#unfortunately we have very little if any way to actually affect those responsible

[thefirstknife]

Since tensions and emotions are super high, I know people default to drastic measures and worst case scenarios, but I would like to remind everyone that there are still people working at Bungie.

A lot of comments online right now act as if there's no one there anymore and that it's totally okay to burn everything to the ground. But there are still employees there who are facing an incredibly difficult situation and they don't need the community to talk about it all as if they've all died.

It's not helping them or their laid off colleagues to talk about the game they work on as if it's gone and over. They still work on the game and that work will be difficult for them, emotionally and physically. I'm sure it's also not good to be the remaining employee and hear how your work is now worth nothing and "will suck" and be "soulless" because some of their coworkers are gone. It's literally the last thing they want to hear in a situation of complete demoralisation. It's not respectful to them or to the people laid off. This is a massive group project. There isn't a single person responsible for the soul of the game, all of them are. Some of them are gone, but many are not.

Many of the devs that we know and love are still there and will be still working on the game. We should respect their work instead of preemptively calling it soulless. Obviously the game will not be the same. That's not the main issue here. The main issue is that there are still developers who have jobs and who would probably like to keep those jobs and who still care deeply about their work and are passionate about the game and its community. So just be mindful of how you talk and engage with the situation. The remaining devs will have a tough time, especially with motivation and morale going forward; we don't have to add to it by labelling their efforts worthless. Most of all, they will for sure be overworked and understaffed and they don't need added difficulties and demands thrown on them.

[musical-chick-13]

The thing is, when OCD Brain™ goes "morality is complicated" it's not exactly from the standpoint of "I have no idea what the concepts of Good and Bad are." It's more, "I know what my values are, what I consider the concept of 'Good' to be, but I perceive so many things as being antithetical to that concept of 'Good', and I don't know how to sort the Actually Antithetical ones from the Stuff My Brain Worries About Unnecessarily ones, so I spend my life trying to atone both for mistakes I HAVE actually made and for things that no one other than me would consider a 'mistake' in the first place."

Because it's better to be sure, right? If there's anything that could be interpreted as malicious or harmful or selfish or Not Doing Enough (regardless of how much you would have to stretch the definitions of those words to make that actually be true), then better counteract and avoid and whatever-else all of those potential things.

An example of this I usually use when trying to explain all this is the discussion regarding alcohol and consent. All of the people I've met who have this illness (including me), understand that, if someone is under the influence, they cannot actually consent to something--an agreement, a contract, a sexual encounter. If someone is drunk and, therefore, does not actually have full possession of themselves and their mental faculties, something they say or do that might seem like an expression of consent cannot be taken as one. Because, due to those outside circumstances (i.e. the aforementioned "Not Truly Having Self-Possession" and "Something directly interfering with someone's ability to make decisions") consent cannot be considered freely given. Very few people are going to dispute this.

Where OCD might (and frequently does) come in is that many other, not-OCD-having people will, for example, mention going out to a bar and sharing a drink with someone before hooking up with them. Or discussing things during a business dinner where there might be a glass of wine involved. True, these people may not be drunk, but the way alcohol affects the human body is going to be different for every person. Some people might be affected by a little amount of alcohol, even if they don't realize it. Some people have a very low tolerance for it, and there's not really any way for you to know for sure. This is further complicated by the fact that alcohol might stay in your system for a little while. How long does it take for the effects to wear off and you aren't in that state of vulnerability anymore? Again, that will be different for every person, and you have no way of knowing this.

For someone with OCD, the way around these questions might become, "Don't accept any kind of agreement at all (to a contract, to a business arrangement, to sex) from someone if any alcohol has been involved in any way during the hours leading up to that agreement." But if someone lives their life by this particular rule, plenty of people (if not most of them) are going to say they're being over-worried or ridiculous or silly or stupid. Some form of "you're overreacting" (or, in particularly unfortunate cases, "you're crazy/inhuman/authoritarian") will usually be the response from people who don't suffer from this illness. And you don't know why that's the response. You don't know why people don't agree with you. (And in this particular case, I still don't. It's been 30 years, and I still genuinely do not understand why this is the reaction I get.)

And it can be like this in every case. We know germs are bad and that you should be cautious in how you handle them, so people don't get sick. Better make sure to clean everything [a specific overly-complicated way, an inordinate number of times, for a really long amount of time]. You should take responsibility when you hurt people, so why not apologize for everything you do, just to make sure.

Children are a particularly vulnerable and disenfranchised group of people, so why not go out of your way to avoid them, to make absolutely sure you don't make their struggles worse? (<-I'm actually wondering if the recent uptick in "There's no reason for an adult to talk to a child/teenager they aren't related to or teaching" discussion is coming from.)

Obviously abuse is bad, so to make sure you don't do that, you need to punish yourself/do compulsions to atone if you ever so much snap at someone out of irritation or have an argument with them. After all, one mistake could pave the way for more. The only way to be absolutely sure you don't turn into a bad person is to never do anything bad, or erase the times when you do make mistakes. Wishing violence on someone and actively wanting to hurt them is bad, so if you get intrusive thoughts about that (even if you. you know. don't want those thoughts. because they're intrusive.), then you need to do everything you can at all times to make sure that doesn't somehow develop into actually hurting someone. Bad patterns of thought can inspire bad patterns of actions!

(And plenty of people don't even understand the nuances of that last one because we are living in a time where so many people genuinely believe that thoughtcrime is a real thing.)

It's not that OCD erodes your moral code or makes it impossible to have one. It's that it tells you all of these things, many of which you cannot possibly sustain, are necessary actions to uphold that moral code. It's that you know what "bad" is, but you interpret most or all of the things you could ever do as contributing to the "bad." And if this illness is convinced that every single action you take is "bad," then that means there is no realistic way to actually be "good."

[somewhat-very-insane]

questions i am sick and tired of hearing as a chronically ill and disabled person (and why i hate them)

this did wind up a bit longer than i expected it to, but by all means, feel free to add on with any questions you hate to be asked (and why!)

abled people, please do refrain from overtaking this post, and, disabled people, please do refrain from making this post entirely about any one specific condition.

"do you really have to talk about being disabled all the time?"

yes. yes i do. i promise that however annoying it is for you to have to endure the absolute agony that must be me making an offhand comment, or, on occasion, maybe actually talking about something that affects me for more than a few minutes at once, it is infinitely more "annoying" for me to have to actually live with the issues i talk about for every second of every day of my whole life. when i stop talking, you don't have to think about it anymore. but i always have to think about it. you get to put your full focus on something else, or, if the conversation is that annoying for you, you can leave! nobody is forcing you to stay. but talking about my problems is the only way i can get any support for them, and even when i stop, they are still there. i cannot "step away" from the figurative "conversation" with my pain. it is always talking to me, whether it be just a small whisper in the background or screaming at the top of its lungs in my ears, that pain is always there. so, while it's unfortunate that you are getting "tired of hearing about it," please do understand that i got tired of experiencing it a long, long time ago; do not destroy my one way to speak about my experiences solely because you do not wish to be made uncomfortable by them.

"do you really need that pain medication? won't you get addicted?"

in response to that, let me ask you this: do you really need that water you're drinking? aren't you afraid you'll get addicted to drinking water? it sounds ridiculous, i am aware. but i will break it down for you, now (as, in my mind, it is an adequate comparison). every human being needs things like safe, clean water, food, and some form of shelter to survive. however, the majority of humans can survive adequately with a reasonable amount of these items and will be able to function without major pain or other symptoms that detract from their general quality of life. some people, like myself, can have our basic needs of food, water, and shelter met, yet still experience major (or minor) pain, which cannot be blamed on a lack of rest, hunger, or thirst. therefore, in order to function the way society expects us to, and in order to not be quite as utterly miserable as we otherwise would, we may rely on other, stronger medications than the average person would, to manage that pain. these medications are medically prescribed, and we therefore have every right to utilize the resources provided to us. if i were to simply stop taking certain "non-necessary" medications, while my body would technically continue to function with the aid of my "necessary" medications, i as a person would not be able to function. imagine, if you will, the worst headache, joint pain, cramp, or other temporary ailment you have ever experienced. that probably wasn't a very enjoyable experience for you, was it? but you might've been able to use some ibuprofen or acetaminophen, maybe a heating pad, and after a little while it got better. now imagine if you tried to use those same things but the pain did not get better; imagine that pain lasting for months, even years on end, which you simply could not get rid of. a pain which you were expected to simply pretend was not bothering you, and continue to function the same way as everyone else, who was not in pain, was capable of. surely, in this hypothetical, you would want the (perfectly safe, legal, usually non-addictive) medicine that could make that pain even a little bit less excruciating? even if you knew that the pain would never fully disappear, not really, you would still want it to be less. so, i will take my medications, and leave you with the freedom to choose what you put in your body, just as i deserve the same freedom over mine.

"have you tried just exercising? eating healthier? meditation?"

the short answer is, for almost every disabled person i know, yes. though, granted that you've come this far, i'm sure you are prepared for the long answer, too. exercise can, for some conditions, help to alleviate or lessen certain symptoms. the key thing to note here, though, is that the exercise must be safe and selected specifically for the person based on how it may negatively affect them, as well. even activities that most able-bodied people regard as minor, such as going on a walk, can be draining, nausea-inducing, painful, and outright miserable for some people. i cannot, personally, go on a fifteen-minute walk on flat, paved terrain, in very pleasant weather, without triggering dozens of sensations that would surely make any healthy person worry that they were dying. when i tried to pick up an exercise regimen without professional help, i made my health several times worse. taking the advice of people who were, sometimes, genuinely trying to help, put me in serious danger. even when i did have a team of three doctors working on a plan for me, it took several rounds of trying and failing before we were able to determine what activities i could safely do, and which would be beneficial to me. now, being told to "just eat healthier" particularly irks me, because what foods i have to eat to maintain a more "healthy" balance of sugars, sodium, protein, and fat in my system varies quite a bit from that which a healthy person might be told is the ideal. i do understand that, generally, a low-sodium, lower-fat, mainly natural-sugar, high-protein diet sounds healthiest to a large percentage of people, the same cannot be said for myself. i have been told, by numerous medical specialists, that it is absolutely necessary for me to consume high amounts of sodium (think: eating salty food and snacks, on top of an electrolyte drink and salt pill every morning). i also deal with highly fluctuating blood sugar, which doctors cannot yet explain why it suddenly plummets (no, it is not diabetes, yes, i have been asked this dozens of times). as a result, i will often have to eat something "unhealthy," such as fruit snacks or a similar gummy candy, to get my blood sugar back up. is a high-sugar, high-salt intake diet generally what outsiders will see as healthy? of course not. but, as these are things i have to do to specifically manage my symptoms, it is always frustrating to be told that maybe they are symptoms i experience because of my diet. they are not. as for the types of people who insist that simply doing a guided meditation session each day can cure me of my dozens of health conditions, you are simply incorrect. while some people may experience a temporary psychosomatic alleviation of their pain in response to practicing mindfulness techniques, no one should ever urge another human being to substitute life-saving medication with guided breathing and essential oils. the two are simply not on the same level, and meditation does not, cannot, and will not help every disabled person deal with their symptoms.

"aren't you too young to be so unhealthy?"

no. and, while i do wish that people would not press further when faced with such a simple, clear-cut response, some people simply cannot grasp the idea that anyone under forty-five could possibly deal with any sort of health complications. people can be unhealthy at any age; even infants can have heart conditions, after all. while old age certainly has a higher correlation with deteriorating health, it is certainly not a reason to believe that, therefore, anyone who is not old cannot have poor health. believe me, i do wish that whenever someone older told me that i really am just overthinking things and lying to all my doctors and somehow faking things like MRI and X-ray results, those problems simply disappeared. unfortunately, things do not work that way, and by saying things like that not only do you invalidate the experiences of countless ill individuals, you (deliberately or not) paint us as bad people, when all we want to do is survive.

[lillified]

What’s your thoughts about gender in Transformers specifically because I really love your take on the characters

that’s a good question! I’ve given a few different answers about this in the past, and I guess the simple answer would be I want people to interpret it in whatever way is most meaningful to them. The long answer is it’s complicated!

personally I believe that human gender dichotomy is entirely arbitrary. gender doesn’t preclude a set of behaviors or characteristics, but it affects how people treat you, and, in many cases, how you’re taught to view yourself.

One of my biggest pet peeves with how gender is handled in stuff like Transformers, where you’re dealing with things like sci fi or fantasy non-humans, is how literal and inherent it often is. Because we as people are writing from the perspective of a society where gender is taught as an immutable social framework, a lot of our art reflects this. However, when the issue of gender being arbitrary is brought up, instead of acknowledging its presence as an oversight, or an intentional thematic parallel, the go-to response is usually to codify it into canonical rule.

An example in Transformers would be how “female” Transformers were made into a subclass or subspecies to justify why they existed and why there were so few of them. Though you can argue from that as a technically sound retcon, this obviously does not solve the real life issue of why those creative decisions actually happened. It’s a fantasy excuse to justify a disinterest in engaging with “women” characters (while obviously the transformers are not human women, if it quacks like a duck, yknow?)

there have been other explanations of robot gender in the past, but I’ve never really been a fan of any of them, personally. The one I can think of that is most recent is the explanation that the gender dichotomy came about from the transformers learning about gender binary from other alien species (which they effectively colonized). While I personally think this is a step up, both as a writing decision and from a thematic perspective, my main issue with this is that this explanation says the “male” transformers are the essential “default.” The girls have all opted in/transitioned into their gender (which I think is cool, and should be something that happens more in transformers!). that being said, though, I fundamentally disagree with the idea that masculine and genderless should be inherently synonymous.

Femininity or girlhood (which are not inherently the same either, but I digress) being seen and portrayed as secondary is, surprisingly enough, not a very feminist or gender-abolitionist friendly idea! Of course this isn’t the biggest issue facing the women of the world, but I think it is essentialist in its own way, and is a fine example of the tricky nature of deconstructing gender in something that is fundamentally tied to it. On a side tangent, it also pretty much completely eliminates transmasculine representation, which I feel is unfortunate when having a gender binary in the first place only really serves to symbolize the range of human expression. Point being it’s imperfect and while I’m not claiming to have the perfect solution to this problem, I want to at least open the doors a little more for other people, potentially.

In my work I choose to make the genders as close to human as possible because ultimately they are humanoid robots, and I think if you are going to account for anthropocentric bias at all it wouldn’t hurt for there to be more representation overall. The robots are inherently sexless and their gender is inherently arbitrary, like humans (it is also partially the result of cultural imposition, also like humans), and though they lack many of the issues of a gendered society, it affects them and their social lives in a way people can probably relate to. “Man” and “woman” aren’t the only genders that exist, either, and, like humans, there are a range of different identities they can freely transition between.

I’d honestly rather not care too much about the specifics of why. There are reasons, purely social/societal ones, but I think that’s less important than the fact that they experience the consequences. I want people to be able to see themselves a little where they have not been allowed to previously where “humanoid” aliens and creatures have been concerned. If you exist, a robot can have your gender, I promise :)

Anyway, that was a very long winded response! I hope this answered your question, at least somewhat. Thanks again for submitting!

[thatthingilovewith]

Officially gone insane and am developing a Smurf's Village AU, the discord encouraged me so it's not my fault especially @meekmedea under the cut are the counterparts of each character!

The Capitol

Volumnia Gaul is Gargamel, conniving, and evil. Her fascination has turned to obsession, and now the only thing keeping her going is her desire for power and bloodlust.

Coriolanus Snow is Azreal, quite literally answering to Gaul's every beck and call. He may actually be smarter than his master, but they're a means to an end, and he's not willing to let that go. He cares very little for anyone or anything he just wants to do what's best for him.

District 1

Facet is Artistic (Painter in adaptations), he always manages to find the beauty in the world around him, and is able to find the good in every thing and everyone he comes into contact with. Though at time he can be a bit tempermental.

Velvereen is Slouchy, she doesn't have time for any of this. All the negativity she encounters just rolls right off her back, it's just not worth focusing on. Don't be mistaken she still cares about others and their feelings and is more than willing to lend a helping hand.

District 2

Marcus is Timber (Lumberjack in adaptations), strong and quick thinking he's someone you can always rely on. Though his strict and stern exterior may be a deterrent make no mistake he loves fun just as much as anyone, he just has no time for foolish games.

Sabyn is Harmony, she may not be great at what she does but know she's trying her best. She is always committed to getting better, your detractions just fuel her drive to improve. Handy in an emergency as she's always the first to sound the alarm and run for help

District 3

Circ is Handy, a free thinker always striving to make the lives of those around him better in any way possible. There in a flash to lend a helping hand, a chronic optimist Handy has a tendency to bite off more than he can chew. Just don't tell him you don't like his invention he doesn't respond well to criticism.

Teslee is Brainy, she manages to be the smartest person in the room and believes she's smarter than she really is. With no time for self-doubt, she needs to learn it's okay to be wrong. There's a fine line between being responsible and being a spoilsport; unfortunately, she leapfrogs from side to side whenever convenient for her.

District 4

Mizzen is Nat (Natural Smurf), a nature and animal lover in every way possible. He understands the natural world in a way no one else seems to, and is always there to lend our furry friends a helping hand. If only that compassion continued onto the other people.

Coral is Grouchy, while it may seem as though she likes absolutely nothing, there is affection behind her gruff exterior, particularly towards their young friend. Waking up on the wrong side of the bed every day is hard, but it doesn't stop her from pulling her weight.

District 5

Hy is Tuffy, the desire to be like the person we admire most is a very natural one, but it would be better for everyone if he learned it is best to be himself.

Sol is Lazy, friendly, loyal, and understanding, none of those traits really seem to matter seeing as she consistently fails to pull her weight.

District 6

Otto is Sloppy, all of his hard work would probably be more appreciated if he put more care into it. Also hate to tell you this but he desperately needs a shower.

Ginnee is Dabbler, great at many different things, not to mention a good person all around, but she would probably get more respect if she could just pick a hobby and stick with it.

District 7

Treech is Clumsy, a chronic dreamer who always seems to be tripping over his own feet. The world is a beautiful place but he would probably be better off if he found a better time to admire its beauty.

Lamina is Timid, a shy and mild-mannered person, who just can't help but let their emotions get the better of them. Not that they're a mess she should just worry less and let everyone see how talented they really are.

District 8

Bobbin is Snappy, Rambunctious, and adventurous, he's not one to back down from a challenge. Though sometimes his desire to get his own way is his undoing, at least he can admit when he's wrong. He has a softer side, though it's reserved for a select few. Be warned when his temper flares its good for no one.

Wovey is Flighty, hardworking, and good-natured, their only problem is they tend to be a bit forgetful. A great friend and productive member of the community, but sometimes they need a little help staying on track.

District 9

Panlo is Chef, up with the sun every morning, working hard to provide a good start and end to everyone's day. Be warned stay out of his kitchen, or risk a beating with his rolling pin.

Sheaf is Farmer, hardworking, and fun, no one knows more about plant life than her. If you ever need someone to talk to farmer is up at all hours of the day and always willing to lend an ear.

District 10

Tanner is Jokey, in his eyes, nothing is sacred and no time is a bad time for a good laugh. A chronic troublemaker, make no mistake he means no actual harm with his pranks, he just wants to lighten the mood and entertain, mostly himself.

Brandy is a Tracker, if you've lost it, she can find it. Approaching everything with passion most reserve for the light of their life. There is never a dull day according to her.

District 11

Reaper is Papa, the oldest, wisest, and bravest of them all. Always willing to solve any problem he's approached, anyone can see exactly why he is in charge. Though he won't tolerate any disrespect.

Dill is Sassette, chatty, curious, and at times a bit eccentric, she has no problem with getting her hands dirty. She has no problem with hard work or letting others know exactly what she thinks.

District 12

Jessup is Hefty, strong as they come and only desiring to keep others safe he truly is one of the best. With a heart of gold and always willing to lend a hand his only problem lies in his academic failure. Tending to take things quite literally, the joke can end up on him when everyone understands something he doesn't.

Lucy Gray is Smurfette, she's smart and capable and always ready for a new adventure. Curious and brave she has endless capacity for empathy and manages to find the good in almost everyone.

Sorry this is completely unhinged but I've spent to much time on it already not to share.

[infiniteeight8]

Unprompted Obsession ‘verse

I have two prompts in my inbox, but I am too tired to write today, so instead have this Obsession 'verse ficlet that I wrote over the past couple of days. :D

This follows pretty closely on the last ficlet (the one with Rhodey).

Most of the Obsession 'verse is here.

And the most recent one (which I haven't uploaded to the series yet) is here.

-

Pepper is alone in her office when a portal opens and Doctor Strange steps through.

His expression is neutral, perhaps even slightly pleasant, but despite that Pepper can’t help wondering if this is the fallout from James’ evening with Tony two days ago. Her heart rate picks up, but she puts on her best board meeting smile and turns away from her computer. “Doctor Strange. Has my assistant missed an appointment? You aren’t on my calendar.”

“I checked your calendar, you’re not busy,” he says, seating himself across the desk from her. His Cloak twitches out of the way to allow him to sit smoothly without his hands ever approaching it. 

Pepper’s smile never falters. “I’m not Tony,” she says. “I don’t find the invasion of privacy charming, and I’d prefer it if you didn’t portal into my space without asking.”

Strange is silent for a moment. “Of course,” he says eventually. “My apologies. Would you prefer I return later? With an appointment, of course.”

“No, I’ll make an exception today, since we hadn’t established boundaries yet,” Pepper says. Her heart is still racing. “But I expect them to be respected in the future. What can I do for you?”

“Actually, I’m here to reassure you,” Strange says seriously. 

“Me?” Pepper can’t help the small laugh that escapes her. “About what?”

“That I have no intention of interfering in your friendship with Tony. Or that of James’ Rhodes.”

Pepper’s professional smile cools a little. “And what makes you think I need reassurance on that front?”

“The other night, Colonel Rhodes told Tony he was worried I wouldn’t want Tony to see him,” Strange explains. “It seems likely that you share that worry, and while Tony has somewhat allayed Colonel Rhodes’ concern, I thought that you might prefer to hear it from the horses’ mouth. So to speak.”

He’s not wrong, but he’s also making Pepper wonder if Tony told him about that conversation or if he just listened in. Pepper considers Strange for a long moment. “I need more than that,” she says. “Tony is too important to me and you’re too much of an unknown quantity to just take your word for it.”

Strange nods like he expected that. “May I take it as a given that you accept that my devotion to Tony is genuine?” When Pepper hesitates, Strange’s mouth takes on a wry tilt. “Whether or not you consider it healthy.” Pepper waves for him to go on. Strange spreads his hands. “Let me put it this way: Tony’s friendships with you and Colonel Rhodes are fundamental to who he is as a person. I am very fond of who Tony is as a person, and therefore I am very protective of his friendships with you.”

Pepper studies Strange for a long moment. He meets her gaze steadily. Pepper’s always been a good judge of people, and she has to admit he seems sincere. That said, his explanation raises a whole host of other concerns. What would he do if he felt Tony’s fundamental friendships were being threatened? What would constitute a threat? What about relationships that he doesn’t consider fundamental? What about other things that could affect who Tony is as a person?

Unfortunately, those things are too broad or too speculative to address to any helpful degree. Pepper chooses the one that has kept her up a few nights instead: “You don’t find his past relationship with me threatening?”

Strange chuckles and folds his hands together. “Quite the contrary. The nature of your romance with Tony and the manner of its dissolution contributed significantly to his interest in my style of relationship.” 

Pepper can’t help but wonder, uneasily, if she should feel guilty about that. She knows that she’s not responsible for Tony, that he’s a grown man capable of making his own choices, but she’s also spent a long time taking care of him, professional and personally, and the idea that she left him vulnerable to Strange’s obsession… “And what happens,” she asks aloud, “if Tony decides that he’s not interested in your style of relationship anymore?”

“I don’t think that’s likely.” There’s something oddly certain about the way Strange says that. The feeling is only heightened by the way he smiles. “And he’ll have you and Colonel Rhodes regardless, won’t he?” Strange pushes back his chair and stands.

“Of course,” Pepper says, automatically rising to her feet as well. She needs to follow up with some type of parting comment, but nothing seems appropriate. Strange’s professed purpose aside, she isn’t feeling particularly reassured. This wasn’t their first meeting, and even if it had been, it wasn’t exactly nice. Ultimately, Pepper settles for a generic, “Thank you for coming by.”

“I’ll be sure to make an appointment next time,” Strange says.

Pepper doesn’t feel at all as if she won anything there.

From the set of Strange’s shoulders and the look in his eye as he steps through another portal, he knows it.

[celticcrossanon]

“I think he is going to be a problem for the BRF for the rest of his life, and I don't see how that can change.”

In my opinion, Harry will never be at working Royal again, that ship sailed the minute he denigrated the military in his memoir “Spare”.

As long as the two disgraced ex-military Spares are not seen  at official events – on the balcony, in carriages et cetera – I think we the public will deal pretty well with it. The caveat here is that Harry would have to be divorced, (Megan will never stop maligning slurring and gaslighting) and only appear in the press as much as Prince Andrew does. I do not actually think Prince Andrew seeks to appear in the press and if you think back to the Coronation concert he was at the concert with Fergie but was given very little prominence in the press.

I assume Harry would be allowed to appear on church walks at Christmas and Easter, with the two children.

I also assume he would be firmly placed with Peter Phillips and Zara Tindall and their families. 

Part of the Kings worry is undoubtedly not his own public image, but Harry’s alcohol and drug problem. I believe it exists. I believe it is somewhat serious, and the king undoubtedly worries it might prove accidentally fatal.

The UK press obviously has Republican leanings and uses some outdated emotionally charged image of Harry as a former child as a lever against the family. Nothing is ever his own responsibility.

If he were to overdose I bet you anything that King’s parenting would be blamed - most unfairly - and he would be attacked, as well as having to live with another very personal and great loss.

Hi Nonny,

I hope you are right. I agree that a divorced Harry, supported by his father's private fortune (and not the taxpayer's money), and not seen at official events, would be the best way of dealing with the problem that he poses (I'm thinking of the security risk he is as well as his mental health issues, drug issues, alcohol issues, anger issues etc).

I believe that Harry's issues are his own problems to deal with and it is unfair to blame anybody else for them. Lots of things can be contributing factors, but it is Harry who made the decision to drink/do drugs, so it is Harry who has to face the consequences of those actions. Unfortunately, I don't think Harry is taking responsibility for his actions, but instead he is blaming everyone else for them. Until he does take responsibility I don't see how he can heal and move for ward with his life. It is a situation I find both sad and frustrating.

Whatever affection was felt for Harry as a child, I think he has pretty well destroyed it with his book and his emotional abuse of his elderly and dying grandparents, so any attempt to resurrect said affection for any purposes would be over before it begins.

[raxistaicho]

Falling for the red herring

I’ve mentioned this a time or two on this blog, but a pretty interesting piece of Rhea discourse from the anti-Edelgard community is this notion that the localization ruined Rhea’s image by having Cherami Leigh portray her in an overly stoic manner, preventing her from being seen as cute as she evidently can be in the original Japanese dub. I’m not going to argue on that point: I don’t play with Japanese vocals on and I’ve learned long ago never to take Edelgard’s detractors at their word without fact checking them.

It is ironic, however, that these same types tend to scorn Edelgard for being “gap moe” for the sake of selling Heroes alts and paraphernalia featuring her. But then again, if Edelgard’s detractors didn’t have double standards they wouldn’t have any standards at all.

What I am here to discuss today is this recurring trend from some Rhea fans to try and portray her as more motherly than she actually behaves in either Three Houses or Three Hopes. A particularly good example is the fixation of Cyril as being something of a surrogate son for her. Let’s be frank: nothing in Houses or Hopes supports this notion. She took Cyril in and rescued him from slavery, but that makes him just one of many urchins that she’s provided shelter for. Aside from that she pays him no particular notice over anyone else. A far cry from the fandom notion that she looks after him constantly. Another good example is crediting her for all of the stray cats and dogs in the monastery - I’ve seen her described as a secret lover of animals who plays with them when nobody’s looking.

Now this interpretation of her isn’t entirely without merit: Three Hopes mentions in a rather off-hand way in one of the Azure Gleam supports (I want to say one of Catherine’s but I can’t recall and the supports don’t appear to have ever been posted online in a script format) that Rhea often plays with orphans, and though nothing proves this otherwise, it’s still a pretty impressive case of telling and not showing because we never see anything to support it aside from one character’s say-so.

So why do these particular fans do this? It’s quite simple: it’s because that’s how Rhea’s initially portrayed. When we first meet her, she’s serene, she’s kind, she’s accepting, and she’s certainly got a... motherly figure, as fanart so loves to remind us :p

However, this is a red herring.

As White Clouds continues, the cracks begin to show in her facade. She’s defensive, secretive, prone to deception without need, quick to judge, and swift in anger. At the very end of Silver Snow’s story, we learn the truth about her: far apart from being a kind motherly figure to those under her wing, Rhea lost her own mother to tragedy at what can be presumed to be a young age, and the slaughter of her kin left her trapped in that time of her life ever since. Rhea is, in many ways, a youth in an adult’s body who just wants her own mother back so that her many self-imposed burdens and responsibilities can be lifted from her shoulders. It’s why she struggles to socialize with others, why she shows affection through showering praise and the occasional gift upon the people she likes, and why she struggles accepting the good advice of others. She understands to some extent that she hasn’t led Fodlan in the direction it needs to go and yet she refuses to face her own failures and fix them herself.

This desire to portray Rhea as cuter and more motherly is simply the earnest desire of some of her fans to have her live up to the mask she first presents, and which is ultimately ripped from her face. It’s unfortunate then that that’s not the Rhea that actually exists.

Contrast this with Edelgard (because I was always going to go there :p) and you see her acting like a mother hen to her fellow students. She treats Lysithea like a little sister she needs to look after, she empathizes with Bernie, she expresses concern over Caspar’s future and opportunities, she scolds and sets straight Ferdinand, she urges Byleth to ponder on their own the mysteries surrounding them and the hidden nature of Fodlan rather than telling them what to think, and she keeps on Linhardt to do his work and focus on his future (Linhardt even calls her out on acting like an overbearing mother!) It simply appears to be in Edelgard’s nature to stubbornly care for others. She’s not too unlike Velvet Crowe (who is also compared to being an occasionally overbearing mother by those around her) in this way. This part of her never goes away - it only becomes stronger as time goes on.

It’s ironic then, that Edelgard’s detractors so often speak of her like she’s an ignorant child that needs to leave the room and let the adults - always Rhea, Dimitri, and Claude - do the real work of fixing Fodlan.

Projection is ever the signature style of people who dislike her, I’ve found.

[parachutingkitten]

I’m gonna be honest it just sounds like you’re calling Sora a Mary Sue and I really don’t care for that because of how much the Mary Sue ‘critique’ is rooted in misogyny. I just don’t care at all for the term ‘sympathy card’ in regards to female characters when fandom and even society is just overwhelmingly critical of women. Like Misako for example.

I'm not gonna discount the idea that I don't like Sora because of some sort of internalized misogyny. It's certainly possible, and at the very least shouldn't be eliminated as a contributing factor. But I do think there's a bit more to my criticism than that.

For those who don't know, Mary Sue is a term that sprung up describing a particular brand of bad female character that's often a little too self insert-y. They're good at everything, naturally beautiful, have close to no actual flaws, and generally just don't feel like a real person. For the record, this is bad writing, and are valid things to criticize about any given character. Unfortunately, it has kind of been co-opted by idiots who just want a fancy way to hate on female characters, especially if they think they're 'too empowered'. This is not at all a valid criticism. The most prominent example of this sort of thing is probably Rey in the new Star Wars movies. A lot of people had criticisms that essentially boiled down to "her jedi powers are too powerful" which is kinda whack. Additionally, you'll notice that this criticism being used to describe solely female characters is a bit whack as well. The fact that even the original version of the criticism is specifically about female characters does taint it a bit. All characters can feel fanfic-y, unflawed, and overly bland no matter the gender. For this reason, even if I do feel a character fits the Mary Sue criticism, I try to avoid the term. It's fine that the name originated from a female character, but the fact that it's seen as a female only criticism inherently makes the criticism slightly suspect.

Anyway, back to ninjago.

As for your misako example, I feel like she's a prime target for a mary sue criticism. She's overly kind and composed at all times. She's so attractive that she's the center of a decades long love triangle. She's pretty much good at everything she picks up, and rarely ever has a moment where the narrative criticizes her. That fits a lot of the mary sue criticisms, and I will say that her having a few more flaws, getting into a messy divorce, or being paranoid about how leaving her kid affected him, would probably make her a better and more interesting character. I don't really think she's too overpowered, I think it all seems pretty believable for her circumstances, but if she were to become a more prominent cast member, I could see the need to nerf her a bit. Now, the important thing to note here is that none of this information should make you hate her like... personally, as a character. You should not demonize her for being poorly written. The misako vitriol is way crazy, and though it all sources from some sort of valid criticism, it ends in people making hate posts about her, vilifying her, and blaming her for a bunch of other stuff she isn't even responsible for, when she is entirely a victim of bad writing and nothing else. The way things are presented in narrative, she has done nothing wrong. She made a hard moral choice about her kid a long time ago, which has since been long forgiven, and she's been a saint since then. There is no actual reason to hate her. Again, it's the writers who should be absorbing that frustration from you.

And this is the problem we run up against when talking about characters who circle anywhere near mary sue territory. Most of the time, there are valid criticisms at the core of whatever we're talking about, but if you express them incorrectly, you run the risk of riding a hate train you don't mean to be on. I would like to make clear that no matter what I'm saying here, I don't hate Sora personally. I'm just not connecting with her- and that's fine. Most importantly, in no way do I blame her for that, I blame the (male) writers who had majority control over her portrayal. If anything, I think Sora deserves better.

Now, I listed a lot of reasons I don't like Sora, but admittedly a lot of them boil down to her feeling very main character-y, which is in fact adjacent to a Mary Sue criticism. However, I made this pretty clear in the post that these tend to be tropes I just don't personally latch on to. I hated Lloyd for years while his shtick was the whole "I'm the most important person in the world and it's so hard" thing, but that mellowed out in the eleven minute era and I like him a lot better now! I tend not to like Kai's main character moments. I absolutely despise Jay in Skybound, and Cole isn't particularly interesting in MotM to me. Main characters just aren't my jam. I like Sora much better in season two, when her struggle isn't centered on how important she is, just like all these other characters. So, I think this line of criticism is pretty typical for me, regardless of gender.

The other factor at play is the entire show of Dragon's Rising. I am not connecting with it. I think a lot of the show tends to be signaling the right story beats to gain sympathy and feel deep. It's not a Sora specific criticism. I have a whole long rant about the nightmare scene specifically and several thoughts on how they handle Lloyd's panic attacks which I feel sort of encapsulate my feelings towards a lot of the writing in general. It's surface level. It doesn't have ideas it really wants to share, it has time to fill and some topics they've seen better media cover, and so feel they should include to be meaningful. It feels very by the book. They've plugged in the equation for good storytelling without adding anything to it. And this is how I feel about Sora as well, go figure. I don’t think they wanted to tell a story about a child genius who gets their work turned against them in order to express any ideas or explore any concepts, they did it cuz it's cool, and sounds like a dramatic storyline. It's a bunch of cliche's, unfortunately one's that I'm not partial to, slapped together with no new twist or spark to them. It's fine. It's competent. It's just not interesting to me.

In that way, I think my criticisms are Mary Sue adjacent. It feels a little fanfic-y. The characters feel like they're made to be "ninjago but like with angst you guys!" But this goes for a lot of the other characters too, not just Sora. Lloyd is pretty bad about this in part 2, I'm already getting these vibes from Jay, Arin slips into it in part 2 and I think Nya has it a bit across the board. But Sora, being the main character for season 1, unfortunately feels the most main character-y.

I understand that 'sympathy cheat code' might sound a little dismissive, so if you prefer you can reword my criticism to "does not utilize the backstory tropes they've included in a way that feels genuine or deeper than surface level". But you've got to admit, Sora does have, just a bunch of those feel bad tropes in her backstory, and a lot of the screentime is dedicated to laying that backstory out to you in season one. I am not accustomed to ninjago being a feel bad show. That's not what I'm in this game for. It's the reason I hate skybound. I didn't like it when they did it to jay, and I don't like it when they do it to sora. It just feels a little repetitive to me. None of these cliche's really shine as being particularly well done either, aside from maybe the climax where she turns away from her parents? But even then, I don't feel it was really built up to especially well. The main relationship she seems to care about is Dr. LaRow, not her parents. She seemed pretty secure in her identity when separated from Imperium, so asserting it doesn't mean a whole lot. We don't feel betrayed by her parents, because we never got to like them in the first place. That wasn't a support system we ever saw her benefit from, so her leaving it behind doesn't really mean much. These same tropes could have been played a lot better if they just had a bit more depth to their implementation that actually invited you to care beyond a surface level.

If you've seen the mega video, you'll know I don't typically relate to female characters who have a pronounced tough cynical streak in them, but am sure to make clear that it's just a character type preference. The stem girl isn't a bad character type at all, just pretty overplayed at this point in time (again, because i think male writers see it as an easy way to be clear they want to empower their female characters).

Idk. I think Sora's writing is a little hollow. I also think Dragons Rising's writing is a little hollow. I can see how those criticisms might come off a little iffy in isolation but, the ask was about Sora, so that's largely what I focused on. I think the criticism makes sense within the larger context of my opinions as a whole.

[pauking5]

Hello there, beautiful Adagio! ✨🌷

How are you? I haven't been here for a few days, I hope you had a good and peaceful week 💗✨

I was stopping by so I could vent my excitement to someone about Macken's new collaboration with Assassin's Creed 😭. I don't know if by chance you've played or seen anything from any of the games, but in my case, I'm very fond of the franchise because it was one of the first full games I played and they have a special place in my heart, so it's certainly exciting that Macken is in the game that is about to come out 🥹

Really, I didn't expect it at all, and the most shocking thing is that, hours before the announcement that Macken would participate in the game was released, I was talking with some friends about Assasins's Creed, in addition to replaying my favorite of the franchise. That was one of those coincidences that leave you thinking a little about the twists and turns that fate takes, I guess 🤣

Also, it's nice to see that he's expanding into new horizons, I don't know if by any chance he has participated in another game before, but I understand that he hasn't. Gennojo, his character in the game, looks interesting in what they showed, despite being an NPC, I'm sure he will be one of the characters who will gain the most affection from the players. It's nice to see Macken gaining more recognition ✨

In other news, I started writing the Aktha fic! You really motivated me with your words, in addition to helping me with certain insecurities I had about whether to do it or not, I consider you my favorite writer on the platform and your words felt very nice, so I thank you for that, sweet lady 🫶🏻✨. And I know, he had very few appearances! I would have liked to see more of his participation, besides that it helps to have a better internal perception of the character, but it also makes it interesting to study him a little more; Everything has its pros and cons.

Although, I've had some blocks as to how to develop certain things. Doesn't it happen to you that you start to have ideas for future scenarios, but you first have to develop other things before you get there? Because it happens to me very often! It's as if I know where I want to go, what I want to convey, but first I must focus on what precedes that. Do you have any tips for writer's block? Something that has worked for you in those cases, I would greatly appreciate it 🙏🏻

Reading your previous answer because there was something I wanted to point out from that, is that Kotz's film doesn't really follow the events of the anime exactly as is. Yes, it maintains the original idea and one or another important event that had to be mentioned to give more logic and dynamism to the adaptation, but it clearly has its creative freedoms. The thing is that I understand that the Live Action director wanted to make his own adaptation, because of something that Macken said in an interview about how he had not seen the original material at the director's request and that in this way Macken would make his own version of Seiya.

If you want some help regarding the anime, I'll be happy to help you with whatever I can and you need! Actually, the anime is extremely long and has some filler seasons, plus some are non-canonical. I'm at your service for whatever you need ✨

I couldn't find Brass Dreams on Dailymotion unfortunately, I think the universe doesn't want me to see it 😭 But I really appreciate your help, beautiful, you gave me hope 🫶🏻✨

Another thing to note from your previous response is that you could never disappoint us! You put your heart into everything you write and it shows, your stories are incredible, you manage to portray very well what you want to convey and I can assure you that that is the general feeling of anyone who reads your content. You have a beautiful and creative talent, sweetness, it's great that you can express it in each chapter or story, and we will be here enjoying your art every time you upload something new 🫂✨

Take your time, without pressure, enjoy what you write and publish it when you feel satisfied, even if it takes many corrections, blocks and starting over. That's okay, I guess we've all been there, the important thing is that in the end you love what you did and feel proud of it. Have a good time with your words and stories, it is impossible to be disappointed in something that was made with so much love 🌸✨

I really appreciate that you read me, no matter how much I ramble about Macken and his magic with his characters, it feels good to be read and understood 😭🫶🏻. I think of you as a cool older sis who you can have conversations with about anything without being judged, that gives a very peaceful energy.

Here I say goodbye, I wish you a nice day/night, depending on the time you read this. Remember that everything you create is worthwhile and deserves recognition, but the most important thing is that you also enjoy doing it and find a safe place in it. You are amazing, Lady Pau! Never doubt that 💗✨

With love and admiration, your faithful reader who is happy to chat with you once again, 🌙✨

hi lovely! welcome back 🫶

i've been okay. just in the writing cave, researching whatnot. i've been working on something samurai lore related which is coming to you soon 😏

how have you been lovely? hope you've had a good week so far. if not, i can only hope it gets brighter.

i have seen the announcement haha. i have not played the games, since i'm not big on gaming, but i always wanted to try them out since i always saw them advertised everywhere while growing up. i saw the movie and i know about the lore and i think it's a really cool series. i am also really happy macken joined in. i saw he said in an interview that he'd like to join the cast of the netflix series once they get the green light and find a showrunner. his character in the games sounds just like him haha. i'm glad he took part in it.

it was really coincidental for me too cause me and my sister were talking about the movie all of last week. it kept getting put on tv and i never saw it start to end and we were looking for it. then the announcement dropped haha. fate or not it's a cool thing.

i am so proud of you for starting your fic! it takes courage to lay down an idea and it's the first step. the fact that you took that one already means you're dedicated to it.

you can always focus on what the media doesn't portray. try take some of his personality traits and expand on them. him turning from a hero to an anti hero and why that happened. wear his shoes for a moment and think with his mind. why is it so pressuring to be the hero? why is it easier to renounce that nature? and also the fact that he returns to being the hero in his last moments. think of the outside forces at play - what or who makes him go in and out of hero mode. keep asking the questions and the answers will come as you write!

yeah, i do go through writer's block sometimes. i'm glad it's not as bad as before now. i try to keep consuming stuff even if i feel like i can't get the writing going. read something you like. for me it's either watching romcoms and analysing what makes them so good to me personally, or reading about history.

i happen to be a big history nerd and i keep trying to get my hands on all kinds of books depending on what i feel like reading. at one moment it could be baroque art (which i worked off for crimson desire), history and mythology of early civilizations (which i'm still using for the seiya fic), or just life journey books to develop the deeper relationships between your characters.

they may sit on my shelf as my excitement for buying them dwindles, but one worrisome night i look over and i just pick one of them up and flip through it. and our dear friend google is still free! thank god. just pick something you're curious about and go research the heck oit of it. start with the basics on wiki, go over news articles, scholar articles, videos. treat it as a discovery of something you're passionate about.

the developing thing is vital for the story. it's the thought process of your characters, it's how the scene gets to where you want it to get. don't be afraid to grab a sheet of paper and plan it out. map a timeline. put your initial scene at the bottom and where you think you want to start it and think of what is trivial to happen before you reach the final point.

but most important of all: listen to your characters! they will tell you when to slow it down, when to amp it up.

hope this helps in some way. just remember to also rest when you feel like the characters or the draft or the story themselves don't want to speak to you. sometimes resting gives you more ideas to work off.

about kotz, i did some research and i noticed it doesn't really follow the anime. the story i crafted is mostly based on the movie and i really don't want to change it. i got the idea for a character that's really dear to me and a journey unlike anything i've ever written and i really want to tell it as it is, following the movie. but i appreciate the help hun. i shall come to you in case i need more help 🫠

IF, and that's a big if, i have ideas for more seiya content trust in me i will try to go over the series too. i want to give my stories as much attention as i can because i want them to read well and be something i would read, which is why at times i go in too deep and forget to come out of the research hole. and it's also why it takes so long to get stuff out there.

i'm so sad you couldn't find brass dreams 😭 have you tried the dramacool sites. sometimes you have to search it by the japanese name. one of those has to have it. keep looking for it hun. i'm sure you will find it somewhere. it couldn't have just disappeared off the face of the earth 😭

also thank you for your kind words. i just get really passionate about what i work on and sometimes i read it back over and over and i feel like it could be way better. i keep going at editing like a madman, especially nowadays and its left me asking myself "is this really my writing?" and then i have to remind myself "why am i writing this story? why is it so important to me?".

writing is an up and down process. most times you love it, but other times it hits you like a brick that you can't even see coming. it would be a missing plot line or disorganised notes or something about a word or a sentence that doesn't read right to you. but at the end you came back to read backwards and you love it all dearly. even if you momentarily feel like it sucks, it's your own work. you owe the version of you that started it and to the version of you that dreams that story every night to keep going. and then you fall deeper in love with it.

once again, thank you for reading my stuff. i don't want them to be just quick fics. i want them to be stories you get to like. if they left such a big impression to get you writing or looking at life from a different perspective too then i am the happiest 🫶

and omg you don't ramble 😭 it's okay. i ramble about him in my head too. it's all good! life is sweeter when you have people that share in your enthusiasm. i've got so many sisters here all thanks to this big guy that i wish i could one day meet all of you in real life. i will forever be grateful to him for this. forever.

and reminder that you can talk to me anything, anytime. i know how it feels to have not a soul around to talk to, which is why i try to be there and present for everyone in my life, as big or small our connection may be. it's kindness to let someone feel understood. i hope you feel welcomed coming here, no matter what it is you want to say or get off your chest. this is a safe space for anyone who needs it ❤️

thank you for coming by! hope the rest of your week goes well and you have a restful weekend coming.

sendings love and hugs your way ❤️❤️❤️

[teaandbatteries]

Call and Response

Welp. Despite not having watched a Marvel movie in years, have a random Marvel fanfic that just kind of spilled out of me for no reason over the last couple of days, lol.

It's also a very different vibe from my usual writing for some reason. I dunno, if I'm being honest I feel a bit weird about it, like it's way more purple than I usually write.

Anyway, it was inspired (in part) by a little little section of the poem "Hydrophobia" by Sam Sax.

--------

Alexander Pierce sat staring at the laptop sitting on his desk. Next to him, an analyst stood with a clipboard, watching nervously at the way his boss's jaw clenched over and over again in frustration. On the screen, a video feed showed a cell holding the Winter Soldier and yet another team of medics and agents who had been sent in to subdue him, bleeding out on the floor.

Pierce scoffed, knocking the laptop closed so hard that it nearly tipped backward off the desk. "How the hell did this happen?"

The analyst swallowed thickly, looking down at his clipboard. "Um. Well, sir, he was displaying hesitation before making his assigned kills, so the medical team has been using depressants to suppress his empathetic responses. Unfortunately, he developed a resistance to them very quickly, so they kept increasing the dosage until, uh... Well, the dosage was increased too much, and now it seems to have caused some sort of mental break, sir."

Pierce scowled, rubbing irritably at his temples. "So what, then? We just wait until his resistance to the medication wears off and reduce the dosage again?"

The analyst took a step back with a shuddering breath. "A-actually, given his enhanced physiology, the medical team isn't sure his resistance will ever wear off..."

Pierce leveled a murderous look at the analyst. "Then what do they plan to do about this?!"

"I, uh, I don't... I don't..."

A knock at the office door came just in time to save the poor analyst from having to finish that potentially fatal sentence, and a young woman wearing a lab coat stuck her head through the door. "Sir? I believe I may have found a potential option for handling our Winter Soldier problem."

Pierce waved her into the room. "Explain, miss...?"

"Doctor Patricia Hardy," she answered, smiling politely as she crossed the room and placed the file open on his desk. "The Winter Envoy program may finally have a use."

Looking over the file, Pierce frowned. "Wait, there are other Winter asset programs? Other enhanced agents? Why wasn't I informed of this?"

She shrugged. "Because they were largely failures, sir. The programs were all ended decades ago. The only one that actually produced any surviving assets was this one," she explained, gesturing to the file. "The Envoy program was originally trying to produce a functioning telepath. They never succeeded; the closest they ever came was producing a powerful empath." She reached over to point at a table of data on the next page of the file. "She can detect and mirror the emotional states of those around her. Experiments also suggest that she broadcasts her own emotions to anyone nearby, causing others to feel as she does. If we can ensure that she feels calm and compliant, and then we send her into the cell with the Winter Soldier..."

He nodded slowly, drawing out the first few words of the sentence as he considered all idea. "Yes, yes this could work. How long before we can have her ready?"

Hardy grinned. "I can have her out of cryo this afternoon, sir."

"And..." Pierce hummed to himself, looking over the file again. "You said they never found a good use for her? Really?"

She reached across the desk again, to point out a different table, dense with numbers. "Records show a few attempts to use her for interrogations. They forced her into a state of panic and then placed her in a room with the subject of the interrogation. It seems that part of the experiment worked, but the interrogators were just as affected as the subjects, and they were never able to figure out how to ensure that she only affected the intended subject."

He scoffed, shaking his head. "Sounds like they just lacked creativity. Well, in any case, let's get her prepped to handle this problem with the Winter Soldier. We can talk more about other uses for her later." He turned suddenly to the analyst, who was still hovering silently next to him. "Well? What are you waiting for? Go help Dr Hardy."

--------

I was still disoriented from the slightly nauseating process of waking from cryosleep. They'd injected me with something right after pulling me from the chamber - something that made me feel like I was floating just slightly outside my own body, and yet somehow also managed to feel heavy, like a false serenity was pressing down on every one of my limbs, leaving me sluggish and unbalanced. 

The vertigo almost made me trip over my own feet as I was pushed down a dank hallway full of jail cells. I couldn't think, couldn't remember where I was. When the people wearing black masks pushed me through the door, all I could think about was how my fingers still felt numb from the cold of the cryochamber.

And then I was drowning in anger.

No, not anger. Not just anger, at least. The man in the corner of the cell was like a white-hot coal, radiating a vicious rage that can only be born of a deep, existential terror. He was an injured, cornered animal, with nothing left but a blind fury intended to take his murderers into the darkness with him.

Only, he wasn't injured. Not physically, at least. But I could feel the ragged edges of his psyche, shredded until it bled and scarred, and then shredded all over again, until there was almost nothing left. As the fog in my head finally began to clear, I began to understand who he was. What he was. He was like me - a captive plaything. 

To the people who held us here, we were both nothing more than toys, to be broken and remoulded into whatever shape most entertained them today. And then put away, back into the cold dark, until they wished to play with us again. The shape of my scars might be different than his, but they were left by the same careless hands.

As I stared across the cell at him, I understood why they were so afraid of him. His hands were still soaked with the blood of the last team who had tried to force him into submission. Every muscle in his body was tight with tension, ready to lash out at any who came too close.

I wasn't afraid of him. 

I should've been. A cornered animal was dangerous. But instead, all I felt was a kinship with him. I understood his rage, and  I understood the fear that fueled it.

His gaze swiveled slowly around the cage until it met mine. The anger that lapped against my skin like fire began to change - imperceptibly, at first, and then faster as the minutes ticked by in silence.

Mine was not anger. What lived inside me was a cold hate, a placid glass lake no less dangerous than the fire because it was so easy to mistake for serenity. It was not calm - it was cold and it was bitter, and it would drag anyone who got too close down into its infinite depths to be drowned without remorse.

I see you. I know you. We are the same.

We'd both been people, once. Real people. Whole people. And then we were brought here and hollowed out until there was nothing left that made us us. Denied memories, denied personality, denied pathos, they'd taken from us more than just freedom. They'd taken our identities.

I could feel what a real life felt like, sometimes, from the staff around the complex. I felt the mild annoyance from one of the doctors when one of his children was late for school. I felt the little ache of heartbreak from the admin assistant when his date last night hadn't gone as well as he'd hoped. I felt the low, bubbling excitement of the gate guard at the prospect of her upcoming birthday party. All the little pieces of emotion that made up a whole life - a life I didn't get to have. 

I'd had a life like that, once. So had he. And there was still an echo of our lost lives inside each of us, buried deep, even if neither of us could remember them.

I wasn't sure where the words had come from. It was a poem, or maybe a song lyric. The rhythm of the phrase said that these words weren't mine - that I'd heard them somewhere before. I had no memory of where. How I'd recalled them at all was a mystery. 

there's a theory

that says you don't exist

unless someone calls

and you respond

But regardless of where they had come from, they were true words. Deeply true, in a way that resonated through the hollow in my chest, where my heart used to be.

Here, in this place, I did not exist. Neither of us did. Our bodies and our minds were assets that belonged to our captors. They were tools to be used. But I - I, the person, the human, the sentience that filled the mind and the body and the spaces in between - I did not exist here. I couldn't remember ever existing.

And then the silence of isolation was broken with a call and a response. I weren't sure whose was the call and whose the response. It didn't matter. It was the exchange. The recognition. I feel you. You exist.

This was Pierce's mistake. The act of sharing and mirroring emotion was not so simple or shallow as creating a general sense of calm. Oh, the Winter Soldier did calm - that much was true. The tension began to unwind from his muscles. His rate of his breaths slowed, and each inhale became deeper. He raised his head to meet my gaze, and his expression smoothed out of that twisted snarl into something more neutral. 

But the emotions shared between us were nothing subdued or submissive. If anything, his rage ran deeper now than it ever had before. This was not calm. This was control. This was patience. No longer a machine of blind instinct, he remembered how to be human again.

And in return, he gave me fire. There was an old coal of anger that still lived in my chest. It had long since gone cold; what was the point in fighting to defend a life like this? But his rage was something worth fighting for. A hot flame sparked under my breastbone, coming to life once more under the bright radiance of his fury.

The cell door opened behind me with the sound of nails against a chalkboard. A man in a lab coat stepped inside, followed by two men in black riot gear with stun guns. The doctor was holding a needle, shaking in his trembling hands. Terror rolled off of him in waves so powerful that it made me feel ill.

The Winter Soldier never once looked away from me as the doctor approached. His eyes remained fixed on my face, holding my gaze with such intensity that it was as if nothing else existed - or nothing else worthy of recognition, perhaps. He hadn't looked to the cell door when it opened. He didn't flinch when the doctor pressed the needle into his arm. He didn't move. He didn't resist. He just stared until the two guards took me by my arms and led me from the cell.

--------

"I thought this was supposed to make him less dangerous." The guard to my left jostled me carelessly as he turned his attention to the guard flanking my right. It was as if I wasn't even there. "I heard the doc they sent in after the last meeting ended up with both his legs broken. And he was lucky the team managed to taze the bastard before it got even worse."

The right guard just shrugged. "I dunno. I guess it'll take a couple of meetings before the effect lasts after she leaves. Let the eggheads figure that stuff out and just do your job, man."

When they pushed me through the cell door again, I expected to meet the injured animal again, to feel that white coal of rage. He looked just as he had when I walked in the last time. His hands were not so covered in blood, but he looked just as coiled with tension, just as eager for violence. 

Yet, despite what the guards were saying, I could feel clarity in him still. If anything, he seemed more controlled than he had at the end of our last encounter - no longer neutral, his control over his body language was absolute. The stiff, defensive posture were not instinct, this time. Was he doing it on purpose, then? And then, in response my confusion, I felt a faint, warbling thread of amusement from him. It was intentional. He was playing with them, misleading them. Convincing them to bring me back to him.

I want to see you. I want to know you. I feel real when you are near.

Yet again, I felt the spark of something within me that I hadn't felt in memory. And this time, it was something warm. Something good. Delight.

There was something delicious about the idea that the toy might have learned to play with his captors in return, even in such a small way. The warmth in my chest bloomed suddenly brighter. It wasn't anger - the heat was too gentle to be fire. And then I realized it wasn't mine: it was his pleasure at my approval.

Somewhere, buried deep under all the drugs, the obedience beaten into him, the feelings beaten out of him, the pain and the lost identity, I found the fragile shape of the man he used to be, once; the faint impression of a wicked wit and charm.

I felt the same mirrored in him - some vague sense of who I had been, once. It was small, hidden away under the layers of pain and loss, but undeniably there. Though him, I saw a piece of myself; a sense of justice that remained, even chipped and battered as it was, unbroken.

How long since I had known myself? It is difficult to understate the pleasure of knowing who you are, in even such a small way, after being nothing and no one for so very, very long.

--------

Pierce leaned back in his chair with a long groan, rubbing at the bridge of his nose. "So she does stabilize him, but only while she's in the same room?"

Dr Hardy winced and nodded. "And when he's alone, his emotional instability is getting worse."

"We should end this experiment now, before he gets even worse."

The doctor shook her head. "Well, no, I don't think that's a wise choice. He's nearly useless as an asset on his own in this state already, so the risk we take by continuing to try to the Winter Envoy to stabilize him is very low. I have a promising new idea; if we leave them together for a more extended period of time, it may help recover his long-term stability because his emotions won't be swinging so often between states."

Pierce glowered at her. "We better not lose the Winter Soldier over this, doctor."

She nodded quickly. "I understand, sir. We'll begin the next stage of the program immediately."

---------

Maybe one day, I would have the chance to ask him for his name. But then again, maybe he wouldn't have an answer. Maybe he didn't know. I didn't know my own name, either. 

The guards and the doctors called him the Winter Soldier. But that was the name given by our captors. That was the name for the hollow tool they tried to make of him. It was not a name for him. And besides, it was too cold for a man whose emotions felt like fire against my skin.

We never spoke, not even when we were together for hours. It was too dangerous to risk one of the guards overhearing something that they didn't like. Besides, we didn't need to speak - the better part of communication was emotion, anyway. Words weren't necessary. Even if it meant I couldn't ask his name.

The cell door opened behind me. Tension crawled up my spine and settled easily against the rumbling, defensive anger that flowed out of him in response. He didn't know why I was afraid - only that I was, every time, in that moment just before one of the guards entered the cell to take me away.

I was afraid of one guard in particular. None of them were kind, but this one enjoyed being cruel to me. The others all knew, of course - how could they not, when they could all feel my fear of him? They didn't care. But despite their disregard, it was still always a relief to turn around and see a face that didn't belong to the sadist.

Except, today, that was the very face smirking down at me.

It all happened so fast. The little spark of panic flashed in my chest. Even had I wanted to hide it, there was nothing I could have done. The next instant, he - my fire and now my protector, too - was standing in front of me, blocking my view of the guard. There was barely any movement, hardly a sound. There was just the dull thump of the guard, suddenly limp, crumpling at his feet with a broken neck.

I felt his uncertainty in the silent moment that followed. He hadn't really considered what would come next, after he removed the threat. I expected that uncertainty to bloom into panic, especially when panic of my own began to claw its way up my throat, worse even, than when I'd seen the guard. What would they do to him for this? They would take him away from me. I would never see him again. Never exist again.

And yet, despite the way my terror hammered against him, he snapped suddenly into that particular sense of calm that come from the comfort of familiarity. The tactics of violence and survival were things he understood well. He was not afraid. My terror eased, just a little. I could breathe again. I didn't need my own certainty - I could feel his.

He bent down to take the gun from the guard's body. Then, after a moment's thought, he pulled the vest from the guard, too. Then he straightened, checked the chamber of the gun, and held the vest out for me to put on.

"We're leaving." His voice sounded like gravel, so rough from disuse that it was difficult to even make out the words. But I didn't need to hear them - he wanted me close, and so close I would remain.

The cell door hung open, and I had the sense from him that chaos would erupt the moment we stepped out without the guard. Escape. We needed a way outside.

Well. I could help with that. Down the hall, out of the prison wing, turn right, and find a door. Some of the support staff used it sometimes. I felt that heady combination of nerves and relief when they were approaching it, and I smelled the lingering cigarette smoke when they came back - a faster way out for a smoke break, but one they weren't supposed to use. It wasn't well-guarded, so it probably led to a roof or something equally inaccessible, but it was still better than trying to weave through the entire complex to use the guarded main entrance.

No one expected us to actually try to leave. The alarm didn't even go off until we were out of the prison wing entirely. 

Six people. He killed six people on the way out, and never even broke stride. Death wasn't supposed to be beautiful, but he was. It was the way he moved. Every time I'd seen him before, he was tense, stiff, almost lumbering. I had no idea he could move like this. Was this what dancing looked like? It should be. He was a masterpiece of precision, control, and absolute certainty in his actions.

No hesitation. No guilt. It wasn't that he enjoyed killing them. Each time a guard came down the hall, there was a simple choice to be made; he could kill the guard, or the guard would kill us. It was never a question, and there would never be a regret.

Beyond the door was not an exit - it was a window. It looked out into an alley. We were on the third floor. The window was open, the sill littered with cigarette butts. Not even the clinging stench of stale, cheap tobacco could ruin the miracle of breathing fresh air.

I felt it, the moment he judged that he could make the jump. Standing next to the window, he turned to reach for me, but there was a moment of hesitation just before his hands made contact with my skin. For just a beat, I wasn't sure why. Then I realized with a start that he was waiting for permission. I almost laughed - as if I would ever refuse him, as if I would ever choose to stay here, no matter what he asked me to do in the escape.

He did laugh, then, once he understood the nature of my surprise. It was a short, rough sound - almost a cough. But it was there, and the current of amusement underneath washed over me as he swept me off my feet. Then there was nothing but air, and I was glad for the way the wind tore the breath from my lungs, or else I might have screamed and alerted someone. He hit the ground hard and stumbled a few steps before he set me back on my feet.

Escape. Out of sight. Hurry, so close.

He didn't let go of my hand. Into the alley, around the corner. It didn't matter where we were going. Only that it was away from that place.

----------

He knew where to find an old dead drop of cash. I found a generous soul willing to lend us a change of clothes. A quick white lie to the clerk at the hotel front desk, and now, finally, there was warmth and quiet, and there was a locked door between us and the rest of the world. It wasn't safety, not really. I wasn't sure if we'd ever really be safe from people like them. But it was something close. It was good enough for tonight.

And we were free.

I expected to feel joy. Elation. Giddiness. But instead, as the last of the adrenaline drained away, there was nothing rose in its place. Just a void that had been filled with so much fear and pain for so long that, now that they were gone, all that was left was an aching emptiness. Could I even remember how to feel anything with enough power to fill that hollow? Anything other than fear?

And so it was fear that began to crawl back in to fill the vacuum. Fear that I had been irreparably broken. Fear that, after all I had suffered, freedom promised nothing more than this suffocating, blank nothing in my heart.

But it was only for a moment. He caught my wrist and I turned to him: sitting on the edge of the bed, staring up at me with the same cold dread on his face that was threatening to choke me. The ratcheting rate of my heart slowed just a little. I didn't have to face the void alone. 

Call and response. I see you. I know you. I feel you. I exist with you.

I felt the spark in my chest. That was source of the ember and the fire. It burned with rage when we were captives, in defiance against those who would snuff out our humanity. But now that the threat was gone, the fire was still there. It was no longer a furious defiance, but rather a desire for confirmation - I exist when I am seen, heard, felt, touched.

Touch me. I want to feel alive.

His grip on my wrist loosened. His fingers trailed slowly up my arm, leaving a ripple of goosebumps in their wake. It was only the barest of touches, but it didn't need to be anything more. 

Maybe this desire was already there, and it was only now that we noticed it. Or maybe it really had only crashed into us in this moment, to fill this void of fear with all the sudden force that I felt as it knocked the breath from my lungs. It filled the hollow in my chest and didn't stop - his desire fed mine fed his fed mine again, until, barely a breath later, every inch of my skin yearned so strongly to be touched that to feel the empty air was almost a physical ache.

The next moment, he had me by the waist and we fell together into the bed, eager to kiss, to caress, to be made real together. Every sensation was so potent that each alone seemed unbearable, but to endure them together was a bliss all its own. Even the hot sting of lust denied held a certain gratifying delight, so we lingered in stillness, breathing each other in and reveling in unsated hunger. 

It was pointless to ask whose passion first overcame patience - to do so would be to ask whose warmth was felt where skin met skin, or whose pleasure it was that brought us crashing over the edge, or whose sweat was left dotted and drying on my skin afterwards, as we lay tangled together and trying to catch our breaths.

It was ours. Always ours.

Even with my eyes closed, I knew he was looking at me. My cheek pillowed on his chest, I tipped my head up to meet his gaze; hooded, comfortable, soft. He was never meant to look at anyone this way again. This was a sort of victory all its own.

A smile tugged on his lips. "And I don't even know your name." There it was again - the shape of his wit. Less fragile, this time.

I turned to press my lips against his shoulder, muffling my laughter against his skin. "That's alright. Neither do I."

"Then what should I call you?"

I was in no hurry to answer. We were wrapped up, safe and lost, in the infinite hours before dawn. "I'm not sure," I answered softly. I trailed my fingers along the lines of his metal arm. I had not expected it to be so warm. "I've never had a name before. Not one I remember, at least." 

I meant to press a kiss to the edge of his jaw when I looked up at him again. He knew what I intended the moment he felt the surge of my affection. He turned to catch my lips, pleasure and affection and amusement mingling between us. His teeth grazed my lip, pulling a whimper unbidden from my chest - and then another as I felt the intensity of his reaction to even so small a sound. The intoxication of desiring and being desired in return swept over us again. On my back as the kiss was broken, I was pinned to the bed by his weight as we fought to catch our breaths. Was it normal, such intensity from nothing more than a kiss? Or was this a particular luxury of us feeling and feeding the passions of the other?

I was surprised to find a growing ache in my chest, but I understood suddenly why he wanted my name. There was a nameless thing that needed to be expressed, and the only way to express it would be to speak his name like a chant, a confession, a prayer. Because it is you who I feel here with me. You who reminded me that I am real. You whose emotions fit with mine like two halves of a whole. You. You. Only you.

I wanted to know his name, whatever it might be for now. "What should I call you, then?"

I could feel the shape of his words brushing against my lips as he answered; "The only thing I can remember being called is 'Soldier'."

My revulsion was fiercer than even I expected. "That is a name for the tool they tried to turn you into, not for the man you are."

His gaze was soft as he looked down at me, and I felt the sweetness wrap around his heart at the hearing the contrast given voice. "Not even if I'm your soldier?"

"You're not," I whispered. "You're free. You'll have no orders from me."

"Then not a soldier," he answered, his voice a low rumble that I felt against my chest as he kissed me once more. "Just yours."

[longing-for-rain]

I'm back. I love this topic. Regarding this:

" I actually once found it interesting that these kinds of stories were being written in m/m fiction…I think it’s often for fetishistic reasons, but it does provide an interesting perspective on misogyny by creating a world in which men (male omegas) can experience it. Why write it this way? Was it intentional? Did these authors find these issues less triggering to explore by depicting them happening to male characters? Did they feel that the themes would be taken more seriously if depicted happening to male characters? Who knows, but those questions are interesting."

Yes. I'm telling you this as a fan of omegaverse and a former writer. And this is my personal experience: Most omegaverse is written by other women who are looking for ways to explore those patriarchal expectations without having to face the harsh reality: women are the ones who have to deal with those expectations. By placing those expectations on men, they can talk about it and explore it in "safe spaces" without having to face the harsh reality of sex based oppression. It's a fantasy world so it's less triggering.

And some writers try to change those dynamics within their fanfics and stories bc it's the only way they can show discomfort with those tropes without alienating people and being called man hating crazy feminists 🙄. Tackling oppresion and forced birth when it happens to male omegas is more welcomed than having feminist views and critiquing the whole genre.

Many of those women are not ready/can't write compelling stories about female oppression bc its too much. It devastating. Its too real.

Hey anon thanks for the ask! I find this topic really interesting too.

We sound like we have very similar experiences here, I was never particularly interested in omegaverse itself, but I always found myself drawn to reading and writing “whump” type fanfic about men. I think it’s a very similar idea, where there are traumatic topics and experiences that primarily affect women that it feels more detached to explore through male characters. Whump fiction is the same pattern where it’s almost always written by women about male characters. I’ve also found that in fanfic, portrayals of issues like eating disorders, body insecurity, self harm, sexual abuse and violence, etc. are disproportionately shown happening to male characters rather than female characters when the opposite is true in real life. And before someone jumps in here to yell at me, I’m not saying it never happens to men in real life. I’m just saying not nearly at the same rates you see in fiction, and I think there’s a reason for that. It doesn’t feel as personal, as a woman, to read/write about certain things happening to a man. It can create a layer of separation that feels less triggering.

And lately I actually have been writing stories which portray female victims, because I kind of felt weird when I recognized the trend. Yes, I think there is value in exploring something painful in a detached way, but there was also something about removing women from discussions of our own trauma that felt uncomfortable. So lately I wrote some things (like Claws of Ice) that address the misogyny aspect more directly and it’s been emotional, but also cathartic. I remember 10 years ago people straight up would not take the rape of a female character seriously, and even now, I still see people treat the exact same happening to male characters (and real men tbh) as a far greater crime. But I’ve gotten a great response on that story. Women connect with it, empathize with the victim, so I feel a little better writing about those topics. I was scared off from it for a while because I was afraid it would just be sexualized and treated as a fetish the way female suffering often is, but I haven’t gotten that so far.

But to your last point, yes, unfortunately, the whole “man hater” accusation issue is very real and something I’ve experienced. You can’t talk about any feminist issue or even write about it in fanfics of all things without someone accusing you of being a man-hater, feminazi, TERF, bitch, cunt, ugly, fat, etc. etc. bullshit insult they come up with, because people always hate women who confront female oppression.

I’m still going to keep doing it though because idgaf, for every weirdo anon and low effort troll, there are many many women out there who can connect with what I write and I think there’s value in that. If even just one woman feels seen, heard, valued, and empathized with because of a story I wrote, it’s worth it to me.

[dearweirdme]

https://www.tumblr.com/dearweirdme/714931786938040320/hello-if-they-ask-you-why-you-believe-in-taekook?source=share

Wow your response is so 👌👌👌

Also I wanna know what do you think about this 'Streisand effect'? I just learnt about this term😂.. Don't you think taekook especially their company uses this inorder to create constant buzz and make it more widespread?

Hi Anon!

Tricky question you’ve sent me here! I so wish we could take just a small peak into BTS’s marketing strategies, but unfortunately all we can do is guess. This is probably going to be long again. Their way of dealing with Taekook has been confusing to me at times. Because while there are several clear instances where Tae and Jk are being forced to distance themselves, there are also a lot of instances shown that we would expect to be hidden if the ship was something they wanted to hide (Tae cuddling up with Jk in his bed in The Soop for instance). So why show some things, but also obviously hide others?

The way I understand it is that the Streisand Effect is not something that can be used as a marketing strategy, it’s more a side effect of doing a poor job at hiding things. For the company to actually try to hide stuff only to want people to pay more attention would be way to risky I believe. So while I do think the Streisand effect may be happening a bit, I don’t think it’s necessarily what they want. I think both the company and Taekook actively try to hide stuff and they probably succeed in hiding way (!) more than any of us are able to imagine.

The thing with Tae and Jk is… it’s so hard to completely hide their connection. It’s one thing to hide actual obvious actions, like hugging and touching… those can be edited out rather easily. But affection and intimacy are things that show themselves through very small often automatic responses to the other. It’s in the way we look at someone, the way our initial response to someone’s voice or appearance is. It’s called micro expressions (look it up, it’s interesting) and those are hard to describe, so it’s even harder for an editor to look for and hide. That is why so many people pick up on the bond between Tae and Jk but very little people know how to actually describe why their bond appears different from the other members. It’s just hard to get your head around, because when looking for signs to proof two people are in a relationship we tend to look for the obvious grand gesture kind off stuff (enter Jikook here), while real relationships, especially long term ones, go beyond those.

Now imagine having started this new Kpop band. Thankfully all of the members seem to get along, become real friends even and two of them have amazing chemistry. Shipping is a common thing especially in Kpop, so you utilize it. You want attention on your band, because the competition is hard. With these two member having this great chemistry, you don’t have to push for it as much. It’s already there and it works. But, at some point… maybe it’s getting out of hand a bit. And then it becomes clear that the members actually are in a relationship. What do you do? South Korea might love shipping, they do not love actual queer relationships (in general that is). So while you don’t mind the ship, the relationship has to be hidden. I think that’s when Jikook comes into play. Jimin is their close friend, they are comfortable with each other, the role comes easy to him as he is kind off a flirty person with everyone. Him and Jk are able to play of the grand gesture parts I mentioned before so to a lot of people that becomes the next ship. Now they are able to say, look it’s just shipping Jk, Tae and Jimin are just close friends… it’s normal. They start showing less and less of Taekook, going with a “they are no longer close” narrative and boom… the story changes for the eyes of the greater public. To people paying attention this was never enough, but companies are mostly concerned with the media. They do not actually care if there’s a part of fandom that’s still picking up on reality, they are probably even happy that it’s still a thing, because it does create fandom chatter and that is always a good thing.

I think they are walking a fine line (both the company and Tae and Jk themselves). The company wants to keep the ship, but hide the relationship. That is why we at times got clear footage of Taekook being close, but at other times clear instances of them being forced apart. Tae and Jk seem to really want to show their strong bond these days, but they don’t actually want to be out I think. They can’t it’s not safe for them to do so. I think they are being very brave, I admire them a lot.

[imaginespazzi]

And we're back Bestie! Thanks for the patience while I recovered & got caught up w life.. I figured there wasnt much sense in providing a semi-coherent ask ha.

Ok so: First, it will make sense after reading but I so wish I could provide some pics for you via anon..

Went to the Sunday game. I didnt even ask to know in advance, but by chance the group/person that took responsibility for tickets to the game got seats a handful of rows up from behind the Dallas bench. I was just in disbelief w that given our jokes on the blog here. Our dear Lou is just so damn cute in person. And by every indication from that afternoon, an incredible teammate. Shes constantly supportive, super engaged, and you can tell things will come together for her before long on the court. Her being such a lovely professional didnt help lessen any appeal! 😣 Anywhooo it would be generous to say shot my shot Im afraid - but as luck would have it, there was a moment where she did a little happy dance spin around to the crowd when celebrating a teammates made 3 pointer (they led at this time) and ended up having genuine eye contact and a small smile back with me. So guess we can say there remains some small hope afloat for LouTea? Or at least argue that it wasnt an absolute failure by me on your behalf lol! My shy, yet somehow also overly confident self (maybe a certain attitude tends to come w being 5'2"?) will take it 🙈

So sitting where we did, actually found ourselves not far from Jacy Sheldons family who were at the game! Seemed nice, pretty quiet during the action. As a College WBB follower that was just kinda wild to me. And there was one other woman (maybe one more in the group) seemingly around Jacy's age w the fam in a custom top w her name, but I didnt recognize at a quick look. Dont think they were former teammate(s) though, so curious who they mightve been? Dont know much about JS off the court. Last but not least, a little down from me, I kid you not there was a woman wearing a VT Kitley jersey. I could only die laughing internally to myself, thinking of sharing this later. Not the most implausible place/location to see one tbf, but we honestly cant escape the OG lore!

Anyways the event was a great time all around. Highly recommend a WNBA game to anyone ofc. I was happy to see a Mystics win (and an interesting game) since Im usually bad luck for my/home pro teams in person.

Actually P.S. Li has such a cool vibe! Very sad to not get to watch her play but gives a fun, animated energy from the bench, to her credit. Easy to see why shes so well liked. And I dont know if you happened to see Shakira Austin that day, but holy hell. She is so tall and so stunning it blows the mind in real life. And while Kira is actually single (perhaps a nice fyi for some of you), I should be clear, Lou doesnt need to worry at all about competition. Theres no way little, sweet me would ever dare to handle a 6'5" woman with such a crazy side 😅 said with complete and total affection for her

Ok I should stop. 🫶

-☕️

Ahh unfortunately you can't send pic on anon. You can dm them to me if you'd like but it's totally fair if you wanna just stay an anon, I'mma just imagine the pics!

DAMN bestie I'm jealous of those seats but I'm so happy for you and so happy you got to see Lou so close! Awww I knew Lou was a sweetheart but I love hearing that for you. OMG DO I SENSE A MEET CUTE? She was dancing and then your eyes met? Personally I think that's a sign! I'M STARTING BRIDESMAIDS DRESS SHOPPING! You know what babes, I think you did great, just means you needa go to another game of hers and shoot another shot! Also hi twinnnn, I'm also barely 5'2 lol

I LOVE JACY! And her relationship with her sister is so sweet so that's so nice you saw her family! That's inchrestingggg info. I guess it could be a cousin but hmmm?

LMAO ofc there was something VT/Kitley related there, of course

Glad you got to see a W! And Li sounds amazing, I hope you get to see her play eventually too. Ooooh I bet Kira was stunning in person like I find her so freaking gorgeous so this totally checks out.

[shkika]

I might end up taking u up on that offer this is so so soo fun

I really enjoy it when people make moon mad at fp..like how could she not be yes she cares about fp a lot but siblings don't exactly...do that to eachother very often I think (but maybe they do /j the woes of being an only child)

I think not being able to harm artificer did him good in the end (therapy dog!!) like he would have definitely just wanted to send that thing FLYING into the sun but he couldn't!! he was forced to just deal with it and eventually he realises hey. Maybe this thing isn't so bad... honestly I think he really needed something like that right then given his tendency to push people away (thinking abt how he BLEW UP srs' poor overseer. That made me jump actually i didnt expect it i sat still for long enough to get myself blown up too it was kind of funny...aside from the trek back of course) (ALSO THE ADS HELP thats golden)

Adding onto that like....him being a silly little loser that wants to do everything by himself and the like loving the attention etc I really think that like... the time period he was built in only made it worse??

Like......i feel that being built when he was added to a sort of pressure of needing to feel superior, to not be one of those bugs in mazes. To have something with like a genuine true path ahead instead of blindly grasping for answers

Like...I guess he'd want to prove just how good he is by doing it without any sort of help and he just has so MUCH to figure out by himself that he just...builds that pressure more and more and that's gotta be too much at some point

^^ I like the idea of the triple affirmative stuff happening like...around this point in time (forgive me if my timeline is terribly off) but anyways like..it kind of just fucks up everything for the dude...like all he's worked for is kinda just for nothing so then it leads to everything with the rot as like some sort of last resort. Like he knows the risks but he just cant bring himself to care like he's in such a vunerable state he doesn't think about how it'd affect moon until all of a sudden there's a forced message being sent his way, but even then I guess being younger than like everyone in the group he doesn't fully grasp like oh. This is as bad as it is. Until moons can comes crashing down and hes left infecting himself with the stuff

Anyway you are so very right with the echo actually I haven't thought very much on the shaded citadel but it must have...not been pleasant going through the rains knowing that there's so many others unaffected by it

Sorry this response is so late actually I've been multitasking to all hell but RRAGHGJ squishing the iterators in my hand like stress balls I am so normal about this game

please do! <3 ramble incoming

Moon being angry at Pebbles is fun. I love seeing different interpertations! Though I do think she doesn’t hold actual bitterness towards him in my personal belief.

The idea that she isn’t actually *angry* angry at him makes her very tragic to me. By all means she knows his actions are inexcusable. What she went through was horrifying and painful and she acknowledges that. Nsh even mentions she’s always had way too much patience for him and that she really tried to be a good big sister to him.

So as his big sister and someone who guided him in early days I can see her being unable to feel spite towards him. He fucked up, hes now sick and rotting and it all fills her with grief. It’s all just unfortunate and sad! (definitely see moon being a little hater with salty comments sometimes. as she does but most of her anger is reserved for their shitty parents)

Pebbles desperately wanting to feel superior is something really fun to me!! Absolutely see it! (idk why u went and became close friends with guy who called you dumb and naive but u do you 🤷 maybe u like that. likr OoOo hes the only one that listens to my theories and he calls me dumb <33) We know he learns about what happened to sliver from suns, so I can only assume that happened before he was made..? But the game is vague enough for u to hc it as you want honestly.

What he did was out of desperation for sure! He never wanted to even involve Moon according to what he says while commenting on a pearl by Arti. It was just kind of impossible.

I think what Suns told him just left a big scar on the poor guy. Not only is he being told he never mattered, he has to accept he’ll slowly break down and not even die while still trying to solve their issue he doesn’t even care about. He wanted the feeling of power over his own self back and he wanted to desperately escape. Feeling helpless is the worst.

He thought he could be fast enough and not harm Moon and then failed! He doomed her and got a very bad case of the rot ( consequences of my actions) ((another bracket but the poor fucker tried to cure himself all the way until arti campaign! sad!!)) along with his failure becoming gossip material and a sensation as we learn from spearmaster logs. Which is why I assume he closes all communications.

Also Moon forced many many broadcasts onto him while dying :) not only partly the reason why he failed the project, it also further cemented his helplesness.. because he can’t do anything to help! A common phrase you hear from him is “I can’t even help myself”.

It’s a little treat in almost all scug campaigns iirc.

Also echoes are all so interesting I love them and their silly little opinions. Shout out to the one who told arti to stop being such an angry bitch <3

[starrbar]

Isn't it funny how when rad-antis do their cute little "PSA" thing, and their target tries to defend/explain themself, the ones doing the callouts take common, true, scientifically-backed statements and call them "red flags"?

I've seen so many posts going "Oh god guys, we'd better watch out for this dangerous person. 😨" and their evidence is just a screenshot of the "Fiction doesn't equal reality" bullet on their profile/Carrd, or a similar statement in a rebuttal against claims that they're a Literal Child Rapist™ because of their Pixiv bookmarks.

Like, "how DARE you say the most obvious response to the garbage I'm spewing that's been debunked time and time again?" Next, they'll be saying that citing doctors and professionals to back up their points is a "red flag". xD (I don't remember the exact wordings, but I 99% sure I've actually seen one of them say something like that.)

And okay... to play devil's advocate, this makes sense when you consider, for example, how phrases like "free speech" and "anti censorship" mean very different things coming from a Conservative vs. a Progressive, and those are also simple concepts that I think should be supported for their true meanings, but it still looks quite ridiculous when you start saying that phrases like "anti-harassment" and "fiction ≠ reality 1:1" are "proship dogwhistles", as if there is no context in which those statements have any merit.

(and then I started ranting)

❝ No, of course, only CHILD PREDATORS think that abusing and bullying people is wrong, because the ONLY time anybody ever gets bullied is when they've done something to DESERVE it, right?? There are no people on this earth who hurt innocents. Justice is always served. Therefore, "anti-harassment" is a pro-abuser stance! ❞ /s

❝ And obviously "fiction ≠ reality" is always code for "I just really like Stonetoss comics and drawing porn of child actors, but those are just pictures, so they don't mean anything!" It's definitely not like many people who make the former statement would immediately recoil in disgust and block anyone who uses it that way. Nah, we're all just secret predators who formed a club where we worship sexual abuse and bigotry. ❞ /sss

See, that, up there, is why I've started specifically referring to "radical antis" because they ACTUALLY embody these extreme stances, and they have repeatedly blown my mind with how exaggerated they can be, but they're 100% serious.

If you're an anti and the above obnoxious strawman doesn't apply to you, you may very well be just fine. But I'm really just tired of essentialist dickheads spear-heading one harassment campaign after another in the name of "reducing harm", and sadly those people take your genuine beliefs and warp them to create those situations.

I'm sorry you have to be associated with them tbh! /gen

I genuinely don't know how things ended up like this, but unfortunately there are people with genuine, valid concerns about fiction's affect on reality who aren't being taken seriously because a bunch of abusers take those concerns and mangle them until they're unrecognizable, probably on purpose so they can justify torturing other people for fun.

Sad day for survivors all across the board, huh? :/