#undesirable and alone

[chillabuse]

I can’t let anything good stay in my life !

[exhelluvafan]

I'm never going to reach the day that someone genuinely and romantically says "I love you" ever, am I...?

[hangmanapologist]

I really thought i was doing well the last week but i have been uncontrollably crying since i left work

[saintimental]

i just got horny because of something someone said, and then i immediately got sad and i started crying because i feel so alone.

i said to myself "god i need to get railed asap lol" and then i burst into tears

[skunkes]

was abt to make a silly post about how at this point i barter with the universe for a bf like "please id take care of him and walk him and dress him up", like a child begging for a pet, and then i think abt how as much as i want an actual pet I don't think im fit to ever have one of those either

[justatorturedpoet]

Never fall for your friend

[stainedglassthreads]

Sans: i 'befriended' your mom last night

Sans, accompanying Toriel to her first Pride Parade, both decked out in dozens and dozens of aro flags, approximately twelve seconds before guiding Kris to a car seat with a whoopie cushion: i literally told you i befriended her, kid. what'd you think i meant? wow. good to know you think so lowly of my extremely mature sense of humor. i'm hurt, kiddo. i'm actually in pain. i really thought we had something.

[moe-broey]

There's just like a lot of things about me that make me feel like I'm profoundly unlovable

[thefinestbrandofeefa]

“batshit crazy” is a great expression bcs tbh i would be astounded if i ever saw batshit .. bro i’d be amazed from seeing a bat alone.. but a bat poop? now that’s crazy.

[nachtnabelle]

i want him to want me. i dont care if he hurts me, i just want to believe that i can be wanted, and loved, and actually feel it. i want to believe i can be loved.

[yotko97]

Poem: An ode to single people

certainly known i’ll always be lonely,

So I built my life to only want money

Accustomed to the sweet lie

Thinking it is worthy to die

Wrapped in a ball and chain,

Unable to fly

love is reserved for the worthy,

So basically, everyone else but me

Always out of reach

To grab and take the ecstasy we like to preach

a trap open to all

as we cant avoid...always fall

Something that all seems to be too late to teach

even though 2 people who come together as 1 may live the longest

those that walk the lonely road all their life are always the strongest

Difficult to accept I’ll never find love,

Lust, friendship and validation

as I was picked for answer E….none of the above

How I yearn for the bittersweet taste of death I’d say

As that would be the only thing in my life that would go my way

To all the women I sought after

But matched with another

I thank you for helping me to walk the assuring path of meeting the grim reaper

As I embrace my solo death

sad to know love won’t be the experience I get to have in my life before my final breath

Im still glad to have the minimal freedom Lasted before I left

To those who walk the empty road

i salute you walking with open wounds

As I unleash my woes

One last time before I go

[archiveofyearning]

.

[exhelluvafan]

vent post below

at this point I'll most likely kill myself before I ever get the chance to experience romantic love or experience having a significant other that cares about me and vice versa.

apologies for my sudden outburst of depressive posts, but it's just... I'm so, so tired, so tired of thinking about this, wishing my anhedonia overtook fully my emotions and leaving me as an emotionless husk and a mere sack of meat and bones that does actions and nothing else.

why am I so naive to think that even beefy, kind men would ever notice me? hell, I even think that my fictional "husbands" wouldn't even like me for how boring and utterly worthless I am in general.

why didn't I kill myself before...?

i feel like I'm on the brink of going insane, and no amount of meds is going to stop me from killing myself in the future.

[bluebellhairpin]

I've gone past my prime. Going into the rest of this year without a single ounce of romantic interest to show for my entire (almost) 22 years of existence while my 18 year old sister has had two guys show clear interest in her in the past year. If you need me I will be rotting away in a hole under the floorboards of my home.

[roboticutie]

You cannot resist the whole of the military industrial complex, especially the US American sector, without holding compassion and sympathy for veterans.

[cloudsourcing]

tiny (not so tiny) rant/vent incoming!!

just had an epiphany today for this thing I’ve felt all my life but had never been able to articulate until today. The thing was: I am a woman and I love being a woman so why does it feel so wrong and dehumanizing to be “seen” as a woman by the world? I hadn’t been able to articulate my answer but then it came to meeee

After class, my classmate stopped me and wanted to talk to me about a presentation I did today in class (on Marx’s “The German Ideology” hehe <3). My classmate is super charismatic, super smart, and easy to talk to. Our chat was fun and insightful to me because he was actually talking to me about our readings from class, something I could chime in on and hold a conversation about. That’s pretty rare for me and I genuinely cherish these types of interactions, the kind that are engaging and interesting. Anyway, he begins telling me about a screenplay he wrote. I was genuinely interested in his creative process. It was fun and interesting until it no longer felt like a conversation. That’s when I started to feel that heavy cloud of realization come over me. When I left our conversation, I felt so empty. I felt drained and frustrated - a feeling I’ve had many times before. But I didn’t know why I felt this way. He was actually engaging with me, why did it feel so hollow despite that? It finally clicked but it wouldn’t have clicked if I hadn’t had another interaction to compare it to that I’d had just a few days ago. I compared the way I felt after this interaction with the way I felt after a meeting I had with my professor (who teaches the course my classmate and I met in). The main difference between my interaction with this professor (and most of the other women in my life) is that it never feels like my identity as a woman, my being a woman, is their primary focus. When I talk to her, I feel seen and I feel heard. When I talk to my friends, both men and women but especially with women, I never have to think about the different aspects of my identity. I’m just a person and they’re just a person having a shared moment. But in my conversations with men, there’s a brief moment in which I am forced to acknowledge my identity precisely because of the way they’re interacting with me. My being a women is at the forefront of this interaction and that is exactly what/who they’re engaging with. My personhood is only secondary to that. Then I know that the reason I feel so horrible after this is because I feel like an object. I feel like a vessel for these men to espouse their ideas, a medium for them to be heard and understood. Their attraction to me (or whatever it is) precedes their interest in me as a person. Most interactions with men leave me feeling this way - more like an object or a vessel and less like a person. Whereas I think I’m having a pretty cool conversation with a classmate, to them it’s this performative action wherein they’re not just talking to someone, but specifically to a girl/woman/whatever and it’s driving their interest. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be able to have a relationship with a man, although I know I’m capable of it. I know what it feels like and what it looks like when someone just sees you as a person, as a friend and sees past the physical. I think I care about the essence of who I am too much, what my heart is made of and what my thoughts consist of to settle for someone who just sees the physical boundaries of my existence. Ahhhh I am so tired, and I didn’t think this would be so long but it feels soooo good to be able to articulate this.