#welcome back post?? lmao

[heaurtfk]

No Problem

A/N: short Atsumu-centred fic. Going through some issues and he is my muse.

TW: heavily implied ED

-

It’s not that Atsumu doesn’t know that he has a problem. But it’s been… manageable.

There’s no need to make a big deal about it, lest he gets called for being an attention seeking whore. And he isn’t. So he keeps his big fat mouth shut.

And it’s not like he’s actually skin and bones. In fact, he could really stand to lose a little bit of weight. The ankle injury from last month that has prevented him from doing his usual morning runs (excuses. It’s just him being lazy as usual) has been eating at him (hah) and he sees it in the thin layer of extra fat whenever he slouches, or god forbid sits down, even just for a bit.

Atsumu has always hated sitting down because he feels it. The way flabs of flesh wobble around underneath his clothes, taunting him. And he feels their stares, especially when he stands next to ‘Samu, his identical in all but this.

God, he would kill for ‘Samu's metabolism rate. It’s not fair that his little brother can be up late at night eating ten onigiris only to sleep it all away, waking up the next morning well and rested, looking as if calories weren’t something he thought about with every mouthful of food.

It’s no wonder Rin chose him, between them. He sees the way they fit together so well, and he’s so genuinely happy for them because he loveslovesloves them. But, he can’t help the small stubborn ache in his chest that questions why he wasn’t even spared a glance. Don’t get him wrong, thinking about anything even remotely romantic to do with Rin makes him feel gross because Rin is as much of a bro to him as ‘Samu is, and man they are really perfect for each other. It was the principle of the matter though; why was Atsumu never seen as the more attractive one of the two? He thought about the one and only difference in them; their physique. And the answer comes easy.

He feels the stares whenever he’s the only one busy catching his breath after running laps around the court, and everyone else is doing fine, probably wondering why he’s having so much trouble keeping up.

On a rational level, he knows he’s likely overthinking and no one is actually staring him down knowing the truth, that he’s fat. A liability to the team, and the only reason why they keep him around is to give ‘Samu face. Group dynamics and all that.

The least he could do is stay in good shape for the team.

So he skips a meal or two, here and there, big deal.

He knows it’s not the healthiest way to do it and maybe he has a problem. But, it’s not that big of a problem. He never does it unnecessarily. Only when he misses a run, or there isn’t training that week. He rationalizes that if he’s not working out, he doesn’t need the extra energy, and if he does take in the extra energy, it’ll only be converted to fats, and that’s wrong. So screw everybody else, he’s right and he makes sense.

Numbers don’t lie. The truth hurts and the weighing machine is as truthful as you’re ever gonna get.

On the bright side, he’s come to actually enjoy the hunger pangs. The growling. It makes him feel good, like he’s earned something. It shuts the voices in his head when he can't sleep, because at least then, he can feel proud of the self-control that he has, and nothing can take that away from him.

But, it's never enough. Because somehow, no matter how many meals he skips, he never sees a difference in the mirror, in the numbers, in the stares.

So he'll continue this... thing, until he feels successful.

Until then, no, Atsumu doesn’t have a problem. If anything, he’s only fixing a problem - himself.

[apricae]

damn those brimhats are gettin creative

[allphatauri]

and suddenly you’re 16 again, and you’ve shed tears of frustration / for the last time. 

[thehelltingvilleclub]

Pete, can I kiss your nose?

"Certainly a first, heh.. Not that I'm complainin'!"

Though you absolutely will have to deal with a possessive May, he certainly appreciates having a wingman--

and extra smooches are always nice.

To help compensate for my absence.... Butchie.

[umeji-writes]

Okay, but let's talk about Balam's hair for a hot second

(Yes, it may have become one of my fixations) You know, the guy not only cut it radically - and we know it's because of Iruma - he also let it grow back, and now he grooms it much better than before. Why? While my wishful thinking headcanon is that Kalego offered to brush it after they declared their feelings for each other (they are definitely introduced as best friends, but c'mon, look at them here)

...I also recognize this is not canon, so it can't be the actual reason. So I was wondering: why this difference? IMO it signifies personal growth, but what caused it, if Iruma led to the haircut? And then it hit me. Meeting Iruma, again - but in a deeper way than I thought at first. According to Balam's own words, he decided to cut his hair to appear more approachable. But why not brush it and style it as he's doing now? Everything we know about Balam's past points to him being treated like a weirdo and marginalized, not only because he likes picture books, he was also hyperfixated with the existence of humans.

This went on all his life, from bullies at school to his own students. He was likely wounded, full of self doubt and possibly shame, so he withdrew into himself, and his hair was messy because why bother if people avoid you anyway. So imagine finally having tangible proof that you were right all along. That's life changing, not only because of the discovery itself - it can make you reevaluate your whole story, and yourself. A radical cut was a logical thing to do, to break with the past. But why letting the hair grow back then? I speculate that Balam is most comfortable with long hair after all, and he feels more like himself this way (I mean, he had medium-to-long hair in all flashbacks). I like to think that his personal grooming is a metaphor for his newly found self confidence and self love: he can be himself to the fullest, he likes the demon he is, and he's not afraid of showing it to everyone else now, by making his hair prettier. He was right all along, and everybody else can shut it.

Such a small detail in the grand scheme of things, yet enormous for the single character. I love this manga so much ♡

[kindahoping4forever]

Bts of the boy EP visuals via lamajamakeup

[franky-y]

Kiss Kiss 😘

[gh0sthouses27]

It's fucking bonkers seeing people accusing Tommyinnit's 16 year old ass of being a manipulative abuser to a grown man six years older than him

[chevs-and-spiders]

[wall-eye]

Spin the Wheel for a UC Player Character*

only has adult pcs and main feed arc characters. no minors, oneshot/stream, or backup characters or any npcs*

[vynnyal]

This is likely the hardest I've laughed in rain world yet. Basically, you can glitch a spear into a quantum state using a dead bat body, allowing stabbed enemies to follow you through tunnels. So I tried bringing a leviathan to Moon. And the game really, really didn't like that

[allisonjamaica]

i'm sensing some undertone

chapter 3 summary:

Liam's plan to tell Theo he's in love with him is quickly derailed by the fact that he can't fucking find him.

aka, i'm finally updating this after a literal year

[yuriyuruandyuraart]

Hi? Gosh how do I even start with this :'D

I know it's been ages since I've last popped up on here. I've been debating when to post this for a while, but I kept adding to my draft more and more and now it's the end of JULY omgg I felt so guilty disappearing with zero updates but then thought my birthday would be the best day to finally address this considering it'll feel less random? idk but Ive always celebrated my bday with you guys and I'd feel so bad answering your kind asks without me at least explaining why I was gone for months.

Truth be told, I was dealing with a lot of stuff irl. health issues and sudden declining grades that left me stumped and drained for months now- along with technical issues like having to replace some parts of my computer that took a while for me to find to even draw digitally, which I didn't have the time for anyway with how tired and weary I felt every day.

I'm frankly shaken up by a lot of shit rn and I don't know how to be active online with this burden on my chest- Especially as it's been a while since I've even looked at utmv related content and my motivation dwindled. I swear I'd hype myself up to post or reblog something- but I'd see just how much I've missed or the overwhelming amount of posts I'd need to go through and I'd feel so swamped with exhaustion and most importantly guilt, for not clearing the air up sooner to reassure you guys that I'm, y'know, alive, and not dead in a ditch somewhere. And I'd procrastinate cause typing it all out is hard and I'd give up halfway every time and it's just not fair to you all!

I thought I was handling it well when I started going out and socializing more, instead of staying cooped up at home on my computer all day. and in the first draft of this post I made months ago I was gonna detail some of the fun plans I had, for my life and for this blog :D but relaxing my strict study schedule and letting go a bit of my tight routine, thinking it was better than wringing myself dry to keep it up, backfired horribly, to say the least.

I know right?? so silly to be hung up on stupid shit like studies of all things! but this is a very important thing for me considering my career plans and the competitivity encouraged by everyone I'm surrounded by, the pressure of keeping up adding to my already stressful days. I had to fix myself up first and I couldn't handle the strain nor interact with people and thinking of jobs and exams sapped my energy so much it's frankly embarrassing. writing this feels so cheesy too and it frustrates me to know I could've come back a month earlier if it weren't for that, but I also know putting all of this into words then would just sound like incoherent venting (not that this is very different tbf) and I wasn't in the right headspace to address my absence, or anything really- I didn't want everyone to see me return when I couldn't muster up a genuinely positive message, let alone talk to anyone with a shadow of my usual cheer

I feel like a complete mess and It drives me up the wall how depressed I've gotten. I debated deleting this blog so many times 'cause the fear of disappointing my audience and my friends, for lack of a more fitting sentiment, made me feel even shittier. I'm constantly thinking if this wall of text is worth posting, or if it's better not to burden you all with all my sappy troubles as if it's the end of the world. Trust me, I'll be fine. I'm not trying to dramatize this situation, but I don't think I'm up to pretending I'm all sunshine and enthusiasm you're all accustomed to.

So sorry for worrying you all! I'll try to catch up, deliver some missed birthday gifts, and answer some asks while I'm at it! Again, I can't state how much I appreciate your support throughout the years. It's frankly a miracle I kept any of you around with how much I keep popping and leaving at random with no warning. I definitely can't promise for my stay to be without a hitch, and if you don't mind an inconsistent schedule you're free to stay of course, but I'm afraid I can't sustain the pace I had when I first started this blog. I'll keep posting art, but lower my activity in the fandom sphere to reduce the strain on my mental health. so fewer rants and walls of text, more art, and less stress overall. Love you all and thanks for waiting for this long <3

[peacockrulz]

Merry Christmas Happy New Years! :)

[cconfusedkat]

(shaking hands, functioning on three iced coffees, not beta read we just die) (LIL BRO TREATING THIS LIKE AO3Anyways yeah i did not read anything i typed here a second time so my wording might Suck Major Kuss)

Hey chat! sorry my holiday depression unfortunately kicked in, i had a ,, relatively decent Eid (cuz i dont celebrate christmas) ...? so i hope everyone had a relatively better holiday than i did��� 💦

My friends often tell me i look like my art and i kinda see it. Hooray! Meeting the artist! Except i took matters into my own hands of making my own collage because I Do Not Have Enough Storage Space For Any Other Editing App

Additional shitpost ❤️ the art I've been most proud of are not actually in here, really! I'm mainly proud of the fanart i made for the few smiling critters AU's aaaall the way back feb-march but. I guess the stuff i liked the most i did this year was probably for the one who wilts? Im trying to think of stuff earlier than that. I noticed i definitely had an improvement in art, and i learned i do have a preference of drawing certain ways now too lmao- the fun of art! I hope to improve more in 2025 :-)

Herm,, all jokes aside, im glad people like my art...?? I am not a very Secure artist myself (already taking me five minutes to type that out and consider myself as an artist) so im SHOCKED when people Actually like my things. My doodles. The sometimes rare occasion of real art i put out there. Like! Wow! Thats crazy

Id have to say the same for youtube- im currently at 456 subscribers 🥺❤️ that is huge to me,, i wouldnt have expected me posting for the first time in years on youtube would result to me getting this many subscribers? ? .???

Im very, VERY thankful for the people ive met this year through fandom and generally. Unfortunately—for the past few months—Ive hit a really low stump in my mental health that limits me from talking to people without getting super drained, even on social media i kinda struggle with being active again. I am thankful for the people that continue to stick around and know im the way that i am,, one day ill be mentally stronger and everyone is gonna see my growth as soon as i can ,, Actually leave my own home and hopefully start a new. I didnt really consider that until one of my friends shared its experiences with me and i GENUINELY realized i can run away and get better one day,, there is a light at the end of the tunnel,, there IS,, but not now. Not today. Not in a few months. Itll take me years to heal but 2025 and ongoing years as i get more freedom to do so,,

UHHHH UHHH. ASIDE FROM CHEESY RANTING OF HAVING HOPES FOR THE FUTURE, YAPYAPYAP- i got a drawing tablet (again another thing my friend inspired me for- technically two major things in a row it inspired me for- hope in the future and drawing BWAHAHA-) and uhhh. HmMMOOHHH YEAH I REUNITED MY MEOWMEOWS! HOORA🎊🎊🎊🎊

my 2025 goals are not just improvement in art,, but in hopes of getting a full time job (since my last full time UMM. did NOT work out well! How am i gonna learn to pay my taxes on my own dawg,) and trying to get a place of my own since i missed out on that two years ago (or one? One year ago? I DUNNO..!!!!) , therapy and trying to heal better compared to my terrible stumps of 2022-2024,, i dunno what else but. Maybe working on my social skills at some point 🗿🗿 a far fetched goal is moving out of state completely and also going on testosterone but that is farrrr from now </33

Thank you lot for following and keeping up with my goofiness i gen did not think an animanga nerd with a passion of indie and mascot horror games could reach 510 followers within one year HELPPP thats crazy

On less serious goals though i hope on watching more animes than reading manga in 2025 BWAHAHAGAHSAJD i read manga more and anime is Extremely Rare for me to watch but both jjk and Beastars have all ive been watching as of recent lol- trust i will be such a geek (girl Please that is NAWT something to look forward to) (YES IT IS. HAVE YOU NO WHIMSY?)

[djevelbl]

I think I'm taking up an old wip I did about Inky Mystery, but idk how I'm gonna continue it