#and then you just have to get up and keep living anyway because what else is there to do?
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I'm a 30 year old transmasc non-binary person. I saw the movie Atlantis: The Lost Empire when I was 7 in the theater. My dad's dad had just died, and we weren't all that close. But, it really helped me to see Milo process the death of his own grandfather at the time. I think Atlantis came out about a year(?) after my dad's dad died? Anyway, I really always related to Milo even if I couldn't understand why at the time. (Now I get it.) I just watched the movie again because I wanted to, and my toddler watched bits and pieces with me while we shared some tea. They watched me *bawl.* My mom's dad, though we never got to talk about the fullness of my experience before he died a little less than two years ago, was the only family member who just understood me with no words. He never knew my name or pronouns - so he never used them. But, he got *me.* His yard was where I could climb trees, feed birds, roughhouse, and do all the "forbidden boyish" stuff. I watched Robin Hood and The Sorcerer's Stone in his living room. I built towers up to the ceiling. I got to read Frankenstein on his porch when I was in the seventh grade. I'm pretty sure my first unabridged copy of the Sherlock Holmes mysteries was purchased for me by him. He was basically my dad or second-dad. Later, he would listen to me talk about my papers, my poems, and my stories and, in turn, I'd listen to the latest of his research in biophysics, when he was still a researcher, or I'd listen to him explain, in layman's terms, the newest experiments he would read about after he stopped doing his own stuff. These were our lost civilizations and genuine arrowheads. When Mr. Whitmore handed Milo the Shepherd's Journal and said the line "Our lives are marked by the gifts we leave our children, and this is your grandfather's gift to you." My own kid was pillowed on my shoulder. I heard that line at 7. I cried in the theater because it's sad. You don't have to have lived the line for it be sad. I needed to learn loss young so I could feel loss better older. Because, now? That line collapsed on me like a ton of bricks, but I didn't get crushed by those bricks. I had a hard hat and padding to protect me. Like I said, my grandfather was like my dad. He's not coming back. But, he has given me so much. He has left me so much, and I get to decide what I want to leave to my own kid someday. I get to decide what world, what legacy, and what I leave for my own child. Because, it wasn't just the journal that Thaddeus left for Milo. It was the values that allowed Milo to remain steadfast when standing up to people physically stronger than him. I remember that right now. Especially right now. It's not just the intellectual gifts my grandfather left me. It's the tenacity. It's the love. It's protectiveness. It's the gentleness. It's the grace. It's the desire to be curious. It's the *need* to know. It's quiet faith. It's the desire to do justice. It's the desire to see peace for the next generation. It's the desire to listen to all sides of an argument before saying my own piece while also knowing when things have gone way too far and need to be shut down. It's knowing when and how to give people space to grow in their own way and time. Because, while everyone else in my family was forcing me into dresses, my grandfather was letting me climb trees in jeans and sneakers. He also didn't bat an eyelash when I cut my hair off my junior year of high school. So, he may not be here. But, he lives in the gifts he left me. So, while, I got my vaccine at 7, it didn't take effect until 28. Even then, I'm only just starting to feel like I'm actually inoculated at 30.
We can't be afraid to keep inoculating the youth. Kids need to see death, loss, and such like in their media. Withholding it from them just makes them less equipped for these exact moments when they're older. I firmly believe that.
Dear, sweet, Littlefoot, do you remember the way to the Great Valley? I guess so. But why do I have to know if you’re going to be with me? I’ll be with you. Even if you can’t see me. What do you mean I can’t see you? I can always see you.
The Land Before Time(1988) dir. Don Bluth
#death#loss#dealing with grief#grief#children's media#child development#pip does life#land before time#atlantis the lost empire
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i'm venting, so feel free to ignore this- idk how to explain what i mean all that well so forgive me if this is a Mess. I'm really tired of people telling me to just keep living out of spite. Or that I have to keep living because me 'living' is a act of resistance. It just makes me feel so tired. and Mad. I lack the words to really explain it but i just. Why do I have to keep going on spite? Why does my existence have to be a act of resistance or be politicized? I don't want to keep Living out of spite or because people say i have to. I think its mostly because I'm just exhausted and I think I'm burned out and Tired of being told i need to survive off of spite, or being told i just need to keep going because i have to. sorry for dumping this in ur ask. stuff is just hard n idk if you or anyone else gets what i mean.
This is a very understandable way to feel! I'm also not super into "living out of spite" myself. I'm glad it works for many people (being alive is good!), but it can get tiring when that is the dominant advice you are receiving and you know it's not gonna work for you. Idk if this is part of your experience but I know as a chronically suicidal person, it can also get exhausting constantly being reminded (sometimes in ways that feel condescending) that you are expected to want to live and if you don't want to live, that's Bad and you must Correct Yourself.
If you want an alternative perspective to chew on, here's my personal outlook:
Having the chance to be alive is good. Being alive is a complex experience, but one that enriches the universe, and that matters a lot to me spiritually. There is only one you, with your unique body and experiences and thoughts and choices. Death is inevitable, so when possible we should try to spend as much time as we can living our lives, adding to the cosmos, trying our bests to have a good time.
Its a fucked up time ahead, and it's fucked up time now. Life was never going to be free of suffering, and it's a pointless tragedy that people cause all this extra suffering on top it.
But the time will pass anyways. We have the chance to be alive right now, and all we can do is keep going. It's not an act of resistance, it's just accepting the presence of your right to existence, and making us of it.
Gonna once again reference Alexandre Baril's concept of suicidism (the oppression of suicidal people) and mention that while I think it's very respectable to try and give people reasons not to die– it's the last decision you can ever make, and it shouldn't be done lightly– oftentimes people end up reinforcing the idea of people who died by their own choice as, in some way, failures. I don't think this is fair. I'm not going to begrudge anyone the choice of when they want to stop living. I don't think anyone is obligated to live until they are forced to stop. I don't think any oppressed person who had died by suicide has "let their oppressors win."
Give yourself space to feel however you need to about your life. It's alright to feel tired of living; that's entirely understandable. Your relationship with your life is your own and it does not need to be justified to anyone.
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Plot points I hope to see in season 8b/9
(this is long because the writers have a lot to make up for)
• Airport scene
• Eddie gives Buck his St. Christopher necklace
• Buck's coping mechanism of briefly turning into slutty Buck 1.0 after Eddie leaves. Only this time it's with guys that resemble Eddie but he doesn't notice. Maddie does. And she wishes desperately that she wasn't pregnant so she could drink
• Buck actually uses the word bisexual or bi to describe himself
• Finally getting to see Eddie's sisters. And maybe while he's in Texas he facetimes Buck and they come into frame. And in true little sister fashion, they embarrass him: "Oh, Edmundo! Is this the Buck we keep hearing about? He IS cute!"
"I never said that!"
Buck: "...you don't think I'm cute? 🥺"
• Maddie, Sofia, and Adrianna meeting and bonding over their dumbass brothers
• Everyone else finds out that Buck is in Eddie's will and they all just stand there, mouths agape cuz how THE FUCK do they not know they're in love?? Everyone else can see it!
• Buck tells literally everyone at the 118 about his feelings for Eddie because he needs advice. And Chim makes a joke like,
"He already has everyone crushing on him! Why can't someone have a crush on me for once??"
"...dude, you're my brother-in-law."
"So?? We don't have to tell Maddie!"
• Buck admits his feelings but Eddie ends up not leaving so Buck avoids him out of embarrassment like jk pranked ya!
• Buck NDE because I NEED to see Eddie lose his shit
• Or they both have a close call and later have a serious 'spousal' discussion about what would happen to Chris if they both died. And then they share a moment of comradery, trash talking Helena & Ramon and hoping they never get custody again
• Speaking of Shitty Parents 2.0 (Shitty Parents 1.0 being the Buckley's) we need more screen time hating on Helena. Ramon got multiple scenes showing how awful he is and Eddie calling him out on it. But Helena is a selfish woman that keeps trying to manipulate Eddie into giving her Chris. And even when Eddie tries to keep in contact with his son while he's in Texas she just brushes him off and doesn't try to get Chris to talk to him. All because she got her way so she doesn't care, pushing Eddie further into his pit of self-hatred. And for that she must be punished
• Eddie talking to Bobby about his Catholic guilt in relation to his sexuality. And then going to Michael for advice about the transition of believing he's straight and having a heterosexual marriage and family to where he is now. The 3 of them need to go on a fishing trip or something. They'd have it all sorted out within the weekend
• Eddie and Maddie having ANY kind of interaction on screen. The writers know that if they teamed up they'd be besties instantly and they're keeping that from us!
• Chris needing dating advice but as soon as his dad tries to help he cuts him off like: "Not from you, you're obviously gay and all of your straight relationships sunk like the Titanic. But thanks anyway. Hey Buck!"
"Wtf? His relationships weren't great either!"
• Eddie having more discussions with Hot Priest™️ about his guilt and he just smiles fondly at Eddie, "I don't know about you, but my god doesn't judge. Not when someone lives their truth. I think you're more afraid of your family's judgement. If I were you, I'd go back and think of every time I thought God was judging me and consider the possibility that I was putting Him in place of my parental figures." and Eddie just blue screens for many minutes as Hot Priest™️ patiently waits for him to catch up as if he hadn't just changed his entire fucking life
• A scene where either Hot Priest™️ or Bobby or Buck asks him: "Would you judge Christopher if he questioned his sexuality?" "What? No." "Would you tell him to go to confessional or try to pray it away?" "Of course not!" "Would you ever discourage him to be anything less than who he truly is? Or stop him from doing something that makes him happy?" "No!" "Then why do it to yourself? Why set that example? Even if it turns out your parents or Abuela aren't comfortable with you exploring your sexuality, you can always do better than them. Break the cycle for the one person who matters most to you. Be happy, be yourself, be what you want to be, not what others expect from you. And I know you, you won't do it for you. So do it for Christopher. Show him that it's okay, great even, to be you."
• Josh getting all giddy while talking to Eddie like he did when Buck asked for gay dating advice
• Eddie talking to Hen and Karen about how they coped with their foster kids leaving. Like, how do wake up every morning to a quieter house and empty bedrooms, knowing the breakfast table is going to be lonely? They exchange bittersweet looks and hug him
I will accept no less than 80% of this becoming canon. Thank you and good night.
#911#buddie#911 abc#evan buckley#eddie diaz#911 show#911 season 8#911 season 8b#911 season 9#christopher diaz#bobby nash#hen wilson#karen wilson
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ֺ ۪ 𝜗𝜚⠀ and give me just one more chance, one more glance ..
━ a reupload of an old storytime !
Let me start by saying I didn't have a set dr in mind when I shifted. I absolutely hate scripting. Cannot sit through it. I go where the wind takes me lol. So keeping this in mind, I go to a lot of unscripted dr's - random places. Random times.
Now that I've got that out of the way, let's begin.
ֺ ۪ The students all lived in dorms. These dorms spanned on for a while, as it was suited for the entire school rather than just the hero course. You could choose to live in them - or not. This takes place after the war, so living in dorms was no longer mandatory.
ֺ ۪ Students were chatting in the common area. I shared a dorm (Yes, joint dorms) with a gen ed student who very much did .. not like me. I will not blame them tbh, they had their reasons. But that is for another storytime.
ֺ ۪ The campus was huge, not even exaggerating. The school was not only tall, but wider. It looked intimidating, tbh. I'm not too sure on how the schedules worked now since my memory is off, but I know by the time I got there it was about time to go to class 2-A.
ֺ ۪ I was actually so embarrassing. I was walking through the halls and saw Bakugou with a student. Foolishly, I waved my arms around and drew attention to myself while I called for him and said hey.
ֺ ۪ He was not a fan, and continued to actively ignore me while he continued to talk to this student - who will be mentioned later.
ֺ ۪ When we got to the ,, wtf are they called?? Training Fields?? Anyways when we got to our little activity - Aizawa explained that someone would be joining us and using a classmate of his to use his quirk on! The rules were that the chosen person wasn't allowed to use their quirk while chosen - having to rely on what they were given - and everyone else had to find a way to immobilize the chosen one. Simple enough!
ֺ ۪ QUIRK : TITAN ... This user has the ability to shift between a 'titan' form, sort of similar to Mt. Lady and her gigantification. Of course, they could turn others into a titan as well. Drawbacks are that this quirk can be pretty hard to use - you can unintentionally hurt people, and cause a lot of property damage. Adding onto this for later that this worked very similarly to the Titan power from AOT, if it wasn't blaringly obvious enough. To disable someone's titan form, you have to slice a chunk from their neck or somehow free them from the back of the neck area. Due to the titan form being more of a puppet than them, they don't get any physical injuries on their real body. Oh, and about the student - he really hates the hero course. Of course, this may be because he didn't get in.
ֺ ۪ ...Did I say simple? Yeah, anyways.. imagine our horror when he chose Bakugou (putting the pieces together - they plotted this when I ran into them in the hall)
ֺ ۪ We all did our best to immobilize or even just .. get him to stop moving for a second - but he was so HUGE. We didn't wanna get crushed or anything. Also the added fact that no one knew about the neck thing that disables the titan form. Thanks, Aizawa.
ֺ ۪ At this point, people were giving up. Aizawa was watching from a high building, most likely as annoyed as everyone else. People were joining him up there, admitting defeat.. except for Midoriya.
ֺ ۪ Did I mention this is after the events of the manga? Midoriya didn't have a quirk, and here he was - running laps around Bakugou. We (Me, Sato, Sero.. some others) tried to get Shinso to restrain him before he could hurt himself, but Shinso went on to explain to us on what he was doing:
ֺ ۪ He was trying to get Bakugou to trip! It's so hard to explain without visuals, so hopefully words are enough. Bakugou was still trying to get him even so. Midoriya was working with a student from class 2-B as well (did I say this was a joint activity?) Their quirk? cement. I know someone already has that quirk. Don't ask me anything, I'm as confused as you are.
ֺ ۪ The cement student was building a path for Midoriya to run along as he spiraled around Bakugou. At one point, the walls could no longer reach the height he was at. They started to crumble the higher he got.
ֺ ۪ Before you ask where Aizawa was - this all happened very fast.
ֺ ۪ Midoriya tripped off the rocky path. In what I assume was worry, Bakugou reached out to catch him. As he did, the walls around him caused him to fall. They started falling together.
ֺ ۪ Everyone got knocked out from Bakugou's impact. All those who tried to help were covered in rubble, on the floor - hurt.
ֺ ۪ At this point, teacher's and medical assistance had stepped in. Midoriya kept going, crawling from Bakugou's hand to his neck. He tore at it with the last of his strength, and in the end? Won. He got Bakugou out.
ֺ ۪ After that I knocked the hell out. The story time WOULD end here.. but I recently shifted back for closure. Midoriya had gotten in trouble and explained that he saw Bakugou wasn't safe in that state, as he had analyzed this quirk and it often caused others to act reckless, like they couldn't think properly. The student had apparently kept that part of their quirk to themselves. The media also went crazy on the situation because someone snitched about what happened. UA got a lot of backlash. It also wasn't Aizawa's idea. I actually have no clue on who thought of that exercise.
ֺ ۪ That's the end :) my final thoughts are just.. wow. Midoriya reallyh is the worlds greatest hero. He's so smart, kind. Determined and strong even without his quirk. He doesn't let anything stop him. Personally, I always think about this story. Missing him.
That's all! For anyone who read this far, I hope you have a good day or night!
#shifting community#shiftblr#reality shifting#desired reality#shifting blog#reality shifter#shifters#reality shift#shifting realities#shifting#shifting diary#mha shifter#mha shifting#shifter#shifting antis dni#anti shifters dni#poc shifter#mha dr#wynnsposts
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Transcript of qBBH talking about his relationship with time (ccBBH giving some in depth explanation about time and dimensions stuff idk)
Hearing trBBH talk about time travel teleportation dimension thing of the Keeper of the Realm reminded me of how qBBH is related to time stuff as well so just bringing this back.
BBH: Man, Dapper, it's been so long since I've seen dinosaurs. It's crazy. It's been like, really, really long time. Did you know it used to be only dinosaurs, Dapper?
Dapper: Were your neighbors dinosaurs?
BBH: I think it was more like spectating. I wasn't really neighbors at that point. We're just watching them, really.
Chatter: Who came first, the BBH or the dinosaur?
BBH: It's not really how time works. Technically, the dinosaurs...Like, think about it like this, Ghosties. I'll explain it, right? So right now we're inside the dimension of time, right? So time, we are ticking along it slowly. Whereas if you are outside of time, then you technically are not aging in time, makes sense? Because you're able to move through time like it's - think about it like this. Imagine if you could move through time in the same way you could move through a room, right? Then does time have the same application to you? You know what I mean? That's the way to think about it. So if you don't, if you're not inside time. So when I say like X amount of years old, right, it's referring to the perspective of time, makes sense? So the dinosaurs were around for a really, really long time but existing or being able to watch them, time was not affecting me at the same way it was them at that point. But right now I am inside time. You feel me? So because I'm inside time right now, some might even say trapped inside time, or at least bound to it in the same way you muffin heads are.
Dono: So you said you could move through time like a room. So was it like watching a movie where you can fast forward and rewind it? Or something else?
BBH: Something like that. Basically like that, but way cooler. I would say the way I would describe it, think about just like in the same way you can walk up and go and grab something. Imagine if it was that easy to just move through time for you, right? Such a casual experience. Like, you know what I mean? That's kind of what it's like to be outside of time. You're not time traveling per se.
Imagine you. You are a two-dimensional being. And in front of you, if you were a two-dimensional being, right, and you lived on this axis, right, all that you would see when you looked at this tree, is a line. You see a brown line and you would see green leaves, right?
So when you're looking at this, that's all it would look like to you. OK, you wouldn't see anything that existed over there. You wouldn't see anything that existed over there. OK, but now imagine something crosses through your dimension, right? If your whole dimension is like this and all of a sudden a piece of sandstone passes through, right? It looks to you like that sandstone just appeared and then disappeared in your existence. Did it really disappear? No, it's always been there. It just passed through. It's like that with time for angelic beings that exist outside of time.
Well, I say for all beings that exist outside of time. I'm just picking one specifically. So if you exist outside of time, then time has not exactly the same properties as moving through a room.
But that's the best example I can get. Chat, I only said that as an example. Don't read too much into it. Chat, you're not allowed to read stuff into things when I'm just giving you a description.
Anyway, I'm just explaining, chat. Think about it more like dimensions. I'm just explaining how it works for beings from higher dimensions, you feel me? That are moving through the fourth dimension. You follow me? You guys are being ridiculous. I'm gonna put you all in timeout if you keep this up.
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1:59:30 - 2:02:35 2:22:45 - 2:32:12
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Sleep over
A mini miscommunication fic ft. Moonspider and an abandonment episode from his dear friend Wade. Also ft. Hot dad Logan. If that even matters-
No tw.
*Peter Parker and Wade, texting*
Spidey: Yeah that was really cool especially seeing as I thought id have to take you to the hospital again
Wade: Right!? Who even knew you could drive a motorcycle with your legs ripped off?
Spidey: haha yeah. Hey, going to hop off a little early.
Wade: Was it something I said?
Spidey: No, no Im just beat and Jake's spending the night
Spidey, Error. Not sent: He's back from London for a bit so he needs some spider snuggles lol
Spidey: See ya Wade. Goodnight 🕸🛌
Wade, now complaining to Logan: Can you believe this?!
Logan, wearing his reading glasses: Hm? Oh is it the text tone thing? Here let me see *takes the phone and reads the messages* Ha.. is he saying he's webbing himself to bed? With that little emoji there?
Wade: Yes! b-but thats not the point! (God youre so hot when you act like a dad)
Logan: mmh.. well I am a dad. So.. but if thats not the problem what is? It's friendly tones, wade. Im sure he's just beat. I mean he did practically spend the entire day with you..
Wades: Whats that supposed to mean!?
Logan: 🤨
Wade: ....yeah okay.. but that weirdo is over there! What if he needs help!? Im going over there!
Logan: *sighs* Wade, Peter is a grown man.. He can do what he wants, bub. You can't protect him forever.
Wade, already getting dressed: The fuck if I can't!! No one hurts my special boy! Not even me!
Logan: Wade, ive literally seen this kid throw an entire 18 wheeler like it was a pebble. He'll be fine. Besides, maybe this will be good for him. You did say he was struggling with girls-
Wade: Gasssp!! Lolo thats not nice. Even I know that. Peter can have any girl he wants, they just aren't his MJ. Thats why im here. Duh. Im his Marvel Jesus and he needs me.
Logan: *groaning ridicloudly hot by just existing* What ever you want, babe. But this might ruin your friendship with him. Maybe he spent all day with you because he knew you'd get unnecessarily jealous.
Wade: i-Im not jealous!! Im just gonna make sure hes okay! Thats what friends do!
Logan: Whatever you say sweetheart... ask me youre kinda being a cockblock-
Wade: Thats the point!! Now bye! Ill pick up chinese on the way home. He lives next to that one place and that lady adores me!
Logan: the one that says 'please leave me alone and dont ever come back you cursed demon'?
Wade: No, thats the other place.
Logan: mmh.. my mistake.. Don't loose any limbs. And don't make anyone else loose any limbs either. No stabbing, dont get shanked by that homeless guy on the subway. Still confused how he keeps getting away from the cops...
Wade: this is new york sweetie, theres gotta be at least one stabber on the loose at all times. You know, to keep the people on their toes! Anyway- Ill be home soon! Gotta go stab a hoe!
*slams door*
Logan, alone, reading: *sighs, again* ... I just told him no stabbing...
*At Peter's apartment*
Peter, opening the door: Wade? What are you doing?
Wade: I came to save you!
Peter, rubbing his eyes: From who??
Wade, pushing past him into the appartment: You know who!!
Peter: *Groans annoyed and tired* Do you really have to do this tonight?
Wade: Yes!! Now where is that knock off batman fuck?
Peter, mentally: batman ?? *imagines a man with a bat who hits people with said bat* 'im bat man!'
Peter: What? Nevermind.. just.. don't wake him up. *gestures to him passed out on the couch*
Snkt, laying on his chest: *licking him and wagging his tiny tail*
Moonknight, sprawled out, waist webbed to the couch so he dosn't roll off: heh.. Layla.. stoopp.. ZZzzz
Wade, realizing just how bad he assessed the situation: ...... Whos Leia?
Peter, smiling softly, making Wade keep his distance: Layla.. shes like.. his Vanessa.
Wade, immediately changing mentalities: Nessy??
Peter: Mhm.. It's kinda complicated having multiple people in your body that want different things soooo....
Wade, dumb: Soooooo???
Peter: So.. it makes sense to have multiple partners.
Wade: But.. but he lives in London and hes always gone. Thats not fair to you..
Peter, semi sorrowful: Yes... but Lady Death is always gone too. And you still enjoy your time with her right?
Wade: My mistress? My eternal wife thats destined to be mine once god finally lets me kick the bucket? Of course. I think about her all the time.
Peter: ...He's kind of like my lady death. Except I don't know if we'll end up in the same place... but its fun to be along for the ride of life you know?
Wade: Thats some deep shit.
Peter: Mhm..
Wade: well... alright. Fine.... b-But what if he hurts you??
Peter: I'll just web him to the wall until he calms down. It was his idea to web him down in the first place. It won't be the first time, Definitely not the last... and you know? He's not as scary as what people think. If anything he's just... scared of Himself. Like a poor dog waiting for someone to take him home who wont return him the moment they find out he has teeth...
Wade, smart: Oh... OH!
Peter: Shhh. What is it?
Wade: He's your wolvie.
Peter: What?
Wade: He's like your wolvie!
Peter, thinking: Huh... Yeah I guess you're kind of right. Now if you don't mind I have a shift tomorrow.
Wade: Mmmh... Im still worried though... i dont know why..
Peter, putting a hand on his shoulder: Wade, You aren't worried about me. You're worried im going to replace you. But that's not ever going to happen. You're funny, a great friend, and- No offense but- Like the craziest guy ive ever met. No one could replace that.
Wade: What about the joker?
Peter: Who the hell is the joker??
Wade: Nevermind. Wrong franchise. B-but are you sure? That you don't need my help??
Peter, slightly annoyed but in that fond way: I promise to call you If I ever feel like I need help.
Wade, feeling better: ..Pinky promise?
Peter, sighing, knowing how much He needs this: Pinky promise... now get out of my house before I throw you out myself.
This scene ends with Wade laughing, a hug, and wade leaving. Jake sitting straight up mid sleep, staring at him with concern, possibly from a nightmare, and peter reassuring him he's fine and can go back to sleep. And Logan having half cold chinese with his husband on the couch, glad that Peter is so understanding about Wade's abandonment issues.
#moonspider#marc spector#steven grant#jake lockley#moon boys#peter parker#spiderman#friendly neighborhood spider man#moon knight#deadpool and wolverine#poolverine#logan howlett#wade wilson#deadpool#wolverine#deadpool 3#deadclaws
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Sliding into your dms because your pretending to be a man idea got into my brain and won't leave me alone. We'll have to suffer together okay.
Imagine you're a daughter of some lowly destitute baron, he died and now all you have is a house and your brother, Alex. You have to sell the house because your father had debt that hasn't been settled. Luckily, you'll still have money left from the sale. Unluckily, the money is not much. You can either use it to send Alex to the royal academy or you can use it as your marriage dowry, of which your prospect isn't great anyway since you're poor and barely even a noble. Alex wants you to use the money, he's long been disillusioned with the king (Shepherd) and he wants to go help the neighbouring kingdom fight off their invader. He'll sleep easier knowing you have a roof over your head. Still, the thought of being married to some strange old men makes you want to throw up. You think you'd rather die. But you also don't want to stop Alex from pursuing his dream. So you and Alex came up with the idea that will satisfy you both: you will take his place in the royal academy and he can leave in peace, knowing you'll be safer in the academy than alone without a house in the countryside. He'll tell people that he's sent you to live with some distant relatives somewhere.
Years pass and you thrive in the academy. You graduate and despite having no connections or wealth, your capability lands you a job inside the palace. It's nothing fancy, and likely you won't go very far working under a neglected concubine, but she's very nice and funny. The salary is also good enough that you think if you keep working for a few years you can buy a small house and retire back to the countryside. Maybe you'll even stay longer just to accompany your mistress.
All in all, life is nice and uneventful. The great nobles and the king might be fighting, but you and your mistress are so far down the political ladder it barely affects you. Or so you thought and so it should have been, if not for your mistress starting a genuine love affair with Marchioness Laswell.
Your mistress' affection for you causes Laswell to pay attention to you. And unfortunately for you, she's seen the real Alex before. She knows you're a fraud. You think you're done for, but Laswell says she understands why you do it. She says she won't let the public learn your secret.
And she doesn't, because Duke Price isn't the public. He's just a Duke in desperate need of a wife. Someone to help him escape the disadvantageous match that will only put him under Shepherd's control once more. What a good luck he has to meet you, a noble who is unaffiliated with king, at this exact time. Surely you'll be willing to help him out? Being a duchess is certainly better than pretending to be a guy. It's definitely less risky, he says. Do you know that using someone else's identity can get you to jail? What if the king finds out and thinks you're plotting treason? Off with your pretty little head then. Surely being his duchess would be safer. He'll protect you. Take care of you. Spoil you, even. You and your good birthing hips and however many kids you two will have.
TLDR, you pretend to be a guy to escape marrying strange old men only to marry another (worse) strange old man
So first of all. I LOVE THIS. And now for my paltry additions….
I think that once Price found out about you, he became extremely fixated for a number of reasons. One? He’d met you before. He visited the academy as an alumni, occasionally donated to the institute, and would visit to check on the allocation of those funds.
And he remembers seeing you, swimming in your too-large uniform. Absolutely decimating your studies. In his observation of the academy, he’d unwittingly found himself following you around to your different lessons and seeing you sweep the floor with every other student. It was clear you were extremely bright, and he heard the whisperings about you.
A shame about your lowly birth. You might’ve made a fine tactician.
Price, as a rather meritocratic man, wanted to have you in his service as soon as you graduated. But as with many of the finest things in the kingdom, you were plucked up and handed off as something of a present to one of the king’s newer, shinier consorts.
So when Laswell starts her dalliance with that very consort, it sparks a memory in Price. And he asks after you. Which gets Laswell to commit you more to memory when she meets with you. And suddenly it’s quite obvious. She tells Price all about it, with amusement on her face, at one of their weekly meetings.
Suddenly there’s a little click in his brain. Like everything’s slotting into place. He was denied you once, in one way, and it won’t happen again. Now he can have you in all ways. With the forces at his disposal, and your brilliance in tactics and writing, he may well have the makings of some serious political sabotage. With him as your husband, you could soar in a way your class and gender never would’ve allowed. And at the end of it all? You’re quite pretty. A new dress and a circlet for that boyish cut of hair and you’d be bewitching. He was eager to see what those loose tunics had been hiding.
You can’t refuse his offer. Suddenly, Alex is called by letter to care for an ailing relative who has no other means of support. The same relative that had supposedly taken you in. And John quite selflessly takes you in following, and from a public perspective, it all went so naturally after that. What could be more heartwarming and dreamy? A generous noble taking in a common born girl in an act of charity, and the two falling in love, enough to defy the gaps in their stations and marry. It’s the kind of thing that only happens in fairy tales.
But despite all of John’s political aspirations, he knows it must appear as if nothing is amiss. That means doing what any noble would do with a young, pretty bride. It means spoiling you with all the finery he can… and it means making sure that you’re with child within the year.
#and for those wondering#I was at the tender age of 8 when ouran highschool host club destroyed my brain#writing#cod fanfic#cod#john price x reader#captain john price#john price#medieval au
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Hiii I have been meaning to request with you but I keep forgetting (adhd suck sometimes) anyway I have had a strange hyperfixation on hockey (I live in a country where ice hockey isn't a thing so i have to watch from my websites) anyway could I get a franco x hockey player trans!reader where like franco is just supporting them though out a few games and stuff totally cool if not and am I able to grab the
🍄 anon?
FRANCO AND HOCKEY PLAYER READER YES YES YES YES YES i love franco and hockey and think abt the video of him on the ice during last seasons lv gp and it's literally my favorite!! so much inspiration for this!
franco colapinto x trans!hockey player!reader
synopsis: franco lives out his wag dreams with his hockey player boyfriend
author's note: mushroom anon, you have spoken my language. i love franco and hockey so mushing the two together really sparked creativity. this is more going to be like headcanons if thats alright! there are just so many ideas and like i couldn't just put it into one fic (maybe i should write a multi part fic of franco being a hockey wag lmk what yall think). like always, feel free to request! i might have gotten a bit carried away but its okay bc franco <3
when he can finally attend your games, he is over the moon excited
goes all out with like dressing in a jersey with your number, face paint, everything
he is 1000% the loudest out of everyone in the stadium
depending on your role (e.g. enforcer) he'll cheer even louder if you get into a fight
he definitely doesn't find it to be hot and sexy
absolutely loves watching you celebrate if you get a goal (but if you're a goalie, it makes him happy when your team celebrates you)
goes all out when you win a game
full on party mode
like balloons and everything
and if you don't win a game, he still will celebrate you (do with that as you please)
lots of hugs and kisses when you leave the locker room
your teammates find you guys adorable (if not a tad bit annoying)
your teammates are also totally chill about you being trans
they think you're the coolest
franco thinks you are the coolest
during the las vegas gp when he's invited to the rink, he is so excited
tries to show off but absolutely fails and falls on his ass
you tease him relentlessly for it afterward
he pouts and so you make it up to him (also do with that as you please)
every time he was the chance to go to one of your games, he takes advantage of it
just like when you can make it to his races
when he's at the rink, he isn't formula one driver franco, no he's full on wag mode
even if he is shown up on the jumbo screen or anywhere else, he is known as your boyfriend
he lives it up to the fullest because it takes the pressure off of him in a weird way
if anyone asks, he loves hockey more than f1
he's insane when watching you
literally your number one fan
and vice versa
you are his number one fan
when either one of you have an event, plus one immediately
so lovesick that you can spot the heart-eyes from space
when given the chance during your interviews, you bring him up
you guys just are so supportive of each other and love each other, people wouldn't be surprised if you guys got secretly married during the las vegas gp
TAGS! (if you would like to be added, lmk!)
@op-81-lvr-reblogs, @koalapastries, @justaf1girl, @ghostking4m, @spoonfulofmilo
#f1 x male reader#f1 x reader#formula 1 x male reader#formula one x reader#franco colapinto x male reader#franco colapinto x reader
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Tomarrymort time travel fix it / Redo
These are not time travel to the 1940s. I have another post for that. These are mostly Harry has a do-over/second chance at life.
✨ Do it Over / 51k / A depressed postwar Harry has taken
Death's hand, reunited with the horcrux he mourned, and traveled into his own past.
Now he wakes up on the morning of his eleventh birthday, ready to do things differently this time. He has no grand plans, just the instinct to be close to the man whose soul he shares.
✨ way down we go / 18k / Harry Potter discovers truths about Tom Riddle and Albus Dumbledore’s past, and he decides to enlist Ron and Hermione's help in travelling back in time to the 1930s and fixing what was broken before Tom can become the infamous Dark Lord.
But once he goes back in time, he can never return.
✨ The Darkening of Your Soul / 260k / Harry is betrayed. Harry gets a second chance to do it all over again.
There is just one catch. If Harry gets to keep his memories from his previous life, so does Voldemort.
✨ The only sound is the overflow / 53k / It was his second time dying. And soon after, it was his second time coming back to life.
Somehow, he was still alive.
And he was living his life all over again
✨ Harry Potter and the Greatest Show / 177k / The last real thing Harry remembers is standing across from Voldemort and watching the killing curse fly at his face.
Then he visited a fluffy white limbo that somewhat resembles King Cross Station and instead of choosing to move on or go back he does something else entirely.
And wakes up in his cupboard on the morning of Dudley's eleventh birthday.
Because that makes sense.
(No. No it doesn't.)
But Harry is going to roll with it anyway.
✨ Tip of Your Tongue / 78k / Getting grabbed around the ankle at the last second by a screaming Uncle Vernon? Not great.
Kicking Vernon in the face while Fred shouted, "Floor it!", thus resulting in the Dursley patriarch falling out a window?
Genuinely a top 10 moment in Harry's life.
After dying and being thrown back into his 11 year-old body with limited access to his memories from his past life, Harry's had to get by with only his ever-present sense of deja-vu to keep him from making the same choices (and mistakes) as he did before. But now that he's more connected than ever with his sixth-sense, the barriers that kept his past from him are breaking down. Dreams and visions are bombarding him more frequently, and just in time. The Chamber of Secrets has been opened, and as his deja-vu brain keeps saying, "It's not happening like it did last time.
✨ A Change of Fate / 183k / In which soulmates exist and Harry
Potter takes control of his own destiny, and Tom Riddle gets a chance he doesn't deserve.
Soulmates Time Travel AU that starts off in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows when Harry is at the white train station).
Or, in which Death hated the Epilogue and gives Harry a chance to claim his soulmate and fix this shit.
✨ Resurrect The Living / 100k / Circumstance makes Harry an offer he can't refuse.
"I can get you the Elixir of Life," Harry says. "But I need your help with something else."
"You," says Voldemort, cautious now, wary now that this confrontation hasn't gone at all like he expects, a little incredulous, "need Lord Voldemort to help you?"
Harry looks right past him for a second, jaw tense. "Yeah. You're the only one who can, apparently."
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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry
( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)
(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)
#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him#I always knew he was a parental figure for me#but now I connected the dots#How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life#that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so#and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life#ofc ud become attached#i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him#he occupies most of my thoughts honestly#But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life#i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an#bloom and be free#and that's what ill try to do#but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness#its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired#somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea#how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi#g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if#lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways#sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay#yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le#go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk#how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate#my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t#me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol#so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest#y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t#ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti#ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd
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1.10 / 1.09
#something to be said not just about how Ibrahim aims to replace his past family with his present bond with Süleiman (and Musti and Mahi#branch off of that bond) but also how Hatice fits in all of this - the one Ibrahim leans on everytime he's likely to lose SS is *her*#she isn't just the future he wants to secure in the castle but also the past he yearns for outside of it especially in that initial period#of their relationship; and not just any past but a very particular fragment of it - the next most valuable person of his past other than#his brother: his *mother*. it's no wonder him playing *his mother's* melodies with the violin marks the beginning of their story and stays#an important motif throughout. just like Ibrahim's mother Hatice is so familiar yet so out of reach (and this unreachability accumulates in#E13 - Ibrahim leaves for Parga thus returning to his past but leaving Hatice behind but *then* finding out his mother is gone too.#*both* people he wants to be close to soo much are *gone* in that moment. there's a link between them because of this. also Hatice tieing#lbrahim's mother to “heaven” as well and her “looking at their happiness from above” Ibro responds with in E14.) Hatice will distance#more and more from that role later on until lbrahim starts to outright abandon this whole 'return to the past' idea with Hatice and#search for it through Nigar instead. but yeah anyway I feel these two scenes are the perfect encapsulation of how complicated#the past is for lbrahim; he avoids remembering it because it *hurts* to remember both because why would he remember it when he already has#an established future and because deep down he resents what he's become and established as that isn't ever permanent and he's lost all else#*himself* most of all as who is a person without his roots? he wants to forget them but can't ever do it so what's left is replacing them#*all of them*; when he finds Hatice too he wants to have *both* her and Süleiman and SS marrying Hatice off directly challanges that want#up to that point he believed in the possibility of their love more than Hatice did; now? he seems as lost as she is not knowing what to do#the only way not to lose either of them is accepting Süleiman's order convincing himself that this is how it should be no matter how much#that hurts and would bury him even deeper; he can't bear it so he searches for a solution - and when he sees Rhodes sea? it hits him#it hits him how low he's actually sunk through the losses and if he can't “fully* replace the past he'll *fully* return to the past letting#*everything else* once hidden out as well. not to mention how right before he left to Parga he was brought to fear for his literal death#and then he is given more power that also brings some uncertainty with it and that likely scared him cementing his departure for Parga#directly following Piri Pasha's advice to let power go as it won't let *you* go#(btw a big contrast between S01 and S03 Ibrahim can be drawn in his relationship with Piri Pasha and his relationship with Ebusuud)#magnificent century#muhteşem yüzyıl#muhtesem yuzyil#ibrahim pasha#(sorry for the disorganized tags but if I kept it like it was I would've exceeded the limit before I even finished 😅)#(just Ibrahim and Hatice in general are people who latch onto each other to get over their losses and ache for peace amidst their turbulent#lives and positions and that's what keeps them close and will later too)
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i think growing up is just life repeatedly sucker punching you and saying bitch you thought things were gonna better lmao no you're so naive and stupid for having hope in 20 years the world will be flaming bag of garbage and no matter how hard you work you'll get eliminated at some point
#and then you just have to get up and keep living anyway because what else is there to do?#but man my heart keeps feeling heavier with every blow#2024 has literally been the worst year ever god personally too#like everytime i think it can't possibly get worse than this it does#i remember literally 9th jan i had such a horrible breakdown in an auto because the first friend i ever made#after school was leaving my work and therefore my life#9 days into the year. seriously. and i was so happy on 8th because it was my birthday#i don't know im trying hard to think okay this doesn't even affect me it's fine im privileged enough that even my own countrys politics#barely affects me#but just. india is already so behind in everything. if developed nations are doing shit like this then well#it will never get better right like who do we even strive to be#i want to get more into indian politics but my god. it's so horrifying and depressing all the time#like i remember resolving to follow politics closely few years ago and the first news#i read was about some minister talking about how girls skirts lengths IN SCHOOL is the reason boys do sa and boys will be boys etc etc#i know i could just follow business news stuff like that god knows it'll help in my field but it just. doesn't resonate with me doesn't#make me feel anything at all. like i so desperately want to care about ooh stock markets and how to grow your money etc etc#but when i think about being rich enough to invest idle money all i can think is sitting in my own home peacefully#drinking a glass of cold coffee and just being able to breathe freely because me and my sister used to joke in childhood#when dad went thru a coffee v bad for health phase and he wouldn't let us drink it so we would drink it very sneakily#at night when he was asleep or went out for an hour and make absolutely no noise while mixing the sugar. we said that we know#we'll* know we have achieved true freedom and happiness in life when we can peacefully drink cold coffee in the hall and not secretly#in the dead of night in our room#i don't even know what im talking about and my period is late again and nothing is working and my lazer focus#that i had built in the past few weeks is gone because suddenly im like what is the point????#i just don't understand how the fuck humans can fight over stupid fucking things like who is kissing who and who is doing what with their#body instead of focusing on collective issues like our planet is dying so fucking fast and every summer is getting impossibler to survive#i hate that the united states control the UN fuck this world fr man i hate being born in such horrible helpless times#like call me a kid or dumb or whatever but i cannot understand how MILLIONS of people do not#have sympathy for ppl around them and who don't care about the planet at all like how????? how did you grow up????#not trying to boast but this is so natural to me!!! didn't you make save water save earth posters in school!!! didn't anyone
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hey guys so I just started reading Flatland by Edwin A. Abbott and OMG AHSBNSBSBSNSNBSHZHSHDBFHGGHFHGRJ2KSHSBSNSK AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I LOVE THINKING ABOUT THE RELATIVITY BETWEEN DIMENSIONS!!!!!!
#probably the nerdiest thing i will ever read in my entire life but I AM SO HAPPY#Its the unabridged and corrected 1992 republication btw. if you wanna get specific#the only book in which i have actually decided to read the introductory notes and i do NOT regret it because the editor's one IMMEDIATELY#brought up the “oh but surely the second dimension has thickness how else would flatlanders see anything” AND GAVE A REALLY GOOD ANSWER.#which i cannot tell you here. bc it is several paragraphs long and idk how i would shorten it. i would hit tag limit. if thats a thing.#anyways. I'm only a little bit into the first part which basically explains how Flatland works as a society so i haven't even gotten to the#sphere yet but OH MAN I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO EXCITED ABOUT A ROUND OBJECT IN MY LIFE#IM LOSING IT OVER THIS BOOK AAAA :D#me: im so glad i dont have a math class during my senior year! now i dont have to learn anything math-related!#also me: but what if i started studying a complex and almost entirely theoretical part of geometry#bc YEAH i didn't just buy this book bc of gravity falls. I BOUGHT IT BC IVE BEEN RESEARCHING THE 4TH DIMENSION WOOOOOOO!!!!!#one thing i will say i dont like. introductory note suggests the the 4th dimension might be time. this is ok tho bc its followed up with#also saying that time is not a spatial dimension and exist across the 0 1st 2nd and 3rd dimensions which. that epuld mean we live in 4d#already. so. i was worried for a second but THANK YOU THANK YOU OH MY GOD PEOPLE TRYING TO SAY “OH THE 4TH DIMENSION IS TIME” I HATE THAT SO#MUCH AAAAGGHHHH AT LEAST RECOGNIZE ITS NOT SPATIAL!!! TIME IS NOT A SPATIAL DIMENSION!!!!!!! IF IT WAS THEN 4D TRAVEL AND TIME TRAVEL WPULD#BE FHE SAME THING AND DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY MUCH COOLER POSSIBILITIES WPULD BE THROWN AWAY IF THAT WAS THAT CASE!!!!! AND. AND. IF THE 4TH#DIMENSION IS TIME. THEN WHATS THE 5TH?? 6TH?? YPU CANT KEEP GOINF ON FOREVER LIKE THAT. YPURE JUST MAKEING MORE 3D WORLSS WITH STUFF IN#ADDITION TO TIME. INTERESTING BUT THAY IS NOT ABOHT HIGHRER DIEMSBSJSNSBAKAJSHDHDHHDHDHDJ#sorry for the rant. jsut. agh i want a spatial 4th dimension. i dont think tesseracts exist through time that would just be an aged cube#anyways yeahhh i love the 4th dimension. new hyperfixation or new special interest? ill have to wait and see. anyways i have done it i have#an oc whos 4 dimensional now and she is the coolest ever i love her#but yeah this book is sosososo good i am literally gonna bring it to school to read instead of draw bc i would lose it if i didn't#10/10 would recommend to anyone who wants to Think
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⛵
#I also keep seeing modern au aubrey-maturin art#that makes me wish I could draw and thereby contribute#unfortunately I can't even *write* modern aus generally. but I like transferring character dynamics from place to place in my brain#and I feel like I could do a university AU very nicely if I could do AUs at all#because I have had rowers in my class with as far as I could tell jack's exact personality#(unfortunately it has to be a US university AU because (a) that's what I know and (b) afaik nobody else does randomly assigned roommates)#(and I cannot pass up the opportunity for randomly assigned roommates.#OR RATHER#for 'you seem more or less human - quick let's request each other so we don't have to go into potluck'#I think that works best)#(but maybe they are both international students anyway. that works fine. & therefore extremely alarmed by potluck [can't say they're wrong]#sophie is a sorority girl. english major I think. and I can see her so clearly#(she's the part I want to draw)#she's not that into the high-octane social schedule her sorority expects her to have#but her pushy mother was a member and it is Unthinkable that sophie should not be#and a lot of the other girls are sweet :) so it's fine :) she says#feel like she has roommate issues (unlike her original self she is able to live away from mrs williams so this makes up for that)#so she's always over in jack and stephen's room. people who know her tangentially sometimes gossip about which one she's actually dating#(at that particular moment it is actually neither of them she's just hanging out with stephen)#diana freed from the shackles of 19th century womanhood creates even more and weirder drama than in canon#idk I just want to see the plot of post captain played out over text message#don't ask me HOW idk HOW i just want it#stephen is a biology major/pre-med obvs. if he can survive organic chemistry#jack is some kind of engineering major. I think he'd enjoy that with the math. diana has changed her major 7 times#(I don't know whether to put jack in rotc. I don't think it Actually actually fits - he's in the navy in canon because he's in the navy#not bc he's Inevitably Military In All Worlds. he would not want to do that if he didn't get to sail#but at the same time I find it hard to picture him not belonging to Discipline somehow.#it's more than a disinterested passion for cleanliness that drives him to wash stephen's mug for him that has had coffee and ramen in it#(and NOT in that order)#in the bathroom sink
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Had an ADHD assessment a few years ago and the fuckwit that assessed me said, as a direct quote, "You're too smart to have ADHD." Like that's not any type of paraphrasing, that stupid fucking statement is burned in my brain forever and has been since I heard it.
I talked to my psychiatrist about getting a referral to a different psychologist for assessment, and she agreed and sent it in.
Today I got a call that said they don't agree that I need reassessment, and I'm welcome to pursue it elsewhere, but they won't provide reassessment. Which is just.
I don't even know where to start with that one. I just needed to get it out. I'm so tired.
#'we really dont think youre adhd so were not even going to let you pay to check again'#WHAT#thats an option?#they can just say that they really dont think its a problem for me so they wont waste their time?#the first fuckwit that assessed me said im too fucking smart to have adhd!!#thats not a fucking compliment and every professional ive spoken to since then has said 'yesh thats not right tey for reassessment'#i just had to write this down because#this morning i was showering before work and they called me and left a message#so i checked the message right before work cuz i saw it was them and i assumed they wanted to set up the reassessment#because i got a referral. but theur message literally just said that bullshit#and because it was right before work i had to pack that away#because trying to deal with that in addition to a shift at fucking mcdonalds wouldve killed me#but because i set it aside i just keep forgetting about it. so i needed to write this down to remind myself#that this is my life and this is the bullshit i get to deal with in this life#im so tired. i dont even know what to say here. what to think or anything#'youre too smart to have adhd. we're so sure of that that we're not gonna check again. waste someone else's time. bye!'#i wish the world worked the way healthcare 'professionals' think it works#what a beautiful world it would be. you could lose weight just by trying and when you lose weight all of your health problems disappear!#you cant have any mental health problems if you are smart or seem kinda normal or are a woman#i am resisting the urge to. i don't even know. i want to do something angry and destructive but i don't even care#at least now i dont have to drive two hours and pay $160 just to be told that i am too smart to have problems#and actually all of my problems are due to my anxiety and the fact that im female#god i wish that was the case. ill go on t if it makes my problems valid. would you like that?#what do i have to do to convince people i have problems? i will fully physically transition to be taken more seriously#would that help?? would that fucking help???????????????#anyway. i was about to say i wish i wasnt mentally ill. but i dont#being mentally ill is chill. its like a roommate that lives up there and weve lived together awhile so its chill#the only problem are the idiots they pay to deal with mental illness. at this point i dont think they have qualifications#theyre just bringing in men off the street. and theyre the real problem. goodnight folks#dont have the audacity to be mentally ill in this economy. its not worth it
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sits here thinking about all the fic ideas i have for my durge and isobel and punches a hole in the drywall because i have unmedicated Cant Focus Disorder
#dirge being the one who autopsied isobel and opened her tomb with gortash and kethetic.#dirge being forced to take a day off because of brain damage induced chronic migraines and staying at the elf song with isobel#while aylin and the gang keep on top of shit for the day. just quiet moments alone for them to talk to each other without the pressure#of being overheard#isobel talking to dirge about being a bhaalspawn. her experiences with an immortal god being#aylin being trapped and the unique vulnerabilities of being godspawn#isobel and dirge finding catharsis in their brutal resurrections into new life through each other. autopsy buddies.#isobel being Kind Of Weird and not entirely a saint because shes lost everything and everyone. and finally met a kindred soul who-#-understands what shes been through and she isnt willing to give that up even though hes a bhaalspawn murderer.#the willingness to be selfish because she cant stand to lose anything else when shes just starting to get it all back#isobel the light in the darkness. isobel the deathtouched maiden.#how loviatar says that the gods cant feel pain so she seeks it out through her worshippers so they can appreciate being alive#in spite of their mortality. a feeling a god can never have on their own#how isobel attracts the divine and unkillable and immortal#there is something so unabashedly human in how she lives and dies and lives again and how she suffers and lives and rejoices#and it draws them like moths to a light. she will never experience the bone deep satisfaction of doing what you were made for#because she wasnt MADE for ANYTHING she just LIVES. she just chooses.#aylin is always her mothers sword and dirge is always his fathers knifehand and isobel just is. invested with the soft light of the moon-#-because it radiates out from her anyways. gentle and without judgement it alights on them all#she just Is. human mortal kind gentle hypocritical and steadfast and they will never know what its like to be blessed without being claimed#like she never knows what its like to have such perfect divine purpose etched into your being and so they cant help but linger#god. fucking. isobel thorm#they watch trashy hallmark romcoms together btw. in my immaculate vision of bg3 which is totally accurate
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