#undesirable and alone

[chillabuse]

I can’t let anything good stay in my life !

[looserslore]

Not pretty enough to deserve love.

[skinreflectsthesun]

.

[saintimental]

i just got horny because of something someone said, and then i immediately got sad and i started crying because i feel so alone.

i said to myself "god i need to get railed asap lol" and then i burst into tears

[hangmanapologist]

I really thought i was doing well the last week but i have been uncontrollably crying since i left work

[littlest-bugz]

SCREAMING THAT I WISH I TRUSTED SOMEONE ENOUGH TO VENT TO THEM RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[thefinestbrandofeefa]

“batshit crazy” is a great expression bcs tbh i would be astounded if i ever saw batshit .. bro i’d be amazed from seeing a bat alone.. but a bat poop? now that’s crazy.

[nachtnabelle]

i want him to want me. i dont care if he hurts me, i just want to believe that i can be wanted, and loved, and actually feel it. i want to believe i can be loved.

[archiveofyearning]

.

[bluebellhairpin]

I've gone past my prime. Going into the rest of this year without a single ounce of romantic interest to show for my entire (almost) 22 years of existence while my 18 year old sister has had two guys show clear interest in her in the past year. If you need me I will be rotting away in a hole under the floorboards of my home.

[roboticutie]

You cannot resist the whole of the military industrial complex, especially the US American sector, without holding compassion and sympathy for veterans.

[cloudsourcing]

tiny (not so tiny) rant/vent incoming!!

just had an epiphany today for this thing I’ve felt all my life but had never been able to articulate until today. The thing was: I am a woman and I love being a woman so why does it feel so wrong and dehumanizing to be “seen” as a woman by the world? I hadn’t been able to articulate my answer but then it came to meeee

After class, my classmate stopped me and wanted to talk to me about a presentation I did today in class (on Marx’s “The German Ideology” hehe <3). My classmate is super charismatic, super smart, and easy to talk to. Our chat was fun and insightful to me because he was actually talking to me about our readings from class, something I could chime in on and hold a conversation about. That’s pretty rare for me and I genuinely cherish these types of interactions, the kind that are engaging and interesting. Anyway, he begins telling me about a screenplay he wrote. I was genuinely interested in his creative process. It was fun and interesting until it no longer felt like a conversation. That’s when I started to feel that heavy cloud of realization come over me. When I left our conversation, I felt so empty. I felt drained and frustrated - a feeling I’ve had many times before. But I didn’t know why I felt this way. He was actually engaging with me, why did it feel so hollow despite that? It finally clicked but it wouldn’t have clicked if I hadn’t had another interaction to compare it to that I’d had just a few days ago. I compared the way I felt after this interaction with the way I felt after a meeting I had with my professor (who teaches the course my classmate and I met in). The main difference between my interaction with this professor (and most of the other women in my life) is that it never feels like my identity as a woman, my being a woman, is their primary focus. When I talk to her, I feel seen and I feel heard. When I talk to my friends, both men and women but especially with women, I never have to think about the different aspects of my identity. I’m just a person and they’re just a person having a shared moment. But in my conversations with men, there’s a brief moment in which I am forced to acknowledge my identity precisely because of the way they’re interacting with me. My being a women is at the forefront of this interaction and that is exactly what/who they’re engaging with. My personhood is only secondary to that. Then I know that the reason I feel so horrible after this is because I feel like an object. I feel like a vessel for these men to espouse their ideas, a medium for them to be heard and understood. Their attraction to me (or whatever it is) precedes their interest in me as a person. Most interactions with men leave me feeling this way - more like an object or a vessel and less like a person. Whereas I think I’m having a pretty cool conversation with a classmate, to them it’s this performative action wherein they’re not just talking to someone, but specifically to a girl/woman/whatever and it’s driving their interest. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be able to have a relationship with a man, although I know I’m capable of it. I know what it feels like and what it looks like when someone just sees you as a person, as a friend and sees past the physical. I think I care about the essence of who I am too much, what my heart is made of and what my thoughts consist of to settle for someone who just sees the physical boundaries of my existence. Ahhhh I am so tired, and I didn’t think this would be so long but it feels soooo good to be able to articulate this.

[hrina]

hey siri play another one bites the dust

[waveformtheta]

[tenthdocter]

Why is valentine's day literally next week ugh 🤢