#unfortunately i do not have what it would take to survive those conditions and that is okay

[bardic-irritation]

maybe unpopular opinion but I'm kinda loving Elias so far? like as a Person I would hate him but as a Character? kicking my feet and giggling everytime he makes a stupid joke or menaces someone. slayyyy old man. terrorizing your employees is so good for the Plot.

[chaotic-archaeologist]

https://nypost.com/2024/08/28/world-news/boy-4-accidentally-smashes-bronze-age-jar-that-was-at-least-3500-years-old/

Your thoughts?

Personally, I'm kinda sick of museums being required to cater to kids so much. If you're going to do this open air exhibit, kids who don't know how to keep their hands to themselves just shouldn't be allowed in. The glass is there for this very reason.

Actually, I'm with the museum on this one. Is it unfortunate that the vase was broken? Yes. Was the vase a valuable piece of the past? Also yes. But I think the museum did something very cool by not having the artifacts behind glass and are handling this with good grace and the sense to make this a learning opportunity.

Sometimes we overlook the fact that museums often attempt to arrest or freeze artifacts in time. They are kept in controlled conditions to prevent them from deteriorating and even treated to reverse damage. Many things on display on museums are elevated beyond their original value, alienated from their original purpose, and closed off from interaction.

It's incredible that this jar survived as long as it did—and its age is what makes it special—but at the end of the day, it is still a jar. It has now experienced the thing that happens to pretty much every jar that has been or will be. After all, decay is an extant form of life. (If you want to read a very well written and interesting take on decay and archaeology, check out this article by Caitlin DeSilvey.)

The article I linked above provides some important context and the update that the museum is planning on using this as an opportunity to teach about the conservation process. The jar's story is not over; it is being pieced back together and in this next chapter in its life it will be able to tell two stories: one of its life and the other of its rebirth. The museum's approach embraces that, exactly like the Japanese art of Kintsugi.

I also agree with the museum's decision not to punish the child or his family. Things go wrong in museums all the time despite their highly controlled environments, and this is why they have artifacts insured. Sometimes the thing that happens is a child, and by and large museums do not seek damages.

I would encourage you to rethink your stance on museums and children. Museums are for everyone. Children have a right to experience museums and what they have to offer just like anyone else. There are also many studies that discuss how going to museums benefits children.

In this case, perhaps the exhibit design was slightly flawed, but the four year old boy accidentally knocked the jar over because he was curious about what was inside and wanted to investigate. Curiosity is exactly what museums should be encouraging. In an ideal world that curiosity would have been channeled into some other kind of engagement, but the folks who work in museums have a lot on their plates and cannot plan everything perfectly all the time. Even if they could, they often do not have the resources to do so.

Finally, the AP article mentions that the boy and his family were visiting the museum to get away from Hezbollah rocket fire. Regardless of your opinions on the current conflict, everyone deserves to have a safe place to exist. That museums can serve as those spaces is an honor.

I commend the Hecht Museum and the people working there. They 1) successfully provided a place of learning and refuge, 2) opted not for a punitive approach—which is often the default Western model for justice—but a compassionate one, and 3) are using this twist of fate to create programming that will further engage the public.

@museeeuuuum and @museum-spaces would you care to comment?

-Reid

[melleonis]

list of worm characters and how good they would be at force fem

beware spoilers

UNDERSIDERS Taylor (Skitter): unless there's an estrogen spider somewhere in the world, no shot Taylor (Khepri): unfortunately, unlimited power comes at the cost of a rapidly-dwindling understanding of gender Grue: lacks both the ability and the inclination. his fragile masculinity makes him a fine target, however. Tattletale: you'd think she'd be good at it, or at the very least sufficiently-advanced egg detection, but she also believes everyone on the team is straight, so this is gonna be a blind spot for her. Bitch: shockingly good at it if the end goal is puppygirl, stone useless otherwise. Regent: i mean. he could, but what's in it for him? easily bored, no patience for process. at best he could manage getting someone into a tutu for a lark before losing interest. Imp: gaslight girlboss of course she's gonna be great at this. what's this? all the contents of your underwear drawer replaced? you didn't do that... did you? who else could have? so you must have wanted this...right? Parian: if you will not wear the dress, the dress will have to come to you. Foil: nah

EVERYONE ELSE Accord: ugh who wants a tidy feminization? Bakuda: hey maybe you'll get hit with the fem grenade! probably you'll just die, or worse. Bonesaw: oh now we're talkin. unparalleled biomech horror force fem game. the mechanical spider tapped into your spinal column decides when it's time to get you prettied up for a tea party. Canary: shania twain karaoke incident feminizes twelve, birdcage for sure. Cherish: trivially easy to set up an emotional conditioning system. wearing skirt? dopamine hit! wearing pants? kill yourself - whoops. well, she'll have a lot of time at the bottom of the ocean to figure out correct feedback intensities. Clockblocker: in theory one should be able to get up to some mischief while someone is frozen in time, but i'm not sure dennis has the ability to freeze someone without also freezing their clothes, which means this has limited utility. could play a support role for someone else. Contessa: effortlessly trips you into a chain reaction that completely reshapes your life as part of a twelve-thousand step plan to improve humanity's long-term odds of survival by a fraction of a percent. thank you for your service. Echidna: all your evil monster clones are girls for some reason. whether this works depends entirely on how you respond to awkward post-incident questions your friends have about it. Eidolon: yeah i mean he could. but it doesn't make him feel globally, historically important so he's not gonna. Gallant: is "feminine" an emotion he can inflict? girl feelings beam attack? shame we'll never know, RIP. Gregor the Snail: nothing in canon says he can't secrete a mildly acidic ooze that turns you into a slime girl. Jack Slash: broadcast shard should in theory mean he can easily manipulate other capes into getting feminized, but that's less time spent on self-aggrandizing mass murder, so. Marquis: bone structure matters less than you'd think in the grand scheme of things, but yes he can reshape your jawline and cheek bones, give you those child-bearing hips. pros: he doesn't kill women, so you're that much safer. cons: it is going to hurt like a motherfucker. Number Man: oh no your company has fallen on hard times and you've been laid off! and how peculiar that the only business hiring anywhere near you is the maid cafe. it says they're very strict about their dress code but that's probably fine. and food's gotten so expensive but wait these odd imported protein shakes are absurdly cheap... Panacea: you know what the joke is already, come on. Scion: has Path to Victory and would never in a billion years think of using it for anything fun.

and finally,

the Simurgh: best in show. sure, it'll take four years for the triggers and conditioning to work their way through your subconscious but when they do...

BONUS Simurgh/Dragon double-team: Defiant probably never spent enough time close to the Simurgh to get affected, plus he had those high-tech earplugs he designed himself, so surely he's fine. nevertheless, his focus wanders during a critical moment while editing Dragon's source code, and now she's bossier, maybe even a little meaner, and the prosthetic parts she's making for colin's cyborg body are... different. curvier, softer. and every time he tries to find the problem in her code he gets distracted, and she gets more and more imperious. can he find a way out of the Simurgh's conditioning and his AI lover's domination? will he have to seek help from Saint - or worse, Teacher? surely they wouldn't take advantage of him in his vulnerable cyberdoll state?

[datastate]

if sei satou survived he would have soloed tbh. death game wouldn’t have happened bc he’s too goated

see, now you joke about this, but i do consider it an interesting possibility to think of " what if sei survived " -- there are many directions this could go!

BOTH SURVIVE THE ASSASSIN'S TRIAL:

ah, the classic hunger games stall. unfortunately, i do think even if they had managed this (assuming asunaro would pick them up rather than letting one of them starve to death and then taking the other, in critical condition, and fixing them up again as the victor), that asunaro would instead demand a duel between the two of them upon being brought back.

if they needed stronger reason to facilitate the murder, they would likely give both a poison they haven't yet had the chance to adapt to. it is in this sense that killing would be a mercy: something that kai, for all his airs, would concede to under certain circumstances, and which i expect sei would follow through on promptly.

unfortunately, this scenario is a dead end for that reason. only one will survive, so let's see:

SEI TAKES KAI'S MISSION:

i've seen a few people regard this scenario, but i must admit i find it incredibly unlikely. sei is a good assassin; kai isn't, even though he's survived as long as he has. i've written this into practically all of my interpretations of kai, but the only way he survived those years without killing people was by learning to fake their deaths. he is the child of a renowned scientist, after all, and trained on the human body's limitations.

in any case: i cannot see sei being punished to the point he'd be outcast (without a proper expulsion) as kai was. and even if he was punished, it would not be framed in as much secrecy.

kai was sentenced to domestic life because it would be torturous and inhibit him due to the apparent facade of the chidouins being an unfortunate civilian family destined to suffer at the hands of asunaro, and more importantly, him. if sei was sent to guard them, as the victor of the assassin's trial, it would likely be in explicit terms of what would be expected of him -- because what would he do, really, knowing that mr. chidouin is the 'meister' of the death game? he's seen what happens when people rebel against asunaro. he's seen how hopeless it is. kai died for it. sara is just piteous.

SEI ENTERS THE DEATH GAME:

now, even with the above, i'm not ignoring the idea of sei entering the death game regardless. it's interesting to me seeing just how much focus is placed upon the mirrors of the satous & chidouins. prior to the mini-episode (though this can still work imo), i was under the impression that gashu was assigned as mr. chidouin's aide & that kai was mandated as sara's right hand specifically.

with this in mind, it's not out of the question that sei could be placed in a similar position to hinako: the heir for the family you've been assigned has been compromised, thus you will fit that role. a literal human shield, i expect... and sei would have no room to protest, because they'd kill him anyway, and if not him, then this young & innocent girl... who he sees much of himself in. they'd never call themselves hopeful, but asunaro takes what little they had and breaks it. thoroughly.

SEI STOPS THE DEATH GAME:

and of course, as for your actual joke here, i do think it'd be interesting to consider sei feeling like he's at the end of his life. i expect everyone involved with the death game to some extent was given a certain date by which they were expected to report back to asunaro to commence & honor its start -- the meaning of this, of course, being that there would be no outside influence.

(most notably, as hazard/corvidcrowned pointed out to me long ago and has made me Sickly over ever since, the floormasters are falling apart just the same... it's confidential. throw everything you have at this. you'll be bound for life, if you even manage to live)

while kai's plan failed (likely an attempt to extract the chidouins, or at least sara, with the program he curated that would fundamentally disable asunaro's security/monitoring) due to mr. chidouin's connections to it, which he could not have anticipated at all.

but sei... now that is interesting. he'd likely earn a nice reputation in this scenario, in hand with asunaro's trust. he'd have much more information at his fingertips as to what the death game entails, who the participants are, where they are... i truly think that part of asunaro's attempts to hold him down after the assassin's trial would simply be to isolate him.

see, kai was already alone. he had no interest in mingling with civilians, as that was a place he didn't belong and still struggles to feel belonging with. however, he is loyal and immensely dedicated to his ideals regardless of whether or not they align with asunaro. of course asunaro would then choose to break him down by expelling him from the darkness which he began to be comfortable in, forcing him to interact with and be indebted to civilians -- with nothing else to do, but allow them to guide him. a puppet on strings. poor, little marionette.

but sei needs people around him. you've surely read over his introduction to the satous more than even i have, and can gleam this much. even if he's reluctant to admit as much, it is this which grounds him and would... let him hope that there's more than just these skills he's been forced to hone over the years. as such, being introduced to the existence of these participants who would suffer a similar fate could be a dangerous thing. perhaps he'll take a look at the kizuchis since he's in the area, he's curious, and perhaps it'd hit too close. and it becomes harder to deperson these candidates as he would his usual targets -- not that he ever wanted to, but. well. the trauma of it all combined with asunaro's coping suggestions cannot be healthy in the least.

i won't get into much more detail, as this is long enough, but i'm sure you can see what i'm getting at... admittedly, this is reaching a similar route to 'deliver us from evil', but regardless: sei would have more resources at his disposal than kai ever would. if he dared to believe in himself again, believed he could make a change, believed it wasn't foolish to hope... maybe he could really do much more than kai did. stage a betrayal they'd never expect, for they thought they'd broken him down into a husk not unlike gashu.

[shunin-gumis]

Designs of Happiness - Track A03

L4mps Main Story Translation

Title: A drink at Nightfall

Characters: Yodaka, Daniel

Summary: Yodaka skillfully mixes a new drink for the protagonist. With one line from Daniel, they understand his true intention of bringing them to this bar...

JP Proofreading: aca @463ce6 on twt EN Proofreading: jes @arcanecrayonn on twt

Location: “Ten Nights of Dreams” BAR

Momiji: Wow… Just look at that elegant mixing skill… His handsomeness is only accentuated by the serious expression he wears while working… I can’t seem to take my eyes off of him…

Yodaka: And an orange slice to top it off– Thank you for waiting.

Momiji: Thank you!

Momiji: What a beautiful gradation from blue to orange… The lighting of the bar reflecting off the surface of the drink makes it look like it’s rippling with gold… It’s like I’m holding the ocean in my palm.

Yodaka: I made this mocktail with you in mind.

Momiji: Huh?

Yodaka: Like a ripe fruit that’s been beloved by the sun, your eyes shine, full of life. The serenity you exude with your entire being gently envelops those around you.

Yodaka: I’ve decided to name this mocktail as “The Ocean’s Golden Coins”. I hope this drink will enrich your spirit. Here you go.

Momiji: …!!

Momiji: I can feel my face heating up…

Momiji: Thank you for the drink… Oh! It’s delicious!

Daniel: Right? Yodaka’s skill is the real deal. Well, it’s good enough that it’s worth overlooking the fact he’s a natural-born seducer. 

Daniel: Don’tcha think it’d be just fantastic if we could get to drink this every day over at HAMA House?

Momiji: …..

Momiji: I was wondering why he brought me to this bar but…

Momiji: I see, so that’s what you were after.

Daniel: Yep, glad you caught on.

Yodaka: What’s the matter?

Daniel: Go on, explain it to him. For the sake of our peaceful home-bar life.

Momiji: Your real motive is plain as day… Anyways, Yodaka-san, please take a look at this.

Yodaka: This is…

Yodaka: Hm, how unfortunate that this looks too corporate to be a love letter.

Momiji: A l-love letter…?

Yodaka: My apologies, a little lighthearted flirting goes a long way in my line of work, you see. Putting the jokes aside, this seems to be some sort of work proposal.

Momiji: Yes, that’s right. Allow me to explain.

~~~

Yodaka: … I see. From my understanding, HAMA Tours is offering “Package Tours” to ensure the survival of HAMA as a designated tourism region.

Yodaka: You’ve been recruiting to fill the positions of the 18 ward mayors, and have managed to find 14 so far.

Momiji: Yes, that’s right.

Yodaka: As for the final Night Team, you want to find members who can provide tourists with a more relaxed experience, with the conditions being that “They must own a store” and that “They must have roots in the local districts”.

Momiji: Yes, those are the terms that our Company President had come up with.

Yodaka: After you were unable to find Nagi at Flower Laundry, a person you already had friendly relations with, the two of you came here at Danny’s suggestion and decided I was the next best choice. I think I’ve grasped the situation.

Momiji: I’m sorry if this seems like it came out of the blue. On top of that, we might have given the impression that we chose you because we failed to obtain our first choice… But please know this– 

Momiji: I was convinced the moment I tried your cocktail earlier.

Momiji: This bar, “Ten Nights of Dreams”, is the only place that could provide weary travelers with the best drinks that would heal both their body and soul.

Yodaka: …..

Momiji: Please take your time to look over the documents carefully and decide-

Daniel: Seriously, why do you always gotta be so uptight? Just listening to you droning on is making me all tense.

Daniel: Yo, Yodaka. This is the 17th ward, right. You wanna be this ward’s Mayor?

Yodaka: I wouldn’t mind doing it.

Momiji: Wha– 

Yunyun: WHAAAAAAAT!?

Momiji: Y-Yunyun-san!?

Momiji: Somehow he’s more shocked than I am over how casually Yodaka gave the okay…

Yunyun: Just, hold on a sec! This is way too sudden… Nope! This isn’t happening!

Yodaka: What’s wrong? Did you want to be a Ward Mayor as well?

Yunyun: No- That’s not what I was…

Daniel: Weird. I thought you’d be the first one to push him out the door, wanting to spread your wings and all.

Momiji: So that’s how he sees Yunyun-san… 

Yunyun: …… A lot of customers come in here hoping they get to talk with the Boss.

Yunyun: If he becomes a Ward Mayor, won’t he be too busy to work here anymore?

Momiji: Ah, you don’t have to worry on that front. We’re planning to have the Package Tour happen right within the stores, so your business would remain the priority.

Momiji: I will take responsibility and take care of the arrangements so that your work won’t be affected. Please rest assured on that end.

Yodaka: Did that manage to convince you?

Yunyun: …..

Yodaka: Danny and Nagi are both good friends of mine. I’m more than happy to take on this request.

Yodaka: …Ah, though we aren’t sure if Nagi will agree to it yet.

Momiji: Now that you mention it, you seem familiar with Nagi-kun. Are the two of you already acquainted? 

Yodaka: Oh, I should have said this sooner– Those flowers over there were delivered by Nagi. He drops by once a week to change out the arrangement.

Momiji: I see! So that’s how it was…

Momiji: ……

Momiji: Erm, I lost the timing to react because it took me by surprise but, Yodaka-san agreed to be the 17th Ward Mayor just now, right…? Does that mean… 

Momiji: We successfully recruited him!?

Daniel: Looks like it.

Yodaka: I’m Natsume Yodaka. Let’s get along well.

Momiji: Y-yes! Same here! Woohoo!

Daniel: You’re way too pumped up, your face is bright red right now. Welp, at least this means our job’s done for the day.

Momiji: I mean, I didn’t know we’d succeed so soon! I’m sorry for being so noisy!

Momiji: But I couldn’t help it, I really am happy… Thank you so much for agreeing to it!

Yunyun: …..

Yodaka: …..

Yodaka: Don’t worry, I won’t cause any trouble for you.

Yunyun: —Aw what? I wasn’t thinkin’ that at all! 

Yunyun: Right, we gotta settle this with a bang!  The treat’s on Hiroshi!

Daniel: The heck?

Yunyun: We got in some rare Japanese whisky recently…  You’re a whisky guy, right? Why don’t you book a bottle?

Daniel: Hoo~ A 25-year-old whisky from Koku Province* huh! How much for it?

Yunyun: Aw don’t be so stingy now~ Just agree to buy the bottle ok? Pretty please~

Daniel: How am I supposed to when I don’t even know how much it is, huh?

Momiji: Putting aside Daniel-san getting baited, I’m glad we could cross one thing off our checklist. I think this is a good sign, hopefully the next one will be just as easy…

Yodaka: Those two seem to be having their own fun, so let’s talk, just the two of us.

Momiji: Sure, let’s!

Yodaka: Your straightforward honesty is adorable. Well then, what should we talk about?

Momiji: Um, well… Would you happen to know the places where Nagi-kun might frequent?

Momiji: I suppose it’d be a stretch if the two of you are only business friends… 

Yodaka: How exciting, you’re just like a detective. And detectives always have a favorite bar to get their info from, don’t they?

Yodaka: Then I suppose I should provide you with some information, just like a classic bar owner.

Momiji: Does that mean you know where he is…?

Yodaka: Unfortunately, trying to find him would be much more difficult than trying to find a bird that’s lost its way. After all, we’re talking about the man who somehow found himself on the coasts of the Pacific Ocean while trying to get to the convenience store.

Momiji: The Pacific Ocean!?

Yodaka: It seems there is some mischievous God that loves to play pranks on him. I suppose that’s just the kind of star he was born under.

Momiji: Now that I think about it, the pet robot at his shop called him a magnet for trouble… And the last time I met him, he was pinned underneath his own bike… 

Yodaka: But speaking of finding missing people, there’s a shop that specializes in taking requests such as these. What’s more, it’s situated in the 15th ward that has no Ward Mayor. Does this information interest you?

Momiji: Woah, please tell me everything you know about that!

Yodaka: My pleasure, Detective.

Yodaka: I heard this story from one of my regulars… Let’s call him Kinniku Morio-san*.

Yodaka: One midsummer night, Kinniku-san was on his way back home from a business trip, carrying a large briefcase in one hand.

Yodaka: As he walked down a quiet path, he came across a peculiar-looking manor. He couldn’t help but draw close, scouring his memories as he tried to remember if such a building had existed here in the first place– And that was when he sensed a presence, shrouded within the shadow cast by the manor.

Yodaka: He approached, quietly, carefully… And then he finally laid his eyes on “it”.

Yodaka: When it noticed the presence of an intruder, it turned around, capturing Kinniku-san’s form within the gaze of its “only eye”. And just as suddenly, it turned its back on him and fled into the dead of the night.

Yodaka: That place is known as–

Yodaka: Angel’s Eye.

Yodaka: Did you know? Amongst the angels, there is one that has only a single eye.

Yodaka: Perhaps, what he saw was an angel.

~~~~~

Location: Fortune Teller’s Parlor “Angel’s Eye”

Momiji: -And that’s why we’re here, at the “Angel’s Eye”. I didn’t know this before but, apparently this fortune-teller is pretty famous amongst the spiritual community. Kinniku-san is also one of their regulars now… 

Daniel: That so… It’s pretty big for a fortune-telling place, I’ll give them that. Still shady as hell though.

Momiji: Really? I don’t think it looks suspicious… 

Momiji: Let’s see…The entrance is over there.

Momiji: We ended up losing daylight because we got lost on the way here. It’s late now, but I wonder if the parlor is still open… 

Men in White Robes: Over here! We’ve found them!

Men in White Robes: Surround them! Don’t let them get away!

Daniel: —…..

Momiji: What’s going on…!?

Notes:

The only hint I got for “Koku Province” is that it’s a region from a Japanese light novel “Saiunkoku Monogatari” set in fictional ancient China.

Kinniku Morio seems to be a play on the name Kintaro as the kanji used mean “gold” and “meat” but put together they pronounce “kinniku” which means “muscles”, terms that are used to describe Kintaro. I thought it was interesting to note as Yodaka seems fond of history and historical figures like he mentioned in his Tanabata voiceline.

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Masterlist

[treacheryinblue]

Chapter 5/?

× Elysium (noun) : a place or condition of ideal happiness. type of: fictitious place, imaginary place, mythical place.

Word Count: 8.1k

Masterlist

A Noah Sebastian x OC Series

× Summary: Noah and his new found (sort of) friend, Persephone, battle the trivial ins and outs of being teenagers in a world that doesn't accept you. They survive together all the way into adulthood - with bouts of loneliness included - where the world is still a fickle bitch.

× Warnings!: smut (chapter 4 and beyond), language, violence, slowburn, friends to lovers to enemies back to friends, rinse and repeat (not even in that order), sexual themes, etc. Each chapter will have its own set of separate warnings.

× Author Notes: ( 1 ) I'm sorry that this took so long! I had majority written for awhile but it just didn't feel right. I'm not even sure if it finally does but I'm going with it!

× Chapter Warnings!: smut (oral - m receiving), language, talks of mental illness, drinking.

Happy reading! xoxo

SPRING 2016

PERSEPHONE

“What are you doing?”

Noah yawned out his words as he stirred in bed, an inked hand lifting to scratch at his chest. She didn't even look up from the little comic-like scene she had been doodling - this being what she had chosen to throw herself into hours ago when she couldn't sleep and needed a distraction. 

Sleep. What a foreign thing that was to her nowadays. It infuriated her beyond belief, much more than anyone around her could've guessed. Seph had taken to not talking much about the issues she was having because she knew Noah would only fixate on them and try to help. And while she appreciated his attempts, she couldn't stop herself from wondering if they were doing more harm than good. 

Maybe their lack of full on intimacy didn't sound like a huge deal, but to her, it was making her lose her mind. Although, not because she was aching for it (even if she was); this was more so due to all the thoughts it was causing her to have. The worries. The overthinking. It was becoming almost unbearable up in her brain. 

“Hmm?” Noah hummed curiously when she didn't yet give a response. 

“Just some drawing.” 

Seph allowed her eyes to flicker up to him, a slight smile being forced across her lips. She was sure he wouldn't believe it, but she didn't have it in her to dwell on that right then. 

“Did you have breakfast?”

Jesus fucking Christ. Why couldn't he ever stop? 

It's not his fault. Don't take it out on him. 

“Yeah, I made some peanut butter toast awhile ago.”

A small lie, although not completely. She had made said toast, but unfortunately, she only took a single bite of it before the texture assaulted her senses and she had to swallow it down with the help of a leftover Sprite in the fridge. No idea who it belonged to, but it was flat as hell. 

Noah nodded, again yawning as he shifted onto his side to face her. A long arm snaked around her waist and gave a firm tug, forcing her to set her sketchbook aside so she could be pulled into his warmth without issue. Now that his chest was pressed into her back, he nuzzled into the crook of her neck and released a sigh of content. 

If only she could feel as carefree as he did right then. 

“You okay?” 

“Yeah, I'm good,” she softly spoke, fingertips trailing along the top of his hand that closed around her. 

“Just tired because I didn't sleep well.” Seph elaborated a bit, just so Noah wouldn't further worry about her. If she blamed it all on being tired, then there would be no issue, right? 

“I’m sorry,” he murmured against her skin. 

“We gotta shoot that video today, so I'll be gone for a bit. Did you want to come?”

Aka 'do you need a babysitter?’

Seph forced those thoughts to pause. She couldn't assume this is what Noah meant all because he was asking if she wanted to tag along. Who's to say he didn't actually want her there? 

Adjusting within his arms, she angled herself back a bit so she could see his face. She then smiled and shook her head, just before placing a light kiss to his awaiting mouth. Morning Noah was always the most adorable to her. His heavy lidded eyes and pouty lips were something she could stare at all day if given the option. 

“I have therapy, so I can't. You need some time with the guys without me cramping your style, anyway.” 

Noah rolled his eyes and tightened the hold he had on her body, his face then burying back into her neck where he began to lightly kiss a couple of times. 

“You give us our style. You know that.” 

Slender fingers slithered along her side, dropping over the curve of her hip before managing to slip beneath the fabric of the t-shirt she wore. Noah rubbed gentle circles into her skin, this soft sensation causing her eyes to flutter closed and her lips to part to allow a small exhale through. 

No, she couldn't let herself fall victim to this again because she knew exactly how it would end. Since Noah struggled to keep his hands off of her, he would either continue to caress her body until she made the move to progress further, which he would reject in his own way. Or he would sink his fingers between her thighs, quickly get her off, then carry on as if he wasn't hard and pressed into her lower back. 

While the latter option sounded far better, both actually sucked. 

“Is everyone coming back here tonight?” She figured changing the subject and focusing on something else would help distract not only her mind, but also those damned fingers of his. 

Noah made a small sound that told her yes, nodding slightly. 

“It'll be another not so chill night.”

There was a disdain in his voice that she hadn't been expecting. Did he not like when everyone piled into his shared place for a night of drinking and nonsense? 

Reaching for his hand to stop him from taking things further, she laced their fingers together and folded their now intertwined digits into her chest. 

“At least you'll have me there,” she shrugged. 

× × ×

“Persephone…if we adjust your medications again, this will be the third time within a year. In my professional opinion, I don't think you're really giving them a chance.”

Professional. Right. What a jackass. 

This was the statement that finally broke her that day. Her shoulders dropped and her head bowed, heavy sobs immediately beginning to escape her. A hand lifted to cover her mouth in an attempt to muffle the sounds, though she knew the older man wasn't so blind that he hadn't witnessed her oncoming break. 

“You don't get it. No one gets it.” She choked out while tugging down the sleeve of her (Noah’s) hoodie so she could wipe beneath her nose. 

“I hate the way all of the meds have made me. I'm not myself. I don't feel normal. I mean…who I was before wasn't so great, considering, but at least then I felt something that wasn't just…emptiness and anger and this sadness that's been eating away at me.”

Trembling hands cradled her face after dropping it into her palms, the tears not yet ceasing. It felt like a dam had broken within her - or maybe it was just a patch. Something told her this wasn't the breakdown she had brewing inside.

“I can't eat. I can't sleep. I can't even enjoy my time with the guy I fucking lo-” she paused before finishing the sentence, cutting herself off with a shake of her head. 

Nope. She wasn't going to admit that for the first time to her goddamn therapist. 

Seph took in a deep breath as she wiped the tears from beneath her eyes. She was hoping she could get herself together now, though mostly because she didn't want to return to the public with red and puffy eyes. 

“Maybe I'm just better without the meds. Is that an option? Things in my life are different now, right? So maybe the changes will help me stay level headed. I just need to feel like myself again.” 

“No.” The man was quick to respond. “Stopping medications abruptly is never suggested and you know this. It could make your negative feelings worse, as well as become more physical ailments, too.”

He deeply sighed as he looked at her across the room. It was clear to her that he was at a loss for words, though she wasn't surprised. It's the same expression she received time and time again from every therapist who was unlucky enough to have her land in their lap. Seph knew she wasn't that much of a handful, especially not in comparison to other people in the world. She was just…frustrating. Possibly even incapable of receiving help because she wasn't willing to open up to it. Or whatever the fuck her last therapist had told her parents. 

It was all bullshit either way. 

× × ×

Against her therapist’s better judgment, and possibly even her own, Seph had decided on her way back to Noah's after her appointment that she was going to put her medications to rest. She wasn't going to be so irresponsible as to quit them cold turkey, but tapering herself off was definitely in the works. Any of the effects she may experience couldn't be nearly as bad as how she was currently feeling on a day to day basis. This is what she told herself to justify the decision. 

Merely having put this plan into action was already lifting her spirits. She felt happier, lighter in her steps. Maybe even excited for the night that lied ahead? While parties used to be her cup of tea, it should come as no surprise that she wasn't as lively at them as she once had been. 

Not this time. She thought to herself while getting ready that evening. She was going to be the old Seph that night even if it killed her. 

High waisted shorts that were cut entirely too short in the back? Check. Random t-shirt of Noah’s that she had tied and tucked up at her waist? Check. Secret vodka shots that were taken before the guys arrived back? Double check. 

“You seem to be in a good mood.” Noah mused as he approached her a little later that night. “Therapy go well?”

Seph peered up at him, a grin manifesting over her lips. She assumed he didn't think anything of the cup in her hand that was a mixture of fruit punch and vodka, since the red juice was typically being had by her during any of their parties. Why would he suspect the second ingredient now? 

“It was fine, but we can talk about it tomorrow.” A wave of her hand brushed the topic away. She didn't want to dwell on something like that right then when she was supposed to be having fun, especially when she knew telling Noah about her session and her decision afterwards would put a stop to all the said fun. 

With her cup clutched securely in her hand, she took a step closer to Noah so her arms could link around his waist. Her body pressed firm into his now that her head angled up and her chin could prop against his chest, just so she could get a clear view of his face. 

“What are you doing?” Noah chuckled, a hand of his own rubbing along her back so she knew her sudden affection was welcomed despite the people. 

“Nothin’, I just missed you.” 

Wasn't it funny how she had once been worried about what people would think of her for cozying up with someone like Noah? And now, not only could she not care less about what others thought, she was actually pretty happy to be with him. 

When happiness could be felt. 

Not to mention the night and day difference Noah was to Mason. Her ex would always act embarrassed when she was a little more affectionate and craving his attention, even more so when others were around. But Noah? He leaned into it and gave it right back, sometimes tenfold. 

“How was the video shoot?” 

“Uh…” Noah shrugged, his other hand bringing his beer up for a swallow as the one still caressed along her back. “It went okay. Some creative differences but that's to be expected.” 

At this point in their relationship, Seph believed she knew Noah pretty well. She could tell when he was lying, or at least withholding things from her, and this was one of those times. Not even her vodka goggles could make her blind to it. 

“That doesn't sound too good…” The words were mumbled against his mouth after she had pushed up onto her tip toes to press her lips to his. While the initial kiss only lasted a second or so, Seph couldn't stop herself from leaning in for another, this one lingering for longer. 

How could it not when he always tasted so damn good? Still, she made a mental note to ask him more about the video shoot later. 

“Hey! We're gearing up for beer pong!” 

Folio’s voice cut through the little bubble they had placed themselves in which unfortunately forced Noah to pull back from her a bit. He looked off to the side where his bandmate was shuffling away, giving him a nod and a wave of his hand as a signal that he understood. 

Seph huffed, the pout obvious on her lips from the lack of connection. She so badly wanted to be as close as humanly possible to him, more so than usual. It was hard to tell if Noah shared the same desire, though. Things had been so off with him lately, as well as herself, that it was impossible to know for sure. Obviously she had yet to take Nick’s advice and actually talk to Noah about it. 

“I'm gonna run to the bathroom and then we're getting in on that game.” Noah tilted his head back to finish off what remained of his beer. 

“You're on my team, by the way, since you're oddly good at it…” 

Eying her suspiciously, Noah began to take slow steps backwards until her hand slipped from his. Seph could only laugh and roll her eyes at him, knowing damn well she had explained to him before that she had been playing beer pong almost religiously since she was thirteen. So, of course she was good at it. 

Once he rounded the corner down the hallway, she took in a deep breath, her smile falling. Her frustrations were really beginning to grow and that worried her. How much longer until she outright exploded? 

Goddammit. She couldn't keep letting her inner most thoughts drift to these things. This was supposed to be her fun night. Not her 'dwell on whether or not Noah is over me’ night. 

With pursed lips she glanced in the direction of the hallway he had sauntered down mere seconds ago. No…she shouldn't…right? 

Seph refused to think about it for too long. After all, she had vowed to act like her old self. The version of her that was all for taking chances and doing things that were probably pretty dumb. This little idea definitely fit the criteria. 

After finishing off the remnants of her drink, she found herself following the same path Noah had taken. It was mostly empty in this area of the house now because the other party-goers were either outside or joining in on the commotion in the kitchen and dining room. As she approached the bathroom, she heard the toilet flush and then the sink turn on, which didn't give her much time to back out if she chose to. 

Oh, hell. Why was she so nervous anyway? Noah was basically her boyfriend (relationship defining conversation still pending) and this is the sort of thing they did. What's the worst that could happen?  

Well…he could completely reject her…that was always likely…

Thankfully, the bathroom door opened before she could think any harder on that pesky thought. Noah appeared slightly shocked to see her standing there, though she barely had time to register his expression shift before she was closing the space between them and pushing him back into the bathroom with the force of her body colliding with his. 

“Seph-”

She cut him off after nudging the door closed with her elbow, a hand grabbing the back of his head and pulling his lips down to hers. His own hands were quick to find her waist, firmly clutching at her bare skin and pulling her in closer against him. 

Good. This was the sort of reaction she was looking for. 

Seph tightly grasped his hair between her fingers as she moaned into the kiss, letting him know exactly what she was angling towards. Noah seemed to be accepting of it by the way he guided her back into the wall and then used a singular hand to pin her wrists up above her head. She could already feel the bulge beginning to form in his jeans - and this made her so ecstatic that she barely knew how to contain herself. 

Fuck, she just knew she was about to cum so hard. 

“I don't know what's gotten into you…” he breathed across her skin while biting a trail down her jaw and neck, his free hand dragging along her waist. “But it's fucking hot.” 

Noah pressed himself between her thighs and tightened the grip he had on her wrists, though only for a brief moment before releasing them. Oh, so he found it hot when she took the lead? Noted. 

“Only thing I need getting into me right now is your dick.” 

Seph didn't care how ridiculous that sounded because not only was her brain foggy with only her desire for Noah, but she was also pretty buzzed from the shots and her mixed drink. Not drinking for a year was really getting the best of her. 

The moment her hands were free, they dropped to begin working on the irritating button and zipper of his jeans. Her lips worked skillfully over his as they engaged in another heated kiss; tongues massaged together, moans mixing, both of their primal needs for the other heightening in sync. Noah’s hands were in her hair and then feeling along her body, grabbing and touching at every bit of her that he could. She didn't even care when he drunkenly pulled too hard on her necklace by accident, almost ripping it off in the process. Thankfully the chain remained secure. 

“I knew you'd be hard for me already…” she taunted after slipping her fingers beneath the band of his boxers and feeling for herself just how hard he actually was. The answer: hard enough for his cock to pulse at the first graze of her fingers. 

A few steps forward and she had backed him up to the counter, all while she simultaneously pushed his boxers down and tugged his cock free. Seph looked up at him with a devilish smirk as her thumb grazed along the tip, this slight motion causing his hips to jerk forward and his hands to clutch the counter tight enough that his knuckles turned white. 

“Fuck,” Noah groaned. The sound of his breathing was already picking up despite her having just secured her fingers around his thick cock, slowly pumping along every inch. 

It was the expressions he made that she really liked watching - which now helped her realize why Noah also liked looking up at her as he was eating her out. Being able to see the other person coming undone more and more with every passing second was euphoric all on its own. His eyes closed and his jaw clenched, lips briefly folding in before another moan erupted from his chest. Of course just her simply jerking him off was going to be a show for her - it had been forever since he let her even touch him below the waist last. 

Seph picked up her pace, the grip she had tightening every time her hand would twist up towards the top. She noticed how he was trying his best to stop himself from thrusting forward into her palm, and while she wanted to call him out for it, she decided against it because she knew he wouldn't be able to hold back once she was on her knees. 

Speaking of - that's exactly where she had ended up. 

Heavy lidded eyes stared down at her now, his fingers helping with moving her hair out of her face and gathering it back in a makeshift ponytail. Seph smiled up at him just as she gripped the base of his cock and secured her plump lips around the tip, her tongue swirling around and gathering the bead of moisture that had already appeared. 

Noah did a sharp inhale, and she could feel the way his body tensed while she had him in such a vulnerable position. Since she didn't get to blow him often, she definitely liked to make the most of it. After taking in a deep breath of her own through her nose, her tongue laid against the underside of his cock, her head beginning its tortuously slow bob to take him in inch by inch. 

“Goddamn, Seph,” Noah cursed above her, “your mouth…”

There was no way he was able to finish the statement once she was swallowing his cock down at a faster pace, bringing him as far back to her throat as she could. Her new motions quite the contrast to how she had just been teasing him only seconds ago. Noah’s grip of her hair tightened so he could help guide her, a bit of force being applied in an attempt to push her deeper. 

“Lift your shirt up,” he then demanded, which she quickly obeyed by hauling the t-shirt up to rest on the top of her chest. 

Noah’s eyes focused on her chest, watching as she used one hand to massage her breasts from over her bra, the other still holding firm to his cock. She could see his eyes bouncing back and forth between her chest and the sight of most of his cock disappearing past her lips, since she was still trying her best to keep her sights set on him. 

A low groan escaped him, his hips thrusting forward to further feel more of her mouth. “You're so fucking hot.”

Seph then took it upon herself to tug down the cups of the bralette she wore, baring her chest to him. If his pupils weren't blown before then they definitely were now as he watched her play with herself, both for his entertainment and also to help relieve some of the tension she was feeling. 

Unfortunately, her dream of cumming hard was not in the works of coming true. 

“Dude, what the fuck are you-”

“Fuck! Folio! Get out!” 

Suddenly she was forced to the side and her mouth emptied as he pulled back, Noah’s body turning to shield not only himself, but also her from the intruder. 

“Shitshitshit! Dude! I'm sorry!” 

Seph was quickly trying to pull her shirt down after she had dropped to her bottom on the bathroom floor, while also attempting to see around Noah so that Folio could catch a glimpse of her glare. 

“Shut the fucking door! No! Get out and then shut the door!”

She had been so goddamn close to getting what she wanted. There was no way Noah would've let them exit the bathroom without first making her cum around his cock, but now either of them getting off was a thing of the past. 

“You live here! You have a bedroom!” Folio yelled from the other side of the door, prompting both her and Noah to simultaneously yell for him to ‘fuck off’ - a few other profanities and choice words also added into the mix. 

Seph groaned in annoyance as she continued to work at adjusting her bra and then tying the shirt up at her waist again. When she looked up, Noah had already stuffed himself back into his jeans - albeit a little uncomfortably - and was now extending a hand out to her. 

“I'm pissed,” she exclaimed after taking his hand and pulling herself to her feet with his assistance. Noah heavily sighed, his eyes still focused on her. He began to smooth his hands over her hair, gently tucking strands back behind her ear while nodding in agreement. 

“I'm more pissed that Folio might've seen your tits.” 

A pout and a whine took over her, though Noah only chuckled and pulled her into his chest where she could bury her face for a moment. 

“Don't worry. I'll kick his ass if he says anything about your tits. I already know they're amazing, no one else needs to.” 

“Not funny!” She huffed, the back of her hand lightly smacking against his shoulder. 

“I would see if you wanted to continue, but uh…” he looked down between them, his brows pulling together as if he was concentrating. After a few seconds, Noah released an exasperated sigh and shook his head. “I think the moment is gone…seeing Folio’s dumbass face makes it impossible to stay hard.” 

The moment was so gone that they had no choice but to slyly join the party again. Seph was crossing her fingers that Folio hadn't opened his big mouth to anyone about what he just walked in on, but by the look Alexa gave her, she knew how unlikely that was. 

Thankfully, nothing was said. A few sideways glances weren't going to get her all riled up, not when all of her unhappy feelings were still currently being directed at Folio. She glared at him from over the brim of her cup, though he was none the wiser. Noah, on the other hand, noticed each and every time. Seph could hear his subtle chuckle accompanied by his hand gliding along her lower back as if that would be enough to calm her. It was…kind of…but not fully. 

“Are you drinking?” Noah had bent down so his lips were at her ear, allowing her to clearly hear his inquiry over the sound of mindless chatter around them. 

Uh oh, she had been caught. 

Seph contemplated her response, though she eventually landed on simply nodding. Lying about it definitely wouldn't have been a good idea. If Noah was asking, then that meant he already knew she was. Huh…wonder what it could've been to give her away. 

“Yeah…” she glanced down to her drink, then back up to his eyes that had focused on her with quite a bit of intent. “It was a not so great session, okay? I just wanted to unwind. It's the first time in a year, I swear.” 

A smile then pulled up on his lips and he laughed, head slightly shaking. 

“Seph…Seph…stop. It's okay. I was only asking so I'd know. You know your limits, not me.” 

To further prove that he wasn't upset, Noah lightly held her chin between his fingers and met her halfway for a chaste kiss. As they parted, his arm slung across her shoulders, keeping her pulled in close against him. 

“Never Have I Ever!” Alexa suddenly interjected despite whatever conversations were happening. 

The mention of the game made Jolly groan, his eyes, along with a few others, rolling at the suggestion. 

“Oh, fuck off, you big babies. It's fun! No topics off limits, yeah?” The other girl continued with an animated wiggle of her eyebrows, five fingers now being held up. “And we didn't have enough cups left for beer pong so you get what you get.” 

The remainder of the people around the kitchen island begrudgingly followed suit until they all had a hand up, long swallows of their drinks already being taken before the game even began. 

“That's only four fingers…” she called out to Nicholas, whose brows furrowed as his eyes attempted to focus on his right hand.

Oh, someone had definitely had a bit too much to drink. 

“Ah, shit.” He laughed, only to add the fifth finger to stand with the others. “That's my bad.”

“I'll start!” Alexa further announced while her eyes danced around the people before eventually landing on her. She grinned, already erupting into a small fit of laughter. 

“Never have I ever…been to Sweden.”

Seph narrowed her eyes, though opted to lower a finger for no other reason but to play into the joke. At this point, why the hell not?

“Very funny, you bitch.” She grumbled behind her cup, taking a swallow from the sickeningly sweet concoction. 

The only other person to not have five fingers up was Jolly, and he still appeared very lost and confused by the joke exchanged. 

No, she wasn't actually mad about her Sweden trip being brought up, but Noah still gave the back of her neck a reassuring squeeze when his touch traveled down along her back and then up again. The way he was always touching her definitely didn't help the need she still had for him, although she wasn't going to complain. What she was going to do was squeeze her thighs together to hopefully relieve the slightest bit of tension. 

It sure as fuck didn't work. 

As the game began to slide into a full swing, Seph quickly realized that people were playing rather dirty and purposely singling others out. She should've known this by the opening statement being about her, but she had figured that was just Alexa being…well…Alexa. 

During the game, Seph had told herself not to look at the number of fingers Noah had up, or which he had lowered for. She didn't want to know, especially when the questions were geared more towards the sexual side of things. Unfortunately, when she accidentally caught a glimpse of his two fingers up compared to her four that remained, her mind began to wander. 

Which had he lowered for? 

Oh god…it hadn't been the threesome related statement, right? 

Seph was sure he also hadn't lowered when someone drunkenly muttered incoherent words about having sex with more than two people in a night…right? 

Fuck, she was going to be sick. 

“Never have I ever acted like a complete diva on a video shoot.” 

Wait, what? 

Seph’s eyes quickly drifted to the direction of the voice before realizing the words had been spoken by Nick. He was staring dead at Noah, no laughter or the slightest hint of a smile to be seen. Well…this surely wasn't the Nick she was used to. 

That didn't stop Noah from dropping a finger, leaving him with only one. That one was switched to his middle finger, it now being directed to Nick. 

Before she had a chance to question what Nick was talking about, Noah’s voice cut through the silence that had fallen upon the group. 

“Never have I ever told Folio that I think my best friend’s girlfriend is hot.” 

“Okay, what's happening?” Seph pulled back from Noah a bit so she could look back and forth between both him and Nick. Neither responded, or really even paid her any mind, for they were practically glaring at each other. 

“I mean…Seph is pretty hot…” Alexa nervously murmured to cut the tension. 

“Never have I ever been caught by Folio getting blown by my girlfriend!” 

Jolly laughed, pointing to Folio who was appearing as if he wanted to just curl up and die right then. “Bro, you got a big fucking mouth.” 

“Fuck, I’m sorry, guys! Get some drinks in me and I just start saying things. It's not done on pur-”

Alexa gave his arm a tug to silence him, her head shaking. Yeah, they all knew this wasn't the time for explanations. 

“What is going on?! I really just need someone to fill me in on what I missed because-”

“Never have I ever rejected my girlfriend's advances for sex for over two weeks!” Nick continued despite it not being his turn technically, but it was safe to assume all cordial game play had already gone right out the window. 

Nick’s exclamation was loud enough to cover her own protests and demands for them to cut it out. She abruptly stopped talking, her eyes going wide, the entirety of her body freezing. 

But wait, did they keep saying girlfriend? Okay, now wasn't the time to dwell on that. 

“Oh shit…” Alexa whispered in shock at the outcome of her request to play the juvenile game. 

The way Noah tensed beside her was painfully obvious. She was far too scared to look over at him, knowing damn well he would be wearing an expression that screamed how hurt and furious he was. 

“Nick!” Seph hissed. 

It was like her saying his name had brought him back down to Earth, because he blinked a couple of times and then looked at her. His eyes also went wide to match her own and that's when she knew Nick had no idea he had even just yelled that until the reality of it came toppling down onto him. 

“You told him that?”

Noah’s voice had softened, yet there was still an edge to it; and fuck, was it sharp. 

That was when she finally mustered enough courage to tilt her head up, their eyes meeting. She tried to speak but no words would come out, nothing more beyond a couple of syllables that meant absolutely nothing.  

“No, Noah, I- I mean yes, I did, but I just needed someone to tal…can we talk about this in private?” 

“Nah, you want to talk about our private business to Nick every chance you get, so why don't we let everyone listen in too?” 

“It's not like that!” She quickly protested, her head shaking back and forth.

“He’s my best friend, Seph!”

“He's my friend too! I just didn't have anyone else I could talk to and he's always been able to give me decent advice and-”

“Was it Nick’s decent advice that told you to throw yourself at me in the bathroom?” 

This was the moment when people began to clear out. Of course they wanted to linger and listen to the fight, but everyone was smart enough to know better. For the most part, at least. Before she knew it, only her, Noah, and Nick remained in the kitchen. 

“What?” Her face contorted in confusion, very much lost by the question. “No! That's not…no.”

“Don't worry about it. I'll go ahead to my room and you two can gossip a bit more.” 

Much to his dismay, or so she could assume, she wasn't going to let it drop like that. Instead, she was right on his heels, following him back to his bedroom. Nick was calling out behind them, though neither stopped to figure out what he was saying. 

“Noah…” she softly spoke his name after closing the bedroom door, hesitant steps then being taken closer to where he stood. 

“Do you really want to know why we haven't had sex?” A hand was held up that silently signaled for her to stop progressing forward, which she obeyed, swaying body and all. 

“It's because you aren't attracted to me anymore, right?” Maybe Noah’s question had been rhetorical, but her drunken brain was always going to get the best of her. 

“Because you want someone with more experience or someone with less issues or someone who-” her voice was cracking and wavering as she spoke, the tears welling in her eyes threatening to fall over. 

Never before had she been so thankful for Noah cutting her off. 

“Jesus fucking Christ, Seph, stop. Listen to me.” Noah moved towards her, his inked digits grasping onto her shoulders so she had no choice but to stare straight at him. There was a deep breath that he exhaled, and Seph could tell that he was now struggling to find the words of his own. 

“When I look at you…I just want to fuck the absolute shit out of you. I want you begging and taking it and making those specific little moans that you do when you're really into it.” Noah paused and took a deep breath as if simply saying the words was too much for him to admit. Vulnerability wasn't something he did well. 

“But then at the same time I also just want to hold you as close as possible and make sure you're okay.” His voice softened now, just as his hands released the grip on her shoulders so he could instead slowly rub along her arms.  

“I have to know that you're okay, Seph, and that will always trump my physical needs.”

Now, why the hell couldn't he have said these things to her when they were both sober and shit hadn't just hit the fan? Why did a big explosion have to happen before he would express the deeper side of emotions to her? 

“And lately, I just…I can tell you're not okay. I've tried to get you to talk to me about it but you've been closed off, and I know you're annoyed with my questions all the time but I have to be able to say that I did everything I could to help.”

After a brief shift in his expression, Noah dropped his hands from her arms and took a step back. Maybe he had just remembered that he was mad at her and he needed to act accordingly. Or maybe he felt awkward since she had yet to say anything back to him. 

Oh, right, she did need to actually open her mouth…

“I never asked you to do that for me.”

Wait, no. She was supposed to say something nice! What the fuck was that?

Noah appeared both perplexed and offended by how she chose to respond. If he was trying to figure out why she had said that, then hopefully he’d be able to fill her in once he stumbled upon a conclusion. Not even she knew why. 

“You're unbelievable. What were you expecting me to do?” He breathed out a laugh of disbelief with a hint of annoyance - both completely understandable to be feeling right then. “Stand back and watch as you fade away to nothing? Literally and figuratively.” 

“No, no, that's not what I meant. I don't know why I said that.”

Seph lifted her hands to her head to press against her temples. A headache was slowly creeping up, though she wasn't sure if it was a response to her drinking or the stressful night they were experiencing. 

“Then what did you mean, Seph? I'd really like to know.” 

With her eyes closed and her fingers rubbing slow circles around her temples, she still somehow managed to shake her head and heavily exhale. There was too much going on her mind right then; focusing on one singular thought was proving to be harder and harder. 

“I don't know. I…fuck.” 

Noah dropped his hands to his sides in a dramatic smack and then rubbed over his own face, his form shifting back a few more steps away from her. He was aggravated. She would know this in any mental state. It didn't matter how hazy her mind was. 

“It doesn't make sense, okay? Like…why? Why would you think constantly rejecting me would be helping me?” 

“Because I didn't want you to use us having sex as an outlet!” 

“Oh, I wasn't allowed to have a few minutes of happiness and actually feel something because you were worried I'd…what? Rely on it? Become addicted? Constantly need to sit on your dick?”

“It's longer than a few minutes…” he grumbled. 

“That wasn't a fucking dig at you, Noah!” She groaned in frustration. To say that she was annoyed by his childish comment would've been an understatement. Of course that's what he would choose to latch onto. 

“Also, what guy doesn't want their girlfriend, or whatever, to be on their dick all the time?”

Wasn't that supposed to be the male dream or something like that? 

Those thoughts pushed aside, Seph and Noah stared silently at each other. She could see all the thoughts running through his mind, just as she assumed he could see the same for her. There was a lot she wanted to say, but none of it seemed like it would sound right. It wouldn't feel right. This was obviously a conversation they should be having when sober. 

But was that going to stop her? Probably not. 

“I know you were coming from a good place, okay, I get that. But…fuck…you don't understand how doing that made me feel absolutely terrible. Like something was wrong with me because why else would you be rejecting my advances?” There was another crack in her voice as she tried her best to explain her feelings, though that wasn't very easy to put into words. They both struggled with emoting verbally - if that wasn't already painfully obvious. 

“I needed you to be my boyfriend, Noah. Not my dad or my doctor. Or whatever you are, I don't know.” 

“You don't know? The fuck does that mean? What are you talking about?” 

Seph shrugged as she dropped her eyes down, a thumb now at her mouth for her to nervously chew on her cuticles. 

“You don't know if we're together or not?” 

There was now silence coming from her, this being enough of a response to tell Noah that yes, she didn't know. Or maybe she did? It was all very complicated and she was having an increasingly hard time wrapping her head around it. 

“Christ, Seph, of course we are. Why- what even makes you think we aren't?”

Well, now she definitely felt silly and possibly even a little bit ridiculous. She glanced up to look at Noah from beneath her lashes, her shoulder relaying another small shrug. 

“We've never really talked about it…so I didn't know…”

“You practically live here! In this room! With me! We hold hands, we cook for each other, we sleep in the same bed, we…do other things in bed!” 

Seph wanted to remind him that they rarely did other things in bed as of lately, but she figured he already had to know this. It's what had spawned the entire argument to begin with. 

“Well, I don't know, Noah! I'm not here every night so I don't know what you do or with who!”

Noah definitely looked offended now. Oops. 

“And you're about to leave for tour! Maybe you don't want anything serious before then so you can just…do whatever while you're gone!” 

The words were flowing from her at a rapid pace. Word vomit as people liked to call it. 

“You'll be meeting all these new people and seeing new faces and making new fun memories! While I'm sitting back here in Richm-”

“Then come with us!”

Seph abruptly halted her word vomit so she could process what he had just said. Her brows knitted together in confusion, a deep breath then being taken. 

“What?”

“Come with us on tour,” he repeated. 

“It's just a van, so it'll be cramped and we’ll be in shitty motels, and the food will be from wherever we pass, and I can't promise it'll always smell the best with all the other guys, but I want you to come.” 

More silence from her. Noah’s words kept repeating in her head as she dissected them piece by piece, looking for any evidence that pointed towards him just offering this to shut her up for the night. 

Almost as if Noah could sense this, he took a step closer to her, a hand reaching out to lightly rub along the back of her arm. 

“I've been wanting to ask you but I was worried that maybe it wouldn't be what's best for you right now. I was being your doctor and not your boyfriend…I can see that.” 

The hand on her elbow tightened so he could pull her into him, both of his long arms then securing around her to keep her close against his chest. Seph instinctively circled her own arms around his waist, face buried into him as he planted a kiss to the top of her head. 

This was where she felt the most comfortable. Her happy place. 

“Okay,” she finally murmured. The word was muffled but she knew Noah heard her by the way his arms tightened even more around her body. 

“Okay?” He repeated, clearly wanting her to elaborate even though he knew and she knew that he knew. 

“Okay, I'll go with you.” 

× × ×

REWIND: THE HILL'S GARDEN PARTY

NOAH

“I’m going to go grab some things real quick since we’re here, okay? It'll only take a couple of minutes.” 

Noah wanted to protest because that meant he would be left alone with the wolves, but he smiled and gave her a nod. She was already leaning in close to kiss him, which he would've been crazy to deny, and even crazier to ruin with his childish pout. 

Only when Seph disappeared into her house did he finally tear his gaze away from where she had been. He took in a deep breath and slowly exhaled, his eyes now drifting around to briefly study the faces of those around him. Some were still glancing his way but most had taken to acting like he wasn't even there. If they were friends with Seph's dad then he was sure only the nicest of things had been said about him. 

“Enjoying the party?”

Noah turned to see the devil himself approaching, a polite but slightly sinister smile taking residence on his face. There wasn't much that he was scared of but this man…he truly made his insides churn. 

“Can't really say it's my style,” he attempted to joke, a nervous laugh to follow. 

Mr. Hill only held his gaze even as he took a swallow from his drink. “I won't disagree with you.” 

“Listen…” his heavy hand laid against the back of Noah’s shoulder to guide him to the side, away from prying ears but not so distant that people would grow curious. “I thought you and I had come to an understanding.” 

Noah’s fists clenched and unclenched at his sides, his jaw tightening and heart rate immediately picking up. 

“So, why are you here? And why is my daughter still parading around with you?” 

Silence was the only answer he could give. Back when Seph was away in Sweden, her dad had paid him a visit. Their conversation was mostly about the video circulating thanks to Maisie, but it had transitioned to the typical ‘stay away from my daughter’ monologue. Noah had only agreed so that the man would get out of his face. There was no intention to actually follow through with the empty promise, not until her dad 'sweetened the deal'. Initially he had denied all bribes but after the guys heard what the man was offering…

“I gave you the money to pay for that van your little band needed. I talked to my buddy who cut you the deal of a lifetime on your house. I held up my end of the bargain, so why haven't you? Are you not a man of your word, Noah?” 

Just hearing the things he had agreed to made him sick. There was a sting of acid in the back of his throat and he truly considered vomiting on Mr. Hill right then. Noah managed to swallow it down but only because he knew the man's suit cost more than his monthly mortgage. 

Despite Noah's silence, Seph’s dad could somehow read every thought he was having. He lowly chuckled, the grip on Noah’s shoulder briefly tightening. 

“Whatever you're thinking right now, go ahead and shove it all away. What you two have isn't love.” He grimaced through the last word. “It's fascination, rebellion, boredom.” 

“You don't know anything about what Seph and I have,” Noah finally spoke through gritted teeth. “If I could give you back every dime right now, I would. None of that stuff is more important than Seph.”

“No? Then why don't you go on and tell her? Let's find out from Persephone what's important.”

Noah shrugged the older man's hand from his shoulder, although in an indiscreet way that wouldn't draw the eye of others. He took in a sharp breath to attempt calming his nerves before shaking his head to the idiotic suggestion. 

“You want her to know even less than I do because you know it won't only be me she writes off.” Noah shared an intense glare with Mr. Hill, one that his wife must've noticed because she was soon approaching the pair and attempting to diffuse the conversation with a smile and quickly strung together lies. 

“Noah, it really was great to see you again,” Marilyn dramatically gushed while brushing a piece of invisible lint from her husband’s shoulder. “Dear, I think I just heard Bannon mention something about being in the market for a new office building?” 

With a tilt of his head, the man finished his drink and then pushed the empty glass into Noah’s chest for him to discard as if he was nothing more than the hired help.

“Davis,” he grumbled out his departure mere moments before Seph reappeared looking flushed but eager to leave. 

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Oooh! I think I got a fun one. Can I have some headcanons for the lamb? He was walking around one day and encountered a tall human who wears a cloak with lamb horns? He doesn't know their human until they remove their hood (Also the reader is nonbinary because gender gets boring sometimes :]) (Also I headcanon that humans are either nearly extinct or the all of them live underground.)

- Kneecaps Anon

Aw I adore this idea!!

Also this will take place in the early days of Lamb's cult (where they're still getting the hang of managing followers, rituals, etc...definitely long before slaying and indoctrinating all the bishops)

...........

While Lamb was crusading through an unknown part of the Old Faith, they came across the ruins of a village that looked most peculiar. Much unlike previous ones they've discovered.

The homes, although desecrated, were far bigger than ones Leshy's followers would live in. They could barely reach the doorknob!

So they continued to investigate, before noticing someone emerging from the bushes with a bag and bloody dagger.

It's you, a mysterious tall figure wearing a cloak and sandals. But what intrigued them the most were the horns that poked through your hood.

They were unmistakably a lamb's horns.

At first they were hopeful that another one of their kind survived the slaughter...although when they called out to you, you stopped and stared at them in bewilderment.

"W-Were you talking to me?"

"Of course! Are you a lamb, too?"

"...ah...I'm sorry to say this, but no. I am not." Realizing who this was upon seeing the Red Crown, you uncovered your hood, revealing that you were in fact human. "I can understand why my "horns" led to you to believe that."

"That's too bad.." They frown, before expressing surprise that a human was still living in these lands...believing that they've all gone extinct.

But you politely corrected them on the matter.

"There used to be a lot of us, living in villages just like this. My ancestors had treaties with the Bishops until they were attacked by the One Below. And for whatever reason they chose to take their anger out on us, demanding that we go live in their domains or perish. Obviously we refused and, well...now this little village is the only proof we ever existed here."

"I see.." Lamb grimaced. "I'm sorry to hear that. Are you the only one left?"

"Yeah. This place thrived for generations, invisible to the eyes of the Bishops, but all my friends and family either died off or fled to some other land, unable to cope with the constant feeling of danger all around us. Though I wanted to stay because I didn't want those false gods to scare me away from my home." You end your somber tale with a determined huff, still smiling. "But yeah...it sucks, but I've managed to survive for this long...so.."

Seeing as your views aligned with theirs, Lamb immediately invited you to join their cult, promising you safety and better living conditions in exchange for your devotion.

But unlike the more simple-minded animal followers they've wrapped around their finger, you weren't so easily convinced.

Although you admired lambs, you didn't like how this one was basically giving you the same ultimatum the Bishops once did to your ancestors: Join or perish. It seemed quite hypocritical.

In the end, you request to see the cult first and decide for yourself.

They oblige..but unfortunately for them, that means they can't just warp you there and use omnipresence to return to the temple grounds quickly.

But they knew they'll have to earn your respect and make a good first impression--and dropping you through a demonic portal's not exactly the best way to do that.

When you finally arrived, you were impressed by the architecture and the temple...

As well as all of Lamb's followers who flocked to you, awestruck at a newcomer like yourself. Some were familiar with your species, others have never seen anything like you before.

Regardless, they shook your hands in greeting, being fascinated by your cloak and how your hair looked, asking you so many questions that they nearly overwhelmed you.

You haven't gotten this much attention in years!

Lamb was lowkey jealous and pushed them all back to give you some breathing room.

The adorable creatures won your heart over, and you agreed to follow Lamb's teachings faithfully.

They simply changed the colors and symbol on your cloak to match those of the followers. You still kept the horns, as they found no reason to get rid of them.

Afterwards they showed you around, only to realize that you'll need some major accommodations if you were going to spend the rest of your life here.

You couldn't exactly take the mattress from your village here, and the little beds/shelters were too small for you to comfortably sleep in; and grassy gruel and berry dishes weren't going to sustain your hunger for long.

Nevertheless, they vowed to meet your needs, though they also worried about how well you'll fit in and get along with everyone--considering you're the only human.

Later around sundown, you noticed one follower (the only one who didn't greet you this morning) sitting in front of a makeshift grave with a depressed expression.

Lamb explains they've been stuck that way since their indoctrination several days ago, being the sole survivor of a massacre. The grave was that of their lover, who was murdered right in front of them by one of the Bishops themselves.

The sheep learned what happened via mindreading..but apparently it was so traumatic, they spared you from the details.

However, they expressed frustration in failing to convince this follower to move on and start contributing to the cult.

They've exhausted every possible effort at motivating them: inspiration, random gifts, even a funeral service was conducted (and for someone who wasn't even in the cult)..but nothing worked.

Lamb was starting to get angry, but quickly calms down and just reassures you not to worry, instead trying to show you where you'll be sleeping.

"Wait, do I have permission to approach them, Leader? Maybe I can help them out."

"....I doubt it. It's like talking to a piece of stone....but you have my permission to try." They allow you to go, wondering what you'll do differently.

You just went over to the follower and introduced yourself, sitting beside them for a few minutes in the hopes your presence would comfort them.

At first Lamb thinks you're wasting your time, but somehow....you got that silent follower to actually talk about their lover and all the good memories they had together, getting choked up by the end.

You offered them a hug, which they accepted as they buried their face into your chest, sobbing their little heart out and wailing over the cruelty of the Bishops.

It filled you with both sorrow and anger, wanting nothing more than to see their blasphemous empire crumble because of the grief they brought upon this one follower alone.

Meanwhile, Lamb's standing there just..completely shocked, especially after you calmed down the follower and bring them over to them.

"F-Forgive me, my Leader, if...I was being a nuisance by not listening to you." They apologize. "If you want me to start working right now, then I shall. I feel okay enough to do so. Whatever you need, just say the word."

"Wha...??? But....n-never mind. You're forgiven, [F/n]. For now just get some rest." Lamb dismissed them, and only after they've gone to bed do they turn to you with comically-wide eyes. "By the One Below...how did you do that???"

"Dunno." You shrugged. "I guess all they needed was a hug."

"...then why didn't they just ask me for one???"

"They probably didn't know they needed one until now. But I figured your mindreading powers would've anticipated that."

"...are you insulting the might of the Red Crown!?"

"I mean no offense, Leader." You chuckle, patting their wooly head. "Now, where will I be sleeping?"

Although a little irked, Lamb quickly got over it, relieved that you were able to help that follower...how ever you managed to do it.

You had a selfless heart, and that was a good asset to have in the cult.

Why were they ever worried? You'll fit in just fine.

[wundersmith-squall]

ramble about your Ezra Squall redemption arc please?

Absolutely- id be very happy to! I'm quite aware that im about to sound like this:

but you asked so this is what you signed up for /j

Soooooooo it basically wormed its way into my head because of the one time where Squall said something like 'We're wundersmiths we take all of the blame and none of the credit' and I was like, okay sir are you speaking from experience? What was the 'credit' of your actions? And also the mention of the shared enemy, which I at the time took as meaning partially something in the republic that threatens Nevermoor, and partially something to do with the system, the Wunderous Society and like, all the people in charge who are against wundersmiths and are trying to hold Mog back.

Along with these two things, I'd like to think that 100+ years of banishment are long enough to rethink your actions and become a better person.

So, I'll explain it in a way that wont take an entire essay to write out. Basically it goes in my head that, Courage Square was, at least partially an accident, and over 100 years the story got skewed, and the current population turned against Ezra and the Wundersmiths, while the population at the time knew how, Wundersmiths ultimately were trying to help Nevermoor. Courage Square was bad, which is why Ezra was banished, but he wasnt killed. After a tragedy, it would be expected that he'd be punished, but at the time, the Republic as we know it didnt exist, and so being banished out there was a very bad fate, but it was definitely better than death.

Ezra went through a, lot of bad mental states during the first few decades of his banishment, but as he grew older, he came to terms with both his past actions and his current situation, though he still feels guilty about it.

In my head, the Wundersmiths were originally established to protect Nevermoor from the weird creatures of the darkness that the Wunderous Society takes care of now. Those creatures are attracted to Wunder. When Ezra was banished from Nevermoor, there were no longer any Wundersmiths in there, and so WunSoc had to step up and find a way to cover for him. Meanwhile, Ezra, who still loves Nevermoor, establishes Squall Industries, partially to improve conditions in the Republic and partially to provide a bigger, brighter beacon of wunder to attract the majority of the dangerous creatures to a place where he could still handle them. In this same thought, the Hunt of Smoke and Shadow werent something he created, but a group of these dangerous creatures that he managed to tame.

On the same subject are the other cursed children, those who, gather wunder but are unfortunately dont have the gift to control it. The creatures of the darkness, who chase wunder, hunt down these children to take the wunderous energy from them, which they dont survive. Ezra does his best in this situation, but one man can only do so much, and the creatures are relentless.

When he first discovers Morrigan, he's not exactly sure what to do. He tries to just get her as an apprentice through the usual means in the republic, but after a certain mad ginger got in the way he sent the Hunt after her, himself being busy trying to help the other cursed children, but we all know that that attempt didnt work. Ezra, knowing about the wunder critical-mass gather-too-much-without-using-it-makes-bad-things-happen thing, so he used the gossamer to get back into Nevermoor.

Having to enter and view Nevermoor again, even though not physically, took a bit of a toll on him, plus having to interact with someone new while being himself, which is not something he's had to do in a long time. He's also never, had to teach anyone before.

From there, I imagine he goes from frustrated and angry, to irritated but starting to get attached to Mog, to actually being a genuinely good teacher (aka the floof you saw in my drawing, who doesnt sleep nearly enough but still tries his best to be a good person), who is Tired™ and also just as chaotic as Jupiter when he wants to be.

Thank you for listening to my ramble- I can happily expand on anything if anyone happens to like this train of thought. I have further specifics on, basically everything, but this is a solid overview.

[fakeusernamelol]

Sorry for the double ask but also the talk abt kidnapper Ford and bad ending Ford just makes me want an au where teen pregnant Stan got whisked away and taken care of by an older ford that has his shit together (bad ending Ford after he wiped Stan's memory and lost all rights to see him but was so lonely and wanted at least an attempt at a do-over?)

🫎

DONT WORRYY i love answering these things so bad, im sorry instead for the late reply 🤭😅

AND NOW THIS? THIS IS SO DAMN AMAZING. Thats something bad Ending ford would definitely do, Im not going to defend because he was still a little shitty person but he was charging so much remorse for what he did to his Stan back in his younghood and now he was fully banned to see him again to prevent stan to remember again those bad moments, Feeling so lonely and in need to repair things somehow he started to go around dimensions again in search of a Stanley he could «help» and do things right that time. That's when he meet with a young version of stan but way more different that his one was.

This stanley looked different, his hair as short as his Stanley tried to cut it, a less feminine cloth showing his strong arms and . However, there was something who made it easy to know that that was stanley and it was the little round belly he was carrying, oh moses, he couldn't help but remember how his stan looked when he was pregnant, that little belly really made stanley even more precious than he was.

But apart from that there was something more, He was sitting legs out at the back of his car in the middle of a lonely road with just a gas station behind him, what was he doing there? His gaze looked tired, looking at the floor while apparently waiting for someone that he supposed was at the little convenience store. Who will he be waiting for? Ford was convinced something was off, the place they were, how stanley was acting, his almost dead look, considering he didn't seem to have more than 16 he was probably one Stanley who was suffering from the same abuses he did to his stan once.. No, he couldn't allow that, not again.

While Stan was waiting for Ford to return from the store, an older man in a trench coat and a red sweater that must have been very uncomfortable for the weather approached him, he didn't appear to be some homeless person asking for money or a thief but it concerned stanley anyway, more when he was able to see well his face, he seemed...familiar, somehow. The man gently asked him if he was alright, Stan had big eyebags under his eyes and seemed to be missing a good hot meal since a while. His car didn't look better, for what he was able to see there were many empty food wrappers all around the car and some blankets with a worn pillow in the back seat. Dear god, what kind of condition was he living in?

Suddenly the sound of the store door rang out and Ford could see a younger version of himself along with some souvenirs apparently for him and Stan. He felt his blood boil by just looking at him, a stupid teenager who brought his sweet brother to this situation living in their car in the middle of the road surviving with shitty snacks from a mini market, how could he properly take care of his pregnant brother? Just look at how he was! No, he wouldn't let it.

Without asking more, Ford took Stan, carrying him between his arms (the years in the portal giving him the strength to do that luckily) and running away from that place before his version from this dimension came back to see Stan.

Stan obviously got freaked out because now he was being kidnapped from his other kidnapper! He just met that old man a few minutes ago but now he was running away from that place along with him, gotta admit, for the age he apparently was he was really athletic, but that didn't meant anything, he didn't want to come with him! Unfortunately for stan his opinion was still being something useless for the rest of the people and no matter the amount of punches he gave to the man's chest or insults he shouted at him he didn't seemed to going free him. In his anger stan noticed how much stranger the situation was becoming, With each glance he became more aware of how similar his face was to his brother's: his similar rounded glasses, his cleft chin and a curly messy hair. Then he felt the fingers of the hands who were touching his abdomen. One, two, three, four, five...six?

Suddenly Stanley stopped fighting but now looked really concerned, what the fuck was happening, who was this guy? Were he was going? His breathing was beginning to accelerate, the panic of not understanding anything was starting to sinking him and he was thinking he has become crazy.. perhaps it was maybe just a dream? He maybe felt asleep while waiting for ford to came back and was having a nightmare but suddenly when he was almost sure all of this was just his imagination, a big and rasp hand gently caressed his cheeks, making Stan's look up and seeing that extremely weird man with a little smile on his face before saying

« Don't worry, Stanley, You will be safe.»

Did he just called-- how, how the fuck did he...

Fuck, he has absolutely become crazy.

[hoboblaidd]

@juneforged continued from here

It was always a tightrope walk, conversing with one of the evanuris. Solas did not respect them as gods, of course, not when they had all taken their first steps in short succession of one another. But he would be a fool if he did not respect their power. They far outstripped him, even if one such as June could not hope to compete with Elgar'nan and Mythal's raw power. In a test of strength, Solas would fail. But ever more precarious was dealing with one who could match him in cleverness - or nearly match him, his pride stubbornly added. After all, Clever June's eluvians now belonged to him, and what once was a straight line for the god of the craft was now the woven spiderweb of Solas' guerilla war. "A grave observation," Solas agreed, "particularly from one who must have directed far more successful murders."

His traitorous heartbeat betrayed him beneath June's violating sense, and even willing it to calm would grant June a glimpse of his fear, rather than outrage. So Solas' eyes narrowed, a small, calculated tell that he purposefully did not hide. What he lacked in power, he made up for with a practiced righteousness. That, and his own cleverness, was both weapon and shield in his endless fight. "No man belongs to me," he bristled. "Though I do not expect you to understand that concept."

Sweat beaded on his brow as June let slip a fraction of his power. He may not burn with the sun as Elgar'nan did, but his fire was that of the forge, capable of melting flesh and bone as easily as steel. Solas preferred to keep a careful distance from any one of them, but June closed that protective circle Solas wove around himself as if he belonged there.

Solas tensed at the unnatural warmth and pressure of June's hand on his shoulder, yearning to flinch away from it but knowing that would only signal weakness. This was a battle that must be waged with wit alone, and neither could show what pieces they had on the board until they reached the final checkmate.

Still, he took the opportunity to move away when it presented itself. As if investigating the scene of the murders, Solas walked a careful circuit around the bodies. A circuit that put the unfortunate under the rug between him and June. The room still sweltered beneath June's power, but here, at least, Solas could steady his breath and heartbeat into something more neutral.

The offer of a wary alliance was an interesting one that Solas carefully weighed beneath his own mask of disdainful neutrality. He had accepted worse bargains, hovering around Anaris as he waylaid evanuris strongholds, and inevitably betraying him when Solas had got what he wanted of them. But the boon of a true evanuris, the boon of a being worshipped as a god, was not lightly turned aside. The wording was careful, as was expected of June - two boons of his creation. But they were parameters in which Solas could work.

And his mind turned along the same rationale as June's - anything to escape Elgar'nan's attention was better than the alternative. Besides, Solas was stuck between death at the hand of one god or another. June at least operated with reason.

"I will accept your bargain," Solas decided, even as his mind began to form the many justifications he'd have to give Felassan if he survived this. "On one condition: myself, and any other persons we encounter while investigating this scheme, will be allowed to leave free and unharmed. Whether they be my people, yours, or any of your brethren's. Take that as a boon if you must, but all we encounter leave with me. Those are my terms."

[capricious-stars]

Oh, oh!!! Lovefell questions, because I adore learning about 'variations' on common AUs.

Is there any kind of... bias for or against any specific sexualities (or is everyone a kind of pan/omni sexual?) Like if there is a variety, are people who are pan or bi seen as 'more' desirable/reasonable than someone who is, say demisexual? If sexualities doesn't have much impact does romantic attraction play any part? such as would an aromantic person be seen as more sensible then an alloromantic?

Do people commonly go on a 'i'll scratch your back if you scratch mine' basis, or is it more common for people to approach any kind of exchange in a 'i want to get the most in return for the least from me' or is it a heavily subjective thing that each person differs so widely on that there isn't a common point/majority of the time spot?

Is the state something that grows as a young monster matures? or is it something that is expressed and handled a little differently, but from that same source of the emotional imbalance, in young monsters? Does it act a bit like human puberty in that it feels like, in short order, they go from having a firm grip on their emotional selves to having little to no control over their emotions?

Obviously family will be a different support system from friends and/or lovers, but do larger groups ever try to start more broad support systems for each other, or is the level of that challenge too high for them to tackle due to their collective struggles? If their are larger group support systems, do they have to work in a hush hush manner, or are they able to just do their thing without any significant worry about if they are noticed?

What is the most popular treat/food?

These are all very good questions thank you!!  Unfortunately I am not even a little succinct ever so I am answering under a read more lol

Is there any kind of...  bias for or against any specific sexualities[...]

  It's a little complicated.  I generally imagine monsters have a much more fluid culture around sexuality and gender, so they don't often label things, more so work off of their own personal preferences, with exceptions of a few things that would carry over from human culture post surfacing- but that's beside the point lol

  The reason it gets complicated is predominately because, above all else, you don't want to gain any sort of difficult or negative reputation.  It's not necessarily *just about your own personal needs being met, but playing your role, which isn't even all that different from standard Fell, except it *will more immediately and directly impact your chances of survival.

  This of course often leads to people compromising their personal preferences for the sake of not being ostracized, basically.  And with the "condition" at play, a lot of people's own preferences become...murky.

  The ever looming threat of isolation makes most too scared to explore what would actually work best for them.  It's why most monsters aren't exactly any definition of the word healthy while still underground.  It's all a balancing act, and it's typically a much safer bet to try pleasing others and taking what you can get from that than seeking what you actually *want, rather than scraps of what you need.

  Under the right circumstances, that can actually work out pretty well for those who are aro or ace, but in equal measure it can also make it much, much harder.

Do people commonly go on a 'i'll scratch your back if you scratch mine' basis, or[...]

  It definitely varies, but overall it's usually more balanced, partially for aforementioned reasons.  Reputation is *super important, and if you pick up the reputation of someone manipulative and draining, you won't last long.

  Overall, when I mentioned things had sorta self stabilized, most monsters have found spots in the system that work alright for them, and are...amicable.  With those they work with.  It doesn't *always work out super well, especially if a monster "destabilizes" or Falls Down, it can put a lot of pressure on those around them to compensate for the change, which can level out super easy...or cause a lot of unnecessary grief in its wake.

Is the state something that grows as a young monster matures? [...]

  It is a little like puberty haha, but it is also noticeable from the get go.  Or, well.  When the "medicine" had been distributed initially, it had affected pretty much everyone the same over a brief period of time, though it probably started more noticeably causing the less desirable symptoms in younger adult and older monsters the fastest (but not by much).

  Since then, due to the nature of it actually mutating their souls, it's passed on genetically.  Monsters born under those circumstances are typically more emotional and vulnerable from the jump, but not *too much more than a monster child from a different AU, so it does kind of worsen as they age.

  A random hc that is surprisingly relevant here is a general one I have about how "monster puberty" works.  It's much more heavily based off of a monsters magic level than a specific age window.  Weaker monsters will usually go through it more quickly and earlier, while stronger monsters typically go through it more slowly and evenly over a longer period of time.  Sometimes the monsters own stability or health at the time will change this/cause "speed bumps" or similar, but those are the guidelines I typically work off when writing any younger monsters.

  That being said, in this case, health plays a bigger role, and due to the strengthening of their souls, most monsters generally mature more slowly, with the exception of it usually starting younger.  But that's under relatively healthy conditions, with needs being met.  And because that's super hot and cold due to Fell living conditions, a lot of monsters experience a kind of bumpy "puberty" almost more similar to a humans, where it more readily imbalances their emotions and causes things like growth spurts or "growing pains".

Obviously family will be a different support system from friends and/or lovers, but [...]

  It varies wildly!  I know I've mentioned a "system" and reputation and blah blah blah like 90 times already, but it's not like, a formal, organized thing.  It's just...implied.  You do your best to find your place and then, so long as you're not disrupting something else, you stay there.  I mean, we all have our parts in the ecosystems around us, this is no different, just a bit more...high tension.

  When it comes to *actually organizing larger groups, it depends.  Like, Grillby runs a club, he employs dancers and a couple other bartenders, and sort of lowkey security but you didn't hear that from me.  For the most part, they all know they're a part of this group.  They rely on each other, and there's...some level of trust there, but it's not discussed or kept track of beyond each individual monster being more inclined to keep an eye on those they're familiar with.

  Obviously Asgore doesn't have a problem with that sort of thing.  Monsters depend on each other, and he’s making Snowdin better off overall.

  But there *are "webs" of monsters who *do aim to run more under the radar.  This is...more delicate.  There can be different motivation for why they're operating so, and some of those motivations can be dangerous.  While Asgore prioritizes keeping monsters alive, it doesn't mean he’s willing to stand by idly with any, uh, misbehavior.

  It's also more risky for the members themselves since keeping *any major secrets about potential alliances can make *you seem untrustworthy, and if things fall through or implode with that group, can leave you high and dry with others unwilling to take the chance of trusting you.

  It's also usually just more complicated in general, the larger an acknowledged group gets.  Everyone has different needs and when everyone's already kinda running on half empty most of the time, all it takes is a few stray sparks to hit the tinder for things to go south.

What is the most popular treat/food?

  While their CORE problems, and thusly supply problems, remain pretty similar to UF, I will say that Muffet's stuff is actually really popular.  She knows how to cater, in more ways than one.  Her cupcakes might outsell her donuts though (not a euphemism)

[tia-amorosa]

Sunset Died - Erin's Crew

Plans

It's the next morning, 8:43 am. After everyone had had a good night's sleep and breakfast together, they went into the large common room. Only Chloe wasn't there. “Where's Miss Shearing?"/ ”She didn't want to get up earlier. But don't worry, she's fine, she's just…”. Erin bowed her head for a moment. “It's all right, I'll talk to her later.”

Erin had hardly slept the night before because she had to mentally prepare herself for what she had to say to the others. “I know they were getting ready for their well-deserved vacation. I promise you that you will be able to take it soon, with a few bonus weeks. Unfortunately… something unexpected has come up. Something I never thought would happen"/ ‘and what? speak plainly!’.

“All right. Not to drag this out unnecessarily…I've received a sign of life from a former superior in Sunset Valley. And he's not the only survivor there.”. Her voice trembled a little, she still got a lump in her throat when she thought about it. “Sunset Valley? Wasn't there a meteor storm there over a year ago?"/ ”Right. I had just transferred to another base a week earlier.”.

“But how can that be? There shouldn't really be anything left there except a destroyed landscape…"/ ”They were just incredibly lucky. There are at least 30 people who are still alive there under difficult conditions. “/ “And why haven't they been helped so far?” Roman asked with interest, but also somewhat forcefully. And then Erin told them everything she knew so far.

Erin told and explained every single little thing Jack had written to her. About the losses, the outside manipulation and the daily struggle to survive. “The whole thing was… A giant experiment?”. /“For someone out there, the catastrophe was a perfect opportunity to manipulate Mr… Alto,” Peter said in a monotone voice as he listened to the whole thing calmly. “How could he be so stupid?”.

“So they've successfully managed to strip him of all his assets….."/ ‘That's how it looks, but now he's not getting any more support’/ ‘and do they know who's behind it’/ ”No, that would be the next point. I would like to find out. He sent me some more information about the type of communication, and this transmitter frequency…"/ ‘Transmitter frequency?’.

“Mr. Alto was able to talk to these unknown people on a certain frequency via an old radio set, and only on that frequency. But he could no longer talk with them after the agreement. They simply stopped letting him through. But he had probably memorized which frequency it was. I don't want to contact these people, but perhaps we can use this frequency and old radio connections to locate where the calls were coming from. I know that something like this is being recorded somewhere, whether legally or illegally.”

Peter looked at her seriously for a moment. “I think we know someone who could find out something along those lines.” Erin nodded, her eyes wide. “Miss Shearing is not on good terms with me at the moment. I know she misses her family…"/ ‘I'll talk to her.’ Peter then said again in his calm, relaxed voice. “O.K. She's welcome to contact me at the office"/ ”So this is going to be some kind of rescue operation? What's the situation there?” Roman wanted to know.

“We first have to get a picture of the whole place ourselves. It will be difficult now in winter anyway, because of all the snow. I know from Jack that there are no more roads there. And it would take years, maybe decades, to rebuild everything there. There is only a sparsely developed power grid"/ ‘What about telephone, internet?’/ ‘Internet yes, but unfortunately not a telephone connection’/ ‘Don't they have any cameras?’.

“Perhaps some were destroyed or not every computer there was equipped with a camera. Many of the residents there have formed flat-sharing communities. Of course, this also causes conflicts from time to time. Everyone wants to live in their own realm. But it's no longer possible there because of the lack of intact houses.” Peter stood up and took a few steps towards hers. “I'll find out later which towns could take in new inhabitants.”

“That's a good idea, thank you, Mr. Lee. Of course, people are free to decide whether they want to move to a new city or not. But I don't think they'll be able to live well there in the long term, no matter how much help they get."/ ”OK. But first I'll talk to Chloe…"/ ‘All right, thanks’.

“I don't suppose there are many provisions left there, are there?” asked Roman with a long snort. “The supplies will last another two months at most. They've been subsisting on vegetables, hunted meat and some expired, dry food so far. It's a wonder they're all still doing well there…"/ ”Well, we can't bring much with us. And if so, then only so much until an adequate solution has been found"/ ‘mhm’.

After Peter had made his way to Chloe, the others stayed there for a moment. “And you're still not going to tell anyone else about this? Not even the general?"/ ”mh, no, not unless I know who's behind the scenes. And it's certainly not just two or three little people. I don't want anything to go public for now, Cardona,” she said as she took a first look at Roman. “Um, yes… was something?” he said ironically. “I'll keep quiet…”.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

@greenplumbboblover ⭐

Poses by: @poses-by-bee & oh77 (blueM)

[houseofsnarry]

💚 HoS Members’ Recs: Self Rec ❤️

photo source

*Sorry for the repost! In the process of fixing a mistake, I accidentally deleted the original post. This mod and Tumblr are not on good terms right now. lol BUT! We added one more fic and it's a doozy! Check it out! And hopefully there are no more mistakes. *crossing fingers

- Scarlet It's NaNoWriMo! While we are busy creating new fics and art and rec lists and everything under the sun for our fav ship, what about some self-recs? Here are some of our fav Snarry works made by us! As we look forward to accomplishing our goals, we got to give appreciation to the works we've done in the past. <3

Art

🎨 Little Christmas story - @flymetosnarryland (AO3) with a snippet on Tumblr

🎨 Severus in red + Under the Influence Harry - @ofnightsndsongs (AO3)

Choose Your Own Adventure

🌸 What Comes Next (And How to Like It) - @likelightinglass (AO3) Rated E, Word Count 28.6k

A choose your own adventure fic! You are Severus Snape. You survived against all odds, and now it's time to take life into your own hands. What will you do with this gift of a second chance, and how will you find your happy ending? Your happy ending is pretty much always Harry Potter, but there's so many fun ways to get there.

Fanfic

📚 B.R.E.D - Elffaw Rated E, Word Count 5.3k

“You have been summoned here today,” he said, each word crisp and clear, “to partake in a physical examination required by the Ministry itself; in other words, you will be B.R.E.D.”

📚 Certain Dark Things - @liladiurne (AO3) Rated E, Word Count 50.3k

“You want me. I know you do.” I was too worn-out by then to even deny it. In the light of day, with only the summer wind and the cicadas to hear, it didn’t seem necessary to hide it. “It doesn’t matter, Harry. This can never happen.” He stared at me some more, and I did my best not to falter under those shimmering eyes. “I won’t tell anyone, if that’s what you’re worried about,” he assured me.“ I know you wouldn’t,” I added, insisting on the conditional. I didn’t like the way he’d spoken as if it had already happened. As if I had already lost. Perhaps I already had. In which Severus takes a trip to Italy, thinking he'll have a quiet time at the Malfoys' villa, but Harry has other plans. Written for prompt #182: AU. Harry never lived with the Dursleys. He was adopted by the reformed Malfoys as an infant. He is secretly in love with his adopted father's best friend, Severus Snape.

📚 Contempt - @danpuff-ao3 (AO3) Rated E, Word Count 20k

Harry hates Snape, and he always will. (He will, won’t he?)

📚 Courting Day - wendymarlowe Rated M, Word Count 42.8k

It's Courting Day: seventh- and eighth-year students get the chance to declare their intentions to formally woo each other. The only way for Harry to avoid being a matrimonial target is to put in a declaration of his own. Surely if he picks someone who would never in a million years accept his suit, he'll escape unscathed...

📚 dream a little dream of me - @dandelionstars (AO3) with art by @acydpop (AO3) Rated T, Word Count 4.6k

While Severus was not a strong enough Seer to receive complete soulmate dreams, unfortunately, he had just enough power to catch fleeting moments of his soulmate. These flashes of intense joy were more of a curse than a blessing. Despair was suffocating when his hopes were dashed again and again like carved crystal, inevitably shattered on the floor. A Snarry Soulmate AU

📚 For I Have Found Salvation - @lumosatnight (AO3) Rated E, Word Count 7.1k

Severus is a priest, and Harry is the parishioner who may just make him break his vows of celibacy.

📚 Harry Potter’s Avada Kedavra Wedding - whythehellnothavefun Rated M, Word Count 11.4k

(From The Book of Terms And Their Definitions, page 101) Avada Kedavra Wedding: noun, informal, see also: Avada Kedavra Marriage An enforced or hurried wedding, due to one member being pregnant or under blackmail, potentially to gain access to another’s vault(s) and/or properties. (See also: Muggle Oxford English Dictionary, shotgun wedding/shotgun marriage)

📚 Invisible String - @givereadersahug (AO3) Rated G, Word Count 3.7k

The first time Harry saw Snape's black eyes — him truly acknowledging Snape's existence beyond him being his mean professor — it was the night after Harry killed Professor Quirrell. He was dreaming, and in his dreams, he was screaming. Harry dreams of Severus over the years.

📚 On the Origins of Dementors - DarkTony Rated G, Word Count 2.6k

Amidst the pages of tomes that now remain unread,there a story, a fable, a legend goes of a man made of misery…

📚 Sir Saisir - @coconutice22 (AO3) Rated E, Word Count 27k

Some things that glitter are gold. Twenty years after defeating Lord Voldemort, Severus has a meet-cute at a, ahem, private members' club.

📚 The Beat of Their Own Drum - @aeternumregina (AO3) Rated M, Word Count 2.4k

Harry sees Snape dancing at a bar, and is instantly enthralled by this new, carefree person who barely seems to resemble his old teacher.

📚 The Way Death Clutches At Life - @tax-onomic (AO3) Rated E, Word Count 7k

Death is permanent, unless it is not.

📚 This is not my beautiful wife - Klari Rated M, Word Count 35.9k

What happened after Harry smashed up Dumbledore’s office? With Sirius dead and his plans to run away from the Wizarding World on hold, Harry is on the edge— literally, and Severus manages to learn rather a lot about him at the top of the Astronomy Tower.

📚 Wish not for a soul that is full of sin - @serenaew (AO3) Rated T, Word Count 4.7k

After all, a flighty soul could not return to the water, or to the earth, as they maintained all life eventually should. (What one did not have, they believed, could not be broken.) Prologue to the merman!Snape, amnesia AU no one asked for.

Discord || Recs Lists

[furiousgoldfish]

I wanna talk about specifically the effects abuse had of me during forced labour, because I'm wondering if anyone else is feeling the same, or if anyone has found a way to resolve the symptoms. (tw for forced child labour, abuse during labour, death threats and mentions of injury and violence)

As a kid, I've been forced to work, often in pretty bad conditions, and it would often include further abuse, berating, humiliation, criticism, yelling, I'd even be hit during the work, and I've learned that I have to keep working even if injured or crying, and had to keep those things silent and not complain. I have a specific childhood memory where I had to paint a garage for what felt a whole afternoon and I was crying the entire time, my vision was blurry, and I just thought this was normal, it was nothing out of the ordinary for me. There were also sometimes games played on me where I would be given wrong instructions on purpose, then punished for following them, or would be given zero instructions and a task I've never been taught how to do, only so I could be punished for doing it wrong, and berated for 'not knowing how to do it despite my age'.

I would also often be told that if I don't work, I can't live, and would be threatened to be kicked out and left to die if I don't deserve to be sheltered and fed, so refusing to work was not an option, I would be beaten for it and forced to work injured. It was also why I couldn't walk away from abuse during work, it always felt like a death threat over my head if I refused to do anything, because I would be risking being kicked out and left for dead.

So, the specific after-effects of this are not just severe anxiety during work, but also all of my body functions and sensations completely stop if I'm working. Even if I'm working for hours and hours, I will not experience any hunger, thirst, need to go to the toilet, I won't feel exhaustion, pain, anything. It feels almost like my body is back at the 'death threat' mode and stops everything in order to work, because it's still etched in my brain that if I don't work, I cannot survive, and so our entire survival depends on being fit to work, on stopping all body functions and sensations until the work is done and survival is secured.

And then of course, when I get back home, enter my room, I collapse almost immediately, feeling intense pain in all of my muscles and back, weakness, hunger, dizziness, sometimes tension headache, severe exhaustion. I worry this is because my body was under such severe stress being triggered during work, that it's affected the same as after surviving additional trauma. I had hoped that after a few years of work and nobody hurting me while I'm doing my job, that this would subside, but unfortunately, I'm still having the same symptoms, even working for kind people who offer to me to take a break or bring me something to drink while I'm doing physical work. I don't even notice I'm thirsty until I'm already looking at the drink.

Does anyone else have experience with symptoms like this? And did you manage to resolve some of it, and find a way to work without your body reacting to it as a severe threat to existence?

[sca3a]

Ooooooh 🌸 & / Or 🌾 Please!!! 👀

~ mercars-musings

Aw, thank you so much for the ask! <3

I am answering this for all my Rooks, because I can ☺️

🌸 Does your Rook have any siblings or close friends they see as such? Where are they during the events of Veilguard?

- Taleasin has two adopted siblings. An older brother, Lucius, which is the Mercar's biological son. He is a mage and as such enjoys quite a bit more luxuries than Taleasin, even though they too are a mage. Then there's Novia, their younger sister. She's a Qunari and also adopted.

Taleasin and Novia are super close, much due to the fact that they live in a country that does not like them.

Taleasin does have a couple of close friends in the Shadow Dragons, and they did keep in touch as they were sent away with Varric. Unfortunately they did not survive Elgar'nan's invasion of Minrathous, although their family did thankfully.

- Natalis was an only child to a single mother. As a child he had a lot of friends in the alienage, but at the age of 7 he was taken by Tevinter slavers and sold to a magister in Vyrantium. During his enslavement, he had no friends due to not being allowed to. He wasn't even allowed to speak to the other slaves.

After having, more or less, forced Viago de Riva to bring him back to the Crows after the latter having assassinated his master, Natalis eventually found a friend in Crecenzia - a fellow fledgling.

She was the one to keep him appraised about House affairs as he was off with Varric, as well as commenting on the fact that "Viago may be cursing your name, Nat, but Maker knows he misses your annoying ass."

She does join the final fight because Natalis deserves all the help he can get.

- Felassan grew up in a Dalish clan in Arlathan Forest. He has three sisters, all of them younger. All of them struggled with his decision to give up his role as First and join the Grey Wardens - because why would he do such a thing?

In the Wardens he found a close friend in a young man who had taken the joining just prior to him. Felassan viewed him as a brother and he loved him dearly, so he was absolutely heartbroken when he realized he hadn't survived Weisshaupt.

- Esha has four siblings, that she know of. Born from an inappropriate relation between a magister and his favored elven slave, Esha has been brought up in less than favorable conditions.

Growing up it was hard having friends, but she did find a couple amongst the magister's other younger slaves.

After escaping the galley she was serving on, and having been taken in by the Lords, Esha found friendship and kinship amongst her fellow Lords - especially a couple of Qunari siblings.

Those siblings helped out at Minrathous, because they knew she would help them if need arose.

🌾 If there was a demon trying to trap/take over Rook, what kind would be most successful? What would break their hold?

(Jikes, this was a difficult question to answer 😅)

- For Taleasin I think a Fear demon would be the most successful, because they carry a lot of mental scars and PTSD. They doesn't show it, but they are scared A LOT. And I think a Fear Demon would sniff that out easier than a mouse on cheese.

Seeing as their love for Emmrich runs deeper than anything, I think he would be able to break the demon's hold - much thanks to his Fade experience and deep knowledge of spirits.

- For Natalis it would be a Rage demon. He carries a lot of rage after everything he's gone through and just mentions of Tevinter, magisters and slavers causes him to fly into a white hot rage.

Breaking the demon's hold would be difficult, seeing as how deep his scars run, but I think Lucanis (with a lot of help from Spite) might be able to reach him.

- Being trained by the Dalish, Felassan would be difficult for a demon to possess because he has been taught how to identify a demon's presence. BUT! If it would happen, it would most likely be a Desire demon. In the clan he often struggled with his sexuality and his feelings for a hunter whom he had fallen in love with. The hunter, however, spurned him because he disliked Felassan's homosexuality.

Seeing as the Demon would most likely take on Maron's appearance, Felassan would most likely manage to break the hold himself. Mostly because, even if he still has some feelings left for him, but those feelings are quickly being eclipsed by his feelings for Davrin. And Davrin would run his sword through the Demon without even blinking, so there's that.

- Ersa would most likely be targeted by a Pride demon.

She can be a bit prideful, especially when it comes to her abilities to find treasure and dismantle traps.

She has no knowledge of the Fade or spirits and demons in general, and seeing as she isn't a mage she has never even considered being trapped by a demon. But luckily she has a partner who's a Fade expert, and he'll save her.

<This became very long. Sorry! 🙈>

[merkerlers-fairytales]

Okay well. I don't get to talk about Zodi enough on here, so here's her backstory:

She grew up in a place called Mayweather Bay, a town by the seaside in a small corner of Corona. She was orphaned when she was about 9 years old. Her parents (Fabien and Lylette) were obsessed with an ancient magic source- The Celestial Tear. And they died in a landslide trying to find more information on it. They were archaeologists. Zodi was on her own after that. And she made as decent a life for herself as she could, being alone at 9 years old. An old woman regularly checked in with her, made her food- just generally made sure she was okay. At least, until the incident.

See, losing your parents at 9 years old and being alone, that does a number on a person. And her parents were so passionate about the Celestial Tear. She wanted to continue their work, make their deaths have some kind of meaning. So she did. And she found out that her parents had moved to Mayweather Bay because that is where the next Celestial Tear was approximated to fall. When it did, she knew what it was. It was like a comet falling to earth. But somehow, it didn't create TOO much damage when it fell. And she went to retrieve it.

When she did find it....the conditions for this tear were....well, unconventional for the artifact. It had turned into powder upon impact. Unfortunately...this really is an ancient magic, with much about it being unknown and misunderstood. It's dangerous. And it's powerful. Perhaps even sentient, in a way. She tried to pick it up. And...it stuck. So instead of keeping it, preserving it, keeping it out of the wrong hands, and being able to study it....it fused to her, became one with her and in a way, possessed her.

When she woke up from the black-out, she had found that she had practically demolished her entire village. And of course, the people here didn't KNOW what had happened. They just knew that she seemed possessed, volatile, and was flying through a jealous rage. The tear...it feeds off of jealousy, come to find. Unfortunately jealousy is one of her biggest problems. And it did of course, start when her parents died. In the midst of the yelling and being chased off, she learned that she had been targeting households of children who still had their parents. Of course, she ran away. And changed her name. This is when she took on the name Zodiac (and later on, Zodi- of course her parents didn't name her Zodi, they named her Celeste. Can you guess why?)

What is a young girl to do when she has no home, no family, no friends? When she is so ashamed of her actions and her own existence that she can't bear to face another human being, let alone forgive herself? Not to mention the energy toll that the Celestial Tear takes on her when it flares. To much of that, and surely, she would be to ill to take care of herself. Fleeing Mayweather Bay was hard after the whole ordeal...

She still has to survive. So, petty thievery it is. She still has to survive. She takes down notes, names, and faces of those she steals from. She develops a keen interest in botany, and entomology so that she can make medicine. A young thief in the woods needs to know how to doctor a cold. Those interests turn into a passion. But still, she's made a name for herself as a theif. Petty thievery turned into full jobs, missions, pairing herself up with other thieves that didn't always have her best interest at heart (who knew Flynn Rider was a real person? And that he would be willing to actually defend her against other criminals that tried to take advantage of her? Truth be told, aside from her father, this was the first man she felt truly safe around. To bad she didn't stick around to see him turn into Eugene) And it feels impossible to turn back. Until the age of 14 she had somehow managed to become one of the most well-known and elusive theives of Corona. She's too smart and quick for her own good. You top that with no one really suspecting a small, unassuming girl (she hits a growth spurt later of course) and you have the recipe for one of your more frustrating theives.

Thank God for the Captain of the Guard having a forgiving heart and a soft spot for orphaned girls. He caught her when she was 14, and, much to her surprised....somehow, could sense how deeply troubled she was. And he actually WANTED to help her. Talk about a lucky break. He made an appeal to the king, and Fredric....actually agreed. But if she messed up, it would be on the Captain's dime.

And so, she became a stable girl. She changed her name again, from Zodiac, to Zodi. Now at first, she was closely monitored. But slowly...over the course of about 2 years, she was able to gain their trust. The Lost Princess returned, and, boy did she at least try to bring some light into her life. Zodi got paid a small wage, stayed in the servant's quarters and....now that she had some time to reflect on her past, her wrongdoings, how deeply she wanted to correct what she'd done wrong (and she was saving every penny possible to be able to at least start to try to repay the people she had hurt, there was a reason she kept record of those people), and was given an actual chance to be a stand-up member of society....it was all to obvious to see how empty she felt. How deeply lonely she was.

She had no real family. Sure, the Cap had took her under his wing but...honestly, while he was a good mentor. She had trouble viewing him as any sort of father figure. She craved a father figure. A mother. A friend, a family. Cassandra was the closest thing she had to a sister, and she was so standoffish. She'd take her to spar sometimes though, and she appriciated the company.

Eventually, a horse had a baby. A very, very sick foal. It wasn't expected to make it, and it was to be left for dead. After all there is no point in wasting precious resources on something guaranteed to die. Seeing the poor foal broke her heart- her skill with animals was almost unbelievable. I mean, she had lived a significant part of her life in the woods, and had dealt with a variety of creatures. So, being the most brilliant doctor that corona would come to know some day, she asked, "Can I try my hand?" and since the poor thing was considered dead anyway, she was told yes. Should she be able to save the baby, the horse could be hers. She'd have earned it, if she brought it back from the brink.

She named her Penelope. She was her first real friend. And it was her first real public display of brilliance outside of just thievery and mischief.

It felt good. And she loved Penelope.

Some time after she turned 16, she got word that the king needed a courier- just for a simple message to Old Corona. The man who would normally deliver messages was out sick. It wasn't important enough to dispatch guards to send though. It was simple communication to Quirin (truth be told, I don't know what is in the letter- the contents aren't as important as where it makes her go). And Cassandra had recommended her. She'd proven herself trustworthy, and the only other thing she had to do with her time was muck out the stables. So of course, she accepted the opportunity. And that, of course, is how she ended up meeting Varian.

Now imagine being 16, having been alone since you were a little girl, never being able to make or keep many friends- and even if you did find someone you got along with you had to move on before you could really get close. Then upon finding some semblance of stability, you were to busy to really try to meet people your age. To ashamed of your past, to scared they'd find out who you were. Plus, none of them shared any of your interests anyway, on the off chance that you WERE able to find someone your age to befriend. They didn't share that scientific curiosity, get grossed out by your insect collection, you can't really talk to them about the things you're passionate about. And then you meet someone....who is your age. Who does enjoy those kinds of things. And not only that, but he's kind of a legendary theif fan-boy. (He enjoyed the Flynn Rider stories, and the stories that- well they were about you, but he doesn't have to know that).

To top it off......he's so sweet! He's friendly, empathetic, intellectually challenging. They become rather fast friends. His father is accepting, warm, and kind. She could see him as some kind of father figure, for sure! Maybe, just maybe...she doesn't have to feel so alone? Maybe she's found her family.

Granted, Varian has no idea how important this friendship is to her, at first at least. She is kind of a standoffish and distant person- not that he'd really be aware of that because her bitter, angsty teenage personality didn't come out around him, he brought out the best in her. How bright she can be, when she lets her guard down a bit. He only really comes to realize how important they are to her the same day that his dad becomes encased in amber. That's also the same day he learns...a bit more about her history. The one she was keeping secret from him. Because she actually cared enough to go with him. But he had no idea that she possessed a power like the Celestial Tear- at least by this point she learned how to control it better. She was willing to reveal that secret to try to save his father. And it's crazy that it couldn't do much against the amber. It's crazy that it hurt her so badly...

And it's to bad she had to watch her best friend spiral.

She couldn't bear to lose her family again.