#we can be better we will get better

[crazy-fangirl2524]

Why all for the game series got us all so hooked

An attempt at combining everything I’ve read on tumblr and recent (re)discovery I have from rereading the books for the fourth time:

We all know it’s the characters. But why? Yeah they are real and raw and resonant with us. Neil and Andrew and Kevin and foxes story captivated us. Let’s start with Neil:

Neil Josten. A runaway that stated so many times how alone and lonely he is. How he is a nobody. He insisted on all that and couldn’t care more or less for his teammates throughout the first book. But his character development is astounding. We can see him actually choosing to stay in the end of the first book. When he decided to strike a deal with Andrew who he didn’t trust at all to stay. He rationalised it at Andrew letting him stay because Andrew was the main antagonist throughout the first book even though we have been hinted throughout the book that the real threat to Neil’s life is his father. So he deal with the easier one first.

Then in the second book, we can see glimpse of how he is becoming “real” and how his teammates treat him as a friend but he didn’t even realise and in just less than half a year he managed to have friends and by the end of the second book he is literally willing to die for them. He cares for them. His teammates care for him. And most importantly andrew.

Yeah Andrew is the main focus and let’s just say all of us were as shocked as Neil at his confession in the third book (unless we all knew from the start but) even after reading the books multiple times. It is actually not that obvious that Andrew likes Neil. Because neil himself didn’t notice.

Here is a sidetracked paragraph about the narration. The narration is flawless. The pov is strictly neil and it is so neil that all he cares about is exy and survival and so that’s all we cared about in the first book. But as his priorities shift in the second book. We begin to care for the others too. He doesn’t waste his time describing the setting of places or cloths or people. There are barely any descriptions except for the court and during the exy games. Until the third book when neil begin describing Andrew when he realised his feelings. The narration got us hooked from the start when he didn’t even tell us his real name until riko said it. And the narration allow us to feel his fear and confusion and apathy and did it so seamlessly that we can’t help but fall in love with exy as neil did and slowly for Andrew and the foxes and of course neil himself.

People talked about the plot holes and ridiculous plot of yakuza and a fake sport and shit but is the plot really that ridiculous? There are books about faeries and vampires and romances where it literally would never happen in real life and people want to argue that a make up sport and yakuza is plot holes??? The fast pace plot itself is what got me hooked first and not the characters (but the characters are what made me stay) the pacing and narration is perfect and I don’t know why people cant see it. Everything make sense and it is all possible just because it’s not the usual thing that is written in books and do I have to remind you all this is an entirely fictional series??

Now onto Andrew. Andrew minyard is first presented as the antagonist and one of the threats and then into a teammate Neil valued and then suddenly boom he is the freaking love interest. We were as shock as Neil at first but rereading for the nth time it is so obvious from the way neil can understand Andrew whereas even his family and those closest to him couldn’t. Not for the lack of trying though (yes they all tried, just maybe not hard enough but I’ll say it is also because it’s impossible for them)

Andrew minyard is impossible. He didn’t let anyone in. He doesn’t explain himself at all or anything or his actions. Neil josten is just smart enough and on the same wave length as him. Nicky and Aaron and Kevin and the rest of the foxes couldn’t understand Andrew because they don’t think like him. Neil josten came to the conclusion that Andrew killed his mother for Aaron because he cared for him. Nicky cannot because he could never kill anyone so he cannot imagine why Andrew will do it for someone even though it’s his brother and to his mother of all people. Neil understand because he understand how Andrew works. Yes you can argue others can try harder and try to ask but will you still ask if you never get straight answers? Why is it only renee ever got close with Andrew? Because renee is the same as Andrew and she understands. No of course I’m not blaming Andrew for not explaining himself because god knows he doesn’t have to to people that he know won’t understand him. But I’m also not going to blame the people that doesn’t understand him. Yes we can say the foxes are wrong for always calling Andrew soulless and a monster but what else are they suppose to do? They see Andrew as violent and Andrew never bothered to correct them and Andrew is violent but they just cannot see the reasoning behind it.

Andrew minyard has been through so much and after the foxes realised just what he had been through (they don’t even know about his childhood only know about drake they don’t know it was since seven years old they don’t know it’s more than one person) they begin to understand his boundaries more and that’s when they get closer.

Andrew minyard is so strong for surviving all that. Imagine since a baby, since you are seven. It’s a miracle that he hasn’t killed more people or killed himself. It makes perfect sense why he is the way he is and yeah people get mad that why in the EC Nora was like Andrew will never heal and stuff but that’s just EC you can interpret and imagine after the books yourself. In just the last book you can see how much Andrew has opened up once someone truly truly understands him and see all of him without flinching away.

It can’t be anyone else. Of course it is Neil josten because Neil is the only other person that understands protecting yourself. Using whatever means. And Neil josten understands the possessive claim Andrew has because Andrew never had control over anything in his entire life (just like how Neil runs all the time) and Neil josten is just as possessive of his people as Andrew minyard are (Neil holds on so tightly too. He is willing to die for the foxes by book two already) yeah renee understands Andrew but she was saved whereas Andrew was dammed even more. Wymack has already been there and done that so it is different for him. Bee is still just a psychiatrist she can only understand so much. So of course it is Neil. Neil who can challenge and understand and push andrews buttons just right.

Now Aaron minyard. For as long as I remember the fandom has make Aaron minyard into someone that has always hated Neil josten. That isn’t the case. Aaron didn’t hate Neil josten. He just didn’t care for any of the foxes. He only hates Neil josten when he gets with his brother and justifiably so. He hates Neil josten becaude Aaron minyard tried so hard to get to know his brother and all he got in return is a dead mother and a brother that is not willing to speak to him. Imagine you are Aaron. You are desperate and then you found out you have a brother and you tried with him but he rejected you again and again and then last straw was when he seemingly killed your mother. The one thing you have always had. And then your brother doesn’t talk to you again. Aaron’s grief of course won’t allow him to see it how Neil as an outsider can see. And then this fucking outsider come in and wreck the team got one of the teammates killed even and he’s the fucking son of the butcher and he lies and lies and lies and he gets with your brother. Your brother who has been a sexually assaulted victim for who knows how long. And this liar and mafia kid comes in and get with your brother. Your brother and entire family and team love and trust this guy even though all he does is lie and make trouble for your team. (Yes Aaron understand neil is not really the bad guy and Aaron literally did not care about Neil even after everything until Baltimore and neil and Andrew is obviously a thing) so yeah Aaron justifiably hates Neil because his brother that apparently killed his mother for him and saved him from rapists but is more willing to trust someone he met less than a year ago than Aaron himself.

Now Kevin day. I’ll be honest and say I didn’t care for him at all in my first read. After rereading again and all the tumblr post I’m literally in love with the man. People say he is a coward but we all know he isnt. The way he manage to relearn an entire sport with his nondominant is not only impressive but also nearly impossible. He did it through sheer determination and spite and fear. Exy is all he has and he’s so goddamn good at it. His relationship with Andrew is so precious. He is the first one to see something in Andrew and actually try to give Andrew something. He is andrews first friend that isn’t related by blood that isn’t forced to be by Andrew’s side through any family obligation or whatever. And Andrew trusts Kevin enough with his medicine. Kevin trusts Andrew to protect him from his biggest fear and nightmare and abuser. Kevin is willing to teach Neil even when he knows Neil doesn’t have a future. He is willing to waste time and effort in neil because Neil cares about exy as much as he does. Neil chose to sign with the foxes because of kevin. Neil wants kevin to make it. When he realised kevin hasn’t escaped either he does his damn best to get kevin out of it through winning exy games and trying his best to get them to championship. The book doesn’t end with Neil beating his father. The book ends with the foxes beating the ravens. Ends with kevin winning against riko. All for the game. Neil played and survived all for exy and half of it is also for kevin. All for the game. These two are like twin flames that their lives are nothing compare to their love for exy and obsession for each other.

Nicky hemmick. The guy that doesn’t have to take care of his cousins and were under absolute no obligation to help them and provide them a home and drop his entire life in Germany and leave his boyfriend and get treated like shit by them and as a joke by everyone on his team. Yeah nicky assaulted neil and that’s no excuse and it’s not justified at all. Andrew minyard assaulted neil and drugged him too. All the monsters assaulted neil. Just because Nicky’s assaults are different from Andrew doesn’t make them more wrong. It’s all wrong. And if we are going to hold accountability to the characters every single one of the foxes including wymack are all wrong and should go to jail. So yes I don’t condone nicky on kissing Neil but I don’t think that’s what the fandom should always hold against nicky. If nicky had punched Neil instead yall wouldn’t have this big of a reaction. (And yes of course I understand why the fandom is more freaked out over Nicky’s sexual assault but I don’t think we should all hate nicky for it) nicky knows it’s wrong and yeah his commenst are too much but he toned it down and even stopped after Andrew said so and after he can see how Neil is genuinely not interested. If nicky is really the predator yall make him to be Andrew minyard will be the first one to kill him.

Also about exy. The way neil describes it oh my gods how can you NOT be obsess with exy as well? And the way Andrew Kevin and neil is so so good at exy that you just feel it like most of us aren’t sport fans but exy makes us into one. Imagine being the FASTEST STRIKER like you don’t get it the fastest fucking striker and then you earn 3 MILLION per year on average as a pro exy player like. And and. Andrew minyard shutting down the goal. Someone recently calculated that remember the 150 goals shot and he only let in 13??? The games are 90 minutes. That’s more than one goal per minute. No wonder Andrew couldn’t lift his arms afterwards. And they were playing against the “best” college team. Andrew minyard doesn’t even train. It’s all raw talent. And Kevin day. Already drafted to court before he even graduated university. Exy stadium seats (at least the foxhole court one) has 65k seats. It’s Taylor Swift concert seats. Imagine that many people watching and obsessing over exy. And remember Neil’s awe when he first practiced with the cousins and he’s like you guys are so good. Every single one of the foxes are so so good at exy. How can you not love them and they genuinely love and care for the sport and that makes you care for exy too.

And they are all so fucking smart. Everyone hates dumb characters. Not a single one of the characters are dumb. They are all smart as fuck. Aaron studies med alongside with fucking exy (and all the mafia and trauma and a gf). Andrew minyard has an eidetic memory. Neil josten survived on the run for eight years. He is fluent in three languages and know at least five. Kevin day is a history major.

And you know how good a series has to be one the author hasn’t given us any content since 2016? It’s 2023 right now it’s been seven years and this fandom is THRIVING. I have genuinely never seen a fandom where there’s no more content yet it is still this active. Yeah some people leave. But most don’t. And there’s always new people. New content. Yeah maybe this fandom can sometimes get toxic but most of it is so so amazing. We genuinely has amazing edits and fanarts and the fanfictions oh my gods and just you guys are amazing.

In conclusion if you have make it this far congratulations I just love aftg too much this is literally just a love letter to aftg. I’m so tempted to write an actual thesis on aftg with quotations and sources but I’m too lazy and yeah maybe I’m just repeating everything people had already said and pointed out before but I just want to remind everyone again why we love this series it’s because of the characters and how real they are and how they show us that there are second and third and fourth and fifth chances and that we all deserve it and that we will make it we can survive and if even the foxes can then why can’t we?

[beebfreeb]

Messaging people for the first time is so hard. What am I supposed to say? Like, "You seem really odd and your blog intrigues me. Do you want to have philosophical conversations or perhaps talk about fictional characters?" What! Whatever. I will just follow you back and stare at your blog with my big beautiful brown eyes.

[stemmmm]

more people gotta try this shit where bill has not improved and will not change but he's just chilling so its fine probably. its great

[chloesimaginationthings]

The toy animatronics are the divas of FNAF,,

[doomdoomofdoom]

Kamala Harris does want "transgender surgery on illegal aliens that are in prison", btw.

So since Trumpists are getting mad enough about the jokes to actually cite their sources, I thought I'd put the source out into my left extremist commie faggot echo chamber, too.

The claim originates from an ACLU questionnaire she filled out for her 2020 presidential candidacy, specifically this section:

She wasn't given a new questionnaire for 2024, and has stated that while her policy on some things may have changed, her values had not. (This most likely means she moved more to the center to appease larger demographics and cut corners to reach compromises. The basic politician stuff.)

It boils down to this: If you're in prison, whether for "illegal" immigration or other crimes, you rely on the state to provide you with necessary amenities, like food and health care. Her argument isn't "hell yeah everyone in prison should get sex changes for free". It's "gender affirming surgery is a necessary medical procedure. If you are in the states care while this becomes necessary, the state should provide it." If you're outraged by your tax money being used on this, consider the massive amount of people being incarcerated in for-profit prisons, on your dime. Then ask yourself if maybe a prison reform might be in order.

Worth noting: In 2015, while Attorney General, Kamala Harris actually argued against providing gender-affirming surgery to an incarcerated trans woman, claiming that HRT and psychotherapy were sufficiently covering her medical needs. She has since obviously changed her stance and assumed responsibility. (I would like to take this moment to remind my fellow left extremist commie faggots that "willingness to learn and rethink your views" is infinitely more valuable than "perfect from the start and unwilling to listen to anyone")

Also found in the source: This image of Kamala Harris participating in the 2019 San Francisco Pride Parade, wearing what I believe to be a sequin rainbow embroidered denim jacket.

I encourage you to read the provided CNN article and the answers to the ACLU questionnaire, as they give great insight into her values.

TLDR: Based.

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[evanhereonearth]

Solas, outnumbered seven to one, overpowered by a lot more than that, betrayed by his best friend Mythal who bound him to her service and coerced him into leaving the Fade and coerced him into making a weapon that would make an entire people tranquil to stop the war she started AND ignored him when he said it would create *checks notes* a blight and made him do it anyway. Solas, facing seven blighted wannabe gods who turned on his best abusive friend Mythal when she finally stood up to them after CENTURIES of him begging her to do just that and starting a rebellion to free all their multitudes of slaves: *creates the veil, imprisons the blight and the Evanuris, and preserves all life in Thedas* World: FUCK THE DREAD WOLF, GOD OF TREACHERY AND LIES *worships the Evanuris and their dragon thralls*

Solas: zzzzzzzzzz (knocked out cold from saving the world for LITERALLY SEVERAL MILLENNIA MORE)

Tevinter: *razes what's left of Elvhenan, steals all their magic, enslaves the elven people for entire length of Solas's world-saving-induced coma*

Also Tevinter: *breaks into the fucking black city and brings out the blight*

Also also Tevinter: *uses so much blood magic that the veil ends up in tatters*

The Blight: >:)

World: fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck *throws everything they can at the blight, including--*checks notes again*--the blight

Orlais: you know what sucks? elves. let's kill them all

Ferelden: good shout, mes amis

Orlais: you know what also sucks? mages. put them in prisons.

Ferelden: you're full of good ideas when you're not invading us

Free Marches: MAGE PRISON, YOU SAY?

Orlais: add templars who can decide to murder them or make them tranquil on a whim at any moment

Ferelden and Free Marches: *frantically taking notes*

Rivain and Nevarra: we're just going to be...over here...

Blights 1-5: i've got a great idea i've got a great idea

Blights 1-5 after a while: my great idea didn't work :(

Archdemons 1-5: ....... :(

Evanuris 1-5: ......... :(

Solas, waking up in 9:40ish Dragon: what the...WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCKING FUCK. they can just KILL MAGE CHILDREN? AND PURGE ALIENAGES? AND ALMOST EVERY ELF IN TEVINTER IS A SLAVE? *absolutely rabid, seeks out the Dalish, as remnants of his people*

The Dalish, at Solas: *ARROWS*

Solas: ......fuck this shit, fuck all of this shit, fuck these tyrants in particular, fuck this fucking...UGH

The veil, after all this: (o.O:0oO.)

The remaining blighted Evanuris and the 99% of blight that did not escape: :)

Solas: well, that is a problem, going to need to address that ASAP, but turns out millennia of coma doesn't leave a spirit spry

Corypheus, busting out of warden jail: I AM FREE

Solas: hm, could kill that guy letting him unlock my orb, since he broke into my blight prison in the first place and defo deserves dying

Corypheus: veil needs a certain je ne sais quoi, a...bigger hole. i will make one.

Wardens: yes, good plan, blighted magister man. we are in control of the blight inside us and also heroes *in death, sacrifice = divine justinia's ritual sacrifice under thrall*

The veil:

O

Corypheus: >:( but like...not dead

Solas: well, i did not see that coming

Lavellan: *in chains, threatened with execution*

humans: KNIFE EAR >:(

Lavellan: *hole in the sky, hole in her memories, hole in her fucking hand* fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck, wait, this hole in my hand helps close holes in the SKY

Solas: *.* It seems you hold the key to our salvation

Lavellan: i'm sorry what

humans: HERALD OF ANDRASTE!!!!!!!! *falls to knees*

Lavellan: I'M SORRY WHAT

Chantry: *choking in the corner*

Cassandra: time for you to decide the fate of the world

Lavellan: I'M. SORRY. WHAT???????? you know what? fine. *stops alexius from blood magicking his way through redcliffe and time itself, gets punted into a hellscape of nightmares and makes it back with the help of a rebel tevinter mage* the mages i rescued from becoming probable slaves to tevinter are our allies and dorian is my new best friend for being the only reason i made it back alive and the whole world didn't die *dabs*

Cassandra: >:(

Mother Giselle: >:(

Lavellan: ffs

Corypheus: *dragon temper tantrum*

Lavellan: *somehow escapes both dragon and Corypheus, trudges through blizzard, collapses*

Mother Giselle: *.* I FEEL A SONG COMING ON

Literally everyone but Solas: *falls to their knees*

Solas: a word?

Lavellan: OH THANK HEAVENS

Solas: these people are wack and aren't going to like that Corypheus is using elven magic *cough*, they're a hairsbreadth from executing us at all moments lol, btw here's a castle, you know, for you cos i highkey see myself in you and god i'm so fucking lonely

Lavellan: me too but wait, what the fuck is happening. you know what? fuck it. solas, what if we kissed,,, in the fade

Solas: what IF we kissed,,, in the fade *fade tongue*

Solas: ...you continue to surprise me. you show a wisdom i have not seen...since my deepest journeys into the fade!

Lavellan: don't you dare walk away from me now

Solas: okay vhenan i stay

Vivienne: this is a DEMON and NOT A PET

Lavellan: *blinks* right, no, this spirit kid who is the literal only reason we escaped Haven alive is my son now. if he hadn't read roderick's mind we'd all be avalanched or blighted dragoned, so SUCK IT UP

Vivienne: >:(

Cassandra: >:(

Sera: >:(

Bull: >:(

Varric: >:(

Solas: :D

Wardens: btw we're doing blood magic and raising an army of demons. not really our fault but also not NOT our fault? idk, blight in the blood, morally grey area. get it? grey...war--never mind, we'll be at adamant xoxo

Cullen: lotsa soldiers gonna die

Lavellan: fuck, is there another choice?

Advisors: ...no

Cory's dragon: *burninating the adamant, burninating the wardens, burninating all the people and this crumbling ROCKY BRIIIIIIDGE! CRUMBLING ROCKY BRIDGEEEEE*

Lavellan, flying through the air hundreds of feet towards the ground: fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck *opens a rift into the fade*

Everyone but Solas: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK WE'RE IN THE FADE

Solas: we're in the FADE!!!!!

Lavellan, after escaping the nightmare's lair: glad half the team is pissed at me, what's next, an imperial ball? how hard can that be?

Orlesians: they invited an ELF SAVAGE >:(

Lavellan: you know what, fuck this and fuck Celene for genociding the entire Halamshiral alienage and fuck you, Gaspard, you can be Briala's little French Orlesian bulldog

Half the Inquisition: *shocked pikachu*

Morrigan: allow me to shemsplain all of elven history to everyone, including Solas, yourself, and all the ancient elves in this temple

Lavellan: you know what? okay. *rubs at Mythal's vallaslin, makes eyes real big* who is this "Mythal"

Solas: *choking in the corner*

Cassandra, muttering: i do not want to do a ritual to a false god

Morrigan: lemme have the well, lemme have it, i deserve it more than you

Lavellan: ...abso-fucking-lutely not *drinks from the well out of pure spite*

Solas: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, VHENAN

Lavellan: idk vhenan, this world sucks and i wanna make it better and i love you

Solas: ...you are everything and you inspire me, hurry, i need to tell you i'm the dread wolf but am going to break up with you and remove your slave markings instead and btw they're basically a drawing of me in my true form and honestly, this whole thing is real fucked up and you're the only real person in my entire life who sees me

Lavellan: wait what

Solas: i'm bad and don't deserve you and had to harden my heart to save the world before and everyone hated me for it so i'm projecting when i say you must harden your heart to a cutting edge to kill Corypheus, I'll explain after we kill him

Lavellan: ...oh yeah guess we should do that but I gotta go meet Mythal first

Solas: wait what

Mythal: *is Morrigan's mum, is only mostly dead, also 100% cool with overriding her servants' will entirely for shits and giggles, 0/10 do not trust* i'll help you if you fight this dragon lol

Morrigan: *choking in the corner*

Corypheus: *has a mahoosive temper tantrum when Mythal's pet dragon kills his pet dragon, dies*

Solas: ;-; ilu, inky, what we had was real but i'm afraid to do to you what Mythal did to me. I MUST AWAY

Lavellan: ....

World: HERALD OF ANDRASTE!!!!!!!!!!!!*

*some restrictions may apply, like in a couple years we're going to forget everything you did and be real mad at you

Solas, somewhere: been there, vhenan

World, two years later: :D we're here to hate you, right on schedule

Qunari: you are in need of the gentle path. therefore, we are coming to kill you all

Solas: like hell you will. but come to think of it, this is a good excuse to see vhenan again

Lavellan's arm: TIME TO DIE

Solas: defo another good excuse to see vhenan again. probs should study that arm anyway

Lavellan, after several Qunari too many: CAN ANYTHING IN THIS FUCKING WORLD STAY FIXED

Inquisition, including Divine Victoria: *shocked pikachu*

Lavellan: i'm going back through the fucking looking glass to talk to some ancient elven sentinels with Mythal's magic whisper well, they're the only fucking thing that makes sense here

Qunari: *destroying everything in sight but getting hounded by the dread wolf at every step*

Lavellan, whose arm is trying to kill her but is following Qunari through her own people's magic mirror world: ...i think i'm in love with the dread wolf

Companions: pfffffft

Cole: :D YES, YOU ARE AND HE LOVES YOU TOO

Lavellan: thank god i have you, cole, my spirit son

Solas, in a statuary garden of petrified Qunari: i suspect you have questions

Lavellan: honestly, fen'harel, not really

Solas: *shocked pikachu* well done

Lavellan: i'm real tired and you could have just trusted me back in Crestwood.

Solas: this world is broken, i must tear down the veil

Lavellan: yep, i'm one "knife ear" away from putting a knife in the next human's ear who says it tbh, i'd rather live in the fade with you and my spirit son, can i help you pls vhenan

Solas: ...no

Lavellan: wtf

Solas, internally panicking because he followed Mythal wherever she went and she dragged him to literal hell and trauma and now his one true love is offering to follow him while he probably makes things worse again: absolutely not, no, but i love you forever

Lavellan's arm: >:(

Solas: ...right, i gotta take that

Lavellan: wait what

Solas: i will never forget you *trundles through mirror with severed arm*

Lavellan: oh fuck my entire life, you know what, Ferelden and Orlais? Inquisition is no more, i'm going on sabbatical to Stone Bear Hold where at least people are not insane and Storvacker loves me, and then i'm going home to the castle vhenan gave me. don't call me. byeeee

ten years later

Varric: gonna go stop Solas, who invented the veil and is From Fade, from doing things i don't understand, wish me luck, inky

Lavellan: WAIT ONE GODDAMNED SECOND I'M COMING WITH YOU

Varric: no <3 i found a complete rando who will fuck everything up

Rook: hey, what if i drop a statue on this nuclear arsenal protecting the biggest biological weapon of mass destruction known to all of thedas? that'll help

Neve, a literal mage who should know even small rituals can blow up and kill you: probs not a good idea but Varric, a dwarf who knows nothing about magic or the veil or the Fade whatsoever says this ritual must be stopped At All Costs By Any Means Necessary so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Varric: Solas I will shoot you with Bianca

Solas: ffs stop *breaks Bianca*

Varric: can you promise me your way is better

Solas: i know way better than to make promises like that, have you seen this world???

Varric: GOTCHA, YOU LYING LIAR WHO LIES

Rook: TIIIIIIIIIIIIIMBERRRRRRR

Varric: defo going to attack the guy whose millennia of existence has been centred on this massive magical problem i do not even comprehend a little after waiting ten years to ask a single question about it when he'd already got going *tries to stab Solas*

Solas, feeling everything he's spent all of world history protecting the world from breaking out of jail: turns the dagger and stabs Varric instead

Elgar'nan: >:)

Ghilan'nain: >:)

Solas: oh for fucking FUCK'S SA--*exit, stage Fade Jail*

Blight: >:)

Rook: oops

Neve and Harding: omg this could not possibly be our fault at all, not even a little. it's Solas's fault, the lying liar who lies

Lavellan: i will not murder this stupid child, i will not murder this stupid child, i will not murder this stupid child

Morrigan: we have to help the stupid child

Lavellan: we have to help the stupid child

Morrigan and Lavellan: *look at each other*

Lavellan: when this is over, i stg--

Morrigan, who has millennia of memories of Mythal abusing Solas and decades of Flemythal abusing her: yeah no i will throw you a going away party and take care of Dorian for you and help you get your boyfriend back and no way will i fight him, this is actually ridiculous

Ferelden, Orlais, and the Free Marches, all of whom turned on Lavellan ten years ago: hELP help HELP there's BLIIIIIGHT

Lavellan to Leliana: you owe me a hundred gold

Leliana: *hands over a solid gold nug*

Ferelden: X_X

Orlais: X_X

Free Marches: X_X

Lavellan: *grits teeth* i better go meet with rook

Rook: andaran atish'an, honoured inquisitor

Lavellan: yo. sure would be nice to be meeting without our gods, you know, destroying absolutely everything i've spent a quarter of my life protecting and rebuilding after the last apocalypse but here we are i guess

Morrigan: *smirks at shade*

Northern Thedas: ROOK IS THE BEST

Southern Thedas: is rook tho

Ghilan'nain: muahahaha i have so many drago---nooo you killed my dragons and i am BLEEDING LIKE A MORTAL PIECE OF MORTAL SCUM

Elgar'nan: my dragon used to be bigger :(

Ghilan'nain: your dragon's fine

Elgar'nan: Ghilly, make it bigger again

Ghilan'nain: can't, too sad. blood. :(

Southern Thedas: *throwing nugs at blight* hELP

Lavellan, with half of Southern Thedas crammed into skyhold: thanks for the castle, vhenan, we'd all literally be dead without it, again

Morrigan: erm, Inky? seems everyone's telling Rook Solas is just a big monster lying liar who lies and blaming him for everything

Lavellan: that's what people do, blame Solas. had a bad day? blame Solas. Mythal wants to sever the titans' dreams? Blame Solas. Rashvine nettle sting? Blame Solas. Bring the veil 5/7 or so of the way down themselves after releasing the blight? Blame Solas. Rook let the gods out? Blame Solas

Morrigan: Inky.

Lavellan: you want me to go pour out my heart to the person who imprisoned vhenan and let out Ghilan'nain, Mother of Tentacles, and Elgar'nan "My Dragon is Bigger than Your Dragon" First and Worst of the Evanuris, don't you

Morrigan: yee

Lavellan: FINE but you better spill every ounce of tea you've got on the stupid child before i go because i need to at least make rook squirm a LITTLE

Morrigan: i thought you'd never ask

Elgar'nan: you won't make my dragon bigger??? fine i'll move the moon instead

Northern Thedas: i'm sorry what

Anyone at sea anywhere on the planet: I'M SORRY WHAT

Ghilan'nain: *throws a temper tantrum and dies*

Elgar'nan: >:(

Solas: fuck this shit, i'm getting out of Fade Jail

Rook: :(

Minrathous: fuck fuck fuck FUCK fuck fuck fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK

Solas: hello, people who enslaved my people for millennia, i am here to save the day i guess

Minrathous, slapping blight tentacles out of their faces: ...honestly thank you

Solas: wait what

Rook: I ESCAPE FADE JAIL SOLAS YOU BASTARD LYING LIAR WHO LIES

Lavellan: i will not murder the stupid child, i will not murder the stupid child, i will not murder the stupid child

Solas: you know what, fair play, here's the dagger, there's elgar'nan, ima bite his dragon, you go have a great time. have fun storming the blight tentacle

Venatori, poster children for the Leopards Who Eat People's Faces Party: nooo the leopards keep eating our faces

Minrathous: wow who could have possibly predicted that

Everyone who has ever met a Venatori: yes, yes, very sad

Elgar'nan, eating every face in the magesterium and effectively cleansing Tevinter of the worst of its monsters in one fell swoop: ah, rook, you can't kill me, i have the biggest dragon ever to dragon

Dread Wolf: honestly he's kinda not wrong, this dragon is a bastard and i am like a fifth of its size and getting p tired, ngl

Rook's Blighted Companion: welp gonnae put this trauma to use for the greater good. go go gadget blight tentacles, release the Dread Pupper

Elgar'nan: *shocked pikachu*

Dread Wolf: *chomp*

Elgar'nan: *throws a temper tantrum and dies*

Solas: oh ffs finally

Rook: not so fast

Solas: oh ffs here we fucking go

Rook: i don't actually want to fight you

Solas: wait, what

Rook: i think this is all my fault but everyone keeps telling me i'm the hero and that's fucked up. and your vhenan, she's nice to me, no one really else is, i'm just everybody's apocalypse therapist, and i even kinda like you tbh, my whole team basically does fun stuff without me and doesn't even invite me to book club and emmrich's the only one who asks me about my feelings instead of just asking me to do stuff for them, and anyway, i'm going to trust the inquisitor here because i'm honestly starved for connection and she thinks you're worth saving so can we talk i don't wanna fight

Solas: what

Lavellan, out of sight, reliving the litany of "i will not murder this stupid child": oh haha awkward

Solas: look,,, i've been bound to the service of an ancient elvhen god for millennia and everything i do, whether i know it or not, is for her, so i can't do what you want and this sucks

Lavellan: even if i'm here, walking the din'an shiral with you?

Solas: ...vhenan

Lavellan: ;_;

Solas: ;_; ...I cannot

Morrigan: yo dread wolf, my mum's a piece of work and i have all her memories and everything she did to you was fuuuuuuuuucked up, anyway, over to her, honestly not pissed you killed that part of her btw, she reeeeally fucked you up, but rook somehow managed to talk her out of her essence, so that's impressive

Solas: what

Mythal: yeah i kinda tore you out of your home and twisted you from your purpose and made you do murder and worse for me for millennia and said i wanted your wisdom and then never ever listened to you ever and just dragged you through every atrocity i created and perpetuated

Solas: it hurts and i guess you're going to kill me now so here's the dagger ;_;

Mythal: it's still mostly your fault but i was there too i guess, anyway, i release you from my service, which i could have done at any point in the past several millennia but instead I tortured you endlessly, lol god of retribution, that's me. k bye

Solas: what the fucking fuck

Lavellan: right there with you, like literally forever, our love is a miracle and the only thing i can even cope with

Solas: yeah honestly fuck this shit, i'm out, i will put myself in fade jail

Lavellan: you are not going by yourself i stg take me with you i wanna go home

Solas: ...home is a literal prison now

Lavellan: sealed away from all this shit? from getting blamed for everything we do no matter how much we sacrifice? if it's you and me there together, i don't care if it's a grey box full of darkspawn

Solas: there's no darkspa--

Lavellan: ffs i said i want to go, you don't have to sell me on it. you're the only person in this world who Gets It. we go on together, forever.

Solas: *.* my wife

Lavellan: *.* my wolf

Northern Thedas: and rook saved the world from the dread wolf, who was a lying liar who lies

Southern Thedas: *busy being dead and blighted*

Lavellan: yeah, fuck this shit, we're out

You can now download this shitpost in beautifully formatted PDF, courtesy of @amburuthings. Thank u for your service *salutes*

You all have had me howling with the tags on reblogs, thank you, I am absolutely dying in deadline hell and needed that

[umblrspectrum]

tessa, being the edgy little freak she is, obviously took the original darkxwolf username

[pangur-and-grim]

Belphie’s had his meds, and now he’s lying in the sun

[forgettable-au]

FORGETTABLE-AU (Page 36-39)

* To note. Her hands are scaly. * And...unexpectedly wet?

[BEGINNING] [PREVIOUS] [CONTINUE]

[letsplaythermalnuclearwar]

Homer!Odysseus and Epic!Odysseus would try to kill each other if they ever met

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Lan Wangji goes to Lotus Pier (No relation to the AU of the same name)

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[ninthriven]

Micah-10 & Mihaylova

[xxplastic-cubexx]

oh boy 2AM !!!!!!

[devine-fem]

this ship isnt boring/bad, you guys don't get them like i do, i fear. if peter was a god, then wade would be his greatest disciple. if wade was an artist, then peter would be his muse. / Mario Puzo, The Godfather // it chooses you, miranda july // marcel proust // Terrance Hayes, The Same City // Eliza Crewe, Crushed // judas-redeemed // Mitski, I'm your man // u.k // Mitski, I'm your man // Richard Siken // Charlotte Eriksson Everything Changed When I Forgave Myself // u.k. // Noah Kahan You're Gonna Go Far // marilynne robinson, gilead