#well. TIME TO RAMBLE
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I feel a bit wary saying this because it doesn't feel quite real yet, but! had my last week of college classes last week. I still have to get through my last exam period but it's very odd to think this degree is almost over and done with. many thoughts about it in general.
#vi rambling#well. TIME TO RAMBLE#I think degrees in general are a very normalized stage of life but it felt so abnormal to me to go through so i thought id#share my thoughts. because theyre complicated!#i chose a degree solely based on my interests. which may haven't been the smartest choice all in all#considering i dont think it'll grant me any job opportunities and well.#considering my main aspirations is to Create some sorta something it at the very least widened my breadth of knowledge.#but i have to admit im mostly very frustrated. because while its obviously natural to laser focus on studies#my creativity's really stagnated over the last 3-4 years. kinda feels like i wasted my time on something and kinda missed the train whateve#that means. idk. art history was a lot more rewarding than film thats for sure because film theory is unfortunately mostly complete bs.#and honestly every year of college was a complete disaster on a personal note i dont feel like getting into but each year was surrounded by#so many bad circumstances that the fact its gonna be over feels like. it isnt over until its over. im still scared something will pop up an#will suddenly yet again fuck things up for me and this degree Wont happen. idk.#but yeah mostly i an very much looking forward to practical art studies. something to actually idk. make me feel like#im making the most out of myself. instead of trapping it under mountains of collegework. and stagnating#will probably be deleted later idk what im getting at writing this here. disillusionment or whatever
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would you bite the hand that feeds you?
#pearlescentmoon#smajor1995#wild life smp#namemc spoilers#i hope these two never get along in the storyline i find them fascinating#OKAY SO#originally i had this sketch back in session 2 when scott manages to throw her something actually edible JUST IN TIME#and now with the namemc spoilers of pearl ACTUALLY having a yellow eye which does! kind of match scotts esp since he died for this#i figured itd be an appropriate time#i did edit it though the original was pearl eating smth#now do i think scott and pearl has had any Major (heh) interactions to warrant this fanart in WL?#frankly no LMAO theyve been very civil you go guys . but i like the dynamics between them anyway#also i finally got a piece with scott!!! hes been very hard to draw goodness#anyway long rambly tags#eydidraws#my art#mcyt#trafficblr#galaxyduo#majormoon#** i say civil because its just been more on verbal light jabs at each other rather than anything Really significant ?#and well. its obvious all 3Gs are being very careful around each other which makes me JUST A L IL SAD#id love to see them let loose and be vicious but i also understand the angle theyre coming from#anyway can you tell i like the 3g dynamics
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Is this my best comic ever?? Nope. Do I think I characterized either of these two particularly well in this comic?? Not really. Did I spend an unreasonable amount of time on it to the point that it would be a waste to not post it?? Yes, yes I did.
I really committed to this one, spent a lot of time on those backgrounds and treated myself to ample suffering with the perspective, which is not my strong suit but I am happy with how it ultimately looks. Yay perspective and background practice!!
(Tbh I shouldn't talk like I think this one sucks, I think I've just been staring at it for so long that my brain has decided it's not good and it's actually way better than I think it is, and honestly I am quite happy with it. The artistic process really is something, isn't it?)
The inspiration was basically me reminding... myself... to take breaks sometimes... by drawing for several hour stints during my only little bits of free time. Which totally tracks. Probably. But I've been rolling around in my brain this idea that Lambert is a very uptight people pleaser and anxious workaholic, but Narinder, at least since adjusting himself to the circumstances (which probably took at least a century, maybe two) has discovered the joys of self care, and has made an active effort to chill tf out. This has not made him any less terrifying to the cultists (save for Lambert's closest disciples), nor has it made him friendlier to really anyone but Lambert (and maybe his siblings), but he sure has found some serious peace of mind. That said, I can't place what his motivations are here. Perhaps he is secretly concerned about Lambert's sanity, because he doesn't want them to turn into what he was, or maybe he's just trying to steal away some quality time with his one and only friend, but regardless of the reason, I spent too much time on this for nobody to see it, dang it.
That said. Enjoy this silly little comic that I spent way too much time on, and I hope this silly comic brings you some joy today.
#cult of the lamb#cult of the lamb fanart#cotl#cotl fanart#cotl lamb#cotl narinder#cotl narilamb#narilamb#(like honestly narilamb is a qpr to me specifically and i intend this as such but this can easily be read as romantic as well tbh)#also we get some bonus jalala and rinor in this one!! and some bonus... implied leshycat. technically#not gonna tag those individually cuz there's just like. not enough of it for me to feel like those tags have any meaning#but they're here as a bonus. also jalala and rinor are fun to draw maybe i should make a mini comic just about them sometime#rambles aside pls enjoy this ridiculous comic that i spent an unreasonable amount of time on it was a joy to work on#and even tho its not my best comic ever i do love how it turned out it was such a good time
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careful, man, you’re gonna fall!!!!!!!
(bits i liked/closeups & lineart under cut!!!)
psssttt… i’ve also got comms open !!!! go check it out if you’re interested!!!!
#shameless plug because my art is pretty & i need money akhdanjdkane#but yay i finished it !!!!! coloring is hell#it was so frustrating but im happy with how it turned out!!!! like look!#anyway anywho#take a gander at this guy#fnaf#fnaf sb#fnaf security breach#fnaf daycare attendant#dca fandom#dca#dca sun#sun fnaf#sundrop fanart#sundrop#sundrop fnaf#i forgot what i usually tag with#my art#mita doodles#might make this a sticker if ppl are interested….. love me some stickers#ill face the consequences of posting at night when i wake up sndbwkjswnmw#well its night for me at least. which means sleepy time now#been rambling too much BYE! BUY MY COMMS ANDBMWKSKSW
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mornings in the desert
#desert duo fanart#desert duo#scarian#kelddaa#kelds art#keld make a desertduo piece without excessive warm lighting challenge IMPOSSIBLE#it’s fine tho I love warm lighting#prob could’ve spent more time on this but eh oh well#took me a long time toiling with their expressions#eventually ended up with these… grimaces#maybe bc it’s so early in the morning#maybe bc it’s just these two fools#and they’ve got… whatever it is they’ve got going on in third life#third life Scarian is so special to me#agh sorry I’m falling back into my desert duo phase and rambling about them#1k
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Hey everyone look at my fuckign isopod
Thank you have a good day
#i bought. 10 of them at a pet expo the other day#I’ve wanted them for a while but there was always Something preventing me#like they didn’t have the breed I wanted in stock or another breed I wanted was insanely expensive or they didn’t cohabit well etc etc#but finally……#they immediately disappeared into a cork bark cave I fashioned and I haven’t seen them since#I presume they are having a good time in the dirt#ramblings#isopod#woodlouse#my post
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i hit 1k followers recently!!!! yipee!!!!!!! thank you all!!! so in celebration here’s all of my completed isat doodle pages, from oldest to newest. go nuts with them!! and maybe don’t look at the first doodle page too closely. it’s Old.
(no greyscale version below for once! just some mushy ramblings. you don’t have to read them don’t worry)
hhhhhha?? so many people. where did you come from. how did you all find me.
ok but seriously, thank you all so much for all the support. i never really. expected to make it this far? like, ever?? i’ve mentioned it a few times on here, but i’ve been a lurker for the past… 2 years, i think? and even before that, i never gained much traction outside of a couple posts. so this has been. very new to me!! in a nice way!! it’s weird to feel like an actual member of a community!! that people know about!
the idea of finally coming back to social media was Daunting (i literally got stress hives writing my first post lol) and the warm reception really. meant a lot?? i don’t think i would’ve ever gotten the courage to come back if i hadn’t been encouraged to by the people over at the isat discord!!
the fact that people actually care about my art still doesn’t feel real?? seeing people take inspiration from my art is just. surreal. just. auagssh. thank you all so so much for everything, i really do appreciate it!!! i’m really glad to be in this community. sorry if this all sounds sappy and long winded i’ve just got a lot of emotions about this whole thing!!
(also as a bonus for reading all this or whatever. here’s a concept page for isatscryption! it felt a little out of place next to my normal canvases so i’m putting it down here! yipee! sorry my notes here are so disjointed auauau…)
#marshdoodles#isat#in stars and time#isat spoilers#isatscryption#not tagging this as isas since this is mostly unrelated#aaaa sorry for. rambling so long and stuff#i know this is tumblr and follower counts aren’t supposed to mean anything but. i still feel Emotions about it!!#i cant help it!!!#that first doodle page i made is from may btw! these actually line up pretty well with the months#i never got around to posting these because like. i already posted a lot of these drawings on their own? it felt weird#but this is a milestone!! so i can post them if i so desire#also. basically all of the drawings save a few on the first one give me Hives#you can tell i wasn’t used to drawing these designs…#anyways. i keep saying it but thank youall so much????#just. wauauaua.
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i think for me personally, 24 was one of the scariest episodes so far. just. the thought of having a baby (i could end the post here) you barely remember being pregnant with or birthing, yet you still feel like you owe literally everything to it. you know something’s wrong, but you can’t quite put a finger on it, and you can’t escape it either.
it’s in your house. you’re supposed to love it. it feeds on you until you die.
#+ the sfx were so scary#the first time i listened to the episode i had trouble keeping my headphones in#so well done#ramblings#tmagp#the magnus protocol#tmagp spoilers#the magnus protocol spoilers#tmagp 24
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im bored so random headcanon time yet again! on the stan o' war 2, stan rounded out/removed and triangular things in their bedroom out of paranoia, but he didn't want to appear "wimpish" to ford so when he asked about it stan simply said:
"don't want you jerking off to that freak in a shared room!"
they're so stupid I love them
#stan being bad at affection is one of my favourite things. ever.#like js be nice he'll thank you this time#stanford pines#stanley pines#billford#kind of#gravity falls#the book of bill#well not really but#oops I'm rambling in the hashtags
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apartment shenanigans
from utilities included, ch. 9 (mind the tags and rating!)
masterpost
#one piece#sanji#zoro#zosan#utilities included#this week was… NOT a good week. i struggled to draw and i didnt feel well#and i was BUSY too. just a whole slew of things#so i didnt thumbnail/sketch this comic until tuesday. and then i like. did 2 pgs of lines?? but i hated them and deleted them???#but i hated those lines and deleted them!! so last night at 2am (as u do) i relined all four pages. slapped on the colors. threw on text.#so apologies if the quality is off. haha. i rly did this in like 7 hrs and now i need to sleep#im just incredibly stubborn and refused to miss the second to last chapter!!! ok time to sleep im rambling
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AU where Leo is trapped in the Prison Dimension for months instead of minutes and the only way he gets by with his sanity intact is through recording himself talking to his wrist comm.
When they finally manage to get Leo back and make him rest up to heal, Donnie can’t help but listen to the recordings left behind.
He’s not sure what exactly he’s expecting, only that his subconscious is screaming at him that it has to be heartbreaking, that it has to be torturous.
Instead, what Donnie is subject to is a full thousand hours’ worth of Jupiter Jim and Lou Jitsu crossover fanfiction. More than one part in the series. Spanning well over a million words.
(The worst part is that it’s actually good.)
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt headcanons#donnie keeps the comms going on in the background as he works#when he gets to the end he’s like what the hell…where’s the rest#donnie: leo where’s part nine#leo barely cognizant after not needing sleep for months: whuh-#donnie: you can’t leave it at a cliffhanger. leo. leo where’s the next part.#listen leo has a great memory for his special interests this is CANON plus he’s a great talker so he would totally be able to do this frfr#whenever he needs to be quiet he’s SILENT but otherwise he’s regaling the exploits of his idols to the captive audience that is The Photo#sometimes Krang sneaks up on him and just listens to him talk like ????#it starts both as leo trying to comfort himself with his favorite things PLUS comfort himself with thoughts of his father#as splinter makes his own crossover fanfiction when sick lol plus he’s Literally Lou Jitsu#and yes krang ALSO gets a bit invested#leo notices the reduction of Ouch but hey more time for rambling fanfic for him 👍#idk leo’s a damn good actor/liar/planner/schemer and I genuinely think that can pivot into storytelling so well#the literal second mikey’s hands heal donnie zooms to his side with hand stabilizers and a request to draw ‘scene 82 from recording 3’#mikey’s like what#so obvs now HE needs to listen as he works#he too gets invested#he comes across raph who mentions having trouble sleeping#mikey: have I got the podcast fanfic for you!#it only somewhat helps raph sleep#somewhat bc sometimes he forces himself to stay awake to hear the rest#yes these recordings go to the whole fam and leo is none the wiser#they don’t even mean to hide it it just never comes up lol#it’s only when donnie FINALLY makes it to the end of the recordings that he confronts leo to continue the story#leo: oH YOU HEARD ALL THAT HUH-
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Fenton Coded
Tim... Tim just stared.
He...
Huh.
He had once entertained the idea that he wasn't really a Drake, a very long time ago when he overheard his mom and dad arguing and some words were said in the heat of the moment, but to be honest Tim always thought the obvious culprit of anyone being his dad would most likely be Bruce (Bruce even admitted he had a small fling with his mother but that was two years before her marriage)
But before little Tim's curiosity could really take hold on the idea, he had saw on the news Robin performing a Grayson flip and the hint of Tim not being a Drake left his mind. Robin was Dick Grayson! And if he was Robin that had to mean Bruce Wayne was Batman!
Then well... his stalking of the Bats started and the rest became history.
But now, as Tim was staring at his own DNA test, something he never bothered to do until that damned Demon brat wanted to make sure he was ONLY blood son of Bruce (and doing a DNA test something even Bruce never thought of doing due to well… how he was towards Tim during his first months as Robin)
He well…
He kinda needs to find out who this Daniel Jackson Fenton is.
(Tim finds out he isn’t a Drake, but also not a Wayne (because Damian wanted to make sure he was only blood son) but is instead a Fenton)
#danny phantom#danny fenton#crossover#dp x dc#blue rambles#danny phantom dc#writing ideas#random idea#dpxdc#Tim drake#this time Danny is Tim’s bio dad!#he meet Janet when exploring a ‘dead’ city#coughhewasspookingpeopleawaysotheydontdisturbthedeadcough#only Janet seemed to take things in stride and not run off like everyone else did#she caught him eventually and they got to talking#and maybe some ghost booze as well#she did leave the next morning when she realized she slept with Danny#then bam a couple months later Tim was born#Danny doesn’t know#he does favors for the dead when they want people OUT of their resting places#but don’t have enough strength to do so#he basically gets commissioned to do it#Tim finds out his insane luck and need to tinker with tech is a Fenton gene#and liking people who can kick butt#he kinda wants to meet his dad#but is hesitant#Danny when he finds out about Tim being his son goes full Jack Fenton hug
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Mithrun's desire as an SA analogue
TW discussion of SA and detailed breakdown of aesthetics evoking SA. The way I discuss this is vivid in a way that may be triggering, though there is no discussion of actual sexual assault. Just survivor's responses to it.
People relate to Mithrun and see his condition as an analogue for a few different things, like brain injury or depression. And I think all of them are there. But I also see Mithrun's story as an SA analogue, and Ryoko Kui intentionally evokes those aesthetics. I think it's a part of Mithrun's character that a lot of people miss, but I very much consider it text. This is partially inspired by @heird99's post on what makes this scene so disturbing; so check out their post, too :)
So to start off with, the demon invades Mithrun's bed, specifically. There's even a canopy around it, which specifically evokes this idea of personal intrusion; the barrier is being pulled apart without consent or warning. The way the hand reaches towards Mithrun's body from outside of the panel division makes it almost look like the goat stroking over his body. It's an especially creepy visual detail; similarly, the goat's right hand parts into the side of the panel as well. It's literally like it's tearing the page apart; but gently. So gently.
Mithrun is in bed. It is his bed that the demon is intruding on. He's in a position of intimacy. The woman behind him is a facsimile of his "beloved" that he left behind; the woman who, in reality, chose Mithrun's brother. He is in bed with his fantasy lover, who is leaning over him. While this scene isn't explicitly sexual, it is intimate. And it is being invaded. The goat lifts Mithrun gently, who is confused, but not yet struggling.
The erotics of consumption and violence in Ryoko Kui's work(remember that the word 'erotic' can have many different meanings, please) are a... notable part of some of her illustrations. I would say she blurs the lines between all forms of desire: personal, sexual, gustatory and carnal, in her illustrations in order to emphasize the pure desire she wants to work with and evoke to serve her themes. Kui deploys sexual imagery in a lot of places in Dungeon Meshi, and this is one of them.
In this case, horrifically. The goat's assault begins with drooling, licking, and nuzzling. The goat could be enjoying and "playing with" its food. But it can also be interpreted as it "preparing" Mithrun with its tongue as it begins to literally breach Mithrun's body. The goat also invades directly through his clothing; that adds another level of disturbing to me. There's nothing Mithrun can do in this moment of violation. Mithrun is fighting, but he is fighting weakly, trying to grip on and push away when he has no ability or option to. All he can do is beg the goat to stop. And it doesn't care. This all evokes sexual assault.
The sixth panel demonstrates a somewhat sexual position, with Mithrun's thighs spread around the goat's hunched over body. In the next, the goat pulls and holds apart Mithrun's thighs as he nuzzles into him. The way the clothing bunches up looks a bit as if it has been pushed up. It has pinned Mithrun down onto the bed, into Mithrun's soft furs and pillows. It takes a place made to be supernaturally warm and comfortable, and violates it. It's utterly and intimately horrifying. To me, this sequence of positions directly evokes a rape scene. I think Kui did this very explicitly. These references to sexual invasion are part of what makes this scene so disturbing; albeit, to many viewers, subconsciously.
This is also the moment the goat takes Mithrun's eye. Other than this, the goat seems exceptionally strong, but also... gentle. It holds Mithrun's body tightly, but moves it around slowly. It doesn't need to hurt Mithrun physically. But in that moment, it takes Mithrun's eye. Blood seeps from a wound while an orifice that should not be pierced is penetrated. This moment, the ooze of blood in one place specifically, also evokes rape. That single bit of physical gore is a very powerful bit of imagery to me.
Finally; it is Mithrun's desire that is eaten. After his assault, Mithrun can find no pleasure in things that he once did. He is fully disassociated from his emotions. This is a common response to trauma, especially in the case of SA. It's not uncommon for people to never, or take a long time to, enjoy sex in the same way again; or at all. They might feel like their rapist has robbed them of a desire and pleasure they once had. I think this makes Mithrun's lack of desire a partial analogue for the trauma of sexual assault.
Mithrun's desire for revenge was, supposedly, all that remained. Anger at his assaulter, anger at every being that was like it; though, perhaps not anger. Devotion, in a way. To his cause. I don't know. But the immediate desire to seek revenge is another response to SA. But on to Mithrun's true feelings on the matter.
This is... So incredibly tragic. Mithrun feels used up. Like his best parts have been taken away. Like he's being... tossed aside. This certainly parallels the way assault victims can feel after being left by an abuser. Or the way assault victims feel they might be "ruined" forever for other partners. These are common sentiments for survivors to carry, and need to overcome. In the text, it's almost like Mithrun feels the only being who can desire him is a demon who might "finish devouring" him. That that's his only use. It's worth noting that Mithrun trusted the demon. Mithrun's world was built by the demon, and Mithrun, in that way, was cared for by the demon. I think this reinforces Mithrun's place as a victim.
There's also something to be said about Mithrun as a victim of his own possessive romantic and sexual desire. The mirror shows him his beloved just dining with his brother, and it infuriates him. He doesn't know if the vision is real, nor if she has really chosen his brother as a romantic partner. The goat then creates a whole fantasy world where she loves him. As Mithrun's dungeon deteriorates, she is the only person that continues to exist. Mithrun continues to have control over her. And that is the strongest desire the demon is eating, isn't it? There's something interesting there, but I don't know what to say about it.
In conclusion, I think Mithrun's story is an explicit analogue for sexual assault-- though, certainly, among other things! The way the scene plays out and is composed explicitly references sexual violation and invasion of the body. His condition mirrors common trauma responses to sexual violence. And, at the end, he finally realizes he can recover.
Let's end on a happy Mithrun, after taking the first step on his journey to recovery :) You aren't vegetable scraps Mithrun. But even if you were-- every single thing in this world has value. Even vegetable scraps.
#Mithrun#mithrun dungeon meshi#dungeon meshi#ren rambles#dungeon meshi meta#tag later#I refuse to post at prime time look at my dunmeshi meta boy#tw sa#sa tw#this is literally 1200 words slash 6 pages if I added citations and a proper essay format as well as an introduction to Mithrun's character#and general introduction of the text itself#this could literally be an academic paper#lmao#ren meta#rb this plsss i want ppl to read my essay
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Some cryptid photos of Vessel (+ ii) that I've collected over the past week. The fact that almost all of them look like they came out of trail cam footage is absolutely sending me
#add a grainy overlay and the date and time text from an old camcorder and I think I could convince someone it *is* trail cam footage#the fact that this odd pose where he's got his arms out with his fingers spread is a common part of his dance routine makes me giggle a lot#like you go you funky music man#there are so many photos of ii out there where he legitimately just looks like he's either edited into the photo or ->#an actual creature of the night as well#this is just my favourite because he looks so insanely out of place#if anybody has an editions feel free to add! I'd love to get a good giggle out of some more crypid photos#sleep token#st#vessel#vessel sleep token#ii sleep token#mel's rambles#cryptid token#1k
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my life a movie (PSYCHOLOGICAL HORROR)
#when i die imma go to adhd heaven 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#★ my art#art#dandys world#dandy’s world#dandys world astro#dandys world goob#dandys world toodles#dandys world oc#★ arin rambles#Literally ive only gotten twisted astro 2 times in my life and both of them ended in tragedy#the first one was a blackout So i died (i suck at blackouts) i didnt even see him i almost cried#the second one……. Well…. i was in a game w my bestie and some random rodger#and he goes in chat#‘its astro. be careful on that machine’ BOY I READ THAT MESSAGE IN CHAT AND FUMBLED SO BAD#I MESSED UP THE CALLIBRATION AND SHRIMPO FOUND ME. I GOT BODIED. JUMPED. ATTACKED.#I DIDNT EVEN GET TO LOOK AT HIMMMMMM 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#my bestie let me spectate her getting chased by him so i was in adhd heaven but Man i was so mad.#i fumbled so hard im so embarrassing i was SO HAPPY when i saw it was astro I COULDNT FOCUS ON ANYTHIGN#i always add goob Somwhere in my doodles#Hi Goob !!!!!!!!
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the brainrot won
#GUY S i know i haven't posted anything in a while and thats because im working on a big cool project that i really want to finish without-#distractions. but uh. as you can see. ive been distracted 😔. still working on it tho!!!! and im very happy with it turns out its just-#super time and energy consuming so ive tried to limit my intake of other media to not make myself want to draw other stuff#i also haven't read the last two (two already?????) chapters of RnS and im very sad about it and i want to read it but you know that if i-#read it ill want to make fanart and then ill never finish my project :(#SO. sorrey for the lack of art itll be coming when im free to draw!!!!!!!#but also. yes ive watched new life because i dont want to go insane with nothing but this project on my mind and umm. had to take a little-#break to do a couple designs for fun... and to switch it up a bit because for real im going insane i think#ALSO. friend got me into zelda botw and i haven't played a whole lot yet (because project) but ive tried to take some inspiration for-#designs from there. at least for joel and scott. everyone else not so much...#WELL ANYWAYS this is getting long. i should really stop rambling in the tags and just make separate posts for all this but i dont want to#umm. tags.#new life smp#smallishbeans#mythical sausage#geminitay#pearlescentmoon#smajor1995#inthelittlewood#my art#sketch
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