#and knowing that just makes me more disappointed in myself
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7ouls · 3 days ago
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im REAAAAALLY sorry for the likje longest wait ever but in the meanwhile i've wiorked on my oc too so i'll prob post abt it soon. sorry if this is short or bad but it took me a long time to get motivation to write this 😓
(this isnt proofread so if u see any mistakes dont mind them i’ll correct them tomorrow cause im too tired)
fem! reader btw
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Daisuke never liked to rely too much on other people, he was always told how annoying he can be so that would make him even more of a weight than he already is.
Although he can’t complain when his girlfriend is the one who gets to take care of him. After what happened at the Tulpar you could see big changes in his attitude, he tried to smile at you but you can see that it’s not the same genuine lovely smile he used to give you in the past, when he was still on earth with you.
You were his girlfriend before he got the news from his parents about the internship and no matter how much you tried to convince him to not leave he still did, promising you that he’d come back for you. He wasn’t wrong, but this isn’t what you were expecting.
He had many scars around his body, barely able to move. He was put in a wheelchair for a few months, just until the scars have healed and he could get back in feet.
Daisuke’s parents found him a therapist, ignoring the boy’s wishes not to. Because after all he had you, you were the only one who he opened up with about what happened to all of them, about how guilty he felt for them. You were the one holding him in your arms after he cried on your shoulder for hours, you were the one changing his dirty bandages but most of all you were the one that loved him.
At nights like this you liked to wait until Daisuke was sleeping to leave him on your shared bed and go out your balcony to watch the sky filled with the city’s light, and when days were harder you took the hidden pack of cigarettes and light one up.
As you were watching the sky above your head you felt moving inside the house but didn’t think much of it, as it could be your pet just wandering around.
Your presumption turned out to be wrong as you heard your name be yelled from your bedroom, you quickly get inside to check on the voice and found your boyfriend on the floor. You run to him and slowly get him back on your bed. He pouts seeing your worried face checking for any damage.
“Are you okay? How did you get down there, most importantly why were you th-“ He stops you before you can bombard him with even more questions.
“I’m sorry Y/n, i just needed to drink something and when i saw that you weren’t here i tried to take it myself but i couldn’t...” You could see the disappointment in his eyes, you thought he might be feeling like a weight on your shoulders so you tried your best to comfort him.
“Daisuke look at me. You don’t have to apologise, it’s my fault. I should’ve been there for you but i wasn’t and i’m sorry about that. You shouldn’t force yourself to move too much, the doctors said that your body is still too fragile to sudden movements.” The boy looked at you, the mention of doctors saddened him.
“I’m so tired of these doctors, i sometimes wish you could be the one treating me instead. And the therapist girl always keeps trying to make me spill stuff, is it wrong that i don’t want to talk about it? She keeps asking about you a lot too, she might be thinking that you know more than her.”
“She wouldn’t be wrong, if it makes you feel any better i could try speaking with her.” He tiredly nodded at you and you both get back in bed, drifting off into sleep while holding him.
“Goodnight Y/n, i love you.”
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IDK HOW I FEEL ABOUT THIS. i weote it in 2 hours so maybe that why its so bad and yea im so tired idek what im saying
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hextechmaturgy · 1 day ago
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lucanis' romance is disappointing because like many other aspects of this game you can practically smell all the wasted potential
spoilers below!
we know from the stories that came before veilguard that cousins lucanis and illario grow up knowing caterina has a favorite grandson she intends to make first talon one day. it's implied and sometimes outwardly said that lucanis is indeed a better assassin than illario, and being a better assassin in a FAMILY OF ASSASSINS is a big deal. at the same time, we find out that illario is the more personable between the two. lucanis says he can charm just about anyone and zara calls him 'amatus' right before illario fucking kills her, so we know that's true. we find out through banter that lucanis had a crush on viago and failed miserably to show him because his only idea was to get him a knife, and, should you have an active romance with him, he will also admit to your companions that you are his first relationship
lucanis spends his entire romance backing away from you. he barely reacts to your flirting, he ducks away from a first kiss to 'clear his head', he won't shut up about coffee, and the moment you commit to him is just a quick scene where he SAYS he made you dessert, meanwhile, pretty much every other character is kissing you and declaring how much they care for you, emmerich's first kiss happens relatively early into the second act and it's such a sweet scene.
all this tells me is the writers were going for 'fail boy's first romance', packed with the slow burn of someone who has no idea how to show you how much he cares for you. it's sweet! i romance alistair every time for pretty much the same reasons. there's something very disarming about a strong, capable man who turns to mush around you because you're just that precious to him, because he's afraid you'll cringe and run away at his inexperience/awkwardness/eagerness.
but while i think that idea was perfectly executed with alistair, i think what we got for lucanis is extremely weak, to a point where i started wondering if my game was bugged and i had missed a romance flag somehow, or soft locked myself into someone else's romance. that's when it becomes a problem for me. when i flirt with him and he DOESN'T REPLY, it's not even him looking awkward, it's him not looking interested. he certainly sounds cute and awkward around neve, why does he show her that side and not rook? it felt like they were meant to be together, especially with the whole 'pick between treviso and minrathous' storyline, but i checked out neve's romance and that one is really good, one of my favorites in fact, SO WHAT GIVES? it's not that lucanis is reserved as a character, it's more like the game wasn't programmed with his reserved nature in mind. so he shows you he's committed by making you desert... couldn't we have had a scene where we watch him baking, instead of hearing him say he did it? we run into him preparing a surprise and he's out of sorts, or he asks us to go on another grocery run and you piece together what he's planning from peeping the ingredients. SHOW DON'T TELL IS THE MOST BASIC OF WRITING ADVICE, SO PLEASE ???? they did it with kaiden in ME3, he cooks for you and burns the garlic because you're just so distracting. there were multiple opportunities for cute and unsure, neve's romance is surprisingly tender and this one could've been too.
as it is right now, lucanis' romantic interactions feel like game bugs, his pet demon seems to be far more entertaining than him/is generally mega underutilized (can you imagine a scene of spite getting done with lucanis' bullshit and sleep walking some more to tell you he's smitten), and if you are planning to have lucanis as your romance, you should go into it knowing that after your first good, dare i say EXCELLENT first romantic chat at that coffee shop ("like a kiss goodbye" charmed me there and then) you'll be waiting until literally the end of the game for any sort of pay off. there's a good romance to explore here, the complete opposite of zevran as far as crow romances go, but sadly these fun dynamics will only get decently explored in fanfiction i fear
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the-100-days-of-junkan · 2 days ago
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Day 40
Another Milestone! I didn’t really do anything super special for this one though Last one that’s like that though! I swear!
One thing I’ve never touched with Junko is her various personas that she uses to avoid her boredom, the various designs that come with them. And to get the potential disappointment out of the way this is the only pic in the whole project that I use those with. I just never had any other ideas with them and wasn’t fully sure I could even pull them off properly. 
That said I knew I should draw them at least once. So I drew all of them. Or at least the notable ones. I admittedly would not be opposed to doing something else with this concept though, just a bunch of Junko’s running around and one Mikan who is not mentally equipped to handle that amount of girlfriend. Typing that out right now has me feeling inspired, which is unfortunate because I’m writing this on Day 26 (which will be Day 27 in a few minutes), and we all know i’m not gonna let myself draw that until this pic gets posted.
If I had to say which ones were my favorite to draw in this picture, The Queen Junko was really fun to draw for the posing and expression, but my actual favorite would be Sad Mushroom Junko (are there actual names for these), her hair was really, really fun to draw and this is like the only opportunity I have to draw Sad Junko.
Also this is, such a fucking weird fun fact to put in here but it’s a Milestone so I might as well pad out the text a bit. Mikan’s reaction (which was REALLY fun to draw by the way) being described as “.exe crashing” is a jerma reference. 
Timestamped Clip here
I do not know why, but the way he says “.exe crash” just makes me laugh, so I just like to throw the phrase in whenever I get an opportunity. 
And oh yeah, background Irumatsu. I would have thought of a way to force Maki in there as well because I ship that polycule, but I kept things simple. Junko threatened Miu, Miu makes cloning gun, boom, shenanigans ensue, most of which involves Mikan getting kissed.
God dammit i really wanna draw more of this now, fuck. I’m getting comically angry that I have to wait to do that now. This is the cloning AU now, fuck it, there's slightly more balance in the amount of non-vampire au art in this fuckin project.
As always, Reblogs, Comments, and Little Notes in the Tags are appreciated!~ They always make my day!~
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ew 5am vent on main pls ignore this
open communication is only so difficult because you have to be vulnerable. “hey can you stop doing (normal thing) because i’m so stupidly insecure and emotionally immature that it absolutely ruins me every time” ?!?!?! i’d literally rather die than admit that to anyone
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bunnihearted · 9 days ago
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ཐི ₍ᐢ. ̞.ᐢ₎ ཋྀ
#oooof... it's officially my birthday#and i always have bad anxiety the entire day#just seeing the date on my phone or ipad makes me wanna vomit :///#i just hate it so much....#i know it is dramatic but yeah.. :(( i just dont feel good at all and i never do#it's such a deep feeling of that i am so very unimportant#and all i am is a worthless burden on everyone and i should've never been born#i fantasize abt being important and revered and like...#i feel embarrassed even saying it lmaoooo but i fantasize abt my birthday being inportant#even if i know that as an adult and the older u are the less big of a deal birthdays are#it's just that i missed out on sm of it... so i still wish for it#but i feel silly for even feeling that way bc im asking for too much to be important at all#i feel demanding and unfair and expectant and#it is so much easier to just hate myself and wanna die lmao#rather than ...... disappointment and sadness... even after all of these years i still feel so saf#SAD******#and i see my old friends having birthday parties and dinners with a lot of guests on their birthdays#and they still post on eo's walls and like#i wanna cry..... bc i cant even imagine more than one person doing that for me and barely even that tbh#and ppl.. allowijg ME to be important and centered for one day...? thats batshit insane never would happen#allowing******#i know its oversensitive and dramatic and every year im like god shut the fuck up crybaby#u havent been important for years and years and years get over it%#!!!!!* and i try to do that but still every year i get so unbelieavably depressed#excuse me for still having this childish need to want to be important#the way see all of them be.... 🙄 ugh anyway#i wanna die so i can stop being a bother and a burden and suffer everyday bc im not allowed to exist 🙏#im really trying to be brave and shut up abt it but my entire chest burns and my heart aches i feel so so so bad i just wanna cry but i cant
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yanguazalie · 8 months ago
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A heart-warming moment of brothers who LOVE EACH OTHER. ISN'T THAT RIGHT???
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kimtaegis · 7 months ago
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I’m feeling quite sad about how much the active bts fandom on tumblr has shrunk and/ or how selective the community has become regarding content interaction. I’ve heard people pointing out a clique-building here lately, and while I’m well aware of closer mutual circles existing – and I can only speak on behalf of my friend group here – these pretty much develop naturally when there’s just no one else who reacts, reblogs from and talks to you anymore except for these handful of people. I don’t like that some people perceive these “cliques” as “exclusive”, for example to content creators only. that’s bullshit; it’s certainly not great to have only other cc’s support your work because they personally know how much time and effort it takes. also, knowing how lovely most of these people are, you’d get immediately followed back and showered with love too as soon as you’d even show a speckle of kindness on a regular basis, regardless of whether you make gifs yourself or not. ccs dedicating sets to each other isn’t a sign of exclusivity, but rather us holding onto and appreciating people who still give us at least some motivation to create and post in the first place anymore, because there’s quite literally no one else left by now.
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alexjcrowley · 4 months ago
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Just saw the F1 (Brad Pitt) movie trailer thanks I hate it
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pastelaspirations · 3 months ago
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So, u h.
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H O W. HOW, I ASK. ALL I DO IS POST ART ONCE IN A BLUE MOON AND MAKE REALLY CURSED REBLOGS. LIKE, I'M SO VERY GLAD YOU'RE HERE, BUT I CAN'T UNDERSTAND HOW OR WHY YOU'RE HERE-
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I also like. Make really angsty, ungodly long fanfics that I do absolutely nothing to promote on this dumpster fire of a blog, but that's besides the point- ANYWAY. HAVE SOME REALLY SKETCHY DOODLES THAT I DID TO THANK YA MAD LADS ;_;
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Thank ya, thank ya, you absolute mad lads. I will uh... continue to do what I do. Thank you for joining the ride, even though it's less of a ride and more that I found an abandoned theme park ride and decided to ride it as a prolonged death wish and you inexplicably strapped yourself in next to me with the moldy seatbelt-
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rainingincale · 26 days ago
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#ok im making one more dot post and then i am (hopefully) getting off tumblr and going to bed#liam payne#death#i do suggest not reading tbh because its just gonna be waffle. anyways#ive distanced myself from the boys for years for a multitude of reasons. mainly that they did things that disappointed me and i realised the#way i was attatched to them was unhealthy. so for the most part i listened and enjoyed the music and didnt pay Much attention to anything#else. and like liam. i always liked him in the band days because to me he was the underdog. the underappreciated and probs less stanned one#out of all of them. and when youre a fan i do feel like a lot of us just wanted them all to be appreciated. idk. but anyways yeah i did feel#for him. due to him backgroud growing up. his talent. etc etc. even though he wasnt my fav. and even when he did something wrong my teenage#self still defended him like my life depended on it. (embarassing) anyways. his solo music while it was not my fav i still occasionally#enjoyed. its just over produced pop like it was fine and i found it fun. in terms of him as an actual person by this point in his career i#didnt pay attention to him or the others that much anymore#and like. yeah as of recently as more stuff came out about him being kinda weird and rude and abusive 🙃🙃🙃 that was kind of the final#straw for me! like in terms of me giving a fuck about him. if he eventually came around cool but i wasnt gonna wait around for it.#god this whole thing feels so dramatic but i need to get it oit or i Know i will not be at peace lmao anyways#so yeah come to hearing about his death which. i hear about because of trin lovell on twitter like. shsvshs. anyways my reaction was#disbelief and just... nothing? like i said in my brain i had just disregarded him honestly. and even now i still just feel speechless.#to summarise my feelings. fuck him for how he treated his ex and probably other women as well. but also. he was my boy. he'll always be a#part of me. and it feels weird that hes just. gone. he suffered a lot with addiction and pressures etc and its just. sad that hes gone now.#that he never got to get better. and he wont get the chance to. im sad for his family. and anyone else thats gonna be affected by this#im always gonna remember him.#and thats all i have to say. honestly part of me feels SO dramatic for even typing all this out but here we are.#if anyone has read this far and wants someone to talk to im more than happy. and also just wanna make clear that i am fine#le text post
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werebutch · 5 months ago
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My mom getting a new place is kinda making me anxious I think she thinks I’m gonna move in w her instead of my dad 😭 and I’m not sure why I don’t want to. Cuz she’s way better. But I don’t. And I feel responsible I think and plus my sisters will never favor my mom over my dad… so we’d live apart. but I’m 20 years old I can live whatever I want. But. But but but
#idk I really like our house too. it’s great. it’s exactly my style. I would miss it LMAO#but again my mom is just.. she’s so much more organized and she and my stepdad actually get stuff done#and take care of themselves. living w her would be more like we’re roommates and not how it is w my dad#who needs to be taken care of and doted on like a child. my sisters too but I don’t think they’d survive living without me at my dads 💀#or they’d be really pissed at me. at the least#my dads house is constantly horrible so messy so so so bad no free counterspace anywhere can barely walk thru the house and cat vomit#everywhere. unless I take care of all of it. I can’t have company over unless I know a week in advance so I can make it look like a normal#house. and at my moms it’s never like that. it’s messier than average sure but it’s never disgusting like that#people are always telling me not to do anything and let my family learn to clean up after themselves but if I don’t it will just get worse#and worse. they’ll wait weeks before doing anything. it’s embarrassing. and depressing. if I let it go long enough I am miserable every day#after being homeless or on the verge of homelessness for 10 years my dad can’t even appreciate the fantastic house we have 😭#he has to fuck it all up. it’s not 100% his fault bc my sisters do fuck all but he DID teach them to be this way. the only reason I do#anything is because I snapped out of planning to kill myself and realized that I needed to be there for my sisters. so I started being like#their parent more and more. but they still never learned to unload the dishwasher or take out the trash without screaming about it.#I’m just very overwhelmed and nervous about this move. I also feel horrible as if I’m disappointing my mom if I don’t move in. I don’t want#to disappoint her any more than I already have..#she is soooo excited about giving me a room the basement so I can have my bunnies there..
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finalset · 4 months ago
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im not gonna lie this year has truly beat my ass so far but like those spiky meat hammers it did make me softer to be honest
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disposal-blueeee · 2 years ago
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ah. yes. this guy
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he lives in my mind rent free so i just really had to draw him
(again)
i could spend hours just rambling about how much i love him i'm fuckibg tired
idk the thought of him just wearing cool stuff wouldn't leave my mind and one day i was just sketching things this is the result XP
jake by zarla-s
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bulldagger-bait · 2 months ago
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When it comes to hygiene tasks and self care with disability and chronic illness, its pretty much a constant case of: don't let perfect be the enemy of the good.
Basically: it's better to do something, than to do nothing at all.
TLDR: Just because you can't do something "properly" doesn't mean you shouldn't do it at all. Do it half-way. Do it shitty. Do it barely. Do it on a technicality. But do what you can. Just try, because doing something will help you.
If you don't have the energy to scrub your body with a sponge, just rub soap over your skin with your hands.
If you don't have the energy to wash your whole body with soap, just hit the places where sweat accumulates, or where you're smelliest.
If you don't have the energy to wash with soap AT ALL, just sitting in water is better than nothing. It will wash away dirt and oils.
If you can't bathe or shower at all, a warm wash cloth is your new best friend. If that's too much, then try bath wipes. They're a bit bigger than regular wet wipes, and a bit more heavy duty. They're designed to help keep bed ridden patients clean in hospitals.
If you don't have the energy to dry yourself after a bath or a shower, just put on a bathrobe and get into bed. If you don't have the energy to get dressed afterwards, just don't. It can wait until you can.
If you don't have energy to brush your teeth for two minutes, honestly, just a cursory scrub is better than not doing anything.
If you can't brush your teeth twice a day, brush in the evenings. It will help take away the build up of food from the day.
If you don't have the energy to brush AT ALL, honestly, just take a cloth and wipe the plaque off your teeth. Rinse with mouth wash after if you'd like. Something is always better than nothing.
If you can't floss twice a day. Try once. If that's too much, try a few times a week. If that's too much, try setting aside a day once a week as a goal. If you can't keep a schedule, do it when you're able to. Hell, I keep some floss next to my bed so that if I forget and don't have the energy to go get it, I can just reach over.
If you can't iron your clothes, don't bother. Wrinkles are fine. Wear jumpers over wrinkly t-shirts. No one will know, and honestly, most people won't even care. If it's really wrinkly and it's A Big Deal And It Needs To Be Ironed, here's my life hack. Step 1: take a spray bottle, and spritz the item of clothing (while you're wearing it is easiest) until it's lightly damp. Step 2: use a hair-dryer on the clothes until they're dry. It gets rid of creases like nobody's business, it's easier than lugging out the iron and ironing board, and you get to have nice toasty warm clothes afterwards.
If you can't fold your clothes, try just hanging them up. It's less commitment. It's quicker to do. Granted, you need to have the space in order to do this, but it is also good at helping you downsize, and lets you visualise exactly what you have.
If you can't put your clothes away, invest in a couple of laundry baskets, and then just keep your clean clothes in the baskets. You can then separate washed clothes into underwear, pants, and shirts baskets. You can just leave them like that. I'm giving you permission to never fold your laundry again if you can't. Just leave it unfolded. Who's going to care? Something is better than nothing. If you can, try to put those baskets into your closet so that you can keep the clutter out of sight, and give yourself a more restful environment.
If you can't separate your clothing out into different categories and wash them "properly" (whites, warm tones, cool tones, darks, delicates / switching between hot & cold washes / paying attention to laundry instructions on the label) then just don't worry about it. If you cold wash your clothes, colours won't bleed. Maybe gradually over the course of dozens of washes there'll be some changes in hue, but it's really not as high stakes as the One Red Sock In The Whites Turns Them Pink trope makes it out to be.
I've pretty much come to the point in my life where if a piece of clothing can't survive the washer and dryer, then it's just not meant to be. I colour separate my clothes, and if I have the energy/remember I'll take my bras and jumpers out of the washing machine to drip dry. But otherwise, I leave it to the universe.
If you can't separate out your recycling, then don't. If you have a large amount of rubbish you need to get rid of but the idea of separating it out properly is stopping you from doing so, then just don't worry about it. I know it's not ideal, but if you have garbage in your room/house and you need to get rid of it, please just get rid of it. Don't let the problem get bigger and harder to deal with. Don't let "doing something properly" get in the way of keeping your living spaces clean. Please. Give yourself understanding.
If you can't wash your dishes, get paper plates. Obviously, it's not ideal, but it is better that you eat food than skipping meals. It is better that you have a clean kitchen, rather than having dishes piling up and making it harder to look after yourself.
If you can't prepare meals for yourself keep making the tasks easier and easier. If you can't do recipes, then simplify. Use pasta sauce from the jar instead of making it. Eat canned soup. Buy food you can just stick in the oven. If you eat fish fingers and microwave veggies every night, it's better than not eating anything at all. It's better than having to fork out money on take-out. If you need ready-made meals, then get them. If you're literally just eating a raw cauliflower for dinner; 1) I see you, 2) me too, sis, 3) something is better than nothing.
These are the basic things you need to do every day to function as a person. They are your activities of daily living. Brushing your teeth. Bathing or showering. Using the bathroom. Getting dressed. Eating. Drinking. Sleeping. Keeping your environment clean. You don't need to do these things perfectly, but they need to happen in order for you to have a decent quality of life.
And it breaks my heart, because I know that so many disabled people can't do these things every day. I'm not saying this to guilt or judge, I'm saying that these are basic needs; you deserve these things. These things bring dignity. If a disabled person is unable to do these things, it diminishes their quality of life. It robs them of dignity.
If you need help to do these things, Its okay to ask for help. It's okay to need help. But if you can't get that help and you have to do these things by yourself -- or you just plain want to be independent and do it without help-- then don't hold yourself to standards you can't meet.
Don't let perfect be the enemy of the good. Doing something is always better than doing nothing. Even if it's not perfect. Even if it's not done well. Do what you can.
#lord knows that im still trying to pull myself out of the muck and into independence and dignity#i had to set a rule for myself that i need to wear clean clothes every day. and that i need to wear pyjamas to bed#that one's been hard. sometimes I dont have the energy to do it and i just stay in the same clothes for two days at a time#or i go to sleep in what i was wearing. but when i do follow that rule my quality of life is drastically better#not feeling dirty or gross goes a long way to making you feel more like a person#i also made a rule that im not allowing myself to look frumpy outside anymore. that means clothes that look nice#no more trackies and pj pants and all that stuff. i basically lived in perpetual pyjamas for four years and im over it#i still dress comfortably but the important thing is that i dress. i look put together. i wear things that make me happy#(and i didnt need to buy anything to do so. i just needed to start taking better care of myself)#and i stopped letting perfect be the enemy of the good. i started doing things shitty rather than not doing it at all#and the more i keep pushing with my ADLs the better i feel#what helps is now i dont have to contend with stairs and that has made a dramatic change to what im able to accomplish#ive also finally built up enough strength in my body that im able to go to the shops by myself. so i can buy things to make easy meals#and mum doesnt mind if i just put some things in the oven or air fryer for us for dinner.#i still cant really cook. i felt bad about that for the longest time. i didnt even try bc i knew what id make would be disappointing#or it wouldnt be up to the standards of what everyone else was making. i was so sick of feeling like a let down all the time.#now i just make what i can and my mum doesnt complain bc shes in the same boat.#and yeah. having help would be nice. it would mean id be able to do more than what i can do by myself.#and its great to see how far ive come. but im not a burden. and when i have the accommodations i need i can do a lot more#i do something rather than nothing and my life has dramatically changed since then. ive just gotten better and better.#chronic illness#disability#chronic pain#spoonie#one things for certain and thats that im never going to let myself rely on anyone else ever again.#i never want to be on the other side of that ever again. I don't want to be anyone's burden. i dont want that hanging over me#i do things by myself or i dont do them at all. and god fucking willing i'll never go back to needing as much help as i used to#i really didnt realise just how much of an obstacle living with stairs was in my life. it was the biggest barrier against everything#stairs stopped me from being independent. if i couldnt traverse them i just didnt go anywhere. my world shrank so much#and not having the proper wheelchair shrinks my world even more. im stronger than i used to be but im still severely limited in where i go
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burinazar · 8 months ago
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:( patheticposting
nearly literally reduced to tears rn by how overwhelmingly it feels like nobody cares what I make or like or think about and how meaningless any of my creativity and love and effort is
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jupiter--dream · 20 days ago
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(cw vent, sorry it's just been A Couple Of Days)
Not really having many irl friends comes at the price of feeling so terribly lonely, I feel like I have no one to talk to because I'm not close to enough people, or maybe I am and I just haven't talked to them in a while and I don't want this to be our first conversation qwq
I'm honestly just. Tired, tbh qwq
#I mostly talk to my partner#But they've been more absent lately and like they have their own life#But the second they're gone I realize I don't talk to anyone that much#I used to have someone else I spoke to daily; it was an awful friendship though and it took a lot of struggle to end it#But god; just qwq; I'm so tired of everything qwq#Honestly I'm disappointed in how upset it makes me that my partner is more absent because I know it's bc they've found a game they're into#And have been playing non-stop#They'll come telling me that they've done this and that and I'll be struggling HARD and will try to mention it at some point but#But like I wanna leave them their space to be excited but I just#Look. Look the NPD is getting to me; and I know these are not kind or fair feelings but#But I hate it here; I don't care about their game; I don't care about what they've done;#All my brain focuses on is that I've had a shitty fucking day and everything's gone wrong and they weren't here#Because they were fucking playing#And I know that's not fair for MANY reasons and that voicing all that would make me a massive asshole#And that at its core; it's more of a matter of never going anywhere; not having people to hang out with;#Not leaving my house nor talking to that many people#I feel so lonely and so fucking hollow qwq#My bag got taken away and I feel like I've lost an intrinsic part of myself#And to top it all off; I had today's exam and the project I'm doing#And my dad screaming and my period coming and all the things I have to do and how much I yearn for friends#Yet when I'm with my friends I can't wait to be alone#Man; just#I didn't wanna go this far; and I only say it here because no one's really gonna read it;#But I genuinely just wanna kill myself at this point#There's no point nor reason#I'm trying hard to enjoy life but nothing goes my way#I have so many things I want to do and nothing fucking goes my way#I'm so tired; I just want to go to sleep and not wake up; it's gnawing and clawing and it's such an ugly feeling qwq#I feel like if I cut myself I'd be even more pathetic; I wouldn't even be met with sympathy; just. Disappointment#It's been a while since I last self-harmed in a way that was visible
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