#ugh it cut me off
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Take a moment to appreciate that Fuyumi Todoroki is a total nerd. She’s a wholesome elementary school teacher who likes cooking, ice cream, and soap operas and she’s a total nerd. Now picture her face next to the biological abomination that is her father.
#sorry i admire the endeavor atonement arc#very well written#and hes hella funny sometimes#but i still hate him#idk i just found this funny#like you got natsuo the angsty mess and dabi the mass murderer and shoto the hero student who could level a field#and then theres fuyumi the fucking nerd#im not saying shes weak like its clear shes probably the mentally strongest out of all them with great responsibilities and quirk profic#iency#ugh it cut me off#but its funny#like HER#SHE is endeavors daughter#do you guys think he ever looks at her like how did she turn out this way#mha#bnha#fuyumi todoroki#endeavor#enji todoroki
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A kindling of a swordless bloodshed,
The creaking of a voiceless door —
Another piece inspired by something @mincemeat-the-warforged said that absolutely altered my brain chemistry (the same 1 am conversation that sparked this in fact!)
#curse of strahd#rahadin#strahd von zarovich#sergei von zarovich#my art#curse of strahd spoilers#curse of åsane#every day i wake up and think about strahd and rahadins dynamic#they make me sick#Rahadin being loyal to the von zarovich family rather than *only* to strahd is a critical detail to me#like aze said#wtf do u do when someone kills the only remaining member of ur ‘adoptive’ family#ur stuck w him now. obviously. there’s nobody else to turn to and u still love him despite the atrocities#esp since you’ve done just as much against the people used to belong to. you cut yourself off and now he’s done the same#(through tears) do yall think Rahadin mourned Sergei or do u think he repressed and smothered all those feelings#ik we all laugh at the rahadin amber temple frog incident but despite its weirdness it still shows how much Rahadin *cares*#sorry sorry i have too many thoughts abt this old man#ugh. strangles him#anyway
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Isopuppy Sewn Pattern Update: At long last, I've found time to get back to working on this! AKA I didn't feel like writing this weekend so LET'S GO SEWING YAY.
Current status: I have the final pattern worked out (plus or minus some seam allowance adjustments) and I've moved from junk fabric to final fabric. Hoping to get a good way into cutting/construction tomorrow. Unless I feel like writing. Who knows! Not me!
#WOW this astrology fabric is WAY stretchier under a needle than anticipated#We'll just wiiiden out that seam allowance#Body fabric is so nice to touch it's a faux fur with almost a minky texture very nice very pet-the-fabric#Hardest part of getting back into this was figuring out which of the three leg patterns was the one I'd decided on#Surprise it was a secret fourth option: none of the above!#Fortunately doing the crochet pattern left me with a 3D pupper Right There to model off of#So that got sorted quickly once I realized all the existing pieces sucked#You know what also sucks?#CUTTING 28 LEG PIECES ugh if that's not incentive to write instead I don't know what is#Also I keep forgetting to take process photos must do that#(I am absolutely going to forget that)#The amazing isopuppy#Salvage
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ew 5am vent on main pls ignore this
open communication is only so difficult because you have to be vulnerable. “hey can you stop doing (normal thing) because i’m so stupidly insecure and emotionally immature that it absolutely ruins me every time” ?!?!?! i’d literally rather die than admit that to anyone
#i can confront people about objectively bad shit no problem#and i can talk it out with anyone#but the second my qualms are subjective? i just bury them deep and try to pretend they dont exist#i’m afraid that if i ever let anyone know how damn jealous i am that i’d scare them away#it’s not like a malicious jealousy i don’t wish harm upon anyone#but rejection makes me malleable#i would cut off my arm if it would make me someone’s favourite#and knowing that just makes me more disappointed in myself#for lacking the self esteem that comes so easily to others#ugh. i’ll delete this later
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if anyone does anything that makes me feel even remotely out of control it changes my brain chemistry about them forever even if I know they mean well and want so badly for things to go back to the way they used to but they can never go back and I hate myself for that
#ill literally ruin every friendship ig#does anyone else experience this bc it’s actually so fucked up I hate it sm#and like im good at pretending it’s ok so even if the other person goes back to normal I never am#it’s like the grudge just stays forever no matter how much forgiveness I logical have#and the association w the person just feels sickening even if they r so full of love#and I think that talking about it will help but it just digs a further hole#like it always get resolved on their end but somehow I feel worse#I’ve lost some of the greatest ppl bc of this :(#like ppl make mistakes#and sometimes it’s not even a mistake or anything wrong im just insane#and then I feel I don’t treat them as well but not in ways they would notice ugh idk im actually fkd#hence I mostly cut them off bc I don’t wanna treat them badly they don’t deserve it#but im also sick of cutting ppl pff who r genuinely so nice and made one off comment#bc I’ve made plenty of off comments im sure bc im human and yet other ppl r ok w it like y can’t I be#anyways usually the whole reason they have even said anything that has put me off them is just their reaction to me being mentally ill#so it kinda all stems from me everytim LOL yay
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i’m feeling IMPULSIVE. someone tell me right now not to go buy box dye and color my hair black again. this shit was a look™️
#personal#face reveal#kinda#idk here’s me with long hair#i miss my hair so much why’d i ever cut it off ugh
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Not me creeping up to the wordcount of the fourth longest book ever written
#A Reflection of Starlight#AROS#valvert#fanfic#writing#Hey I switched back to LibreOffice again after setting up my new computer#(RIP my old computer's installation of MS Office 2009)#And also my old computer in general as it is now giving me the blue screen of death upon boot#but ANYWAY#does anybody know how to make LibreOffice stop highlighting formatted areas? BC with Dark Mode it's highlighting white text#which makes it impossible to read my footnote and page numbers#Also I CANNOT believe this program was coded to be so that 'Ignore' and 'Ignore All' options only do so for the CURRENT SESSION ONLY#Like what in god's name???#I spent 3-4 hours reformatting AROS after converting it only to learn that all the 'errors' I told it to ignore just popped back#the second I reopened the document like jesus christ#Why even offer those options if it doesn't do it permanently for that document file#HHHHHHHhhhhhhHHHHHH#I then spent another several hours being forced to change the language formatting to French for all the French bits#JUST so it would stop underlining all of them in red#And there's no way for me to get rid of the underlining on things like cut off bits of dialogue#bc they are NOT proper words and I refuse to add them to my Dictionary (thus polluting it) just to get rid of them#Ugh#So anyway remember years ago how I joked about what if I accidentally wrote a fanfic longer than the source material itself#That being one of the longest books ever written (technically THE longest book ever written#if we're counting the FRENCH version of it and not the English translation#And yeah I know I technically split AROS into 3 books but that was only for reader convenience#It's still one book in my heart#And also because I think it would be REALLY funny to surpass Hugo's wordcount#Which is entirely plausible bc in English it was only about 531k so I only a little over 100k off and I think I can easily make that#with the material I have left to write but is already mostly plotted out
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my coworkers are being turbo transphobic and literally refuse to listen to answers to questions they fucking ask argh!!! I can just tell you!!! I can just answer you!!!!! I have answers!!! to the ridiculous questions you ask in a mocking way!!!! if you listen for one second I can just fucking explain!!!! 😡😭😡😭
#they ask why would trans men NEED tampons for men since they are WOMEN why cant they juat use WOMEN ones those stupid silly women ugh#they keep coming back to the topic#and im like hey they are not women ^_^ and try to explain the concept#in easy kindergarten terms like hey you know how you wouldnt want to buy pink girly items because you are a (cis) guy! well#and them im cut off with more transphobic shit before i can say anything else#my coworker literally said her son told her and her husband they were playing spin the bottle on a school trip#and she asked so did you kiss any girls? and he said#sure when it landed on a girl then i kissed a girl (implying he also kissed guys)#and she said her husband was so shocked because hes conservative#while she said she just ordered the son not to say anything else#and she tells us 'i think he was just testing us or something'#wtf. i said well okay maybe he was testing your reactions and now hes not gonna tell you shit anymore#and she went like hm 🤔#also the irony of saying her HUSBAND is conservative while she fucking. misgenders trans men all day and jokes about gay men constantly#in a nasty way#all of them do#im so tired#she complained kids nowadays are so caaual about gay people#and i said okay well i love it personally they should keep it up#and NO ONE at the table supported/agreed with me#sorry i am on a work trip and suffering#transphobia tw#neri stfu
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I will use these lyrics in something oplita related one day mark my fucking words
#I don't know when. I don't know where. But I will#I'll cut my ear off deep fry it kebab meat it and eat it at a gourmet restaurant if I don't; you have my word#and if I don't; you have permission to pew me#IT'S SO THEM#it's so.so them#😕😕#'Last Drop' by girl group red velvet I love you so#Odette tries not to accumulate/akin oplita and red velvet challenge (she is failing gravely)#I'd put the song on here but it's not the right part and I just. 🫦 ugh I mean listen to the song it's so good I actually levitate#I become airborne when last drop by red velvet plays#Oplita notes#like actually!#oplita#transformers#elita one#elita 1#optimus prime#orion pax#tf ariel#Arion#Tf arion#optimus prime x elita#elita one x optimus prime
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some days i feel so pretty i wish i posted selfiess
#i'll be serving face beyond those cut offs#it's only natural to pose the whole bodyy#llike im pouting im giving fuck me eyes#sometimes im teary eyed#ugh maybe in another life
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A month ago I had the passing thought that I didn't like Taylor Swift when I was younger because I was behind her eras and it was a really casual observation then but every day I find new ways it's true
#college i would say was like my speak now-fearless era. swooningly and a bit shallowly romantic and discovering my voice#reading the most into the least and building up relationships in my imagination and so on (in a good young way)#so 1989 was way too cynical for me and i didn't like her at all#but then literally age 22 i fell in love with a 30 year old who jerked me around emotionally and then abruptly cut me off#and i bobbed my hair and got very girl power dismissive of men#and then had an identity-shattering event and had to pick up the pieces and find the faithful love at the bottom#and then had a whole bit about reclaiming my femininity and happiness and letting go of anger#and then! evermore came out and i had no idea about the cultural impact i just had heard people raving about her new sound#so i listened to it on a road trip and we were on the EXACT SAME PAGE. mind opened.#legit though i did a (tame and Christian) speedrun of red-1989-reputation in like a year and 2 months. yikes#taylor swift#maybe also this is why folklore doesn't super resonate with me. just didn't match my journey#(ugh sorry i hate talking about my Journey but one of our interns says it all the time and it gets stuck in my head)
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Pardon me while I micro-dose on Haterism, but Morrigan looks like she's been vacationing in the Fire Nation and it's distracting as hell. 😭
#hoping it looks better in-game than in the trailer its bugging the fuck outta me#i. i don't like the hair cut. is that a bob?#like it'd be cute as hell but she's wearing flemeth's crown helm crest thing and the silhouette is pissing me off a bit#don't get me wrong ATLA fucks Morrigan fucks but Im already a bit put off by the Absolution style#anyways I'll stop#veilguard spoilers#veilguard critical#do i dare tag this as such does this even count#ugh
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HIII I KNOW. A LITTLE BIT ABOUT ANNIHILATION. PERIPHERALLY. ive seen like part of it but i do NOT remember much. except that its one of the prettiest movies ive ever seen. that being said im so eyes emoji abt ur au..... r there any specific scenes frm the movie ur thinking about?? how would the character dynamics differ from either canon?? etc etc etc!!!
GOD I FUCKING LOOOOOVE ANNIHILATION. ONE OF MY TOP 5 FAVORITE MOVIES OF ALL TIME EVER. yes yes yes yes yes OK. so this is. all encompassing crossover jrwi au which means I'm pulling characters from different campaigns. which. usually im not a huge fan of but i think i pulled it off rlly well in a limited sense here bc i have very specific reasoning behind why i put each character where. u will know at least two of them and they WILL cause you psychic damage so trust me when i say the other ones will too. putting this under a cut bc im gonna ramble
BASICALLYYYYY it's gonna follow the plot of the movie pretty closely just with slightly altered character dynamics + each of their reasons for going into the shimmer. so each person on the Current Team has lost someone on a previous expedition, and basically all of them are trying to find answers for what happened to their loved ones.
im gonna talk mainly about the ones you know because youll understand where I'm coming from the best with them but just know I am OBSESSED w the roles I have put gillion and chip in here. god I miss riptide every day .
DAKOTA COLE AS ANYA. Anya is the retired paramedic !! she's the one that. hold everything. gets killed by the fucked up bear. smile. that was just a fun little coincidence for me . ORIGINALLY I was dead set on having the pd representative be william bc im biased and I love him but after rewatching the movie I just think dakota fits in anyas place so perfectly. she's the most outgoing of the group, she's the one that initially invites Lena to join their team (also side note there is a pre-existing dynamic between dakota and chip because they've had MULTIPLE interactions in various what if crossover episodes and their dynamic is one of my favorite things ever). she's also the most aggressive. she's the first one to snap into action mode after finding the body in the pool, she's the one to take josie away from it and has a very protective stance over josie for the rest of the time after that (this is going to be relevant i am gonna talk about josie next) . once the group starts arguing about whether they want to continue further into the shimmer, anya shifts into a VERY black and white mentality, pinning ventress as The Bad Guy immediately for wanting to continue. and then when Lena shows some hesitancy over what she wants to do, anya snaps into a "youre either with me or against me" mindset. she also has this growing sense of paranoia ever since they find the tape of what appears to be the previous crew killing each other, and after she learns Lena is lying to them about her connection with Kane she goes way overboard with tying them to chairs and threatening to kill them. while i don't think dakota would necessarily go that far I DID say this to jonesy when we were rewatching the movie together so. bfu connecting two dots meme
anyway i think dakota is in the shimmer looking for william AND vyncent. parallels to the "dakota leaves for 10 months without telling them" which is why the three of them would be separated in the first place. william somehow finds out about the southern reach and his draw toward a mystery is what causes him to join the first expedition. vyncent goes with him because he can sense it's dangerous (and basically a suicide mission) and doesn't want william to go alone. I have. ideas. for what happens to them in the shimmer but they are vague at best right now and even then. dakota never finds out what happens to them before he's killed by the bear. the bear uses their voices to draw him out btw. smile. he dies protecting thr rest of the group even immediately after his paranoid breakdown.
OK THAT GOT LONG. OOPS. ONTO THE SECOND ONE
SHILO AS JOSIE. ohhhhh josie radek one of my favorite characters in media of all time. God I love her so much. anyway she's the only one of the current expedition with no previous combat training, so she's often seen by the rest of them as someone who needs to be protected. if I'm remembering correctly she's also the youngest. (in this. au. dakota would be older than shilo. feels better in my mind. none of them would be Kids they'd all be adults at this point but I'd put shilo in early 20s and dakota maybe in mid 20s. so . still young.) shilo is in the shimmer looking for his twin brother who went missing. somehow he was able to track down the southern reach and find out emizel was part of a previous expedition, and desperately wants to get him back. he's the one with the LEAST amount of knowledge going into the shimmer. he doesn't realize it's a suicide mission. he just wants his brother back. anyway when they get to the first outpost they find the remnants of the first team's base of operations, with names on a guard patrol rotation and leftover weapons and. a video camera. with a tape in a plastic bag labeled "for those who follow". josie is the one holding the camera when they watch it. the tape shows members of the previous party in the abandoned pool, one guy tied to a chair while the others cut open his abdomen to show his intestines moving around like snakes or worms. in the movie, the guy who cuts him open is Kane, Lena's husband. the rest of the party doesn't know her connection to kane, and she knows now if she tells them they won't trust her (and is proven correct by this when anya eventually finds out her connection) ANYWAY I'm going off track. sorry this is my favorite scene in the whole movie I get distracted. ANYWAY so when they see this, josie is the most immediately horrified by it because she's the only one who hasn't seen anything as gruesome as that before. for shilo. well. he gets to see the one being cut open is emizel. and then later when they get to the pool and find the body still there (again. josie is the one to find this. she's also the one who reaches down into the old dirty water and accidentally picks up the knife. which was still left in the same place they saw it be dropped in the tape) corpse plastered to the wall by all kinds of multicolored fungus and lichen, I think shilo doesn't immediately break down, he doesn't really. process it right away. I mean it's completely unrecognizable. it's not until he accidentally picks up the knife that it all clicks into place in his mind and he realizes "that thing right there used to be my fucking brother" and completely shuts down. runs out of the complex, dakota has to chase him down because they all know its dangerous to go anywhere alone, etc. after this he loses any sense of purpose, the only reason he came into the shimmer in the first place was to get emizel back and now seeing what happened I think he just gets. hopeless. which is the beginning of the end for him . i haven't decided if his exact death is the same as josies but i want it to be peaceful in the same sort of way. "imagine dying frightened and in pain and having that be the only part of you which survives... i wouldnt like that at all" "ventress wants to face it.. you want to fight it... im not sure i want either of those things...." josie radek i am in love with you. anyway. annihilation pool scene for you because I love this image more than anything
#DEFINITELLYYYYY RECOMMEND WATCHING THE MOVIE AHAIN ITS SO FUCKING GOOD#i have a lot of thoughts about gillion and chips roles as well but you havent listened to riptide yet so it wont hit as hard#also the others for posterity: rand from bitb as sheppard (the first one to die) looking for rolan and kian .#and rumi from apotheosis as ventress (the leader of the party) . i have a lottttt of thoughts about rumi ventress. they mean a lot to me.#especially considering what happens to ventress at the end of the movie. mirrors rumis relationship to godhood really well i think#UGH. fucking obsessed w this au#my freak week post for tomorrow is in fact the pool scene. surprise surprise. where they find the tape#so you get. THREE images. first one is gillion with the knife#second one is emizel being cut open to Worm Guts (the prompt is weird gore. lmao)#and the third one is. shilo and chips different flavors of horrified reactions.#and bc this is an au where there are not. fish people and superpowers and vampires and such#i gave characters like gill and the twins and rumi more human/modern designs. and .#holy shit i popped off with gillions completely by accident#i just kind of. started coloring him and zoned out and then went *squidward voice* oh god hes hot !#so i think i got possessed. actually.#anyway. thank you so much for letting me ramble this has been on my mind ALL afternoon#asks#friends!!!#intertexts#jrwi annihilation
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somehow, I don't know how, but somehow sewing machines always know when you're nearly done with a project and pick that exact moment to throw a hissy fit
#sewing#sewing machines#I am so close to finishing this dumb swimsuit that I started in 2020 for a vacation that ended up not happening#and which I stuffed into a shoebox and into the back of my sewing stash when I realized I wouldn't get to wear it in 2020#then pulled it back out to finish for this family gathering coming up in a few days here#it's a one-piece suit and I hate one-piece swimsuits#and no one-piece has fit me off the rack since puberty so I'm stuck sewing it for myself#but I'm very happy with the design and relatively happy with the finished look#the idea is just to have something that is supportive and modest enough to wear around family#and in particular to wear to something like a waterpark with my nephews#something that won't ride up or fall down or come untied or anything like that#so it has a low-cut leg hole and a high-cut neck#and an entire invisible superstructure in the lining underneath to actually provide support and enclosure and all#it's plain black but it fits and supports and won't fly apart at the seams#but this very last step. oh this last step.#I had to drape the exterior bust area directly on me bc I can't account for curves and stretch and such if it's flat on the table#and then I had to wiggle out of it carefully with a ton of pins in the underarm and neckline area#I'm using a double-needle to top stitch the edges as a finish across the whole suit. it did one underarm and the neckline just fine!#but the turn from where the neckline meets the strap and down into the other underarm it just. won't do it.#it has thrown a fit and created a tangle of thread multiple times now. there are only 4" left to sew! just sew it!#it's not hard! we just did the exact same thing on the other side and it worked fine! but no! gotta throw a hissy fit!#ugh. anyway. I have removed all the thread and needles from the machine and turned it off and basically sent it to timeout lol#wrote this rant and gonna make myself some food and I'll fucking finish those last 4 inches later tonight or tomorrow#and then I have one tiny repair to something else I want to take on this trip. hopefully my sewing machine won't throw a fit over that too#istg the only projects this doesn't happen with are the ones that end with a bunch of handsewing#that's the way to trick my sewing machine I guess. but I'm not handsewing a swimsuit lol#at least I'm not so pressed for time that I can't just walk away from it for a bit. getting close to time to pack but not quite yet#my sewing#2024 mood#tagtalking
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my anxiety has been so bad this last couple weeks i keep waking up with such crazy anxiety but like for no reason its so fun. im just chilling and get hit with a wave of anxiety. im doing fucking paperwork? anxiety. idk whats going on
#havent worked out in like a year#but this week ive worked out almost every day bc i swear im going to lose my mind if i dont#literallg had to leave work monday and take tuesday off it was so bad#trying to cut my caffeine to see if that helps but now im getting withdrawal headaches and the adhd is winning and im even less functional#wtf is happening to me#please make it stop#ugh#sometimes i forget that having a disorder means it can disorder you whenever it wants and i just have to fogure it out lol
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damn it feels so good to actually have friends who i feel safe around. like to have friends who im not worried that if they find out that i like "cringe" things they wont judge me. woah!!
@angry-avaocardo @silly1xxx @gollyimsosoevil
#appreciation post for my besties✨✨#also the tags got reallylong and rambly just me complainign about the ex friend and a quick update so feell free not to read them if you#dont wanna#theres nothing of substance in there lol#ugh god my old friend the one i made the really long post about asking for advice#i probably mentioned this but i never felt safe to talk about things i like with them#oh god i would never be able to show them defrag#and i probably wouldnt even be willing to ramble about like. the arg or smth to them#id be too worried of them making fun of me#but also they had a way of making it so i hung out with them the most even tho i didnt want to#“me and friend are going to the canteen you two wanna come?”#“[with none of my input] no me and Charlie are staying here”#the only person i felt safe talking about my interests to was a friend that i made when trying to move away frrom the toxic one#a friend who they would consistently ask if i was replacing them with and was so fucking jealous of him#in fact that friend is gollyimsoevil yea that guy#hes great he likes gay addison shit so yk bestie#also they were so good at guilt tripping that now i use their guilt tripping tactics on myself to try and get myself to do things lol#and they would make fun of me so often but GOD FORBID I MAKE FUN OF THEM#they were making fun of me to another person a few /years/ ago so i made some snarky comment about them#because i was really upset by them making fun of me#and they brought it up to me like 2 months ago before we cut them off#like dude you mock and make fun of everything i do so much that ive just stopped talking and completely zoned out whenever im around you#and youre holding some snarky remark that i made when we were like 11 /because you were making fun of me/#UGH#oh ye update on that if anyone cares it went fine they seem to have moved on and are just hanging out with different people now#they havent made any attempt to contact any of us but also havent cut us off#i havent cut them off either ive just left it#i catch them giving me and the other two friends who used to be friends with them dirty looks#but i kinda just ignore it#i have like 5 friends my age who are much much much nicer than them
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