#was supposed to be posted on valentines day

[amomorii]

a quiet night in 🎶

[bdbueckers]

trust me? | p.b

pairing: paige bueckers x fem!reader

warnings: smut, fluff, sub!paige, soft dom!reader, sex toy usage, spit, slight tribbing, fingering, overstimulation(?), i think that’s all but feel free to lmk if i missed anything!

wc: 4.4k (pwp)

summary: reader wants to try something new with paige after an impromptu trip to the sex store. based on this request!

author's note: i couldn't finish up the fic that i wanted to upload for valentine's day so we're scrapping it for now and ima leave y'all with this! it's different for me to write sub!paige but i think i like how it came out and maybe i'll get more into it for future posts! once again, thank you to the anon that sent this request, hopefully you enjoy it a little more than everyone else! (ngl i didn’t really proofread this so we’re giving it to god…and as always if you hate it idc DON’T tell me)

also that uconn vs south carolina game has given me the serotonin boost needed to carry me through this month AND march, they make me so proud😭 y’all better be tuned in for the game tonight vs seton hall :) i’m manifesting more pg paige and some beautiful uconn hoops!

okay sorry i’m done talking, enjoy! x

nervous was an understatement. how do you bring up the idea of topping your girlfriend…to her? considering you hadn’t thought about how to do so prior to this moment, the nerves seemed normal.

you took a spontaneous trip to your favorite sex shop without telling paige and you blacked out when you got inside, overwhelmed by all the options without your girlfriend by your side to give you her opinion. 

immediately once you had eyes on it you’d settled for a dual bullet vibrator, paired with a remote. the thought of paige using it on you immediately causes you to hold your breath a little. but the thought of you using it on her had you b-lining to the register and giddy and running up the stairs at home to hide it while she was asleep on the couch.

after some pondering, you’d figured it would be a little too easy to ask. it was essentially a yes or no question, and she’d honestly answer in a heartbeat, but you wanted to ensure that she’d be at your mercy.

you settled on the idea of a nice candlelit dinner for the both of you to butter her up. then you’d “pop the question”. 

you were back out of the house as soon as you’d returned, texting paige that you were heading out for some groceries, tucking the “gift” away.

by the time you were back she was wide awake and pretty tuned in to whatever she had playing on the tv. she heard you coming in the door and met you there to greet you sweetly and take any bags from your hands. she sets them down on the counter and starts to reach in, almost too fast for you to remember that she was supposed to be hands off and out of the kitchen for tonight.

“noo, wait let me do it! i wanna cook dinner for you so i’ll put things away.“

“cook for me? baby, what’s the occasion? literally we just celebrated valentine’s day.” okay, so she was already asking you questions.

“shh, no occasion. i just love you and i want to practice making some things. then i’ll be cooking for you all the time instead of…almost never” you respond in a rush, sort of frowning at the last part but still prying her hands off the bags and lightly pushing her out of the kitchen.

you can hear her muttering under her breath but nonetheless she turns on her heels to press a kiss to your lips and whisper a quick “missed you” before turning back around to leave.

your heart swells in your chest at the thought of how sweet she is to you while you put away everything and set out what you were gonna make.

you wanted to get a little fixed up, or at least out of one pair of sweatpants and into another. slipping past paige, who was once again focused on the tv, you headed upstairs. 

after putting on the smallest bit of makeup and fiddling with your hair you grin at your reflection in the mirror. the thought of getting pretty for your girlfriend enough to make your stomach jump. you throw on a pair of loose fitting pants and one of your teenier tops. you’d even saved up to buy another overpriced lingerie set and you had it on underneath, intending for p to see you in it and immediately want it off.

paige walks into the bathroom ready to shower and stops directly behind you in the mirror, letting out a small noise of shock. 

“all this for me? okay now i really need to know what’s going on.” she questions, now standing so close that you could feel her body heat on your back.

“nothing is going on! i told you i wanted to cook for you tonight, can’t i look good while doing it?” you reply, holding eye contact with her in the mirror and ending your sentence with a mini eye roll.

she lifts a hand from her side and places it right underneath your bust, slightly on your ribs, pulling you even further into her.

“you always look good for me baby, but i’ll let you have this.” she teases, kissing your temple and continuing her stride to the shower.

as soon as she was facing away from you, you were staring hard. watching the muscles in her back strain against her shirt when she reached for a towel, you trailed your eyes up and down her frame.

you wish you had her underneath you right now.

stopping yourself you huff slightly and make your way down to the kitchen to get started on dinner. you get in with the “harder” more time consuming parts first so you could focus and shortly the whole process starts to breeze by. 

everything thus far was perfect, especially for a meal that didn’t technically require a recipe.

you hear the water of the shower shut off and a few other noises upstairs. this allows you to anticipate paige emerging from your shared bedroom and getting a whiff of the home cooked meal, immediately on track to fold for you like you needed. 

when she does make her way into the kitchen you’re standing over a cutting board gathering some stuff to chop.

“it smells so good in here baby, oh my god” you hear paige from behind you. then you feel her. hands gravitating to your hips as always and she gently places her chin on your shoulder, her front molding to your back.

“i’m just making a lil something…since i was finally given some time to put some groceries in the fridge. we’re gonna eat something home cooked and actually fulfilling tonight, no fast food, no take out. made with lots of love.” you say, a smile plastered on your face at the domestic feel of this entire moment.

just you and the prettiest girl in the world, standing in your shared living space while you prepared dinner as a way to treat yourselves. 

“i don’t even know what you’re making and i’m drooling over it, guess you’ve still got your touch.” she teases, nudging your cheek with her nose and leaving a light smack on your ass.

“STILL? get out of the kitchen.” you respond, stifling a laugh of your own at how ridiculous she was. “it’s almost done and i’ve already set the table, maybe pour yourself a glass of wine and get out of my way?”

“yes ma’am.” she snorts, holding her hands up in fake defense and shaking her head a little.

you quickly plate everything, mentally saving yourself a pat on the back for how good it truly did look.

sneaking a peek into the dining room you see paige on her phone, eyes low and cheeks already a little rosy as a result of her now finished glasses of wine.

“hey pretty girl, dinner is ready!” you call out, assuming she’d want to carry your plates to the table as she always did.

her lips form an “o” as she locks eyes with the food on the counter and then her eyes pan over to you. if looks could talk her eyes would definitely be confessing their love to you right now. 

feeling shy under her gaze you shake your head and go in for a hug, slightly nuzzling into her chest. you pull back, tilt your head up, and she’s already looking back at you. you both pull back cheesing, not needing to say much.

“babe this is a little too much, you didn’t have to– wait, are you tryna butter me up?” paige breaks the silence.

“butter you up? mmm, maybe…but that doesn’t mean i didn’t want to cook for you. it’s like the cherry on top, please just enjoy yourself baby c’mon!” you plead, stepping back from her to hold her hands in your own.

“okay…” she mutters, before repeating the words cherry on top underneath her breath and giggling. 

she grabs your plates and walks them to the table as you follow closely behind and take your spot across from her.

you’re only two bites in before you hear her again, “okay but seriously what is it? the suspense is killing me.”

“can’t you just eat your food first?” you laugh, shaking your head and taking another bite.

“i think we both know i can multitask, answer the question.” she responds, taking a bite of her food and a sip from her wine glass.

“i promise you will find out when we finish our meal,” you dodge again.

paige smacks her lips a little, a smile fighting for its life to stay hidden.

she does let it go, or so you’d hoped. and dinner goes well. eventually you’re just poking at what’s left on your plate while paige rambles a little. she’d cleared whatever she had in front of her a bit ago but you’d managed to get her talking to avoid her disrupting your own train of thought.

she pauses between sentences and your mouth moves faster than your thoughts.

“p, you trust me right?” you genuinely ask, already nervous again.

“of course baby, what’s going on?” she asks, placing her hand over yours on the table.

“i, i got uh– well i wanna show you something, if that’s okay?” you taunt a bit, lacing your fingers together and getting up from your seat at the table.

her eyebrows furrow a little and she smirks before getting up with you. you begin leading her to your bedroom and stop a few paces from the door to face her. you place your hands on her chest, before allowing them to creep up and secure behind her neck.

“you’re so beautiful,” you whisper, a very visible glint in your eyes.

before she can respond you pull her down to your height and connect your lips. you sigh into the kiss when you feel her hands immediately on your ass and her tilting her head to deepen the kiss. you open your mouth the slightest bit and feel her tongue meet your own. if you weren’t hot before from the wine, you definitely were now. 

you pull back completely and smirk before turning around and heading directly into the bedroom, a slight sway in your hips.

you guide paige onto the bed and she plops down a little, you perched at her side.

“earlier today, i was shopping around and i found something that i wanted to see if you’re interested in.” you trail off, getting up to fetch the discreet packaging that you knew for a fact paige was familiar with.

“mhm, and what is this ‘something’?” she proceeds, holding up her own air quotes. her eyes on yours and one of her eyebrows raised the tiniest bit. almost challenging you.

you pull the toy out of the bag, seeing as you had already taken them out of their packaging earlier to prep.

paige’s expression is hard to read and you can tell she’s leaving space for you to answer her unspoken questions, her breath hitching.

you climb on top of her holding the toy at your side. you catch her eyes fell onto your lips, glossy and parted to speak.

“i just saw this and thought we could try something new? specifically me, trying it out on the both of us.” you ask, or tell her rather. voice a little low but not wavering at all.

“baby i’m all yours, i want whatever you want.” she utters, hands lightly gripping your thighs.

“i’m so happy to hear you say that,” you smile.

you lean down, your weight falling onto your hand that’s now right beside paige’s head. you hold eye contact for as long as you can before you connect your lips again in another kiss. this one less gentle, some notable urge behind it. paige moans immediately kissing back, her hands back on your ass when your tongue slips between her lips to meet her own. 

you pull back to catch your breath, also opting to shed your shirt and reveal your other surprise for her. 

“fuck, are you serious?” paige groans. immediately drawn to the teacup bralette that held your tits just right, but also left you exposed with the mesh on the front of it.

“you like?” you ask, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth to stop yourself from laughing at the expression on her face.

“baby you know i do, cmon” 

“let me show you the rest of it then?” you finish, pushing up onto your knees so you could rid yourself of your pants.

your panties are the same mesh as the bralette, but they’re lacking the smallest piece of fabric. 

they’re crotchless.

you swear you can see the girl in front of you drool a little when she realizes. paige’s eyes are blown out and her mouth is agape when she sees you kneeling in front of her, practically naked.

“do you wanna shed some layers too p? i’m getting impatient,” you tease, watching as she scoffs a little before sitting up to pull her own shirt over her head. 

you have to stop yourself from getting too distracted by her taut abdomen and the little bit of cleavage that’s exposed when she presses her arms together, tugging her sleeves off. as soon as the shirt hits the floor of your bedroom you have your hands in the waistband of her pants, locking eyes with her. she tilts her head in a small nod that signals you to continue.

when you’re both lacking a good amount of clothing you crawl over her. your panties allowing your bare clit to rest on her lap and you hiss at the contact. you grab her hand and place it over your front, hinting at her to fondle your nipples over the thin fabric of your bralette.

“you’re unreal,” you hear paige utter from underneath you, her eyes watching your puffy clit glide messily over her slightly covered bottom half. the sight causes you to swallow a mix of a chuckle and a moan.

“yeah? tell me more.” you respond, breathless as you reach for her other hand, bringing two of her fingers up to your mouth. you kiss them gently and then wrap your lips around her fingertips.

knowing that this gets her going you’re not shocked at how her eyelids flutter before she takes her bottom lip between her teeth.

“you cooked me dinner and now you’re dressed in some of the best lingerie i’ve ever seen, plus you got your pussy in my lap. that’s as good as it gets, baby.” paige answers you, pinching your nipple between two of her fingers and smirking when you sigh and lick at your already glossy lips.

“only the best for you,” you start, pulling her hand away from your lips and toying at the waistband of her underwear, ready for those to come off too.

when her bottom half is completely bare you reach for the vibrators on the bed. 

“take off your bra.” you demand, raising an eyebrow at your girlfriend whilst putting some more distance between the two.

she complies easily and now she is beneath you, completely naked. a slight sheen of sweat on her chest that’s rising and falling a little quicker than before. she’s nervous.

you down and place a hand on her hip while you tongue at her nipples, they’re already hard from being exposed to the air in your bedroom. you don’t miss how pretty she sounds when she lets out a whine, her hand securing itself on the back of your head to hold you closer if even possible. 

“for once i just want to please you baby, i think this is the perfect way to make sure that we both get what we need. just lay back for me and enjoy yourself.” you utter into the empty silence, voice breathy while you sit up again and take one end of the toy, putting it in your mouth to wet.

paige’s mouth opens and she doesn’t say anything but you can tell she’s trying hard not to.

with the remote in your hand you immediately switch the speed to 2 and place it on the nipple that your mouth was on moments ago.

paige arches her back off the bed slightly, eyes immediately squeezing shut. this is already everything you want and you’re just getting started.

“fuck, baby what are you doing–“

“ah ah, remember just enjoy yourself, let me worry about what’s going on.” you shush her, circling her nipple with the vibrating bullet.

she looks beautiful under you like this. her cheeks are red, head thrown back in pleasure as her hips start to move beneath you on instinct.

“m-more, please i want more” she moans, lifting her head up, only to drop it again when she gets sight of you. 

your hair is a little messy from tossing your head side to side and the look in your eyes is sultry. plus you’ve got a vibrator held onto her nipple and she swears she can see a wet spot on her skin from you rutting against her. if it was possible she would’ve cum just from watching you touch her.

“more? what do you want? baby you have to tell me.” you taunt, already gripping the other end of the vibrator in your free hand.

“i’m so wet, i know you can feel it. t-touch me? please? mmmh–“ she cuts herself off when she feels the vibrations on her nipple intensify. the speed was now at 3…and then it was at 4.

“you’re even prettier when you beg p, have i ever told you that?”

“n-no, fuck” she hisses.

“well, you’re usually so in control. i just have to say i love seeing you like this.”

with a light touch you trace some shapes on the outside of her thigh before spreading her legs, your eyes immediately drawn to the wet spot underneath her on her bed. 

“you weren’t lying baby, you’re already making a mess and i haven’t even done anything yet.” you don’t give her much time to say anything in response, gathering all the spit into your mouth and pushing it from your lips so that it lands on her clit in a glob. it’s nasty, just how you both like it and paige lets out another surprisingly high pitched noise. her hole clenching around nothing.

sitting back on your heels between her legs you take your hand that’s holding the vibrator to her nipple and you switch sides. when you see how puffy and red the one that was previously receiving attention is, you almost feel bad, but that feeling doesn’t last long. 

while paige is trying to catch her breath you take the other end of the vibrator and start tracing circles around her clit, before pulling it away again. she cries out, realizing that you were going to keep teasing her.

landing a smack on her hip to get her to drop them down towards the bed again you drag the bullet up and down the length of her pussy, your eyes never leaving her face as she was putting on a show.

“mmm– please just do something baby, anything. i don’t know how much more of this i can take.” paige whines, then reaches out for you. you lean away from her touch.

“you’re good with the safe word?” you ask, tone a little more serious than you intended.

“yes of course baby, just– OH FUCK!”

before she can say anything else you’re pushing the bullet into her fluttering hole, holding in a moan at how tight she is.

“how’s that?” you tease, completely inserting the toy.

“shit– it’s perfect baby,”

“i bet.”

pulling away the end of the vibrator that was on her nipple you lean down again to take it in your mouth. once more she’s cradling your head, this time a little harder. she wants you close, it’s cute.

using little force you pump the bullet into her, listening for her sounds of satisfaction. 

pulling off of her nipple with a pop you watch as she fights to pry her eyes open.

“baby, k-kiss me?” she says, or rather pleads.

your heart beats faster at how desperate she sounds. you grant her the kiss and it’s hot, sloppy, and leaves a string of spit between the two of you when you pull away while she chases after you with her lips.

“my god p, you’re such a good girl for me. who would’ve thought?” you whisper right in her face, smirking a little as she huffs in disappointment when you lean back and away from her again.

“i’ll be a good girl for you any time you want baby, just please don’t stop.” she groans, gushing around the toy inside of her.

“oh really, any time? you promise?” 

an image flashes in your head and before you can think about it too much you’re releasing paige’s leg from your grip, pulling the vibrator out of her and increasing the speed to 5. you pull your left leg up and drape it over her right, almost in a split, pulling the vibrator out of her and pressing it down on her clit with a good amount of pressure. 

her upper half jolts once again, as she raises her head just in time to watch you press your clit down on the vibrator as well, sandwiching it between the two of you.

paige almost screams when you put your entire weight down. your own jaw falls slack and you throw your head back, squeezing your eyes shut.

“p, oh my god– FUCK i can’t believe i thought of this. you’re doing so good, my messy baby. i wish you could see yourself right now.”

leaning down to smack a wet kiss in the middle of her chest you grab the remote in your free hand and turn up the speed to 6. whimpering and crying out into paige’s skin that’s beneath your lips. another loud whine leaves the back of her throat, followed by a grunt and a string of curses.

“i-i can’t”

“you can.”

you use her mouth to wet two of your fingers, she sucks on them sloppily, barely able to focus on the action due to the intense pressure on her clit from both you and the vibrator. you pull them from her lips, with a pop, before you trail them down to between her thighs, circling her hole one last time with your fingertips.

“SHIT– i’m so close baby” paige yelps, starting to huff her breaths out faster when she feels you pressing down harder, using your weight to move the shiny bullet against the both of you slightly. 

she attempts to close her legs around your hand and fails due to the position you were in.

“i know pretty girl i know, m-me too, just hold out a little more hmm?”

turning the vibrator to its highest speed of 7 you pump your middle and ring finger into paige, choking on your own breath at the feeling of her clenching around you and the bullet beneath you violating your clit at this point. 

paige lets out a sob, bringing one of her arms to cover her face. you reach up with the hand that’s not inside of her and rip her arm back. you watch her intently, tears hot and heavy on her cheeks blurring her vision.

“fuck–, paige you look so perfect when you cry.”

“it hurts so good baby, don’t stop“

“you’re close aren’t you? give it to me, cmon, i’m right there with you. i want all you’ve got.”

at this point you have no idea what’s coming out of your mouth but you don’t give a fuck, trying to hold onto your orgasm intending for the girl underneath you to finish first.

and finish she did. smacking your hand off of her arm she reaches down to hold your hips still against her own, tears falling rapidly from her eyes now. 

you don’t know if she’s just really spent or if it’s you that’s spent because you can’t register the words coming out of her mouth while she’s riding out her high. except the last three she matters as soon as you pull your fingers from her leaking cunt.

“i love you”

this sends you over the edge and you have to use every little bit of strength left in you not to collapse directly into paige. 

moaning pornography as your hole spasms around nothing you can only withstand the vibrator for another millisecond before you reach down to snatch it off of the two of you.

you do actually fall onto paige after this but she’s starting to catch her breath now so she welcomes you with open arms, still panting loudly.

you lay a mess between her legs with your head on her chest and your body trembling a little.

when you calm down enough you crane your neck to get a glimpse of your girlfriend. your hand instinctively reaching up to wipe the remainder of tears from her face.

“p, you did so well for me baby. thank you for letting me try that with you” you whisper, pecking her chest gently.

she doesn’t open her eyes, you assume she probably can’t after the amount of energy that orgasm must’ve exerted from her. but she replies nonetheless.

“i already told you, i’ll do anything for you anytime you want. all you have to do is ask.” 

“yeah yeah whatever, just kiss me and go to sleep.”

she actually does open her eyes. they’re glossed over and a little red and puffy from the crying but just as you had mentioned earlier, she looked so gorgeous. 

lifting her head just enough to meet you halfway she slots her lips against your own. the entire moment is so sweet, your entire body feels warm again. the thought of this girl being yours for the rest of your life crosses your mind.

when you pull back you’ve got a goofy grin on your face and you rest your head back on her chest before letting out a deep breath and closing your eyes again. 

paige’s body moves a little and you recognize the motion as her chuckling, before she opens her mouth one final time.

“i can’t wait to use that toy on you next. only. on you.”

[miabebe]

My Girlfriend Faked Her Amnesia (Wen Junhui)

Reverse Trope Series Installment 4

It wasn’t always that life gave one the chance to hit reset, but now that Jun had gotten it, he didn’t have long before time ran out - 10 days to valentine's day which meant 10 chances to make his amnesiac girlfriend remember him again. But it wasn’t going to be a cakewalk - after all, how could one be reminded of the past if they were only pretending to forget?

Pairing - Wen Junhui x afab! Reader

Word Count- 29k

Genre - Heavy angst, romance, hurt comfort, mild humor and as usual, yes, smut - This piece is lowkey inspired by the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind!

Warnings - Car accident, mentions of blood, memory loss, hospital setting

A/n - Hello my loves! This is my bit for the Lonely Hearts Cafe Collab hosted by the wonderful @camandemstudios, my first ever collab! Please do also check out the stories by all the other writers - everyone has been working super hard on this! I hope you enjoy this piece and leave your thoughtsss :) To be added to the reverse tropes taglist, please comment under this post :)

Smut warnings - This is only the first half (12k) of the story and there is no smut in it yet. Warnings will be added for the second half!

The End: 27th December 2024 

"Careful!" 

You quickly swerved to the side of the road, the car screeching to a stop as the honking truck zoomed past you.

Fuck. Gripping the steering wheel tight, you let out a sigh of relief, your wandering thoughts returning to the present. That was close. 

The man beside you mumbled something under his breath as he unbuckled his seatbelt before alighting the car and opened your door, wordlessly asking you to get out.

You complied, allowing him to take over your role as the driver and quietly slid in the passenger seat.

Adjusting the mirror he glanced up and down the snow clad road before driving off into the darkness. Again, without saying a word. 

That's how things had been between the two of you for a while now. Silent. 

Some might say that after nearly 10 years of being together, the two of you didn't need words to communicate anymore, you just understood each other so well. But only you knew the reality - there was nothing left to say. Everything was at the edge of falling apart. 

You glanced down at your hands, fingers fidgeting. Yes it was cold but it was the emptiness that bothered you. 

Your boyfriend shot you a look before his hand hovered over the controls of the car. 

"Are you feeling cold?" 

See, he didn't understand. He never seemed to understand. And you were tired of explaining but a tiny voice in your head said to try just once more. 

"My mum was asking why there's no ring yet?" Caressing the fingers of your left hand, you looked up, far off at the skies where the morning sun still hadn't made its way up. 

“And what did you say?” 

You turned to him, not hiding the incredulous expression donning your face, “What am I supposed to say Jun?” He looked straight ahead, eyes more focused on the road than required. “How does one answer a question like this?” 

His Adam's apple bobbed with his gulp. “That....we’re not ready?” 

“And looking at us, who will buy that?” 

Jun kept quiet again, perhaps because he knew you were right.

The two of you had been together for the majority of your lives which meant your families, friends, colleagues all were a consistent witness of your relationship. Even over the last week, when you were spending Christmas with your family at the ski cabin, your sister wouldn’t stop talking about how you two were perfect for one another. She didn’t know that behind closed doors, in the privacy of your room, the two of you slept with your backs facing each other.

Jun sighed, noticing you were getting lost in your thoughts again. “Why do we have to justify ourselves to anyone anyways Y/n? This is our life-” 

“You’re right, there’s no need to justify anything to anyone. But you can tell me why, right?” You half turned towards him, leaning against the car door. “You and I can talk about why we’re nearing our thirties and still haven’t made any decision about getting married?” 

“Jesus, twenty five is not considered thirties Y/n." He rolled his eyes exasperated. "Besides, what does age have to do with marriage? Getting married should be something that we decide because we want to spend our lives with each other.”

You blinked at him. “Then do you not want to spend your life with-”

“I did not say that.” He glanced at you before quickly looking back at the road. “Of course, I do. Baby, you and I live together, we do everything together, we are as good as married-”

“So then a wedding would just be a formality right-”

“No, it would be a show!” You flinched a little as he raised his voice, annoyed. “It would be to show the world something, to prove to others that we are committed and will last through it all, as though signing a few documents is a guarantee of that.”

“Marriage isn’t just about that Jun. Do you have any idea how many things will become easier - buying a house, getting loans, so many logistics-”

He scoffed, shaking his head slowly. “That’s what marriage is to you? A practical, logical, legal binding?” 

Biting your lower lip you let out a deep breath. “If you think it should mean much more or that it should be made purely on emotions then what’s stopping you? Or do you not love me anymore-”

“Why would you say that?” He groaned, like he was tired of this conversation. “I do love you, more than anything. Which is why I want you to be able to focus on yourself without taking the burden of a marriage. I want you to fulfill all the dreams you have for your career, for your professional growth-”

“Jun, I can do all of that while being married too-”

“Marriage changes people! It changes priorities, it changes expectations-”

“So that’s what you’re afraid of? Expectations? Because I expect you to be a bit more responsible? To get your act together-”

“It won’t stop at that will it?” He sighed. “This is all our life is going to be - First it’ll be about dividing household chores, who’ll do dishes, who’ll take out the trash. Next it’ll be about finding the perfect house and having children-” 

“We’ve talked about this and you said you didn’t have a problem with having children Jun.” You snapped at him, triggered at his words. “I’m not getting any younger here-”

“And I’ve not grown up!” He slammed the wheel with his hand. “I do want to have kids someday but not now, not any time soon. I… I can barely look after myself, how am I going to look after a child? And if I’m incapable it will mean that you will have to carry the burden of it all - of raising the child, of me and of yourself and I don’t want that for you.”

You fell silent again, realising that the conversation was going just like it always did.

You would go on to insist that you were ready for whatever was to come and the time was right now, Jun would insist that he isn’t willing to let you take on so much and that marriage shouldn’t be about timing, it should be about wanting to be with each other. You would then claim he’s being too emotionally driven about this and he would claim that you were being too practical and the conversation would just be about the two of you justifying your point of views, reaching no conclusion. 

This is what happened every single time. This was what was going to happen again now. And frankly, you were tired of it. 

“When did we start wanting such different things?” You glanced at the road that disappeared into the darkness. The early morning light was not enough to illuminate the path ahead. “I thought…. we were perfect for each other, that we were meant to be. After nearly ten years, where did it all go wrong?”

You didn’t mean for it to sound hurtful, but Jun had always been the sensitive one.  

“Just because we’re not in the same frame of mind right now, doesn’t mean all the years we shared mean nothing.”

“But what does it mean?” You smiled sadly. “We aren’t growing, we aren’t able to help each other grow, what was the point of it all? Ten years and…. we achieved nothing.” 

It was like you were leaving arrow after arrow to pierce his heart - he knew you were the reasonable kind - always planning, always making lists, always marking milestones. Whatever you were saying now, had to be the result of a moment of frustration, not because you were questioning the love that you had for each other…. right? 

You weren’t regretting this, were you? 

He let out the breath he was holding. “Then maybe it would have been better if the last ten years didn’t happen at all.” 

Please say I’m wrong Y/n. Please say prove me wrong, please say we’re worth it. 

Although you were never really one to be driven by emotions, Jun always was. The one who never forgot anniversaries, the one who always tried to make every moment special, the one who always reminded you that you were not each other’s habits but each other’s love. Had things gone so far that the man who savoured every moment of being in love with you, thought it was better that you never met? 

“Is that what you really think?” You whispered, ignoring the feeling of something pricking the back of your eyes. 

Jun turned to you surprised. How could you even think that? Of course not-

“Careful!” 

Headlights beamed from right across, but this time, Jun’s quick swerve was not enough. 

As the car skidded wildly, with a sickening crunch it slammed into the side of the oncoming truck, the momentum sending it toppling over, rolling violently onto its roof with a screech of metal. As it came to a stop, the sun rose from above the clouds far away and steam rose from what was remaining of the crumpled vehicle. In the heavy stillness that followed, alongside the eerie whisper of the wind, streams of red mixed with the white of the snow. 

Your boyfriend’s hand extending towards you was the last thing you saw before everything went black. 

The Afterlife: 31st December 2024 

Pain. 

Unbearable pain. 

That's what was searing through his body, over and over again. Everywhere, in every inch…. Just pain. 

Perhaps because he hadn’t stopped running. 

Jun had been running in the forest for what seemed like forever. Where to? He had no idea. Where from? He didn’t know that either. 

All he knew was he was looking for something he had lost. Something clearly precious to him. Something he couldn’t live without. 

Yet ignorantly, he kept running. Until....

Jun.

Your voice echoed around him like a soft whisper. Finally stopping by the lake, he looked around, frantically trying to find you. 

It was then, across the frozen crystal clear waters he saw you - beautiful as ever, the only bright thing in the dark, daunting woods. 

He wanted to go to you, he wanted to be with you but the slippery ice didn’t let him take a step forward. 

Instead, you took a step back. 

Then another one. 

Then another. 

Jun continued to call out your name, trying to stop you from receding into the shadows but in vain. Slowly you disappeared into the darkness, the black of the woods engulfing you as Jun fell to his knees, the ice cracking under him. 

Shutting his eyes, he attempted to stop the pain but it only got worse. It was just pain, pain, pain. 

When he opened them, white flickering lights were strangely swaying above him. 

Blinking, Jun tried to see clearly but just then, the ice finally gave away, submerging him into the cold waters. 

As the icy waters of the lake dragged him down, Jun felt his eyes slowly shut again and your name was the last thing he remembered.

The Awakening: 27th January 2025 

The blur flickering light of the ceiling became clear as the rhythmic beeping of machines slowly pulled him from the depths of unconsciousness.

Head throbbing and body aching, an unsettling sense of disorientation washed over him, like he had been asleep for too long. Slowly raising himself on his elbows, Jun looked around, eyes finding the strange setting of a hospital room, the overwhelming smell of antiseptic finally hitting him. 

Shutting his eyes again, he tried to recollect what happened, how he ended up here……

“Y/n…” 

The argument. 

The crash.

The sight of your eyes fluttering shut as blood trickled down your face. 

“Fuck.” He mumbled, looking at all the tubes and wires attached to him, holding him back. Without an ounce of care, he tugged them off, triggering the loud alarms of the machines but before his feet even touched the cold tile of the floor, the doors flung open and a handful of people donning impeccably white coats spilled in, looking worried.

“Sir, please don’t-”

“Where’s Y/n?”

“You need to calm down, you’re not ok-”

He grabbed the collar of the man before him. “Don’t tell me to calm down. Where is Y/n?”

“We…” The doctor looked terrified. “Who is Y/n?”

Annoyed, Jun tugged on his shirt harder. “The car crash, there was a woman with me in the car, in the passenger seat, where is she?” 

“What woman?” The man stuttered, looking at his team confused. “You were brought to our hospital alone.” 

Shocked, Jun loosened his grip, allowing the doctor to quickly move back, putting himself at an arm’s distance. 

Alone?

“That’s not possible….” He muttered. “She was with me, she should be here…” 

“The accident happened in the countryside so you were taken to the nearest emergency care but your injuries were too severe so they shifted you here, to the city hospital.” The doctor looked at him slightly hesitating. “Maybe there was a woman with you, but she wasn’t brought here. Either her condition wasn’t serious enough or she didn’t….”

Eyes narrowing, Jun looked at the shivering man before him. “She didn’t, what?”

“S-she didn’t make it-”

“How dare you?” He spoke between gritted teeth, charging towards the doctor, only to be quickly held back by the nurses around him. “How dare you even suggest something like that-”

“Mr. Junhui, I was only stating the possibility-”

“What you’re saying is not possible-”

“Sir please, your heart rate is getting erratic-”

“I don’t care, I need to find her-”

“You can’t leave.”

“Stop me if you can.” Jun pulled himself free from the grip of those around him, leaving for the door, glaring at the crowd challengingly. 

Only one of them dared to step forward - a woman, one not wearing a doctor’s coat, looking at him with sympathy rather than fear. 

“Sir please….” She whispered softly, slowly approaching him, ignoring the worried looks of those around her. “I understand your worry and I’m so sorry for this but you need to calm down…. I have no other choice.” 

Jun frowned as she neared, maintaining a strong, unavoidable eye contact, the contents of her hands completely missing his vision. Before he could understand what was happening, there was a prick in his arm, hands reaching out to him and the flickering light blurred again as his eyes shut. 

28th January 2025

“Let me go.” 

The events from about 24 hours ago had repeated again. 

The fluttering lights, the machines, the wires, the tubes, the doctors - everything happened in the same sequence except there was one difference this time. When Jun tried to pull on the wires and swing his legs off the bed, he found all four of his limbs restrained. 

“Please.” He whispered. “I need to find Y/n.”

“Sir, there really was no woman brought along with you.” The woman’s eyes reflected the same sympathy they had since the day he had been wheeled in. “We got your records from the emergency center you were taken to.” 

Pulling out a bunch of papers from a file, she placed it on his lap. “There was a woman with you but she was discharged from there within a week.”

“A-a week?” Jun stuttered, looking around. “How long has it been since the accident?” 

“Almost…” She looked at the papers thoughtfully. “Almost a month. You’ve been unconscious all this while, you sustained a traumatic injury to your-”

“What about Y/n?” 

Stepping up and reading through the papers, the doctor from earlier spoke with his expertise. “She had a severe injury on her head too but she gained consciousness about a week after the accident and she…. just left.” 

“Just left?” It felt as though something cold was just dumped on his head. “Just left me?” 

“Mr. Jun, we’re not sure what exactly happened but….” The woman looked at him uncertainly. “The last few weeks that you were here, no woman has come to visit you. Y/n hasn’t been around.” 

Jun let out a shaky breath, “She probably didn’t know I was here. She… she must be looking for me, she must be so worried. I should go to her-” 

“You’re not well enough to leave.” The doctor spoke from behind the woman, worried even though Jun’s movements were restrained. “I wouldn’t suggest-” 

“I don’t want your suggestion. I want you to open these-” He tugged on the belts. “-so I can go.” 

Everyone exchanged looks, shifting in their places.

“Open them!” 

“Again, I’m sorry Mr. Jun.” The woman approached him slowly, an injection clearly visible in her hand this time. “This is for your good.” 

Once again, everything became blur before it all went dark. 

31st January 2025

“She didn’t pick the call.” The woman without a coat, who’s name Jun learnt was Mira, walked up to him. “Again.” 

Sighing, Jun looked outside the window. The streets were busy - cars were going up and down, people were walking about, some laughing, some stressed. But everything was moving, everyone was moving. Only his life had come to a standstill. 

“Do you remember anyone else’s number?” 

Jun shook his head. “Who even memorises numbers these days? Everything is stored on my phone-”

“-which broke in the accident.” She finished for him. 

“I only remember my girlfriend’s number because she forced me to remember it in case of emergencies like these.” He chuckled softly, walking up to the wall with the pictures of the two of you stuck all over. He ran his fingers over the picture of you hugging him from behind, head resting on his shoulder. “She was always so well prepared, always a step ahead….. except now.”

When Jun woke up 3 days ago, Mira had been there to tell him you were nowhere to be found. She had looked for you at home, which had been abandoned for over a month, at the library where you often worked on your projects, at the stores where you preferred to shop, at the park where you jogged every morning. You were nowhere. 

Your family was nowhere to be seen either - the house was locked and the neighbours claimed they had gone somewhere overseas. There was no trace of you at all - it was like you had vanished into thin air, like you were just a mirage, a dream. 

“I wish I could help Jun.” Mira walked up to him, placing her hand on his shoulder, looking around his apartment. “I’m sorry the only thing I could assist you with is getting you back home. But I had someone clean up the place so it should be more habitable now.” 

“Thank you Mira, for everything.” He muttered, slowly moving her arm away, tearing his eyes away from the photographs. “I’m sorry, I… I think I should….. shower, I smell like the hospital.” 

She nodded as Jun disappeared into the washroom, wordlessly asking her to leave. Grabbing her bag, she shot him one last sad look as she hesitatingly made her way out. 

Standing before the mirror, Jun sighed at his reflection - he had never seen himself look this lifeless. Wincing in pain, he removed his shirt slowly, pulling it over his head - almost healed gashes and wounds were littered all over his torso. 

The memory of an injured you flashed behind his shut eyes.

“Where are you Y/n?” He whispered, trying not to let his voice shake. “Come back to me.” 

Jun glanced at the small coffee shop across the road, one he had never seen before, the hanging sign board slowly swaying in the cold wind - Lonely Hearts Cafe. 

So many things had changed over the last month. He, who was the biggest homebody known to mankind, could not bear to stay in his house for another minute. Not where every inch of it was filled with the essence of you, where everything was a reminder of you. A part of him was relieved that there were pictures and traces of you were everywhere - that meant you were real, not a figment of his imagination…. but that also made your absence hurt more. 

He had spent the last few hours wandering the streets mindlessly, trying not to let everything outside the haven the two of you built together remind him of you too. 

But there you were, in your favourite pizza shop on the corner of the street, munching on a slice. Just as he approached, shocked and frantic, you disappeared, like you were never there. And then he saw you again, at the hairdressers this time, getting just the ends trimmed, like always. And then you were by the butchers, petting that little dog you adored. And then by the lake, glancing at the frozen waters, vanishing as usual when he approached to stand by you. Even though you weren’t really around, his eyes found the memories of you everywhere - it was like he didn’t know a life without you. 

There was no life without you.  

The cafe he was currently staring at was perhaps the only place that Jun knew he wouldn’t see you. It looked new, like a business that had just freshly found itself in this vicinity but something about it was also whimsical and fairytale-like, as though it was someone’s old dream came true. Jun had never been a coffee kinda guy - Chinese tea was usually his go-to beverage so it didn’t make sense why he felt this strange urge to go in. Maybe because he knew he wouldn’t be haunted by your absence there.

At first, he took a step ahead, attempting to go towards it but he was unable to take another - he didn’t want to not see you. Even though it hurt, he’d rather see the memories of you everywhere than familiarise himself with a life without you. 

So shaking his head, he turned away, heading back home, going back to everything that reminded him of you when…… something caught his eye. 

At first, he thought his eyes were playing tricks on him again because there was no way…. 

Inching closer, ignoring the oncoming traffic and the screaming drivers, he crossed the road, standing right before the large glass windows of the shop. Slowly raising his hand, he wiped the condensation off the frosted glass, catching a clear sight of what was inside. 

You. 

There you were, walking about in a little checkered apron, placing cups of coffee on the table as you flashed your bright smile at those who were seated. 

Squeezing his eyes shut, Jun turned around, fists tightened painfully. You’ll disappear again, just like all those times before, you’ll disappear again, he was just imagining this, projecting his innermost desire. You weren’t really here….right? 

But the sound of your laughter told him he was wrong. Quickly turning back, he caught sight of you again, making your way to the counter, putting cash into a large glass jar on the wooden shelf. 

As though in a trance, Jun walked over to the door and pushed it open, eyes not leaving you as you laughed and scribbled something down on a notepad before walking to the tables with a bounce in your strut he had never seen before. 

Just as your name found itself on the tip of his tongue, you stopped your tracks and turned around, eyes finding him walking in, lips curling with a wide smile. 

“Hi sir, welcome to Lonely Hearts Cafe.” Clutching the notepad to your chest, you beamed at him. “Do you want to take a seat or get a drink to go?” 

“Y/n…” He whispered, barely able to hear himself, taking a small step ahead.

“Oh I almost forgot,” You softly smacked your head. “If you’re interested, we’re having a small valentines special event, for singles. Any two people who get the exact same drink will be paired to sit at the same table. It’s kind of a ‘if your tastes match, maybe you guys will too’ sort of concept?” 

Given he was staring at you with a vacant expression, you blinked at him like you weren’t quite sure if he understood. 

Jun didn’t understand. Why were you behaving like he was a stranger? Like you didn’t know him. 

Maybe…. this wasn’t you.

“So…” Tucking your loose fringes behind your ear, you tried searching his face for an answer. “What would you like?” 

Jun’s eyes flickered to the healing gash on your forehead, the night of the accident, flashing in his mind again. 

It was you. There was no doubt it was you. 

And so without a second thought, Jun took two big strides, pulling you towards him, wrapping his arms around you tightly, burying his face in the crook of your neck.

“Excuse me?! Sir-”

“Where have you been?” He muttered, not realising you were struggling to break free from his grip. “I’ve been looking for you-”

“Get off me!” Using all your strength, you pushed him off you, causing the man to take a few staggering steps back, shocked. 

All heads in the cafe turned towards the two of you, a strange silence descending upon the room before hushed whispers broke out. Flashing a fake smile at everyone, you quickly grabbed Jun by his wrist, leading him out of the cafe, shutting the door behind you. 

“What the hell was that?” You glared at him. “Sir, I don’t know who you think you are, but that was unacceptable.” 

Jun blinked at you confused. “I thought….I thought-” 

“I don’t care what you thought.” You crossed your arms looking stern, all the warmth from earlier having left your being. “If I ever see you in my cafe again, I swear to god I will call the cops.”

“You…” Jun looked at you incredulously. “You’ll call the cops on me?” 

“Most definitely.” 

It didn’t make sense. None of this made sense. Why would you call the cops on him? Were you mad at him about something?

Jun’s racked his mind, trying to think of the last conversation the two of you had. The night of the accident. He couldn’t remember all too well, but the image of you glancing at your empty ring finger flashed in his mind. 

“Is this about….getting married?” You frowned as Jun ran his hands through his hair. “If it really means this much to you then, fine, let’s get married. I just wanted it to be-”

“Married?” You looked at him like you couldn’t believe what he was saying. “Why on Earth would I marry you? I don’t even know you-”

“Jun!” 

At the sound of his name, Jun turned around, only to find himself being slammed into the familiar chest of a tall, lanky man. The fragrance of expensive perfume immediately told him who it was - His best friend Minghao. As Jun tried to break free from his friend’s untimely interruption, Minghao held him tight, whispering in his ear. 

“Don’t say a word.” 

“Mr. Xu.” You glanced at the intertwined figures of both men, eyebrows furrowed. “You know this man?” 

“Y/n.” Breaking free, Minghao threw his arm around Jun, flashing a hard smile. “This is Jun, he’s a dear friend. Sorry if he said anything or got out of line - he was just discharged from the hospital after a big accident, he’s a bit disoriented.” 

“Oh.” You looked at him up and down as though it all made sense and you were unable to decide whether to feel sympathetic or stand your ground. “Mr. Jun, I’m sorry you went through all that but whatever you did, that was not appropriate at all.” 

“Y/n what-”

“Yes of course.” Minghao squeezed Jun’s shoulder, shutting him up. “He won’t be troubling you again.” 

“If you really do need a cup of coffee, there are a lot more shops down the street that I’m sure will suit your taste.” You took a step back, reaching for the door again, expression unreadable. “Please don’t come back to me.” 

With that you pushed the door open and disappeared into the cafe allowing Minghao to finally let go of his friend who turned to him, beyond confused. 

“What…. What was that?” He pointed at you, waiting the tables again inside, like nothing happened. Like he didn’t exist. 

“Jun…” Minghao let out a shaky breath, looking carefully at his friend. “Let’s go home, I’ll explain everything.”

“No.” Shaking his head frantically, he reached for the door again. “I’m not going anywhere without Y/n.” 

Moving quickly, Minghao put himself in between, blocking the way. 

“Please.” He held his hand out. “Y/n, she…. she won’t come with you.”

Jun looked at him incredulously. “Why not?” 

“Because she doesn’t remember….” Minghao spoke slowly, watching his friend’s face carefully. “She doesn’t remember you.” 

The throbbing pain was back. 

Actually, it never left. The pain was always there, it was him who had suppressed it under everything else. But with the revelation of things, it became unhinged, freely coursing in his being, hurting everywhere. 

Minghao poured Jun another cup of tea as the two men sat at the dining table, the latter still clutching a photo of you, trying to make sense of all that he was told. 

“She….she doesn’t remember me at all?” He frowned, still confused. “Because of…. you?” 

“Because she doesn’t want to.” Minghao corrected his friend, yet again. “Jun, it was her choice to do the procedure.”

The procedure. 

Minghao had spoken all about it in great detail for the last half an hour. It all went over his head though, Jun didn’t register a single piece of the information thrown at him except one thing - the procedure was to remove memories. 

Yes apparently that was a thing. A new initiative by Minghao’s company - a simple medical procedure in which one could choose to erase their memories of a certain period of time. A process straight out of the sci-fi books - one so ridiculous, Jun would have never believed it if it weren’t coming out of his best friend's mouth. 

That his girlfriend had gotten all her memories of him wiped from her mind. 

“It makes no sense.” Jun shook his head. “Why would she want to forget me? Why would she choose to…”

Minghao looked at his friend staring at your photo sadly. He had always known Jun to be someone full of life - he was ambitious, passionate and always bursting with energy. But now he looked like the whole world had come crashing around him. 

“I’m sorry Jun.” Minghao could feel the guilt eating him on the inside. “All of it happened in my company, right under my nose but I had no idea Y/n had gotten it done till it was all over. Maybe if I had reached the clinic just a little earlier, I could have stopped them from injecting the serum-”

“No Hao, whether you could stop her or not, it won’t change the fact that Y/n wanted to….” Jun swallowed the bile rising in his throat. “She didn’t want to just leave me or walk away from this relationship, she wanted to erase its entire existence from her life. To pretend like it never happened. But why…”

“I wish I knew Jun.” Minghao shook his head softly. “All I know is that this choice mustn't have been easy for her - to forget you she had to have the last 10 years of her life removed. That’s how far she was willing to go to…”

Minghao's words rang in his ears. 

10 years….

Maybe it would have been better if the last ten years didn’t happen at all.

The night of the accident…. that's what he had said. 

Oh god, was that why you….

What had he done? 

“Jun?” Minghao snapped his fingers before his friend's face. “Where are you lost-”

“This was a mistake.” Jun shook his head. “This was all a horrible misunderstanding. I didn’t mean…”

“Mean what?” 

Jun couldn’t even recall why he had said that. It was like his brain was suppressing the stupidity from recurring. 

“I need to talk to her. I need to fix this.”

“How exactly-”

“I’ll marry her, right this instant if that’s what it takes-”

“Jun no-”

“Hao, yes.” He turned to his friend, determined. “I can fix it. I can talk to her and sort this out. Just help me put her memories back again-”

“That’s not-”

“-and I’ll make her see how much I love her-” 

“Jun, that's not possible.” Minghao raised his voice, interrupting his friend’s rant. “Dealing with memories isn’t child’s play. It's one thing to remove them, but to restore them? That’s impossible.”

It felt like everything around was shattering. “You mean she won't ever….”

Minghao shook his head, delivering the final blow. “She won't… ever.” 

Jun stared at the photo in his hand. 

Minghao, who had insisted on staying the night, had hit the shower, his tea sitting cold in its cup. 

Cold draft was blowing in through the open kitchen window. The tips of his fingers were frozen but they were not colder than the thing wrapping around his heart, eating it away.  

Minghao’s last words as he was lingering by the door rang in his ears. 

“Y/n chose to forget you Jun, she chose to restart her life. Maybe it’s best that you do too.” 

Restart his life? Pretend like you didn’t exist and move on? How on Earth was he supposed to do that? 

He glanced at the room around him - at the pictures of you on the walls, at the vase you brought back from your trip to spain, at the coasters you always made sure to use, at the rug you specifically had made to match the couch, at every single thing in his life that was a testament of you. How was he supposed to forget all of it? 

But the truth was, you had forgotten it all. You had walked out of his life, your home and everything the two of you had built together over the last 10 years. None of this around him meant anything to you anymore. 

You had built a new world for yourself, one which Jun had reached, lost in his thoughts. The cafe, the coffee, the customers, the infectious smile on your face, the little bounce in strut, the way your hair fell over your shoulder as you’d turn - you had built something that had no trace of him but more importantly, you looked so happy. Jun couldn’t remember the last time he saw you smile this wide, or even laugh at something stupid. The winter was harsh on the city outside but everything around you seemed so warm. 

Maybe Minghao was right. Maybe it was best that he forgot it all too. 

1st February 2025 

“Where do I put this?” 

Jun turned to Mira who was holding up a bunch of books in her arms. 

“They're all cookbooks, but I'm not sure whether to put it in the box with her law books or in the one with magazines.”

“We can just leave these out.” Taking them from here, Jun walked into the kitchen. “We don't have to put away everything.” 

Sighing Mira followed him. “Jun, boss said everything. Everything that belongs to her, everything that reminds you of her.” 

Jun stared at the books in his hands. Two hours ago, he was sprawled on the couch half asleep, your scarf wrapped around his hand, a frame with your photo in his arms. Much to his annoyance, the consistent ringing of the bell forced him to drag himself to the door and standing on the other side was Mira. 

Jun didn't think he would ever have any reason to see her again but apparently, Mira wasn't just a random hospital staff who helped him - she was in fact Minghao's employee, a psychiatrist who worked in his Memory Wipe project and was asked by him to look after Jun till he came around, as a favour. That day when she left the apartment, she had immediately told Minghao about all that happened - that's how he found his friend declaring he was ready to marry you in front of the coffee shop. Mira though, had no idea about you or that you had your memories wiped - she only found out when Minghao, who left early in the morning for a meeting, sent her over to Jun’s house with a new phone and a contract. A contract to obliterate the last 10 years of his memories. 

“You want me to erase her existence?” Jun furiously muttered into the phone. “How did you even think-” 

“Will you be able to survive with her memories?” Even though he couldn't see his face, Jun knew Minghao was donning a sorry expression. “It'll kill slowly you, Jun. Not being able to be with her, not being able to forget her, not being able to move on. If I had to name something worse than hell, this is it.”

For long after the call ended, Jun stared at the contact papers on the coffee table, his mind disturbed. As much as he didn't want to distance himself from you, could he really live with the fact that you'll never be his again? It had been barely 2 days since he was awake and he was already at the verge of losing his mind. Maybe it was better he too forgot it all. 

But it also pained him to think that if both of you forgot everything, then there was no one who truly knew the kind of pure and unwavering love the two of you shared over the last ten years. At least for the sake of those, he had to stay strong, he had to live with this. But could he really? 

And it was thoughts like this that had him rooted to his chair for over an hour. 

“You don't have to decide now.” Mira interrupted his cycle of thought, tired of watching his unmoving figure. “The procedure is simple. I already have the 10 year formula ready in your name. All you have to do is just come by the centre when you're ready - one injection and it'll be done.” 

As much as Jun was grateful for the time, there was one thing Minghao wanted him to do immediately - clear the apartment of anything and everything that belonged to you. That's what the two of them were in the middle of right now as Mira glanced at the cookbooks in his hands. 

“Jun, whether or not you want to get the Memory Wipe, you need to get rid of all these things. You won't ever move on otherwise-” 

“They're cookbooks.” Jun rolled his eyes, placing them on the shelf of the kitchen. “Has it not occurred to you that I might use these myself?”

Mira stared at him like she didn't believe him but Jun ignored her. There was no way he was going to get rid of every last bit of you. What would be left of him then? 

All your clothes were packed and stashed in the store room, all the pictures of the two of you were taken down, your books, your things, everything was sealed and locked away. Except a few that Jun refused to let go - the lavender cream you used every night, the harmonica you loved to play, the cookbooks you swore would make you a better chef than him. Jun didn't have the heart to walk away from all of it just yet. 

Giving up, Mira began walking away. “I'm going to put her shoes away.” 

“Wait.” Aligning the books hurriedly, Jun quickly ran over to the closet. “Maybe just leave those heels.” 

Mira looked exasperated. “What use could you possibly have of women's footwear?”

Nothing. Jun just loved those black stilettos you wore to work - the sound of them against the wooden flooring was what told him you were home everyday. 

“Jun, this whole thing isn't just about you getting over Y/n. If you plan to do the Memory Wipe, you especially need to do this” Mira stood up sighing. “Imagine losing 10 years of your life and coming home and finding a woman's things all over. You won't remember her, you won't know what happened, you won't have any answers, it'll drive you mad. Please, listen to me, you need to get rid of it all.”

Jun turned away, peeling his eyes from the closet as Mira put the last of your footwear in the boxes, looking at him sadly. 

“How did Minghao even design this procedure?” Jun glanced at the contact papers fluttering on the table. “I knew he was indulging in some biomedical R&D, I had no idea it was this intense.” 

Mira chuckled. “Biomedical R&D barely covers the scope of what he does. Let's just say the Xu enterprises dabble in a lot of things and the Memory Wipe is their latest project. Actually its just undergoing it's last clinical trial - it’s not even advertised or available for the public.” 

“How did Y/n get to know about it then?” Jun frowned like it didn't make sense. “Minghao never talks business with me and I'm sure he's never mentioned it to her either. Then…”

“There were a bunch of lawyers involved in the legal aspects of the clinical trials.” Mira confessed, shrugging. “Maybe she heard from someone in the fraternity.” 

“Funny.” Jun smiled sadly. “Y/n has never been one for office gossip. She just liked to get her work done and head straight back home. It was always about efficiency and not wasting time.”

Mira smiled. “That's an admirable work ethic.” 

“Right? I wish I had that.” Jun glanced out of the window at the snow tumbling out of the sky. “Maybe she wouldn't have had to work so hard if I did.”

“What do you mean?” 

Jun glanced at Mira who had joined him, before continuing to stare out. 

“Y/n always believed in working hard. For her, a job was simply a means to make money. She didn't associate it with dreams or passion, it was just… survival? Me on the other hand, ever since I was a child, all I wanted to do was be an actor. I spent the last, god knows how many years, chasing that dream, picturing myself before the cameras, walking down red carpets. If I look back at my life, all I see are auditions and rejections and more rejections.” 

“It's not wrong to want to live your dream.” 

“No it's not but I don't know how right it is to live with your head in the clouds. Y/n always had her feet on the ground - that was the only reason we survived through it all.” 

“So your story is the ‘opposites attract’ kind?” 

“I guess.” Jun laughed softly. “We were polar opposites actually. She hates talking, I'm always chatting away. She's a mess, I'm neat. She hates doing household chores, I love doing them. Even in food, she loves sweet things, I like them spicy. Our preferences in anything, be it music or movies or where to go or what to wear, they were always so different but I guess….that's what made things fun. Sometimes she'd adjust for me, sometimes me for her, and though things weren't going our way, we were happy because we were making each other happy.” 

“Wow.” Mira let out a breath. “I always thought being in love with someone entirely from me would be difficult to handle.”

“If I'm being honest, there were times it did get difficult.” Jun wiped the condensation off the window with his hand, catching sight of your cafe across the street. “Y/n lived life like it was a checklist. Graduating high school at 18, then law school at 23, first job at 24, marriage at 25, three kids by the time she's 30, retired by 55, starting an organic farm business at 57 and then dying whenever - she had her whole life planned. Me on the other hand, I… live in the moment, go where life takes me. Everything around us is so uncertain, think about the accident”

Jun’s voice shook as fragments of it flashed in his head.

“We could have died, life as we know could have ended, so what's the point in deciding everything so prematurely? I take life by the day, I enjoy every moment - one day I'm doing martial arts classes for kids, one day I'm teaching old women some Chinese dishes, one day I'm doing a modelling contract. End of the day, I still make money to feed myself and pay my bills, I just don't go to bed having the next 10 years of my life planned and somehow….. I think that's what drove us apart. That's why she…” Jun let out a deep breath. “That's why she decided to start afresh. Her practicality and my emotional disposition just… didn't find any middle ground.” 

Mira softly placed her hand on Jun's shoulder, caressing it with her thumb. Clearing his throat, he took a step back, tearing his eyes away from the coffee house. 

“We should probably continue with the packing.” 

Mira nodded as she followed him, the two of them sorting things silently this time. Normally Jun wouldn't ever let go of a chance to talk about you, but now, given he had to speak about you in past tense, Jun couldn't bring himself to talk about you over and over again. Minghao was right, it was all just getting harder and harder.

And so, the next few hours were navigated in mostly silence and occasional questions. By the time the sun had begun to set, the two of them were done - all of your things had been neatly packed and put in the store room, the door locked, keys stashed in Mira's pocket for safe keeping. A couple of things had been piled by the door to be thrown out, Jun's take out dinner had arrived and Mira was lingering by the door, ready to leave. Yet the contract papers were sitting on the table, like an elephant in the room. Unable to hold herself back anymore, Mira sighed. 

“Jun, I know Minghao left the choice to you but as a professional and as someone who cares about you, I think it's best you…. " She gulped. "sign the contract. I've seen some couples after the clinical trials, trust me, you don't want to live this weight-” 

“Mira,” Jun’s voice left him between gritted teeth. “It's been barely 2 days since I got to know about what Y/n did. I haven't even decided if I am to be sad or angry or stay or move on.” He shut his eyes, running his hands through his hair. “The only reason I agreed to keep her things away or allowed someone else to even touch them was because one, I trust Minghao more than anything and two, if I really want to, I know I'm strong enough to break the door of that storeroom and get everything back. But what you're asking of me, is a permanent change. Please just…. Let me think things through at my pace.” 

Mira blinked at him, her hand on the handle of the door, unmoving. 

“Thank you for your help yet again Mira, but I think it's time you go.” 

And before the apology even left her mouth as she stepped out, Jun shut the door behind her, leaning against it.  

He just needed some time. That’s all.

Or at least that's what he thought but in just a few hours, he realised he didn't. 

Yesterday was perhaps bearable because Minghao, although he didn't speak much, was there in the house. Today though, heating up his food all alone, sitting at the table by himself, walking around his house in the dimness of the night lights, staring at the empty walls and empty shelves - it was all too much. Jun couldn't bring himself to go another day like this, forget the rest of his life. 

Taking a deep breath he sat on the couch, pulling the papers towards himself, then pen in his hand shaking. 

He wasn't strong enough for this - he couldn't go on without you. 

Finally making up his mind, he gripped the pen tight and signed the contract. There was no other way. 

But the universe said otherwise. 

If Jun had just turned around and gone to his room, things would've gone down very differently. Maybe if he decided to sleep instead of clearing the dishes and throwing the trash, he would've never thought about clearing all the boxes that Mira left by the door. Maybe then he wouldn't have come across that box. 

At first glance when he opened it, it seemed like odd bits of trash - there were pieces of paper, little trinkets, bills and what not. He was just about to throw it when his eye caught the familiar logo on one of the bills - the Lovers Cavern. The first Michelin star restaurant that Jun had taken you to on a date. Frowning, he ran his fingers through the contents of the box, recognising them one by one. Carnival and movie tickets, the crinkled wrapper of the ice cream he loves, the magnets from your first road trip together, the dried corsage from your first dance together…. everything was a thoughtful piece of the time the two of you spent together. 

You had been carefully saving them over the last 10 years. 

Jun stared at it wordlessly, lost in thought. He had never taken you as one for sentimentality. Hell you didn't even like taking photos or recording videos of your time together, he was always the one who had to pull you in, forcing you to smile. He had always assumed those small moments meant nothing to you but this box told him a different story - you had been treasuring them all these years in your own way. This relationship wasn’t just part of a checklist, you had been emotionally invested in it since the beginning, since 10 years. 

Jun could only imagine how much his words must have hurt you that day…. Clearly enough to make you take such a big step. You didn't walk away because you wanted to. You walked away because of him. His words made you…. it was his fault. 

Walking over to the window, Jun glanced at your cafe, watching as you stepped out with a couple of bags in your hands, turning off the lights and locking the door. As you balanced your things in your hands, waving for a cab, Jun slowly realised….. Minghao was wrong. 

His only options weren't to either live with your memories alone or forget you and move on. There was a third one. One that Jun was about to choose. 

He was going to get you back. He had done it once and he could do it again. 

Jun was going to make you fall in love with him all over again. 

2nd February 2025 

Rubbing the back of your sore neck, you sat down at the benches outside the cafe, enjoying the cold. 

One might think you were stupid for sitting in the snow clad street in just a small dress and an apron but the heat of the coffee was getting unbearable. Sipping on your own coffee, you glanced at the hustle and bustle down the street. Everyone looked so busy, like they were navigating life with a purpose. This coffee shop had always been your purpose, the dream you had been living for almost a month now yet something felt unfulfilled. Something was missing. Before you could figure out what, a voice broke you out of your reverie. 

“Is the same drink, same table offer still going on?” 

Raising your head, you let your eyes find the man who interrupted the few minutes of your me-time.

“Mr. Wen Junhui.” You cleared your throat, letting the annoyance show on your face. “I believe I had asked you not to enter my shop?”

“You did.” Jun nodded, sitting down beside you, a few feet away. “And I did not enter your shop - technically I'm outside.” 

You glared at him, eyes narrowed. 

“Well since you're such an ardent follower of what I say, you shouldn't be sitting with me either because-”

“Because I need to have the same drink as you, right?” Jun cocked his head at you, raising his cup. “And I do.” 

“There's no way.” You chuckled, taking a sip. “I can assure you, you don't.” 

“Correct me if I'm wrong,” Jun took a sip, smiling to himself because he knew he was not wrong. No one knew you better than him. “But I think that's a caramel macchiato with hazelnut cream.”

Lips slightly parted in surprise, you stared at him. 

“M-maybe.” You muttered, taking a sip yourself. “But I still don’t think it’s the exact same-”

“Yeah, it might not be exact.” Jun shrugged nonchalantly. “Not like I’m lactose intolerant or anything but I felt like taking it with oat milk today.” 

The cup nearly slipped from your hand. You were lactose intolerant. You always took your coffee with oat milk. 

Choosing not to tell him that, you simply continued to stare at the busy crowd. Jun let out an inward sigh of relief knowing he had earned the place to sit next to you. 

“Y/n…” Clearing his throat, he corrected himself. Baby steps Jun. “Ms. Y/n I uh actually wanted to apologise about that day.”

You turned to him, eyebrows slightly furrowed. 

“I had actually just gotten out of the hospital that day and I don’t think the anesthesia wore off completely so I was apparently just going around and…. proposing marriage to various women.” 

You raised your eyebrows like you didn’t believe him. 

“It’s true, I spent the whole day today saying sorry to every business owner on this street…. And drinking the same coffee order as them. I think I’m going to have a tough time in the bathroom tomorrow….” 

Scoffing, you turned away from him and if Jun didn’t know you better, he wouldn’t have known you were hiding a tiny smile. 

“Again I’m really Ms. Y/n, I wish that didn’t happen and that we could have a fresh start. I was really looking forward to having coffee here.” 

Letting out a deep resigned breath, you stood up, chugging the last of your drink. Tossing the cup in the bin, you turned to him, clasping your hands before you politely, giving him a small smile. 

“Mr. Wen Junhui, welcome to Lonely Hearts cafe. We’re a small business that opened just a month ago so we’ve got some really good deals on coffee and cake. We even have a Valentine’s day event - you get to share a table with the person who has the same drink as you. I hope we see you around.” 

Returning your smile, Jun got up, giving a small shrug. “That Valentine’s day event is interesting - I would love to… be seen around.” He chuckled, holding his hand out. “It’s nice knowing you Ms. Y/n.” 

Glancing at his outstretched hand, you slowly took it, wrapping your fingers around it. Somehow on the cold winter day, there was a strange warmth radiating between the two of you. 

“It’s nice getting to know you too Mr. Jun.” 

3rd February 2025 

“You know, you don’t look like someone who enjoys coffee.” 

Jun turned at the sound of your voice, finding you right beside the door he just walked in. You had a tray in your hands and an amused smile on your face. 

“What makes you say that?” 

“The face you made yesterday?” You laughed as you walked in, Jun following behind you. “I’ve never seen someone look so disgusted while drinking coffee.” 

Jun suppressed a smile as he leaned against the counter. “Oh so you were watching me.” 

Rolling your eyes, you walked towards the machines. “I happened to see.” 

“The one yesterday was just too sweet.” He shuddered, recalling the taste. “My taste buds were dying.” 

“Well obviously it was sweet, it’s caramel.” You pulled out a piece of cake, putting it on the counter as a waitress walked over, taking it. “Did you expect it to taste like Malatang?” 

Oh Jun would love some Malatang right now. 

“No, but something told me your coffee would taste much better than that one.” 

You chuckled, pulling up a cup. “Is that going to be your order for today?’ 

“Nope.” Jun shook his head. “I’ll just have whatever you’re having.” 

“What I’m having?” You frowned, confused. 

“How else will I be able to share a table with you?” 

Jun could tell you were holding back a smile. “And why would you want to do that?” 

“I thought coffee with a side of conversation would be nice.” 

“I’m working.” 

“I’ll wait.”

“I only get off at 5.” 

“I’ll wait.” 

“And then I need to head straight home.” 

“I just need 10 minutes.” 

You raised your eyebrows like you were trying to figure out what his intentions were. Meanwhile, he looked at you determined, like he’ll wait for a lifetime, if that’s what it took. Sighing you pulled out a piece of cake and set it before him. Then changing your mind, you quickly swapped it for a couple of lemon biscuits and slid it to him. 

“They’re on the house.” 

And with that you tightened your apron and walked away, leaving Jun staring at his favourite biscuits on the counter. 

“Do you need any help?” 

You looked up from the table you were cleaning at Jun who was still here, his coat discarded, cheeks flushed red and eyes tired. 

“I have staff Mr. Jun.”

“She left.” He shrugged, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Told me to inform you.” 

“Huh.” You frowned. “She always stays till I close for the extra ten I hand her every day.” 

Jun remained silent, looking away.

“You paid her.” 

“I was just helping her go home fast.”

Sighing, you straightened yourself, crossing your arms. “Okay what is it, what do you want?” 

“I told you, a conversation.”

“Well that’s what we’re having right?” 

“Right…” Jun cleared his throat, unsure how to frame his sentences while you continued to look at him expectantly. When he didn’t say anything, you rolled your eyes and continued cleaning up. 

“I was thinking…” You held out the tray, making him quickly free his hands to hold it as you began stacking plates and cutlery on it. “You’re a woman.”

“Are you doubting it?” Frowning, you walked over to the trash can, Jun right behind, struggling to balance everything. 

“No! I mean I wasn’t thinking if you were a woman, more like I was thinking since you’re a woman and I’m a man….” 

Jun trailed off completely lost about where he was going with this till you relieved him of the weight in his arms, placing the tray in the sink. 

“Mr. Jun,” You untied your apron, tucking it on the rod of the drawer. “You only have 10 minutes.” 

“Okay okay.” Jun recomposed himself, watching you pack up your things for the night.  Looks like he just had to get straight to the point. “Yes I have 10 minutes right now, but my worry is, we only have 10 days.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“It's Valentine's in 10 days….” Jun muttered below his breath trying to gauge your reaction. 

“Are you…” You narrowed your eyes at him unsure. “Is this your way of asking me out?” 

“No god,” Jun groaned, running his hands through his hair. “I swear I planned it so much better in my head-”

“Don’t.” 

And with that one word, you crushed everything. All the hope, the longing, the yearning.  

“Look Mr. Jun, normally I wouldn't go into the details but I don't want you to think I'm blowing you off but about a month ago, I got a Memory Wipe. I lost the last ten years of my life and I’m still trying to come to terms with how much things have changed.... I’m just not ready for any kind of commitment.”

“But….” Jun blinked at you confused. “You smiled…”

“Sorry?” 

“Yesterday and today…. I thought, you might also…” 

“Mr. Jun.” You sighed, donning your jacket, zipping up. “You’re a good looking man, you’re sweet and I can tell you’d be a good conversation but I didn’t mean for it to be more than that. I just assumed it would be some harmless flirting.” 

“I don’t want it to just be harmless flirting.” Jun shook his head. “I want something more. I like you and I want to-” 

“Like me, why?” You looked at him confused, grabbing your bags. “We’ve barely spoken more than 5 sentences to each other.”

We’ve been in love for more than 10 years Y/n. 

“I can’t explain it, it just…. feels right.” 

“Well I can’t function based on your whims and feelings, can I?” 

Jun stood frozen as you turned off the lights and opened the door, stepping out. Grabbing his jacket he followed you, watching you lost in thought as you locked the door before you turned to him. 

“Look, you seem like a nice guy and I’m sure you’ll find someone. It just can’t be me, I’m not in the space for it.” Adjusting the bags in your hands, you shot him an apologetic look.  “I’m sorry Mr. Jun.”

And with that you walked away, your figure moving further and getting smaller as cold winds returned to the city. For some stupid reason, Jun hadn’t anticipated this - he didn’t think about the possibility of you rejecting his advances. He just assumed the two of you would fall into the comfortable pattern of dating each other and everything would slowly return to normal. Your disappearing self was telling him otherwise….

No. 

Jun couldn’t allow this to happen. He couldn’t lose this chance.

“Wait!” Pulling his jacket over his shivering body, he ran to you, half tripping on the way. “Wait, please.” 

And you did, looking at his panting, coughing self standing in your way, trying to catch his breath. Searching your bags, you handed him a bottle of water but Jun ignored it, looking at you questioningly. 

“If whatever happened to you a month ago, didn’t happen, would you agree to go out on a date with a guy like me?” 

“I….” You looked around confused. “I don’t know.” 

“Do you have any other reason not to give us… to give me a shot?” Crossing his fingers, Jun tucked his hands in his pocket. “Any other reason to say no?” 

“Not really, no.” 

Bingo. 

“I’m sure the aftermath of the Memory Wipe hasn't been easy but life won’t stop just because you want things to pause.” Gulping he looked at you expectantly. “Look Y/n I too am in a space where things are difficult where I want to hit rewind, but I realised maybe it’s better to hit restart and I want to try that with you.” 

“Jun I…” 

“Here’s my suggestion, just hear me out.” He clasped his hands, ignoring the cold drafts. “Give me 10 days, just 10 days to change your mind about us. I know I can do it, I know I can make you see I’m worth it, that we’re worth it.” 

“You’re really not going to take no for an answer are you?” 

Jun shook his head, his face falling. “No I…. I don’t want to force you. I was just suggesting-”

“What if I’m not convinced in 10 days?” You sighed, looking at him unsure. “Will you leave the idea of ‘us’ behind and not pursue me anymore?" 

“It won’t come to that-” 

“If it does.” 

“If it does,” Jun took a deep breath. “Then you’ll never see me again. I promise.” 

And with that you went silent, like you were considering it. Jun prayed to all possible forces in the universe - please say yes, please say yes, please say yes. 

“Okay.” You agreed, slowly nodding your head. “You have 10 days. If I’m not convinced, then on the 10th day,  we’re done and we’re never seeing each other again, deal?” 

Smiling on the inside, Jun ignored the little victory lap his head was doing. “Deal.” 

“And you’re sure this will work?” 

Phone against his ear, Jun nodded confidently.

“Positive.”

“What if you’re just setting yourself up for heartbreak again?”

“I’m not.” Jun rolled his eyes. “I know I can get her back. This time I’ll be better-” 

“Haven’t you noticed?” Minghao voice was filled with caution. “She’s somehow not the same. The Y/n you knew was a hard core, cut throat lawyer. This Y/n is a barista who sells coffee and the idea of love.” 

Jun hummed in thought. “Maybe. But deep down, she’s still my Y/n and I’m her Jun. I know her better than anyone else, I can do this-”

“And if you can’t?” 

“Then I’ll live with it. But I can’t let her go without trying.” 

“And what if it still doesn’t work?” 

“I don’t want to consider that possibility.” 

“Jun be realistic. How on Earth do you plan on convincing a woman who thinks you’re a complete stranger, is struggling with her amnesia, and more importantly doesn’t want any commitment, to date you?” 

Jun sank into his couch, staring at the ceiling.  

“I have no idea.” He confessed.

“Exactly, what if things get worse for you-”

“Can you just for once be a tad bit more positive?” Jun sighed. “Look at the bright side of things. Like for example, Y/n knew I didn’t like coffee-”

“-you make the most disgusting face known to mankind when you drink it, anyone would know-”

“-and she knew I like malatang-”

“-you’re Chinese Jun. I think that was a safe guess-”

“-and she knew lemon biscuits were my favourite dessert.” 

This time Minghao went silent. 

“Nothing snarky to say?” 

When Minghao continued to keep quiet, Jun frowned, sitting up. 

“Hao do you think she… remembered?” 

“That’s not possible....” 

"You don't sound as sure as last time." Jun noted.

Minghao let out a deep breath, like he was frustrated. “Theoretically, a memory restoration is not possible but hearing you I.... I can't tell for sure - we're also still not done with the clinical trials so I cannot exactly negate the possibility."

"So,,," Jun's eyes widened. "You're saying there is a chance she might remember everything?"

"A really really small chance.....” Minghao emphasised. "Or it could just be that since Y/n has known you for ten odd years, some her actions are just reflexive - ingrained in her subconscious after years of habit." 

"But you're saying there's a small chance she might remember me again?"

Minghao sighed. Clearly, his friend wanted to just hear one thing.

"Yes. Perhaps if she's repeatedly exposed to you or to something of her past, she might remember certain things again-"

"Enough to make her want to come back to me?"

"I cannot promise that-"

"But I can try." Jun whispered, the cogwheels in his mind turning. "I have to try and Hao, I think I know exactly how."

"How-"

Cutting the call Jun tossed his phone aside and quickly grabbed the box he had stashed below the tea table, opening it. He ran his fingers again through all the memories you had saved, a small smile forming on his face.

Jun had 10 days to win you back - that meant he had 10 chances to remind you of all the good days the two of you shared. 10 memories he could recreate, ones that you yourself had stored in this very box. 10 ways he could prove 'us'..... was truly worth it.

And just like that, Wen Junhui knew exactly how to make you fall in love with him all over again. 

You stared at the photo hanging on your wall, arms crossed, eyes slightly damp.

You look so happy,....he looks so happy. 

Just like he did when you agreed to give him 10 days to woo you. 

Sighing you tore your eyes away and stared at the ground, blinking the tears away. 

“Just 10 days," You whispered, voice shaking. "….. and all of this will be over.” 

A/n - This fic is tbh very long and overwhelming so I thought its best to have it out in parts? I hope you enjoyed this part and stay tuned for the next too! Thoughts in comments and reblogs are very much appreciated my loves <3

[reashot]

Happy Belated Valentine Day Post.

Jaune: Weiss, seeing that Valentine day is close and we both have no date. Would you like to go out with me?

Weiss: Eww. As if vomit boy. Not even if you're the last handsome boy on Remnants.

Jaune: Wait. You think I'm handsome?

Ruby: Weiss, weiss, you want to go out on a date with me? ❄️ 🌹

Weiss: Eh, why not. Better you than with Arc I suppose.

Ruby: Yay! C'mon let's leave this loser behind. 😊

Jaune: Wait, come back.

Wait..

Wait...

*sniffs*

Well at least they're both happy.

Happy Valentine for them I guess.

*walks back home alone contemplating unaliving himself along the way*

--------------------------------------------------

Jaune: Mom. I'm back.

Mama Arc: Oh there's my boy. And I see you didn't bring your date here?

Jaune: I'm sorry mom. But I think the male Arc like ends with me.

Mama Arc: Oh you're such a little kidder.

Your date actually came earlier and she's currently waiting upstairs in your room.

Jaune: *gasp*

Really?!

Sorry for posting this so late. I was busy... Anyway if this gets enough traction I'll continue it.

[nanapops]

little drawing I did of reki and rakka from haibane renmei! god this show has been on my brain recently

[gods-perfect-idiots]

vaguely valentine's day adjacent I suppose? trying to post more here... really only posting on bluesky these days, it's so serene and peaceful over there but I do love me some tumblr.

(I went with @radpool over on bluesky btw if you are so inclined to find me there - I also have that handle here but haven't used it 🤷‍♀️)

[craeatus]

Mergana fanart for that infamous photoshoot.

(was supposed to post this on Valentine's Day but didn't finish it in time.)

[mistym3adows]

I was supposed to post this on Valentine’s Day but whatever, I love these idiots

[majaloveschris]

Coincidence? After all this time, I don’t believe there is any such thing with these two. This follows the usual pattern. And I don’t mean the movie drop. Fans complain about this and that. And then the next time we see this couple, that’s what they show. How long have we said how come we never see a pic shot by a third party not connected to either of them. This is as close as they could get. This is supposed to be a well known group of actors in public but no one else takes their pictures. Same old story new pic. But the one thing new I did notice is how little attention any of this has brought. Each sighting gets less and less attention

Yeah, it's like they are ticking boxes at this point, but I still think that they posted this picture on that specific day on purpose. Free clout for Voltron, for Borderline, it could be called a Valentine's Day sighting and they tick out two boxes: third party post and one of them visiting the other one set. They killed a lot of birds with one stone.

I think there are several reasons why these sightings don't get as much attention as they used to, but the main reason is that a lot of people have left, and I wouldn't really call this a fandom anymore. Most people are tired of them and these games. People don't like her, and they never will, and this is again, mostly because of her and her friends' behavior and personality. At this point, most people either leave because they don't like her, and even if it's PR, they just don't care anymore. The situation won't get better only if this ends. Will it ever? I don't know. I know it could sound harsh that we want someone's marriage to be ruined, but I don't think it is a real one. Or that they are that happy together.

[bloody-finley]

supposed to be a Valentine's day post but my lazy self delayed it

ignore the silliness I just want to talk shits✌️

read more to remove all these filters and stickers❤️

[renhwa]

first non-reblog post here?? oh god. uhhh this was supposed to be for valentines but as per usual I’m always late cuz of work and life. aaand now I’m sick, so have a doodle of my favorite husbands, idk if this will ever see the light of day so better to post this now than never

[midnight-in-town]

hello! i have been following for many years now and love your kuroshitsuji thoughts and theories. i’m curious specifically about something you’ve talked a bit about before: o!ciel’s potential to accept himself for who he is, shed his brother’s identity, and grow as a character. while i think this is possible (and would be my ideal ending for his character, whether he gets revenge or not), i’m not sure how he would even start to consider that change with Sebastian by his side. so 1. how likely do you think it is that o!ciel would be able to make that change while still under Sebastian’s influence and 2. do you think the story would ever separate o!ciel and Sebastian for a long enough time for substantial character growth to happen? thanks and happy early Valentine’s Day!

Hi Anon ! Sorry for the delay :) Thank you for the kind words !

So, as I discussed previously, I actually think our!Ciel from 4 years ago (when RC died) is different from our!Ciel we've been following since the start of the series.

As in, while the primary choice to "become Ciel Phantomhive" was born out of survivor's guilt [X][X], four years later "Ciel Phantomhive" has become an identity that represents who our!Ciel is more than who real!Ciel used to be/is as a bizarre doll.

That's why he said, in ch147 :

So personally, I stand firm on the idea that "Ciel Phantomhive" is our!Ciel's identity by now, meaning he doesn't still follow the idea that he should be the Earl his brother was supposed to be.

That being said.

While our!Ciel may have slowly molded the identity "Earl Ciel Phantomhive" to his image and not to real!Ciel's image, our!Ciel is still a character who is full of guilt, about many people in his life, as ch95 showed :

Mostly, his inner self interprets that the guilt he feels (about Ann, about his brother and about Joker and Doll) is linked to the choice he made to bind his soul to Seb and to become "Earl Ciel Phantomhive", four years ago -> this is why I think he has some development to undergo about the contract and his bond to Seb and why a possible conflict may arise between them. [X][X]

Now, to specifically answer your questions :

"1. how likely do you think it is that o!ciel would be able to make that change while still under Sebastian’s influence"

First of all, you are right to say that Seb exerts some kind of influence on our!Ciel. To quote this post, "Kuroshitsuji wouldn’t be as compelling and enjoyable as a story if our!Ciel’s lack of self-worth and faith wasn’t supported by Seb acting as a catalystic abyss." Because, ultimately, Seb has no reason to want our!Ciel to reflect on wanting (or believing he's worth) a future and to try breaking the contract, which is why the Undertaker quickly became such a threat :

That being said, Seb's influence may yet be counterbalanced by other characters who have a more positive influence on our!Ciel and, tbh, that's what I'm betting on, once Ciel will stop isolating himself.

For now, Seb mostly encourages our!Ciel's isolation. This was made very clear by Bravat (who works for UT)...

...and it's a fact that was even picked up by Soma, who mentioned to Agni that "our!Ciel is terrified of being happy" :

Because being happy would mean, to our!Ciel, thinking back on the contract, on why he made that choice four years ago...

and on all the people he believes he doomed by making it (his brother, Ann, Joker, Doll, as hinted by ch95).

However, there is still hope : until recently, Kuroshitsuji was mostly told from our!Ciel and Seb's perspective, yet the massive Blue Sect & Blue revenge arcs changed this. We had Edward's POV, UT's & real!Ciel's, Sieglinde's briefly and Soma's. We also had the servants' independent investigation mini arcs, which all revealed what strongly binds them to our!Ciel, their master. Multiple POVs may help us realize better how the people close to our!Ciel actually perceive him, like with Soma in ch126.

In other words, our!Ciel being a kind and good person is why so many people care for him to this day, but like Soma said, he can't acknowledge it yet, or it'll make him think back on the contract to Seb dooming his future and a chance at happiness. So it's why I believe the narrative calls for our!Ciel to be challenged on that view, specifically because revenge is not presented to be a good goal to have, thematically speaking.

How and when Ciel will have this opportunity for development, I do not know, but a part of me hopes it will involve having Frances as his mentor. To quote this post, "I’d say Frances will probably take on a more active role in the plot when, to quote Seb in ch14, “[our!Ciel] will overconfidently believe that he cannot lose and that it will be necessary for him to carry himself with humility while striving for his goal”. Because by then, “an adult who will be firm with him is what he’ll need”."

While Frances as his mentor may mostly be what will allow our!Ciel to win against the combo RC + UT, it may also be what will allow our!Ciel to be closer to people who want better for him than Seb does, liberating him from all that guilt he feels.

"2. do you think the story would ever separate o!ciel and Sebastian for a long enough time for substantial character growth to happen?"

I already more or less answered just above, but I don't think Seb and Ciel need to separate for this growth to happen, or at least to be triggered. Taking the example of the Green Witch arc, despite what some readers may otherwise believe, there is a gap that exists between them...

...and Seb arrogantly believing he's stronger than mere humans, thus that he always has the upper hand anyways, may be the tiny crack that will ultimately allow some development for our!Ciel. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

TL;DR our!Ciel is a kind character who suffers from a lot of inner guilt, something that Seb won't try to solve, because it makes things easier for the contract, thus for his meal.

Other characters who want Ciel's happiness however (the Midfords, the servants, Soma, Sieglinde) may help him address that guilt and that could ultimately trigger a conflict between Seb and our!Ciel about the contract.

Sorry for rambling, I hope I managed to answer your questions. ^_^ Thank you again for the kind words, I wish you a great day, Anon ! :)

[darkbluekies]

WHATTTT WAIT WHICH ONES??

let's name drop(realized that there were quite a few of them)

before you think i hate them, no i don't, but there are others i like much much more and forget about these ones. I probably would have written them differently if i wrote them now. If i rewrite them ... i'll probably take down the original :) .. becayse the OVERALL idea is good ... the execution not so much

there are a few i don't like that I have already taken down, actually. I think there was one with hedwig and darlign pretending to be parents for a school project, one with jerry where she gets to crochet, one with edmund where darling somehow survives the alternative ending of the masqurade oneshot.

"Own you" (Marion/the god) is the only oneshot with a character that i've deleted and i deleted him because there was literally no scenarios i could write about him. If he's all mighty, everywhere and nowhere at the same time, there are barely any scenarios that could be made. The oneshot in itself isn't bad, but I don't think it should be on my account! but people like it so i've kept it up!

"Toxic spring breeze" (Dr Kry) does that even have a story line? I feel like it's a start to something, but not finished, like a first part or a chapter in a story. Something is missing and it makes the oneshot feel a bit flat :( today, i would have combined that oneshot with another!

This one might ruffle some feathers but "not a joking matter" (Silas) and i only think it's because i tried something new that was out of my comfort zone. It's not my style and if you read that I think you'll think that too! But it's not bad, it's fun and i liked writing it, but it's not really my style

"Break you" (Jerry) because i think it's too short and too "stereotypical". It's my first jerry oneshot for this account and i hadn't really gotten to know the tumblr version of her (she has been with me for two years before i wrote that oneshot, but i had changed her a little when i added her as a tumblr oc) so i feel like it isn't really Jerry. There's no plot. It'd worked better as a drabble, i think.

"Jealousy makes people blind" (Edmund) i'm not gonig to lie i think i missed the purpose of the oneshot. It feels so stereotypical, so forced. It feels like i'm trying too hard to make him jealous that it feels weird, to me. This is one that would need a rewrite to get what it deserves.

"The alternative ending to dance with death/masquarade massacre" (Edmund) you know i don't like to kill darling and i felt uncomfortable after posting it because i hadn't realised i wasn't into that yet, but it got popular so i feel like i can't take it down lmao

And then there are a few oneshots that I feel neutral about, ones that feel a little boring to me but that i still like, like the valentine's day oneshots but they're supposed to be cute and not really have a plot so i am totally okay with that!

I feel like i need to make a list of my favorites too, because there are a few i ADORE

[hyakunana]

🍫 Happy Valengavv's day 🍬

[daylightsketch]

happy valentines dayayy ^_^

[anklinator]

If sonic and shadow were to get married, who would wear the dress?

I imagine Shadow would have some practical excuse for wearing one even if he does just genuinely like them! Sonic would tease the hell out of him for it tho :)

OKAY OKAY I know what you're really here for...

my shaylaaas