#very close to what we remember
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just getting back on my the batman 2022 bullshit real quick for a sec. do we talk enough about the verisimilitude of gotham’s architecture and geography? bc i feel like we don’t and personally i thought it banged
#the batman#the batman 2022#And to be clear I am not an expert by any means#but did the nolan trilogy kind of turn gotham into a mishmash of well known American landmarks/buildings#?#or am i remembering incorrectly#at any rate the batman 2022 did a good job of giving us a gotham like the future london was/is to current london in children of men#very close to what we remember#a deliberate invocation of zeerust#it looks futuristic compared to what we have now#and it doesn’t work all the time or it’s dirty or broken
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if i had a nickel every time magneto, charles, and amelia were all featured on a cover that framed them as having a wack love triangle then im sure im missing more than just these two but im still baffled i naturally found two so easily anyway
#snap chats#sorry im coping with wanting to draw cherik but 1.) wanting a break from drawing today 2.) having to draw for work this week#so we simply gotta do things old fashioned. my goofy postings#also 'snap you cant just post about 309 twice in a day' OK IN ALL FAIRNESS I MEANT OT POST ABOUT THIS LIKE. THE SEC I GOT 309#CAUSE I REALIZED AND WAS LIKE 'OH THATS FUNNY' but then i forgot </3#anyway. we be talking about erik having beef with lilandra Hear Me Out ..... vjELKEJKLAJ I JEST I JEST#Flashback issue he's just Genuinely had it THIS is his charles-lover-related crashout not lilandra vjALKJALK#is that even like. inaccurate. EH in the issue charles and erik affirm with each other They Can't Work Together#im p sure amelia butts in like 'you guys would work well together tho ..' but i cant remember exactly so take that with a grain of salt#whats so funny about the Flashback issue tho is eriks just. I've Been Watching You Two. VERY Closely. once amelia makes herself known#like are you watching them bang erik is that. is that the insinuation with that tone. can you get help. whats with the tone.#in 309 he just looks like a disapproving ex or some shit it has me weak every time i look at it#not amelia leaving charles and erik just in the shadows like thank GOD
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I miss them so bad (Dick and Damian)
#ramblings of a lunatic#dc comics#damian wayne#dick grayson#ITS JUST NOT THE SAME MAN#idk i was reading nightwing must die (again...) bc i was in a funk and saw another post saying how fans exaggerate the closeness btwn them#and on the one hand i get it. there is a very rosy portrayal of their relationship you'll come across in fanon#and they weren't very close at the beginning of their relationship#but man. reading Nightwing must die again was like#YES they fight. damian instigates it and while dick tries to exercise patience he does fight back/lash out on occasion#but despite all that it's still emphasized how important the two are to each other#when dick is forced to picture a future where he's lost his way he pictures damian being the one to bring him back#not necessarily bc damian is his favorite person on the planet but bc he gave damian robin. for a lot of practical reasons-#-but also bc how far damians come is (i think at least based on this arc) a testament to dick that hes doing Something right#both as a hero/person#damian is more than just a burden saddled on him (although there's an element of that in their batman and robin run)#he's also a last remaining connection to bruce when he's gone (remembering where he comes from) AND he's training damian+#-his own way! with a dash of tough love and workaholic spirit inherited but also a lot of patience and focus on being More than the darkness#idc what ppl say nightwing must die makes sense for these two. its a retcon but one that works imo#that dick buried his head in the sand about how much damian meant/the responsibility he had to him bc it was a commitment he was afraid of#and how damian ultimately was a point of maturation for dick even if he went back to being Nightwing#they were SO goddamn close and now they're still close but only in ways that are implied#and their bond is deemphasized in comparison to each others bond w/ say bruce. which i think is a shame#it was a wrinkle! a fun wrinkle that the batfamily had that in some ways dick understood damian better than Bruce-#-even if he didn't feel like he could handle the responsibility of raising him full time#it kills me that bc of the n52 we never got the handover of the batman mantle (and damian) from dick to bruce#next nightwing writer...include a flashback to that moment AND have damian appear in the book in present....AND MY LIFE IS YOURS!!!#anyway. dick is damians brother but also damian a little bit imprinted on him like a baby duck and its rubbed off on dick#they're partners they're mentor mentee but most importantly they were batman and robin. and they were the greatest#NOT bc it was all peaches and roses but bc they cared for each other exponentially despite all that
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fellas it has been three months since the beach episode and thinking about neil and eva in any capacity still makes me ILL
#the beach episode came out right after i lost someone very dear to me so it hit extra hard#every line of dialogue in that final scene cut to my core#it's not even just neil's death for me#it's the way he pushed away his father and his friends and his literal soulmate in both a platonic and a romantic sense all his life#in order to avoid hurting them when he passed and in the process ended up hurting them way more bc if they'd been close#they'd at least have memories with him to look back on when they missed him and could find comfort in said memories#but bc he never let people get close to him he left his loved ones with nothing to remember him by except for the way he distanced himself#HE AND EVA COULD'VE LIVED A HAPPY LIFE TOGETHER#EVEN IF THEY DIDN'T END UP DATING THEY COULD'VE MADE BEAUTIFUL MEMORIES TOGETHER AND BEEN EVEN CLOSER IF HE HADN'T BEEN AN IDIOT#THEY. COULD'VE. HAD. THEIR. GARDEN.#and sure there's many messages meant to be taken away from their story and it was always meant to end tragically#but that doesn't mean i have to be content about it#PRESS ESC TO LEAVE???? WE DON'T TALK ABOUT THAT ENOUGH#idk man. would this have emotionally scarred me this much if i hadn't been (and still am ofc) grieving irl? maybe not.#but i was and we'll never know the answer to that question#what hurts more is i played all the other ttm games before my loved one died#and you know what one of my very last memories of him was?#him hanging out with our family in our living room while i showed my sister the first ttm game#so yeah i think these games are gonna haunt me forever. fun.#i mean i think they would've anyway#you can't play a game series with an overarching storyline this intricately woven and music this good and characters this complex#and then NOT think about it forever#anyway i like these games a lot#they impacted me more than any piece of fiction ever has and as someone whose whole personality revolves around stories that's saying A LOT#to the moon#ttm beach episode#rosawatts
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I'm just saying that,
1: Not really minding his own death at all
2: Ending up the heaven afterlife equivalent or what dc calls it *to clarify my point with this is that it means he knows what happens after death
3: Being resurrected and ending up in the league of assassins
May have all factored in somewhat to Jason Todd being very fine with murder. It just all may have skewed his impression of death a smidge there
#we dont talk about the first 2 poimts enough more#idc if he very likely doesn't remember it. he remembers it in my heart.#i just dont think death is all that big a deal to him. like in general.#mayeb different when someone innocent or close to him dies. but like. overall.#dc comic#batman#red hood#jason todd#im not gonna look up the exact comic rn but a deadman comic showed him immediately post death and very much didn't mind it#thats where my header image comes from lol#and then in a green arrow comic we see him in the background of a scene in like the heaven whatever#i think? theres more comics showing jason didn't mind his death that much? cant remember rn#but he was like fine with it. his problem with the bats is what came after the fact
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#palpitoad#this is SLIGHTLY more respectable than tympole? significantly. more respectable. but i still do not respect him very much#only a little#everyone's asking me why i'm being so mean on the tympole tags but all you have to do is LOOK AT IT#AND THAT'LL TELL YOU WHY LOOK AT ITS FACE. ITS EYES. ITS EYEBROWS???? THE MOUTH. GROSS#and the “stop this shit at ONCE!!!!!” is a jerma reference. ok#i don't remember why i was THAT mean considering i wrote those tags on the sixteenth and i'm updating these now today but#i mean i still think it's JUSTIFIED LOOK AT IT!!!! IT'S SO UGLY#SEE TUMBLR USER MEOWSTIX AGREES WITH ME. GREAT URL BY THE WAY YOU ALL ARE JUST HATERS OF ME BEING A HATER#“you guys are bullying a literal tadpole” ok but do you know what tadpoles do? they turn people into mindflayers. case closed#tympole would absolutely be the type to try to turn me into a mindflayer are you kidding me? he wants to go inside my brain#and turn me into a palpitoad. this is tympole's dream. do we want to let them take over the world like this? instate the Grand Design? no
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trying to match Gregory's characterization in my writing to canon Gregory is sooo hard. I'd think that he isnt super smiley and energetic because we've never seen that from him, and any jokes he makes in the game are always just him complaining instead of clever little quips. we've only ever seen him scared annoyed sad or panicked and nothing else. all of his dialogue is very relevant to the plot a lot of the time so we never get to actually see him just talk normally so barely any personality is seen from him, but all we have to go off of is hes reserved not smiley easily annoyed etc
but then in all of the official art by steel wool hes always smiling real big and having fun and having a good time so it's like does he smile a lot or not. do I write him normal or make him one or the other. I dont know how he would react in canon to certain things. WHAT DO I DOOO
#not to mention how his voice lines we do have are inconsistent#hes compentent and smart and saying difficult words and remembering names of places flawlessly#and then hes finding it difficult to pronounce complicated#its very annoying#i just want to see his personality and dialogue shine on camera#like cassie had#vanessa too#i think its really fun writing characters as close to canon as possible to make it feel like themselevs#but its impossible this way😭😭😭#ill just keep doing what ive been doing i guess#pandas.txt#pandas talks
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ninjago seabound hurts. so much. what the fuck
#ninjago seabound#i think this might be the thing to get me drawing again#we shall see#also im very close to crying haha#she turned. into the sea. to save him#and like. the city and all their friends too but he was quite literally dying and the only answer was for her to become one with the sea an#and she#and he sees her after having the water taken out of his lungs. he sees her out the window and she sees him and they put their hands on#either side of the glass. and he doesn't yet know what she did. what it would cost#in the fight later. he sees her explode and takes on kalmaar with blind fury#and then she's back- as a dragon now- and she explodes again and comes back as a bigger dragon and#how can he think anything but good things? he knows what she did now but she's so strong. so invincible. ofc she'll overcome the odds#she'll keep herself together! she will. he has to believe that#and then she wins. and its all over. and everyone's saying they'll just have to get used to her watery body for now#until they find a way to turn her back.#she doesn't understand. she doesn't remember who she used to be. is actively losing the battle to retain her self#and they plead. all of her friends. her master. her Brother.#and him. Jay. her boyfriend.#and there's a moment. a single brief moment where she turns back.#she smiles and holds jay's hands. she caresses his cheek.#and just as quick as she came#she left. jay screaming her name as she dives back into the sea#and then the funeral. because what else do you call it but a funeral.#they call all of her friends and family. they pour seawater in an urn. they hold a service of sorts.#and i'd like to imagine each person feels responsible in some way. for not doing more. for not being as convincing to her.#some feel it more than others. Wu is- was her master. Kai her brother.#and Jay. Jay was her-#out of all of them Jay beat himself up the most. because what good is love if you can't convince them to stay?#woah sorry about that i was possessed by angst#also i feel like you could tie in Jay's abandonment issues with his birth parents here if that wasn't clear <3
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The thing about having a kind of bad sense of smell is that you can go a very long time without realising it.
Hearing and eyesight problems tend to get picked up either in childhood (if you're born with them) or not too long after they develop if they happen later in life.
We get the majority of our important sensory information from our ears and eyes, so even a relatively mild impairment can have a fairly major effect on your life. Not being able to read street signs from a distance or hear when someone is talking to you at a low volume will create significant problems that will pop up on a daily basis, making your more likely to seek treatment.
By comparison, your sense of smell really only comes in handy when you're dealing with very strong scents, like smoke or sour milk or rotten eggs. So, while you'd definitely notice if you had no sense of smell at all, not being able to pick up on mild scents doesn't have much of an impact on your life and therefore can easily go unnoticed.
This is why I, for example, was in my twenties before I learned from a friend that a) the concept of humans having distinct individual scents was not just a myth made up by romance novelists, and b) the reason people make so much fuss about perfume is because most people can smell it on other people without having to actively sniff them.
#smell#i found out recently that a friend of mine is actually hugely into perfume and wears it nearly every day#and goes out of her way to buy expensive ones that smell very strongly#i lived with this person for TWO YEARS#we spent time sitting close to each other and hugging each other and sharing a living space#i had no idea she even wore perfume#by comparison#she and my other friend could both remember what kind of shampoo i used when we lived together#because apparently they'd been able to smell it on me
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procrastination is starting to have its consequences finally
#on my friends living room floor they love together but one of them has been london for weeks or maybe months#to be with her love. im on a foam mattress from one of their beds next to a glass bottle of water opened by one of them#in a mug given to me by another. the weather felt like my childhood today and it also felt like 2 years ago.#(put space in the heavens Einstein's idea and hes your friend too so nothing to fear) around the table they drank and laughed and i thought#i hope you keep growing so full with the love you receive . i hope your appetite becomes insatiable from how used to it you are#and i know youre all leaving soon but i hope one day you miss this and that youll be happy you miss it#its worth missing i think#i thought he didnt care but he said after exams hes going walk around this area over and over#(this is near where he lived and where we visited almost daily for a year)#(hed come across the bridge on a lake)#we went where she used to live and at the entrance a fox sat calmly. it just yawned and stared.#it felt important somehow. i think maybe their impressions of me will never be close to how i feel inside but i think#i love them enough for that not to matter. i dont think theyll ever know this. i dont think if they did it would change much.#and seeing them smile makes my heart glow anyway. today i tried their malaysian tea the ginger burned my throat#they warmed my heart. hes going to canada soon and hes going to the US soon and shes going everywhere soon ill never understand#how were supposed to live with memories and with seperation and with the past but we do it anyway so i think it doesnt matter much#i wanted to write a poem for the lab rats with the fibre optic wires lit with blue forcing them to turn around and around#something about how im sorry that the two photon arrays burned the inside of your brain. im sorry about the sharp points of multielectrode#arrayes. im sorry about everything we do to you. she asked to see me tomorrow. im trying to have self control but i miss her so awfully#last night my friend talked to me and i updated on everything that happened with love and the lack of it and she just started laughing#and she told me about the same thing from her side. and she told me about how she loved london because she would walk the streets#and she felt like the people were her. and her eyes would go over the people and the bag of bagels and the construction men they probably#have a kid at home maybe shes a daughter. this kid is crying for her mother and the building you just walked past caused#blisters and pain and people died in it and very likely people were born in it. we talked for hours and i felt like#i was holding her hand just like that time she held mine watching a horror film. i love her so much#my friend is a genius and i remember her picking up the charms of my phone and staring at the leaf hanging from them. shes side stepping to#music drinking dangerous cider and cocktails from a movie and chit chatting with billionaires and undergrads#i love her dearly. his head covered in electrodes. she tells me about a syrian guy shes in love with and she says#what you feel and what i feel is like cocaine. ive tried a lot of fucking cocaine.#she says ive reminded her of what living actually feels like and to never put energy into someone who doesnt see me this way.
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I think as we grow up, we have to be really conscious of romanticizing the world we grew up in in order to scorn how the next generations are growing up.
Nostalgia isn't inherently bad, but especially in political spaces, be very wary of this idea that there is an Ideal Past we must Harken Back To.
It sucks to feel left behind, but such is the human condition. It isn't bad to feel nostalgic, but that doesn't mean that these new generations are inherently "lost" and "need to be saved (by you)", and I think that is very important to remember and try to be conscious of.
#politics#'the world you grew up in no longer exists' frankly... GOOD!#the world i personally grew up in was scary and lonely and traumatizing. no kid today should STILL be growing up like that#the whole 'nostalgia as a poltical means' is rooted in this idea that...#1) we all grew up in a hegemony 2) we all turned out the same 3) the way we grew up had more privileges afforded to us#and i personally like nostalgia! i like watching videocamera videos from 2005 and looking up super specific shit#but nostalgia does not a good world make#INSERT UMBERTO ECO'S FOURTEEN POINTS ON FASCISM#(though i don't always think nostalgia can lead to this in a political sense there is a fine line)#be very mindful of what motivates nostalgiaposting#is it because people miss childhood and how 'simple' it felt? or is there a different reason that motivates this type of posting?#are you romanticizing childhood to the point you are not remembering your childhood /at all/ but the *idea* of it?#and honestly it is SO jarring when my peers are nostalgic because it's like... we aren't even that old!!#it comes across like... the world is hard and it's getting harder and so we cannot chnage and must wistfully think of the past...#...and to me it comes across as almost... doomerist in how end-stage feelings of nostalgia and hopelessness seen#i feel compassion for the impulse to feel like your old life is over and you need to grieve it...#...but certainly that isn't the younger generations fault? especially because WE are now the ones rasing them and we still yet live#(even at our completely decrepit age of not even close to a mid-life crisis (sarcasm and lighthearted))
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while doing dishes i thought abt tim opening up to jay abt brian 💔 in just a casual way. tim would make an offhanded comment abt him and jay wants to know what he was like (both bc he definitely was not around him as much as tim and alex were and bc he doesnt remember like. anything. and brian is in so few tapes). so tim tells him how they became friends and what he liked to do. seemingly mundane stuff like his favorite food and movie always leads into a Defining Moment story. theres many things hes surprised he remembers so well. and its really nice to just appreciate what they had after mourning it. yeah.
#jay knows tim would listen if he had anything to say about his friendship with alex before all of this#but he cant remember it :[ not really#jay and brian are very different but it would be cool if they had some alike interests#tim would notice but not say anything out loud#he probably sees a little bit of his old friend in everything though#its reminding me abt my own feelings as of late#remembering how close u were with someone and the real love that u forget is there until something reminds you of em#we fell off but it was okay. we loved each other and it wont be like that again but its okay. we were what we needed at the time
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i think growing up is just life repeatedly sucker punching you and saying bitch you thought things were gonna better lmao no you're so naive and stupid for having hope in 20 years the world will be flaming bag of garbage and no matter how hard you work you'll get eliminated at some point
#and then you just have to get up and keep living anyway because what else is there to do?#but man my heart keeps feeling heavier with every blow#2024 has literally been the worst year ever god personally too#like everytime i think it can't possibly get worse than this it does#i remember literally 9th jan i had such a horrible breakdown in an auto because the first friend i ever made#after school was leaving my work and therefore my life#9 days into the year. seriously. and i was so happy on 8th because it was my birthday#i don't know im trying hard to think okay this doesn't even affect me it's fine im privileged enough that even my own countrys politics#barely affects me#but just. india is already so behind in everything. if developed nations are doing shit like this then well#it will never get better right like who do we even strive to be#i want to get more into indian politics but my god. it's so horrifying and depressing all the time#like i remember resolving to follow politics closely few years ago and the first news#i read was about some minister talking about how girls skirts lengths IN SCHOOL is the reason boys do sa and boys will be boys etc etc#i know i could just follow business news stuff like that god knows it'll help in my field but it just. doesn't resonate with me doesn't#make me feel anything at all. like i so desperately want to care about ooh stock markets and how to grow your money etc etc#but when i think about being rich enough to invest idle money all i can think is sitting in my own home peacefully#drinking a glass of cold coffee and just being able to breathe freely because me and my sister used to joke in childhood#when dad went thru a coffee v bad for health phase and he wouldn't let us drink it so we would drink it very sneakily#at night when he was asleep or went out for an hour and make absolutely no noise while mixing the sugar. we said that we know#we'll* know we have achieved true freedom and happiness in life when we can peacefully drink cold coffee in the hall and not secretly#in the dead of night in our room#i don't even know what im talking about and my period is late again and nothing is working and my lazer focus#that i had built in the past few weeks is gone because suddenly im like what is the point????#i just don't understand how the fuck humans can fight over stupid fucking things like who is kissing who and who is doing what with their#body instead of focusing on collective issues like our planet is dying so fucking fast and every summer is getting impossibler to survive#i hate that the united states control the UN fuck this world fr man i hate being born in such horrible helpless times#like call me a kid or dumb or whatever but i cannot understand how MILLIONS of people do not#have sympathy for ppl around them and who don't care about the planet at all like how????? how did you grow up????#not trying to boast but this is so natural to me!!! didn't you make save water save earth posters in school!!! didn't anyone
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Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.
Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.
#my characters#waiting on some info on the next commission so i indulged in ocs today bc i doubt i will have as much time for lil comics for a bit#deacon is so devoted hes like yeah i would kill for a deity that could easily kill anything himself but yknow teehee#and fulj just did you tell him you needed therapy also does he even know youd murder in his name#deacon caught red handed haha no of course i havent told him it should be obvious enough haha.... and its in his defense not his name :c#man really does have some issues but i love him so much and hes so devoted but like. unhealthily after a while#he does in fact need a chill pill and therapy but to be fair#ymber has needed therapy for centuries and yet he just bottles it all up and suffers so#its pretty unhealthy until they yell at each other one (1) time bc they are so insecure about things and get mad over very valid reasons#but then theyre like you know what that was necessary and i still want to stay by your side if you let me#and then fulj is like dude hey sorry you seem really happy did you fu- and ymber is like no please stop there we have not#fulj just squinting cause have not is very different than will not but whatever she doesnt wanna think about that with deacon involved ew#and eventually fulj is like hey ymber im sorry to say but i really do hate deacon and i dont even know why but he makes me uncomfortable#while deacon is just. in the room. hearing this and thinking how he knows she thinks hes weird but wow that wording hurts#and ymber doesnt wanna fill in memories better forgotten by fulj which she had forcefully removed#so he just says oh well his hair and clothing are black and you had someone in the past that you might see in him and its not a pleasant en#so you know maybe its that idk#and fulj is then WHATST i was rude to him for someone i cant even remember? lame im gonna try SO HARD to be nice to him now#and deacon just still sitting there with some food like this is v awkward and i wish i could not be here for it#and later he asks ymber about who he resembled and as ymber is descibing her it clicks in deacons head and he gets really sad#that he might somehow remind fulj of the woman she loved before she was punished for loving a mortal#and he feels kinda bad pestering her so much with his curiosities about deities and he kinda gets it#the fact hes close to ymber might remind her at the core that she was once that close with a mortal if not closer#anyway story time in the tags again#im so obsessed with these peeps and i have made them suffer so much but they do all end on a happy note#its still funny and nice to me that while fulj is creeped out by deacon and doesnt like talking to him#he still expresses the most emotions to her - he tries hard to remain serious around ymber and collected and obedient at all times#and when out and about with ymber he has to be intimidating and refuses smiling but fulj?? all sunshine and smiles and emotions easy to rea#and she is just that is so weird go away i hate you
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sometimes i forget that i started this blog to be about philosophy. anyway i've already told all my group chats so here's one for the blog: just got off a video call w the admissions director at my tied-for-first-choice university and i cannot tell if he thinks i have a shot or if im too much of a loser for their very cool program.
he did give me the very good advice to email faculty i want to work with to introduce myself and get to know them and their work, so maybe that's indicative of . good rapport idk
off to write emails and hope professors deign to respond. please i want to keep doing epistemology. what does it matter
#blah blah blah#academia#the joke of the day is consider my nerves WRACKED#ive applied to 4 schools i should apply to more before the window closes in 3 weeks#i fuckin knew this would happen too that id start looking at schools and then not finish the apps until the day before#wish me luck nyall#is this where my academic journey ends? we will find out when they mail out decisions between feburary and april#and if not a phd then i need to invest in a career shift bc while i like my job. i want to be doing something more meaningful#insert line about how everything is meaningful everything matters. thesisposting etc. but what if i want to do something MORE impactful#than renting trumpets to middle schoolers and their families#im pretty sure that my undergrad gpa is going to like. be an automatic disqualification for all the programs#idk if any of you remember 6 years ago but i was Not doing well in undergrad#so im banking on a 'most improved' award when they see my graduate transcript is more than a whole point better#pwease trust me to do even better in the future mistew phd pwogwam pwease bewieve me#<tags that are the reason i do not attach my name face or work to this blog in case i am Located.#<also tags that are very clearly identifiable as mine own. paradoxical choice
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Y'know, I've had a long week of reading some less-than-savory comments on my work and...
I just stumbled across a really sweet some-time-ago post in the wild of someone gushing over my headcanons and saying they really liked them, and sharing more ideas they'd had that built on them, and... I'm so grateful I got to see that right before bed.
Me glancing at the post I tossed in my queue earlier about how I was going to avoid posting for that fandom once my buffer ran out so I could clear my head, but like...
Maybe it IS worth it......
#Delete later probably but like. /rubbing my temples#I'm an adult and I can deal with the comments but what a week huh? (It's Tuesday) (Good glory it's Tuesday)#99% true as far as we remember#Personal#vents#<- Probably close enough that those who have that tag blocked don't want to see this#Also shout-out to the new person who left me some very lovely comments on a 'fic. That meant the world this week
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