#we can make tomorrow better
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yeonjune · 2 months ago
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Yeonjun about the strain he felt while preparing for his debut solo project ✙ "GGUM" MAKING FILM
#yeonjun#choi yeonjun#tomorrow x together#txt#ggum: making film#gifs#creations#userzaynab#useryeonbins#skyehi#rosieblr#megtag#hibiebear#heyiri#ultkpopnetwork#kpopccc#kpopco#this are like the rawest emotions we've seen from him... I feel... it's really sad to watch him like this#i mean I know they're under lots of pressure and stress#It's only natural when you work with so many people who you could potentially disappoint#and I know it was his choice to make this solo project happen now but i feel like the company could manage his schedule better#because why he films till 3 am and then right next day has a flight to another country for a concert...#and now we know from soobin they're super busy again#I'm worried his body will just say 'enough' one day and something bad will happen :(#and you have him work so hard and stress and then all this losers online whose biggest achievement is getting 100 likes on a post#writing the worst things about him for no reason... its not that hard to be kind and you dont need to have an opinion about everything :D#at the end of the day that celebrity you hate so much is still pretty and successful#and you're just a friendless jobless empty-headed rotten fool with likes on a post that mean nothing once you close the ap#I'm just glad all this is still fun for him and that he has such a great support system: his members family staff who care about him and us#all we can really do is support them and send them lots of love fr ;; you've done well my jjunie ily ♥
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sweetsouldhavernas · 4 months ago
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Tony DiNozzo and Ziva David ↳ UNDER COVERS
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mitamicah · 8 months ago
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Behold: the Böle Arena & Club sticker is here 👀✨
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ruvviks · 6 months ago
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PLEASE DO NOT TAG AS YOUR OWN OC OR PAIRING.
Nathan and Ruben share a bond more powerful than most; mutual understanding through past experiences no one should ever have to go through, and through past actions so horrible they cannot be spoken of. Their grief and the blood on their hands binds them to the STEM technology they created, which has alienated them from the rest of the world— but they give each other the comfort they have both longed for so desperately for years, and that is all they need. They are each other's counterpart; you cannot imagine one without the other, like two sides of the same coin. Through their pain, their grief, their desire, and their regret, they have become one.
anna akhmatova, the guest // bones; equinox // 'i won't become' by kim jakobsson // agustín gómez-arcos, the carnivorous lamb // by oxy // achilles come down; gang of youths // czeslaw milosz, from 'new and collected poems: 1931-2001' // 'extended ambience portrait from a resonant biostructure' and 'migraine tenfold times ten' by daniel vega // a little death; the neighbourhood // marina tsvetaeva, from 'poem of the end' // by drummnist // katie maria, winter // 'nocturne in black and gold the falling rocket' by james abbott mcneill whistler // micah nemerever, these violent delights // body language; we are fury // 'the penitent' by emil melmoth // chelsea dingman, from 'of those who can't afford to be gentle'
taglist (opt in/out)
@shellibisshe, @florbelles, @ncytiri, @hibernationsuit, @stars-of-the-heart;
@lestatlioncunt, @katsigian, @radioactiveshitstorm, @estevnys, @adelaidedrubman;
@celticwoman, @rindemption, @carlosoliveiraa, @noirapocalypto, @dickytwister;
@killerspinal, @euryalex, @ri-a-rose, @velocitic, @thedeadthree
#tew#edit:nathan#nuclearocs#nuclearedits#so much shame in my body but still used my taglist but um let me know if you want to be excluded from oc/ship web weaves#just really wanted to share this one because i'm very proud of it and i want it on my blog. so. :]#recognition of the self through the other + wanting so desperately for the other to be deserving of a second chance#because if there is hope for them than there is hope for you etc etc and so on. that's the core of their dynamic i think#they understand each other on such a fundamental level that no one else comes close to because they are in so many ways the same#like how in in the first game leslie could sync up with ru/vik and all that? nathan would be a VERY good candidate for that as well#and it makes me insane!! and then the added layer of nathan being lead developer of mobius' new and improved STEM system#which makes him the same as ru/vik AGAIN but in like. the way that they're both men of [computer] science#and there's the fact they both have a dead sister. they both killed their parents. they were both mobius playthings for YEARS#and they've happily killed and tortured during all of it. they're angry they're out for revenge they're completely disconnected from#the normal human experience and they're working with what they have. and then after all of that is over then what is left?#their story focuses on them picking up all the pieces. everything that's still salvageable at least. and try to start over in a way#they cannot be forgiven for what they've done but they can move on from the past and do different in the future#there's still things left undone and left unsaid... in my canon at least. i know there's not gonna be any more games. it's fine#anyway they end up going to therapy and then they get better they're not a doomed couple they just like being dramatic#if you read all of this we can get married tomorrow if you'd like
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slightly-awkward-sunshine · 18 days ago
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What’s so frustrating every election is that democrats are so reluctant to vote while republicans are chomping at the bit to vote
Arguably more people support left policies, but it’s the ones who are right-wing who are voting more. If leftists were as gung-ho about voting as right wingers are we would literally get the policies we want!
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mulders-too-large-shirt · 4 months ago
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my favorite scully moments from s2
after the x-files are shut down, she gets moved to teach at the academy, and in episode 1 she does a little monologue on how a person’s body is a physical manifestation of a lifetime, which one of the students describes as “spooky”
when mulder sneaks off to puerto rico in the same episode, she goes into his place to try and figure where tf he went, and prevents his sneaking about being caught by the investigators who broke into his home with the power of feeding his fish
lecturing about the dangers of eating raw steak in episode 2, then getting lost down a rabbit hole of worm science
when no one was answering the door in episode 3, she just walks in. this made me laugh hysterically, i cannot explain. both of these guys WILL enter your home.
every single time she is a bit of a medical nerd, like when she learns about the surgery that allowed people to survive without sleep in episode 4, which she describes as “incredible”
(and the freckles + flower earrings combo were also a fave)
when she scans the piece of metal that came from duane barry in a grocery store in episode 6, and the cash register goes crazy. and she denies involvement and just walks away LMAOOO <- honestly i'd do the same!!
she wakes up from her coma in episode 8 and wants to write a thank you note to the nurse that took such good care of her, only to learn no such nurse ever existed. scully got to witness the paranormal for once!!!!
in episode 9, someone brings up a volcano scientist in conversation, and she says she had heard he was brilliant, which means that somehow she is keeping up with volcano news. she is a woman of many layers.
being deeply worried about this scared looking grad student she just met, and once again not waiting for an answer to enter her room and figure out if she is okay
(and when said grad student is being consumed by a fungus, scully thinks quickly enough to get herself locked behind a door, keeping herself safe, despite being handcuffed and otherwise looking death by fungus in the face)
in episode 11, mulder walks into his office, only to learn she has been there and has been going through his stuff since 6 in the morning. queen of getting results!
in the same episode, an old man overdoses on mushroom pills, and she shifts into Doctor Mode, yelling about “ventricular fibrillation” and “milligrams of lidocaine” and it was, like every other time she goes Doctor Mode, so deeply satisfying to watch
when she meets the two cops in episode 12, and can immediately tell they are having an affair and that the detective is pregnant, and despite the detective pleading with her not to tell a soul, the absolute MILLISECOND she is reunited with mulder, she spills the tea. and he is SHOCKED! <- arguably my favorite moment in the entire series so far
(and, to make the woman feel more comfortable, she confesses to also having had feelings for coworkers before which. elaborate on that, please)
but she really does care; when the detective ends up in the hospital, scully brings her a change of clothing <3
when she is so shaken by what she sees in episode 13 that she goes to the FBI’s onsite therapist; she’s too scared to tell mulder how she feels because “i don’t want him to feel like he has to protect me”
(as if there was ever going to be a choice; he is the protector and he Will protect, it's just his nature)
((and then later sobbing into his arms, realizing she doesn’t have to always put on a front))
toads start falling from the sky in episode 14, so she rationalizes that they likely came from a nearby tornado. this is a scully-approved theory.
they’re investigating a murder in the same episode, and a teenager starts pouring her absolutely horrific trauma out to both of them, scully holds her while she sobs into her jacket
honestly any time either of them know weird information, i love it. she says that it would take hours for a snake to eat a man and then weeks for it to digest in episode 14, and mulder makes some funny remark but it’s sooo endearing to me. she knows her snake facts.
then in episode 15, she notes poison in someone’s blood, but specifically that the poison comes from pufferfish eaten in Japan… girl i’m crying, she just knows stuff!
during that same case, they get rooms near each other like always, and she knocks on a door thinking it’s mulder’s. he doesn’t answer. she walks in and hears water running, so she just talks to him through the door to the bathroom. and i love this so much. i love that they are close enough to just walk into each other’s rooms and talk from behind the door while the other showers. it’s such married behavior.
working on the case in episode 16, we see her at home wearing a flannel, checking her computer, still serving looks but now giving casual
(and seeing the art she keeps on her walls- little postcards of beach scenes <3)
in the same episode, she knows mulder left to go get himself in trouble, so she bursts into skinner’s office to ask for help. but she feels bad for barging in on skinner, so she apologizes to him. which was very sweet.
when mulder is gone, she goes to his apartment to look for clues, and falls asleep on his couch
(and when X knocks on the door, she knows he is hiding something, and screams at him to tell her where he is)
this whole monologue from episode 17, which i loved more than life itself:
“several aspects of this case remain unexplained, suggesting the possibility of paranormal phenomena. but i am convinced that to accept such conclusions is to abandon all hope of understanding the scientific events behind them. many of the things i have seen have challenged my faith and my belief in an ordered universe, but this uncertainty has only strengthened my need to know, to understand, and to apply reason, to those things which seem to defy it”
(and that is just Her, isn't it? the need to understand, to rationalize. the worldview shaped on science- if she doesn't understand something, it's because a key piece is missing, and she'll find it. because the world Has to work that way, has to be bound by a greater logic, even if it is yet to be understood. to imagine otherwise would be impossible, to imagine otherwise would be to abandon hope in everything, and she cannot abandon hope)
((and maybe the idea that the world being something she cannot perfectly comprehend is a failing of her own understanding makes me a little emotional. but still))
she says that the whole loaves and fishes deal was a parable in episode 21; she is not a biblical literalist
(she then makes some sassy remark about things generating spontaneously, and mulder laughs in the corner. good to know he thinks she is funny)
every single time she answers the phone, she says “mulder, it’s me”, and idk i just think it’s so endearing
she thinks she might have been infected with a killer disease in episode 22, but mulder calls, so she tells him she’s okay and to take care of himself out there.... those are the last words she chooses, just in case they never talk again </3
and every time she says unsettling things, like “could be the residue of burnt human flesh” or “darkness covers a multitude of sins”, both in episode 23, i eat that up
reassuring her student who has just become a detective that she is doing just fine!!!
and then going to said student's funeral when things do not turn out fine... she loves her students that she taught for like 3 months so much :(
getting pulled aside by skinner and her bosses after mulder just acted wild in episode 25, and denying that she had seen any top secret files even though they say they will fire her if she lies lmaooo <- she is a ride or die!!!
but also going to his place, demanding assurance that she is doing the right thing by assisting him, and i love that. i love a character who will break all of the rules as long as they believe they are doing the thing that is morally Right, and that definition is so deeply her own, but she is committed to it, and she'll do anything to stick by it. and he just says something about getting the code that he wants broken, and despite how awful he's being, she goes through with it anyway because it's the Right thing to do.
later, her being the one to realize that mulder should not leave the house after his father was killed because he will be the prime suspect (he does not listen to this sound advice)
he stumbles into her place with a million degree fever, and she carefully lays him down in her own bed, despite the fact that he is soaked in his dead father's blood. and she takes care of him.
this one honestly deserves its own post because it is so incredible, but: shooting mulder with enough precision to get him to knock off his wild behavior that was going to make him look like he killed his dad, but not actually HURT him, then finding out krychek was putting LSD in his water, knocking him out, and driving 2 days to New Mexico to get him where he needed to be. AFTER he had been acting wild because he was inadvertently drugged, and had accused her of spying on him and being a traitor. that level of love is deep. very very deep. she is a Lover.
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nientedal · 1 year ago
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Usually I just save stuff like this to my drafts until I calm down but you know what, fuck it, I'm done.
Any so-called leftist who refuses to recognize that our options right now are "genocide abroad, progress at home" and "genocide abroad AND genocide at home" and that there is a significant difference between those two options is cordially invited to eat shit and die. We do not have time to entertain your anti-voting hopeless nonsense. A future in which we are able to move towards less death will always be preferable to the one in which we can't, and if you smug, sneering little clowns sacrifice that future on the altar of your own self-righteousness because you're too high on your own farts to realize how far up your own ass you are, I genuinely hope you fucking drown. Specifically, I hope you drown in the blood of the people who will die all over the world as a result of your bizarre refusal to work towards a future that doesn't include ethnic cleansing.
This is the United States. We sell war, here. I don't know how so many of you are only just now figuring that out, but you better get over your shock like yesterday because we are out of fucking time. We ran out of time when Reagan took office if not long before. You think not voting will improve any of this?
Keep calling, keep writing, keep screaming. Governments everywhere are (slowly) beginning to listen. Democrats are (slowly) beginning to listen. But Republicans never will, and if they seize power again next year (which they will absolutely do their damned to attempt), everything will be so, so much worse for everyone, everywhere. The work is slow and painful and imperfect but it will only get done if we show up and do the work, so keep calling, keep writing, keep screaming-- and when the time comes, you show up and vote for the future that lets us build a better tomorrow instead of just choking to death in the steaming shitpile of today.
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running-in-the-dark · 1 month ago
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it's 4:40 am and I'm feeling like shit. trying to convince myself it's just because it's really late and I'm tired and should just sleep, but. I still feel like shit.
so I want to buy something. I want to feel like there's something I can do, something I can control, and buying something is so easy. plus I'll know I'll get a nice thing in the mail.
but we're working on this, so I can't order anything now (literally had to ask my husband to change my ebay password for me because I could not stop myself from buying things there), and it's making my brain so very very upset. it's the nice, easy, comfy thing that I can always do no matter how bad I'm feeling mentally or physically, and now I can't, and it feels very bad. :(
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rimouskis · 10 months ago
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cross-generational friendships have been so important and formative and crucial to my adulthood. and i'm not talking about "oh I'm in my 20s and nearly all my friends are in their 30s ha ha ha" [true], I'm talking about "I labored side-by-side with people in their 40s, 50s, and 60s and became friends with them."
one such friend and I went to a funeral today to support a third friend and it really reaffirmed how important these relationships have been to me and how good they are for keeping perspective and taking advice from people with more experience than you.
tomorrow I'm going on a walk and then getting lunch with an old boss-turned-friend/mentor who's old enough to be my mother (like, literally her oldest son is my age) and I'm looking forward to it so much. having friends who you can bond with but also learn life lessons from is such a gift and it makes me lament my current work situation (everyone on my team is within a 3-year age range).
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iniziare · 2 months ago
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I'm stealing this from Min before I tackle a thread (cause I don't do enough silly little things [update: it wasn't... really short]), but here's random sleep thoughts for the ladies that come to mind with something to say about it:
— Yelan: Sleeps naked, because it's healthy, come on, and there's two phases in terms of positions that she sleeps in. Phase one is where she sleeps incredibly relaxed on her side, and the covers usually end up predominantly wrapped around her (like this, or the idea of this) so perfectly, it's as if it was intentional, but it's not, she just... ends up this way. Feet and legs are rarely covered as she gets warm as she sleeps, and she often stretches like a cat during moments of waking. It doesn't matter if someone's in the bed with her, this is just how it goes— the only way to stop it is if you lay on said covers. She's also a quiet sleeper physically, despite the covers thing. She doesn't move much, which is why her hair usually still looks 'peachy keen, jelly bean', in the morning. Phase two only happens when she can catch up on sleep and she lazes in bed in a half-slumber state until, as she states, well into and past noon. At this point, it's evident that she's been warm, and so she rolls onto her stomach, and pulls the covers down a bit, exposing a fair bit of her back. Ideally her pillow is still there, but if not, no issue, the mattress works just fine.
— Kafka: No, she's not about the 'luxury' for the sake of it, please get fanon out of here, there are no silk pillows or sheets needed whatsoever. But she appreciates comfort in the sense of good quality pillows (though not too thick as she regularly sleeps on her stomach, or in some magical 'in-between' position of stomach/side), but she'd like two of them. And then the duvet usually... serves as an extra pillow mid-slumber for her body. She likes to lay on something that has a shape to it, I don't like the word 'snuggle' nor does she do it out of 'security', but it's about something that is molded against and into the shape of her. See it as... the duvet almost works like a body pillow to a certain extent, except she'll remain covered, she's a woman of modesty, of course. And in shipping scenarios, the partner would likely come to replace the 'body pillow' concept— imagine her to cozy up at your side, head on your shoulder, leg over yours, or snaked through yours. But she'd not a 'facing each other' kind of cuddler in sleep. Man's gotta be on his back. She's difficult, I know. Oh and please don't think that Kafka wakes up looking flawless, she does not. Trust me when I say that her hair is disheveled, have you seen the length of it? But she's endearing, she's drowsy, has a bit of a drawl to her voice— almost kind of cute (but a mess).
Honorable mentions:
— Guizhong: A bed, you say? Hardly, you'll rarely find her in one due to, well, the fact she's not human (there's a higher chance in modern). She'll be passed out at a table, or desk in her workshop, usually with parchment stuck to her cheek, covered by her own sleeves. Of course, this has her slightly grumpy in the morning. Morax sure chose a nice one. Oh, on the note of him— if he's around in the same bed, there's a chance she's asleep atop him. — Seele: Absolute mess. Don't even go into that bedroom, you'll wonder where the sheets or pillows are, there may even be one on the other side of the room, because it wasn't comfortable and so she argued with it physically, throwing it across the room in her sleep. She's likely still mostly dressed because she was too lazy or exhausted to get changed. Seele is the kind who, like her mun, will say 'I'm just laying down for 5 mins' and wakes up 5 hours later. Horrendous.
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smolfrosted · 16 days ago
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TW: sui mention
I'm crying now, because despite all the hope I hold it still hurts
But we fought, and we can keep fighting or at the very least live
Because we have to, and we can, and no matter how many of us they kill it will never be enough to get rid of us
I have survived eighteen suicide attempts. This fucker, all of them but especially not him, do not get to be the reason I pick up that knife again, they don't get to make me want to hold it to my throat.
Mourn, cry, grieve, but please... don't let them kill you, don't let them be the reason you kill yourself... we can make it, I promise
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lunarsolar1 · 4 months ago
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I can’t believe I’m going to do this but imma go spam my favorite ships and fandom and convince them to watch dead boy detectives because I am DESPERATE
I need more people to watch this show and give it more views, it is time for all the fandoms to work together to make a GOOD tv show have a second chance (and also maybe make Payneland endgame or at least have a happy ending together)
Like at this point I don’t care I would do ANYTHING to make Netflix give them a second season and if that means I have to go to other fandom’s begging them to help us out then I WILL BECAUSE SOMEONE HAS TO DO IT!!!!!! We need to work together if we want season two to happen! So I will have no shame spamming them, they better understand cause at the end of the day we all are fandoms that go LUCKY (especially the specific fandoms I’m thinking about, and especially lgbtq+ fandoms so this is even more reason to work TOGETHER and help each other out!!!!!!) we need more lgbtq+ representation!!!!!!
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lilowoof · 3 months ago
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ngl gamers, I think I'm gonna inevitably lose to the hormones and depression in the near future XD
Can't bring myself to be active cause I'm using a lot of energy to not vent post all the time. But fuck it, into the tags I go!
#I want NO MESSAGES regarding this. let me just be upset and alone#you spend most of your life trying to not succumb to sick brain but honestly I don't think it's worth it in the long run#my life is for better or worse....decent. but I've lost the drive and happiness to really DO anything a long time ago. like whats the point#the only reason I havent killed myself yet is cause Im too lazy (and dont have access to a gun for a quick getaway)#and I'm saying all this DESPITE having stuff to look forward to in the near future. it's like AUGH whats the POINT IM always gonna suffer#why does mental health take such a toll on ppl. this shit sucks ass. and I still feel excited for things in the future too? somehow?#but I also really want to die so. idk man. idk. maybe if I fall in love with someone then I can be distracted but all my walls are up#what's the point in anything anymore. *I* have to take the steps to improve myself and my situation#and I'd rather die. anyways who wants to make a pact that once we reach 40 we will marry each other#that might be fun#also my brain has gotten so bad that I am literally considering joining a hiking club to get out more and I FUCKING HATE HIKING#but I should probably do something out of my comfort zone to push myself and who knows maybe I will find a new passion#but let me tell you about the anxiety - oh BOY it's starting to act up again. hahahha#ah well sometimes you just need to scream your feelings out in the tags to get a lil clarity from the brain fog#one day I will fucking die/kill myself but for now I'll just try to make the best out of. whatever the hell this stupid life is. *shrug*#(but hey if any professional hitmen are reading this. feel free to. heh. you know ;) )#also I need to get back to art#gotta do my paid work and that one pic I lined months ago. and clay stuff *continues to bed rot another week because hahahahahahaha*#ah I wish I didn't fail all those years ago. then I would be free. I wish I was free#ok goodnight I promised myself that I would do paid work when I wake up tomorrow so hopefully no more migraines -pray emoji-
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ssruis · 6 months ago
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Going through a straight up comical amount of irritating situations to get the stupid 4* guaranteed ticket from the welcome to sekai campaign. It Will Be Mine.
#I’m resuming this tomorrow it’s been hours now I’m just mad#I’m home because my parents are moving to a different state and I needed to pack whatever was left#and for some reason we just keep old devices when we’re done with them#so I borrow an adapter to allow me to connect my ancient unworking iPad mini to my laptop#factory reset it. i have to reset an old email to access the old Apple id to fully reset it.#it won’t connect to the wifi so I have to reset the settings. i find out it’s too old to run pjsk.#i find an old phone that should work. i reset it as well. I’m able to download pjsk & it takes 20 minutes.#pjsk crashes everytime I try to open it. i attempt to run bluestacks on my computer. bluestacks doesn’t have 64 bit for mac yet.#i get a free trial of parallels and download windows onto my laptop. this takes 40 minutes.#i try to download and run bluestacks on that. m1 macs apparently can’t run bluestacks 64 bit through parallels.#i go find the final old phone that I had forgotten about. it takes forever to charge because the charging port is fucked up. i reset it as#well. it can’t connect to wifi. i try a hotspot on my current phone. service is too awful. i try to do wifi sharing from my laptop.#you have to be connected to the router via a cable for that to work.#at this point it has been like 3 hours. I’m giving up because I’ve been down this route before#when I attempted to run 32 bit steam games on m1 mac#(wine64 doesn’t exist for m1 macs yet -> attempt to run boot camp -> boot camp isn’t a thing anymore on Apple silicon -> attempt to run#several different programs that allow me to run windows on a mac. none of them work. ->#look into linux & give up. -> attempt to implement the unfinished/unbottled wine64 code thru terminal. ->#fuck up and delete some important file & have to fix that (misery inducing) -> keep trying. i think I downloaded a Mac coding program at#some point? i realize I have zero coding knowledge and this is a mistake. -> give up and purchase crossover. game doesn’t even work. ->#3 months later update to the latest OS so I can have enough storage to play psychonauts 2. find out the $60 crossover#purchase was a bad idea because ‘heehee crossover doesn’t work on that buy the new version’ (fuck crossover).#my toxic trait is my belief that I can figure out anything via google and sheer stubbornness. usually this is true. occasionally there are#exceptions to this rule. most of them are because owning Apple products is a mistake.#i think if I reset the router tomorrow I can solve this problem but I can also just go elsewhere with better service or wait until I’m home#now it’s a matter of pride. and also free 4*/I have nothing better to do because I’m stuck here until Tuesday.#<- this is all normal behavior by the way. who doesn’t spend 8 hours ramming their head against a problem every once and a while. enrichment#mine#oh I forgot. i also looked into cloning the app but that would cost money for something that might not even work.#‘just log out and make an alt’ and risk losing my account? I’m stupid enough to overwrite it on accident.
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mulders-too-large-shirt · 4 months ago
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s3 episode 7 thoughts
today was another awful day at work. trying to hope that it’s just the getting started part that makes this job awful and not that the job itself is awful, but i need my scully and mulder time again tonight. fetch me them. this instant.
let us begin. a man is in a hospital. someone won’t let this man- who we learn is a lieutenant colonel- hurt himself. he glances at a mirror.
oh, and he’s out of his hospital bed and breaking loose. into some boiling water? with weights in his pockets. oh nooooo. someone catches him and he says again that “he won’t let me die” HUH? what is going on???
man, i feel bad for this poor gentleman. idk who is tormenting him so. but i hope the “he” the lieutenant colonel spoke of leaves him alone. 
oh shoot, the agents are there three weeks later and he is in this sort of… facial gear stuff because of the burns. and his hands are wrapped up, too. i realize now i have almost no familiarity with the process of treating burns. i guess i’d never thought on it before.
scully’s taking notes while mulder asks about whoever this poor man sees when these awful things happen… he sees a solider standing at attention. a ghost? a real guy? a secret third thing?
oh! scully is not taking notes. she is passing them. she says it’s classic ptsd. her handwriting… it’s nice <3
the man says that whoever is tormenting him burned his wife and children alive???!?!? hello??!?!
someone pulls them out and asks them to suspend their investigation and scully is NOT having it. at all. putting her foot down. as she should. oh the general can’t talk “ask him to make himself available” okayyyy!!!! mulder looks pleased by this. but some guy delivering mail overheard what was going on and seems deeply troubled.
guy carrying mail goes down the hall and he seems to be crashing a group therapy session, where a man who has lost a leg is describing his recurring dream, which he calls “the walk”, running with his family, and it seems so real. he’s opening up! talking about his feelings! all good things to be doing in therapy!!
and some guy named leonard is being mean??? tearing down his happy dreams? saying they’re not “normal people”. and the walk dreamer says they ARE normal people, but leonard is like nope. no you are not.
leonard points out that he has no arms and no legs and that he prays god will come down and take away the dude leading the group’s arms and legs. oh. this seems unhealthy. then he gets wheeled out by the mail guy. who is named. roach.
roach is freaking out because the fbi agents are here, asking about the lieutenant commander. and he says “to hell with the feds”. so is this leonard the guy that burned his family alive??? is he torturing him?? or something??
now scully and mulder are being called into the general’s office. and the general, named callahan, is yelling at them for misconduct. i’m a little confused tbh but i guess they were supposed to go through him? um. okay. sounds like they’re trying to keep secrets and NOT the fun kind! 
scully is NOT letting this man go. and she shouldn’t! um why doesn’t his file mention his whole family died… yeah i’d be asking the same thing!! the general is like yeah it’s sad. but why are you here.
OH TEA??? ANOTHER person had their family die in a fire and had tried to hurt themselves but kept saying someone was stopping them… oh scully is PISSED today!!! she demands a stop to this nonsense and some answers.
she says she thinks it’s very clear what is going on here: she thinks the men killed their families, and the general is hiding that fact. OH! my brain didn’t go there. but i can see why she would think that. anyway they are sleuthing about. 
general looks stressed as hell. he tells the woman- captain draper- to go home. pulls some alcohol from under the desk. but then HE STARTS SEEING A SOLDIER saying “your time has come”!!! and there are spooky noises coming from a cassette tape!!!! 
draper is swimming. i knew something was about to go down, because we rarely see people swimming just for the fun of it, except that one time in season 2 where mulder was swimming about at the beginning of the episode. anyway, it’s very quiet and spooky. she seems to think she sees something. OH. and something does in fact grab her. and pulls her under?!!!! NOOOOOO 
scully at the scene as they pull the body out. general callahan is there too, and he seems surprised. there are bruises around her neck so it is not looking accidental. 
mulder says that if the pattern is consistent, the general’s family might be in danger. he seems offended by this but a pattern is a pattern. and mulder’s hair is messed up a lil aww. AND NEXT CUT ITS FIXED HAHA they must have spruced him up!!!! that is so funny
general seems to have taken the message to heart. talks about seeing a guy and the phone going wild. 
okay back at the general’s house… someone magically got through the door??? like the mail guy. oh it’s ROACH!! 
(i thought that later in the episode we would get an explanation as to how he sort of just clipped into the house but. it was never revealed)
fbi at the house. playing the spooky audio from the phone message. mulder is pondering. scully is looking around. she is always looking around and i love that about her. SHE SAW SOMEONE IN THE YARD!!! queen of spotting things.
ohhh leonard is at the doctor’s. and roach is approaching. he is bringing something from the callahan’s house TO leonard. and he says he doesn’t want to do it anymore but leonard says he wouldn’t be in the wheelchair if it wasn’t for him, so he owes him. oh that’s not how that works i don’t think…
he says “the enemy must be defeated” um is the enemy your boss? i have had some bosses that are enemies. but he’s speaking as someone who was sent to war and their erroneous decisions put him in peril. so very different context.
the earlier burn victim lieutenant colonel is being wheeled down to the doctors/nurses and he seems really freaked out to see leonard. i wonder if he can sense who it was…
(scully walks in to find mulder replaying the same cassette again and again) “find anything?” “no, but i’m really beginning to like the tape :)” AUGH i paused here to type down that line and he has the BIGGEST nerdiest smile it’s priceless :) need to find this screenshot so i can just look at it when i’m down
but scully says we found some fingerprints!!! and they go to roach’s place and arrest him. mulder is looking about a very nasty kitchen. and in a cupboard he finds mail stolen from all the targeted people!!!!
the general’s son sees a soldier but he’s not worried about it so maybe it’s a guy they know?? or someone guarding them since they might be in danger. but then he gets BURIED IN A SANDBOX??? and the soldier tries to dig him up. 
NO!!! THE BOY DIED!!!! 
this is really sad.
roach, in custody, identifies himself as “rappo’s mailmail” so it turns out rappo is leonard. same guy. and now he’s a suspect. scully thinks roach lied but we can’t rule anything out i know this tv program.
so leonard is dreaming. and roach is saying he knows this place, that he isn’t safe here, that he’s going to be killed. so is it in his dreams that leonard can go about and murder people?
for some reason mulder has been carrying around dental x-ray plates and she’s like “i know, you’ve had them the whole time” so i’m glad they’re at a point in their relationship where they don’t feel the need to ask, “hey, why are you carrying around stuff from the dentist” there is just that implicit trust 
oh, mulder is saying it is a case of astral projection, and that this leaves behind radiation. and maybe he needed a piece of their mail to form a connection. and then he plays the cassette backwards and it says “your time has come, killer” ohhh!!
so they go to question him and mulder jumps straight in with the “why did you kill him and also why can you leave your body” 
OH LEONARD SAYS SOMETHING NASTY TO SCULLY this is a good way to make mulder very angry. but leonard screams in his face about him not knowing war, or what it’s like, and he is INSISTANT that he is astral projecting
the callahans are putting away the boy’s toys nooo it’s so sad :( they’re both crying and he’s pouring a drink when he sees leonard in full gear and then his wife dead on the ground!!! and the phone rings while he pulls out a gun. 
the general has his gun and brings it to the lieutenant colonel. and he says the same guy won’t let them die. and the lieutenant colonel knows who it is!!!
callahan is confronting leonard, who says he killed his wife and his son. he fired like a million bullets. but none of them hit, just went right in the wall. agents roll up just as leonard enters some kind of trance. and callahan gets in the elevator, having refused to kill leonard like he’d hoped for!!!!
the general goes to a bottom floor, where pipes are exploding and the voice is talking about how his time has come.
enter mulder, who finds him on the floor, but also the astral projecting leonard is decking him.
and the colonel goes in there and smothers leonard!!!
scully is mad because she was trying to save leonard from what she thought was a seizure but she was interrupted and instead watched a murder go down. not a great feeling, i’m sure.
episode wrap up. no physical evidence that leonard committed the murders. but he meant to keep his victims alive and suffering. and as mulder talks about the case, the lieutenant colonel walks in and hands the general some stuff. and he walks away pushing a cart, while mulder ponders what can destroy the human nature.
well. that sure was a dark one. 
it turns out i’m not big into episodes where children die. just ruins the whole tone.
i think there were some interesting concepts being explored here, on who suffers the most in war, the ordinary men being sent out to fight and be fought while others give the orders from relative safety. and the resentment that dichotomy causes. as well as the weaponization of survivor’s guilt in the form of roach just going along with the evil schemes. that is interesting. 
but all things considered, it was a bit too dark for me. it was lacking in whimsy or jokes, which i like to keep going at an even pace. i liked to see a very determined scully, and a mulder who was smiling happily on his cassette tape streaming endeavors, but other than that, this was a real bummer.
i will say, it did mostly successfully distract from my garbage day, though, so i do not take this for granted. it just would have distracted me a whole lot MORE had there been a higher number of stolen glances and grasping hands and brushing fingers through each other’s hair or cradling of injured bodies. these are really balm to the wounded soul.
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