#well i have but i was like 4 and it was the nutcracker

[uselessdancedata]

Favourite props in ballet? (E.g castanets, fan, Tamborine, etc)

ooh i love a good tambourine, and i really like a fan especially if they use it well (renata shakirova closing and opening her fan on time with her 32 fouettes is seared into my brain)

i don't really appreciate castanets tbh, i feel like i can't hear them and it restricts their hands a bit, but that might be because i've never seen a ballet in person so the effect isn't quite the same!

[intotheelliwoods]

So, I think it is finally time for a whole history regarding the black goo guy. I put lots of thought into how the thing plays into the rise lore! I can finally share it!

First thing is first, the creation of the Key when the krang had first arrived.

Simple enough, make key trap krang who have invaded the planet into it. But. I have always wondered, how did they manage to get every single krang on the planet at that time into the key?

By this point I feel that the krang were at least somewhat spread around the area, and there were more of them than just the 3 we saw in the movie. I do not think they fought every single one to cram into a key.

So along side the key, they needed to also create a device to command that would spread around the world and obtain only krang, to put into the key. They ended up creating the goop guy. This would also explain the sort of ick-like look that the movies visuals had when trapping the krang.

The black thing they created worked! It did its job! Spread around the world and collected every krang on the planet to shove into the key! But now what?

The collecting creation grew impatient, what was its purpose now that its job was complete? So to the dismay of the 4 warriors at that time it began collecting and containing other things.. the 4 warriors saw the dark turn that their creation had taken, and decided that it needed a trap too.

A box, they just made a simple box. Its location is in Japan. People could enter and exit the box fine and ask questions but the black ick creation was trapped. Generations passed, the 4 warriors moved on, and the origin of the strange thing in the box was forgotten.

Eventually leading up to well... comic events.

Another thing I wanted to point out is, Big Mamas Orb! Look! Something designed to spread black little arms wherever she pleased to trap inside whatever she wants? Hello? Are you seeing that? To me this is just a refined form of the technology. Of the goop guy was version 1.0 gone wrong, Big Mama has version 4.74, now made safe for in-home use without the fear of a world eating monster spawning in your house!

Alright now we get into comic events.

So how did the krang key help its escape?

I figured that, the only thing strong enough to break the box trap made by the 4 warriors, was to use the power of something equal in power, that being another trap made by the same warriors. Therefore unless the 4 warriors created something else, or unless the goop thing wanted to sacrifice itself to break the box, the key was the only option.

Big Leo meanwhile, was the nutcracker to access the energy lmao. You guys all remember Karai yeah? She scarified herself to hold down the shredder in the twilight realm. Equal trade. Big Leo did the same thing, but instead of the shredder it was the krang key. Big Leo held down the key in exchange for himself. However, since a third party was involved (the goop shit), the black ick thing was able to intersect the energy, and repurpose it as means to break the box and escape. Which means Big Leo was only holding down the key in its physical form, while the goop guy stole the keys mystical/energy form.

What is the deal with Sprout then?

Sprout was about to do the same thing that Big Leo did, however the process was disrupted. And the energy while being processed and transferred was lost. Think of it like someone deciding to cut your plastic straw with scissors while you are drinking out of it and the fluid just spills everywhere. Thank you Poptart.

So what ended up happening was, he scarified his finger, toe, and a small piece of his mind for the key to be broken and the energy lost. It evaporated into the air.... Does this mean theres Sprouts finger and toe just?? floating around the Twilight Realm? yeah lmao probably.

How did Big Leo know about the goop thing to begin with?

I would like to imagine that during Big Leos timeline/krang apox, the box made a great place of refuge for people on the other side of the world. I cant recall where but I know it was stated that there are multiple hidden cities around the world, and by that time I would figure that even humans would need hiding from the krang. I also assume that there may be some form of communication between all refugees and hideouts around the world.

So, when word gets out to the goop guy that "hey, lmao, the key which is the one thing that can free you is over in nyc-" the goop guy would do all it can to send out a message over there that, Hey, if you can bring the key over, I can help get rid of the krang for good, there is definitely no catches :)

Big Leo eventually heard this message and proposition, he just needed to get the key. But well, looks like they could not get the key back from the krang in that timeline, look what happened.

Anyways, Big Leo keeps this offer in his head when he goes to Sprouts timeline. So when the foot keep coming back for Sprouts family to try and get the key that cant be destroyed, he ends up taking the offer.

Fire hurts it? How did that work here, but not save Sprouts timeline?

Fire worked as a temporary solution in Sprouts timeline! But since it was so spread out everywhere, the fire would not spread far, the goop entity could separate the fire from the rest of itself. It worked as a temporary thing but would never kill it entirely. Sprout and the rest of the timeline could never find and catch the core, it was always on the move, and could be anywhere in the world.

Fire worked in the box in Poptarts timeline however because the goop along with its core was contained within a small area. The core had nowhere to go to escape the fire, thus burning it. After it was burnt the Core was taken to Big Mama, who can possibly refine the technology or find another way to contain it, in case it activates again

Hey Ell what the hell is going on?

read da comic :D or re-read it, but if you did all that you are free to send an ask since I may have missed something or made something confusing!

Hey Ell, where is Big Leo?

Twilight Realm, like Karai! :D

[katiemccabeswife]

Fan Girl

AWFC x Ballerina!Reader || Reader is a renowned ballerina and goes live to talk to fans, especially about her new-found love for football. Part 2

"Hello, everyone!" You smiled into the camera a few minutes after starting an Instagram live, "Hello, hello, hello. How is everyone doing!" You responded to some personalised greetings for a few minutes before answering recurring questions flowing through the comments.

"What am I doing? I am getting ready to head over to the Royal Opera House to perform The Nutcracker. I am very excited to be doing so, we are going into the 4th performance of this year and I am absolutely buzzing, the first 3 shows went so well and I got to do all of my favourite parts and I get to do another tonight. So yeah, I am buzzing!" You had to try to suppress your smile whilst talking about your passion as you were doing your makeup whilst doing so.

"What are my favourite roles to dance in The Nutcracker?" You were moving onto contour as you began to roll off an endless number of characters you've played in the past, "I think my all-time favourite would have to be the Sugar Plum Princess, which I'm actually doing tonight!" You clapped your hands in delight due to pure excitement running throughout your body

"And then I think it's sort of even between; Clara, The Arabian Princess and The Snow Queen. I love Clara because I love playing her, I feel like I'm more of an actor when I play Clara and I love the feeling and of course, it's like, kind of a main role," You laughed as you tried to down-play the roll, not wanting to make it seem like you were bragging about getting to perform a main role.

"I love playing The Arabian Princess and The Snow Queen for the same reasons, I love their costumes so much and the choreography as well, oh my god, I feel in my element when I get to dance their choreography. It's an indescribable feeling, performing in general is for me, indescribable, but specifically those parts because I just love them so much!"

You laughed slightly to yourself as you took a drink of water, "And then we have the rats! I loved playing a rat, their costumes are just so funny and you get to really improvise with the rats," You choked on your water slightly as you laughed, "Oh I love being side-stage to watch them, performing with them is sometimes hard, especially when I'm Clara because you have to try not to laugh but I love the rats so much. And then there's also the angels! I love the angels, I was one for maybe 3 years? I started doing the Nutcracker when I was 3 and I started getting into other roles when I must have been 6 or 7, so 3 or 4 years, yeah, and I love the angels not only because it was my introductory to performing and ballet but also because now, I love kids if you didn't know, but I have taken up the role of helping the little-ys get ready and helping them get their stuff at the end of the night and they're all angels, and it just reminds me of the good old days, so yeah!"

You took a break from your makeup to look at the comments and your eyes widened when you saw 800,000 people were watching.

user429 i love her laugh

jazy_ballet I LOVE GETTING TO PLAY A RAT

saramanning how did you start ballet?

evanbraid what foundation did you use 😍

y/nballet4ever what are your hobbies aside from ballet 🩷

You proceeded to the task of doing your makeup after seeing that question, "I have recently gotten into football! I watched the Women's World Cup and it was the first time I was genuinely invested in a sport and I've kinda just kept on the football train now. That's kind of a lie I'm more on the football jet plane, if that makes sense. I am so invested in it's almost getting out of hand. I think about it all the time!" You had to laugh at yourself and how pathetic you sounded.

smith124 OMG! Who do you go for?

"I go for Arsenal, it wasn't really a conscious decision, to be honest. I just sort of figured out who everyone on the team was really fast and there was a game on, maybe 2 days after I had started 'investigating' and researching the team so I was like, why not? Um, but yeah I went to the game and I loved it! I felt kind of odd because I didn't have a jersey but I do now! I have, 12, if I remember correctly. That's Arsenal and England jerseys so..." You cringed at how fangirly you sounded.

p0llyr1chardz who's your favourite player???

"Favourite player? They're all so personable and great players like it's kind of mind-boggling how good they are but," You paused to think as you applied the finishing touches to your makeup. "Um, my favourite player might have to be Katie McCabe or Lucy Bronze, if we are talking Lionesses. If I am being so honest, I only really care about the women’s game. I just can’t get into the men's games but maybe it’s just my pure love for women that has me interested in football, not the actual game. I also love the "ACL squad" because, if you didn't know 2 years ago, I tore my ACL and while it's most certainly not a fun thing, I find the similarities in the rehab and the experiences they've all gone through compared to mine really interesting. Because whilst on a sheet of paper, football and ballet are nothing alike, the rehab after an ACL injury is really similar and I mean it could be put down to both being quite foot or leg-focused but I find it really interesting. Especially with what Viv and Beth are doing with their documentary, spreading word about it, getting people to understand the severity of it and helping everyone understand why it's happening or trying to. I guess the biggest difference is that ACL injuries are extremely prominent in women's football and my injury was sort of like any other injury, a mistake or whatever you want to call it."

bethmead_ ❤️❤️❤️

Everyone could see you intently staring at your phone in silence for a moment, reading the comments, before you screamed and jumped from your chair, you laughed and settled back into your chair, "Sorry, guys! Oh my days, Beth! Hi, oh my, oh I love you so much. Not in a weird way! In a fan way! Sorry, oh my days, y/n you're embarrassing yourself." You placed your hands on your head and took a deep breath. "Sorry guys, so onto my hair! I hate doing my hair," You sulked slightly.

leahwilliamsonn ❤️❤️❤️

"That's crazy," You sat in awe, "What is going on! Hi, Leah," You waved like a little girl, "This is crazy..." You did your hair humming with a smile on your face.

"Sorry for being silent for a hot sec, I can't focus on anything other than my hair when I'm doing it for a show." You smiled meekly at the camera.

bethmead_ will we be seeing you at the Watford game?

You squealed with pure excitement, "Yes! 1000%, I am going to be the Watford game. Of course, I am.”

You apologised that you had to step out of frame for a moment to put on your costume. 

“Alright, surprise reveal for the costume of the night! Drum roll please…” You stepped into the frame in your Sugar Plum Princess leotard, looking a little bit silly without your tutu, “Sorry for not being in my tutu but I can’t sit in it and I have to drive to the Oprah House so…”

lottewubbenmoy see you there 😉

You almost fainted once you saw Lotte’s comment, due to fear or excitement maybe, but most likely from the scream you let out that had you explaining the last hour to your neighbour.

yourusername posted on their story

[thelettergii]

Sugarplum Cafe FAQ

I held an AMA about my upcoming game Sugarplum Cafe on Instagram and figured these Q&A's would be helpful for you to know as well!

If you have questions of your own, my inbox here is open!

Q: What is Sugarplum Cafe? A: Sugarplum Cafe is a merge crafting game that I'm solo developing! In this game, you run a sweets cafe and make desserts for fashionable ladies inspired by sweets. I wanted to make a game with frilly pastel shoujo aesthetics, and yes, there will be tea parties!

Q: What platforms will Sugarplum Cafe be on? A: The goal is to publish on PC and mobile (Apple included), but PC will come first because it's easier to fix bugs on PC.

Q: When will this game be out? A: Not for a few years, it's still pretty early in development. But paid members on Patreon can play an early version of this game now with about three hours of content! Support starts at $2 USD/month.

Q: How good do I have to be at games to enjoy this game? A: Sugarplum Cafe is meant to be a super casual game, so you can be the worst gamer in the world and still play this haha. It's more about collecting pretty ladies than any sort of strategy or skill.

Q: How many characters will there be? A: At least 50 Ladies! I have ideas for about 70 Ladies, but whether I get to all of them depends on interest in the project. So 50 feels like a good benchmark.

Q: What are your inspirations for this game? A: For one, The Nutcracker Ballet of course! Aside from that... For the longest time I was obsessed with Cookie Run: Ovenbreak because they had so many clever character designs! I don't play as much anymore (the UI is too cluttered now and I don't love the new characters as much) but I want to recapture the spark I felt when I used to play. I also really love Sakizo's illustrations of Victorian/Rococo sweets-inspired ladies, and I wanted to capture her aesthetics while mixing in my own fashion sense so I'm not ripping her off entirely haha

Q: Will you still be drawing fashion? Are you moving to gamedev permanently? A: I don't know about a permanent pivot, but this game will be my main focus. TBH I wasn't very happy with just drawing stuff and I'm really excited to build my own world where my designs can live. I will still be designing fashion, but it will just be part of something bigger. My goal is to make the world of games a little more fashionable! I may still draw the occasional illustration though, so never say never!

Q: What game engine are you using? A: Sugarplum Cafe is made in Godot! It's a free open-source game engine and I highly recommend it for 2D games. I think the scripting would be easier to learn than something like Unity. There are a few quirks but the community is so active that it's easy to find answers to your questions. I am using Godot 3.5 - I believe the latest version is Godot 4, but I heard 3.5 was better for porting mobile games. Will let you know how true that is!

Q: Can I cosplay/draw fanart of characters from Sugarplum Cafe? A: YES PLEASE!! Please tag me if you share cosplay or fanart! And if you need to know details of certain characters' designs, please don't hesitate to ask.

[dxncingwithastrxnger]

sure, it's christmas once more (Obey Me!)

A/N: You know, I caught up and then immediately fell behind again, way farther than before, that sounds exactly right for me 💀 But! I'm working on it! Even if the rest of my stories are late, I'll still get them all posted, I promise <3

Pairing(s): Diavolo x MC

Prompt(s): 10. Diavolo

Summary: A mini parade on Christmas morning

Tag(s): Fluff!, Barbatos also makes an appearance :3

Word Count: 520

Song Inspiration: It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas by Michael Buble

Not beta'd, all mistakes are my own.

~*~

[Series Masterlist]

[Read on AO3]

[Author Masterlist]

~*~

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17] [18] [19] [20] [21] [22] [23] [24] [25] [26] [27] [28] [29] [30] [31]

~*~

A long, drawn-out yawn is the only sound in the room besides a quiet clicking noise. MC stretches out their limbs as they blink open their eyes, rolling over. They take a moment to fully wake before sitting up, placing bare feet on the plush rug spread out underneath the bed they’re on. They glance out the window, seeing the beautiful daytime moon high in the sky, stars twinkling happily. They then start to get up, glancing at the floor to see where they’re about to step - and that’s when they notice it.

Nutcrackers, ballerinas, wooden trains, little animals. A mix of Human World and Devildom Christmas toys and…Little Ds? They’re all crowded together right in front of MC, staring up at them expectantly.

“...Good morning…?”

At the greeting, there seems to be some kind of simultaneous cheer before all of them turn around in sync and start marching towards the open door. MC laughs softly, curiosity pulling them to stand and follow behind the little parade.

The Little Ds take the lead, all of them in number order, followed by all the little toys. They march out of the bedroom and down the castle halls, the wood of the toys clacking against the marble floors. MC very quickly realizes where they’re being led. There’s a room frequently used by the residents of the castle and their more familial guests, a private dining room and common room fit into one space. It’s much smaller than the ones used for formal affairs, much more lived in and cozy.

This is the exact space that all of them enter together, and waiting for them at the dining table, breakfast already laid out, is Diavolo, Barbatos sure to be somewhere nearby.

“MC! Good morning! Merry Christmas!” Diavolo exclaims joyfully, toys gathered around him, some trying to climb up his legs.

MC giggles at the sight, walking up to the demon and leaning down to give him a kiss. “Merry Christmas, you silly man.”

He chuckles. “Silly? Am I really so?”

A nod. “Yes, very much so. I’m sure even your butler would agree.” The human catches the eye of the butler, dressed in simple pjs rather than his usual formal suit, carrying a pile of presents in to add underneath the tree on the other side of the room.

“Indeed.” He says simply, smiling at the two fondly.

Diavolo grins, pulling MC into his lap gently, careful of the little friends on the floor. “Well, I’ll happily wear such title. What did you think of your morning greeting, my love?”

They smile and nuzzle their nose against his affectionately. “I loved it. It was adorable. Thank you, my love.”

“Good, I’m glad. It came to me a few days ago and I just couldn’t help myself.” He admits, kissing their cheek. “Now, why don’t we all have breakfast so that we can get to the main event?” He asks, looking between the two others with him, Barbatos walking over to sit at the table as well. Both of them give the enthusiastic ruler a nod, and a festive, cozy Christmas morning carries on.

~*~

A/N: My twin helped me figure out what to do for this one after some brainstorming and I really like this, it's such a cute lil thing <3 I hope you enjoyed it!!

~*~

Taglist:

@dutifullyuniversallykingdom

@om-adventcalendar

@the-ancient-fae

Please let me know if you'd like to be added to the taglist!!

[silly-tma-headcanons]

jon archivist really strikes me as the type of guy who took ballet from the age of 4 to like 16. he was really good at it but then he was in nutcracker or some shit once and was like. “ah! well. i cannot handle being onstage” so he quit

YES YES REAL

this is genuinely one of my favourite headcanons. speaking from experience, the dancer to gay and mentally ill pipeline is real.

I can vividly imagine this coming up later down the line (likely from georgie) with martin, and him being impressed whilst jon could not be more embarrassed.

(pspspsspssps: I have this idea in my head, since i love the hc that the mechs were jon's uni band, that jon met some of them through things like theater and dance??? like I can totally see him meeting TS or Nastya through ballet)

conclusion: i love dancer truthing jon. he is NOT safe from my propaganda

[cat-mermaid]

Puella Magi Madoka Magica Rebellion is literally just the Nutcracker

its christmas time so i'm sharing somthing thats been banging around my skull for the past 4 years.

So this movie right?

you know how it all goes, but theres somthing i discovered that i have never seen (and trust me i've looked very hard) anyone mention about the imagery used in this movie

so to start, we all know by now that this series loves to use old fairy tales as source material, the most obvious being Sayaka and the little mermaid stuff. But for years and years the one thing that always stumped me was Homura and all the tooth imagery

what the hell did that have to do with anything? Well years ago finally i found stuff online about her Witch form once being able to crack nuts but then losing its jaw and so on and was still like what does that have to do with anything?

nutcracker? what. does. that. have. to. do. with. anything But heres the deal friends and neighbors:

The nutcracker story most of us know? Its the ballet right? But did you know that play is based on a story?

this is the true Nutcracker fairy tale and the one that the Madoka series is drawing inspiration from. Why does this matter? Because the play leaves out the depressing as hell origin story of the nutcracker, how he got his curse from trying to save the princess, and how she cast him away once she was cured and he became ugly. The whole thing parallels Madoka's and Homura's story: Hom being the nutracker and maddy the princess, Hom going back in time again and again to "crack" fate and save Madoka, Mado becoming the Law of Cycles (princess being cured) and "abandoning" Hommy

Crazy thing, i actually knew this original story, i just didn't know it untill i started doing research. It was in a movie from the 90s that used to be on the disney channel every xmas! I just always thought this segment was created wholesale just for this one movie!

so having explained all that, we get to what this post is really about:

HOW ALL OF REBELLION IS LITTERALLY JUST A RETELLING OF THE FUCKING NUTCRACKER

and how the movie is fucking jam packed with christmas imagery, they just hid it really really well

FIRST OFF, ALL THE CHRISTMAS IMAGERY🎄

xmas prezzies on the walls in the 1st pic, 2nd pic prezzie on the bottom right🎁

all the stuff on the far right and left

xmas tree🎄

xmas tree🎄🎄

fuckin xmas tree🎄🎄🎄

ANOTHER FUCKING TREE🎄🎄🎄🎄

prezzie bottom left🎁

more prezzies and that mushroom is looking very sussy (candycane)

look at it🎁

LOOK AT IT, LOOK AT ALL THAT ON THE RIGHT

oh oh ooooooh not enough for you?

reindeer skulls🦌

fucking reindeer PULLING A THING🦌

and don't get me started how much they sneak in snow flakes-

-and also love to throw random white stuff in the air to give the feeling of snow fall:

And this part? The part that always baffled me the most when i first saw the movie, because what the hell-

-is up with all these fucking clocks and owls? I mean yeah its tied to her time powers i guess but whats with the owls?

oh shit i reached my image limit uh

🎄TO BE CONTINUED GIMME A SEC🎁

okeedokke part two

and paaaart three

[underoossss]

the way you move - s.h. - part 4

pairing: ballerina!reader x jock!steve harrington

warnings: none, just two pining idiots

1.6 words

an: sorry this took longer than I thought but we’re getting so close to the ending I’m so excited for lol these two need to stop dancing around each other and KISS but we’ll get there soon enough.

part 3

✶✶✶✶

The sound of conversation and scraping cutlery floats around you along with the classic smell of fresh fries. The booth’s leather is shiny under the fluorescent lights and the cozy spot at the far side of the diner gives you the perfect view of the street outside through chilled glass and the customers talking by the register to the left. It’s warm, lively, and comfortable; you couldn’t have asked for a more perfect evening. Especially with your friends around you and the setting sun outside. Steve’s basketball team won their game tonight against the visitor team, so naturally you’re celebrating his victory with a greasy dinner before going to the cinema.

Robin and Nancy sit close to each other in the booth in front of you, looking happy and excited as they ask question after question. Steve sits next to you, his arm above your shoulder as it rests on the booth behind you, drawing you closer to him by the maddening yet fain smell of his cologne. As if your feelings aren’t enough, he had to flood your senses by proximity too.

To anyone walking by it, the scene at the table would look like a double date, but you know in your heart that it’s not. The reality is simple, no matter how much you want him to be, Steve isn’t your boyfriend. Lately you don’t really know what he is exactly, with how much affection he shows you and the way it has increased in doses since last Saturday. Friends don’t hold each other like he did, maybe best friends do, but they definitely don’t wipe your tears away or kiss your forehead as tenderly as Steve had. Yet he hasn’t said anything that may hint he wants to be something more, leaving you wondering if it’s all in your head. You really hope not.

Robin’s laughter makes your mind go back to the present, and if you subconsciously lean closer to Steve you pretend to not notice. Your two friends in front of you arrived from New York in the morning to visit their family and see Steve’s basketball game, and to show they are the epitome of a perfect couple. They balance each other out, and together they’ve become the best version of themselves; not to mention their new life in the city has suited them well. They don’t want to talk much about that yet though, instead asking question after question about Steve’s certificate, your university classes, and ballet. They want to catch up as much as they can before they leave on a redeye tomorrow, which seems fair as you’re now many miles away.

When you first met Robin and Nancy, you’d been apprehensive and frankly very scared. You knew how much Steve cared about them, so you wanted to get along with them because you cared so much about Steve. It’s something they seemed to notice right away, and all the pieces fell perfectly into place. You built a good dynamic before they left for New York shortly after you met them, and it’s been only you and Steve in Indianapolis ever since –except for the long phone calls the four of you share now and then.

“So, practice for the play is going well?” Nancy asks, stealing some of Robin’s strawberry milkshake. “We haven’t heard anything new since you told us auditions would be opening soon for the Nutcracker.”

You inevitably get teary-eyed but shake your head and the bittersweet feeling away. No reason to still be hung up about that. “I didn’t get the part I wanted but it’s going really well.”

“Oh no,” Robin’s shoulders sag as a shocked look comes across her face. Her and Steve exchange a look that can only mean Is she okay, so you hurry to speak again. The last thing you want is to rehash the ugly feelings from last week.

“It’s all good though, the girls that I’m dancing with are really nice.” You stress, hoping to reassure Robin. “I’m getting the costume fitted tomorrow, I’m excited.”

Nancy frowns and looks at Robin, like they know your optimism isn’t 100% genuine. “We’re sorry you didn’t get to be the lead, though.” She says reaching out and squeezing you hand. “We’ll try to come see the play, I think some of our classmates are driving through here for Christmas.”

“Who got it instead.” Robin asks, not helping herself and looking around. But there are no ballet dancers around you, so you shrug and give her the name.

“Ugh, Agatha.” Steve says with distaste. “Not only is she rude to you, she got the role.”

You chuckle at Steve’s petty tone and look up at him briefly, love bubbling under your skin. “Stevie, it’s okay.” He rubs your arm up and down in response and pulls you close to his side as you turn towards Nancy and Robin again. “Thanks guys but I’ve made peace with it. Stevie says he’s gonna tell everyone I’m the lead.”

Robin snorts and Nancy rolls her eyes, “Yeah, that sounds like you, dingus.”

“She’s gonna be so good they’ll think she’s the lead anyway. We have to cheer really loud and everyone will believe us.” Steve’s voice is so full of confidence you can image the beautiful smile on his face as his eyes burn the side of your face.

Nancy shakes her head, trying to understand Steve’s logic and it makes you laugh, which seems to be what Steve was aiming for. You look up at him in wonder for a second, feeling affection run through your veins and flooding you whole body just by looking at him. Even in the fluorescent lights his cheeks have their characteristic rosy color, and his eyes look as beautiful as ever, especially with the dark green sweater he’s wearing that makes them pop. Then he goes and makes the feeling worse by smiling and sending a knee weakening wink your way.

You’re grateful when he looks away after a second, glad that he gives your heart a time out. There’s only so much yearning it can take. A moment later of staring at his profile, you risk a look back at your friends only to regret it instantly. Nancy is giving you a knowing look that you don’t have time to ignore because a server arrives with your orders. Thankful beyond words for the interruption, you say “Okay, we can officially celebrate Stevie’s win.”

The four of you keep talking between mouthfuls of burgers and chicken strips you make everyone swear not to tell Madame Laverne about. Nancy and Robin finally start answering your own questions about their journaling and creative writing programs in the big city. They indulge you with funny stories their roommates have dragged them into, retelling their hunt for the best yet cheapest coffee shop, and all the odd places where they’ve found rats. Food gone and sky darkening 45 minutes later, Steve stands up and insists on paying the bill.

You knew it would happen but startle anyway when Robin leans close and ambushes you with questions. “What is going on here? Do you have some news you have to tell us?”

 “No?” Your answer sounds more like a question to your ears after you urge Robin to keep quiet.

Nancy rolls her eyes in both exasperation and fondness. “Honey you both look like lovesick puppies, it’s like you’re going to kiss any second now.”

“You’re one to talk, when I met you both…”

“We were already together, which is why I need to know if you’ve told Steve yet!” Robin whispers, eyebrows doing acrobatics in anticipation to your answer. “I swear he looks like he’ll die if he can’t kiss you soon.”

You look away and chuckle awkwardly as your entire body lights up at the idea. “I mean you know how I feel so I wouldn’t complain if that happened. But no, I haven’t told him.” Your two friends had spotted you crush on Steve from miles away upon your first meeting. The teasing is incessant but you’re grateful for their support –and discretion.

“But if you feel that way, why don’t you make it happen?” Robin insists, sinking back into the red booth in defeat. “It’s so clear that Steve’s in love with you.”

You go to deny her statement but stop short when you see Steve approach. He smiles at you when he catches your eye and makes your heart stall inside your chest then start back up ten times quicker than before. Still, despite the nervous frenzy you’re in, you smile inevitably because… Steve makes you happy beyond words and you know how worried he’s been ever since you didn’t get your dream role, there’s nothing you want more than to put him at ease. You’re with him, of course you’re okay.

“Ready to go, beautiful?” Steve asks you then looks at his friends, “We’re going to miss the movie if we don’t leave.”

When all of you nod to agree he extends his hands and helps you out of the booth, his warm touch making electricity course from your point of contact to your heart. Even more so when he pulls you close to his side once outside in the winter night. “You sure you don’t want my jacket? It’s colder than usual tonight.”

You look up at Steve, smiling softly at his ever-present caring nature. “Everything’s perfect right now.” Your voice is light and gives away your emotion, and it makes Steve smile once more.

“Let me know, though.” He says and you can only nod, leaning your head on his shoulder until you get to his car.

 What if Robin is right? What if you can just lean up and kiss Steve and feel him kiss you back immediately? But what if you’re all wrong and it ends your friendship? No, you can’t do that until you’re certain Steve feels the same way. But how will you know?

✶✶✶✶

part 5

reblogs are super appreciated

masterlist

[hee-blee-art]

part 4 of the new postman — introducing foster the ragdoll!

[ <- part 3 ] [ directory ] [ part 5 -> ]

[ID: Two greyscale comic pages of a cartoony toyland.

Basil, a black and white cat marionette, is talking to Sir Alfred, a nutcracker doll, while they walk together down a quaint cobblestone main street lined with shops.

A: Here were have the general store, the locksmith, Ed’s Confectionary here, Sunrise Cafe there, Stuffed Bistro next door, Giavanni’s Salon & Barber Shop, Ella’s Flowers down on the corner—

B: Did you say Giavanni?

A: Hm? Oh, yes. She owns the salon just here.

B: She’s next on my list. 

A: Ah! Well I’m sure she won’t mind us popping in.

B: Or I could just leave the letters in the box like a normal person.

A: Then how would you meet anyone, silly?

[A walks off towards the salon]

B: [to himself] That’s sorta the idea… Sigh.

[B follows A into the salon, a bell announcing their entrance. A takes his hat off and bows a little as they approach the receptionist, Foster, a ragdoll with puffy wavy hair, who is chewing gum and reading a magazine]

FOSTER: [not looking up] Welcome to Giavanni’s, you got an appointment?

A: Good morning, Foster.

F: [perking up] Oh, hiya, Alfie! You here for a touch-up?

end ID.]

[amiserableseriesofevents]

Wherever you find love (it feels like Christmas)

24 Clegan Christmas drabbles for 24 days!

Prompt from here (but randomized)

[Day 1] [Day 2] [Day 3] [Day 4] [Day 5] [Day 6] [Day 7]

[Read on AO3]

Day 08: Holiday decorations

Modern AU, wc 1696

The first string of blinking lights appear on the balcony railing of Gale’s next door neighbor exactly the morning after Halloween.

Gale notices it immediately as he walks back to his apartment after a long night shift, mostly because the lights have replaced the fake cobwebs that have been there since the beginning of October, and the plastic skeleton with a Jack o’ lantern for face is gone too. He’s yet to see the man, all he knows is his name’s John because he’s seen his mail laying on his doormat; Gale supposes he has a child, maybe two given the amount of decorations he’d put out for Halloween.

Smiling tiredly at the blinking lights that make the place look a little more lively and cozy, he surprisingly finds himself curious to see what the other man is gonna grace their building with for Christmas.

He doesn’t have to wait much longer to find that out: during the course of November more lights go up, some warm and some multicolored, a Santa Claus puppet rests on a chair in the balcony with his sunglasses on and a plastic martini glass in hand, and rows and rows of tinsel get wrapped around the edges of the railing. There’s also an inflatable turkey, because of course the mysterious neighbor celebrates Thanksgiving as well; but when Gale comes back on Friday morning the bird’s already gone and in its place there’s the biggest inflatable snowman he’s ever seen, with a red and green scarf and a top hat and a giant candy cane in one of his snowy hands. It’s so huge and loud Gale stops in his track to take it in properly, mouth slightly agape in awe.

The man must really love his children if he’s willing to adorn his house with such things, Gale thinks opening the door to his own apartment. He’s moved here only a few months ago and he’s been spending the greater past of his time at work so it’s not like he’s had much time to decorate the place, but looking at it in the bleary light of the early morning it’s really depressing, empty, cold. Gale makes a mental note to buy a little decoration, at least a small tree with its baubles already on it, before going to bed.

Throughout December, decorations only increase: two nutcrackers statues, almost as tall as Gale, stand guard on either side of the flat’s front door that’s already adorned with a holly garland with gold and red baubles, a giant candy cane joins the snowman on the balcony along with more strings of lights, and one day Gale runs into two delivery men from a Christmas tree farm out of town who tell him they’ve just delivered the largest tree they’ve ever seen to the guy living on the third floor.

“Ah, yeah, I know him. I mean, he’s my next door neighbor and I can see he loves his Christmas decorations,” Gale tells them.

“Yeah, Mr. Egan!” One of the men says. “He’s our best client every years, orders the largest tree we have and then he helps us planting it back in the forest once Christmas is over. The boss loves him, he always gives him a discount.”

“His children must be so happy,” Gale comments but the other clerk shakes his head. “I don’t think he has any, y’know? He must just really love Christmas.”

And any other holiday, Gale thinks as he says goodbye and walks back up to his apartment. John’s front door is ajar, the sweet smell of cookies wafting into their shared hallway, and Gale cranes his neck to try and see the mysterious man and his giant tree but he’s no luck; once he gets inside his apartment, still empty of decorations, he pulls out his phone and looks up fake Christmas trees online. When he finds one that’s small enough for his taste and that will arrive before Christmas he places his order, feeling a tad of Christmas spirit in his heart.

The next few weeks feel like his personal hell, the hospital understaffed and overworked, people seemingly going crazy just because it’s the holidays, and his mother’s constant calls to beg him to come home for Christmas, at least for a few days — he’s never gonna do it, not while his father still lives in that house, but his mother keeps pushing him so much he ends up offering himself for a night shift on Christmas Eve just to have an excuse to tell her no, he’s not coming, because he’s working. He didn’t have any plans, the only one who ever invites him for Christmas is Marge and this year she’s celebrating in another state, so he’s glad to free from the damned shift some of his colleagues who have actual families they’d love to spend the night with.

He’s completely forgotten about the tree he was supposed to put up in his flat, until on the morning of Christmas Eve someone rings his doorbell. Gale, still in his pajama and trying his best to rest and relax before the long night shift that awaits him, groans out loud before standing up from the couch and shuffling to the front door. He thinks it’s probably the landlord who’s come to invite him to yet another social night but instead when he opens the door Gale finds the most handsome man he’s ever seen standing in front of him. The guy has wavy dark hair and kind blue eyes, and he’s wearing a tartan shirt with the sleeves rolled up to show off his thick, muscular arms. “Hi! You’re Gale Cleven, right?” He asks with a smile.

“Yeah. Sorry, who are you?” Gale inquires.

“My name’s John, I live right there!” The man says pointing to the adorned door in front of Gale’s. “I signed off for a package for you like two weeks ago, it’s been sitting in my flat ever since.”

“Oh! Oh my God I’m so sorry, I completely forgot about it.”

“Don’t worry! I work from home so I was here when they dropped it off, and since they were about to take it back I signed from you and then I completely forgot to tell you as well. Also, the fact that you’re almost never home didn’t help.”

“Ah, don’t tell me. Shifts have been hell the past few weeks.”

“Come on in, I’ll get you your package,” John says, gesturing for Gale to follow him into his apartment.

The inside is exactly like Gale had pictured it, and even more: Christmas music playing softly in the background, an entire Christmas village with roundabouts and a Ferris wheel is built upon a dresser, small Santas and snowmen statues occupy seemingly every inch of the place, and in the living room there’s an enormous tree heavily decorated with strings of lights, baubles, and what Gale thinks are real candy canes. In place of the usual star, the point is a model of an old airplane.

“Yeah, I know, it’s a lot,” John comments with a chuckle. “But I work from home and if I had to just look at the same four walls all day, every single day of the year I think I’d go mad so I decorate for every holiday, even the smaller ones.”

“I’ve seen your balcony,” Gale says. “I loved the skeleton but the snowman is even better,” he adds and smiles sheepishly when John’s eyes light up at his words.

“Thanks! My friend Curt told me it was too much, I’ll let him know there’s still people with great taste in the world. Here’s your stuff,” John says handing him the box, and Gale feels suddenly a little bad about how small his Christmas tree is gonna be — he even forgot about it, for fuck’s sake.

“Thank you. This was supposed to be my Christmas tree but I forgot I had ordered one, with all the work I’ve had to do in the past few weeks. I don’t know what the point of putting it up today is, I’m not even gonna be home tonight, maybe you should keep it,” he sighs.

“What? No way! You’re gonna put it up, it’s gonna be great. And if you need more decorations feel free to ask me, I have an overabundance of those. You want a wreath? A nutcracker? More baubles for the tree?”

Despite his protests, when Gale steps out of John’s flat he does it with a small wreath and a snowman statue that he promises times and times again that he’s gonna return to their rightful owner once the holidays are over, no matter how John keeps repeating that he doesn’t need them and Gale should keep them.

“Hey, Gale?” John says. “I don’t know if you already have plans for tonight or tomorrow, but I’m hosting a Christmas lunch with a bunch of friends tomorrow and-”

“I have a night shift tonight, it should end at six o clock tomorrow morning but don’t worry, my bedroom is on the other side of the flat so you won’t disturb me, I won’t even hear you!” Gale quickly says.

John looks taken aback for a second, the grins. “Actually, I’d love for you to join us. Only if you feel like it, of course.”

“Oh! Yes, of course. What time?”

“I told them to come at half past twelve but they’re always late, so no one will be here before one. Is it enough time to rest after a night shift?”

Gale smiles back. “Of course. Thank you so much, John, really.”

“Ah, don’t you worry. Oh and by the way, my friends all call me Bucky, so you can call me that too if you want,” John offers and Gale almost bursts out laughing.

“Really? Bucky?”

“Yeah? Why, what’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing, nothing’s wrong,” Gale answer with a smirk. “It’s just funny, because my friends call me Buck.”

“No way! Bucky and Buck,” John chuckles. “I feel we were meant to be neighbors, don’t you think, Buck?”

Gale nods, warm inside like he’s never felt in years. “Definitely meant to be, Bucky.”

[sunshine-overload]

[BSTS] Sinju Christmas 2024 4* Card Story

(note: P and C’s show is based on the novella ‘The Nutcracker and the Mouse King’)

Chapter 1 -starless stage-

sinju: “I need your power, now! Please, lend it to me…! Give me the courage to stand up against the Mouse Army!”

-cg

sinju: “♪ Let’s charge forwards! I place a respectful kiss towards that sparkling illusion. Abandon your sleepy sense of confusion— Lend me your hand, in this holy war. ♪”

sinju: “Thank you! I will respond to your support by fighting with all my might! I swear it!”

-time pass, starless lobby-

sinju: Saki-chan! Did you enjoy today’s show?

saki: Of course! The call and response section was really fun.

sinju: Ahahah, I’m glad to hear it. When the audience gets all fired up we can feel the enthusiasm on the stage too. All I could hear was everyone’s cheers, it made me feel super powerful. I could feel your cheers too, you’ve given me so much support.

saki: Um well, when I saw you and the other nutcrackers fighting I couldn’t help but get invested…

sinju: I’m the same. Knowing you were there cheering me on made me want to give it my all. I like how during the chorus it feels as if everyone is up on the stage with us.

saki: That’s true. The sense of unity is exciting.

sinju: When I first heard that we’d be doing a joint Christmas performance with C I was surprised but— What’s important is that we create a fun show that displays everyone’s strengths. When I thought about it like that, I got used to it a lot quicker. Mokuren’s lessons from hell were still a lot tougher than I thought they’d be though…

saki: Lessons from hell… That sounds intense.

sinju: I think they were something that I needed to experience though. I’ve learnt how to use simple movements in my performance to express my emotions. See, for example if I raise my hand up like this—

saki: (Woah, Sinju-san’s vibe changed dramatically from his pose alone.)

sinju: Please allow me to walk you home tonight. I’ve enjoyed spending this time with you, so it would be lonely for us to part here. Please grant me your approval.

saki: T-thank you for the offer. Of course you can.

sinju: Yay! I’ll go and get changed then.

-

Chapter 2 -street, night-

sinju: It’s late but there’s still a lot of people around. I wonder if it’s because Christmas is right around the corner. Ah, Saki-chan, watch out. Stick close to me, ok? There’s a big crowd up ahead.

saki: T-thank you.

sinju: No worries. Despite the crowds the Christmas atmosphere is still really nice isn’t it? Everyone’s smiling and having a good time.

saki: Yeah, everyone looks like they’re having fun. You can feel the Christmas spirit.

sinju: Yeah! Christmas is supposed to be a happy occasion. I mentioned before that I was surprised we’d be doing a joint performance, but honestly I was just relieved to hear it wasn’t a versus performance. Cause if it was a versus there would have to be a winner and a loser. That goes without saying, but it would also make me more conscious of the other cast members. And some of those in the audience would notice that competitiveness too.

saki: That’s true. While supporting you there would also be the worry of the result in the back of my mind…

sinju: Versus performance’s have their own merits of course, and they get the audience fired up. I think that all of the versus’ that I’ve been a part of up until now were necessary.

However, at the same time, I feel that straightforward performances that aren’t tied down by being a competition are necessary too. Because of that aspect, I’ve been able to wholeheartedly enjoy our current show. The performance, everyone’s cheers and the Christmas mood too. Though, it’s true that hearing all the cheers makes me want to win for them.

saki: Hearing all the cheers puts a smile on my face too.

sinju: I’m glad, since your smile is what I want to see most. I won’t put on a sloppy performance when I know that you’re here supporting me. At the very least, I won’t let myself waver while I’m on the stage.

-time pass, outside station, night-

saki: Thank you for walking me to the station.

sinju: No problem. By the way, Saki-chan… No matter what happens, I’ll always live up to your cheers. I swear that I’ll fight with everything I have.

saki: Sinju-san…?

sinju: Heheh. I’ll make sure to put on a bright show that’s worthy of being a Christmas present. Come by again tomorrow, ok? I’ll be waiting at Starless.

—end

[leaentries]

Lea’s Christmas Special🎄

-in honor of my favorite time of the year, i will be doing a fun little writing project! all of my writings will either be blurbs or full blown fics, it just depends on how i feel/what my time allows for.

-please be patient with me, as this is my first time doing an event like this! i promise i will get to everyone’s requests!

Request deadline!

Start date- 11/19/23 | End date- tbd

Chistmas Masterlist!

emojis = genre prompts = dialogue

send in any emojis/prompts + a player

Emojis!

❄️- angst

🎄- fluff

🎁- smut

Prompts!

1. “That should be our Christmas card this year.”

2. “Do people even use nutcrackers?”

3. “Stop trying to make me walk under the mistletoe.”

4. “You’d make a cute elf.”

5. “Aren’t you just Santa’s little helper?”

6. “This is the best gift you could’ve given me.”

7. “Did you get us matching pajamas?”

8. “Bold of you to assume I haven’t eaten my entire advent calendar.”

9. “If you throw that snowball, you’re declaring war.”

10. “You look so beautiful in the snow.”

11. “You’ve been very naughty this year.”

12. “Come here by the fire.”

13. “If you don’t take me to see Christmas lights, I’ll cry.”

14. “Here, you can have one of my gloves.”

15. “What are you doing?” “Making a snow angel.”

16. “How about you unwrap it and find out.”

17. “I thought you were going home for Christmas?” “Well, I couldn’t leave you here alone.”

18. “Who the hell turned off the oven?”

19. “You really can’t cook, can you?”

20. “Don’t touch the cookies!”

21. “This elf has lost his/her jingle.”

22. “It’s way too cold for that!”

23. “Come sit on Santa’s lap.”

24. “Did you drink all of the eggnog?” “…no.”

25. “I need to go deck my halls.”

26. “I’ll give you a white Christmas.”

27. “Let’s go make gingerbread houses!”

28. “I have a confession…I can’t ice skate.”

29. “One normal Christmas, one! That’s all I asked for.”

30. “Wanna come jingle my bells?” “Don’t tempt me.”

(prompts from pinterest + me!)

[neutron-stars-collision]

Deadlines & Commitments

Neil x F!Reader

Chapter 8 - London Bridge Underground Station

Masterlist; Chapter 7 Summary: With preparations for the next ballet of the season at all time high, it seems like only Neil is capable of calming you down. With whatever means necessary. After all, that's what friends are for. Warnings: Swearing, explicit language, implied sexual content. Author's Notes: Well, hello. As you might've seen from my posts, this one is early and only 3/4 of what I have outlined but seeing as it already took near two months, I figured I might as well split this here. It's 10k so not bad either ✨ This way I'll be stressing less about how long it's taking me to write this. This is the first chapter of the so-called Nutcracker season, so I thought I might drop some reference videos again in case y'all wanted to see what the sequences I refer to look like. And so that the two hours of research aren't entirely wasted lol Anyways, here's Waltz of the Snowflakes and Waltz of the Flowers. Enjoy the extra education 💕 Thank you for reading and being patient as I try to wrestle my brain into obedience 💖 Let me know what you think? Taglist: @hollandorks, @kristevstewart, @stargirl25 (let me know if you want to be added).

For someone who usually hated the mere mention of the word routine and all that it entailed, you took a worrying amount of joy in having it established on Wednesdays. There was something to be cherished in the cold autumn breeze as you hurried down the streets, knowing that soon you could talk to him like you had been itching to since you had parted. The countless texts and occasional phone calls in between hardly mattered in that case. Not because they were not good enough at sustaining the connection, but rather because while they kept you sane, they could never replace the real thing.

The exact way Neil’s eyes shone in the sharp light of the fluorescents whenever you said something funny or scandalous. Or the curve of his smile, breaching that thin line between mere joy and smugness at being the sole object of your attention and desire. Or perhaps the different topics you cycled through within the twenty-minute-long window the shared commute allowed you. There was hardly reason nor logic to them, but every Wednesday morning, as you approached the St. John’s Wood station, you would find yourself increasingly curious about what this day would entail. What you would talk about. What you would be able to learn about him.

No matter the minutes spent wondering and debating, you could never anticipate the conversation in its entirety.

By now, you were a pro at finding Neil the moment you stepped aboard the train. Most times you would spot him before he knew the train had stopped at your station. He would raise his pretty blond head and meet your gaze, lighting up instantly and getting rid of any apprehension you could still hold over being so openly into him.

Today was not any different in that regard. Once you had successfully located him (head bowed over a book in his lap, the blonde hair tousled by the wind raging outside), you crossed the space despite the sudden movement of the carriage and unceremoniously dropped to the seat next to him with a greeting ready on your tongue:

“Hey, you” your grin widened as Neil’s head swivelled in your direction with worrying speed.

You stared as he closed the book without bothering to mark the page, letting his gaze trace its customary path over your face and body. It was always like this. His eyes would wander over your features with detailed focus, almost as if expecting something to have changed. The moment made you pause, instantly concerned whether there could be something amiss, but the uncertainty vanished the second Neil’s lips widened into a bright grin. The courage to ask what it all meant was nowhere to be found yet. If ever.

“Morning, sunshine” offering you an overeager wink, he dropped the forgotten book in the bag and focused on you.

That sort of unspoken declaration still stroked your ego like nothing else. And you were unwilling to understand why that could be.

“If there’s anyone worthy of the ‘sunshine’ title, it’s you, my dear” stifling a yawn, you reached out to further ruffle his hair, enjoying the feel of his soft locks between your fingers. If the move had an ulterior motive (it did), you did not let it show and instead chose to relish in the myriads of feelings passing through Neil’s face. Namely affection, arousal and hunger, “What with all that hair and a dazzling smile,” before you could lose the feeble illusion of control, you dropped your hand back on your lap and met his questioning look with a blank smile.

Moments like this were best not discussed. And least of all on public transport. Despite it being over a week since your late Friday night commute and the decisions it had solidified, you were yet to make any substantial changes to your relationship. You were yet to ask him for another memorable night or a fleeting moment in a private place. For now, endless flirting, occasional sexting and increasingly courageous touches had to do. But, as always, they were not discussed. They simply happened. By an accident, of course.

“The hair is dyed” arching his eyebrow at your blatant misbehaviour, Neil offered the comment flatly.

Well, duh.

“Yeah, I know. You need to give me your hairdresser’s details because they’re doing a splendid job” barely resisting the urge to bury your fingers in his hair again, you clasped your hands together and chose to stare down the impertinent woman, shooting you both dirty looks across the carriage.

Only once she looked away, visibly flustered, you could glance at Neil again. As always, you found his gaze firmly trained on you. As if looking away was not an option.

“I’ll pass on the praise” shrugging, Neil allowed his eyes to wander, tracing invisible paths down the curve of your neck and further down, forcing your blush out of hiding whether you wanted or not.

Swallowing past the heat rising in your face, you uncrossed your legs and forced your brain to behave. That would not do. Being eternally flustered was not a state you were used to or even wanted to be. But increasingly, it was a state you were finding yourself in almost daily. Something had to be done about it. And fast.

Chancing a cheeky look at Neil, you allowed your mouth to run along and do its own thing. That always worked.

“You should. Who knows, maybe they, too, have a praise kink” as soon as the words were out, you knew it was the right call.

The leverage to give you the upper hand and render Neil speechless. Even more so that he was well aware you were right. The realization was written plain on his face, in the slack jaw and wide eyes, struck dumb by your boldness. Checkmate.

“Too? Are you insinuating something?” leaning forward and into your personal space, Neil’s voice dropped a notch.

The hastily put-up mask of indifference did nothing to deter you. You knew you were right. His reaction to the things you said that Friday night was something you thought of every day. Particularly the undoubted effects your bold use of ‘good boy’ had on Neil. His gasps, the groans of pleasure, and then-

“Wouldn’t dare to” mirroring his position, you leaned further into his space until all that was left was a few mere centimetres between you, easy to breach should you want to, “Except that we both know it’s true,” you met his gaze with an unyielding smile of your own, beckoning Neil to argue.

You could see the defiance in his blue eyes, the desire to throw you off the haunch by all means necessary. But you could also find defeat there, the embarrassment stemming from the simple fact that Neil knew he had already lost. You were right. As always.

Feeling the pride of victory surge through your veins, you opened your mouth to deliver the final strike before Neil closed it with a finger against your lips. The sudden touch burned like a hot poker, inciting thousands of thoughts you would rather not entertain. Not now, at least.

“Don’t” from the command in his voice, you could ascertain that Neil knew where it was all heading. He could tell that the words on your tongue were those two that had proved his weakness before, “Not here,” the unspoken plea finishing the speech did not go unnoticed.

It was strengthened by the silent resolution in his eyes as Neil lifted his finger from your mouth and let his fingers carefully caress your chin, angling your face for a kiss that would not come. Not here, as he said. Not yet.

“Very well. Next time,” as soon as the reply fell in the space between you, Neil nodded, solidifying a promise that had not quite been voiced but was understood by the both of you, “Soon, I think,” the addition was only a formality.

You both knew it would have to be soon. As if reminded of your surroundings, Neil dropped his hand from your face and shot you a smirk. Soon, indeed. Before your brain could run away with thousands of scenarios concerning that second rendezvous and all that you wanted to do to Neil when given the chance, he spoke again, swiftly changing the subject:

“What’s your stress level, Cupid?” it was easy to discern that it was a tactical move on his side, an easy way to move the conversation to a safer zone that would not make either or both of you misbehave in public.

But still, the question made the wave of affection spread over your chest, mostly because he cared enough to ask and wanted to hear the answer. And you really wanted to talk to someone about the sleepless nights and heart palpitations growing in frequency the closer it got to the audition day.

“Through the fucking roof,” sighing against the anxiety levels steadily building up in your system, you levelled Neil with a tired look, “I’ve less than a week left” by now, the countdown felt almost like minutes left till your scheduled audience on the death row.

Or something equally dramatic. From the seriousness reflected at you in Neil’s eyes, you knew he was all too aware of it.

“I know” he reached out to squeeze your arm comfortingly and asked, “Do you have the choreography all figured out?”

The question only increased the affection you could barely contain. Ignoring the sudden desire to snuggle up to Neil like a cat to attempt to show even an ounce of your current feelings, you chose to focus on the more pressing issues. Namely, the fear coursing through your veins and talking to the only person who seemed to understand it all.

“I think?” stifling another heavy sigh, you leaned back in the chair to stare at the Jubilee line map above the window opposite “I mean that’s basically the plan today. I’m going to the studio to practice every single variation till I can’t tell my Clara from the Snow Queen” this time a pained groan was unavoidable.

As much as you were looking forward to losing yourself in dancing for the whole day, all that followed was too terrifying to name. Yet, with every word spoken on the topic, you could hardly keep the fears at bay. They multiplied and strengthened till you could feel your heart rate rise, the pulse thundering in your ears. There was so much to dread, so many unknowns. So much that you could not foresee and so much that could go wrong. Too much.

“I’m not sure I know what that means, but I know that you’ve got this” through the rising panic, you registered Neil’s reassurance but could barely process it.

The spiral must have shown on your face because the next thing you felt was his careful touch, gentle fingers running over your forearm to take your hand in his and squeeze it. Without thinking, you let Neil entangle your fingers loosely and glanced at him, judging his mood. Finding nothing but concern and steadfast belief in your abilities, you turned away again, focusing on voicing what had to be said. Who knew when would be the next time you would have a willing listener available?

“Yeah, well, I’m not convinced,” swallowing hard past the doubt and worries that Neil did not want to hear any of your bullshit, you focused on the steady caress of his thumb running over your knuckles, soothing the nerves and reminding you of his presence. It had to be enough, “Sometimes I just… Do you know that feeling when you want something very badly, but you’re also almost certain that if you do get it, then it will be taken from you?” the question came out in a rush, words melting together into one anxious mess but the understanding in Neil’s gaze kept you going “I want to do well, but I’m also terrified of what might happen if I do succeed” getting the words out after days of rotating them in your head felt almost like a relief, offering you a chance to take a deeper breath. Even if they still seemed true, accurate, “So much so that sometimes I wonder whether I should just give up. Stop trying” finishing the tirade with an exhausted sigh seemed like an apt conclusion as you turned your head back to Neil, both dreading and needing to see his reaction.

Those were some of the things you had never told anyone else. The thoughts that kept you awake during many lonely nights and those that pushed you to the limits of what was supposed to be bearable. The drive behind every anxious thought and inexplicable fear. That which none of your friends needed or wanted to hear.

No one except for Neil, that is.

If the understanding on his face was anything to go by, he wanted to listen. His hand kept the reassuring hold over yours, thumb tracing circles over your knuckles. This one time, being seen did not hurt quite so much. Maybe if Neil could peer inside your heart and soul, he would be able to make sense of it all when you could not.

“But isn’t the fear of fucking up stronger than that of having succeeded?” after a beat, Neil’s question fell with a heightened impact upon the noise from the departed station fading into the background.

Wasn’t that the clue of it all?

“I don’t know” with no answer but another pained sigh, you allowed your head to rest against Neil’s shoulder. Only then, with the pleasant warmth of his shoulder beneath your cheek and the faint certainty that you could feel him nuzzle your temple, could you speak words into existence with only Neil as your witness, “I wish I had a way of knowing what’s destined for me” once you started talking, it was difficult to stop, unburdening your heart word after word, with no fear of judgement to be found “Like a horoscope but one that truly works” feeling the itch of frustration beneath your skin, you closed your eyes to attempt anchoring in the moment.

Even if only for a second. A second spent soaking up Neil’s warmth and his solid presence. A second spent not losing your mind. For a change.

“I’m pretty sure you’d go mad if you knew what fate has in store for you” feeling Neil’s steady gaze fixed on your face, you looked up in time to see the intent behind his words there. A subtle confirmation of the fact that he knew what he was saying was true and that you knew it, too. Even if you would never admit as much, “I know I would,” shrugging lightly not to disturb you from where you still had your chin propped on his shoulder, Neil cracked a small smile.

As if willing you to see where he was going with this. And you did know. It was only that sometimes (or rather most of the time) logic was difficult to come by. In those moments, ruled by fear and worry, all you craved was certainty. A knowledge of what the future held and what steps you needed to take to abstain from fucking it all up. But that was not something you could have. And that, in turn, was fucking you up. It was embarrassing and relieving to know that Neil understood without you having the words to express it all.

That he just knew. Like he knew everything, it seemed.

“I would too, but maybe insanity is better than whatever this is” ignoring the strange thoughts, which could lead you into the temptation, you raised your head from his shoulder and offered a tired shrug.

It was better that way. Safer.

“The tragedy known as everyday life?” his mouth quirked into a familiar grin, its traces already warming up your body and soul.

It was increasingly harder to look away from him in those moments. In those pauses between words, when his gaze was all you could focus on. When his blue eyes offered solace from fears. When it seemed like Neil did not mind being your anchor, the one thing keeping you on the verge of sanity.

When all you truly wanted to do was to press your lips to his and keep kissing him until everything else faded. Until there was nothing that could scare you.

Well, maybe, except for-

“Quite” you shook your head lightly, praying to all deities the ridiculous thoughts would disperse. Stuck in a daze, you looked outside as the PA crackled to life, announcing Southwark as the next station. Without a reason you could name, your heart missed a beat. It was time to go, “Fuck, I should get up. I don’t want to leave you” the honesty was easy to voice once you were arrested by his blue gaze, having made the mistake of glancing back at Neil.

You could tell he would need no convincing about the truthfulness of your admission. Neil’s soft smile, undoubtedly influenced by what must have been a particularly pathetic look on your face, only strengthened the conviction. He squeezed your hand, remaining securely clasped in his, and nudged your shoulder with his:

“Nutcrackers await you, Cupid” the simplicity of that reassurance was enough to make you grin, especially since you could tell Neil had not yet done his reading on the ballet.

With a remorseful sigh, you rose from the seat, letting go of his hand. Your eyes did not yet get the memo, as they stayed glued to his face, roaming over the features you now knew almost as well as your own. Within his gaze, you found the missing inspiration and the courage to ask what you wanted.

“Actually… Would you want to come up to the studio tomorrow evening? To provide feedback and butter me up?” you bated your eyelashes to complete the look, fully aware it was unnecessary.

Neil never needed the vapid flirting. He only seemed to need to know you meant what you said. And this time, there was no space for doubt.

“I’d love to” mirroring your manic grin, Neil captured your hand between his palms and brushed his fingers over your knuckles in a move that was almost reverent.

It was dangerous, too. You blinked against the haze in your eyes and tugged your hand free from the loose grasp. With the lights of Southwark creeping into the carriage, you knew it was time to go. Lest stupidity persisted.

***

Inviting Neil to the studio to watch your final touches to the choreography before the Friday audition seemed like a good idea when you said it. But over 24 hours later, waiting for the man himself to arrive and pacing up and down Hatfields with increasingly torrential thoughts, you began to wonder whether it was all a mistake. An overindulgence. Because what if Neil saw what you had prepared and thought it just as lacklustre as you worried it was?

For whatever reason, sharing this crucial part of your life with him was hard. It was a daily uphill battle, torn between the innate desire to show off the only thing you were remotely sure you were good at and the fear of falling short. Almost every time, you could only reach an impasse without a resolution on the horizon.

The spiral was cut short with a gentle touch on your shoulder, stopping your pacing before you could collide with a man-sized wall. Startled, you looked straight into the familiar blue eyes, now tinted with happiness and a dose of worry. Almost as if Neil could see the depths of unease in your soul. Before he could see too much, you schooled your features into a grin and pulled him in for a hug. At least those offered the comfort of hiding your face.

For a beat. Just enough time to get over whatever this was.

“Hi” pulling back with a satisfied sigh, you met Neil’s gaze with a renewed sense of control.

For a second, you did not feel quite so close to losing your mind. Small victories.

“Hello. Shall we?” Neil took that decisive step from your hug only to take your hand in his and tilt his head towards the entrance to the ballet studio.

For a split second, that ghost of panic was back, its cold fingers digging into the fabric of your soul and making you consider bolting, leaving, using a weak excuse and calling it all off. But then Neil smiled, a reassuring, steady grin that felt like a ray of sunlight melting the ice. You could take a deeper breath and nod. It was alright.

As if in a daze, you led him through the studio. By late afternoon, the space was almost deserted, with only a handful of staff and dancers milling about in the different parts of the building. The emptiness of the space offered the comfort and privacy you were seeking. Uninterrupted, you led Neil to the room you had occupied just before leaving to greet him and set your bag back on the designated chair before retrieving your phone and connecting it to the Bluetooth speaker. You could hear Neil move in the background, undoubtedly settling on the floor like the last time. Before you could turn to confirm the assumption, he broke the silence:

“So, what have you got for me, Cupid?” the playful notes in his voice made you turn, taking note of the grin on his face as Neil sat down with his back against the mirrored wall, legs outstretched, “Mind you, I’ve done my research” shooting you a wink, he made the show of taking out a leatherbound notebook from his bag and flipping it open, seemingly at random.

You had a feeling that the pages were not empty. And that they were indeed filled with research. You could feel a grin blooming on your face as you arched an eyebrow and asked:

“YouTube videos?” twisting your mouth into a smirk, you queued up the correct Tchaikovsky tracks and took off the jumper you had thrown on before going outside.

Neil’s gaze slid over your body, lingering on the skin you had just revealed. Your smirk sharpened upon the notice with the confidence drowning out the anxieties.

“Precisely,” Neil nodded, prideful and smug, “And Wikipedia,” grinning, he glanced at the notebooks and skimmed over whatever was written inside.

You resisted the urge to join him on the floor and tug the journal from his hold to look. Instead, you chose the verbal way of getting something out of this conversation. An upper hand of sorts.

“Good boy” you waited until Neil met your calm gaze with widened eyes and broke into a satisfied grin. It still worked. As much was clear from the way his breath picked up, the fingers of his hand shaking as he tightened the grip over the notebook. It was only once that startled look turned into a glare that you chose to offer contrition, “Sorry, I had to,” you could tell there was no grudge to be held there, so you shrugged and answered the question he had asked before, “I’ve prepared Waltz of the Snowflakes and Waltz of the Flowers. I could maybe, perhaps get lead for both” even speaking the hopes into existence seemed like asking for too much.

But there was no other way. You had to try because, by now, you knew giving up was not an option. It would not work.

The nervous energy coursed in your veins as you forced your body to move, stretching lightly to prepare for the demonstration you had brought down on yourself.

“You could. There’s no ‘perhaps’ about it. Come on, show me what you got” Neil’s words acted like the necessary checkpoint, keeping you from straying too far into the land of insanity.

That, and the belief in his eyes, as if he was confident what he was saying was true. As if he needed no convincing to know you were good enough for what you set out to achieve.

It was almost too much.

“Have I mentioned that you’re bad for my ego?” straightening up after the usual stretches, you met Neil’s gaze with a fond look.

There was no point in hiding it by now. Neil knew he was important to you. He knew that you cared. You had already lost that battle where it counted.

“I’m not saying anything you don’t deserve, babe,” Neil needed no time to think about his response; its placement timed perfectly with a wink at the end.

Still, the affection spread over your skin like a disease, making it impossible to attempt scouring for a witty response. All that was left was sincerity.

“Thank you, Neil. I can’t remember anyone being this nice to me since… forever, probably” getting it out was the easiest part, immediately followed by the trickier bit, which necessitated you not to crumble in the light of compassion in his gaze.

It was a task you almost failed at. All because it hurt to be looked at like a pitiful object, but without the shame that usually came with it. No, Neil looked at you like he could not comprehend the lack of care you were handled with during your life. He saw nothing wrong with you but instead blamed everyone else for what happened. For the things he did not even know. You quivered under the warmth in his eyes and broke the eye contact, gaze darting to locate the pointe shoes. Once you spotted them, you quickly crossed the space and sat by the pair to put them on.

It always did the trick of calming you down.

All the while, you could feel Neil’s eyes on you, undoubtedly assessing your nerves and sanity. Looking for the right thing to say. Something that would not make you flee any more than you already had removed yourself from the conversation. After a beat, he must have found it, for you heard him clear his throat and break the silence with a decisive conclusion:

“That’s their loss” despite the wishes of your reason, you looked up at Neil, only to find him smiling at you softly.

No traces of pity. No traces of contempt, either. Only a friendly smile, his back pressed against the mirrors and the notebook forgotten in his lap. It was enough to make you smile back as your hands tightened the bows of your pointes, following muscle memory. Once you were assured the knots were secure enough, you stood up and flashed Neil with a bright grin, officially moving on from that conversation:

“Both variations that I’ll show you will be Pas de Deux in the production. That means-” before you could delve into an explanation, Neil raised his hand, stopping your words without a catch.

“That they’re duets, I know” the trademark smirk appeared upon his face at your slightly bewildered look, and Neil added with a self-explanatory shrug, “I told you I’ve done my reading” that spark of satisfaction in his eyes was not something you thought you could ignore.

Partially because you were surprised by the research he has done, or, more accurately, you were surprised Neil cared that much. He has put in the effort without you even having to ask.

“I’m impressed” you made no moves to hide the affection from your eyes as you let another beat of silence pass you by, locked in his gaze as always. Once the moment passed, you nodded to reassure yourself and shake off the thoughts, and continued, “Since it’s just me tonight, it’ll look a little different. That’s a disclaimer” turning back to your phone, you scrolled down the track list to find the correct variation.

That nervous energy was back, but this time, you knew that only dancing could get rid of it. Only losing yourself in the movement would do the trick. Well, that and the constant look of admiration that Neil seemed to point at you. That, too, helped with the anxiety.

“No complaints from me. If I get to watch you triumph and look beautiful while you’re at it, I’m good” as if reading your mind, Neil shot you another fond smile and seemingly settled further into his chosen spot, the back of his head lightly propped against the barre.

The pose could not be comfortable, but he did not seem to mind it. His eyes traced your every move as you put down the phone after pressing play on the music and slowly walked over to the side of the room to take up the position.

At the last second, before you had to focus on the music and the steps, you met Neil’s gaze and smiled, a simple word of gratitude ready on your tongue:

“You’re incredible” you watched as his smile widened, and the warmth spread over your chest, lightening up the nerve endings in that curious way you never quite understood.

It did not matter. You took a deep breath and started, slipping almost effortlessly into the role of Snow Queen. From then on, everything was easy. You closed your eyes against the warm studio lights and moved through the choreography without a second of doubt.

The six-minute Waltz of the Snowflakes necessitated precision and focus, with each note requiring a shift, a pirouette or an arabesque. It was not an easy piece, and you could feel sweat trickle down your temples and underneath the black bodice as your wrap skirt followed graceful air movements with a mind of its own. Yet, still, despite the exertion, something about it felt right. Like it was a role that you were meant to play. Another chance to showcase that perhaps this is what you were supposed to do.

As you froze in the final position and the first orchestra track faded, you risked opening your eyes to gauge Neil’s reaction. He stared back, seemingly transfixed with his blue eyes almost alight with something you could not name. Upon your glance, the corner of his mouth quirked, revealing another of your favourite smiles. That had to do when it came to encouragement, for before you could notice anything else, the opening notes of the second waltz rang out in the studio space. Recognition flashed in Neil’s eyes as his foot started tapping out a familiar rhythm. Despite yourself, you grinned before silently counting the beats until your grand entrance.

The second role – Dew Drop Fairy, cheerfully leading a piece of Tchaikovsky’s music almost everyone knew, even if they insisted otherwise, was a variation you did not expect to like quite so much. It used to seem too lively, fleeting and sweet for someone like you. You were not sweet. Unless one considered liquorice a sweet – particular and not everyone’s cup of tea. Yeah, that comparison made much more sense. But then, one dreary afternoon, when you rehashed the choreography for the Waltz of the Flowers from the videos and memory, you found that it could work.

Maybe. Probably. (Probably not).

After hours of practice, you were tentatively leaning towards the affirmative. Maybe. Tonight, it felt almost close to getting rid of the ‘maybe’. It felt like it was meant to be. Even with the burn in your thighs and the strain in your arms from maintaining the frame. Even with the lingering fear before tomorrow’s audition threatening to take away any remaining pleasure. The closing notes of the waltz sounded in the studio as you landed the final pirouette and opened your eyes with a gasp, caught somewhere between the striking understanding of the rightness of it all and the sudden desire to look at Neil.

To let him see you.

His eyes were there, waiting for you, always inviting you to drown within their depths at your convenience.

Suddenly, death by drowning did not seem like a bad idea.

“How was that?” cutting the tortures of the unknown short, you pressed pause on the music and steeled your spine against his all-seeing gaze.

As if sensing your unease, Neil’s smile softened, his eyes showing nothing but the affection you had seen before. That smile was easier to breathe in. Easier to understand.

“You’re truly something else, aren’t you?” the flash of something in his face was much more difficult to understand. Your brow furrowed almost unconsciously as you tried to ignore the flush of gratitude at the open praise, “As I said, I’m no expert, but this looked effortless in a way that hours of hard work can only ensure” taking a meaningful pause to save your sanity, Neil shifted in his spot, folding his long legs and propping his chin on his knees. Adorable did not quite cover it, but it was the best word you could find, “This technique, the precision, just the way you hold yourself when you dance… I don’t know much about fate and such, but I do know that you were meant to be doing this” the glimmer in his eyes told you that was what he aimed to achieve with the speech.

That, yet again, Neil has seen through your bullshit and knew where the trouble was. What it was that you needed to hear. With your fidgeting body unable to stay still even for a second, you sat on the floor on the opposite side of the studio and tugged at the ribbons on your pointe shoes to take them off. It was better than standing stock-still in the light of his scrutiny. In the light of all things in his gaze that you did not want to acknowledge. Instead, you let your heart speak as it rarely had a chance to.

“I’d like to think so. When I’m dancing, it’s like nothing else matters. I’m free to do as I please. To be who I always wanted to be,” with the bows loose, your fingers picked at the strips of satin as more sincere words found their way out of your heart. Words you had never voiced before either, “In those moments, I want to believe that I’ve become her. That this is who I am. Maybe not perfect, but-” your second of hesitation did not go unnoticed.

Before you could find another stack of constants and vowels to put in the resounding silence, Neil interrupted you with a confident tone:

“You’re not perfect, but you’re real. I think that’s much more important” despite your desire to remain nonchalant, your head whipped up to steal a glance at him.

To understand what he could mean by such a bold statement. Instead, your attention was stolen by the fact that you did not expect Neil to start standing up from where he previously looked comfortable curled up on the floors. His intense gaze measured you up as you took off the ballet shoes and dropped the only question that seemed to make sense:

“Why?” without being able to name a reason, you stood up, following some innate sense of direction that scrambled in alarm the moment you understood Neil had something on his mind.

Something you could not foresee. It was not fear that made you move, backing away towards the barres, but rather that familiar connection that sparked in your body and soul. You were not scared of him but feared what his proximity tended to do to you.

You feared losing control. Again.

Simultaneously, there was nothing you wanted more. It must have been that reasoning that made Neil take a decisive step in your direction and close the remaining gap. You stared with mouth agape as he approached, with an almost unusual amount of certainty in every move and stilted your hands as they fidgeted at your sides. Gently, he squeezed your loose fists and let go, only to tilt your chin and force you to meet his gaze. You still did not understand what you were seeing in the depths of his eyes.

But for once, it was almost comforting. That knowledge that someone else was willing to take care of you and act in your place, and all you had to do was let them do it. It brought relief, easing burdens you had not known you had been carrying. You could see the understanding in Neil’s eyes as he gave another cursory look over your face and pressed a lingering kiss to your forehead, eliciting an effortless sigh. Once he pulled back, you both knew there would be no resistance no matter what he wanted to do.

Another affectionate smile was the last thing you saw before Neil turned you to face the mirrored wall and pressed his chest against your back. There was no space between your bodies as he embraced you tightly, his hands resting on your stomach and just below the collarbone. His proximity felt close to overwhelming, with the warmth of his touch burning your skin and the searing intensity of his gaze meeting yours in the mirror. You took a deep breath, needing to centre yourself somehow. If only to prolong what seemed inevitable at this point.

Tentatively, you raised your hands to cover his palm sprawled across your midsection and allowed yourself to relax, leaning into his body. That seemed to be the confirmation Neil needed to break the silence:

“Because I can do this” answering a question you did not even remember asking, Neil nuzzled the top of your head and allowed his nose to trace a path down the nape of your neck and under the ear, nosing at the pulse point, with the utter confidence of someone who has done this before.

And indeed, he has. The familiarity of where you had found yourself, enveloped in the most tempting of embraces with nothing but the mirrored walls to be your witness, did not escape you. It was a tried and checked position. One that you could not oppose because it felt too good. Too comfortable.

Yet, with your brain still not entirely overcome by the haze of arousal, there was opposition to be detected. It kicked and groused, reminding you incessantly how unlike you all this was. How dangerous, despite feeling like everything but. How outrageous to just let Neil have it. With an inward sigh, you tilted your head to offer more neck for his perusal (currently littering with tender pecks) and forced your voice to remain steady as you asked:

“Are you trying to seduce me again, Neil?” this question was an easy callback.

One that Neil instantly clocked as you saw the corner of his mouth curl up in a smirk. There was no need to add that the seduction worked the first time and did not have to be repeated. Or that he hardly had to do anything but ask to have you. He knew that already.

You stared as Neil bowed his head, the golden strands catching light, and your skin catching fire from his closeness and the gentle kisses on your neck. Breath caught in your throat as his teeth nibbled at the tender flesh.

“Not quite” raising his head to shoot you a cheeky smile, Neil gave your entwined bodies an appreciative glance before he met your gaze, the tentative touch of his wandering hands only moderately distracting, “It’s just that the last time I wasn’t brave enough to say what I really thought” the pointed look in his eyes completed the sentence with the unsaid.

With the words that hardly needed to be spoken. Especially with the fact that now that he had admitted it, Neil allowed himself to be even braver. The hand previously resting on your sternum moved lower. His firm yet gentle fingers skimmed down the neckline of your bodice to cup your breast, stoking fire in your veins. Despite yourself, you pressed your body into his hold and breathed out the only response you had the mind to conjure:

“I trust you know better now” the remains of defiance shone in your gaze as you jutted your chin out, hoping to appear unaffected.

A futile task, indeed.

Especially with the way Neil pressed another kiss to the crook of your neck, marking the skin subtly. Your fingers squeezed his palm, pressing it further against your abdomen, wishing for it too to move. To do something about the need pooling between your thighs, wetting the gusset of your panties and seeping into the fabric of your bodice. Squeezing your thighs to get even a fraction of relief, you swallowed a groan and entwined your hand with his. Neil finished a meticulous study of yet another plane of your skin between the neck and the slope of your shoulder and met your hazed gaze with confidence. It was a look you were increasingly familiar with. It sharpened his exquisite features, giving him a dangerous edge. An edge you were desperate to cut yourself open upon. The growing desperation seeped through the pores in your soul as Neil gave you another assessing glance and replied:

“Naturally. Seeing you like this, so confident and in your element, is… It’s working on me” this confession was proclaimed with much less confidence, almost as if Neil worried that it was something you could dislike hearing. An idiot, if you ever met one, “You’re so graceful, so beautiful,” you stared as his palms continued their journey. The hand pressed against your abdomen shifted southward and instantly made you gasp. The sound did not escape his attention as you saw the uncertainty fade from Neil’s gaze, replaced by the familiar hunger “I’d like to touch you,” the unspoken question in his voice hardly needed anything more than a nod.

A nod you had granted him instantly, desperate to feel his hands where you needed them.

And his thumb rubbing over your nipple through the fabric could only do so much. Read: not enough.

“You are touching me” arching your eyebrow to push Neil in the right direction, you widened your stance and propped your head on his shoulder, leaning against him with almost all your weight.

Neil did not seem to mind the move. You watched as those enthralling sparks appeared in his eyes, a foolproof sign of an idea taking shape in his mind. With agonizing slowness, his hand brushed down your mid-riff, pausing for a split second at the elastic band of your wrap skirt. He seemed to debate something for a split second before following with a settled decision and parting the tuille with careful fingers. The breath you were supposed to empty from your lungs stumbled with a gasp as you watched Neil’s hand disappear between the folds of your skirt. Before you could even think about exhaling the oxygen trapped in your lungs, you felt his hand slip between your thighs, curious fingers tracing the gusset of your bodice. Even without noticing the wolfish smirk on Neil’s face, you knew what he would encounter.

The evidence of your arousal has already dampened the fabric, only completing the pathetic picture you presented with the warmth flooding your face and an irregular breath making your chest rise and fall in an unnatural tempo. Tangled strands were plastered to your temple as you stared at the mirror, barely fighting the desire to take matters into your own hands. And get relief because Neil’s teasing touches running up and down your slit did absolutely nothing.

Nothing but get you even more frustrated.

“Not like this,” the annoyance must have shown on your face, for Neil retraced his hand from between your legs and met your gaze with something akin to resolution, “Would you like to come to mine for a drink?” there was no hesitation in the proposal.

Nothing to make you feel like Neil did not want to ask, or felt pressured to. And there was no objection you could find that would make sense because you very much wanted to go back to his place. And continue whatever this was.

Ideally, with much fewer clothes in place. Yet-

“Neil, we both know that it won’t be just a drink” meeting his gaze with a deadpan expression, you grabbed the hand he had just moved back to your stomach from between your thighs and kissed his fingers with intent.

Mostly, the intent of making Neil blush wildly, as he did. But also to show that despite your weak protest, you did not mind the course of the evening or where it would take you. It was only a matter of time until you let yourself give in for the second time. Until you had an opportunity to act out the fantasies, which multiplied in your mind since the first night.

“Is there anything wrong with that?” the hints of doubt in the question were something you would accept under any circumstances.

You hated how the worries could so quickly shade any sense of confidence or arousal from his face and body. You could feel his grip loosen, letting centimetres of space between you, which already felt out of place. Before your brain could concoct any farfetched ideas, you used the newly created gap to turn in his embrace. Strengthened by the element of surprise, you had the advantage of the time it took Neil to process the new state of things. You used it wisely, first placing your hands on his chest to gain the necessary leverage and then whispered the reply with all the determination of someone who knew what they were doing:

“Absolutely not” your gaze searched Neil’s eyes for hints of anything contrary, but you found nothing. Except the need for you to be the brave one. You were happy to comply, “I think I’d like it to be… more” slowly, you allowed your fingers to brush over the expanse of his chest, reassuring and strengthening the message.

Neil’s shy smile shone through the cracks of his uncertainty, making your heart soar. As always, being in the spotlight of his affection felt like the cosiness of sunlight on an icy winter morning. It felt right.

Neil’s hands previously hanging limply at his sides, came up to cover yours pressed against his chest. It was the only warning you got before he dropped the question with a dangerous edge to his smile:

“With ties and shit?” the lethal sparks in his eyes only completed the picture, instantly drawing you back to that moment.

To the brazen comment you made straddling his lap with an undone tie in your hand. To one of the fantasies that had been born at the same instant. For the sake of the future, you were glad to see Neil was not opposed to the idea. That concept was nowhere near gone from the growing list of your wishes and daydreams.

A sudden laugh bubbled from your throat, adding that familiar tint of madness to everything you ever said, felt or did with Neil. Madness you were willingly jumping head-first into.

“Not necessarily” your faux frown carried the suspense over till an appropriate amount of time had passed for you to drop the pretence and offer Neil another wide smile, “Although-”

Neil’s burst of laughter cut short any elaborate innuendos you could have planned. You would not have it any other way.

***

If someone asked you to envision Neil’s apartment without seeing it for the first time, you would never have imagined it to look like that. A medium-sized flat just five minutes from the Swiss Cottage Underground Station, filled with things. Posh twats would have perhaps called the space cluttered, but you preferred the adjective – lived-in. Because that is what it was. When Neil closed the door behind your back and let go of your hand for the first time since getting off the tube, you did not know where to look or which item to pick up and scrutinize. Not for the wish to judge but that same innate desire to understand him. To know everything you could about Neil.

“Welcome to my humble abode” as soon as the words were out of his mouth, along with a reassuring smile, you let go of the remaining apprehensions and leaned into the curiosity with the zeal of a scientist.

Almost reverently, you floated past the furniture lining up the corridor walls, peeking inside the wardrobe with its door left ajar. A row of jackets, including leather, denim, and a fleece, did not satisfy the desire to know, but it stoked the fire. Its sparks lit you up from within as you moved down the hallway to the living room, stopping at the threshold to take in the room. The most notable features included a bookshelf brimming with tomes of different colours and sizes, a worn-out leather sofa, shelves full of CDs and vinyl, a quality record player and… a piano. A piano. Of all things. An inconvenience.

Your eyes stopped at the sight, unable to move on from the object. It made so much sense, and yet it was not something you expected. The music sheets propped on the shelf told you it was frequently used, and, therefore, not a decorative item. Your paralysis must have shown on your face, for soon you heard Neil’s footsteps, the sound stopping just behind your back as you felt his hand touch your shoulder. Unconsciously, you leaned into his warmth, resting your back against his chest.

“Care to explain this?” you asked the question as soon as you had stifled the grin elicited by Neil pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

As if the meaning was unclear, you waved your hand at the instrument and looked up at him. From the vantage point, his hair looked like a halo, contrasting with the sharp edge of his smile and the hand he had returned to your chest.

“I’m no Chopin, but sometimes I like to play” shrugging, Neil glanced at the piano and added, “It’s very relaxing,” the thoughtfulness in his voice told you there was more to the story.

A conversation to pick up soon to know more about him, but, for now, more pressing matters directed your line of thought. Matters like the fire in your veins stoked by Neil’s touch and the persisting desire for things only he could provide.

“Mhmm. You’ve never mentioned it,” you frowned at the disappointment in your voice that you certainly did not wish to disclose.

It made no sense to have strong feelings towards an instrument. Secondly, you knew that Neil would latch onto this indescribable something and not let go until he understood the reasons. Despite being unable to see his face, you could already feel his curiosity spark. It did not take too long for him to grab at the chance and dig a little deeper:

“Didn’t think it’s relevant. Why? You’ve got an ick concerning pianists?” you did not like the hints of smugness in his tone or the way he tightened the hold over your body, fingers digging into your breast, overwhelming the senses.

You barely resisted the moan which got stuck in your throat, saving the remains of dignity. With the brain cells slowly transforming into horny idiots that could not do anything but thirst after Neil, there was not much opposition left in your system. What was the point, anyway? It was best to admit it now and have it over and done with so you could move on to more important pursuits.

You cleared your throat, buying for time (and pointedly ignoring Neil’s teasing touch drifting past your ribcage and further down your body) and closed your eyes as you admitted the truth:

“… No, no. Quite the opposite, actually” there.

And it was not something you had confessed to before, either. There was no need. No pianists to be met in Soho as you prowled the streets for another one-night stand. Or, at least, none admitted to playing the piano in the brief time together. But the fact was a fact. No matter how embarrassing or mortifying to say out loud.

Another fact was that as soon as you had noticed the piano in his apartment, the images started multiplying in your head, strengthening the undeniable truth that you did have a thing for pianists. Neil included.

“Well, that’s excellent news to me, Cupid” you could hear Neil’s smile in his voice as he placed his hands on your hips and turned you in the embrace to face him. As expected, the smirk was already there. As was the gleam in his eyes, telling you that your confession was welcomed. Before you could even consider saving face in any feasible way, he leaned in and captured your mouth in a searing kiss. One that made you cling to his shoulders, desperately seeking more. Whatever that would be. Parting way too soon, Neil gave you another infuriating grin and asked, “Would you like a vodka tonic?”

Despite the sudden desire to punch him in that annoyingly pretty face, you resisted the need and offered him a faux grimace, tinting the response with a weary sigh:

“Yep, I definitely need a drink after this” your gaze flicked over him, scanning Neil from head to toe, searching for places to strike when the time was right.

Which would be soon. Or so God help him.

From then on, it was almost too easy to let go. To fall into Neil and let him catch you. To take what you wanted from him. Unlike that first evening, this time was not slow; it was not deliberate in your mutual desire to understand and to learn. It was a tumble, fast and tasting of vodka tonic and coming back home. But you would never tell him that.

Instead, you touched him, indulging in every sigh, gasp and moan you could elicit. You kissed him, taking everything Neil was offering and demanding more. You let him touch every inch of your skin. And when you could not wait any longer, you settled atop his lap and took him, your fingers tracing the marks you had left on his chest and neck. This, too, was unforgettable.

When it was over, and you left his flat with an amicable smile and a strange ache in your chest, you took the long way home. Walking down Finchley Road, you tried to understand what it was. What made Neil different? Why was it difficult to switch off your head and heart when you were with him? Why, sometimes, when he looked at you, you felt like you mattered in the grand scheme of things? Why did all this matter so much? Why did it pain you to realise you did not remember a single detail from his bedroom? Why the fuck did you care?

But you did not know. You did not understand. With a weary sigh, you stifled the questions and glanced at the sky. The blue moon shone down at you. You smiled back and ignored the doubts.

It didn’t matter.

***

You did not want to analyze why your first thought after getting the cast list for this season’s Nutcracker was to message Neil with good news. Or why you did that before you even congratulated the other girls. Without letting yourself hesitate over the sensibility of your life choices, you took out the phone from your pocket and typed out a simple message:

/ 🏹, 12:57 pm/ Say hello to your new friend, the Snow Queen and the Dew Drop Fairy :)

You did not have to wait long for his reply.

/✝️, 12:58 pm/ So now there’s two of you? Lucky me :)

/✝️, 12:58 pm/ Congratulations, Cupid. I knew you could do it, sweetheart.

/ 🏹, 12:59 pm/ Thank you, you’ll definitely hear me yap about it for the next two months.

/✝️, 1:00 pm/ I wouldn’t have it any other way, darling. How was the audition?

/ 🏹, 1:01 pm/ It was surprisingly easy. Might even say a walk in the park…

/ 🏹, 1:01 pm/ Getting laid the night before might be the key to success.

/✝️, 1:02 pm/ You’re welcome. We can make that a tradition if you’d be so inclined.

/ 🏹, 1:02 pm/ Gladly. You should know I’ll never say no to great sex.

/✝️, 1:03 pm/ So you’re telling me it was great?

/ 🏹, 1:03 pm/ You know that it was, Neil.

/✝️, 1:04 pm/ Yeah, I know. You’re also great, btw. My darling, my sweetheart, you.

The idiotic smile on your face seemed unavoidable as you locked the screen and forced yourself to abandon the conversation for now. Even if just to preserve the remains of your sanity. But also to finally talk to the girls. Somewhere at the periphery of your attention, you could feel their gazes boring holes into your head. Always so attentive and curious, you doubted your manic grin would escape their attention. Unfortunately.

You did not have to wait long for the proverbial penny to drop.

“Who’s that smile for?” the sweetness in Jemima’s tone made you frown as you pocketed the phone and forced yourself to meet her searching gaze.

The girl was a fantastic friend, someone you and the other soloists could depend on whether to borrow an emergency pad or ask for help during rehearsals. But, as you already knew too well, she was also nosy. And ever since you introduced Neil to the squad those two weeks ago, another interrogation was hanging over your head. Now, the time has run out.

“No one particular, Jem,” forcing your angelic smile to reappear, you leaned back in the chair by your dressing table and started rummaging through the make-up bag without looking for anything.

You were not willing to make this easy. To embarrass yourself in front of the girls without a fight or even an attempt at pretending nothing was happening. Never in a million years.

“That sounds like an avoidance to me” Jemima’s voice did not lose a dose of its confidence as she arched an eyebrow and moved closer to your desk to corner you.

Verbally and physically. And your patience was running thin. Stifling a curse, you swivelled on the chair to look at the woman and replied:

“That’s your problem” aiming for a sassy rebuttal, you shot her a saccharine smile and turned back towards the mirror.

The glaring lack of arguments you could offer had to be ignored. However, you were painfully aware that it would not be. Not with them.

As if she could hear your internal crisis unfolding, Grace stood up from her chair, where she acted out the impassioned audience role and joined you on the opposite side, leaning over your shoulder like a keen angel of inconvenience. Her long blonde hair brushed over your collarbone as she met your glare through the mirror and added her part:

“Jem has a point, though. You’ve been somewhat more… cheery recently” as though driven to make you seethe with anger, Grace lifted the corner of your mouth into a caricature of a smile. You swatted her hand away and let out a groan, barely resisting the urge to storm out of there. You knew it would be pointless, only prolonging the questioning until the next opportune moment, “Is that Neil’s doing?” she innocently batted her eyelashes in the face of your ire.

There it was. A collective gasp from the other girls made you roll your eyes as you considered the options. Utter denial of Neil’s existence was now off the table. Sighing, you steeled your spine and decided to lay it all out. The official version. The one you maintained with everyone involved, including yourself.

“Well, we are still friends if that’s what you’re asking. And we might’ve fucked once or twice” the crude addition did what you needed it to as you took note of the resounding gasp, followed by giggles and knowing smiles from your ever-persistent audience.

You hoped it would be enough to stop the questions. If needed, you were willing to impart the knowledge of just how good Neil was at sex. Or how driven he was to make you come each time. That should do the trick.

But before you could even open your mouth to share the dirty details, Jemima patted your shoulder almost protectively and spoke:

“Good for you” worst of all, you could tell she meant it. She was happy you had Neil in whatever capacity you did. You forced your heart not to soften and went back to mindlessly sorting through the make-up. Soon, she proved you right, yet again, “Does that mean you’ve gotten over your little hang-up?” although the question could not have been any less straightforward, something about how she asked made your attention prick up.

Despite your wish to at least appear unbothered, you raised your head and turned towards the woman with an arched eyebrow at a ready:

“What do you mean?” the glare in your eyes was there to assure Jemima that your guard was still up.

That she had not succeeded. And never would.

You stared into her hazel-green eyes as the woman contemplated the pros and cons of risking your fury. Although you had a couple of guesses towards where it was going, you still did not anticipate the question that broke the tense silence next:

“Have you finally joined the club of losers in love?” you certainly did not like the knowing look in her eyes, paired with a soft smile, suggesting that (somehow) Jemima could see into the depths of your heart and soul.

She saw all the ugliness and the fears and was willing to address things you never even dared think of. It terrified you, and you had to look away before she saw too much. Swallowing hard, you turned back towards the mirror and scoffed, falling back on the familiar. It has not disappointed you yet.

“No, of course not” it was easy to throw the assumption back at her as if it was the most ridiculous thing you had heard. It was nonsensical, “You know me. Love doesn’t exist in my book. I’m not willing to fool myself into thinking it could be real. I’m not delusional” the edges of ire crept into your tone, making you spit out the words with more vehemence than necessary.

As soon as your tirade ended, regrets set in. They were strengthened by the sudden silence from the group, taken aback by your reaction. Covering your face with your palms, you hunched over the dressing table and sighed heavily.

“Harsh, love. But you do you” you felt the coolness of her touch as Jemima squeezed your shoulder and left your side, finally offering merciful respite.

One look at her through the mirror told you all the savage words were forgiven. You did not have to atone. But that did not mean you were not already plotting ways to make it up to them. Chocolates and coffee seemed like the best choices at present.

Before you could decide, your phone buzzed in your pocket, and you took it out to look at the screen. Another text from Neil.

/✝️, 1:27 pm/ Do you want to visit the church tomorrow?

/✝️, 1:27 pm/ I figured it’s time you uncovered the greatest secret of my existence.

/ 🏹, 1:28 pm/ Oh, fuck yes.

/ 🏹, 1:28 pm/ Where do we meet?

/✝️, 1:28 pm/ Canary Wharf station. Where we kissed that one morning. Be there sharp at 9 am.

/ 🏹, 1:29 pm/ You know it, babes.

And just like that, your mood has lifted.

No, you were not willing to understand that either.

[kirans-wonderland]

Playful Land Thoughts 

(this is my version of liveblogging they are all silly and stupid dont take them seriously)

`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`

Book 1 

Chapter 1: 

-YAY RSA MENTION

-yay basketball team mention 

-sorry Floyds adhd kicked in the middle of the game (that one tiktok)

-floyd keeps his wallet in his stomach (he regurgitates it like Rico from penguins of madagascar)

-the way he sprinted to be with his twin immediately 

-Jack.. sweetie. It’s okay to admit you were shopping with the homie 

-It’s not like they’re kissing in the dressing room or anything… unless? 

-*tucks Jade/Jack shopping date art idea away*

-Jack is an introvert through and through 

-Fellow’s hair looks wack in just silhouette 

Chapter 2: 

-Kalim and Ortho together is an overwhelming level of smiley energy in the same place

-Ace’s rare pair is Jade and Jack confirmed 

-Jamil is legitimately having a heart attack rn

-Trien kept grim after class yesterday because he knew I would be there teehee

-I wish he’d give ME that look Ace. Or any look for that matter 

-Floyd hittin them with the punk punk tactics 

-“But it’s October” IT’S META UP IN HERE 

-I need an Ortho to manage my homework calendar 

-“I have plenty of fun just getting to see my friends every day” Kalim is too good for this world

Chapter 3: 

-Kalim wandering away while asking a question is so real 

-Also Ortho saying his full name even while panicked is adorable 

-Their outfits are SUCH bangers. 

Their eyeshadow is so crisp. They must use the tape method

-Gidel having cool toned eyeshadow is interesting to me for no reason

-Fellow’s eyebrows are legitimately my everything 

-“Those stylish uniforms” is showing grim and ortho who are the only ones technically not wearing clothes 

-THE CANE SPIN THE CANE SPINNING 

-“It’s the only thing I’ve got going for me” Babe… 

-heh bosom buddy 

-I LOVE GIDELLLLLLL

-Jack is utterly horrified at Kalim’s disrespect

-Fellow Honest is Megara confirmed 

-Honest Ernesto? More like Glazer Ernesto

-Jade is compliment starved 

-“The ace of spades no less” Fellow ships Adeuce?!

-I really thought his gift was going to be giving them their magical girl makeovers 

Chapter 4: 

-Oh please. Like I would ever NOT listen to Deuce 

-Ortho reads all the “online buzz”

-Imagine how great the world would be if no one knew where Disneyland was 

-he’s already calling himself our good friend..

-“well over 20 years” what if he’s like 40 *star eyes emoji* 

-HOW FAST HE SWITCHED FROM SMILING TO DEADPAN IM CRYING

“I’m babygorl. How do you do?” I never regret my name choice 

Chapter 5: 

-yes ace love the skepticism, using BOTH braincells I see 

-“something nefarious at foot” okay shakespeare 

-Gidel’s surprised face!! I need him in my purse like a chihuahua 

-if playful land already has this legendary magical reputation, why does Fellow need the boys to ‘put in a good word’ for it? Hmm.. 

-“School?” Mans is uneducated he just won’t admit it. We should kidnap him.

-Imagine the boys ended up bringing the whole school upon Fellow’s offer. What would he do then?

-I think they all said “ABSOLUTELY NOT” at the same time to the point it was echoing through the campus

-Leona I see you on the banner. Don’t go saying no when you don’t mean it 

Chapter 6:

-Jamil has had the ‘don’t take candy from someone in a white van’ with Kalim before 

-“angling to abduct you” is just funny 

-“gormless nincompoop” Ace cracked out the thesaurus Riddle gave him for that one

-good boy deuce (although you would’ve looked so good in a nutcracker fit) 

-I can hear the ‘yare yare’ 

Chapter 7:

-jacks arms look so smooth.. sorry-

-“Not so loud!” Boy I think everyone knows you cut class 

-They way Leona and Jack are so concious of Ruggie

-If Ruggie and Fellow met it would be over for everyone

-Jack just wants to be a boy Leona. Let him have fun.. 

-they way Leona sighed in all caps

-Jack is the REAL honest fellow. Watch out Ernesto 

-Azul talkin business jargon.. not listening.. he pretty (/j)

-Floyd and Jade never outright made decisions. They both ask for the others opinion, neither answers yet something always happens 

Chapter 8:

-“BUH?!” Bro my friends and I saw this religiously at school

-Idia is the personification of my disney sea overstimulated breakdown

-I love that Ortho went to Vil for advice 

-I live for the cross dorm interactions khsksskhggwrl.

-Ortho and Idia got the Trolls perfect family harmony

-“You silly boy” -Vil 2024

-Ortho just casually scanning a mans entire being and soul during a conversation- 

Chapter 9:

-Grim’s little determined face- I’m squeezing him

-Uhm.. hate to say I AM very likely to fall in the water 

-“WHOA! Lilia, Cater and Vil!” The best girlband 

-I’m loving Ortho and Vil’s dynamic in this event… 

-*puts on analyzation glasses* 

Chapter 10:

-Ah yes, this is simply a pop music club field trip. That’s the legal cover.

-shhh vil let Kalim be delulu

-Lilia equates this trip as dangling a baby by the ankle (/j)

-Trey appearing on the scene nervously rubbing his neck like ‘uwu h-hi’

-Leona is sleepwalking. Trey kidnapped him. 

-Trey brought leona because they sleep together

-Deuce protects his boyfriend- homie 

-The old marrieds are bickering again (Vil and Leona) 

Chapter 11:

-Did he just booty bump Lilia out of the way??

-I just know Fellow’s little tail was wagging when he complimented Leona 

-Vil really stole “I’m surrounded by idiots” from Leona 

-“little lordling” ….okay

-“Kalim’s not like the rest of us” He made his own tax bracket really 

Chapter 12:

-Mommy and Daddy are so responsible (Vil and Leona again)

-GINO'S FACE THE EYBROWS 

-Gino would love Roblox 

Chapter 13: 

-When is it magical girl transformation time 

-YAYYYY GLOWY TRANSOFRMATION

-I still think Ace looks like he’s going to fight a bull. Love it though

-I live for the twins getting different colors 

-Bros complimenting bros 

-As much as I love the outfits, I REALLY would not want to go around an amusement park dressed like that

Chapter 14:

-‘believe in yourself babygirl (Fellow)’ -Lillia 2024

-Please let me kidnap Gino. We can wreak non-magic havoc together 

-NUTCRACKER AHH CATER 

-Im sorry but Lilia is so gender. You don’t understand how much I need it 

-OH HES SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE A NUTCRACKER I’m not crazy (I didn’t know it was canon)

-The shape of Lilia’s neckline is everything. Is the bodice corseted or is Lilia just like that?? 

-Lilia’s eye-makeup reminds me of a Junko Enoshima cosplayer…

-Trey looks like he works at the Dickens fair 

-LEONAS BRAIDSSSSS SQUEEEEEEEEE also his choker love

-Mommmmm- Leona and Trey are flirting again (/j) 

-cutting away from Leona and Trey’s compliment-fest to Vil being like ‘what gives husband?’ 

-IM FERAL FOR STEAMPUNK JACK 

-I need to start practicing Vil’s demand for a mirror in my real life 

-“It’s a gorgeous look that’s still very you” That’s so sweet. I would kill for Jack and Vil’s friendship 

-I need their outfits in my guest room NOW 

Chapter 15:

-KALIMMMMMMMMMMMMMM *screaming fan girl* THATS MY SONNNN

-I love the bright yellow it looks so good on him 

-“in the days of yore” -Lilia 2024. Okay grandpa 

-Take notes guys. Playful land even accommodates Ortho. No ableism even in clothing 

-The way Fellow’s ear turns to the side kffhjafhlFBlf

-The flattery already has gone to your head Ace 

Chapter 16:

-GRIMS PINOCCIO FIT AHHHHHHH 

-I wanna see our outfit… but I don’t want to design one myself… 

-okay good at least I can rest easy knowing we have a crop jacket

-The amount of scrunch in Fellow’s face is unreal 

-THE EVIL LAUGH AND THE CANE SPIN 

-IM ON THE GROUND AGAIN

[theatrekidenergy]

I think it's so cool that you're a figure skater. How did you get into that? I've debated it myself, but I'm disabled so I'm unsure if I should attempt it or not, lol, but those who can do it have always impressed me and seemed extremely magical. There's no need to answer this if you're uncomfortable, obviously, I'm just curious :)

I just realized I’ve left this in my inbox for so long I’m so sorry man 😭 /gen

1. Thank you so so much! That means a lot to me.

2. How I got into it and my process:

Essentially the way I got into it was that one day I went to an ice rink with my cousin, fell many times, and loved every second of it. That’s what sparked it. I got home with a new hyperfixation that had formed nearly spontaneously and started researching like crazy, it was all I could think about for about 2 weeks before my mom caved in and bought me a very beginners lesson which I passed the first day and went to the second level. (Keep in mind, it’s not needed to commit to buying skates for quite a while! I didn’t buy skates until having had skates for nearly 4 months)

From there I flew through levels pretty fast, and became friends with someone who I now consider to be my absolute best friend. 4 months into skating, right after I bought my first skates, my coach who had taken me under her wing particularly decided to have me perform in a show, The Nutcracker. Was I terrified? Absolutely. But, I was in a group of other skaters and it taught me loads of fundamentals of skating, and performance. I highly recommend taking any chance to do shows like this, especially during the winter months which have great help for beginners and advanced skaters alike. After the nutcrackers my coach skipped me multiple levels into a higher up program.

I’ve been skating for nearly a year now and have competed in countless small programs in my city as well as two different competitions on a regional level and will be in a duet in a show this august as well as a soloist in a huge show this winter.

3. Disability wise: Personally speaking I have fibromyalgia and hEDS, and I’ve talked to my doctors multiple times about the safety of it for me and they’ve all passed it off as okay, plus being on the ice all the time essentially functions as a full body ice pack which feels like heaven if you have chronic pain. Please, before you start skating talk to your doctor and physical therapist about if it would be a good choice for you. I was not diagnosed when I started skating but was in a lucky enough position to be able to continue as well as being encouraged by my doctors to continue it; however, not everyone is going to be the same and it’s important to talk to your doctor about it as you become more advanced for your own safety.

Also, don’t be afraid to tell your coaches and community about your diagnosis! In fact, lots of skaters I know have some kind of a disability, and many of the staff have the ability to give certain accommodations on ice depending on the rink you skate at.

4. A bit of encouragement: Believe me, progress is possible and everyone works at their own pace, there is no shame in being a beginner and I promise you figure skaters are some of the sweetest communities you can be a part of, if you ever need any help I’ve never once had a more experienced skater be rude or even passive aggressive. I hope you decide to make the leap to figure skating, it has helped me so much and I hope it can do the same for you. I hope you have a fantastic day / night and I’m wishing you luck!

[buttercupjosh]

Unexpected Love (the 4 times Cale surprised you + the 1 time you surprise him)

(Gif credit by @9116)

word count: 3,240

warnings: none

Genres: Strangers to lovers, fluff, self insert

A/N: I decided to step a bit out of my comfort zone a lot for this story. I participated in @antoineroussel’s Winter Fic Exchange and this is my story for @wildrangers, written with the extremely talented Cale Makar. I hope that you like it. I’m sorry in advance that it kinda speed runs a bit but I just wanted to try something different. I also decided to challenge myself by writing some dialogue for the first time in years so please bear with me if the conversations aren’t that great. Title doesn’t come from a specific song/place. There’s a reference to Glittery by Kacey Musgraves feat. Troye Sivan buried in the story. As always, I’m open to any and all feedback, comments or questions; just put them in my inbox or dm me. Thank you so much in advance for reading, I appreciate it😌

Recommended/optional listening: Glittery by Kacey Musgraves feat. Troye Sivan

“What if I told you none of it was accidental? And the first night that you saw me, nothing was gonna stop me. I laid the groundwork, and then, just like clockwork, the dominoes cascaded in a line. What if I told you I'm a mastermind? And now you're mine, it was all by dеsign.” -Mastermind by Taylor Swift

Although it was snowing outside, you were melting down inside of your apartment. You lost your wallet and the last place you were before coming home was the Target parking lot. You called the store to see if someone had turned it in and were getting ready to go back to the store to check when your doorbell rang. A tall blonde boy wearing a black puffer and a maroon Colorado Avalanche hoodie stood in your doorway, holding your wallet. He introduced himself to you as Cale and you thanked him for bringing it back to you. Before Cale left, you asked him why he brought your wallet to your apartment instead of mailing it back to you or returning it to the store. He explained that your apartment was on the way to his so he stopped by to give it to you. You were taken aback by Cale’s kind gesture. He had no idea who you were and yet he drove out of his way to bring back your wallet, with everything in it. You offered Cale gas money (which he refused) and pleaded with him to let you repay him somehow for what he did.

“Well, you can pay me back by going with me to watch the Nutcracker. I really want to go check it out but none of my teammates want to go with me”, Cale responded.

“Actually, that’s something that I’ve been wanting to do as well and I would love to go with you. Are you free next Saturday?”, you asked.

“I have a game next Saturday but maybe we can go next Sunday’s 6 pm showing?", Cale replied.

“That works for me.”

“I’ll pick you up.”

“I would hope so since you already know where I live.”

Cale chuckled at your words and you exchanged numbers before he left. It really wasn’t an issue for Cale to bring you back your wallet. Sure, like you had mentioned, it would have been easier to return it to the store or mail it back to you (which is what he would have done if you weren’t home). Cale was glad that you were there and that you agreed to go with him to see the Nutcracker. It was something that he had really wanted to check out for a while but the guys on the team weren’t into it and Cale didn’t want to be set up again by the WAGs; he had even considered going to watch it alone. Thankfully, he met someone new and Cale was looking forward to seeing you again.

————————————————————

Just as you had agreed to, Cale picked you up right on time for your outing together. You and Cale didn’t really know each other well enough to call it a date but by the end of the evening, you both knew it was one. Before going to the venue, you both agreed to go to dinner first. Over the meal, you both learned about each other and shared stories about your lives. You thought it was fascinating to hear about life in Canada, a place you’ve never been to, from someone who was born and raised there. Cale felt the same way about you, hearing you talk about your life and your career as a social worker. He admired that you enjoyed helping others. You and Cale also shared a mutual experience of attending college and you both shared stories from that chapter in your lives. Cale even felt comfortable talking to you about some of the things he studied in his psychology courses since you studied social work.

After dinner, you and Cale headed over to the Denver Center for Performing Arts. The Nutcracker was amazing and spectacular; it exceeded both of your expectations. The center was close to the public ice rink, so after the event ended, Cale noticed that your eyes lit up when you saw everyone skating. He asked you if you wanted to go ice skating. You hesitated to go because you don’t know how to ice skate and you can barely even roller skate. You did not want to embarrass yourself skating in front of someone who won the Stanley Cup. Despite these feelings, Cale offered to teach you how to skate if you wanted to try. It was not everyday that a professional hockey player offered to teach someone how to ice skate so you agreed to it. You paid for the skate rental since Cale paid for the tickets to the Nutcracker and you split the bill for dinner. Cale was nice enough to tie your skates for you. You were so nervous to step out of the ice but a newly familiar voice reassured you.

“Just hold onto me, I got you. If you fall, I’m right here to pick you up. I promise you that you’ll be okay. If you don’t like it at any point, we could leave.”

You took Cale’s words to heart and following his instructions, you reached out to him and shakily touched the ice. Cale turned around to face you and he gently guided you through the basics of skating. It took some time for you to get it right and there were plenty of moments when you had trouble maintaining your balance but you were relieved that Cale was so patient with you. As time passed, you started to become more comfortable on ice skates and eventually let go of him, but remained close by in case anything happened. However, Cale didn’t want you to let him go because he liked being physically close to you. At one point, you felt confident enough in your skating ability that you challenged Cale to a race around the rink. You decided that the winner would choose the next outing you did together and the loser would pay for the hot chocolate when you were done skating.

You were a bit bold in what the winner won, even though you weren’t fully sure if Cale had wanted to hang out with you again. You both agreed to the conditions and you were relieved that Cale didn’t offer a different option for the winner. You and Cale began to race from one end of the rink to another. Due to the fact that this ice rink has tons of skaters and wasn’t as well maintained like the one at Ball Arena, Cale accidentally fell on the ice. With your assistance, Cale got back up. You both agreed to leave and went to a cafe nearby for some hot chocolate.

“Are you sure you’re a Stanley Cup champion if you fell down like that?”, you joked. Again, you made Cale laugh. He liked that about you, how witty and funny you were.

Despite him falling, you technically won the race and decided that your next outing with Cale would be going to look at the Christmas lights at the Denver Botanical Gardens that upcoming Friday evening. The outing at the Botanical Gardens was beautiful and you and Cale took plenty of photos to keep as memories. Cale really enjoyed spending time with you, even if you didn’t get to see each other as often, due to his busy schedule. Even though he was primarily occupied with hockey, Cale still kept in contact with you more frequently, getting to learn more about his newfound friend.

Christmas was fast approaching but you were unable to see each other before the holiday. You and Cale had made plans to see each other once he got back from Calgary over the short holiday break. You weren’t sure what to get him since Cale never really mentioned anything that he had needed or wanted and you had only known each other for a short time so you settled on giving him a Christmas card with a Starbucks gift card inside. However, close to Christmas, you got a gift in the mail from Cale.

Hope I got the right color. Happy Holidays, y/n

-Cale

You were shocked when you opened the package. Cale had somehow found the rare In The Weeds vinyl variant of Folklore by Taylor Swift. You had mentioned to Cale once that you were looking for a Folklore vinyl to complete your record collection but you didn’t think he would go as far as getting it for you. You were so thankful for Cale; you hadn’t known each other long but you knew that you really had a good guy on your hands.

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You met up with Cale for lunch after he returned to Denver from Calgary so that you could give him his Christmas card. Although you felt inferior by giving him something so simple, Cale was very appreciative for the gift because it was thoughtful and came from you. As the time inched closer towards the new year, Cale invited you to the Avs’ New Years Eve game and party; you thought it was nice for him to include you in a team event. You were just Cale’s friend so you didn’t feel comfortable sitting with the WAGs at the game. You brought along one of your friends, who would spend the rest of the holiday with her boyfriend, to keep you company. You had watched hockey casually before but this was your first time attending an actual game. You had a good time; they didn’t win but it was okay.

After the game ended, Cale and the rest of the team migrated towards the New Year’s party at JT and Sydney’s place. Due to the fact that it was a holiday and he knew that he could work it off later, Cale decided to drink a little bit to ring in the New Year. By the time the clock started to wind down in the final minutes, he was already giggly and tipsy.

“Hey, y/n, I’ve never had a New Year’s kiss before. Would you like to be mine?”, Cale asked you.

You weren’t sure if he was asking you to kiss him because he was under the influence or if he was showing his true feelings. You had gone out together more than once but neither of you expressed those hangouts to be dates (even though they lowkey were). You and Cale considered each other friends but you did have a little crush on him. You didn’t want to hurt Cale’s feelings either (even if he wasn’t sober) so you agreed to kiss him. You chanted the countdown with everyone. When everyone yelled “Happy New Year”, Cale leaned in to kiss you on your cheek. Yep, even though he wasn’t fully sober, he was still being respectful. You laughed after he pulled away. Cale enjoyed the sound of hearing you laugh. You had wanted to kiss him back on his cheek but you decided against it. You weren’t sure how Cale truly felt about you sober and you didn’t want to muddy the waters of what you had by doing such a thing.

The following morning, you got a phone call from a certain rosy cheeked cutie, asking you to be his romantic partner. That one phone call changed everything for the better between you and Cale. You were so relieved to hear that he liked you back and his drunk actions did convert to sober thoughts.

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Spending time with Cale felt like the world had stopped, time didn’t seem to pass and that time together turned from months to years. Your relationship felt like something out of a love song. Of course, there were expected highs and lows, losses and gains, disagreements and mutual understandings, tears shed and kisses shared all in between. Cale was right there by your side through it all. Things just fell into place for you both and it was almost like you were meant to be together, like it was part of some plan schemed by a mastermind. You didn’t have any evidence but it was like Cale had designed different ways for you to keep falling for him and you would continue to fall deeper and deeper into him and his love.

After being together for some time, you and Cale had decided to make the huge step of purchasing a house. You had found the perfect new build in Cherry Creek and were excited to spend your future together in this home. One weekday evening after Thanksgiving, you and Cale decorated the Christmas tree. You were both busy with work so you couldn’t push it off until the weekend. It was nice to have this time together, even if it wasn’t much. You had shared with Cale a fun family tradition; as you hung up an ornament on the tree, you had to say one thing that you loved about the other person. You knew deep down that Cale loved you but it was nice to hear him say the things that he loved about you; his presence in your life lit you up inside like a glittery Christmas tree. It meant a lot to Cale to hear from you specifically the things that you loved about him; he loved the way you decorated his heart with your kindness, selflessness and compassion. As you continued to hang up ornaments and string garland around the tree, you had quietly started to wonder about when Cale would propose. You had been together for over a year and you were already in the process of getting a home together. To you, Cale was the man of your dreams and he was worth the wait. To Cale, you were the one he wanted to marry and he was so grateful to have you as part of his life. He was glad that you had adjusted well to his lifestyle as a hockey player and being thrust into the spotlight by being romantically involved with him. Cale knew that the love you had shared together could not be replicated with anyone else. You both had this strange, unexplainable effect on each other.

Realistically, you had thought Cale would probably propose to you on Christmas when both of your families were in town. There was no guarantee that you would close on the new house and be moved in by then so Christmas was going to be hosted at the apartment. Cale knew when it was the right time to propose and it wasn’t when you had expected.

Right before Christmas, Cale had gotten a call from the real estate agent for you to meet at your new home to officially close on the property. You both had gotten dressed in your nicest sweaters since there would be a photographer there to take photos of the realtor’s clients with their new homes and you drove together to the location of your new address. You had arrived and noticed that the realtor wasn’t around with the keys to the house. However, the photographer was there. Cale got a text from the realtor who said that he was running late. The photographer suggested you take photos while you waited. You and Cale had professional photos done together before so it didn’t hurt to add more to your collection. During the impromptu photoshoot, Cale got down on one knee, holding your dream ring in a box.

“Y/n, from the moment I met you, I knew you were someone special. I couldn’t have planned the way that we met but after I left your apartment that day, something in my heart spoke to me and I started making plans to pursue you and your heart. I’m so glad that those plans worked out. You are such a light in my life, I love that you’re so kind and you’re one of the most hard-working people I’ve ever met, you’re so beautiful, inside and out. You are my best friend and the love of my life. I love you so much. Now that I have you in my life, it’s hard for me to imagine it without you. There’s no one else in this world that I would want to wake up next to, fall asleep with and spend the rest of my life with. Y/n, will you marry me?”, Cale asked. Your suspicions about him were right after all. Overwhelmed with joy and with tears in your eyes, you accepted Cale’s proposal and were met with one of your favorite gifts: a kiss from your lover.

Unknown to you, Cale already had a copy of the key to your new house. As soon as you opened the door, you were greeted with cheers and hugs from both of your friends and family. Some of the guys from the team and their partners were there as well to celebrate this special moment for you and Cale. You also saw that there was food and some decorations for your engagement party. The realtor was also there inside, with the paperwork so that you could legally sign off as a homeowner. Putting pen to paper, it was officially done. You couldn’t quite believe it; you had started the day off as Cale’s romantic partner and you ended it by becoming new homeowners and Cale’s fiance.

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It was Cale’s first birthday as your husband. He came in late last night after an East Coast road trip and slept in late since the Avs had a few days off in between games. Cale looked so peaceful, deep into sleeping and snuggled up with your dog, Benny. You quietly slipped out of bed and went into the kitchen. You tried your best to not disturb your sleeping husband while you made pancakes for him. You knew that Cale always had some sort of surprise for you because he enjoyed seeing the joy that creeped across your face when he surprised you and this time, it was your turn to surprise him.

Cale knew that you weren’t an early bird at all and without an alarm, you could sleep through anything (including the apocalypse); you also tended to sleep in on most weekend off days. He was genuinely surprised to see you up before him. Cale was even more surprised to see that you decorated your shared home with balloons, streamers and a Happy Birthday banner for him. Sure, he had been surprised on his birthday before but it meant even more to him that you did this for him. You sacrificed your sleep to cook for him and to put things up instead of offering to go out to eat or hiring someone else to do everything. He didn’t care if you had got him a super expensive, special birthday gift or had even more surprises up your sleeve. Cale had all that he wanted for his birthday, right here, just feet away, dancing in the kitchen.

The one thing that wasn’t planned at all for Cale’s birthday was the snowfall. According to the weather forecast, there was a 40% chance of snow for October 30th and it was only in the upper elevations near the mountains. That 40% chance of snow turned 100% overnight and now all of Denver was blanketed in white. The unexpected snow on the ground meant that winter came a bit sooner than expected; it also meant that the days were going to get grayer and colder. Although the snow was here to stay, all it took for Cale was one look at you, his heart would get warm and it would all melt away.