#hence I mostly cut them off bc I don’t wanna treat them badly they don’t deserve it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

yakultii · 2 months ago

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if anyone does anything that makes me feel even remotely out of control it changes my brain chemistry about them forever even if I know they mean well and want so badly for things to go back to the way they used to but they can never go back and I hate myself for that

#ill literally ruin every friendship ig #does anyone else experience this bc it’s actually so fucked up I hate it sm #and like im good at pretending it’s ok so even if the other person goes back to normal I never am #it’s like the grudge just stays forever no matter how much forgiveness I logical have #and the association w the person just feels sickening even if they r so full of love #and I think that talking about it will help but it just digs a further hole #like it always get resolved on their end but somehow I feel worse #I’ve lost some of the greatest ppl bc of this :(#like ppl make mistakes #and sometimes it’s not even a mistake or anything wrong im just insane #and then I feel I don’t treat them as well but not in ways they would notice ugh idk im actually fkd #hence I mostly cut them off bc I don’t wanna treat them badly they don’t deserve it #but im also sick of cutting ppl pff who r genuinely so nice and made one off comment #bc I’ve made plenty of off comments im sure bc im human and yet other ppl r ok w it like y can’t I be #anyways usually the whole reason they have even said anything that has put me off them is just their reaction to me being mentally ill #so it kinda all stems from me everytim LOL yay

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