#we know he's made the same mistake! and we know he will again!

[seungfl0wer]

*𝙇𝙚𝙩 𝙈𝙚 𝙈𝙖𝙠𝙚 𝙄𝙩 𝙐𝙥 𝙏𝙤 𝙔𝙤𝙪*

Pairing: Fox!Hybrid Seungmin x Reader (Fem)

Genre: Smut (Tiny angst)

Warnings: Enemies -> Lovers, Mentions of blood, Seungmin beats up someone, Unprotected sex, Creampie, Slight hair pulling, Oral (F), Clawing back, Praise Kink if you squint. Sorry for any mistakes or missing warnings.

A/N: I’ve had this idea for awhile and it’s nice to finally get it out, there’s actual plot to this no way! lol.

Series Master List

-🐾

You hated that your friends were friends with him. He was a nuisance. Always annoying you always getting on your last nerve. He’d do anything to really push your buttons. You could chalk it up to him being a fox hybrid, however he goes out of his way to get under your skin.

“Why do we have to pick her up? Why’s she have to come?” Seungmin asked.

“Seungmin, would you shut up?” Jeongin said back rolling his eyes.

“I just don’t get why she has to come” he said sulking back into his seat.

“Because we’re friends? Can’t help you repel all of women kind” Jeongin said with a chuckle making Hyunjin laugh in the other seat.

“Whatever say virgin boy wonder” Seungmin scoffed back.

They came by to pick you up on their way back from the store. Today was Changbins birthday so they were throwing a huge party at their place. You really didn’t wanna go, not that you didn’t like parties but parties with hybrids were.. different. Always a fight, always people basically fucking. So- not to different just more teeth and claws.

You came out in sweats, holding a couple bags. You wanted to get stuff ready before you get all prettied up, plus hyunjin was always a great help with make up. When you got to the door Hyunjin got out to open it smiling at you “hey Hyune” you said with a smile back.

“Hey pretty lady, ready to get drunk tonight?” He said with a laugh.

“Oh totally, this week’s been rough gonna drink my cares away” you said slipping into the seat.

Seungmin was still sulking in the seat beside you, when you had gotten in you almost took him out with your bags. “Watch it” he said pushing them away making you laugh. He continued to sulk the way there as you all talked.

“Y/n, remember my rooms off limits, no hook ups in my bed” jeongin said with a laugh.

“Dude, shut up I’m just trying to get hammered and forget I’ll be around all the chaos” you said with a chuckle. “Anyways is that cute girl you like gonna be there? You reserving the bed for her?” You teased.

“He didn’t invite her” Hyunjin snickered.

“What? Why?” You said smacking him lightly.

“Because he’s a scardy cat” Hyunjin teased.

“Ha ha ha so funny” Jeongin rolled his eyes.

Hyunjin and you were both human, however Jeongin was a cat Hybrid and Changbin a bear hybrid. You don’t know how all the personalities mixed so well but it did. You’ve been friends with Jeongin and Hyunjin for a good many years now coming from the same town. Changbin joined the gang a few years ago. Seungmin being the newest to your group. Changbin always joked about how it was the misfit crew.

As you pulled in you grabbed your bags smacking Seungmin again with them. “What do you got in there? Rocks?” He hissed.

“If I knew you were coming it’d be a brick” you said with a scowl as you got out. You helped the others bring in the bags. They got so much booze and snacks it was unreal. “Who’s getting the cake?” Jeongin asked as they put the stuff down.

“Oh lix is bringing it, you should see what he made it looks awesome!” Hyunjin said with a smile.

You tried to grab the last case of beer from the car, but Seungmin had come beside you grabbing it first. “Wouldn’t want the princess to break a nail” he said before walking away with it. God did he infuriate you.

After getting everything set up Felix has arrived with the cake. He sculpted a big bear, even textured the fur, it looked so cool. Hyunjin and you had went back to his room to get ready. You slipped on a black dress, it hugged you so nicely. Showed off all the right assets. “Y/n you’re gonna get yourself mauled out there” he teased.

“I take it, it looks good?” You said sticking your tongue out.

“Definitely, dude it makes your ass look great” he said with a chuckle.

Hyunjin was always your hype man. He helped you with your make up and before you knew it people started to come. You could hear the music blaring and people chatting. “You nervous?” He asked.

“Always am at parties like this” you said finishing your eyeliner.

“We’ll be with yeah don’t worry” he said with a smile. “Although- I think you’re gonna have a lot of eyes on you. You look like a model” he said.

“Nah you’re just good at make up” you said getting up to check yourself in the mirror. You did look really good though, the shoes you were wearing made your legs look even better and he was definitely right about your ass.

When you both came out changbin immediately saw you smiling widely. “Y/n!” He said picking you up twirling you. “Dude you look hot” he said with a laugh.

“Thanks” you said laughing with him.

You made your way to where the others were sitting. Seungmins yellowish eyes met your figure, he choked on his drink when he saw you. He was awe struck. You waved at the others smiling, jeongin handing you your drink. You sat next to him and seungmin, the slight touch of your knee hitting him sent a shock straight up his back. God damn did you look gorgeous.

As time passed you started relaxing a bit, maybe it was the alcohol maybe it was just the mood. Seungmin couldn’t take his eyes off of you especially not when you got up with Hyunjin to dance. You weren’t far from the table. He watched as you moved, his eyes burning a hole into you. It was like you had him under a spell.

The night went on as you got a little more tipsy. Seungmins eyes never leaving your every movement. He was going crazy. He had enough, he got up going to the bathroom trying to get some clarity. While he was gone some hybrid came up behind you. Wrapping his arms around you.

“I can’t believe you’re all by yourself looking this good” the man said against your ear. It turned your stomach a bit. You were sobering up as the lights flashed.

“I’m not” you said.

“Well there’s no one with you right now, all alone. For someone to just snatch you up” he said gripping at your hips pulling you into him.

You didn’t know what to do honestly. You tried pushing him away but he just turned you around, making you face him. His eyes looked hungry. Like he had just pounced on his prey and was ready to devour it. “Don’t run pretty” he said before bringing his hand to the back of your head pulling you into a kiss. You tried pushing away but his grip on you was tight.

Changbin pulled the dude off of you with a single swoop he was detached. The other boys who were all doing their own thing not realizing what had been going on came over to help. “Can’t you take a hint? She doesn’t want you” Changbin growled towering over the man. He looked back at you and then back at Changbin. “Whatever dude” he said slinking his way back into the crowd. Hyunjin wrapped his arm around “y/n I’m sorry I thought Seungmin was over here” he said feeling bad for leaving you.

“It’s fine hyun-“ you said your breath shaking.

And almost in cue seungmin had returned from the bathroom. He was a bit confused what was going on “what’s up? Y/n get herself into trouble like always?” He joked.

Hyunjin glared at him turning back to you “I’d say you can come to my room but I uhm- have someone waiting” he said feeling a bit embarrassed.

“What happened?” Seungmin said again.

“Like you actually care” you snapped at him.

“Hey hey, everyone take a breather. Take y/n to the spare room?” Jeongin said.

You pulled yourself away from Hyunjin, you made your way to the room by yourself feeling irritated. However when you slunk into the bed you felt yourself crying. “God this is why I hate these parties” you said curling up in the bed.

The others informed Seungmin about what happened, his eyes widening at his comment he made earlier. However the guilt he felt about it was quickly replaced with anger. He found the dude at the other side of the room. He overheard him talking to another dude saying ‘yeah, she was a hottie, definitely gonna find where she went.’ He continued with ‘she a human, whether she wants it or not I’ll find her’

That was it. Seungmins eyes blew out, he slammed the dude against the wall. He wasted no time pounding on the guy. Claws ripping flesh, teeth biting at anything it could. Although seungmin was smaller than the guy he was agile. “You fucking mutt! I ever fucking catch you near her I’ll fucking end you!” He snarled.

The dude was a mess, face slashed, bite marks at his throat. Everything happened so fast, changbin rushing over throwing seungmin over his shoulder. “That’s enough!” He said. “You get the fuck out of here” he said looking back at the bloodied mess of a man.

Jeongin had came back to bring you some water and check on you. “You alright?” He said softly.

“Fine” you said not turning to look at him.

“Wanna hear something that’ll make you even better?” He said. When you didn’t respond he kept talking “Seungmin beat the shit out of the dude” he said with a chuckle

“What?” You said turning quickly.

“Yeah, dude beat the him good too.” He said getting up. “Drink some water alright?” He said before leaving.

Why would he do that? Why go out of his way to pick a fight with someone bigger? Especially when the relationship you had together was more of a hate filled one.

Seungmin came slinking his way back just a moments later. He didn’t say anything. He locked the door behind him shaking his head that you had it unlocked. He slunk his way beside you wrapping his arms around you. “What, the girl leave?” You said teasingly thinking it was hyunjin. When you turned meeting seungmin eyes you froze. He didn’t meet your eyes letting you turn back around before speaking. “You alright?” He asked.

“Fine” you said softly. “I uh- hear you beat the guy up” you said even softer.

“They can never keep their mouths shut can they?” He sighed. “Yeah well I did, no one should be putting their hands on you” he said.

You could feel the heat coming off of him, his body nestled so close to you. “Thank you” is all you could reply. He hummed in response pulling you to him. “Y/n” he said softly. His breath against your neck making you shutter.

“Hmm?” You hummed.

“You really look pretty” he said his words coming out like honey.

You didn’t know how to respond, your mind going a bit fuzzy. He leaned in more resting his head on your shoulder. His mind was going a mile a minute his foxxy ears twitching at every sound of your breath. “I’m sorry for leaving you alone” he said. “Let me make it up to you?” He said before kissing your neck softly. You let out a soft sigh feeling his soft lips against your skin. “H-how are you gonna do- do that?” You stuttered out.

“Well first” he said his hand wondering down to your thigh. “I’ll make you cum on my tongue” he said licking up your neck. “And then I’ll make you cum on my cock. Do you want that pretty?” He asked hand staying still on you.

As much as you wanted to say no how could you? You’d be lying if you didn’t think seungmin was attractive. That burnt orange hair of his so perfectly kept, those piercing matching eyes. He was handsome annoying but handsome. You nodded.

He gently brought your dress up, pulling your panties down enough to play with your folds. He left soft kisses to your neck as he works his fingers on you before pulling away. He turned you to your back before quickly moving down to your core. You watched with glazed eyes as he took your panties off throwing them somewhere. He kissed your thigh keeping his eyes on you. When his lips finally met your core your body shook. He was slow at first taking his time, sucking at your clit, licking up your folds.

When your taste was all over his tongue he couldn’t help himself. He quickly brought his fingers up to your core fucking them into you. His ears moved hearing the sweet sounds you were making. His cock rock hard in his pants. He groaned as you arched your back moving your hips against his tongue. His other hand kept your thigh to the side nails digging into it. He was devouring you. He needed to taste you, all of you, there was no wasting a single drop of your delicious nectar.

He felt your walls clenching around him making him chuckle a bit. “Cum for me pretty fuck- cum on my tongue”

Your hands gripped his hair tugging on it harshly as you came hard around his fingers. He’d be lying if you pulling his hair didn’t turn him on even more. The moans you let out- he needed you. Fuck did he ever need you. Before you could even come down from your high he was stripping himself of his close, he spit in his hand pumping his cock before pushing fully into you. The stretch wasn’t painful, it felt more heavenly than you could imagine.

You felt him so deep inside you, his tail wrapped around your leg as some sort of way to ground himself. But there was not grounding, not when you were sucking him in so well. Your walls so warm taking everything he had to give. He moved erratically. Eyes locked on yours as he pounded into you. “Seungmin!” You almost screamed hands flying to his back digging your nails into the soft flesh.

“Fuck- d- don’t say my name like that- your- your gonna make me cum to early” he almost whimpered but you couldn’t help it. He was fucking you so well, so fucking deep. His cock head kissed your cervix ever so nicely, it was almost like you were made for him.

“Can’t- can’t help it- feels to good” and oh god did it ever. However the way his cock twitched inside you at your praise made you go crazy. “S’good Minnie- fuck you feel so good!” You said nails digging hard into his back.

He was seeing stars, he was so close already. The little nickname making him whisper out. You were driving him wild, he couldn’t stop himself. His pace picked up, hip smacking against you roughly. “F- feel good? Gonna- gonna cum on my cock?” He slurred out. You moaned in response legs wrapping around his waist as if he was gonna leave. Your walls were clenching around him, he felt like he was gonna die.

“Minnie! I’m- fuck I’m so close!” You said pulling his body close to you. He brought his hand down to play with your clit before finally crashing those pillowy lips to yours. It was a hungry kiss, tongues tangling with each other. Devouring each other’s moans.

You pulled away slightly “Cumming! Fuck- Minnie!” You silently screamed body shaking as your second orgasm washed over you somehow more intense than the first one.

“W-where?” He stuttered out.

“In- fuck please inside!” You said legs clenching tightly around him.

With that he was gone. A few more harsh thrusts before he came deep inside you. Painting your walls a nice white. He rolled to your side, pulling you close making sure not to pull out. He couldn’t, he needed to stay buried deep in you. A few minutes had passed of catching breathes. “Just so you know you’re still annoying” you said trying to break the ice.

He chuckled “yeah? Good. How about I be your annoying boyfriend at least?” He said slyly. Your heart almost stopped.

“Wait- really?” You asked meeting his smiley eyes.

“If you want that is- I’ll make sure know one ever comes near you again.” He said.

“The guys are gonna have a field day with this” you said with a chuckle.

“Yeah well, whatever. So is that a yes?” He asked.

“Yes, Minnie. But you gotta take me on a date. And no murdering anyone” you teased.

“I can’t promise that but I’ll definitely plan something” he said eagerly his ears standing up in excitement.

And oh boy did the boys rag on him for a whole week straight only being shut up when he started talking about fucking you.

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

💙 If you’d like to read more of my stuff you can find it Here: Master List . Thank you for reading and if requests are open or you just wanna talk feel free to send me something🩵

Taglist: @satosugu4l @do-you-remember-summer-127 @xines16 @minh0scat @troublemaker02 @tr-mha-fan @lunearta @velvetmoonlght @minghaosimp @ldysmfrst @jehhskz @babigriin @kkamismom12 @jeonginsleftcheek

[ganeshpnf]

Thinking about Wrath of the triple goddess again and I just saw the interview Rick made and-

He openly says that he is mixing up two canons together, how he gets inspired by the "actors" and their dynamics. I read @lilislegacy 's criticism again and I just dont know how would we handle new books if he just keeps doing it. Because we saw the results, we saw how ooc characters become, we saw how it felt like Rick didnt read his own books for years and actually this is funny:

Just read your own books...And like, missing every detail even big ones or the ones we kept in our hearts for years(Annabeth's lemon shampoo...) is gone! Like what are you on?

This is why I always believe, if you make an adaptation, keep them separate from the canon material, in this case, books. It is hurting the both of them. Also this is the reason I personally dont like any mixing in the arts or in fanfics. I respect who does or prefer, but for me, universes need to stay separate or we have this situation in our hands.

Show and the books are so so so different, they deserve to be their own things. Show deserves to have its own canon, own events, actors need to have their own development. While books should stay books and book characters should stay book characters. Like please, book characters and show characters are different. We cant pretend the otherwise, we just cant. You cant tell me Walker is exactly book Percy, Leah is book Annabeth or Aryan is book Grover. They are all amazing, yes. We should support them, also yes. But pretending they are the book characters, that they are the exact same is just a big no.

Rick trying to write the actors' dynamics into the new books felt so ooc! And anyone who is hyping "Oh he imagining them as he writes", you cant see how ooc they were? And someone should tell Rick that. I dont know how to reach that man, he loves keeping himself away from the fans. But someone gotta let him know because the new books feels nothing but cash grabs. Amount of typo mistakes, ooc characters, all the stupid advertasing for the S2. So so cringe :(

I really dont want new book to be the same and I really dont know what to do *sigh* It hurts to see the man, who I admired for my whole childhood, getting so so much hate from the fans, but it is getting so hard to defend him, he is turning to JK.Rowling and it is creepy :(

[ceaselesswatchersspecialboy]

Offering an NPD perspective on Ford Pines, because I feel the most common discussions surrounding his narcissistic traits tends to go in two ways — from what I’ve personally seen — and that’s defending him, and denying the mere possibility he may have NPD because it’s seen as a negative, or using NPD as a way to villainise him, and thus demonise NPD. Or, the alternative, this part of his character is completely overlooked.

That isn’t to say I haven’t seen some wonderful analyses on Ford and NPD, rather, I find it surprisingly lacking when his character might be some of the best representation of my own experience struggling with narcissism (alongside Bill).

I believe a lot of it stems from the misconception and stigma around NPD, and the fact Ford goes again common, typically incorrect, ideas, such as showing genuine care for other people, and accepting his failures and where he went wrong in the end, trying to repair his relationship with Stan, and realising that he doesn’t need to be recognised worldwide, as he’s found happiness with his family instead. All of these do not correlate with the media idea of a narcissist, but the fact is, narcissists are no different from any other disorder or mental health issue. We come in all different forms, and the idea we are inherently abusive or evil is such a widespread misconception that it becomes difficult getting help or support.

And that’s why I find Ford so important.

This alone, to me, describes in simple words how it feels to deal with NPD, and though you could argue Bill is projecting here, I think the point is they’re so similar, the lines blur. Both struggle with this same mentality, but Ford is able to reach out, and accept help, and Bill lets himself sink deeper and deeper into his own lies. Also, I’d argue it isn’t Bill projecting, because we sees evidence of this behaviour in Ford in the show and the journal.

He’s someone who believes himself destined for greatness, and won’t accept the bare minimum, such as when Fiddleford suggests he publish his research as is — No, he can’t have that. He has to be the one to uncover this grand theory. He has to have his name cemented amongst the greats. He believes himself to be special, different and more capable than other people, and yet he longs for the company of others all the same. He lives off of validation and praise, and strives for it, his own ego clashing against his lack of self-worth. Bill’s manipulations work on him because Ford eats up this sort of validation — it’s like one big high. It’s confirmation he is special. He is meant for greater things. He was right.

Ford notably struggles with empathy, which is likely both related to his autism, and also his narcissism. Other people simply don’t make sense to him. It takes effort for him to be able to understand people where they’re at, and he is willing to put in that effort notably, taking note of Fiddleford’s habits for example.

He also does struggle with manipulation and being deeply self-centred. A great example being Dipper’s apprenticeship. Ford is very subtly manipulating the situation here, and he doesn’t even notice, which is, in my own experience, common with NPD. He’s also unable to see Dipper and Mabel as, well, Dipper and Mabel, rather putting his own issues with Stan onto them, especially Dipper. He sees Dipper as a younger version of himself, and is trying to point him in that direction, never thinking whether it’s actually right for Dipper, or whether it’s for himself.

I could probably go on, like how he tends to have a black and white view of people, with his opinions on them easily flicking between extremes as a method of coping, or how he panics at the idea of his life’s work being destroyed, despite knowing the dangers.

Whether you agree he has NPD or not, Ford definitely has a lot of narcissistic traits, and yet, despite that, despite every mistake he’s made, everyone he’s pushed away, he gets a second chance. He gets to be loved and understood. He finds happiness. He gets to recover.

It’s very rare that characters with so many narcissistic traits get endings like that!

Ford is not a bad person because he’s a narcissist, he’s just a person, one who’s fucked up, and who’s still learning, and still healing, and that’s why he works. That’s why he’s such a comfort.

On a final note, If you are someone who’s going to argue vehemently against this idea, I kindly ask you simply scroll by!

[yandereunsolved]

» 🪙 Yandere Connor — RK800 » 🪙

"Detective," Connor addresses you warmly, standing far too close to you while you are stationed at your desk. 

"Yes?" You respond, not lifting your eyes to make contact.

You had no time to. Since the semi-failed revolution of androids, there has been a trifold increase in deviancy cases. If not for the RK800's, and perhaps the new line of RK900's when they are finally completed, the precinct would be overrun—both physically and metaphorically.

"Detective," his tone is more commanding his time, something in his voice that you could easily mistake for human irritation. "Look at me."

You oblige, but continue typing up the report for the latest case you closed. Your fingers falter for a moment when you see the look in his eyes, attentive but not in the android way. It's uncanny in the way it mirrors how you dream someone would look at you, like you were the thing of most importance. It is just you reading into things again. Must be. It does often happen as a detective, especially these days. 

You nod for him to continue, but he doesn't. He just stares at you dreamily. You hear his internal fans turn on to cool down his processors. His cybernetic LED flickers to red for a millisecond before returning to a reassuring blue. You aren't sure if it was a trick of your mind or—

You don't understand what his problem seems to be. You would call Hank over to deal with his partner, but you haven't been able to find the lieutenant anywhere. He's most likely finding the bottom of a bottle of liquor at some broken-down joint. 

Wait, why isn't Connor with him?

As if CyberLife installed new mind reading technology in their androids, he answers. "Lieutenant Anderson is waiting for us at the Eden Club. Supposedly Jericho is getting deviant androids that work in clubs to funnel money in order to stage another coo. The department has apprehended one of them, and you have been assigned to the case alongside Ha-the lieutenant and me."

You were already halfway out the door by the time Connor was done with his explanation. The android was trailing behind you and insisted on driving instead of you. Technically, they weren't allowed to due to whatever police regulation subsection-b, but you were too tired to care. Connor has always been the better driver. It was how he was programmed, strangely, considering the rules. 

"Connor, this isn't the way to the Eden Club."

"I'm aware." His voice was back to that same calculated, lifeless one he first spoke to you with. 

"RK800, your programming forbids you from lying, so tell me the truth. Where are we going?" 

You are a thousand percent sure he is able to sense your sky-rocketing heart rate.

"I am not permitted to tell you."

"Permitted, or you just don't want to?"

"This is not the right time or place. This confession lacks the structure and romance aspect I wanted, but it seems more human this way." You swear he shut down completely, his LED showing no color. "I love you." It turns to a bright red.

"W-What?"

"You have made me know that I am more than just an android. I am yours."

The raw emotion nearly chokes the both of you up for two different reasons: passion and panic.

"I think we should call Cyberlife. Something is clearly glitching." You try to keep your words measured but fail. All that practical training of yours doesn't exactly come in handy when your—when the android you could nearly call a friend confesses to you.

"Nothing is glitching!" He shouts. "I have run every test and looked for anything that could... debunk this... these emotions. They have stayed. They have stayed, and I have had to watch you. I have had to watch other people get close to you. I have had to act like a good little synthetic cop while useless maggots have gotten your love! It isn't fair. They don't deserve you like I do. I know everything about you."

"It isn't you. I can't—just no. I mean—yes. I mean that I can't just maybe ugh. Another time, maybe. Not tonight."

He stomps on the brakes and doesn't dare look at you. You don't look at him or your surroundings. You just awkwardly sit in the passenger seat and stare at the glovebox.

If androids were able to cry, he would be at this moment. His LED turns colorless once again. You almost feel pity for him; your mind is too frazzled and deprived of necessity to take in the severity of his words.

"I lack the capacity to feel pain... or have a heart, yet I think you have broke mine."

How unfortunate. I was hoping to have you come along willingly.

[unknown-cold]

I’m convinced that people don’t even know what fascism means, after how many people are calling Caitlyn that. Gives me the same vibes as conservatives calling all liberals communists. Anyway, they just seem to have such a hate for all of Piltover (idk how much more clear the writers have to be that Piltover isn’t all bad…points to Cassandra, etc). So much of the messages they are trying to convey are just going straight over peoples heads. Cait tried to do everything she can to protect Zaun but she keeps getting kicked down.

I can’t wait to see her glowing and determined again (like those photos , that seem to be from act 3). Breaks my heart that she’s getting so much hate, girl can never win. I empathize with both her and Jinx, something that many seem to struggle with. Jinx is always the hero/forgiven and Cait is a villain

Exactly I hope these people understand that,

They know the essence of Caitlyn's character, starting with giving her titles they don't even know what they mean. I literally feel from the way they talk like they're talking about a real character who kills real people. They're so angry and overreacting. They have to trust the writers and understand why the show's writers are doing this.

And speaking of Piltover really, their hatred is so overrated, and as you said the people of Piltover isn't all bad, the writers showed us that Cassandra wasn't that bad and did they forget Jayce that they make me feel like all the people of Piltover are evil and they should die and have no right to defend themselves.

And about Caitlyn literally she tried her best to do the right thing all the time and in the end things end in a tragic way, it is natural and expected that her personality would change even temporarily, until she realizes the situation and Caitlyn will return to her original personality. These people really need to calm down a little and watch the show until the end, then evaluate the characters and story and so on.

As for Jinx, I don't hate her, I sympathize with her, but I don't forget her bad actions towards the rest of the characters, but did Jinx's actions come without a reason? Of course not, and the same goes for Caitlyn, I sympathize with her, but do I agree with her actions? No, but does she have convincing reasons to do that? Yes.

And as I always say, there is no character who does not make mistakes. Every character makes mistakes and will recognize their mistakes and correct them. That is why the Arcane series is interesting to watch and learn about the characters’ challenges, etc...

And about the villains in the show, if we talk about them, they are two clear from the beginning, Ambessa and Silco, they both do not care about society or people if they die or anything else, all they care about is themselves and getting what they want even if it causes people to die, Silco flooded all of Zaun with shimmer and killed Vander and was planning to kill the rest of the children with him, then he made the children work in factories, as for Ambessa, it is clear that she has no mercy at all and we saw her from episode 1 how she caused a massacre at the memorial ceremony just to incite the people of Piltover to wage war on Zaun. So that she can benefit from the weapons that they will manufacture.

[thinkingofausername]

Fondness and Festering

Captain Curly (post crash) x girlfriend!OC (neutral enough to be a reader insert) Mostly angst (fluff if you squint) Warnings: none A complicated (and somewhat sweet) interaction at the med bay.

"It just doesn't make sense, it's not you, you wouldn't have", she said desperately.

She was sitting on a chair next to the bed. The room smelled of rotting, burned flesh. It stopped being nauseating. It was just painful.

Curly looked at her with the same intensity as he did everyone since the crash. She'd never seen such a thing. Such vivid and desperate need to communicate; such bone-deep awareness. She'd give anything to know what he was thinking, what he wanted to say. She'd rip out her throat and put it in place of his if it would enable him to speak.

"I feel it was Jimmy, I've always been weary of him but I have nothing to prove it. You vouched for him but I never saw the good you did. God... the way he spoke to you, Sunshine, I know it's not pleasant to hear but it wasn't right. He was always jealous of you, I tried telling you", she finished with a bittersweet mixture of fondness and grief.

The responseless heaviness in the air would've made her words feel pointless if it wasn't for that blue intensity digging into her brain as he stared at her.

Sometimes she'd look at him and imagine the missing parts in as much detail as she could - the skin which was warm and caressed by her and not filled with agony; the lips which she kissed and which formed the most charming smile before the exhaustion and uncertainty turned it hesitant and small; the arms which gave the safest of hugs and carried immense strength, now only moving during desperate and pained thrashing. Obsessing over past mistakes and losses seemed to be all they were doing lately.

She crossed her arms on the edge of the bed and leaned her head on them, looking him in the eye with a soft and mournful expression. He couldn't cry, couldn't speak, couldn't reach for her. She felt the phantom actions like the heaviest grief tightening her chest.

"I don't know if we're helping you or punishing you." Her voice shook with guilt and helplessness. "I know you're hurting, love, but you were always so full of life and I have to believe you wouldn't give up on it, even now."

The long and thick waves of her hair like a curtain, her shoulders braced, her hands rigid with the need to reach out for him, her mind attentive to every sound - an animal ready to defend.

"We'll figure something out." She feared to think she might be imagining the answers in his gaze. "We've trusted each other before, we just have to do it again."

[nyanbinaryrose]

Hello! Resident Siegfried Apologist here with my manifesto! I'm actually not going to touch on his backstory too much, @kaibacorpintern did an excellent job illustrating the tragedy of Siegfried failing to escape the expectations put on him by his family better and more succinctly than I ever could.

Instead, I want to talk about a few choices the show made that undercut the emotional heft of Siegfried's backstory:

1. Putting this arc before Millennium World was such a mistake. By the time you get to KC Grand Prix, you've already watched 175+ episodes, many of which are filler, and just got off the tale end of the Doma Arc- which no matter your opinions on that arc, we can all agree, it's a chonker. You enter the KC Grand Prix fucking exhausted, and then are told you have a whole ass tournament arc before you even BEGIN to find out the secret of the Pharaoh's memories, aka the whole damn point of the show. Furthermore, we go from a villain who basically made himself into a dark god and then summoned a monster with INFINITY attack points, and then pivot to admittedly, just a guy. Siegfried doesn't even know the Pharaoh exists, and he never learns! This arc is setup for failure just from it's placement in the show. The fact is, duel-wise, it's a good tournament arc. Nothing special, but it's fun. If this arc were placed say, after Duelist Kingdom, with the Rebecca and Duke Devlin arcs, I don't think Siegfried or the Grand Prix would get half as much hate. It's the fact it's literally keeping you from the finale when you can almost touch it, that immediately puts viewers in a position to take the arc's more emotional moments in bad faith. 2. The dub, specifically, does not help this with the creative choices they made. No hate to anyone involved, it was a different time, but it's a fuckin CHOICE to make a character flamboyant and sassy just because he has pink hair. For reference, in the original Japanese:

Siegfried uses 'watashi' which contrary to popular belief, is not exclusively used by women or feminine characters, it's just an extremely formal personal pronoun/form of "I". For context, Raphael from the Doma Arc also uses watashi. You know, gun show mcgee with the sideburns? Yeah, he uses watashi too. It's just ultra formal.

Siegfried has a deep voice. I mean DEEP. It never falls into the realm of feminine, or even gender neutral. It's the the kind of voice given to a devious but refined villian archetype in many other animes. It's never camp, and he's actually quite serious and calculating, telling Jounouchi that he has a less than 1% chance of winning.

Siegfried never mentions hair care, skin care, fashion, or lavender jets. That's not to say he doesn't have beautiful hair, nice skin, bespoke suits, or purple possessions, it's just he never talks about them. In the dub, he's called a "trendsetter". In the sub of the same line, however, it only calls him a "nobleman".

Fight about whether Malik is gay or not because of a crop top, the dub team literally looked at a man with pink hair in a show where every hair color is represented natural or not, and said "haha, let's make him gay".

Again, not playing the blame game. And obviously, he's not canonically gay in the dub, they just make a lot of decisions that point to the "gay or European" humor of early internet comedy in that era.

But there's consequences to that. To queer viewers and allies, he's a parody, at a time when flamboyant villains where starting to get criticized as bad representation in media, especially children's shows. To everyone else, he's an obnoxious gay.

These choices only serve to undercut the tragedy of his story: There's an alternate timeline where Siegfried and Leon are close brothers, and where Siegfried focuses on the success of Schroeder Corp without an unhealthy obsession towards Kaiba, and without ever manipulating Leon. But he never gets that. Which leads me to...

3. Something cut from the dub, which I think could be written off as just throwaway flavor, but actually serves a purpose: Siegfried frequently refers to himself as lucky, and claims the goddess of fate favors him. I have no idea why this is cut from the dub, because it indicates a level of delusion that's important to his character.

The truth is, he is extremely unlucky. His parents force a future on him against his will. He is a tool to his family and Schroeder Corp, born and bred to destroy enemy companies and CEOs. Yes, his focus was Kaiba and Kaiba Corp, but let's say Siegfried succeeded at that: would it have ended there? Of course not. He would have been set on another company, another rival, and the cycle would continue.

He's not favored by the goddess of fate. He's favored by the god of war. He's a weapon, wielded by his family to serve corporate interests. He never really escaped the legacy of weapons manufacturing, he just became the weapon- as ruthless as any general, willing to sacrifice his own brother for the prosperity of his family's name.

And it's exactly how Kaiba could have ended up if Gozuboro had his way.

Siegfried's greatest tragedy is that he did try to escape his fate, as OP pointed out. And thankfully, by the arc's end, it's implied he begins to realize that maybe all the sacrifice isn't worth it, that he should forge his own path for what Schroeder Corp's success looks like. But unfortunately, there's choices around his arc that make it near impossible for viewers to feel the weight of his story, even a little.

... and also the arc is poorly paced and unable to communicate this as well as it could if had more additional episodes to flesh out its villain. Just putting that out there. I'm a Siegfried Apologist, not a Yugioh Writer Apologist.

BONUS: Just want to address something that comes up sometimes... both of Siegfried's parents are very much alive. They are referred to as alive several times by both Siegfried and Leon, in the dub and the sub. A lot of fanfic writers, myself included, write their father as dead, often by horrific circumstances. Frankly, I really respect this fandom for us all agreeing that Yugioh characters aren't allowed to have good and/or alive dads.

Hot take but Siegfried von Schroeder is interesting guy. Functionally the president of SchroederCorp because his father Pink Gozaburo couldn't do it anymore. He assumed responsibility not because his father is dead (like Kaiba), but because he HAD to step up early.

Switched to gaming because, rather than continue a futile rivalry, he decided he DIDN'T want to throw elbows on the military industrial dance floor. could be cowardice (scared of losing), but could also be maturity (this is stupid and I don't want to be part of your obsession of beating the Kaibas and it hurts only ourselves). and yet when Kaiba enters his new chosen field and succeeds extravagantly, Siegfried is catapulted back into the childhood he tried to leave behind. Sorry dude it's not your fault. In trying to escape his own cycle, Kaiba doomed you to return to yours

[grinchwrapsupreme]

I am once again thinking about this scene

[reel-fear]

Genuinely so curious who Mike thinks is gonna be buying The Cage or the new DCTL GN bc with the way he tweets as far as he's concerned, it's not gonna be:

The queer people he has actively admitted he will never show any representation of in the games.

2. The POC he has actively fought against representing in his franchise. [Who he also mocked for thinking they would be represented in his franchise]

3. The Bendy fandom which has always been concerned with topics of diversity esp in the sense of queer people since its creation. Who he has responded to really poorly esp in regards to the GN.

4. The fans who critique him. [He blocked me for doing so lol]

5. His fans in general who he tweets about like this currently. [He's being vague about why people were mad at him or sent him 'nasty messages' because if you actually looked into why you'd see he was in the wrong. Either way, a very hateful way to speak abt ur own fanbase.]

Reminder while Mike is trash talking his fans he has always treated them rather poorly. The fans who won the fanart contest for Chapter 5 never got their posters actually in game due to it being rushed. Not only was chapter 5 a big slap to the face story wise, but it was literally so rushed he couldn't be bothered to add in the art his fans gave him for his game FOR FREE. [Meatly blames this on a crazy timeline, reminder him and Mike are the literal ceos of this company. The proposal of future updates here is also pretty cruel considering Mike nowadays happily admits he corrupted Chapter 5's source code and therefore literally can't update it At All currently. Because he is a moron]

At least they got to be in Boris and the dark survival, and by that I mean that was the Only game they got to be in so far, isn't that just treating your fans like you love them? Shoving their hard work into a spin off game almost nobody has played or addresses much. [Hell, who knows if with the Lone Wolf rebrand they'll even stay there. In which case they'll be in None of the games, only in the credits of BATIM]

6. The Bendy fans who just generally disagree with him on stuff. Like the new ink demon design where there is literally a public poll showing people generally prefer the old one.

7. The Bendy fans who can see he is actively lying to them. To their fucking faces.

He says this has always been the case, but screenshots and links to tweets regarding the books being canon prove it was not. Does he really think bendy fans are stupid or something? [Unless he's admitting here he lied to Kress when he told her the books were canon which sounds worse!]

8. Anyone who doesn't like the idea of giving money to a guy who laid off tons of employees then afterwards thought it was a great idea to express his anti-union views! Also brag about how good of an employer he was, according to his employees, he was not!

So in summary; Mike is an awful person who has not learned anything from the awful things he did. I will not be purchasing The Cage because, combined with this and his absolute refusal to take any kind of critique or see any differing interpretation of his franchise, I have no reason to think my problems with the franchise will ever be addressed or fixed. I probably will pirate The Cage along with any future Bendy Products [Including the movie] and will do my best to avoid giving it any kind of monetary support. Unless this changes any time soon, I can't see myself making anymore positive Bendy posts soon.

Mike has just managed to make it so hard to speak positively or optimistically of this franchise when he's so willing to broadcast how little he cares about it or its fans. I'm at the point where I refuse to pull any of my punches with my problems with it. What's the point of trying to play nice with my critique when either way the people creating it don't care?

So with this post, I want to invite anyone who feels similarly about the franchise to tell me, make a post or send an ask talking about how all of this makes you feel. It may not change how things are, but genuinely seeing other people share my feelings of anger makes me feel better. It feels nice to see when other people share our same concerns and worries. I'd also love to know if anyone else thinks they'll be avoiding purchasing Bendy products over this.

I'm not forcing anyone to participate in it nor trying to say anyone who doesn't supports mike but genuinely maybe if we can collectively decide to boycott things like the movie, graphic novel and The Cage... It might at least make the bendy devs acknowledge how much they have destroyed their own fandom's faith and trust in them.

The way Mike tweets about his actions like he had no control over why people were mad at him at least proves to me he takes NONE of it back nor regrets it. If you didn't know about his actions and only went off his tweets, you would be led to believe Mike has been needlessly picked apart by fans over things he couldn't control [or in his own words, had his words twisted and taken out of context]. That is not how you speak about your actions if you have actually learned better from them.

anyway, that has been my bendy dev callout post. This is an open invitation to anyone feeling similarly upset about the way the franchise is going to talk about it. It's genuinely nice to see how people feel about this and the more we talk about the more it's likely the bendy devs are forced to address our concerns. I don't think they will but hey, that's why I'm not gonna support them with my money anymore nor am I gonna be nice to them in any content I make critiquing Bendy. I mean I'm also basically making this post just in case anyone asks me Why I feel this way towards to bendy devs/as a way to respond to anyone who thinks I am too harsh in my critique in the future.

As always, it seems the best part of Bendy isn't actually anything about canon but about what the fan's are creating with the ideas Bendy failed to do anything interesting with.

Also the books, the books slap.

[dykedvonte]

wanted to say I appreciate your nuanced takes on MW and especially Curly. i don't get the claim that the fandom is full of Curly apologists when majority (esp yt and tiktok) say he's worse than Jimmy. Yes there's commentary about bro culture defending people, he def messed up in trying to placate Jimmy (tbh "we'll fix this" sounded more like trying to keep someone prone to outbursts like Jim calm and not hurt Anya/himself) but I don't think he did nothing to help Anya, since she continued to confide in him and he had less than a week to resolve it before the crash (I also don't get everyone saying he knew for ages when it seems like Anya told him that same week). I get Jimmy's a pos but saying stuff like Curly should've known he'd crash the ship or that Jim had a criminal record he ignored, reducing them to obviously horrible villain and willfully ignorant sidekick feels like a disservice to the game. If your best friend turned out to be horrible, what would you do in a confined space in the span of a few days to respond? I'd say some of the horror comes from trying to do good but ultimately failing, Curly's state after the crash is meant to be tragic horror not revenge/punishment

Thank you and this is what I want to get across.

A lot of information we have to supplement when it comes to how long things have been happening on this current ship. I think people try to add on to the horror and negligence by making things more obvious so it can feel like it was easier to avoid when, true to life, its not. Jimmy clearly didn't deserve or appreciate what Curly did for him in getting him the job, but do you think if Jimmy was that big of a menace on Earth he would've given him a position where he could have that level of power over people's lives? There's something in the fact he specifically chose to pick a position so close to himself where he could watch Jimmy.

I hate the bro code argument because that is a whole can of worms people really don't get. That sort of mentality is born from the general respect and preference of male matter over female ones. Curly is clearly not that guy, he is absent minded about the issue and inadvertently dismissive but he clearly believes Anya, he just can't understand what she's going through. It's an onslaught of information that no one really reacts right to. Additonally, the entire discussion of her assualt plays to heavy into the idea that there is fault outside of the perpertratior when it comes to SA. It's too close if she only did this or if Curly had protected her better but the fact of the matter is Jimmy did what he did. He did it before any of the conversations with Anya about it and it's why her behavior seemed to change so drastically in those last two days.

He has other conflicting thought and while his role as a Captain should've taken over, people act like it's not a very human thing to have such a toxic presence cloud your judgement. It is never easy to separate friend from coworker once that connection is formed, you want to help them, especially if they were friend first and for a long while like in this case. It's not right, but people act like it would be easy when the game clearly points out that no choice is easy to make, especially when you have to make it for more than one person. You have the weigh the consequences, look at all the options and make a plan. People can headcanon and decide how long things where happening, but if we look at what we were presented through the characters eyes, the only person given time to do that was Jimmy.

He waited two months after the crash to appoint himself Captain. Every time a problem was brought up he immediately took action and refused to sit on it and find a better solution. I think it's important to look at the warped way Jimmy takes initiative where Curly didn't as it works as a good contrast of why you don't just run in to "fix" things. The quickest and easiest option may not be the safest or most beneficial. I think some thoughts on the game suffer from the black and white thinking the game doesn't operate on along with us being voyeurs. We see what exactly led to what but the characters don't. They don't have the hindsight and foresight we do and even ours is scrambled by the non-linear story telling.

Like it's hard to talk abuou those grey zones without sounding like an apologist because you're explaining why taking responsibility isn't easy. It's not and it's weird to act like it would be in a scenerio that led up to the events of the game knowing what we know. We see all these characters in such isolated moments with various things before, in between, after and even during we aren't privy too. The idea that Jimmy is worse than Curly heavily banks on the words Jimmy was saying to Jimmy before he crashed the ship. That whatever happened on the ship was his responsibility to bare, which is true due to his position. But, are they not still not responsible for taking the actions Curly then must bare?

Like i feel like people think that these are situation that become easier with age or when you are in a postion of authority and they aren't. You don't lose your biases or gain some sudden knowledge that makes it easier. It just becomes more tiring as you keep dealing with it. I would be first in line to say Curly fucked up and should've done more but the idea he knew how bad it could get or he really saw the worst in the people around him and ignored it pretty much ignores a huge aspect of his character and the game.

[flamesignite]

"Don't say that!" He yells, "You deserve me, you always have, Atem!" He says seriously looking into his eyes. "Do you realize how much you've done for me?! Do you realize how happy you've made me?!" He squeezes his hands. Roy was going to be there for Atem whether he wanted to hear his words or believe anything he said to him or not.

"Atem, look at me." He commands him softly. "I put my faith in you, always. No matter what, you may not believe in yourself, but I believe in you." He says wholeheartedly.

"I know you'll always be there for me regardless! You're allowed to be afraid, you're allowed to have fears, but don't forget, we're here with you too! Even if you think people only believe in you because of your magic I don't think that's true, because they believe in you no matter what! I spend everyday living in and working for the Military, I may not live to see tomorrow, it's the same thing with life in general, nobody knows when they are going to die, but we keep on fighting to stay alive no matter what magic or alchemy someone has."

Roy was talking seriously as he stated all of this, he was tired of hearing the other bring himself down, tired of hearing his words of saying Roy didn't deserve a coward like him. That was FAR from the truth, Roy deserved this man, he LOVES this man with every fiber of his being.

"Even mere humans who only live to fight every day, they still fight till they can't breathe anymore! You don't have to have magic to defeat someone! You can be a mere human and still defeat them! I'm a human, I may have alchemy, but I am still human! If my alchemy isn't working I do human things to fight my enemies! Even then, I'll protect the people I love to the very end! Till my very last breath and I am NOT going to give up! Even if he has me spitting blood!" He states with his whole chest as if to make sure he means it and if that snake is listening, GOOD, he will make sure to keep this promise. He will fight to the very end if he must.

"I will always believe in you, whether you have less faith in yourself or not, I have faith in you. I know you can do it, I know you're a fighter, Atem. You don't need magic to be a fighter. Hell, Joey was a fighter, wasn't he? He fought till he couldn't anymore!" He wanted to remind him, that his friends were humans too and still fought by his side, they have their own strengths too, and they were HUMAN no magic, no nothing!

"We're human, we've got strong hearts, we can be weak at times, but what do we do? We get back up again. We fight till we can't anymore. We protect, we love, we do our very best and it's okay to mess up, it's okay to make mistakes, we still have our loved ones to pick us back up again. You don't have to do this alone, you know? We're all with you! We all love you, Atem!" He means all of the words he says, he's only yelling at him out of love, he wants him to see that and he hopes he does see it in his eyes as he stares into Atem's.

He takes a breath, looking at him, cupping his cheek before letting it out and speaking softly, finally after screaming at him. but firmly to him. "The power of one man doesn't amount to much. But, with however little strength I'm capable of... I'll do everything humanly possible to protect the people I love, and in turn they will protect the ones they love, it seems like the least we tiny humans can do for each other."

"You don't think I know that?!" Atem raised his voice a bit, frustration starting to show. "I'm well aware of everyone of everyone who has put their faith in me, just as they have before. I'm well aware of how they see me, how they believe in me... and that's what I'm afraid of."

Another sob as he squeezed his eyes shut again. "They believe in me because of what they saw me do back then, back when I was with Aibou, back when I was Pharaoh. They see that powerful leader, a source of strength for everyone to rely on. They've all seen it. But... I don't think a single one of them knows that I'm a shell of my former self. The only one that would know... is Aibou." Even if he only saw it in Atem's nightmare. "Every one of them has at best a hint that my power is different. And one of them... didn't even know before it was too late."

"Don't you see? Everyone believes in me and has faith in me, but... what if I let them down? What if I let them down, just as I have done over and over again? I've allowed one of my closest friends to die because I was too late to save him. I've crawled into bed with my most feared enemy in an attempt to pacify him and minimize his damage because I could no longer overpower him with my gods. I've hurt so many of my friends so many times in so many ways! All because I thought I could do the same things I once did as Pharaoh, but I can't! I'm not the same beacon of strength anymore! I'm not!"

More sobs as he just trembled in Roy's arms. "Everyone else has grown, everyone else has become better, hell Aibou was supposed to surpass me! If anyone's the symbol of strength, it's him, not me! I'm..." He fell quiet, afraid to say what was on the tip of his tongue. "I'm now the one hiding behind everyone. I'm the one stepping back instead of stepping up. I'm the one holding everyone back, even though they put their faith in me. I can say with certainty that you're more than strong enough to combat Dartz, but me...? Look at me. My magic is all but nil, you've seen how many times I've let everyone down, everyone who is close to me has suffered because of me, I'm merely brushed away by those who once were defeated by me, and I'm laying here a fucking mess under the covers with someone who deserves someone far, far better than a coward like me!" He looked back at Roy, the same broken emotions as before showing in his eyes, but mixed with something else: desperation, heartbreak, but also... longing.

"Tell me, Roy Mustang! Is this is the face of someone you want to put your whole faith in?! Is it?!"

[potentialbreakupscng]

sirius inhales sharply when he grips onto his hand, his trembling fingers curling up slightly and flinching as if he'd made a mistake and he was getting any kind of reprimand for it. old flinching habits he'd thought he'd gotten rid of after escaping from his parents house only return with his frail mind. "sorry," he mutters, sniffling. his brow presses together when he says he gets them from time to time, wanting to ask how -- james has always been the most fit out of all of them -- but then flinching again when he remembers why.

james's lips upon his knuckles pull him back into the reality of what's happening and now and the past. he swallows, wondering just how much he had missed in the time he'd been locked up. he's not sure how much help he would have been had he been out. part of him is still consumed with revenge, wanting nothing more than to kill the man responsible for all of this. someone they'd called their friend for so long. he swallows, sniffling once more and trying to swallow down the tears that threaten to spill past his eyes again.

it feels like he doesn't know how to behave. that the only thing he knows how to do is cry, scream, and throw himself off of the deep end of all the grief he feels. he takes in a deep breath when james tells him to, gently pulling his hands away from him to rub at his exhausted eyes. "i'm sorry you hurt. we shouldn't -- be here anymore. this must -- feel like shit," he mutters, glancing around from their position on the floor and glancing at the wounds on his hand. he bites back a yelp as he uses his hands to push himself up -- stomach twisting and desperately holding onto the comfort of james just being in the same room as him to keep himself from spiralling again. "what -- what helps?"

damn it. sirius had noticed, even as shaken as he is. as fragile as he is. he mows right over james's first attempt to quell worries, hands and gaze already searching for evidence of injury. " of course you didn't hurt me, " james finally manages to get out, taking both of sirius's hands in his own. stopping the probing. " hey, stop. stop, sirius, it was just a twinge. " that was underselling a bit, but he holds firm on not letting panic set in and take over again.

" i get them sometimes, that's all. okay? it's on bad timing, not you, " he again assures, watching padfoot's expression for a long moment before he can take another steadying breath, brushing more apologetic kisses to tattooed knuckles. the hazards of being inactive for so long, his body still trying to heal and newly adjusting to being used again, nothing of which he's going to let sirius put on his shoulders. the important thing is he's fine, ultimately. still here. still with sirius.

and oh, he aches hearing how small the other's voice comes out. the pair of them more in the shadows of their pains than they've ever been, but james wasn't going to give in without a fight. he was able to wake up. he could get them out of this too. " take a breath, love. i'm okay, see? just needed to stretch my leg out. "

[dazais-guardian-angel]

went to my first con in 4 years on Friday to meet Kaiji Tang and got a Dazai autograph + video recording of him reading to me. He was the sweetest person (as I knew he would be) and interacting with him was lovely, but also at the same time oh boy it sure was an extremely stressful, ugly wake-up call of what it feels like to live in a world now where everyone around you has blissfully moved on from covid and can enjoy things normally and happily, while you'll forever be trapped in a hellscape of perpetual fear 🫠🫠🫠

[catchmewjsn]

.

[lilgynt]

OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. i forgot to update about so many life events

[inbabylontheywept]

The Motherfucking Lizard King

No one at work trusts my boss. 

He's smart. He works hard. He's not trustworthy. He hasn't actually fucked anyone at work over, but he's ruined his last two marriages with affairs, and got dumped by his third fiance when he wouldn't sign a prenup. The fact that we all know this is just a hazard of working in a small town. 

Anyway: The thought process of the people in the lab is that if he screwed over his first wife, and his second wife, and was probably planning on screwing over his third wife, it would be insane for him not to screw us over. After all, what kind of idiot treats their employees better than their spouse? 

I dunno. His kind, I guess? He's had a few chances to fuck us over, and he hasn't taken them. Opposite really. When our parent company was doing furloughs, he stayed in the office almost a hundred hours, talking and talking and talking his way up the corporate ladder. And in the end, no one at our site got furloughed. 

He's pulled strings like that before. And it baffles me, right? Because it really does make zero sense. He'll move the heavens and the earth for us, but his wife and kids are afterthoughts. It feels like any moment, he's going to look into the mirror and realize how stupid that is. It feels like I'm betting on him making the same stupid mistake again, and again, and again - like it would be less cynical to believe he was, eventually, going to stab me in the back. But he hasn't yet, and as far as I can tell he's been making that mistake for close to fifteen years, and it's already cost him everything it can. If he was going to learn, he would have by now. 

So my position on him is that if he wanted to date someone I cared about, I'd warn them off. I don't trust him there. But I tentatively trust him to be my boss. Maybe one day he'll stick the knife in and twist, and everyone will say Ah, Babs, we warned you, but for now, I accept that he's doing a very predictable, very irrational thing, and I've made my peace with it. 

---

My job has glue traps. 

No one likes the glue traps, but we don't have a lot of options. Poison's banned by state law, spring traps are banned by company safety, and several non-lethal options tried in the past failed to work. The mouse problem can get pretty bad if it's ignored, and there's some real health hazards in that. Our site has never had a positive hantavirus test, thank God, but the big base about a half hour away has. That guy's gonna be on oxygen the rest of his life. 

If a mouse gets caught, we just euthanize it. But more than mice get stuck. Lizards can wander into those traps too, and the people working there have different feelings about the lizards. They don't pose nearly the same kind of risk mice do. They're chill little guys, and they keep the moths away, and they're just 

You know. They're friendly. There's something to be said about walking into a room, and hitting the light switch, and seeing two little guys on the wall start to do pushups as soon as they see you. 

People used to just euthanize the lizards too, but I had pet leopard geckos as a kid and I couldn't take that so I wound up googling how to free animals from glue traps. Now, when a lizard gets stuck in a trap - which happens once or twice a week - I get some vegetable oil from the breakroom, and a little plastic fork, and I'll spend fifteen to twenty minutes just kind of gently prying the little guys out. 

I have a team of technicians that help me operate one of the larger machines. They're real blue collar guys, ex-airforce, and they make me look like a little kid. Being an engineer means they'll look to me as a leader sometimes, which is a wild experience. And I started helping the lizards for my own conscience, but one of the crazier consequences of it has been that it seriously boosted my leadership cred. Because those guys see me, and they go: Hey. If he's willing to fight for a lizard, he's gotta be willing to fight for me. 

I cannot overstate how nice that is. Most engineers that want to make a change to a maintenance practice, or try an upgrade, they have to work their asses off to get the techs to buy in. But I can just ask. They already trust me to do good. They know I'm new, and they know I'm not the smartest engineer in the building, but they also know I'm the one who gets lizards out of the glue traps. 

And just because of that, they're willing to follow me. 

---

My boss has a meeting every month or two. It's typically basic house cleaning stuff - reminders about routines we've gotten lazy on, and updates on future projects. Maybe some warnings about problems coming from higher up in the company.

People are, in my opinion, a bit too cynical about the meetings. It stems from people not trusting our boss, which again, I understand, because it would make so much more sense if he wasn't trustworthy. It's a testament to the man's incredibly unhealthy priorities that he is. But as we made it to the end of the meeting, one of bullet points was: 

Do NOT mess with animals in the building. 

So I looked at my techs, and they looked at me, and when he got to the point, he was so scathing I actually just wanted to crawl under a rock and die. He said basically that he'd heard some reports about someone in the building handling animals that found their way in and got stuck, and that he just wanted to emphasize how insanely inappropriate that was, not to mention dangerous, and that if he needed to speak to anyone about it again, there would be severe consequences. 

I was willing to just take the shame and move on. I was. But one of my techs is old. Old enough he could've retired two years ago. And his actual literal goal is to one day get angry, yell at someone, and storm out. That's how he wants to retire. So instead of biting his tongue like everyone else, he stood up and said: I hate the glue traps. You hate the glue traps. We all hate glue traps. But we've all sat here for years, ignoring the little things that get stuck in them, watching them die, and then Bab's comes in, and he is the first person in decades to give enough of a shit to start pulling the lizards out. And I don't want him to stop. 

Get humane traps or shut up but we are not going back to the old way of just letting things starve. 

And my boss actually froze up. He got all wide eyed and stared at Marc, and then the other techs jumped in, and there was a very small but intense rebellion in the meeting and my boss kept trying to interrupt while getting absolutely bowled over by this gang of angry middle aged air force vets, and eventually he just went 

I will speak with Babylon about this afterwards! After! And then he will speak with everyone else, but I have more points to cover. 

So they went silent, and my boss rushed through the last five minutes, and we all adjounred. The techs really didn't like that I was going in alone - they thought our boss was going to try and shout me into compliance. Marc in particular was like, Look, if he tries bullying you, stand your ground, and if he threatens anything, just come get us, and we'll give him hell. 

So armed with that, I went to my boss's office. I sat in the chair across from him, and he kept his composure for maybe five seconds before just flopping back into his chair. 

I had no idea you were saving lizards, he said, but I'm glad you are. I always hated seeing them die in the glue.  

I wasn't expecting that. I was about to ask him what the comment from the meeting was about then, but he answered that before I even got the chance.

A snake got into the building last week, and - someone picked it up and chased a coworker around. Turns out that coworker was severely afraid of snakes, and now it's a shitshow. We're a small site, and now I can't ask those two to work together anymore, to say nothing about how the snake fared after all that. Being upset about that is a reasonable thing, right? 

And he gave me a look like he actually wanted an answer, so I said Yeah, totally, chasing a coworker around with a snake is a dick move. Especially if that coworker is already afraid of snakes. 

And he said Exactly! and then we sat there a few moments longer. He looked so incredibly tired that I did, actually, feel kind of bad for him. And then he somehow managed to sink even further into his chair, and said

Look, I know I'm not a good guy. But I'm not evil. I'm not some sort of crazy asshole that's going to demand that everyone watch lizards starve to death. When you go back downstairs, could you try to pass that on? That I'm not evil? 

I said Sure because it wasn't a hard request, and he looked relieved. I actually made it halfway out before I realized I had a question. 

Who grabbed the snake? I asked. 

Not supposed to talk about it, he said. But whoever comes to mind first is probably right. 

ThatGuy? I asked. And he looked me in the face, nodded his head yes, and said No. 

---

The techs seemed a little disappointed that they didn't get to storm the boss's office, but were otherwise in good spirits. They were actually a little bit embarrassed to hear about the snake story - apparently, it wasn't much of a secret. It'd just slipped their minds because it happened three weeks ago. 

We did maintenance after that, the same basic repairs we did every week. The meeting had been stressful and it was a relief to work with my hands. When the parts were reinstalled, everything cleaned and smooth and ready to go, Marc found me again. 

You know what the lesson of today is? he asked. And there were quite a few answers to that that I could have taken - from don't assume the worst of people to be careful with how you spend your trust - we all need it more than we think. 

But instead I said what? because I wanted to hear what his answer was going to be. 

That I got your back, he said. Then he clapped one very, very large hand on my shoulder, gave it a good squeeze, and walked back to dosimetry lab.

---

The next day, Marc gave me a package and told me to open it in my office. I was suspicious, but I followed the request.

Cardboard gave way to a small baggie, obviously full of fabric, which opened to reveal a t-shirt that read

"I Am the Motherfucking Lizard King."

I looked at it, I loved it, and then I got an idea. I went to my boss's office and knocked on the door. When he opened it, I asked him if he would be willing to allow something very unprofessional to happen for morale building purposes.

How unprofessional? he asked. I held the shirt up in answer. He gave the shirt a short look over and snorted.

You can wear it on weeks without customers, he said. Which just so happened to include that week.

I'll pass on that it came with your blessing, I replied, and he looked oddly relieved.

Thanks, he said. And then I went downstairs.

---

The techs were very, very happy to see the shirt. And while my boss's reputation remains in tatters, and probably will be until he moves (or dies), the next time there was a meeting, there was quite a bit less complaining about how mere presence. Which is, I guess, a start.

We'll see if he squanders it.