that) it's for making him smart. He's gotten to where he is because of his abilities, despite what anyone says, among which he takes most pride in his ability to recognize talents that would be valuable in his organization, and no matter what Merlin was doing he surely could serve well in the team.

Unbeknownst to Arthur, of course, that during the week he took to think about whether or not he should go to Golden Age, Merlin was also doing research and nothing he found about Arthur sat well with him.

This is then just the beginning of the most ridiculous and exasperating relationship of rivalry-friendship (and perhaps something more) between a genius hacker with a Robin Hood complex and a corporate who works on a line not very legal (aló? Mama? I'm in love with a criminal)

Holy heavens, have mercy on me and stop sending me ideas because I don't know how to write them!!! 😫😫😫

I swear that after so much thinking about this idea I already know what the first meeting between Arthur and Merlin's associates in Golden Age would be like: Lancelot and Gwaine (a disaster involving weapons and a very stressed Merlin). I also know that Arthur is in a relationship with Vivian at the time he accepts his friendship with Merlin for what it is (and neither of them like each other romantically at this point but they don't need to be in love to be their weird themselfs with each other) And VIVIAN BEGINS TO COMPETE ALONE FOR ARTHUR'S ATTENTION (She thinks she's competing against Merlin but the reality is there's no competition to begin with)...

Now now if only I could SIT DOWN AND WRITE INSTEAD OF FANTASIZING

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darin-nidk · 8 months ago

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Prev. | Interlude |

「 Radiosilence (QPR Reader and Alastor) 」

Content: Mostly angst; t.w.: panic attack, anxiety attack, swearing, fear of abandonement, Charlie doesn't get paid to be a therapist.

"God fucking damn it", they turned on their heels as they kept walking, grunting and cussing. Their eyes focused on a chair as they kicked it across the room, effectively breaking it. Hands gripping their hair and lightly tugging at it. "How could he do this to me?!".

"I, ah, what if we take deep breaths..?", Charlie stuttered, the princess of Hell looking anxious at how this particular room was an absolute wreck, even the windows were broken — maybe she needed a hotel manager or someone with more experience than her and uhh, maybe let Vaggie pick who gets to stay in through an interview process..? The demon before her simply stared at her with a sharp glare that made her feel small.

"You have to excuse me, Charlie but, I can't take a deep breath when I feel like suffocating", such words were accompanied by them scratching the skin from their neck all the way down to their collarbone with their claws that were poking out, slightly tearing the skin and bleeding. Somehow that helped to ground them and not spiral out of control. "I can expect betrayal from everyone but him, we are waaay past that stage, we grew up together, aged together, and he disappears?! What the Hell am I supposed to expect? To feel? It's like my metaphorical heart has been ripped apart and torn into pieces, my ribcage hurts when I breath, fucking Hell!", grabbing a book from the small bookshelf, the demon named (Y/N) growled and tossed it against the wall, denting it. They were breathing heavily as they tried to calm down, usually Alastor would know how to calm them down but he was the cause.

"Charlie, you don't understand, he and I... I can feel he made a poor choice because he was cornered and not knowing what he did is driving me insane, I have a deep connection with him. Hell, if he breathes the wrong way I know what the fuck is up—". Explaining their relationship was complex, usually they got misunderstood because apparently someone couldn't care about another without having romantic feelings or whatever.

This feeling was far more complex, they were more than family and friends, soulmates was a bit of a stretch... perhaps a mirror of one another in some fancy manner of speech? And ocasionally engaged in exchanges that could be interpreted in a different light, but romance wasn't it. They had a mutual connection but no carnal desires, their company was an anchor to ground them, it was a comforting bond.

Whatever social need they required, they could satisfy with each other without any misunderstanding or, at least, if there was one then it could be easily fixed with a conversation over a hot beverage with jazz playing on the background.

But Alastor broke their bond without any fucking explanation.

"Fuck, fuck!", (Y/N) cried as they held their face, falling onto their knees. Their vision blurry due to tears rolling down their cheeks, they were having trouble breathing.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel imagine #hazbin hotel x reader #alastor x reader #alastor x male reader #alastor x nb reader #🧍 he speaks

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malewifesband · 8 months ago

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Here is a Labru fic I wrote over the last week or so. Post-canon. Extremely sexually explicit, 18+ only please. Trans male Kabru, and yes, Laios is a little chasery about it--be honest, you should expect this of him. 7.5k words.

Summary: With Marcille and Falin both gone temporarily from the castle*, Kabru and Laios have had a high workload, and the stress has started to get to them. Kabru has an ingenious solution to relieve stress, but Laios is not so sure it's a good idea: his feelings for Kabru are confused enough without adding the concept of platonic dick-touching to the mix.

*Will be followed up on in its own fic.

This and future fics will be filed under the tag #the compendium; because I dont like any fanfic sites.

Lots of things seemed to demand Laios' time: a deluge of common folk with grievances and indignant nobles angry at their recent vassalage and farm owners who didn't like whatever ordinance Laois had passed to increase food production because they didn't want to milk minotaurs and still more peasants complaining about the farmer he just saw, and on and on, forever, without end, it would rain pissed off subjects for forty days and forty nights and Laios could drown in the all the information they wanted him to track. Kingship was a nightmare.

He could and would say it was worth the pain to see when his plans succeed and happy faces of people whose lives were improved, but in honesty what actually made it bearable was the company and help of Falin, Marcille, and Kabru. Falin and Marcille were wonderful court mages and fantastic researchers, who made all his stupid ideas into real, actionable policy, and Kabru… Kabru helped him get even that far. It was incredible how quickly he would catch onto complex social dynamics and dissect them, remix them into something Laios could parse, and whisper it to him on the throne. All without missing the next beat.

And for the past month, he’s been over-relying on Kabru, and neither of them have been able to get away from the castle. Marcille and Falin have been having a rough patch, and decided they needed time together away from the castle. Which of course, Laios let them go take a vacation–he owed them that much. But while they've been away, tensions have exploded. The resurfacing of the Golden Continent has lead to droughts across the land as crop fields used to an abundance of rain from the coastline suddenly found themselves far inland, and foreign land holders were demanding compensation, and of course their rulers backed them as it meant they would not have to pay to feed the victims of an impending famine. (And no one seemed willing to farm monsters to eat despite their abundance. Close-minded jerks–it’s a necessity!)

The ordeal has been taxing on them both, and Maybe Kabru more than Laios. He’d been taking dinner in his quarters the last two days, and he's been standing about a foot further from the throne than he was before. Odd little distances from Laios he didn't take before. Laios feels like he's barely seen him in a week. He’d reminded him to eat and sleep plenty, and Kabru insisted that he had been. Laios wasn't sure what else he could really do.

A line of delegates had been leaving the dining room, a late meeting over dinner that perhaps no one wanted to have, one night when Kabru leaned in again, just as the door closed, and said, “Laios, can I talk to you about something, man to man?”

Laios was not sure how else they were meant ro talk, being as they were both men and thus couldn't talk, say, woman to woman or dog to dog, but he replied, “Sure, what's up?”

Kabru’s face darkened. “Not here. Let's talk in your chambers. I’ll meet you there in 30 minutes.”

It didn't feel like a long wait. He’d only really started to settle down when Kabru knocked at the door.

“Come in,” He called, kicking off his boots. Kabru entered, smiled at him, and then turned to bolt the door behind him. He took a deep breath and turned back to face Laios.

“You know I love this job,” he says.

“That’s great–” Laios starts to exclaim, but Kabru holds up a finger to silence him

“BUT. I have no time for women anymore, and it's been… frustrating.”

“What about Rin? She's a woman,” he said. She was pretty and they seemed pretty close.

“That's very true, Laois, Rin is a woman, but she's also like a sister to me. I could never date her.”

“Do you want time off?” He couldn't imagine running things without him, and Yaad insists that because he doesn't know how long he'll last in this world, that he should refrain from interfering so they do not depend too much on his service when he finally passes… Surely though, he’d be okay with filling in for Kabru for a couple of days? Maybe best not to tell him it's so Kabru can go on dates.

“No, it's not a real solution,” he says. He takes a deep breath, and his face flushes, getting darker again. “I don't think I could get away enough to meet my needs, I’d still be sexually frustrated.”

People get mad at you if you suggest they just go to a brothel for an hour or so, so Laios doesn't say that. Instead he tries, “You could invite a girl over for dinner, that seems like a cool date: dinner in a castle!”

The flush darkened.

“That's too serious. I’m not really looking for a girlfriend right now, not with how much work there is to do.” He averted his eyes from Laios' face, and crossed his arms.

“We could have an informal dinner–”

“Laios.” he said, firmly, like calling on a misbehaving dog. Something about that thought made Laios' heart flutter.”I’m trying to ask something of you. Please don't make any suggestions yet.”

He looked sweaty.

“Okay.”

He took another deep breath.

“I think it'd be easiest if we masturbated each other.”

Woah. Laois’ face fell into shock, open mouthed and wide-eyed like a fish gasping on deck.

“C-couldn't you just do that alo–”

Once again, Kabru cut him off, this time by touching his elbow.

“You’ve been pent up too,” he said softly, a small smile on his face, which had an odd effect with him still being flushed and sweaty.

Laios had been trying to pay attention to Kabru the way Kabru pays attention to others (it seemed fair to do that for him when he does it for everyone else), and so he knew this was the manner he talked to people he wanted to convince of something they already said they didn't want. In 15 instances of him doing this, Laios had seen him succeed 11 times. It seemed to work by making himself seem nonthreatening–he leans forward in a way that makes him smaller and exposes the neck, and his voice becomes quieter, almost like a purr, and he always smiles but never broadly in a way that shows his teeth.

He was starting to wonder how instance 16 would turn out. So he went quiet while Kabru went on.

“You’ve been as moody as I have, and I know what incredible stress you've been under with Marcille and Falin away, and your other friends unable to visit… We need to find a way for you to relax, and I promise it’ll be more satisfying if you let someone else touch you.”

That much, Laios knew, was true. Like trying to give yourself a hug, there was a certain sensation that was lacking–maybe the warmth of another person, or the fact that you can feel both the skin of your hand and the skin of your penis/body pressed together that makes it less powerful. He didn't have a ton of experience though, none of it with other men–though maybe that was for the best, since Kabru was not like other men and Laios was unsure what exactly to expect from him, genitally speaking. And all of his experiences had been transactional. And not that great.

Honestly, trying to navigate this strange social experience sounded far more stressful than a good orgasm could relieve. Just the thought of trying to figure out where to put his hands and at what point is it sex and can you have sex with your friends and just be friends and and and–

The hand at his elbow slid up to his bicep, and Kabru's other hand slipped around his opposite wrist.

“Tell me what's on your mind, Laios,” he said, gentle and firm.

“Do you have a cock? I’ve never held another man's cock and wouldn't it just be sex either way?” he answered all in a rush, heat rising from his neck to the tops of his ears. Kabru's grip tightened and then relaxed again.

“Yes and no to both,” he said.

“Wait, yes or no to which?”

“Yes and no to both,” he repeated, “If I have a cock depends on what you're asking for, and it's only sex if we say it is and we are saying it's not! It's not as complicated as you're making it out to be.”

Laios disagreed–this was already complicated. It seemed it would only get more complicated if they went through with it. And maybe even more complicated than that if they didn't after this conversation.

“I’ll be gentle, Laios, you're not the first virgin I’ve been with,” he said with a little laugh.

“Hm? I’m not a virgin,” Laios stated.

Kabru's eyes widened a bit, eyebrows raised.

“You… aren't? You had a girlfriend?”

Laios shook his head. “I had a fiancee, but I didn't really know her.”

Kabru exhaled loudly.

“You know what, it doesn't matter. You just need to tell me if you want to try it out.”

Laois really wasn't sure. Something about the whole concept seemed off, but maybe it was just that it felt so sudden and out of the blue. Maybe Kabru had been thinking about it a while, and this really was his best solution. He pictured Kabru calm and content, like how he looks when he takes his tea in the morning before the stress of the day creeps in. If it was really what would make him happy, it didn't seem right to deny him.

“Kabru…” he said low, unsure how to voice what was on his mind.

Kabru's hand slid into his. It was warm. Comforting.

“Yes?”

“Is this really what you want? You're not just asking me because you think I’d want it?”

This question was apparently very funny. He chuckled, then let his face spread into a grin, and laughed heartily. His hand stayed in Laois' and the one at his bicep grabbed at his shoulder now as if to support him.

“I am doing my best to convince you this is a good idea, and you're worried I just think you want it! Do you see how silly that sounds?” he said once his giggle fit wore down.

“I guess,” Laios replied, “But you lied about wanting to eat monsters.”

“I wasn't the one convincing you to eat them, though.”

“I still don't get how it's not just sex though.”

“Think of it as platonic sex between friends if you must then, just don't go telling people we're having sex or they'll get the wrong idea. Actually, please just keep this secret in general.”

Why does sex always have to be some secret thing no one should know about?

Content that Kabru really did want to have not-sex with him (and now discontented with many other things), Laios was ready to give his answer: “Okay, we can do this.”

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Kabru started leading him to the bed.

“Oh you meant now,” he said.

“Did you… did you want to wait?” Kabru said cautiously. Their hands were still held together. Warm. Comforting. If none of the rest of this was fun, Laios would like to start holding hands with him more at least.

“Now is as good a time as any,” he answered.

“Because it’d make you nervous anticipating it otherwise.”

It wasn't a question, because if Kabru says something about what you think, it's usually because you did and he knows it. And it would make Laois nervous, sitting on his throne, listening to all those people, and having Kabru lean over him all day knowing what they'd be doing later. Which makes it sound very erotic, too. But in that romantic story way where you can just skip over the part where you have to do a lot that day and it'd be weird and honestly kind of strenuous to just be horny all day long: i.e. not actually all that erotic.

Then again, that last hour of waiting…

“Laios, sit on the bed, please.”

He sat on the bed as commanded, while Kabru put out the lights. Perhaps the dark made it less like sex. He left one dim candle and returned.

There was a poof as Kabru sank into the feather mattress beside him. It was quiet for a second.

It felt like Laios should say something, but what? It felt like all the thoughts had emptied from his brain, it was overwhelming, something was about to happen and it felt as dark inside his head as it did in the room. Like a flickering something in the back of his skull that he couldn't look straight at or it would blind him, but it was too dim to reveal anything else on its own.

“I’m going to undress. You should too, let's not overtax the launderer.”

Commands were good. He could follow commands. He stripped off his doublet and shirt sleeves–he had already ditched his finery as soon as he could get away with it–and started unlacing his breeches. His eyes were quickly adjusting to the dim glow, and now he could see Kabru’s outline.

His shirt was off, and he was bent double to remove his own shoes, showing off his back. He was lean, but you could see the strength in him, like a runner or a gymnast. He sat up, shoes tossed aside, and suddenly bucked his hips, and his pants and underwear dragged down his legs. With a little kick, they too lay discarded in the dark and leaving Kabru’s crotch exposed. Thick pubic hair shined there, but no external genitalia that Laios could see, at least not at this angle.

He was actually very curious about it. Certain monsters endogenously change their sex, such as Basilisks and some varieties of Merrow, under certain environmental or social pressures. Sometimes even due to unique genetics not found in others of their species! Kabru had said that he’d been taking a masculinizing hormone since he was old enough to start puberty naturally (apparently elves were rather accepting about such change), so he didn't develop breasts, but what effect that has on human genitalia, Laios was uncertain of. The monsters he knew of that could transition naturally did not have human-analogous genitalia, so he couldn't really conjecture.

“Your breeches are still halfway down your thighs, your majesty,” Kabru said. He laughed.

“Um. Sorry…” Laios hurriedly finished undressing.

And then it was still again.

“We don't have to do this if you don't want to,” he said. They were almost shoulder to shoulder, close enough that Laios could sense his nearness of him by the radiating warmth alone. He felt cold sitting there naked. He wanted to get closer. He didn't know how.

“...I do want to. I just…” he muttered. Kabru didn't prompt him to continue. Instead he put his arm around his shoulders and waited. After a second, he found the words to say, “I feel like I don't know what to do here, or what you want from me. I don't –I don't want you to not like it.”

“You can start by not trying to ogle me,” he replied.

“O-oh, sorry! I just want to know about how sex transitions work for humans! You see, a basilisk hen can become a rooster under specific circumstances, but they have cloaca, so their external genitalia remains the same, and it's similar for merrows, which you might know as the fish-type of merman–though I suppose you could use certain kinds of healing spells to create a penis and testes if you wanted one–”

“Laios, my friend, can we please focus on the task at hand?”

He sounded angry but didn't pull his arm away.

“Sorry! I’m nervous!”

Kabru sighed deeply again.

“If you need me to tell you what to do, then I will. But you better do it the way I tell you. And if you do…” he leaned in closer, the whisper of his breath grazing Laios' ear, “then I will enjoy it. Understood?”

A lump had just formed in his throat, so Laios could only nod once, animated enough for three.

“Good. I’m going to start by touching you. Try to stay still or lean against me.”

The hand at his shoulder began kneading there–at first it was a dull ache, but it soon began to melt into that warmth-comfort that being held by Kabru felt like. He groaned. Kabru's other hand snaked around his waist, more caressing than the deeper massage at the shoulder.

“You carry a lot of tension lately.” Kabru's voice was so quiet, and spoke directly in Laios' ear now, not an inch between them.

The kneading hand moved from the flesh of his shoulder to his neck. His fingers would press gently against his carotid, and the intimacy of it felt exciting. Like a wolf exposing his neck to his packmates, an ultimate show of trust. ‘You could kill me, but I know you wouldn't because of how much I matter to you.’

His nails dragged against his skin, just barely catching as he pulled his fingers back.

Kabru rested his head against Laios' back, nuzzling the nape of his neck, making his hair stand up. The caressing at his waist became firm, then Kabru dug his thumb into the hollow of his hip. Laois' cock twitched.

With excruciating langor, Kabru pushed that thumb down towards his groin, to the crook of his thigh. His knuckles brushed against his shaft as he began rubbing his inner thigh. The increasing tightness in his groin was becoming impossible to ignore.

“Should we kiss?” Laios blurted out.

Kabru paused his ministrations. And that was agonizing too.

“You want to kiss me?” he asked.

“It feels like we should be.”

He started rubbing his thigh again, but on the top of it, not the hypersensitive area near his half-erect cock.

“...We can try it,” Kabru answered. He spoke so slowly and softly, it was more like he was talking to Laois' shoulder than to Laios proper.

He pulled his hand away from Laios' thigh and cupped his jaw instead. Laios turned towards him, and tried to mirror him, bringing a hand to cup Kabru's face too.

It felt incredible to touch him, it made him feel silly that he hadn't been touching him before now. His skin felt so soft, with a hint of the roughness of stubble down his jaw. He rubbed his thumb over the apple of his cheek, where the flesh was plumpest. He wondered how Kabru's lips would feel.

He didn't wonder long.

Kabru pulled him closer by the nape of his neck until their lips pressed together. The feeling was difficult to describe: Kabru's lips felt soft against his, pillowy, but also a bit rough because they were a bit chapped, like he hadn't had enough water, but it wasn't really those qualities that seemed to matter most–it was this almost electrical feeling, like a static shock that surged through him through his heart to the base of his spine. Laois threaded his fingers into the hair at the back of Kabru's neck, enjoying the silky texture, and tried to deepen the kiss, get more of this feeling–

Clack!

Their teeth clashed and Kabru drew away quickly. He took his hand back from Laios' thigh to tend his teeth.

“Try to walk before you can run,” he hissed behind his hand.

“What does that mean? You're trying to have us masturbate each other and I’m just trying to kiss!”

“If you want to stop–”

“No, I don't want to stop! I just want you to make sense!”

“You are so frustrating!” he cried and fell back on the bed.

It just doesn't make sense! There was some essential divide between the way Kabru was acting and what he was saying and it bothered Laios. For once, he didn't feel like he’d done something wrong here. Except hurting his teeth (his own ached a little too).

“I’m sorry I hurt your teeth,” he said.

“It's fine.” He didn't sit back up.

“Can you please tell me what it is you actually want? None of this makes sense to me. You say you're sexually frustrated, you need to get laid, but we don't tell me to touch you or how you want it–”

“I was going to when I was ready.”

“You couldn't wait to do this, I don't believe that if your goal was quid-pro-quo orgasm, you wouldn't want to go first.”

“And why is that so unbelievable that I’d want you to cum first?”

“I don't know, it was just weird how you were making it all romantic and sensual but you say you don't want it to be romantic.”

He still wasn't getting up, so Laios fell back with him. Now they were both laying down with their legs hung over the side. Laios' erection flopped onto his belly.

“I can't believe you're still hard right now,” Kabru huffs.

“I can't control it, it does what it wants,” he answered.

Kabru chuckled, but then went quiet. Laios wasn't sure what to say. He hoped he hadn't ruined it–he really was enjoying it.

Laios turned towards him on the bed, to look at him, and said, “It’s fun, even though I feel like I don't understand you.”

Kabru didn't turn to face him, he stayed on his back, looking up at the ceiling. But he did talk again.

“I’m sorry. I–I don't know why I thought this was a good idea.” He sounded upset.

Laios grabbed his hand, and hoped that it felt as nice to Kabru as it felt for him.

“Laios…” he said, squeezing his hand, “I think I like you. Romantically, not just as a friend. I’m sorry I’ve made you uncomfortable.”

And that… That made more sense.

“Why didn't you just say something?”

“I’ve tried so many times and the words just die in my throat! Do you know how hard this is? I’ve never liked guys before and now I do and it's you! You, who I spend so much time with and none of it alone–the few times I’ve gotten you alone and tried to flirt or drop a hint or anything, you just don't seem to get it! And then I get so nervous about how to get through to you, I feel ill.”

“You weren't actually sick?!”

That made Kabru turn around. He slapped his hand to Laios' cheek and pulled.

“Focus, stupid!” he said.

“Okay, okay!”

His hold released. But the hand stayed. Laios couldn't help but smile: it really was nice.

“I like it when you touch me,” he said, realized how that sounded, and corrected, “Not just sexually but all the time,” realized how that might sound also, “But I’d like it if you touched me more just maybe as like a boyfriend instead of whatever it is you were doing before!”

Kabru pulled closer to him again–another kiss. This time, Laios let him do what he wanted. It was tender, it sent a shiver through Laios to try not grab him like he was trying to devour him whole, but he couldn't stop himself from cupping his hand over Kabru's and squeezing tight.

Too soon, Kabru pulled away again. He pressed his forehead to Laios' so the tips of their noses touched.

“I’ll fuck you as a boyfriend then,” he purred.

The blood rushed back to Laios’ dick so fast that it left him dizzy.

“Just lie like that a minute, I need to grab something.”

He did as he was told, but he did peek.

The candlelight only offered a glimpse of Kabru's silhouette as he got up and knelt by his bag–Laios hadn't noticed he'd brought one. He dug around, and Laios heard the clink of glass against glass. When he stood back up, he held a bottle, some larger, translucent object Laios couldn't make out, and what looked like a bunch of leather straps, and he held something else behind his back. He placed the leather straps and the glass bottle on the end table, and held out the larger object. It was a glass phallus, complete with textured bumps and a tapered end to keep it in place once inside someone. It was fairly small, as phalluses go, but it looked like it would feel perfect inside you.

“Get up on the pillows, and lie on your back.”

He scooched up and fluffed the pillows.

“Can you guess what I'm going to do with this?” he asked, very cheerily.

“Um. Put it in me?” He’d typically used his fingers when touching himself, and didn't have something as nice as this.

“Wrong! I'm putting this one in me–though if you ask nicely, I might let you do it. But this–” he pulled his hidden hand from behind his back. Held in his grasp was something Laios had never seen before. It was certainly also a phallus, certainly human shaped (complete with balls), but of a material he’d never encountered–not glass, nor the stuffed leather ones they sell in sex shops with the irritating looking stitches, but something stiff yet flexible enough to bend with the incredible girth of the thing. Maybe rubber? You couldn't easily get rubber on this continent since the trees won't grow here–it must've been expensive.

“This is the one I want to put in you.”

Laios gasped.

“That thing is massive! Are you sure?!”

He put the smaller one on the end table, and dropped the big one on the bed, letting it fwump and roll into Laois' side as he got busy putting on his harness. Laios was quickly coming to understand what he meant by ‘I have a cock depending on what you're asking for’. He meant to thrust it inside him like any guy with one growing out of his crotch could.

“Calm down, Laios. I’m not going to just shove it in there. I'm just putting it on, for the feel of it. We’ll stretch you out first.”

Laois could feel himself blush from head to toe. His unattended cock twitched painfully, but he didn't dare touch himself before Kabru got back on the bed and touched him first.

Thankfully the buckling and snapping came to an end. Kabru leaned over to grab the massive dildo, and secured it in place. The straps dug into the flesh around his hips and thighs, and wrapped around the base of the cock and the balls, almost fusing it to him. He uncorked the bottle and poured some of the liquid into his palm, then began stroking himself with it.

“The natural rubber can catch skin and hair if left dry, and it's really uncomfortable. This will help it feel more natural, and we’ll apply more once you're ready of course.”

“Can you get back on the bed now?” Laios said impatiently.

“Ah, now that you're thinking of me ‘like a boyfriend’ you know exactly what you want?” he said.

“Yes! I thought we were clear on that. Do we have to talk more? I’d really rather you touch me again,” he replied, increasingly aggravated every second Kabru was keeping him waiting like this wasn't his idea.

“I don't think I understand you,” he said, but to his credit he was on the bed now, “Any time I try to tease you and flirt with you, it blows up. I say the most humiliating thing I’ve ever said, completely lose my composure, and that's what works. Everytime.”

Laios huffed. He really thought they'd gotten over this by now. He grabbed Kabru's wrist and pulled him closer.

“Just say the thing that you mean first, and you won't be so embarrassed later. Fucking hell,” he said as Kabru toppled on top of him.

Kabru got back up, supporting himself by one elbow as he readjusted his cock, which was currently trying to rut itself into the crease between Laios' thigh and hip.

“Fine, here's my true feelings: you are such an ass.” He slapped his dick down on top of Laios' and dropped down, squeezing them between their bodies and winding Laios. He tried to moan, but with all the air pushed out of his lungs (on purpose!), all he could manage was a gasp.

“You still *gasp* like me though, right?”

He didn't answer, he just nuzzled into Laios' shoulder, kissing the skin where it joined the neck, and then slowly rocked his hips. He wasn't really expecting what it felt like–maybe it would've felt like a handjob did, but it didn't. It felt gentler than that, gentler than the constricted feeling of penetrating someone, yet with firm pressure on his sensitive shaft and head. The weight of Kabru on top of him, pressing their bodies together, felt incredible. He whimpered, his arms moving on their own to hold Kabru around the waist.

“Now you're the one who doesn't make sense. Be more confident that I like you even though I think you're a stupid asshole.”

Laios gasped again and turned to putty–Kabru picked up the pace and kissed his neck in earnest. Laois wanted to wrap his legs around him too, just take every part of him into himself, just absorb him, but Kabru's hands at his hips were locking him in place, and it would take an extreme force of will to try lifting them when it risked Kabru letting go. He went faster, and faster, kissing and tonguing his neck, until–

Kabru stopped abruptly, panting a little (Laois panted a lot). His dick throbbed with need.

“Don’t stop now…!” he whined.

Kabru sat up on his heels.

“I have a mission, Laios,” he said. He leaned over to grab the bottle of lube. He uncorked it, poured more in his palm, recorked it one-handed and put it back. With much squelching and spurting, he lubed up all five of his fingers and the palm too. He positioned himself so that his thighs created a wedge pillow for Laios' hips to rest on. Then, he pulled him up. Kabru's strength was always impressive–but maybe it was more his familiarity with the human body and how it moves, and how to use its natural points of leverage against someone–or for them, if he was about to fuck them in the ass–and that was even more impressive.

It was lucky that Laios tended to keep himself clean to facilitate his own masturbation, because Kabru didn't seem to think about that at all. He took a deep breath and got ready for what he expected next.

Probing finger number one entered, hooked upwards to seek out his prostate. He stroked in and out until he found it, and hit it hard. Precum shot from the tip of his dick. His sphincter clenched from the sudden excessive stimulation.

“Agh! Don't be so rough!”

“Sorry,” he said in his sweetest voice, “I was having fun.”

With a much gentler hand, he stroked it slowly. Once Laios relaxed again, he inserted a second finger. He rubbed at that hollow of his hips as he stroked, then began scissoring his fingers, a little wider each time. he was methodical, trying to work him out as fast as he could. Laios grabbed for his free hand again–he missed how comfortable it was beneath him, and it felt like all he could do was anticipate when Kabru would decide to come down to him again. He put in the third finger.

All of this felt so new, mostly because it was. He’d never had anyone else inside of him, even if he’d done it himself regularly. He’d had sex, but not with a close friend, not with someone who he enjoyed clinging to like slime. It was nerve-wracking, it was exciting, it was a fourth finger squeezing inside.

Kabru whistled.

“To be honest Laios, I was not actually confident I’d be able to get it in tonight, but it seems we will. Good job.”

“Th-thanks,” he said hoarsely. He’d been moaning nonstop for the last ten minutes, so his voice was about spent.

Kabru kept thrusting his fingers, brushing Laois' prostate on every third plunge in exactly, never really letting Laios lose himself in the rhythm of it, or letting him go ahead and cum. He got down to the last knuckle of his hand, and stretched all four fingers inside wide.

“You have definitely done this before,” he said.

“Um, just–ahhh–just to myself.”

Slowly he closed his fingers and withdrew them.

“I think you're ready. Now you get to get me ready.”

Once again, he returned to the end table, pulled the bottle of lube and the much smaller dildo. He handed them to Laios, who had sat up to see what he was doing.

Kabru laid back on his elbows, and lifted his legs to give Laios better access to his crotch.

“Put some lube on that and stretch me out a little so you can put it in,” he said.

Laios rubbed the dildo with the lube, making sure to coat his fingers as he did so.

“Bend down to get to me,” he instructed.

So Laios bent over, ducking the monstrous cock he was going to be taking very soon, and at this angle he could get a good look at Kabru's anatomy.

He had been wrong about the lack of external genitalia–his clitoris hung outside of the labia majora, engorged and standing at half-attention despite the weight of the skin and fat sitting above it.

“Yours is huge,” he said, awestruck. He touched it, holding it between two fingers, stroking it not unlike how he would the tip of his own and eliciting a moan from Kabru. He wondered what it would feel like against his tongue. “Could I suck it? Just for a minute?”

Kabru went very still for a second.

“Please do.”

Laios dove for it, using one arm to support himself, and the other to feel what he couldn't see in the dark, and letting the showy dildo flop onto his head. He took it into his mouth, licking the underside with the flat of his tongue and pressing it into his pallet. He had neither sucked dick nor eaten pussy before, so he couldn't truly compare, but he liked that Kabru's…–well, it should be fine to call it a cock even if there was a much larger artificial one above, dirtying his hair right now–Kabru’s cock was almost exactly a mouthful. It made it easy to loll it about on his tongue, testing the weight and density of it. And all his play seemed to be working wonderfully for Kabru–his thighs shook and his breathing was a bit shallow. He found a rhythm he liked and focused on using his fingers now. He spread apart the lips, and tried to finger him.

His head was unceremoniously pushed away. The heavy dildo flopped down onto the bed.

“You haven't fingered anyone before, have you?” Kabru asked, voice a little shaky.

“Ummm… No.”

Kabru just nodded.

“I’ll show you another time. You won't stay stretched forever,” he said, scratching at Laios' scalp for a second before continuing to push him away, “Go on, lay back as you were.”

He picked up the smaller dildo–which Laios had forgotten in his eagerness–and slowly worked it into himself. Once it was in, he left it there, no further fussing with it. He instead turned his attention back to Laios and his splayed legs. But instead of wedging himself under Laios again, he climbed over him, straddling one of his thighs, and said, “You still have to finish lubing it up, though.”

With a sweet smile, he passed the bottle to Laios again, who uncorked it while he stared down the massive, heavy battering ram strapped to his royal advisor. He poured the viscous substance directly onto the shaft of it and passed the bottle back to Kabru to deal with. He took it in both hands, pumping it slowly, being sure to fully coat it. Kabru hummed in contentment.

“Can I ask something?” Laios said, careful not to stop his work as he talked.

“Hm? Sure, go on,” he answered. He sounded almost blissful.

“If you can't feel it, why do you enjoy this?”

“Um. I suppose…I just like to watch.

“So you’d like it if I sucked this one too?”

Laios could see his Adam's apple bob in the dim light.

“Yes. Yes, I would. But stay focused, please,” he said. He stayed Laios' hands.

In a few swift motions, Laios' ass was back in Kabru's lap, the head of his dick pressed against his sphincter. That slim and strong body holding him in place, readying to fuck him–Laios figured he could understand why Kabru liked watching his partners. It felt good to know you made someone else enjoy themself; it made him feel sexy to see Kabru so focused on him.

Man, he really didn't get to feel sexy often. People didn't seem to really desire him like that. Granted, it's been uncomfortable a lot of the times he's noticed someone else was interested in him, though he wasn't sure why. Why should they be interested in a body like this? There was nothing cool or special about it. It just was. It didn't feel sexy.

So then why did Kabru liking him feel different?

The head pressed past the ring of his asshole, spreading him wide all at once. He inhaled sharply, his legs reflexively tightened around Kabru, forcing him in deeper. Kabru caught himself before he pushed too far too fast. He kept his pace slow and Laios tried to hold his legs still, but couldn't stop the way they twitched. Soon, the head brushed against his prostate. The sheer girth of it as it moved past made it feel like it’d been getting hammered. And still it kept coming for what felt like hours before Kabru finally bottomed out.

When he did, he leaned forward, pushing even deeper, forcing a deep moan from Laios. He couldn't reach Laios' face, but he could press his face to Laios' chest and pepper it with kisses. He ran the tip of his tongue around a nipple, and it made Laios shudder. So he locked his legs around Kabru, squeezing their bodies together.

“You can start thrusting; I’m ready,” Laios said, voice husky with desire. His cock ached for release.

Kabru complied, slowly and carefully at first, but gathering speed each time. The pressure on his prostate on the up-stroke was immense, and as the strokes came faster and faster, the ripples of pleasure coursing through his body were becoming crashing waves. Small gasps and moans too were becoming louder, and if he didn't control himself, the whole castle was going to hear him getting his back blown out. He bit down on his hand to muffle himself.

Soon, he came: thick ropes coated him and Kabru's bellies. He expected Kabru to slow down and stop, but he kept up his feverish pace. The sensation left him feeling dizzy, fuzzy in the head and weak in the limb. It certainly wasn't bad but he was going to pass out if he kept this up.

“Kabru,” he tried to say, but it was so hard to speak like this. He tapped him on the shoulder.

Kabru responded, his own voice hoarse and gasping now, “I’m close, I’m so close!”

No stopping him now–Laios clung for dear life onto Kabru's shoulders. He was flaccid now, but every stroke past his prostate forced more seminal fluid from the tip of his dick, milking him dry.

With a moan and a shudder, Kabru finally relented. He rested his head on Laios' tits, just a moment, giving a few soft kisses while he caught his breath. Laios rubbed his shoulders, keeping his touch light, not wanting to risk arousing him again (he could not handle it if Kabru tried to rut him again so soon).

“Kabru,” he mumbled, too tired to talk properly.

Kabru looked up. His face looked blissful and sleepy. “Hmm?”

“You gotta pull out, man, I am so tired.”

He pushed himself up back to the kneeling position and carefully pulled out. And so Laios immediately fell asleep.

A few moments of sleep later, he woke to Kabru climbing back in bed with him, holding a warm towel.

He was dressed in his night wear, and more candles were lit again so it wasn't quite so dark.

“Here,” he said, pressing the towel into Laois' hands, “Get cleaned up, and put your bed clothes on.”

Laios took the towel and began to wash up what he could. He couldn't have been asleep for very long, as the mess on his stomach hadn't completely dried down, but the feeling of the lube was starting to itch. It was kind of awkward with Kabru just sitting there, and it seemed Kabru felt the same, since he decided it was a good time to talk.

“So… you're feeling alright? No pain?”

Laios hadn't been prepared to talk yet. His mouth felt sticky.

“Mm. Mostly. Just feel kinda sore.”

“Well, let me know if you need a healing spell or anything.” He drummed his fingers on his legs, pointedly not looking at Laios. For his privacy, Laios guessed, though that did feel silly to be concerned about with a guy you were just inside of.

“Water would be nice,” Laios answered.

“Of course, let me grab your glass,” he said, springing back to his feet. He was just acting kind of weird in a way Laios couldn't place.

Kabru had brought in a jug and a couple glasses when he'd come back, along with the hot towel. If anyone saw him passing by, they’d probably think Laios had been sick–at least that's what Laios would think.

Laios finished cleaning himself off and bunched up the towel to put in the laundry later just as Kabru turned back to him with the water.

“Thanks,” he said, taking it and gladly chugging it.

Kabru sat on the bed in an awkward silence while Laios picked up discarded clothes and the towel and got himself into something clean, and he was still waiting like that when Laios sat down with him again.

“Are you, like, okay?” Laios asked, trying not to yawn. But fuck was he still tired.

Kabru exhaled hard. He was sweaty again–he was sweaty a lot though.

“What exactly did you mean by saying you wanted me to ‘touch you like a boyfriend’?” Kabru said politely, his focus entirely on Laios. Scanning him, almost.

Laios had not thought of the statement as ambiguous, but pressed to answer he wasn't now sure what he did mean by that. Why the hell did he say it that way?

“I mean that…You're my friend, and I care about you a lot, and I couldn't do any of this kingly mess if you weren't here…” Kabru's stare was intense, and it was making him nervous, “and… You know you're really handsome? And…” he was turning red and sweating, talking was getting physically more difficult, “and… tonight, that was nice? We should… again. Sometime.”

‘Be more confident that I like you…’

Why couldn't they talk about all this before milking his prostate and continuing to fuck him for like ten extra minutes?

An arm snaked around his waist, pulling them close. Laios just wanted to go to sleep like this, pressed against him. He rested his head on top of Kabru's–his hair smelled nice, probably some perfume he used inbetween washes.

“Would you like to be my boyfriend, then, Laios? Is that what you're trying to say?”

Laios dared lay a kiss in that bed of curls; he dared to wrap his own arms around Kabru.

“Yeah, it is.”

“We’ll have a lot to discuss if we want this to work,” he said.

“Probably. Being king doesn't help,” Laios answered, “But let's worry about that in the morning. I just wanna sleep with you now.”

Kabru squeezed him tightly, nuzzling his neck again, breath against his pulse, speaking softly.

“You should phrase that differently–I could go for another round.”

Locking Kabru in a hold, Laios fell back on the bed.

“You're insatiable! Let me rest!”

They laughed together for a minute as Kabru broke the hold and got up to put out the candles. Laios yawned deeply, and got under the covers, and made space for Kabru. He pushed a pillow over for him. When Kabru climbed into bed, he laid face to face with Laios.

He looked so beautiful in the moonlight, soft and happy, and his eyes seemed to sparkle. Being with Kabru made him happy, even if they didn't always understand one another. He could trust him, and he felt like Kabru trusted him too. He wanted to kiss him again, fall asleep close that way. So he did. They lay curled around each other, lost in dreams.

All that mattered that night was that they wanted each other's company: Everything else could wait.

#the compendium #labru #kabru #laios touden

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luvyuki0 · 4 months ago

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Amber ── .✦01.

✦ Summary: In which Esme and Hoseok fall in love but of course with love comes trouble especially when you're dating an idol.

Series masterlist| previous| next

"JUST SHUT UP! PLEASE!" Her cries echoed throughout the house, covering her ears as she laid on the floor. She couldn't deal with it anymore, the constant gaslighting and the mental abuse was getting to the point where it was too much. "I should've listened when they warned me, but nah I ignored them 'cause my dumbass didn't know any better, cutting the people I loved off FOR YOU! just so that you could be happy, for us to be happy!" She screamed while crying. He stood there confused as if he didn't know why she was crying, as if he wasn't the reason her mental health depleted and still is. when she finally looked up at him all that could be seen in her face was disgust. Disgust with they were he was looking and acting towards her over the years. "You know what I'm done with this bullshit." She got up wiping her tears, leaving the male's apartment ignoring all sounds and stares she received. All she could think about was why she never realized sooner......

. . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Esme's POV:

"Should I be doing this right now?" Biting my fingers anxiously as my decorated camera sat on my bed. I knew I would have to come back to making YouTube videos eventually,as it was all I knew and I would be nothing without it and my subscribers. I just never expected it to feel so foreign to me. Honestly I don't even know if I'm ready to get back but I know many of my fans miss me, and of course theres some who thought I'd be gone for good, and honestly I don't blame them for that knowing I did take a 6-month break with no heads up, not only on YouTube but on all my social media platforms, kinda like I just disappeared but if not now then when?

I sigh grabbing my camera and turning it to start recording. "Hey guys! I know it's been a while and y'all are probably wondering where I've been, what I've been doing and more some of y'all were right and I did break up with Rome but I'm not gonna go into full details about it, cause I'm not ready yet when I am though you guys will know the full story and understand why I took a break but lemme not ruin the mood it's a time of comebacks and celebration! now I am going to get back on my routine, posting weekly and spamming my socials!" As I speak, I can just feel some of the weight I've been holding on being lifted off my chest.

I clasp my hands together before I continue talking. "To be honest with y'all I wasn't even going to start recording again this soon, but Jazmine and her Lil boo invited me and one of his friends to a trip to Hawaii!!! Like y'all don't understand how hyped I am right now! Like I may regret this later but who am I to say no to a trip to Hawaii." I shrug my shoulders jokingly.

"I didn't plan much for this video honestly, but I did want this video and the Hawaii flight video to be separate, and since I and Jaz are going tomorrow imma drop COCO off at my mom's, and hopefully jaz is gonna be home by the time I get back so we can pack together and hopefully make some cute matching fits." I explain to my viewers what I have planned for the day though it wasn't much. (A/N: coco is the name of her Pomeranian I didn't put her in the characters cus she wouldn't be mentioned much💀)

"Come here coco! Y'all why he tryna act like he dont know mee! get a hold of Coco who was trying to run away, I grab my keys, slip on my slides, and lock my door, leaving my apartment complex as I make my way to my car.

I prop my camera on my dashboard, so it won't fall, and put on Apple Music to play "Normal Girl". "As always y'all we're gonna stop by Starbucks so I can try a drink I saw going viral on TikTok then I'll head over to my mom's house to drop coco off." I look back at coco than at my camera as I speaking

"So, this is the drink I got and y'all already know I had to get my grilled cheese! Tew good." I showcase my order to my camera as I get the drink and my grilled cheese sandwich. I eat and drink my order as I make my way over to my mom's house.

I get there and ring the doorbell repeatedly to which she opens the door. "Esme gimme the damn dog so I can go back to sleep too damn early for this shit" she speaks groggily with an attitude.

"It's actually one though...and I don't even get a hello wooow" I joke with her knowing we were on the phone last night.

"Esme quit playin' with me and give me the damn dog."

"Damn here, Bye coco bye mama." I hand her coco and walk back to my car hearing her hum bye back.

"Ok so now that I dropped Coco off imma just head back home and hopefully Jaz is back so we can pack together." I talk to my camera as I start driving back home. . . . . .

I finally get back, unlocking my door to see Jaz in the kitchen getting a snack. "Oh, hey Esme" she turns and greets me.

"Hey sweetheart, did u have fun with your Lil boo," I ask with a smirk.

"Girl yes I have to fill you in on literally everything so fir-".

I cut her off before she started ranting on about what she and Yoongi did. "Before you even start let's pack while you tell me what y'all did because I know you ain't start yet and I know you gon be talking for a good minute. "

"You right" she laughs knowing what I said was true.

We both go into my room and start packing for the trip tomorrow.

A/N: I edited this chapter WAYY more than the second time and I'm actually happy with the beginning chapter and I made this chapter before the whole Starbucks boycott so that's why they were mentioned I DO NOT SUPPORT them at all not even to the slightest degree

Please like and comment 🙏🏾

— 1089 words —

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iknowshocker · 6 months ago

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Do you believe kai is redeemable?

hi anon!

the short answer, in case it's all you'd like is: yes, 100%.

i either agree with or understand all of his choices, even the ones that suck. so in a lot of ways, to me, he never needed redemption.

the long answer, if you'd like to know why:

first i think i have to explain my general thoughts on kai as a whole, because some of my personal headcannons differ from others in the fandom.

i've never, not from the moment he showed up a feral little gremlin munching pork rinds in the prison world, considered him to be evil.

Kai lies/disregards things and masks 90% of the time, and yet he's always super open about what was done to him growing up. "they called me ____", "i remember them doing ____", etc. it would be super easy to paint his childhood any way he liked, and yet he doesn't. he knows what happened to him was wrong, and he's going to remind you every chance he gets.

i think he developed sociopathy as a coping mechanism after years of abuse and isolation. i headcannon that they were a homeschool family, which just furthers his lack of social interaction. if he was allowed/forced to help at all, it was doing the manual labor chores while Jo was the one handling anything that involved physical touch.

as an older sibling myself, him being the oldest boy specifically and the complexities around his feelings of wanting to protect them/being jealous/getting robbed of his birthright haunt me.

if you want to get into my true roman empire (those freaking christmas sweater photos) then i don't think he outright hated any of them growing up. sure, they were annoying and loud and sometimes sticky, but they were still his siblings. those feelings of resentment obviously grew stronger the sicker he became, but like, he never hurt anyone until he realized he was being lied to.

so i view the initial murders as a mental break, and i doubt he was in full control of himself at the time. if it was planned out, why didn't he drain someone's magic? killing them the human way is yes, a lot more personal, but it just doesn't make sense to me given his drive for magic based power. you'd think he'd want to go into the merge charged up, you know?

speaking of the og merge: did they expect him to just ... not ask about it and be cool with getting told no? like the fact that no one foresaw him lashing out so violently only proves to me that he wasn't *that* scary growing up. joshua probably had the ascendent prepped and ready to go, and he was just waiting for an outburst bad enough to use it. shame it took that, my guy. i feel we could have handled this whole thing a bit better.

i think kai was probably obsessively dedicated to his magical training leading up to 1994. i take "been practicing my whole life" very seriously, lol. he wanted to prove that he could do it, and prove the coven wrong for doubting him. i imagine him hoarding objects to drain and being super freaking annoyed that even Jo stops letting him borrow what he needs to just do basic work. we find out later that Valerie wore a necklace she could siphon from when she needed magic, and you're telling me no one thought of that in modern day?? enchant the beeper, for gods sake.

despite all that, he ended up being the strongest witch in TVD next to bonnie, and that was with him being mostly self taught. he's stupid good at voiceless magic, which i've always taken to mean he's a very instinctual wielder. he doesn't need the verbal spells, he's strong enough to just will the magic into listening.

"i had a soft spot for one of my sisters" and the repeated use of "sissy" for jo, make me wish we knew more about them as kids and how she let herself be turned against him. they have so much in common and such an obvious twin connection that lasts until the very last moment when he stabs himself and chooses to bleed out right beside her on the floor of the ruined church. Jo (and Bonnie) are the only people that seems to be able to get through to pre-merge kai. then post-merge kai is laser focused on making things up to them. i wish we saw more of him realizing he suddenly had a full range of emotion and what that did to him.

that sweet spot of post merge/pre 1903 prison world is the closest we come to kai's actual personality (imo). he's so shockingly, desperately earnest, while still being darkly funny and a little too aggressive. it's my favorite version of him.

those scenes show us the side of him that so obviously wants to be needed, even if it means hurting himself to be helpful. yes, luke is the reason why the emotions manifest, but luke is also not down for self sacrificing (ironic as hell, given his choice to merge). luke routinely tells the mfg to get fucked, so to say that he's the one making kai risk his life/the coven to help bonnie is just untrue. i think kai is trying to earn a spot in the group, and if they'd given him one, he would have been insanely useful.

like i said i think he masks 90% of the time, and the confidence that he shows is often hiding a huge insecurity over feeling like he's not good/strong/smart enough. there is always going to be a part of him that is still that scared little broken witch locked alone in his room, begging to be let out. i don't know how to view him as "hot bad boy who f*cks" because that's just not how i've ever seen him. don't get me wrong, i love those fics as much as anyone, but it's just not true Kai to me.

look i know some of you are like, hey op go back to when you said you agree with his choices, so here we go:

we know that the parker kids grew up being taught "coven over family", but what does that even look like inside the house? do they love each other but feel conflicted about it? is there constant fighting over who is closest to their parents? is it just anarchy? no matter what you think, it's clear they're all deeply traumatized.

kai has every right to be angry over the og merge, and lashing out makes complete sense. say it with me: murder is not okay BUT what better way to show joshua he's not messing around? if he's used to acting out for attention, what happens if he breaks something that can't be put back together this time? if they've been raised to think that family doesn't matter, why would any of them even care?

it's horrible, flawed logic, but it's there.

look me in the eyes and explain to me why it's okay when Daddy tries to kill you, but when it's your brother suddenly it's this big unforgivable crime, Jo. i'll wait.

Liv makes some of the most realistic decisions in the show to me, including the fact that she sides with Kai. unlike luke, she points out how they have every right to be mad at Jo. after sending Kai away, she abandoned them to an abusive father, (not to mention moved across the country with a new name to make it harder to ever find her!!) leaving them stuck fulfilling a merge that wasn't theirs to begin with. good for you for trying to get your brother on the throne livvie-poo 👏🏼 let him make the hard choices so you can run off with tyler and live in the woods 👏🏼

the parker's also make a lot of comments about how if kai is let out, he'll go full homicidal maniac and kill everyone just for fun. and yet, every murder we see him commit is a means to an end. again, in case you missed it the first time: murder is not okay BUT they act like he's some random spree killer when he's just ?? not ??

every murder/crime he commits has a clear reason, even if a lot of them are small/petty.

the taxi driver: he couldn't pay the fee

the random college kids: he needed to get into the hospital to see Jo

the grill manager: he was hungry, the guy was in his way, and elena was unconscious over his shoulder, lol

the coven murders/stabbing Jo: he needs to hold onto power, and they've given up on him yet again. at this point, let's just burn the whole thing and start over !!

there are so many characters in TVD that actually kill without reason, feeling, or second thought. (including enzo, bon-bon, so jot that down). while i'm not diminishing how violent kai can be, i certainly don't lump him in with characters like klaus or damon.

this is a slightly unpopular opinion especially amongst people that don't ship Bonkai, but i view everything done in the prison world as mutual retaliation. bonnie and kai are fighting. i'm not excusing his behavior anymore than i'm excusing hers, but she quite literally killed him not once but twice.

once they're both out she feels endless hatred towards him as a coping mechanism to give herself something to focus on so she doesn't break, and i wish !! so badly that it was used as a way to bond them. like who better to help her navigate violent magical outbursts then mr "killed half my family in a fit of jealous rage" himself?

we could have seen them grow together, navigating standing up for themselves in healthy ways and encouraging each others strengths, but no.

ill die on the hill that if bonnie knew what kai did on her birthday we wouldn't even be having this conversation, anon. I don't think he expected anyone to actually 100% forgive him, because at the end of the day he also knows he's made some huge mistakes/poor choices. but if specifically Jo or Bonnie had said something like "i see that you are trying" i think it would have been enough for him to stay on that path.

i don't think kai likes being the bad guy, its just another means to an end. if he can't get what he wants (or what he feels he deserves) by asking, he'll take it. and yes, showing off and being scary does give him some sort of thrill - but it's also the only way he can get them to look at him.

listen you don't even understand the things i would give to see him realize the heretics were once siphons. to realize they were geminis and that it's basically a coven gene !! to finally know he's not the only witch to be born like this !!

imagine getting to hear lily tell him there's nothing wrong with him ?? that she's sorry his parents kept the truth from him ?? that he didn't deserve the childhood he had but she's happy to help him now ?? i truly don't know if i could handle it.

kai is so completely desperate to be part of a group that it ends up blinding him and making him vulnerable to attack. i guess i just don't know how to see a character like that and not believe in them.

alright, as you can see, anon, im not great at short answers and i clearly think about him too much. it doesn't help that im currently working on a book series with an MC inspired by him 🙈 the brain rot is real and i fear it may never end. hope you enjoyed this ted talk tho!! thanks for being my first ask ✨

#can yall tell i love this guy or #kai parker #the vampire diaries #tvdu #anon ask

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veryace-ficrecs · 1 year ago

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Dinluke fic recs

This list will include all ratings and tags, so read at your own discretion! :)

three rules (back straight, head forward) by queen_rowenas - Rated T

Leia is helpless to watch as Senator Almen continues on as though nothing is wrong. “Mand’alor, may I introduce you to Senator Organa’s brother, Jedi Master Luke Skywalker.” She can feel all of her hard work crumbling, whatever trust she had formed with the Mandalorians shattering before her as the Mand’alor slowly stands to his feet. Great, she thinks numbly, Another galactic war on my hands. (Leia Organa has never been one to back down from a challenge. Although advising the new Mand’alor in his introduction to the Senate and also trying to keep her Jedi brother from causing an intergalactic incident could prove to be a bigger challenge than expected.)

It Was Always You by subtlehysteria - Rated G

He’s strong, powerful, his footwork far better than just your average person who occasionally skates for fun. As if that wasn’t enough, Luke watches in shock and awe as the man executes a neat triple toe loop, landing near-flawlessly with only a slight wobble. He doesn’t even register what’s happening, just sprints down the last set of stairs and rams into the barrier, hands raised to cup over his mouth and help project his voice. “HEY, YOU!” The man falters, head snapping to Luke. A single thick brow rises in question. “DO YOU WANNA BE MY PARTNER?” Luke yells. * Or, the one where Luke needs a new ice dancing partner and Din just happens to be in the right place at the right time.

begging for you to take my hand by luminouskywhiner - Rated T

Cara could laugh, but Din knew one thing for certain. Luke Skywalker was utterly and unfairly beautiful, and the most captivating person Din had ever met. If only he could manage to get more than three words out around him without the tips of his ears burning. ~ Alternatively titled; Din Djarin is a socially awkward and sleep deprived single father who falls in love with the prettiest pre-k teacher in the galaxy.

I'd like to hang out with you for my whole life by coffeecatsme - Rated T

The first time Din touches his helmet to Luke’s forehead, it's by complete accident. Or, 5 times Luke doesn't know Din kisses him and 1 time he does.

Crystal Tears by Insomniac_with_dreams - Not Rated

“This is going to be awkward,” Luke sighs down at the baby in his arms. R2 beeps besides him and Luke nods in agreement. “Nothing to do but go back.” His X-Wing is almost completely dismantled, sparking where wires hang limply. There is no way he’s getting off of this cruiser until it’s repaired. There aren't even any escape pods on board all of the docking bays empty. He hadn’t anticipated this, and now he was going to have to walk back to the bridge with the baby and explain himself to a heartbroken Mandalorian.

The Weight of Words by subtlehysteria - Rated E

Dim blue eyes stare up at him. Hair that might once have been rich with colour hangs limp and brittle around a gaunt face. A face with a split lip and a fading bruise on one cheekbone. A face that is blank of all emotion and yet simultaneously screams help. No, he doesn’t see danger. He sees only a man trying to meld with the wall and make his body as small as possible while staring down Din with a glare so cold that it could cause anyone’s blood to turn to ice. The man is dressed in thread-bare prison garb that hangs off his slight frame like oversized drapery and around his wrists is a pair of complex-looking cuffs. They’re the same ones Grogu had been shackled with, cuffs that somehow diminished his powers. If this man bears them too could that mean… Din crouches, bringing himself down to the man’s level. “Are you a Jedi?” * In an alternate universe where the name Luke Skywalker has long since been lost, Din Djarin discovers an unexpected prisoner aboard Gideon's ship, finding not only a potential teacher for Grogu but also the man who will change his life, and his heart, for the better.

First Star I See Tonight by snapdragonpop007 - Rated T

“You’re bleeding,” Luke murmured. “I’m...maybe not fine.” Din conceded. Luke gently held his face between his hands while giving Din a very bright, very angry smile. “You think?” -- Or, Din is heavily concussed after that whole darktrooper thing, and it takes him a second to recognize his husband.

i give to you by treescape - Rated G

“They’re lovely,” Luke said, and if the pleasure in his voice seemed genuine, his brow furrowed slightly in consternation. Din shrugged uncomfortably, because what was he supposed to do—bring a gift for the kids and nothing for their teacher? Or, Din's been accidentally courting Luke.

Where There's a Will There's a Way by xiaq - Rated M

Luke walks straight to Din and Din suddenly feels like he should be doing something with his hands. “Hi,” he says. “Hi,” Luke agrees, grinning. “So. I didn’t get your name, before. Grogu just calls you ‘Daddy’ in his head but I’m assuming I should call you something else.” Din chokes a little. ***** This is basically an Accidental Warlord Din Djarin fic in which Din plays the role of reluctant DILF leader with a heart of gold and Luke plays the role of initially distrusted twink who quickly becomes beloved by all (especially said warlord). The Mandalorians are like, "we've only had Luke Skywalker for a day and a half but if anything happened to him I would kill everyone in this room and then myself."

The Way in the Sky by ShyOwl - Rated T

The man, the Jedi, the individual who had been so calm and detached just moments ago now tripped back out of the elevator, cloak tangling around his feet, with a panicked look on his young face, “I forgot to tell you where we’re going!”

Yoda’s Academy for Li’l Padawans by MissDinahDarling - Rated T

Being a new student is hard. Being a new student whilst your socially awkward father avoids the school at all costs and your new teacher pines uselessly over a man he’s never met before is even worse. But by god, Grogu is gonna get through this.

unstoppable force, immovable fathers by godbinder - Rated E

“I just need a refuel,” Luke tells the droids, carefully throwing his legs over the edge of the cockpit to slide to the ground. Grogu coos softly, his hands opening and closing his three fingers. “Not a problem, we’ll have you—ready to go...” She trails off when she gets a look at the child, who begins babbling. The Force moves around her in happiness then surprise, shock, then something akin to anger sparking faster than a thermal detonator. Before he can open his mouth, in a move that would have left Han impressed, she has a blaster in hand and shot him in the face.

#luke skywalker #din djarin #grogu #dinluke #din grogu #grogu djarin #star wars fic recs #star wars #the mandolarian #veryace recs #ao3 fic recs #fanfic recs #ao3

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cuubism · 2 years ago

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I know it's been awhile, but I can't stop won't stop (not sure how to stop) thinking about the Complex Mathematics AU. Would you be willing to share any headcanons or random thoughts you have about that universe? Just curious! All your writing is fantastic <3

oh i was literally just working on this au right now! what timing

there are.. just so many partially finished oneshots for this universe in my drafts. there's integration, which takes place immediately after complex mathematics and before derivation and is about their first time (obvious title selection is obvious).

“Come here, you.” He tugs Dream forward by one of his long, long legs, knocking him onto his back. Then he leans down and kisses his ankle, then the inside of his knee. Dream tips his head back, stretching out.

His legs are as pale as the rest of him, paler even, and Hob mumbles into his skin, “You ever consider getting some sun?”

Dream huffs, swatting at his head. “Why? What sun are you referring to?”

And, well, yeah. They do live in London.

“It’s enrichment. Get you out of your cave for a while.” He climbs up Dream’s body to catch his mouth again, grinning against his lips. “We should go to the beach.”

“I think not.”

“I think so. I think I want to see you with salt in your hair.” He kisses under Dream’s ear. “Don’t you want to see what equations you can find in the waves?” “They are waves, the equations are known,” Dream says. But warmth finds his voice. He drags his hands up Hob’s back, his touch leaving a prickling trail. “You would look ravishing in the sun.”

there's imaginary numbers, which is about family.

“What were you doing up at six a.m.?” he asks when he’s awake next, several hours later, finally drinking the coffee Dream had brought.

“I was coming here,” Dream says. “I wished you not to wake alone.”

That puts a lump in Hob’s throat.

The thing about Dream, Hob’s learned, is that he’s cold and rude and utterly disinterested in social niceties on the outset, but once you’ve wormed your way into his heart you get this. This utterly soft, aggressively loving thing that woke up before the sun rose – or more likely, didn’t sleep at all – to spend the day with Hob because it’s been a year since his mom died and he’s sad about it.

Hob’s not even sure how he knew it was today. Hob’s told him about these things by now, but not all of the details.

“I don’t know why this one bothers me so much, more than any other,” Hob tells him now, leaning against his shoulder in bed. “Maybe because she was the last person I had left.”

“You have faced much tragedy in quick succession,” Dream says. “Your resilience astounds me.”

Hob doesn’t know what to say when Dream says things like that. He just tips his head against Dream’s shoulder.

Finally, he says, “Nothing else for it. What else am I going to do, give up? Only way out is through, and all that. Though I do get one day a year of just moping and being pitiful.” He laughs. “Which you’re currently witnessing.”

“If you are expecting me to retract my statement and call this average, you will be waiting a long time,” Dream says.

there's 1 + 1 = 3 which is about stress and stress-relieving measures (lol) and just.. being freaking weird together.

“You will pay for disturbing my work,” Dream warns, and kisses him before he can respond, teeth in Hob’s lower lip.

“Yeah?” Hob manages when they part for breath. “How?”

He’s expecting a lot of things, but not for Dream’s smile to turn playful and mischievous against his lips and for him to say, “Multiplication tables.”

Hob bursts out laughing, rocking Dream in his lap. Dream chuckles, too, cheek pressed to Hob’s.

“Want me to repent by writing ‘I will not disturb Dream’s work’ fifty times on the board while I’m at it?”

“That would be a poor use of time that could be better spent kissing you.”

fractal geometry, about dream and delirium's relationship.

“Delirium,” Dream says. His voice is low and he enunciates very precisely. “Do you see the colors on my shirt? Tell me something that matches each color.”

Through her sniffles, Del squints at his shirt. “That isn’t yours. You only wear black.”

“No, it’s Hob’s,” he admits.

Del gives him a toothy grin. “So sappy about your boyfriend,” she sings. “Can’t pretend to be a jerk anymore.”

“I will continue being a jerk to those who deserve it,” Dream sniffs. “Which is most people.”

“He called the head of the Maths department an imbecile the other day,” Hob says, and Del laughs, high and ringing.

“You are lucky your glare is very scary or I think you’d get punched a lot,” she tells Dream.

Dream says, “It would be worth it.”

as well as a handful of other snippets that haven't been sorted into any specific fic.

i'm still very obsessed with this as you can see, i just haven't finished any of it lately XD

#dream being a good older brother to delirium is something that can be so personal actually...#complex mathematics #my writing #dreamling #ask #anonymous #these weird grad students are important to me

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astercontrol · 6 months ago

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As someone who actually feels a lot of sympathy for children, but used to say "I hate children" far too carelessly, and is learning to cut out those words:

I agree with the recent turn (even in child-free spaces) toward discouraging that kind of statement.

It's not kind, to children or to those who care about them.

And it can muddle your own feelings, too, if you say it enough to internalize it… because often it's not exactly true.

Here are some things that may actually be going through the mind of someone who says that:

"I hate other people's expectation that I ought to give birth to children, or that I ought to do unpaid and coerced labor involved in taking care of their children."

"I hate the memory of what childhood was like for me."

"Seeing children in public, especially when they are being loud or difficult, reminds me of those things, stresses me out, and sets off responses of panic or anger."

In my current opinion, the proper response to this is:

Do one's best to learn coping mechanisms for when one has to be in public around children-- because there is no way to avoid this at all times, or to force parents to "control" their kids at all times.

When needing time away from children to recharge, do so in a space where this can reasonably be done.

I agree there are too few spaces like this. And most of them (like a bar) are places of noise and disruptive behavior… and therefore can set off the same sorts of overwhelmed panic for me that children can.

Honestly, there are too few places in general where an easily-overwhelmed person can find peace. It's why I spend so much time alone at home. And why I prefer to "socialize" in private spaces, like at my home or a friend's home, where I can choose to be there with only people I know and trust... people who I know don't overwhelm me in the ways children do.

More of us should have options like that.

However, none of this will ever make "I hate children" into a helpful statement.

When interacting with the type of people who pressure us about children, though… we have limited options.

If someone is saying "I need you to look after my kids," or even "You ought to become a parent," we can reply:

"Caring for kids stresses me out." (answer: "Join the club. They stress all of us out. You're selfish for refusing to take on your fair share of the stress.")

"Caring for kids brings back traumatic memories of my bad childhood." (answer: "Your childhood can't have been that bad. People with worse childhoods become parents. And if you need something to help you get over those bad memories, why not just do your part to give some kids a better childhood?")

"I am not good at caring for kids." (answer: "That's not true! I know you're a good person! You're sweet and gentle and smart and kind! You'll do fine!" …implication: only an evil person could be actually bad at caring for kids.)

If we want a response that will actually get someone to stop pestering us, it's down to pretty much only two options:

"I literally hate children and feel violent anger and rage upon seeing them." (this will convince the other person that we truly are Evil and Irredeemable, because no good person would ever say this. Thus, we get an exception to their rule that Everyone Should take care of children, because even they can't justify leaving kids in the care of an obvious villain.)

Or:

"I like children TOO MUCH and I'm legally prohibited from going within 300 feet of them." (also untrue, but same deal.)

….I'm unlearning the language of hate. But, by necessity, that also involves cutting out people like that from my entire life. If I had family members who acted this way, it would get more complex.

#notron anyvirus #childfree #userworldproblems #social stuff

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5eraphim · 1 year ago

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Not a request and more of a question. What do you think will happen if the mercs find out they’re all obsessing over the same person? Do you think they’ll somehow be able to compromise and share them? Love your writing btw!!

i don't know if i could fathom all 9 of these motherfuckers finding one person who would suit all their tastes affectionately speaking. though it's certainly possible more than one would find themselves falling for the same person. but, i suppose if i were to rank the gang from most open minded to compromise with another in the name of mutual self-interest to least interested in sharing would be-

(this is a largely arbitrary ranking tbh, these are just the placements which come to mind first. this is unedited/subject to change upon further interpretation.)

(content warnings: yandere, toxic relationship, possessive behavior, jealousy)

demo: The man is the living definition of the "not here for a long time, just a good time" ideology. A hedonist to his core, it's never been much his style to deny himself life's pleasures, and would want the same for you. though that doesn't mean all shared-pleasures would be short lived. Life's too short to live so withdrawn. While he'd want you to know he still seeing you as his "number one," and would expect the same from you, he'd be alright with the idea of keeping things open, so to speak.

pyro: Considering their mental development is much akin to that of a child, their understanding of love and affection is somewhat under developed. As far as they're concerned, more loved ones together = more happiness, why overcomplicate the matter?

medic: Unlike Pyro who lives in a state of quasi-ignorant bliss, Medic lives for the pursuit of knowledge, to use what time he has on earth to experience all he can. Also practically immune to the insecurity of worrying you'd ever love anyone more than him, partially on account of his god complex, as well as his full confidence you could never find someone to offer you the love and protection he could.

engineer: Known as softer and kinder than the rest, even as a yandere, Engie isn't as intense as the others (at least on the surface.) He's on good terms with just about everyone, and likes the idea keeping you by his side while he's socializing with others, knowing you're too scared to dare try and call out/get help from anyone.

soldier: Obsessed with the idea of keeping you well trained and disciplined, the idea of watching you answer to any one else enrages him. But as much as he concerns himself with "administering discipline," he can be just as apt to reward good behavior, and if you were to ask nicely enough he might be convinced to allow you time to socialize with others (so long as he's present, naturally.)

heavy: A fearsome defender of his family and friends, Heavy can turn from warm and friendly around you to dangerous in a heartbeat if you were suggest seeing other people. It would take a lot of time for him to wrap his brain around the idea of seeing other people, while staying committed to one another.

scout: Tricky to place, because he can really embody either extreme. On the one hand, Scout's always been the competitive type, and constantly vying for your attention, however he can get it. However, he's still a pretty young guy, and likely intimidated by the idea of having to "settle down for good." Not because of any lack of fidelity to you- it's simply a lifestyle so unlike the one he's known for so long. Scout also seems like the most likely to try and make you jealous by flirting with other people when your around, but gets completely pissed off when other guys give you any kind of attention.

sniper: Considering his devotion and history to solitary living, he's most accustomed to living off of the clothes on his back and isn't used to sharing personal property with others. Counter point, all that time alone contributes to an all encompassing touch-starved desire to hold and be held by another warm body. He isn't initially keen on the idea of seeing you touched by others, though could be convinced otherwise if there were something for him in it.

spy: Cold and cynical on the outside, he buries his emotions and insecurities deep down away from the prying eyes of others. While most would see his aloof possessiveness as nothing more than a tactic to keep you close, it's a bit deeper than that. While he'd never admit it, Spy is horrified at the idea of you falling for/caring about someone more than him. Whether you want to attribute this to abandonment issues or narcissism, the severity of his fear of being replaced is painfully real. Spy hates thinking about you not loving him with an intensity like his, but the idea of being "second best" to someone else is much, much worse.

(i apologize for not actually answering your ask, and i really, really hope this doesn't sound rude or judge-y because i try to keep this as a nice, judgment-free zone, but the idea of a 9-to-1 attraction is a little too odd for me to imagine.)

#i appreciated this ask btw thank you for this :>#anonymous #x reader #yandere #self ship #poly yandere #yandere tf2 #tf2 x reader #toxic relationship #possesive love

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wildandsmile · 1 year ago

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𝑴𝒆𝒆𝒕 𝑪𝒖𝒕𝒆 ☆ 𝑰𝒈𝒈𝒚 𝒙 𝑹𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓!

🗯️ HIIII LOVIESSS it’s val! i posted this on my personal account originally but i figured i would bring it over here for you guys to have while i continue working on the spencer reid fic. sorry it’s taking so long, i’ve redone the entire thing like three times now! this is kind of an underground fandom and character, but i love him too much not to write for him! begging on my knees that you read and enjoy this because im so proud of it. i intended to turn this into a series so let me know what you think!!

>> fluff, maximum ride fanfic, i just love iggster so much. he needs some representation too. you’re a mutant, a reptile mix specifically. part crocodile and part leopard gecko. warning, this is like a mile long. enjoy!

Imagine you’re fifteen years old. Now imagine that all you’ve ever known is scalpels, white walls, tile floors, the smell of antiseptics and bleach, and the feeling of rough hands grabbing at you. The feeling of needles pressing into your skin and veins, filling your body with steroids and god knows what else. Imagine not knowing whether or not anything else is real and only seeing things about the outside world and social culture through newspaper clippings. Imagine your brain being electrocuted as you’re forced to run until your feet bleed. Imagine you’re only given twenty ounces of room temperature water and a package of stale crackers and some old ham to keep you alive most days. Got the picture?

That was the life (Y/N) lived. She couldn’t remember anything before the age of nine. All she could remember was needles, bright lights, constant nausea, and unbearable physical torture. Being cold most nights, because of course she wasn’t provided with a heat lamp. She told other experiments that she was just anemic.

It wasn’t a lie necessarily, she was severely malnourished, but it wasn’t because she was anemic that she was always cold. It was because she was a reptile. Well, kind of. She was ninety five percent human, three percent leopard gecko and two percent crocodile. She got the cool spots which looked more like vitiligo if anything, and she could go thirty minutes without blinking. She was medium height, around five six and maybe one hundred thirty pounds soaking wet. She was fast, and she had the potentially to be a malicious predator. However, it was hard to be predatory when you were used to being nothing but prey to weirdo scientists with god complexes and fucked up world views.

That takes us to present time. (Y/N) cramming herself into the furthest corner of her crate (where all the experiments were kept), hissing and baring her pointed teeth at the white-coat trying to grab at her. “Do not resist.” He growled at her, getting more erratic and rough with his movements. She kicked at him whenever he got close, and she packed one hell of a kick. Even after fifteen years, she’d never stop fighting. Which is why she was kept in a separate room all by herself, albeit still in a crate. She had been caught trying to plan an escape with the others one to many times. That tends to happen when you go without food or warmth or nourishment or education or normal socialization. “Die!” She yelled at the scientist. He sneered and slammed the door of her crate shut, hitting her toes as he did. She yelped and tucked them under her body, growling and frowning like a feral animal. She rocked back and forth, feeling frantic and sticky. She wasn’t dirty, but she felt like her skin was covered in glue. She scratched at her melanin splotched arms, her pupils widening and shrinking every once in a while.

She heard the heavy metal door slam open, and her head jerked up, expecting to see an army of white-coats storming in to grab her. But no. It was a blonde girl in ratty civilian clothes who looked like she hadn’t showered in weeks and had no clue what a hairbrush was. The girl ran over to her crate and began fiddling with the latch. “Can you walk?” She asked urgently. (Y/N) stared at her, wrapping her arms around her body tight and going on fight or flight mode. She looked feral, which she practically was. “Can you walk?” The girl repeated, louder. (Y/N) nodded hesitantly, glaring wearily at her. “Good.” The lock popped open and the door swung to the side, leaving the exit wide open for her. (Y/N) stayed, unsure if this was another simulation, another trick to lure her out so she could be tortured and chased again.

The blonde girl kneeled in front of her, trying to be kind, but failing. She was far too tough and in a hurry to have a motherly heart to heart right now. “Listen. We’re here to help you, okay?” She said, something extending from her back. (Y/N) peeked and saw that they were wings. An experiment. Just like her. (Y/N) slowly crawled out from the cage and stood, on edge and ready to pounce if anyone tried anything. “Hurry, this way.” The girl said, grabbing her by the wrist and rushing her through the door. (Y/N) could hear all kinds of commotion. Animal noises, yelling, metal slamming around, and now a loud alarm. Red lights flared up and illuminated the halls, causing adrenaline to pump harder through her body.

“Hurry, hurry! Up here!” The blonde girl ordered. They turned a corner and she saw all the experiments running up a ladder, lead by another blonde girl with wings. But she was in a lab gown. She was one of the experiments too, one that (Y/N) had tried to ally with. But she didn’t understand English as well as (Y/N) did. She saw more bird kids, overturned crates and surgical tables, and a look over her shoulder allowed her to see a rush of white-coats running straight for them. This was the one chance she had. She turned and took two steps before she slammed into someone. Her pupils immediately shrank into slits and she hissed, baring her teeth before scampering up the ladder, faster than most of the other experiments could. She was powered purely on adrenaline and now fear, fear of being caught.

She felt a gust of wind against her face and looked up to see three bird kids fly by her, through the narrow tunnel. She kicked off the last prong of the ladder and broke out into a sprint, following the other mutant kids like her instincts told her to. “Forward, forward! Don’t stop!” Someone yelled, she didn’t know who. Her legs pumped faster and harder, through the sludge of the tunnel. Had they been underground? Come to think of it, she’d never seen natural sunlight. She didn’t even know if it was real. She’d only seen it in books and scraps of newspaper left on the lab counters.

They broke out into an open area after what felt like hours, but was probably only a few minutes. She leaned against a wall as her vision faded in and out, her head starting to spin from exerting so much energy on such an empty stomach. She looked around, and she realized she wasn’t hearing. The blonde bird kid who broke her out was giving a small speech, but (Y/N) could barely register it. Everything felt muffled and far away. The last thing she saw was the experiment kids who stayed to listen to the speech scampering off, and a questioning, accusatory look from someone that looked like a living shadow.

When she woke up, she wasn’t in a tunnel anymore. She was.. where was she? She sat up abruptly, flailing her legs and moving to stand on her own two feet, getting into a fighting stance. She looked around frantically, meeting the eyes of six confused and equally as beat up kids. “No need to have a riot. It’s just us. Just me.” The blonde girl from earlier said. She put her hands up in sarcastic surrender, and (Y/N) managed a frowned. Her heart was pounding against her ribcage so hard she thought it would burst out of her chest and fall onto the floor.

She swallowed dryly and looked around. A table, a rug, a TV, a couch.. she was in someone’s house. Surrounded by a bunch of strangers. Who, to be fair, had just helped her escape from the lab. “What is this?” She managed weakly, her voice shaky and breathy. “Who are you?”

The kids shared a look, all varying in different reactions, then one stepped up. She was young, barely looked more than seven or eight years old. She had big blue eyes and curly blonde hair. She was kinda cute for being so grubby. “We’re.. the flock. I’m Angel.” She pointed at herself. “This is Nudge, Gazzy, Fang, Iggy, and Max.” She pointed at everyone individually. The one she had seen before she fainted was Fang. She hadn’t seen Nudge or Gazzy until that moment. She hadn’t seen Iggy either. She blinked, her pupils very slowly returning back to a normal size.

She didn’t speak, only breathed heavily, her chest rising and falling evenly. Out of all of them, Iggy caught her attention. He looked hopeful but vacant, standing stiff and weird. “What happened?”

She asked, returning her attention to the little girl. Max stepped up now. “We broke you out of the school.”

She said, and (Y/N) nearly rolled her eyes. She would’ve if she wasn’t still in shock. “I remember that. I mean.. where am I?” They all looked at each other again. She felt alienated. Covered in a cold sweat and in a ratty hospital gown covered in her blood and ashes and dirt, her feet crusted with sludge from the tunnel, her hair tangled. “Uhm.. Michigan-ish.” The little blonde boy, Gazzy said.

“Mich.. igan?” (Y/N) hadn’t heard of that. She knew they were in the United States, or at least she thought they were, because that’s what most of the newspaper clippings were talking about. She had the education of an average fourth grader, she only knew basic language and math skills, but nothing else. She knew nothing of history or science, only that science was bad. Scientists were bad. “It’s a state. A big hunk of land in a bigger hunk of land.” The kid explained. She nodded. He dumbed that down enough.

“You fainted when we were in the tunnels. We.. didn’t want to leave you there, so we took turns carrying you. Iggy said. She looked over at him. He was looking slightly to the left of where she was standing. Her eyebrows scrunched in the way they always did when something didn’t make sense to her. She walked over to him and saw him visibly stiffen along with the rest of the flock, who got into subtle defensive poses. She stopped and gazed up at his pale face, into his eyes. They were milky, cloudy. It clicked. “You’re blind.” She stated.

He huffed. “Nooo. Really? I hadn’t noticed.” The corners of her lips quirked up in a little lopsided smirk and she turned away from him, wrapping her arms around herself. She was malnourished, cold, and really tired. She faced Max. “Are there any blankets?” She asked. “Dunno. Is Cabin-ah-la-Michigan not good enough for you?” Max said. (Y/N)’s eyes narrowed. Max was.. joking. Being sarcastic. In a very flat, hard to tell way. (Y/N) liked it. She huffed out of her nose. “I’m a reptile. It’s cold. A blanket would be delightful.” She said, Max being visibly taken aback.

A slight smirk built on her lips and she turned to hide it. “Iggy, find her a blanket.” “Oh sure, send the blind guy to do it.” He grumbled. (Y/N) huffed a laugh again. That seemed to be the trend around here. Dry humor and sarcasm. It was refreshing. Better than listening to white-coats discuss what horrors they wanted to put her through that day. (Y/N) was on edge and shaking for more reasons than one. She didn’t know what to think of them, but they had saved her. She took a breath and told herself to just be cool.

“Thanks for saving me or whatever.” She said, crossing her arms. She saw Gazzy smile and try to stifle a laugh. She didn’t understand what was funny. “What?” She asked. “You’re acting like Fang.” He grinned. She glanced over to Fang, who was visibly offended and standing with his arms crossed. He probably had trust issues. Who wouldn’t in their case?

She looked away and down the hall to see Iggy returning with a blanket. “Found this in one of the bedrooms.” He said. She nodded and took it from him, immediately throwing it over her shoulders and sitting down on the floor, tucking her feet under her body and huddling down to preserve heat. They watched her like she was the only mutant kid in the room. “What?” She snapped. They looked away guiltily. “Nothing. You’re like, really pretty! Have you ever had your hair cut? Do-“ Nudge began, to be cut off by Iggy. “She’s a lab lizard. Do you think she’s ever been anything other than in a cage?” He wasn’t wrong, but the words hurt for some reason. Her face hardened and she angled it towards the ground. If she tried hard enough, she could glare a hole through it. Nudge’s face fell and she pouted sadly. She hadn’t considered that. She just wanted to give her a compliment.

(Y/N) heard Max elbow Iggy, and she assumed Max was scowling. (Y/N) rose from the floor, keeping the blanket wrapped tight around her body. She probably weighed the most out of all of them, having atleast some meat on her bones from her crocodile genes. “Do.. I stay?” She asked. It was silent. Six pairs of eyes stared at her. Well, five. Iggy was looking slightly near her again. Her face softened a bit and she immediately started burning with embarrassment. She angled her face towards the floor again.

“Sorry.” She uttered. “I’m sorry.” She said again. Nudge walked over to her with a friendly, understanding smile and gently placed a hand on her shoulder. (Y/N) pursed her lips and looked up at Nudge. “Let’s.. get you cleaned up.” Nudge said, trying to be polite, but her face told a different story. (Y/N) knew she looked like roadkill. It wasn’t her fault. She let Nudge lead her to the bathroom, which, miraculously, had running water. She informed the rest of the flock of that happily before helping (Y/N) undress and chattering her ear off.

“Your skin is awesome! And your eyes are so cool, the little black parts go so thin. How do you do that? What kind of reptile are you?” “Crocodile. And leopard gecko.” She answered, on edge. But.. Nudge was a girl, a mutant girl who seemed nice enough, so she accepted her help. “Have you ever even seen yourself?” Nudge asked, and she meant it as a joke. But.. (Y/N) hadn’t. Ever. Not in a mirror. Sometimes she’d catch very faint, ghostlike glimpses of herself on glass and the floors, but she’d never really seen what she looked like. Her prolonged silence made Nudge gasp. “Come, come look!” She insisted, pushing her in front of the sink mirror.

(Y/N) gazed at herself and gasped, running her fingertips across her face. Smooth but textured at the same time, like some sort of tattered silk. “That’s me?” She asked, mesmerized by her reflection. She was pretty. Splotches of tan skin were flung across her body like some sort of abstract art piece, her eyes were wide and curious, her pupils large for now. She shrank them and smiled, excited to watch it happen. She turned and turned, looking at her face, her neck, her chest, her hair, her shoulders, everything. Her hair was tangled and in desperate need of a comb, but it was fine. She was free and with people similar to her and she felt wonderful for the first time.. ever.

“Wow.” She muttered again, a smile on her face. Her teeth were sharp, her canines longer and pointier than Nudge’s. Her back molars were a bit more shaped for eating flesh, but her front teeth were relatively normal aside from the canines and such. “I know! Cmon, let’s get you in the shower before the water runs out.” (Y/N) nodded and stepped into the shower, gasping. She’d never had a shower. A real one. She’d had water thrown at her through the bars of her cage, but that’s it. She twirled around and around, letting the water penetrate her hair and slide down her body, down her legs, onto her feet. It felt great.

There was a lump of something in the corner. “Nudge? What’s that?” She asked. Nudge peaked into the shower and looked to where (Y/N) was pointing. “Oh, it’s soap! You rub it on your body and it makes you super clean and smell good.” She explained happily. She nodded. She knew what soap was, she’d just never been given any. She picked it up and did as Nudge said, rubbing it onto her arms and legs and stomach and hips and under her arms, all around. It made her feel slimy and weird. She scrubbed at her body for a while before letting the soap run off of her, opting to stand under the water stream for a while. As she ran her hands over her hair, there was a hard knock at the door.

“Hurry up in there! I have to pee!” She recognized the voice to be Gazzy’s. Nudge yelled back, “Go outside or something!” And it made (Y/N) giggle. She reluctantly switched the water off and reached for a towel, drying herself off with the help of Nudge, who wrapped her soaked hair in a towel for her. She sat inside of the sink as Nudge got through her hair, working out the snares and knots as gently as she could. (Y/N) felt like a brand new person by the time they were done. She barely recognized herself. Well, the version of herself she had seen before she showered. She felt even prettier. More alive.

She exited the bathroom with Nudge and let her lead her into the living room, where the bird kids had popped open multiple canned food items and some sodas they had found. They all, well, most of them, with the exception of Fang and Iggy looked up upon their arrival, and Gazzy’s mouth fell open. “Wow! You look like an actual girl now!” Max elbowed him, and (Y/N) stood awkwardly, unsure of what to do. She was in a huge button up and basketball shorts they had found in one of the bedrooms, her hair was still damp, she was still cold, and she felt soggy and out of place. “So uhm.. what now?” The flock shared a look. Fang shrugged. “We don’t actually know.”

(Y/N) pursed her lips. She didn’t want to be left on her own. She didn’t know how to survive in the real world. “We can’t leave her on her own.” Iggy said, reading her thoughts. Maybe he actually could. Who knew what powers they all possessed? (Y/N) looked down. She didn’t want them to leave, but she didn’t want to be a burden. She couldn’t fly. She weighed more than all of them, which meant they’d have a hard time carrying her long distances. Nudge put a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

“I’m with Iggy. She doesn’t know anything about the outside world! We have to help her. Can we keep her Max, please?” Max frowned and opened her mouth to protest when she caught Fang’s eye. They seemed to talk telepathically, Max getting gradually more irritated and Fang smirking when they broke their eye contact. He had won their silent argument. “Fine. But you have to pull your own weight, am I understood?” Max said, sternly. (Y/N) nodded eagerly and smiled, baring her teeth. Gazzy’s face immediately lit up.

“Woah! Those are awesome! What kind of reptile ARE you?”

He asked, genuinely curious. He walked up to her, inspecting her face. She opened her mouth wider for him, proud and happy that someone had a genuine interest in her and not in what would happen if they shoved enough metal prongs into her body. “Crocodile!” She said with her mouth open, so it came out sounding more like ‘crocadiiah’. “Cooool! I wish I was a crocodile!” He said. She smiled. “It’s cool I guess. But I’m always cold. I’m part leopard gecko too.” “What’s a leopard gecko?” He asked, gradually growing more and more interested. Nudge and Angel had gathered around her, and she saw Max from the corner of her eye. She looked on edge. Jealous? Maybe.

(Y/N) looked back to the three in front of her as a fourth kid rose and walked over, standing behind Gazzy. It was Iggy. “Uhm.. it’s a gecko with banana type spots on its body, and it can.. do this.” She turned and scaled the wall, climbing up to the ceiling. She could climb any flat surface, but she couldn’t hang upside down for too long. She would weigh herself down. “What? What did she do?” Iggy asked over the ‘ooo’s’ and ‘ahh’s’ of the other children. “She just climbed up the wall!” Gazzy exclaimed. Iggy nodded. “I can do this!” Gazzy said. He opened his wings and flapped them hard, propelling himself backwards. She smiled and hopped down from the wall, dusting her hands off. “Nice.”

She gave another polite smile as the three smiled at her, clearly wanting to ask a million and one questions. She opened her mouth to say something when Max’s voice chimed in. “I think it’s time to go to sleep. We have to head out tomorrow.” She said in a very stern, motherly tone. There were lots of whines and complaints, but a hard look had them shuffling off, albeit still complaining. She heard their scattered chatter, Nudge and Angel bidding her goodnight, and Iggy and Gazzy arguing over which bedroom they were gonna get. There were three bedrooms, which meant two pairs could share one each. That left (Y/N) with the couch.

She felt awkward suddenly, starting to fiddle with her thumbs. “I’ll just.. uhm.” She walked past Max with her head down and saw herself to the couch, sitting on it experimentally. She bounced on it a little, deeming it way more comfortable than the cold, hard floor of a dog crate. “Goodnight.” She said. Max paused in the opening of the hallway. She mumbled something before walking off, Fang following casually behind her. (Y/N) assumed, for the sake of her own peace, that Max had said goodnight back. She laid onto her side and stretched out, something she’d never really been able to do until then. She smiled as she tucked her arms under her head, making herself cozy.

That lasted about an hour before she was getting up, trudging down the hallway to find the blanket she had discarded. She grabbed it from behind the bathroom door where she’d left it and wrapped it snugly around her body before she began towards the couch. She sat upon it and stared at the floor for a little while, allowing her body to warm up. It wasn’t long before she began getting restless. Her body was tired, her brain wouldn’t go to sleep. She turned her head and peered down the hallway, imagining the flock fast asleep.

On a whim, she stood and went to the front door, tossing it open before gently shutting it behind her. She stuck the corners of the blanket between her teeth and scaled the side of the cabin, climbing up onto the roof. Once on top, she scooted onto the middle of it and lied down, keeping her blanket around her. She gazed up at the sky, the sky she’d never been able to see.

She saw the stars. Saw that they were real. Felt the real wind on her real, clean face, felt the wood of the cabin roof pressing against her exposed legs. She felt her brushed, clean hair around her, lighter than she could ever remember it being. She felt the soft fabric of the real blanket against her skin, and she smiled. She was free. Fifteen years of nonstop torture and mistreatment, less than basic human rights, and now she was free. In the real, open, fresh air. She closed her eyes and exhaled, feeling as if she wouldn’t mind if she died in that moment.

She opened her eyes and gazed upwards, beginning to count the stars. Despite being deprived of an education, she knew how to count. How could she not? That was all she was able to do. Count the steps, the lashings, the breaths, the floor tiles, the ceiling tiles. Four hundred twenty nine. That’s how many floor tiles there were in her confinement room. Three hundred fifteen ceiling tiles. Twenty lashings for failure to complete a task. One thousand two breaths in a mile. She knew numbers, understood them, better than anything. There was some rustling and she sat up immediately, bracing herself. Animals? White coats? Security? She looked around and turned to see broad wings and a skinny kid between them landing on the roof. The kid tucked his wings in and walked towards her, plopping down unceremoniously.

“Couldn’t sleep?” He asked. Iggy. She shook her head no. Then she remembered. A smile broke out on her face and she started giggling. He turned his head towards her, confused. “What?” He asked, she giggled. “Sorry. I just.. I just shook my head. And you’re blind.” He huffed a stale laugh and it made her giggle more. She couldn’t believe she forgot that about him. “Sorry. Yeah, no, I couldn’t sleep.” She said, tucking her knees close to her chest and wrapping her arms around them, her blanket hanging loosely over her shoulders. “Neither can I.” He laid back, tucking his hands under his head. She didn’t respond. She looked back up to the stars and exhaled, loving the feeling of fresh air in her lungs and hair and against her face. “Want some.. whatever this is?” He asked. She looked over to him to see that he was holding a can of.. whatever that was. She was skeptical, it could be poison. Even if he wasn’t the one that poisoned it. It didn’t look very edible.

“Uhm.. what does it taste like?” She asked as she accepted the can from him, inspecting it. She looked at the contents and sniffed it. It didn’t smell that bad. “It kinda tastes like beef jerky and peas.” She nodded. She poured a bit of it into her mouth. It was too chunky to be soup, but that’s basically what it was. She chewed up the mystery meat cubes and nodded. It wasn’t great, but it was way better than the stale bread, undercooked chicken, and frozen pea diet they had her on at the school. Just enough of each essential food group to keep her from dying. She passed the can back to him with one hand and wiped her lips with the other, muttering a thank you.

“So.. what’s your story?” She asked. He was quiet for a moment. “I was raised in the school. They experimented on my eyes to try and give me night vision or something and.. clearly they fucked it up.” He said, motioning to his unseeing eyes. She nodded. “A scientist named Jeb Bacheldor helped us escape. He raised us in a mountain home and taught us how to read and stuff. Then he disappeared. We think he’s dead. These mutant werewolf things called erasers burned our house to the ground after me and Gaz blew one of their cruisers up.” (Y/N) turned her head towards him, intrigued, a smile playing on her lips.

“You blew up a cruiser? Like, made it explode?” She asked. Iggy smiled proudly, flaring his feathers as they spread out behind him comfortably. “Hell yeah I did. It was a gorgeous sound. Hit ‘em right on.” He was so happy about that accomplishment she couldn’t help but smile. “That’s awesome.” He smiled, getting a little bashful at the comment. She turned away and looked back towards the sky. “What about you?” Iggy asked, his voice softer than before. Almost whispering. He assumed it was a sensitive topic. (Y/N) shrugged even though he couldn’t see it, tucking her legs closer to her body. She was quiet. “You don’t have to tell me.” He said. She shook her head. “No, it’s fine. I just.. I don’t have one. I’ve been there ever since I can remember. The.. the white coats say I’m fifteen years old and that.. they don’t expect me to live much longer.” She said, resting her chin on top of her knees sadly. Iggy was quiet. It was quiet between them for a while, only the sound of the wind rustling the leaves to be heard.

“I’m sorry.” He said. She shrugged again. “I just shrugged, Iggy.” He chuckled. “Thanks, got it.” It was quiet again until Iggy broke the silence. “You never told us your name.” He said. “Oh.” She hadn’t realized. “My name is (Y/N).” Iggy nodded, closing his eyes. “That’s a nice name.” “Thank you.” “I’ve never seen the stars before.” She said abruptly. Iggy opened his eyes and peered over in her direction. Why? I couldn’t tell you. “Really? Neither have I.” He joked. She laughed, genuinely, for the first time in.. ever, basically. “I’m sorry. I keep forgetting.” She giggled, bringing a hand up to cover her mouth. She looked over to see him smiling, seemingly proud of his jokes. “You’re fine. I do that to everyone.” “Yeah.” She looked at the stars again, she just couldn’t stop. They were so clear and felt so close. Like if she reached for one, she could grab it right out of the sky and hold it in the palms of her hands.

“They’re pretty.” She said, voice hardly above a whisper. There was a pause. “Will you describe them to me?” He asked. She looked over at him, surprised. “Has nobody ever described them to you before?” “No.” She found that hard to believe, and a bit sad. “Yeah. Yeah I’ll.. describe it.” She looked away from him. “It’s like.. the black spots on the ceiling tiles. The sky is so dark, it’s black, but there’s millions of specks of shiny white all over it. They’re bright and some are closer together than others. They’re little circles, not pointy like in drawings. They’re.. gorgeous. They kind of look like your freckles. Just white, and brighter.”

“I have freckles?” He asked. “Have you never seen yourself either?” He shook his head. “Only a few times. I don’t remember. I don’t know what I look like now.” There was a pause. That seemed to be their thing. Pauses of silence. “Do you want me to tell you?” She asked. He nodded. She turned her body towards him, gathering up all the details of him. His face, his body, his wings, his hair. Wanting to make sure she could describe him to him in perfect detail. “You’re tall. I’m sure you know that. You have blonde-ish red-ish hair.. freckles on your face and down your arms, a lot of them. Milky green-ish eyes, pale pink lips. They dip in the middle on your top lip like a bow.”

She assessed him again. “Your feathers are light brown and have white accents. Your eyebrows are neat and arched softly. You have a straight, small nose and it arches a little bit near the bottom. A Long, slender neck, a nice smile. Wide shoulders but a lean build..”

She didn’t mean to, but she started to get more and more flustered. The moment felt so intimate, she hadn’t expected it to you. She quickly turned away and cleared her throat, a blush rising on her cheeks. “Uh, yeah. That’s it.” She saw Iggy nod from the corner of her eye. “Nice. So I’m pretty hot, huh?” She chuckled, shaking her head. “If that’s what you want to believe.” She teased.

They sat in silence for what felt like hours, (Y/N) staring at the stars and Iggy just enjoying the fresh air, fluttering his wings every once in a while to shake out his feathers. The hour of the night started to weigh in on her and she laid back, tucking the blanket under her feet and chin. She didn’t plan on going to sleep on the roof of a cabin, but it’s what happened. She dozed off for a while, waking up due to being cold. It was in the earliest hours of early morning, maybe two or three. She sat up and looked to her side. Iggy was still there. She stared at him, at his chest rising and falling evenly. She weighed her idea, and the potential consequences. It was either freeze to death, go inside and possibly be interrogated by one of the flock members, or.. She crawled over to him carefully, making as little noise as she could.

Slowly, she lowered herself next to him. Not slow enough. He jolted awake and hit her in the mouth as he sat up, making her recoil. “Ow!” She yelped, holding a hand over her lips. She couldn’t be mad at him, but it frickin hurt. “What were you doing?” Iggy asked, a tinge of anger and suspicion in his voice. “I’m sorry. I was just cold.. I.. was just gonna lay with you.” She mumbled, running her fingertips over her lips as they started to swell. For being so skinny he packed one hell of a swing. She saw his shoulders untense slowly, but not entirely. “Okay. Don’t sneak up on me. Or any of the others. Sorry for hitting you.” He said. He lied down again, this time extending an arm for her to lay on. She scooted back over to him and lied down, tucking into the side of his body and using his bicep as a pillow. It wasn’t the most comfortable thing, but again, it beat her crate by a bunch.

“Goodnight.” She mumbled. With her blanket and the heat he gave off, she could rest. At least a little bit. So she did. She let her body succumb to the overwhelming rush of melatonin her brain gave off, slipping into a heavy sleep. And maybe, just maybe, she could roll with these kids.

#fanfiction #fanfic #fanfic fluff #maximum ride #iggy #max #fang #angel #Gazzy #x reader #nudge #so proud #please enjoy

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yoonieper · 3 months ago

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Creative writing major??? That explains why you’re such a talented writer! What do you wish to do with your degree? It would be wonderful if you published books 🤗 and do you have a favorite genre to write? I’d love to know what pulls you into creative writing

Awww thank you anon! I’m hoping to go into publishing one day— ideally editing of some sort for cool books ☺️ I do also hope to publish my own book one day, but that’s more of a bucket list item rather than anything too serious~~

Favorite genre 🤔 Obviously I love romance lol, I write fanfiction after all~ Outside of my works here though I love fantasy, sci-fi, and even horror— anything really where you get to build a new world with new rules since that’s always been my favorite aspect when coming up with new stories!

Ooo what pulls me in… I actually have an answer to this! I’ve been writing since I was young and posted my first fanfic when I was 11 or 12. I’ve always been more so on the quieter side, social anxiety is a bitch, and I always found it so much easier being able to convey my feelings and thoughts whenever I wrote them down. I’m not the best talker (I have so much anxiety it’s actually insane) so giving myself that time and ability to just think about the words and concretely being able to express them always pulled me toward writing. On the more whimsical side, I always loved creating stories— before I started writing I’d daydream all the time about vast worlds and possibilities. Being able to create anything you want with just letters, no confines, the only limits being how far your imagination can take you has always been so fun to think about and later manifest onto a page. I could put myself in the situations I’d never be able to experience myself. Writing these days has also turned into a bit of a coping mechanism lol. Those who are reading ftb probably can tell, but it’s also an avenue where I can reconfigure some of the things happening in my life. I can examine my issues from the outside and separate myself from it has also been possible through writing. This turned into a long explaination, but you can do so much with writing, experiencing things sometimes you feel you might never experience irl, working through complex feelings and emotions, the list goes on!

I recommend writing to anyone here, it’s so much fun yall 🥺🫶🏽 Come at it with no expectations, no stress of outside pressures, head empty besides the picture of the world you have in your head, and you’ll have a blast! All of a sudden half your day is gone and you have nearly 10k written 👏🏽

#yoonieper asks

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annoying-probably · 2 years ago

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Hello! I finally looked at the lyrics for hitsuji ga ippiki, and this happened in the span of... An hour? Mind the bad wording and not-as-done-up presentation as the previous ones! Tumblr formatting is the death of me, truly.

I'm taking my translations from the vocaloid fandom page and mirapaint on twitter, please bear with my translation differences struggle!

Enjoy the sheep analysis:)

this self loathing is a personal best, I'll ignore it - I want to act pretentious, desperado, if I can't? I'll self loathe.

man?????? an has been masking her whole life to be on top and consciously or not she's realised she isn't way ahead of expectations now, she can't put on her forward face of just going with the flow, her minds going mile a minute to do everything, to be well liked and loved but maybe it's projection. Kohane isn't used to this feeling, or atleast so strongly, so she hides from it, the cause?? I don't actually know I haven't read any new events but it could be from her standard of feeling like the odd one out.

this scapegoat is none of my business, I'm wrestling my own - this is a scapegoat, this roar (?) , It's like a curse that doesn't fade.

they're off the deep end I wonder why kashika and aogu are so damn idealising of that./s. I wouldn't read it as direct for Akito, being he's aware of Touya suffering but is turning a blind eye, more like.. he thinks because they're both going through it it's like okay? Or that he feels he can't intrude on it because that's went so well in the past. And Touya has had a whooole damn thing with constantly using a scapegoat of his history with music to escape it and not try and further himself, so he either feels guilty that he's ran so much, or that the history itself exists, or like. both. could always be both/guilt of holding everyone back because nobody in this damn group can communicate with each other that they all have the same issue.

I don't get what the hell the roar line means,,,, it's bugging me. Like,,. Passion? In other parts they mention passion becoming pain so it ties in and fits Touya,,, but????? Roar??

Oh is it cus his scapegoat, this doesn't seem like a word anymore, aren't meant to break from pattern as like a mindless sheep? So it's breaking the pattern and yelling out?

Or maybe it means arguments..? Like social/relationship scars?? I have no damn clue here

-right now, theres a 100 sheep here in a mud boat waiting to sink.

Someday the sun comes down, they opted out.

One ran away from it, 1-2-3.

so there's a 100 people starting music on shabby, baseless starts, with no real desire to become something real. I'll bet the 1-2-3 sheep that 'ran off' would be vbs- An. I originally said Kohane for the obvious reasons but An hasn't ran from anything. She started in music, she'll end in music. I'll say Kohane ran from like her past self, but she didn't start in music but I think it sticks. An, with Kohane, doesn't actually sing this part, so I think it can go for either however I'm using the next like as backup lol. And obvs the vbs connection to everything happening in the night where they can have their 'true selves'. Please bear in mind I'm using two diff translations here too lol.

- you can say whatever but, tell me you're pretending to be an oblivious fool

an is talkin to herself isn't that fun! Obviously it sounds like it could be to meiko, but what's meiko, if not an extension of her? :) an doesn't even know who *she* is.

- you're just a lonely sheep on your own, let me hear that voice of yours.

With the filter, it makes me think this is An's projection of Kohane, much like how it happened in moonlight yk? Berating her, yet pushing her forward anyways to sing. I think An has a real complex going on about Kohane. Loving her and constantly pushing herself down because she adores Kohane and her talent so much, so it almost seems like an, consciously or not, thinks Kohane is sorta like controlling her..?

- there's one sheep in the dark. Let's tear it all to pieces **|** O, lone sheep, go tear the darkness to pieces, the entire thing

Those are very different translations? Most are quite similar but those are. Hm.

The first one implies what I'd expect, a sheep out of of the bunch, a black sheep, and suggesting to sorta like maim the imposter. sung by Meiko/Kohane/Touya, which for the human two, could very easily be fingers they're pointing at themselves. The other translation?? Implies the lonely sheep is like angry and wants to tear away at the darkness of the others, also befitting for Kohane and touya, but the darkness of their partners, not supported by the song earlier, I'd say, but supported by the cards. ( But then again Kohane, in the cards, is a lone sheep in the darkness so, could also be her being the lone like prophet sheep to help em lol)

- if this beautiful night won't ever end, why don't we counting numbers?

Counting sheep! Classic method to falling asleep, but the night is a common theme. Usually seen, obviously, in the characters revealing their truest selves, pretty or not. But I think this more implies they're keeping it to be "the night." They've crowded the sky with darkness, with insecurity and doubt... And what did Kohane do, at the start, when she self loathes? She sleeps!~ so, meiko suggests the same, counting all the "sheep" here, so they can sleep away their loathing.

- when you become the only sheep, what do you want after that?(m,an,ak)

-im a sheep made to soothe, could you leave me be? / This version of me is a lonely one could you leave me be, now?

I'm being cursed by multiple translations again.

being the only sheep atleast probs means like, the others are healing and not wallowing in pain anymore, or they've just moved on, leaving behind a final sheep. An and Akito are scared of being left behind because of their fears. standard vbs. And with that translation, what do you want after that is also reminiscent of moonlight to me but I probably shouldn't compare em so much.

so translation one. back to an's identity crisis of what she is outside of other people, wanting to be alone. The other translation is pretty similar the word difference just makes her seem more dramatic, "this version of me" like... Alone now, in the dark night, because everyone else has left? I think it makes sense, aswell as possibly linking into meiko again, using her as a stopper and holder of her feelings. And obviously continuing, an wallows, asking to be alone.

- you're just a solitary sheep here, now, defy and move beyond.

Kohane, the real one, isn't joining An in her pains, but she is encouraging her. Telling her that she is alone, everyone is starting (to try to) grow. She's telling her to like pull up her boot straps and become more than she was made to be. Much like An did for Kohane.

AND BACK TO TRANSLATION CURSES!

- if this state of misery is a personal best, if you give it a name, it's like a curse **|** if this is misery it's my pb, if I were to give it a name; it's a curse.

That distinction of if I name it, it's a curse. Or if I had to call it by something, it'd be a curse.

The first one I like more, the idea that if you acknowledge sorrow, it latches on and increases into a leech, a curse. The second is just calling misery and hatred a curse in of it self but I think the first one is more special. especially coming from Akito.

- with "something" that's no longer just a hobby, you're bound to get hurt more and more.

An just lamenting about how music is something she has to be passionate about now, she is actually trying to do something, and when you want to learn and grow, you make mistakes. And mistakes hurt like hell, especially when you're surrounded by people who, you think, expect better of you. This kinda angle makes me think an never like.. truly strived to surpass rad weekend, the same way every kid says they'll be president (or some equivalent) yk? It's not that she didn't want to, but she loved music more for the fun and joy of singing, and turning what you love into a job will always be kinda draining in some way, not having freedom.

- haven't you been told it? "I love you". I can't stay here forever, so, (t) ( could also be, that " did they make you say it?'I love you' can't exist for all of time, so,"

- let's go on a one-night, two-day trip to hell and flourish in heresy, I mean. (M)

the double translations AAAAA. This making me damn insane.

The second one makes more sense to me, Touya doubting any love he's given because he feels as if he shouldn't be around everyone, even doubting that they'll all stay together and the fact everything will just fall apart in the end. The first one makes it seem like he's the hesitant one, unwilling to give love because he feels, again, as if all is fleeting. Then the added "fuck it all" basically, of meiko speaking true desires as she usually does, not caring if they go to hell, just having time away from the darkness and other people, thinking and saying things "sheep" couldn't, whatever that means to broader terms.

- ..I mean,

I see.. X4

meiko, to +Kohane, to +Akito, to full the three. Interesting choice of characters but I'll read it as the partners seeing through their partners true wants/pains?

then we circle back to the chorus with different line distribs.

The distrib is flipped a lil, probably just for voice reasons but now it's Akito and Kohane singing, could also be read as the previous wants being broadcast so they're telling antouya step out the darkness and destroy it all.

This time, Akito takes over meikos previous line ( if the night won't end why don't we count /parap), which, with the addition of the above line about a one-night outing??? sounds more like its leaning into that heresy from before. Counting numbers to sleep away the pain.

- when you become the only sheep, what do you want after that? (M,An,T)

Again, almost the same as before, but Akito and Touya switched. Once again could just be the switch for vocal and line distrib things, but hey, akitoya is having their usual dance of mental illness in this song so you can also say it's that, asking him what he'd do cus surprise! hes ignoring his issues again ( as he just said about counting to fall asleep. )

- I'm a lonely sheep, could you leave me be? /Para (t)

hey look! It's the same as an before! and the same as the two of them in moonlight! they're scared of being left alone yet isolate themselves in their loneliness. Fun!

- you're still just a sheep, can you even laugh at this version of me? (M)

Now because he spoke last, I could point this at Touya, instead I'm pointing this at everyone. They're all still sheep, none of them have broken free, they can't even laugh at the free, unbranded, Meiko. At the same time, she's pushing forward and showing how they all feel- pitiful, like a circus animal to be laughed at, in their darkest mindsets, because they all seem to trivialise their own issues, make them out to be stupid blips.

funny little nanana, with Kohane breaking the cycle to lead into the final chorus.

I don't think anything stands out here, the different line distribs are what id say is the same meaning as the last one, even with the different characters.

- You're just still one sheep of the flock.

Won't you try not to get cursed?

From now, until you die. (M)

- all of you are just one sheep here now, defy, and move before. (K)

The same as before!! But Meiko almost teases the others, telling them that if they don't make some move, they're all just sheep, cursed to live their entire life in this feeling, and they're not making any change.

And Kohane repeats the same line, the solitary sheep, broken free from the cycle, trying to get the others to follow, much like sheep, but in their own path, so they aren't always coping each other and hurting themselves.

Can't wait for An's next breakdown event, guys!!

#project sekai #prsk #proseka #puroseka #vbs #vivid bad squad #azusawa kohane #shiraishi an #shinonome akito #aoyagi touya #hitsuji ga ippki #is this song called one sheep or sheep sre great ive seen different opinions #had fun doing this #ironically my brain has been in overdrive of shit for like ages now so sorry if some of this rambles a while #talking from my brain rn #colourful stage #vocaloid #meiko

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fancy--that · 2 years ago

Text

An Analysis of Burr and Hamilton that no one asked for but I made anyway

DISCLAIMER: this is only musical related

In “Alexander Hamilton” Burr acknowledges the fact that he was “the damn fool” because he killed Alexander. He recognizes Alexander’s intelligence and that his ideas were good ideas despite the resentment he had for him this doesn’t erase their rivalry but it shows that Burr can appreciate the kind of mind and abilities that Hamilton had that were ended too quickly because of Burr.

Burr first meets Alexander in “Aaron Burr, Sir” Alexander is excited to meet Burr, he’s heard of him and admits to wanting to be like him which is why he enrolled in college, he points out their similarities at being orphans and instantly believes that Burr will have the same kind of ideals that he does. When Burr offers him advice he’s enthusiastic to accept it until Burr tells him to “talk less, smile more” something he wasn’t expecting. He’s assuming that since he and Burr are so alike Burr is going to be “nonstop” like he is. Despite looking up to Burr as almost a kind of role model the very moment Burr disappoints him he stops the “fan behavior” and turns towards 3 new friends who are telling him everything he wants to hear leaving Burr forgotten and developing a superiority complex over him which is reflected in “My Shot” when he ignores more of Burr’s (foreshadowing) advice that if he keeps on the way he is there will be disastrous consequences for him. Burr is only trying to help in the beginning, especially since Alexander came to HIM.

“The Schuyler Sisters” tries to paint Burr in a negative light and yes he was a smarmy little bastard who wanted money but in “A Winter’s Ball” Alexander does the exact same thing “is it a question of if Burr or which one” treating the sisters as though they are a commodity. Burr shows interest in Angelica because she is the eldest and would offer him the most power but Alexander would be content with any one of them because of their power and fortune.

In “Farmer Refuted” Burr AGAIN gives Alexander advice, despite the fact that Alexander has already ignored it twice before (and does it again) Burr is trying to play smart by not causing unnecessary trouble. Despite the fact that Alexander does have an excellent point about speaking up when something is wrong, I’m more inclined to agree with Alexander here actually but keep in mind once again Alexander came to him for advice originally in the beginning, advice that Burr continues to hope that he will follow.

In “Right Hand Man” we see the first “climax” of their rivalry. Burr takes an offensive step by meeting with Washington without being asked but is immediately brushed aside by Hamilton even though Burr has ideas to share. Even if this was Washington’s doing Burr is understandably upset that first Alexander ignores his advice and gets acclaim and then steals Burr’s thunder. He then takes the “right hand man” position that Burr wanted despite hating it. Getting all of Burr’s accomplishments and STILL not being satisfied with it which would make anyone upset. Burr does something other than “waiting for it” and it backfires on him.

“Satisfied” goes back to the point of Alexander really wouldn’t have cared what Scyhluer he ended up with. He originally focuses on Angelica I believe for the same reason that Burr did because of her seniority over her sisters but when she “gave him over” to Eliza he wasn’t really complaining because she is also a Scyhluer. Notice how he even comments “Scyhuler?” “My sister” He doesn’t care because its still in the family, even if they did end up falling in love it could have still been Angelica or maybe even Peggy that he was made to meet and he wouldn’t have cared because of their social status and money. Angelica even says “he’s after me cause I’m a Scyhluer sister that elevates his status” She KNOWS Alexander has ulterior motives and didn’t just approach her by accident but she genuinely liked him despite him coming from nothing the same way that Eliza liked him which is how she’s able to look past his obvious interest in her status.

Burr shows up to the wedding to offer his congratulations and we see a little more into his mind. Burr has fallen in love with a woman who is cheating on her husband with him. And in “Wait For It” we see that he genuinely is in love with her. Can we brush aside the fact that it’s morally okay for Burr to knowingly be in this relationship because her husband is on the British side? Maybe, maybe not. But this is the first time we see a lot of Burr’s true feelings. He’s “waiting for it” taking his time and playing the long game because he’s trying to enjoy every moment and trying to prove himself and he doesn’t believe he has to go fast in order to make it happen. He holds resentment towards Alexander because he keeps climbing the ladder, stealing his opportunities and Burr feels powerless to do anything but watch because of his own ideals. He even clarifies that he isn’t “falling behind or running late” and he’s not “standing still” he’s waiting for the opportunities to come to him which isn’t something you can always do. A lot of the time if you don’t go out and try to seize opportunities then you will lose them which is why Burr hates Hamilton because he has that drive to go meet the opportunities rather than waiting for them to come to him but Burr is WILLING to wait for them because he knows the wait will be worth it when he gets what he wants.

When Burr says that Hamilton “has something to prove and nothing to lose” he’s displaying their differences. Despite both being orphans Hamilton’s parents gave him a legacy to overcome while Burr’s parents gave him a legacy to protect. Hamilton HAS to make something of himself in order to rise above the legacy his parents started while Burr cannot afford to make mistakes. Hamilton is only risking is own legacy that didn’t start out well in the first place while Burr is carrying the legacy of his family. Additionally when Burr talks about Hamilton thriving making him want to wait for it he’s saying he doesn’t understand why Hamilton is able to do what he does but he hopes that by following his advice of “talk less, smile more” he will eventually crack the code and be able to do the same when the time comes.

In “Ten Dual Commandments” Burr is second to Charles Lee and tries to discourage Laurens and Hamilton from the duel. Again he doesn’t agree with senseless or public displays of violence as was shown in “Farmer Refuted” despite being Lee’s second. He sees duels to be “dumb and immature” yet he seems to expect that Alexander once again neglects to listen to his advice. He doesn’t believe Lee should have to pay with his life for a few rude remarks made against Washington but Hamilton is too prideful to let it go and he only eggs Laurens on since he himself cannot take part in it directly. Yet another example of Alexander not following Burr’s advice and it backfiring on him as Washington discharges him.

After the war Burr and Hamilton both become lawyers and Hamilton quickly rises above Burr because of his “non-stop” attitude. We can see Burr’s growing frustration with Hamilton for believing that he is more intelligent or the “smartest in the room” and even though we know that Alexander IS very intelligent Burr’s annoyance is deserved as Hamilton has a superiority complex over him and an insufferable condescending attitude that would piss anyone off though some of his frustrations are also festering over years of petty rivalry. He also questions why Alexander always speaks his mind as he believes its a recipe for a disaster because since he keeps nothing secret his enemies will always have something to attack him with while at this point Burr has no enemies because of his amable and calm attitude about everything. He doesn’t stand for anything which while not being right ensures that he doesn’t have to fight anyone for anything. Then later when Hamilton approaches Burr for help with the Constitution, admitting Burr is a better lawyer than him he verbally attacks Burr about his attitude of “standing to the side” saying he doesn’t understand how after everything they’ve fought for, everything they’ve done he still remains stalled in place with no clear fighting drive, taking no stands.

Burr concedes again that he is simply biding his time watching how things go and waiting for his perfect opportunity. He’s trying to be safe by not letting people know what he’s against and what he’s for and playing cautious.

“The Room Where It Happens” is a HUGE turning point. When Burr asks Hamilton how he plans to get his debt plan through Hamilton says he’s going to take Burr’s “talk less smile more” advice. However there is a sinister glint to it. He says the words cynically with an unsettling tension. Where once he questioned what Burr would fall for he HIMSELF is losing his hold upon his strong ideals and because Jefferson and Madison are such fierce opponents he’s forced to use other methods rather than his own. Proving that while misguided in some instances Burr’s advice isn’t bad, but Alexander is only using it in this instance because it will get him what he wants which is almost a slap in the face as Burr knows Hamilton will only listen to what he has to say when its convenient for him.

Additionally Burr is upset that the position of the Capitol is only being discussed by three people and that other representatives (like himself) are not present to help make the decision and that Hamilton is just going to sell out New York to get what he wants so he can keep winning. When Burr says “you got more than you gave” he is criticizing Hamilton’s manipulative tactics that he uses to achieve his goals, and Hamilton’s response is more or less “yeah, and?” In this instance Hamilton is immoral, he got what he wanted by being manipulative and by taking Burr’s advice and Burr is understandably upset because despite this Hamilton is still winning. Hamilton also doesn’t seem to care about playing fairly as long as he makes it to the top, he doesn’t even try to correct Burr’s accusation because he knows Burr is right but he doesn’t care about morals at this point he’s basically saying “look how far ahead i am compared to you.” and he doesn’t even try to justify his actions, he simply does not care because he got what he wanted, another example of his superiority complex and arrogance. In using Burr’s advice he’s hiding his intentions.

And even as Alexander is taking Burr’s advice he says “you get nothing if you wait for it” he’s making fun of Burr’s policy of waiting for opportunities rather than acting on them. And then the chorus comes in rather aggressively asking Burr what he wants, almost like a reflection of Burr’s thoughts because while many have been busy contributing and pushing what exactly HAS he been doing? He feels increasingly more inferior to his colleagues and this only solidifies it further. If Burr is ever going to accomplish anything he’s going to have to figure out what he wants and he reveals that his “I want” is to get the glory of being a person in “the room where it happens” a metaphor for being someone in power who can make decisions and impacts. Unlike Hamilton however he expresses no strong beliefs or motivations that can help propel him in this want. This part of the song however also foreshadows Burr’s run for a Senate seat and eventually for president.

In “Scyhluer Defeated” Burr finally takes Alexander’s advice where he runs for Senate and takes Phillip’s seat. Hamilton doesn’t understand how Burr even managed to get elected while not speaking out on any specific campaigns or openly campaigning while Burr’s retort is that people like him better than they like Hamilton. Hamilton also takes it personally while Burr defends that he is only seizing an opportunity, taking Alexander’s advice by not waiting for it, this is the second time he has done it and the second time he is receiving backlash for it. However this is also a self blow for Burr, he has no problem changing his political party just to get the position because he has no clear positions, beliefs, or ideals and it is the reason Hamilton doesn’t endorse him when he runs for President.

In “Washington On Your Side” Burr forms a tentative alliance with Madison and Jefferson under the “the enemy of my enemy is my friend” policy. All three of them have the same thing in common which is not liking Hamilton though Jefferson and Madison were already friends before this leaving Burr as a kind of outsider brought together with them only because of their mutual hate for Hamilton which continues into “We Know” finding joy in the fact that he can knock Alexander down a few pegs especially since Washington resigned and Jefferson is now vice president.

The Election of 1800 is when things start to spiral. Burr takes Alexander’s advice for a third time and it backfires on him. First he openly campaigns which surprises Alexander, Burr wants to be president so he’s taking an offensive stance but despite having some public support he still “talks less and smiles more” leaving no one knowing what he stands for which isn’t good if you’re really trying to win and as mentioned before because of this Hamilton endorses Jefferson instead of him because “Jefferson has beliefs, Burr has none” this is also the song where Burr snaps because his alliance with Jefferson and Madison is broken once they have gotten what they want and now Burr is left alone feeling angry and betrayed.

“Your Obedient Servant” is a song full of hatred and Burr not thinking clearly only choosing to be angry over his defeat, not understanding how Hamilton could endorse his enemy Jefferson believing it only to be because Hamilton didn’t want him to win. Burr says that every time he has tried anything Hamilton has been there to screw it up for him in some way. While Hamilton fires back that Burr’s own lacks of ideals and his passive attitude was his downfall. Burr is now the one taking it personally and he’s done being passive about it and when Hamilton tells him that he means everything he says and refuses to apologize Burr challenges him to a duel. He’s acting purely out of anger instead of reason, going against his own ideology of “waiting for it”. He’s acting like Hamilton despite every other time he has done so it has not worked out for him.

“The World Was Wide Enough” offers a tone shift. Burr isn’t thinking with his head he’s letting his jealousy, anger and years of festering hatred cloud his judgment. The election was essentially the straw that broke the camel’s back and now all of Burr’s careful calculation and passiveness is gone. And because of what he has seen thus far he believes Hamilton will also want to shoot him the way he wants to shoot him. The moment he sees Hamilton raise his pistol to the sky everything changes. Hamilton “throws away his shot”.

Burr screams out “wait” which has been his watch word the entire show and this is the very last time he says/sings it. Burr instantly regrets once he sees that Hamilton did not aim for him. But this time it is too late for Burr to “wait for it” it has already been done, he let his emotions rule him, in following Alexander’s opportunity to not “stand to the side” he has killed him, Hamilton’s own advice played part in his demise. After a lifetime of patience the one and only time Burr acts rashly he immediately regrets it and wishes he had not. In this moment they have switched roles, Hamilton hanging back and Burr charging forward and it ended in tragedy. Burr feels immediate remorse for what he has done even trying to approach Hamilton.

Burr also comments that because of what he has done he has painted as a villain in history without anyone taking into account what he went through that led up to this moment. He is not entirely without blame but neither is Alexander and he feels as though nobody ever touches on his side of the story to try and understand why he would act like this. And he is forced to pay for Alexander’s death with this villinization. Once he has adopted his own ideology again of calm and clarity he realizes his mistake, he has remorse and regret understanding that their petty rivalry did not have to end this way, that they both could have lived if only he hadn’t been so blind to let Hamilton get to him.

I don’t believe the world could have been wide enough for the both of them. When Hamilton succeeds Burr is left on the sideline and when Burr succeeds the same happens to Hamilton. They are painted as two sides of the same coin, two souls always in battle. And it would never have worked with the two of them ending up alive.

Burr was not a villain. One of the morals in the story is that Burr is not the monster that he is often portrayed as, he was human, and he acted as a human. He made a mistake and we don’t condone his murder of Hamilton but you can sympathize with him, understanding why he acted so rashly.

Hamilton’s logic is flawed. While I am inclined to believe his ideology that you must speak up against the wrongs of the world and seize opportunities. You’ll notice that the one time Hamilton follows Burr’s advice in “The Room Where It Happens” he succeeds while the numerous times that Burr follows Hamilton it ends in disaster. In “The World Was Wide Enough” Hamilton has accepted his death because in “Best of Wives and Best of Women” it is heavily implied that Hamilton KNOWS Burr is going to shoot at him even if he aims for the sky, he’s already accepted his death so when he acts like Burr and “throws away his shot” and draws back its not negatively impacting Burr’s ideology because Hamilton already knew it was going to happen.

Hamilton’s demise was his fault. You move to a new place, meet your idol and then proceed to ignore every piece of advice he gives you, take away every opportunity he wants, berate him, condescend him, sacrifice your own morals to win and then he shoots you. While Burr could have been more proactive in getting what he wants it is Hamilton’s constant cockiness that ends up getting him killed. As Burr warned him “Fools who run their mouths off wind up dead” And in the one instance where Hamilton followed Burr’s advice and succeeded if he had followed Burr’s advice in “talking less” he would still be alive, showing that while Burr’s logic might not be right morally for not taking any stances its smarter than Hamilton’s.

#hamilton #alexander hamilton #aaron burr #hamilton musical #analysis

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